# Red and Blue



## calbab (Jul 16, 2018)

*Red and Blue.

**Mi rojo and mi azul
my star and my boo;
Can I get a ride in you?

Sporty and deluxe
red and blue smoke tires;
chasing your rack–clutching your top
Can I get a ride inside you?

Moments I feel blue
turn out red;
minutes I feel red
soon to be blue.

Sometimes angry, sometimes gay;
Can I get that ride?

Fast in it, 
wheels start spinning
ride in it,
 chances now dimming

**My red and my blue,
should I ride you, kiss you
or do both to you? 

Yo rojo! Yo azul! 
Built for exploration
Two by two

I feel like I am inside, 
taken out on a smooth ride.


© Calbab*
​ *
THE WINNER!!!!!*
Special thanks to all who
 helped with this one!


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## jenthepen (Jul 16, 2018)

Clever double-entendre the whole way through, I enjoyed this a lot. It feels alive with frustration and indecision until stanza six when the resolution seems to be to choose both?

This poem is enticingly enigmatic and intriguing and I like that. It gives the reader plenty to think about and room to interpret it for themselves.

If I have to come up with something, I think the final two lines feel a little clumsy compared to the rest but that is a minor nit and didn't spoil the poem for me.


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## calbab (Jul 16, 2018)

Thank you, Jen! I feel similarly as you. The last two lines are 'hot,' but feel sorta like a third 'leg' huh? I need to blend the last two lines somehow. It is my amateur status that is on display! I can not 'close' properly—yet.


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## jenthepen (Jul 17, 2018)

How about taking out the last four lines and instead, trying to find a way to express the feeling that the decision in stanza six generates? Sometimes, just by expressing a changed emotion, you can arrive at a satisfying conclusion.

Just an idea to try.


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## calbab (Jul 17, 2018)

I will give it a try certainly, Jen.  :grin:  Check out,"Version 2" above, please. I am reading some of your poems today, from "Windfall." (Smile.)


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## jenthepen (Jul 17, 2018)

Yes, I like version 2. It feels more in line with the rest of the poem and brings all the emotions to a satisfying conclusion. Do you feel it does this too?

Thanks for checking out my poems, by the way. I've been working hard to develop my style over the couple of years since I published Windfalls and hope I'll soon be able to get another collection together.


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## calbab (Jul 17, 2018)

I _am _pleased with the second ending. In coming to the ending the second time around, I literally 'understood' it several different ways. Thus, settling on the closing above. Can it be improved? We'll see. 
More importantly, the feedback that recognized the need for a better closing comes from you. Thank you again. 

I am going to continue looking over your poems, "_Windfalls_." It is stellar. I will comment on it as appropriate.* 

NOTE: *I still have difficulty getting around this site, so bear with me. (Smile.)


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## calbab (Jul 19, 2018)

Today, I made some 'touch-ups' to the format. (-:


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## Sara Ella (Jul 21, 2018)

Wow!  This is a fun poem! The dual language and double meanings are excellent!!!


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## Pelwrath (Jul 21, 2018)

Calab;

   You have a very good poem, I greatly enjoyed the double entendre.  The 2nd version is an improvement, you have flow, create curiosity and it's an enjoyable read. I have a suggestion about S6:
*[FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]My red and my blue[FONT=&quot]
what[/FONT][FONT=&quot] should I do?
[/FONT]Should I ride [FONT=&quot]or 
kiss both of you?
[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]
My red and my blue,
should I ride you, kiss you
or do both to you? [/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]*


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## calbab (Jul 21, 2018)

Oh Sara Ella, I am so glad you like it! (Biggest smile ever!)


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## calbab (Jul 21, 2018)

Hello Pelwrath, I love your thoughts and have offered them above for consideration by all who stop by to view and comment. Thank you so much! So what you think?


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## calbab (Jul 21, 2018)

Everybody! I have provided a third version of _Red and Blue _for consideration! Please stop by and share (or just look)! Moreover, I have given credit to two outstanding poets who have offered me their wise advice!


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## calbab (Jul 26, 2018)

Countdown to deciding the final version of _Red and Blue_ is now. . . ON!


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## Pelwrath (Jul 26, 2018)

Calbab, to me all the versions have merit each for it's own reasons. What's important is which version has the most merit for you. I'm flattered and honored that you liked my suggestions.


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## calbab (Jul 30, 2018)

I like good suggestions, which you share with me. Thank you!


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