# You in the Eyes of Others



## Riptide (May 31, 2014)

I got the opportunity to see how people see me by reading in my yearbook and getting told by unrelated bystanders how true that is. So, I was told how confident and uncaring I am of others scrutiny... which I thought was great that others saw me like that because I dearly care what others think of me in every standard of the word. I actually care too much I think, but it's cool everyone thinks I don't. 

So, have people ever seen you in a light you never knew you were portraying?


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## Jeko (May 31, 2014)

When I tell people I'm a Christian, I get a lot of shocked faces. Some go as far to say 'but you're a really smart person!'.

But yeah, it still tells me that I should be more visibly Christian in some ways.


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## Bruno Spatola (May 31, 2014)

A lot of people think or have thought I use cocaine or some other drug. I've told this story before: one of my teachers took me to one side and expressed deep concern about my behaviour. I always had bags under my eyes (ex-insomniac), spoke a mile a minute (still do), and tended to go on bizarre and surreal tangents during conversation. 

I don't smoke or drink, and have never done the more taboo drugs. I'm just a very excitable and passionate person, so it surprised and hurt me deeply when friends, relatives, and teachers thought I wasn't in my right mind.


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## WechtleinUns (May 31, 2014)

Bruno! That hurts so much when people think you're a borderline nutcase! I live somewhat isolated from society at large, on the fringes of San Antonio, but I often have to come into contact with others in town or whatnot. The few friends I do have, have told me that I have a stare of piercing daggers. They say things like, "I feel like you're analyzing the worth of my soul."

To which I reply, "all the better to collect my due from the devil, friend." with what I think is a friendly smile.

And then awkward silence ensues.


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## bookmasta (May 31, 2014)

Riptide said:


> I got the opportunity to see how people see me by reading in my yearbook and getting told by unrelated bystanders how true that is. So, I was told how confident and uncaring I am of others scrutiny... which I thought was great that others saw me like that because I dearly care what others think of me in every standard of the word. I actually care too much I think, but it's cool everyone thinks I don't.
> 
> So, have people ever seen you in a light you never knew you were portraying?



I run track for my JC. My teammates are my best friends, but when I tell them I'm a writer they don't believe it. I have to actually show them my books. Same with what you also said above, about being confident and handling other people's scrutiny as well. Sometimes its just easier to smile and act like nothing is wrong than to tell someone when it really is.


Bruno Spatola said:


> A lot of people think or have thought I use cocaine or some other drug. I've told this story before: one of my teachers took me to one side and expressed deep concern about my behaviour. I always had bags under my eyes (ex-insomniac), spoke a mile a minute (still do), and tended to go on bizarre and surreal tangents during conversation.
> 
> I don't smoke or drink, and have never done the more taboo drugs. I'm just a very excitable and passionate person, so it surprised and hurt me deeply when friends, relatives, and teachers thought I wasn't in my right mind.



During this past semester there were a few days when I wasn't getting more than three hours of sleep between working and studying for finals. One random stranger took the curtsey to ask me if I do cocaine on the street.


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## Morkonan (May 31, 2014)

Cadence said:


> When I tell people I'm a Christian, I get a lot of shocked faces. Some go as far to say 'but you're a really smart person!'.
> 
> But yeah, it still tells me that I should be more visibly Christian in some ways.



^--- This.

I very close friend of mine was surprised when this came up during one of "those" conversations. For myself, I was puzzled - While I am not an active "churchgoer", purely for certain practical reasons, the fact is that I've always espoused a certain moral and ethical code that is somewhat inseparable from certain religious beliefs. My friend, who is more an agnostic and morally flexible... perhaps not ethically so, just didn't "see" the connection.

So, I got the "But, you're so smart..." thing and I had to remind him that the way Christians have been portrayed by certain notable atheists in the last decade is what has managed to insert that stereotype into the communal mind. There are plenty of "smart" religious people, both today and in our past. It's simply a propaganda game that has successfully altered the landscape, for some.


I have also "shocked" some people when revealing certain things that I may have done in my youth. The image I present and my actions, today, don't seem to allow for such possibilities. So, I have to remind them that I'm a "human being," equally as capable of having faults as the next guy.


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## Elvenswordsman (May 31, 2014)

LOL Some lady, a writer mentor locally, thought I was the most likely person in a group of writers to get lost along the way (go to jail, or something - seems to have a really dark impression of me).

At any rate, maybe she sees something I don't?

Also, every girl since my ex that I've slept with...

And my mom. But she's allowed to think I'm her angel.


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## popsprocket (May 31, 2014)

People always think that I'm judging them.


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## qwertyportne (May 31, 2014)

Yes, I'm certain I have, RipTide. Every now and then, somebody will make me wonder if what I intended (sent) was what they received. It's just another reminder that words, spoken or written, may not be as clear as we think they are. We're all interpreting meaning from within ourselves. Same face to face. We see others by looking out at them from inside ourselves. Your post and several of the comments remind me of something I read in one of Sam Keene's books:
"Few of us know the fantastic characters, emotions, perceptions and demons that inhabit the theatres that are our minds. We are content to tell a single story, to construct a consistent character, to fix our identity. We are thus defined more by neglected possibilities than by realized ones. We rehearse and repeat a monotonous monologue while heroes and villains, saints and madmen, ascetics and libertines wait in the wings for a chance to seize the stage and run wild. Be all those characters who wander around in your head--discover a few of your many selves. You can become authentically public only by going to the depths of your private."


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## Morkonan (May 31, 2014)

qwertyportne said:


> ....You can become authentically public only by going to the depths of your private."



I'm pretty sure that most countries have laws against that...


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## InstituteMan (May 31, 2014)

Many people have told me that I am "intimidating." I can glare with the best of them, true, but I have a fluffy cat and a love off puns. How intimidating can I possibly be?


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## WechtleinUns (May 31, 2014)

We should have a "post your best glare" thread. I'd like to see the daggers in youse's eyes.


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## Ari (Jun 1, 2014)

InstituteMan said:


> Many people have told me that I am "intimidating." ... but I have a fluffy cat ...



InstituteMan, that just proves it. The king of the bad guys always has a fluffy cat. It lays on his lap, very striking against his dark suit, and he strokes it with one bony hand while ordering death with the other.


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## TylerMartin (Jun 1, 2014)

I see myself as shy, socially awkward, and not having much contribution. And it surprises me every time someone tells me how wise I am, or how discerning I am, or how confident I am. We all really do see a different person in the mirror than other people see when they look at us, and I am grateful for that!


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## BobtailCon (Jun 1, 2014)

Usually, when I tell people I'm not Christian, they go; "WHAAT?!" Maybe it's just the area I'm in.... Probably a lot of Christians..


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## escorial (Jun 1, 2014)

struggled all my life to fit in and still find it hard to understand that.


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## InstituteMan (Jun 1, 2014)

Ari said:


> InstituteMan, that just proves it. The king of the bad guys always has a fluffy cat. It lays on his lap, very striking against his dark suit, and he strokes it with one bony hand while ordering death with the other.



Bwah-ha-ha-ha! 

Oh, I am a little bony . . .


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## InstituteMan (Jun 1, 2014)

escorial said:


> struggled all my life to fit in and still find it hard to understand that.



I have concluded that fitting in is overrated.


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## Cran (Jun 1, 2014)

_One's harshest critic is often seen in the mirror. _

There were times when I firmly believed I had a great face for radio, and an excellent voice for mime. How I ended up in front of the camera or on stage with speaking roles or - more terrifyingly - singing performances, is testament to the perversity of life and a marked inability to say "no" when the opportunities presented. 

I'm not sure if I've always been modestly awesome, but I have always taken pride in my great humility. 

People sometimes mistake me for a smart person.


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## qwertyportne (Jun 1, 2014)

Morkonan said:


> I'm pretty sure that most countries have laws against that...


 In California, where I live, everything, public or private, is illegal.


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## stormageddon (Jun 1, 2014)

Most people think I'm a genius until they get to know me, but I think that's only because I don't say stupid things to fill the awkward silences like most people do. As a result of that, people think I'm  awkward, which is fair enough, and shy, which is far from the case. I hold my tongue not due to shyness, but as damage limitation >.>

They also assume I have no self esteem, which I don't really understand - I think I must just sound very depressive, but it's the world I hate; I think I'm great.

The person that I think I am is very different to the person other people think I am, and I can't decide which interpretation is more important. Rather, I can't decide if I'm in the wrong in valuing my own opinions of myself over those of others. If what I consider the "real me" exists solely within my brainspace, can it be said to be real? Life v.v


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## Ari (Jun 1, 2014)

InstituteMan said:


> Bwah-ha-ha-ha!
> 
> Oh, I am a little bony . . .



I knew it!


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## Marc (Jun 1, 2014)

Heard my whole life: "But you don't look like a Jew."


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## W.Goepner (Jun 1, 2014)

When I was younger I was accused of having an older mind. I used words as an eight year old that some college students would not. Then when I was in the ARMY, a fellow privet had an issue that I promptly explained, as one twice my age and experience would. He asked me how I knew, then told me that I was only two years older and not to tell him it was my life experience. I just said, "I cannot say why just that I tend to understand more than I know."


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## mov101 (Jun 2, 2014)

stormageddon said:


> Most people think I'm a genius until they get to know me, but I think that's only because I don't say stupid things to fill the awkward silences like most people do. As a result of that, people think I'm  awkward, which is fair enough, and shy, which is far from the case. I hold my tongue not due to shyness, but as damage limitation >.>
> 
> They also assume I have no self esteem, which I don't really understand - I think I must just sound very depressive, but it's the world I hate; I think I'm great.
> 
> The person that I think I am is very different to the person other people think I am, and I can't decide which interpretation is more important. Rather, I can't decide if I'm in the wrong in valuing my own opinions of myself over those of others. If what I consider the "real me" exists solely within my brainspace, can it be said to be real? Life v.v



I kind of get what you're saying...only that for me, because I don't really talk a lot(this is just who I am...not shy but also not antisocial or anything like that) people sometimes accuse me of 'What, you think you're too good for us? You don't want to talk with us because you're too arogant?'...none of which is true...and it's really strange...must be my face or something  :icon_cheesygrin:


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## Pandora (Jun 2, 2014)

When I am out and about people confide in me, my husband says what is it with you everyone tells you their story. I guess they trust me. A psychic took my hand once and told me I care too much. I told her that's not possible. She said she knew I would say that.


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## Plasticweld (Jun 3, 2014)

If you want to know what people think of you just run for public office, I have been elected twice, served 8 years as a councilman and had a failed bid for legislator. I have narrowed it down to a simple saying. "Good men are both well loved and well hated." I have an opinion on just about everything and shyness is not attribute I was given.  I do know I have never had to guess what people think. Be anything in life but luke warm.

Storm:

Most people think I'm a genius until they get to know me, but I think that's only because I don't say stupid things to fill the awkward silences like most people do. As a result of that, people think I'm  awkward, which is fair enough, and shy, which is far from the case. I hold my tongue not due to shyness, but as damage limitation >.>

This made me think of a quote from Proverbs, "Even a fool seems wise when he is silent"  my take on it is, that sometimes it takes a wise person to know when to remain silent, my guess is that you figured that out.


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## Pidgeon84 (Jun 3, 2014)

People tell me I don't communicate my feelings enough and then ignore my writings View attachment 5810 

I think people really don't know much about me because I am so non communicative and passive. So that's just how they percieve me.


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## InstituteMan (Jun 3, 2014)

Plasticweld said:


> I have narrowed it down to a simple saying. "Good men are both well loved and well hated."



Exactly. Perhaps this would be better suited for the confessions thread, but when I die I hope my funeral has an abundance of mourners and protestors holding signs celebrating my death.


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## stormageddon (Jun 3, 2014)

Mov101, I have a friend who gets that all the time. People feel like she "silently judges them". I think it's partly a projection of their own insecurities, and partly them not realizing that it's okay not to talk all the time. Silence can be as profound as speech. I went hiking for two days just me and my best mate, and we barely spoke for most of the time - it was incredibly peaceful, and drew us closer together than the hundreds of hours we'd spent conversing before the experience.

Pidgeon, I feel like my writing is the only place where the real me shows through, where it doesn't get lost in the confusion of socialization. So I know your frustration, or something similar, when people who profess to care don't show an interest v.v

Plasticweld, wise words indeed, and good rules to live a life by.

And InstituteMan, I'll gladly picket your funeral, should you presume to die before me


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## aj47 (Jun 3, 2014)

I wrote a poem about it.  It got no comments so I'm sure only a few people read it.  Basically, I was told I was ugly so long that I grew to believe it (smart girls aren't pretty).  Yet I was in a beauty pageant.  See the disconnect.  

I mourn the pretty girl I could have been if I'd known, but I have the face of 30-something on my 50-something body.  So I get a sense of what it might have been like.  I still am uncomfortable hearing words like "beautiful" about myself.   

And honestly, the people who say them are people who like me anyway so I cannot ascertain the truth-value.


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## W.Goepner (Jun 4, 2014)

astroannie said:


> I wrote a poem about it.  It got no comments so I'm sure only a few people read it.  Basically, I was told I was ugly so long that I grew to believe it (smart girls aren't pretty).  Yet I was in a beauty pageant.  See the disconnect.
> 
> I mourn the pretty girl I could have been if I'd known, but I have the face of 30-something on my 50-something body.  So I get a sense of what it might have been like.  I still am uncomfortable hearing words like "beautiful" about myself.
> 
> And honestly, the people who say them are people who like me anyway so I cannot ascertain the truth-value.



If I were to judge the Avatar I see of yours, I would say, "that is a nice LOOKING person", there is a model quality to it. I see a person made up to look beautiful. But to judge you, from the words I read, of your opinion of others writing. I read a caring, considerate, and understanding person. You do not go about boasting how beautiful you are, or give that look at me attitude. Therefore I see a beautiful person, more beautiful than the avatar I see.


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## Pidgeon84 (Jun 4, 2014)

W.Goepner said:


> If I were to judge the Avatar I see of yours, I would say, "that is a nice LOOKING person", there is a model quality to it. I see a person made up to look beautiful. But to judge you, from the words I read, of your opinion of others writing. I read a caring, considerate, and understanding person. You do not go about boasting how beautiful you are, or give that look at me attitude. Therefore I see a beautiful person, more beautiful than the avatar I see.



I always thought her avatar was Susan Sarandon lol which is a huge compliment if its actually astroannie.


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## W.Goepner (Jun 4, 2014)

Pidgeon84 said:


> I always thought her avatar was Susan Sarandon lol which is a huge compliment if its actually astroannie.



I am still trying to put faces to names here, I seen a bunch of people in the selfie thread. One or two I wish I hadn't, Cran is burned in my retinas.

Who is Susan Sarandon, i mean i have heard the name and I should know it. She was on a soap. um, um, All My Children? I believe? I worked in a Television Station, Master control. I did the switching between show and commercial. I did that job for about two and a half years and still have issues watching commercial TV.


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## Cran (Jun 4, 2014)

The one sign of a great performance artist is to be remembered long after the performance ...


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## PiP (Jun 4, 2014)

Close friends have told me that they confide in me because if they are talking pooh - even though I'm a caring person by nature - they can rely on me to be honest rather than climb into the well of despair with them.


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## Pidgeon84 (Jun 4, 2014)

W.Goepner said:


> I am still trying to put faces to names here, I seen a bunch of people in the selfie thread. One or two I wish I hadn't, Cran is burned in my retinas.
> 
> Who is Susan Sarandon, i mean i have heard the name and I should know it. She was on a soap. um, um, All My Children? I believe? I worked in a Television Station, Master control. I did the switching between show and commercial. I did that job for about two and a half years and still have issues watching commercial TV.



Rocky Horror Picture Show, I'm sure I'm missing out on a bunch of other stuff but thats where I know her from.


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## Sam (Jun 4, 2014)

Most people find me intimidating and rude because of a number of things: 

First, I don't do small-talk. If someone mentions weather or recent news or any of the other four hundred and sixty-one topics I loathe, you'll see me nod and continue as I was before. 

Second, I don't believe in dumbing myself down to make other people feel better. If someone says something I know to be wrong, I won't agree with them. In fact, I'll probably give a discourse on why they were wrong. That has earned me the pejorative scorn of many people, most of whom assume I'm rude. 

Third, my "staring into space" face looks almost identical to my "glare you to death" face. That's because when it comes to brainstorming, I'm thinking heavily, which manifests on my face as intensity. 

Fourth, I come from a small town synonymous with tough people. As soon as anyone asks me where I'm from, and I give the answer, you can see most people's entire demeanour change in a flash. There's a reason the outsiders call it 'Bandit Country'. 

Fifth, I tell it how it is. 

In reality, though, I'm no more intimidating or rude than the next guy. People have a problem dealing with harsh truths. They ask questions not to learn the correct answers, but to satisfy the answers they've already decided are true. A famous newscaster once said, "People don't want to know new things; they want to be told the things they already know to be true". When I give them an alternative, and don't blindly agree with their position, I'm branded rude and intimidating.


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## Cran (Jun 4, 2014)

Pidgeon84 said:


> Rocky Horror Picture Show, I'm sure I'm missing out on a bunch of other stuff but thats where I know her from.


From memory, she was the lawyer in _The Client._


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## PiP (Jun 4, 2014)

Sam said:


> Most people find me intimidating and rude because of a number of things:
> 
> .



I don't find you intimidating or rude... just direct. I can deal with people who say what they think or ask for help, but what I can't deal with are people who tell me lies.


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## aj47 (Jun 4, 2014)

lol, yes, my avatar is Susan Sarandon from Rocky Horror and also Bull Durham and I don't remember about The Client.

My profile has a pic of me though.


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## escorial (Jun 4, 2014)

I always thought your avatar was you astroannie..i just had to luck and view your profile to see the real you!


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## Pandora (Jun 4, 2014)

Susan Sarandon is beautiful, cool, finest woman you would find.


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## stormageddon (Jun 4, 2014)

Pandora said:


> Susan Sarandon is beautiful, cool, finest woman you would find.


Except yourself


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## Elvenswordsman (Jun 4, 2014)

stormageddon said:


> Except yourself



Speak for yourself storm


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## Ariel (Jun 4, 2014)

Sam said:


> Third, my "staring into space" face looks almost identical to my "glare you to death" face. That's because when it comes to brainstorming, I'm thinking heavily, which manifests on my face as intensity.



Sam, you've got "Resting Bitch Face."  It's a very real and vexing problem for plenty of women . . . and some men.


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## Arcopitcairn (Jun 4, 2014)

I heard a story about George Washington once. A few years after Washington was president, he was at some state function, a get-together, not too official. Two young politicians, representatives or the like, dared one another to walk up to Washington, clap him on the shoulder, and say hello. One of the young men took the dare and did just that. When he returned, ashen, he told the other man that when he clapped Washington on the shoulder, the former president gave him a look that he hoped never to see again, a look of complete contemptuous imperiousness.

I'm like Washington, just slightly more polite, but just as imperious. Like a semi-benevolent ruler walking among his beloved subjects. But not too beloved


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## A_Jones (Jun 4, 2014)

i would and wouldnt love the chance to see what other thought about me.  I really cant decide.  like that one chapter in the voyage of the dawn treader, where lucy opens the book and reads what her friends say about her.   I am not sure I would want to.  donno.


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## Sam (Jun 5, 2014)

amsawtell said:


> Sam, you've got "Resting Bitch Face."  It's a very real and vexing problem for plenty of women . . . and some men.



I actually went and looked that up. It's mostly known as 'bitchy resting face', but I just read a compelling article that suggests it isn't some figment of the imagination. Maybe those women in nightclubs and bars that I thought were bitches were actually deep in thought. 

Damn!


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## Ariel (Jun 5, 2014)

On a more serious note: I don't believe it's for us to know what other people really think of us.  If someone wants to tell us then sure, fine--but to go and search that out?  I think it's better left alone.


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## CosmicGhost (Jun 5, 2014)

"Resting Bitch Face," that's perfectly descriptive. What's the male version called?


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## Ariel (Jun 5, 2014)

"Resting D--- Face."

There are some words I just don't like using.


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## W.Goepner (Jun 5, 2014)

A little literal learning for some who don't know. 

In the dog world there are Female/bitch and male/dog. Referring to either in context is appropriate, when referring to the canine species. 

My favorite thing though, is when the term of S.O.B. is given I look at the person giving it and say, "Thank you for getting it right, but please cut to the chase and use the right context, I am a male and there for a son of a female true. So why not just say Dog." When they get that dumbfounded look on their face I, simply walk away. 

"You dog!"  Woof!


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## aj47 (Jun 8, 2014)

Woof!


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## W.Goepner (Jun 8, 2014)

astroannie said:


> Woof!



Ah! I do not know you well enough to say yes or no to that, But cute, very cute.


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