# Sixteen



## toddm (Jun 25, 2014)

_[acoustic guitar song - melody came first, then these lyrics]
_*
*You've gone far,
on one tank of gas in your father's car.
But even so,
you've got miles before you left to go.

Oh, such strong emotions - 
the streetlights melt
in the oceans within your eyes.

These towns look dead,
there's a painful pulse beating in your head.
The night is long
and the songs on the radio all seem wrong.

Another strong emotion - 
the streetlights melt
in the oceans within your eyes.

Another farm ahead,
another field of wheat, another barn.
Passing by them all 
on a vacant road in the night,
holding the steering wheel tight...

Here comes the rain,
like scattered tears on the windowpane.
But you've gone far
on one tank of gas in your father's car.

These are just strong emotions - 
the streetlights melt
in the oceans within your eyes.


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## Erik Fantasia (Jun 27, 2014)

A bit confusing. It seems powerful but I feel the listener wouldn't know quite why. I like a lot of the lines though. This is a great startl even if I wouldn't use it as finnished material. But that is just my opinion and others could disagree with me.


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## toddm (Jun 28, 2014)

Erik Fantasia said:


> A bit confusing. It seems powerful but I feel the listener wouldn't know quite why. I like a lot of the lines though. This is a great startl even if I wouldn't use it as finnished material. But that is just my opinion and others could disagree with me.



Thanks, I appreciate your perspective - the lyrics do leave room for the imagination to fill in the gaps, but I don't want it to be too obscure. The imagery and meaning are obvious to me, but I'm the one who wrote it, ha!

As far as being 'finished' material, this guitar song of mine has the advantage of having its actual lyrics hammered down, whereas many of my songs, while having a few actual lines, are still stuck in the melodic non-word syllable stage : ) That's where my songwriting usually starts, and the intelligible lyrics and meaning emerge over time. With songs, as opposed to poems, it is the melody and music and feeling they generate which is most important to me, not the linear lyrics : ) But this forum looks at the lyric only, so it is interesting to hear how they come across to others.

thanks again
---todd


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## candid petunia (Sep 4, 2014)

Todd, you may post your music in the Musicians' Studio.


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## toddm (Sep 4, 2014)

candid petunia said:


> Todd, you may post your music in the Musicians' Studio.



thanks, good to know : )


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## JC.Axe (Sep 8, 2014)

I quite like this.
I suppose the difficulty with writing lyrics is that on their own they never have as much power as when they're put to music. That being said, I could imagine this being a sober song, quite powerful and a little lonely. I've tried my hand at writing lyrics myself before, but I think I write too much and don't leave any room for the listener to fill in the gaps.

JC Axe


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## toddm (Sep 8, 2014)

JC.Axe said:


> I quite like this.
> I suppose the difficulty with writing lyrics is that on their own they never have as much power as when they're put to music. That being said, I could imagine this being a sober song, quite powerful and a little lonely. I've tried my hand at writing lyrics myself before, but I think I write too much and don't leave any room for the listener to fill in the gaps.
> 
> JC Axe



thanks man, I understand what you mean - it made me think of some of the bands I've loved over the years, and which influenced my poetic sense and songwriting, such as R.E.M. and U2: whenever I've just looked at the lyrics on the page, they seem kinda weak and lifeless, not like poetry at all, but they aren't meant to be - the lyrics are only part of what made the song what it was - voice, melody, instrumentation, rhythm etc, all are just as important, if not more, to the feeling/mood/message conveyed - heck sometimes, especially on early R.E.M. stuff, I had no idea what the lyrics were due to the mumbled singing!

thanks again : )
---todd


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## Firemajic (Sep 9, 2014)

I love this! [you knew I would] 4th verse is stunning. I will have to borrow my Brother's computer, mine does not let me listen to music:disgust:. But I can't wait to hear it. Peace...Jul


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## toddm (Sep 9, 2014)

thanks : )


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## JC.Axe (Sep 10, 2014)

It's true. 
I guess it's all subjective. Take the statement "I don't know where I am", that could be taken in a number of ways:
Sad: Somebody who has lost their way in life and is feeling confused.
Comical: Somebody who wakes up in a foreign country after a night of drinking.
Neutral: Somebody who has lost their position on a map.

It all depends on the mood behind it, and without music, it's hard to feel anything. That's why the lyrics have to be potent of their own accord, that allows the music to amplify the emotions behind it.

JC Axe


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## Firemajic (Sep 15, 2014)

Todd--I had a chance to listen to your music. I think you did yourself proud. I thought the music you composed went with the lyrics you wrote really well. I just wish the music was not as loud,it was hard to hear your voice and the lyrics. Good job on that guitar!  Peace...Jul


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