# Holding On



## Dalton (Feb 21, 2015)

I fight for your love,
It isn't what I need; it's more:
I want it.

What I want isn't always good for me.

Holding on to the edge of a cliff,
My grip is growing weak.

You'll never help me up,
You'll leave me to fall.


----------



## jenthepen (Feb 22, 2015)

The loneliness and desolation glistens in this one like frost. It's such a sad place to be and most of us can recognise this pain. I think you did right to keep it so stark and minimal; that approach reflects the feeling behind the words perfectly. 

You've captured the mood and I enjoyed sharing that - even though it made me sad.

jen


----------



## Nellie (Feb 22, 2015)

Dalton,

I like the effect of minimal words, they get the point across and this poem does that, smoothly, stating what you want. Keep "holding on".


----------



## escorial (Feb 22, 2015)

direct and meaningful


----------



## am_hammy (Feb 22, 2015)

Dalton said:


> I condone your love,
> For it isn't what I need, but what I want.



Ahh, that can be such a sad reality. So many of us go through that and accept love from all the wrong places, and not enough from the right ones.

This poem hit home for me in a lot of ways. It's a powerful message, and one I feel that so many fail to recognize. I think for that person to be able to recognize all that, means they are one step closer to being able to lift themselves up again. That's what I get from this anyway. It's never easy to think or write about things like this, regardless if it's a personal experience or not.

 Thank you for sharing it.


----------



## Dalton (Feb 22, 2015)

jenthepen said:


> The loneliness and desolation glistens in this one like frost. It's such a sad place to be and most of us can recognise this pain. I think you did right to keep it so stark and minimal; that approach reflects the feeling behind the words perfectly.
> 
> You've captured the mood and I enjoyed sharing that - even though it made me sad.
> 
> jen



Thank you for the feedback, and I'm glad you got what you did out of this poem.  Sorry I made you sad xD, but I'm glad it portrayed emotion enough to make you feel something from it, that means a lot to me.



Nellie said:


> Dalton,
> 
> I like the effect of minimal words, they get the point across and this poem does that, smoothly, stating what you want. Keep "holding on".



I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for the feedback 



escorial said:


> direct and meaningful



Thanks escorial 



am_hammy said:


> Ahh, that can be such a sad reality. So many of us go through that and accept love from all the wrong places, and not enough from the right ones.
> 
> This poem hit home for me in a lot of ways. It's a powerful message, and one I feel that so many fail to recognize. I think for that person to be able to recognize all that, means they are one step closer to being able to lift themselves up again. That's what I get from this anyway. It's never easy to think or write about things like this, regardless if it's a personal experience or not.
> 
> Thank you for sharing it.



What you got from it is exactly what I was hoping for, and was my exact thought process when the words came to me.
It was a personal experience, though a very long time ago.  I'm in a much better place now, and have somebody who truly loves me, a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything.


----------



## Smith (Feb 23, 2015)

Sup man.

I really like this poem. Similar to your other work with the simplicity, something I strive for myself. It's cool and relatable dude, well done. Glad I finally got you to write something! xD

You're good at writing, so do yourself a favor and keep writing to get even better.


----------



## Dalton (Feb 24, 2015)

Smith said:


> Sup man.
> 
> I really like this poem. Similar to your other work with the simplicity, something I strive for myself. It's cool and relatable dude, well done. Glad I finally got you to write something! xD
> 
> You're good at writing, so do yourself a favor and keep writing to get even better.



Thanks man


----------



## Vague Deity (Apr 5, 2015)

Dalton,

Being that I know you in real life, I'm fairly certain I know who this poem is about. I'm very happy for you now that you don't have to deal with that storm of nonsense anymore and have someone that really cares for you. Although I don't see as much of you as I used to, I can see the look in your eyes has changed. Glad life's starting to turn out for ya buddy.


----------



## Dalton (Apr 16, 2015)

Thanks a ton man, it really means a lot.


----------



## Glenn_Beckett (May 5, 2015)

So it seems like the goal here is minimalism, trying to say as much as possible as concisely as possible. With that in mind, I made a couple cuts. If you hate them, ignore them because I am dumb:



> Holding On
> 
> 
> I condone your love.
> ...




One thing I'm a little curious about is the word "condone." It seems so odd, since the love here is so clearly unrequited. Why did you choose it?

(I cut the second stanza because the last one feels more potent without it. Also that "all vs. nothing" binary just isn't as clever as the rest of the poem)


----------



## Dalton (May 6, 2015)

The definition for "condone" (as said by Google) is: "to accept and allow (behavior that is considered morally wrong or offensive) to continue."
I couldn't think of a way to keep the flow of the poem short and sweet without using a word like this. :/
I also like your edits, though. Don't know if i'll change the poem now, but I like what you did.


----------



## Smith (May 6, 2015)

Good point Glenn.

The love in the poem sounds unrequited, so you can't really use the word "condone" for love that isn't there. You could try rewording:

"I'd condone your love," or "I would condone your love," could work, because it's kind of saying '_if_ you loved me I would accept it, because your love is what I want.'


----------



## Glenn_Beckett (May 6, 2015)

Dalton said:


> The definition for "condone" (as said by Google) is: "to accept and allow (behavior that is considered morally wrong or offensive) to continue."
> I couldn't think of a way to keep the flow of the poem short and sweet without using a word like this. :/
> I also like your edits, though. Don't know if i'll change the poem now, but I like what you did.



_I need your love.
__No._​_it isn't what I need; it's more:_
_I want it.

_What about that?


----------



## Dalton (May 6, 2015)

I like that!
I just might make the change to that, I feel like it flows well, and it also keeps the simplicity I was going for.


----------



## Carousel (May 6, 2015)

Yes I had thoughts on the word ‘condone’ before I read the replies. The first line to me says something like “Ok, your love is morally wrong but I’ll accept it” and I’m pretty sure reading the following lines it’s not the impression you wanted to give.

You could try a more cynical biting first line something like---
_I’ll forgive your ‘love’ _
Which of course means you’re doing nothing of the kind.

But then, if I was in the same situation I would be pretty pissed off with it.

I would also drop the cliff thingy. It’s become a bit overused in poetry.
Maybe 

_Holding on to the edge_
_As my grip grows weak----weaker?_

Just a couple of thoughts you can leave or play around with.

Regards Cari.


----------



## Dalton (May 6, 2015)

Thank you!
I'm going to take all of these suggestions you guys have been giving me and decide what I want to change, because I do want to change it a bit.


----------



## Dalton (May 7, 2015)

Made some major edits, don't know how I feel about them.
Any feedback?


----------



## Glenn_Beckett (May 7, 2015)

You should like them because they are good.

I actually like your new first stanza _better_ than my suggested first stanza, so good on you.


----------

