# A jerk falling in love?



## doritek (Feb 3, 2018)

Hi, It's my first time here so sorry if I'm not really familiar with the rules. 

Basically, the main character for my story is not really a likeable person I'd say, he's very excentric, a big arrogant and full of himself and also very competetive, actually he's the child that grew up in a very strict and competetive surrounding and he was the best so i thought it's a proper way to build his character (I may be wrong tho but nevermind). Talking with him seems to be a bit tiring I'd say, because he's pretty harsh in words and moody, but for a small group of friends who know him well, he's a bit nicer and they got acustomed to him anyway. He has his good sides though, f. e. he's really hard-working and passionate for what he's doing. 

The thing is that I want him to be involved in some kind of a love affair, but I have problem imagining how he could act while developing a crush on another person and how to picture that without being cheesy or unrealistic. Do you have any imagination or experience of how a person like him could act?

Thanks for all the help in case.

(I'm a beginner tho, so please don't scold me for not being so creative haha, I'm still working on it!)


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## NathanielleC (Feb 3, 2018)

If he's a generally disagreeable person then he might not understand his feelings for someone. 

Yeah, I have a fair idea of it. Not that I want to discourage you but you've described the personality traits of The Doctor, Silas Mariner, Hank from Punky Brewster, and a host of others. What they all have in common is that one factor that walked into their lives and made them realize how empty and alone they were.


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## Jack of all trades (Feb 4, 2018)

It sounds to me like you're describing a narcissist. Try researching narcissism.

Basically, narcissists never actually love anyone. They show off and control a.person that makes them look good and/or gives them attention, and/or takes care of them, but those other people are puppets to the narcissist. Not humans with feelings, wants or needs.


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## velo (Feb 6, 2018)

Jack of all trades said:


> It sounds to me like you're describing a narcissist.



This is a possibility, however abrasive characteristics such as these can also be defence mechanisms as a result of trauma/abuse.  It might be helpful to sort out the psychology of the character and build the relationship around that.


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## Ralph Rotten (Feb 8, 2018)

Single children do not always have the best social skills, and it could be that your character is unwittingly self-centric. He will get into a group of people and start blabbing, then misunderstand their silence as them listening in aw (when they're really not sure what to say because he maneuvers the conversation into topics they have no knowledge of.)  

But if this guy is all that, then you need a woman who is more.  Make him socially broken, and her the kind of genius who can not only see through his desperate social attempts (and see that he really isn't a jerk, just raised by jerks), but also smart enough to manipulate him (maybe even fixing him to some degree.)

Remember that a good story isn't just about 1 character; it's about good characters and their interactions. So not only do you need to figure out a character that's interesting, but find a mate for him that makes him/them even more interesting.


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## Jack of all trades (Feb 8, 2018)

velo said:


> This is a possibility, however abrasive characteristics such as these can also be defence mechanisms as a result of trauma/abuse.  It might be helpful to sort out the psychology of the character and build the relationship around that.



I would guess that most narcissists HAVE been abused and traumatized. That doesn't change the fact that they are narcissists.




Ralph Rotten said:


> Single children do not always have the best social skills, and it could be that your character is unwittingly self-centric. He will get into a group of people and start blabbing, then misunderstand their silence as them listening in aw (when they're really not sure what to say because he maneuvers the conversation into topics they have no knowledge of.)
> 
> But if this guy is all that, then you need a woman who is more.  Make him socially broken, and her the kind of genius who can not only see through his desperate social attempts (and see that he really isn't a jerk, just raised by jerks), but also smart enough to manipulate him (maybe even fixing him to some degree.)
> 
> Remember that a good story isn't just about 1 character; it's about good characters and their interactions. So not only do you need to figure out a character that's interesting, but find a mate for him that makes him/them even more interesting.




First, manipulating others is what narcissists do very well. You're suggesting she behave like a narcissist. 

Second, narcissists don't like being manipulated, see it as a competition, and will escalate the situation.  

Third, it's about time we stop lying to girls, and women, and show how they can "fix" a man. That's the lie. No person can fix another! 

If the man has been traumatized, then he needs a therapist. A life partner, or spouse, who tries to be the therapist will only encourage resentment! And I can see why. Who would want to live full time with a therapist? Sometimes you just need a safe place. That's what home should be.

Also the man will change only IF he wants to change. For a narcissist, that usually only, if ever, happens after having a great life and losing it all.


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## Ralph Rotten (Feb 9, 2018)

No one said he was a narcissist (except Jack). 
And it sounds like he has not yet written the character so really it can be anything (especially since the character will develop and grow once he starts writing it.)


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## ironpony (Feb 10, 2018)

Their have been narcissists in comedies who have fallen in love though, like how in 3rd From the Sun for example, Dick Solomon has been described by other characters as narcissistic, yet he's deeply in love with Mary.


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## nanabanana (Feb 19, 2018)

Although making him oblivious to his feelings could definitely work, I would find that a bit clichéd and maybe even unrealistic (I mean, one can overlook their love for someone, but after a while it gets obvious). I would make him realize his feelings and be troubled by them. He could think of them as a weakness and try to brush them aside. Then, if you manage to create a very likeable and interesting girl (or love interest), it would be easy for the reader to get why the MC can't forget her after all. So he might change his attitude and try to win her love in the wrong way. You said he's very self-centered, so make this show using little things. I don't know what genre you are going for, but this situation could be used for some comical moments. If she doesn't accept him right away, you could make him feel super depressed or outraged. Or she could return his feelings but be better than him at the things he's good, or better than him at everything else. This would put your MC into a difficult position and be a good occasion for growth.


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## Jack of all trades (Feb 19, 2018)

ironpony said:


> Their have been narcissists in comedies who have fallen in love though, like how in 3rd From the Sun for example, Dick Solomon has been described by other characters as narcissistic, yet he's deeply in love with Mary.



In real life, narcissists do not love others. Creating narcissistic characters who care about, or love, others perpetuates the belief that a narcissist can love.

Change comes from within. The most wonderful person is not going to influence a narcissist to care. It's time we face that reality.

When narcissists marry, it's usually for selfish reasons, and those marriages frequently fail.


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## Jack of all trades (Feb 19, 2018)

Ralph Rotten said:


> No one said he was a narcissist (except Jack).
> And it sounds like he has not yet written the character so really it can be anything (especially since the character will develop and grow once he starts writing it.)



I call it as I see it.

A caring character that keeps others away might work, but not a narcissistic one. There's a line. Know where it is.


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## jenthepen (Feb 19, 2018)

nanabanana said:


> Although making him oblivious to his feelings could definitely work, I would find that a bit clichéd and maybe even unrealistic (I mean, one can overlook their love for someone, but after a while it gets obvious). I would make him realize his feelings and be troubled by them. He could think of them as a weakness and try to brush them aside. Then, if you manage to create a very likeable and interesting girl (or love interest), it would be easy for the reader to get why the MC can't forget her after all. So he might change his attitude and try to win her love in the wrong way. You said he's very self-centered, so make this show using little things. I don't know what genre you are going for, but this situation could be used for some comical moments. If she doesn't accept him right away, you could make him feel super depressed or outraged. Or she could return his feelings but be better than him at the things he's good, or better than him at everything else. This would put your MC into a difficult position and be a good occasion for growth.



Super analysis of the problem and great suggestions for rational and interesting responses from the type of character described in the op. A really helpful post. :applause:


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## nokie03 (Feb 19, 2018)

think it possible for him to fall in love but you need someone willing to prey into his week points and open him up kinda like a clam lol watch enough anime or manga you see plenty of jerks change or open up to a few ppl take Vegeta from dragon ball z he is a real jerk but when it comes to Bulma he will actually get upset about if shes hurt but doesn't really show affection. this guy your making sounds alot like Vegeta lol if you know his backstory


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## Ralph Rotten (Feb 20, 2018)

Really it sounds like the hard part of this story is not writing something we have already seen in a thousand movies.  Groundhog day is already a classic.


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## qwertyman (Feb 23, 2018)

The most useful tool the writer has when initiating a relationship, particularly a love interest, is their first meeting. In screenplay it’s referred to as the ‘cute meet’, but it’s usually not cute. In fact, it’s a lost opportunity if it doesn’t end somewhere between rude disinterest and acrimonious,unrepairable hate.

From your OP  his weak spot is…


> f. e. he's really hard-working and passionate for what he's doing.



Consider writing a ‘cute meet’ scene between the two protagonists about this 'work', which provokes a feud, they both depart never wanting to see each other again. But later fate throws them together in circumstances where they must, reluctantly co-operate with each other.

On another level, Bogart and Hepburn in  ‘The African Queen’?


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 23, 2018)

Jack of all trades said:


> A caring character that keeps others away might work, but not a narcissistic one. There's a line. Know where it is.



I don't think we  need to know the line, you are the only person to  have crossed it and suggested a narcissist, and even you seem  to feel it won't work.

There are some good suggestions here though. Women fall for men for all  sorts of reason, subservience or dominance for example, there are some good suggestions here of ways to make those characters fit your story, and it is a story, so you can make it do anything you want. People get tied up in 'What is true' or 'right', but if you go too far it only turns it into fantasy, and that is quite acceptable, take your story where you wish.


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## nanabanana (Feb 23, 2018)

One can have narcissistic traits without being a narcissist (i.e. someone who meets the criteria for Narcisissistic personality disorder). True narcissists can still form romantic relationships though, even if oftentimes they're very superficial and use their partner only to support their self-esteem. Other types of narcissism have been described too, like the depressed/covert type, which is a whole different thing from the stereotypical narcissist. 

I wouldn't make OP's character a true narcissist, but looking into the description might be useful. You can always borrow something here and there.


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## Matchu (Feb 23, 2018)

He sounds quite pretty.

For her part - she's a little plump, and ignorant of the world that surrounds her.  She likes his strange manner, refreshing after those bitches at school.  Together, they fall into a good love, and their narrow horizons are passed on to off-spring.


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## QuirkyasCrow (Feb 24, 2018)

What you are describing is someone who is ego driven and less likely to understand the dynamics of relationships - actually putting another person first. 

The true character development here is in coming to the realization that the world is not always about them or winning and losing.. likely, the character is a black and white thinker in which love will start to show them shades of grey. It's a slow going process and sometimes one can fall in love without losing that aggression and edge. The real question is - does the love interest understand and empathize with them or is there friction? How difficult is it for the character to compromise and step out of their comfort zone? Is the character willing to make a hard assessment and introspect in order to keep the interest in their life or even does the love interest have their own issues? Example a love interest with an abusive parental figure - even just emotionally, may be more willing to allow the 'unfavorable' characteristics to slide. An interest that has much in common with the main character may have an inherent understanding of what makes him tick so it may be an easy fit. An interest that is strong in their own self identity will have much friction with the main character. 

How the main character falls may indeed be dependent on the personality of the interest. 

(As to the narcissistic personality assessment, a narcissist has no empathy or sympathy for the other person or people in their life. To be diagnosed with such a disorder  means that it is an extreme. Love is usually an ends to a means and not an emotion. They don't become attached to the person, but rather the identity that relationship gives them and when it no longer gives them what they crave they move on, most often trying to leave it open so they can pull the other person back into the ego boost it gives them when they wish to. -Not an expert just have been there for a friend that went through such a relationship.)

So, I would suggest to change the perspective a bit.. Create the character that will be the love interest, and then work out the dynamic and how it causes the main character to grow personally. Relationships reflect back to us what we need to see. Either by things we are missing or things we are not aware are there already. As in they either cause us to see life from a different perspective or see ourselves/inspire us to be more of who we are.


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## Ralph Rotten (Feb 24, 2018)

It sounds like it is going to be a Beauty & the Beast scenario.  The man will have to become a better person before he can catch the girl.  Groundhog Day without time travel.  50 First Dates without head trauma.  

I'd make the man some guy like Tony Robbins, that guy who on the surface appears to have it all together, but she makes him realize that in reality he has nothing but a hollow shell of a life.  But since he's this huge personality, and he has his line of BS hard-coded, he would have to take great efforts to become the better man and shed those his fake exterior.  It's an old story, but then again, romance novels tend to be quite formulaic.


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## qwertyman (Feb 25, 2018)

Most posters seem to be answering other posters and not the question asked. Doritek has her(?)character already formed.

 Where she is having difficulty is how, given his unsocial personality, he could form a relationship (crush)…the how and the wherefore.


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