# Sex



## ned (Nov 11, 2017)

.
skin on skin
let us begin
half way through, you
cut and thrust
needs must
til you're elated
and I am sated

you cry a little
I die a little


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## TL Murphy (Nov 12, 2017)

It’s good.  I like the enjambment.  I think there’s more to say about “sex”.  Given the title, the poem seems reductionist. You could use the title to limit the scope of the poem. I like long titles for short poems.


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## dannyboy (Nov 12, 2017)

the title could be skin on skin:

2 line begins the poem?

 Thanks ned for the read.


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## -xXx- (Nov 13, 2017)

-petite mort-


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## andrewclunn (Nov 13, 2017)

"needs must" is the weakest point for me, which is tough because it follows the strongest line that really changes the nature of the poem.  I'm not sure what is meant by "needs must" and it's the only non-action line in the poem.  In my mind, if you can fix that line this becomes an excellent poem.


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## Kevin (Nov 13, 2017)

I was thinking the needs must referred to an urge that came on: the.. um.. thrusting on her part ( assuming).


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## jenthepen (Nov 14, 2017)

_Needs must_ is a fairly common British expression. The full version is_ needs must out_ and it means certain needs have to be satisfied at all costs.


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## andrewclunn (Nov 14, 2017)

Well then.  Ignore my earlier comment.  This is a great poem, with perhaps a target audience limited by local speech patterns.


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## Kevin (Nov 14, 2017)

I'm American and I think I got it, I mean, er-uh, considering the context. I think some things are universal. Perhaps they even shout exclamations over there, at the appropriate time, something like_ Holy Ticonderoga! _ or some such or other. Now, I wouldn't know exactly what that means, not being a Brit, but I think I'd get the gist of an exclamation.


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## urbandekay (Nov 14, 2017)

jenthepen said:


> _Needs must_ is a fairly common British expression. The full version is_ needs must out_ and it means certain needs have to be satisfied at all costs.



I know the full expression as, "Needs must when the devil drives."


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## ned (Nov 14, 2017)

hello everyone - thank you for reading and commenting.

yes TL and Danny - the title is too direct - but it amused me to write a poem simply called 'sex'

Andrew, 
I really appreciate the encouragement and I'm so glad you liked the poem.
but you seem to have it back-to-front.
I write to the whole English speaking world - no matter that there are those that are
'limited by local speech patterns'
I will not compromise my poetry for them... I hope you understand.

it's no big thing, just a couple of words - and if you're happy with it, so am I.

Whenever I come across a phrase I do not understand, I google it.
that way, I can give a more informed opinion, and who knows, I might learn something.

Xxx - tue es un assassin dans l'obbsurite!

cheers.........Ned


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## andrewclunn (Nov 15, 2017)

ned said:


> Andrew,
> I really appreciate the encouragement and I'm so glad you liked the poem.
> but you seem to have it back-to-front.
> I write to the whole English speaking world - no matter that there are those that are
> ...



I wouldn't want you to change your work.  Something that speaks powerfully to a few people is much better and harder to write than something merely liked by many.  My critiques are always from my limited perspective, and so yeah, that "needs must" was even a saying at all went over my head.  I'm not afraid to give you honest feedback and criticisms, even if it only ends up betraying my ignorance rather than an actual issue with the work.  I am a hack after all.  The work is much elevated after understanding the term, and I think you know that I didn't give the poem the like until after I had learned what that term meant.  Don't take my criticisms too seriously, but know that I'm purposefully stingy with praise because it doesn't mean anything otherwise.  This poem earned it, I just had to learn something first.


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## sas (Nov 15, 2017)

Consider using "Let us begin" as the title. It sets a religious tone to the first sexual experience.  I assumed first ever sex, anyway. 

"needs must" was perfect. Not a known expression here, but I felt self-explanatory.


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## ned (Nov 15, 2017)

andrewclunn said:


> I'm not afraid to give you honest feedback and criticisms



thank you Andrew - keep 'em coming!

cheers Sas - not so much religious, as routine.

Ned


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## sas (Nov 15, 2017)

ned said:


> thank you Andrew - keep 'em coming!
> 
> cheers Sas - not so much religious, as routine.
> 
> Ned



Well, LOL, even as an atheist I'd prefer religious over routine. I will try to get "Let us begin" out of my head before having sex. But, I will keep "Are you done yet?"


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## Kevin (Nov 15, 2017)

Word that comes to mind: gracious


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## Namyh (Nov 16, 2017)

Ned - At my age, it was sizzling just enough to get me poetically out of breath and I thank you for the moment. LOL. Namyh


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