# She awaits



## Gumby (Aug 10, 2010)

removed


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## Moonxw (Aug 10, 2010)

Amazing.  The content drew me in more than anything, but the pacing was also very great.  With scarcely a touch of fancy language, you've produced something rather extraordinary.  I love it.


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## caelum (Aug 11, 2010)

Wow, this one seems pretty angry for you, Gumby!  It's true—looks can be a drug, can sadly outweigh things like personality in the guaging of a partner (I assume the mistress is attractive).

You raise one of those age-old of mysteries: what happens to the promiscuous as time goes on?  Oh—they're still there, from what I've seen.  Pretending they're a lot younger than they are, and usually kidless.  You see them in the bars (not that I'm a bar hound).  This can apply to males as well as females, because I've known some real man-skanks.  Awesome poem.  The usual Gumby standard. 

-cae


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## Martin (Aug 11, 2010)

The narrator is very all-knowing in this. And with such a characterisation of a woman and the somewhat blunt generalisation of men, it almost seems a bit theatrical! I think I would like to know more about who the narrator is in this case.

The ending perspective sort of changes the theme of the piece, almost bringing compassion to the table. Yet if that is intended I'd say it's too unclear and so the perspective comes off as a little random.


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 11, 2010)

The title implies not, but I was left wondering if she is an actual woman or the personification of something else, as "Fate" is.


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## Gumby (Aug 11, 2010)

Moonxw, thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate them.

foxryder, thank you for commenting. Yes, they are harsh words, but time is a harsh thing.

Caelum, you're a sweetheart! This isn't a real woman/mistress. I was trying to personify time and how cruel she can be.

Martin, it is a little theatrical and the narrator was a bit of an all knowing smarty pants.  Still, I was speaking of time and not a real woman, though I see it didn't come across clearly. Thank you for reading and commenting my friend.

Olly, you are quite correct in that this was a personification, not a real person. The title was meant to suggest 'time' a little play on the saying, 'time waits for no man'. Thanks for reading.


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## Firebird (Aug 11, 2010)

Hi Gumby,

I really liked this - clear and concise. Reminded me of one of the riddles from the book of Exeter. I am assuming the answer to the riddle is 'time' who waits for no man (I maybe wrong though). I too loved the third stanza.

Thank you for a great read.

Love,

Firebird


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## Gumby (Aug 11, 2010)

Thank you Firebird. You are not wrong, and it does seem a bit like a riddle... intentionally.


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 11, 2010)

Strange how the fickle and impatient, like fate and time, are depicted as women when as wives and mothers they are so often the one who is patient and loyal, maybe you should break the mould next time Gumby


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## Gumby (Aug 11, 2010)

Ha, ha! I've already been accused by someone on another site, as having changed their idea of time, from a man (Father Time) to a woman. :tongue:


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## Moonxw (Aug 11, 2010)

I don't Gumby going sexist against herself as feasible. :tongue:


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## SilverMoon (Aug 12, 2010)

> A fickle mistress,
> she will bring no warmth
> to your bed-
> but clouds the mind
> and vision of all men


 
Cindy, this had me wondering from start; "_fickle mistress"_ . There seemed to be no corelation to "_but clouds of the mind and vision of all men" _if read literally. I read the whole literally, then again figuratively. And was firmly set on the latter. Good. You gave "Father Time" a vacation away from verse. Used so often, it can become trite. 

Your metaphor for time as a woman was brilliant. You chose a scheme that gave you so much leeway with femine imagery, expecially in the second and third stanza. 

A stunning piece yet so clever. Difficult to peg your best piece but this ranks so high! Laurie


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## Martin (Aug 12, 2010)

I did actually think it might be a metaphor, but it seemed too characterized to be so, so I didn't really follow that thought. None the less it put a rather negative spin on 'time', neglecting sayings such as 'time heals all wounds' yet I'm sure it then accommodates others...


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## Gumby (Aug 12, 2010)

Hey Moonxw, thanks for the back up! 

Laurie, thank you so much for commenting on this one, I always appreciate your take and opinion on things.

Martin, you are right that this is a negative take on time, and certainly didn't hit the kinder aspects of it. Ah well, I'll save those for another poem.  Thanks again!


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## Chesters Daughter (Aug 14, 2010)

Cindy, my dear, I love this. A bit of a departure for you, yet still as exquisitely executed. S3 is to die for, literally, I guess. I haven't read all the comments, will do so asap. I just get the computer back and my son just comes home with a carload of groceries so off I must go, but I'll be back.


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## Andrew Schaeffer (Aug 17, 2010)

aside from the great words, you painted an excellent image of the wicked woman.


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## J.R. MacLean (Aug 17, 2010)

Cindy, this is elegantly done and evokes a sense of mystery. The third stanza rocks, leaving me (always the critic!) wishing for a somewhat stronger ending, perhaps something a little more 'deathly'. The first stanza is insightful; we perpetually cloud our minds with thoughts of past or future. The use of 'men', though it plays on the title, may detract a little here, because of the implied exclusion of women. Did you consider using 'mankind' instead, or simply stopping at 'all'?

J.R.


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## Gumby (Aug 17, 2010)

Thank you J.R. and I've taken your advice and dropped the _men _from the first stanza. You just keep being the critic, as that's just what we need here.


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## Fox80 (Aug 19, 2010)

That was just amazing. Incredible wording. It hit me especially hard because, sadly, that describes most of the women in my life. Can I ask if the fickle mistress is a person or a metaphor?


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## Gumby (Aug 19, 2010)

Hi Fox, thank you for the read.

 I'm sorry to hear that your life is filled with such women. I've known a few women like that, too. I used her as a metaphor for time. Not the kinder aspects of time, but the cruel ones. Glad you enjoyed.


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## Fox80 (Aug 20, 2010)

Gumby said:


> I'm sorry to hear that your life is filled with such women.


That's my fault. I always have to have the tall, beautiful, sexy ones, without considering their personalities or degrees of sanity.




Gumby said:


> I used her as a metaphor for time. Not the kinder aspects of time, but the cruel ones.


 Ahhh! Brilliant - very creative! Well done.


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## Gumby (Aug 20, 2010)

Thank you.


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## Connway (Aug 20, 2010)

Short, simple and well paced. As previously stated, the following stanza was especially astounding. 

"Her lips are not pursed
 for kissing-
 they whistle down the hawk,
 to snatch away your moments,
 like vermin from the field."

I prefer this style of poetry more so than long fanciful writings. Well done. I believe every man encounters a woman like this someday in his life. I know I've met one.


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## Ruby1120 (Sep 2, 2010)

Wow, I really really really liked this poem! I especially love poems that make you think over them, or re-read them a few times just to get everything you can out of them, and this did just that! I loved it


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## Gumby (Sep 2, 2010)

Thank you Ruby1120, those are very kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed this one.


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## RecoverylessRecovery (Sep 2, 2010)

Very, very nice Gumby! This would make great lyrics for a song too.8)


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## Gumby (Sep 2, 2010)

Thank you Recovery. Ah, another 'wicked woman' song, eh?


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## Lady S (Sep 3, 2010)

The metaphor is really graphic, Cindy.  I think that this could be applies to a few things and that's not a bad thing at all.


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