# The Voyeur and the Harlot (18+)



## HunterT (May 19, 2011)

It's slightly vulgar, and might not be to people's liking. Take it with a pinch of salt, it's meant to be humorous (meant to be!) and isn't serious at all.

My eyes trace delightful contours
with the click of a button
Your slender body is my force majeure
and I am your shamed glutton 

Womanly charms so easy to access
bulging underwear reveals my lust
Not lasting long, I make a mess
I hang my head in self pity and disgust

After which I no longer dwell
on broad breasts and lips of scarlet
With a click, I bid farewell
to you, my sweet internet harlot


----------



## Firemajic (May 23, 2011)

I thought it was well written-but I did not care for the content...


----------



## HunterT (May 24, 2011)

Haha, it's rather obscene and not for everyone, I respect that! I don't really know why I wrote this to be honest, something different I suppose?


----------



## Trides (May 26, 2011)

Hmm?


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

Where's your piece, Hunter?


----------



## HunterT (May 27, 2011)

I'm...unsure about it. It's a bit vulgar as I said before, not sure if I want people to read it


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

I read it before, not as a reader, but as a Mod, I assure you, I would have either pulled it or contacted you if it were too vulgar. Reinstate the darn thing and give the people what they want.


----------



## HunterT (May 27, 2011)

Okayy then


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 27, 2011)

All good, your meter needs refining, too tired right now to make points, will return, I promise.


----------



## HunterT (May 27, 2011)

Thanks, I look forward to them!


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 28, 2011)

I really like this, and it's not nearly as vulgar as you think. I suppose there are many out there who can relate, most of whom won't admit it, lol. Okay, with a less tired mind, the meter doesn't seem so bumpy after all. Everyone screams "Count your syllables", but I, personally, have no problem with erratic line by line syllable counts providing stresses are properly employed. Grain of salt, Hunter, I am but one soul. Sidebar: your avatar is creeping me out, Rasputin is really ugly and that stare doesn't pretty the devious bugger up at all. Back to business. First, caps every line are distracting, only use them at the beginning of sentences. Second, S1, L2 reads awkwardly, at least to me. I think the simplified "with the click of a button" would be better, but again, this is just my opinion, most would probably disagree, especially syllable counters, lol. In S2, L2, I'd remove my, it's already implied, and in L4, the use of shame again in such close proximity doesn't do it for me, a substitue, perhaps regret, I like regret, others might not. In S3, L2, I would change it to "on broad breasts and lips of scarlet" for the sake of flow. Hope this helps some, this is a fun piece and I don't want to bog you down with perfect meter, that takes time and only practice will reap rewards, so dear Hunter, keep writing!

Best,
Lisa


----------



## HunterT (May 28, 2011)

*changes avatar* this one's a little cheerier, don't you think? 

Your comments are appreciated. I'll edit this later tonight (have some work to do) but thank you for taking the time


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 28, 2011)

Oh, lol, you're kidding me, right? Yuck.


----------



## Firemajic (May 28, 2011)

Hunter-I hope my stupid comment was not the reason you pulled your poem...Let me explain-I was reading other poetry-then completely forgot that I had wondered into the "humorous" Thread..But your Title to your poem intrigued me. As I said before-well written--wonderful title.Just not for me...


----------



## HunterT (May 28, 2011)

Don't worry, I had my doubts about it before posting the poem. But everything's cleared up now, and I respect it will not be to everyone's taste 

And Chester, I'll find a new avatar, ol' Rasputin's just temporary until I find a suitable one


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 28, 2011)

Hunter, dear, Chester was my father, please call me Lisa. I rather liked Rasputin at first, intriguing manipulative chap, too bad he contributed to the downfall of many. You gotta admit, love, he's visually unappealing, but don't change it on my account.

Best,
LISA (capped so you won't forget, lol)


----------



## HunterT (May 29, 2011)

It'll be a privilege. Writing out ChestersDaughter seemed a bit odd, I thought it could have some personal symbolic meaning or something. After all, I've come across far stranger names online! But it's nice that you're keeping the memory of your father on (if that is what you're actually doing, forgive me if I'm being presumptuous). Call me Tobie if you like, but Hunter's fine too. Rasputin was truly an interesting fellow...hard to kill too. Again, thanks for the advice Lisa


----------



## Chesters Daughter (May 30, 2011)

Better avie, don't feel like I'm getting a death glare from a lunatic. Tobie it is, then. Yes, the name is a tribute to my Dad, but I have my daughter to thank for it being here. She registered me here without my knowledge when my Mom was dying, she knew I would need something to hang onto. She used my screen name for playing dominoes to do so. She posted my horrible rhymes, I took my licks, almost quit, then realized my daughter was wise beyond her years, because I'm still here, aren't I? This place and writing have saved my sanity.

Best,
Lisa (notice initial cap only)


----------



## Firemajic (May 30, 2011)

Sorry for eves dropping-just could not help my self..Lisa-I was so touched by your beautiful story.Sounds like you have a wonderful Daughter.I am glad you kept writing!


----------



## Trides (May 31, 2011)

Now, back on topic... I read your poem, and... hmm... well, honestly I don't care for the content, but I do think it's a good poem. Interesting that you put in that bit about shame, eh.


----------



## HunterT (Jun 1, 2011)

Trides said:


> Now, back on topic... I read your poem, and... hmm... well, honestly I don't care for the content, but I do think it's a good poem. Interesting that you put in that bit about shame, eh.


 
Humans are a compulsive and desire-driven species, I thought it'd be interesting to write a poem about that desire element honestly and in a kind of self mocking way - what are we if we have to take our own nature seriously? - obviously it is a bit vulgar lol but thanks for the comments.

Lisa, you have a lovely daughter keep her close! Very nice


----------



## aficklemuse (Jun 7, 2011)

My two cents... some of the lines don't flow as easily as others, so you may have some fine tuning there, but as a whole, I love the vulgarity of it. It is a nice change of pace. I might also emphasize the humor of the situation. I felt like the emphasis strayed from that just a bit.

Would love to see more like it!


----------

