# April 2016 - LM - The Sun and the Dragon - Scores



## kilroy214 (May 3, 2016)

Smithkilroy214amsawtelltotalTerry D
_The Scent of Ginger_18171918Joshybo17171817.33bdcharles
_It's Song is the End-
Music of Man_15191817.33Tealynn
_Endriago_14161816Ephemeral_One16151716rcallaci15.5151615.5Godofwine16151515.33ArrowInTheBow
OfTheLord18131415sleepwriter17.5141214.5sed14.5141213.5BookCook16111012.33

We Have a lot of ties going on this round. I'll you all to play tie breaker.
In First Place, we have Terry D's _The Scent of Ginger_
Tied for second, we have Joshybo with _The Myth of Dragon_, and bdcharles's _It's Song is the End-Music of Man _
Tied for fourth is Tealynn with _Endriago_, and Ephemeral__One's __The Sun and Dragon_

Congratulations to all entrants and to the judges, you deserve a round of applause. You make the LM's possible! Members may now "like" "Lol" or "thank" and of the entries if they so choose to.  Hope to see you all back and more for next month's challenge!
Time for scores!!!


[spoiler2=Smith's Scores] 
[*]*joshybo**
“The Myth of Dragon"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 7/10
Overall: 17/20*

The creativity you demonstrated here in this pourquoi tale is inspiring; definitely something not within my own comfort zone (as far as something I would write). Reminded me of old Native American stories.

I guess the only nit-pick I noticed is that from my experience dragons have always been viewed as destructive, and something to fear by man. Not saying I took any points away or something for going against the grain, just an observation that didn’t have any impact on your score. Perhaps the eastern-world’s interpretations and views are different. Perfectly fine. Well written my man.


[*]*Sleepwriter**
“Mestariens"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 7.5/10
Overall: 17.5/20*

I thought this was a very solid, entertaining story. You did a good job of spinning something typical into something a little more unique, with your own wonderful voice and style. The dragon gets its energy from the sun? Cool.

In my opinion, “through” would have been a much more engaging word choice than “past” when talking about the village. Because then there seems to be a greater impression that the ground shaking applies to the villagers, and that it is very immediate.

You do a wonderful job of bringing the world to life. Just mentioning names like that of the forest or the village, as well as a brief mention of a past war, achieves this wonderfully (not to mention the description of the war seemed to be an ode to Tolkien, but maybe I’m imagining things). It’s just the right amount of worldbuilding for a flash story such as this. At the end I wanted you to leave a little disclaimer that you’re going to write a book about these knights. Like a Band of Brothers-esque dragon slaying fantasy! I wanted to stay there for a little while longer; good job.

One thing that lost you half a point in effect is when they take out the wooden arrows. This part confused me because you had just described the scales having a surface almost like granite. I assumed that this was to provide “suppressing fire” for the advancing swordsmen and cavalry, but this seems to be contradicted a little bit by the following word “Unfazed”. If that was indeed what you were going for, I think saying “The dragon was suppressed by the barrage, but ultimately just aggravated, completely unscathed” or something to that effect may have been better.

Normally I don’t take anything off for stuff like that, but it took me “out of the zone” so to speak for a moment, trying to figure out what the purpose of that was but to no avail (I mean, these knights are so experienced, I’d think they wouldn’t have to find out the hard way that wood arrows wouldn’t pierce).

Besides that, excellent piece!


[*]*Book Cook**
“A Brief Encounter"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 6/10
Overall: 16/20*

I envy your lovely descriptions.

The first paragraph is entirely unnecessary considering the word count. I appreciate the sentiment, but I believe it would’ve been way better spending those words towards the end.

I’d suggest making a couple subtle hints at the dragon in the middle of the piece. I think that would allow you to tease us along more effectively to the reveal at the end.

Keep it up with the strong imagery, beautiful stuff.


[*]*rcallaci**
“Dragon Night---Moonlight"
Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 6/10
Overall: 15.5/20*

“Somehow that bitch Moon must have hidden her.” Haha, I love your style!

Overall a very interesting piece. A little dense for me at parts, and there were a couple times I had to stop and re-read something. But I really enjoyed the Romeo and Juliet spin you put on it. Well done Bob.


[*]*sed**
“Caucasian Male, 27"
Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 5/10
Overall: 14.5/20*

I thought that the descriptions were good. You do a good job of setting the scene, that’s for sure.

Unfortunately I don’t really know what exactly happened. I was rather befuddled. I feel like I have a good guess as to what it was all about, but ultimately all I got was a biker followed a girl he didn’t know to a bar, she asked for a cigarette and a light, then he did the same in return, and then he woke up in a hospital.

Of course, that’s if I took it literally. I would like to assume that this was all meant to be figurative.


[*]*Anonymous Entry**
“Its Song Is The End -- Music Of Man"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 5/10
Overall: 15/20*

I enjoyed the piece up until the end of the third to last paragraph. From there on I was completely lost.

I’ve re-read it several times but I still can’t grasp what exactly is trying to be said or done here.

Of course, I’m pretty sure the “dragon within the dragon’s eye” is supposed to be figurative, but I don’t know what it means. Because when you describe how it wants to “snuff out the daylight” I felt a negative connotation there, which was immediately confused by their increasing happiness at the dragon’s roar. I can’t tell what the significance of all that is, nor do I understand where the “dragon-mother” came from.

Really unfortunate, because I feel like I’m missing something that would make this piece really shine.


[*]*Anonymous Entry**
“Endriago"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 4/5
Effect: 5/10
Overall: 14/20*

Brings about an interesting question of whether or not parents have any right over their child’s dreams. Walking the fine line between thinking you can live through them, and hoping they fulfill their own dreams. At least, that’s what I got from your piece anyway.


[*]*The Sun and Dragon**
“Ephemeral_One"
Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 6.5/10
Overall: 16/20*

I enjoyed this. Lovely voice and tone.

Personally I think the bit with Private Kilroy was more of a tangent though. Same with the Lieutenant. I think that some of those words could have been better spent focusing on the flamethrower. Really delving into just why that tank felt heavier to the narrator. What he was feeling.

Reminds me of the movie Full Metal Jacket, and of course Vietnam or the US fighting Japan in WWII.


[*]*Lights in the Sky**
“godofwine"
Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Tone/Voice: 4.5/5
Effect: 7/10
Overall: 16/20*

It’s pretty difficult building an entire story out of just dialogue. Well done. Didn’t get lost as far as who was talking or anything like that, and the characters had solid voice and personality.

One thing I liked about the piece was just how easily relatable it was. Reminds me of the Roswell era and things of that nature. Your typical UFO incident story, but still just as effective. I’ve seen some weird things too. But I thought your implementation of the prompt may have been a bit of a stretch.


[*]*The Bee Dragons**
“ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 8/10
Overall: 18/20*

What I got from this is that, as kids, we grow up and start to lose the magic. That’s because we have expectations of how things should be. Your story, and the wise old grandfather, says to me that maybe we’re looking at it all wrong. That this magic is all around us, we just have to let ourselves see it. We can either see the bumblebee as nothing special, or we can see it as a small dragon, a beauty of nature we need to appreciate.

A very special submission, coming from somebody who misses their own grandfather for all the valuable things they taught me and all the fun times we shared. Thank you for sharing!


[*]*The Scent of Ginger**
“Anonymous"
Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Tone/Voice: 5/5
Effect: 8/10
Overall: 18/20*

I saw it coming and yet it still had a great effect on me.

Still, I think the deeper question begging to be asked here, is why did she leave him? Masterfully done if I say so myself, because I recognize that not as an error, but as a meaningful inquiry left for the reader to ponder.

And when a piece makes me think long and hard about something important like that -- and not only important to the story but important to life -- I know it’s good.        [/spoiler2]


[spoiler2=kilroy214's scores]  The Myth of Dragon
 Joshybo

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 5
 Effect: 7
 Total: 17

 I really liked the tone of this story, as if we were following a mythos of some kind. It was interesting and captivating to the reader, and paired with tight SPaG that I’ve come to expect from your work, it was overall a very enjoyable read.


 Mestariens
 Sleepwriter

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 4
 Total: 13

 I thought this tale of high fantasy had some really good imagery to it, and the overall story was pretty interesting. However, I found myself thinking throughout reading that there was a lot of telling and not showing going on, especially in the first half of the story, ie-how dragons use the sun to breath fire, the Orcs and Elves that have nothing to do with this story.

 I also felt that there really was no tension or emotion in the story, even though what we’re reading should be filled with both, and I think that it is because we are told the story at such a distant perspective, there isn’t much of a connection to be had with these knights.  Maybe if we had a main character that we saw the events play out through his POV might have fixed that.


 A Brief Encounter
 Bookcook

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 3
 Effect: 3
 Total: 11

 There was some great image writing that went on in this story and it painted a beautiful world. However, the opening line of this became a loaded question; we came here for a story, and we did not get one.
 This did not feel like a story at all, and the constant talk of the narrator telling us we would get one eventually only kept reminding me that there we weren’t getting one.


 Dragon Night – Moonlight
Rcallaci

SPaG: 4 
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 7
 Total: 15

 I really liked the mythological feel of this story, and the tension between the Sun and Moon and their offspring caught in the middle, it really helped reinforce the idea of the forbidden love between the two dragons. I did think the incest aspect of their relationships was slightly distracting, although not critically so, and looking back, it actually helps make the joining of the Sun dragon and Moon dragon feel more right than ever.
 There were a few things that took me out of the story, the major one being the shift of the main character’s name from ‘Morgalena’ to ‘Magdalena’ in the second to last paragraph. Otherwise, it was nice story that felt total and complete within the theme and allotted words.


 Caucasian Male, 27
 Sed

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 3
 Effect: 6
 Total: 14

 This was an interesting take on the prompt, and it had my attention from the get go. There was some interesting storytelling going on here, but I felt as though there was enough explanation by the end. I never really understood what happened between the time he remembers the flashbacks to the girl and the moment he’s in the hospital, and without that exposition it made the flashbacks seem sort of pointless, as though they really nothing to do with the rest of the story. I feel like they were supposed to, but I just could not draw a connection.


 It’s Song Is The End-Music Of Man
 bdcharles

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 5
 Effect: 9
 Total: 19

 I thought this was a pretty good take on the prompt, and I liked how the story kind of starts light hearted and a bit funny, and then takes this haunting turn towards the end. Through the telling of the story through the child, there is this tragic innocence that makes the story kind of heartbreaking on end that really plays at the emotions.
 I thought the narration was spot on and told beautifully, and was overall well executed.


 Endriago
 Tealynn

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 5
 Effect: 6
 Total: 16

 This was kind of a beautifully-tragic story that put an interesting twist on the prompt, which is something I like to see in these competitions. The ending is great and I thought the way it tied in with the rest of the story was awesome. There were a few things that gave me pause, the biggest one when the grandmother tells the child not to listen to its lies, it being the dragon, I assumed.
 I felt like this seemed kind of like a strange thing to be said, and felt a little out of place. In the grand scheme of things, it makes sense in the story, but at the moment of reading it, it felt a little odd, and overall, sounds just a bit ham-fisted.


 The Sun and the Dragon
 Ephemral_One

 SPaG: 4.5
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 6.5
 Total: 15

 I wasn’t too crazy with the ending of the story, the fact that it was made to look like a journal entry or something of the like with the sign off. Other than that, I generally liked this story, it had action and a main character for the reader to connect with, and I enjoyed that it wasn’t too telling about ‘the who’ and ‘the why’. It really lets the reader fill in the blanks for themselves and helps with getting immersed in the story. I thought there were one or two awkward lines, the one “Though , next to the heat and noise…” read a little bungled to me, and “…the bigger the target we were.” I think should probably be the Longer a target.  All in all, rather minor stuff.


 Lights in the Sky
 Godofwine

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 6
 Total: 15

 I seriously did not expect and alien’s story from this prompt. I have to say, first and foremost, the lack of dialogue tags and the odd paragraph breaks made this a bit hard to follow.
 I am also kind of torn about what was being said.  On one hand, the dialogue seems believable, like two guys just talking, and then we would get a line like “…with my mouth agape in awe…”  or “I yanked her bodily out of the chair…” and “…rotated ninety degrees, and took off light speed-style down the street.” These don’t feel legit, like normal people don’t talk like that.
 I liked that the story didn’t require any narration, it felt like we were just kind of eavesdropping on the conversation, and the dialogue was mostly great and believable, it was just that a few things sounded clunky to me, and that really pulled me out of the story.


 The Bee Dragons
 ArrowInTheBowOfThe Lord

 SPaG: 4
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 5
 Total: 13

 I enjoyed that this story really felt like we were reliving a memory of the character of the child in this story and the description and imagery are well told. However, I couldn’t help but wish something more had happened in this story, like perhaps seeing a reason why the reader is harkening back on this memory. In its context it leaves the reader wanting more. Too much more.
 There were a few instances that wrong uses of words were used, “…in the grass nearby the flowers.” Should be just ‘near’, and “There’s a long time where none of us talk…” should be ‘Neither’.


The Scent of Ginger
 Terry D.

 SPaG: 5
 Tone: 5
 Effect: 7
 Total: 17

 This was a well told, sad tale of loss, and I loved that it didn’t go overboard tugging at the heartstrings, it reader allowed the reader to feel as sad as they wanted to at it. It was like eavesdropping on the situation, and the reader isn’t hit over the head with the what and the why and the how, we’re allowed to slowly find out, and it is the build-up that  really brings it all home.
 I though the take on the prompt was delightfully different and the story was overall well written and well told.            [/spoiler2]


[spoiler2=amsawtell's scores] *Title:* The Myth of Dragon
*Author: *Joshybo

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *5/5
*Effect: *8/10

*Overall: 18*

 This is a very well written fantasy. This easily reads like a good myth.

*Title: *Mestariens
*Author: *Sleepwriter

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *3/5
*Effect: *5/10

*Overall: *13/20

 This is pretty solid fantasy fodder. I think the word count was working against you with this story though. The tone of this was stilted and heavy with telling. There isn’t a main character which makes it difficult to find an emotional center for the story. There are several lines that are cliché.

 I think that the best way to tighten this story up is to introduce a main character and to keep the narrative tight to that character.

*Title: *A Brief Encounter
*Author: *Bookcook

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *4/5
*Effect: *1/10

*Overall: *10/20

 The way you told this is different. This wasn’t so much a story as a character telling us a setting. There isn’t any reason for the readers to want to read this as there isn’t an emotional center. There is also no action. We don’t see these things so much as we’re _told_ to see these things. 

*Title: *Dragon Night--Moonlight
*Author: *Rcallaci

*SPaG: *4/5
*Tone: *5/5
*Effect: *7/10

*Overall: *16/20

 I enjoyed the mythos this has built and I really liked how the story seemed to just flow. From what I see there are only a few issues with the story.

_" . . . with many of them no longer alive only half of his light now shined."_
 The word "shine" has two definitions: 1) to emit light and 2) to cause to gleam by polishing. The past tense of the first definition is "shone" whereas the same is true for the second definition and "shined." This distinction is becoming increasingly fuzzy, however, and shined is being increasingly used in place of "shone."

_"Daybreaker and Nighthawk, Magdalena’s first borne searched for their father."_
 There are two issues here. 1) I thought the Dragon’s name was Morgalena and 2) borne is the past participle for "bear" (as in to carry) in all ways not related to birth.

*Title: *Caucasian Male, 27
*Author: *sed

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *3/5
*Effect: *4/10

*Overall: *12/20

 I think this story has a lot going on that is interesting and a different take on the prompt. I’m confused as to what is going on or who’s talking and when. Several passages feel out of place which gives this a disjointed feel. I understand that you’re trying for a memory/reality effect but without the proper formatting to tell us what part is which it just leaves the reader confused. 

*Title: *Its Song Is The End—Music of Man
*Author: *anonymous

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *5/5
*Effect: *8/10

*Overall: *18/20

 This is a very solid modern fantasy/sci-fi story. I like the metaphysical ideas at play in this story—we’re just a universe inside of something much larger and grander but that universe can give birth to another and another, ad infinitum. The characterization of the siblings is believable.

*Title: *Endriago
*Author: *anonymous

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *5/5
*Effect: *8/10

*Overall: *18/20

 This is beautifully sad and all too real. The small touches of Spanish dialect helped with the characterization without the author having to come forward and tell us the ethnicity of the characters. 

*Title: *The Sun and Dragon
*Author: *Ephemral_One

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *5/5
*Effect: *7/10

*Overall: *17/20

 There are only a few little nit-picky things that could tighten up this story and every person who reads this will have something different. I think this is a perfectly fine war story and I like that it’s not over-dramatic or over-done. I think the last two lines are unnecessary and would serve as a better title.

*Title: *Lights in the sky
*Author: *Godofwine

*SPaG: *4/5
*Tone: *4/5
*Effect: *7/10

*Overall: *15/20

 The voice is pretty solid and the story is interesting. There are a few places where the character’s voice fails and the writer takes over but, overall, this wasn’t badly done.

 I would have preferred if you had dropped the quotations at the beginning of paragraphs within the character’s retelling to indicate that it was the same person speaking. I think some dialogue tags would have helped too.

*Title: *The Bee Dragons
*Author: *ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord

*SPaG: *4/5
*Tone: *4/5
*Effect: *7/10

*Overall: *14/20

 This was really sweet. The characterization is a little off for a six-year-old and the language used by the six-year-old is a little advanced but if the tense is switched to a past tense instead of a present tense it would seem like a recitation of a memory and I think that would work better.

_" . . . in the grass nearby the flowers."_
 In the grass near the flowers sounds better.

_"There’s a long time where none of us talk . . ."_
 There are more than just the two characters there?

 The ending is a little overdone and a little overdramatic. I think I would have preferred ending with Andre’s "thank you."

*Title: *The Scent of Ginger
*Author: *anonymous

*SPaG: *5/5
*Tone: *5/5
*Effect: *9/10

*Overall: *19/20

 This is so very sad. I’m not ashamed to say that I cried a little at this one. The pacing was just right and the reveal was pretty well perfect for the emotional impact.        [/spoiler2]


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## joshybo (May 3, 2016)

Congrats, Terry!  A beautifully crafted story, as is to be expected of your talents.  I figured it for the win this time.

Congrats as well to my fellow runners-up!  Nice work all around.  The amount of ties is actually a positive, as it just shows how the talent-level of this competition is growing steadily.

Thanks, judges, for your time and effort.  Big ups to kilroy for keeping this competition rolling.

Smith - Thank you much for your kind words!  Dragons in Eastern mythologies do have a deeper range of personalities than we see in a lot of Western/European history, so you're right about that.  Dig into those stories if you get a chance.  They are well worth the time and they sometimes bring a new perspective to our typical Western thought patterns.  I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece, nonetheless!

kilroy & amsawtell - Thank you both, as well, for your kind words about my piece this month!  I'm always glad to see that a story worked as I'd intended, and it was nice to see that my attempt at writing a myth of some sort didn't fall entirely flat.  Thank you!

I'm looking forward to next month already, and I hope to see all of you back, be it as a judge or a competitor.


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## rcallaci (May 3, 2016)

congrats to terry for an outstanding story and well done to all those who have placed- good job.

Thank you smith, kilroy and amsawtell - good job,good crits.  As always Mr Kilroy -a great hosting job 

I screwed up on on Morgalena's name - I have no idea how I changed her name to Magdalena-mistyping at it's best-one bad typo-my fingers were drunk at the  time. About the shine shone thing -the proper use of tenses is like a time fuck- it screws around with my brain


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## Sleepwriter (May 4, 2016)

Congrats Terry!   And a big thank you to Smith, Amsawtell and to Kilroy pulling double duty as judge and host!

Smith-  thank you for the feedback and I agree on the arrows, should have removed them.   I have started gathering material to work something bigger up for my knights.

Kilroy- This was my first real go at a fantasy tale, I think I got caught up thinking about future stories for my heroes, and lost my way.  

Amsawtell- The word count was an issue as I dug in.  I hacked and slashed it a bit too much.  I have and MC, I just left him out, for whatever stupid reason I had at the time

On ward and up ward...hopefully  














Smith


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## bdcharles (May 4, 2016)

Nice work Terry! There was some challenging, varied and highly inventive competition this month. And woo! Tied for second with joshybo! Woo-hoo! etc.  I actually wrote three pieces for this. One was a bit more of a "variant" on the prompt whereby two competing take-away joints, "The Sun" and "The Dragon" went to war over ... well, I may bang it up on crit but it was a bit too gritty and bleak for the moment, and didn't have the magic that the prompt warranted. Another invoked the dragon-eats-the-sun idea which seems to have been very popular, but was usurped by the one I eventually posted.

Comments for the judges:

@ Smith. Smith, Smith, Smith. I'm sorry I lost you man. I always seem to write and then suddenly come up against the end, whereupon I try and shoehorn it all in. Invariably something gets compressed out of all existence. That's my target with these comps, to try and change that. But figurative? Moi? Why, I  - I'm sure I don't even know the meaning of the word. This really happened*. The clue is in the title as to what's going on!  But seriously, thank you for your time and comments - they are both very much appreciated. _Bah!_, et _bah!_ Figurative, indeed! 

@ kilroy214, thank you for your time, comments and a very flattering vote of confidence. You seem to have got from the piece exactly what I wanted to give, which is very reassuring.

@ amsawtell. Thank you too for your comments which really gave me a lift when I read them at 5AM today! Again, you seem to have got what I wanted to put out. Of course, as with all these comps, as soon as I posted it and the ten minute period was up, I thought: man, that ending is hacked. Definitely needs to be smoother, I think.


@ All : One last point - not wishing to be a pain about it but one of two of the scores for some entries don't quite add up. I'm thinking primarily of this:

*SPaG: *4/5
*Tone: *4/5
*Effect: *7/10
*Overall: *14/20

Should be 15/20, no?



* In a purely fictional sense, that is.


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## Tealynn (May 4, 2016)

Thank you to Kilroy and the judges (Kilroy included)! We appreciate all your hard work and the time you give to the challenges!
Congrats to Terry! And congrats to Joshybo & bdcharles! Ephemeral, it's an honor tying 4th (3rd?) with you!

Smith - Unfortunately I am somewhat an *unintentional* master of ambiguity! It's something I'm working on.
Kilroy & Amsawtell - I once worked in a public school where the kids came wearing the colors & symbols of their parent's gangs. These were elementary aged babies who knew the local gang names and would draw "tattoos" on themselves. Kilroy - "it" (the grandmother's son/dragon) yes, a lifetime of lies till the very end.

Thanks again! I'm really enjoying challenging myself.


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## Book Cook (May 4, 2016)

A big thank you to the judges for taking the time to read through all the entries. Also, congratulations to the winner.


As for the comments on my entry, I'm afraid you missed the point of the piece. You weren't reading about a character; you _were_ the character. And you've just visited another world and saw a dragon. How many people can say that? If that's not a story to tell your grandchildren, I don't know what is.


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## bdcharles (May 4, 2016)

Book Cook said:


> A big thank you to the judges for taking the time to read through all the entries. Also, congratulations to the winner.
> 
> 
> As for the comments on my entry, I'm afraid you missed the point of the piece. You weren't reading about a character; you _were_ the character. And you've just visited another world and saw a dragon. How many people can say that? If that's not a story to tell your grandchildren, I don't know what is.



Indeed. Your story was the one which made me put the kibosh on my first 2 efforts and try something else. Really enjoyed it


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## Terry D (May 4, 2016)

As always, many thanks to the judges -- until you've judged one of these competitions you can't know how difficult (and rewarding) it is. The competition was fierce this month, congrats to everyone who entered. The level of writing in the LM has really improved over the years. As to the judge's comments:

Smith -- I don't know if she left him, or if they are still together and he just can't hold on to that thought after the brain damage. I'd have to write many more words to find out.

Kilroy214 -- This prompt really didn't do much for me at first, until I thought of it as a logo. That made me think about Chinese restaurants. The image of a man sitting alone in a booth came to mind and I had to figure out why he was there. Thanks for the good words.

Amsawtell -- One tear from a story I've written is worth ten competition wins. If I made you really _feel_ something, I've done my job.

Again, many thanks to the judges, and congratulations to all the entrants. Writing for the LM is no easy task.


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## godofwine (May 4, 2016)

I'm lost with the talk of dialogue tags. Most of the short stories I do are narrative driven, but I decided to go with a dialogue driven story because it is the area that I need to improve if I'm to complete the novel I'm working on. I asked, I believe joshybo, how to do the dialogue for such a story and followed his direction to a tee. It's funny that one judge had no issue with identifying who was speaking where, and another was a tad confused *shrugs* but it's my first time writing a dialogue driven story.

Well, this is actually a true story, or rather a 650 word retelling of the UFO I saw in the summer of 1986. I didn't add a single detail, though I did leave out due to spacing where my mother and I tried and failed to wake up my brother and sister so that they could view the spaceship as well. That didn't take away from the story, though. To be less than 15 feet from such an object and feel them studying you as much as you are studying them was hard to put into words. 

Congrats to all of the placers and entrants, and thanks to the judges.


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## Ariel (May 7, 2016)

Typically in a longer quote where there are paragraph breaks the quotes do not end at the end of each paragraph.


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