# In The Stars



## Krizzteena (Aug 14, 2014)

I just started writing lyrics and I want to get some help on it. Do any of you have any suggestions for this song?
its not completed by the way XD

Verse 1:

Time can't make me forget you
After a thousand light years you'll still be on my mind
Your memory, etched in the stars
Will Never fade from my view

Our love fills the galaxies
A never ending light
Hope that I'll see you again
Makes me wish upon the stars
We'll make it in time, we'll be together again

Chorus:

Across the sky, across the stars
Our hearts still beat in time
Our thoughts collide, thinking of our memories
In time I'll be next to you
When all the stars are aligned
Till then, I'll just meet you in the midnight sky


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## Pandora (Aug 14, 2014)

Krizzteena, I have no talent at lyrics, I admire yours. I only have praise, I'm sure a songwriter here might have a suggestion.

The chorus is gorgeous I can hear that repeat well. The last two lines special, I thought of my sister, she's gone now, she would love those lyrics. 

The first verse tells the listener of lasting love. For me personally I love references as the ones you have used, space, stars, light, time, memories and of course love. I really like the everlasting feel beyond our world. The bridge love is between here and there. 

Well done!  I enjoyed!


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## xRiotZx (Aug 14, 2014)

This is way more poetry than lyrics, there's no discernible rhythm here, nothing you could sing to a song, without making the structure totally unorthodox or totally changing how the verses are aligned. 

My critique is that, this annoys me "After a thousand light years you'll still be on my mind"
It's way too long, it's repetitive (somehow), and light years do not measure time they measure distance, so it works, but it still sounds very wonky and cliche to me.


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## Pidgeon84 (Aug 14, 2014)

This is beautiful! Please don't stop posting lol.


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## mariskakim (Aug 15, 2014)

Hi Krizzteena,

First of all, I think your lyrics are absolutely beautiful! They grabbed me from the start, which is why I want to try really hard to give you some advice you'll be able to use. I am no songwriter and I have no experience writing lyrics at all, but I do play the piano and sing in a choir, so I have some music experience ;-) 

I find it very hard to judge lyrics without having the music to go with them, which is why I make up a tune in my mind. I'm sure the tune in my head is completely different from the music you have written these lyrics for, but I hope my advice will help anyway.

With regards to the verse I haven't got anything specific. If I were you, I would look at the rythm and how it fits in your music - maybe add or cut a syllable here and there? For a song, it also tends to be easier to listen to if you use rhyme or half rhyme, but for me that's by no means a necessity.

I had a look at your chorus, and this is what I came up with:


Across the sky, across the stars
Our hearts still beat in time

Thinking of our memories
Our thoughts _and dreams_ collide - _I have added this, because it helps with the rythm_

_I have also swapped the two previous lines around, because you can use the half rhyme at the end of every sentence that way: in time, collide, aligned_

In time I'll be next to you
When all the stars are aligned – _technically this sentence has one syllable too much for the rhythm, but it doesn’t really bother me and could very well fit perfectly with the music_

Till then, I'll just meet you in the midnight sky _– you could possibly repeat this line?_


Anyway, I really hope this was of any help. Definitely keep going with the song, you’re on the right track!!

Mariska


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## Erik Fantasia (Aug 18, 2014)

I would suggest a better sense of rhythm, possible by adding words or syllabls here and there. Of course, I may be reading it wrong. 

It has a lot of power to it, which could be enrichened by adding lyrics that stepped out of the point of the narration and went to the past.


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## Seth4473 (Sep 2, 2014)

Really beautiful lyrics!  My only suggestion would be the more of the two r words, rhyme and rhythm


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