# Terror of the Dodo



## Darkkin (Jun 10, 2017)

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## sas (Jun 10, 2017)

[FONT=&Verdana]Darkkin,

You are a perfect grammarian, which is why I dared mess with your first stanza. I don't think you are capable of eliminating required punctuation. It would be like finger nails on a blackboard to you. I wanted to remove some end line commas, but then thought, what the heck, remove them all this way. Does this scrape your sensibilities, or what? Smiles.  

night
heralds a return[/FONT]
[FONT=&Verdana]
sentience
cleaves to sleep
[/FONT][FONT=&Verdana]
barriers emerge[/FONT]
what is, is 
[FONT=&Verdana]
An old foe lingers here--[/FONT]


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## Darkkin (Jun 10, 2017)

My linguistic patterns don't have the capacity to rupture my thought flows to quite such an extent.  If this were a slam piece maybe, but written...Not a fan of white space.  I know it is cerebral and fashionable, but it just isn't the voice I write in.  My ADHD brain doesn't permit such grand pauses.  Good idea, yes, but an accurate tool of my style no.

Appreciate the read.

-  D. the T.


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## ireneintheworld (Jun 10, 2017)

On first read this sounds big, like a huge dark night, but, there are so many abstracts and no definite subjects to care about, or fear.


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## Darkkin (Jun 10, 2017)

ireneintheworld said:


> On first read this sounds big, like a huge dark night, but, there are so many abstracts and no definite subjects to care about, or fear.



Pin down and define the dream state of the individual.  Sleep is a realm where one relinquishes control...And for some there are places found through sleep that make insomnia more appealling.  With wakefulness there is control of thought and mind, but in REM that control is gone.  It isn't what's not there, it is the potential of what may come, of what has been endured before.  When you terrify family with your screaming...Because your thoughts are out of control and the sympathetic nervous system is overriding all conscious thought.  Control, extinct like the dodo...At least until one wakes again.  To most, yeah, not a big deal...But to some there are places beyond nightmares.  Having been there how is one supposed to explain that sleep is the enemy, a barrier between what is and what may never be.  Senses are shattered and you fight for a mooring, some tenet point to navigate by.

Idiotic and irrational as it is, the fear still lingers.  A dodo for thinking of it, acknowledging it, but each night logic fades and the ghost of the dodo walks.  Rationally you know it cannot touch you, but without the shield of logic the dodo heralds in things that don't fade with the screams.  Fear triggers the pain and that, well...Smooth muscle, so again, no control over it.

So is sleep isn't something to fear?  As a dodo who caught a ride on the Tardis, yes.  I'm a dodo who knows what can happen, who unfortunately has seen enough to know better but can do nothing to prevent what is coming.  That is what living HFHC is like.  Awake you have control, you know you're okay.  But asleep...You know a triggering of the sympathetic nervous system could set off a hypertensive crisis or worse.  I've been to worse twice before. There is nothing to fear for most, yet for one peculiar dodo, there is.

It is something that isn't going to be easily understood or explained.  And it is something you hope other folks never have to face.



-  D. the T.


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## SilverMoon (Jun 11, 2017)

> It waits, nameless,
> without form, a terror.
> Bound by the daylight hours,
> this creation skulks beyond
> all thought and definition.



Brilliance in the_ chilling_. It is truly the predator, evermore eager when out of marinade of the day.



> Sleep is a realm where one relinquishes control...



no bouncer at the door of night’s clubbing,
 no rescue

by one who knows PTSD. 

HFHC - I am so sorry. What does this stand for?


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## Darkkin (Jun 11, 2017)

SilverMoon said:


> Brilliance in the_ chilling_. It is truly the predator, evermore eager when out of marinade of the day.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Homozygous Familial Hypercholesterolemia.  My strain is drug resistant and compounded by genetic cardiac anomalies.  Its occurence within the general population, about 1 in 15 million.  I inherited the faulty mutation from both sides.  My mom's case is similar to mine, but not quite as severe as she has only one copy of the defective gene, and my sibilings don't have the drug resistant strain.  They respond to medication. 

 Basically my circulatory system is severely compromised.  Heartrate, blood pressure, cholesterol...All of it is way too high.  Infarcations aren't a maybe, but a when and I deal with near chronic angina, (chest pain).  I have two central lines they use to mainline meds and run apheresis, enough stents that I set off metal detectors, and have had my mitral valve replaced.  My system is a time bomb, chronic and always at risk.  When you know the pain will come as soon as you fall asleep and that the stress of it could be trigger for the next infarction...You avoid it.  You read, alot.  Write even more, and pretend your bones aren't screaming from exhaustion.

Music brings balance, helps maintain control, but living with such a thing takes its toll.  Like the fear of that dodo, it isn't something anyone else sees.  The lines and scars stay hidden and one becomes acclimated to running on about four hours of sleep.  No one knows how close to the edge you are.  It is a secret hidden in plain sight, but you present a convincing front.  Small and neat, people see you and smile.  But inside you know you're the dodo.  And your terror is real and you wonder if the coming night will be your last.  It is why control is so damned precious to you.  And the loss of it...Well.

The Dodo who rode the Tardis, a creature wise enough to fear, but who really shouldn't exist.

Appreciate the read.

- D. the T.


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## C.Gholy (Jun 12, 2017)

Lovely and chilling imagery.


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## ned (Jun 16, 2017)

hello Darkkin - a different style, unrhymed, succinct and darkly edged.

The title drew me in - an oxymoron at first glance. And the Dodo has the power to pull certain emotions - humour, sympathy and regret, perhaps.

Have'nt read the other posts - so I have a clear run - but the message seems clear enough, the division of dream (or nightmare) and reality wonderfully rendered - and finally, in a tense ending, we have what the Dodo represents...

enjoyed....Ned


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## Space Cadet (Jun 17, 2017)

Darkkin said:


> Idiotic and irrational as it is, the fear still lingers.  A dodo for thinking of it, acknowledging it, but each night logic fades and the ghost of the dodo walks.  Rationally you know it cannot touch you, but without the shield of logic the dodo heralds in things that don't fade with the screams.  Fear triggers the pain and that, well...Smooth muscle, so again, no control over it.
> 
> So is sleep isn't something to fear?  As a dodo who caught a ride on the Tardis, yes.  I'm a dodo who knows what can happen, who unfortunately has seen enough to know better but can do nothing to prevent what is coming.  That is what living HFHC is like.  Awake you have control, you know you're okay.  But asleep...You know a triggering of the sympathetic nervous system could set off a hypertensive crisis or worse.  I've been to worse twice before. There is nothing to fear for most, yet for one peculiar dodo, there is.
> 
> It is something that isn't going to be easily understood or explained.  And it is something you hope other folks never have to face.



"So is sleep isn't something to fear? As a dodo who caught a ride on the Tardis, yes."  After I experienced some past issues, I developed a fear of not waking up (due to some reasons that I won't explain now), and I began to become afraid to sleep.  So, I didn't...until I got some help.  I'm not sure what HFHC is, and I don't experience symptoms you have experienced, but I feel that the poem, after your follow-up post and explaining, offers up many questions that make this poem so compelling and interesting, for me.  

"Gone the way of the Dodo."  I want to say this line is when control has slipped into the Unknown, but I'm not sure.  The Unknown, of course, is rational and very fearful for many.  The Dodo in you has seen what has happened already, as you stated.  "Control, gone the way of the Dodo" leaves me with a playful way to define acknowledging the fear of the Unknown and not quite learning how to dance with the Unknown.   Thank you for sharing this.  I really enjoy your work.  Best, Wesley.


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## JustRob (Jun 18, 2017)

I thought long and hard about your poem but it touched a nerve in me too personal to comment, so just accept this as a compliment for unspecified reasons.


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## SilverMoon (Jun 18, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *SilverMoon*
> 
> HFHC - I am so sorry. What does this stand for?





> Originally Posted by *Darkkin*
> 
> Homozygous Familial Hypercholesterolemia.  My strain is drug resistant and compounded by genetic cardiac anomalies.  Its occurence within the general population, about 1 in 15 million.  I inherited the faulty mutation from both sides.  My mom's case is similar to mine, but not quite as severe as she has only one copy of the defective gene, and my sibilings don't have the drug resistant strain.  They respond to medication.
> 
> ...


..

Darkkin, thank you for explaining what HFHC is. I had googled it earlier to discover that you had been literally bathing in your own cholesterol when in your mother's womb. And that a CV could strike at any time. Now, through your informative and very giving personal account of what you experience each and everyday, whether you have CV event or not - I've come to understand the degree of your fear you have to continuously cope with.

Everyone has something on their plate but why do the very good people have such the stuff of life flowing out from a platter? I'm sure you agree, writing is saving or at least a temporary means to cushion what's fragile in the physical or psyche. Can one be separated from each other, in fact? Never mind, theory has no place here.

I have Epilepsy and listening to music also helps to keep me calm so I can feel that stability you speak of. Epilepsy is always the monster behind my back ready to throw me to the floor, suck up more brain cells or leave me there bereft of breath, life.

After reading your poem it was PTSD that came to mind, though. Not necessarily life threating but a constant reminder of that which scarred your mind. You are always back in that place for too long a time after waking.



> Small and neat, people see you and smile.  But inside you know you're the dodo.  And your terror is real and you wonder if the coming night will be your last.  It is why control is so damned precious to you



My word for the "small" people is the "beige" people. I don't have to explain this to you, I know. "Control", the most slippery word in the English language.



> enough stents that I set off metal detectors


You set off metal detectors. On a bad day, I short out electricity. What a pair! We, the clamorous...inside and out.

HUGS your way, always. Laurie


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## Firemajic (Jun 26, 2017)

This of course tore my heart OUT! Really caused something in my chest to skitter and shudder, because I am well acquainted with night terrors... fabulous work, Darkkin...


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## Rick Keeble (Jul 11, 2017)

You won't get any negativity for me with this write! Inspirational


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