# It Gets Better @1200 words



## alanmt (Jul 5, 2011)

Here is my script for my video for the anti-gay bullying *It Gets Better project.* I will probably shoot the video sometime in the next two weeks. The project was inspired by the rash of bullying-caused suicides among gay youth and the challenge is to do personal video talking about your experiences - past bullying, and how your life has gotten better since high school, to give hope to gay kids who are having a tough time, and to encourage them to stick it out. I am trying for a conversational, casual, one-on-one tone; Any crits and suggestions would be appreciated.

Hi. My name is Alan. I am bisexual. 

I wasn't out in my high school, and I didn't get bullied a lot, but it happened. I know what it's like to be called faggot, homo, queer. I know what it's like to have someone find out you like them and have them not only be disgusted by it, but actually threaten to hurt you. I know what it's like to have people, sometimes the friends and family you depend on for love and support, make casual homophobic remarks that send the message that they think you're sick, wrong, worthless.

You know what? The people  who do these things are wrong. Totally wrong.   It is bullshit.  It is evil. 

Don't let those people define your worth. Tough as it might be at times, hold on to the truth - there is nothing wrong with being attracted to guys if you’re a guy or girls if you’re a girl. They're the ones who are wrong; who are less than human. You're cool, and your feelings are normal. Hang on to that.

Never stop trying to get justice. If you get bullied, tell the principal. Tell your teachers. Tell your parents, if you can. Keep telling people in authority, even if nothing happens. Call the ACLU. Call your local LGBT organization. Don't give up. Don't disappear. Don't give in.

But hey, I know that for some of you, these aren't all real options. Sometimes, it seems like there is nothing you can do, that there is no one who can help you. Sometimes the people who ought to be the ones to love and support you are the ones who are the biggest problem. And you feel trapped in a hell that seems like it will never get better.

That's why I want to tell you this:
Even if you are in this situation, even if life seems like shit that you can't ever escape from, it isn't. Hang in there. Persevere. Because it does get better. There is another side.  You will get there, and it totally rocks.

America is changing. Reasonable people are coming to understand that being gay is a trait, like being left-handed or having brown eyes, even if we don't understand exactly why people are gay. It is morally neutral - there is nothing wrong or sinful or bad about it. This is a big change in society, just like what happened when people figured out that women were not inferior, that black people were not inferior. And like those times, there are some holdouts. People who won't change their minds. Some are bigots. Some blindly hold on to what they were taught when they were young. Some are people whose religion conflicts with this new understanding of people like you and me. But as time goes on, more and more people will see the truth about us, and fewer people will suffer the way you are suffering now.

More importantly, no matter where you are now, or how trapped you feel, once you become an adult, you get to choose how you live your life. You will be around people who respect you. Think about what you want out of life. Where you want to be in 5 years, in ten years? In 20 years? Think about it. And start to work toward it.

I had this "friend" once. He said "I'm gay. I don't get to get married." He believed he didn't ever get to have a husband or kids. He believed that being gay meant you never had a full life. You weren't like other people. You didn't get to hope for what they hoped for.

If you are feeling that too, I want to tell you that that's just wrong. You get to have the American dream too. You get to choose your life. You get to choose the people who you want to be around. And believe me, it will be worth waiting for and working for.

I am not a Senator or movie actor or rock star. I am not famous or rich. I'm just the guy next door. But you wanna know a secret? I have the best life ever. 

I have cool and supportive parents and sisters. It took my dad a long time to deal with it, but eventually, love won out. I have great friends. I have co-workers and colleagues who respect me. And none of these people care about my sexuality. They like me for me. 

I have a good job, I make decent money, and I get to help people who really need it. I live in a nice house. I have a cool car. 

My life really does rock. I get to do what I want. I like to travel, to write, to kayak. I like to play guild wars and magic the gathering. I like to cook and eat and workout. So I do. And no one cares one iota about whether I am gay or straight or somewhere in between. And whether what you like to do is ski or be in musical theater or skydive in drag, you're gonna find that most people won't care about your sexuality either. If once in a while someone says something stupid or cruel, they're the ones who are gonna get put in the hot seat, not you.

Now, I get judged on my ability and my character, not on my sexuality. I get treated just like everyone else, in every way that really matters. You will too.

See, the thing is, I am not some special guy. My life is not some special life. It's actually kinda ordinary, but in the way that ordinary is good and makes you happy. You can be like me, if you want. You can have the coolest life ever too. The way you want it. All you have to do is tough it out. For a few more months, a few more years.  Until you get to make the decisions.

Hang in there. It gets so much better.

That "friend" - the one who didn't think he got to get married? I proved him wrong. I married him. I kinda think he's the best husband ever. But I might be a little biased.

I'd introduce you to him, but he's a little busy right now. He's getting Sophia's swimsuit on her, because it is a beautiful summer day and we're heading to the waterpark.

Sophia - she's our daughter. That guy who thought he didn't get to have kids? Turns out he was wrong about that too.

Listen. You only have one life. So you might as well stick around for the good parts. It really does get better. Really!


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## stonefly (Jul 6, 2011)

alanmt said:


> Never stop trying to get justice. If you get bullied, tell the principal. Tell your teachers. Tell your parents, if you can. Keep telling these people, even if nothing happens. Call the ACLU. Call your local LGBT organization. Don't give up. Don't disappear. Don't give in.





When I was little, I got bullied.  I told my dad.  He laughed.  He made me go right back outside.  He never stood up for me.


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## alanmt (Jul 6, 2011)

stonefly, I appreciate your experience. I recognize that some kids don't get help from their parents. Sometimes it makes them stronger, especially with acute or arbitrary instances of bullying; sometimes it increases their feelings of isolation vulnerability and worthlessness. Hence, my next paragraph.


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## Olly Buckle (Jul 7, 2011)

Hi. My name is Alan. I am bisexual. 

I wasn't out in high school and I didn't get bullied badly, but it happened. I know what it's like to be called faggot, homo, queer. I know what it's like to have someone find out you like them and have them not only be disgusted by it, but actually threaten to hurt you. I know what it's like to have people, sometimes the friends and family you depend on for love and support, make casual homophobic remarks that send the message that they think you're sick, wrong, _or_ worthless.
_I am trying to make it a catch all that anybody can relate to. Bad-badly maybe an American thing
_
You know what? The people who do these things _(Catch all)_ are wrong. Totally wrong.  It is all evil bullshit. 
_It’s a ‘less is more’ situation I think_

Don't let those people define your worth. Tough as it might be at times, hold on to the truth - there is nothing      wrong with being attracted to guys if you’re a guy or girls if you’re a girl. They're the ones who are wrong, who are less than human. You're cool, and your feelings are normal. Hang on to that.
_There might be things wrong with them, being gay is not one of them, Stick to wrong, there is no problem other than of their making so why introduce the concept. Who wants to be normal? It is only being gay that is normal.
_
Never stop trying to get justice. If you get bullied, tell the principal. Tell your teachers. Tell your parents, if you can. Keep telling *people in authority*, even if nothing happens. Call the ACLU. Call your local LGBT organization. Don't give up. Don't disappear. Don't give in.

_It defines who ‘these people’ are.
_
But hey, I know that for some of you, these aren't all real options. Sometimes, it seems like there is nothing you can do, that there is no one who can help you. Sometimes the people who ought to be the ones to love and support you are the ones who are the biggest problem. And you feel trapped in a hell that seems like it will never get better.

That's why I want to tell you this:
Even if you are in this situation, even if life seems like shit that you can't ever escape from, it isn't. Hang in there. Persevere. Because it does get better. There is another side.   You will get there, and it totally rocks.

_The extra ‘and is not only ungrammatical, it detracts from the force of the message
_
America is changing. Reasonable people are coming to understand that being gay is *just* _I don’t like this word, I would substitute ‘only’ or leave it out and make it a simple statement_ a trait, like being left-handed or having brown eyes, even if we don't understand exactly what makes people _I would say ‘why people are, I am unsure that anything ‘makes’ people that way_ gay. It is morally neutral - there is nothing wrong or sinful or bad about it. This is a big change in society, just like what happened as when people figured out that women were not inferior, that black people were not inferior. And like those times, there are some holdouts. People who won't change their minds. Some are     bigots. Some      blindly hold on to what they were taught when they were young. Some are people whose religion conflicts with this new understanding of people like you and me. But as time goes on, more and more people will see the truth about us, and less and less fewer people will suffer the way you are suffering now. The way you may be; give them the chance to not be

More importantly, no matter where you are now, or how trapped you feel, once you become an adult, you get to choose what you do, where you live, and how you live your life tautology. You will be around people who respect you. Think about what you want out of life. Where you want to be in 5 years, in ten years? In 20 years? Think about it. And     start to work toward it.

_Trying to make it more definite and positive, i have left gaps where I have deleted bits throughout.
_
I had this "friend" once. He said "I'm gay. I don't get to get married." He believed he didn't ever get to have a husband or kids. He believed that being gay meant you never had a full life. You weren't like other people. You didn't get to hope for what they hoped for.

_‘A’ friend, but I understand it is spoken and should sound natural._

If you are feeling that too, I want to tell you that that's just wrong. You get to have the American dream too. You get to choose your life. You get to choose the people who you want to be around. And believe me, it will be worth waiting for and working for.

I am not a Senator or movie actor or rock star. I am not famous or rich. I'm just the guy next door. But you wanna know a secret? I have the best life ever. 

I have cool and supportive parents and sisters. It took my dad a long time to deal _with_, but eventually, love won out. I have great friends. I have co-workers and colleagues who respect me. And none of these people care about my sexuality. They like me for me. 

I have a good job, I make decent money, and I get to help people who really need it. I live in a nice house. I have a cool car. 

My life really does rock. I get to do what I want. I like to travel, to write, to kayak. I like to play guild wars and magic the gathering. I like to cook and eat and workout. So I do. And no one cares one iota about whether I am gay or straight or somewhere in between. And whether what you like to do is ski or be in musical theater or skydive in drag, you're gonna find that most people won't care about your sexuality either. If once in a while someone says something stupid or cruel, they're the ones who are gonna get put on the hot seat, not you.

Now, I get judged on my ability and my character, not on my sexuality. I get treated just like everyone else, in every way that really matters. You will too.

See, the thing is, I am not some special guy. My life is not some special life. It's actually kinda ordinary, but in the way that ordinary is good and makes you happy. You can be like me, if you want. You can have the coolest life ever too. The way you want it. All you have to do is tough it out. For a few more months, a few more years. _'Until you get to make the decisions'. It’s something to aim for and takes the emphasis away from the unpleasant present. _

Please hang in there. It gets so much better. _Lose the ‘please’ make it definite_

*Oh yeah, about* _this sounds contrived, start at > _that "friend" - the one who didn't think he got to get married? I proved him wrong. I married him. I kinda think he's the best husband ever. But I might be a little biased.

I'd introduce you to him, but he's a little busy right now. He's getting Sophia's swimsuit on her, because it is a beautiful summer day and we're heading to the waterpark.

Sophia - she's our daughter. Yeah. That guy who thought he didn't get to have kids? Turns out he was wrong about that too.

Listen. You only have one life. So you might as well stick around for the good parts. It really does get better. Really! 

First time I have used the copy from word feature and I couldn't make it work so had to go through and replace the italics and bold, apologies if I missed any, this sounds like a cool project.


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## alanmt (Jul 7, 2011)

Olly,

Thank you so much!  That is exactly the kind of help I was looking for, but having difficulty being objective enough to provide myself.  You are the best!

alan


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## Olly Buckle (Jul 8, 2011)

Glad to help with such a worthwhile project. Does this get to go public on the net? It would be great to get a link if and when it does.


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## stonefly (Jul 9, 2011)

alanmt said:


> stonefly, I appreciate your experience. I recognize that some kids don't get help from their parents. Sometimes it makes them stronger, especially with acute or arbitrary instances of bullying; sometimes it increases their feelings of isolation vulnerability and worthlessness. Hence, my next paragraph.





I can't let it go at that.  I didn't say my father didn't help me, I only said that he laughed and sent me back outside where I was getting whupped.

When I complained, he knelt down, showed me how to make a fist, and asked me to throw it at his upright palm.

In order for a jab to become a weapon of destruction, practice is required.  However, even a relatively weak, poorly placed shot in the area of the nostrils will take the wind out of the sails of most bullies.

Using the rudimentary jab, I somehow got the better of my regular assailant and had to be pulled off him by adults because I was repeatedly bashing his head against the sidewalk.  It had gotten better, immediately, and it stayed that way.

As far as cruel words go, we had a saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me."

Apparently, Olly has given you good advice on your choice of words, and he likes your project.

I also take issue with some of your word choices, for example, "normal," but I don't like your project.  I think you're leading others down a path to trouble.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." ...George Santayana

"guardias civiles borrachos en la puerta golpeaban" ...Federico Garcia Lorca


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## wood (Jul 9, 2011)

normally i wouldn’t post a comment like this, but this stirs me, a recent event has changed my life significantly.

just this last march, my brother told me he was gay.  my brother and i have never been close.  we were split up when we entered the foster care system and grew up separately.  i always figured this was the reason why.

when he told me, his tone suggested it would be the most tragic news possible.  he told me and my first thought was “it’s not a brain tumor, thank god, it’s not a brain tumor”.  my brother has been open about his sexuality most of his life with few exceptions, i was one of those exceptions.  he was afraid of what i might think of him.  he was afraid i would disown him and wouldn’t be able to live with that.  For so many years he did not want to risk it and kept his distant.

this just happened a few months ago, and i was shocked.  emotions are swimming around my brain in weird ways.  but i can say this, my brother and i are much closer now.  we talk more often, on the phone and email.  even though we live in different cities, we see each other more often (in fact i’m driving up to see him this evening).

i’m glad that he finally told me.  and i am grateful, so grateful, that thru the hardships he suffered when he was younger, that he didn’t choose a “solution” that would have prevented us from having these moments now, or any moments.  for the first time in my life i feel a real sense of family.  i love my brother very much, it’s good to have a brother

sorry about this comment, i didn’t mean for this to turn into group therapy. i wasn’t expecting to react this way, but it feels good to get it off my chest.  anyway, i fully support your efforts on this project.


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## Dudester (Jul 10, 2011)

alanmt-in case you haven't read it, I have a story in this section (Memoirs of a Child Firefighter). In that story, I describe in non graphic terms about how my mother's boyfriend abused me from age 7 to almost 14. It stopped when the firefighters stepped in when the school, Police, and a Judge refused to.

If that wasn't bad enough, a trio of bullies saw to it that I was bullied on the way to school, at school, and on the way home. Then, I would get home to get a strapping because he was in the mood.

At school, the bully's favorite game was to draw a crowd, then I would get dragged into a circle and used as a soccer ball. On two occasions I saw teachers look away when they saw me getting dragged into a circle. 

It took years, but I got even with two of those bullies. 

First up was Mark. Mark ended up a year behind me. In grades 3 through 6, he would beat up on me often. The summer between grades 6 and 7 I learned how to fight. Several times in 7th grade he attacked me only to end up getting his butt whooped. It was after these three times that the 20 on 1, or 50 on 1 started. In 8th grade, he became obsessed with neutering me. First, he attacked me while his accomplice stabbed me with a pen knife from behind. The blade went in my thigh and snapped off. I had to have it surgically removed. For this, they both got three day suspensions.


Just a week later, they tried with a .25 caliber handgun. The bullet lodged near where the blade went in.

Anyway, one day in the  military I turned a corner and there he was. Face to face I told him "You know I could legally kill you" (there are ways in the military). He replied "Yes Sir." I told him I was bigger than him and I walked away. 

John came along years later. I pulled over a shabby old pickup. The shabbily dressed driver was John. I knew that he couldn't afford a ticket. As soon as I walked up to his door he started talking about the "good times". What he didn't know was that I had trained myself to write without looking. As he reminisced, I wrote the ticket. When he finally paused to take a breath, I presented the ticket for him to sign. He said "You mean, after all of that, you're going to give me a ticket ?"

"Oh yeah."

The molestation, beatings, and non stop bullying (plus some military stuff) made me one very angry person. I finally sought help. It took seven years of counseling and therapy to rid me of my anger issues. There are remaining things that won't go away. For instance, it's not smart to sneak up on me and somewhere in the military I picked up "the look". Among other things, it once stopped a mountain sized New Orleans bouncer in his tracks. 

Now, as for your "this country is changing" thing. A few more states will approve gay marriage, then it will level off.  Don't get drunk on what happened in New York. A wide swath of the country won't go for it. As for federal intervention, the 5th and 8th circuit courts of appeals have already ruled this a state's right issue, meaning the SCOTUS won't hear the issue. If you want the precedents, I'll provide it, but I warn you, legal research is my forte-my home field, so don't think I'm pulling "facts" out of mid air.


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## alanmt (Jul 10, 2011)

Wood - thanks for the comment and support. Your brother seems pretty lucky to me - to have you for a brother. It can be really weird to learn this about someone close to you, but it seems to have opened doors for both of you. Cool. Hope you had a good visit. 

Dudester - I haven't read your story, but I will check it out. I know you went through about a half-dozen people's worth of hell growing up and I'm glad you got through it all, if not unscathed, then tempered by it. You bring an interesting and challenging perspective to WF.

You and I will have to agree to disagree on the future of gay marriage. I appreciate your point of view although I disagree with it, and I don't want to debate it in this thread, which sought a critique to help me with this project. If I were less confident in my own mind about the future, then I would, in response to your caution, de-emphasize marriage in my script as something achievable for everyone in their community, and more emphasize the ability of bullied teens to move to places like NY when they grow up. But I don't live in some urban liberal gay mecca. I live in a cowtown sitting on the plains next to the Rocky Mountains. And I still consider myself to have a close to perfect life and family, like I say in the script, and I want persecuted teens to know they can to. My Canadian marriage isn't given the force of law in my home state, but everyone treats it just the same and calls my husband my husband, from the Republican County Commissioner who tries every few years to get me to run for office to our wonderful older catholic neighbors who beg to watch our daughter if we ever need a date night to the nice ladies who check out our groceries down the street.


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## Sam (Jul 10, 2011)

Alan, this struck a personal note with me because I suffered with bullying for most of my life. School is supposed to be a learning experience -- a happy experience -- for children. You're supposed to leave your kids there with the knowledge they are getting an education and will be the better for it. You dread the day they come home and tell you that some kid is picking on them, or some ostensible 'tough guy' has punched them. That must be every parent's worst nightmare. I can't imagine what it must have been like in your case. 

I never told my folks I was being bullied. Never had the courage. Embarrassment, shame, and the lowest feeling of self-worth all put paid to my attempts. Were they going to be able to do anything different to what I couldn't? How were they going to stop it? By talking to the teachers, the parents, the children? That would make me a rat, and what came before would pale in comparison to the punishment for that. So I took it. For five years. At the top, there's only one way to go: down. Unfortunately, at the bottom there's always more down. I came out of high school a wreck. I promised myself I would never let that happen again. 

I love your optimism, and I am thrilled that your life is wonderful and people have come around on the gay issue. Long may it continue. Unfortunately, there's always going to be one bigoted jerk who teaches his kid that gayness is wrong and immoral. Ignorance breeds ignorance. I wish I could believe it's all going to change. Reality, for me, is a little more gray. My bullying stopped when I made it stop. When I summoned the courage to stand up for myself. Respectfully, this is where I have to agree with Dudester. It doesn't get better until you make it better. 

I still applaud and admire you, however, for having the courage to write this. Thank you.


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## BabaYaga (Jul 11, 2011)

I saw the 'It gets better' video during a google chrome presentation the other day- I didn't realise it was primarily for gay teens. Either way I think it's a good idea to tell teenagers that life does indeed get better and that the main catalyst for that improvement is your own decisions. When I was 17, I wasn't getting bullied for my sexuality, but I did feel like I was never going to be pretty/ smart/ successful/ normal enough...I wish 'It gets better' had been around then. 

I think it's a great project and aside from the wording tweaks from Oily, it sounds like a great script overall. Good luck with shooting.


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