# Share an opening line?



## Jigawatt (Jun 26, 2016)

Care to share some opening lines to stories you've written? Since I am a short story writer, I typically start _in medias res_. Here's a few examples. How about sharing some of yours?

Max hopped into the car.

The Lord looked upon the land and was disheartened.

Something's happening to me.

The boat pitched side to side.

Gunfire erupted.

From amongst the bloody corpses laying in the field, Mike plucked a flower and inserted the stem into the strap of his helmet.

The thief gasped for air.

Marcel was dead.

Ceti Antares is the devil's armpit.


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## Ultraroel (Jun 27, 2016)

I realized I like opening with dialogue, something a lot of people told me not to do, as according to them: It's hard to capture attention.

I like it and think when it's well done, it will capture attention.


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## JustRob (Jun 27, 2016)

An opening line containing dialogue? Words spoken before any characters have been identified? Yes, that's a device that I use now in my novel. In fact I think it adds an element of mystery to be solved, who is speaking to whom and about what, so why not? Here's my opening line.



> ‘Oh Moonlight, you look as though you’ve been eclipsed.’



What image does that conjure up in the reader's mind? Any at all? Just curiosity perhaps. Isn't that enough for an opening line to achieve? Will the next sentence make things clearer?



> Moonlight had no mind to disagree.



Apparently not, but at least there is room for conjecture here. Maybe the mystery is not who Moonlight is but what.

Yes, I think opening with dialogue has scope.


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## Terry D (Jun 27, 2016)

I'd say I open most of my short work with dialogue. It is a good way to immerse the reader in the story right from the start. A couple of examples are:

"Everyone leaves with something," the woman behind the counter said. (From -- The Gray Lady)

"_Move_... damn it!" Connie gave the dog a shove with her knee -- not a kick really -- but enough to make the old retriever stumble before scuttling under the table. (From -- Buying Time)

"You don't go in the water, do you?" His voice was as cool and smooth as the dark surface of the lake spreading out before the bench on which they sat. (From -- Water's Edge)

"Are you a pastor?" the woman asked. She was tall, almost as tall as Wilcox, and lean -- _but then, we're all lean now aren't we?  _(From -- Bump)

But I don't always start with dialogue:

It was banana o'clock on May thirty-seventh when Brian Bruce Titus Summerland's new and best friend spoke for the very first time. (From -- O'Goody)

Slowly, carefully, Jessie slid out of the lumpy bed. Her bare feet made soft sticky sounds on the dirty linoleum floor. (From -- Muddyrump)

So far, all my novels have started with narration but still right in the middle of something going on:

Mitchell Burgess stood beside his big, tan Lincoln Continental Mark IV and waved to Father Harper as another man pulled a large suitcase from the Connie's deep trunk. (From _The Legacy of Aaron Geist_)

Chase dreamed of sunshine. (From _Chase_)

The girl checked in the bitch's bedroom first. If Gracie was still awake, the girl's plan had no chance. (From my current WIP, _Rose Hunter_)


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## EmmaSohan (Jun 27, 2016)

It took me a while to realize I had to start here:

I _need _to know who that guy is.


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## Shi (Jun 27, 2016)

_Ka-kunk _went the gun.

^This one I used for a fantasy setting. Didn't finish that little story.


His love affair with guns began from afar.

^That one I used for a little steampunk short fic where I didn't go beyond the first line!


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## Non Serviam (Jun 27, 2016)

My Aunt Davinder's donkey had a temper like Cthulhu with tentacle cramp.

Hi, Beth.  You have 34 unread messages.

Beth was nude. She stood on a brushed steel stage under a spotlight with  seventeen other naked women. Each wore pink lipstick, black eye-shadow  and about half a pint of hairspray.

My friend Dan Shoemaker made his first million when he was twenty-four.

Captain Haggard was on the run.  The navies of seven nations had orders  to catch him and hang him, and the others were growing suspicious.   There was no port left in Jeltenagaster that would let his ship dock.   The Sultan of Djeel was offering five thousand dinars for his head.  He  thought it might be time to retire.

Sam Plumber left school at sixteen to work in a  company that made cardboard boxes.


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## Patrick (Jun 27, 2016)

“Alright.” The chill air probed Hamish’s teeth and his breath wisped in moonlight.


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## HalfRail (Jun 27, 2016)

This would be the opening if my script was in novel form:

It was dark. There was no sound except the slow, rhythmic splats of water hitting something. The only source of light came from a gated window. The light started to move as dawn came and settled on a pale man. His hands, feet, torso and neck bounded to a chair. As the light moved up his body, his exposed skin started to blister and pop, waking him up. 

With a cry, he tried to escape with all his strength, but to no avail. He soon grew exhausted, and groaned in agony as the light moved up his body. Then he heard something.

_Plt...plt...plt_

The steady drop of water continued for minutes before the man finally gathered himself mentally. Where was he? And why couldn't he hear anything but the water? Soon, the light from the window passed the mans body and settled on a yellow jewel on a shelf. It illuminated the room completely. The man looked down and saw he was surrounded by a puddle of blood, the walls had bloody scratch marks and a book that read "The Sisters final" sitting on a stool. The only opening was the gated window.

His mind raced until he saw a steady dark-purple mist manifest behind the stool. The man glared and bared his sharp canines. He knew where he was.

With a sharp flash of light, a man appeared. He was a dark skinned man, wore a sharp suit as if he was someone important. Or dangerous. He reached behind his back and pulled out a fedora that completed the outfit. With a sly grin, the man walked forward and picked up the book. He hummed to himself as he walked over to the man on the chair and bent down eye level.

"Mr. Vance." He said. "We're gonna try this again."


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## Schrody (Jun 27, 2016)

From my WIP:

"He'll be dead before the sunrise."


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## J Anfinson (Jun 27, 2016)

"Bury the mother fucker." - From one of many wip's.


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## bluemidget (Jun 28, 2016)

'The pounding at the door startled Mr. Graves as he lit the candles in his study.'

The opening line from my current work in progress.


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## Riptide (Jun 28, 2016)

Cynthia stared into the placid ocean in front of her. 

My breathing eased in and out, synced with my sister's sleeping breath.

At first I felt nothing.

The budding head of a recently killed deer resided beside me.


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## escorial (Jun 28, 2016)

the only opening line I can think of is..once upon a time..and I have no idea what book or books it came from..


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## Terry D (Jun 28, 2016)

J Anfinson said:


> "Bury the mother fucker." - From one of many wip's.



I hit 'like' only because there's no button for 'Far Frickin' Out!'

Terrific opening line, Jake.


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## J Anfinson (Jun 28, 2016)

Terry D said:


> I hit 'like' only because there's no button for 'Far Frickin' Out!'
> 
> Terrific opening line, Jake.



I can't really take credit. I just write what the voices in my head tell me to.


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## Blue (Jun 29, 2016)

Willow was sixteen when she first showed signs of being a freak - the current opening line of a wip, but it's changed a lot from the beginning.


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## T.S.Bowman (Jul 1, 2016)

Daniel had never uttered a curse word in his life, but figured today was as good a time to start as any.


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## T.S.Bowman (Jul 1, 2016)

J Anfinson said:


> "Bury the mother fucker." - From one of many wip's.



An excellent opening line, J.


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## LeeC (Jul 1, 2016)

"Wearing only kaki shorts and sandals on a warm day, I'm helping the wife as best I can in the garden, when I find myself seated cross-legged on a buffalo hide by a smoldering fire, feeling a mixture of déjà vu and trepidation. " ~ Calan's Eden revised edition


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## jasrow (Jul 1, 2016)

From what I'm working on right now: 
The women had to have been standing on our front stoop since 9am.


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## msjhord (Jul 1, 2016)

From my current WIP:
My friend Daphne believes that sometimes you have to leave your life in order to find your way back to it.


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## bdcharles (Jul 2, 2016)

Here's one I quite liked that I planned to enter for a contest either here or on the word cloud, can't remember. Anyway, I submitted something else. It goes:

It started with a painting of twin pink legs, one knee cocked flirtatiously; a pretty caucasian Jesus in his dying moments.


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## JustRob (Oct 29, 2016)

While fantasising about rewriting my novel (I don't actually have the time to do it.) I gave some thought to the following opening.

Graham had an exciting future ahead of him and all he had to do was step into it, but that would involve stepping out of the present, which isn't an easy thing to do.


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## EmmaSohan (Oct 29, 2016)

Everything was going good until some idiot released that demand-minimum-wage virus.


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## Bishop (Oct 30, 2016)

Detective Elms arrived at Eisenhower State University a little after four in the morning.


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## KellInkston (Oct 30, 2016)

I could shoot a few. Here's two from novels I'm working on:

"The Sakura Sun glides over the drifting halls of a planet’s atmosphere." - thrilling, I know.

"This longer story of The Nocturna and her crew begins familiarly enough." - another killer opener.

Admittedly, I'm a big fan of the slower start for my longer works. In short stories I'm more of a media res sort.


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## J Anfinson (Oct 30, 2016)

"Get your ass in the hole, Private."


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## T.S.Bowman (Oct 31, 2016)

From my next project.

"Trevan, you know you are going to get both of us in trouble again."


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## Sam (Oct 31, 2016)

Valentine McKay would soon come to realise that he picked the worst day in history to sleep in.


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## Bishop (Oct 31, 2016)

Sam said:


> Valentine McKay would soon come to realise that he picked the worst day in history to sleep in.



...Christmas?


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## Sam (Oct 31, 2016)

Aside from children, who doesn't sleep in on Christmas day?  

Nope. More like the day that his wife is due to deliver their baby, but she's gone missing and the world has seemingly gone to hell in a Ferrari.


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## Bishop (Oct 31, 2016)

Sam said:


> Aside from children, who doesn't sleep in on Christmas day?
> 
> Nope. More like the day that his wife is due to deliver their baby, but she's gone missing and the world has seemingly gone to hell in a Ferrari.



Hey, my current novel is about missing persons cases. 

>.>

<.<

Who's copying who? WF will never know.





It's no one.


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## dale (Oct 31, 2016)

Yellow. The colour of sunshine and malaria. Of sickness and health. How I’ve wandered 
through these golden rays of disease, both with and without him. My beloved jaundiced shadow.
 My beloved. For it was him whom I bled the shade of a Judas’ kiss. For whom I bleed.


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## ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord (Oct 31, 2016)

"From a distance, the factory was like a coiled nightcrawler exposed to the sun, shriveled and bleached and hollow." ~ All Power Lines to Ragnarok

"There were two peculiar things about Captain Lorenzo, and the first was his spaceship." ~ Captain Lorenzo's Space Cassettes (working title)

"The white curtains billow in the white-plaster room, and the carpet is grayish and pale; there is one bed, with an unrumpled blue quilt pulled over it and a small white pillow placed at its foot." ~ Where the Dead Boys Go


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## bdcharles (Oct 31, 2016)

ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord said:


> "From a distance, the factory was like a coiled nightcrawler exposed to the sun, shriveled and bleached and hollow." ~ All Power Lines to Ragnarok



Mate, what's happening with this story? Why's it not published yet?  

Silver lizards for golden fools ... still one of the finest shorts I have read here.


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## ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord (Nov 13, 2016)

I sent it to three literary magazines; I got one rejection and the other two still haven't responded yet. Still got my fingers crossed, though. (Sorry for thread derailment, here's another opening to get back on topic)

Mr. Ricky tapped his pinky finger on the tabletop to the beat of some inaudible melody. “You’re a gambler, yes?” ~ A Marvelous Game


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## The Fantastical (Nov 13, 2016)

This tale begins in the far off and unheard of kingdom of Seawater and as it happens on the King's birthday, when the Main Advisory Person to the King So That He Dose Nothing Stupid Like the Last Time or Henry as he is more commonly known, walked into the throne room to wish the king a happy birthday only to find a evil looking dragon instead of the king.  - (no title as of yet) (also I know that it is long.... I know!)


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