# experiment with heroin:



## dannyboy (Mar 11, 2017)

It is said by people adorned in white coats, 
expertise hanging off them like white lights
flickering on the confer trees, that mice and starmen
only succumb to the white taste when denied access 
to the companionship of others, when freedom 
and interests are deprived, when the sun and stars
are hid, the lid closed, the maze too well known.

Astronauts know what the scientists in white coats mean
they once had a smile as worthy as any
no worse than most no better than the least  
but that smile
came at a cost and the payment 
when it came
took that smile and flung back into the cosmos.

It hangs there still, orbiting forever,
a slipper frozen…if studied, the shimmer 
of a dance can still be discerned, listened to
the joy they once held perpetuates itself out loud, 
crying into the void that they might one day return
though they can never stay no matter how hard 
it is desired— for permanence is 
the fluid state of letting go.


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## sas (Mar 12, 2017)

Love "for permanence is the fluid state of letting go"; and, like that you used preceding em dash.


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## Bard_Daniel (Mar 12, 2017)

This is a wild poem. Fierce. I like it.


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## Gumby (Mar 12, 2017)

I like this, it is as daniel said. Both wild and fierce. I can't say that I completely follow it, but that is no matter. It still takes me places, emotionally and on another level of understanding. 

One question. 



> but that smile
> came at a cost and the payment
> when it came
> took that smile and flung back into the cosmos.


 My mind wants to put 'it' after flung. Is it just me?


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## Firemajic (Mar 12, 2017)

dannyboy;2068952
It is said by people adorned in white coats said:
			
		

> It is said by men wearing white coats[/COLOR]
> expertise hanging off them like white lights*** cut this entire line
> flickering on the confer trees, that mice and starmen
> only succumb to the white taste when denied access
> ...


***edit this last stanza so that your fabulous closing line is not lost ...



JMHO... great lines can get lost in space debris... sucked into a black hole and disappear...


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## Phil Istine (Mar 12, 2017)

Can't add much to what's been said.  I did feel a little lost in places.
L3 con*i*fer


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## dannyboy (Mar 13, 2017)

thank you all, the edit 


The experiment with heroin (edit 1):

It is said by people adorned in white coats, 
expertise hanging off them like bright lights
flickering on the conifer trees, 
that mice and starmen succumb to the white taste 
when denied access to companionship, 
when freedom and interests are deprived,
when the sun and stars are hid, 
the lid closed, the maze too well known.

Astronauts know what the white coats mean
they once had a smile as worthy as any
but that smile
came at a cost and the payment 
when it came
took that smile and flung it back into the cosmos.

It hangs there still, orbiting forever,
a slipper frozen…if studied, the shimmer 
of a dance, listened to,
the joy they once held perpetuated 
as flickering cries into the void; a hope they might return,
they can never — for permanence is 
the fluid state of letting go.


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## Gumby (Mar 13, 2017)

> as flickering cries into the void; a hope they might return,
> they can never —



Something here. I think it is the "they can never". It's too much an absolute statement. I would suggest something more along the lines of 
"a (_vain _or maybe _false_) hope they might return" then cutting the statement "they can never".  Then on to that killer closing line of yours.  Just my opinion for what it's worth, danny.


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## dannyboy (Mar 14, 2017)

experiment with heroin (edit 2):

It is understood by people adorned in white coats, 
expertise hanging off them like bright lights
flickering on the conifer trees, 
that mice and starmen succumb to the white taste 
when denied access to companionship, 
when freedom and interests are deprived,
when the sun and stars are hid, 
the lid closed, the maze too well known.

Astronauts understand the white coats 
they once had a smile as worthy as any
but the smile
came at a cost and the payment 
when it came
took the smile and flung them back into the cosmos.

It hangs there still, orbiting forever,
a slipper frozen…if studied, the shimmer 
of a dance, listened to,
the joy they once held perpetuated 
as flickering cries into the void; a hope they might return,
unable to fathom — permanence is 
the fluid state of letting go.


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## sas (Mar 14, 2017)

Look to the first two lines, second stanza. Difficult to discern whether you mean the "astronauts" or "white coats" "had a smile". The way it's constructed the first line would need a period. Hmmm.


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## dannyboy (Mar 15, 2017)

yeah I know sas, still pondering, I like it without the punctuation, it scans correctly but is it clear enough? Thanks for the input.


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## mark_schaeffer (Mar 15, 2017)

Title: Heroin

it's cleaner

It is said by the men in white coats,
expertise flashing like mercury vapor

Astronauts know what the scientists mean  

most sustained piece of yours I've seen, lots of promise, killer ending


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## JacksonPoland (Mar 18, 2017)

dannyboy said:


> that mice and starmen
> only succumb to the white taste when denied access
> to the companionship of others, when freedom
> and interests are deprived, when the sun and stars
> are hid, the lid closed, the maze too well known.



Absolutely loved the first stanza. Great writing, mate.


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## dannyboy (Mar 19, 2017)

thank you all.

It will stay experiment with heroin, its really what this is all about the two different experiments - one solo mice, one with lots of mice  in a sort of nirvana.


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## SilverMoon (Mar 19, 2017)

Danny, I agree with JacksonPoland. The first stanza is remarkable and love your play on words regarding herion e.g.



> that mice and starmen
> only succumb to the *white taste *when denied access
> to the companionship of others, when freedom
> and interests are deprived, when the sun and stars
> are hid,* the lid closed*, the maze too well known.



Unless I'm missing more I might inject (Umm, that would be one) more references.


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## dannyboy (Mar 19, 2017)

thank you SilverMoon


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