# Getting old sucks



## TKent (Nov 26, 2014)

I'm so sad to say that my husband and I just had this conversation about a movie we saw two nights ago. Gee whiz.

We are about to watch a netflix movie and a preview of a movie with Dakota Fanning comes on:

Bruce: She was in that movie the other night with Jane Fonda.

Tricia: What movie?

Bruce: Remember? Jane Fonda says to her, "How can you be so blind with eyes so big."

Tricia: Jane Fonda? Oh, that wasn't Dakota Fanning, that was the girl from Two Broke Girls, you know, Cat somebody, it was on Newsroom the other night, right?

Bruce: No it wasn't her. It wasn't Newsroom.

Tricia: With Jane Fonda? That's the only thing we've seen recently with Jane Fonda, and the girl was Cat from Two Broke Girls.

Bruce: Well maybe it wasn't Jane Fonda. Oh yeah, I remember, the girl was Amanda Seyfried with the big eyes. We watched it the other night.

Tricia: Oh yeah, I remember. That wasn't Jane Fonda, that was Cameron Diaz.

Bruce: No it wasn't Cameron Diaz.

Tricia: Yes, it was. She was wearing a cowboy hat.

Bruce: Yeah but it wasn't Cameron Diaz. Oh I remember, it was Charlize Theron.

Tricia: That's it! Yes I remember.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Nov 26, 2014)

This is why I only watch old movies.

Wasn't John Cameron Diaz some sort of newsman that sold Timex watches or something? :highly_amused:


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## TKent (Nov 26, 2014)

You'd fit right in....


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## midnightpoet (Nov 26, 2014)

My wife and I have similar conversations about actors on BBC shows (wasn't that guy on Midsomer murders?  No, you're thinking of another actor, looks like him, was on Campion in the second season, i forgot the episode...):highly_amused:


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## LeeC (Nov 26, 2014)

What's this have to do with getting old? My wife's been telling me what I did and didn't do/see/say for going on 40 years (I was in my thirties when we married), despite what I remember ;-) She's got five sisters and one wimpy brother — a real matriarchal family.


No differences about TV/movies though, as she watches sports and I only watch a few natural sciences bits.


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## Kevin (Nov 26, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> This is why I only watch old movies.
> 
> Wasn't John Cameron Diaz some sort of newsman that sold Timex watches or something? :highly_amused:


 john Cameron... didn't he direct Robocop... or was it alien... yah, that's what it was.


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## TKent (Nov 26, 2014)

Well, I'm glad to know that we aren't the only ones!


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## LeeC (Nov 26, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> This is why I only watch old movies.
> 
> Wasn't John Cameron Diaz some sort of newsman that sold Timex watches or something? :highly_amused:




The ad was introduced in the 1950's and revived in the 1990s.
"Timex – Takes a Licking and keeps on Ticking" – a well-recognized campaign in advertising history.
They used John Cameron Swayze as a spokesperson for live torture tests on television because he was the most credible newsman in the United States at that time.

PS: We only had black and white TV in Wyoming in the 50s, beginning with the small round screen.


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## Kevin (Nov 26, 2014)

Swayze... the guy from... oh, what was that movie, had a bunch of dancing, and that actress that got the nose-job and now no one can recognize her. You know that actress, uhhh.. what's her name, the one that one that was in...oh crap... you like that movie, too. It had the actor that was in... uhmm... okay, he was in that other one with... oh man... never mind. I'll just tell you later... if I remember.


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## Schrody (Nov 27, 2014)

Kevin said:


> Swayze... the guy from... oh, what was that movie, had a bunch of dancing, and that actress that got the nose-job and now no one can recognize her. You know that actress, uhhh.. what's her name, the one that one that was in...oh crap... you like that movie, too. It had the actor that was in... uhmm... okay, he was in that other one with... oh man... never mind. I'll just tell you later... if I remember.



Footloose. It was Footloose


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## TKent (Nov 27, 2014)

OMG, this sounds like about 60% of my conversations these days, whether they are about movies or not. We used to tease my grandmother unmercifully when she'd go through all of her kids names every time she addressed them. If it was one of her daughters she'd say, "Gayle, Joanne, Juanita, I mean Mary." If it was the guys she'd say, "Roy, Ed, James, I mean Billy." 



Kevin said:


> Swayze... the guy from... oh, what was that movie, had a bunch of dancing, and that actress that got the nose-job and now no one can recognize her. You know that actress, uhhh.. what's her name, the one that one that was in...oh crap... you like that movie, too. It had the actor that was in... uhmm... okay, he was in that other one with... oh man... never mind. I'll just tell you later... if I remember.


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## TKent (Nov 27, 2014)

I just had a really scary thought. It gets worse. My mom is passed away now, but she retired to Carrabelle, Florida to live with her sister on the beach. I'd go down at Thanksgiving, and we'd be sitting on the screened porch eating our Thanksgiving feast (which had evolved to a low country boil sort of thing once they moved to the beach), and they would have these long conversations with each other.  Except neither one of them could hear very well. So they were two DIFFERENT conversations altogether. But it never slowed them down at all. A made up example to give you the general idea:

Joanne: Yeah she used to date that boy, Bob was his name.

Juanita: I don't think she hated him, She hated Hank though.

Joanne: He ended up marrying the girl from town.

Juanita: No, Hank got killed in the a car wreck.

Joanne: Car wreck? Oh no, I just saw them five years ago when I went back for Henry's funeral. Let me go call Alice and tell her Bob's dead.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Nov 27, 2014)

That reminds me of my great-grandmother when I was a kid. She had something of a hearing problem. Usually you would ask her something and my Great-Grandfather would have to repeat what you just said in a loud voice "HE SAID...!" It seemed to work well.

Of course if you said something she really didn't like, her deafness had a mysterious way of being temporarily cured if you know what I mean :highly_amused:


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## Kevin (Nov 27, 2014)

I don't understand... had my son google Swayzee and this is what he came up with.... not how I remember him looking ...  too young. That's him, he says.


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## qwertyman (Nov 27, 2014)

Welcome all to the 'Golden Ponders'.

Qualification. At some time in the last week you have stood in front of the fridge with your hand on the handle pondering what am I here for and why am I wearing a beret? Am I French?


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## TKent (Nov 27, 2014)

I definitely qualify. Thanks for the warm welcome. 



qwertyman said:


> Welcome all to the 'Golden Ponders'.
> 
> Qualification. At some time in the last week you have stood in front of the fridge with your hand on the handle pondering what am I here for and why am I wearing a beret? Am I French?


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## Seedy M. (Nov 27, 2014)

Getting Old Sucks - and the alternative ain't no cold dish of peaches and cream, either.
I'm hungry - I think. Did I come here for peaches? Maybe some of that potato salad. No, it was ... where are my glasses?


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## midnightpoet (Nov 27, 2014)

qwertyman said:


> Welcome all to the 'Golden Ponders'.
> 
> Qualification. At some time in the last week you have stood in front of the fridge with your hand on the handle pondering what am I here for and why am I wearing a beret? Am I French?



No, but I have stood in front of an open fridge looking for the cup of coffee I was reheating in the microwave.:stupid:


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## Deleted member 56686 (Nov 27, 2014)

Seedy M. said:


> Getting Old Sucks - and the alternative ain't no cold dish of peaches and cream, either.
> I'm hungry - I think. Did I come here for peaches? Maybe some of that potato salad. No, it was ... where are my glasses?




Famous quote from Citizen Kane; Old Age. It's the only disease you don't look forward of being cured of.


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## LeeC (Nov 27, 2014)

Loss of hearing isn't necessarily an age thing either. I lost the upper range of my hearing in the early 60s, and refusing a hearing aid all these years has benefited my marriage  

One thing changes with age though, and that is that the chase reverses (if a man is naïve enough to believe he was ever the pursuer that is). I think I've mentioned this before, but a while back I was in the grocery store at the yogurt display. An older woman there said to me "I'd do anything for key-lime." Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a younger woman smile broadly. 


"A man is as old as the woman he feels."  ~  Groucho Marx


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## Schrody (Nov 27, 2014)

Kevin said:


> I don't understand... had my son google Swayzee and this is what he came up with.... not how I remember him looking ...  too young. That's him, he says.



Ah kids. You gotta love them, even if you wanna...

Hug them real hard 

Yeah, let's go with that one :mrgreen:

But seriously, kids of today probably won't know/care about the things we loved/cared, just as we didn't care about the things of our parents/grandparents... It's a Circle of Life!

That Google skills, though :-s


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## Deleted member 56686 (Nov 27, 2014)

Schrody said:


> Ah kids. You gotta love them, even if you wanna...
> 
> Hug them real hard
> 
> ...





 Yeah so true , us old timers don't understand these....

Hey, wait a minute! You're 26! :abnormal:


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## Schrody (Nov 27, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> Yeah so true , us old timers don't understand these....
> 
> Hey, wait a minute! You're 26! :abnormal:



Hey! Just because I'm not an old timer, doesn't mean I don't like old things! 

That sounded wrong :-s

I meant, I like old b/w movies, I like golden era of Hollywood, I like Marilyn, Sinatra, Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis movies, Cary Grant is my favorite! Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era. I have an old soul, thank you very much! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  :mrgreen:


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## Deleted member 56686 (Nov 27, 2014)

Schrody said:


> Hey! Just because I'm not an old timer, doesn't mean I don't like old things!
> 
> That sounded wrong :-s
> 
> ...



No you have a young soul who likes an appreciation of classic things. Nothing wrong with that :smile:


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## Schrody (Nov 27, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> No you have a young soul who likes an appreciation of classic things. Nothing wrong with that :smile:



Don't patronize me! 








I'm a little crazy, don't pay attention


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## bazz cargo (Nov 27, 2014)

Getting Old Sucks???? Should have looked after your teeth better. 

Putting glasses, keys, wallet and stuff down then spending hours looking for the damned things. I have spent half an hour looking for my specs only to realise they were perched on my head.


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## Awanita (Nov 28, 2014)

Yep that's my house......thank god we have google. LOL


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## Apex (Nov 28, 2014)

moved...cc


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## Morkonan (Nov 28, 2014)

I remembered something once. But, I was wrong.

Does that mean it didn't happen?


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## bazz cargo (Nov 28, 2014)

> *OP Morkonan* Does that mean it didn't happen?


Nope, it means you’ve been slipping into parallel universes again.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Nov 28, 2014)

Morkonan said:


> I remembered something once. But, I was wrong.
> 
> Does that mean it didn't happen?




How can you have remembered something once if you don't remember? :scratch:


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## Gumby (Nov 28, 2014)

Sadly, this whole thread makes perfect sense to me...


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## helium (Nov 28, 2014)

Speak that when your dead. That will be worse, unless you are already suicide victim.


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## qwertyman (Nov 29, 2014)

Have they brought in the cake yet?


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## Clerically (Nov 30, 2014)

Ah, this thread reminds me of so much!


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## Guy Faukes (Nov 30, 2014)

Apparently whispering "sweet nothings" to one another takes on a whole new meaning after 60


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## Schrody (Dec 1, 2014)

Guy Faukes said:


> Apparently whispering "sweet nothings" to one another takes on a whole new meaning after 60



Are you trying to say you're 60? :-s :-k


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## Courtjester (Dec 1, 2014)

[video=youtube_share;sISWPzEqHLQ]http://youtu.be/sISWPzEqHLQ[/video]​


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## Courtjester (Dec 1, 2014)

As the years moved by and the older I have grown, the perspective of my life changed dramatically. One of the most enjoyable aspects of this part of my life is that with my ever increasing understanding of the spiritual background of life, many issues that once seemed all-important have simply fallen by the wayside. To me, growing older is the greatest gift that life has to bestow upon any of its children. In my view, it is not something to be afraid of, but to be looked forward to, relished and enjoyed, when it slowly but surely sneaks up on us.

Having reached this time of life, any wisdom we gained is a reward for battling our way, as best we knew how to, through the many obstacles and hardships that are inevitable on our pathway through our present lifetime. I found that the situation eased considerably once I had found the awareness that if help is required it has to be asked for, and that as soon as we reach out for the helping hand of God and the Angels, they draw ever closer to us. I do hope that this will also make our passage back into our true home an easier one, when the time for letting go of this world has come. The earlier in life one starts with this, the better and more effective it is bound to be. 

I now no longer have any qualms acting out the real me and fully being the person I always wanted to be. When I look into the mirror, sometimes I am astonished at how young I still look. Yet, there are also times when I seem to look and feel a million years old. Never mind, I tell myself, that’s probably because I am. I am sure you know exactly what I mean. Most of the time, however, I feel amazingly young inside this body of mine, younger than I ever did before in my present lifetime. This must have something to do with the fact that having experienced difficult times – having reached my age, who hasn’t? – one gets more in touch with one’s immortal and ageless spirit and soul. Apart from that, equipped with the learning I have found along my way, life has become much easier in so many ways.

Most of all I enjoy the knowledge that it is not death that looms ahead when we leave our physical bodies behind, but a rebirth and release into our true home, where loved ones are waiting for us. We shall then all stand before each other in our true roles as children of God and siblings in the vast family of all life, rather than as grandparents, parents and children. I hope that on this level of life a proper reconciliation will be possible and that the chains and shackles of Karma will be dissolved once and for all through true forgiveness that grows from this understanding.

From ‘Drinking From The Eternal Fountain Of Youth’

Please allow a moment for the file to load

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## twelvesoswald (Dec 1, 2014)

I do work with kids in the theater, and I see them with Iphones these are 4th-7th graders, and when I see them in my head I always say"Kids today and the iphones, when I was right I had an old cellphone that only did calling." It makes me feel old.


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## Courtjester (Dec 2, 2014)

*Getting On A Bit*

Review your life said Socrates – no doubt he had a point.
One dwells on this when old and grey with creaks in every joint.
The great man didn’t quite mean that – he dwelt on higher planes,
And grappled with philosophy far more than aches and pains.

But he’s been gone two thousand years so will not mind a bit,
If I tamper with his discourses and try to make them fit.
Adapt them to the physical, those matters of the flesh,
That press upon us ever more when we’re not young and fresh.

The old boy downed a hemlock drink – some say he didn’t care.
Most likely he was wondering what more he’d have to bear.
He’d just about got to the end of three-score years and ten.
So probably he deemed it wise to end things there and then.

So passed from the Hellenic world a thinker of renown,
A fellow upon whom today the scholars seldom frown.
But enough of ancient Athens, let us now get up to date.
I have a little tale to tell – bet you can hardly wait.

My first six decades went quite well, the seventh wasn’t bad,
But number eight has been so hard, it’s made me rather sad.
It started promptly on the day, the big seven-o came round.
While walking through a local park, I tumbled to the ground.

At first it didn’t seem severe, I strode along all right.
My trouble started later, in the middle of the night.
Rib-cage, back and abdomen hurt like they were on fire.
Hips and shoulders joined in too, the situation dire.

It took three weeks to simmer down, four more to disappear.
A very inauspicious start to such a landmark year.
Two further months without a hitch and life seemed fairly kind,
Until I was oppressed again, this time it was the mind.

My landlady assailed me with some nasty allegations,
Backed up by a battery of vicious imprecations.
She’d always been so reticent, I never thought she’d try
To scold me, then I realised that her mind had gone awry.

Her son turned up that evening, confirming what I thought.
He apologised profusely, poor fellow was distraught.
I calmed him down but told him that our ways would have to part.
Though hardly a spring chicken, I was game for one more start.

Why stop at domicile I thought, I’ll try something more grand.
So as well as changing residence, I also swapped the land.
Left the Emerald Isle behind and made for Albion’s shores,
Excitement making me forget that when it rains it pours.

I got a house and settled down, but not for very long.
A few months in my new abode then something else went wrong.
 The waterworks failed suddenly, a bolt out of the blue.
What hitherto was crystal clear took on a different hue.

My visits to the smallest room caused maximum dismay.
I’d started passing pure vin rouge instead of Chardonnay.
I scuttled off to see the doc, whose face betrayed some worry.
He wanted me in hospital, and said we’d better hurry.

The surgeon spoke harsh words to me of baccy, booze and diet.
I had an argument in mind, then thought I’d best keep quiet.
 He seemed a formidable lad, not wise to make him cross.
I was prostrate, he had a knife, so that made him the boss.

He did his work then called on me and seemed in better humour.
I’d soon be on my feet, he said, he’d shaved away a tumour.
So back to domesticity – all quiet for a spell,
Until another happening, that rendered me unwell.

While out on foot one winter night, I sought a litter bin,
But came upon a flower tub, located with my shin.
A strip of me three inches long and nearly half as wide
Had vanished, and though in some pain I sought it far and wide.

I had no luck, so limped off home and got another shock.
The missing rasher wasn’t lost but rolled up in my sock.
I tried to fix it back in place, with plaster and saliva,
Plus some herbal ointment that had set me back a fiver.

I got it right and turned my mind to sprucing up the dwelling
And overdid the labouring, but quite how there’s no telling.
This time a whopping lump emerged above the right-side groin.
It felt much like a cricket ball embedded in the loin.

So off to the GP again – by then it was a habit.
‘Spread out upon the couch,’ he said, ‘we’ll just let dog see rabbit.’
He diagnosed a hernia, no cause for great alarm.
The surgery was simple and I needn’t have a qualm.

The sawbones was a gloomy chap but knew well what to do.
Got through four jobs like mine that day, with me last in the queue.
I’m back and in the saddle now, at work with pen and ink,
With senses honed by recent woes, or so I like to think

Carved up twice in fourteen months, I’m wondering what’s next.
Another in the lower regions, that would get me vexed.
But providence is on my side, I feel it in my bones.
It won’t be liver, pancreas, or even kidney stones.

I’m going for lobotomy, if fate will let me choose.
The old grey matter’s addled, so I haven’t much to lose.
When this thought occurred I guessed my brain would just go reeling,
Then I got the point that where’s there’s no sense there’s no feeling.

From ‘Madazine’

#-o

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## queenslime (Dec 2, 2014)

I don't think this has to do anything with getting old, I'm in my twenties and I can't remember or distinguish actors well either!
My favorite thing is when I ask my parents/friends who that actor/actress is and they reply with 's/he is in many movies'. Yep, that helps a lot.


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## Courtjester (Dec 3, 2014)

_*Dinner Party For The Elderly*_

[video=youtube_share;TX9EAavxrus]http://youtu.be/TX9EAavxrus[/video]

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## bazz cargo (Dec 3, 2014)

Why didn't they make Pam Ayers Poet Laureate?


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## escorial (Dec 3, 2014)

i don't know bazz..drum roll.... why?


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## hvysmker (Dec 3, 2014)

I rarely write poetry, but here's one I did long ago:

Progression of life
--------------

In the predawn of life, 
Children play in the sun.
Affection rules, a lack of strife,
With sexes mixing, free to run.

At sunrise of life, 
Wondrous juices flow.
Thoughts of sex begin to chafe,
emotions raw with inner glow.

In the morning of life,
Searching ends with pairing won.
A magical blend of man and wife,
children strengthening the bastion.

Comes the afternoon of life,
With trials of seeming ageless bent.
Endless problems fret with strife,
Solved through work and appeasement.

In the evening of life,
Fears abide in fading light.
Doubts cutting like a knife,
Through efforts to stem the night.

Along with the sunset of life, 
Comes acceptance of waning desire.
Awakening thoughts of eternal life,
A thing that the younger don’t require.


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## LeeC (Dec 3, 2014)

*The good and the bad*

Today the wife decided to take me along on a trip to town. After about an hours ride, I sat in the car with the dog as she made a number of stops.

Then she stopped at a bread and sandwich place to treat me to a bite to eat. As I was making my way slowly to the door with my walker, several young ladies were coming out and stopped to hold the door open which was a nice gesture. 

Inside the sandwiches were priced reasonably, but when I saw that coffee was $5.50 a cup I said in what my wife claims is an unusually loud voice due to reduced hearing, "Holly Mackerel, that's outrageous." To the wife and I's surprise, it seemed every customer in the place clapped. 

On the way out, again several young ladies were coming in and held the door for me. I said to one that it could be a long wait for me to move the five or six feet, and she replied that she wasn't in a hurry. I can't remember the last time I heard that, especially from a young person.

Oh, if I were only younger, I was thinking to my self. Shhhh.

On the drive home, the wife was getting annoyed at the driver ahead who was paying more attention to their phone than their driving. I spoke up saying, "Steady as she goes, don't want to keel the ship." 

In reply the wife said, "How about I keel the first mate?" 

On balance, an above average outing


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## escorial (Dec 3, 2014)

must reply to critique


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## LeeC (Dec 3, 2014)

What are you trying to say escorial


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## Courtjester (Dec 4, 2014)

bazz cargo said:


> Why didn't they make Pam Ayers Poet Laureate?



A good question! Why didn't they, when she could write things like this?

*They Should Have Asked My Husband*

This world is complicated, imperfect, and oppressed,
And it’s not hard to feel timid, apprehensive and depressed.
It seems that all around us tides of questions ebb and flow;
People want solutions, but they don’t know where to go.
Opinions abound, but who is wrong and who is right?
People need a prophet, a diffuser of the light;
Someone they can turn to, as the crises rage and swirl;
Someone with the remedy, the wisdom and the pearl.

Well, they should have asked my husband!
He’d have told them, then and there,
His thoughts on emigration, teenage mothers, Tony Blair,
The future of the monarchy, house prices in the South,
The wait for hip replacements, BSE, and foot and mouth.

Yes, they should have asked my husband!
He can sort out any mess;
He can rejuvenate the railways, and cure the NHS.
So, any little niggle, anything you want to know,
Just run it past my husband, wind him up and let him go!

Congestion on the motorways, free holidays for thugs,
The damage to the ozone layer, refugees, and drugs?
These may defeat the brain of any politician bloke,
But present it to my husband; he’ll solve it, at a stroke!
He’ll clarify the situation, he will make it crystal clear.

You’ll feel the glazing of your eyeballs
And the bending of your ear.
Corruption at the top? He’s an authority on that,
And the Maffia, Gadhaffia, and Yassa Arafat.
Upon these areas, he brings his intellect to shine,
In a great, compelling voice
That’s twice as loud as yours or mine.
I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong,
Infallible, articulate, self-confident, and wrong.

When it comes to tolerance, he hasn’t got a lot:
Joy-riders should be guillotined,
And muggers ought to be shot!
The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears,
And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears.

My friends don’t call so often;
They have busy lives, I know,
And it’s not every day one wants to hear
A windbag suck and blow.
Encyclopaedias? On them, *we* never have to call.
Why clutter up the bookshelf, when my husband knows it all?

Pam Ayres

:5stars:

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## midnightpoet (Dec 4, 2014)

I should feel lucky.  January 1st, I'll be 71.  It's true, I no longer have a prostate, but then i beat cancer.  I tend to pee on myself at times, but the urge always wakes me up (even it it's a couple of times at night). I tend to have a sore back if I don't pick up things carefully, but I can still dig a post hole.  I've had a couple of car accidents (one shattered my windshield), but at least i can still drive. My wife gripes at me a lot because I'm lazy and sloppy, but she still says she loves me (a miracle). I have sore feet, but I can still walk the dog.  I don't like yard work, but at least I have a yard. I may live in a broken down mobile home, but it's paid for.  

Yeah, I'm lucky.


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## Schrody (Dec 4, 2014)

midnightpoet said:


> I should feel lucky.  January 1st, I'll be 71.  It's true, I no longer have a prostate, but then i beat cancer.  I tend to pee on myself at times, but the urge always wakes me up (even it it's a couple of times at night). I tend to have a sore back if I don't pick up things carefully, but I can still dig a post hole.  I've had a couple of car accidents (one shattered my windshield), but at least i can still drive. My wife gripes at me a lot because I'm lazy and sloppy, but she still says she loves me (a miracle). I have sore feet, but I can still walk the dog.  I don't like yard work, but at least I have a yard. I may live in a broken down mobile home, but it's paid for.
> 
> Yeah, I'm lucky.



Wow, that's tough. I personally believe it's important to keep up the positive spirit and go on (it's easy for me to say)  We're here for you!


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## LeeC (Dec 4, 2014)

midnightpoet 

Recognizing what's of value in life helps greatly towards a measure of serenity — which as I've said before is the only real treasure at rainbow's end. 


Best wishes


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## Deleted member 56686 (Dec 4, 2014)

midnightpoet said:


> I should feel lucky.  January 1st, I'll be 71.  It's true, I no longer have a prostate, but then i beat cancer.  I tend to pee on myself at times, but the urge always wakes me up (even it it's a couple of times at night). I tend to have a sore back if I don't pick up things carefully, but I can still dig a post hole.  I've had a couple of car accidents (one shattered my windshield), but at least i can still drive. My wife gripes at me a lot because I'm lazy and sloppy, but she still says she loves me (a miracle). I have sore feet, but I can still walk the dog.  I don't like yard work, but at least I have a yard. I may live in a broken down mobile home, but it's paid for.
> 
> Yeah, I'm lucky.




My mom just turned 72. She survived cancer, but she doesn't get around like she used to. She has lost some of her independence too.

So hang in there Midnight. Like Schrods says we're all here for you :smile:


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## Courtjester (Dec 4, 2014)

midnightpoet said:


> I should feel lucky.  January 1st, I'll be 71.  It's true, I no longer have a prostate, but then i beat cancer.  I tend to pee on myself at times, but the urge always wakes me up (even it it's a couple of times at night). I tend to have a sore back if I don't pick up things carefully, but I can still dig a post hole.  I've had a couple of car accidents (one shattered my windshield), but at least i can still drive. My wife gripes at me a lot because I'm lazy and sloppy, but she still says she loves me (a miracle). I have sore feet, but I can still walk the dog.  I don't like yard work, but at least I have a yard. I may live in a broken down mobile home, but it's paid for.
> 
> Yeah, I'm lucky.


Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your joys by golden hours,
Never when life’s worries call.

Count your days by smiles, not tears,
And when birthdays come around,
Count your age by friends, not years,
And the gifts of love you have found.

Cj

* * *​


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## W.Goepner (Dec 4, 2014)

Getting old is the measure of a person.

Before adulthood we want to be old, wanting all the rights and privileges there of. As we get into adulthood we scamper about trying to do as much as we can. By 30 we have not slowed down, but have become tolerant of what we are unable to do. At the age of 50 we decide to slow down, for what we did in early adulthood has given us aches and pains. From that time on we wish we were back in early adulthood so we could do things differently, so the life we lead now would be better. Quite often we try to do the things we did as a young adult, only to realize that what we did then has made it impossible to do now, though our minds are of the opinion that nothing has changed. Until that moment we look in the mirror and ask ourselves, who that old person is. Yes getting old sucks. But what fun we had getting there.


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## docshoog (Dec 8, 2014)

If I'm contradicted,  I just don't bother to argue the difference,I find it soooo much easier.layful:


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## Loveabull (Jan 18, 2015)

Yeah I had to respond to this thread. No matter what inspirational verse it still boils down to "Getting Old Sucks". And in your head you still feel basically 25. It's watching people around you age, that's one of the hardest things. It's having parts of you hurt and creak that you just took for granted all these years...like teeth gahhhh! It's watching your life partner growing slowly crippled and knowing you meant "in sickness and in health"...but holy cannoli it's like a boulder coming at you.

But you still find gallows humor...in everything...I'm starting to talk like Lewis Black fur criminy's sake. That your kid is special needs, that two of your kids are gone for good...gallows humor-you know the female French terrorist they're looking for? Looks like my Alex...You have to find the most absurd things and laugh at them somehow. The world doesn't make sense, and the older you are the more you realize.


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## Cran (Jan 19, 2015)

A few days ago ... I think ... anyway, I went to have the CT scans for my back. A very pretty young girl calls me to follow her. 

'Ah,' I think, 'they have a cadet to do the collecting of patients.' She tells me her name (now forgotten, but I remember it was a nice name and not one of the fancy or quirky one that turn up these days) and that she is the radiologist. 

I hid my surprise well, and managed to not blurt out, 'you're not in high school?'

My doctors are right, I'm getting old before my time.


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## Abby (Jan 19, 2015)

Yes it does!! Turned 40 yesterday...sob!


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## Pluralized (Jan 19, 2015)

Happy Birthday, Abby! You look great, and nowhere near your actual age, if it's any consolation. 

And, MP -- you don't look a day over 69.


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## dale (Jan 19, 2015)

i get to turn 46 next month, but i still like to pretend i'm 16...so it don't matter much.


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## Abby (Jan 19, 2015)

Ah thanks Pluralized. I still feel 17 inside that's the problem, and 40 sounds so OLD!


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## escorial (Jan 19, 2015)

40..key to the door....Abby birthday yesterday


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## Cran (Jan 19, 2015)

My mother's younger sister (ex-model, fashion consultant, etc) explained to me that women above a certain age do not have birthdays; instead they celebrate anniversaries of their 29th.


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## Ariel (Jan 19, 2015)

My mom told everyone she was 21.


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## W.Goepner (Jan 20, 2015)

Yes getting Old sucks! Today I sat and watched the discovery channel because it was about street drag racers. Got up three times to do what I still cannot remember. At least I remembered to go to the head for a wiz.


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## Abby (Jan 20, 2015)

Key to the door of my crypt maybe Escorial lol...I am not feeling very optimistic right now! Of course this is all irrelevant because as Cran pointed out, I am in fact 29 and will be until it becomes obvious that I'm not!!


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## escorial (Jan 20, 2015)

well i'm getting to the age were i tell people


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## Abby (Jan 20, 2015)

Tell them your age? Or where to go if they ask it!


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## Bruno Spatola (Jan 20, 2015)

I think you're a stunner, Abby, if you'll excuse the seedy Internet-ness of that comment. Although I'm a lot younger, I think women truly reach their prime around the 35-45 mark. The perfect blend of natural warmth and beauty 

Men get there a bit earlier, I think. They don't tend to go through as many phases. Well, that's my experience, growing up in a house being the only boy(!)


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## Abby (Jan 20, 2015)

AW thanks Bruno, no seedy internetness detected lol, and I will take all the compliments I can get! I think it's ironic that when we're young and at our best we don't appreciate it as we're so full of insecurities and paranoia. Then you look back at old photos and think, why didn't I enjoy it while I had it? Where's the fountain of youth when you need it huh?!


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## dale (Jan 20, 2015)

as long as no one accuses me of being my daughter's grandpa, i'll know i'm still doing ok.


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## midnightpoet (Jan 20, 2015)

At 29, I was already pretty bald.  I remember going to the swimming pool with my girlfriend (who was 21).  Someone remarked I had a pretty daughter.  Ack!  At 29, I looked that old?  Geez.  You should see my driver's license photo.  I look like a cadaver on on a CSI show.:lol:


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## Abby (Jan 20, 2015)

midnightpoet said:


> At 29, I was already pretty bald.  I remember going to the swimming pool with my girlfriend (who was 21).  Someone remarked I had a pretty daughter.  Ack!  At 29, I looked that old?  Geez.  You should see my driver's license photo.  I look like a cadaver on on a CSI show.:lol:


 Lol! I am so glad I'm not male as my dad started going bald at 21 and was completely bald on top by the time he hit 30, my little bro is 30 and going the same way. I'm so happy to have lots of hair!! Sorry to rub it in lol


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## midnightpoet (Jan 20, 2015)

No worries, Abby.  For a long time I had a comb-over and it would fly wildly in a breeze.  I finally gave up and shaved it all off.  I haven't been to a barber in 40 years.  

My wife just turned 68 and she told me her worst birthday was when she turned 40.  Middle age crazies, I guess.  Now she could give a flip what anyone thinks.


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## Galen (Jan 20, 2015)

TKent - thanks for the laughs. I am old, so I understand. But, now I understand old people alot better.


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## W.Goepner (Jan 20, 2015)

Actually, to me Old is like my Grandmother who passed at a ripe old age of 101 four months before her 102nd, now that is old. My uncle is 94 I think, he can walk a little with the aid of the walker, most the time he is wheelchair bound. He calls and talks to my mother and what not I hear mom's side of the conversation and she has to keep him reminded to talk at the phone, to breath through his nose for that is where the Oxygen is.

Oh when I was ten I thought my mom was old at 33. Now that I am 54, she is young at 77. Meaning I will more than likely think of her as being aged well and not "old" for a while yet. Strange how that works.


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## Cran (Jan 20, 2015)

> [h=2]Getting old sucks 				[/h]


The more I see this thread title, the harder I have to fight the temptation to add a 1-900 number...


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## Kevin (Jan 20, 2015)

only thing that bothers me about my age is that statistically I'm going to be dead sooner.


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## Riis Marshall (Jan 20, 2015)

Hello Folks

A couple of years ago they tore down the Civic Arena in Pittsburgh because it was old and broken down and no good to anybody anymore. They cut the retractable stainless steel roof into little pieces and made medallions out of them you could buy as mementos of a bygone era.

I remember when it was built.

That, T, is old and you're absolutely right: it sucks!

All the best with your writing.

Warmest regards
Riis


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## PiP (Jan 20, 2015)

You know when you're getting old, even before you acknowledge it, when Antiques programs on TV feature the furniture and ornaments you bought when you first got married. I jest you not! Apparently it is now retro and hippy chique


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## popsprocket (Jan 20, 2015)

Getting old? Oh man, tell me about it!

I mean, I get hangovers now. _Hangovers._ Can you believe that!?


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## LeeC (Jan 20, 2015)

You're in your prime pops, enjoy it as the day will come when they take all the liquor away, and you won't be fit enough to go out for more ;-)


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## Morkonan (Jan 20, 2015)

Getting old is better than not getting old.

But, my knees creak. I don't use a scale anymore and pay no attention to "diets" - When my knees start creaking when I walk, it's time to lose ten pounds. Who's design idea was that? Why didn't they come up with something simpler, instead of this floaty patella thing that's now loosely joined to some bones by masses of scarred tissue? And, when I look in the mirror, I see where my hairs are deserting me, the little bastards... Who's fault is that? I'm in danger of having a reverse mohawk, for goodness sakes! Why? Why did God or Evolution demand that the top of my head is more susceptible to sunburn the older I get? Does this mean I'm supposed to stay inside, now? Luckily for me, I only see an occasional gray hair on my head and I suppose they're doing all they can. But, I've now got this sort of weird set of white streaks in my goatee, like I just drank a gallon of milk and it's spilling from the corners of my mouth. What's up with that? What purpose does that serve? Is it stylish or laughable? Should I run to the store and get some "Just for Men" beard dye? What kind of pretentious crap is that? And, what about these eyebrow thingies? If I'm not supposed to go outside in the sun in order to protect the top of my head, why are my eyebrows working overtime to help keep water out of my eyes? Oh no... I have wrinkles on my forehead, now, too. What the heck? WHY? It makes me look like I'm stuck in a perpetual look of "_I don't understand what you said, because I can't hear what you said_..." And, why can I hear a gnat fart on the other side of the house at 4am and I can't hear five people yelling at me at the same time? Are my ears falling off or something? Holy crap, there's a hair growing OUT OF MY EAR! WTF? Who the heck decided that was a good idea? Why am I losing hair where I want to keep it and gaining hair where I don't want any? Are the little bastards migrating? Why does the Universe force me to ask these questions?

I am positive that there's a reason for all this and that someone is to blame for it. Perhaps it's the destiny of all of us to realize we're getting older when we start looking around for someone to blame for it... It's probably those kids playing on my lawn, the little ingrates. Tearing up my shrubbery, that's what they're doing! Darn neighbors should never have been so inconsiderate as to spawn. Be right back! I'm going to give them a piece of my mind, as soon as I can remember what room I'm in...


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## Abby (Jan 21, 2015)

Again...so glad I'm female as far as the hair loss thing is concerned, but apart from that I think men age much better than women. Grey streaks on a man look 'distinguished', us women cover them up as quickly as we can for fear of looking old. Men don't need make up, we carry on trowelling it on into our twilight years convinced that those dashes of colour and covering of blemishes can hold back the years somehow. Lines on a mans face add character but we fight every mark and crinkle tooth and nail just to hang onto our youth. Argh, see already I'm thinking of my youth in the past tense now I've crossed the threshold from 30's to 40s...maybe I should just go get measured for my coffin and be done with it!


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## PiP (Jan 21, 2015)

Galen said:


> I am old, so I understand. But, now I understand old people alot better.



I'm right there with you!


LOL Morky, you sound just like my husband! Except for barking dogs when I'm trying to relax by the pool and write, dogs poop on the pavements and beaches,  screaming children in restaurants, cats that poop in my vegetable patch and, and... and... He's way more stressed about life than I am. I swear the TV program 'One Foot in The Grave" was based on him. He's a dead ringer for Victor Meldrew.

Do you remember this TV series, Abby?

[video=youtube_share;mLNrLI3OBwg]http://youtu.be/mLNrLI3OBwg[/video]

I'm way more patient.


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## Morkonan (Jan 21, 2015)

Abby said:


> ... Argh, see already I'm thinking of my youth in the past tense now I've crossed the threshold from 30's to 40s...maybe I should just go get measured for my coffin and be done with it!



First of all, not that you're fishing for compliments, but if your avatar is your picture, you're doing just fine.

Now, with that little uptick of a confidence booster, not that means much coming from a pile of pixels on the interwebz  , we all have to remember that everyone yearns for lost youth. But, most people would simply want to be young again and to know what they know, now, instead of doing the idiotic things they did when they were young.  I could rule the world if I was in my 20's again, knowing what I know today. Would I like to be thirty, tomorrow? Heck yes! Would I like to be thirty as I was and have to relive all that crap over again? Heck no!

We can't regret getting older. Life throws so many opportunities for regret at us that we're not so starved for choices that we have to go around blaming "time" for everything and regretting the fact that we're a slave to it. (Or, a slave to cumulative duplication errors in DNA and cell-death mechanisms, if that's your thing.) I have a suitcase of regrets I periodically dump into my lap and paw through when I'm feeling nostalgic. Do I want another one I can't do anything about? That's right, "Heck no" is the answer. 

Forty is the new thirty!  Yes, it's a tired slogan, but somewhat true these days. For myself, I've reached a bit past that. Not terribly so, but enough to feel the difference. There was a time when I'd think nothing of jumping up on someone's roof to help them repair their house. Today? Screw that, I'll pay someone else to do it and save my knees for important things!

Maybe that's something about getting older we should really care about? "Important Things" seems to be such a broad category when we're younger. Back then, everything was important, everything was critical, everything was the most important thing we'd encountered that week... A filter of a little age and experience helps us to see that there are fare fewer "important" things than we used to think there were. Being fat, skinny, ugly, handsome... Meh, that's not important. Being healthy, no matter what you look like, that is important! Getting a job you can self-actualize through, stunning the world with your success and innovation, grabbing the bestest, most expesivenest things? That's not important. Earning enough to feed you and your family, keep clothes on your backs, a roof over your head, a bit of extra cash for saving and incidentals, maybe a college fund, retirement... that's important. And, as far as making a difference in this world, there's absolutely nothing stopping anyone from doing that, every darn day. I don't need a job at NASA in order to create enthusiasm for space exploration. I don't even need a lab to create new advances in biology, there are plenty of examples in my refrigerator...

Maybe that's it? Maybe it's that it takes us dumb humans a few decades to learn what's important and what's not-so-important? I look into the mirror and regret a few lost hairs. Big deal. At least I'm not bald. And, if I was, so what? Bald is "in", right? So I've got a few grey hairs in my beard and my knees suck. As you say, it looks "distinguished" and I can new knees whenever I want! A few wrinkles, here and there? That's _not_ important. I don't have _skin cancer_. That's important!

Put a filter over your mirror. Let it wean out all the "not important" stuffs. Mirrors aren't cruel, themselves, it's us that causes them to be cruel. A mirror is just an innocent little photon-reflector, trying to do its job. It's up to us to interpret what it shows us. But, even though we know that, we often choose to see things as children, with every little thing being the end of the world and nothing being more important than what's in our face at any one moment. Why must we waste what we've learned over a few decades, gathering experience and knowledge, when we look into a mirror? It's just a mirror. Without us, interpreting it, it would be out of work. So, interpret what it tells you correctly, as a person who has finally lived long enough to figure out what's important.


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## Abby (Jan 21, 2015)

Wise words Morconan! I am still in that raw 'just left my 30's behind' state...I know everything you say is true but it doesn't stop me feeling that pang of nostalgia for what's been and gone, and slight panic about what's coming next. It's not so much about wanting to be young or wanting to go back...and I know I don't look terrible ( and I am NOT fishing for compliments lol!) , it's more that 'end of an era' feeling. I think I've spent my whole 39th year dreading this moment, now it's here I feel deflated. Hopefully that will turn into relief at some point soon!


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## Schrody (Jan 21, 2015)

Kevin said:


> only thing that bothers me about my age is that statistically I'm going to be dead sooner.



Not necessarily  You may live up to 100. 



popsprocket said:


> Getting old? Oh man, tell me about it!
> 
> I mean, I get hangovers now. _Hangovers._ Can you believe that!?



You're barely legal


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## Courtjester (Jan 30, 2015)

*Growing Old With A Smile*
​Actress/vocalist,  Julie Andrews, born 1st October 1935, to commemorate her birthday made a  special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall  for the  benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was ‘My  Favourite Things’  from the movie ‘Sound Of Music’, in which she played  the leading role.


These are the lyrics she used:
 Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
 Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
 Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
 These are a few of my favourite things.

 Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
 Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
 Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
  These are a few of my favourite things.

 When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
 When the knees go bad,
 I simply remember my favourite things,
  And then I don’t feel so bad.

 Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
 No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
 Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
 These are a few of my favourite things.

 Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
 Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
 And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
 When we remember our favourite things.

 When the joints ache, when the hips creak,
 When the eyes grow dim,
 But I remember the great life I’ve had,
 Then I don’t feel so bad.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Try singing it – that makes it particularly funny!

Ms Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd.
It lasted over four minutes and repeated encores were asked for.
​P.S.  AARP, Inc., formerly the American Association of Retired Persons, is a  United States-based non-governmental organization and interest group,  founded in 1958 by Ethel Percy Andrus, PhD, a retired educator from  California, and based in Washington, D.C. It is a membership  organisation for people age fifty and over.

* * *
​


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## Abby (Jan 30, 2015)

That's brilliant!!


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## Courtjester (Jan 31, 2015)

*Neurological Test*

1- Find the C below.
Please do not use the cursor to help you.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass the above three tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. 
Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!

Eonvrye who can raed this rsaie your hnad.
To my 'selected' strange-minded friends:

This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too.

Can you raed this? Apparently olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
​ 
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae . The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
* * * ​


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## W.Goepner (Jan 31, 2015)

I found each of the three characters in under three seconds each, about fifteen seconds overall. 

I am also one that can read things in the mirror, though it tends to make me a little sick. The scrambled lettering that was used in this was stretched a bit further than other tests, I have seen. I was able to follow the wording correctly any ways. Though it too, leaves me queasy.

-edit-

There is a trick to the letters and number find. 

First the C look for what is missing, not the letter. 

Next the 6, Same principle as the C, but look for the completed loop on the bottom. 

The N is trickier, again look for what is missing. When you think about the N it does not have the second line up, other half of the V in the middle. 

Here is a N in sections; l\l, An M; l\/l. I am not sure if it shows you what I am thinking or trying to express, but that is how I look for these things.


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## W.Goepner (Jan 31, 2015)

It is almost a hindrance being a mechanical engineer's son. He taught me to see a lot of things, as a puzzle to be taken apart and rebuilt.


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## Carly Berg (Feb 1, 2015)

Getting old does suck but it's better than the alternative! :smile2:


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## Schrody (Feb 1, 2015)

dale said:


> i get to turn 46 next month, but i still like to pretend i'm 16...so it don't matter much.



Nah, you're 35. Period.


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## Abby (Feb 1, 2015)

No probs here!! Found all 3 letters straight away and read sentence, looks like my brain is still young, Yay!


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## belthagor (Feb 1, 2015)

Schrody said:


> Nah, you're 35. Period.



Nope, not gonna make a pun, I must resist!


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## W.Goepner (Feb 2, 2015)

Carly Berg said:


> Getting old does suck but it's better than the alternative! :smile2:



If you are meaning the alternative be death, Your right. If you mean getting young sucks, which is the reverse, then you are wrong. Well at least until they wont let me drive anymore.

- - - Updated - - -

Now that would be a concept. Grow old until about 70 or so, then let it reverse and we grow younger until we... hm... what outcome is better?


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## Plasticweld (Feb 2, 2015)

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae . The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was I
pmorantt!


I Can't see how this takes any skill to read this.  All my writing looks like this until I use spell check.  I would have assumed it was something I had written in the past but realized that it is punctuated properly and it is not missing any words, so I know it is not something I could have crafted.


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## dither (Feb 2, 2015)

W.Goepner said:


> If you are meaning the alternative be death, Your right. If you mean getting young sucks, which is the reverse, then you are wrong. Well at least until they wont let me drive anymore.
> 
> - - - Updated - - -
> 
> Now that would be a concept. Grow old until about 70 or so, then let it reverse and we grow younger until we... hm... what outcome is better?



Not for me mate. Once was enough.


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## Plasticweld (Feb 2, 2015)

Getting old has its advantages. 

 My wife looks 20 years younger when I take off my glasses

I hear only half of what she says

I can always use the excuse that I can't remember what she said or I thought she said something different. 

My middle aged kids stopped asking for money. 

 4 college degrees are finally paid for, none of which were mine. 

I can drive a sports car and look just like every other foolish old rich guy with gray hair .....And feel really good about it. 

Women talk to me because I am just a harmless old guy.

Young kids think I might be their grandfather so are actually are more polite 

I get to beat the crowds at the restaurants, for some odd reason I now believe that supper time is really sometimes closer to 5 pm then 7 pm.   Don't forget that senior discount. 


When I don't know something, never even  knew it,  I can always say I just forgot and  no one questions me.  


While it sucks to be a foolish young guy, being a foolish old man is some how acceptable and sometimes even envied.

I know there was one  more but I forgot it....And that's OK


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## qwertyman (Feb 3, 2015)

Elephants live as long as we do but, as the saying goes, ‘elephants never forget’. For instance they all remember the way to the elephant’s graveyard.

In 1950  a young boy accompanied his father on safari in Africa.  They became separated and the boy comes across an elephant whose legs have been tangled in barbed wire and in its frantic efforts to release himself had snapped one of his tusks.

The boy calms the elephant and releases him from the barbed wire.

Sixty years later the boy is now a grandfather and takes his grandson to the circus.  He notices one of the elephants has only one tusk and is reminded of the incident sixty years ago.  The elephant also spots the grandfather and ambles over to the side of the ring and lifts the grandfather out of his seat in the sixth row, holds him high in the air and shows him to the audience and then smashes him into the ground and tramples him to death…different elephant.

The moral of this story is, never rely on dental records.


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## Courtjester (Feb 7, 2015)

*Thanks For The Memory*
​ 
Leslie Townes Hope, better known as Bob Hope, 1903 – 2003, was born in Eltham, London, England. Comedian, vaudevillian, actor, singer, dancer, athlete, and author, his career spanned nearly eighty years. He appeared in over seventy films and shorts, including a series of Road Movies co-starring Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour. In addition to hosting the Academy Awards fourteen times, more than any other host, he appeared in many stage productions and television roles and was the author of fourteen books. The song ‘Thanks For the Memory’ is widely regarded to be his signature tune.

On his death bed Bob was asked where he wanted to be buried. He replied: ‘Surprise me.’ Here are a few more of his quotes:

ON TURNING 70
‘I still chase women, but only downhill.’

ON TURNING 80
‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’

ON TURNING 90
‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

ON TURNING 100
‘I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER OF BOXING
‘I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
‘Welcome to the Academy Awards or as it’s called at my home ‘Passover’.

ON GOLF
‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’

ON PRESIDENTS
‘I have performed for twelve presidents but entertained only six.’

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBUSINESS FOR HIS CAREER
‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother: ‘Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.’’

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’

ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY
‘Four of us slept in one bed. When it got cold mother threw on another brother.’

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
‘That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.’

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
‘I would not have had anything to eat if it weren’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.’

ON GOING TO HEAVEN
‘I’ve done benefits for all religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.’
Thank you, Bob, for sharing your gifts with us so generously and for such a long time. 

* * *​


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## Loveabull (Feb 14, 2015)

Plastic you are awesome, thank you. Getting old in a nutshell means so much wisdom and things don't faze you so much, yet you can find it in yourself to be outspoken about the important things. However the suckiest thing about aging is how at around 50 things start hurting you didn't know you had...and it's all frickin' downhill from here.

PS I just got hired for a part time position...the manager, roughly the age of my eldest son merrily informs me I'm now the oldest person in the store...oh yayyy call me Mom or Gran or whatever the...hey, it's gainful employment.


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