# Girlie-Girls  [Mildly Mature]



## musichal (Jul 21, 2015)

*Girlie-Girls*

_by musichal_


Watching all the girlie-girls
flash across my mind,
from sixty-seven, sixty-eight
and nineteen-sixty-nine.

Some were blonde, some brunette,
some in scarlet red;
but all of them in beauty laid
across my naked bed.

Most names I yet recall today
- La Quinta was fantastic -
I see them all in disarray,
in mem'ry pornographic.

If I could only see them now,
no doubt their looks are changed;
except one rose which I have kept
whose loveliness remains.



​


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## Thaumiel (Jul 21, 2015)

musichal said:


> If I could only see them now,
> no doubt their looks are changed;
> except *for* one rose that I kept
> whose loveliness remains.
> ...



I feel the 'for' interrupts the rhythm established, I'd suggest just removing it.

Other than, I enjoyed the piece.


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## Pursuit (Jul 21, 2015)

This poem is good, can't really critique it. The second stanza is so easily read ^^


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 21, 2015)

Well, it goes without saying that this is the best poem I have seen from you as far as _imagery_. 

_Watching all the girlie-girls
 flash across my mind,
 from sixty-seven, sixty-eight
 and nineteen-sixty-nine.

_I imagine them in a "69" because of this. So, ya, good poem. Good imagery for me.

*8*/10


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## LeeC (Jul 21, 2015)

Likewise possibly, I was wondering if you emphasized 1969  

Beautiful ending that struck a chord with me. As always a pleasure to read your pieces.


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## MadFox (Jul 22, 2015)

I find the descriptive from,
_"Some were blond, some brunette
        some in Scarlet red;
_ _but all of them in beauty laid
     across my naked bed."
_
Somewhat weak, I would really like to have stronger descriptives within this part *7/10 *


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## Firemajic (Jul 22, 2015)

Musichal... you need to stop writing poetry like this.. you are going to turn my stoned heart into a soft mushy undefinable ..thing...This is fabulous! Rhythm, rhyme, mood, message and imagery.. you nailed it! Almost makes me believe in love... I said "almost"... Thanks for a cool read... Peace.. Julia


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