# College newspaper forgets to print Adderall article, studentsâ€™ grades suffer



## StephenP2003 (Apr 27, 2008)

*College newspaper forgets to print Adderall article, students’ grades suffer*

*College newspaper forgets to print Adderall article, students’ grades suffer*

 The obligatory end-of-the-semester school newspaper article that discusses the recreational use of Adderall was accidentally overlooked by the daily publication at a small college in California. As a result, reports said 90 percent of the college’s seniors will not graduate.

A staple among all university newspapers during exam time, Adderall-related articles have graced the pages of student publications for years, among other stories related to study aids and alternative techniques for making good grades on exams. Students expect to relearn about the dangers of Adderall at least once every semester.

Psychology junior Ryan Ferdinand, who is on the verge of flunking out of the California-based college, said he enjoys the encouragement provided by Adderall news stories.

“Your typical Adderall article will have at least one or two anonymous quotes from students who buy the stuff and ace all their exams,” said Ferdinand. “Then they’ll have a blurb about the people who sell it and where they do business. The stuff really does work, according to those articles.”

Some critics might call the articles irresponsible journalism, but Ferdinand argues that most of the stories are balanced.

“The last couple of paragraphs usually pull some stats from the Internet about how the drug can cause heart problems and whatnot,” said Ferdinand.

According to reports from the Associated Press, only 1.4 percent of college newspaper stories about Adderall contain quotes from students who had health issues as a result of using the drug.

“It’s the miracle drug for college students,” Ferdinand added. “I learned that in the article our paper printed last semester. I don’t know why they didn’t feel it was necessary to offer that same reassurance again, especially when I had three term papers to write.”

Ferdinand said he was unable to write the papers, and he hopes the university newspaper will issue a retraction and an apology.

Chemical Engineering senior Vincent Hawkins said he will not graduate on time because of “the journalism department’s blatant disregard for its readership.”

“The editor said he just forgot to assign the article, but I call B.S. on that,” Hawkins said. “I think the paper was trying to make a statement about exhausting the topic of recreational Adderall use … well, that statement affected hundreds of my fellow classmates.”

Hawkins said he relies on the article every semester to remind him where to find Adderall peddlers and even learn new tips about faking ADHD. No such article was printed this semester, forcing Hawkins and the rest of the university’s students, who don’t have an Adderall prescription, to study under the influence of other chemicals, including alcohol, caffeine and Skittles.

“I went to Whole Foods and bought a cart full of ginseng, ginkgo biloba, multivitamins and DMAE,” said Hawkins. “None of it was nearly as effective.”

Several students said they want to thank the college paper’s “writers” for their quality “journalism” and the “professional” decision to be judicious about printing “articles” that advocate drug use. They also sincerely wish the “journalists” luck in their “careers.”


----------



## Eli Cash (Apr 28, 2008)

Should Onion-type stuff really be in nonfiction?


----------



## StephenP2003 (Apr 28, 2008)

True, but it doesn't really read like a "fiction" piece.


----------



## Eli Cash (Apr 29, 2008)

Well, by all means then, pass it off as true.


----------



## StephenP2003 (Apr 29, 2008)

Oh pork and beans


----------

