# Interview Essay



## bmroyer (Sep 9, 2014)

This is my Interview Essay I wrote for college. I think I got a C on it and was wondering how I could improve next time on other essays. This has already been through turnitin.com and graded.

*Mr. Martin Interview*

My interviewee's name was Mr. Martin who is the Superintendent of the Chambersburg School District. Mr. Martin's job is to oversee all of the accounting and school programs, including the lunch program at Chambersburg School District. Before I contacted Mr. Martin for an interview, I did some research on the schools lunch program after hearing from my child that he was short on lunch money and the cafeteria lady dumped his food in the garbage, then gave him a sandwich and a small milk jug in place of it. I researched the school's official website and discovered the school does have a lunch program for those who have forgotten their money or cannot afford it; but I'm still disappointed that the school allows food wasting. Not only are they wasting, but they are doing it in front of the students, showing them its alright to waste. The school district needs to stop wasting food and set a good example in front of the students using alternate methods to those who forgot their lunch money like sending a note home to the parents telling them they owe the school money, or by having the student bring the money in the next day. 

		As I sat down with Mr. Martin, who was a small man in his late 50s peering over his large desk, I noticed he appeared to be in good spirits and said he was happy to answer any questions that I had about their school's lunch program. I explained to Mr. Martin the concerns I had with the schools lunch program, and asked him how often they reviewed the lunch program, and how often they add changes. Mr. Martin politely said that the program is reviewed every school year and that the new program they have was put in place in 2007. He went on to say that the school has a “My Lunch Money” program where the parents put so much money into an account for their children, and the students just use their lunch money card to purchase their lunch everyday. Mr. Martin also said that the parent's can check their child’s account balance online at their own convenience. 

		After Mr. Martin finished talking he sipped his coffee cup and listened as I asked him if he thought the current lunch program works and why. Mr. Martin said he agreed with the current program because it allows students who do not have lunch money to still get something to eat like a sandwich or meat loaf, along with a drink. He also said they have other programs in place for low income families so that every student will have a nutritious meal before going home. He then sat their smiling at me with his fingers clenched together like he was cracking them as I went on to ask why is it then that lunch gets thrown into the trash by the cafeteria staff in front of the student's when they are low on funds; don't you think you can fix that? Mr. Martin paused with his mouth open like he was going to say something but looked like he was thinking. He then said slowly, “Yes, I agree that is a problem but the food cannot be served to another student because of health concerns and must be destroyed.” 

		I smiled and kept a professional attitude when I asked him one last question before wrapping things up. I asked Mr. Martin how much money is wasted every week because of food being thrown in the garbage and if he thought the money wasted in food outweighs the students forgetting lunch money? Mr. Martin smiled and said that I had a very good question. He said between $150-$200 is wasted every week because of food waste and that he did not think that food wasted out weighed students forgetting their lunch.

		In conclusion I told Mr. Martin that the school district needs to stop wasting food and set a good example in front of the students using alternate methods to those who forgot their lunch money like sending a note home to the parents telling them they owe the school money, or by having the student bring the money in the next day. I also said that if your food wasting does not out weigh students forgetting lunch money then that means 66 students forget their lunch money every week. That may or may not be true but the sandwich and the drink that you give those students after you threw their lunch in the garbage also costs money which makes your claim highly unlikely. You could however instead of teaching or kids how to be wasteful, send a note home to the parents telling them they owe the school money or give the kid a chance to bring the money in later that week.


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## qwertyman (Sep 10, 2014)

Extraordinary!  

An Enquiry from the UK:

What is an interview essay?  
Who reads it and what is the objective?


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## bmroyer (Sep 10, 2014)

Its basically a summary of an interview that I conducted. I wrote it based off a simple ask a question and get an answer interview. I tried to add some good visuals to make it feel like the reader is sitting in front of the person being interviewed.


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## Megookin (Sep 12, 2014)

Just a few things:
1.  Is the superintendent Mr. or Dr.?  A lot of school superintendents have their PhD's.
2.  Recommend putting in the interviewee's credentials (where they attended college, how long they have been superintendent and how long they have worked  in the education system).
3.  2nd paragraph, second sentence; I would rephrase to avoid repeating the words "lunch program".  It might read better something like:  "I shared my concerns with the lunch program with Mr. Martin and inquired as to whether or not there was a system set up to review and make changes to the program if necessary."
4.  I would have removed the 1st sentence in the second paragraph all together.  Mr. Martin's stature is irrelevant to the story.
5.  This is an interview that directly affected you and your child.  I understand that it is difficult to keep biases out of such a story, but you should distance yourself as the writer and keep it level.  You chose either by design or by emotion to take on something near and dear and that can be very difficult to accomplish and remain neutral biased.  I would guess this is why you received a "C" instead of a higher grade.  You do however have the basis for a great story that could made a great impact.


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## bmroyer (Sep 13, 2014)

I was referring to his stature to give the reader a visual of the interview. I guess you aren't suppose to do this in this type of writing? But I understand about keeping myself out of the essay. Sometimes it is really hard to keep yourself out of writing. I will have to keep an eye out for my next essays to make sure that I don't feel myself in there. Thanks for the feedback.


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## Hemian (Sep 14, 2014)

1. 
You mention a school district in the first paragraph, but not an  individual school, was that intentional? At least where i am from, the  two are different. Also most of the times you use schools, possessive.  It should be “school’s” which you have correct in some places.



2.
First sentence can be shortened to:



> My interviewee, Mr. Martin, is the Superintendent of the Chambersburg School District.



This  will make it more concise and direct. Also, it is generally a good idea  to not have the verb ‘to be’ in the same sentence twice (was, is) —  more generally anytime you can get away with a single verb sentence, you  should.



3.
Second sentence,
the phrase ‘all of the’ is unnecessary.



4. 
Third  sentence is a run-on sentence and should be broken up and made more  concise. Also, changing child to son makes it more personal.
suggestion:



> After my son’s school poorly handled his lack of lunch money, I researched the school’s lunch program.





5. 
As  ”research” is at the end of sentence three, it is unnecessary in  sentence four and the entire sentence could be more clearly worded:



> From  the school’s official website, I learned that there is a lunch program  for those who either forgot there lunch money or otherwise are unable to  pay for it, however, I was disappointed to learn that the school allows  food wasting.





6. 
sentence six can be made more concise as well:



> The school staff are wasting food, and condoning it in the process.





7. 
Last  sentence of the first paragraph: The sentence is poorly constructed and  too long, in my opinion. It could be broken into two sentences. Also I  think the word “need” should be avoided in this context. One more thing,  you set an example for someone, not in front of someone.
I would change it to:



> The  school district’s policy for managing the provision of food to those  who cannot afford it should be revised to limit the wasting of food and  encourage students to take responsibility for the provision of food. A  possible method for this may be to provided food for the student and  have them pay for it at a more convenient time for them.





8. 
This  paragraph seems to introduce a school district and there policy for  providing lunch for those who cannot afford it, and dealing with wasting  food. Although you make it clear that you are not happy with the  policies, you do not explain why. I think this would be important to  include in the first paragraph.





I could probably  help more if I knew more about the specifics of the assignment. Please  forgive me if I am being to hard on you, I just want to help. 

Those are my thoughts on the first paragraph… more to come.


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## bmroyer (Sep 14, 2014)

No problem. The point of this part of the forum is to practice and ask questions. I'm trying to become a better writer and look to anything I can to help me. I will correct the first paragraph and repost it. Hard to believe you found all of that lol. I read over that thing multiple times and even corrected a rough draft before handing in the final.


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## Hemian (Sep 18, 2014)

Okay thanks. I was unsure of how to help and what kind of help is acceptable in this forum. I am glad to help. I will post my thoughts on the second further paragraph(s) here shortly. 

A comment on your response to Megookin, this type of essay can be written in many different styles. A lot of it depends on the reason of writing it. Regardless, you should consider what you want the reader to get out of the essay. I will not say if you should or should not include details about the interaction and description of Mr. Martin. However, something to think about, based the response you want your reader to have, is: does this description add to the essay? If so, how? How does it influence the way the reader thinks, understands the essay, and ultimately, acts on these thoughts (if that is your intention). If you do not know how it effects the essay, then perhaps it is not needed. Writing an essay to motivate people is very different that writing an essay to tell a story, and different still than trying to do both. If you are trying to have the reader think or feel a certain way, you should consider how this detail will add to these thoughts and feelings. It may be more distracting than helpful. If you just want to tell a good story though, then it is great there, and you could use even more of it, if done correctly. The way it is, I do not get a really feel as though I am actually sitting in the room, during the interview. I cannot see Mr. Martin. It is good to know how you, the person asking the questions, interprets his posture and affect, but that does not necessarily describe what he looks like (for example, being happy is different that smiling).

Also, a thought on detaching yourself from the essay: it is not a bad thing to have a burden for what you are writing. This emotional interest will help you right a better essay, if used properly. It is very difficult to write a great essay on a topic about which you are apathetic. The trick is to write, giving an explanation of your position and defending it, without assuming or expecting the reader to agree. You will want to have the reader make up his own mind. You want to give him/her enough detail to side with you, but do not come across so biased that it is a put-off. If the reader feels like this information and position are being forced on him/her, then the reader will be inclined to disagree. One important aspect to this is providing a strong defense to the antithesis, and then arguing against it. If this makes any sense, you want the reader to feel as though the essay is talking to him, not you. 

As you it is clear that you have a position in the essay, it may be worth removing the visuals, being more direct and concise on the interaction between you and Mr. Martin, and then adding commentary after the conversation to better explain both sides, and why your side is more desirable. with this style of debriefing and commentary, you can skip the retelling of the story in the last paragraph, and just stick to a conclusion of just the thesis and antithesis. You do not need any argument, support, summary, or anything else in the conclusion.

These are just some thoughts. Again, you know better than I what your goal was when you wrote this. 

I strongly agree with Megookin, you have a great foundation here, and a lot of potential for impact. You have put a lot of thought and emotion into the concepts. With a little more thought on the structure of the essay, it could be a very strong essay.


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