# A strange contribution.



## TJ1985 (Jan 9, 2015)

Let me begin by saying that I have no talent whatsoever musically. I can play guitar, but not well. I can sing, but not well. And as you are all about to see, I'm not too hot as a lyricist. 

The issue I've been having is that I've had a snippet of lyrics running through my head for about seven years. I was working in my wood shop, another hobby of mine, and I found myself singing the words over and over again. Yes, I am aware that such a thing is quite weird, but as each of you get to know me you'll discover that by the standard of everything I do, subconsciously writing snippets of songs is almost mundane. Some people have weird periods but I have weird semicolons and ampersands. 

Since I lack the necessary chops to do anything with it for myself, I think the best use for it would be to give it to those who could do something with it. So, in return for giving the writing community this forum, I offer in return a couple lines from a song that my mind made up for me... Having typed it, that sounds really mentally disturbed... When all you have is lemons, find somebody who got vodka... 

To preface, I think my mind meant snippet one to be a chorus, but it also seems better as the intro lines as well. I don't know of many songs which start with a lyric that also serves as chorus, but as of right now it's not my problem because I'm giving it away.  The music my experimentation has had the best outcome with is a gentle guitar or piano accompaniment. It's always felt more a slow bluesy piece to me. 

Snippet one; 
*There's a cold wind blowin' across the ground above my grave
I can feel it's frigid fingers in the casket where I lay
I don't know where I'm goin', I don't know where I've been.
I just know that what I did I won't be doing again. *

A few weeks later part two rolled in; 

*I think that fellow shot me, but for what I do not know.
I felt a hammer hit my back and time moved on so slow.
I heard a lady screamin' as I tumbled from my seat
and I saw a drunken old man just lookin' down at me. *

At that point, my line was disconnected, and I haven't gotten part three. It's bad when ideas don't even arrive in a timely fashion. 

If anybody reading this can put those eight lines of blabber to good use then do so. I hereby release it into public domain, free from all bounds of legal or moral obligations. Take it, use it, sell it, print it and eat it if that's what turns you on. 

Enjoy it, and try to do more with it than I could. If you find a way to make a buck off it, go buy yourself a beverage of your choosing and you'll have made my day.


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## aj47 (Jan 10, 2015)

*There's a cold wind blowin' across the ground above my grave
I can feel it's frigid fingers in the casket where I lay
I don't know where I'm goin', I don't know where I've been.
I just know that what I did I won't be doing again. 

**I think that fellow shot me, but for what I do not know.
I felt a hammer hit my back and time moved on so slow.
I heard a lady screamin' as I tumbled from my seat
and I saw a drunken old man just lookin' down at me. 

*Before I do anything, I want to ask two questions:

Are you looking for a co-write?
Do you want comment/critique on what you have?
How you answer will determine what I do.


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## TJ1985 (Jan 10, 2015)

I have had the lyric running around in my head for seven years. I just want to give it to someone who can put it to use. I have no interest in it myself as I'm not a songwriter. My hope was that somebody on this forum might like one of the lines and would be able to use it in something they were working on. 

In retrospect it's a really stupid idea, blurting out a couple of lines and hoping someone can use them in one of their works, but the bullet is out of the gun.


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## aj47 (Jan 10, 2015)

Not at all.  I love the first part, but the second part is too restrictive for my muse.  I don't like the seat part.  The reason I asked is that I'd like to play with it, but if I do, it would be a co-write--since you started it.  If that's okay, we're copacetic. 

I have a Thing about intellectual property rights.  Maybe it's because I write, too.  I just think that creators deserve recognition and respect.  I don't want to disrespect you by doing something you don't like with your work.

Is any of that clear?


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## TJ1985 (Jan 10, 2015)

I have absolutely no problem with that at all. 

The bit about the seat, I think mentally I had started focusing too much on the syllable count and had let the content slip slightly. I certainly see that in the middle of that second verse I went from one basic feel into a totally different feel. 

As lyrics go, I'm not sure of the etiquette of having the majority of the lines start with "I".


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## aj47 (Jan 10, 2015)

When I think of "will this lyric work?" I think of the song "Denise'  
_
Oh, Denise, scooby-doo
I'm in love with you
Denise, scooby-doo
I'm in love with you.
_
So, does this mean Denise is a Great Dane?  She should have been named Fortinbras.

Anyhow, when it's done it may not look like what it looks like now.  My song "Andromeda" had over 30 revisions.

I'll see what I come up with.  Working on it can be my treat when I finish up my online course this wee.


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## Firemajic (Jan 15, 2015)

Ever try your hand at writing poetry? Sounds like you are a natural....


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## TJ1985 (Jan 15, 2015)

I've considered it, but to be honest I've always felt a little too stupid to do it well. The patterns and couplets, alongside other things, I just never felt like I had enough going on in my skull to try it. I do appreciate the kind words.


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## Firemajic (Jan 15, 2015)

The only thing you lack--is self confidence....


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## TJ1985 (Jan 15, 2015)

True, but I am actively working on it. If someone had told me five years ago that I'd post work in a public eye with the understanding that it could be shredded, I'd have laughed in their face. At the core, I am afraid of making a fool of myself. 

I do have to say, looking at the poetry mentor badging, you're playing with fire encouraging a guy with as little confidence as I have. I can't guarantee you may not receive a PM sometime including a poorly written poem by a guy who barely understands the concept.


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## Firemajic (Jan 15, 2015)

I do play with fire--I am a glass blower, read my poem "Playing with Fire"---Now--send me that PM ! You have already written poetry--you called it lyrics. I am throwing  down the gauntlet--let the games begin...     Peace  BTW--that is a challenge!   Peace always...Julia


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