# Dead Man's Pocket (language)



## Firemajic (Jul 14, 2015)

*deleted by firemajic 
Revised. Warning..Language.


Put your hand
in the dead man's pocket, Freak
What did you find...
he left nothing behind?
Well, that's not true!
He left you...

Put your hand
in his pocket, Freak!
You knew what you would find...
Are you blind?
YES! It is true!
Fuck you!

Put your hand 
in his pocket, Freak...
He was your one shot,
look what you got!
Sad but true,
that's what he left you...

Pull your hand
out of his pocket, Freak.
There is the truth you seek...
sooo .. SPEAK!
Say it! Say it again!
You are just like him....


*


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## Harper J. Cole (Jul 14, 2015)

Mysterious! What did he leave? Something nasty, I fear ... ale:


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## Firemajic (Jul 14, 2015)

Nasty in the extreme Harper.. Freak is a clue...lol... Thanks for reading...Peace..


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## musichal (Jul 14, 2015)

I like it.  I think the final line reads smoother if you delete "Look what"  and simply have "He left you!"
Only nit I see, for what it's worth - man with a gun over there.


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## Firemajic (Jul 14, 2015)

ahhhh... hummmm..  thinking......         I like it! I will fix it... Thanks Musichal...


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## Harper J. Cole (Jul 14, 2015)

Interesting change. Now I'm thinking that the dead man has a mini bear-trap in his pocket, which snips your hand off if you reach inside ... :shock:


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 14, 2015)

Put this one back up! Sounds interesting! 

I missed it.


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## Firemajic (Jul 14, 2015)

sorry.. it really needs more work... but thanks..


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## CoercedAntiHero (Jul 14, 2015)

Is there such a thing as blue-balls for poets?
Please put it back up when you are finished


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## Firemajic (Jul 15, 2015)

Haaa.. ha.. revised... but still not finished...


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## rcallaci (Jul 15, 2015)

Firebrand

raw and biting poetry- 

It stings as it sings of the horror of what' the freak finds in the pocket and what it brings. Lots and lots of horrible truths and other miserable things. 

wow wow


my warmest
bob


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 15, 2015)

Nice one! A rhyme will F-you always gets my vote as a kick a$$ poem!

8/10

The theme attracted me to really wanna read it. I liked this verse a lot.
*Put your hand
** in his pocket, Freak!
** You knew what you would find...
** Are you blind?
** YES! It is true!
 Fuck you!*


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## musichal (Jul 15, 2015)

Now it has levels, all fleshed out. Great revision!


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## Firemajic (Jul 15, 2015)

rcallaci said:


> Firebrand
> 
> raw and biting poetry-
> 
> ...




Poet God... you get it EVERY time! Fabulous... Having your illusions become disillusions.. is brutal.. ugly and not nice...lol.. Thanks Maestro! You have made this lowly grasshopper VERY.. Very hoppy... umm, I mean HAPPY!!!! Peace, and thank you for everything...grasshopper...


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## Firemajic (Jul 15, 2015)

Musichal... I am thrilled that you like the rewrite...Thanks for your help..

Mesafalcon.. haaaha... thanks for reading and commenting.. Peace..


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## Warren40 (Jul 15, 2015)

strong images. I want to reach in.


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## Firemajic (Jul 15, 2015)

[-( I wouldn't, if I were you... lol.. Thanks Warren, for reading and commenting... peace...


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## QDOS (Jul 15, 2015)

So I come after the edits I don’t know if others can see it but your text comes up a red brown on my computer which seems apt. i like the rhyming pattern especially the repeats of 'true' -'you' then switching in the last stanza.
[FONT=&Verdana]
3[SUP]rd[/SUP] Stanza last line that’s 'how' he left you I feel more relevant and avoids double use of what.[/FONT]
[FONT=&Verdana]
Now its just the 4[SUP]th[/SUP] stanza and the last line your asking this freak to speak so I suggest ‘I’m just like him’.  
[/FONT]
[FONT=&Verdana]* [FONT=&Verdana]Dead Man's Pocket
Put your hand
in the dead man's pocket, Freak
What did you find...
he left nothing behind?
Well, that's not true!
He left you...

Put your hand
in his pocket, Freak!
You knew what you would find...
Are you blind?
YES! It is true!
Fuck you!

Put your hand 
in his pocket, Freak...
He was your one shot,
look what you got!
Sad but true,
that's how he left you...     [/FONT]
[FONT=&Verdana]
Pull your hand
out of his pocket, Freak.
There is the truth you [/FONT][FONT=&Verdana]seek...
[/FONT]sooo... [FONT=&Verdana]SPEAK!
[/FONT]Say it! Say it [FONT=&Verdana]again!
[/FONT]I’m [/FONT]just like [FONT=&Verdana]him...

*[/FONT]


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## Sonata (Jul 15, 2015)

I was almost frightened to read this poem - it is the stuff nightmares are made of - and I dread to think what was in his pocket!


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## escorial (Jul 15, 2015)

every stanza echo's the previous one....you are the only one......quality


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## Firemajic (Jul 15, 2015)

QDOS.. I love your critique! But the Freak represents an inner dialogue that I have with ... well myself..lol.. we all have an inner freak or 3..sooo.. but still, I understand where you were going with your comment,, always a pleasure!
Sonata.. haa ha! watchit! Dead men still have secrets... Thanks!
Escorial... cool Dude... you rock! Thanks for your fabulous comment... Peace..


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