# Love's return



## Firebird (Sep 5, 2014)

In the distance,
I saw love 
clambering out of the water -
her clothes 
trying to drag her back in.
I called to her 
to return,
but instead
she took off the clothes 
I'd given her
and dried her naked body
in the wind.


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## Nellie (Sep 5, 2014)

Lovely poem.


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## Firemajic (Sep 5, 2014)

Provocative, bewitching and beautiful. Leaves me wanting to know more...Well done.     Peace...Jul


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## gokedik (Sep 5, 2014)

Agreed, beautiful imagery, I was there, you sent me, Thank you. Gimme more!


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## escorial (Sep 6, 2014)

saucy dude..liked


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## AnnePrice (Sep 6, 2014)

Nice...makes me want to feel a breeze myself.


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## Firemajic (Sep 6, 2014)

I have a slight problem with the word "clambering"  In the 3rd line. This makes her sound clumsy, and the rest of the poem sounds so elegant...  Peace...Jul


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## gokedik (Sep 6, 2014)

Firebird said:


> In the distance,
> I saw love
> clambering out of the water -
> her clothes
> ...


I had to post because I saw someone criticizing, not critiquing. This poem takes me there, I see a stormy shore and a renaissance style woman standing on the jetty with her long, curly hair blowing in the wind. Get over the semantics. Let your mind go, follow the visual, this is a WONDERFUL poem. I don't get jealous but see it more of a catalyst but if I was jealous, this would be the poem. Down to the period,FANTASTIC piece. CHEERS, MATE.


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## Firemajic (Sep 6, 2014)

Firebird--In no way was I criticizing your lovely,elegant poem...I am never offended when anyone makes a thoughtful suggestion about my work, and I hope you feel the same way, this Forum is all about sharing ideas and thoughts , and hopefully becoming better writers. I enjoyed reading your work.  Peace...Jul


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## Firebird (Sep 6, 2014)

I'm just about to put my four year old to bed. But I just wanted you to let you know that no offence is taken. I'll come back to this and give my thoughts later tonight (I'm in the uk).

many thanks for all the reads and likes.

firebird


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## Firebird (Sep 6, 2014)

The word 'clamber' is appropriate in my opinion because I wanted give the impression it was a struggle for 'love' to leave the water, because her clothes were dragging her back in. There wasn't meant to be anything graceful about this event. 

Again, many thanks for all your comments and likes. 

Cheers,

Firebird (not offended at all)

PS. Gokedik, thanks for your very high compliment. It's much appreciated.


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## Firemajic (Sep 6, 2014)

OHHHH now I get it! You are right--"clambered" is perfection-- here. Elegance restored! Thanks.  Peace...Jul


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## E. Zamora (Sep 6, 2014)

Firemajic said:


> Firebird--In no way was I criticizing your lovely,elegant poem...I am never offended when anyone makes a thoughtful suggestion about my work, and I hope you feel the same way, this Forum is all about sharing ideas and thoughts , and hopefully becoming better writers. I enjoyed reading your work.  Peace...Jul



Absolutely. Your comment was appropriate and totally within the boundaries of constructive critique. The day that we all hold back on honest opinion offered respectfully is the day this forum becomes useless to people who want to become better poets.

Cheers,

Esteban


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## E. Zamora (Sep 6, 2014)

I like the poem. Good idea and nice imagery.

Cheers,

Esteban


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## Blade (Sep 7, 2014)

Firebird said:


> The word 'clamber' is appropriate in my opinion because I wanted give the impression it was a struggle for 'love' to leave the water, because her clothes were dragging her back in. There wasn't meant to be anything graceful about this event.



The word stuck me on first read as it is one rarely encountered. It works excellently here as it sounds like what it is meant to mean, rather heavy and awkward. A rare opportunity for using an offbeat word perfectly.:eagerness:


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