# I don't feel sorry for me, but you should.



## Boofy (Jun 1, 2016)

I had a talk with a really troubled friend recently and it inspired me to write this. It's not well thought out or anything. I usually write poems over the course of ten minutes when the feelings are raw/inspiration strikes. I tend to leave the tweaking for a couple of weeks, ha. Still, I think it's important to explore the reasons people are motivated to do whatever it is they do, and I wanted to explore her crippled self esteem in this. Aw... and my poems were always so cheery, too. 


*I don't feel sorry for me, but you should.*

My love isn't exclusive
but its flickering hues
remind me that, right now,
I love you more than other dudes.
I'm being honest with myself
because I've tried; I can't contain
the impulse that I have to melt
when someone smiles my way.
If they're taken it's a challenge
I romanticise,
I make contact with my lips
first and_ then_ with my eyes.
Could movies have ruined
that fabled "one" for me
with their twisted up 
H. Pinter-esque absurdity?
Or could it be my self esteem?
It's dripping on the glass
of my £1 Wilko's mirror...
Nah, it can't be that.
I love myself and so does
my troupe of loyal sycophants.
They'll never leave me,
they all want to get inside my pants.


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## Gyarachu (Jun 1, 2016)

Boofy said:


> Or could it be my self esteem?
> It's dripping on the glass
> of my £1 Wilko's mirror...



Amazing imagery, there.

Loved this one, Boofy. Only thing I might say is maybe (maybe) consider breaking it into stanzas. It just makes for a cleaner look. Then again, you are by far the superior writer and it was probably a conscious choice.

You are quite the natural at this.


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## Boofy (Jun 1, 2016)

N'aww, I actually don't know what to say. I have this urge to tell you off for calling me a superior writer, though. Ha. ^^;

It was initially in stanzas but it didn't look right. Or, iunno maybe feel right? I guess I deleted them because I wanted the separate thoughts to look like they directly followed on from one another, kind of deliberately confused and mashed together. I used to write a lot of poetry but this is the first since before I started university. I was actually really nervous posting it up. It's been a while since I've had to share, too. I really appreciate you reading it. Thank you, Gya :3


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## Gyarachu (Jun 1, 2016)

Boofy said:


> It was initially in stanzas but it didn't look right. Or, iunno maybe feel right? I guess I deleted them because I wanted the separate thoughts to look like they directly followed on from one another, kind of deliberately confused and mashed together.



I would 100% go with your intuition, then.



> I used to write a lot of poetry but this is the first since before I started university. I was actually really nervous posting it up. It's been a while since I've had to share, too.



Do the world a favor and never stop writing. :wink:

Like, even when you're dead.

I expect centuries worth of stockpiled material marked for posthumous release. I'd get started on that ASAP if I were you.


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## TJ1985 (Jun 1, 2016)

When you come back to tweak this one in a couple weeks... what do you plan to tweak? I don't see anything that really needs an adjustment beyond the fact that I'm a dummy American boy who wasn't really sure what a Wilko's mirror was and how it worked in context. It's solid Boof, if you can "fix it", you might have to break it first so you'll have something to "fix".


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## Boofy (Jun 1, 2016)

Alright, you're all just trying to butter me up now, I'm sure of it. It's okay, TJ. If your eyes started bleeding you can tell me... maybe consult with a doctor first though. Heh. Thank you so much. It's hard to take on such heady compliments after all this time away. I see I am going to need some practice, ha. :3 /eHug


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## DesertPrince (Jun 1, 2016)

Great, its a kind of lyrics style
Loved it.. Well done


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## Boofy (Jun 1, 2016)

Thank you for the read, DP ^^;

And welcome to the forum!


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## Mutimir (Jun 2, 2016)

Boofy said:


> Alright, you're all just trying to butter me up now, I'm sure of it. It's okay, TJ. If your eyes started bleeding you can tell me... maybe consult with a doctor first though. Heh. Thank you so much. It's hard to take on such heady compliments after all this time away. I see I am going to need some practice, ha. :3 /eHug



Don't forget:

"They'll never leave me,
they all want to get inside my pants."


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## Boofy (Jun 2, 2016)

I uh. Okay then! Thanks for reading, M.


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## PrinzeCharming (Jun 2, 2016)

Hey Boofball, 

I saw this earlier, but didn't have time to respond. I am pleased to see inspiration stem from reaching out to those in need. The best time to express is exactly around those times. Raw emotion is great for expression. I was going to question about the stanzas, but I read the other comments to keep quiet. I am going to play around with your 'bars'. Let's see if anything can be tightened. 

In L1, "My love isn't exclusive" can be also written as, "My non-exclusive love," if you wanted a different approach. Then, in L2, you can flow with, "has flickering hues." That removes, 'but its'. I like the other word choices and the depicted imagery unfolding. The vibe of urgency, "right now" is a nice touch. I can relate to the impulses. It's not really a smile that triggers the "can't step back" feeling. Dimples are common catalysts. It's probably the way body heat transfers across the fingertips. That gets me melting. When you say, 'taken' you mean in a relationship? Not taken by you? The movie reference is a nice touch to reality and modern dating. Your self-esteem should take responsibility to some degree. I like the imagery behind, "dripping on the glass... " brilliant. Beth, if they want your lint, make them work for it! Stay strong. Keep that lint protected in those pants. 

Thanks for sharing!


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## Bard_Daniel (Jun 2, 2016)

I really like the title first off. It is an engaging way to get someone to look at the work for sure. "Flickering hues" is a really nice touch. Referencing Harold Pinter was also a good choice, methinks. Your ending two lines also bring the poem a notable and intriguing conclusion. All in all, I think it's great. My two nitpicks are in your fourth line (dudes) just doesn't seem to work for me and (nah) also does seem to be out of place. I would recommend putting "men" in the first circumstance and "no" in the second one. However, these are just my suggestions. You may want it to have more of an informal effect. I just thought that it interrupts the flow of the poem and the beauty of the language a little. 

Keep on writing Boofy! You're doing good! : D


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## Boofy (Jun 2, 2016)

I think you may be right where the informal language is concerned, Daniel. I'll definitely look into it when I do a rewrite. Thank you so much for reading it. As usual, your comments are right on the money. ^^;

Edit: Oh, Anthony, I completely missed your comments there for a sec! Thank you for taking the time to read and provide me feedback. You raise some really great points and it's definitely worth my going back to take a look at the language s'more. I've started re-reading it in my head like a rap. It's unfortunate, to say the least. Make it stop! ;-;

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I said friend where I should have said sister in the background, really. At the time it didn't feel appropriate but expanding on the background a little can provide clarity. She's going through the same issues my Mum has for years and it's a little hard to watch at times. She's been engaged four times already. Whenever she has a boyfriend she makes them create a joint facebook account to keep tabs on what they're doing, but inevitably ends up getting insecure and moving on before breaking things off with the last. She really struggles to be on her own.

 Having been in an, albeit unsuccessful, six year relationship myself I just can't understand that mentality. I mean it was off for a year and then we tried again and it didn't work out, but we really tried. People don't seem to want to do that any more. I want to help her out but I must just come off as superior or disapproving, ha. This was almost my way of trying to really get into the mindset of somebody with that kind of cripplingly low self worth. I'm not sure I'll ever show her it though. Gods, that could end badly for me. Pfaha.

I'm blaming the instant gratification era for her suffering, though I imagine the lofty standards of beauty set for men and women alike have a lot to do with it too.


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