# Work



## TL Murphy (Sep 7, 2018)

*Work
*
I get up in the morning and I go to work.
I punch the clock and pass the clerk.
The baby’s crying
My mother’s dying.
What we do for a piece of dirt.
I get up in the morning and I go to work.

The tax man’s at the door.
The weather man’s on the shore.
It’s too much for one to manage.
Lucky just to ease the damage.
Friends all fret about net worth.
I get up and go to work.

I could travel, I could write,
stay home all day and fight
my demons or plant beans,
never think about the means
to keep things going, make the coffee perk.
I get up and I go to work.

I’ve been doing this so long
like a worn out, country song,
same old sob, day after day,
you do your job, collect your pay.
If I stop, every bone is going to hurt.
I get up in the morning and I go to work.


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## ned (Sep 7, 2018)

hello - not your usual style TL, are you experimenting with tight rhymes?

I understand this may be a humorous piece, but the rhyming comes across as rather naive - and the ideas and message are not too surprising.

I would say, loosen up the scheme with in-rhymes, assonance, alliteration etc instead of strict couplets -
to allow you to focus on a stronger message and more insightful ideas.

cheers..................Ned


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## TL Murphy (Sep 7, 2018)

Thanks, Ned. You’re right. Not my usual style.


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## Darren White (Sep 8, 2018)

I'll comment on this, I promise, but first I need some time away from the PC


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## jenthepen (Sep 8, 2018)

I was surprised by the style too but, it feels just right for this one. The monotony and relentless sameness of the message is carried by the automated feel of the rhythm. Almost a cry from the heart of a trapped poetic soul, sinking under the weight of obligation. I felt the pain and I can identify with the frustration. An interesting extension of your artistic expression, TL.


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## TL Murphy (Sep 8, 2018)

jenthepen said:


> I was surprised by the style too but, it feels just right for this one. The monotony and relentless sameness of the message is carried by the automated feel of the rhythm. Almost a cry from the heart of a trapped poetic soul, sinking under the weight of obligation. I felt the pain and I can identify with the frustration. An interesting extension of your artistic expression, TL.



That's a good interpretation, Jen. The repetition, the simple couplets and rhyme scheme should instill a sense of endless grind. But there is also the sense that the routine is an escape from harsh realities.


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## Darren White (Sep 9, 2018)

You both said everything I meant to say.
So I'll just comment on the form instead. It enhances that feeling of grind, bore that is both frustrating and comforting. I also don't think you were after a specific meter, but used the rhyme and cadence here to underline the repetitiveness of the day, the work and the feelings. And that works. It has music in it, a monotonous sort of music with sadness in it.


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## aj47 (Sep 9, 2018)

I really like the lyric feel of this ... like a work song.  I hesitated to say that cuz you say that in the piece, yet, I cannot find a better way to describe my impression.  It's not to the point I hear the music in my head though, however, my thought would be to head in that direction. I don't really have any suggestions, either, as a poem, because I want to songify it in my head and that may not be where you intend to take it.


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## TL Murphy (Sep 11, 2018)

I’ve been a carpenter for 40 years. I run my own business. In the past I’ve had large crews and I’ve built just about everything that can be built by wood.  I’ve always avoided specialization because I enjoy learning all aspects of construction. For the first 20 years of my career, I’d say I was one of those lucky people who would have done my job for free if I didn’t get paid for it.  Much like poetry is for me now. I loved it that much.  I found a creative outlet in carpentry.  I loved the physical output and the comraderie. The last half, however, was more of a grind and the last 10 years have just been pain.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 11, 2018)

TL, you've done a grand job depicting the humdrum of the average person's day by day existence (as opposed to "living"). What first came to mind was a kind Walter Mittyish world sans the glamorizing of self and surroundings. Your straightforward approach to this man's ritualistic life fuels notion of imprisonment. The echo of his shackles is deeply felt.

Since I'm pretty much keen on Internal Rhyme I surprised myself taking to your rhyme scheme. Not overdone, blatant.



> I found a creative outlet in carpentry. I loved the physical output


I've always equated writing, editing poetry as a form of carving or sculpting so this resonates with me. Strangely tangible. 

Nothing else to say except for "Do not change a word...." S


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## TL Murphy (Sep 11, 2018)

Thanks for that great endorsement Silver. Yes, the endrhyme is designed to drive a simple tedium. Not my normal venue but form is content and content is form.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 11, 2018)

> form is content and content is form.


 vis a vie....this explanation appealed to the graphic artist in me....








Following: examples of why I liked your rhyme scheme - the long stretch....

S1, L5 *What we do for a piece of dirt.*

S4, L5* If I stop, every bone is going to hurt. *You certainly drove it home.

Actually, my two favs ....


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## Jing Joy (Apr 29, 2019)

I’ve been doing this so long
like a worn out, country song,
same old sob, day after day,
you do your job, collect your pay.

I like this part of the poem. Good job!


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