# Impasse (393 words)



## lowprofile300 (Oct 28, 2013)

“We have arrived, Lord Influenza”

“Disengage the propulsion drive, ensign, and resume standard orbit at the set coordinates. Prepare the legions for re-infestation, on my mark. Communications, patch me through to the Emperor, in my ready room”

“Yes my Lord –channel secured and ready”

As Lord Influenza takes the short walk to his ready room, a feeling of uncertainty weighs heavily on his mind. He has led countless campaigns in the name of his Emperor and _master_ and he is no stranger to victory, yet in this instance, he is not sure if the _enemy_ can be defeated. 

Over the last five cycles, the Empire has adapted to the _enemy’s_ every DNA re-calibration with great success and many victories, but the latest Intel shows that the _enemy_ is preparing  a major offensive, with a powerful new weapon code name _H-1_, an anti immunosuppressant. This new weapon of mass destruction stands to boost the _enemy's_ ability to resist by 500%. This war will be lost in a matter of days, unless the Emperor intervenes.  

He is counting on his _master’s_ extensive insight into the Ancient Dark Art of rapid cell replication and stealth teleportation to overwhelm the _enemy_, and hijack this weapon. His _master_ is as old as he is wise, his will and power transcends time itself. He will act before it’s too late. 

Lord Influenza regained his composure upon hearing the Emperor’s disarming and unnerving echoed voice, on his approach. The wheelchair bound holographic image whose back was turned away from Lord Influenza grew impatient, as his Lordship entered the room.

“Come closer, there is much to be done and very little time –my son.” The image said.

With a great deal of difficulty and effort, a lot of heavy breathing, and some help from an invisible assistant, the wheelchair slowly began to turn around, revealing a face as it did. A face that time tried to be kind to, but gave up on the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] try: A face that a mother couldn't love if she tried. That face and dark piercing eyes which slowly looked up to meet the gaze of his Lordship, was the Empire’s Supreme Authority, the One who gets the last word: The Maker or Breaker of scenarios, the Beginning, all else in between, and the End  –the Last Stand against the _enemy_. This was the face of Emperor HIV.


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## Higurro (Oct 31, 2013)

An interesting concept, which could either be a powerful and original commentary on terminal illnesses, or conversely an insulting hack-job. I don't mean for a second that what you write can't be humorous, simply that certain topics (the Holocaust, high school shootings, child abuse etc.) should not be written about flippantly. It strikes me that it would be fine to ridicule terminal illnesses, but that to do so effectively would mean striking a very fine balance. I'm happy to be proven wrong, of course, but if the plot is purely a joke about the mechanics of the immune system then Lord Common-Cold might be a more suitable name for your character.


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## Hopscotch (Nov 13, 2013)

Reminds me of startrek. Replicate those mofos


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## lowprofile300 (Nov 23, 2013)

Higurro said:


> An interesting concept, which could either be a powerful and original commentary on terminal illnesses, or conversely an insulting hack-job. I don't mean for a second that what you write can't be humorous, simply that certain topics (the Holocaust, high school shootings, child abuse etc.) should not be written about flippantly. It strikes me that it would be fine to ridicule terminal illnesses, but that to do so effectively would mean striking a very fine balance. I'm happy to be proven wrong, of course, but if the plot is purely a joke about the mechanics of the immune system then Lord Common-Cold might be a more suitable name for your character.




@Higurro,
Thanks for the critique. I am still flirting with the idea of expanding this into something more concrete and serious.


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## lowprofile300 (Nov 23, 2013)

Hopscotch said:


> Reminds me of startrek. Replicate those mofos



@Hopscotch,
Star Trek was not what I was going for, but I see the connection. I hope that was a compliment


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## Pietro (Nov 24, 2013)

I'm a bit curious about what this concept could develop into. I don't know if you've read Bernard Werber, but this sounds like one of his twisted ideas. However it is too sophisticated to fit into a short prose or short story. It might make a nice fantasy/scifi novel. Writing something longer and more relevant, with a parallel story of the patient's life, might make dealing with such a serious subject more acceptable.
It might also be good to drop the emphasis using capitalization, bold fonts, over abused words such as emperor, maker, breaker, the one, etc...
Ebolavirus is totally different virus from HIV virus.
As I said, the idea is quite interesting and caught my curiosity... I enjoyed the read. Try developing it.


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## lowprofile300 (Nov 25, 2013)

Pietro said:


> I'm a bit curious about what this concept could develop into. I don't know if you've read Bernard Werber, but this sounds like one of his twisted ideas. However it is too sophisticated to fit into a short prose or short story. It might make a nice fantasy/scifi novel. Writing something longer and more relevant, with a parallel story of the patient's life, might make dealing with such a serious subject more acceptable.
> It might also be good to drop the emphasis using capitalization, bold fonts, over abused words such as emperor, maker, breaker, the one, etc...
> Ebolavirus is totally different virus from HIV virus.
> As I said, the idea is quite interesting and caught my curiosity... I enjoyed the read. Try developing it.



@Pietro,
I have been thinking of making it into a 10 page short story of sorts. I haven't decided yet, I also realize that I will have to strike a fine balance, so not to make light of the serious nature of the illness, and no, I haven't read Bernard Werber. Maybe I should.


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## illogical (Nov 29, 2013)

I liked it! The concept is great and I like how you make it seem, at first, that it is set in the real world. Maybe you could keep that going for a bit, i.e. not reveal Lord Influenza's immediately, and then have a big reveal later on in the story? Possibly you could also include a little more action, such as a scene from the war, if like you say you take it to ten pages, as a large part of this story is set within Lord Influenza's thoughts; I'm not saying this is bad, only it might help to change it around a bit.

- - - Updated - - -

I liked it! The concept is great and I like how you make it seem, at first, that it is set in the real world. Maybe you could keep that going for a bit, i.e. not reveal Lord Influenza's immediately, and then have a big reveal later on in the story? Possibly you could also include a little more action, such as a scene from the war, if like you say you take it to ten pages, as a large part of this story is set within Lord Influenza's thoughts; I'm not saying this is bad, only it might help to change it around a bit.


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## Elvenswordsman (Dec 8, 2013)

HAHAH I love the title next to the intro. "Impasse"

"We have arrived"


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## glenn84 (Dec 8, 2013)

Very intriguing read, if I must say so myself.


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## escorial (Dec 8, 2013)

I've read it twice now and I seem to get a bit of humour coming out of it...like as if it's hidden.


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## Outiboros (Dec 8, 2013)

Why "Emperor HIV, HIV Aids"? The two are different things. HIV is a virus; HIV-AIDS is the symptom caused by that virus. Seeing as Lord Influenza is named after a virus, not a symptom, I'd say the last two words are redundant. 

I liked the general idea, but I think it'd be better if it'd be less obvious. You could stick in a lot more ambiguous double entendres - the shapes of the spaceships of Lord Influenza and the Emperor as related to the form of the viruses, etcetera.


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## lowprofile300 (Dec 8, 2013)

illogical said:


> I liked it! The concept is great and I like how you make it seem, at first, that it is set in the real world. Maybe you could keep that going for a bit, i.e. not reveal Lord Influenza's immediately, and then have a big reveal later on in the story? Possibly you could also include a little more action, such as a scene from the war, if like you say you take it to ten pages, as a large part of this story is set within Lord Influenza's thoughts; I'm not saying this is bad, only it might help to change it around a bit.



@illogical,
Hey, that's a heck of a great idea you just gave me! I will consider that for sure.


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## lowprofile300 (Dec 8, 2013)

Elvenswordsman said:


> HAHAH I love the title next to the intro. "Impasse"
> 
> "We have arrived"



@Elvenswordsman,
I realize it's a strange kind of humor but, I am glad someone got it


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## lowprofile300 (Dec 8, 2013)

glenn84 said:


> Very intriguing read, if I must say so myself.



@glenn84,
Hmm, how so?


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## lowprofile300 (Dec 8, 2013)

escorial said:


> I've read it twice now and I seem to get a bit of humour coming out of it...like as if it's hidden.



@escorial,
Yes, I realize I am walking a fine line here -between serious and humor. There is nothing funny about dying, nonetheless, I was trying to strike a fine balance, but from the point of view of the disease.


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## lowprofile300 (Dec 8, 2013)

Outiboros said:


> Why "Emperor HIV, HIV Aids"? The two are different things. HIV is a virus; HIV-AIDS is the symptom caused by that virus. Seeing as Lord Influenza is named after a virus, not a symptom, I'd say the last two words are redundant.



@Outiboros,
Thanks for catching that. I seem to have missed the obvious here. I just edited it, thanks again for the keen eye.


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## Robdemanc (Dec 10, 2013)

It seems to me this concept could serve as a learning aid for children.   As said by others you would need to be careful of your tone, the bit at the end with Emperor HIV sounded almost tongue in cheek and HIV is an emotive issue for many people. 

One thing that stood out - Antibiotics only work against bacteria, not viruses like influenza.


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## Katon (Dec 16, 2013)

This made me laugh.... I loved it. I really feel like this could be turned into a short story. The reason is that the all encompassing power that HIV holds in the realm of viral infections is something that is basically an end all. The only foreseeable problem is that there are medicines that combat HIV. It will be interesting personifying the natural process of HIV mutating into drug resisted genes. I also feel that a humorous voice works for this because the personification of these diseases is unexpected and funny at the same time. It naturally takes on a numerous tone.

Another problem is... HIV generally transmits through sexual contact... How do you plan on having the viruses transmit HIV to the subject when it's transmission is beyond their control.


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## MyloAyjack (Dec 20, 2013)

To be completely honest, that first line stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Lord Influenza".

It caught me off guard, even though I came into this with no preconceived notions. That's a great hook, right there in the first line. The concept itself was interesting, if not a bit humorous. There is, however, a serious and sudden twist of the sinister that downplays (potential) great humor--Emperor HIV. As it was suggested in a previous reply, something as trivial as the common cold or a stomach virus carries with it plenty of fodder for many a good laugh. It does seem that humor was the point. Then, suddenly, Emperor HIV rears his ugly head, and things just aren't funny anymore.

Without benefit of seeing where this concept goes, I cannot honestly say that it needs work. I like what I read, and there may, in fact, be a humorous and humiliating defeat awaiting our homely emperor. In such a case, Kudos and you nailed it! If the emperor turns out to be the wicked and lethal adversary he has the potential to be, you might consider toning down the humor, so that the funny/frightening reversal doesn't catch your audience off guard.

Again, I have no idea what your plans are, and cannot begin to tell you how to write your own story. What you've done already is certainly entertaining. That, after all, is a large portion of the purpose of writing. In that regard, you have succeeded.


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## glenn84 (Dec 20, 2013)

lowprofile300 said:


> @glenn84,
> Hmm, how so?



Sorry it took me so long to respond and I see now that I should have elaborated more on my previous post. What I meant by "intriguing" is that you take something as serious as sickness and somehow are able to make it funny. Now some people may not like it for that simple fact alone, but they should however, at the very least, acknowledge the originality and humor that you were able to concoct with words. I am not in that camp, however. I enjoyed the heck out of it.


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## aj47 (Dec 21, 2013)

I like the concept.  I think a few places where you got techie/geeky might have been better served with other language.   

_anti immunosuppressant H-1_ could be shorted to _H-1_ and it would look more like a shorthand code than a geekspeak techie term.   I saw another instance of what I mean but can't find it on this read-through so maybe I'm conflating two other things.


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