# Stupid questions you've PERSONALLY been asked



## aj47 (Dec 13, 2015)

Q. If I install Office on my computer, will I be able to retrieve .DOC files?


----------



## Riis Marshall (Dec 14, 2015)

Hello Annie

Q: Did you really move to England from America so you could get free health and dental care, you colonial piece of s***?

All the best with your writing.

Warmest regards
Riis


----------



## Aquarius (Dec 15, 2015)

Having stumbled, fallen flat on my face and obviously am in need of help, someone asks: 'Are you all right, luv?' and walks on.


----------



## aj47 (Dec 15, 2015)

Same person:  Q. How do I know which is the power cord?


----------



## Aquarius (Dec 15, 2015)

Riis Marshall said:


> Hello Annie
> 
> Q: Did you really move to England from America so you could get free health and dental care, you colonial piece of s***?
> 
> ...



Your question sets me wondering how you would like the free health care that's available in this country.


----------



## Darkkin (Dec 15, 2015)

_Asked while carrying a massive stack of books balanced between my chin and hip, a PDT strapped to my wrist, a list in hand..._Do you work here?  _Thinking:  No, Sherlock!  I'm just rearranging books for the cardiovascular benefits..._


----------



## Riptide (Dec 15, 2015)

q: So if I punch you will your sister feel it?
q: Do you guys, like, think the same?

It's always twenty questions when someone realizes you're a twin. And it's the same TWENTY QUESTIONS from everyone you meet.  Have you ever switched classes? Man, if I had a twin I would do yada, yada, yada... Does it ever get annoying? Are you guys like best of friends? Do you ever fight? Are you just carbon copies of each other, identical every which way? 

Sometimes I've been asked one too many times if we can telepathically communicate. But people are curious, I can't help that.


----------



## Riis Marshall (Dec 16, 2015)

@Aquarius

Since I have lived as an American expat in Britain for thirty years, I have no experience with American attempts at free health care, neither pros nor cons.

Although it has some problems from time to time, the NHS here in Britain is a noble endeavour  both in concept and in practice. Yes, a few people abuse it occasionally but they are a tiny percentage of those who don't.

That wasn't my point. This was, in fact, a question put to me by a National Front monster telling me I had no business in his beloved England and why didn't I go back where I came from? At the time I was running my own management consultancy sometimes paying some of my sub-contractors more than he was earning and I had likely paid more in UK taxes in my time here than he had paid in his entire working life.

He was pals with a guy who wanted to ship everybody here in Britain of Indian or Pakistani descent back to 'where they came from' as a response to the Sepoy mutiny that took place in 1857. They spent some of their nights trashing Asian restaurants in revenge for the Cawnpore massacre.

Maybe not so much a stupid question as a stupid world view manifest in his question. These lovely people form the context for a thriller I completed a few months ago.

All the best with your writing.

Warmest regards
Riis


----------



## Phil Istine (Dec 16, 2015)

Back in the days when I worked from a ladder, perched on one of the higher rungs, squeegee in hand with T-bar and cloths dangling from a work belt
"Are you a window cleaner?"
"No luv.  It's my new exercise regime."


----------



## Phil Istine (Dec 16, 2015)

Riptide said:


> Sometimes I've been asked one too many times if we can telepathically communicate. But people are curious, I can't help that.



The best answer to that is:
"Hang on a minute, I'll ask him," then pull out your mobile phone.


----------



## Furia (Jan 5, 2016)

I'm really short, only 145,5 cms, so...

Q: How's the weather down there?


----------



## Gofa (Jan 6, 2016)

We have a tram that takes tourists around the city. It goes pretty slow.
As the tram goes a few times I have asked tourists attentively staring at the natives 
''Do you want to buy drugs"
never gets old 
these guys go back their hotels thinking this is Amsterdam. Stories at home "we got offered drugs right on the street in NewZealand"
its a stupid question i have asked


----------



## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jan 6, 2016)

"Are you cold?" No I'm wearing three layers because I'm a vampire and sunlight will kill me. 

"Do you smoke?" Nah this is meth bro!


----------



## JustRob (Jan 6, 2016)

When answering the phone on someone else's desk while alone in the office I was asked the following.

"Is he not there?"

So should the answer to that have been "Yes" or "No" and would he have understood it anyway?

After asking about several other absent people on his list of preferred contacts the caller finally asked "Is nobody there?"

No, you dumb person, I was the only one present. I don't recall whether I offered to leave a message for nobody when they came back, i.e. if I left, but I really didn't feel appreciated at that point. It was after all the office where I worked as well at an adjacent desk.


----------



## Sam (Jan 6, 2016)

I had a newb on a construction site come up to me and ask, "Where's the foreman's office?" 

"It's that hut up there, with the massive sign that says FOREMAN'S OFFICE."

I had a woman in a parking lot of a supermarket come up to me -- as I had just left my car and walked _towards _the shops, with nothing in my hands -- and say, "Are you pulling out?" 

"Does it look like I'm pulling out?" 

During a game of darts, I had a mate ask me, with a score of 40 left, "What double do I need to finish?" 

I instinctively replied, "Double top." 

"What?" 

"Double twenty." 

"Well, which is it: double top or double twenty?"


----------



## JustRob (Jan 6, 2016)

We have flower beds in the centre of the drive to our house. Our cars' wheels pass either side of them and my angel always chooses suitably short flowers to plant in them. One day a passer by was admiring the flowers and on seeing the cars parked on the drive by the house asked "Do you drive over them?"


----------



## Sonata (Jan 6, 2016)

Riptide said:


> It's always twenty questions when someone realizes you're a twin.



My twin and I are not only not identical but we do not look anything like sisters let alone twins.  However even people who have known us for years ask both of us the same question.  "Which one are you?"  

And we both automatically answer "the other one".


----------



## Ultraroel (Jan 6, 2016)

One of my favorites is still: 'Can I ask you a question?'


----------



## AtleanWordsmith (Jan 6, 2016)

Remember, guys and girls, there's no such thing as a stupid question, though I was once asked by a tired cashier, after paying with cash...

"Will this be debit?"


----------



## Bishop (Jan 6, 2016)

For some reason (and my wife just thinks I "look like the type") I constantly get asked if I "work here" at any retail establishment. In Target, looking at video games, a woman comes up to me--while I'm wearing all black (for anyone not familiar, Target employees ALL wear red) and said, "Excuse me, do you work here?" 

Yes, I'm just checking out these products to make sure they've not moved, and I left my red shirt at home so that only the REAL customers would know I work here.

Also, back when I was an IT support tech:

Me: "It should be asking you to press any key to continue, so just push any key..."
Them: *silence*
Me: "Are you there?"
Them: "I don't see an "any" key, where's the "any" key on the keyboard?"

Also had: "Where's the enter key?" "What does it mean when it says my mailbox is full?" "Can you get us more internets?" And my personal favorite:

Me: "I'm going to remote into your computer and take control."
Them: "Okay."
Me: *remotes in and takes over the mouse*
Them: "What?! Something just took over my mouse, I think I have a virus!"


----------



## Sam (Jan 6, 2016)

Bishop said:


> For some reason (and my wife just thinks I "look like the type") I constantly get asked if I "work here" at any retail establishment. In Target, looking at video games, a woman comes up to me--while I'm wearing all black (for anyone not familiar, Target employees ALL wear red) and said, "Excuse me, do you work here?"
> 
> Yes, I'm just checking out these products to make sure they've not moved, and I left my red shirt at home so that only the REAL customers would know I work here.
> 
> ...



My brother is a computer programmer and, as anyone who has ever been involved with computers knows, a lot of the problems that a computer has (mouse not moving, not starting up, icons missing, etcetera) can be solved by doing one thing: turning the computer off and on again. 

However, because of the popularity of the BBC show _The IT Crowd _, everyone thinks my bro is joking when he tells them to turn their computer off and on again. The amount of times he has face-palmed in the last twelve months is incredible.


----------



## Bishop (Jan 6, 2016)

Sam said:


> My brother is a computer programmer and, as anyone who has ever been involved with computers knows, a lot of the problems that a computer has (mouse not moving, not starting up, icons missing, etcetera) can be solved by doing one thing: turning the computer off and on again.
> 
> However, because of the popularity of the BBC show _The IT Crowd _, everyone thinks my bro is joking when he tells them to turn their computer off and on again. The amount of times he has face-palmed in the last twelve months is incredible.



So, I do programming for internal IT apps and advanced support, but I'm technically still under support management, so I sit by the support team. You have no idea (well, clearly you really do!) how many times I hear "Let's restart the computer" and then "Yes, like the TV show" followed by "No, it really works, I'm not blowing you off" and then "Okay, glad that fixed it. Yes, I know it's incredible. Bye!"


----------



## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jan 6, 2016)

When I was much younger, about 14, I was wearing a black suit with a red shirt in K-mart, and a woman asked if I worked there... Yes, I'm a 14 year old manager, what can I help you with? 

And finally, "Are you gay?" Multiple times by multiple people. 

Not that there's necessarily a problem with that, but... apparently I give that impression. I wonder why.


----------



## Bishop (Jan 6, 2016)

Crowley K. Jarvis said:


> And finally, "Are you gay?" Multiple times by multiple people.
> 
> Not that there's necessarily a problem with that, but... apparently I give that impression. I wonder why.



I get this from time to time too, simply because I'm different. Not into sports, not the dude-liest bro, play video games, wear fine button down shirts, and have a perfectly groomed beard. I take it as a compliment at this point, because it means people are looking at me, thinking I'm different than they are, and trying to grasp why. If someone asks you this, it's because you confuse them, possibly even scare them, and since they're a dumb enough person to vocalize this question, you WANT to confuse them and be different than them.


----------



## Sam (Jan 6, 2016)

Bishop said:


> I get this from time to time too, simply because I'm different. Not into sports, not the dude-liest bro, play video games, wear fine button down shirts, and have a perfectly groomed beard. I take it as a compliment at this point, because it means people are looking at me, thinking I'm different than they are, and trying to grasp why. If someone asks you this, it's because you confuse them, possibly even scare them, and since they're a dumb enough person to vocalize this question, you WANT to confuse them and be different than them.



It's also because you don't act like a sheep. 

Do something that goes against, or runs counter to, the rest of the herd, and they think there's something wrong with you/think you're different.


----------



## Darkkin (Jan 6, 2016)

It has a tendency to get really cold back in my department, and as such, I've learned to take preventive measures which includes, a horde of sweaters and mittens, which I usually resort to daily.  

Enter Customer: 'Aren't you cold?'

Holds up mitten swathed hands...Yeah...(facepalm).


----------



## Riptide (Jan 6, 2016)

My sister and I have to buy cigarettes for my mom sometimes and once my sister showed the person behind the counter her ID and the woman looked at her, looked at the photo and said, "Is this a fake?"

Yes, we made a fake ID to be a 19 year old because they have all the freedom.


----------



## PrinzeCharming (Jan 8, 2016)

It was an early morning at Stop & Shop, a large northern U.S. grocery store chain, when a customer approached me in the cereal aisle. She showed me the box of original Frosted Flakes. It is nothing new for any man named Anthony, nicknamed Tony, to have someone sing that annoying Frosted Flakes commercial theme song. Well, she never made that connection with my visible name tag. She was too busy focusing on the cereal box. The strawberries on the box mixed with the milk and the cereal provoked the customer to ask the million dollar question. "_Are there strawberries inside this cereal box_?" I stared at the box to see if Tony, the tiger, kept himself together. I nodded back at him and looked up at her. "No, I am sorry. But you can add your own!"


----------



## Darkkin (Jan 10, 2016)

Had a jewel of a question today about thirty seconds after clocking in:  

C: Do you have a book that defines words?
M:  A dictionary?
C:  No, a book that defines words, explains them?
M: Something on etymology?  The actual study of words?  Linguistics?
C: No. It's all right if you don't understand...You probably didn't go to school.
M: I have an MFA in English.
C: What's that?

By this point we had reached the reference section and I was able to disappear...

Please stop me if I'm wrong, but isn't a dictionary, by its very definition, a book that defines, classifies, and explains words?

I've had some doozies over the course of my career, but this one has definitely made the top ten strangest requests.


----------



## Phil Istine (Jan 11, 2016)

Apparently, the Thesaurus became extinct about 65 million years ago.


----------



## JustRob (Jan 11, 2016)

Sam said:


> My brother is a computer programmer and, as anyone who has ever been involved with computers knows, a lot of the problems that a computer has (mouse not moving, not starting up, icons missing, etcetera) can be solved by doing one thing: turning the computer off and on again.



The real problem nowadays is that electronic devices think they know better than us, so only pretend to be turned off. They think that it reassures us to believe that we are in control, so they have these on/off buttons that do nothing of the sort. We have a satellite receiver which sometimes gets confused and it has to be unplugged from the supply to get it to really shut down and restart. What was worse was the controller on our central heating system which would occasionally malfunction. Even disconnecting the supply didn't shut it down because it had an internal backup battery. To restart it quickly I had to disassemble the case and short out the wired in rechargeable battery to kill the thing for real, after which it recovered. I tired of going through this routine each time that it misbehaved so added a switch to the backup battery circuit. Now I can kill it for real at the touch of a button when necessary. 

Even when one has got over the hurdle of persuading someone that the solution is to turn the device off, the next hurdle is to convince them that it isn't really off, just playing dead, and that they may have to employ more radical measures. If I had told anyone that the remedy for a malfunction in a heating controller was to remove it from the wall entirely and leave it alone in another room for four hours to recover they would probably think I was mad, but that was my original simple time-consuming remedy. Sometimes the answers can sound more stupid than the questions even though they are true.


----------



## Darkkin (Jan 11, 2016)

Phil Istine said:


> Apparently, the Thesaurus became extinct about 65 million years ago.



I did also ask about the thesaurus enroute to the section...

The reply to that question:  Why do I need synonyms when I just want a definition?


----------



## WhitakerRStanton (Jan 11, 2016)

Have you ever been brainwashed?


----------



## PrinzeCharming (Jan 11, 2016)

WhitakerRStanton said:


> Have you ever been brainwashed?



Lysol doesn't reach that far up my nose. :icon_joker:


----------



## InstituteMan (Jan 11, 2016)

A long time ago, back when I was a less cynical and freshly minted attorney, I worked for a firm that adverized "free initial consultations" in the yellow pages (this was before the interwebs existed). As the least experienced attorney, it was my job to take the free initial consultations.

There was a form we followed to collect information and to be sure we gave out the important legal details. One of those important details was the fees we charged. While the fees at this particular firm weren't all that high for lawyers of our specialty, I realized even then that they were astronomically high for prospective clients of even average means.

One client enthusiastically agreed to everything I presented. She didn't bat an eye at the fees. As we were wrapping up, she asked me a question: "So, who is it that actually pays you? Some government agency, right?"

I responded that she was the one who was going to be paying the fees. My answer ended our brief attorney-client relationship.


----------



## Ariel (Jan 11, 2016)

Darkkin, that story makes me want to bang my head on my desk.  That customer was dumb.


----------

