# Noose Of Life



## Apple Ice (Apr 30, 2014)

As it tightens, I loosen

Wispy to smooth, smooth to wispy

I sailed on through

Blackness offers me hope and mystery

Light offers me nothing but blindness


As I stand, staring out to nothing,

I remember

My past gone, my future faint

My present to myself 


I jump,


I fly with the birds

bask in the sun

float on the wind

lay in the oceans 

leap from the clouds 


The noose of life catches me

Lays me to rest

Much needed rest



I smile,



The earth always was too beautiful for me


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## Elvenswordsman (Apr 30, 2014)

Good. I actually wouldn't move past the "my past gone, my future faint" part.

Just my thoughts, very well done.


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## Apple Ice (Apr 30, 2014)

Thanks Elven,

I can see what you mean, actually. Would be as good a place to end it as any. Thanks for your time and comment, much appreciated


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## aj47 (Apr 30, 2014)

I'm with ES, I think it's longer than it needs to be and that is a Very Good place to shorten it to.

I liked the ebb and flow of the first part.  Well penned.


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## Elvenswordsman (Apr 30, 2014)

Don't you get the feeling you're swinging in and out of consciousness?


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## aj47 (Apr 30, 2014)

Yes, it's very deftly written.


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## Firemajic (May 1, 2014)

This is painfully beautiful---exquisitely crafted. So very fragile and etheral. I will visit this poem again....Peace- and thank you for sharing. 
Jul


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## Pandora (May 1, 2014)

Oh no, I like the last part, the poem picks up speed and the images bring a feeling of release and joy to the reader and the author, how you were feeling maybe? That is my favorite part, I like the message. _Noose Of Life_ is beautiful Apple Ice.


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## jenthepen (May 1, 2014)

Hi Apple Ice,
I agree with Pandora, the last part of the poem is much too beautiful to discard. Why not create another poem with it?

*I fly with the birds

bask in the sun

float on the wind

lay in the oceans 

jump from the clouds 


Life catches me

And lays me to rest

Much needed rest*


*
I smile,



The earth always was too beautiful for me*


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## aj47 (May 1, 2014)

Jen, you're a genius.


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## Pandora (May 1, 2014)

I'm not sure but I feel the author felt the freedom from being earthbound, the connection between one place to the other. The last line tying the two experiences together, the last line says it all. I best copy it in full to cherish for what it means to me, it feels like rebirth to a better place, if only in my head.


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## Elvenswordsman (May 1, 2014)

Completeness never comes from hanging on a noose; life ends abruptly, not as we'd will it to.


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## Apple Ice (May 1, 2014)

Thanks all, I am very grateful.

I think breaking it up may potentially make it less clear it's about suicide. Valid points, however. jen I didn't even think of doing that at all, thank you.

I think I will keep it as is for now, mull it over some more and try to make it flow a bit better. Changed the second "jump" to "leap" as I didn't realise I had repeated it. Thanks again


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## Qetris (May 4, 2014)

I was immediately drawn by the title.  "Noose of Life" is an oxymoron with such contrasting ideas, I just had to read this poem.  My favorite part is the section beginning "I fly with the birds/ bask in the sun..." because this is the section I was able to envision more clearly.  It's not that I think the beginning of the poem, with the abstractions, is unhelpful; I just feel adding more details there wouldn't hurt.  I personally think if the last line stays in the poem, it should be explained just a tad more, so I can maybe better understand what the speaker is going through.  Overall, great job!


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## JosephineRinaldi (May 4, 2014)

I really loved this, the shortening it a bit is a good idea if you chose to. Well done.


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## Abby (May 5, 2014)

I like this, I do agree with the others about the length, if it were mine I would end it with "I jump". I'm not sure about the "Wispy to smooth, smooth to wispy" part either, I think it sounds better without it.

As it tightens, I loosen

I sail on through

Blackness offers me hope and mystery

Light offers me nothing but blindness


As I stand, staring out to nothing,

I remember

My past gone, my future faint

My present to myself 


I jump.

I hope you don't mind my opinion, it's a lovely poem as it is too


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## Apple Ice (May 5, 2014)

Thanks for commenting.

Considering the same suggestion of length and halves keeps coming up I will try to address it. It's missing a little something. I will try and integrate the halves better and give it more flow as I'm hesitant to split them up at the moment. 

Abby, the wispy to smooth part was personifying the texture of the rope as well as life being like sailing on an ocean (inspired by the last line of the 'Great Gatsby') and so if I did get rid of it,I would have to do the same for of the sail part as it wouldn't make too much sense. I see your point, though, and it is my least favourite line of the poem. I will try and substitute the words I think

Thanks again, it's always nice having work commented on.


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## escorial (May 6, 2014)

the use of I and my gave it a very real feeling of movement..open in it's style yet very deep in many ways..loved


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