# A question about regrets.



## M J Tennant 2022 (Oct 15, 2022)

I am carrying out research for the second of a series of three books.  

If there is one thing in your life you could change, literally go back and do differently (or not do at all), what would it be and why?

Thank you so much for your 'time' in advance. 

M J x
*"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything."* -Dr. Emmett Brown​


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## S J Ward (Oct 15, 2022)

I'd have dropped the half house-brick and not cast it high into the air to land upon a very good friend's head. In my defence, I will say that I was 8 years old. It's something I'd change. maybe we'd still be good friends.


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## indianroads (Oct 15, 2022)

M J Tennant 2022 said:


> I am carrying out research for the second of a series of three books.
> 
> If there is one thing in your life you could change, literally go back and do differently (or not do at all), what would it be and why?
> 
> ...


That list would run through many volumes. 
This is a question that haunts old people (like me) and keeps us awake at night.


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## Taylor (Oct 15, 2022)

Reading your question, a plethora of things popped into my head.  But then if I followed them through, in all cases, the fallout led to something else that was good.

Regret is really a matter of perspective.  I'd be interested in hearing how you will incorporate it into your story.


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## Mullanphy (Oct 15, 2022)

I envy anyone with no regrets and empathize with those who do not want others to know them.

What would I change? I would never have touched, much less smoked, a cigarette because smoking is the major contributor to my emphysema, cardiovascular difficulties and type 2 diabetes.


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## M J Tennant 2022 (Oct 15, 2022)

Mullanphy said:


> I envy anyone with no regrets and empathize with those who do not want others to know them.
> 
> What would I change? I would never have touched, much less smoked, a cigarette because smoking is the major contributor to my emphysema, cardiovascular difficulties and type 2 diabetes.


I agree and also have empathy with those who do not want to share them.  I put this question to my friends via our WhatsApp group and they came back with nothing.  Cagier than a zoo!


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## Ladyserpentine (Oct 16, 2022)

Questions like these always remind me of this old Taoist parable:

"One day, a farmer was tilling his field with a big, strong horse. A passerby saw this and told him he was lucky to have found such an animal to do the work for him. The wise sage saw this interaction and smiled knowingly.

A few weeks later, the horse managed to break loose from its stall. It became scared and ran away. A passerby saw this and told the farmer he was unlucky for such a thing to have happened. The wise sage saw this interaction and smiled knowingly.

The horse returned the following week bringing with it several wild horses. The farmer now _believed_ he was lucky. The wise sage saw this and smiled.

The farmer’s son went out to tame one of the wild horses. He got kicked hard and broke his leg. The farmer now believed he was unlucky. The wise sage smiled.

A war broke out and young men were drafted. The farmer’s son was spared because of his broken leg. The farmer no longer knew what to think of his luck. The wise sage smiled."

Everyone has things in their life that they regret. Certainly, I made many decisions that caused myself a lot of agony and just suckiness in general. But many of those missteps led me to where I am now. Maybe I'd be better off, maybe I'd be worse off if I hadn't done those things. But I am happy enough now that if offered the opportunity to go back in time and change one (or many) of those events, I feel pretty confident that I would decline.

But then again, I do have this pesky little chicken pox scar next to my eye, so maybe it would be worth going back and telling my five-year-old self not to itch so dang hard!


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## M J Tennant 2022 (Oct 17, 2022)

Ladyserpentine said:


> Questions like these always remind me of this old Taoist parable:
> 
> "One day, a farmer was tilling his field with a big, strong horse. A passerby saw this and told him he was lucky to have found such an animal to do the work for him. The wise sage saw this interaction and smiled knowingly.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this and I totally agree.  Have you read the book Sliding Doors by Peter Howitt which follows a young Exec?  The story splits into two following the same girl.  One version of the girl misses the tube and the other one manages to catch it.  You then learn how the path changes for both due to this one little thing.

Thank you for sharing this story and your reply.

I too have a pesky chicken pox scar!

M J x


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## Louanne Learning (Oct 19, 2022)

This morning I got a video on Instagram about a nurse who worked with dying patients. She always asked them "what is your biggest regret?"

The number one regret of people facing the end of their life is they wished they had lived their life more true to themselves instead of living it to meet the expectations of others.


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## Louanne Learning (Oct 19, 2022)

Just this moment read this in my feed:

"Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude."

~ Anne Frank


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## Louanne Learning (Oct 24, 2022)

We're all familiar with the fascination with time travel. It's a very popular theme in novels and movies. 

Why the fascination? I'd venture that the number one reason has to do with regrets.


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## M J Tennant 2022 (Oct 25, 2022)

Louanne Learning said:


> We're all familiar with the fascination with time travel. It's a very popular theme in novels and movies.
> 
> Why the fascination? I'd venture that the number one reason has to do with regrets.


I totally agree.  That thought that you could go back and change something.  Imagine if life did have an undo button!

Maybe we'd be worse off?

M J x


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## Taylor (Oct 25, 2022)

M J Tennant 2022 said:


> I totally agree.  That thought that you could go back and change something.  Imagine if life did have an undo button!
> 
> Maybe we'd be worse off?
> 
> M J x


Indeed!  I always believe everything happens for a reason.


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## indianroads (Oct 25, 2022)

Taylor said:


> Indeed!  I always believe everything happens for a reason.


I don't believe that, and don't believe in karma either. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Everything is random. We can only do the best we can with our lives. As the saying goes, _we're born, shit happens, then we die_.


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## Cornelius Coburn (Oct 25, 2022)

Deleted


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## Joker (Oct 25, 2022)

indianroads said:


> I don't believe that, and don't believe in karma either. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Everything is random. We can only do the best we can with our lives. As the saying goes, _we're born, shit happens, then we die_.



Common misunderstanding. Karma isn't the result of actions, it's actions themselves. Specifically, habitual ones. Bad karma is bad habits, ya feel?


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## Taylor (Oct 25, 2022)

indianroads said:


> I don't believe that, and don't believe in karma either. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Everything is random. We can only do the best we can with our lives. As the saying goes, _we're born, shit happens, then we die_.


It's my good Catholic upbringing speaking here.   It was drummed into me.  lol!!


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## indianroads (Oct 25, 2022)

Taylor said:


> It's my good Catholic upbringing speaking here.   It was drummed into me.  lol!!


My mother was Irish-Catholic. She tried to indoctrinate me, but failed.


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## PiP (Oct 26, 2022)

indianroads said:


> My mother was Irish-Catholic. She tried to indoctrinate me, but failed.


Mine, too. Sent me to a convent school run by Italian nuns.

I have two regrets
1. Not suing the guy who bullied (psychological bullying) me out of a job I loved. That feeling of regret has stayed with me for 30years. This theme has carried through into my books. (upside I started my own business which allowed me to work from anywhere in the world provided I had a phone, WiFi, and a PC). Downside: I never pursued the bastard through the courts and claimed compensation. I spent months off work with depression.

2. Two jobs prior to that I was sexually harassed (verbally) by the boss's son-in-law. Eventually, I found another job and left. Regrets. Not really. Lesson. I put my family first. Sometimes in life you need to turn the other cheek and move on. The shitstorm is not worth the bad Karma


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## norwallslow (Oct 28, 2022)

If I could go back and change one thing in my life, I would not have gone to college. It's not that I didn't enjoy my time at university, but rather that I feel like I wasted a lot of time and money on something that I'm not really using now. College was a great experience, but in retrospect I wish I had just taken a gap year and traveled the world instead. I think it would have been a more valuable experience, both in terms of personal growth and in terms of what I learned. As it is, I am now saddled with student loans and very little to show for it. So if I could go back and do things differently, that's definitely what I would change.


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## Taylor (Oct 28, 2022)

PiP said:


> Mine, too. Sent me to a convent school run by Italian nuns.


My mom was raised in an orphanage by nuns, and she did manage to pass some of it on to me.  


PiP said:


> I have two regrets
> 1. Not suing the guy who bullied (psychological bullying) me out of a job I loved. That feeling of regret has stayed with me for 30years. This theme has carried through into my books. (upside I started my own business which allowed me to work from anywhere in the world provided I had a phone, WiFi, and a PC). Downside: I never pursued the bastard through the courts and claimed compensation. I spent months off work with depression.


I wouldn't regret this @PiP.  Due to my teaching in professional ethics, I have done a great deal of research on this topic.  Studies have shown that the majority of employees who put in complaints while still on the job, end up having to leave.  This is because management, if possible, will side with the bully.  They don't want to admit this happened under their watch, to avoid liability.  And once you've left, the only way to prove it is to get other employees to be witnesses, which is difficult, as they risk their own employment.


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## indianroads (Oct 28, 2022)

PiP said:


> Mine, too. Sent me to a convent school run by Italian nuns.
> 
> I have two regrets
> 1. Not suing the guy who bullied (psychological bullying) me out of a job I loved. That feeling of regret has stayed with me for 30years. This theme has carried through into my books. (upside I started my own business which allowed me to work from anywhere in the world provided I had a phone, WiFi, and a PC). Downside: I never pursued the bastard through the courts and claimed compensation. I spent months off work with depression.
> ...


Seems like you missed an opportunity to improve someone else's life - because the boss that harassed you got away with it and will inflict his abuse on someone else.

My regrets are uncountable... If I had done A then the B catastrophe would have been avoided - but my life is littered with bad situations I had no part in creating, and also my failure to fight back or bale out of horrific circumstances.

One thing in my favor - when I worked for Olivetti I had an Italian national for my boss. The man was a terror, and could get away with it because the board of labor relations had no power over a non US citizen. The man would throw things in meetings, scream and belittle those that worked for him... it was awful, *until I yelled right back at him*. That earned me his respect. Yes, he still threw his tantrums, but I would just look at him and say NO, I'm not going to do (whatever he was demanding) - and would tell him in no uncertain terms why his idea wouldn't work.


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## JBF (Oct 29, 2022)

I don't regret too many actions, per se.  Had some of them gone otherwise I'd probably be in jail. 

My worst are probably things I didn't learn sooner.


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## PiP (Oct 29, 2022)

indianroads said:


> Seems like you missed an opportunity to improve someone else's life - because the boss that harassed you got away with it and will inflict his abuse on someone else.


Yes and no ... back in the 80's 90s was not the same situation as it is now. Plus it was a family-run business. It was his word against mine and I know who they would have believed because I had no proof. My husband would have killed him ... so I would have ruined his life and my children's lives. Sometimes as a woman you need to make choices and factor in actions have consequences. We also did not have the money to employ solicitors ... hefty mortage. So you see life is not always black or white.


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## Moon Child (Oct 29, 2022)

Hmm... Tough one. Mostly I feel the things I wish were different have shaped me to be who I am today. 

I guess the one massive regret I have is taking a friend for granted! Never will do so again!


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## M J Tennant 2022 (Oct 29, 2022)

norwallslow said:


> If I could go back and change one thing in my life, I would not have gone to college. It's not that I didn't enjoy my time at university, but rather that I feel like I wasted a lot of time and money on something that I'm not really using now. College was a great experience, but in retrospect I wish I had just taken a gap year and traveled the world instead. I think it would have been a more valuable experience, both in terms of personal growth and in terms of what I learned. As it is, I am now saddled with student loans and very little to show for it. So if I could go back and do things differently, that's definitely what I would change.


I agree!  I would like to travel.  Definitely broadens the mind.

Thank you for sharing.

M J x


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## indianroads (Oct 30, 2022)

M J Tennant 2022 said:


> I agree!  I would like to travel.  Definitely broadens the mind.
> 
> Thank you for sharing.
> 
> M J x


Get yourself a motorcycle and hit the road. The world is waiting.


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## LCLee (Nov 3, 2022)

In stead of karma, I believe unseen events befall us all, good or bad. Although I sometimes wish karma was the factor, I think more would learn a lesson.
My regret covers a lot of dumb things and that is I was so full of myself in my thirties and forties.


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## Joker (Nov 3, 2022)

LCLee said:


> In stead of karma, I believe unseen events befall us all, good or bad. Although I sometimes wish karma was the factor, I think more would learn a lesson.
> My regret covers a lot of dumb things and that is I was so full of myself in my thirties and forties.



Buddhist karma isn't divine retribution, it's your own bad habits.


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## indianroads (Nov 3, 2022)

My regrets aren’t related to choices I’ve made, but rather forgiving and maintaining a relationship with those who have betrayed and hurt me.


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## Moon Child (Nov 3, 2022)

Joker said:


> Buddhist karma isn't divine retribution, it's your own bad habits.



Very very true!! And you have to pay it back, whether it's this life or next. I fully believe in karma, though I'm not a Buddhist. 
It helps too; if someone hurts you then you know they'll face it too at some point because they did it to you.


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## Joker (Nov 3, 2022)

Moon Child said:


> Very very true!! And you have to pay it back, whether it's this life or next. I fully believe in karma, though I'm not a Buddhist.
> It helps too; if someone hurts you then you know they'll face it too at some point because they did it to you.



And they did it to themselves, too.


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## Louanne Learning (Nov 3, 2022)

Moon Child said:


> Very very true!! And you have to pay it back, whether it's this life or next. I fully believe in karma, though I'm not a Buddhist.
> It helps too; if someone hurts you then you know they'll face it too at some point because they did it to you.



I believe in cause and effect. And there is no cause and effect correlation between somebody hurting me and then they getting hurt - unless I do the hurting!

But that's not karma, that's revenge.


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## Joker (Nov 3, 2022)

Louanne Learning said:


> I believe in cause and effect. And there is no cause and effect correlation between somebody hurting me and then they getting hurt - unless I do the hurting!
> 
> But that's not karma, that's revenge.



Then you need to dig deeper and realize that you and them are part of the same whole.


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## Louanne Learning (Nov 3, 2022)

Joker said:


> Then you need to dig deeper and realize that you and them are part of the same whole.



Oh, I do. I wasn't advocating revenge, just making a point.


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## Moon Child (Nov 3, 2022)

Louanne Learning said:


> I believe in cause and effect. And there is no cause and effect correlation between somebody hurting me and then they getting hurt - unless I do the hurting!
> 
> But that's not karma, that's revenge.



Revenge only hurts yourself in the end and it adds to your own karma.


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## Louanne Learning (Nov 3, 2022)

Moon Child said:


> Revenge only hurts yourself in the end and it adds to your own karma.



Agree that revenge only hurts yourself.


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## Louanne Learning (Nov 3, 2022)

My view of how the Universe works is most in line with scientific pantheism. It's a "rational alternative to supernatural beliefs."

I have a deep respect and an utter awe for the entire Universe. My sense of wonder is the greatest when I consider what marvelous things we humans are. 

Here below are the main principles of scientific pantheism, copied from https://pantheism.net/manifest/

_The basic concepts comprise:_

_Reverence for Nature and the wider Universe._
_Active respect and care for the rights of humans and animals._
_Celebration or our lives in our bodies on this beautiful earth._
_Freedom of religion, separation of state and religion, tolerance._
_Strong naturalism, without belief in supernatural realms, beings or forces._
_Respect for reason, evidence and the scientific method._
_Realism: there is a real world independent of human thought or perception._


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## LCLee (Nov 3, 2022)

Joker said:


> Buddhist karma isn't divine retribution, it's your own bad habits.


Yeah, maybe that's what I meant.
 It seems like when you jump off a building the  comeuppance is pretty quick, but beating an elderly person on the subway has a delayed punishment.


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## Moon Child (Nov 3, 2022)

LCLee said:


> Yeah, maybe that's what I meant.
> It seems like when you jump off a building the  comeuppance is pretty quick, but beating an elderly person on the subway has a delayed punishment.


Difference is, in your example, darling, that you choose to hurt yourself by jumping off a building. But, choosing to harm that granny means you collect the karma because you've hurt another being.


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