# Default: Broken



## AdamDavidBoe (Mar 30, 2015)

*Default: Broken
*​Before you read, please understand this isn't supposed to follow any outline and isn't an essay. It's something I wrote and I want to know if it is worth finishing. I added the "default setting" part in from a past essay I wrote to help establish the work, hopefully. Please give your best critique. Thanks! -AB.

The sacred ending of a session. The smoke clears and so does that of caring; A momentary lapse of what life really brings. What really changes? The thoughts evade from clear eyes and dodge the time that seemed so long. You forget the problems. You forget the pain. Everything falls away and the only thing left is your thoughts and your tearing eyes. The want to feel becomes unknown and only nothingness is of request. The choice to feel the way you are is but a distant memory.

*The default setting*. We all have it, or have had it at one point. The choice of being something you are naturally not, makes people stay in their default setting. Change the setting slightly and you are different. Some people, like myself, are broken and don’t seem to have a default setting. Before conclusions are drawn and confusion sets in, a default setting is characterized as: a want for acceptance in society to the degree to change yourself into the person society accepts as average. People immediately jump at the statement of people wanting to be average. People “don’t want to be average”, yet they continue the basic outline written into their brains by their parents and other people they see as superior beings. People have a false perception of what the statements that have been said, mean. Here’s an example. You live your life to achieve goals that seem original and may even be, but the outline you have written over the essay of your life is considered plagiarism. The ideas and thoughts seem original, but a quick look over and originality is far from truth. Examining parts of culture helps explain and create realization of the current “copy and paste” society that exists today.

*Depression *isn’t the thoughts or the pain that you continue to have because of self-inflicted matters. A darkness forces to take over your thoughts and creates a clearness of thought that sees the hopelessness of life. The point blurred by the veil of “reality” but pierced by the weapon of depression. Hope becomes a distant thought and only a person’s will the survivor’s tool. The quest of life’s future forever in their mind yet questioned by the “clear of thought”. “What’s wrong with him? Does he not care about us?” All questions asked, but doctors experimenting in a trade that isn’t real. Depression isn’t an illness, it’s something that determines your life. A conquerable battle fought every day on an Earth that deems you broken. But what can be said of graphs and tests that claim that illness is the true explanation? Is it not how human beings work as of but only machines? “Reality can only be true through one being.” The claim of mental instability makes depression out to be a deformity. 

*Life.* A word created to signify the span of one beings full time here on this planet. Steps become instilled into the mind of a child of the perfect plan and the way one must become as a member of society. The thoughts of becoming a doctor to help people, oh and you make a lot of money (totally not the point). The view of teachers as the lowest of jobs, yet they help create your mind. You are supposed to follow a path that is laid out, but not told that genius is created through difference. Thoughts through depression seem to be insane words spoken by an insane person. Pills and therapy take place of the trueness of thoughts. “What is the point?” A question tossed a side by the answers of paid optimists. World wars and political turmoil are made out to be the missteps of the crazed few, but all of whom are searching for life’s point. Depression isn’t insanity or the thought of only the few but that of everyone searching for the answer. The point of life given a mask to never be revealed.


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## escorial (Mar 30, 2015)

interesting read...light in many ways on heavy topics dude


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## Olly Buckle (Mar 30, 2015)

> The sacred ending of a session. The smoke clears and so does that of caring; A momentary lapse of what life really brings. What really changes? The thoughts evade from clear eyes and dodge the time that seemed so long. You forget the problems. You forget the pain. Everything falls away and the only thing left is your thoughts and your tearing eyes. The want to feel becomes unknown and only nothingness is of request. The choice to feel the way you are is but a distant memory.


This is confusing, why sacred? Session of what? Smoking drugs of some sort? That would explain the smoke and not caring, and the final sentence. 'Tearing eyes', tearing as in 'ripping', or do you mean tearful? It is all too personal for the reader to be able to follow. There need to be shared points of reference to impart meaning to others, and I am not 'getting it'.

The 'default setting' and 'depression' make more sense, but are still very 'wooly'; "Is it not how human beings work as of but only machines?" As of but only ..., what kind of construction is that? Do you use it in everyday speech? And I disagree with the statement that most people don't want to be average, very few actually want to stand out from the crowd, they would rather live their non average life vicariously in books and movies, in real life they mostly just want to be normal.

As to whether it is worth continuing, as an exercise it might be worth trying to order your arguments, phrase them clearly, and reduce it considerably by eliminating tautology and inessentials, but speaking personally I would say there is little point in pursuing the subject matter.  It may be true that life ends in death and ultimately all is pointless, but dwelling on it has no profit, better to live in the moment.


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## Plasticweld (Mar 30, 2015)

If I replace the word "you" with the word "I"  the work becomes much more effective and powerful.  You as a writer are assuming to speak for the reader.  The feelings and the place you are at are foreign to me and not something I identify with.  It becomes much more interesting if these are your feelings and your desperation and you are seeking to share them with me.  That act becomes a silent bond, and expression of trust that you would confide in me making it seem like an intimate friendship.  As it reads it comes across and just an observance or worst yet as judgment or blanket assumptions, not everyone in life is either lost or depressed.


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## AdamDavidBoe (Mar 30, 2015)

Olly Buckle said:


> This is confusing, why sacred? Session of what? Smoking drugs of some sort? That would explain the smoke and not caring, and the final sentence. 'Tearing eyes', tearing as in 'ripping', or do you mean tearful? It is all too personal for the reader to be able to follow. There need to be shared points of reference to impart meaning to others, and I am not 'getting it'.
> 
> The 'default setting' and 'depression' make more sense, but are still very 'wooly'; "Is it not how human beings work as of but only machines?" As of but only ..., what kind of construction is that? Do you use it in everyday speech? And I disagree with the statement that most people don't want to be average, very few actually want to stand out from the crowd, they would rather live their non average life vicariously in books and movies, in real life they mostly just want to be normal.
> 
> As to whether it is worth continuing, as an exercise it might be worth trying to order your arguments, phrase them clearly, and reduce it considerably by eliminating tautology and inessentials, but speaking personally I would say there is little point in pursuing the subject matter.  It may be true that life ends in death and ultimately all is pointless, but dwelling on it has no profit, better to live in the moment.



The first paragraph is to introduce the feelings felt by the depressed through the need of some sort of drug to stop their thoughts of depression. Tearing is obviously for crying. Secondly, people live average lives through choosing to live vicariously. People seek originality, yet they inevitably come into the life their parents ultimately taught them was their goal(obviously not all people do, but it's close to 99%). The whole point was to show the viewpoint of a depressed person. Obviously it's depressing, life isn't the happiness people fake it out to be. I wrote this to depict the mind of someone depressed and ultimately succeeded. It is not my best writing and I wrote it in 10 minutes. It has errors, but I got home and really just wanted to write something. Thanks for your feedback! -AB.



Plasticweld said:


> If I replace the word "you" with the word "I" the work becomes much more effective and powerful. You as a writer are assuming to speak for the reader. The feelings and the place you are at are foreign to me and not something I identify with. It becomes much more interesting if these are your feelings and your desperation and you are seeking to share them with me. That act becomes a silent bond, and expression of trust that you would confide in me making it seem like an intimate friendship. As it reads it comes across and just an observance or worst yet as judgment or blanket assumptions, not everyone in life is either lost or depressed.



I stated that everyone searches for a point in life, and depressed people normally search beyond your average person because they care more. Thank you for your feedback! -AB.


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