# Leaving me loving you



## Firemajic (Jul 14, 2017)

You wanted to die
couldn't wait to be gone
to shake the dust of our dreams
off your weary feet
in spite of the barrage of tears
all the weeping and wailing of my fear
begging you to hold on
like a coward you slipped away

Life support could not revive you
my dreams did not survive
but they still gasp and moan
and cling like beggar orphans
weeping and taunting
tormenting 

Someone please tell me
how to get through this
how to stop this mental fight
what to do with this left over love
 a single serving, but not enough for one
you are gone, but
that does not change a damn thing

I pray
in my sleeping vulnerability
that my love will turn to hate
then maybe I will have the ability 
to draw a line in the sand
take off my wedding band
and
just let go
gladly I will surrender to this fate
trade my love for hate
if I can keep
what is left of my haunted sanity
I can't live loving a ghost...


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## escorial (Jul 14, 2017)

'C'


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## andrewclunn (Jul 14, 2017)

I see the "like" button, but where's the "love" button?


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## sas (Jul 14, 2017)

Fire,

I won't critique this wrenching poem (because I think you needed to say it just like this), except for me, it was too ambiguous, as to who or what you want to hate.

Last line is pitch perfect.

And, I loved: what to do with this leftover love, a single serving...


From my perspective, we are born a single puzzle piece. Then add our family and friends and other loved ones to complete our life. It is inevitable that we lose some pieces, like we always have. Yet, those of us still there must stay to help hold together the other pieces.


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## SilverMoon (Jul 14, 2017)

FM, Just in your title you've represented a broken heart so visually LEAVING ME/LOVING YOU. So much sadness, so much beauty in the writing of it. But clearly too much pain.

The plea to turn love to hate - even betrayal for relief. Powerful. All I can say now is that sas said it for me, already.

 This puzzle piece, always here.


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## Squalid Glass (Jul 15, 2017)

You've come a long way since I last read your work.

"I pray
in my sleeping vulnerability
that my love will turn to hate
then maybe I will have the ability 
to draw a line in the sand
take off my wedding band"

That is very beautiful.

I think if you cut the third stanza, you have a very punching poem indeed.


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## CrimsonAngel223 (Jul 15, 2017)

Interesting read. Thanks for sharing fire.


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## old.bull.lee (Jul 15, 2017)

Wow. This was gut wrenching. The effect this poem had on me was visceral - that's not easy to do. 

I'm sorry for the loss in your life that lead you to pen such lines, but am glad you chose to burn the pain to fuel your poetry.


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## jenthepen (Jul 15, 2017)

old.bull.lee said:


> I'm sorry for the loss in your life that lead you to pen such lines, but am glad you chose to burn the pain to fuel your poetry.



Amen to those words of old.bull.lee.  Your honesty and the integrity of the emotion are the elements that make your work so powerful, so I hesitate to mess with it but I wonder if it might connect with the reader even more smoothly if you trimmed back the commentary - like this...


Someone please tell me
how to get through this
how to stop this mental fight
what to do with this left over love
 a single serving, but not enough for one
you are gone, but
that does not change a damn thing

I pray
in my sleeping vulnerability
that my love will turn to hate
then maybe I will have the ability 
to draw a line in the sand
take off my wedding band
and
just let go I think this is the natural end to your poem. The rest feels superfluous.
gladly I will surrender to this fate
trade my love for hate
if I can keep
what is left of my haunted sanity
I can't live loving a ghost...


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## ned (Jul 15, 2017)

hello - I keep returning to this poem, and I don't know what to say....

except

'like a coward you slipped away'
there is the angst, there is the passion - the rest follows...

well wrought Fire...
Ned


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## Phil Istine (Jul 16, 2017)

I've only just got around to reading this.
The biggest compliment I can pay is that I felt I was in there with you.
At the start of line 4, I wonder if 'from' would flow slightly better than 'off'.
I really like the simile with 'beggar orphans'.
It's a powerful piece and a privilege to read. Thank you for sharing it


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## Firemajic (Jul 18, 2017)

escorial said:


> View attachment 18805
> 
> 'C'




Fabulous! Thank you Escorial.... 





andrewclunn said:


> I see the "like" button, but where's the "love" button?




Thank you Andrew, I appreciate your kind comments, welcome to the fabulous poetry thread 






sas said:


> Fire,
> 
> I won't critique this wrenching poem (because I think you needed to say it just like this), except for me, it was too ambiguous, as to who or what you want to hate.
> 
> ...





Thank you, sas... I am sorry this poem was ambigious... I thought the line about taking off my wedding band would explain that this was about the loss of my husband... I love that you think of out friends and family as puzzle pieces... I will try to remember that, it is a lovely thought... thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate..




SilverMoon said:


> FM, Just in your title you've represented a broken heart so visually LEAVING ME/LOVING YOU. So much sadness, so much beauty in the writing of it. But clearly too much pain.
> 
> The plea to turn love to hate - even betrayal for relief. Powerful. All I can say now is that sas said it for me, already.
> 
> This puzzle piece, always here.




Dear SilverMoon, my title was one of the most important lines in this poem, and is really the entire message... when my husband died, I was still in love with him... so he left me, still loving him... thank you for understanding...





Squalid Glass said:


> You've come a long way since I last read your work.
> 
> "I pray
> in my sleeping vulnerability
> ...





Hello, Squalid Glass, you may be right, about cutting the third stanza... I will give it a lot of thought... and thanks for your wonderful compliment, about improving, I have had some fabulous mentors... It is always a pleasure to read your thoughts...



CrimsonAngel223 said:


> Interesting read. Thanks for sharing fire.



Thank you 



old.bull.lee said:


> Wow. This was gut wrenching. The effect this poem had on me was visceral - that's not easy to do.
> 
> I'm sorry for the loss in your life that lead you to pen such lines, but am glad you chose to burn the pain to fuel your poetry.



Thank you so much for your kind, compassionate words, I appreciate... welcome to the fabulous poetry thread...




jenthepen said:


> Amen to those words of old.bull.lee.  Your honesty and the integrity of the emotion are the elements that make your work so powerful, so I hesitate to mess with it but I wonder if it might connect with the reader even more smoothly if you trimmed back the commentary - like this...
> 
> 
> Someone please tell me
> ...




jen, I always appreciate your keen insight, and I will think about everything you suggested... I always look forward to your comments, thank you 




ned said:


> hello - I keep returning to this poem, and I don't know what to say....
> 
> except
> 
> ...




Thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate that so much... 




Phil Istine said:


> I've only just got around to reading this.
> The biggest compliment I can pay is that I felt I was in there with you.
> At the start of line 4, I wonder if 'from' would flow slightly better than 'off'.
> I really like the simile with 'beggar orphans'.
> It's a powerful piece and a privilege to read. Thank you for sharing it




Hello, Phil, I think you have a very good point, when I edit this, I will fix it as you suggested... thank you so much for your kind words...


Thanks to all who "liked" this poem and thanks to all who cared enough to read and comment, your kind words means a lot to me and I will treasure them...


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## Warhol (Jul 24, 2017)

Absolutely wonderful, the more I got through these poems, the more solace I find in the writing of others, just more proof we're not alone.


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## Firemajic (Jul 26, 2017)

Warhol said:


> Absolutely wonderful, the more I got through these poems, the more solace I find in the writing of others, just more proof we're not alone.





Thank you for your kind words, and thank your for reading this poem... Welcome to the fabulous poetry thread


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