# Tears of an Angel



## Firemajic (May 26, 2011)

The Angel of death stood on A  mountain of pain ,
from an ocean of misery she cried acid rain.
  A crown of grief she wore on her head
made only of skulls from the tombs of the dead.
  She held  in her hands the book of life,
then cut loose one page with her terrible knife.
  She crushed the page in her white trembling  hand ,
Lightening flashed as it fell to the sand.
  Thunder shattered the  red molten sky
as she claimed the soul of the one who had died.
  She closed the book , on black wings took flight
leaving behind sorrow and eternal night.


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## toddm (May 26, 2011)

ok, I'm liking this one - lots of stark and striking images, and a sense of terror is conjured up very effectively. Excellent concept and execution of an idea. I will submit just a few touch-up ideas, but of course these are my thoughts only and the piece is already quite strong:



Firemajic said:


> The Angel of Death stood on the desolate mountain of pain, (slightly long first line)
> and from an ocean of misery she cried (I suggest "wept" here) acid rain. (two images going on here, ocean and rain, but it works)
> A crown of grief she wore on her head (this line could read: "A diadem of sorrow crowned her head"
> made only of skulls from the tombs of the dead. "composed of skulls exhumed from the dead."
> ...


 
Again, these are just points to get you thinking, and I'm certain there are many other possibilities, but like I said, this piece is already nice and strong, well done!

---todd


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## Olasunkanmi Ojileru (May 27, 2011)

Excellent work, though it can get better as suggested by todd. But whatever way, it is okay.


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## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

This is positively delicious, Firemajic, dark served on a silver platter, my favorite breakfast. Todd's suggestions are all valid, but I like it as is. I would suggest adjusting the enjambment and breaking it into stanza. I hope you don't mind, but I have taken the liberty to do so as an example.

The Angel of death stood  (perhaps capitalize death here, your choice)
on the desolate mountain of pain,
from an ocean of misery 
she cried acid rain.
A crown of grief 
she wore on her head
made only of skulls 
from the tombs of the dead.  (love this image)

She held in her hands 
the book of life,  (perhaps Book of Life, again, your choice)
then cut loose one page 
with her terrible knife.  (again, love this original image)
She crushed the page 
in her trembling white hand. (agree with Todd re: transposing trembling and white)
Lightening flashed 
as it fell to the sand.
Thunder shattered 
the molten red sky
as she claimed the soul 
of the one who died. (agree with Todd here, of one who had died sounds better)

She closed the book, 
on black wings took flight
leaving behind sorrow 
and eternal night.

Yummy! If you hate my suggestions, just ignore me. A fine piece, love, I look forward to your future offerings with bated breath.

Best,
Lisa


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## Firemajic (May 27, 2011)

Todd-loved your ideas! Transposing those words you suggested works so much better to serve the cadence and flow! I will do that! Thank you so much-I am learning.
Lisa-thank you for taking the time to break this up into stanzas-love that!
This piece was written in a horrible fit of grief and rage after my mother was killed July 30th-1996...


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## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

Now I feel like a savage, please forgive me, Jul, I would never had made such disrespectful comments such as delicious had I known what inspired this piece. Please accept my belated condolences for the loss of your dear Mother. My heart aches for you.

Blushing in embarrassment,
Lisa


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## Gumby (May 27, 2011)

So sorry for the loss of your mom, Firemajic. No wonder there are such stark and vivid images here, you were truly working from a shattered heart.  

On the other hand, to those who love dark poetry, this is as Lisa said, a delicious piece of work. Good job.


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## Firemajic (May 27, 2011)

Lisa-Lisa-Please-I did NOT for one nano second think you were being "disrespectful"...I was thrilled and honored by both your critique and your compliments...I am Fast becoming your # 1 Fan!

     Thank you for your condolences...Not belated at all..my heart is still broken..you see-I-ME-JUL-caused her death...


           So again -No offence taken-none given!


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## Firemajic (May 27, 2011)

Gumby- Coming from you-What a wonderful compliment!! I still owe you one though..I was left Devastated  for days after reading "Bitter Waters"....


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## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

I can fully understand why Bitter Waters would affect you so profoundly in light of your response to me. Not sure how to approach it, Jul, I feel it would be unbelievably intrusive of me to inquire as to what happened. If you would find solace in telling, then you have an ear, by PM if that's your desire. Should you prefer to remain mum, that's fine, also. Forgive me, love, I really just don't know what to say here. And I am happy I didn't offend you with my flippant remarks.

Best,
Lisa


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## Firemajic (May 27, 2011)

Lisa-I called my Mom to come over-She had other plans but changed them and drove over-We walked through fields of honeysuckle and wild roses-she had some of the honeysuckle blossoms caught in her hair.I still can smell them..we sat and had coffee in my flower garden and watched the sun set on that beautiful-golden July evening...She left and was killed -hit and killed by a young Man who fell asleep at the wheel...I came upon the scene of the accident-Twisted metal-broken glass-shattered lives...Her legs severed from her body-bleeding to death as she was cut from the wreckage ...It was my fault-if only I had not called her...I went home and destroyed my garden with my bare hands and left it all dying -broken-roots exposed to the sun..I really thought I would die and it was years before I wanted to  live...She was my best friend...Thank you for allowing me to share this with you..Peace-Jul


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## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

Goodness, Jul, I know you've heard this a thousand times, if not more, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. Your Mom decided to change plans and be with you, as all good mothers would. You were not driving the car, nor did you force her to visit. You, my dearest of dears, are a victim of circumstance, as was your mother. I can't comment on the imagery of the accident scene, you shouldn't have had to see that, but I can say that I admire your courage for you are not locked up in an asylum. Destroying the garden was something I would have done also, if thine eye offends thee, pluck it out. My Mom was my best friend also. I lost her three and a half years ago. She was not well, but she was not dying. She had emphysema and went into a bad spell. Got hooked up to a respirator. I was very ill at the time with some nasty flu that floored everyone here, I was afraid to so see her, afraid I would infect her. But I did, wearing a mask and gloves. She got an infection, and then sepsis, and she died. If I weren't ill and not there as I should have been, that wouldn't have happened, I guarantee you. It was not me who infected her, she had Ecoli in her bloodstream. I know a good deal about medical stuff. In addition, we had agreed, (my sister, brother and I) that we did not want a DNR, at the last minute, they changed it, and outnumbered, I gave in. If i had been well, I would have never allowed this to happen, I've always felt her death is my fault. I believe she could have recovered had I insisted upon resuscitation, had I been there throughout. Thinking I was protecting her, I signed her death warrant. Our circumstances maybe different, but our plight is the same, I understand, I fully do. It wasn't your fault, love, some things are beyond our control, it was her time, and she is in a better place waiting for you. She does not blame you, I assure you. Thank you for sharing with me, I think in sharing, you have done a world of good for us both.

Big healing hugs,
Lisa


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## toddm (May 27, 2011)

There are really no words, Firemajic, no words - but I know everyone who reads your words grieve with you somehow, and hope the best for you now - 

If I may be so bold to mention that in describing what happened, you just wrote yourself a very impassioned and poignant poem:



Firemajic said:


> I called my Mom to come over.
> She had other plans, but changed them and drove over.
> We walked through fields of honeysuckle and wild roses.
> She had some of the honeysuckle blossoms caught in her hair.
> ...


 
It may need a few minor adjustments here and there, but it really is some good writing - 

my prayers are with you
---todd


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## Firemajic (May 28, 2011)

Lisa-I am at a loss for words ...Your story left me heartbroken..To say that I am sorry for your loss sounds sooo  trite..
I will quote Dylan Thomas "After the first death there is no other"...Thank you for telling me about your Mother and best friend. Every day I get up and slay that dragon of guilt-my sword to slay the dragon-is  forged from kindness-  made invincible by wisdom and polished with tears-you my friend..you have strengthened my sword...Thank you.    Thank you.


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## Firemajic (May 28, 2011)

Todd-Thank you . You are very kind. I know that sounds sooo cliche...{that was said tongue in cheek--lol}
How do you do that? The way you edited what I wrote-broke it up and presented it ---well..you are good. If I tried that-I would sound like a 4th grader writing an essay for some English assignment! That is why I love reading your work...your words flow so effortless and melodic -seamlessly flowing to the completion of a beautiful piece of poetry. Thank you.Jul


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## Chesters Daughter (May 28, 2011)

Thank you, dearest Jul, I do believe your situation was far worse than mine. This is the first time I've voiced my guilt publicly, crap, it took me almost nine months to voice it to my kids, and then I sealed up it, as is my habit and never mentioned it again. But it gnaws and gnaws in the silence of night. It is you who deserves the thanks, putting it out there was so liberating, the gnawing has subsided some. Your memories of your last afternoon with your Mom are beautiful, I just wish that you would have been spared the accident scene, for surely that must have superseded all, yet self preservation allows you to hold on to the beauty before. I'm glad you still have access to that afternoon. I hang onto the last real conversation I had with Ma, she called while I was watching Hugh Laurie talking about his life on a Sunday morning. Told her I'd call her back after the show, which I did, and then we discussed Hugh in detail, she liked Hugh. One day she's cooking bacon for my brother, the next, she's in hospital with a tube rammed down her throat and she spoke no more, not a word, a week of notes followed by a week of complete silence, then that awful beep of the flatline. My brother says the last thing she said was "I don't want to die" then she signed the consent for the respirator. Todd is right about your words, definitely a piece to be had there, he left it as you wrote it, a little tweaking to eliminate the repetition and you're good to go. This made me cry and I don't indulge in tears:

my sword to slay the dragon-is forged from kindness- made invincible by wisdom and polished with tears-you my friend..you have strengthened my sword...Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, love, for siphoning off some of the hurt. You are in my prayers.

Warmest and some more of those healing hugs,
Lisa


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## Firemajic (May 28, 2011)

Thank you Lisa-It really does get better!


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## escorial (May 25, 2015)

your first on here possibly..well i shall read on and finish them all..............gothic..stuff


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## Sonata (May 25, 2015)

escatorial, to be honest I would never have dredged this oh so personal poem up after five years.

You have disappointed me by so doing.


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## musichal (May 25, 2015)

After reading this stark, darkened, wonderful poem, I had my usual sort of quip ready to post, but as I read on to see further comments I quickly realized how out of place such a post would appear.  I am lucky to still have my mother, who, as aged as she is, can now run circles around me.  I lost my dad seven years ago and still, late at night, tears sometimes overcome me as I revisit memories.  It is death's finality that makes it so cruel for those left behind, as so well described in the last line of this poem, "eternal night."  Well done, Jul, and my belated condolences to you.


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## Firemajic (May 26, 2015)

Sonata said:


> escatorial, to be honest I would never have dredged this oh so personal poem up after five years.
> 
> You have disappointed me by so doing.





Sonata... lol.. There is nothing personal... once posted and Shared with your WF family... I understand your concern and I adore you.. Escorial and I were having a conversation about our poetry and how it evolves over time as we grow as poets... and mature as people... I had some of the best mentors WF has to offer... for that I am so grateful.. just one of the reasons I enjoy mentoring... I have also moved beyond that killing pain of my mother's death... for that... OH I am sooo thankful... I thank you for reading this Sonata.. Peace..

Musichal... I appreciate your wonderful comments.. you are so kind...

Escorial.... You are right!  again..  I have came a long way... And thank you, I really had forgotten this poem... but by reading it again--- you have reminded me that I am a survivor... Peace...


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