# Dawn Comes To The Sleepless



## jpatricklemarr (Dec 14, 2010)

*Dawn Comes To The Sleepless*

somewhere in the waking world
a seraph haunts my dreams
surfing on the airwaves
and satellitic beams

perching on my brainstem
like Edgar’s demon bird
nevermore to flutter
much less utter gracious word

saintly apparitions cast
their blind eyes to my fate
the faithful and the fallen
and his wordplay second-rate

the cherub pisses indigo
on worlds I would give breath
a sea of stench and stutter
that the penman knows is death

out there in a rested mind
an angel hunts each thought
pouncing on allusions
that, by dusk, shall all be rot


NOTE: Yes, I know "Satellitic" is not a real word. But I like it. So there.


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## ODaly (Dec 14, 2010)

Firstly: Satellitic is as much a word as you make it. I also enjoy making new words to say what I mean, so keep it up! (Were those two lines a reference to the internet, perhaps?)

I think the rhymes of S3 and S5 weren't quite up to the same level of your others, but either way, you stuck to structure much better than I ever can. Is this a letter to your (or a) muse? Poems like that always sound to me like prayers for inspiration.

Sorry it's not much, but overall it's a good read. Thanks.


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## Sync (Dec 14, 2010)

You write like a good friend of mine, and that's nice to see. Not exactly like but what two poets are  You have a smoothed style. I didn't even have to see the rhyme, so felt as free as free-verse. 

very nice

thanks for the read.

*as I read this, and you brought up Poe, I wondered if you ever considered using on S2 L2  ' Like Edgar Allen Poe' to go to the source of that mood in that famous poem, of course then you could still keep the syllable at 6, and then the L4 could be  'Much less utter gracious woe'  - again attached to the mind of Poe as he perches on your mind -   I ask this because its the first image that came to me. Probably because you drew this poem so well.**

Anyway, I wouldn't change a thing, what I mentioned above is just my curiousity. This poem is far beyond my grasp of poetry critiquing, and so even better for the read.

thanks

Sync


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 15, 2010)

ODaly said:


> Firstly: Satellitic is as much a word as you make it.


 
Thank you. I don't do it often, but sometimes a made-up word fits. Besides, if it worked for e.e. cummings, it can work for me, too, right? 



ODaly said:


> Is this a letter to your (or a) muse? Poems like that always sound to me like prayers for inspiration.



It may (or may not) surprise you to know that I wrote this piece in about 5 minutes. I've struggled with insomnia for a long, long time. After losing my younger brother back in September, however, my sleep cycle has been a disaster. So, while my tired mind was struggling to settle in and rest, the first stanza came drifting my way and, as my well has been dry of late, I felt compelled to sit up and let my mind run wild for a bit. What you read was the result.

Poetry nearly always comes to me in fits and starts. My more successful pieces tend to be the ones that come quickly and out of nowhere, while taking the time to edit and rework poems can leave me feeling disconnected from them. It's exactly the opposite of the way writing fiction works for me. There, the creative juices flow more readily during the editing process.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I greatly appreciate the thoughts of my fellow poets.

J


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 15, 2010)

Sync said:


> You write like a good friend of mine, and that's nice to see. Not exactly like but what two poets are  You have a smoothed style. I didn't even have to see the rhyme, so felt as free as free-verse.


 
Sync, thank you for your words and taking the time to read the piece. Just a week or so ago, I listened to a recording of Christopher Walken reciting "The Raven" (my all time favorite!) and I guess that devilish bird was still hovering in my subconscious. Anyway, as the image that sprang to mind was of the bird and not the bard (heh), I think I'll leave it as is. Thanks for the critique. I always appreciate everyone's input.

J


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## Sync (Dec 15, 2010)

a write is always the writers in the end.


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## SilverMoon (Dec 15, 2010)

JP (May I call you that?) You have a natural gift for rythm. Something I struggle with so. I think I'm just plain tone deaf! About "satellitic" this made up word you call. It is known as a "neologism" and has it's place in any genre of writing. In fact, the dictionary contains many neologisms - something new each year. So, who knows? You might be in Mirium Webster!


Your poem has a dark, brooding quality which appeals to me immensely as these are the dark waters I like to tread.



> the cherub pisses indigo
> on worlds I would give breath
> a sea of stench and stutter
> that the penman knows is death


 
Here, the imagery is startingly unique! the cherub pisses indigo

As highlighted, what a smooth alliteration!

A beautifully paced poem, rich with imagery. Thank you for the read! Laurie


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## JBlanton (Dec 15, 2010)

Thanks for posting this work, J (or JP, J Patrick, Patrick...) 

Loved the imagery. 

Became a little lost after the second stanza for some reason. Again, not sure why. 

Take care.


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## terrib (Dec 15, 2010)

So, we're making up words now eh, teacher? ... lol

My favorite: _the cherub pisses indigo on worlds I would give breath_ (  Be carefull....Lisa is rubbing off on you...


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## shadows (Dec 15, 2010)

Hi JPatrick

My sympathies for your insomnia and I hope your sleep pattern improves.  The poem has a surreal nightmarish feel to it, dwelling in that place between sleep and wake. Dreamstates are weird. 

You have a very good natural rhythm, which I envy as I struggle to write metered poetry so tend to stick to Free Verse.  I enjoyed the read.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 16, 2010)

SilverMoon said:


> JP (May I call you that?) You have a natural gift for rythm. Something I struggle with so. I think I'm just plain tone deaf! About "satellitic" this made up word you call. It is known as a "neologism" and has it's place in any genre of writing. In fact, the dictionary contains many neologisms - something new each year. So, who knows? You might be in Mirium Webster!
> 
> 
> Your poem has a dark, brooding quality which appeals to me immensely as these are the dark waters I like to tread.
> ...



Please feel free to call me Jeff. I always use J. Patrick Lemarr when I write, but no one in my world calls me anything but Jeff. 

I've always had a natural ability with rhythm and rhyme. So much so, in fact, that I've often felt out of my element among all the free verse. Then again, I've ALWAYS felt I was born in the wrong time period. I was the only teen in the 80's as comfortable listening to The Beatles, Elvis (and stretching back ever further, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby) as I was the bands all my friends were into. Other kids were sneaking into R-rated flicks while I was watching the Marx Brothers or Hitchcock films on cable. Perhaps I should have been born in an era wherein rhyme and form were more acceptable.

I'm not an exceptionally dark person, but I've touched more than my fair share of it. It provides perspective. We all need a bit of darkness to help us frame the light. This particular piece was just me feeling a bit adrift in my sleeplessness... not really feeling like I've accomplished anything in a bit.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 16, 2010)

JBlanton said:


> Thanks for posting this work, J (or JP, J Patrick, Patrick...)
> 
> Loved the imagery.
> 
> ...



Ah, a fellow Texan! As I told Laurie, feel free to call me Jeff.

If you figure out why you got lost, let me know.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 16, 2010)

terrib said:


> So, we're making up words now eh, teacher? ... lol
> 
> My favorite: _the cherub pisses indigo on worlds I would give breath_ ( Be carefull....Lisa is rubbing off on you...



Hey, Lisa can rub off on me all she likes. She's prolific and talented. I'll take whatever talent she can lend me. 

And, yes, I made up a word. Not the first time, either. And it certainly won't be the last.

Thanks for reading it, Terri.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 16, 2010)

shadows said:


> Hi JPatrick
> 
> My sympathies for your insomnia and I hope your sleep pattern improves. The poem has a surreal nightmarish feel to it, dwelling in that place between sleep and wake. Dreamstates are weird.
> 
> ...


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## Chesters Daughter (Dec 17, 2010)

Have you no shame, Teach? Making up words, tsk, tsk, tsk. I simply love you for bending the language to suit your needs. Love the piece, Jeff, it's technically perfect, but I've come to expect nothing less, and your message is something we all can embrace. S2 is my favorite, and only five minutes, huh? You never cease to amaze, doll. Although you've been blessed with a natural ability for rhyme/meter, your advice to Shadows is spot on. Practice makes perfect, but if it weren't for you teaching me, I'd still be deaf to the da dum, sometimes I still am. I can never thank you enough for that, Jeff, dear. As for you, Ms. Terri, have you forgotten I know where you live? Tell me, my dear friend, why it is pissing cherubs would bring little ol' innocent me to mind? *batting eyelashes* Thank you for the compliment, Jeff, but anything that could possibly rub off was probably taught by you anyway, so I wouldn't be lending anything, just returning what I borrowed. Excellent work, as always.


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## Gumby (Dec 17, 2010)

Ah, a fellow sleep deprived soul. I'm right there with you much more than I care to be. But then, if it weren't for that deprivation you wouldn't have penned this beautiful, haunting verse. It has the feeling of drifting in dark desolate places, and the perfect rhythm underscored that for me. Wonderful work Jeff.


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## Foxryder (Dec 17, 2010)

Hello,

The dark, haunting imagery in your poem placed me right there with the speaker. Somewhere I wish not to belong. Reading through, a good combination of words appeals so sweetly. My favorite: the cherub pisses indigo...


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 18, 2010)

ChestersDaughter said:


> Have you no shame, Teach? Making up words, tsk, tsk, tsk. I simply love you for bending the language to suit your needs. Love the piece, Jeff, it's technically perfect, but I've come to expect nothing less, and your message is something we all can embrace. S2 is my favorite, and only five minutes, huh? You never cease to amaze, doll. Although you've been blessed with a natural ability for rhyme/meter, your advice to Shadows is spot on. Practice makes perfect, but if it weren't for you teaching me, I'd still be deaf to the da dum, sometimes I still am. I can never thank you enough for that, Jeff, dear. As for you, Ms. Terri, have you forgotten I know where you live? Tell me, my dear friend, why it is pissing cherubs would bring little ol' innocent me to mind? *batting eyelashes* Thank you for the compliment, Jeff, but anything that could possibly rub off was probably taught by you anyway, so I wouldn't be lending anything, just returning what I borrowed. Excellent work, as always.



Okay, you know you may have just sent Terri into the witness protection program, right?

You've never borrowed anything from me, Lisa... not even a cup of sugar. Don't go blaming me for your genius!! I just spout nonsense in the hope of sounding marginally "cool" or "hip" or some of those other pimple-y hyperboles.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 18, 2010)

Gumby said:


> Ah, a fellow sleep deprived soul. I'm right there with you much more than I care to be. But then, if it weren't for that deprivation you wouldn't have penned this beautiful, haunting verse. It has the feeling of drifting in dark desolate places, and the perfect rhythm underscored that for me. Wonderful work Jeff.



Thanks, Gumby. I don't find the piece particularly dark, but I seem to be in the minority. It may just be that the pain of the last 5 years has given me a faulty perspective or something. As for insomnia, my mistress dark, she and I have been lovers for as long as I can recall. She plays havoc with my mind and my memory, but I often wonder if my poetry and fiction would be less unique if she had not cast such a long-lived spell. If I must distract her attention from you, I'm sure she won't mind. Take whatever rest she refuses me.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 18, 2010)

Foxryder said:


> Hello,
> 
> The dark, haunting imagery in your poem placed me right there with the speaker. Somewhere I wish not to belong. Reading through, a good combination of words appeals so sweetly. My favorite: the cherub pisses indigo...


 
Yes, the pissing cherub seems to be a hit all around.  I'm glad the piece reeled you in. Now, run for the light and sleep while you may!


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## Chesters Daughter (Dec 18, 2010)

Unless Terri is willing to undergo plastic surgery, hiding won't help, I know what she looks like and I have a killer bird to do my bidding. Jeff, I must protest. You do not spout nonsense, quite the contrary. And I have borrowed many things from you, your time, the benefit of your expertise and most importantly peace. Please don't make little your gifts. Just because I have to be me, I must share the following. I keep seeing your pissing cherub writing his name in a snow angel, thanks for that, cracks me up every time.


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## jpatricklemarr (Dec 21, 2010)

Lisa,

That reminds me of a joke I heard years ago. The secret service comes to President Clinton and tells him that someone wrote "Clinton Sucks" in the snow outside the White House. It was clearly written in urine. So, being the secret service, they investigate to make sure no threat is looming and they come back to the president to report.

"We've got good news and bad news, Mr. President," the agent in charge says.

"Well, give it to me straight, son," Clinton says. "I can take it."

"We confirmed that the comment was indeed written in human urine," the agent says. "I regret to inform you that, after analyzing the urine, we've matched it to the Vice President."

"Oh my god!" Clinton gasps. "The Vice President? What's the good news?"

"That WAS the good news, sir," the agent tells him. "The bad news is... it was your wife's handwriting."


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## Chesters Daughter (Dec 21, 2010)

LOL, I guess Hilary had her own Monica, and deservedly so, I might add. Kidding aside, pissing cherub was fabulous, kudos for originality, love.


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## Foxee (Dec 21, 2010)

'Satellitic' FTW! Love it.

Great poem as usual. Also loved the Clinton joke...I'll have to tell it to my hubster when he comes home.

*walks off chuckling*


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