# Deer and Seagulls



## xiaoman (Sep 24, 2016)

Deer and Seagulls---The Tone of the South

It just turned autumn today, a bit cold,
I put on my leather jacket with gold.
Oh, how many deer are there?
These days they are everywhere,
and making sounds loudly,
while looking for food in the community.
Oh, look! The setting sun floats on water,
For more beautiful scenes, I climb the tower.
But ...what a party pooper!
A bad seagull just sneakily left a big present
for me on the top of my clunker!

（I wrote this in Chinese first and then translated it into English. A Ci is sort of like a poem.  "Ci are a poetic form, a type of lyric poetry, done in the tradition of Classical Chinese poetry"  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ci_(poetry)  The Tone of the South is the name of one of those famous Ci from the Song Dynasty.  When you play Ci, based on the pattern, your can put in different contents and whatever tickles you fancy. ) 


Deer and seagulls are everywhere in my area.  The hunting season is coming, and I feel sorry for those deer. You have to drive carefully because they seldom see you and never follow traffic rules when they walk across the road, and you'd better wear a hat when you go to the seashore to see the charming sceneries, you don't want  the "gift"  from the heaven )


Xiaoman 

September 23, 2016


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## ned (Sep 26, 2016)

hello - enjoyed your poem, with a great sense of place

not sure about-
making sounds loudly - what sounds? add to the imagery
in the community - be more specific to give more imagery
For more beautiful scenes - what scenes? let the reader decide if they are beautiful.

like the funny ending...

cheers
Ned


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## xiaoman (Sep 26, 2016)

Thank you Ned for your advice!  My new edition, I'll come back later to improve it again. Thanks a lot!  


Deer and Seagulls---The Tone of the South

It just turned autumn today, a bit cold,
I put on my leather jacket with gold.
Oh, how many deer are there?
These days they run everywhere,
in the neighborhood, busy 
 looking for food in my community.
 Oh, look! The setting sun floats on water,
 For more autumnal scenes, I climb the tower.
 But ...what a party pooper!
 A bad seagull just sneakily left a big present
 for me on the top of my clunker!


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## hghwriting (Sep 27, 2016)

As a hunter and outdoorsman I wonder about what exact feeling you are trying to relay here. Care to elaborate? Interesting poem anyhow!


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## escorial (Sep 28, 2016)

I found it quite amusing..enjoyed


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