# Taste



## sore (May 8, 2013)

Do not fall in love with people like me.
We will take you to
museums and parks,
and monuments,
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth.


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## ahmuseme (May 8, 2013)

I really like this! short and perfect too! I will say however I really miss the period at the very end of the whole poem.  I also like the quote at the bottom of your page?! perfect too!


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## sore (May 9, 2013)

thank you! yes, I forgot to edit my grammar ahah.


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## Gumby (May 10, 2013)

Nice little piece, sore.  Says a lot.


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## sore (May 10, 2013)

thank you!c:


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## TBK (May 11, 2013)

sore said:


> Do not fall in love with people like me.
> We will take you to
> museums and parks,
> and monuments,
> ...



Do not fall in love with people like me.
We will take you to
museums, [strike]and[/strike] parks,
[strike]and[/strike]monuments,
[strike]and[/strike] kiss you in every beautiful
place so [strike]that[/strike] you can
never go back [strike]to them[/strike]
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth.

I like the concept of this poem. I like the last line, especially, because it shows how acts of affection in public are often actually passive-aggressive attempts at controlling your partner.

I do have a problem with all the extra words. If you like them, I suggest you keep them.

I just think concision and preciseness could do wonders for this poem, because to do this to a person is a very precise, plotted thing, whether the perpetrator knows it, or not.

I absolutely love the first line. I wouldn't change it for the world. It's got a great, great rhythm. I instantly fell in love with it.

I do think that 'we' is making too large a group of people, as is 'us'. I might, if this were my poem, change it to, 'who will,' and add another, 'who will,' because slight repetition is like a hammer pounding against the head of a nail, driving into a piece of wood you're trying to hold against another piece of wood.

You could also, if you wanted, apply some rhythm to your freeform

Now, you can make it more concise. Instead of using a simile, try a metaphor. This way, the kiss is not like a punch, but it _is_ a punch.

This leaves us with...

"Do not fall in love 
with people like me,
who will take you to 
museums, parks, monuments, 
who will kiss you in 
every beautiful place, so you 
can't go back without tasting
blood in your mouth."


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## Squalid Glass (May 12, 2013)

TBK is spot on. The poem needs more precision. Once that is accomplished, this will be very strong.


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## Blade (May 14, 2013)

I would go with the TBK revision as well, it is precise and compact and carries the point exactly.

I quite like the theme, there really are places and objects which become imprinted by your own personal experiences and memories. I find that smells are like that as well, certain aromas take me back automatically to some earlier time and place.

Good work.


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## sore (May 14, 2013)

thank you everyone! I will do the revision as soon as I have time!


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## vintagevampiregeek (May 15, 2013)

Beautiful little piece  The first and last lines are amazing!


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## allhailchief (May 15, 2013)

This is great! Reminds me of this sushi restaurant I never go to because it was the favorite restaurant of my ex-lover and me.


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## Zac Brown (May 16, 2013)

Short, sweet, and staggering.


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## calebmacias (May 16, 2013)

Purdy good.


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## TBK (Jul 21, 2016)

oh, jesus.

i'm reading this, again, and now it'll be stuck in my head for days, like sylvia plath's mad girl's love song.


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## kaminoshiyo (Jul 22, 2016)

sore said:


> Do not fall in love with people like me.



More prose than poetry, but the thought was pretty nice. 

Good title too.


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## Scizologic (Jul 22, 2016)

There is a problem with "them".


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