# fluent in spanish



## Galivanting (Aug 25, 2016)

hoarded delights
piled ceiling high.

book after book
fill the walls
forming the fortress
i force myself squarely within.

highlighted cookbooks
filled with recipes
i can no longer stomach.

true crime pulp
authors obsessed with people
not deserving of my sympathy
despite my empathy. 

lines of bukowski
flying overhead,
reminding me;
things can always
get worse.

neruda speaking
a language
i wish i understood. ​


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## Galivanting (Aug 25, 2016)

please dont consider this a bump, its within seconds of posting, just cant have the poem not sit alone. 

my entry for the challenge, would love to hear your opinion cause i kinda find it the only thing i like that ive written in this period of being able to write. 

love you all


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## Phil Istine (Aug 25, 2016)

I actually quite liked this piece, though I did struggle to link the poem with the title.
It was easy to picture an incurable hoarder buried in books.  I did feel slightly uncomfortable as it reminded me of my own hoarding tendencies - which I am in the process of changing.

Although free verse, there was a little internal rhyme and alliteration that nudged the poem along.  The end rhyme of sympathy ... empathy felt a bit forced and I felt it didn't quite fit with the rest.  I felt that "things can always get worse" would have been better placed if joined to the three lines preceding it.
I particularly enjoyed:

_highlighted cookbooks
filled with recipes
i can no longer stomach.

_I reckon it was a decent effort.

EDIT:   This isn't what I would consider bumping.


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## Galivanting (Aug 26, 2016)

heh, as someone that writes pretty much exclusively free verse i just realized how sing songy it gets there.

to explain the title seems like giving the whole point of the poem away but who cares, neruda wrote love poems, love is his language. i am literally fluent in spanish, title is referencing the last stanza saying i can know the spanish but i dont know the love. 

i feel like my writing is too personal(**itty) for people sometimes, writing for no one sucks though... so quite the quandary. but really i dont write for approval just to make refrains stop in my head


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## Galivanting (Aug 26, 2016)

so on that note. adieu

i dont know what i wanted and i know my shit is terrible so im kinda just gonna send myself on my way.

this is in no way me leaving cause i think im better, i know im shit, so i dont belong here any more. 

i was never good at writing but this place felt homey. and hell when me and robert bought the place i thought it was so bizzare my depression took me away. it still has. i shouldnt be here.  

self hate is so passe


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## Phil Istine (Aug 26, 2016)

Galivanting said:


> so on that note. adieu
> 
> i dont know what i wanted and i know my shit is terrible so im kinda just gonna send myself on my way.
> 
> ...



That sounds a little extreme; like pretty much all poetry, yours has positive and less positive nuances.  I do try to strike a balance but it must always be remembered that critique and opinions are just that - individual opinions which may or may not be a guide to improvement.
I do empathise with much of what you say as my own poetry fluctuates wildly in quality; sometimes I can write something pretty reasonable and other times it just doesn't work.  It's all part of the learning curve.  Also, I find that, like yours, mine can often be about aspects of my life, past or present.
Anyway, I'll put mine up in another thread in a minute.  If it makes you feel any better, you can lob some buns at me  .


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## Galivanting (Aug 26, 2016)

im sorry it wasnt truly meant to be directed at you. i just think that while i want to improve as writer id much rather improve elsewhere, because my writing is only helpful in despair. 

i came back here for a reason and i dont feel as though i quite understand that reason. 

that said. ill read your poem and enjoy offering my terrible opinion which im sure is love. 

so sorry for being an ass, i hate it because i love you all and i cant fucking deal with myself


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## Phil Istine (Aug 26, 2016)

Galivanting, you're OK, really.
I looked around some while ago, and this appears to be the best place on the internet for this type of site.  I know critique can sting at times; it's very easy to focus on what someone says they dislike or don't get, while skipping past the more positive parts of a comment.
The following isn't me being condescending: although I didn't vote for your piece in my top three, it was very close.  I ended up deciding between yours and another - I felt that the other had a bit more about it - just.  It's fair to say that I ranked yours fourth.  I wouldn't normally write something like this as it can come across as grovelling, but I write it because I hope you stay and also because it happens to be true.


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## Ariel (Aug 26, 2016)

Hi Galivanting,

I'm sorry you're dealing with a tough time.  Depression is not easy to live with.

I, personally, had no problem connecting Neruda to the title but that may be because I read and enjoy Neruda.  (I am not fluent in Spanish though.  I just like the way it sounds).  I can see his influence here in the line breaks and the shortened stanzas.

To me the isolation of "things can always/get worse" is deliberate and well-thought out. This gained an emphasis and becomes almost hopeful because of it.  I think I would prefer a colon before these lines instead of a comma but that's up to you.

This shows some emotional depth and poetic awareness on the poet's part.  Definitely not shit.


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## Phil Istine (Aug 26, 2016)

amsawtell said:


> Hi Galivanting,
> 
> I'm sorry you're dealing with a tough time.  Depression is not easy to live with.



Sorry.  I didn't realise this.


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## ned (Aug 26, 2016)

hello - I see a poet here, who is still finding their feet.

some of the ideas and phrases in this poem, highlight a capable and natural writer.
ie - book after book - sounds simple, but is lyrically affective.

others, like - authors obsessed with people - do not express your meaning so well.

it ain't easy, but try to give a bit more thought to better relating your feelings to the reader
(in poetic terms, of course) - making that connection, is the true reward for the hard work.

keep plugging away and posting (and suffer for your art if you must) and I'm sure you will
find your voice and be more confident with your evident abilities.

cheers
Ned


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## Gumby (Aug 26, 2016)

Hey G, you aren't alone. Most of us can relate to what you're feeling, at least on some level. I have certainly had to claw my way back up out of that deep pit, a time or two.

The poem resonates on a deep emotional level, one that is actually very delicate and easy to miss upon the first read.
That tells me that your poem skills are not shit, but in fact they are just the opposite of shit. 

Hey, I write mostly for myself, too. I know that people don't always get what I'm saying, but when they do, it's very satisfying to me. And when they don't, I am usually fascinated by what they got from it. Sometimes I'm actually glad that they don't see how much I have revealed about myself in the poem.


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## -xXx- (Aug 26, 2016)

I like everything about this piece.

I like the word choices,
the placement of the breaks,
the images,
the summation
and
the title.

I will look for your next entry
with delight.
I also read many things that I don't
really understand for a long time
from my little-settled-squarely-within-fort.
sometimes I have popcorn in a cup
at the same time.


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## Bard_Daniel (Aug 27, 2016)

I quite liked this Galvananting.

Your references were also very effective. Great little addition!

Thanks for sharing!


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## Galivanting (Aug 28, 2016)

jesus **** im so sorry... this is the first time ive been able to bring myself to look back on those comments and jesus phil im so sorry. was looking for a breakdown i guess. thank you for quite honestly being as patient as anyone ever had been.

i still stand by this being my favorite thing ive written currently because the sentiment within is the reason im writing again after nearly 6 years. im at a ****ing wits end and i was back then as well. for some reason absolute despair the only place i can write. 

that makes me a bit sensitive i suppose, i was actually better about it back then because i cared less what people thought... oddly now i do despite writing like a angsty teen still.

cindy, your words helped a lot, thank you so much. not everyone has to understand what the hell im saying. and really given the level of crisis my brain seems to stay in thats probably a good thing

-xXx- i love that youve written your comments with line breaks and that makes me infinitely happy

thank you all.... i dont deserve the amount of patience i received here. i love each and every one of you


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