# Perry and Paul



## Winston (Oct 23, 2016)

It would be cliche' to say that I loved each as a brother.  But I did care for 
both of them.  I know that you're not supposed to get along well with your in-laws.  
Perhaps having no brother of my own skewed my judgement.  The honest view is that 
they were good men.   They are missed by many.  Including me.

Perry was a big man.  "Burly" would be an apt adjective. My sister called him her 
"Pear Bear".  I'm not much on sappy nicknames, but that moniker fit.  He had a gentle 
disposition, but loved to have fun.  He was kind with kids and old people, but loud and 
rowdy with his friends.  When I got out of The Marines, we partied heavy.  At family 
functions, the Perry tag-line was always, "You gonna eat that?".  My sister Lisa learned 
to deal with his extremes.  Perry worked hard and played hard.  They loved each other, 
but they had an understanding.  They were never married, but were together for over 
twenty years.

They paid the bills the way most of us working class folks did.  Working with our 
hands.  Lisa was a stylist at a beauty salon, and Perry worked in construction.  I don't 
remember when I noticed Perry's mumbling and slurring go from bad to worse.  I do 
remember Lisa being worried, and sometimes crying.  But Perry, like most men of his 
generation, would not be lectured to.  He was just having "fun".  He bragged about 
"doctor shopping", for the pain killers he needed.  We all knew that construction was 
hard work.  As he built-up his tolerance, it was hard to tell when he was high, and when 
he was just between highs.  It was just Perry being Perry.

When my sister found Perry, his body was already cold.  She remembers shaking 
his big, hairy bulk, pleading for him to wake up.  We were all shocked, and saddened, but 
not that surprised.  He was an emotional guy, but no one suspected suicide.  The most 
likely cause was that he wasn't getting "relaxed" enough to go to sleep, and just took too 
many pills.  

Paul was, in many ways, Perry's opposite.  Paul was an electrical engineer who 
worked on nuclear subs in The Navy.  Paul liked to have fun, mostly by showing off.  He 
always wanted the best and latest gadget.  He and my sister-in-law Mary were in debt a 
lot.  And they fought quite often. Paul was an intelligent man, unyielding in his opinions.    
I remember running the Jeopardy! board with him numerous times.  Between him and I, 
there was hardly an answer we couldn't question.  Especially "Rock and Roll Jeopardy".  

He was not an easy man to get along with, but once you got to know him, Paul 
was loyal and affable.  Before we had kids of our own, my wife and I would hang-out 
with them on their boat or in their motor home.  Their boys took after their dad quite a 
bit, being strong willed but with good hearts. Unfortunately, he and Mary bickered often, 
and the kids were exposed to much unneeded tension.

One thing Paul had in common with Perry was size.  But Paul was obese.  He had 
an assortment of physical maladies related to his weight.  As he began popping pills, his 
already volatile behavior became more erratic. Mary was contemplating divorce when 
she and the kids came to visit.  Paul had always been manipulative, and threatened to hurt 
himself prior to them leaving.  But, again, that was just Paul being Paul.  I had just lost 
my father, so my sympathy pot was bone dry at the time.

Perhaps the boys were more intuitive, so when calls home to their dad went 
unanswered, they called the county Sheriff to do a check on Paul.   It was unclear what 
had happened, even after the coroner's report.   Paul was drinking, and popping pills.  The 
official report was that he just forgot how many sedatives he had taken, because he was 
already half-drunk.  There was no suicide note.  That was about the only good news.  
Because it wasn't a suicide, Paul's life insurance would take care of his family.

But the family is broken.  The boys blame Mary for leaving Paul alone.  Mary is 
moving on, but the tension with her sons grates at her.  The money from the policy fixes 
nothing.

I remember two very different men, joined in death.  I miss them for selfish 
reasons, as I truly enjoyed their company.  I am angry, and sad, and in places empty.  I 
know Lisa still cries, although it's been many years since Perry's passing.  And even from 
the grave, Paul is still controlling his family.

I have written in the past about the need to take care of one's self.  It may have 
came across preachy or smug.  I apologize.  I have experienced the human carnage when 
things are just let alone, and not addressed.  Y'know, my dad smoked AND changed 
asbestos brake pads for years. We know better now.  We also know that opiods are no 
joke. Still, while very few new cases of asbestosis are being reported, deaths by opiod 
abuse continue to climb.

The abuse of prescription drugs is not the disease, but the symptom.  A person 
living a balanced lifestyle is far less likely to fall into the opiod trap.  When I push the 
virtues of an active, healthy lifestyle, it isn't because I'm some granola chewing, sprout 
eating hippie.  I doubt I could have changed Perry or Paul's trajectory.  I don't think that 
Lisa or Mary could have either.  Perry and Paul could have saved themselves.  And 
should have.  In the end, they were good men.  But they were selfish.

No advice here.  Just be honest with yourself.  And if you need to change 
something in your life, do it before it's too late.


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## WildPolitics (Oct 25, 2016)

That's a powerful piece Winston. I really appreciate the use of your frank conversational tone to take your reader through a painful, but often ignored, subject.


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## Bard_Daniel (Oct 25, 2016)

You handled a tough subject with skill and precision, Winston. Thank you.


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## Plasticweld (Oct 26, 2016)

Winston, a well crafted piece, told in a warm tone that takes the reader with a friendly confidence as though it was told over a beer or a cup of coffee.  The stark honesty gives it power, the heart felt honesty about your emotions "are friend to friend."   In many aspects your style can be envied by any non-fiction writer who is trying to share a time and place that they are reflecting back on.  As writers anytime we can share insight or a perspective that makes a reader more aware "wiser" we have achieved the greatest goal we could ever attain.  Your piece does just this, thanks for sharing.


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## jenthepen (Nov 3, 2016)

This is a memorable piece of writing that is an easy and relaxing read without once diminishing the seriousness of the content or lessening the impact of the message. The conversational tone that you use invites the reader in to share the sadness of lives ended unnecessarily without ever becoming trite or uncaring. Very neatly done, Winston, this is an example of how readable good non-fiction can be.


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## patskywriter (Nov 3, 2016)

I really enjoyed reading this. Well done. The only suggestion I would make is to let a proofreader run through it to take care of the minor punctuation issues if you intend to submit it to a magazine or something.


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## Platoon (Nov 20, 2016)

Wow, this is a nice piece of writting. Not only do I appreciate your prose in it but the message is powerful as well. It is heartfelt. I especially liked the last small closing paragraph. Thanks for this.

I think there are many Perry's and Paul's in this world.


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## Winston (Nov 20, 2016)

Platoon said:


> Wow, this is a nice piece of writting. Not only do I appreciate your prose in it but the message is powerful as well. It is heartfelt. I especially liked the last small closing paragraph. Thanks for this.
> 
> I think there are many Perry's and Paul's in this world.



Too many.  That is why I felt compelled to write this.
Not every addict mainlines.  And most hide in plain sight.  
My world is so much smaller now without them.


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## jenthepen (Dec 2, 2016)

Hey, Winston, do you ever get involved in the Side Trips non-fiction challenge? I think you would be good at it. Head over there and take a look, we are voting for the next challenge topic at the moment.

Find the thread here


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## dither (Dec 3, 2016)

Winston that's one hell of an obituary and one helluva read.

Wow!


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