# What do you guys think about celibacy?



## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 9, 2010)

.


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## Foxee (Sep 9, 2010)

Can't see it for myself. Then again there are those who, if they were the last guy on earth, would make celibacy look like a fine idea.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 9, 2010)

Hmmm... I mean I'm still a virgin so it's easy for me to say celibacy wouldn't be a problem, but eventually I'd love to settle down with a girl, and that usually involves sex. It doesn't really appeal to me, but I'd probably have a very different agenda once I had experienced it. It's not something that's important to me right now.

I've had girlfriends but they always end up wanting to rush with me into sex, and it didn't feel right with any of them. Maybe when you find that someone, it will appeal to you more.

See how it goes but it sounds like you have it under control. I personally can't see the stress side of sex, it sounds like a stress reliever to me 

Good luck, it's a big decision to make but, trust your instincts.


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## winkash (Sep 9, 2010)

Celibacy is unnatural unless you deem it natural for yourself.


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## Eluixa (Sep 9, 2010)

I'd sooner die than go without.


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## MJ Preston (Sep 9, 2010)

What 90% or more guys think about celibacy? Gotta get laid. Man, I wish I could get laid. Boy I hope I get laid? I wonder if I can get laid.

All kidding aside, why is it stressful to think about sex? When you're ready do it? If you're not. Don't.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 9, 2010)

Haha, of course. Why though? It doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Just eat lots of really good cake. 

It's stressful if it's not something you want to get into casually. So the stressful part would be the having a relationship part


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## caelum (Sep 9, 2010)

I don't see any pluses.  Besides, functional relationships are awesome.


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## RoundEye (Sep 9, 2010)

I guess to remain celibate before marriage is a good idea. If somebody and their partner agree to remain celibate after marriage for the reminder of their lives, that’s their choice. I think that’s a bad idea, they’re missing out on a tremendous amount of fun.

Remaining celibate due to religious conviction is a bad idea. It’s not your choice, you made that decision based on your religious ideals.  The life of a Christian priest must be a lonely life.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 9, 2010)

Haha, you're all a bunch of sex fiends!


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 9, 2010)

Well I hear that the more you do it, the more you want it, so that makes sense.

This has nothing to do with religion. It's a personal choice. But of course I'm not going to make any decision before I try it out first. Sex I mean. I have a feeling I'll probably really like it and end up dealing with relationship crap. I mean, it would be cool if I could have a marriage where it wasn't really tightly bound and obsessive. Most of my friends and family members have marriages like that. It's really not appealing, but I'm not casual about anything either. I agree with you, caelum, balanced and functional relationships could be good. Not when you have somebody breathing down your throat all the time. 

A friend of mine told me she liked to feel "possessed" by her boyfriend and making him jealous all the time. Seriously dysfunctional stuff. I hate possessive, obsessive guys that think they own you and tell you what to do all the time.


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## Like a Fox (Sep 9, 2010)

I used to think I'd remain celibate my whole life too, DW, but that came from some killer bad self esteem in my early teens, and I thought it'd be better to choose not to have sex than to face the cold hard fact that it was really that no one wanted to get into my pants.

Maybe I was onto something.

No way can I see you doing that Dream. You'll fall for someone and then all bets will be off. 
I still often think it'd be easier to swear the whole game off and buy a cat and resign myself to being lonely sexless lady.
But then I'll meet someone, and I just have to see where it goes.

Relationships are a total hassle. But there is a payoff. That's what's hard to see when you haven't experienced it.


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## Fox80 (Sep 9, 2010)

No comment. You can guess what I think.


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## Mike (Sep 9, 2010)

*Idiocracy *sums up a philosophy on celibacy quite nicely.

*Are humans turning into pandas? Pandas once used to eat meat, then they became vegetarian, and now they eat only a certain type of bamboo that they can't even metabolize well. They're so lazy that they won't even breed unless you force them, and even then, that doesn't turn out so well.

Celibacy (among vegetarianism, drug addiction, bubble gum and hip hop) is one of the preludes to our coming extinction. **

* - begin diversion
** - end sarcasm


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## Eluixa (Sep 9, 2010)

Like a Fox said:


> No way can I see you doing that Dream. You'll fall for someone and then all bets will be off.
> .



I agree. Were I to bet, I'd bet against celibacy for you, too, Dream. Just the fact of your posts tells me it's on your mind. 
In High school English I studied the forearms of boys, writing, in this case, D.J's forearm. I have no idea what the lecture was about, but I can still see the muscles moving under his flesh.


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## RoundEye (Sep 9, 2010)

There’s probably nothing better in life then a full stomach after a good meal and an orgasm after good sex.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 9, 2010)

A Nintendo Wii session followed by hard drugs for me. Each to their own I guess.


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## caelum (Sep 9, 2010)

Sometimes I think a relationship must be a hassle, and I still remember the headache of my crazy ex-gf, but I heard a song once that went something like "sometimes when you hold a flame, you just get burned," which sort of applies.  If there's power games/mind games going on, then relationships can't be fun.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 9, 2010)

RoundEye said:


> There’s probably nothing better in life then a full stomach after a good meal and an orgasm after good sex.


The profound feeling of relief after a really good shit is up there too.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 9, 2010)

Eluixa said:


> Were I to bet, I'd bet against celibacy for you, too, Dream. Just the fact of your posts tells me it's on your mind.


 
She's been beating this particular drum for quite a while now.

It's the old protesting lady syndrome.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 9, 2010)

Dreamworx95 said:


> It would be way less stressful if you didn't have to worry about sex and having a boy/girlfriend.


 
This is where the autistics have it made. Sex for sex's sake, and no stress over relationships to get in the way.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 9, 2010)

Well I don't have big self esteem issues, so any consideration about celibacy has nothing to do with that.

And the fact that you guys think I'm this ragingly horny teenage girl is really embarrassing. Just because I said the only reason I see myself getting married at such a young age is for sex. I think that's the only time I said I wanted to have sex. That doesn't mean it's on my mind all the time.


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## Eluixa (Sep 9, 2010)

LOL, when I think of threads that deal in sex, or marriage or men and women, you come to mind. But if it's any consolation, I think the OX has you beat.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 9, 2010)

That is so unfair.


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## Like a Fox (Sep 9, 2010)

Haha, I don't think you should take is as a bad thing DeeDubs.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 9, 2010)

Not the Ox beating me part. The "you're the first person to come to mind" part. That just really sucks.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 10, 2010)

It's the truth though. You _are _the first person that comes to mind, on that topic.

If you don't like the heat, stay out of the kitchen.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 10, 2010)

I can handle the heat, thanks. There's probably a million other topics where there's a "first person that comes to mind" on here.


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## Eluixa (Sep 10, 2010)

You do know I am not trying to be mean? Just teasing a little. I find it amusing, but you know, while you may participate, or begin these threads, we are all drawn to the topic like kitties to tuna or we would none of us know this about you. So you are in good company, lol.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 10, 2010)

I know you're not trying to be mean, Eluixa. And I'm not really that upset about it anymore. It was just kind of embarrassing at first. It is kind of amusing now.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 10, 2010)

Eluixa said:


> we are all drawn to the topic like kitties to tuna


 
_Are we now?_ Maybe a certain other poster's Achilles heel is _also_ being exposed. :twisted:


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## Eluixa (Sep 10, 2010)

Achilles heel? As in downfall? Place of weakness? Are you maybe projecting some?


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## Tom (Sep 10, 2010)

Hey DW,

It's funny that you should bring all this up because it's something that's pretty big in my life right now.

The way I look at it, there will always be reasons to be celibate and reasons to be sexually active. Like anything else, it's your own choice and your own preference, which, again like everything else, can change as well. My opinion on sex has changed, but it's never really strayed from the _wanting to._

As corny as it sounds, this _love_ everybody raves about can do powerful things, and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing for sex is a different topic.

I know that personally, I don't want to be celibate, but again I'd only ever _do the deed_ with somebody I _love_ and feel comfortable with. On top of that, I'd want them to feel the same, because the last thing I want involved in a relationship is regret. Regret on my part and regret on her part.

Tom.


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## garza (Sep 10, 2010)

At my age I am 100 percent in favour of celibacy. Not for myself, of course. If you young fellows will just stay out of the way, I might still have a chance.


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## Ilasir Maroa (Sep 10, 2010)

Interesting thread.  To be accurate, about 1% of the population is asexual, and thus mostly uninterested in sex.  So it's perfectly possible to go without sex your whole life, and not even know why people think you're weird.  But if you're not asexual, it seems like a lot of unhealthy repression would be involved.


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## alanmt (Sep 10, 2010)

I fully respect your asexuality, ilasir!

In my opinion, the only way to make an educated decision about lifelong celibacy is after having experienced both a loving, monogamous relationship and unbridled licentiousness. But then I am scientific that way.

I think celibacy is generally inadvisable. It is a rarified sacrifice, suitable only to a select few, and fails to grant the benefits of peace or clarity or focus generally ascribed to it. Wrongfully imposed on most humans, as by religious doctrine on priests for example, it is unhealthy and dangerous.


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## Baron (Sep 10, 2010)

alanmt said:


> I fully respect your asexuality, ilasir!
> 
> In my opinion, the only way to make an educated decision about lifelong celibacy is after having experienced both a loving, monogamous relationship and unbridled licentiousness. But then I am scientific that way.
> 
> *I think celibacy is generally inadvisable. It is a rarified sacrifice, suitable only to a select few, and fails to grant the benefits of peace or clarity or focus generally ascribed to it. Wrongfully imposed on most humans, as by religious doctrine on priests for example, it is unhealthy and dangerous.*



I agree with this and so does St. Paul in his writings on the subject.  If the Catholic Church actually based it's doctrines on the Bible then the issue of a celibate priesthood wouldn't be an issue because the scriptures advise that Church leaders should be married and able to prove their ability to manage a Church by the way they manage their family.  I've a firm belief that many of the scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church recently have their root in this unholy rule of celibacy for the priesthood.


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## Fox80 (Sep 10, 2010)

garza said:


> At my age I am 100 percent in favour of celibacy. Not for myself, of course. If you young fellows will just stay out of the way, I might still have a chance.


Hahahaha!


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## KangTheMad (Sep 10, 2010)

I'd be celibate until marraige, or at least engagement just because of the STD thing.


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## Patrick (Sep 10, 2010)

I can't think of a single thing you could say on this topic that  wouldn't lead to somebody else stereotyping you. It's not all unhealthy supression and it's not  all complete filth. It's like anger with good reason is a powerful  emotion, but it isn't correct in all contexts or situations. I don't  think any old thing goes. I usually dislike the way people think about  or talk about sex, not because it's somehow offensive to me, more because it's usually so ridiculous. Good old tripe is still tripe, so is the advice that accompanies it.


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## Kat (Sep 10, 2010)

There is no way that I could ever be celibate. Good thing I'm married, so I don't need to be.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 10, 2010)

There are a lot of married couples that choose to be celibate. They have really low or no sex drives at all, but still want that companionship, so they get married but they just don't have sex.


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## Eluixa (Sep 10, 2010)

A lot? What's a lot? So long as it is by mutual consent, I guess it's whatever works. It would seem there are also plenty that are one sided, leaving a partner that has to find it elsewhere, gets a divorce or lives in frustration.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 10, 2010)

Well if you want a number I think the percentage was like 10% in the U.S. I can't remember where I read that, but it seems like a lot to me.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 10, 2010)

Tom said:


> The way I look at it, there will always be reasons to be sexually active.


For a prostitute, yes. She needs the money. But anyone else? Since when did reason come into it?


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## Eluixa (Sep 10, 2010)

Dreamworx95 said:


> Well if you want a number I think the percentage was like 10% in the U.S. I can't remember where I read that, but it seems like a lot to me.



I was just curious, but it seems like a lot to me too.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 10, 2010)

> Originally Posted by *garza*
> 
> 
> Why this pre-occupation with parts breaking? I could give you a similar catalog, but I'd rather talk about the parts that, at 70, still work as they should.
> ...


So what happened between then and now? 




garza said:


> At my age I am 100 percent in favour of celibacy. Not for myself, of course. If you young fellows will just stay out of the way, I might still have a chance.


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## Blood (Sep 10, 2010)

Dreamworx95 said:


> If it has nothing to do with religious beliefs but it's your own personal choice. And I'm not talking about waiting until you're married, I mean life long celibacy. *I admire people who do that...*


Why do people lie to themselves?


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## Blood (Sep 11, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> For a prostitute, yes. She needs the money. But anyone else? Since when did reason come into it?


Is the need for sex not a reason? Or am I missing something here as I haven't bothered to read all the posts leading up to this one?


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 11, 2010)

"Getting strong readings of ignorance...long range scanners picking up egotism and rudeness. It all points to this thread...what's the next step captain?"


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 11, 2010)

Well like I said I'm not seriously considering it right now, and I do admire people that have that kind of self control. But after thinking about it a little more I don't see the benefit in going celibate unless you're not into sex at all. It would probably start to feel like major suppression after a while.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 11, 2010)

Blood said:


> Is the need for sex not a reason?


 
Reason implies mental activity. Men think with their dicks, not with their brains, when it comes to sex. I imagine something similar happens for women.

In other words it's all hormone-driven. Thinking doesn't enter the equation.


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## caelum (Sep 11, 2010)

You're not talking talking about the same reason.  He's talking about reason as in motive or cause, not the reasoning process of judgement.  The need for sex, as Blood put it, is a powerful reason.  Biologically speaking, propagating the species is high on the priority list.


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## Kat (Sep 11, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> Reason implies mental activity. Men think with their dicks, not with their brains, when it comes to sex. I imagine something similar happens for women.
> 
> In other words it's all hormone-driven. Thinking doesn't enter the equation.


 
I don't know about that. I know women who use sex as currency in a relationship. That is reasoning not hormones talking, at least for her. 

Not saying that I am one of them. In our relationship the opposite would probably be more true. But I can understand why someone would do that. 



I have to wonder if those 10% of marriages were elderly. I can imagine that when I am old I may be more willing to just settle for companionship with sex.


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## caelum (Sep 11, 2010)

Blood said:


> Why do people lie to themselves?


 What is this supposed to mean?


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## caelum (Sep 11, 2010)

Let's keep the conversation civil, everyone.  No reason to bring personal observations about others into the mix.


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## Blood (Sep 11, 2010)

Dreamworx95 said:


> Well like I said I'm not seriously considering it right now, and I do admire people that have that kind of self control. But after thinking about it a little more I don't see the benefit in going celibate unless you're not into sex at all. It would probably start to feel like major suppression after a while.


It's not self control, people who claim to not have sex as a matter of choice most likely do not have a choice.   Either it's a matter of humiliation, or that no one is interested.

BTW, thank God I'm a ho daddy!


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## garza (Sep 11, 2010)

Ox - Nothing happened between then and now. I'd just like to broaden the range of experience, which is easy when you're young and becomes more and more difficult as the wrinkles increase and the time between leg cramps shortens and the younger women start asking why I have hair growing out of my ears. 

My friend and fellow journalist Emory King, who has gone to cry among the rainclouds, used to say that the advantage of growing old is that you can hug and kiss the young women and nothing happens. The disadvantage of growing old is that you can hug and kiss the young women and _nothing happens_.


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## RoundEye (Sep 11, 2010)

I don’t see being celibate until marriage as being a bad choice as long as it’s _your_ choice. Being celibate your whole life is unnatural. It goes against your natural need to procreate. If it’s your choice I guess its fine but it’s not natural.

Priest used to be able to multiple wives. They put an end to that because they didn’t want children to inherit church property. Greedy bastards. Read more about that here,

The History of Catholic Celibacy


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## The Backward OX (Sep 11, 2010)

RoundEye said:


> Being celibate your whole life is unnatural. It goes against your natural need to procreate. If it’s your choice I guess its fine but it’s not natural.


 
Many people still believe homosexuality is unnatural. There's no natural need to procreate there.

So who's right?


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## Divus (Sep 11, 2010)

Of all the reasons I had sex, never was the thought of procreating the species in my mind. Mostly it was because for some reason I felt like doing it and the opportunity had presented itself. Every now and again it was because it was expected of me. Sometimes I couldn't. Sometimes I wouldn't. Sometimes I did not want to. Sometimes it was not appropriate. Sometimes I should not have.  Luckily very often, it was the thing to do.

The driving urge in a human has to be bodily chemistry. The senses are the switch, the brain is the mechanism, the hormones are the fuel. And a little alcohol or something else helps to relax the inhibitions. It is very complex reaction. Mostly enjoyable. As nature intended.

But going for a lifetime without ever doing it? Well that is a sign of a deficiency, a breakdown, an abnormality. Unnatural. Odd.


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## garza (Sep 11, 2010)

And dangerous. Read the latest news from Belgium.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 11, 2010)

Kat said:


> I know women who use sex as currency in a relationship.


It's this type of behaviour that makes it difficult to understand why society looks down on prostitution.

Or should I be saying these women you know also deserve to be looked down on? That they are on the same level as common harlots?


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## Foxee (Sep 11, 2010)

> I know women who use sex as currency in a relationship.


So do I. Seems to be a marriage-killer.


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## Lamperoux (Sep 11, 2010)

its human nature to have sex. Every woman knows a lot of guys like big breasts. The scientifical reason behind that is that big breasts are the natural sign of good genes etc. Every woman i know says men are the dirty cheating ones, thigns of that nature. As far as i know, women do those sorts of things as much as men. Think about it, unless the mojority of men who cheat are gay, then there has to be a woman for every man who cheats, am i right? 
Speaking of celibacy, some people are happier not to be obbsessed with sexual desires. You can sonsider a lot of things like that unnatrual. But as the human civilation formed, we've made these things possible. When men created armies, and were surrounded only by men, homosexuality began to become common. If you think i'm wrong, refer to the greeks, especially the spartans. Even the Macedonians, maybe even alexander the great. His fahter probably died becasue of it. Celibacy is just another seemingly unnatural thing that's happening becuaseo f the way human civilizaiton has formed.


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## Lamperoux (Sep 11, 2010)

Divus said:


> Of all the reasons I had sex, never was the thought of procreating the species in my mind. Mostly it was because for some reason I felt like doing it and the opportunity had presented itself. Every now and again it was because it was expected of me. Sometimes I couldn't. Sometimes I wouldn't. Sometimes I did not want to. Sometimes it was not appropriate. Sometimes I should not have. Luckily very often, it was the thing to do.
> 
> The driving urge in a human has to be bodily chemistry. The senses are the switch, the brain is the mechanism, the hormones are the fuel. And a little alcohol or something else helps to relax the inhibitions. It is very complex reaction. Mostly enjoyable. As nature intended.
> 
> But going for a lifetime without ever doing it? Well that is a sign of a deficiency, a breakdown, an abnormality. Unnatural. Odd.



its not like poeple have their dandy old time with this. It takes great control etc. Though i'm not worried anyhting's gonna happen to the human race becuase of this. becuase forevery 1 celbate, there are 1000 poeple ready to go at eachother in an orgy...wow that mokes me sound perverted. i'm not, really.


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## Eluixa (Sep 11, 2010)

Lamperoux said:


> You can sonsider a lot of things like that unnatrual. But as the human civilation formed, we've made these things possible. When men created armies, and were surrounded only by men, homosexuality began to become common. If you think i'm wrong, refer to the greeks, especially the spartans. Even the Macedonians, maybe even alexander the great. His fahter probably died becasue of it. Celibacy is just another seemingly unnatural thing that's happening becuaseo f the way human civilizaiton has formed.


 
My beliefs of course, but men 'socializing' in an army with other men does not make them gay. You either are, or you are not gay. And bi, I've come to think of as an openness not constrained to a situation that would have others who believe they are heterosexual, 'experimenting', likely in extreme circumstances, like war or prison or girls only/boys only schools. People can and do choose to 'relate' to someone of the same sex, and still, in more normal circumstances, want and choose the opposite sex. Gay men going home would continue to choose the same. Now, can you become bi? I think that more likely, but I think it was somewhat predestined from birth too. Social restraints are immense, but some will go with their nature in any case. I don't think every man in war switches sides, but really I know little about that. Some might come to realize that they were in fact gay or maybe bi and continue on that way. 
As for Spartans and such, culture goes a long long way in suggesting for us what is acceptable to try. I do believe in our very day, there are such cultures. Unfortunately, as I see it, some of it involves pedophilia and my line is crossed. My line is consenting people, and imo children cannot consent. 
Humans need humans, and relations and will mould themselves to get what they need.

Edited to say I reread and children are in fact people, but not ready until they just are, at a fuzzy line from about 14 up, depending on the child.


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 11, 2010)

Lamperoux:- Sexual behaviour doesa not depend on civilisation or armies, I once watched a film called "Sex life of the Gorilla", we had sneaked in to the Zoological society. If humans do it and it does not need implements, gorillas, in their natural state, also do it.


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## garza (Sep 11, 2010)

I read somewhere that the dominant male in a chimpanzee troupe has sexual contact daily with every member of the troupe, old, young, male, female. The article I read said it's not really about sex. It's a way to say, 'I can do this to you because I'm Number One'.


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## MJ Preston (Sep 11, 2010)

I'd use sex as currency, but my exchange rate only gets a nickel on the dollar.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 11, 2010)

garza - troop


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 12, 2010)

I keep considering this threads OP when I am out and about and then forgetting to come back to it, so forgive me if I am repeating things.
  It strikes me there are two aspects to humanity, the animal, instinctive, procreative side and the sapient, considering, logical side. It seems to me that both are essential to a rounded and balanced person. 
  A person who indulges in sensual luxury without thought of consequences or the impact on the other person(s) involved is readily recognised as doing themselves no favours. 
  When someone abstains from physical relationships I feel they are probably in the same boat, but it is far less obvious.
  Abstinence and indulgence both have their place, the trick is in recognising that place. This will be different for different people with the result that they can all give good and sincere advice without any of it necessarily being applicable to the recipient. They have to make their own judgement.
  There will also be those who give biased advice through self interest, learn to ignore and dismiss them.


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## garza (Sep 12, 2010)

Ox - The naturalists who work with chimps generally use 'troupe'. See, for example:

From Here to There: Chimp Grooming and Dunbar’s Number

That's the sort of thing you pick up when you spend 30 years rambling around in the bush.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 12, 2010)

garza- 

http://en.citizendium.org/wiki/Chimpanzee

http://www.heinemannlibrary.com/product/9781403407467

http://beachbum.homestead.com/NorthCarolinaZoologicalPark/KiteraForest/ChimpanzeeFamily.html

That's the sort of thing you pick up rambling around the internuts.


OX: 3 ; garza: 1


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## Tom (Sep 12, 2010)

I think it's Freud who made the argument that sex could be seen as a necessity in the maturity process in both males and females. He debates something about how those who don't have sex won't mature mentally. I can't remember the exact details, it was part of a philosophy essay I wrote, I'll try and find it and return - there's something to it though, IMO.


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## garza (Sep 12, 2010)

'Troupe' is the original, correct, term, derived from the French word for a traveling company of actors or acrobats. If you see chimps in the wild you will understand why.

Freud would have had a field day with chimps.


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 12, 2010)

Ox, Gaza, not sure where you two are at, but is the sub-division of chimps into three species relevant? Bonobos are hugely more sexually active.


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 12, 2010)

Tom, there are two essays on "Totem and taboo" by Alfred Kroeber in a book called "Comparative religion" that changed my view of Freud forever.


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## garza (Sep 12, 2010)

Olly - We got onto chimps over the spelling of the word that describes an extended family group. The word originally was 'troupe', as in a troupe of dancers or acrobats or actors. Someone gave them that name a long time ago because of the chimps' very active behaviour, sexual and otherwise. Later it became corrupted to 'troop', especially among U-S writers.


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## Adjective Ocean (Sep 12, 2010)

Well, I'm still a virgin, but that doesn't mean I think celibacy is a good idea. Trying to wait till marriage to avoid early child/stress issues, lol. But when I do get married, I certainly wouldn't want it to be sexless, lol. I can't imagine how people can seriously consider celibacy.


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