# Dragon Vs Princess (556 words)



## wulfAlpha (Feb 8, 2017)

Here is another short story I am working on. It started as a writing prompt on another site, but I decided that I couldn't just leave it.

Cnaerafon the chief terror of the west, Lord of Fire, Demon of the skies, the Wickedest Wyrm, and holder of other grandiose titles was hiding. Hiding in his castle as if he was the one in danger and not his involuntary "guest". Cnaerafon, the chief terror of the West, Lord of Fire, Demon of the skies, the Wickedest Wyrm, and holder of other grandiose titles, was hiding. Hiding in his own castle as if he was the one in danger and not his involuntary "guest". He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade and said,

"I say princess" Before he had to duck again "Any chance you would be so kind as to spare the good china?" He ducked just in time as his best Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head with his wings. 

Then everything went quiet. "What is the Princess up to now?" The dragon thought frantically. He chanced a peek above the table but kept his wings up to shield himself from whatever improvised missiles the "Princess" dared to throw at him. Then he heard an almighty crash. The castle shook "How does a tiny princess get into this much trouble?" Cnaerafon asked himself incredulously. He bounded fully up to see what had happened and for his troubles got his second-best tea set right in the face 

"Stay back you fiend!" The princess said shrilly. She looked a right mess. She had managed to get into the larder and somehow torn her skirt almost all the way up her thigh. Her dress was stained, and despite all this, the young woman still managed to look pretty, even while being furious. 
"You take me away from my wedding" She yells punctuating her sentences with improvised missiles made of China "You don't even have a single servant, and not a single thing to eat in your larder!" 

_At this rate she will soon have to start throwing silverware_, he thought inanely. 


Then the worst happened. The princess snapped Caernarfon's reading spectacles in half. 

"Enough!" Caernarfon roared "I've been nothing but the soul of civility!" he advanced a step "I made sure you were comfortable!" Another step "I even graciously let you have your own room in the tallest tower!" And then one more step. 

Then the princess begins to cry, And not the cute kind of crying. 


Caernarfon sighed and then asked "What's the matter, princess?" 
"It's just that I would have expected my knight to come and save me by now" the princess said through her tears. 

Caernarfon chuckled "Is that why you insist on that ridiculous disguise?" 

The princess gave him an arch look and then after deciding that the dragon wasn't bluffing dropped her "Princess" disguise and revealed the great gracefully pale beauty of her true form. "What gave it away?" The ice queen asked with a single fine eyebrow raised. 


Caernarfon harrumphed and then said "It is not easy to fool a Dragon," then after a moment, added "And only one woman would have the sheer nerve to try and rout a dragon." 


"Foiled again." the Ice Queen cackled, and then she gave the hand gesture for a touch in fencing before she disappeared in a cloud of white mist. Once again Caernarfon sighed as he looked around at the mess all over his once pristine cave. Once more he had saved the neighbouring kingdom and a certain knight from the clutches of the "Princess", and for his troubles he got all his china smashed and even lost his glasses to boot. He'd have to up his price after this. There was no way this was worth only one room of books.


----------



## The Fantastical (Feb 9, 2017)

I love it!! I loved the twist with the "princess" not being an actual Princess and I really enjoyed the way you brought the dragons personality alive through the objects that she was smashing and it definitely brought a smile to my face .


----------



## bdcharles (Feb 9, 2017)

In here there are a good number of great phrases:
"the dragon said with a martyred sigh", "
"I've been nothing but the soul of civility!"
"What gave it away?" The ice queen asked, a single fine eyebrow raised.

I love the dragonny voice too - I think John Cleese would be a good one to voice it 

I have to say though I was quite put off by the big unformatted block of text. I know that the WF sometimes doesn't format all that well but you have the power of edit so use it  It's not just that it's hard to read (though it is) but it also suggests a lack of care on the writing, which suggests in turn either a lack of interest or grammatical unfamiliarity in the material on the part of the author, and lo and behold there are several dialogue tagging and other simple errors (easily fixed though), eg:

He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade and said, "I say  princess,_[<- should not be a comma here]_" Before he had to duck again, "Any chance you would be so  kind as to spare the good china?" h_[<- capital H]_e ducked just in time as his best  Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him,_[<- again this should not be a comma]_  "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his  head with his wings.


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> In here there are a good number of great phrases:
> "the dragon said with a martyred sigh", "
> "I've been nothing but the soul of civility!"
> "What gave it away?" The ice queen asked, a single fine eyebrow raised.
> ...



I see I need to re familiarize myself with commas again. When it comes to punctuation I seem to err on the side of over enthusiasm. As for the formatting I didn't know wf would let me break it down into paragraphs so I will work on that for next time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Feb 9, 2017)

Enjoyable read. Fun little story that is very pleasant to read. One thing is that, as bdcharles mentioned, you should learn how to properly format the text you put in. It makes it easier for the reader to digest. 

Thanks for sharing!


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> In here there are a good number of great phrases:
> "the dragon said with a martyred sigh", "
> "I've been nothing but the soul of civility!"
> "What gave it away?" The ice queen asked, a single fine eyebrow raised.
> ...


Ok i tried to fix it. Are there tags that aid in better formatting? it doesn't seem to like just being pasted from a text editor


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

danielstj said:


> Enjoyable read. Fun little story that is very pleasant to read. One thing is that, as bdcharles mentioned, you should learn how to properly format the text you put in. It makes it easier for the reader to digest.
> 
> Thanks for sharing!


Thanks for reading. Any advice on how to get the site to format? I usually just paste straight from my text editor and some information seems to be getting lost in translation, so to speak.


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Feb 9, 2017)

Hey there wulfAlpha!

I looked up one of our guides and found this, it should help:

Posting Guide

I've found this section and I think it applies. It deals with Microsoft Word: 

_If you work in Microsoft Word, the proprietary .doc format contains embedded formatting that will freak out the forum's html based software when copy/pasted. You will also lose all of your indentations before paragraphs, resulting in a solid block of hard to read text rife with weird symbols.

While it's fine to work in .doc format (and many online markets accept it for submissions), before posting to WF you'll need to save as an .rtf or txt file. The first thing to do is make all paragraphs flush on the left edge of the page, and seperate them from each other by a single space.

You'll then need to translate your formatting (italics, bold, etc.) into html code. Thankfully, html code is simple, and the forum software handily allows you a window to highlight and button press it into existence.

This should really only take you a few minutes, unless your formatting is really extensive. If you plan on posting to WF a lot, you may want to start originating your files in .rtf or txt and adding the html code as you go. As I said, it's really very simple and easy to learn._

If this does not help let me know and I'll direct you to someone more tech-savvy.


----------



## bdcharles (Feb 9, 2017)

wulfAlpha said:


> Ok i tried to fix it. Are there tags that aid in better formatting? it doesn't seem to like just being pasted from a text editor



I don't know about tags. You can try the "go advanced" button in the edit. But here's how I'd have done it (manually  ):





Cnaerafon the chief terror of the west, lord of fire, Demon of the  skies, the Wickedest Wyrm, and holder of other grandiose titles was  hiding. Hiding in his own castle as if he was the one in danger and not  his involuntary "guest". He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade.

"I say  princess," he said, before he had to duck again, "any chance you would be so kind  as to spare the good china?" He ducked just in time as his best  Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him.  "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head  with his wings. 

Then everything went quiet. "What is she up to now?" the dragon thought  frantically. He chanced a peek above the table but kept his wings up to  shield himself from whatever improvised missiles the "Princess" dared to  throw at him. Then he heard an almighty crash.  The castle shook. "How does a tiny princess get into this much trouble?"  Cnaerafon asked himself incredulously. He bounded fully up to see what  had happened and for his troubles got his second-best tea set right in  the face.

"Stay back, you fiend!" the princess said shrilly. She looked a right  mess. She had managed to get into the larder and somehow torn her skirt  almost all the way up her thigh. Her dress was stained, and despite all  this, the young woman still managed to look pretty, even while being  absolutely furious. "You take me away from my own wedding," she yelled, punctuating her  sentences with improvised missiles made of china, "don't even have a  single servant, and not a single thing to eat in your larder!" 

_At this  rate she will soon have to start throwing silverware_, he thought inanely.  

Then the worst happened - the princess snapped Cnaerafon's reading  spectacles in half.

"Enough!" Cnaerafon roared, "I've been nothing but  the soul of civility!" He advanced a step. "I made sure you were  comfortable!" Another step. "I even graciously let you have your own  room in the tallest tower!" And then one more step.

Then the princess  begins to cry, And not the pretty kind of crying. 

Cnaerafon sighed. "What's the matter princess?" he asked.

"It's  just that I would have expected my knight to come and save me by now"  the princess said through her tears.

Cnaerafon chuckled. "Is that why  you insist on that ridiculous disguise?" 

The princess gave him an arch  look and then after deciding that the dragon wasn't bluffing dropped her  "Princess" disguise and revealed the tall gracefuly pale beauty of her  true form. "What gave it away?" The ice queen asked with a single fine  eyebrow raised. 

"Dragons aren't easily fooled," Cnaerafon harrumphed and  after a moment, added, "and only one woman would have the sheer nerve  to try and rout a dragon." 

"Foiled again," the Ice queen cackled. She gave the hand  gesture for a touch in fencing before she disappeared in a cloud of white  mist. Once again Cnaerafon sighed as he looked around at the mess all  over his once pristine cave. Once more he had saved the neighboring  kingdom and a certain knight from the clutches of the "Princess", and  for his troubles he got all his china smashed and even lost his glasses  to boot. He'd have to up his price after this - there was no way this was  worth only one room of books.


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

danielstj said:


> Hey there wulfAlpha!
> 
> I looked up one of our guides and found this, it should help:
> 
> ...


I See. Next time I'll try turning it into an RTF before copying and pasting it. Thanks!


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

Ah Great thanks! I have been using the quick reply box that might be the cause thanks!


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

RTF worked like a charm! Thanks for the advice


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 9, 2017)

So I made the changes that you suggested and tried copy and pasting from .rtf format instead of using a .doc to import. Let me know if it is better.


----------



## The Fantastical (Feb 10, 2017)

Looks good to me!!


----------



## bdcharles (Feb 10, 2017)

Much more readable, yep. The comma/dialogue tagging issues are still there though


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 10, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> Much more readable, yep. The comma/dialogue tagging issues are still there though



Darn. For some reason the chrome plugin I use keeps putting the commas back in. Thanks a lot gramerly. I'll fix it later


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 10, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> Much more readable, yep. The comma/dialogue tagging issues are still there though


That should have fixed the comma/ Tagging issues. Thanks for your help!


----------



## Elona (Feb 14, 2017)

Oh wow, wulfAlpha! I loved the twist at the end. Your characterization of the dragon really appealed to me; it's such a unique twist on the genre. I got the sense that he has an interesting story beyond this piece and a life of his own so well done! There are some grammatical errors, but those can be fixed up easily. 

This next remark could be a matter of preference, so please take my comments with a bucket of salt, haha.  You began a lot of sentences with the word 'Then.' It pulled me out of the narrative and reminded me I was reading something. Sometimes it comes across redundant and pulled me out of the action which isn't a good thing unless that was your intention. I don't know how to quote it directly from your post but for example, you wrote: 

_Then everything went quiet_. [and later in the same paragraph] _Then he heard an almighty crash_.   [And a paragraph later:] _Then the worst happened._ [And a paragraph later] _And then one more step_. . . . _Then the princess begins to cry, etc._ [there are others, but you get the point.]
_
_
'Everything went quiet' and 'he heard an almighty crash' are more immediate, but this could just be my personal preference. I'm not saying _never_ use 'then', but be aware of how often it's used in the same structure and that it's a word that can halt the reader if you're not careful. 

 Other than that tendency, you've got a nice variety of sentence structure and the pacing works well. You've shown an intriguing day in the life of Caernarfon, so thank you! It was a pleasure to read.


----------



## Thaumiel (Feb 21, 2017)

So you won writer of the month with this piece...


----------



## wulfAlpha (Feb 21, 2017)

James 剣 斧 血 said:


> So you won writer of the month with this piece...



Thanks for letting me know


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## The Fantastical (Feb 21, 2017)

wulfAlpha said:


> Thanks for letting me know
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Brilliant! Congrats!


----------



## ArtBlinked (Mar 4, 2017)

I'm tardy to the party but I wanted to say how much fun this was to read. I love the twist and the personality of the dragon and . Your sentence structure and pacing is excellent. 

I think this is my favorite paragraph:



wulfAlpha said:


> Then everything went quiet. "What is the Princess up to now?" The dragon thought frantically. He chanced a peek above the table but kept his wings up to shield himself from whatever improvised missiles the "Princess" dared to throw at him. Then he heard an almighty crash. The castle shook "How does a tiny princess get into this much trouble?" Cnaerafon asked himself incredulously. He bounded fully up to see what had happened and for his troubles got his second-best tea set right in the face



You've hinted to the idea she's not a real princess by Cnaerafon referring to her in quoted name but I didn't catch the full meaning until the second time around. That, and I rather like the imagery painting the dragon as the helpless one in the situation. You threw a twist ontop of an already curious story. Excellent!


----------



## Scrivener123 (Mar 5, 2017)

I liked the story a lot. I only have 2 suggestions: 

1. Make it the prelude to a longer story. I can see this being something much bigger. The "short story" establishes the dragon, and the possible threat to the knight. It also sets the tone for a bigger story, if you were so inclined.
2. I might substitute the work "raise" for the word "up" in the next to last sentence. Otherwise, I real enjoyed the story.


----------



## Kusinjo (Mar 30, 2017)

Despite some minor mistakes, this is a great short! I really hope it's just a smaller snippet of a larger story! Nice job!


----------

