# For My Goddaughter



## Hairball (Nov 19, 2015)

As you lay so soundly sleeping
Deep in dreams with Teddy Bear
I'm proud tonight to have your keeping
And be with you with loving care

You don't know this, little one
But life awaits you as you grow
Your journey's long before it's done
And all life lessons you will know


This is still a work in progress....how is it so far?


----------



## Doc Martin (Nov 19, 2015)

I like it. It has a nice flow and your love is surely front and center. 

I've written a piece for my grandson that I'm using to make a book with photos of him and me. There will be a picture per stanza that corresponds with the verse.


----------



## Hairball (Nov 19, 2015)

Doc Martin said:


> I like it. It has a nice flow and your love is surely front and center.
> 
> I've written a piece for my grandson that I'm using to make a book with photos of him and me. There will be a picture per stanza that corresponds with the verse.



Holy cow! I write little things about my grandson and put it all into a scrapbook with pics and all... and I keep that up-to-date. It's a perpetual scrapbook for him. That's awesome!

My Goddaughter is new to me, 5 years old, and her Dad is a brother in Christ to me. 

We were shopping for school clothes back in August, and there are those pants that fit really tight like they're painted on you. Well, she (Alexa) said she liked those and I had NO idea about them. 

So I took her to the fitting room and holy cow! Those pants didn't leave anything to the imagination, not even on a 5-year-old.

She came out wearing those, and her Dad (Lexi) said, "Ohhhh no. Those are Daddy goes to jail pants."

She ended up with 'Daddy will not go to jail' clothes.


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 19, 2015)

Hairball said:


> As you lay so soundly sleeping** as you lay innocently sleeping
> Deep in dreams with Teddy Bear**sharing dreams with your teddy bear
> I'm proud tonight to have your keeping
> And be with you with loving care**And protect you with loving care
> ...



This poem has lovely bones, but I would love for you to make this unique and special.. this is your Goddaughter.. reflect YOUR private thoughts, not some broad generic thought..
These comments are meant to inspire and challenge you... I want you to dig deep, show me something new.. make ME feel the way YOU feel about this fabulous little girl..

Oh.. work on your title... the title is a crucial part of your poem and should showcase your creativity...


----------



## Hairball (Nov 19, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> This poem has lovely bones, but I would love for you to make this unique and special.. this is your Goddaughter.. reflect YOUR private thoughts, not some broad generic thought..
> These comments are meant to inspire and challenge you... I want you to dig deep, show me something new.. make ME feel the way YOU feel about this fabulous little girl..
> 
> Oh.. work on your title... the title is a crucial part of your poem and should showcase your creativity...



_*Awesome! *_Thank you!

I actually was thinking about her while hanging out here in the poetry section and came up with that in about five minutes. I really didn't have a title, I just wrote it as it popped into my head.

I'll work on it. I'm horrible at poetry, but I am inspired and challenged now!


----------



## Josh Colon (Nov 19, 2015)

>>
Hairball: I'm horrible at poetry,
>>

Well, Oh Hairy one,
For someone 'horrible at poetry', I think you did a good job.
I believe that I prefer the way you wrote it, to FireMajic's suggestions.
Crudeness would be the wrong word, but I like the way you wrote it because I see it as being more 'true to life'.  (Real life is seldom finely polished.)

Of course, this is only my opinion.
Josh.


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 19, 2015)

Hairball.. the "point" to polishing and refining your poetry is to make your message more... more powerful, more lyrical, more beautiful.. poetry is sooo much more than rhyming a few words.. you are expressing mood, emotion imagery passion hate fear.. whatever emotion.. make it memorable and unique..


----------



## Hairball (Nov 19, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> This poem has lovely bones, but I would love for you to make this unique and special.. this is your Goddaughter.. reflect YOUR private thoughts, not some broad generic thought..
> These comments are meant to inspire and challenge you... I want you to dig deep, show me something new.. make ME feel the way YOU feel about this fabulous little girl..
> 
> Oh.. work on your title... the title is a crucial part of your poem and should showcase your creativity...



Thank you so much! But your suggestions are not in the cadence of the rhythm. This is a straight poem where I guess it's old-fashioned and keeps the cadence and rhythm.

I will try better, and thanks!


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 19, 2015)

My critique is only a suggestion, and this is YOUR poem.. I looking forward to reading your future work, Hairball..


----------



## Hairball (Nov 19, 2015)

As you lie so soundly sleeping
Deep in dreams with Teddy Bear
I'm proud tonight to have your keeping
And be with you with loving care

You don't know this, little one
But life awaits you as you grow
Your journey's long before it's done
And all life lessons you will know

So precious and so beautiful
I'm so grateful having you
So lovely and so wonderful
So glad wih prayers I have now you

Crap. I'm working on it.

I am having a heck of a time putting my feelings in a poem. I wish poems didn't have to rhyme.  

I am not doing well with this!


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 19, 2015)

Hairball... lol.. poems don't have to rhyme.. but SHOULD have a lyrical flow, a rhythm...I can see where you are going with this, and you are making this more personal.. fabulous!


----------



## Minu (Nov 19, 2015)

Nicely done


----------



## Hairball (Nov 20, 2015)

I'm working on it....

I am SO not a poet.

I thought now about writing her a letter! Ack!


----------



## Doc Martin (Nov 20, 2015)

Hairball said:


> I'm working on it....
> 
> I am SO not a poet.
> 
> I thought now about writing her a letter! Ack!



I'm not qualified to advise really except to tell you what my experience has been in the last few weeks. I don't consider myself a poet either; maybe one in training. I'm studying the different types of poems and the associated terminology. Most importantly, Firemajic has been kind enough to review and advise on two poems before I posted them and one that needs work before I post it. That helped with my confidence. Meanwhile, I am enjoying reading and contributing.

The poem to my grandson is just a little chronology of the past few months and our time together. Fortunately, he cannot read yet so he probably won't laugh too hard.


----------



## inkwellness (Nov 20, 2015)

Hairball,
Personally, I was impressed by the third line of the second stanza. It reveals a depth and level of skill that you may want to use throughout the piece. The importance here is to remember that you have the ability within you already to create a wonderful poem. It may take some patience to work on bringing it out. Don't be in a hurry because hurried work looks like hurried work. Don't be afraid to scrap whole lines or sections when you find them to be incongruent with your style or message. And above all: keep writing. Thanks again for sharing your experience with us.


----------



## Hairball (Nov 20, 2015)

You all are so kind and helpful! 

The problem is that she's just too precious for words. 

I got a call from her Daddy, Lexi, as I was working on this post. I read the poem to him...and he had tears. Lexi's had a rough life; drugs, prison, etc. but he's been clean for ten years. He was in a relationship wth Alexa's mother, and she's gone back to drugs. Lexi petitioned the court for full custody and won. 

I wasn't asked to be a Godmother. I asked. Lexi said without hesitation, "Yes, please! She needs a good female role model."

A good female role model....poor Alexa. Her Godmother is a crazy cat lady who works at Walmart. I don't care who you are, that's funny!

But I'm also retired Army, so maybe that counts. LOL!


----------



## Hairball (Nov 20, 2015)

As you lie so soundly sleeping
Deep in dreams with Teddy Bear
I'm proud tonight to have your keeping
And be with you with loving care

You don't know this, little one
But life awaits you as you grow
Your journey's long before it's done
And all life lessons you will know

So precious and so beautiful
I'm so grateful having you
So lovely and so wonderful
So glad wih prayers I have found you

As I look back all through our day
Planting flowers, teasing cats
Making memories with modeling clay
Being silly in gardening hats

I had forgotten, my little one
Somehow, somewhere along the way
How simple things are so much fun
And how I loved our special day


How is it so far?


----------



## PiP (Nov 20, 2015)

Hairball said:


> How is it so far?


Beautiful...

I particularly liked the line


> Making memories with modeling clay


I liked it a lot!


----------



## Hairball (Nov 20, 2015)

PiP said:


> Beautiful...
> 
> I particularly liked the line
> 
> I liked it a lot!



Thank you! She made me a little bowl, like a little custard dish. I keep it on my kitchen window sill to put my rings in when I'm cooking.

It's still a work in progress, I think. I want it to be perfect before I give it to her. I plan to print it out on pink paper, make a border around the edge of the paper with puppies, kittens, butterflies, and birds with stickers, and then put it in a handmade wooden frame painted purple. She loves pink and purple.


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 20, 2015)

Fabulous! Your Goddaughter.. I can see her now.. through your words, I can see the two of you together...you made this personal...and unique, like your relationship with her..can you see the difference?


----------



## Hairball (Nov 20, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> Fabulous! Your Goddaughter.. I can see her now.. through your words, I can see the two of you together...you made this personal...and unique, like your relationship with her..can you see the difference?



Yes, ma'am! I thank you and everyone else for making ths soooooooo much better! Do you think it's ready to go yet or does it need more work?


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 20, 2015)

You have made vast improvements.. if this expresses EVERYTHING you were going for... then fabulous!


----------



## Doc Martin (Nov 20, 2015)

I just got something in my eye. What's that moisture?


----------



## Hairball (Nov 20, 2015)

Doc Martin said:


> I just got something in my eye. What's that moisture?



I have no idea. I have the same problem. Maybe too much cat fur.


----------

