# on and on



## escorial (Sep 16, 2013)

when your at rock bottom
life seems pointless to you
all you cherished has gone
taken away or thrown away
years of the same old crap
life never gives you a break
what can free you from it all
only you finding a reason
to look in the mirror and see
it’s only me not who I was


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## Squalid Glass (Sep 16, 2013)

Obviously, a strong message. But I think you can include some imagery at the beginning to replace the cliche of "rock bottom". I think if you use something more concrete to represent that feeling, then your poem will have an even stronger impact.


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## escorial (Sep 16, 2013)

man rock bottom is the main theme...I was in a mental ward and I said to the nurse man I keep thinking I'm at rock bottom and things keep getting worse..his reply..maybe you've already been there...an he was spot on...cheers SQ


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## Squalid Glass (Sep 16, 2013)

It's fine if rock bottom is the main theme, but the phrase itself is overused. Perhaps you could find another way of phrasing it to make it more of an original syntactical construction. Keep the sentiment you are trying to express, of course, but alter the way you are expressing that sentiment.


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## escorial (Sep 16, 2013)

There is alot of overused and cliche sentiments in my stuff...sometimes I read other peoples work and think were did you pull that word from to describe a feeling,emotion.


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## Vitaly Ana (Sep 16, 2013)

I agree with SG. I think there is value in keeping it simple but, I also think there is value in expanding your imagery. One thing you may try is to Google images related to "rock bottom" and describe in words an image that strikes you as representative of the basic feeling but one that also conveys the message in a unique but relative way. Hope thta helps a little. I like your work Esc and hope you keep posting with only small incremental adjustments over time. Take care,

V


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## escorial (Sep 16, 2013)

cheers VA


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## midnightpoet (Sep 17, 2013)

I have a problem with cliches in my stuff also.  I've heard this advice before, just turn the cliche on its head, like "I feel like I'm buried under an obsidian blanket," instead of rock bottom.  I know that's not perfect, but i hope it gives you the general idea.


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## Pennywise (Sep 17, 2013)

Hi, I like your poetry   because it seems effort less unlike me I have to really think hard and I stress too much on rhyming my poetry. Your poems generally donot have a particular rhyme scheme but they still sound good.


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## Pandora (Sep 17, 2013)

and I like your message hidden within the ease of the read. 
When things are at their worst I blame myself and don't want to look in the mirror.
Next time your last line will be with me . . .

"_it’s only me not who I was_" I think I can forgive. I am the hardest to forgive, you know.

Thanks escorial


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## escorial (Sep 17, 2013)

thanxs all...we all shine on...


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