# Macbeth Alternate Ending (Comedy)



## Ghost.X

Here was an English assignment I did a while back and decided perhaps it's worth sharing. This is a comical alternative ending to Macbeth. Some of the lines were just reused or altered from the original play. This is random humor  kind of stuff, no real literal philosophy other then Shakespeare's appeal to the king of Scottland if that's your cup of tea.

Act Five Scene Five​​_(In the throne room upon Macbeth’s castle)_

Seyton
            My good lord, thy scout sights the English battlements upon Birnam wood.

Macbeth
            Ha! Troubles me not till they convey with them Birnam wood to high Dunsinane             against me!
_   (A cry within of women)_
            What is that noise?

Seyton
            It is cry of women, my good lord.

Macbeth
            I have almost forgotten the taste of fears. My senses have rendered null by         treacherous thought. To hear a night shriek; and my fell of hair rouse a forgotten        curse where murmured the voice of ethereal child that whispers shortly after the        sitting of the urban play - seven days.

Seyton
            That was just seven days ago sir.

Macbeth
            Yikes!
 _Enter Doctor with lady Macbeth bleeding from the ears._
            Wherefore was that cry?

Doctor
            I bring dread news my lord. Oversaturated with solemn thought, fair lady Macbeth         has cleaved her own ears out to block unwelcome murmurs and has become mute.

Macbeth
            Tis true my lady?

Lady Macbeth
            Ay my lord.

Macbeth
            Give her tendings.
 _Leave Doctor with lady Macbeth. Enter a Messenger._
            Thou coms’t to use thy tongue; thy story quickly.

Messenger
            Gracious my lord, I should report that which I saw, but know not how to do ‘t.

Macbeth
            Well, say, sir.

Messenger
            As I did stand my watch upon the hill, I looked toward Birnam, and anon,         methought, the wood began to move.

Macbeth
            Liar and slave!

Messenger
            Yes, sorry my lord.

Macbeth
            Hang him!
_   Enter soldier with English scout._
            What now?

Soldier
            Here be a blind scout of English blood to map our position.

Macbeth
            Blind! What mockery tis is to mirror thy image to that of a frolicking man. Severe           his head and toss it back with my regards.
 _Blind Scout starts running_
            Tis a futile haste, recapture him quickly.
_   Blind scout runs over a window ledge._
            Nevermind.

Act Five Scene Six​​Enter, with drums, Malcolm, Old Siward, Macduff, Samara, etc, and army with bows.

Malcolm
            Now near enough. How holds your incantation Samara the wicked?

Samara
            My curse is treacherous, it burdens him deep where he can never hide. Tis mind            gives entity to fowl spirits that burden his path with pickles…err I mean prickles.   To fear he is flogged and with fear he controls, reluctant souls. I will never stop.

Malcolm
            Shall, with my cousin, (to old Siward) your right noble son, head our first battle:
            Worthy Macduff and we shall take upon ‘s what else remains to do, according to          our order.

Siward
            Fare you well - Do we but find the tyrant’s power tonight, let us be beaten if we            cannot fight.

Macduff
            There lies the cowards den; a wraith of blood and death, who’s treachery and   blasphemy renders him waste of breath.

 _Young Siward leads the charge and old Siward readies his bow and arrow._

Malcolm
            Whis’t though aim with sight’s closed?

Siward
            Thy bow shall by celestial beings be guided. I need not aim for my arrow flies    true.
 _Siward fires the arrow._

Act Five Scene Seven​​_   (Upon the walls of Macbeth’s Castle with fighting breaking out)_
_   Young Siward appears behind Macbeth._

Young Siward
            Die treacherous swine!
 _Young Siward is hit in the back by an arrow_
            Hirk!
 _Young Siward falls over the castle walls._
            AAAAAAAAAAH! Thud!
 _Macbeth turns around._

Macbeth
            What was that?

Seyton
            I don’t know.

Macbeth
Thy blade runs cold of treachery, and all of treachery has burdened my dreams of late. Thy loathe this cruel fate of treacherous treachery. Had I return to time of need to avert this treacherous…Seyton!


Seyton
            Yes my lord?

Macbeth
            Get me a thesaurus.

_                        Exit Seyton and Macbeth._

_   Alarms. Enter Macduff._

Macduff.
            Where’st though hide you craven tyrant. Thous’t blood is for my sword alone, and 
Not to suffer in the shadow of my wife and children’s ghosts. I swear by thy honor and valour that though shalt not be slain by any other blade then mine. Let thee fates side by righteousness

Act Five Scene Eight​​ _(Within the walls of the great wall of China. Nah just messin)_

_   Enter Macbeth_

Macbeth
            Why should I play the Scottish fool who made an obviously stupid mistake to cast         mine good fortune for this?

 _Enter Macduff_

Macduff
            Turn, hell-hound, turn!

Macbeth
            Thous’t speak for his own self for the man who’s playfulness has abandoned his             own blood.

Macduff
            Playfulness?

Macbeth
            Seyton! You gave me a dam Websters Thesaurus!

Macduff
            Let thou befall his just untimely demise now!

 _A castle watch tower is struck by lightning and falls on Macbeth, a castle wall then                   _

_   collapses on top of Macbeth, a dozen barrels of T.N.T roll into the debris and explodes.    _
_   A meteorite then strikes the spot with vast destruction._

_   A moment of silent shock._

_  Macbeth crawls out of the debris._

Macbeth
            I’m ok!

Macduff
            The fates jest!?

Macbeth
            Thy shalt not be slain by you, or any man here of women born!

Macduff
            Despair thy charm; and let the angel whom thou still hast served tell thee,           Macduff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped.

Macbeth
            What the fu…

Macduff
            Save thee fowl tongue for mine is virgin!

Macbeth
            Oh yeah? Say puck with your fingers in your mouth!

Macduff
            Puck! Aw you tricked me!

Macbeth
            MWAHAHAHA!

Macduff
            Enough words! Die!

 _Macduff cuts Macbeth’s throat._

Macbeth
            Hirk! Oh my throat has been cut very deeply! And it really hurts! Oh had I not so          vastly insulted the lineage of kings! Oh had I not be the villain who represents the 
            Snake under the flower of a famous medallion that symbolized a famous plot to blow up the king with a one and a half tone of gunpowder found in possession of   a group of Catholics. 
 _Macbeth climbs the stairs to the castle wall along with his speech._
            Oh how a great line of kings may come to be, and one greatest of all may be      named a great name like King James. Oh had I not insulted this man with keen             interest in witches who’s vast knowledge and wisdom would not allow such        trickery. Oh, hell drags me under, oh!

 _Macbeth falls over the castle walls. Thud!_
 _Enter Malcolm, Siward, Rosse, Thanes and Soldiers._

Malcolm
            I would the friends we miss were safe arrived.

Rose
            Your son my lord, has paid a soldiers dept: He only lived but till he was a man; In          the unshrinking station where he fought, but like a man he died.

Siward
            Had he his hurts before?

Rose
            No, an arrow to his back, with a message tied to it reading, let angels guide this             arrow to justice!

Siward
            …

Macduff
            Hail, King! For so thou art - 

Macbeth
            Oh how I wish I had not died in vein and in regret. And in this telling, I don’t      suggest any insult to the lineage of Kings, namely King James by allowing the         King to fall to my trap, this King is only a fictional character, nothing else.
 _Macbeth falls_

Malcolm
            I thought he was dead?

Macduff
            I’m pretty sure he was - 

Macbeth
            Oh how I wish I could once again grasp the throne, and with thus granted power           invested in me, surprise rich and poor, young and old with delicious cheese   burgers.

Soldiers and Thanes
            Cheeseburgers?

Macbeth
            Yes, deliciously made on the spot, cheese burgers with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes,          and BBQ fried 100% beef.

Soldiers and Thanes
            Tis the true king of Scotland!

Malcolm
            WHAT! I am the true and rightful heir of the throne!

Thanes
            But you don’t have burgers.

Malcolm
            Fair enough.

All
            Hail, King of Scotland, and hereby named the great Burger King!

Macbeth
            The King’s pain, is your gain!


----------



## Ore-sama

Macbeth is my faviroute of all Shakespear's plays, and I love the twist you put on! The blind servant, young Seyon's death, and the final showdown between Macbeth and Macduff, all of them had me laughing so hard. Good work.


----------



## Lizzie Brookes

Good job. Though Hamlet is my favourite and Othello definitely my second favourite I do like Macbeth and the twist you added was good.


----------



## Ghost.X

Wow thanks for th feedback! I actually wasn't sure what kind of feedback to expect from this.


----------



## The Hooded One

Haha amusing as hell great work


----------

