# Lessons Learned



## Nellie (Jul 6, 2015)

We all believe in something
because of lessons learned,
to some, "the word" is their thing
it fills them with love they've yearned,
for others, they'll do anything
despite fear of those concerned,
but if we all do nothing,
 everything would return
to nothing.​


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## Firemajic (Jul 6, 2015)

Nellie, this message in your poem is at first glance a very good message... but if one slows down, and ponders your wisdom, then the complexities emerge...This is so fabulous, and my Mom used to say things like this... well not as skillfully, but she would completely agree ...Thank you for sharing your poetry with me... Peace always...


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## Angel101 (Jul 6, 2015)

I think it has a nice message to it. I don't want to leave you a generic review, but I still have to say this: show more, tell less. You open with "we all believe in something" but then don't give your reader any indications of what these beliefs could be, except for "the word." I'm not really sure why that's in quotes or what it's referring to -- the Bible perhaps? I would rather visualize what it is to believe in something, what it is to learn a lesson. It's tricky to turn abstract concepts like "belief" in a poem. It's important to be specific, to use images and objects that convey your subject, rather than explaining your subject to your reader. You have nice sound in this poem, though, and I think the idea has potential. 

Hope that helps! Enjoyed reading.

Bay


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## Nellie (Jul 6, 2015)

Angel101 said:


> I think it has a nice message to it. I don't want to leave you a generic review, but I still have to say this: show more, tell less. You open with "we all believe in something" but then don't give your reader any indications of what these beliefs could be, except for "the word." I'm not really sure why that's in quotes or what it's referring to -- the Bible perhaps?



Ok, how do I _show more_ and_ tell less_? When "the word" is in quotes, it is referring to The Word of God, or the Bible. That is how it is said in the "Bible Belt" or the southern part of the U.S.



Angel101 said:


> I would rather visualize what it is to believe in something, what it is to learn a lesson.



I don't give the reader any indication of what these beliefs could/should be because of the way we have been raised, be it in a religious home, or a home with no belief system. Some things one believes in turn on you, making you into nothing. That is the lesson!

Hope that helps your interpretation.


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## Angel101 (Jul 6, 2015)

Use images, not exposition. There is nothing to visualize here. Instead of putting "the word" in quotes, give the reader an image, whether it be someone in church listening to a sermon, or someone reading the Bible. What is "the word" doing to them or saying to them? And if you want the poem to be all-encompassing, include other images of other beliefs. What does a home with no belief look like? How might a belief turn on you? What would that look like, feel like?

Just think about things like that. A poem needs needs imagery. It needs something impacting and visceral. It needs to tell the readers something they don't already know. 

This is my opinion, of course, but it is derived from experience.


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 6, 2015)

Nellie said:


> I don't give the reader any indication of what these beliefs could/should be because of the way we have been raised, be it in a religious home, or a home with no belief system. Some things one believes in turn on you, making you into nothing. That is the lesson!
> 
> Hope that helps your interpretation.



Can you please explain this comment further or in different words? Especially this part :_Some things one believes in turn on you, making you into nothing.

_Things I believe can make me nothing? Emotionally? Socially?


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## Nellie (Jul 7, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> Can you please explain this comment further or in different words? Especially this part :_Some things one believes in turn on you, making you into nothing.
> 
> _Things I believe can make me nothing? Emotionally? Socially?



What I'm saying is based on a book I just finished by Christopher Hitchens, "God is Not Great". In his book, he explains his opinion and why he is an atheist.  He goes on to say that religions are nothing but man-made and when one  believes in them, they can turn on you, making you into nothing but an emotional follower of something, but really, you don't have all the facts. You lose your true identity. 

I'm only speaking about my truth, my life experience(s) in this poem.


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## aj47 (Jul 7, 2015)

I like how the first two lines are rhythmic.  I like your expressions.  But I think this could be tweaked into something more powerful if you would work on the rhythm.  Not necessarily having all lines the same, but each pair of lines maybe.


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 7, 2015)

Nellie said:


> What I'm saying is based on a book I just finished by Christopher Hitchens, "God is Not Great". In his book, he explains his opinion and why he is an atheist. He goes on to say that religions are nothing but man-made and when one believes in them, they can turn on you, making you into nothing but an emotional follower of something, but really, you don't have all the facts. You lose your true identity.
> 
> I'm only speaking about my truth, my life experience(s) in this poem.



I could not agree with this response more, that makes perfect sense and I respect Hitchens a great deal.

but -

this is not the meaning I got from the poem. I was not sure if it was for belief making you nothing or not believing making you nothing...


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## Darkkin (Jul 7, 2015)

Why can't a poem simply be about an idea?  The scarcity of imagery of this piece is part of what makes it interesting to me.  It is about the idea.  Anyone can do imagery, but it takes some doing to make people think.  Like the blind men in the Indian parable describing the elephant, each reader's experience is different.  

For me, it was a simple truth, people need to believe in something, have a purpose, otherwise, life becomes colourless and people become lost.

As Annie pointed out, with a little bit of polish and evening of the lines, this piece will shine.


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## Angel101 (Jul 7, 2015)

Darkkin said:


> Why can't a poem simply be about an idea?  The scarcity of imagery of this piece is part of what makes it interesting to me.  It is about the idea.  Anyone can do imagery, but it takes some doing to make people think.  Like the blind men in the Indian parable describing the elephant, each reader's experience is different.
> 
> For me, it was a simple truth, people need to believe in something, have a purpose, otherwise, life becomes colourless and people become lost.
> 
> As Annie pointed out, with a little bit of polish and evening of the lines, this piece will shine.



All poems are about an idea... But the way it's expressed must communicate something to the reader, and it should be fresh and inventive. It should evoke something. Anyone can explain an idea without poetic device, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of poetry? You may as well be writing prose then. 

Sorry. I'll agree to disagree!


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## Nellie (Jul 7, 2015)

Angel101 said:


> All poems are about an idea... But the way it's expressed must communicate something to the reader, and it should be fresh and inventive. It should evoke something. Anyone can explain an idea without poetic device, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of poetry? You may as well be writing prose then.
> 
> Sorry. I'll agree to disagree!



True, all poems are about an idea, but we all have our unique way(s) of communicating. There are many forms of poetry. I have a difficult time explaining myself, so with this style of writing, I can. I chose to tell less in this particular poem because like Firemajic and Darkkin said, it makes them think. This poem obviously evoked something in you.

I'll take Annie's advice and consider working on the rhythm, but that will be tomorrow.


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 8, 2015)

Nellie said:


> I'll take Annie's advice and consider working on the rhythm, but that will be tomorrow.



Ya... work this one out. I really like the message you are going for here, and I hope there is a way to really make it shine and come through clearly.


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