# When Youtube had a problem!



## Gaurav (Oct 11, 2015)

_Experimental! First attempt at children's literature. Hope you guys like it!_


Youtube sat in a corner, he wasn’t happy today.
Daddy Google asked him whether he could help him out.

“What’s the matter son?” he enquired curiously.
“Your son is harassing me,” replied Youtube to his daddy.

“Google+ you mean? What has he done?”
“I’m ashamed to call him my brother, Dad!

He’s uploading nasty comments, and slanging for no reason,
The beautiful videos I upload lose their glory because of him.”

“G+ come here!” Daddy shouted loudly,
“Why do you do that?” He demanded to his son.

G+ was quiet as Youtube was venting,
“You ruin my favorite videos, you post hateful comments.

Why do you write a racist joke or post a homophobic slang?
Why do spread hatred, irrelevant to my video?”

G+ had no answer but was thinking very hard,
“All I do is upload the comments, I don’t write them myself.”

“Then who is behind this commotion??” Demanded Daddy Google.
“No idea,” said a confused and perplexed G+.

G+ and his Daddy decided to investigate the matter,
Daddy called his cousin, Wiki to detect the solution.

Wiki was a genius who stored years of info,
“Humans are behind this!” said Wiki to his cousin.

“But Humans had created us to spread useful knowledge.
What’d they get by harming their own creation?”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m sure they are humans,
We machines never abuse or degrade each other.”

“You’re right Wiki Uncle,” shouted G+ loudly,
“Not all, but few, who write hate speech!

I post those comments unwillingly, I don’t want that to happen.
I still apologize to Youtube for the chaos I create.”

“Not your fault, G+, I get what you mean.
It’s okay,” replied Youtube as he stood calm.

Daddy and his sons are still searching for the answer,
“Why do these humans fight and abuse each other?”


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## Darkkin (Oct 11, 2015)

While clever, this is not for children. The message too serious, too important for a parody.  Your message is sound, but it is beyond most kids below grade 5 as it is currently written.  I have said it once and I will say it again because it really does help.  Make a trip to the library, to the bookstore, and take a look at the picture books.  Actually sit down and read through them.  Take notes on what you see and read.  Take a look at the components, the language, metre, and scheme.  The edges are softer.  

Break it down to concepts and look at your conversation tags.  The adjectives need a judicious pruning because there are a lot of redundancies: e.g. shouted G+ loudly.  Shouting is loud, thus the loud is implied.  You have two elements pulling counter to each other.  Complex concepts and reiterated language.  Look at each couplet, reduce it to its lowest common denominator.  Compare both you current version and a pared down form.  What works, what doesn't.  Read this aloud.  Put yourself back in your 7 - 10 year-old shoes.  Would you like it?  If so why?  If not, why?  

Right now this is very stiff, formally adult.  Given it's length, is it safe to assume you're aiming for the picture book bracket?

- D. the T. of P.B.


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## Clippins (Oct 16, 2015)

I just joined here so I may not be the best at giving advice, but I do agree with Darkkin that this wouldn't be for children.  It does have potential though, and I'm mainly speaking from experience as a father of 3 kids.  Kids seem to respond best with simple feelings that they understand like happy and sad.  Your piece seems to convey a message of things that other people say online can be very hurtful.  Definitely a good message for kids to hear and learn.  Maybe instead of being so specific you could instead place the emphasis on how "sad" G+ feels because of the "mean" things that he's made to say and maybe turn it around and instead of YouTube being so upset, he's instead wants to make G+ feel happy so he makes a video of G+ being sad that he can show all of the mean kids that are hurting G+'s feelings and then have him show G+ being happy when someone says something nice.  I just think making it more simplistic and using words that produce relatable feelings for kids would be much better for children's literature.


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## kasbar21 (Oct 18, 2015)

Hi. I agree with all of the above. I love writing children's fiction. I have found as suggested by Darkkin that a trip to the library really does help. I try and read books aimed at the age group that I intend to write for. I also try and watch a few cartoons and see what sorts of things they explore too, it's all narrative!


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## Gaurav (Oct 18, 2015)

Thanks a lot everybody for giving me valuable suggestions. 

I actually wanted to create a blend of satire and comedy on this subject (bullying on the Internet) I found this lens quite fascinating (YouTube reacting to YouTube comments) Originally this wasn't supposed to be a children's work but in the process of writing, where I incorporated 3 other websites to add fun, I did end up creating something convoluted. The writing style is somewhat child-like but it is addressing a serious issue in quite a blunt way. 

Again, thanks for the comments everyone!


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## LadsandtheClassics (Oct 20, 2015)

I honestly don't think children would be very interested in this. It feels like the message is forced and not honestly very serious.

Maybe I've been on the internet too long, but I'd rather see homophobic slang than gore or CP whenever you use google images.


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## Renaissance Man (Oct 20, 2015)

I agree with almost all of the above. I like the fact that you're using entertaining, fun, lighthearted work to confront a serious issue. I agree a lot of the comedy may be lost on a child audience as well as "hate", "racist", and "homophobic" being a little out of their reach. This seems more like an article for a family magazine where the parents can translate for their kids. I disagree with Clippins suggested fix however. Bullies feel empowered by seeing the suffering of others, so misleading children into thinking this will actually work, is a mistake in my opinion. The message iof the original piece is a good one, Gaurev. Keep it up!


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