# Humanity Handcrafted



## Farror (Jan 2, 2017)

We're fabricated, then told lies:
“We're more than minds, attached to eyes!”
That magic made it, but why deny?
We're hand me down homunculi,
Briefly born to breathe and be,
to love, to grieve, and then to die.


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## Firemajic (Jan 2, 2017)

Farror said:


> We're fabricated, then told lies:
> “We're more than minds, attached to eyes!”
> That magic made it, but why deny?
> We're hand me down homunculi,
> ...




Hello, Farror... welcome to the fabulous poetry thread 
Love your opening line, what a great hook... but for me, the magic is in the last 2 lines, and your subtle use of alliteration is well done. Thanks for a cool read...


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## The Fantastical (Jan 2, 2017)

Awww We are meant for more than just a flash of life then death! There is always more to life...


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## Absolem (Jan 2, 2017)

Farror said:


> We're fabricated, then told lies:
> “We're more than minds, attached to eyes!”
> * great rhyme. I dont mean just like great rhyme like 'bind and find' (Just an example) rhyme so much as whats said between the rhyme. The second line being a question and rhyme only adds to the poetic value for me.  *
> That magic made it, but why deny?
> ...


*I like the descriptions here and how you continue with the rhyme. Interesting scheme.*
Cool poem. I liked it.


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## Darkkin (Jan 2, 2017)

Farror said:


> We're fabricated, then told lies:  It might be pedantic, but fabricated has more than one meaning, one of which is to lie (e.g. the story was a total fabrication), and when resting in such close proximity to the clause then told lies, it becomes redundant.
> “We're more than minds, attached to eyes!” Why the quotations, they really don't add anything, save to confuse the reader.  Who is the we?  Also be careful with unspecified pronouns, they tend to clutter and cloud lines.  And logistically how are eyes attached to minds.  The eye is attached to the optic nerve, which is connected to the visual cortex within the brain.  The mind within this context is the conscious construct of cognitive awareness, not the brain itself.  So how are eyes attached to that?
> That magic made it, but why deny?  What magic?  Where is the source of the magic?  Also, what are we as individuals denying?  The placement of the question mark really tosses me as a reader.  Consider clarifying your object to the action.
> We're hand me down homunculi,  I'm hitting a snag with the context of hand-me-down, being a middle kid, I got hand-me-downs from my older sister and cousins...As such, as a reader I associate the term with older siblings and cousins, the big kids, if you will, not my parents or grandparents.  When I think of the adults in my family things are passed on, inherited, not hand-me-down.  Just my perspective.  Also, why the sudden use of latin?  Scientific terminology in a piece that doesn't adhere to basic physiology is just a touch over the top.
> ...



Hi Farror,

I like the concept, but the context of the piece just made it a little too implausible for me to relate to.  It felt like you were writing rhyme to rhyme, without a lot of consideration to the basic logistics of the piece.  You did a nice job with the rhyme scheme, but context also matters.  As a literal reader, I know I'm totally missing the metaphor...

- D. the T.


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