# Sometimes



## Deleted member 56014 (May 17, 2014)

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## Blade (May 17, 2014)

Very nice.:eagerness: I am always pleased and envious to see repetition used effectively.:cookie:

I am wondering why 'sometimes' in line 6 is bracketed? It threw me a bit.

Also I think you could move line 9 back into the third stanza. It would give the piece visual balance around lines 4 and 5.

Good work.


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## aj47 (May 17, 2014)

I like the ambiguity of the parenthetical.  As if it's "sometimes" there and sometimes not.

This is wonderful.


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## Riptide (May 17, 2014)

Yeah, the brackets are odd, but the poem I think is nice. The comma before constantly, though, I choose to ignore and read it as if there's no breaks


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## aj47 (May 17, 2014)

I don't know, I'm rather fond of the comma.  It emphasizes the pause, though I can see where someone might take it as redundant with the spacing.  If not for the comma, I would have, instead of a blank line, a line with an ellipsis.  The extra-long pause feels "right" to me, however you choose to punctuate it.


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## Deleted member 56014 (May 18, 2014)

Structure is a completely new thing for me, as is writing in general, and I'm realizing it has an important part in the poem itself. I just structure the poem the way it feels right to me.
I appreciate all the critics and tips. Thank you all.


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## Abby (May 18, 2014)

So simple and yet so incredibly deep, I love this!


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## escorial (May 19, 2014)

the biggest mistake i think in life is when i try to second guess what someone is thinking and this piece spoke to me so well


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