# Material Girl (picture book)



## lmc71775 (Apr 16, 2011)

*Material Girl*

Each morning when Sally woke up, she complained to her mother.

“Mom, do I have to wear this?” She asked, pointing to her white cotton blouse a size too big and her itchy pleated skirt.

Sally cringed at the thought of wearing her uniform. She hated the material and thought it was uncomfortable. “Mom please, can I wear something else today?”

“Sally, honey all the girls need to wear them,” her mother sighed. “It’s just for school.”

Sally hated the rules. If she had a say so, she would wear whatever she wanted. She day-dreamed of her huge rainbow-colored hat she got from the amusement park last year. She remembered all the fun times she had that day, riding the roller-coasters and eating blue and pink cotton-candy, wearing that hat. 

Then Sally thought of wearing a scuba suit like the divers use on their diving trips. She remembered seeing them on T.V. as they swam with dolphins on a summer’s night. The suits look so tight and cool as if you’re wearing nothing at all, she thought.

Sally kept day-dreaming as she got ready for school. Slipping on her clothes, she thought of slipping on her ballerina outfit. She remembered when she had ballet class, learning how to jump and hop like a feather—just like the ones in her tutu, all purple and full of fluff.

As Sally ran downstairs she noticed her father’s leather jacket and thought of wearing that. That would be wonderful, she thought. Sally remembered all the bike rides her father would take her on—her hair blowing in the wind, feeling the brisk air touching her face. I would love to wear leather pants and a black leather jacket just like the biker girls do, thinking again how wonderful it would be.

After Sally ate her breakfast (chocolate milk and double-stuffed oreos) she packed her book-bag and wondered some more. She thought of all the times her and her friends would dress-up their dolls in beautiful dresses—red velvet and silky blue ones. That would be great to wear, I would just dance all day, she thought.

When Sally got to school, she put her things in the locker and sat down. Her scratchy pleated skirt rubbed at her knees as she squeezed in her toes and tried to remain seated. But Sally couldn’t help but squirm in her seat.

“Sally Spencer, please sit still!” the teacher called out. 

“Sorry Mrs. Conner,” Sally said as her face turned all red.

Sally couldn’t wait for school to be over. After all the classes were done and the final bell rang, Sally raced out the door and headed home.

She zoomed inside the house and darted up the stairs to change her clothes and wear something more comfortable.

“Uniforms stink, it shouldn’t matter what we wear!” Sally said to her mother as she picked up Sally’s clothes off the floor.

“You’re right, it doesn’t matter what you wear, what matters most is,” her mother said, pointing to Sally’s heart then pausing for a moment. “Is what’s inside here.”

Sally seemed puzzled for a bit and thought of how big her heart was, then said. “You are right mom…my heart’s just the right size. It fits perfect.”


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## The Blue Pencil (Apr 16, 2011)

I can just imagine the pictures that would go with this. It's great, and and the ending is sweet.


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## lmc71775 (Apr 17, 2011)

Thanks.  Some are saying I which my POV, but I don't think I do, do you?


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## Razzazzika (Apr 19, 2011)

I don't normally poke around the children's forum, but I did today. I thought this was a good read, and has a good 'lesson' to be learned. A lot of schools are implementing uniform policies, but it's not about making everyone into cookie cut out people. If you're in a situation where you look like everyone else, then you need to let your characteristics shine.

I think what people are saying about you 'switching' your POV, is that you're doing some internal monologue without making it too apparent that you're doing so. I was able to follow, but here's the two examples I saw:

As Sally ran downstairs she noticed her father’s leather jacket and thought of wearing that. That would be wonderful, she thought. 

She thought of all the times her and her friends would dress-up their dolls in beautiful dresses—red velvet and silky blue ones. That would be great to wear, I would just dance all day, she thought.

In both cases, the first sentence is third person, the second is interior monologue, in the second case it is even first person. Set it apart somehow. I usually use italics, heck, with a children's book you could put it in a thought cloud.

EDIT: OH, however, I would advise against telling children to eat Oreos for breakfast


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## Just Daisy (Jul 2, 2011)

I kind of expected more than the loving Mum who saves the day. I mean, in terms of books that teach kids something, I usually look for something that a parent can't achieve themselves. I could say that to my daughter and she wouldn't bat an eye, but get the elephant in psychadelic underpants to say it, and she's sold.


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## Lavender (Jul 5, 2011)

I liked the detail in this, especially the parts where Sally thinks of what each piece of clothing reminds her of. The ending is a little cheesy but still cute. The title fits well, too


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## Steve (Jul 8, 2011)

_Italics_ for thoughts, other than that, I loved getting inside her head.#-o


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## MisterTribute (Aug 17, 2012)

I like how the imagery is clear, especially on her flashbacks and thoughts on different clothes.


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## bigdsweetz (Aug 18, 2012)

I was able to follow this nicely. I could see the story in my head playing out your words. I enjoyed this.


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## vintageboombox (Aug 18, 2012)

This is just so cute! I loved the ending and could imagine the images that would go along with it. Excellent work.


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## Geri (Sep 26, 2012)

hey! I am liking this story! You seem to switch tenses though;  Sally remembered all the bike rides her father would take her on... 
how can Sally remember the rides that her dad 'would' take her on--future tense? It is a nice story, but if you don't mind me saying, I would use less of the chocolate breakfast, and maybe build up the story as to how Sally learns why it's what inside that counts, just because mom said it, doesn't explain to the reader (child) why it is 'whats inside that counts' . A good little story though, thanks for sharing!


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## thecostumedanceparty (Oct 7, 2012)

Nice story.  I like it.

If I were writing it, though, I'd take a different approach.  I'd have Sally take the clothes she wants to wear to school and change there, only to have her teacher tell her she has to put her uniform back on.  I'd have this happen like four or five times with different outfits.  Then I'd have the part about the heart that you mentioned (to end the story and give a lesson).  This is just an idea.

Nice job so far!


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## bazz cargo (Oct 7, 2012)

I was just browsing to no reason and found your little episode. A high technical standard and a fun read. Made my day.

Is this part of something or stand alone?
Bazz


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## mrs.mcphilia (Oct 22, 2012)

Very colourfully written and neat. It's very clear what the MC is struggling with and exactly why. She provides plenty of amusement with her crazy fashion ideas :]

Just one thing that sort of bothers me: A chocolate milk and double-stuffed Oreos breakfast doesn't seem very nutritious. Pardon me for coming over like I'm nagging :/


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## Ever2222 (Feb 16, 2013)

This is a really cute story. I especially loved the message at the end, however I would suggest working on your P.O.V a bit.


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## Ariel (Feb 16, 2013)

I also did not like the chocolate breakfast.  I found the ending abrupt because there was no build-up to it at all.  Maybe mom should tell this at the beginning and Sally has to think of scenarios or play dress up with those sorts of clothes to figure out what is meant by what mom said? And then at the end Sally tells mom she was right (though in my experience that doesn't happen).

Otherwise, I found this very clear and easy to imagine.


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 16, 2013)

The chocolate breakfast would appeal to kids, but it is adults who buy small children's books. Small snippets of actual material in the illustrations would be really nice, but probably prohibitively expensive to produce and impractical.


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## Ariel (Feb 16, 2013)

That's actually a great idea Olly.  It could work as a sensory learning book and there's a lot of those on the market.  They are usually more expensive than other books for the same age group.


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## andthewren (Mar 2, 2013)

Do you have an illustrator for this? Because I would totally be interested in illustrating it.


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## Mariner (Mar 8, 2013)

Very good story. Bright pictures would certainly go with it. But Chocolate milk and double stuffed Oreos. For breakfast! That's setting a bad example for unhealthy eating habits but overall very good.


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## Trilby (Mar 8, 2013)

Good and well thought out story. I agree about the unhealthy breakfast. One little point - picture books are usually geared for up to 5yrs - (I don't know about over the pond, but) here in the UK children don't start school until they reach 4/5, so most of the picture book age group will not be at the school uniform wearing age.

In an earlier post, someone mentioned italics for thoughts, I don't think this is correct and it will be up to the publisher's own rules to decide on this. 

Good luck with the story.


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## Ever2222 (Mar 15, 2013)

Well, I must agree with others about the breakfast part. Chocolate isn't the most healthy thing to eat, consider revising.


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## whatever (Apr 9, 2013)

Nothing bad to say. Just too child-likable to complain


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## Peleboy (Apr 17, 2013)

I second that. Nothing bad to say either. I like the way you described her thoughts as she was day-dreaming, very descriptive.


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