# Aunt Sophies' House



## TuesdayEve (Nov 15, 2017)

Growing up, we had no snacks, no candy, cakes or sweets
Mother was always dieting, admiring herself and 
reminding me of my manners
The best place for the desired sugar was Aunt Sophies' 
She lived on the Northside of Chicago, a neighborhood
lined on both sides of the street with brown bricked two flats

These compact two story buildings were comprised of two apartments 
first floor and second floor, backyard and an alley
Usually families lived here, a son or daughter would marry
move upstairs from their parents and raise their family
Confined to the back stairs, children ran up and down 
continually playing hide and seek or tag at Nanas'

From outside, walking into the front foyer, the immediate
 ever present aroma of cigar smoke and spaghetti sauce
calmly, lovingly, embraced my eagerness
Carpeted stairs led to the first floor landing as a dark
hardwood door greeted us unlocked
Chestnut colored wall guards paralleled the stairway
ascending to the second floor where my cousins lived

Inside her house however, the sweet smell of fresh baked 
cookies and bread invited  anticipating arrivals to a treat
On Sundays, the savory scent of red sauce and meatballs
would permeate every room and crevasse,
 a distinctive familiar flavor inherited for generations

Through the eyes of a child, it seemed she cooked all day
and baked all night
My dad said, her house was so clean you could eat off the floors
though, that did not appeal to me
Always something sweet on the table waiting for a knife
to bridge pan to plate

Goocha-dotties, Aunt Sophies' Italian fig cookies
Fig, nuts surrounded by sweet dough drizzled with
a sugary white glaze, sprinkled with multi-colored
beads of deliciousness
Chewy, gooey, melt in your mouth good
Ice cold milk helped to get the fig out if your teeth
along with an applied index finger

Aunt Sophie is gone, and with her the recipe,
the art, the experience and the feel...
the feel of dough, too dry, to soft, 
the correct and precise feel no words can explain

My cousins sold the two flat, moved to the suburbs
and now, all of us rely on the Italian bakery 
for goocha-dotties


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## jenthepen (Nov 15, 2017)

Note to self: must get some goocha-dotties.

 You’ve introduced us to Aunt Sophie and those wonderful goocha-dotties in sumptuous detail and the atmosphere that enchanted you as a child is there for us all to enjoy. This is a perfect piece to work with because we are immediately aware of the important details that mustn’t be lost. The warmth and comfort of Aunt Sophie’s home, the love and safety to be found there and the memorable sweet treats in abundance.

 I think you can make some changes to strengthen the important messages in this poem. I heard something today that fits all poetry_ – a poem is an expression of an idea or thought, not to be  resolved but inhabited._ In other words, a powerful poem gives us the feeling of sharing the experience, of being there with you.

 It looks as though you are you aiming for a prose poem here? I’m no expert on those but, from what I have read, the language needs a poetic fluidity. That sounds pretty difficult but, if this is where you are going with this, we could begin looking at ways to make that happen as effectively as we can.

 Tell us a bit more about your poem and what you would like the reader to get from it. It's a great story.


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## TuesdayEve (Nov 15, 2017)

I think you're right jen, it could use some strengthening as a poem. I think I'd like to leave it as a very short story and perhaps rework it towards a more poem like version...thank so much for your comments...often you confirm what I'm thinking... sometimes I need that affirmation, thx again
oh yea, and thx for likin' it


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## Sara Ella (Nov 15, 2017)

So many warm and wonderful memories are here. I think this stands as a story about family, neighborhoods and that one signature recipe <3  My Mom used to bake and she would not use a measure - a little of this, a dash of that.  She didn't have an easy way to write her recipes for future generations!  I do not know prose poetry myself but the beautiful picture of life at Aunt Sophie's compels the poetic inside.  It will be fun to see where you take this


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## TuesdayEve (Nov 15, 2017)

Thanks Sara,
I'm also curious what will pop out...stay tuned


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## Darren White (Nov 17, 2017)

I like the story you are telling. It's lively and relatable.
I do however think that it needs to move a bit more from the prose into the poetry realm.

I just read the critique TL Murphy gave you on another poem of yours on the regular poetry forum, and I agree with him. But I also know that it's quite abstract and hard to grasp if you don't know exactly what he is talking about. I will take this poem of yours to my drawing board, and think about it, and then come up with a few suggestions


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## TuesdayEve (Nov 18, 2017)

Thank you Darren, for your interest, time and effort... it is always apprciated and thanks for calling my attention to TLMurphys' advice.


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## Darren White (Nov 18, 2017)

I will take my time for this, because I need it.

In the meantime, could you tell me here the most important thing you wish to tell with this poem? 
Just ONE thing, the MOST important, that should also be the focus of your poem


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## Darren White (Nov 18, 2017)

Hi Dominique 

To begin with, I think it is very important that, when you first write your poem, you write exactly the way you did here. But after that, the work starts. it requires you to step outside of yourself and try to look at it with an objective eye. 

As a reader, you like to be surprised, you don't want to be told that story, but leave some to the imagination. 
So the most important part to start with is: what in this poem is the most important? Can I leave out the rest, and is it really important that my readers know exactly every little detail of what happened? Can I make it so that they smell what I smell, see what I see, feel what I feel?

I think that is the hardest part of writing poetry, but also the most important.
For example, when you see a bird high in the sky, you can say:
_"The bird, high in the sky, flaps its wings"_
But poetry is this:
_"High and low he twists and turns, his wings expressive arms"_
That's the difference between prose and poetry.

I think you have written a wonderful story, and as story I would leave it as is. Perhaps you could decide to make this a short story, it would be a GOOD one too. I absolutely enjoy reading it.

But as poem I think you could make changes. For instance the first stanza, tells about your mother. But your mother doesn't return in the poem, because the poem isn't about her.... It's about YOU, and your aunt, but most of all you.

So give me the delight you felt and tasted, the scents the love for that food, without telling me I should. Give me your feelings in poetic terms. Just as an example I will use one of your stanzas, and then add how I would write it in my own words.



> From outside, walking into the front foyer, the immediate
> ever present aroma of cigar smoke and spaghetti sauce
> calmly, lovingly, embraced my eagerness
> Carpeted stairs led to the first floor landing as a dark
> ...



_Those seductive scents
     cigar smoke
     spaghetti sauce 
alluring _

You could make the trip up those stairs poetic too, but I have the feeling that this too distracts from what you wish to talk about. The cooking of your aunt, and the love and memories. Because all the other information asks for separate poems. One poem about your mother, one about the cousins, one about the house. Or else this poem becomes too crowded. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

I hope I am not discouraging you here. So let's just talk about the poem in this thread. I always enjoy discussing poems with my fellow poets, to agree or disagree, and to change my poem, or to flatly refuse doing so


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## TuesdayEve (Nov 18, 2017)

Oh Darren you're brilliant... never thought there could be too much informaion or, individual poems... meaning my mother is a loose end in this poem... I was however trying to draw a comparison between her and my aunt, maybe I should have given my mom  another line or two...the importance of the poem is family and traditions, fun, kid friendly enviroment, sugared treats ( having been deprived) and for me, the innoceint memories relived or related memories for someone else reading the story. You asked for one important thing....the big picture is family/traditions but through the eyes of a child, sugar.
I've just begun the rewrite and will now take your advice regarding loose ends.. as always thx


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## jenthepen (Nov 18, 2017)

Thanks for that update about your poem and what it means to you, TuesdayEve. I agree that Darren's advice was brilliant - it's such a skill to be able to get across the elusive and ephemeral aspects of poetry in a concise and easily-understood form, the way he can. I thought your response was brilliant too. This is exactly what I wanted to create when I set up Poetry Hill, a place where poets can discuss and work with their poems in an atmosphere of mutual respect for each other's work. 

I love that you have found the focus of this poem - family tradition and continuance through the eyes of a child. I wonder if you could somehow draw the comparison between your mother and your aunt by simply sketching them together in the first stanza? If you could think of four or five words that sum up your mother (from the child's point of view) and show the difference in an equally short verbal sketch of your aunt, you could then expand on that difference by jumping straight into your aunt's house with all the sights and smells that you found there.

Just another idea that I thought I'd throw into the mix.


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## Sara Ella (Nov 18, 2017)

I just want to add that it is such a wonderful experience to be in this group of poets - sharing ideas and learning along the way.


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## Pelwrath (Nov 23, 2017)

A poem should have information and imagery. Information you have is very god. Evoked memories of happy times. Your imagery seems to come from the memories you describe. As you've seen in my poems, I'm a rather descriptive writer, sometimes too evocative-descriptive. My knowledge-experience with poetry is very limited. 

You do a good job of bringing in the reader with taste and smell. Don't forget sight, hearing, and touch. This poem needs them. An enjoyable poem.  Thanks for sharing and putting yourself out there.


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## Firemajic (Nov 26, 2017)

Hello, Tuesday... your poem was a delight to read, you immerse your reader instantly, and you engage the senses, I can smell the delightful treats, and can see the kitchen, and I can feel your pleasure... what fabulous memories... If you decide to keep this a poem, then you have some excellent critique from jen and Darren...

I am a huge fan of Sue C's short stories, she s a member here and has her work posted In the nonfiction [ I think] thread... Why does this matter to you? Well your style reminds me of some of her work... this would make an enchanting short story, or one in a series of your memories, if you wanted to do that... I love the joyful, innocent vibe... thanks for the pleasure of reading your work


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## nelen (Dec 11, 2017)

Hi foWf I loved the story, but was it a poem?


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