# Psychedelic Dreams



## Firemajic (Apr 9, 2015)

Rocking swaying gentle motion
as I float on this cosmic ocean
devoid of all time and space
drifting in this secret place

Psychedelic color in slow motion
painting waves on this dark ocean
cosmic dust burnt umber red
calms the storm inside my head

Drifting slowly on this ocean
lulled by the rocking motion
I retreat to inner space
cosmic dust paints my face

I am bereft of all emotion
lost all alone on this dark ocean
watching rainbows twist and bend
swirling colors melt and blend

From the waves I see a motion
Puff the dragon leaves the ocean
as he dries psychedelic wings
he tells me secret things

He said this is your cosmic place
where you can live in inner space
watch the rainbows twist and bend
 and sail in the psychedelic wind

Sail forever on this dark ocean
enjoy the magic rocking motion
taste the dust that paints your face
this can be your dwelling place

So I sail this psychedelic ocean
swaying gently to the cosmic motion
mind blowing colors melt and blend
watching rainbows warp and bend

Inner space is a beautiful ocean
give into the alluring notion
freedom away from prying eyes
drifting under psychedelic skies


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## Olly Buckle (Apr 9, 2015)

It struck me that dreams are nebulous, indefinite sort of things. Might it help the feel of it if you took the definite out, I was thinking along these lines,

Rocking swaying gentle motion
as I float on this cosmic ocean
devoid of all time and space
drifting in this secret place

becomes

Rocking swaying gentle motion
floating on a cosmic ocean
devoid of time and space
drifting in a secret place

I took out the 'all' because 'devoid' already says it, but otherwise I took out 'I', the first person and simply left it open and then changed the definite article to  the indefinite.

Just a thought.


Edit; some punctuation might be good too.


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## Darkkin (Apr 9, 2015)

This a lovely piece, but one thing I have noticed with your format is a recurrent 4X4 pattern in a great many of your pieces.  Four to seven words/ line, four lines, rhyme scheme of aabb.  It seems like your playing a little safe with format.  Go out of your comfort zone: Try stanzas of three or five lines, I would love to see you play with odd numbers.  Find the common denominator in the odd numbers, too.  This is nice and square and clean, push the envelope a little more.  Enjoyed the read.

- Darkkin, the Tedious


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## Firemajic (Apr 9, 2015)

Thanks Olly, I like what you suggested, and it works. However, I hate punctuation in some poetry. IMHO, the line breaks does that job... Thank you for reading and commenting...
DarKKin... lol.. playing safe is NOT something I like to do... so, I will accept your poetic challenge... and do my very best to set my next poem on fire  and make it rock... Thanks for your comments and thanks for reading my poem... Peace always... jul


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## Firemajic (Apr 9, 2015)

Olly, sorry.. guess I should have explained in my first post.. This poem is not really about dreams.. exactly.. It is about being stoned.. and wanting to stay there.. you know it is all an inner space thing... But still, your suggestions would work.. Thanks.. Peace.. jul


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## TJ1985 (Apr 9, 2015)

Excellent piece Julia, and the imagery is outstanding. 

I saw only one thing I might adjust, in the 4th stanza. 

lost alone on this dark ocean

I might make it "all alone..." to soften the line just a bit. 

Great work Julia, I like it.


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## Theglasshouse (Apr 9, 2015)

A curious fact is that I know what puff the magic dragon is. I saw it as a kid, and use to live in Georgia. Lots of episodes took part in the bay and lighthouses. I don't know how to critique the poem other that I liked the images of cosmic dust landing on her face, I have never experienced psychedelic experiences or even gotten drunk, but I like the playful use of images. It sounds like a surrealism poem. and I appreciate the way you narrated it. I read it out loud. I make my poetry based on portraits though for imagery. Good work firemajic.


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## Pidgeon84 (Apr 9, 2015)

This is so up my alley lol. Very beautiful and we'll done


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## Frankyette (Apr 9, 2015)

I love this. Perhaps the best part is that it feels like you have a very firm grasp on what you're trying to convey -- it's not just a vague, waffly shot in the dark. It's descriptive, emotional, and vivid. Bravo!


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## Firemajic (Apr 10, 2015)

Tj... Haa, I did have that as "all alone" but savagely edited it.. I will put it back.. Thanks for your comments..

Theglasshouse... lol.. yeah.. I have seen some old puff cartoons, He was one cool dude... and smart too..I am glad you enjoyed the playful mood and imagery..Thank you for your charming comments..

Pidge.. fly with me.. lol.. glad you enjoyed..

Frankyette... Welcome to WF and the poetry thread... poets rule.. lol.. Thank you for your comments-- I really appreciate that you used the word "VIVID".. I really wanted that to be expressed in this poem.. Thank you... Peace always... jul


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## rcallaci (Apr 10, 2015)

Firequeen

Being an ex stoner from the late sixties and early seventies I can well relate to this poem . I had many a psychedelic experiance and floating on a cosmic ocean in a gentle motion is one I experianced many a time. A surreal little gem of a piece. I also liked how you rotated your first two lines of each stanza except for the sixth-a nice interlude. 

As always your imagery rocks-

I can well understand darrkins call for you to do more complex schemes and stanza changes.  But mastereing one scheme takes time and your schemes may seem similar but you you mix it up in different ways - thier is complexity in many of your pieces. You've almost mastered this style but not yet- Some poets stay in one style thier entire span- but thier poems are masterworks. Your stuff is near the masterwork status- experiment yes- but don't abandon this style- for you excel at it and soon you can be the poet god of this style.


my warmest
bob


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## Nellie (Apr 10, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> This poem is not really about dreams.. exactly.. It is about being stoned.. and wanting to stay there.. you know it is all an inner space thing...



I think the title, "_Psychedelic_ Dreams", explains the essence of the poem. Psychedelic = distorted perceptions when someone is stoned. 
Nicely done, whether it's a 4x4 poem, I know you are willing to rock on to other types of poetry.


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## Transcender (Apr 10, 2015)

This faintly reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe's "Ulalume"--which is one of my favorites--even if yours isn't about dreaming at all.


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## Sonata (Apr 10, 2015)

Having only once been stoned [due to a bad reaction to a new drug (medical) given to me in hospital many years ago following major surgery] which was unintentional and a then unknown side effect, your poem brought back almost exactly how I felt at the time.  I cannot say that I really  enjoyed the experience although I did not particularly dislike it - it was so beyond anything I had ever felt or thought before - but I certainly enjoyed your poem.  

Thank you.


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## QDOS (Apr 10, 2015)

A joy as always  Jul’s 
*
Warp Travel*
Have you ever wondered what it might be, 
To travel around the stars randomly,
Exploring galaxies by the score,
And visiting new worlds galore,
Just warping through space you and me. 

  [FONT=&Verdana]*QDOS*
 [/FONT]


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## Firemajic (Apr 11, 2015)

rcallaci... Poet God Extraordinaire... Your comments thrill me.. I study every word you write.. lol..  I fell in love with rhyming couplets when I read your wicked poem " The Spider Weeps". At first, I was so lost in the imagery, mood, and the sheer beauty of your skill-- that HOW you worked your magic was not important to me.. then I studied the poem and realized How you worked your lyrical magic... I was determined to match your skill... So that you would say I have a chance to perfect this beguiling rhyming scheme-- is this poet's desire...
Your poem " Black Night Star Light"....  Just a warning... I am going after that rhyming scheme next... I find it  subtle and intriguing-- Complex.. But I agree with you.. I am not ready yet... Thank you for being such an AWESOME Inspiration to me.. Peace cool Dude... jul


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## Firemajic (Apr 11, 2015)

Nellie.. You are right of course.. Altered reality... well who can say..maybe real life is really more distorted and much more fake than being stoned... Thank you for reading and your comments are a pleasure...

Transcender... What a lovely compliment.. I am fan of Poe's work, and have read the poem you referred too.. Thank you for your comments... nice to meet you!

Sonata... as always, your comments charm and I have to confess.. I was highly amused by your accidental trip...lmao.. Thanks... 

QDOS... I will look for you on one of those faraway galaxies...warp Travel...definitely.. Thank you..


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## rcallaci (Apr 11, 2015)

Julia

Youv'e exceeded my expectations:grasshopper! Seriously you're a beyond gifted poet- i thank you for your accolades but as a storyteller you got me beat by far...

my warmest
bob


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## Firemajic (Apr 11, 2015)

rcallaci said:


> Julia
> 
> Youv'e exceeded my expectations:grasshopper! Seriously you're a beyond gifted poet- i thank you for your accolades but as a storyteller you got me beat by far...
> 
> ...




LOL... I know grasshopper.... he was a very smart disciple,  he only learned from a Master...  Thank you rcallaci....    peace always...grasshopper


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## jenthepen (Apr 12, 2015)

Sorry I'm late on parade - Easter and loads of visitors. 

This poem is just fantastic, in every sense of the word. I don't think my dark twin even needs dope to take her on these mind trips and this one sounds like the ultimate escape from reality. Can I tag along next time?


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## Firemajic (Apr 12, 2015)

jen.. enchanting Dark Twin... I would love you as a co-pilot ... lol... Your comments are things of cosmic beauty...Thank you for reading my poem... Peace always... jul


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## Carousel (Apr 12, 2015)

I got the ‘stoned’ take on your dreams Julia, psychedelic is the give away. For some reason I got a Tambourine Man vibe in the background and started humming the darn thing after reading. Still marrying a poem to Dylan is quite an achievement in itself.

Nice one.

Cari.


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## Firemajic (Apr 13, 2015)

I confess I had to google the Dylan song... I fell in love with it.. lol .. Thanks Cari .. and Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem... Peace always... jul


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## escorial (Apr 14, 2015)

liked the use of ocean,motion....cosmic piece


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## Firemajic (Apr 14, 2015)

Cosmic compliment Escorial!  Thanks for reading.. Peace always...jul


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## escorial (Apr 14, 2015)

i do like work that uses the same words or words ending the same throughout but in an understated way...there were a few..end,ings..ect...for me gives a piece depth


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## Firemajic (Apr 15, 2015)

Thanks Escorial.. lol.. with this poem, I was like a hamster on a wheel.. Once I started the "ing's" and things.. I could not stop..


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