# Do you use 'eyes' or 'sight'? Can eyes dart around a room??



## ktee (Jan 17, 2013)

At university my creative writing tutor was dead set against phrases like "his eyes darted around the room". 

Now I try to use "sight", "vision" etc rather than "eyes". Yet I see a lot of writers don't, both published and unpublished. 


Do publishers have a preference?

Is anyone else as finicky as me about adventurous and active eyeballs?


----------



## Jon M (Jan 17, 2013)

.


----------



## popsprocket (Jan 17, 2013)

Anyone who takes that phrase at its literal meaning is just being a tool who likes to argue semantics. For those of us who were born with English as our native language, the intended meaning is pretty clear. If people were completely unable to read between the lines on things like this then all metaphors would have to be tossed out the window.


----------



## Jon M (Jan 18, 2013)

.


----------



## Foxee (Jan 18, 2013)

I'm not a big fan of body parts that take off and do their own thing independently of the body unless something really strange is supposed to be happening. If you do write this I doubt that your document will actually catch fire but once you start thinking that it does sound strange, why not just reword it? It's just an opportunity to keep things clear so that your reader doesn't stumble over something that may take them out of the story.


----------



## ppsage (Jan 18, 2013)

I would say that eyes going somewhere to indicate a vision process is well established English idiom and can probably even be verified, I bet, in some of the sacred lexicons of proper usage. The only thing wrong with them darting about the parlor is it's tired and hackneyed and one should probably try to find something a bit original for them to do.


----------



## Morkonan (Jan 18, 2013)

ktee said:


> At university my creative writing tutor was dead set against phrases like "his eyes darted around the room". ...



Err.. Your tutor doesn't like hyperbole?

I understand their complaint, but there are certain phrases that are commonly accepted at face value, even though they aren't logically constructed. Avoiding them would be ideal, but the story/scene may be served better by including them. What truly matters is that the writing can be understood and that those things which add value to the work should be used, even if they break with conventions. However, it is important for the writer to understand the tools of the trade and to know what it is they're working with when they choose such a phrase.

Learn the appropriate mechanics, use them to make the work digestible, break from grammatically correct conventions when it enhances the value of the work, even if eyes must perambulate rapidly about the room.



ppsage said:


> I would say that eyes going somewhere to indicate a  vision process is well established English idiom and can probably even  be verified, I bet, in some of the sacred lexicons of proper usage. The  only thing wrong with them darting about the parlor is it's tired and  hackneyed and one should probably try to find something a bit original  for them to do.



I've always liked a flailing gaze...


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jan 18, 2013)

My quarrel would be with the cliche nature of the phrase, now 'Her eyes darted around like paper airplanes in a boys dormitory' I could accept.


----------



## ktee (Jan 18, 2013)

Thanks all. That's why this forum is so great. 

My tutor was very picky, but I suppose all creative people have quirks and pedantic preferences. The issue is when we become too rigid in our beliefs. 

I like the explanation that it's become an accepted part of our language (because that means I don't have to always be avoiding it even though I have a preference to keep my eyeballs stationary) but there are definitely a bunch of cliches I want to stay clear of. 

I shall go seek my middle ground....


----------



## Foxee (Jan 18, 2013)

As far as your original question, if publishers have a preference the hope is that they'll like your story enough to ask you to change it rather than rejecting it outright. Will they reject it because eyes rolled around the room? Depends how much they dislike that or if they don't care. If in doubt, consult a style guide for a standardized way to write this.


----------



## popsprocket (Jan 18, 2013)

Jon M said:


> Seems pretty clear to me that "His eyes darted around the room" is not meant to be figurative in any sense, and is only interpreted that way to account for the author's poor judgement.
> 
> No writer worth his salt is okay with "close enough -- they'll understand."



Yes, but in this case, the phrase has an established meaning.


----------



## Foxee (Jan 18, 2013)

popsprocket said:


> Yes, but in this case, the phrase has an established meaning.


Canned phrases, like canned food, can be flavorless. You don't think that improving on the phrase has merit?


----------



## Sam (Jan 18, 2013)

'Oscillating' might be a better word, but your tutor sounds a bit pedantic. Absolutely nothing wrong with 'eyes darting'. If you want to get technical, switch it around: "He darted his eyes around the room". That should silence the style Nazis.


----------



## Terry D (Jan 18, 2013)

Cliched phrases have their place, although they are frequently overused by fledgling writers.  Not every phrase in a story has to be thunder-and-lightening, in fact when an author goes to extremes to avoid a cliche the writing often comes off as pretentious.  Sometimes the quick, applicable cliche is the best way of moving the story forward -- like using 'said' in dialogue tags -- the cliche becomes invisible while still delivering its meaning.

Use the words and phrases that work for your story without getting too wrapped up in what others think and say, and without getting lazy.


----------



## OWenDavis (Jan 20, 2013)

Sounds fine to me. Im sure there are cheesier things you could say...


----------



## Freakconformist (Jan 20, 2013)

ktee said:


> Thanks all. That's why this forum is so great.
> 
> My tutor was very picky, but I suppose all creative people have quirks and pedantic preferences. The issue is when we become too rigid in our beliefs.
> 
> ...



My creative writing teacher made me question myself all the time too. Funny how a lesson called "creative" can make you feel like you're being restricted. Once I realized that I wasn't writing to make them happy I took a look at the "rules" and said, "that's ridiculous". Now I follow or fling away the "rules" according to what I thinks works best for the story.


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jan 20, 2013)

My friend showed my book to his creative writing teacher, she seemed to think it was very wrong using a font with serifs, didn't say a word about the writing, Doh.


----------



## Writing Fanatic (Jan 20, 2013)

Eyes darting about the room is commonly used, and so for that particular phrase I do not think you should be worried.

For example, in The Hobbit, it says Gandalf's eyebrows stick out farther than his hat... that sounds a bit ridiculous.  So while that would likely be understood, it is questionable.  Other than that, if you've heard it elsewhere before, I would go with it.

Also, making up your own is always cool, and a bit of question is always fun to see a reader asking about.  Though make sure it's within reason.


----------



## ppsage (Jan 20, 2013)

> Though make sure it's within reason.


 Are we absolutely sure this is a rule? I really need to know. Unless it's too late.


----------



## Kyle R (Jan 20, 2013)

Tim's eyes darted around the room. He screamed, "My eyes!", and stumbled blindly after them, his arms outsretched, his hands grasping at empty air. His left eye ricochetted off the glass window, leaving a small wet streak. His right eye bounced along the countertop.

His wife, Jane, sighed and slumped in her chair. "We're going to be late. Again."

"Just one minute, honey," Tim gasped, falling over a stool.


----------



## ppsage (Jan 20, 2013)

KyleColorado said:


> Tim's eyes darted around the room. He screamed, "My eyes!", and stumbled blindly after them, his arms outsretched, his hands grasping at empty air. His left eye ricochetted off the glass window, leaving a small wet streak. His right eye bounced along the countertop.
> 
> His wife, Jane, sighed and slumped in her chair. "We're going to be late. Again."
> 
> "Just one minute, honey," Tim gasped, falling over a stool.



That's the way I see it too.


----------



## Writing Fanatic (Jan 20, 2013)

ppsage said:


> Are we absolutely sure this is a rule? I really need to know. Unless it's too late.



Well, no, though I can't say "my eye popped out onto the counter in amazement".  That's what I mean by within and without reason.


----------



## Foxee (Jan 20, 2013)

KyleColorado said:


> Tim's eyes darted around the room. He screamed, "My eyes!", and stumbled blindly after them, his arms outsretched, his hands grasping at empty air. His left eye ricochetted off the glass window, leaving a small wet streak. His right eye bounced along the countertop.
> 
> His wife, Jane, sighed and slumped in her chair. "We're going to be late. Again."
> 
> "Just one minute, honey," Tim gasped, falling over a stool.


Now this I enjoyed. Please feel free to add a bit more.


----------



## ktee (Jan 21, 2013)

KyleColorado said:


> Tim's eyes darted around the room. He screamed, "My eyes!", and stumbled blindly after them, his arms outsretched, his hands grasping at empty air. His left eye ricochetted off the glass window, leaving a small wet streak. His right eye bounced along the countertop.
> 
> His wife, Jane, sighed and slumped in her chair. "We're going to be late. Again."
> 
> "Just one minute, honey," Tim gasped, falling over a stool.



This is hilarious! And so cathartic. 

I like that you used a "gasped". Whenever I read this it just seems _Mills and Boon_.


----------



## movieman (Jan 21, 2013)

popsprocket said:


> Anyone who takes that phrase at its literal meaning is just being a tool who likes to argue semantics.



Or reading SF, fantasy, horror, or other genres where it may be literally true. Particularly early on when you haven't set up the story world yet.


----------

