# One Morning’s Jumping Java Prayer



## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

Coffee grains
are staining my brain.

Smoke
out from my mouth,
floating upwards
is greying the clouds.

Fingers
are dancing
right out of my hand,
wearing out the carpet
in my head.

Love is looking
like crazy for peace,
straining its tired eyes.

Where are the Angels? 

Sitting on their wings?
Taking a vacation from God?


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## -xXx- (Dec 9, 2017)

angels?


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

tanx! :topsy_turvy:


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## Nellie (Dec 9, 2017)

HELLO?! .......does anyone hear that morning java prayer?  You're screaming for love/help and no one is listening, not even god! Must be a helpless feeling. 

Thanks for sharing another story.


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## ned (Dec 9, 2017)

hello - this is all about a feeling - that moment between sleep and awake....well put.

wearing out the carpet - is surprising and apt.

not sure how the angels fitted in - but enjoyed never the less...............Ned


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *Nellie *HELLO?! .......does anyone hear that morning java prayer? You're screaming for love/help and no one is listening, not even god! Must be a helpless feeling





> Originally Posted by *Ned *hello - this is all about a feeling - that moment between sleep and awake....well put.
> 
> wearing out the carpet - is surprising and apt.
> 
> not sure how the angels fitted in - but enjoyed never the less...............Ned



Sorry. Lost The Text. To Follow ......​


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## ned (Dec 9, 2017)

why are you reposting our comments - without no comment of your own?


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

Ned, I just lost everything I wrote at length following your quotes. Please just give me some time to re-piece. Sorry...


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *Nellie *HELLO?! .......does anyone hear that morning java prayer? You're screaming for love/help and no one is listening, not even god! Must be a helpless feeling






> Originally Posted by *Ned *hello - this is all about a feeling - that moment between sleep and awake....well put.
> 
> wearing out the carpet - is surprising and apt.
> 
> not sure how the angels fitted in - but enjoyed never the less...............Ned



Thank you Cindy and Ned. You are both correct. This poem is about emotion/helplessness.
I'm addressing Bi-Polar Disorder and that which comes with the territory. I was diagnosed with it years ago (now stabilized).

Ned, certainly, that twilight state is wearing. But this is about too much wakefulness. When in Mania,  sleep is never given thought, exhaustion never felt.  



> wearing out the carpet
> in my head. Mania can wear out a concrete floor!



As to where the Angels fit in. 

Like Cindy mentioned, there are feelings of helplesness. When in Mania, you're flying high and know you will eventually crash into the basement of yourself _but have no idea as to why? _Then it's hospital time_.

_Here, I express my anger and confusion caustically.



> Where are the Angels?
> 
> Sitting on their wings?
> Taking a vacation from God? If the Angels have ditched God how can he possibly help me?



This poem was written in the midst of mania. That "Jumping Java Morning". Truth, metaphorically delivered. The "story" is what I wanted to profide but unfortunately lost it. And that goes on a bit. 

I wanted to share this poem because I know there is a good percentage of members here who might identify. Persons with BPD are most always notably talented. But we pay a price for this.

Rats! About loosing the original post. But hope I have adequately answered your questions, Ned.
 And I thank you for them.

Thanks to you both. Laurie


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## ned (Dec 10, 2017)

thank you for your considered reply - but I feel that if you want to relate the condition to the reader
then you need to leave stronger clues, perhaps in the title. 

I had no idea it was about bi-polar and the introduction of 'love' and 'angels' only confused me more.

It should not be a guessing game for the reader, and I'm sure you're tired of having to explain things,
so just make it clearer, but poetically of course - now, that's the trick....

cheers......Ned


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## SilverMoon (Dec 10, 2017)

Agreed, I knew it would be read rather generically. Perhaps, I should not have posted it. I's just that this 
means allot to me personally. 

I had sent this poem along with others to my states' Poet Laureat a long time ago. Something must be wrong with him - as an artist I was surprised because he liked this one above others I prefferred. But it was nice thst he took the time.

I write Confessionally but very rarely about medical, of psycholgical issues. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ned. Laurie


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## Nellie (Dec 10, 2017)

SilverMoon said:


> Agreed, I knew it would be read rather generically. Perhaps, I should not have posted it. I's just thst this
> means allot to me personally.
> 
> I had sent this poem along with others to my states' Poet Laureat.a loing time ago. Something must be wrong with him - as an artist I was surprised because he liked this one abovel others I prefferred. But it was nice thst he took the time.
> ...



You should have posted it. I'm glad that you let the rest of the world in on your personal life! Some things that are evident to one are rather oblivious to others. It wasn't a guessing game for me, nor obviously was it a guessing game for the Poet Laurette.

We both know that Anne Sexton wrote "confessional" poetry, all about her struggles with mental illness. Perhaps others should check out some of her work, too.

Thanks again for sharing!


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## SilverMoon (Dec 10, 2017)

Thanks, Cindy. One of the reasons this poem is special to me is because it’s a reminder:

I’m a better writer now after staying on my meds than before, when this poem was written. My mind is no longer circling. I have more focus. 

Most persons with Bi-Polar Disorder fear that if they go off their meds they’ll lose their “Creativity”. Creativity is nothing les than an “Action Word”. It gives one impetus to exercise their “Talent” and this is something you’re born with and will never lose. You’re stuck with it guys

OK. To my poem: While, I’d never truncate the last three lines, at some point I’ll be working above them for a stronger match.

Some may wonder about the question marks clustered together (at the time I had no idea what I was doing). This grouping is actually a Figure of Speech –The “Rhetorical Question” i.e. the questions are asked to make a point not to elicit an answer.

Example:



> Where are the Angels?
> 
> Sitting on their wings?
> Taking a vacation from God?



Without the last two question marks you'd have the answer. No point will not be made.



> Where are the Angels?
> 
> Sitting on thier wings
> taking a vacation from God.




After all, I am glad I posted this poem and answered questions. Members here have written about Alcoholism, Epilepsy, Suicidal Ideations and more. I celebrate their courage and gifts. 

Let’s bury the stigmas with our words….

Laurie


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## Nellie (Dec 10, 2017)

SilverMoon said:


> Thanks, Cindy................
> 
> After all, I am glad I posted this poem and answered questions. Members here have written about Alcoholism, Epilepsy, Suicidal Ideations and more. I celebrate their courage and gifts.
> 
> ...



You're welcome.

Yes, let's bury the stigma that others have placed on those of us suffering with brain disorders. 

From NAMI:



> *Living With A Mental Health Condition*
> 
> If you have a mental health condition, you're not alone. One in 5 adults experiences some form of mental illness in any given year. And across the population, 1 in every 25 adults is living with a serious mental health condition such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or long-term recurring major depression.
> As with other serious illnesses, mental illness is not your fault or that of the people around you, but widespread misunderstandings about mental illness remain. Many people don't seek treatment or remain unaware that their symptoms could be connected to a mental health condition. People may expect a person with serious mental illness to look visibly different from others, and they may tell someone who doesn't "look ill" to "get over it" through willpower. These misperceptions add to the challenges of living with a mental health condition.



Folks with mental illness don't "get over it" on their own through pure willpower. Wish life was that easy.


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## nickpierce (Dec 10, 2017)

the basement of yourself 


_This is a very good line.
An excellent metaphor.

_


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## TuesdayEve (Dec 11, 2017)

Hi Silver,
I felt your frustration throughtout and your annoyance with the angels...
Like saying, “c’mon, can I get a little help here?”
Not sure of the correct term, metaphor, simile or imagery but I liked
the pictures your words created.


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## nelen (Dec 11, 2017)

Hi SilverMoon  How are you?

As usual I enjoy your poetry. "Wearing out the carpet in my head" yes I know that feeling and, as for Angels sitting on their wings, they appear to do a lot of that, as I shall tell those who have a Guardian Angel.
Nice one again
Nelen


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## SilverMoon (Dec 11, 2017)

Nellie said:


> Yes, let's bury the stigma that others have placed on those of us suffering with brain disorders.


 And thanks Cindy, for posting that important messsage from NAMI:

I like this quote from Sylvia Plath when it comes to writing effect Confessional Poems.

*[FONT=&Verdana]I saw the gooseflesh on my skin.
 I did not know what made it. 
I was not cold. Had a ghost passed over? 
No, it was the poetry.[/FONT]*




nickpierce said:


> the basement of yourself
> _
> This is a very good line.
> An excellent metaphor._


 Thanks, nickpierce. Intent was to impart the aftermath of mania's  slow, evermore exhilarating elevator ride to the top.  Can't get "higher" than that! Cable wires snap then you crash to the basement. _The basement of yourself _is certainly not a line I'd change. Thinking when I go for a re-write I'll work with the elevator ride metaphor. Thank you, again.



TuesdayEve said:


> Hi Silver,
> I felt your frustration throughtout and your annoyance with the angels...
> Like saying, “c’mon, can I get a little help here?”
> Not sure of the correct term, metaphor, simile or imagery but I liked
> the pictures your words created.


Thanks, Tuesday.  Certainly, " “c’mon, can I get a little help here?” Yes, where are the Angels?  The help? Why joy and pain taking turns over and over again, knowing no answer will be at hand.

Much of this piece is about Imagery.


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## SilverMoon (Dec 11, 2017)

nelen said:


> Hi SilverMoon  How are you?
> 
> As usual I enjoy your poetry. "Wearing out the carpet in my head" yes I know that feeling and, as for Angels sitting on their wings, they appear to do a lot of that, as I shall tell those who have a Guardian Angel.
> Nice one again
> Nelen


So nice to hear from you again, nelen. Yes, carpeting is supposed to be soft and grounding so no on slips! Good. Spread the word to folks who have a Guardian Angel to get off their butts! It's not good for their posture.... 

Thanks, Laurie


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## Olly Buckle (Dec 11, 2017)

I don't think I can add anything very useful to those comments; just to say I enjoyed that. Thank you.


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## dannyboy (Dec 12, 2017)

SilverMoon said:


> Coffee grains
> stain my brain.
> 
> Smoke from my mouth,
> ...



Just thought I'd show how I would have done it. I don't think I need to know about the particular condition - we all experience this condition in its myriad formats and that's why this poem connects.

Enjoyed the read. Thank you.

Danny


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## SilverMoon (Dec 12, 2017)

Danny, thank you so much for taking the time to read and examine my piece for alterations. I like your suggestions for brevity. Certainly, works with the pattern and in the end in keeping with the “Rhetorical Question”

Here, I explain my choice of wording.
*
Love is crazy for peace**,* - I read this as - Love is head over heels for peace.
*Love is looking like crazy for peace* – Imparting that love is not limited to joy but also to heartbreak, pain.

Strains its tired eyes…
*Where are the angels? *- I created a line break because “love” no longer figures in the above stanza. Very importantly, I wanted this line to stand on its own for impact, to reach the reader fast with this disquieting question.

*sitting on their wings **– *I included question mark for emphasis. "Where are they? They're not doing their job!"
*Vacationing from God? -  *“ Vacationing” gave me the visual of a tourist lounging.  “Taking”  implies a removing. So, why the word...and so it went. 

*Where are the Angels? 

Sitting on their wings?
Taking a vacation from God?*



> Originally Posted by *dannyboy *I don't think I need to know about the particular condition - we all experience this condition in its myriad formats and that's why this poem connects.



This is great to hear! That it connects to us all. I was hoping for that but got derailed. 

Thank you Danny, Laurie


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