# A Unique Work



## Gaurav (Jun 22, 2017)

Metaphors having been used before,
Clichés done to death.
The pursuit for originality
Never satisfies my quest.

***

Rhyming works rarely,
It ain’t always used fairly.
An idea I find special,
Isn’t well polished for others.

***

Simplistic is my style,
Naïve is the writing.
Idealistic vision I flaunt,
Ironically not so unique.

***

Deep ain’t my thoughts,
I say things directly.
The self-awareness boughs me down,
I fail to maintain the flow.

***

Thank you for sticking with me,
In this oddly bumpy ride,
Some call it poetry.
Others call it life. ​


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## escorial (Jun 22, 2017)

Has a very confident approach to a subject without being negative..very open and clear stanzas that follow each other with ease..cool stuff


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## ned (Jun 22, 2017)

hello - a good idea for a poem - literal. I guess.

but you need to be cuter on the details for it to work - think about the aspects of poetry, and have fun with them.

for instance- metaphors don't hit the nail...
just because the poem is self-aware doesn't mean you cannot have poetry.

consider each line, junk the prose and put it more poetically, which might mean more humourously.

the last verse is a bit too ingratiating for me, and the 'others' no doubt have a more simplistic explanation.

cheers......Ned


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## Gaurav (Jun 22, 2017)

ned said:


> hello - a good idea for a poem - literal. I guess.
> 
> but you need to be cuter on the details for it to work - think about the aspects of poetry, and have fun with them.
> 
> ...



Thank you for the suggestions. 

Regarding the metaphor bit, I actually tried mixing it up. I want the poem to be want readers are feeling while they are reading it. For example, I intend the readers to feel the poem is not polished enough when they reach the polish verse. [Partly due to uneven rhyme scheme, partly due to metaphor not being used as a metaphor.  ] I appreciate your input though. Thanks again.


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## ned (Jun 22, 2017)

wait a minute....you're writing a deliberately bad poem in order that one line might work?

I can't help thinking that is a bad strategy for a poem.

good luck......Ned


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## Gaurav (Jun 22, 2017)

ned said:


> wait a minute....you're writing a deliberately bad poem in order that one line might work?
> 
> I can't help thinking that is a bad strategy for a poem.
> 
> good luck......Ned



The attempt was to write something that reads exactly what you're thinking about the poem. I'll try improving with your suggestions. Thanks.


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## ned (Jun 22, 2017)

hello Gauravski - thank you for replying -

yeah, I see what you mean I think - but wouldn't it be better to give sterling examples
of what you cannot do? - now, there lay the delicious irony.
easier said than done of course - 

but it's your idea (I wish it was mine) and you should run with it as you will.
just take more poetical care with the expression.

cheers........Ned


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## Darkkin (Jun 22, 2017)

Gaurav said:


> Metaphors having been used before,
> Clichés done to death.
> What about these two lines makes them other than blatant, utterly mundane statements?  Total Captain Obvious.  And as a reader, I'm asking why should I bother to finish reading?  There is not one hint of originality in this stanza.
> The pursuit for originality
> ...


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## Firemajic (Jun 26, 2017)

I LIKED this poem... I thought it said what the writer was feeling about poetry... Poetry means different things to each reader, and each reader wants different things when they read a poem... so, for me... this nailed the message... could it be improved? I hope so, as every poem could most likely be improved... there are as many opinions about poetry as there are styles and poets... every poet has one...  hahaaa..... anyway... enjoyed it!:icon_cheesygrin:


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## Space Cadet (Jun 28, 2017)

I like this poem.  It works well.  Quite creative with a perfect ending.  I don't really have any critique to provide; I enjoyed reading it.  Thank you for sharing.  -- Wesley C.


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