# Disturbed



## Firemajic (Dec 2, 2016)

_The breath of a thousand dying summers
disturbed the sanctity of my illusion 
destroying the thin veneer of peace
long ago deceased 

Restless with remorse
I pace leaving solitary tracks
on arms veined in shades of
blue forget me not

A thread thin bracelet
adorned with crimson pearls
shackle my wounded wrists 
in cupped hands I catch my disease

Flowers bloom on bare feet
Picasso petals paint the bathroom floor
the scent of a thousand dying summers
enchant me

_


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## sas (Dec 2, 2016)

Why the past tense only on first stanza? Why not:

_The breath of a thousand dying summers
disturb the sanctity of my illusion 
destroy the thin veneer of peace
long ago deceased 

__Should not the third & second stanza be reversed. Wouldn't "remorse" come after "wounded wrists"? Hmmm

I know it sounds poetic, but "my essence" seems off. I know you do not want to say blood....any other ideas? 

You certainly should know if "enchant" is correct word on last line. It seems wrong. This is not an enchanting scene. Who would find it so? Maybe something more along this image:

the scent of a thousand dying summers
holds me

At first, I considered "embraces me", but seemed a pedestrian choice. 

A most uniquely told story.  sas
._


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## Firemajic (Dec 3, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> _The breath of a thousand dying summers
> disturbed the sanctity of my illusion
> destroying the thin veneer of peace
> long ago deceased
> ...




sas, thank you for your comments... I think maybe I missed the mark here...  anyway, I always love seeing my poetry through your keen eye..


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## sas (Dec 3, 2016)

I read suicide. "A thin red bracelet..." brought to mind a slit wrist. "Picasso petals..." were seen as blood splatters on the floor. Even the title did not direct me elsewhere. Perhaps a simple title change could help. I know some poets don't care if their poem isn't understood. I'm not one of them. For instance, have I ever contemplated suicide? No. Murder, yes. So, I'd want my poem understood even by those of us whose brains may be getting fuzzed. Impactful poem, none the less. Hope you reconsider title. I'd liked to have read it correctly the first time, especially given the topic.


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## Firemajic (Dec 3, 2016)

I understand what you are saying, and I respect your sharp insight.. Addiction is a loss of control.. taking one's life is taking back control... so, the 2 are entwined... there are complexities to addiction that can only be understood by the addict..


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## sas (Dec 3, 2016)

Well, I'd have to disagree about suicide taking back control. It is the ultimate act of giving up control.


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## escorial (Dec 3, 2016)

light and breezy you ain't.....Piccaso bit got my attention..could you elaborate...?


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## Firemajic (Dec 3, 2016)

escorial said:


> light and breezy you ain't.....Piccaso bit got my attention..could you elaborate...?





Picasso was a Symbolist ... he also liked to paint the dregs of society... prostitutes, beggars, misfits......... freaks... 
It is believed that he used his own blood as paint...
so, in this poem, my own blood painted flowers on the bathroom floor.... something like that...
Thank you for reading...


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## escorial (Dec 3, 2016)

dregs of society you mention i can say i have had as friends over the years.....pablo paintin with his blood..wow....cheers jul's


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## Firemajic (Dec 3, 2016)

escorial said:


> dregs of society you mention i can say i have had as friends over the years.....pablo paintin with his blood..wow....cheers jul's





"Dregs of society"... Picasso's words... not mine....


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## escorial (Dec 3, 2016)

cool jul's...your the coolest freak i've ever known...


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## Firemajic (Dec 3, 2016)

escorial said:


> cool jul's...your the coolest freak i've ever known...






:roll: ... Thanks... I try..


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## Nellie (Dec 3, 2016)

sas said:


> I read suicide. "A thin red bracelet..." brought to mind a slit wrist. "Picasso petals..." were seen as blood splatters on the floor. Even the title did not direct me elsewhere. Perhaps a simple title change could help. I know some poets don't care if their poem isn't understood. I'm not one of them. For instance, have I ever contemplated suicide? No. Murder, yes. So, I'd want my poem understood even by those of us whose brains may be getting fuzzed. Impactful poem, none the less. Hope you reconsider title. I'd liked to have read it correctly the first time, especially given the topic.




For me, the title means many things. It is shouting at me that a mentally "Disturbed" person is about to do something regretful. I like poems that leave others guessing at the meaning. 

Nicely written, Juls. Thank for sharing your intimate thoughts


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## Phil Istine (Dec 3, 2016)

Loved it, Julia.
It resonated with me.


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## Firemajic (Dec 6, 2016)

Nellie said:


> For me, the title means many things. It is shouting at me that a mentally "Disturbed" person is about to do something regretful. I like poems that leave others guessing at the meaning.
> 
> Nicely written, Juls. Thank for sharing your intimate thoughts




Nellie. I did want the reader to take from this poem, their own perception, based on their own struggles... Poems like this are not easy for me to write, and maybe.. are not easy for some to read... A disturbance can be a tiny event, but it can be the straw that breaks the camel's back... Thank you for your insight, and thank you for commenting...



Phil Istine said:


> Loved it, Julia.
> It resonated with me.




I thought, well... I hoped you would understand... that means so much to me, to be heard... and to know that someone understands my struggle... love you to bits... thank you...


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