# This Lady is a Moon



## qwertyportne (Sep 8, 2014)

The stars put on the same old 
twinkle, twinkle every night.

But she removes her velvet wrap 
curve by curve,
then stands in the cold spotlight alone--
still, iridescent and nude.

Owls ask “Who? Who? Who are you?”
Wolves and lovers beg to see.
She winks at them 
but shows her private side 
to only me.

She sends me love notes, too—
not in tossed bottles 
but riding waves kissing sand. 
I read her ebb and flow in the tide 
lapping code upon the shore.

She followed me home last night
quietly as smoke drifting through the trees--
her soft cheeks cratered with scars 
where critics had tossed hard things at her.

To light my way?
To tease my dreams?
Who can tell?
But I liked walking
wrapped beguilingly 
in her big-eyed glow.


----------



## E. Zamora (Sep 9, 2014)

This is good, and a fun read. But I think the poem would be more enjoyable if you let the reader discover what it's about instead of using the title to tell us up front; even if it is fairly obvious. I think any amount of surprise or moment of recognition is better than none.

Nice work.

Cheers,

Esteban


----------



## Firemajic (Sep 9, 2014)

2nd stanza--really nice, mysterious even. 4th stanza--I thought was quite beautiful. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for posting.  Peace...Jul


----------



## shedpog329 (Sep 9, 2014)

mmm I love this line...

"I read her ebb and flow in the tide 
lapping code upon the shore."


----------



## jenthepen (Sep 9, 2014)

I loved the whole thing - to personalise the moon as a lover in this way is inspired. The first four-line stanza is my favourite. Anyone who has seen a full moon moving into a small break in the cloud will know that this observation is spot on. I stood and watched the moon do just that a couple of nights ago. I was mesmerised but, had I been able to read this poem first, it would have been even more magical. Great poem.

I agree with Esteban about the title. It would be more powerful, I think, to let the reader discover that this lady is the moon.


----------



## Cyborg (Sep 10, 2014)

The stop and start nature of the structure is awesome, I love where the pauses and such flow. It's oddly beautiful, in way not always found. Some poems have beauty in that their lines roll into one another, but this one each line even has division in it, but somehow it makes the mood. It's like the description is bubbling. Very awesome!


----------



## Megookin (Sep 11, 2014)

I enjoyed reading this.  The words you chose to dance with were well chosen.


----------



## qwertyportne (Sep 12, 2014)

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Over the years I got the impression most poets take the attitude of, "Oh no, not another poem about the moon." But one moon-lit night I couldn't resist the temptation to try my own. And since two of you thought the title should be changed, let me know what you think of these...


Who, Who, Who Are You?
She Sends Me Love Notes
This Lady Followed Me Home Last Night
Or...?


----------



## Megookin (Sep 12, 2014)

or My Evening Mistriss


----------



## jenthepen (Sep 13, 2014)

I'm a romantic, so I like 'She Sends Me Love Notes' 

On the other hand, it seems a shame to miss out on the nocturnal connection and that makes me like Megookin's suggestion.

Or even, 'My Lady of the Night'

Titles can set the tone for the whole poem, I've discovered, so it depends what you want this one to say.


----------



## shedpog329 (Sep 13, 2014)

I'm gonna have to disagree with the title change, I think the poem is too alluring without the title.  Although the poem would stand on its own, the reference of the moon allows meaning unbeknownst without it.

Unless you want to change it, then I'd say.. "Who, Who, Who are You" is the best choice.


----------



## PiP (Sep 13, 2014)

I enjoyed the poem, QwertyP. Especially this stanza.

Owls ask “Who? Who? Who are you?”
Wolves and lovers beg to see.
She winks at them 
but shows her private side 
to only me.

The sound of the owls in your choice of words was inspired and made me smile


----------



## qwertyportne (Sep 13, 2014)

Wow, so many good suggestions. I've never left a poem "Untitled" and sometimes make the title the first line. In this case, I wanted readers to know "This Lady is a Moon" but never found a way to work that into the poem itself. For some readers, I think it does give away too much and therefore might not encourage them to invest as much of themselves in the poem as they would have with a more, what, mysterious or subtle title. For other readers, well, it sets the stage just right. I like all of your suggestions, including Shedpogs to just leave it be! Thanks everyone. You are obviously all fans of my "Lunar Lover" which, wait... hey, that's...


----------



## wainscottbl (Sep 14, 2014)

I found it seductive. It made me think of the second skit from Luchino Visconti's "Boccaccio '70", the one with the lady on the billboard advertisement for the milk. Look it up on Netflix. A great piece of foreign film. If you've scene that, you know what I am talking about. I thought "The owl's ask who? who? who are you" was a bit forced or tasteless at first, but I suppose it works. There might not be anyway to redo it without taking away form the poem. 

I really like the seductive imagery of the second and fourth stanzas though.


----------



## wainscottbl (Sep 14, 2014)

For some reason I am thinking of Karlie Kloss now. My subconscious must be talking to me...:icon_colors:


----------

