# ancestry



## escorial (Dec 13, 2015)

they lived and died
for thousands of years

went through hard times
and journeyed far and wide

so many to thank
so many i don't know

the best i can do
is live my life

and for those yet to come
it was the least i could do


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## Sonata (Dec 13, 2015)

Perfect esc - just perfect.  Thank you.


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## escorial (Dec 13, 2015)

thankyou Sonata


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## aj47 (Dec 13, 2015)

My two quibbles are line breaks, you should have more, and the *and* in the last stanza makes it sound like an afterthought.


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## escorial (Dec 13, 2015)

it was an afterthought..line breaks are just superficial to me....i could put more in but today i just went 5x2..thanks for your input astroannie..cool


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## Firemajic (Dec 13, 2015)

Fabulous Escorial... hummmm.. you always surprise me... I love surprises, one of my favorite things...


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## escorial (Dec 13, 2015)

watched a film today true romance...sad story but i didn't know that until half way through...sometimes sadness follows me...ha,ha..time for a change me thinks...might just suprise myself soon


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## jenthepen (Dec 13, 2015)

Those last two stanzas did it for me. Romantic and sad, yes, and yet so true and honourable. I like this a lot, escorial.


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## escorial (Dec 13, 2015)

thanks jenthepen...i was looking out the window and i thought this street,this road will be here long after i've gone and i thought how many sights have i viewed that my ancestors saw too...


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## inkwellness (Dec 14, 2015)

An effective poem: It got me to thinking too. Well done sir.


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## ned (Dec 14, 2015)

this is deep -
the best i can do
is live my life

the heart of the poem

thanks for sharing 
Ned


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## TL Murphy (Dec 14, 2015)

Escorial, I have recently been reprimanded by the "of" police.  And I'm getting the picture.  Using the word of is a good way to water down a strong image.  In your second line, try "for a thousand years" or "for a million years" or "for a thousand thousand years"
In a short poem like this you don't want redundancies.  "journeyed" and "far and wide" mean the same thing.  it's enough to say "journeyed". Also "yet to come".  You don't need "yet".
The poem is in the present tense except for the last line.  Then you slip into the past tense.  Is this intentional?  It really only works if you set it up earlier in the poem that you are somehow speaking from the future.


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## Robbie (Dec 15, 2015)

The turn in this poem is superb. It makes the poem. 

'And for those yet to come
it was the least I could do.' 

Those se two lines define how we as individuals should view our heritage. You have written with a poetic twist that strongly supports this poem. It surprised me and made me smile.


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## escorial (Dec 18, 2015)

thanks inkwellness

thanks for reading ned

TL..I've looked into past present tense but it's another side of writing I stumble in and out of....I hope to grasp it better one day..thanks

Robbie..kind words


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## TL Murphy (Dec 19, 2015)

You know E.  when I look at this again, the tense changes are intriguing and they actually do work in a poetic way considering that the concept of ancestor reaches into the past and into the future.  I had to read the poem a couple of time to get this. The last two lines are really quite well done. You place yourself in the future, looking from the point of view of those for whom you are the ancestor to be.

and for those yet to come
it was the least i could do

That's a masterful touch, right there.


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## escorial (Dec 19, 2015)

thanks TL....often the crit one recieves makes me think about my words in ways i never thought and i get a great kick out of that... thanks man


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