# A World Without Me



## Abby (May 22, 2014)

Is suicide to wish I never was?
If I was never born I’d feel no pain
No-one would miss me if I never was
Their lives uninterrupted, just the same.

I never want to hurt those left behind
Can’t bear to think of tears spilt over me
But all I ever wanted was to find
 A sense of calm that never came to be

I have felt love, so perfect and complete
Something I know some people never find
but self -hate is a force that will defeat
The greatest love and purest state of mind.

I look upon the lives that I begat
With so much pride I feel like I could burst
I hope they never feel their mother’s pain
That awful cruel and never ending thirst

I wish only the best for all my blood
The one thing I hold dear is my good heart.
It hasn’t stood for much this life it’s true
But still I hope it comforts when we part.

I feel I never was meant for this earth
My birth and life just an anomaly
Once I am gone order will be restored
The world will keep on turning without me


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## escorial (May 23, 2014)

powerful and the use of I gives it a very personal edge..people who suffer with suicidal thoughts often find it hard to appreciate their place in the world and this explodes with that.


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## Greimour (May 23, 2014)

I have felt that once. 

Is this a poem? I am not sure... but it's my response.

Hell is within us all, to find hope, we must look without and beyond. (>-.-)>


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## Abby (May 23, 2014)

Thanks guys


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## LeeC (May 23, 2014)

A nice little bit with a lingering rhythm, coherently conveying those disjointed dark thoughts we've all experienced to degrees. 

Not being enough of a poet to question this piece technically, might I question its course in general? Unsatisfying as the mental crutch of cultural dogma is, why don't I see more of an outward perspective of the beauty of ongoing physical life? 



> I feel I never was meant for this earth
> My birth and life just an anomaly
> Once I am gone order will be restored
> The world will keep on turning without me



To my mind, it's not a matter of restored order, but rather of being itself, each of us regardless of species, playing a role in the natural order of continuing being. Or maybe more generally speaking, visualizing an Eden as opposed to a barren landscape. 

Thank you for sharing,
LeeC


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## aj47 (May 23, 2014)

An issue with self-hate is it's hard to let go of, even in the midst of great love.

The thing about having never been ... your absence can be disruptive too.  I have a RL friend who was having trouble conceiving and carrying.  It's heartbreaking for people in that situation when others just have babies without really trying.  As a childless couple who want children, their lack is as big as or bigger than the presence of a child in another family.

This seemed to flow well, but it could be I was caught up in the content and not paying so much attention to the structure.


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## Abby (May 23, 2014)

I wasn't really looking for a critique, just needed to vent. This was pure emotion, nothing more and nothing less.


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## Ethan (May 23, 2014)

It showed!  This is probably the most emotional piece I have read this year. when a writer dares to bare their soul it is often without realisation of possible fallout. I do not know, nor can I imagine the rational behind this work, but the pain is evident. This is a disturbing and powerful piece and a little too honest to be comfortable, so in all sincerity I hope that this is truly a brilliant interpretation of an experience . If  not, please talk to someone.Ethan@ethanblake.com


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## AnnieAnne (May 23, 2014)

Your poem is beautiful and I was amazed as I was reading it expressed in the most wonderful way all the feelings I struggle with. I couldn't have written better my self, this is it, this is how it feels like. Definitely a favorite, can't wait to read more of your poetry. It touched my heart.


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## Gumby (May 23, 2014)

> I have felt love, so perfect and complete
> Something I know some people never find
> but self -hate is a force that will defeat
> The greatest love and purest state of mind.



Very powerful and truly resonated with me.


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## Abby (May 23, 2014)

Thanks Annie & Gumby, and Ethan, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. There's a lesson I can learn from this, don't post poetry on the spur of the moment when you're feeling down! Annie, if you feel the same as I do, please don't despair. I've lived with this my whole life, I'm 39 now and have a lovely husband and great kids,and for the most part my life is good. It's just something that's a part of me and every now and then it rears it's ugly head and I write it out, or draw something really dark! So in a way it's a hopeful poem, it shows that even when you feel like you don't want to take part in life anymore, if you care enough about those who love you you have to keep on keeping on for their sake, and one day you will be rid of those feelings for good. As life goes on the good outweighs the bad, and I'm hopeful that one day that poisonous little seed will wash away and leave me be x


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## Blade (May 23, 2014)

Abby said:


> There's a lesson I can learn from this, don't post poetry on the spur of the moment when you're feeling down!



But that is the beauty of it I think, a description of a cathartic rebound out of a down.=;

I do have a comment on the layout. I think it would be more transparent if it were laid out in stanzas rather than as a block piece. I would say breaks after lines 4, 8, 12 and 16.

Now that I count them out it looks planned.:icon_cheesygrin:I think the separation does feature the highlights better though.


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## qwertyportne (May 23, 2014)

Powerful stuff. Line breaks would make it even more powerful but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.


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## Abby (May 24, 2014)

Done


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## Greimour (May 24, 2014)

I think the best time to write poetry is when emotionally overcome. Love, hate, desire, infatuation, lust, sorrow - whatever the case may be. 

To me, the difference between poetry and literature is emotion. Sure, literature can have emotional scenes and poems can tell stories - but the purpose of a story is often to escape life and enter another world - whilst a poem explores the emotions within our own existence. Someone elses pain resonates within us when we read poems - as does their love, their hate or whatever their poem conveys. 

Poems are in my opinion, the most powerful form of written communication. They go beyond the mind and pierce our hearts and souls. The best time to convey a feeling is when it is being felt. That is my experience and opinion. 

Why bottle the emotion to tell another day? Better out than in. Bottled emotions can became volatile.


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## Pidgeon84 (May 24, 2014)

You can really feel the genuine emotion of it and I sympathize with it greatly.  What a terrible thing that something like this has to be created but what a beautiful thing it is now that its here. Well done.


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## Abby (May 24, 2014)

Thanks guys. Just for the record, I am happy again today


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## blazeofglory (May 24, 2014)

In Vedic philosophy the world without me is nonexistent.  The  world is the extension of myself and everything objectifies through my being. The sun and the earth and the rest of galaxies are replicas or reflections of me. The order of the world is orderly or will be orderly because of the orderliness of myself. 

Imagine we are not happy in a beautiful garden. The beauty of the garden is not enough for me for the beauty or the peace must be born of me too. Or else everything, every decoration, every orderliness must originate from me too.

This poem though  does not reflect on this philosophy of Vedanta is somewhat meditative and from that perspective I find this interesting. No doubt goes on deepening in meditations.


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## Abby (May 26, 2014)

Hmm, well I don't subscribe to the philosophy of Vedanta!


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## patskywriter (May 26, 2014)

Your poem is the first I read in this forum. I felt a sense of dread when I saw the title and decided to click and read. Ordinarily, I avoid poetry (for reasons I won't explain here) but found yours compelling and heartfelt. In my opinion, poetry is supposed to be unsettling. It's often the only way for a small voice to be heard above the din. This was good stuff—and I hope you can continue to beat back (or at least steer around) the despair.


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## Abby (May 26, 2014)

Thank you Pat


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