# Sorry



## escorial (Jun 3, 2013)

I'm walking along an I'm thinking..how can you hate someone and love them at the same time.This couple passing me by now,are they feeling the same..look happy enough,then again everyone I see is having a great time and it's just me who's miserable.Been going on far to long all this,screaming,shouting,lovemaking and stress.I love her,I hate her,she cry's .I leave walk around for a while go back and say sorry.Sorry is all I say these days to everyone,couldn't make it,sorry,sorry but I'm running late.Things seem to be going from bad to worse in that flat,with it's cheap furniture and hit n miss style.Not the place I imagined I would be living in once I started work and she moved in,yeah!she moved in..sorry about that to.

Could go in the pub,sink a few..na!,best walking past and head for the coffee shop around the corner order a latte an calm down.Seated with me mug an mobile buzzing.I know it's her but I just don't want to answer it,worse thing ever invented when your in a relationship like this,always able to get in touch an disturb you.Text back instead..sorry x,don't even want a reply.If I stay in this much longer it will turn me sour but I think I love her and you know what I'm sorry about that too!.Opened the door,straight into the living room,she wasn't there but on the mirror was written in red lipstick,"it's over, sorry".Sat down and thought, I'm not sorry anymore or should I be sorry about that to?


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## escorial (Jun 12, 2013)

It's been a couple of days now and i'm so missing her,opening the door and she's not there even before walking home,it ain't a home now it's a flat nobody there but me.I got what I wanted,freedom from what though oh!..was it commitment,I don't know anymore.This is the frustrating thing for me,wanting everyone to fall at my door,I don't know why it has to be this way for me but when I get what I want my mood changes to wanting somethink moore.I really don't know why I _ act this way.When I walk in the bathroom,bedroom I_ can imagine she's still there,lying in the bath or naked lying on the bed reading a book.Sometimes she would be asleep on the floor music quietly playing as I bent down to kiss her on the lips and carry her to bed.Cooking for one seems like a chore getting the groceries from the store is an effort not a joy anymore,passing the items she enjoyed,wanting to put them in my basket once more.She won't answer my mobile anymore,ignores my text messages but I do know why,she doesn't want to live, be with me anymore.Like the shutters that come down in the store to protect it,she's closed her mind so I can't get in anymore,looking to move on and put her past behind her once more.I don't know why I let it get this way,frustrated myself and pushed her away..why can I not understand that until it's gone,I never appreciate what I had,I just don't know why.


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## Smith (Jun 26, 2013)

Almost happy I stumbled across this. Found myself relating to many things here that you wrote about. Perhaps not perfect grammar, but that doesn't matter *too *much. It's the thought that counts!


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## escorial (Jul 11, 2013)

thanx


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## mukesh (Jul 11, 2013)

A writing in montage format. Your words seems like pictures that floated one after another. Just needs a little grammatical and syntax polishing..Keep it up!!!


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## escorial (Jul 11, 2013)

thankyouman


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## Greimour (Jul 21, 2013)

I liked this. 
I kind of wanted to do a tidy up of it. My fingers twitched near the mouse ready to copy and paste. 
Not to get it to a perfect standard of grammar etc... just tidy it up enough to allow easier reading. Keeping the fast-paced lines and fixing a few of what appear to be typing errors. 



> I never appreciate what I had,I just don't know why.


Like that one: 
1. I never *appreciated* what I had, I just don't know why. (figured you meant this and was just a typo)
2. I never appreciate what I have*, I don't know why.

^ depending which way you meant it.

I had no trouble reading it and I followed it perfectly well I think, so; refusing to accidently cause any disrespect, i resisted the urge to do a proof-read edit.

Glad I read it. :4stars:

P.S. - I tried my best to resist the urge to ask, is your spacebar dodgy?


> thankyouman


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## escorial (Jul 21, 2013)

All noted Greimour....cheers.


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## Sjonak (Jul 22, 2013)

Real and heartfelt. I like the way you made the character recognize he should regret his detachment, yet he accepted it as nature(my interpretation). Thanks for sharing.


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## escorial (Jul 23, 2013)

cheers


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## bazz cargo (Jul 27, 2013)

Stunning! So real I was there.

Would you like a SPaG work-over? It kind of feels like I'd be messing with a work of art.


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## escorial (Jul 27, 2013)

whats spag?


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## Gargh (Jul 27, 2013)

* Sp*elling *a*nd *G*rammar


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## escorial (Jul 27, 2013)

ha..cheers


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## bazz cargo (Jul 27, 2013)

Spelling, punctuation and grammar.


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## escorial (Jul 27, 2013)

so looking forward to your work over on this piece BC


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## bazz cargo (Jul 28, 2013)

*Sorry*

      I'm walking along an I'm thinking..._how can you hate someone     and love them at the same time?_ This couple passing me by now,     are they feeling the same​? They look happy enough, then again     everyone I see is having a great time and its just me who is     miserable. Been going on far to long all this, screaming, shouting,     lovemaking and stress. I love her, I hate her, she cries. I leave,     walk around for a while, go back and say sorry. Sorry is all I say     these days to everyone: Couldn't make it, sorry, sorry but I'm     running late. Things seem to be going from bad to worse in that     flat, with it's cheap furniture and hit-n-miss style. Not the place     I imagined I would be living in once I started work and she moved     in, yeah! she moved in..sorry about that too.

Could go in the     pub, sink a few..na! Best walking past and head for the coffee shop     around the corner, order a latte an calm down. Seated with me mug an     mobile buzzing. I know its her but I just don't want to answer it,     worse thing ever invented when you're in a relationship like this,     always able to get in touch an disturb you. Text back instead..sorry     x, don't even want a reply. If we stay in this much longer it will     turn me sour, but I think I love her and you know what? I'm sorry     about that too!
     Opened the door, straight into the living room, she wasn't there     but on the mirror was written in red lipstick,"it's over,     sorry." Sat down and thought, _I'm not sorry anymore or     should I be sorry about that too? _ 

 Its been a couple of days now and I'm so missing her. Opening the door and she's not there even before walking home. It ain't a home now it's a flat. Nobody there but me. I got what I wanted, freedom from what though oh!..was it commitment? I don't know anymore. This is the frustrating thing for me, wanting everyone to fall at my door, I don't know why it has to be this way for me but when I get what I want my mood changes to wanting something more. I really don't know why I act this way.  


 When I walk in the bathroom or bedroom I imagine she's still there, lying in the bath or naked, lying on the bed reading a book. Sometimes she would be asleep on the floor music quietly playing as I bent down to kiss her on the lips and carry her to bed. Cooking for one seems like a chore, getting the groceries from the store is an effort not a joy anymore, passing the items she enjoyed, wanting to put them in my basket once more. She won't answer my mobile anymore, ignores my text messages, I  know why, she doesn't want to live, be with me anymore.  


 Like the shutters that come down in the store to protect it, she's closed her mind so I can't get in anymore. Looking to move on and put her past behind her once more. I don't know why I let it get this way, frustrated myself and pushed her away...why can I not understand that until it's gone, I never appreciate what I had? I just don't know why.  

(I have done as little as possible to this, I wanted to keep your 'voice' intact. There is so much that is technically wrong yet perfectly fitting for the piece.

1/ Leave a gap behind commas and periods.
2/ Questions need question marks.
3/ It's is short for it is. Its is not.
4/ Think about how the narrator talks and thinks. Dividing the two is easy if you put _thoughts into italics_.
5/ Periods, exclamation marks, question marks and commas go inside quotation marks.

I think this is extraordinary. Thank you for sharing.
Bazz)


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## escorial (Jul 28, 2013)

Thank you,really appreciate that BC....you have enhanced it for me.


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## agraymatter (Jul 30, 2013)

Praise: I love the passion. It seems obvious that this comes from a creative place - perhaps even directly from the heart.
Advice: For someone who has a really difficult time focusing (even with years of practice), reading anything that looks like a block is a nearly impossible task. Break up your passage with spaces! Like this:

[space]

See? It's less daunting and easier to read. It creates a dramatic pause and separates time or ideas.


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## escorial (Jul 30, 2013)

thanx


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## lowprofile300 (Sep 10, 2013)

escorial said:


> I'm walking along an I'm thinking..how can you hate someone and love them at the same time.This couple passing me by now,are they feeling the same..look happy enough,then again everyone I see is having a great time and it's just me who's miserable.Been going on far to long all this,screaming,shouting,lovemaking and stress.I love her,I hate her,she cry's .I leave walk around for a while go back and say sorry.Sorry is all I say these days to everyone,couldn't make it,sorry,sorry but I'm running late.Things seem to be going from bad to worse in that flat,with it's cheap furniture and hit n miss style.Not the place I imagined I would be living in once I started work and she moved in,yeah!she moved in..sorry about that to.
> 
> Could go in the pub,sink a few..na!,best walking past and head for the coffee shop around the corner order a latte an calm down.Seated with me mug an mobile buzzing.I know it's her but I just don't want to answer it,worse thing ever invented when your in a relationship like this,always able to get in touch an disturb you.Text back instead..sorry x,don't even want a reply.If I stay in this much longer it will turn me sour but I think I love her and you know what I'm sorry about that too!.Opened the door,straight into the living room,she wasn't there but on the mirror was written in red lipstick,"it's over, sorry".Sat down and thought, I'm not sorry anymore or should I be sorry about that to?




@escorial,
Vivid and creative indeed. At first I didn't know what to make of it, due to the lack of Space after Period and missing Commas all over the place. Nonetheless it was so relate-able that I had to read to the end, and I am glad I did. 

You know you have something good when a fiction piece comes across as nonfiction, so I have to ask you...is this how you were feeling at one point in your life or is it totally fiction? Either ways, it's a hell of a story! I look forward to more where that came from. Cheers
LP


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## escorial (Sep 10, 2013)

I like to write as I as opposed to MC's but I think we put some of ourselves directly or indirectly in our work..cheers LP300

- - - Updated - - -

I like to write as I as opposed to MC's but I think we put some of ourselves directly or indirectly in our work..cheers LP300


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## distorter (Sep 10, 2013)

This is a very good piece. BC did it justice.


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## escorial (Sep 10, 2013)

cheers distoter...yep BC done the bizz.


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## Katon (Dec 17, 2013)

It's very poetic. I'm having a hard time critiquing it because I am not sure what is supposed to be. Mentioning grammar, spelling, and syntax is just beating a dead horse after it's been beaten hundreds of times. This has more of a poetic feel to it than it is as a story. The narrators depressed lamentation of how his life has turned out could easily be turned into a verse format, I really feel that that would be an excellent way to make this piece work. Just add several literary devices like meter, also alliterations really add a lot to a piece like this! If it is meant to be a story the I want to know more. Who is the narrator? Who is his girlfriend? Just several questions that I want answered. Other than that, it was nice.


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## escorial (Dec 17, 2013)

thanx katon...most of my pieces focus on a moment in time..one day I would like to put them all together as a story of fiction.


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