# The 6:45



## SilverMoon (Apr 30, 2019)

His face
pale and structured
unmoved and unmoving
as improbable as
a white starched shirt
in a beggar's closet.

This man manhandles his mind
and marks his time 
in a Rolex dream
all the while riding
this machine
that shoots by
a tree,
a building,
a smokestack
....a bountiful blur of a world.

Commuter newspaper
(the daily literature)
fallen
fans one foot
as he observes
the other
shod in cracked leather.

It has more character
than his face.

His face has more character
than his character
(he doesn't know)

He feels intricate,
significant.

All it takes is
the 6:45
to feel almost whole
with the daily grind
ground into fine particles
in his mind.

Familiar strangers
look right through him
though not as through a keyhole
which holds promise of
forbidden mystery
but as if through a cloud
self-distracted and somehow blind.

His face moves a little
(the wife, meatloaf, baby's bath)
His twitch becomes a
prelude to a frown.

One laconic step follows
another to the bar car.

There's enough time yet
to believe he's significant.


----------



## Firemajic (Apr 30, 2019)

There is such an intriguing story here... gritty, surreal imagery... damn! 
This line: A white starched shirt in a beggar's closet".... brilliant...

and this: "familiar strangers"... I have some of those...your poem, for me, gives more questions than answers, so I will be reading and rereading, somehow, you make this sound personal....anyway, I love this unique creation....


----------



## Gumby (May 1, 2019)

Great poem, Laurie!  That last line really encapsulates the sad state of this man. You have a lot of good images, I especially like the second stanza.


----------



## Bard_Daniel (May 1, 2019)

A complex character study intertwined with poetic prowess, images and sentiments colliding, and building, upon each other.

Very nicely done, Laurie!


----------



## SilverMoon (May 1, 2019)

Gumby said:


> Great poem, Laurie!  That last line really encapsulates the sad state of this man. You have a lot of good images, I especially like the second stanza.


 Thank you Cindy for taking time out of your schedual to read and comment. In S2, "Rolex dream" is key to understanding my man's delusion of grandure, especially when compared to S3 -  





> as he observes
> ............the other _shoe_
> ............shod in cracked leather.


 S2 - I was hoping that the imagery would point to him riding a train, looking out the window. 

The last line does wrap up his plight. Pretty sad...



> =*Firemajic*;2218726 There is such an intriguing story here... gritty, surreal imagery... damn!
> This line: A white starched shirt in a beggar's closet".... brilliant...
> 
> and this: "familiar strangers"... I have some of those...your poem, for me, gives more questions than answers, so I will be reading and rereading, somehow, you make this sound personal....anyway, I love this unique creation....


 Juls, you hit on my favored line in S1. I enjoy thinking of the far-fetched.  I'll leave "familiar strangers" to you -anything you need or want it to be. It's not necessarily personal except for to say that I have always found it rewarding observing people. Thank you!



Bard_Daniel said:


> A complex character study intertwined with poetic prowess, images and sentiments colliding, and building, upon each other.
> 
> Very nicely done, Laurie!


 Bard, exactly and thank you. It's actually a study of _many_ persons...

.....during my times commuting to NYC, there was nothing like the freedom of fancying who people might be by paying strict attention to their body language, what they're reading, what they're wearing.... how they never seem to meet another's gaze, all sitting so close to each other, sharing little but anonymity. 

The poem could be perceived as one man's hour reprive between the ungratifying - work and home life. Does he "imagine" every night? Has something during the day happened, causing him to dream? Is he aiming to quit work and/or leave his wife? All this is up to the reader.

Thanks, all. And to Tony and Darkkin for reading. Laurie


----------



## Thomas Norman (May 4, 2019)

Hello Laurie, this is quite an intriguing idea. This unknown man is atypical, a face among strangers, well know on the journey home, a brief respite; a sort of limbo between two evils paralleled with his real condition and that he imagines.Your poem encapsulates this feeling well. Each stanza reinforcing and piling on the agony to that  revelation in the final lines. 

The way you have got into the man's mind and shown its duplicity is remarkable for its credibility and clarity. The only small thing I would suggest is to add commas after lines S1; 1,2, S3 .3. S8. 2,3,6. That would help the understanding better.

I love this poem, its intriguing and does what a good poem should. Makes me want to read and reread. Thanks Laurie. ... T


----------



## dannyboy (May 4, 2019)

strong work - and the delusion we sometimes carry - the internal picture compared to the truth.


----------



## ned (May 4, 2019)

hello - observations on a train journey - some of the finer details were lost on me - and perhaps is too focused on the man's facial mannerisms.

just read your explanation, and for the most part, this poem captures those ideas - despite having a family and a job, he feels insignificant?

enjoyed the read....................Ned


----------



## SilverMoon (May 4, 2019)

> Originally Posted by *Thomas Normn*
> 
> Hello Laurie, this is quite an intriguing idea. This unknown man is atypical, a face among strangers, well know on the journey home, a brief respite; a sort of limbo between two evils paralleled with his real condition and that he imagines.Your poem encapsulates this feeling well. Each stanza reinforcing and piling on the agony to that revelation in the final lines.
> 
> ...


 Hi, Thomas. "agony" is the perfect word to describe what led this man to an alternative one hour world of bliss. Yes, clarity and "starkness" was key in order to invite the reader in and to wonder "What is this man really all about?" All the "why's". I, as the writer, still wonder? Tremendous, is the imagination.

I will go and take a look at the comma situation. Thanks!


----------



## SilverMoon (May 4, 2019)

> Originally Posted by *ned *
> 
> hello - observations on a train journey - some of the finer details were lost on me - and perhaps is too focused on the man's facial mannerisms.
> 
> ...


 Thank you, ned. Glad you enjoyed the read and taking time to comment.


----------



## SilverMoon (May 4, 2019)

> Originally Posted by *dannyboy *
> 
> strong work - and the delusion we sometimes carry - the internal picture compared to the truth.


 Thank you, Danny.  Yes, that internal picture dived into - like going down the rabbit hole. This poem was intended to be a kind of dark "Walter Mitty". 

"There are two kinds of light-
the glow that illuminates and
the glare that obscures" _James Thurber_


----------



## midnightpoet (May 4, 2019)

Great poem, Laurie.  Reminds me when back in the day I road the bus to work; the experience led me to my first novel and more than one poem.  One young man, obvious from his herky-jerky movements, must have had some kind of medical condition yet road the bus daily, always had a smile on his face and friendly and couldn't help but ponder on his situation.  I not only wrote a poem but put him as a character in my novel.  People watching is still on my agenda.


----------



## SilverMoon (May 5, 2019)

> Originally Posted by* Midnightpoet *
> 
> Great poem, Laurie. Reminds me when back in the day I road the bus to work; the experience led me to my first novel and more than one poem. One young man, obvious from his herky-jerky movements, must have had some kind of medical condition yet road the bus daily, always had a smile on his face and friendly and couldn't help but ponder on his situation. I not only wrote a poem but put him as a character in my novel. People watching is still on my agenda.


 Tony, I always love the stories you share. And this one especially!

When working in Manhattan, I rode the bus to work. Every morning there was a young woman (about my age, then). She was always dressed in a black sheath and with a black cloth she'd sniff glue from. She'd rant at all the passengers about corrupt society...up in this person's or that person's face.

I eventually wrote an allegorical short story about her, titled "The Glue Lady of Second Avenue". I gave her a happy ending. And for the life of me I cannot find it. Now, you've given me incentive to go at it and find her!

Thanks, Tony


----------



## Jing Joy (May 8, 2019)

Good poem!!

All it takes is
the 6:45
to feel almost whole

could you explain this part more?


----------



## SilverMoon (May 10, 2019)

Whoahhhh! A question left unanswered - I must have been away, Jing Joy, when you posted. So sorry, but here it is -


> All it takes is
> the 6:45
> to feel almost whole
> 
> could you explain this part more?


  The man commutes back and forth from home to work on a train everyday. During his one hour traveling each night after, let's say, working a menial job he spends this precious time alone away from ungratifying work and home life, imagining himself to be someone he is not. Someone who is whole - repleate with confidence. All it takes for this man to have this imagining is that one hour train ride which departs at 6:45 pm.

If you have any questions or more, just shoot! And welcome to WF! Laurie


----------



## -xXx- (May 13, 2019)

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!!!
i see the horse!
i see the tomato!
i see the clock become tears upon branch!
but _this_,
this *IS*!



SilverMoon said:


> Familiar strangers
> look right through him
> though not as through a keyhole
> which holds promise of
> ...


----------



## SilverMoon (May 22, 2019)

Hi, -xXx-. Able to get back to you today. Sorry for the delay. Love your reference to Dali! You quoted the gist of reality... Thanks! Laurie


----------

