# So Many Tears



## candid petunia (May 14, 2011)

so many tears born from my heart
wrenching from the depths of my soul
each a world filled with anguished ache
so many tears in a jerky flow
so many tears I cry

so many tears quake and sparkle
slowly, surely, they tear me apart
stabbing, splitting, slashing, slicing,
painful proof of the pangs I feel
so many tears don't lie

so many tears drain and empty
they leave behind a hollow shell.
So many wish that I cease to be
so many want me to be like them
so many tears -- they die

so many tears, but they are mine
why would they matter to you?


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## SilverMoon (May 14, 2011)

A waterfall of tears, here. You really got across pain.



> stabbing, splitting, slashing, slicing,
> painful proof of the pangs I feel


 
And two alliterations you have going here. Very nice! I especially like the highlighted.

The ending is perfect but a couple of punctuation issues.



> So any tears, but they are mine.
> Why would they matter to you?


 
I would begin the sentences, the first letter of the first word with a capital and employ periods.

A very heartfelt poem. Thank you for sharing. Laurie


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## candid petunia (May 14, 2011)

I purposely didn't put the punctuation. Dunno, first time I felt this, but felt the poem would read easier that way. Thanks for the feedback.


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## sadiemaddie (May 14, 2011)

The poem is beautiful. I can feel the pain that you seem to be saying. 

so many tears, they die

I didn't understand the 'they die' part in the poem maybe reflect a little more.


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## candid petunia (May 15, 2011)

"they die" because I wanted the meter to remain constant. The last lines in each stanza read that way:

-so many tears I cry-
-so many tears don't lie-
-so many tears, they die-


Also, wanted to give the impression that the tears wished me to die like them (don't worry, I didn't feel that much. Just wanted to make it dramatic  )

_so many want me to be like them
so many tears, they die_

Does it sound wrong?


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## Flapjack (May 15, 2011)

candid petunia said:


> so many tears, but they are mine
> why would they matter to you?



Because they turn into passionate writing of course!

Very nice poem. I had the same appreciation for the second stanza as silvermoon. I always appreciate alliteration. (LOL) 

I enjoyed your clear story arc here. You take us from the "jerky flow" to the "[tearing]" and finally to the "hollow shell". Keep posting!


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## SilverMoon (May 15, 2011)

Sorry. Wrong thread...


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## Angel101 (May 15, 2011)

I like the lack of punctuation in this, actually. Reminds me of tears, continuously flowing. That part is very nice. However, there's only so much I can read about crying. The problem here, for me, is that you spent a great deal of time describing the tears and the moment, where they're coming from, and then barely touch on the "why." And the "why" is actually what is driving this poem. And it could make it a lot more interesting. Right now, you've got something that I've read quite a few times. We all cry. A lot of people write about it. The anguish of the soul. And unfortunately, because of that, it comes off a bit melodramatic. 

This is not me trying to be mean. Just honest. I did like some of this, though. For example, the alliteration, as stated above, was a really great touch. I think there's potential here. Keep writing. I'd like to read more of your work.


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## candid petunia (May 15, 2011)

Flapjack, thank you.  That's what I like about expression in art - they _create_.

Angel101, I appreciate you being honest. I know you weren't being mean. But, forgive me here, I don't want to try and change this to stand out from the others. This was just an outlet, and I don't want to spoil the originality. Something like, just because everyone else feels the same doesn't mean the feelings aren't real each time... _I_ am sorry if I sounded rude here, didn't mean to be. Thanks for the feedback.


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## Angel101 (May 15, 2011)

Nah. Not rude at all. I understand. Writing is a wonderful outlet. I use it all the time. But my point was that it's lacking in originality.


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## toddm (May 15, 2011)

I certainly felt the personal pain of this, and almost felt like turning away to allow some privacy in the sorrow - 

I don't think this piece is lacking in originality, but possibly could use some tweaking:



candid petunia said:


> so many tears born from my heart
> wenching from the depths of my soul you may mean "wrenching" here, a wench is a barmaid or a poor peasant girl, not sure what "wenching" would mean - "wrenching" is pulling something out, this seems to be what you meant
> each a world of anguished ache "anguished ache" is good alliteration here
> so many tears in a jerky flow "jerky flow" is an unexpected and original word choice
> ...


 
all in all, a very heartfelt and emotive poem - very real and tender - and causes me to really empathize with the writer

---todd


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## candid petunia (May 16, 2011)

Todd, first of all, thank you. I was kinda afraid of what you'd say, because from what I noticed, you do not like it when people are too depressed (which is a good thing. You're an optimist. We all need to get out there and drink in life, because ah it's beautiful).

_Wenching from the depths of my soul_ - You're right. It should be wrenching. How come I didn't notice it? Thanks for pointing it out.


Also you are the first one to comment on
_stabbing, splitting, slashing, slicing_.
I'd wondered if no one else felt the pain there.


About the ending, yeah it was intentional.  I'll see if I can put the 'you' somewhere, although I doubt it. Looks better to me this way. Will go through it once.




toddm said:


> I certainly felt the personal pain of this, and almost felt like turning away to allow some privacy in the sorrow


 
_That_ is the best comment for me. 

Feedback really appreciated.
Farah


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## toddm (May 16, 2011)

candid petunia said:


> Todd, first of all, thank you. I was kinda afraid of what you'd say, because from what I noticed, you do not like it when people are too depressed (which is a good thing. You're an optimist. We all need to get out there and drink in life, because ah it's beautiful).


 
Of course I don't like it when people are depressed - not a pleasant thing, as I've been there myself - I don't wish it on anyone - what I DO like is when hope shines through despite pain and sorrow - I know depressed folks feel there is no hope (almost by definition) - I like to remind that there is, and there is also opportunity for growth when looked at rightly : )



> _Wenching from the depths of my soul_ - You're right. It should be wrenching. How come I didn't notice it? Thanks for pointing it out.


 This same thing has happened to me before - had "orchard" when I really meant "orchid", and "perimeters" when "parameters" was what I was really going after - until someone pointed these out, I just thought all was fine : ) 



> Also you are the first one to comment on
> _stabbing, splitting, slashing, slicing_.
> I'd wondered if no one else felt the pain there.


I certainly did, probably because I've been there before myself



> About the ending, yeah it was intentional.  I'll see if I can put the 'you' somewhere, although I doubt it. Looks better to me this way. Will go through it once.


 If you meant it to be like that, then by all means keep it - honestly it is good the way it is, it was just a thought - also, I don't see where you could easily put in "you" at the beginning



> _That_ is the best comment for me.


 
Poetry is about self-expression first of all - I wrote for years and no one else saw what I wrote - some of it still remains tucked away - some of those were pretty depressing to go back and read, but it sure made me feel better at the time - thanks for being brave and letting others read what you've written
---todd


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## candid petunia (May 16, 2011)

Oh I've been depressed too, at a time. But now I feel hope, despite the pain and everything. So I know what you mean.

And I think you should get out those stuff you've 'tucked away'. Would love to read them (no matter how depressing too, yeah  ).
Thanks again.


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## toddm (May 17, 2011)

candid petunia said:


> Oh I've been depressed too, at a time. But now I feel hope, despite the pain and everything. So I know what you mean.
> 
> And I think you should get out those stuff you've 'tucked away'. Would love to read them (no matter how depressing too, yeah  ).
> Thanks again.


 
now you got me thinking : ) I may go delving and pull out something from more somber days - will let you know
---todd


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## JoeMc (May 17, 2011)

hello candid petunia,

It's funny, I thought of "so many tears, they die" as the tears dying as they evaporated...

Joe


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## candid petunia (May 18, 2011)

Todd, looking forward to it. 

Joe, what you thought of is correct as well.  But I also wanted to give the impression that the hurt I felt was so bad, the tears wanted me to die like them.


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## TheFuhrer02 (May 19, 2011)

A sincere showing of one's pain. I certainly felt it. The rhythm of this piece was also fluid and easy-flowing, making the emotions cross through the reader easily and with impact and tempo.

And the way you ended stanza's 1 to 3? Spot-on.

Some specific points:



> wrenching from the depths of my soul
> each a world of anguished ache



With the easy flow you used, the alliterations stood out. Very well done.



> slowly, surely, they tear me apart
> stabbing, splitting, slashing, slicing,



A clear, vulnerable portrayal of pain. Simply enthralling. And the alliterations did not hinder this development.

This poem was truly riveting. An honor to have read this, CP! :thumbl:


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## candid petunia (May 19, 2011)

Thanks a lot, Fuhrer.  
I'm blushing.


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