# This Darling World



## MrTickle (Aug 29, 2016)

Fleeting tides and folding skies,
there’s a rough diamond in their eyes.

They send an Inspector
he pushes his way out of an addicts scab.

He leaves the druggie dead in a cave,
in the Mojave.

He wonders the desert road.
Looking for brains to wring and mould.

He’s got all the bits back home,
but not a lighter for a flame.

This darling world needs a twin sister

In Sandy Station Motel
the walls are sweating
Ruby’s tight shorts are reddening
her skull split open on the bedside table.

Mr. Inspector stewed her brains for good chemical balance
But the dog went crazy, and ran into the desert
from the bowl of Opiates.

This darling world ain’t got what it takes

Mr. Inspector pulls in his metal rope.
Lots of tired travellers hangin’ on.

One of their brains contains the wonders of the universe,
but it’s got a leaky pipe.

This darling world full of black and white


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

Hello, Mr. Tickle... I cant help but notice that you mention "Sandy Station Motel" a lot... You wrote another poem called "The Wait at Sandy Station Motel"... May I ask, is there a personal significance to this place? I researched it... it is in Utah... right?


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## MrTickle (Aug 29, 2016)

Its a place I made up. Its supposed to be a strange place!


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## Nellie (Aug 29, 2016)

But the Mojave is in Utah, Nevada, and a part of Arizona and California. Lots of desert to stew up some crazy concoction. 
Hope you find a darling.


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

MrTickle said:


> Its a place I made up. Its supposed to be a strange place!




Okkk, but this place does exist.. in Utah....  

You are still struggling with the same issues, MrTickle.... You are telling a story, and this reads like prose, structured to look like poetry....


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

MrTickle said:


> Fleeting tides and folding skies,Love  the first 3 lines... verrrry nice... the first 2 lines rhyme... skies, eyes...
> there’s a rough diamond in their eyes.
> 
> They send an Inspector
> ...





I would like to encourage you to pay attention to structure... either use rhyme, or don't, but be consistent... Your imagery is very strong, work on editing, distilling this, I am not sure about the message as a poem, but as a piece of prose, this is fabulous... intriguing and I would HAVE to read on... you are one helluva story teller.... completely ....


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## MrTickle (Aug 29, 2016)

Thank you so much for the advice firemagic. So if I made it so it rhymed and re wrote those parts that read more like prose would it be more like a poem. Currently I'm still struggling to make my poems sound like poems (as you can tell, ha!). 

Also, thank you for the kind words on my storytelling!


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

MrTickle said:


> He leaves the* druggie dead* in a cave,
> 
> He’s got all the* bits back* home,
> but not a lighter for a flame.
> ...


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## MrTickle (Aug 29, 2016)

Ok thanks firemajic! Writing has always been a strange process for me because my writing sort of falls between poetry and prose. And If I laid this out as prose, people would shoot me down for not writing stories in a conventional way. So in your opinion, would you like this if it were just laid out as prose? Kind of like a flash fiction abstraction?


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

I think it would be interesting to see you do both.... 
 It appears that you just naturally use alliteration... you have a very nice start, if you want to go that way....and using alliteration is fun, and fun to read.... you should read my poem "Prick Picker"... that was a blast to write...


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## MrTickle (Aug 29, 2016)

Thanks! I will try and use your advice and read that poem!


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