# A day in court            640 words



## Plasticweld (Mar 15, 2018)

_To the reader, this was written and edited in less than a hour and a half.  It was in response to some writers here on the forum who complained about not having any story ideas and being unable to write.  One member offered sympathy, I offered a kick in the pants.  No pity from me. Figuring I had to do more than run my mouth, I took the challenge of quickly coming up with an idea and making a story out of it..._

A Day in Court by Bob Brown
                                                                                                                                      March 15th 4033


I stopped on my way to the court house and looked over the field of white tomb stones that laid in neat rows.  All of them were the same size and shape, all of them had the same inscription written across the top. 

_*They *_*who *_*see, do not see*_*, *_*and*_* those who *_*hear,*_* neither *_*hear*_* nor *_*understand*_*. *

They were often described by others as the best and the brightest.  They went through life often telling everybody that they were.  I could only see it as a mill stone around their neck, knowing that some of them will end up here.

Hundreds of years ago, back in the early 2000s these people would have been put on a pedestal for sharing their stories their insights and observations. In the old days, they were a distraction from everyday living and entertainment. There was no pressure, from what I understand it was a hobby of pleasure not a part of the fabric of society like it is today. 

Today is Thursday or what I call ‘Writers Day.’  I look over the docket to see how many I will have in court today.  Sometimes it’s fun, they often have the best excuses for not doing their part in society.  

The first name on the list is Robert Frost, it is hard not to snicker at this.  

The Bailiff calls his name, “Robert Frost, rise and stand before the judge.”

A man in is early 20s stands in front of me, hair messed up, clothes that do not match, wearing a pair of dirty sneakers.  A man who obviously has no respect for the court or the seriousness of the charges. 

I read the list of charges. 

“Failure to supply entertainment.  Failure to inspire or teach.  Charged with using up the resources of the community, without giving anything back.  Charged with arrogance and making false claims.”  

Looking down at him from the bench I ask, “How do you plea?” 

He stands there and mumbles I have no idea what he just said.  
“Can you tell the court how you plea against these charges?” 

“Not guilty your honor…sort of” 

Mr. Frost, that is not an acceptable plea, you are either guilty or not!”

Mustering some courage, wiping away the hair from his face, he squeaked out, “May I explain your honor?” 

I look at him, hoping it’s good, his life depends on it. 

 I tell him to, “proceed.” 

“Your honor I had this good idea, I thought it would make a great story, I got started and made it to the first two chapters and then couldn’t figure out where I wanted the story to go, I am a Pantser and I had no inspiration or clear idea what direction the story should go. I put that story down and tried starting another but no matter how long I looked at the blank page I came up with nothing.” 

“Mr. Frost are you trying to tell this court that the reason you have failed to produce anything or contribute to society is because you lacked ideas or that you just lacked a good work ethic?”

He did manage to look me in the eye, I never liked that when I sentenced them. 

“Robert Frost, I sentence you to death by way of lethal injection.”  

I heard him whimper as he was lead away.  I let out a small chuckle that I hope he can’t hear, as I think of the out come of today's hearing. 

In that field of white headstones that all have the same inscription at the top, the name of the writer and then the cause of death, there will now be a headstone that reads 


_*They *_*who *_*see, do not see*_*, *_*and*_* those who *_*hear,*_* neither *_*hear*_* nor *_*understand*_*. *

*                  Robert Frost 
*                                  born 4012 died 4033
                                     Cause of death 
        Writers Block


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## Olly Buckle (Mar 18, 2018)

No doubt you could polish it up, but for the time spent a decent idea decently executed, which is the hard bit. As someone commented to someone afraid his ideas would be stolen 'Ideas are ten a penny, it is executing them that's hard'.

Edit, unless you are the judge of course


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## Bayview (Mar 21, 2018)

OP - are you looking for an actual critique on this, or is it just posted as a rebuttal to the ideas in the other thread?

If you're looking for critique - I found the comma splices REALLY distracting. That's a pet-peeve, maybe, but I don't think they added anything, stylistically, and I don't often see them in professionally published work, so it's probably worth your while to polish them up.

In terms of the content - it's hard to judge it as an independent story without the content of the other thread. I think if I'd read this without reading the other I'd just be left wondering what point you were trying to make. As a work of fiction it doesn't do much for me - again, without context it just seems random, and the characterization/setting/depth isn't really there. Partly that's because of the length, obviously, but mostly I think it's because you were writing it more to make a point than to be a work of fiction.

So possibly there's not really any point in my critiquing it, I realize as I type! If you wrote this quickly and didn't polish it, I assume it's not your best work. (Though I think breaking the comma-splice habit would be worthwhile, regardless.)


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## Plasticweld (Mar 22, 2018)

Bay thanks for reading.  It was an done in an effort to quickly write a story about not being able to write a story, honest to goodness flash writing.   If you would please point out some of the comma splices and how you would fix them.  This is an area in a couple of pieces I have posted, that I really need to work on. 

Seeing as this is a pet peeve of yours you are the perfect reader to help me fix them.... 


Thanks in advance
Bob


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## Bayview (Mar 22, 2018)

You have a comma splice any time you have two grammatically complete sentences joined by only a comma (instead of a semi-colon or a conjunction).

So, for example, "All of them were the same size and shape, all of them had the same inscription written across the top. " is a comma splice, but I'd say there's an argument to be made in favour of it for stylistic reasons.

But then a lot of other comma splices pop up throughout, and I don't see the stylistic merit to them, or if there IS stylistic merit I feel like it's a technique you're overusing. So for me...

"There was no pressure, from what I understand it was a hobby of pleasure not a part of the fabric of society like it is today." could be improved with a semi-colon or even a colon... "There was no pressure: from what I understand...."

"Sometimes it’s fun, they often have the best excuses for not doing their part in society." could probably use a conjunction... "Sometimes it's fun, since they often have..."

"The first name on the list is Robert Frost, it is hard not to snicker at this. " would probably get a period, if I were the editor. "The first name is Robert Frost. It's hard not to..."

"The Bailiff calls his name, “Robert Frost, rise and stand before the judge.”" would probably get another period from me.

"He stands there and mumbles I have no idea what he just said." didn't even get the comma to be a splice. I'd probably use a semi-colon here, but I'm a bit semi-colon crazy.

etc.


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## pslater1972 (Jun 4, 2018)

I often write in this way. Mine contain far more mistakes than yours though. Enjoyed it a lot.


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## Underd0g (Jun 7, 2018)

This is the first thing I read since your reply to mine. Somehow I knew I would like your stuff.
I smiled all the way through it.
It reminded me of the old British TV series "The Prisoner".


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## Guslar (Jul 7, 2018)

Well, the only thing I can critique here is the very end. I think that the death sentence is too merciful ( especially in modern day with lethal injection, which is almost painless and kills instantly ) as a punishment.

I'm more of a fan of hard labour. Send the criminal out on a desert island filled with rocks and have him pounding with a huge hammer on them for years. Then back to solitary confinement with bread and water to eat. That'll teach him, and not the sweet pain-releasing embrace of death by a needle. 

Also, this is my ( finally ) 10th post. I hope to start writing soon here ..............en:


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## Plasticweld (Jul 7, 2018)

Make sure you send me a note when you do, so I can return the favor and read your work....Welcome to the forum, it's good to have you...Bob


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## NotMe (Aug 14, 2018)

Hmmm. It's an interesting idea. There are some SPAG issues and the whole thing could use some tightening, but I like the premise.

My opinion? Add another 2k words. How does the judge feel after the execution? Why is the society like that?


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