# Golden Blossom



## Pidgeon84 (Mar 29, 2015)

Hold me tight
as we walk through clouds

Kiss me up and down 
As we run our fingers through the stars

Feel all of me
as we lay here in the desert

Love me all around
as colors streak across the sky

Dance close
to the rhythm of the moon 

Stay close 
As we sleep in the petals of the golden blossom


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## aj47 (Mar 29, 2015)

It's "petals" but otherwise this is Very Good.


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## Pidgeon84 (Mar 29, 2015)

Oh haha thank you. I should've looked at it a little better.


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## Carousel (Mar 29, 2015)

As in all things it’s a matter of individual tastes and for me I have some difficulty with this.
This is a poem that relies on its impact for making short striking imagery. 

_Hold me tight
as we walk through clouds_.

Hold me tight strikes the analogy of the fear of falling with clouds giving the impression of height. So to that extent it works.

_Kiss me up and down _
_As we run our fingers through the stars’_

This may sound poetic but as an image that readers can connect and relate too it doesn't work, unless you’re a believer that poetry doesn't require to be understood.

_Feel all of me
as we lay here in the desert_

This lacks impact as an image, more of a routine observation.

_Love me all around
as colors streak across the sky_

The first line more or less repeats the first line of the proceeding stanza. Colors streaking across the sky. Hmm Streak? If you are alluding to fireworks or meteorites etc then yes but I don’t think you are.

_  Dance close
to the rhythm of the moon _

 Although the moon doesn’t dance, racing night clouds do give the illusion that the moon itself could be dancing. So OK.

_Stay close 
As we sleep in the petals of the golden blossom._

Maybe I would write this as-- As we sleep under petals of the golden blossom. But that’s a bit picky.

When writing imagery, straight or abstract, you have to choose the image you want to strike with care and then choose your words carefully to exactly match the image.

Hope this helps 
Cari.


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## Sonata (Mar 29, 2015)

Whether it is correct of not, I just loved it Pidge.


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## Firemajic (Mar 29, 2015)

Pidge... I am a huge fan of your unique poetry... Your ability to share with your readers the imagery you see is stunning...This poem has everything that I love about your style and you rocked this to the max...  "Kiss me up and down as we run our fingers through the stars"... A poetic sigh... This has a dreamy... ethereal mood...I have enjoyed watching you grow as a poet... Keep up the good work my friend... Thank you for sharing your poetry with me.. Peace always... Jul


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## Nellie (Mar 29, 2015)

Pidgeon,

 I think the imagery used in your poem is well done, thought out. As in all types of poetry, in imagery there are more than one type: the _litera_l type and the _figurative_ type. By using a figurative image, it gives pleasure and adds surprise to the poem. It also adds sensory perception to the poem. So this stanza does that:


> Love me all around
> as colors streak across the sky



Nice poem.


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## Pidgeon84 (Mar 29, 2015)

Carousel said:


> As in all things it’s a matter of individual tastes and for me I have some difficulty with this.
> This is a poem that relies on its impact for making short striking imagery.
> 
> _Hold me tight
> ...



I agree with you on a couple points. But on other points i think you're looking at it in a very straight forward manner. My style has always been imagery first. I guess, as you said, I don't necessarily believe poetry requires understanding. To me, it can be a painting comprised of words, not to get too poetic ;D.



Sonata said:


> Whether it is correct of not, I just loved it Pidge.





Firemajic said:


> Pidge... I am a huge fan of your unique poetry... Your ability to share with your readers the imagery you see is stunning...This poem has everything that I love about your style and you rocked this to the max...  "Kiss me up and down as we run our fingers through the stars"... A poetic sigh... This has a dreamy... ethereal mood...I have enjoyed watching you grow as a poet... Keep up the good work my friend... Thank you for sharing your poetry with me.. Peace always... Jul



Thank you so much guys. I love the feedback I get (constructive criticism included) when I'm feeling unsure of how I've done.


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## Pidgeon84 (Mar 29, 2015)

Nellie said:


> Pidgeon,
> 
> I think the imagery used in your poem is well done, thought out. As in all types of poetry, in imagery there are more than one type: the _litera_l type and the _figurative_ type. By using a figurative image, it gives pleasure and adds surprise to the poem. It also adds sensory perception to the poem. So this stanza does that:
> Nice poem.



Thank you, adding sensory perception to my stuff is something I work really hard at.


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## Carousel (Mar 29, 2015)

Oh I’m sure that the modernist school will agree with you that poetry doesn’t require to be understood. But such a view directly refutes the first requirement of the written word which is to communicate. If the lines in a poem are unintelligible then all communication with the reader is lost. It also suggests that a writer can coble anything together on the grounds that it sounds nice.

Bloodaxe  Books Ltd, a leading publishing outlet for poetry in the UK, halted their acceptance of contemporary poetry because over a  two year period  the sale of contemporary poetry books amounted to just 5% of all poetry sales. This reinforces the view that the majority who read contemporary poetry are the ones who write it.

This I stress is only my view; others are fully entitled to disagree.

Cari


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## Bloggsworth (Mar 29, 2015)

He lay, we lie...


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## Pidgeon84 (Mar 29, 2015)

Carousel said:


> Oh I’m sure that the modernist school will agree with you that poetry doesn’t require to be understood. But such a view directly refutes the first requirement of the written word which is to communicate. If the lines in a poem are unintelligible then all communication with the reader is lost. It also suggests that a writer can coble anything together on the grounds that it sounds nice.
> 
> Bloodaxe  Books Ltd, a leading publishing outlet for poetry in the UK, halted their acceptance of contemporary poetry because over a  two year period  the sale of contemporary poetry books amounted to just 5% of all poetry sales. This reinforces the view that the majority who read contemporary poetry are the ones who write it.
> 
> ...



That's fine I suppose lol. I never really intended for my poetry to be published. Nor do I intend to change my style to fit any structure or make it more accessible I guess. I do it purely for the want of putting the imagery in my head on paper.


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## aj47 (Mar 29, 2015)

Carousel said:


> As in all things it’s a matter of individual tastes and for me I have some difficulty with this.
> _Kiss me up and down _
> _As we run our fingers through the stars’_
> 
> This may sound poetic but as an image that readers can connect and relate too it doesn't work, unless you’re a believer that poetry doesn't require to be understood.



I don't see it as literal. I'm thinking of the popular song about counting stars here.  That evocation may be why it works for me and not you.





> _Stay close
> As we sleep in the petals of the golden blossom._
> 
> Maybe I would write this as-- As we sleep under petals of the golden blossom. But that’s a bit picky.
> ...



I took this as a drug reference of some type.  That's probably wrong, but that's why I could let it go. As a drug reference, it also rings back to some of the other lines about colors in the sky and running fingers through the stars.


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## Pidgeon84 (Mar 29, 2015)

astroannie said:


> I don't see it as literal. I'm thinking of the popular song about counting stars here.  That evocation may be why it works for me and not you.
> 
> I took this as a drug reference of some type.  That's probably wrong, but that's why I could let it go. As a drug reference, it also rings back to some of the other lines about colors in the sky and running fingers through the stars.



Yeah, I based it off a short story I wrote about drugs and love n junk.


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