# Life goes on



## Divus (May 5, 2012)

*Life goes on. *
It has been a couple of weeks since I took my mongrel terrier bitch on her final  journey to the vets.

Her hind legs were losing the strength to support her body and every now and again she would wobble and fall over.  Previously I had delayed and waited, knowing full well that a decision could not be put off for much longer.   Eventually the time had come to act whilst her quality of life was undiminished.     She sat in her basket which was poised on my lap as we were driven to the surgery.   It was her favourite way to travel because that way she could see out of the window at all about her as we drove along.      Whilst she was still in her basket I carried her  into the surgery and was careful to support her gently  whilst the vet made  a brief examination.      My little pet would have felt the prick of the syringe but little more.  Within a few seconds she was on her way.    I gave her a little kiss as she slipped into unconsciousness and I said a last “good bye“.          For my faithful  hound in her last moments of life  there had been no pain, no distress, no apprehension and no fear.       Afterwards I took her little bent body back home and buried her under the tree, which I can see  from my kitchen chair each day, as I drink my mug of morning coffee.      She may not still be barking or worrying at me for biscuits but she lives on in my head.    The sight of her grey beard and her long pointed  ears will always occupy a corner of my mind.

Rocky, my ten year old Rottweiler, had travelled along with us in the car to the surgery.   He had watched me carry his female mate into the surgery and strangely had not made any attempt to sniff at the dog basket when I had brought her lifeless body back out to the car.       I was a little surprised.       He himself had made many trips to the surgery.   Over the years there had been need of surgery,  twice  for cruciate ligament failures and once to remove a  sesamoid bone  protruding from a paw.    He remains a regular patient  for blood tests and  jabs to help keep at bay the Cushings Disease from which he suffers and to which he will eventually succumb.      He always takes his pain with aplomb and makes little fuss.

I have noticed that of late he has blossomed.    He is now the only dog in the household and no longer must he share his humans with another dog.       The leftovers from his master‘s meal plate are now kept back  for him alone to savour.          He is very quiet these days and the occasions on which he is likely  to  become over excited  and bark are becoming fewer.      Originally I had thought he would miss his female mate but  I was wrong.     He doesn’t seem to miss her nagging.

At the age of ten he is no longer young and his health issues are kept at bay  through careful inspection and appropriate medication.    I have stopped worrying about the scabs on his back over his hind quarters    He is a little over weight but he does not have to rush about.          He sleeps a lot even during the daytime.    His thick black and brown furry coat has more than a few grey hairs but there again so does my beard.    He drinks a lot of water  and  from time to time he seems to be inexplicably hungry but so what.      Undoubtedly the Cushings Disease is  having an effect on him.    

One day I shall have to make some arrangements for him.   But not yet.      In the circumstances he is doing well and he is enjoying his old age.      For the time being I shall leave him to enjoy being the only dog.        My wife and I will not go looking for a canine companion for him although, no doubt, in due course,  another dog will find us.         That’s what dogs often do.


----------



## Orchid (May 11, 2012)

This is touching, I absolutely felt the heartache of losing your beloved pet, and of course the bittersweet comfort that comes from knowing she no longer suffers. 

 I am certain that your Old man dog has become almost more attached now to you then he was previously, and that comfort is something that will heal you in due time. I look forward to hopefully reading in the future about a new pup that has managed to find you, as you seem to be someone logical and kind.


----------



## jeffrey c mcmahan (May 11, 2012)

Very genuine voice, let, pulled me in from the beginning and continued, navigating through the descriptive elements, with grace, and a smooth aplomb.

jeffrey


----------



## Divus (May 12, 2012)

intro

There have been a couple of nice comments about the article I wrote describing my little terrier's final journey.   Thank you.
The next article was written about the same time and is in similar vein because my horse is also in crisis.

To say good bye to a small dog which you can hold in your arms as the needle goes in, is indeed a traumatic experience.
To stand by a horse, with  human head alongside the horse's head, is a very different matter.
The horse will stand still because it trusts its human who is nearby, even though there is the faint smell of death all around which only the horse can sense.
The needle goes in, the horse starts to stumble, the handler steps away quickly and the horse hits the ground with a thud. 
One's faithful steed lies  at one's feet.
A tractor comes in and shovels up what is by now a lifeless carcass, in other words, half a tonne of horse meat

The eyes water, the chin puckers, the voice cracks - indeed one cannot physically speak.   
 Then you cry,  because that is the only way to get relief from the anguish.
The veterinary staff look on embarassed. They have seen such scenes before.

You will have spent hours with this creature.   You will have fed it, groomed it, trained it, nursed it and ridden it.
You will have put your own life and well being at risk merely by mounting it.

And then, one dreadful day you are told that he animal is no longer fit for purpose, indeed that it will suffer because of some ailment. 
The owner knows that without four good feet, there is no horse and without a full set of unblemished lungs, there can be no work. 

When the  vet confirmed the diagnosis of lesions on the lungs of my horse, sentence was served. 
She can live a short while in a grassy field for as long as I can judge that she can tolerate the coughing spasms.

But there is no hiding the fact that she is condemmed to die and I am condemmed to be alongside her as she dies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*
Sad Times*.

This is a strange period of inactivity.       In the UK despite the grim wet weather, the spring holiday weekend brings everything to a halt including the veterinary practice.         We await authorisation from the insurance company to use a magic pill which will slow the progress of  DiDi’s disease - however  it is very expensive medication and they may not agree to pay.    The full six week  treatment would cost  at more that DiDi is valued.     However I suspect the vets  are keen to try the medication out in order to see if  the pills  works,  since they won’t have many EMPF patients on their books.       But we all know that lesions on the lungs  don’t heal.

A horse is what it represents to humans  because of three fundamental attributes: 
     - the horse can be trained by man  to be ridden and controlled;  
       the horse is incredibly powerful  in its hind quarters, 
and the horse has a massive set of lungs which give it the ability to run fast over long distances.       

If any of these attributes break down then it becomes unfit for man’s purposes.     

We have all heard of the expression ’no feet, no horse’ - in a sense we might just a well say: ’no lungs, no horse’.   A horse which coughs should not be worked as the  act of  repeatedly coughing  brings on distress.       DiDi is coughing more and more, yet all she is doing is walking around her paddock or standing in the corner of her field in the shelter of the tall hedgerow.   On other occasions she will have a ‘freak out’ and run around the field  which presumably is when she is feeling some form of distress.        

One day she will show lethargy, the next day she will  have  bursts of hyper activity and be fractious.

With hindsight,  it was this very pattern of behaviour, be it to a lesser extent, that started us out on this journey of discovery and despair.     The unexpected ulcer infestation  accounted for some of the odd patterns of  behaviour but  the mood swings must be associated with the lung condition.       Unless there is some other ailment lurking about  we have not yet discovered.      At times she  stands oddly with her hind knees touching each other - cow hocked is perhaps the word..

The question of moving her to the fresh green valley has been put on hold  and only partly because of the length of the journey.    I don’t want her going off out of my sight and  control.     Anyway she can’t be moved far out of the reach of the vet which already knows about her illness unless  there is some improvement in her condition.   That green valley might have a role for rest and recuperation but to move her there only makes  sense  if  she  is showing signs of recovery.      If the medication does its magic then we can think again but she is best left where she is for the time being.

Yesterday I sorted  and  cleared away her ‘things’ .   She won’t be needing her saddle or bridles nor all the numbnahs, and the winter stable blankets.        Even the nearly new purple lunging surcingle and its blanket will not be needed until she can be exercised again.     I  sorted them, cleaned them and put them away in storage containers  in the tack room at home.       All she needs nowadays is her waterproof raincoats and perhaps her fly sheets for when the sun does start  to shine and the flies come out in force.      Her summer coat has grown on well and from a distance she is looking good, be it a little lean.         And to think just a couple of months ago I was starting to enquire about a new dressage saddle for her costing well over a  thousand pounds.

I have noticed that there is no smiling when we talk about her,  which is often.    I have stopped trying to explain to local well wishers who ask after her well being.    If they do ask then invariably my voice breaks and my eyes start to water.       I make some brief comment and quickly change the subject.    

There is a framed photo of DiDi and me on the shelf  opposite my armchair in the lounge.    I don‘t like to move it but at the same time I don’t like to look at it.   Alongside is a photo of my terrier bitch who went on her way a few weeks ago.    Also on the shelf is a photo of my ten year old Rottweiler who is booked in shortly  for an operation to remove a fatty lump.        

My little family is going through a bad patch, that is for sure.     Writing helps me to clear my mind.      I apologise to the readers for the sad tone of this article but as I have said many times before, if we owners had not enjoyed the companionship of a horse (or dog) then we would not feel this awful, debilitating pain when they are in trouble.   


.


----------



## Orchid (May 12, 2012)

This is beautiful in possibly the worst way. I teared up reading this. My animals are the centre of my universe, outside of my husband of course lol. I do hope you begin to heal, and that you know in your heart that you are doing so right by them.


----------



## jeffrey c mcmahan (May 12, 2012)

I'll be back to read the recent essay about the horse. I would suggest that you consider posting new work in its own posting. Unless you like posts with long thread counts and high number of fews. But somehow, that just does not seem like you

regards

jeffrey


----------



## Divus (May 12, 2012)

Jeff,
I don't usually bump threads on this forum - but these two stories go together.

This forum I find to be difficult to interpret - even after two years of posting I still am not sure what genre or style will attract readership.
Writing onto 'non-fiction' doesn't help but I do not write sex or sci fi so 'fiction' is rarely my scene.

I have tried history, social history, political comment and dark humour (Gromen) but in truth I still really don't know which topics might appeal.
Every now and again I bend the rules and receive a well deserved but gentle chastisement from the mods.   
Usually I do not post horse or dog stories on wf.com largely because of the problem of equine jargon  
But I press on.
Thanks for your interest.

When you have an hour to spare, look up the statistics on my cp and connect with some of my earlier threads. 

Dv


----------



## bazz cargo (May 12, 2012)

Hi Divus,
It is a privilege to have a canine companion in my life. A friend, a fool and a co-conspirator. The last few decisions are so hard and yet so inevitable to make. 

Share your pain by all means but remember the good times and be proud you were a good friend.
Bazz


----------



## stephiep15 (May 14, 2012)

This was beautifully written. I love the imagery that you used to not only describe your precious dogs, but also how to describe their feelings. I felt as if I was standing over your shoulders and watching this happen. I am so sorry that you lost a pet, it's a type of pain that many people do not understand; it honestly is heartbreaking. 

I hope another dog finds its way to you and your wife soon


----------



## I survived (May 15, 2012)

Just beautiful, both stories. I have always had dogs and losing them is exactly as you described. I now have a seizure alert service dog who is with me 24/7. He will turn 5 Thurs. I can't imagine what it will be like when I need to put him down.


----------



## Divus (May 23, 2012)

Just a note from the author.   The two stories , one about a dog and the other about a horse are based on fact.

The dog, Rocky, underwent an operation to remove a fatty lump the size of a tennis ball and he is well despite a six inch long scar under his armpit.

The horse has received some expensive medicine, invented for humans suffering from herpes viruses, and she remains in her paddock.    The
sad thing is that despite the pills, as yet there are no positive signs of improvement in her condition.   She continues to cough.    It is now a matter of time spent waiting in the hope that the coughing spells will ease wth time.      The big question is how long do we wait?


----------



## tinacrabapple (Jun 8, 2012)

Thank you for sharing these stories.  They remind me what love means.  Your writing is lovely and you express your optimist with a pair of seasoned eyes.  Your perspective is on of someone who gets it.  I value reading such pieces.  They always remind me that life is what we make it, and a positive outlook may make a difference, even in times of grief.  

My hound has been to the vet twice and she can't find anything wrong with him and it is making me very frustrated seeing him suffer without knowing why.  We have spend 500.00 without any answer!  Our vet is good, so we are trying some new medicine she perscribed for some bacteria a tick may have made him sick with.  It has been a little better, so maybe it is working.


----------



## Divus (Jun 9, 2012)

Thank you for your comments.
Tina, ticks are a big problem in certain areas - far more common a problem  than rabies.   My brother, who lives down in Southern France, has to watch carefully for strange symptoms appearing in his dog.      So far the vet has always found eventually a treatment.


----------



## Divus (Jun 9, 2012)

As a follow up to the articles, perhaps readers would care to know that the horse did not make it.     Effectively my beautiful horse died of a shortage of breath  even though a lot of effort went into trying to save her.

My Rottie had his lumps removed and he seems to be doing well.    Touch wood.


----------



## ClosetWriter (Jun 12, 2012)

I admired your story because I can relate. My wife and I have burried each of the pets we have lost over the years in a small wooded area next to our house. I hate having to dig those holes.


----------

