# Grand Invitational Poetry Challenge 2016 Scores!



## Gumby

*First Place*​is a tie between​*So Close...* by​*Chester's Daughter*and ​*cleave*by​*astroannie*

*Second Place*​goes to​*The Consummation* by​* John Oberon*

*Third Place*​goes to​*Welcome Home *by​*midnightpoet*

*Peoples Choice*​goes to *Talking Dead*
by
*Firemajic*​

*Congratulations to all the Winners! A big thank you to all who participated and a Really Big Thank You to all our fantastic Judges!*​​




NamePulseTL MurphyRobbieaudreyFinal Score#1*  Talking Dead *by Firemajic8038675159#2  *Negative Space* by rcallaci--------N/A Admin#3  *Beyond the Fray* by Darkkin7655446059#4 * Welcome Home *by MidnightPoet7942804862#5 *Gravity Of The Uterus *by Gumby--------N/A Admin#6 *Love Carefully* by TJ19857242555255#7 *cleave *by astroannie8365797074#8 *Lost in Translation *by jenthepen7560387061#9 *The Consummation* by John Oberon7271725969#10 *So Close...  *by Chester's Daughter7277796974#11 *Deterioration *by am_hammy6940355650#12 *Somewhere...* by PhilIstine7236546056


[spoiler2=Pulse]

*#1Talking Dead* by Firemajic

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement:9
Rhythm:7
Originality:10
Poetic Devices: 8
Mood/Imagery :9
Comprehension/Coherence: 10
Word Selection: 10
SPaG:9*

*#1 Talking Dead *provides what it promises: a voice from  a grave.  It  challenges assumptions of the living that souls will rest  in peace,  without explicitly mentioning a soul (and thus introducing a   questionable entity).

Quatrains of couplets are regularly delivered in lines, which vary from   the ten-syllables of the first, which can be read as iambic pentameter,   to shorter lines with three or four stressed beats. 

Rhyming is also regular, mostly full rhyme, but liberated enough to   enjoy half rhyme in instances such as seem/unseen, true/accuse,   feet/sleep.
Sometimes rhymes are repeated, and while this appears to be intentional   with the first and last couplets containing place/space, reversed to   space/place, it is not clear whether using ‘sleep’ as a rhyme twice is   deliberate.

Irony unwinds from such comments as ‘finally free to talk to me’ and   although we are told this is ‘because my face they cannot see’, the   impossibility of receiving an answer may well be a reason for sudden   eloquence.

But answers are given from beneath the ground.  A spirit is troubled by   inaccurate reports, some of which disturb the conscience of the corpse.    (I hesitate to know what to call the persona of the poet, who is   definitely the voice of the poem.)

The idea of an ‘un-resting’ place was always coming but the final verse   calls it ‘undead’, which compounds the inadequacy of a monologue to   reach elusive peace.  In many ways, for me this evokes any one-way   communication.

The voice is challenging assumptions.
=======================================================

*#2 Negative Space *by rcallaci

*Structure: 7
Progression/Movement:9
Rhythm:5
Originality:8
Poetic Devices: 8
Mood/Imagery : 7
Comprehension/Coherence: 7
Word Selection: 9
SPaG:6*

*#2 Negative Space*

There is a lot of rhyme and sibilance in this poem, delivered in   irregular meter.  Perhaps it is part of the insincerity the third line   mentions.  Sometimes a forced rhyme gives that impression.

The fourth line needs an ‘s’ removed.  It could either be ‘the miasmic   tide of doubts hovers about’ or ‘the miasmic tides of doubt hover   about’.  Similarly, a choice is needed between ‘clouds that drfit’ or   ‘cloud that drifts’.

The concentration of doubt is intense and it would have been interesting   to use some other words for doubt, to give us different perspectives  on  the theme.  Some commas might also be helpful in ‘as they walk run  fly  and float amongst / shifting clouds that drifts downward towards’.    Lines of poetry do act as punctuation on one level; on another, the  poet  can be even more ingenious by using other punctuation breaks.

Anaphora is used effectively and there is a subtle progression from   ‘It’s’ to ‘It’ with an unobtrusive rhyming scheme appropriate to the   message.  What is good is the way half rhyme of two consecutive lines,   ‘breathe . . . perceive’ is followed by full rhyme on alternate lines in   ‘everywhere . . . despair’, with some unrhyming lines, which allow for   greater latitude, in between.

Mention of ‘the right to be heard’ may remind us of Hubert Humph’rey’s   remark that ‘the right to be heard does not automatically include the   right to be taken seriously.’  

I like the image of the devil dancing the jig.  Repeating the definite   article, ‘the’, has a curious effect and it is difficult to know whether   this was intended or not.  It is followed by a squirming hope, so the   dance of evil and twisting of a kind of faith are juxtaposed.
 =====================================================


*#3 Beyond the Fray *by Darkkin

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement:8
Rhythm:8
Originality:10
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery :8
Comprehension/Coherence: 8
Word Selection: 10
SPaG:9
*

My first reaction to ‘linger in’ was to want to tweak the preposition,   but in its context, the repetition of the sound ‘in’ has a lingering   effect: almost onomatopoeic, and the peculiarity of stories in edges   gives the edge to an enticing first line.  Making strange is an   important attribute of poetry.

The homophone, fray, is used both as a fear or skirmish and unravelling   or wearing out; these two levels give a touch of humour to ventilate   emotion. New fleece on birch bark helps create an environment, where all   is one.  Fleece could be the wool of sheep or insulating material of   modern clothes and to give pussywillows pelts extends the metaphor of   plants wearing animal skins.

I do like the absence of regular rhyme in these quatrains; it allows a   much deeper penetration of the subject matter, human emotion, than a   more predictable pattern would.  
=======================================================

*#4 Welcome Home* by MidnightPoet

*Structure: 9
Progression/Movement:10
Rhythm:9
Originality:8
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery :9
Comprehension/Coherence: 10
Word Selection: 9
SPaG:8
*

‘Welcome Home’ is explicit.  We have all heard of internal conflict, but   to follow ‘the battle rages inside his head’ with an AK-47 makes the   image tangible.  The chest, containing a vulnerable human heart, is held   with a gas-operated assault rifle by a child.

Mental attack is cut off from the world and sealed by the jolts of   disjointed shots in the privacy of thought.  Ubiquitous gore permeates   all consciousness for the child soldier, bedecking his limbs in   unforgettable loss.

All of us in the busy street are responsible for ignoring the fleeting   presence of the child soldier, whom the poem does not name.

Patriotism covers the greeting of a country that offers nothing beyond fanfare.

The final image of a soldier urinating on a poster is the perfect ending to a poignant poem. 
 ======================================================


*#5 Gravity Of The Uterus  *by Gumby

*Structure: 9
Progression/Movement:9
Rhythm:8
Originality:9
Poetic Devices: 9
Mood/Imagery : 9
Comprehension/Coherence: 9
Word Selection: 10
SPaG:9*

I am not at all sure I shall ‘get’ this poem, although it feels an   honour to be initiated into the ‘Gravity of the Uterus’ (I am not sure   why ‘of’ and ‘the’ were capitalised and have taken the liberty to tweak   them.)  Fortunately I do not need to understand everything about this   poem to be led, fascinated, into its scope.  That leaves the poem open   to both initiated and carefree readers.

A Pole Shift is new to me and I am reading it very simply as some kind   of fundamental tectonic rearrangement.  Your poem has prompted me to   look up a variety of terms, some because I had never encountered them   and others just to make sure I am reading with the correct notation, so I   have learnt about spiritual culture and gunfire in the same half hour.    It is a far-reaching poem and I thank you for daring to address   fundamental dilemmas.

From the title, we jump five formative years during which memory may   have been evolving, to a state of consciousness in which seismic   resonations are felt and it is interesting to experience the view from a   different geographical perspective.

I might have expected an article between ‘walk’ and ‘wooded’.  That is the only bit I struggled with, grammatically. 

Rhyme appears slowly.  Rather than set up expectations for the reader at   the outset, this poet gradually introduces a sort of pararhyme of   ‘learned’ and ‘world’, ‘between . . . dream . . . scenes’, followed by   full rhyme in ‘trees . . . please’, without allowing the substance of   the poem to be swayed by regular chiming.

There is a peculiar, natural, parallel between oak branches and a   woman’s arms, which span a broad spectrum from primitive to ungraspably   sacred.   
 ======================================================
*#6 Love Carefully *by TJ1985

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement:9
Rhythm:8
Originality:8
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery :8
Comprehension/Coherence: 7
Word Selection: 8
SPaG:9
*

Like *Love Actually*, I love the adverbial tilt of *Love Carefully. *It   is complemented with rhyming couplets in the first four lines and   supplemented with the oblique peculiarity of half rhymes a the end of   the first stanza.  

The difference does not appear to be incidental.  Yearning conditional   reservation in the first two lines are built on with the power of a   predator, who draws the poetic speaker into the following couplet and   consumes him, before spitting out a devastated wreck.  The discord   between ‘gone’ and ‘wrong’ reproduces in sound the message of   destruction.

A jumble of chequered passion must have warned the poet of the danger in   love.  There is irony in the gratitude returned with clear   acknowledgement of what has been learned.

Another sestet reinforces the message of a need to beware of she-cats,   before the final stanza, where rather unexpectedly the poet’s power of   love for this lioness is confirmed.
 ======================================================

*#7* *cleave* by astroannie

*Structure: 10
Progression/Movement: 9
Rhythm:9
Originality:8
Poetic Devices: 9
Mood/Imagery :10
Comprehension/Coherence: 8
Word Selection: 10
SPaG:10*

This tanka encapsulates the promise of serenity in the first haiku, complemented by a strained falsity in the final two lines.

This is sophisticated vocabulary, necessary for poignant insight into a   considered and considerate relationship, falling far short of  intention.
====================================================

*#8 Lost in Translation *by jenthepen

*Structure: 9
Progression/Movement: 7
Rhythm: 8
Originality: 6
Poetic Devices: 8
Mood/Imagery : 9
Comprehension/Coherence: 9
Word Selection: 9
SPaG:10*

*Lost in Translation* took me two stanzas to realise it  really is  about a poem, so I, certainly was lost in interpretation.   There is a  clever rhyming of an internal beat in the third line with  the final  syllable of the stanza.

In terms of ‘spaces unseen’ this poem encourages a reader to examine   more closely how poetry influences us on more than one level.  In one   sense, it is the job of the poet to present a full image of their idea,   but in another, so many nuances can be hidden between and within the   lines.  Polysyndeton in ‘obscures and covers and hides’ emphasises the   concealment.  I expect it was just me to whom ‘hides’ rang of skin, but   also presume other readers will have noticed additional implications   that remain hidden from me until further readings.

The gap between imagination and visible imagery is beautifully captured   in the fourth stanza, where the muse meets screen and perishes.

In the final assonance of ‘weep’ with ‘unseen’, full rhyme begins to   fade into mentioned ‘spaces, unseen’, where we are left in wonder.
=======================================================
*#9 The Consummation* by John Oberon

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement:9
Rhythm:8
Originality: 7
Poetic Devices: 6
Mood/Imagery : 7
Comprehension/Coherence: 9
Word Selection: 8
SPaG:10
*

*The Consummation* leads from the colours of the rainbow  to the  colours of the rainbow.  An array of colour intrigues the couple  with  the uncertainty of its boundaries between different bands of  rainbow  colour.

Spaces unseen display greater unknown and attract the lovers more than   the visible.  The upheaval of discovery consumes in convulsions intrepid   explorers, unable to contain emotions.

An all-embracing power engulfs the couple, led on in awe to a realisation that the place they set out from is transformed.
 =======================================================

*#10* *So Close..*. by Chester's Daughter

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement: 8
Rhythm: 8
Originality: 9
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery : 8
Comprehension/Coherence: 8
Word Selection: 8
SPaG: 8*

*So Close…*is hard for me to understand.  It has a familiar feeling of existence rather than life, in a consumer society.

I do not know Sandman, but observe a family attempt a superficial effort at family life.

Of course!  There is another lover, from whom some science fiction movie is distracting.

Ironically, if I am reading this correctly, the woman’s partner is the alien she looks  for on screen.

When I finally adjusted to the wavelength I enjoyed this poem.  So distant…!
 ====================================================

*#11* *Deterioration *by am_hammy

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement:8
Rhythm:7
Originality:7
Poetic Devices: 9
Mood/Imagery :8
Comprehension/Coherence: 8
Word Selection: 8
SPaG:6*

In *Deterioration* the poet opens each stanza with a  question.   Frustration and sadness proliferate behind closed eyes and  the poet  questions the value of a mind, beset with oppressive thoughts.
The metaphor of a prison adds to torment, with no conceivable means of   escape.  The decay spreads from on organ to another with irrepressible   possession.
Life itself seeps out and senses deteriorate in unseen spaces, beyond the poet’s influence.
====================================================

*#12* *Somewhere... *by PhilIstine
*
Structure: 7
Progression/Movement:8
Rhythm:8
Originality:9
Poetic Devices: 6
Mood/Imagery : 8
Comprehension/Coherence: 8
Word Selection: 8
SPaG: 10*

I love the way ‘time and space’ mirror ‘awake and sleep’.  Parallel   universes are displayed and entwined as the lovers embody their other   worlds.

Strangely it may not be genuine, impregnated as it is with ‘slick /   masquerades’ of what appears to be almost commercial imposition.

‘Somewhere’ is surmounted with ‘everywhere’ and the passion awaits refuse collection.
[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2=TL Murphy]

*#1 Talking Dead* by Firemajic

*Structure: 3
Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 3
Originality vs cliché. 4
Poetic Devices: 2
Mood/Imagery : 7
Comprehension/Coherence: 6
Word Selection: 3
Spelling/grammar: 4*


As a critic, I am  immediate on the defensive when the second word of   the poem is a glaring grammatical error, particularly one which has   received so much discussion. To "lay" means to put.  To "lie" means to   make oneself prostrate.


The third word in the poem, "here", is redundant in that it offers no   more information than the rest of the line "I lay (lie) in my final   resting place" . 
The repetition of the word "unseen" in the first stanza offers no poetic device. It simply repeats what is said in line 2.


This poem uses no poetic devices other than rhyming couplets and a weak   attempt at iambic pentameter,  otherwise known as "heroic couplet". I   would say that 99% of the bad poetry written today is HC, tedious in its   reliance on filler words and empty  phrases to fill out this overused   and tiresome form.  It seems that most of the world believes that it's   the only way to write poetry, but It takes more  than rhyming couplets   and  iambic pentameter to make a poem. (See more tirade on HC  under  #6)


The poem is almost a conceit in the sense that the grave is a metaphor   for the author's sense of mute isolation from being made a scapegoat.   But the metaphor is inconsistent in that he seems to be asking   forgiveness for the sins of the living.  There is no clear turn in the   poem when the speaker realizes that it is his own sins he regrets and   not the sins of others, so the conceit fails to identify a clear   message.
==================================================  ===

*#2 Negative Space *by rcallaci


*Structure: 4
Progression/Movement: 5
Rhythm: 3
Originality vs cliché. 3
Poetic Devices: 6
Mood/Imagery : 6
Comprehension/Coherence: 5
Word Selection: 4
Spelling/grammar: 5
*
There is heavy reliance on cliche' in this piece, too many to list here.  I count as many as ten


"Drifts" refers to the plural "clouds" so should be "drift".  Nor do "tides" and "doubts" agree.


It's not clear when "God is dead!" appears what brings this exclamation   into the poem.  It does become clear later but it's sudden  appearance   comes across as a digression or  anomaly.


Repetition in a poem can work to press emphasis through repeated rhythm   and sound, but the repetition of "it" only serves to flog a  vague and   undefined pronoun. It's not clear what "it" refers to.  Presumably the   title, but this not clear.. Since "it" is singular, then the only other   thing it could refer to is "fork in the road" but that doesn't make   sense in the context of the lines that follow. So the repetition of the   world tumbles in a void. The poem would work better if "it" was   eliminated all together.


Some good alliteration, assonance, consonance gets going early in the   poem but it seems to fall apart toward the end as does rhythm. There is   some creative use of  metaphor.  Some work: "sin-stained silhouettes",    "shifting clouds that drifts (drift) downward towards/that fate filled   fork in the road". Others not so well: The devil dancing a jig to the   fiddler's tune - is over used and it's hard to envision an abstract   concept like "hope" wiggling and squirming, etc.


There are redundancies throughout the poem that would be stronger   reduced to a single image: walk/run/fly/float; shifting/drift;   swing/sway; air/breathe; thoughts/perceive; dejection/despair;   chaotic/din; squeezes/squirms.


The eclipse (...)at the end of the poem implies ongoing, unfinished,   something omitted, which doesn't seem consistent with the context of the   poem
==================================================  ===

*#3 Beyond the Fray* by Darkkin

*Structure: 5
Progression/Movement: 7
Rhythm: 3
Originality vs cliché. 7
Poetic Devices: 5
Mood/Imagery : 8
Comprehension/Coherence: 6
Word Selection: 7
Spelling/grammar: 7*

Rich in images  that work together and form steady progression through   the poem..  Minimal but not obtuse, with careful  attention to the use   of, or absence of articles, conjunctions and preposition.  Although the   chopped sentences  curtail rhythm and meaning. The poem feels heavy    with punctuation, particularly commas and dashes which interrupt flow.    Some commas could simply be deleted and others eliminated by more   careful word choice. For example, lines one & two could be written,   ""Stories linger in edges/breaks and braided facets slicing deep".    Mid-Line dashes might be better served with spaces (en space and em   space) or end-line dashes by line breaks. This is largely a personal   preference which does not necessarily affect the poem's over-all   integrity . But the over abundance of punctuation gives the poem a   cluttered look and the chopped structure gives the poem a chopped feel.    Cadence is never really established. 


This poem would benefit from breaking the lines into shorter lines and   possibly some enjambment.  It would slow the poem down, help build   rhythm and emphasize the rich phrases and images.
There is over use of gerunds. Something to be aware of. I recognize the   poet from this plethora of "ings". Capital letters are also overdone.    No need to capitalize after a dash. Again, this may be a personal   preference.


The title is a cliche', which, I suppose, if you are going to use   cliche' is the best place to do it but the phrase is repeated twice in   the poem, which should lead the author to consider an alternative.. 


"Tendriled" should be spelled "tendrilled".


Strong images and good progression.
==================================================  ===

*#4 Welcome Home* by MidnightPoet

*Structure: 3
Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 4
Originality vs cliché. 5
Poetic Devices: 2
Mood/Imagery : 6
Comprehension/Coherence: 6
Word Selection: 3
Spelling/grammar: 7
*
This really feels like a story, and the prosaic style makes it more   story than poem. Other than line breaks, there are no other poetic   devices used.
The last line detracts from the ending. "pissed on it." is the real end   of the poem. The current ending is an editorial aside after the fact   which over-explains the end.


How does a one-legged man limp?  He can't.  He either hops or uses   crutches.  There could be a prosthesis but the line about not having a   limb implies he does not.


"Lays" in S1 should be "lies"
==================================================  ====

*#5 Gravity Of The Uterus* by Gumby

*Structure: 6
Progression/Movement: 8
Rhythm: 6
Originality vs cliché. 7
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery : 8
Comprehension/Coherence: 8
Word Selection: 7
Spelling/grammar: 8*

Great title. Good images, solid progression, a good turn and a strong ending. 


"Cliche' would say" is out of place.  It explains the poem inside the poem. The quotes say this without explaining.
The title's full meaning doesn't come clear in the first reading but   does in the second through a quick epiphany  which, in turn, reveals   deeper layers of meaning. That's some handy work. Well done. 


A bit excessive with the dashes, especially the one at the end.  I can't   think of a reason to use a dash there.  Line end gives you all the   pause you need.
Cut "special",   "38" on its own is much more chilling and flows better into the next line.


Good poem, a bit long. Some careful cuts could make this poem even more solid.
==================================================  =

*#6 Love Carefully* by TJ1985

*Structure: 5
Progression/Movement: 5
Rhythm: 3
Originality vs cliché. 3
Poetic Devices: 2
Mood/Imagery : 5
Comprehension/Coherence: 7
Word Selection: 4
Spelling/grammar: 8*

This reads like a Hallmark greeting card.
The heroic couplet (rhyming couplets with  iambic pentameter) faded from   serious literature  in the 19th century. Rhyming couplet persisted as   long as it did simply as a memory device for the illiterate to more   easily recite oral tales. 


Here is a quote from Dennis Cooley, quoting Anthony Easthope on iambic   pentameter: "In the Renaissance...by promoting syllables between   accented syllables, and by spacing them out fairly evenly, iambic   pentameter helped to entrench the 'Received Pronunciation of Standard   English... It does so because it legislates for the number of syllables   in the line and therefor cancels elision [dropping sounds from words],   making transition at word juncture difficult.' It eliminates from   'serious' literature, other than for comic purposes, the radically   elided voices of the working people."  


In other words, IP demanded a clipped and precise elocution that   signalled class dialect and eliminated the more excited and clipped   lower class dialects considered vulgar. It also dominates the poem in   such a way that precludes the use of other poetic devices.The heroic   couplet is the very antithesis of what we consider good poetry today to   be; i.e., poetry is a medium that expands and exploits language for   artistic gain, not limits language.
==================================================  ===

*#7 cleave *by astroannie


*Structure: 7
Progression/Movement: 7
Rhythm:7
Originality vs cliché. 7
Poetic Devices: 5
Mood/Imagery :  8
Comprehension/Coherence: 5
Word Selection: 9
Spelling/grammar:10
*
(My copy/paste eliminated the centering of the poem)


It's refreshing to read a minimal poem.  Of course, in such a short   poem, everything stands out.  Every word counts double time.  There is   no room for vagueness. And it all has to come together in a neat little   package.
There is careful consideration to each word.  The play on "suite" is   clever.  I'm not sure "impeccably" carries the role as adjective in this   case.  "Impeccably distant"? Are we talking about a well groomed   distance? A perfect distance? On second thought, it does work.


I think a stanza break between lines 2 and 3 would provide some needed punctuation.
==================================================  ===


*#8 Lost in Translation* by jenthepen

*Structure: 7
Progression/Movement:7 
Rhythm: 5
Originality vs cliché. 7 
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery : 7 
Comprehension/Coherence:7 
Word Selection: 4
Spelling/grammar  9 
*
Some interesting slant rhymes, and the positioning of the slant rhymes   is a subtle and admirable innovation on traditional ABAB rhyme pattern.    However, the line breaks employed in line 2 of each stanza often break   the natural flow.  "Of my mind" and " of the screen" are awkward  phrases  to start a longer line with. The trouble with rhyme patterns is  that  authors often fall into the use of weak filler words and phrases  to  force the poem to rhyme and this so often comes across as contrived   meaning and structure.


The  progression is good.  It took a few readings to grasp what the poem   is really about, which is good.  A poem should demand something from   the reader.  The reader must enter this poem to fully grasp it and then   the title and the close effectively bookend the poem.


My strongest criticism of this poem is that the rhythm gets erratic and   bumpy at times, partly from some awkward line breaks but mostly from    and excess of unnecessary filler words: the, in, at, of, just, all, you,   your, etc.
==================================================  =====


*#9 The Consummation* by John Oberon

*Structure: 8
Progression/Movement: 9
Rhythm: 9
Originality vs cliché. 8
Poetic Devices: 7
Mood/Imagery : 8
Comprehension/Coherence: 7
Word Selection: 7
Spelling/grammar 8*

This poem has wonderful flow and an easy, relaxed style. The use of   repetition is well done and the metaphors all work together to build   steady progression. I enjoyed reading the poem. The end circles back to   the beginning, which is a nice touch for closure, though I felt the end   was anti-climactic, which I found a bit disappointing.


There is inconsistency with upper case and lower case letters.  In the   beginning of the poem almost every line starts with an upper case   letter, which is completely unnecessary.  In fact it takes away one of   the author's tools for creating meaning.  By the end of the poem, only   the beginning of sentences use upper case.


I have to say, I gagged seeing the word "soul" used not once but twice.    "Soul" is probably the most over-used word in English poetry.  The   concept is so immense as to be nearly incomprehensible and yet it is   used like a dime-store cookie-punch. 


"Inexorably" is one of those big, abstract, Latinate words, that sounds   intelligent but really just means unstoppable. Use of abstract words   like this draws too much attention to itself and feels contrived.  The   poet is trying too hard to be "poetic". It's much better to avoid   abstract words and use concrete words that create an image (which is   generally well done in this poem).
==================================================  ===

*#10 So Close...* by Chester's Daughter

*Structure: 7
Progression/Movement: 9
Rhythm: 9
Originality vs cliché. 9
Poetic Devices: 8
Mood/Imagery : 8
Comprehension/Coherence: 9
Word Selection: 9
Spelling/grammar 9*

Wow, this is creepy. Lots going on.  Great internal rhyme, an explosion   of  alliteration, assonance, consonance.  Great turn.  Zinger ending.   I'm jealous.  I wish I'd written this.


All I can find to gripe about is a pesky gerund in line 3 and an   unnecessary article in line 7.  Pretty minor. I also see no reason or   benefit in putting an eclipse after the title, which implies ongoing,   unfinished.  It's a title, so of course it's ongoing.


The one shortcoming here, and not all will see it this way, but I do, is   that, for poetry it is overly narrative.  It's a story.  It is also a   poem. No question.  But the more we move away from story, the more   poetic the poem becomes.  The best poems do not tell the story.  They   show us the aura of the story, what happens inside the story and between   the story and around the story, without telling the story.
==================================================  ====

*#11 Deterioration *by am_hammy

*Structure: 3
Progression/Movement: 3
Rhythm:7
Originality vs cliché.5
Poetic Devices: 4
Mood/Imagery : 4
Comprehension/Coherence: 4
Word Selection: 4
Spelling/grammar 6
*
This poem suffers from a lack of progression.  It beats the same horse   from first line to last. There is no turn, no conclusion. This reader   cannot decipher what the dreaded affliction is.  There is a long list of   symptoms but no disease. The first line asks "How can I see with  closed  eyes?" The simple answer is that you can't.  The reader wants to  know  why the speaker doesn't open his eyes.  This is never addressed.  In the  last stanza the speaker seems to be asking the reader to save  him. Save  him from his own self imposed blindness. I guess that is a  kind of  progression but I don't get the impression that the poet is  conscious of  it. Opression is spelled oppression.
==================================================  ===


*#12 Somewhere ... *by Phil Istine 

*Structure: 3
Progression/Movement: 3
Rhythm: 5
Originality vs cliché. 2
Poetic Devices: 3
Mood/Imagery : 3
Comprehension/Coherence: 5
Word Selection: 5
Spelling/grammar 7*

Here's the thing about words like "Somewhere", if it's somewhere, it's   some where.  Where is it? Name it.  Even if it's unseen, it has a name.    That's what poetry is suppose to do.  Name the unnamed. Say what can't   be said. That's why we do this. Words like somewhere, sometime,   something, etc. fill space and say nothing. If you took out every   instance of the word "somewhere" in this poem, the meaning would be    exactly the same. The word adds nothing to the poem. Three times nothing   is nothing.


Why repeat the title in the first word of the poem? If the first word is   the same as the title, you don't need the first word.  The title is   part of the poem. So what's more important, the first word or the title?   Choose one.  I suggest here, that this is the wrong title for the  poem.  And why is there an eclipse after the title, which implies that  the  statement is unfinished?  It's a title, so of course it's  unfinished.   We know that.


There is heavy use of cliche': time and space, forgotten dreams, slip away, broken dreams.


In both cases of the semi-colon, the right side is a prepositional   phrase, not a grammatical sentence, though each does contain subject,   object, predicate. But because of the preposition "where" the semi-colon   is, strictly speaking, used incorrectly.  But this is poetry and   punctuation is really discretionary.  But I just thought I would point   that out. And now I've been a total prick. Sorry.                          

[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2=Robbie]


*#1Talking Dead* by Firemajic

*Structure 8
Progressive movement 10
Rhythm 6
Originality 2
Poetic device 5
Mood imagery 10
Comprehension/coherence 9
Word selection 7 
SPaG 10
*

The poem could have improved in meter and syllabic count. Accents were   correct on some lines and out of sync in places. It seemed that it was   intended to be iambic pentameter but it failed in places. The intent was   consistent through out the poem. It did make me "feel" which is what a   good poem does...and comprehension was very clear to the reader as was   coherence. Progression was excellent from beginning to end. 
==================================================

*#2 Negative Space* by rcallaci

*Structue 2
Progressive movement 3
Rhythm 5
Originality 10
Poetic device 7
Mood imagery 7
Comprehension/coherence 4
Word selection 8*
*SPaG 10
*

Interesting but does not flow. Meaning/intent is clear but the poem is   chaotic. Comprehension is poor in most places as the reader feels like   she is jumping about. 
Cohesion is fair in places but not throughout the poem. Rhythm and meter are fair for the most part and good especially in 
Mood imagery is good as the theme (for the parts I can understand) stays the same. 
==================================

*#3 **Beyond the Fray* by Darkkin


*Structue 2
Progressive movement 8
Rhythm 1
Originality 3
Poetic device 4
Mood imagery 5
Comprehension/coherence 5
Word selection 6
SPaG 10

*
I like 'Darker than the creeping bruise.' It is the strongest line in   the poem. The poem does progress well throughout the poem so I gave it   an 8 for progressive movement. 
There is no particular rhythm in places and when a structured rhythm   begins it loses it right away. Imagery is fair and very good In the line   I mentioned about the creeping bruise. As a poetic device it sounds   like prose in places. 'A cycle repeating. Try again. Touch. Hold tight,   do not look away.' Could be seen in a "how to" book. The piece is  easily  understood and is consistent in theme, but not particularly  cohesive.  Word selection is fair for the intent of the poem. 
====================================

*#4 **Welcome Home* by MidnightPoet

*Structue 10
Progressive movement 10
Rhythm 9
Originality 8
Poetic device 9
Mood imagery 7
Comprehension/coherence 9
Word selection 9
SPaG 9                         *


This poem is very cohesive with excellent progression. For me I give it   high marks for each criterion. It rings soundly and clearly with   authenticity so it is easy to comprehend and is cohesive. The cohesion   here is part of the imagery as the way it flows seems to become a single   entity as images and form so easily blend and connect with intent. 
===========================================

*#5 Gravity Of The Uterus* by Gumby


*Structure 10
Progressive movement 10
Rhythm 9
Originality 10
Poetic device 9
Mood imagery 10
Comprehension/coherence 10
Word selection 10
SPaG 10
*
Appropriate progression and words choices. Rhythm almost perfect. An   absolute 10 in originality. It's unusual and written very well. Poetic   device is almost matchless as well. Imagery is original and use of   metaphor is outstanding.  It sets a mood and it coheres throughout the   poem. Very, very good comprehension and cohesion. No flaws there for   sure. I love the use of words. They break my heart as the "feeling" of a   good poem is supposed to do. . Spelling grammar have no flaws. The   metaphor (use of words with poetic device combined are remarkable in   last three verses, especially the penultimate and the fifth one. The   line 'gnarled limbs reaching up, hang on to the sky. ' combined with the   hands in the next verse is superb in metaphor and image. Great poem! 
=============================================

*#6
Love Carefully* by TJ 1985


*Structure 9.  
Progressive movement. 9. 
Rhythm 9. 
Originality 3 
Poetic Devices 2 
Mood imagery 4. 
Comprehensive coherence 6
Word selection  5 
SPaG 8 *


Rhythm and intent hold throughout poem.  Cadence/meter flow.   Continues  rhythm to the close. No Originality. This theme is a cliche, weak  metaphors with contrived rhyme. The visuals are there but barely. Very  weak imagery. The words are mundane. Each line in each couplet should  have had shown more action. Too many adjectives. No misspellings/grammar  is fine.                         
==================================================  ===

*#7
cleave* by astroannie

*Structure 8 
Progressive movement. 8 
Rhythm 7.
Originality 10 
Poetic devices 10 
Mood imagery 9 
Comprehensive coherence 10 
Word selection  7 
SPaG 10                           *

Structure begins and ends with with an ironic twist. Movement  progressively flies from beginning to close.    Fair to Good since there  is no structure one must read it as one sentence. Unusual but original  format with words that work with intent. Excellent metaphor (suite  sequester). Each line sustains graphic imagery and mood. Very  comprehensive and coherent/ no flaws, I don't like 'impeccably' would  use something like "confirmed." Impeccably doesn't fit at least for me.  No SPAG flaws.
==========================================

*#8 Lost in Translation* by jenthepen


*Structure 3 
Progressive movement. 5 
Rhythm 5 
Originality 2 
Poetic devices 2 
Mood imagery 3 
Comprehensive cohesion 4 
Word selection 5  
SPaG 9  *

  It's not quite monotonous but it doesn't seem to have structure per  se. The poem adheres by progressive movement. Rhythmic in places but  lacks rhythm and meter in the poems entirety, hardly original but the  poet gets points for effort. No original metaphors, no particular  cadence or meter. There is trite bedroom imagery. Comprehensive cohesion  was sustained. Word selection was unoriginal. 'I complete' is not  comprehensible. I think I know what is meant  and in some instances it  could make sense, so I give grammar a 9.
=================================================

*#9 The Consummation* by John Oberon


*Structure 9 
Progressive movement. 8
Rhythm  8 
Originality 7 
Poetic devices 7 
Mood imagery  8 
Comprehensive cohesion 9 
Word selection 6.
SPaG 10*

The length of lines and line breaks are very good and sustained.   Follows through properly. This poem progresses coherently and is  maintained,  here there are stressed and unstressed syllables (iambs)  'we  learned' as well as trochees with first  syllable strongly  stressed.  'Backward/squinted/tumbling. Clever with irony. I like 'trick  of distance' and 'creamy lava.' Theme and figurative language are good.  Sustained and clear, the mood is set early with the tone  and imagery.  There is introspection in this poem that is realized as  the speaker  understands what is happening in the relationship. The mood  changes as  the voice and point of view change. The close should leave out one  'light.' Say  instead, "we merged with the light that makes rainbows.  "Creates" would  be a stronger verb. 'Makes' weakens the line. Word  selection could be better. The words 'then' 'and'  as well as 'but' are  unnecessary. Say 'we ascended' not 'and we  ascended.' This makes the  poem a bit monotonous in places. There are no grammatical or spelling  errors.
==================================================

*#10 So Close...* by Chester's Daughter

*Structure 9 *
*Progressive movement 9 
Rhythm  8 
Originality 8 
Poetic devices 7 
Mood imagery  10. 
Comprehensive cohesion 10 
Word selection  9 
SPaG 9*

It scans well. Has a good sequence of feet and line length is good.  Clearly the words, mood et al are sustained throughout. Strong  demonstrated with sequence--rise and fall of syllables, great, easy  meter. I like the scenery even though it is inside its strong and  pulls  the reader in. In that context it is original as some poems  written  about this subject leave the reader mystified and feeling  distanced  from the speaker. This writer uses originality in the  setting, very  creative. Good use of alliteration especially in first and second   verses. Side, sofa, study and next corn, coax, chattering. The mood  becomes a bit tense and the reader can feel  it even if the husband  doesn't even sense it. I like the use of mood.  Imagery excellent. I can  smell the popcorn. A tight poem, well done. I like the word selection  yet in last stanza I might  change 'need' to needs' and say 'slide her  eyes to her left.' Leave off  'side'. It doesn't need to be there.
=================================================
*#11 Deterioration* by am_hammy


*Structure 6 
Progressive movement 7 
Rhythm 3 
Originality 2 
Poetic devices 2 
Mood imagery  3 
Comprehensive cohesion 7. *
*Word selection  3 * 
*SPaG 2 *

Stanza separation is fine,  it makes sense, as the writer keeps the  theme moving forward. Consistent to a point but the readability throws  me, so I can't say that the rhythm works well. Trite and cliched. Writer  does separate verses, does maintain mood and imagery but it is cliched.  Choice of words is poor and unoriginal. It creates a whole but the  cliches make it monotonous. In last stanza especially,  the writer's  grammar goes astray.  'Revive' should be "revives" and to keep the poem  active it should be  "takes" and rids" The first line, is rhetorical so I  would put a comma  after life, instead of a question make and save the  question mark after  sight, yet uses "restores" instead of 'restore.'                          
==================================================  ==

*#12 Somewhere* by Phil Istine

*Structure 4 
Progressive movement 9 
Rhythm 5 
Originality 2 
Poetic devices 6 
Mood imagery  7 
Comprehension/coherence 5
 Word selection  7 
SPaG 9 
*
Stanza separation is clearly drawn, progression/movement does make  sense, no variables, consistent . Intent and theme are cliched.  Rhymes--masquerades/charades and others show the poet  is trying. I like  the internal rhyme using 'abraded that rhymes with  charades but I  think it should be "scars abrade" instead of 'abraded  scars.' Begins  and ends with the same mood, although imagery is poor, 'Then' in first  verse does not need to be there, no comma should be placed after 'then'  in first verse. I  think 'between asleep and awake' sounds odd. Writer  should find a word  that mean "being awake."  Being is not the right  word for a poem but if  writer does research he or she will find words  that will elevate the  line.  
==================================================  ===


[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2=audrey]


*#1:  Talking Dead* by Firemajic

*Structure:   6
                Progression/Movement:  5
Rhythm: 6
                Originality:  5
                Poetic Devices: 5
                Mood/Imagery:   5
                Comprehension/Coherence:  6
                Word Selection:  6
                SpaG:  7*

                Comments:   The subject matter works here. I would have   liked for you to move more to the unexpected. The rhythm and rhyme are   predictable and that takes away from your piece, weakens it.  It is the   same with the images in the piece. Try moving in unexpected ways with   imagery. 
==================================================  =


*#2: Negative Space by rcallaci

                Structure: 6
                Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 6
                Originality:  6
                Poetic Devices: 6
                Mood/Imagery: 6
                Comprehension/Coherence: 5
                Word Selection: 6
                SpaG: 6
*
                Comments:  This piece still needs work.  There are   places where grammar suffers from lack of singular/plural agreement. For   example,   "tides of doubt hovers" really should be "tides of doubt   hover."  I am not always a fan of punctuation in poetry, but some   punctuation here might help the understanding of the piece and allow the   piece to breathe a bit more.   And since "it" features prominently in   the end of the first stanza and throughout the rest of the piece, make   sure that we know what "it" refers to.  In the opening stanza  everything  before "it" is plural, so the sudden reference to something  in the  singular is confusing.  On the plus side, I think your images  are  strong. They get a little lost in the piece though.
==================================================  ==

*#3: Beyond the Fray *by Darkkin

*Structure:  7
                Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 7
                Originality: 7
                Poetic Devices: 6
                Mood/Imagery: 7
                Comprehension/Coherence: 6
                Word Selection: 7
                SpaG: 7
*
                Comments:  I have read this piece many times and I keep   changing my mind about what this piece really says.   You have some   gorgeous images here.  But the piece jumps so much from subject to   subject that the reader doesn't get to really savor those images. It   seems as though we just brush up against an image and then you move on.    I would like to see more development  in that regard.  I am also   curious about your use of capital letters. I wonder if you feel that you   must capitalize at the beginning of each new thought.  I don't think   you do, and I think this piece would be stronger without the use of so   many of them.
=================================================

*#4: Welcome Home* by MidnightPoet

*Structure: 5
                Progression/Movement: 5
Rhythm: 7
                Originality:  5
                Poetic Devices:  5
                Mood/Imagery:  4
                Comprehension/Coherence:  5
                Word Selection:  5
                SpaG: 7
*
                Comments: The rhythm of this piece really works to help   create a mood., especially as you move to the last stanza.  I really   missed the use of metaphor in this piece. For me, this piece tells a   story, and without the use of metaphor, it feels much more like prose   than like poetry.    The reader is left with the facts surrounding this   man, but it feels empty without metaphor--we are left with little   complexity or insight into this man.
==================================================

*#5 Gravity Of The Uterus *by Gumby                                                                                                                                                                

*Structure: 8
                Progression/Movement: 9
Rhythm: 8
                Originality: 9
                Poetic Devices: 8
                Mood/Imagery: 8
                Comprehension/Coherence: 9
                Word Selection: 8
                SpaG: 9
*
                Comments: Wonderful write!
==================================================  ==


*#6: Love Carefully* by TJ 1985

*Structure: 6
                Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 6
                Originality: 6
                Poetic Devices: 5
                Mood/Imagery: 5
                Comprehension/Coherence: 5
                Word Selection: 5
                SpaG: 8
*
                Comments:   Be careful in rhyming poetry to make the   rhyme feel effortless. Nothing in the piece must ever be sacrificed to   find a word that rhymes at the end of the line.  The meaning all still   needs to work- the piece needs to flow.  When rhyme doesn't work well,   we notice it too much and that is the problem that I had with this   piece. The flow and meaning and progression were often sacrificed to the   rhyme.
==================================================  =


*#7:  Cleave* by astroannie

*Structure: 8
                Progression/Movement: 7
Rhythm: 8
                Originality: 8
                Poetic Devices: 7
                Mood/Imagery: 8
                Comprehension/Coherence: 8
                Word Selection: 8
                SpaG: 8
*
                Comments: Really well crafted. My only criticism is that   the piece doesn't pull at any emotion from the reader.  I want to care   about the people involved, but I don't. At first, I thought this might   be a function of the length of the piece, but I have read it many  times  now. Every line is well crafted, but emotionally distant.
==================================================  ====

*#8: Lost in Translation* by jenthepen

*Structure: 8
                Progression/Movement: 7
Rhythm: 8
                Originality: 7
                Poetic Devices:  7
                Mood/Imagery: 8
                Comprehension/Coherence: 8
                Word Selection: 8
                SpaG: 9
*
                Comments:  This is a piece that grows on you.  Really well done.
==================================================  ===

*#9:  The Consummation* by John Oberon

*Structure: 7
                Progression/Movement: 7
Rhythm: 6
                Originality: 6
                Poetic Devices: 6
                Mood/Imagery: 6
                Comprehension/Coherence: 7
                Word Selection: 6
                SpaG: 8
*
                Comments:   I liked the idea of this, and especially the   last stanza. But there were too many cliches  in the piece for me.  I   would have liked more unexpected word choices to lift this piece up for   me.  Cliches tend to weaken a piece, and they did that here.
==================================================  ===


*#10 So Close*... by Chester's Daughter
*
                Structure:  8
                Progression/Movement: 8
Rhythm: 8
                Originality: 8
                Poetic Devices: 7
                Mood/Imagery: 7
                Comprehension/Coherence: 8
                Word Selection: 7
                SpaG: 8
*
                Comments:  Well done.  This has a lot of unexpected bite. I would have liked a bit more use of metaphor.
=================================================


*#11 Deterioration* by am_hammy

*Structure:  6
                Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 7
                Originality: 6
                Poetic Devices: 5
                Mood/Imagery: 6
                Comprehension/Coherence: 6
                Word Selection: 6
                SpaG: 8
*
                Comments:  I would have liked more use of metaphor   throughout the piece.  That would make the piece much stronger in my   opinion.  There is also some use of cliche in the piece and for me that   always weakens a poem.   The emotion is strong and the mood is very   clearly penned.
=================================================

*#12 Somewhere* by Phil Istine

*Structure: 6
                Progression/Movement: 6
Rhythm: 8
                Originality: 7
                Poetic Devices:  7
                Mood/Imagery: 7
                Comprehension/Coherence:  5
                Word Selection: 7
                SpaG: 7
*
                Comments: This piece shows much promise.  I had trouble   in the shifts between stanzas.  The progression here didn't work for  me.  I would have liked more linkage between the stanzas in that regard.  But  word choice and mood are really well done.
 [/spoiler2]
​


----------



## PiP

Congratulations to the winners of our first Prize Challenge!

The standard was very high.

Also a vote of thanks to our judges

:champagne::champagne::champagne::champagne::champagne:​


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## rcallaci

*A Grand Poetry Thank You*

The Grand Poetry Challenge (my thanks)

This was an interesting, rewarding, and humbling competition. I thought I entered a finished piece, a grand little masterpiece that would have the judges praising my brilliance; boy, oh, boy, was I in for a rude awakening. I think I came in second to last, this time, in this grand competition. At least it’s an improvement over my last place finish in the Grand Writing Competition. It’s something about these Grand Competitions that bring out the worse in me, I have a tendency to choke or try too hard, rather than just letting it flow.  

I thought the judging was well above par, well more than above par, and I learned much about what was wrong or didn’t work in my piece. I did a revise following the judge’s advice and think that it is now somewhat healed from the wounds that I inflicted upon it. Does it need more work, or coarse it does but it has a new coat of paint and I like it. I put it on the WF blog if one is inclined to give it a look. 

My heartfelt thanks to *Pulse*, *TL Murphy*, *Robbie* and *Audrey,* you gave my poem a well deserved spanking. Your critiques were incisive, insightful, on the mark and extremely helpful. 

The only thing I disagreed or took issue with is about the use of clichés. I intentionally use clichés in most of my poems and in my general writing. Life is one big cliché. Many of those overused phrases are overused because there is common sense and wisdom in them. It’s how you integrate a cliché into your writing, how you look at it from all sides and angles and then add your own flavor and tone to it in order to make it pop or seen in a totally different light. My intent is to show the grace and wisdom of those tired old clichés we see and use in our everyday life. Sometimes it works and sometimes is doesn’t and maybe in this piece it didn’t fly. BTW I counted eleven clichés in the piece 

Congratulations to our winners: a tie-*Chester’s Daughter *for her poem “So Close” and *astoannie’s* poem Cleave- a deserved win for you both. And a lovely and well deserved win in the popular vote goes to our very own in house super poet *Firemajic* (Julia) 

My sincere gratitude to our hosts *PiP *and *Gumby*, this took a lot of work and effort on your part and you both made it quite successful. I extend my bow to you both and lay a kiss on your cheeks. A shake of the hand also goes to *HarperCole*, a glorious and faithful assistant to our royal ladies.   My thanks go also to the media department, (*TK,* *Aquilo*, *hammy*, *Allysan*, and all of the _content managers_)   hip, hip, hoorah, a well rounded effort by all.


----------



## aj47

Oh gosh, I am _astonished_.  This was a tough field.  And I knew the judging would be at an entirely different level from the peer review we're accustomed to with three votes per voice.  Congrats to the other winners. 

My sincere thanks to the judges and to all the folks behind the curtain (whom I will not start naming, lest I inadvertently slight someone by leaving them off).

Pulse - Thank you.  Vocabulary isn't about having a lot of words, but using the exact one you want to convey your meaning.


TL Murphy - I think the line break may be a good idea, but I'm reluctant because I was writing a form.  I'm not an expert but I kind of think it would be cheating to show where the pause needs to be. I'll address *impeccably* below


Robbie - you're not the only one who stumbled over *impeccably* but it is exactly the word I wanted.  It means not just nattily but without stain or *pure*.  This comes from it's roots in the Latin for *sin*, same as *peccadillo*, and I wanted to hint at that. The idea that this distance is complete and utter, without any taint of closeness. Plus the form is _tanka_ and has a syllable count.  I tried on other words and phrases, but that was so exactly what I wanted that I kept coming back to it.

Audrey - I'm sorry the distance didn't work for you. I'm pretty sure I don't care about the characters, either, but recognize that this sort of thing happens and we, on the outside, may never know whose relationships are empty inside.  I was trying to express that anonymity -- that not-knowing. 

Again, thank you to everyone involved.


----------



## midnightpoet

A great surprise, third place - despite a difference of opinion among the judges (I find that to be pretty common here).  I do appreciate all the comments, and congrats to the other winners - fine poems all.  I'm usually good at metaphors, and I'll consider working on that.  I do like narrative poems that tell a story, and I've written several here.  

My goal was to bring out the feelings and experiences of a soldier back from the war, wounded and lost.  He's got bad memories, PTSD,  and he's struggling to survive in the mean streets of home.  I could easily turn this into a prose piece, and I may do that.


----------



## Firemajic

Well, this was a fabulous honor to be in the company of these amazing poets, some who have mentored me, and inspired me...
Thank you Judges! Your critiques of my poem will certainly help me improve and that is my constant desire..
I would like to say [in my defense, that I had 2 copies of my poem, the first was the original.. BEFORE I edited it. The second poem .. was polished and perfect... I meant to enter THAT one, of course, but mistakenly entered the WRONG one... As I said, I would LIKE to say that.. but that would NOT be truthful...hahahaaaa.... I made some glaring mistakes.. 
Congratulations to the winners of this contest! Top notch writing, unique and absolutely worthy of the winner's title! What a fabulous achievement...
Pippy, and the support team... WOW! It is obvious that this was INDEED a team effort that worked together like a well oiled machine... congratulations for a one of a kind event!

To the poets who jumped into this trial by fire, There were NO losers... not a one... congratulations!
jen, Dark Twin...  you are indeed A poet extraordinaire ....

Maestro... Poet God... your poetry continues to inspire my fire... Thank you...

To those who voted for my poem "Talking Dead".. Thank you sooooo verrrry much! Love you bunches...


----------



## Phil Istine

Well done to all the winners and thank you to the judges.  I had hoped to do better than third from last after hitting the dizzy heights of third in the People's Choice voting, but the truth is that it was an honour just to qualify for such a challenge.
I did feel a little handicapped by using the word 'charade' in mine due to the variation in pronunciation either side of the mid-Atlantic ridge - so tried to make it fit whichever pronunciation was used.  I'm not sure that was such a good idea in the end.  I also tried to get away with using 'gyrate' as a more active verb than it actually is - i.e. something that is performed on something else.  On reflection, perhaps I should have made different word choices.
I learned a lot from this challenge and am very happy to have taken part.
Thank you.


----------



## am_hammy

Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest.


That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.

the mispelling of oppression was an error on copying from my word pad which doesn't have spell check so I'd like to clarify that I do know how to spell.

As far as clichés go, I suppose I do go for but a lot of my writing is cathartic and plain and pulled from personal experience. The question at the beginning is to address the mind's eye and the struggle within and what is seen in the mind but that would be even more of a cliché if I actually bothered to mention it.


Maybe I didn't go deep enough to clarify my intent of my poem or elaborate further which subjectively I can't see because I did the best I could to express the emotions but I clearly didn't make it understandable enough for some.


Although I'm agitated at the overall responses, which the theme was understood very well by some of the judges, and judgement of my poetry and style of poetry, when I have a moment to refocus on what is being said I know this will make me better in the end so thank you to the judges for your time and efforts and I know I will take your criticisms constructively after the burn has healed.


----------



many many congrats to all the winners and the participants. You all have done a wonderful job.


----------



## Phil Istine

am_hammy said:


> Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest.
> 
> 
> That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.
> 
> the mispelling of oppression was an error on copying from my word pad which doesn't have spell check so I'd like to clarify that I do know how to spell.
> 
> As far as clichés go, I suppose I do go for but a lot of my writing is cathartic and plain and pulled from personal experience. The question at the beginning is to address the mind's eye and the struggle within and what is seen in the mind but that would be even more of a cliché if I actually bothered to mention it.
> 
> 
> Maybe I didn't go deep enough to clarify my intent of my poem or elaborate further which subjectively I can't see because I did the best I could to express the emotions but I clearly didn't make it understandable enough for some.
> 
> 
> Although I'm agitated at the overall responses, which the theme was understood very well by some of the judges, and judgement of my poetry and style of poetry, when I have a moment to refocus on what is being said I know this will make me better in the end so thank you to the judges for your time and efforts and I know I will take your criticisms constructively after the burn has healed.
> 
> 
> ----------
> 
> 
> 
> many many congrats to all the winners and the participants. You all have done a wonderful job.



I think it needs to be remembered that you actually have to achieve something just to qualify for entry.  Most people on here didn't manage that.
I don't know what you did, but my invitation was on the back of two wins in the Purple Pip Challenge last year.  It would be easy to tell myself that I only received the invitation because my first attempts were rubbish, but it also says that I have the capacity to improve on mistakes.  If your invitation was via Purple Pip, just tell yourself that it shows you have the capacity to learn and improve.
Some of the critique my work (note, my work - not I) received felt pretty scathing too, but I qualified to enter.  I knew I was going up a notch and would have been in shock had I won it.  I suppose it's a bit like the football team, I support - a few years ago they were promoted two consecutive seasons seemingly sweeping all before them.  They struggled at the higher level.
I'm thinking of asking Amsawtell to join her boot camp, though I won't be asking until summer is over as this is my peak earning time of year approaching and I need to make the most of that.  So I could be spending next winter polishing rifles and digging holes.


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## PiP

am_hammy said:


> Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest...
> 
> 
> That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.



hammy, you belong in the challenge because you qualified for it. 

Please remember, to win a poetry challenge at WF is one hell of an achievement. At least_ you_ put your best foot forward and entered. There were many, including myself, who qualified but did not. 

I think we need to remember this was a prize and not a mentor challenge and judging was always going to be tough because what was at stake. I would not have expected anything less from our judges who were carefully chosen for their wealth of experience.

I ask you not to take this personally. Learn from the critique; rewrite the poem using the judges comments then post to the workshop.


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## Phil Istine

Just to add to what Pip and I have posted, although the judges' scoring looked about right to me overall, I noticed that one of the judges actually scored my piece level with one of the joint winners (mine finished 10th from 12).  So I guess that's an indication of how subjective the scoring can be.


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## Darkkin

Thank you to the judges for their excellent critiques.  And in all honesty, had I known the judging criteria I would not have entered.  My style doesn't possess the required critcal elements of rhythm and metaphor.  Point and fact, my piece had no business being in an august field.  Apologies for any inconvenience.  Kudos to our winners.  Well deserved.


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## Aquilo

Congratulations to all winners, and especially to everyone who entered! Fantastic competition.


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## aj47

Darkkin said:


> Thank you to the judges for their excellent critiques.  And in all honesty, had I known the judging criteria I would not have entered.  My style doesn't possess the required critcal elements of rhythm and metaphor.  Point and fact, my piece had no business being in an august field.  Apologies for any inconvenience.  Kudos to our winners.  Well deserved.



I think you sell yourself short, although you raise a valid point.  

First, though, I think you need to play to your strengths. When you don't have something, throwing in the towel isn't generally the best approach.  Far better is to maximize what you *do* have.  In my piece, I didn't have rhyme, I didn't have meter. So I made that work *for* me, rather than against me.  

I believe you have a valid point about the dissemination of the judging criteria. In the fiction challenge, the criteria were pretty much spelled out.  I'm not sure where a "these are the judging criteria" should have been put for the poetry invitational so that we would all know what the judges were working from.


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## Gumby

I know that hard crits sting, believe me, I've been on the blistering end of many in my time, I still am. But if you can change the way you look at them, you will help yourself tremendously. They aren't personal, even though it _feels_ personal ( we are human after all.)  The ones that sting the most are the ones I've learned the most from, they made me determined to improve and not make that same mistake again, if I could help it. 

It's always a wonderful feeling to 'win' a competition, who doesn't like that? But for me, the greatest prize is the crit, harsh as it may seem. It is a gift, a free gift, of someone's knowledge and expertise.


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## -xXx-

am_hammy said:


> Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest.
> 
> That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.



did you enjoy what you wrote?
'cuz other people did.


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## rcallaci

am_hammy said:


> Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest.



hammy

Yes it stings, it hurts and for an instant you feel like a failure and a fraud for even attempting poetry. Then the anger kicks in and you say what the hell do they know, this was some goof stuff, they are just a bunch of high tooting fools. And then you really look at your poem from a different eye and slowly realize that most of what they said was right.  You realize that you may have rushed your poem, used the wrong word selection or jumbled a few phrases. You rework it and say to yourself now I'm glad I revised it. I'll do better in the next competition and the next and the next. 

Don't feel bad this is how you get better... Now I've won many poetry contests on other sites and even this one, some have been published years ago under my stage name I used when I was acting, and yet I came second to last in this competition.  Those feelings I mentioned above I felt but I also knew that I forced the piece and that much of what they said was spot on. 

You're a good writer and poet, work through the pain, and believe me there is no need to feel bad or humiliated that you came in last. I came in last at the grand writing comp and now second to last on the poetry and I know that I'm a good writer and poet but I wasn't this particular time. We all hit home-runs but we tend to strike out more - this is a great baptism of fire for you- 

warmest
bob


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## Phil Istine

I wasn't actually too disappointed with being tenth per se, it's just that my expectations had been raised a bit by achieving the third highest score in the People's Choice Challenge.  I suppose I was hoping that I might achieve third in the main challenge too.
When I'm less tired, I intend to run those critiques over my poem to see what improvements I can make.


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## Firemajic

rcallaci said:


> hammy
> 
> Yes it stings, it hurts and for an instant you feel like a failure and a fraud for even attempting poetry. Then the anger kicks in and you say what the hell do they know, this was some goof stuff, they are just a bunch of high tooting fools. And then you really look at your poem from a different eye and slowly realize that most of what they said was right.  You realize that you may have rushed your poem, used the wrong word selection or jumbled a few phrases. You rework it and say to yourself now I'm glad I revised it. I'll do better in the next competition and the next and the next.
> 
> Don't feel bad this is how you get better... Now I've won many poetry contests on other sites and even this one, some have been published years ago under my stage name I used when I was acting, and yet I came second to last in this competition.  Those feelings I mentioned above I felt but I also knew that I forced the piece and that much of what they said was spot on.
> 
> You're a good writer and poet, work through the pain, and believe me there is no need to feel bad or humiliated that you came in last. I came in last at the grand writing comp and now second to last on the poetry and I know that I'm a good writer and poet but I wasn't this particular time. We all hit home-runs but we tend to strike out more - this is a great baptism of fire for you-
> 
> warmest
> bob






:salut::applouse::applouse::applouse::applouse::applouse:.... Words of wisdom from the resident Poet God....


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## Darkkin

Playing to one's strengths, sound advice if one has strengths to play to.  Twice in the last three months I've been told to delete my hard drives, and at this point it seems like feasible advice.  Judges' critiques were thorough and spot on, the fundamental flaw lies in my thought processes.

Again, kudos to all who entered.  Congrats to the winners.  And thank you to the judges.


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## Chesters Daughter

Whoa, this is unexpected. I'm going to be hard pressed to explain the cracked hardwood caused by my jaw hitting the floor. Apologies for the delay, a series of torrential downpours has brought back the buffering plague, and it's supposed to rain this way all week which means my ability to be here is going to be dictated by the weather. I hate Fios. 

I'd like to express my abundant thanks to all the members of our family whose tireless and dedicated efforts brought this project to fruition so beautifully. You guys done good, real good. Take a bow, all. I was more than honored to be asked to participate, and am truly grateful for the opportunity to do so.

I would also like to express my gratitude to our esteemed judges whose expertise shines throughout the honest and valuable in-depth critique they've offered to all of us. I was able to read a good deal of their comments earlier today, and got booted off before I was able to delve as completely as I intend to, but their points are exceptionally valid and should be explored by all. Thank you for sharing your know-how with us, and for providing the community as a whole with a learning experience.

I am shocked that I placed at all. When I found out that the pieces would be judged, I fairly had a heart attack because I've never had any of my work evaluated by a panel of judges, ever. I was positive my work would be dissected into nasty little bits of incompetence. Goes to show how we can all be our own worst enemies when it comes to how our work will be perceived. Knowing that my piece would be put under a microscope by such knowledgable folk made my butterflies turn to bees, and quite frankly, almost kept me from entering. In the end, the honor of being invited, coupled with the hard work of so many to make this possible, made me put my fear aside. After all, no matter the outcome, I was going to gain the gift of critique, and in the never-ending pursuit of improvement that we all share, it is a precious gift, indeed. Then to top it off, I went way outside my box with my entry, going with a short piece as opposed to my usual fifteen over-stuffed stanzas. I was completely prepared for, and accepting of, a complete flop. That said, my surprise at how well it turned out is huge and genuine, and I thank everyone profusely for their kind consideration.

There's been much discussion in this thread about the sting honest critique can bring. Yes, it hurts like hell, and I know from personal experience. How I wish my earliest pieces, and the crit they received, did not go the way of the wooly mammoth with the site purge, for then I'd be able to share how much I sucked. And boy, did I. The critique I received was consistently harsh, and deservedly so, although I did not think so at the time. I took the honest and just critique of my work as a personal insult. And I pouted, and I got angry, for surely all of those in the know were just being elitist and unfair. Never publicly, mind you, I seethed silently, and then felt so sorry myself and my crap poems, and crap they truly were, I was going to throw the towel in. And if it hadn't been for Baron, bless his kind soul, I would have. He saw something in me he believed I should develop, and he was able to drill through this concrete head of mine and get past my self pity to instill in me a desire to learn and cultivate what I already possessed. If you were invited to participate in this event, you already have a nautral ability, and honest critique will only aid you in refining it. It truly is a gift. We all start out as beginners, and I challenge anyone here to say they began as a Laureate, it just doesn't work that way. It takes hard work, dedication, and acceptance of our shortcomings to excel at anything. Helping hands along the way just propel us along our chosen paths all the quicker. Remember, I've been there, so brush it off, learn from it, and go forth and conquer. Show the world what you can do. It is both my distinct honor and pleasure to have been able to post amongst all of you.

Infinite thanks yet again to our challenge organizers, and our wonderful judges. Time and weather permitting, I will be posting again as soon as possible to address the points made regarding my piece. Please know that your time and trouble are both very well appreciated.

Congratulations to all of our winners, as well as every participant! Being invited was victory in itself, and everyone has put forth fine efforts despite some minor and correctable imperfections. Write on, my fellow poets, write on!


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## aj47

Darkkin said:


> Playing to one's strengths, sound advice if one has strengths to play to.  Twice in the last three months I've been told to delete my hard drives, and at this point it seems like feasible advice.  Judges' critiques were thorough and spot on, the fundamental flaw lies in my thought processes.
> 
> Again, kudos to all who entered.  Congrats to the winners.  And thank you to the judges.



D, people who tell you to delete are *always* wrong.  Erasing the past makes it absolutely certain you cannot learn from it.  Revision, yes. Reworking, yes.  If I had deleted my sucky piece from 2012, I could not have written *Duuude* (which is in the workshop).  I used to believe in wiping the slate clean, too.  But that was a younger, more foolish, me.  Experience has shown that even the stinkiest manure can be used as fertilizer to grow beautiful flowers.  

Read my sig.  I first ran across this quote twenty-something years ago. It stuck with me all this time.  I have it there as my inspiration to host *Colors of Fiction*. I'm not sure I can do it, or that I'm ready to do it, but to refuse the gift of the test would be worse than falling on my ass trying.


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## Darkkin

This goes deeper than revision, this is basic reasoning.  And there is no fixing, no revision of _that_.  Competition and publishable poetry are all about the box.  But how can one stay inside the box if one doesn't even know what a box is?  The answer is you can't because no one understands the perspective from which you see.  It is just too far off the beaten path.  If a tree falls out here no one knows about, let alone sees or hears it.  It just decays, unobtrusively returning what it had to the earth.  Eventually nothing remains.


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## PiP

Goodness, Darkkin. Your poetry is different and it is way outside the box. Rejoice in being different and stop beating yourself up.  

ETA: sorry to be so blunt...but I mean it: Be different and don't apologize. If i had your talent I'd just shrug my shoulders and move on.


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## Darkkin

One thing I really don't care for in anonymous challenges is the loss of context.  I read for it, I write for it.  Always working in a round.  Does a piece make sense on its own, yes, but when seen as a whole, totally different perspective.  In dealing with a box standard, never a good fit.  That being said, a huge thank you to all who took the time to critique, vote, and organize this challenge.


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## Firemajic

Darkkin said:


> This goes deeper than revision, this is basic reasoning.  And there is no fixing, no revision of _that_.  Competition and publishable poetry are all about the box.  But how can one stay inside the box if one doesn't even know what a box is?  The answer is you can't because no one understands the perspective from which you see.  It is just too far off the beaten path.  If a tree falls out here no one knows about, let alone sees or hears it.  It just decays, unobtrusively returning what it had to the earth.  Eventually nothing remains.




But, That is NOT you or your poetry... You will never be unseen or unheard... You are what I call a Christopher Columbus Poet... You are an explorer of uncharted poetic territory... adventurous and daring... Nope, you do NOT fit into a box, you belong on a ship sailing on a vast sea, following the enchanting magical firefly tide, mapping Strangeways...


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## Darkkin

Next year, it might help to allow the poets to know what the box looks like and what its parameters are beyond just the word count and the theme.  Something to consider.


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## jenthepen

Congratulations to all the winners! Great job, guys!

And, Jul, well done! It was a pleasure to lose the elimination poll to my deserving dark twin. 

Thanks to the organisers for arranging this challenge (hope there will be more to come) and to the judges for all their hard work.

Especial thanks to Pulse for understanding my poem so well and giving such an accurate reflection of my thoughts in your review. You absolutely _got_ what I was attempting to achieve.

Thank you, TL Murphy, for a solid critique and some helpful observations and suggestions.

Ooh, Robbie, you didn’t mince your words and I appreciate that. A critique is next to useless if it isn’t honest and, if you didn’t connect to my poem, you were right to say so in the strongest terms. I take on board your complaints - but _trite bedroom imagery? *Moi*?_

Thank you, Audrey, for persevering with my poem and for the kind words.

Great work, everyone who entered, we live to fight another day.


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## aj47

Darkkin said:


> Next year, it might help to allow the poets to know what the box looks like and what its parameters are beyond just the word count and the theme.  Something to consider.



*Structure*
*Progression/Movement*
*Rhythm*
*Originality*
*Poetic Devices*
*Mood/Imagery*
*Comprehension/Coherence*
*Word Selection*
*SPaG*
Which of these, exactly, comprise the *box* you are thinking of? 

The *purple* represents places I see where you are highly skilled/talented/gifted (as appropriate to the category).  Not just good, *outlier* good.


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## Harper J. Cole

Congratulations, everyone! And thanks to all 12 entrants for sharing their talent with us. Even if you didn't get good marks from the judges, there were voters who put you in their top three! :5stars:


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## Harper J. Cole

EDIT

Oops, I double posted I'm that excited. 

Well then, a special nod to *PiP* for being the main driving force behind this contest. :queen:

HC


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## TJ1985

Thanks to the judges and for everyone who cast a vote.


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