# I'm Dying



## Azrael Keeper of Souls (May 8, 2008)

I'm dying.
                I feel as if I'm losing bits and pieces of myself every day, as if my life is crumbling apart. The essence of my being is being undone. What’s more is that I'm in no way trying to stop it. How do I explain my feeling this way?  Every day I awake to the same mundane, dreary world filled with spite and contempt.  I lost the will to cry, to laugh until my sides hurt. My will to continue, to strive is once again deteriorating. This time I feel that a simple, if forced intervention will not help.  I've lost too many pieces of my childhood, my life to begin anew.  There are things in this world I would have loved to experienced, but alas they have slipped me by.  People have come and gone, seeing only a boy, and young man at most, slightly more mature for his age with a high degree of intellect.

                However, I see that for which I really am. I'm a wasted and aged old-young man.  I shamble through life, speaking and acting as if though I live but in reality I'm dying faster than ever.  My thoughts come and go. I can't focus on anything; keep any goal, any thrill or adventurous thought bound to me.  I am losing myself in the degradation of my mental capacity. No longer am I the jovial, cheery youth of old, but a sullen and tired youth with an aged mind and spirit.  It hurts me now to write this, but as I do I come to see it from the perspective of one who has seen it all and yet missed so much.
I'm dying.
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"Those who learn not from their past mistakes are doomed to repeat them." Unknown.


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## Chessrogue (May 9, 2008)

Very good, I think we all can relate to that at some points in our lives...


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## A-L (May 9, 2008)

Nice, I can relate to this, at least to part of it.:razz:


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## papertears (May 10, 2008)

Azrael said:


> I'm dying.
> I feel as if I'm losing bits and pieces of myself every day, as if my life is crumbling apart. The essence of my being is being undone. What’s more is that I'm in no way trying to stop it. How do I explain my feeling this way?  Every day I awake to the same mundane, dreary world filled with spite and contempt.  I lost the will to cry, to laugh until my sides hurt. My will to continue, to strive is once again deteriorating. This time I feel that a simple, if forced intervention will not help.  I've lost too many pieces of my childhood, my life to begin anew.  There are things in this world I would have loved to experienced, but alas they have slipped me by.  People have come and gone, seeing only a boy, and young man at most, slightly more mature for his age with a high degree of intellect.
> 
> However, I see that for which I really am. I'm a wasted and aged old-young man.  I shamble through life, speaking and acting as if though I live but in reality I'm dying faster than ever.  My thoughts come and go. I can't focus on anything; keep any goal, any thrill or adventurous thought bound to me.  I am losing myself in the degradation of my mental capacity. No longer am I the jovial, cheery youth of old, but a sullen and tired youth with an aged mind and spirit.  It hurts me now to write this, but as I do I come to see it from the perspective of one who has seen it all and yet missed so much.
> ...



Hi, I read the title of this and it caught my attention immediately.  As someone with symptoms of a terminal illness--waiting to find out if I am literally dying and also someone who spent far too many years letting severe depression and exhaustion get the best of me, I find it very powerful and realistic. 

The line I highlighted in green is important and I see it as a spot you could expand on.  The being tired part was what stood out most to me.  Even a great deal of the people I've been in groups with that aren't medically dying, but feel as though their spirit is dying, experience wicked bouts of mental and physical exhaustion from the stress and the despair.  These are both very hard on a body as well as a mind.  

I'm far from a writing expert, and as I said, the title caught my eye.  I just thought I'd share from some personal experience.  The entire piece is convincing, but that line in particular, from my point of view, holds potential for expansion at some point.  That is if you think my advice works with what you are working on.

~pt


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## Azrael Keeper of Souls (May 10, 2008)

Thank you for your kind words and advice. 

"There is no such thing as bad criticism, merely good criticism that you can't take."-Unknown.


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## Zensati (May 12, 2008)

Take some xanex.


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