# Untitled Poem About Autism



## Monster (Aug 2, 2014)

Life through the eyes of Autism.
---

Constantly I'm drowning,
in a sea of faces 
intimidating
and surrounding me
in all that I do
I am not you
and nor will I ever be.


I'm a rat in a maze 
and you are all electric
you shock and confound
all that I am
try to blend in
and I don't know how
to approach you
without pain.


I'm talking underwater
in English and yet
you understand nothing.
I can make no sense
and I'm such a mess.
You feel big to say I'm faking.


I can't be 'right'
That is far too hard
Insisting that 
I “grow up”
I “be strong”
I “try harder”
Proves how ignorant you are


How about I be me this time?
So I'm autistic
really isn't a crime.
I connect to things
instead of you
but you're kind of a dick
so whyever would I want to?


This doesn't go away
Demand all you want or pray,
It won't heal epilepsy or MD,
and it won't 
fix 
me.


----------



## Firemajic (Aug 2, 2014)

I worked in a group home for years and learned about the heartbreak of autism--and how people with autism struggle to fit into a world they dont understand...so--well done, and thank you for sharing this poem...Peace...Jul


----------



## tinacrabapple (Aug 2, 2014)

These kinds of things are hard to comment on.  

It feels like it is written more from the perspective of someone who may have emotional issues rather than autism.  The autistic struggles with a kind of mind blindness (Theory of Mind).  It is different from being self-centered or narcissistic.  For my taste, there is far too much self-introspection to be authentically written from an autistic's point of view.   Of course, I could be completely wrong.


----------



## Monster (Aug 3, 2014)

@Tina, completely. I have had a long hard trip with this and the spectrum comes in many variations.


----------



## qwertyportne (Aug 3, 2014)

Yeah, it didn't feel authentic. Can't put my finger on it but seemed like you were trying too hard? And I'd suggest you give it a title. The title of a poem has the same responsibility as the first line of a poem because it is the first line of a poem. You wouldn't send your child into the world without a name, would you?


----------



## patskywriter (Aug 3, 2014)

Are autistic people really able to know how other people feel toward them, or is your perception skewed? (Would you even know that?)


----------



## Monster (Aug 3, 2014)

My view is skewed. I dont truly understand their feelings about me. These are all things people have said to me. It may sound like I was trying too hard, kind of a rude assumption, because I wrote it just prior to having a sensory blow up.


----------



## patskywriter (Aug 3, 2014)

It was still interesting, though. Maybe you should give it another go. I think the fascinating thing about autism is that the person is sometimes disconnected/clueless about other people's perceptions and feelings … like being vaguely aware that maybe they were supposed to laugh at a joke or feeling out of place and anxious in a boisterous crowd.


----------



## Firemajic (Aug 3, 2014)

Many of my guys at the group home knew that they were different, realized that people treated them different. That was where their anger came from. that and constant rejection...       And for me--- All of this came through in your poem. Peace...Jul


----------



## tinacrabapple (Aug 3, 2014)

It's a spectrum like a rainbow.  This is one of the reasons it is hard to understand; profiles vary greatly.


----------



## E. Zamora (Aug 3, 2014)

Monster said:


> Constantly I'm drowning,
> in a sea of faces


 


Monster said:


> I'm a rat in a maze






Monster said:


> I'm talking underwater



Intent and tone aside, these feel like really common ways to describe, alienation, confusion, futility etc. On one hand, people can relate to them immediately, on the other, that's what makes them feel cliche. I would suggest pushing yourself a bit to come up with more inventive metaphor.

Cheers,

Esteban


----------



## Monster (Aug 3, 2014)

@patskywalker, exactly. I have a very hard time understanding the thoughts and feelings of others or expressing my own feelings to them. It makes people mad at me often and because of my inability to understand, I'm angry too. Example: My marriage suffers over my being so "un-fun" and my inlaws get me pissed when they compare autism with schitzo disorders. I think its meant as a direct insult. I'm one of those that didn't get help as a kid. I was just annoying and weird and people have treated me pretty bad over things I can't help. I don't pick up on feelings, but tones I get, especially when people I'm close to are obviously insulting me. Thank you for your understanding.

@Esteban, I love your cup!!


----------



## Cassafrass (Aug 3, 2014)

I'm not autistic and don't know anyone in real life who is, but that poem is beautiful. Good job!


----------



## Smevel (Aug 3, 2014)

From what I know of Autism, its hard to keep things upbeat about it but it can get just good humored when an Autistic is allowed to expand and just use creative flow then its even more beautiful. Nicely done on this piece <3


----------



## E. Zamora (Aug 3, 2014)

Monster said:


> @Esteban, I love your cup!!



Me too. But I'm torn. I think Bob would be rolling in his grave if he knew his face was on a coffee cup.


----------



## Misty Mirrors (Aug 3, 2014)

Some people have said I have Aspergers Syndrome. A psychologist has said (One I respect) that I have Asperger-like symptoms becsuse I was abused when I was a child. If you are normal and want to talk to an Asperger person speak very accurately   ....  like a robot. I went to a therapy group of autistic people for 6 months. I found them very difficult to get on with. An example: "You are dumb." A normal person means "You have low intelligence." An Asperger Syndrome person interprets it as "I am unable to speak."    ....  or   ....  "My ears do not function properly."   He replies: "I am not dumb."  An arguement starts. The Asperger person thinks he is misunderstood. By the way: on the average Asperger Syndrome people are just as intelligent as normal people. Good luck, Monster. I do not believe you are a Monster.


----------



## Nellie (Aug 5, 2014)

Monster said:


> I have a very hard time understanding the thoughts and feelings of others or expressing my own feelings to them. It makes people mad at me often and because of my inability to understand, I'm angry too. Example: My marriage suffers over my being so "un-fun" and my inlaws get me pissed when they compare autism with schitzo disorders. I think its meant as a direct insult. I'm one of those that didn't get help as a kid. I was just annoying and weird and people have treated me pretty bad over things I can't help. I don't pick up on feelings, but tones I get, especially when people I'm close to are obviously insulting me.



Monster, I kinda get it and understand a little bit of what you are talking about ^, so I like your poem although you didn't have a title for it. I especially like the last verse


> This doesn't go away
> Demand all you want or pray,
> It won't heal epilepsy or MD,
> and it won't
> ...



'cause I want someone to fix me, too. I don't think I've mentioned it here before, but I have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.



			
				MistyMirrors said:
			
		

> By the way: on the average Asperger Syndrome people are just as intelligent as normal people. Good luck, Monster. I do not believe you are a Monster.



Many folks with TLE are just as intelligent as normal people. Many famous artists, writers and poets had epilepsy. Van Gogh, Dostoyevsky, Lewis Carroll just to name a few. We are not monsters!


----------



## hollaatmegan (Aug 6, 2014)

First of all, how brave of you to share your poem about your own personal struggles with autism. I'm so very sorry for every time you've been mistreated or talked down to. It's not fair, and it sucks. Ass. 
In other news: I do agree with Esteban. Cliches are hard to shake, but if you buckle down and try again, I know you can come up with something way more original than a "rat in a maze" and the "sea of faces". I wish I could suggest a different comparison, but I really want you to do some editing and see if you like anything better, and I can't begin to imagine what you feel. But you know what you feel. Do some experimenting. Mess around. But you did nail conveying the whole "the world's against me" thing. I really did enjoy this. It gave me a new perspective. Thank you.


----------



## Pandora (Aug 6, 2014)

Monster, I found your untitled poem heart wrenching, so believable it made me cry. I do not question you, or your poem, why on earth would I? I admire you for sharing this with us. I have wondered as of late if someone dear to me has been missed, as you were, that perhaps he falls somewhere in this spectrum. I feel the ache within him, the being lost and I will even say condemned. Sabotage seems to be the theme for him but there is a reason for everything. I'm very happy you have your talent and creativity to bring the most beautiful raw poems to the world. There are so many living lives similar, this poem helps them to know they are not alone. I must say the common phrases you used to describe are for those listening and experiencing the same, there is something to be said for that. Keep finding the hope deep within and thank you.


----------

