# Returning member after a super long absence



## seigfried007 (Jan 21, 2018)

Howdy. It's been ages since I've been here. Every time I check back, the place is being run a bit differently or under completely different management. I'm not trying to step on toes, honestly, but if I screw up, please chalk it up to "old habits die hard". 

I quit writing several years ago and have had several long gaps in my writing spells since I was last an active member. Some of those were due to being more active on a different site which has since been closed (Authonomy, which was a Harper Collins site, if I'm not mistaken). 

My husband and I had a huge falling out over the Pinocchio novel after I'd been working on it for several years, and in the end, I decided to stop writing "for good" and "get a real job" because I was sick of arguing about it. Pinocchio also pretty much got me kicked off of here (it's literary science fiction erotica, if you can believe that genre mouthful). 

Part of the reason I'd been so upset over the site's then inability to accommodate erotica in a workshop (which has been remedied since! Yay!) was that I've been working on a particular short story since early 2009. I got stalled on it because it's about the worst story ever written in a way that doesn't see as much use. "Joanna's Big Secret" is a very memorable story--like the way scars are portable reminders of past traumas--and since the site wasn't able to help with the comparatively nice Pinocchio, I didn't see how it could help with the awful humdinger that is "Joanna's Big Secret"... so I stopped coming over, pretty much. It wasn't actually anything personal, even if I was upset over it. I've had these extra people in my noggin, haunting me, for almost a decade now. Some characters aren't so bad to have hanging around in my head with unfinished business, but everyone in this story hangs around like a noose, so I've been aching to put things to rights for them.

After being stalled on this "short" story for nine years, I finally finished the first draft tonight. I'm not sure where to put it for workshopping. I'm not sure if this story's ever going to see the light of day in the big world, truth be told. I have no idea where to send it off to, if it ever gets polished enough for that, and I'm frankly terrified of the labels that might get stuck on it or the immense social backlash I'd suffer if my name was ever affixed to it. 

I might be tempted to put other works up eventually, but I'm hesitant to get back to writing "for serious" for a lot of reasons. Mostly, I don't have much time because I'm homeschooling three kids and a full time student with a nasty bunch of exceedingly homework-intensive courses this semester. I've also been having a lot of health problems for the past year, partially owing to a car accident last winter which has left me with some lasting neurological problems.


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## TheFuhrer02 (Jan 21, 2018)

Sorry to hear about those obstacles you're having. But I'm sure you can pull through. Not sure if neurological, you mean motor deficits, or more global, say speech and coordination. But if its more motor deficits, like movement of the limbs, taking a pill of Vitamin B complex once a day will help. 

Welcome back to WF!


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## seigfried007 (Jan 21, 2018)

Thanks for the welcome back! 

It's a whole bunch of stuff. Even as a biology major, I would still say, "Yeah, it's an all-of-the-above intermittent motor, coordination, thinking/memory deficit stew." Doctor thinks it's not "coordination" but "lethargy". It gets worse around huge weather pattern shifts and around anything that would cause my blood pressure to shoot up. BP is super elevated, and nobody knows why. I rarely speak normally anymore and have transient "accents" that make me sound like a robot, a munchkin, or just some weirdo that isn't me.


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## TheFuhrer02 (Jan 21, 2018)

Have you had an MRI done?


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## PiP (Jan 21, 2018)

Hi sieg and welcome back to WF.

I am sorry to hear about your past experience and hopefully we can start afresh. We now have an erotica forum/workshop. If you wand to join please let m know and I will give you access.


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## dither (Jan 21, 2018)

Good luck and good writing 007.


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## Gumby (Jan 21, 2018)

I remember seeing you around the forum.  Welcome back!


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## seigfried007 (Jan 21, 2018)

Aww, it's nice to have been missed (even a little). 

Nope, didn't get a MRI, but did get a CT. Neurologist said it was a concussion with no further testing and just hasn't taken me seriously, so I've got an appointment with someone else in May.


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## TheFuhrer02 (Jan 21, 2018)

seigfried007 said:


> Nope, didn't get a MRI, but did get a CT. Neurologist said it was a concussion with no further testing and just hasn't taken me seriously, so I've got an appointment with someone else in May.



Perhaps your previous doctor was thinking of a muscular problem, somewhere lower, rather than higher, ie, "inside the brain". But yeah, I'm glad your seeking a second opinion and hope you get better!


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## Plasticweld (Jan 21, 2018)

Welcome back.  I am looking forward to seeing your work, please pm when you have it up.  Just a thought instead of looking at your story as a task look at it as an escape from your everyday life.  Let it be just a little bit more daring, a little bit more exciting. It can be all the things a mother who homeschools three kids while going to school full time, can't be.  

Glad to have you back
Bob


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## dither (Jan 21, 2018)

Erotica;
I've thought about that, but maybe I'm just a dirty old man. I think about that also.
Un-finished business?
Don't get me started.


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## Sam (Jan 21, 2018)

Welcome back, Rebecca. 

Sorry to hear about your troubles and quitting writing. I know how passionate you were about it, so that can't have been an easy decision. Glad you're biting the bullet, even a little bit, and giving it another shot. 

I often fear how people will perceive some of the stuff I write, too, but I think it's always worse in your mind and rarely than in reality. I'd say go with it. You've worked on it for so long, if you don't let other people see it now, chances are you never will.


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## dither (Jan 21, 2018)

I'll second what Sam said, well put by the way Sam, go for it.
Put it out there 007. What can you lose?
And who knows?
Kerching!


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## seigfried007 (Jan 21, 2018)

dither said:


> Erotica;
> I've thought about that, but maybe I'm just a dirty old man. I think about that also.
> Un-finished business?
> Don't get me started.



Joanna isn't erotica. It's a deep, gnarly science fiction (latter half of this century) short story (bit less than 10K) about a little girl who has developed some monstrous behavioral issues over the past few months since she and her mother relocated from a small town to a big city. On the advice of the girl's therapist, and in an effort to understand her daughter's sudden personality changes and incredibly violent behavioral swings, the mother acquires a very advanced action figure, Captain Coflex, whose stunning AI has basically rendered him "an accidental person". Story is told from Coflex's POV and concerns not only the abuse of a minor but also her subsequent abuse of Coflex. 

I've actually written far more violent and graphic content before, but I can't recall ever writing a child perpetrating it, so that part was exceptionally difficult for me. Then, of course, showing a bit of why she'd changed in the first place was also very rough to write, and there's where I got stalled for nine years. I know I'm going to have to pad out the end, but I'm waiting to see what all I should add. Fresh eyes are important!

I think it's a very important story, which is why I simply couldn't die before I'd finished it. Lots of reasons why I think it's important. Childhood abuse victims are generally portrayed as one-sided nice, crying little kids, but that nasty side is rarely shown unless the character is a bad guy and that part of the story is just backstory then. Kids who take their own abuse out on others are just monsters, if you believe all the fiction, so I wanted to show Joanna to maybe tip that scale. I think AI is moving toward more mainstream, home use, also, and could quite reasonably be placed in such hairy situations eventually.


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## dither (Jan 21, 2018)

So what now?
Is it finished?
Do you have something to present to the world? And if you have, give it a shot.


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## seigfried007 (Jan 21, 2018)

dither said:


> So what now?
> Is it finished?
> Do you have something to present to the world? And if you have, give it a shot.



Shoot. Red Light won't take it because it involves a (presumed) minor. Not sure if I specified Joanna's age in the story, but I'm pretty sure they're not going to care. Looks like I'm back to square one, the "Nobody's ever going to read this" square.


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## Plasticweld (Jan 21, 2018)

Send it to me in a pm I would be glad to take a look at it.


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## seigfried007 (Jan 22, 2018)

So, with some edits, I was allowed to post  it in the Red Light Room (at least temporarily). Here's to hoping I don't get banned or have the FBI coming after me. 

Posting that thing felt like diving off a cliff.


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## dither (Jan 22, 2018)

Good luck.


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## ArianSpirit (Jan 22, 2018)

Welcome back! I am rather new myself, and like you took a rather long hiatus from writing anything due to a lot of life and death getting in the way. I have an idea that has been on my mind for a long time and it is a true story. I just am not sure how to go about it just yet here. So far I have posted an old work and am working on fine tuning it with lots of help. 

Hope you can get your health issue resolved. Prayers for you!

Arian


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## writersblock (Jan 25, 2018)

seigfried007 said:


> Posting that thing felt like diving off a cliff.


 I have the same problem where I am afraid of who my writing might offend even though my topics are probably really tame. I think you are brave for taking the leap of faith


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## seigfried007 (Jan 26, 2018)

writersblock said:


> I have the same problem where I am afraid of who my writing might offend even though my topics are probably really tame. I think you are brave for taking the leap of faith



I think most writers have that feeling at some point. People can take offense at anything, and the vociferous, offended minority can cause some serious havoc. For the most part, we're fine (especially if we use pen names). 

Very few writers actually get a work banned anywhere, and that tells me that 1)  it still takes something pretty "out there", and 2) it takes a lot of visibility to even get their attention. I think I might take it as an honor to have a work banned because there are a lot of thought provoking pieces on those lists. I think Joanna might get banned, if I could ever get her published.

You probably know somebody who will be deeply offended with your work. Offenses as small as minor swear words or taking the Lord's name in vain are serious turnoffs for some people. Don't sweat it. You're not writing for them; you're writing for you.


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## dither (Jan 26, 2018)

I think that, if nothing else, this place is as good place as any to start with something that might seem/could be controversial . WF has been around a while.


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## seigfried007 (Jan 28, 2018)

Just finished posting all 50 chapters of Pinocchio in the Red Light. Got so many irons in the fire--real life and writing life. Ugh. Not sure when I'm ever going to find the time to get anything finished. So tired.


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## Pelwrath (Feb 1, 2018)

Belated greetings and salutations. As for Pinnocio, you can always self publish.
Sorry to hear about life’s issues but it seems your pulling through.


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## seigfried007 (Jul 3, 2019)

Been gone for seemingly ever. Finally graduated college with a BS in Biology. Hopefully going to get back into writing and finish some of these long-left projects. 

Having to wrestle with crushing depression and anxiety for the last few months. I'm really not sure what the heck is keeping me from writing, but hopefully, I can get back into the thick of it.


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## Bard_Daniel (Jul 3, 2019)

Welcome back!


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