# REMEMBERING



## HCole2576 (Apr 21, 2018)

Work in Progress...


Remembering

Mind racing, head throbbing, and voices screaming in my head.
Millions of thoughts that won't stop even in bed.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Voices shouting “ IT CAN GET WORSE.”[FONT=&quot]Look in the mirror and I curse.

[/FONT]Alone but not alone inside these walls.[/FONT]I can be a new me everyday it's not a challenge at all.[FONT=&quot]Each one comes out to help me each day.[FONT=&quot]Dealing with my crap along the way.

[/FONT]So what if they drink and have a little fun.[/FONT]Even sometimes they help me run.[FONT=&quot]Looking around at unfamiliar faces.[FONT=&quot]Not remembering how I got to these places.

[/FONT]Some days I can come out of my shell.[/FONT]Other days I scream “ LET ME OUT OF THIS HELL!”[FONT=&quot]So I write my thoughts almost every day.[FONT=&quot]To help me remember things along the way.

[/FONT]I read them once in a while to myself.[/FONT]To remember how I dealt.[FONT=&quot]Amazed at all the things I have done.[FONT=&quot]Realizing how I hurt everyone.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Adding another voice inside.
[/FONT]A voice I feel I need to hide.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Lost and feeling alone with no end in sight.[FONT=&quot]Tired of trying to win an unbeatable fight.

[/FONT]As I sat and planned my next move in life.[/FONT]I began to cut myself with a knife.[FONT=&quot]Going on lost in time.[FONT=&quot]Trying not to follow the voices in my mind.

[/FONT]Screaming for help along the way.[FONT=&quot]The voices just won't go away.


[/FONT]​[FONT=&quot]I know some of you don't agree with contest entries but to get published on my own is expensive. Hoping maybe one of these poems makes it we will see. As always any input would be helpful.

HCole2576[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
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## jenthepen (Apr 23, 2018)

This is a hectic poem that expresses very well the relentless stress that this condition can cause . If you can, try to tighten up the whole thing by taking out any words that aren't pulling their weight. In other words, anything that can be removed without changing the meaning or lessening the feeling. You have the first line just right but the poem tends to get a bit wordy after that.  

You have produced something good that will repay you for a bit of editing.


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## HCole2576 (Apr 26, 2018)

jenthepen said:


> This is a hectic poem that expresses very well the relentless stress that this condition can cause . If you can, try to tighten up the whole thing by taking out any words that aren't pulling their weight. In other words, anything that can be removed without changing the meaning or lessening the feeling. You have the first line just right but the poem tends to get a bit wordy after that.
> 
> You have produced something good that will repay you for a bit of editing.




Thank you Jen

I'm working on this one still. Will be couple days been crazy in my head last couple days.


HCole2576


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## jenthepen (Apr 27, 2018)

Take all the time you need, Heather. Poetry can be therapeutic but it should always be enjoyable so don't stress over it.


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## HCole2576 (Apr 28, 2018)

jenthepen said:


> Take all the time you need, Heather. Poetry can be therapeutic but it should always be enjoyable so don't stress over it.



I stress about everything and worry. lol

HCole2576


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## HCole2576 (Apr 28, 2018)

*Another try : REMEMBERING*



HCole2576 said:


> Work in Progress...
> 
> 
> Remembering
> ...




Another try

Remembering

Mind racing, head throbbing, voices screaming in my head.
Millions of thoughts won't stop even in bed.
Voices shout "IT CAN GET WORSE".
I look in the mirror and curse.

I'n not alone inside these walls.
I can be a new me everyday after all.
One comes out to help each day.
To handle what I can't anyway.

They drink and have fun.
Also help me run.
Look at the unfamiliar faces.
How did I get to these places?

I want to come out of this shell.
Screaming " LET ME OUT OF THIS HELL".
Writing everyday.
Helps to remember it all along the way.

Read them to myself.
Remember how I dealt.
Amazed at all I've done.
Realizing I hurt everyone.

Another voice inside.
A voice I need to hide.
Lost with no end in sight.
Trying to win an unbeatable fight.

Planning my next move in life.
Cutting myself with a knife.
Lost in time.
Don't want to follow the voices in my mind.

Screaming HELP! everyday.
Voices just won't go away.
​It is so close....

HCole2576


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## jenthepen (Apr 29, 2018)

That is a good revision! You have managed to keep the whole message intact and preserved the smooth progression through all the elements of your poem. At the same time, you have distilled the message into a more concentrated and power-packed form that really grabs the reader's attention. Well done!

Small point - I noticed a typo in the first word of the second stanza,

You put in the work on this one and it has paid off.


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## Pelwrath (May 6, 2018)

HCole;

 This is  nice revision/ I'll offer a few suggestions. Please remember it's your poem, your story.



Another try

Remembering

Mind racing, head throbbing, voices screaming in my head.
Millions of thoughts won't stop*,* even in bed.
Voices shout "IT CAN GET WORSE".
I look in the mirror and curse  Really like this stanza!

I'n not alone inside these walls.
I can be a new me everyday after all.
One comes out to help each day*,*
*t*o handle what I can't anyway.

They drink and have fun,
Alsowhen helping me run.
Look at the unfamiliar faces.
How did I get to these places?

I want to come out of this shell.
Screaming " LET ME OUT OF THIS HELL".
Writing everyday.
Helps to remember it all along the way. Another good stanza

Read them to myself.
Remember how I dealt.
Amazed at all I've done.
Realizing I hurt everyone.

Another voice inside.
A voice I need to hide.
Lost with no end in sight.
Trying to win an unbeatable fight.

Planning my next move in life.
Cutting myself with a knife.
Lost in time.
Don't want to follow the voices in my mind.

Screaming HELP! everyday.
Voices just won't go away.

You have a strong flowing poem. I admire your courage in sharing and expressing what's going on in your life. That's the poem I saw and felt. The journey you take the reader on is concise, descriptive, sorrowful, and yet has hope. I'd say thank you and bless you for sharing.​


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## HCole2576 (May 10, 2018)

Thanks Jen. I am happy with the poem other than the typo. Pelwrath thank you also and always appreciate the help. Sometimes the only way to deal with the past is to put it out in the open. I have been awake for days again writing and working on some crazy art work. My poetry and art work are what keep me going sometimes. Will post some of my new poetry soon.

Thank you 
HCole2576


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## Sara Ella (May 10, 2018)

This is an awesome poem - it projects so well that you take us there as the reader <3


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## HCole2576 (Jul 6, 2018)

Thank you Sara Ella. 
I've been trying to calm the voices in my head. Writing and working on artwork. Will post more writing soon.

Hcole2576


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## nelen (Jul 27, 2018)

When I first read this poem, I could feel myself getting in such a panic I could hardly read the words. When it was more configurator, I was able to enjoy it,as the usual way of my life, going from chaos to crisis. Well done.


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