# There really are monsters under my bed...



## Firemajic (Apr 29, 2019)

I write my poems on pristine paper
dirty secrets I dare not speak
and I hide them in boxes under my bed
where they disturb my sleep

A heavy burden for small shoulders
my notebooks full of shame
hidden in shadows under my bed
these boxes full of pain

Unspeakable acts of terror
inscribed on paper kept out of sight
abominations happened in the dark
almost every night

Recorded in my poems
my helpless fear and rage
painstakingly printed with trembling hand
page after secret page

These notebooks hide my monsters
but they are howling in my head
and they lurk in the darkness
in boxes under my bed

REVISED:

There really are monsters under my bed

I wrote my poems on pristine paper
dirty secrets I dared not speak
and I hid them in boxes under my bed
where they disturbed my sleep

A heavy burden for small shoulders
my notebooks full of shame
hidden is shadows under my bed
my boxes full of pain

Unspeakable acts of terror
inscribed on paper kept out of sight
abominations that happened in the dark
almost every night

Recorded in my poems
my helpless fear and rage
painstakingly printed with trembling hands
page after secret page

These notebooks hid my monsters
but they howled in my head
and they lurked in the darkness
in boxes under my bed

Years have passed and still I write
that's how I stay sane
and the monsters... they are silent now
in my boxes full of pain


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## ned (Apr 29, 2019)

hello - a strong poem, loaded with passion and pain.
but for me, the strength of the message is lost.

I could be barking up the wrong tree, but this is how I read it-
bad memories in the narrator's head were related as secret poetry.
but for what purpose, if the bad memories still persist?

the monsters were not purged after all - and for me, this is the story.

so I would save that revelation until the final lines for more impact.

just my thoughts.........................Ned


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## Underd0g (Apr 29, 2019)

Mis-post


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## Darkkin (Apr 29, 2019)

Fire,

This piece has power, heartbreak, and a brutal honest to it, but I have to agree with ned.  Is it possible to bring the power of poetry, its effects to the fore when confronting the monster?  Either way, this piece speaks.

- D.


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## Bard_Daniel (Apr 29, 2019)

I agree with Ned and Darkkin's sentiments. There's so much power wrapped up in this, can't it be brought to a higher level?


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

Dear Ned and DarKKin... I don't think I completely understand what you mean... Ned, the monsters were not purged and there is not any resolution for me.... 

From the age of 3 years old, I was abused... The abuser forbid me to speak... for quite a few years my parents thought I could not speak, but once I was old enough to go to school I felt I was safe and there I started talking... my GrandMam rocked me and read poetry to me in an effort to try to get me to speak.... I guess that is why I wrote about my abuse using poetry... poetry was my voice... I am still tortured by my memories, so I don't know how to write this poem any other way... but I am open to any suggestions and as always, Ned and DarKKin, I treasure your comments...

Bard_Daniel... I want my poetry to be powerful and I would welcome any examples, thank you for your kind comments....


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## Darkkin (Apr 30, 2019)

That small act of quiet defiance, having the courage to write things down even if no one saw it.  The morass of emotion that goes with the decision to say anything, in anyway about such a horrific secret.  The extraordinary strength it took to face it, to say, yes, this is happening.  The relief at being able to see the truth on paper.  The fear of being caught.  And confusion, which secret is more dangerous.  The possible discovery of the poems or the abuse itself...

With the piece you bring the reader in at the end moment, the narrator resolute with their decision.  So yes, the power of the piece is there it is just veiled, as if the narrator slides a mask back into place after it slipped allowing others to see the truth beneath the veneer.  Either way, veiled or raw the honesty and strength of the piece resonates with the reader.

- D.


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

Darkkin said:


> That small act of quiet defiance, having the courage to write things down even if no one saw it.
> - D.



Yes.... Thank you for hearing what I was trying to say, and thank you for understanding.... I did not know any other way to write this poem...


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## Jacqui Jay (Apr 30, 2019)

I hear you.
There are things that can never be excised.
But without the writing the monster will get out from under the bed.
And you can't allow that to happen.
For your own sanity.


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## ned (Apr 30, 2019)

Firemajic said:


> ... Ned, the monsters were not purged and there is not any resolution for me....



yes Fire, that is what I said, and is exactly my point - despite writing down the experiences, they are still 'howling' in the narrator's head - that is the message.



ned said:


> the monsters were not purged after all - and for me, this is the story.



yet the way it is expressed here sets up a contradiction that weakens the message.

the monsters are memories, whether they are written down or in the mind, they are the same thing.
and to say the written monsters are hidden away, while their awful memories still persist is hard to make sense of.

perhaps, if you related the incentives for writing down the experiences in the first place (to give you a voice?) 
and at the end, reveal that despite everything, the monsters still lurk in the narrator's head.

but it's a difficult poem to critique or give advice for Fire.................Ned


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

Firemajic said:


> I write my poems on pristine paper
> dirty secrets I dare not speak
> and I hide them in boxes under my bed
> where they disturb my sleep
> ...





ned said:


> yes Fire, that is what I said, and is exactly my point - despite writing down the experiences, they are still 'howling' in the narrator's head - that is the message.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




O.... suddenly a light bulb went off... I think I understand, so I added another verse... maybe this resolves the message and brings closure to the poem... hopefully ... maybe.. this is what you mean?


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

Jacqui Jay said:


> I hear you.
> There are things that can never be excised.
> But without the writing the monster will get out from under the bed.
> And you can't allow that to happen.
> For your own sanity.



Thank you for your thoughtful, kind response... "for your own sanity" .... yes, and that inspired my new, last stanza... so I included that...Thank you for the inspiration...


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

Underd0g said:


> Mis-post, til I can figure out how to delete... my apologies. I was insensitive.




No need for apologies...


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## ned (Apr 30, 2019)

okay Fire (one glass of wine later)

you've added a verse, that at least gives resolution that takes the analogy of written and mental monsters further.
yes, it's a neat comparison, but in the original, I feel it sidetracked you from giving any deeper meaning.

what was, and what is still confusing, are the tenses - the title, there really ARE....(don't give the title a tense
'real monsters under my bed' ?)
and all the other present tenses, when you are relating to past events - 

for me, that was a source for a lack of understanding of the original (and still is now - but would be a simple fix)

don't make me come back to you after half a bottle!............:unconscious:.............Ned


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## SilverMoon (Apr 30, 2019)

Dearest, Juls. It also began at age three for me - when the mind is bald, rubber-like, so easily pliable. For a child who's not been abused, shadows in their room can be scarey or the idea of a witch's crippled, yet strong fingers scratching the mattress beneath the bed. Monsters.  Some fears most children have who've not been abused. 

But for not your every-day/night children. The monsters are flesh and blood.

When the familial are not craddling us in bunting but rocking our small world to pieces, we cope in desperate ways. You could not speak. I disappeared into walls. The causes for these kind of escapes are born from unfathonable fright which cannot be dismissed nor erased. I agree with you. Your poem could not be written anyother way.

Here, brilliance and bravery in the raw. And you've succeded. It's said that "The body never forgets" - I may not recall all of the memories but something very disturbing is rumbling in my solar plexus. Just this powerful, your poem.

Is this the change you made to the last stanza? Or a new stanza?


> These notebooks hide my monsters
> but they are howling in my head
> and they lurk in the darkness
> in boxes under my bed


 So techincally well wrought. But most of all, a testament to the monster's grip on memory to this day.

You put the Monster in a Box (such a keen metaphor). But not even a strongbox can muffle such horror.

Juls, thank you for this poem. It will stay with me. Stronger than the monsters, perhaps. Yours, Laurie


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

ned said:


> okay Fire (one glass of wine later)
> 
> you've added a verse, that at least gives resolution that takes the analogy of written and mental monsters further.
> yes, it's a neat comparison, but in the original, I feel it sidetracked you from giving any deeper meaning.
> ...



Okk, Now I am drinking... .... Ok... I fixed the "past tense" issue... and with the new last stanza~~~ well, I feel it is more complete and I am satisfied... I left the title alone, because the monsters will always live in those boxes under my bed... and I am ok with that... so, have another glass of wine and drink to the quiet monsters who lost their power to poetry.... 

Thank you Ned and DarKKin for helping me sooth my demons.... sometimes "thank you" is so inadequate....





SilverMoon said:


> Dearest, Juls. It also began at age three for me - when the mind is bald, rubber-like, so easily pliable. For a child who's not been abused, shadows in their room can be scarey or the idea of a witch's crippled, yet strong fingers scratching the mattress beneath the bed. Monsters.  Some fears most children have who've not been abused.
> 
> But for not your every-day/night children. The monsters are flesh and blood.
> 
> ...



Dear Laurie.... I can't thank you enough for reading, understanding and for your unfailing support... I appreciate... my revision has been posted under my original poem....


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## midnightpoet (Apr 30, 2019)

Fire, you could have written this poem and all the others you've shared and just put them under the bed with your monsters; instead you've shared them and that not only took courage, but it was therapeutic for yourself as well as others.  I've found that sharing your problems with others is a good way to put them behind you, and you've proven that those monsters no longer have you in their power. Keep up the good work. :thumbl:


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## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

My favorite midnight poet.... thank you so much for your words of kindness, they mean so much to me... I think it is so important to speak out about abuse... abuse of ANY kind... Silence perpetuates abuse, fear is often the tool of the abuser to ensure that silence... I only wish I could have told someone, because through MY silence... this monster abused many others... but they have remained silent... by sharing my poems, I hope to maybe give just one person the courage to break the silence... anyway... thanks for listening... love you bunches...


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## ned (May 2, 2019)

Hello Fire -

just to let you know, I like the revision and you were absolutely right to keep the original title.

I had to see the whole, completed revision to realise that..................Ned


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## Firemajic (May 2, 2019)

When I posted the first version of this poem, something about it bothered me and I was not completely satisfied with it, but... I did not know what was wrong with it and if you cant identify the problem you can't fix it... so I appreciate all your patience and your and DarKKin's insight.... maybe I was too close to this poem ... anyway, thank you and I probably owe you a very nice bottle of wine


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## Bard_Daniel (May 2, 2019)

This is great work. I REALLY liked the inclusion of your final stanza and I agree, with everyone, that this takes courage and, in itself, power to write. You cast your monsters into your work and, for what I see, sending them into the shadows of your life- even though they're still there. The metaphor of this, the raw cataclysmic force of triumph over monsters among humans, is extremely revealing, yet absolving in its writing. Even in your most protected place, your sanctuary (the bed), the monsters still lie underneath- just as the metaphor of your memories in your mind will always be there. It's amazing writing, I just want you to know that's how I view it.

Thanks for sharing, Firemajic. Always a pleasure.


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## Firemajic (May 2, 2019)

Thank you, Bard_Daniel.... I am glad I added the final verse, The critique I received was spot on, it took a second to realize that, but now... it feels complete... Thank you for your thoughtful comments and support, this was difficult to write... but every now and again, I have to slay those monsters...


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## Outsider (May 2, 2019)

Having read the posts about this poem I realize that the subject is very personal, painful and important to the poet.  There are strong images but also a lot of repetition and the repetition doesn't make the poem stronger, in my eyes.  I think it could be distilled down to its essences.  

Generally it is clear in S1 that the poems contain painful memories.  I don't think you need to refer to writing poems in every stanza (although I thought the one reference to painstakingly printing them with trembling hand did add to the poem).  Maybe just in the first and last stanza and show the subject as much as you can in between.

Some of the references to what happened are quite abstract:  "unspeakable acts of terror" or "abominations".  I'm trying to be delicate here, but something concrete would make this stronger than those abstractions. For example if it were appropriate to describe what happened as "touches" the reader's senses are engaged so much more. You are already being very brave and I don't know if you are able to go beyond the abstractions in describing what happened.  I'm just trying to talk about the poem and it's for you to decide what you're comfortable with.


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## TL Murphy (May 4, 2019)

Fire, This poem would make a good pantoum. The repetition expresses a kind of endless cycle which a pantoum does through its form. I think the poem and the form were meant for each other.


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## BornForBurning (May 4, 2019)

Verses 1, 2 and 6 are really good. And 5 is good. I think verse 3 interrupts the flow a bit due to "Unspeakable acts of terror" not running on the same beat that "I write my poems on pristine paper" and "A heavy burden for small shoulders" do. Verse 3 in general just breaks the flow. Maybe that was your intention, but it doesn't work for me.


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## Outsider (May 4, 2019)

TL Murphy said:


> Fire, This poem would make a good pantoum. The repetition expresses a kind of endless cycle which a pantoum does through its form. I think the poem and the form were meant for each other.



Right now it's more suited to a villanelle, I think, where the same 2 lines are repeated throughout.  A pantoum would require repeating new lines in the next stanza. 

 I thought about whether any of these forms would suit this poem, but thought that despite the repetition of the acts of violence and the writing of poems finding lines that can be repeated with the repetition making the poem stronger would not be easy.  I thought it more important for the poem that it show the best content and to focus on that would make the biggest difference.

There's a good description on poetryfoundation.org of the villanelle if you're interested.  Dylan Thomas' _Go Not Gently into the Good Night_ probably my favorite one but here's a light hearted villanelle about writing villanelles:  

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?contentId=41403


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## dannyboy (May 5, 2019)

given how personal this poem is, and the courage it took to write I thought I'd ask before I did,

would you mind if I tried an edit?


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## Firemajic (May 5, 2019)

TL Murphy said:


> Fire, This poem would make a good pantoum. The repetition expresses a kind of endless cycle which a pantoum does through its form. I think the poem and the form were meant for each other.



TL Murphy, I agree.... I will play around with that idea... thank you for reading and commenting... it is appreciated... 




BornForBurning said:


> Verses 1, 2 and 6 are really good. And 5 is good. I think verse 3 interrupts the flow a bit due to "Unspeakable acts of terror" not running on the same beat that "I write my poems on pristine paper" and "A heavy burden for small shoulders" do. Verse 3 in general just breaks the flow. Maybe that was your intention, but it doesn't work for me.



Thank you for reading and taking the time to explain what works... and what does not... improvement takes both kinds of feedback... 





Outsider said:


> I thought it more important for the poem that it show the best content and to focus on that would make the biggest difference.




I agree....




dannyboy said:


> given how personal this poem is, and the courage it took to write I thought I'd ask before I did,
> 
> would you mind if I tried an edit?




Of course... get out your red marker and edit away


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## Firemajic (May 5, 2019)

Outsider said:


> Having read the posts about this poem I realize that the subject is very personal, painful and important to the poet.  There are strong images but also a lot of repetition and the repetition doesn't make the poem stronger, in my eyes.  I think it could be distilled down to its essences.
> 
> Generally it is clear in S1 that the poems contain painful memories.  I don't think you need to refer to writing poems in every stanza (although I thought the one reference to painstakingly printing them with trembling hand did add to the poem).  Maybe just in the first and last stanza and show the subject as much as you can in between.
> 
> Some of the references to what happened are quite abstract:  "unspeakable acts of terror" or "abominations".  I'm trying to be delicate here, but something concrete would make this stronger than those abstractions. For example if it were appropriate to describe what happened as "touches" the reader's senses are engaged so much more. You are already being very brave and I don't know if you are able to go beyond the abstractions in describing what happened.  I'm just trying to talk about the poem and it's for you to decide what you're comfortable with.




Well, I appreciate your POV about the repeating lines, that is my way of doing a refraining line, but moving the refraining line around, and not placing it at the end of each stanza... to me, it is makes it intense... 

as to the details about the abuse, they will stay buried in the notebooks... thank you for your comments, I appreciate...


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## dannyboy (May 6, 2019)

REVISED:

There really are monsters under my bed

I wrote my poems on pristine paper - delete my
dirty secrets I dared not speak - sullied, delete I, spoken instead of speak?
and I hid them in boxes under my bed - delete and I
where they disturbed my sleep - unsettled, just a thought playing with the S sounds...?

A heavy burden for small shoulders
my notebooks full of shame - delete my
hidden is shadows under my bed
my boxes full of pain

Unspeakable acts of terror
inscribed on paper kept out of sight
abominations that happened in the dark
almost every night

Recorded in my poems - delete my
my helpless fear and rage
painstakingly printed with trembling hands
page after secret page

These notebooks hid my monsters
but they howled in my head
and they lurked in the darkness
in boxes under my bed

Years have passed and still I write
that's how I stay sane
and the monsters... they are silent now - the monsters are silent now
in my boxes full of pain  - delete my

nothing major, I've just tried to give it a sense of the universal* I *(and I think the flow might be better)- for all who must endure what should never need to be endured. Thank you for this, Danny.


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## Firemajic (May 8, 2019)

Dear Danny, I can see how your suggestions could work... but... this poem is too personal for me to remove "myself" from it... The Monsters under my bed are my notebooks...

Thanks for giving me your POV, it is something I will try in a future poem...


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## dannyboy (May 9, 2019)

I figured it might be too personal but its also (sadly/tragically) something many people would relate to - there are many types of monsters and many types of notebooks.


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