# Petition from a Daughter



## SilverMoon (May 17, 2010)

Stand on your head, Daddy
so I can see you frown.

Your smiling hurts 
when I come home
with scraped knee.

Blood and tears
before the scabing
which you'll pick at,
leaving one more scar. 

Please, Daddy 
do upside down.
It's kinder this way.

Be as nimble as 
the rubber man
in a freak show 
where Fat brats 
stuff themselves 
with pop corn,
spitting kernels 
at you.

Do it today, Daddy,
I'm anethisized by now.

Cut me open
till you find it. 

My heart, 
no longer
baby bald.

Do it.
Operate on me
with the sharp
corners of your mouth, 
you drunken surgeon. 

_Code blue, code blue!_

That ear to ear
half moon on
your red face. 

Wait! I’m a child 
who should not be
on your table. 

Please, Daddy,
no more. 

I have no 
pretty buttons
to sew up
your grin.


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## Nellie (May 17, 2010)

Laurie,

A very vivid poem, full of imagery, pleading with your father not to harm you with his defiant smile. This verse:


> Do it today, Daddy
> so your smile
> doesn’t cut me open.
> It’s sharp corners,
> ...


tears at my soul, wanting to take that so called father and throw him to the wolves. And the last verse tells us why you have become you:


> You have already
> taught me never
> to cry.


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## vangoghsear (May 17, 2010)

Sad tale, well told.  Strong imagery.   Very good.


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## SilverMoon (May 17, 2010)

Thank you, Cindy and van. When I'm not writing about The Nature of the Human Condition, I'm writing in the Confessional genre. Yes. I confessed one of the traits of my father, using startling imagery to drive my final point home. 

This is from Wiki so you may understand why my piece is so emotionally raw and vulnerable on its own on the page. 





> *Confessional poetry* emphasizes the intimate, and sometimes unflattering, information about details of the poet's personal life, such as in poems about illness, sexuality, and despondence. The confessionalist label was applied to a number of poets of the 1950s and 1960s. John Berryman, Allen Ginsberg, Robert Lowell, Sylvia Plath, Theodore Roethke, Anne Sexton


 
I study Robert Lowell, Anne Sexton and last but not least Sylvia Plath very seriously, always hoping the their approches rubs off me so I can write my own truths in the most professional manner of this genre. While diametrically opposed to meter and ryhme, craft and construction are of utmost importance here.

Really all poetry is autobiographical in it's revelations in the motion the mind makes.


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## MaggieG (May 17, 2010)

I have read this several times now, and still come up with the same response. -Wouldn't change a thing- 

Ohhhhhh  and I highly recommend Berryman


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## SilverMoon (May 17, 2010)

I looked into Berryman, thank you. He's definetly touted as being a top runner with Confessional poets. Though, what I happened upon was not so much the Confessional but that about The Condition of Humankind and Society. Both up my alley. I have some more reading up on him to do.


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## MaggieG (May 17, 2010)

SilverMoon said:


> I looked into Berryman, thank you. He's definetly touted as being a top runner with Confessional poets. Though, what I happened upon was not so much the Confessional but that about The Condition of Humankind and Society. Both up my alley. I have some more reading up on him to do.




Yeah  his "confessional" is believed to be some of the best in the genre ( One I write in often ) But I am not so quick to differentiate between "Confessional" and "The Condition of Humankind and Society"  For me anyway that is the goal of writing in the confessional style, to speak on the human condition. It is simply personalizing it , for lack of better terminology. lol


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## SilverMoon (May 17, 2010)

Hey, Maggie. I have written speaking to the Human Condition. Mostly "outward" obervations rather than than to the "internal" which can bring you to the subterranean of yourself. How, deep? It depends on the degree and depths of assault(s) or how far you're capable of going. 

More about the Human Condition. Yes. My ferver and opinions are a reflection of me. My moral codes, compassion and a sense of responsiblity to write basically about the under dog all figure in when I write this way.

I do make a distinction between Confessional writing and this kind of observational writing. With the former you write bare bones about yourself. Now, the "nature" of others in relationship to you will figure in, as with my father and how he affected me.  But the "I" is always the focus with Confessional writing and sometimes disturbingly so.

I'm doing allot of compartmentalizing, here. I will say in the end that it can be a fine line for many people.


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## Futhark (May 17, 2010)

Well, Laurie, I must admit that I like this one much better than "My Peak of Joy." My conflict quota has been filled for the day!

Only two things that caught my eye:



> It’s sharp corners,



I think you meant to use the possessive "its", instead of the contraction for "it is." I just can't see the lines reading, "It is sharp corners,/the knife filleting/my child chest".



> You do.
> Operate on me.



Not sure I agree with the period placement here. It's not my piece, though, so I suppose you could tell me, "Suck it! My poem, my punctuation!"

Other than those two nits, I found this poem to be raw and punchy. Like drinking bourbon through a straw made of jalapenos. 

I'll be looking for more!


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## Ilasir Maroa (May 18, 2010)

Some great imagery here.  I thought the last stanza was a little bit weak, but otherwise I liked this.


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## ash somers (May 18, 2010)

i love the brutality of this piece, your words cut like a knife 
exposing our raw nerves and haggard entrails - good stuff!

i'm reminded of sylvia plath's daddy poem, another killer 
and i attempted something like this once upon a time
but never managed to pull it off, so ...

hats off to you!

regards, ash somers


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## JosephB (May 18, 2010)

SilverMoon, this is obviously heart-felt and there is indeed some strong imagery. It could be just me, but what I think is missing is something that indicates what is behind the smile -- Denial? A mindless optimism? Cruelty? It seems like the poem would be stronger if I had some sense of this. Maybe it's in the 5th stanza. If it's somewhere and I missed it, well, it wouldn't be the first time. Very nice, though, regardless.


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## SilverMoon (May 18, 2010)

Dan: "Like Bourbon through a straw made of jalapenos"! The best! Most creative review I've ever received. Art in itself. Thank you. "Its" is a fix. 

Ilasir: I sweated it out trying to come up with real puch for the last stanza but was at a loss. I now feel it works pointing up the girls plight, thinking its simplicity works.

Ash: Thank you so much. Of course I thought of Slyvia's "Daddy" as well. She's one of my favorite poets. I'm glad it struck a nerve as that was my intent. Thank you for appreciating the experience.

Joe: I'm glad you took well to the imagery. It was all about sadism which I left to the end. I wanted it to read almost like a mystery story. Thanks for reading.

Laurie


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## MaggieG (May 18, 2010)

> I do make a distinction between Confessional writing and this kind of observational writing. With the former you write bare bones about yourself. Now, the "nature" of others in relationship to you will figure in, as with my father and how he affected me. But the "I" is always the focus with Confessional writing and sometimes disturbingly so.
> 
> I'm doing allot of compartmentalizing, here. I will say in the end that it can be a fine line for many people.



Excellent explanation   and truth be told not far off the mark as to how I feel about the two as well . One is "I" . One is "You, We, Them, etc" Same methodology though  at least for me. Bare bones, to the point, sometimes even disturbingly so.


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## Gumby (May 18, 2010)

My favorite lines,



> Do it today, Daddy
> so your smile
> doesn’t cut me open.
> It’s sharp corners,
> ...



Heartfelt and painful, really come through, Laurie.


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## Chesters Daughter (May 19, 2010)

No daughter should ever be moved to write such a piece, and this absolutely infuriates me. What I'm about to say is incredibly cruel but I don't care. I think you would have been far better off if your father switched places with your mother when you were six. I'm sorry, Laurie, but this well written and extremely graphic piece has my nerves jangling and my anger boiling. The content is mind shattering. As to technical stuff, I agree with Dan regarding "You do. Operate on me.", I came to a dead stop there. I suggest dropping the period after do as well as the cap in operate. As for the ending, I don't think the content is weak at all, but the simplistic wording doesn't do it justice. Pretty it up a bit to give it more depth. Okay, since I've avoided a full out rant thus far, I think it best I take my leave. Excellent piece, love, and I am ever so sorry for the suffering of the little girl who as a woman is my friend. 

*Hugs*
Lisa


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## SilverMoon (May 19, 2010)

Oh, Lisa, thank you so much my friend. I made a "choice" to turn out well despite the odds. And at an early age. Maybe, you could call it defiance. I used to collect boxing gloves (got up to about a dozen) to remind myself there might always be a need for them. As a figurative reminder. I gave them away years ago. No worries, now. Much more peace. And my experiences give me material. This is how I choose to look at it. I'm just flattening them out on paper trying to turn tragedy into art.



> I suggest dropping the period after do as well as the cap in operate.


Done. I agree.



> As for the ending, I don't think the content is weak at all, but the simplistic wording doesn't do it justice. Pretty it up a bit to give it more depth.


Interesting. Am wondering how to pretty it up. I get what you mean about a kind of contrast. Will put on thinking cap.

Lisa, what a generous, heart felt reply with good advice. ((Hugs)) Laurie


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## Chesters Daughter (May 19, 2010)

Wrong choice of words, love, sorry. I don't mean make it prettier, it's raw and should remain so. I meant make it a bit more intricate, a little imagery or wordplay. The piece is so packed with vivid imagery, the ending is a bit pale in comparison. See, I keep telling everyone I so suck at this because I fail to say what I mean. Sorry for the confusion, I hope I cleared it up.


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## SilverMoon (May 19, 2010)

What do you think of it presently?


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## Chesters Daughter (May 19, 2010)

I like it loads, more powerful. You managed to maintain simplicity, yet say so much. Gooseflesh rising here, kudos, Laurie.


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## SilverMoon (May 19, 2010)

Yeh, I think for the better. I don't know about you but when I know I've "got" it, nailed it, when I get a fluttering feeling in the solar-plexis area. I know that sounds strange but I never claimed to be normal!


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