# Grab within the first paragraph



## RLBeers (Aug 18, 2019)

Whether you are writing a Robert Jordan length novel or a short story of less than 2,500 words, you need to be able to draw the reader into your world within the first paragraph. There is an old saw, "The cover gets them to open the book, the first page traps them". I changed that to "the first paragraph", because today's reader has no where near the patience of those in the previous century, must less those that came before.

Here are two examples.

From the short story, One Hell of a Game-
“What the hell—?”
            The shaking woke me up as it also tossed me right out of my bed. You have to understand the type of bed the Victorians had in those days, and this one came with the house. The top of the mattress is almost four feet off the floor. As it turns out, a very… hard… floor. The entire house was jumping around as if being shaken by a giant. You have to know what sort of life I live to understand why I considered checking to see if that was the case.

From the short story Habberdashed-
“The victim appears to have been punctured by something several dozen times, Captain.”
Monahan glowered, it could have been at the uniform standing over the corpse, at the circumstances that had him dragged out of his house at a couple minutes after midnight, or it could have been at me because I was the one who phoned it in. The victim was Alphonso Guinelli, one of the Fashion District's top tailors, and also a friend of my partner, Franklin Jackson. Me, I’m Tony Mandolin, a slightly worn private investigator who’s seen far too many dead bodies killed in far too many weird ways.

Please, add to the discussion and show your examples.


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## Phil Istine (Aug 19, 2019)

The first example would have me wanting to read more, the second, less so.

I tried hooking with the first line in a flash fiction piece I wrote some while back.  Bear in mind I was on a very tight word count restriction:

_God wobbles on a barstool in the Crazy Angels saloon._


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## luckyscars (Aug 19, 2019)

I tend to agree with this, on the understanding that there are different ways to 'grab' and it doesn't have to be about slapping the reader over the face with one's (metaphorical) schlong. 

Both of the examples you posted are examples of some serious schlong-slapping. Not everything needs to begin violently to create a response. Sometimes funny works. Sometimes sad works. Sometimes confessional works. Sometimes a 'hail fellow well met' works with a jovial narrator. Sometimes its better to begin 'in media res' but you can't do that every time. 

There are different ways to write, different approaches based on genre, different styles. This is why it's important to read and learn that way, not by 'old saws'. An opening like Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice hardly opens grabbily. We begin with 'It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife" and pivot to a rather pedestrian drawing room conversation between a husband and wife. 

To piggyback off Phil's point, the second example is what I would consider a weak opening because it exists in an unhappy medium between being 'in the story' and distant from it. It lacks teeth. Consider the number of passives and vague statements:



> “The victim *appears* *to have been punctured* by *something* *several dozen* times, Captain.” Monahan glowered, it *could have been* at the uniform standing over the corpse, at *the circumstances* that had him dragged out of his house at *a couple minutes* after midnight, or it *could have been* at me because I was the one who phoned it in. The victim was Alphonso Guinelli, *one of* the Fashion District's top tailors, and also *a friend* of my partner, Franklin Jackson. Me, I’m Tony Mandolin, a *slightly worn* private investigator who’s seen *far too many* dead bodies killed in *far too many weird ways.
> *



Bolding mine. All of the bolded content sucks because it is vague as hell. There's no immediacy to any of it, it dances around specifics, it is fearful writing. Not bad, but fearful. And fearful is weak. What does it mean to say 'appears to have been punctured'? He was stabbed right? So say that. If the POV characters are veteran detectives they should know what a goddamn stabbing looks like! Use the language!

Rewrite it along these lines for a better hook:



> “Stabbed, Captain.” Monahan said.
> 
> He was glowering. It could have been at the uniform standing over the corpse, or at the dead man that had him dragged out of his house at a couple minutes after midnight, or it could have been at me, because I was the one who had called it in, the goody-two-shoes asshole who had stumbled upon the dead boy drunk on my way home from Cynthia's place and made the call without consideration.
> 
> ...



^ This isn't perfect by any stretch, but the goal is to introduce specifics whenever you can. The devil is in the details.


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## RLBeers (Aug 19, 2019)

Appreciated, but not at all what I was looking for in this thread. On a critique thread, very good points. But where are your examples from your writing?


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## Dluuni (Aug 19, 2019)

First paragraph from the WIP I am editing right now:


> I turned my head, and she was there. Lynn, the woman I left behind seven years ago. My closest and most trusted companion. She looked up into my eyes and smiled, leaning in close. Softly, she said, "Act like you know me."


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## Chris Stevenson (Aug 19, 2019)

I tend to agree that a hook in the first paragraph is a good way to invite the reader right away. And yes, there are so many way to accomplish this. I used to think action and violence was the answer. That was until I began using humor or irony. Or great voice. I won't forget:

The sky was angry and bruised like it had been in a fist fight. 

Ha, even the weather can draw me in sometimes. I'm also a sucker for metaphor and simile.


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## luckyscars (Aug 20, 2019)

RLBeers said:


> But where are your examples from your writing?



Apologies for the oversight! Here's the opening para of a WIP: 



> Every Tuesday morning, Bob and Margy Donaldson walked to breakfast at Gena’s, one of those old-fashioned greasy-spoon type diners, the kind where the storefront glass was gray with old grease and the tablecloths were gingham and the menu possessed the magic combination of bottomless pancakes (Bob’s obsession, though these days he could barely defeat three of the things without spending the rest of the morning in the bathroom) and a good Denver omelet that Margy liked.



This is the opening of an anthology story being released next month:



> “Did you take it?” My face was pressed into my pillow, hard enough I could see myself drifting through outer space, through stars created by the blood inside my eyelids - or something like that. I don’t know what it was that it made those stars. I didn’t know much back then. Only that I spent hours in dreams back then. After years spent in the bunker, there was nothing to do except dream. “Jimmy?” Her voice needled. The stars vanished, replaced by black and the thin hard foam of the pillow. I heard Momma come in, close the door, her hand nudging me in the back. I breathed hard, grinning in the black. “Quit horsing around, I’m trying to talk to you!”



And this is the opening to another Amazon anthology story that is currently on presale on Amazon:



> “One of ‘em elephant ears…” The man at the counter was a great breathless mountain of skin and bones, peaked with a swollen face that reminded Luby of a side of ham that had been left out for several days. His stubble-shadowed cheeks were a sour burnt red, his hair a thin buzz of reddish gray. His eyes, the color of old dishwater, probed beneath a blister of shimmering sweat, trying vainly to read the laminated menu affixed above the warm glow of the heating trays as a silky strand of saliva came rolling off the great slug of his upper lip. “Uh, what else did I get again?”



And lastly this is a story recently published on Every Day Fiction that previously came runner up on an LM here:



> Arthur Norris went back to the shed to fetch gasoline for the mower. In the twilight the straight tracks of newly shaved grass looked like different shades of ribbons spilled from the spool. “Arthur!” he heard her calling. She was on her on the back porch, scanning the yard like an owl searching for a good mouse. To his surprise, she was not wearing her nightdress but a pair of Armani blue jeans. A nice pair. He stared at them, trying to remember last she’d worn them. In her defense, South Florida was too damn hot for jeans. But still. “There you are! Get out here!”



I shared four because I think they each include subtly different ways to 'grab' the reader (assuming they grab at all, obviously). 

*Example 1 *is what I call the 'Once Upon A Time' type of opening. It echoes the traditional campfire type lead-in where a sort of overview of the characters and setting is provided in the first paragraph. Rather than banking on immediacy, rather than 'grabbing', it instead relies on being a gentle pull in: It introduces the character via a very minor, in many ways irrelevant detail (the story is not about their breakfast habits) that nonetheless says something important about their character(s). This only works if the detail in question resonates as being true, if the reader can say 'Oh yeah I know these types of people' and that's the 'hook'. 

*Example 2 *is in media res and begins with a conflict, an argument over something that isn't immediately obvious. The use of conflict is the draw here, the eavesdropper instinct.
*
Example 3 *is also in media res but rather than utilize any sense of real conflict it offers a description of a very fat man ordering fast food. It uses humor and sets the tone of the piece which is rather grotesque. Grotesque body parts I find to be quite a draw!

*Example 4* is again about setting tone and drawing the reader in through presentation of a resonant character. There is a hint of conflict (between the man and the wife) and a contrast between a simple, everyday action (cutting the grass) and an urgency being pressed upon the MC by his wife's insistence that he comes to where she is stood and a hint something is amiss.


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## seigfried007 (Aug 20, 2019)

This is the opening paragraph to the novel WIP I'm trying to finish now (have a lot of others on hold):



> I woke with a start, strapped to a gurney, unsure of who I was or why I was in a hospital. A machine was beeping to my left. The tubes in my nose and down my throat tugged as I looked up at the empty bags hanging from the IV pole. Something long and dry grated in my penis as I fought the nylon straps to roll onto my side and look about the dark, dingy room. Curtains partially obscured a boarded window. Something was wrong. The worn, scattered chairs sat empty. _Someone_ was supposed to be here, but I couldn’t remember… _anyone_. Just short of screaming, I strained my bandaged fingers toward the call button.





This had originally been shorter, but a number of readers here needed more details--like the depth of said character's amnesia--immediately. As the story revolves around identity, memory, abuse, orientation, and how we determine who we are, starting the POV in this state brings those themes to the fore. Even if I hadn't wanted a cliche amnesia beginning, for this piece, it was the best way to start (metaphorical in medias res rebirth). POV suffers from marked dissociative tendencies and willfully ignores and/or represses memories of traumatic events, but he always blames someone else for it (including the obviously fantastic titular character, who may or may not be a figment of the POV's imagination/alter personality/manifestation of POV's childhood trauma).


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## RLBeers (Aug 20, 2019)

Nice.


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## RLBeers (Aug 20, 2019)

This is indeed compelling, and I, for one would want to read further. I doubt additional details are needed here. They can and should be added later, but not here. This is the hook, and it works.


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## EmmaSohan (Aug 21, 2019)

There is a danger of going too far, at least for me as a reader. What I call the "goofy first line" can distort the time-line, give away too much of the upcoming story, and not even be true.

I look for a paragraph that interests me and is understandable; if there's no reason to stop, I keep reading and I'm happy. This is a very typical start for me to write: Starting with things happening.



> "Thank you for entrusting us with your sons and daughters."
> 
> Don't thank me, I didn't get a choice; I'm just her mother. The army? When she told me she wanted to attend West Point, I thought she was _joking_.



Great start? No. It also lays out the direction of the story -- If you don't like the start, you probably won't like the story either.


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## seigfried007 (Aug 21, 2019)

EmmaSohan said:


> Great start? No. It also lays out the direction of the story -- If you don't like the start, you probably won't like the story either.



^^^ That's a salient point.


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## Ralph Rotten (Aug 21, 2019)

"I want to report a murder"

"Yes sir, who has been murdered?"

"Me."

Opening lines of DOA. What a hook that was. You just had to watch the movie after that, just to find out how a guy could possibly be alive to report his own murder.


It is nice to hook 'em in the first paragraph, but failing that, I have found that the average modern reader must be hooked within the first 7 pages or they will go read something else. Our culture is flooded with media, and it now you even have to compete with Trump & Boris for attention. Why read a boring old book when you can read something trumpian?

The next must-hook-by datum is the 30 page mark.
30 pages because that's how much they can read for free on Amazon.
Some readers (myself included) read those first 30 pages, and at the end they are prompted to BUY the book.
If they are interested still, they click the yellow button.


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## Rojack79 (Aug 21, 2019)

Zeus looked on in wonderment as Ares danced about the arena. Meanwhile Loki was sitting next to her looking admittedly a little bord of the spectacle before him.

"So this is the reincarnation that's supposed to find my," He thought about his relation to his newest decedent, "Niece?" He asked as Zeus simply nodded never taking her eyes off of her boy.

"Rip it's gut's out son!" She shouted as Ares never took his eye's off the giant towing over him.

this is the first chapter's beginning for my own WIP. I do have a prologue in the works but it's so simple i figured i'd give you guys a little peak at the meat of the book.


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## bdcharles (Aug 21, 2019)

My current WIP's opening paragraph is:


It was a bad time to die. So Echo didn't. Instead she opened her eyes.


I don't know how good or bad that is but I quite like it. It uses a little humour (not too goofy but a little goofy, because that can lead into voice and POV char) and it tries to suggest a situation that readers might want to know more about. In that, I have tried to make it as grabby as possible, but I try and do that with all my lines. Grab, seduce, excite - anything to stop my notional reader slipping away.


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## James Wolfe (Aug 21, 2019)

So this is the first paragraph for a side story involving my top-tier MCs in an adventure together. They retain their base personalities and have some hint they are in a story, but they do not recall their actual stories (at least not yet, ). The story is basically practice to hone my skills and write an amusing story to enjoy in my personal library. 



*Max was crouched behind a crate, breathing heavily as he felt the cold beads of sweat roll down his cheek. Gripping his .44 magnum, he glanced around the corner, where two of his officers, stood with their arms raised. Before them was a group of dark, featureless soldiers, aiming carbines at them.

*


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## Aquilo (Aug 22, 2019)

Oh lord, openings... Yeah, they're important, Sometimes you need to open with impact, sometimes with the ordinariness of life in order to turn life on its head. Mine are mostly psych thrillers, so some will start with the victims, others the main MCs.

Ash:


> The rev of an engine brought a front bumper dangerously close to Ash Thomas's back bike wheel, and a blare of horn added to the threat as the dinnertime rush-hour traffic built up behind him. Ash glanced over his shoulder and then eased back on his ass, slowing his pace on his bike true 'fuck you' style as he went handsfree on his ride.



Psychopaths & Sinners:


> The break of bracken and twig under bare foot left a light trail of blood on forest floor as Johnny Shipman walked naked through the woods. Cold sweat molded like a condom to his body, giving a clear view of his pale skin, wrinkled fingertips, and how he walked doubled-up like an old man. Full moonlight kept him company, helping to sheathe the cold sweat in a silver that glistened and shifted as light might skate and shimmer across a frozen lake. Albeit a lake surface ready to crack. Johnny snorted a chuckle: even tough ice eventually cracked, right? Only he couldn't understand why his laughter kept on, bouncing off the trees.



Don't:


> Today had been a shit day, and it seemed I wasn't about to climb down off the crap cart any time soon.



Breakdown:


> No one would look at me.



Fractured:


> Juggling a college rucksack, Sophie slid her key into the lock, then pushed on through to her flat, grateful to be away from the noise and bustle on the street below. Yesterday's pizza from Pizza Hut met her on the table, and she sighed relief as she dumped her bag and coat on the chair and grabbed a plate. Two slices went in the microwave, and she ambled around picking up yesterday's pants and bra off the floor, just on the weirdest, perhaps strangest longshot she'd get a visitor tonight.


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## Ralph Rotten (Aug 22, 2019)

Whenever I find myself hung up on the opening, I just power through it and fix it later when I have a better idea where I was going with it.

You don't really know your characters until you have written those first 100 pages.
The same can be said for your story; sometimes you really don't know what you wanted to say until you have written it. *Then* you can go fix the opening.


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## Chris Stevenson (Aug 23, 2019)

I tried a dialogue opener that led into a narrative paragraph. It seemed to work well, and I'd never tried one that way before.


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## badgerjelly (Sep 18, 2019)

Sometimes an opening can be too good. Something I read recently gripped me, then I read on further only to be met with disappointment.

I want to read the kind of novel that feels like it has just as much thought and consideration put into the opening passages as it has for the rest of the narrative - I cannot honestly say that I’ve seen enough in any novels I’ve tried to read.


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## J.T. Chris (Sep 28, 2019)

I understand the sentiment, but "Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself" doesn't grab you by the collar, though it does set the tone of the story. I'm of the opinion that an opening doesn't need to kick you in the face, but it should get the cogs spinning.


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## ScarletM.Sinclaire (Sep 28, 2019)

I like engaging the reader right off the bat with the first paragraph leading to a question such as this:

*Eric hurriedly strode down the cemented sidewalk, fists shoved into his hooded jacket as fireworks fired off behind him. Colors of blue, pink and gold lit up the night sky. It was the Harvest Festival finale and he was missing it. He gritted his teeth as a sheen of wetness formed on his forehead. He was supposed to be enjoying a relaxing day at the Harvest Festival with his friends. But his body had other plans. The sweat was a telltale sign of a jump coming on.


*I always tend to go with something action based. Where _something_ either bad, exciting, or thrilling is taking place and you just happen to be caught in the middle of it (if that makes sense).


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## Chris Stevenson (Sep 29, 2019)

ScarletM.Sinclaire said:


> I like engaging the reader right off the bat with the first paragraph leading to a question such as this:
> 
> *Eric hurriedly strode down the cemented sidewalk, fists shoved into his hooded jacket as fireworks fired off behind him. Colors of blue, pink and gold lit up the night sky. It was the Harvest Festival finale and he was missing it. He gritted his teeth as a sheen of wetness formed on his forehead. He was supposed to be enjoying a relaxing day at the Harvest Festival with his friends. But his body had other plans. The sweat was a telltale sign of a jump coming on.
> 
> ...



That's a great hook without shoving down our throat. The mystery is the "jump."


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## Embassy of Time (Jan 20, 2020)

I keep getting the feeling when people mention this, that it's more about author insecurity than anything else. Working with kids who read a lot, I find that they just want to get grabbed within the first few pages, maybe a chapter. Some even have patience for more than that, if someone recommended a book to them!

I get that you want to feel secure in the reader not putting your book down, but twisting it till breaking point just to make the first paragraph a page turner, that seems a bit excessive. If it's your style, you do you. But my first few paragraphs or even pages tend to mostly establish a mood. Don't give up if paragraphs one to five are a bit on the laid back side. Anyone who throws a book away just for that seems unlikely to finish it no matter what.

My 2c, anyway.


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## indianroads (Jan 21, 2020)

These days - with electronic media overtaking physical book sales, I think the whole "grab 'em in the first hundred words" thing has become poppycock. Readers will look at your cover first, then your blurb/product description, and may download a free sample (usually 10%). So, the blurb seems much more crucial than the opening paragraphs.


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## InTheThirdPerson (Jan 21, 2020)

In general, I feel like short stories are better served by a more immediate hook. At least I know this applies to me. It may seem contradictory, given how little time investment is involved, but I'm less likely to read a short story if it doesn't grab me immediately. A novel, I'm willing to give a few pages to hook me.

Having said that, I don't necessarily think it needs to be the _first _paragraph for a short story, but definitely the hook needs to come quickly.

For better or worse, here are some openings of mine just to play along. A couple of these stretch the "first paragraph" rule a bit because they open with dialog or a single line. First, three short stories (all set in the same world):

The Last Job:
------------------------
“Stop, or go through?” Asked the man.
“You need sleep.” The woman replied simply.
“I’m OK.”
The woman shook her head, causing icy blonde hair to fall in front of her eyes. She reached up to sweep it back behind her ears. From the corner of his eye, the man saw that her hand was trembling. She caught him looking and thrust both hands deep into her lap to hide the shakes. “We also need fuel,” she said.
------------------------

Talisman:
------------------------
I don’t remember regaining consciousness.
I floated in a haze for minutes or maybe hours. The pounding in my head eventually brought me around. A vague annoyance that grew into a stabbing throb, refusing to be ignored. The floating sensation subsided and reality came into focus. I was laying on something hard like concrete, but there was a scratchy tarp between me and the ground. It had a dirty, musty smell. I was naked. That scared the shit out of me, and also pissed me off.
------------------------

The Bidderman Case:
------------------------
“Are you sure you can clean my house? You can really get rid of it?” The man asked, his nervous tone somehow hopeful and skeptical at the same time. He compulsively dabbed at his forehead with a handkerchief that was already damp with sweat. Dark, puffy bags hung under his bloodshot eyes, suggesting that his last full night of sleep was who knows how long ago.
------------------------


And the opening of the novel I'm currently working on -- not in the same world as the previous. It currently doesn't have a title...
------------------------
Mindy excitedly pulled herself along the observation room by one of the railings. She reached her arm out, gripped the railing with her tiny fingers, then simultaneously pulled as hard as she could and jumped. In the limited gravity, she soared in an exaggerated arc, squealing with delight, until she settled on the floor and then repeated her maneuver. She stopped at one of the large observation windows and pressed her face up against the glass. “Mom!” She gasped. “You can see it now!”
------------------------


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## VRanger (May 17, 2020)

Embassy of Time said:


> I keep getting the feeling when people mention this, that it's more about author insecurity than anything else. Working with kids who read a lot, I find that they just want to get grabbed within the first few pages, maybe a chapter. Some even have patience for more than that, if someone recommended a book to them!
> 
> I get that you want to feel secure in the reader not putting your book down, but twisting it till breaking point just to make the first paragraph a page turner, that seems a bit excessive. If it's your style, you do you. But my first few paragraphs or even pages tend to mostly establish a mood. Don't give up if paragraphs one to five are a bit on the laid back side. Anyone who throws a book away just for that seems unlikely to finish it no matter what.
> 
> My 2c, anyway.



*This*. *^^^^^*

Just from my own experience, I often find examples of "grab 'em with the first paragraph" to be overwritten, and with so many ideas jammed into it that I'm more confused regarding the direction of the story than intrigued by it. That turns me off, as I despair the rest of the story may continue to be purple and frenetic.

Most readers have more than a 10 second attention span. As a reader, I don't have to be sold on a story right away. Another member mentioned, and it applies to me -- I already generally know SOMETHING about the story either from recommendation or blurb. I'm not even there unless I have potential interest, and the number of books I've abandoned after starting is quite short for my entire lifetime.

I'm with Embassy in that I start with mood, even if only for a short time -- and probably because I enjoy reading authors who do that -- the people I learned from.

The OP started with "Whether you are writing a Robert Jordan length novel or a short story of less than 2,500 words, you need to be able to draw the reader into your world within the first paragraph."

These sorts of rules are dangerous, because they are not rules. They are suggestions. They apply in some situations for some writers. Every "rule of authorship" we've read are really not rules. They are things less experienced writers should keep in mind, because many times they do apply. But experienced, professional authors violate virtually every rule you can name as appropriate to enhance their writing. Sometimes they do it on purpose, and sometimes they do it from instinct.

I agree that the first paragraph should be interesting -- as interesting as every paragraph in the work.


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## Chris Stevenson (May 18, 2020)

Ack. I can add an opener than is better than most of all the others. At least I was told that:

Well, got a new computer and new Word and Windows. I can't get the quote to come through. I'll try and figure this out.


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## Justin Attas (May 22, 2020)

Love this thread. It's so hard to capture that hook-y essence of a great opener. My ebook, Strand, does a decent job of this I hope! It starts like this. 

Each blink of orange light brought the shape to life in an otherwise empty night- a young man dangling by a string.


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## Chris Stevenson (May 22, 2020)

Well, still can't paste a partial doc file in here without all of the text running together. I don't know what I've done wrong. Any help on that? Never had that happen before.


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## Phil Istine (May 23, 2020)

Chris Stevenson said:


> Well, still can't paste a partial doc file in here without all of the text running together. I don't know what I've done wrong. Any help on that? Never had that happen before.



Sometimes you have to edit pasted text to suit.  Select 'go advanced' then, before posting, 'preview post'.  The preview will show how the text is going to appear once you post it.


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## Chris Stevenson (May 23, 2020)

Thank you. I went advanced and in looked fine in preview but came out all run-together when I posted it.

 I'll try again....


Tilly Breedlove never thought she would end up in an institution like this and hear her father utter such dreadful, embarrassing words across a counter top.

	“I’m Reginald Breedlove, and I have an appointment for the last stage of the program.  I’m here to pawn my daughter.”

	I’m here to pawn my daughter.  Tilly knew they had another word for it, because she and her girlfriends used to laugh at the K-Span commercial spots on late night Holoview.  She wasn’t laughing now.  She’d never seen so many kids gathered in one spot, except at a school assembly.  The first floor of the auditorium-sized building had at least twenty standing lines and a waiting area filled to capacity.  Sure, there were sniffles and tearful goodbyes, with an occasional knock-down-drag-out, but the worst scenes were reserved for the six to twelve-year-old kids, the next wing over.  Those kids were on the Daffodil Plan, commonly called, Daffy’s, and their screams pierced through the air conditioning vents.

I see. I had to go to my setting and click the simple text block. I guess that's it.


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## VRanger (May 23, 2020)

Chris Stevenson said:


> I’[/FONT]mheretopawnmydaughter.[FONT=&Verdana]”



Inspired by the Blues Brothers? ;-)


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## Phil Istine (May 23, 2020)

Chris Stevenson said:


> Thank you. I went advanced and in looked fine in preview but came out all run-together when I posted it.
> 
> I'll try again....
> 
> ...



I didn't realise you'd already done that.  It looks okay on my screen, but maybe I'm seeing it after you've edited.  It's never easy to know if it's a website issue or the display on your local computer.


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## Chris Stevenson (May 23, 2020)

This is true. I have a brand new computer with all the latest apps and version. World 365 and Windows 10 are throwing me for loops, but I'm managing to do so learn on everything. Thank y'all for your help. My first paragraph is reading now.


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## qwertyman (May 25, 2020)

I believe a story should begin by showing the norm, followed by an ‘inciting incident’ which kicks-off the storyline.  

I never start a novel, with a character waking, or with a hangover or OD’d, or getting out of a car, or with a dream sequence, or coming out of a coma.  Weddings and funerals can be used as openers, but preferably, for who-dunits or Bruce Willis scripts. I'll open with dialogue if I am confident I have accounted for the confusion that might come with it and there will be no re-reads.

So, it's the ever-green problem, presented by the opening poster how does one capture an agent or reader's attentionwithout a crash bang wallop opening para? Here are three of my efforts - all first paras from full length novels.​ 
1 ++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mechanics try to start an army truck.  An officer watches.  The exhaust system is missing, and the racket spooks a mule and dogs bark.  On the Town Hall steps troops wait to board the truck.  Most are sleeping.  Those that aren’t are silent.  They smoke cigarettes taken from dead men.  

2 +++++++++++++++++++
_Hey Adrian, _
_You know Maxi and you know what he’s capable of and I know the Telegraph pays good money for this kind of thing. I can’t tell you where I am, but it’s very expensive and my ‘host’ wants paying or he will be depriving me of body parts, starting below the belt.  There’s ten per cent in it for you, (film rights ex_cluded)
_Read the attached doc. It’s unbelievable but nailed-to-the-cross truth.__…Harry
_
3 ++++++++++++++++++++
He took the direct motorway route South through France, foot to the floor with the side door of the Transit slid open and the Buddy Rich Big Band vibrating the windscreen.  He thrashed the obliging diesel throughout the night and all the next day.  He took his last upper as he crossed the border south of Perpignan.  At Valencia he cut inland to get clear of the tourist traffic.  Outside Murcia he stopped and took a room in a roadside Hostal.  He showered but didn’t eat.  He dreamt he was still in B-wing and when he woke the silence spooked him.


Which would you pursue? Any other comments welcome.

qwerty


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## JBF (Jul 6, 2020)

Of the three, the first gets most of my attention.  Then again, I'm a sucker for Hemingway.  Two I could take or leave.  It's not bad, per se.  Just doesn't have anything that really lights off.  Three, I'm on the fence.  

First outright.  The other two would probably get a couple of pages of see where it goes.  

***

To the subject at hand:

I've been told a writer absolutely must capture their reader in the first line.  I've been told the first paragraph (or three).  I've been told the end of the first chapter.

I'm pretty sure all those are wrong. 

Important?  Sure.  But there's another factor at work here.  Assuming you're talking about an actual _book _- something that exists in a corporeal form for retail consumption within the physical confines of a store - the importance of all three are overblown.  You get attention by covers and titles.  You sell on blurbs, maybe with a couple of minutes of flipping pages before the customer pulls the trigger and heads to the checkout stand.  

By the time your reader sits down and cracks it open for the first time _you've already sold them.  _

They _want _something they believe lies in the pages to follow.  They _assume _that the surface features of the book adequately represent its content.  Chances are they remember a good opening and forget a weak one, anyway. Let's be honest...unless you're dealing with a readership who possess the attention span of a gnat, you've already got a degree of credibility; they wanted your book enough to exchange their hard-earned money for a copy, so likely as not they're along the for the ride.

Put it this way...

An introduction establishes a couple of crucial points outside of the usual (set scene, introduction characters, start the plot moving, etc).  It shows the author's style.  It establishes whether the story is character- or plot-driven.  Ideally, by the end of Chapter One a reader should have a feel for the major moving parts of this enterprise and know about what to expect for the duration.

But mostly an idea of just how far they're willing to read for the story to meet expectations.


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## qwertyman (Jul 6, 2020)

Thanks for the opinions JBF.



JBF said:


> ...To the subject at hand:
> 
> I've been told a writer absolutely must capture their reader in the first line.  I've been told the first paragraph (or three).  I've been told the end of the first chapter.
> 
> ...



Agreed 100%,  I would add the reader must be browsing in the correct department. If your effort is Crime themed and it's placed on a shelf in Romance, you fall at the first fence. 

So, Correct Shelf, Stunning Cover, Enticing sleeve notes and then first para.


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## bdcharles (Jul 6, 2020)

First _paragraph_? My God, how much _time _do you people have?  

I jest, but I am a sucker for a first line. I love thinking about them, writing them, reading them, analysing them, experiencing them. For me, they set the tone, the voice, the personality, and they hint at the story to come. But anyway with the barest of further ados, here are some of my openers:



It had to have been one sour word, or was it that I could do his job better than he could? But the flash of light and accompanying _blam_s of judgment changed everything. 

*
​
A dumpster fire; an open sewer, a running sore; an unholy neighbourhood of dog-walkers and ball-players; a mob of lovers, buggers, nutters, and other fashionable types. The sort of people you didn’t meet in public but crept through alleys to consort with. That was us, engaged on such an undertaking that we had to laugh: a malevolent force trapped in some old ornament. But Raquewolfe was our spellcastress, and that fucking little daggersboy Evenchose had nothing better to do and even less money to do it with. I did, but if I was to enter the Worshipful Company, I’d need something to show them.

*​
You have a new adversary.

Forget everything you knew about your previous conquests. Those primal triumphs on the banks of the Speere that saw you crippled and muddy to your waist, swinging _Lesion_ in violent arcs until the floodplains choked in gore, are nothing but a child’s tale. Your campaigns in Vishgilly, the ones the minstrels sing about from the Barror Royal Courts to the low taverns in Seamsisters to the homeliest school-rooms in the gentlest villages nestled among the peaceful Astion hills – why, they are storybook fancy, nothing more. I say again: you have a new adversary.

*​
“It were somewhere ‘ereabouts,” said Mr. Dunderwort, “that is to say, within a day’s swift yomp of this Red Bear public ‘ouse and alery-cum-coach-resting in which we currently repose, that it ‘appened”


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## JBF (Jul 6, 2020)

qwertyman said:


> Thanks for the opinions JBF.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You bet.  If there's anything I carry in surplus, it's opinions.  

It also occurs to me I neglected to throw out an opening of my own.  I am thus undecided as to whether I keep this for the intro of a longer work or nudge it back to a short story centered on the same character, but I think it has merit enough to re-use if the latter.  

***

_As in a dream he chased a girl through a shifting night-world cast in nickel, under the dappling leaves of summer oaks and sagged lines of a fences laid half-over until at last the broken sandstone ridge sloped sharp down to the winding creekbed.  He stood, breathing hard and blood pounding in his ears, to study the chipped surface of the water.  Fresh tracks crossed the sandbar.  Upstream a flash of movement.  The looping blur of pale legs and white running shoes.


_***

...figure there ought to be something in there to get somebody's attention.


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## Chris Stevenson (Jul 6, 2020)

I don't think the opening sentence or paragraph must strain to drag you in screaming and kicking. I mean, something not so obviously planted, like somebody getting their face blown off or other such drastic measure. If it can raise a question or just tweak the reader's attention for an instant, it can serve as a good plant. 

Wilma saw her best friend shot to death, not twenty feet from her. Somehow, it didn't bother her as much as she thought it would.

The fact that we have a shooting in the first sentence is rather abrupt and shocking. However, what might be most intriguing is Wilma's reaction to it. Why would Wilma's reaction to such a scene be so indifferent or atypical of a normal reaction? That would intrigue the reader even more, asking the obvious question, why was she so unaffected to seeing her best friend shot?


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