# How I won my battle with depression lesson 3 of a writing course



## cassie30 (Jun 24, 2012)

My battle with depression began when I was when I was eighteen, but, I feel that it actually begun sooner. It was a long road to recovery. Some say my depression was hidden within me. They say I was showing signs when I worked for the Somerset Kmart. The longer I worked there the angrier I became.

            When I was twelve I started losing interest in things that used to interest me. Also about that time I started to gain weight. I turned to food to combat my feelings of sadness.

            Feelings of anger and sadness really enveloped me in July 2001. I’ve been at my new job at Stop and Shop for about seven months, when I made a comment to a co-worker that I needed a physiatrist, which in turn upset the customer I was taking care of at the time. So, the customer complained to the manager at the time, who happened to be Jay. Jay in turn helped me find a physiatrist.

            Thus at twenty-four years old I began to see a therapist and physiatrist at 189 New Street, in my hometown of New Brunswick, NJ.  I was put on Zyprexa and Zoloft at the time. The exact dosage I don’t remember now. But a change had begun when I started to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses in 2003.
            Before that I was suicidal and threatened to kill myself on several occasions. I was so desperate that one day I grabbed a knife and threaten to use on myself. However, my mom and brother stopped me. I remember that I kept screaming I don’t want to live and you don’t want me to live either. If it wasn’t for their intervention and the help of the therapist and physiatrist I would be dead now.

            My real help came from above in the form of my friend Ginger who is a Jehovah’s Witness. Because I started asking Ginger about her religion in 2003, I live today. True the medicine and physiatric help helped me too. But once I learned what Jehovah can do I started to change my ways.

            True I may be single but I know Jehovah has someone out there for me. One other thing helped me coped the comfort of my cat Becky whom I’ve had since 1999 but she was born in 1998. Oh my writing has helped me cope as well. Whenever I feel down I sit down and write.

            I now take Abilify, Zoloft, and Trazodone. However, I only take 5 mg of Abilify, 50 mg of Zoloft, and 150 mg of Trazodone. Trazodone is only one that wasn’t lowered. I used to take 10 mg of Abilify, and 100 mg of Zoloft. I started taking the Trazodone because I was having trouble sleeping.

            Even though I’m still on medicine I feel like I’ve won the battle on my depression. I feel like I’ve won my battle with depression because I am a lot happier now. True I still have my down days but they are few and far between now. 

            In my early days of my depression I had so many ups and downs that I felt like I was on a roller coaster, and I’ve never been on a roller coaster to my knowledge. 

            Being suicidal is no picnic, but my family, friends and Jehovah God has helped me. I remember one day when I was crying, and screaming that my life was over. “I don’t want to live and neither do you want me to live.”

            “Yes we do want you to live.” My mom and brother said.

            The Compact Oxford English Dictionary defines depression as: 1. severe unhappiness and dejection. 2. A medical condition in which a person experiences severe feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. 3. A long severe recession in economy or market. 4. The action of lowering or depressing something. 5. A sunken place or hollow.  6. An area of low atmospheric pressure which may bring rain.

            Of course I fall in the area of one and two. And because of that I needed medical help right away. My definition of depression is one of many ups and downs. Fortunately right now I’m on high instead of a low.  

            From what I remember from an old Zoloft I believe is that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression is a serious illness that can be treated with medicine. You can find all kinds of information on different websites. One such site is National Institute of Mental Health.


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## ClosetWriter (Jun 25, 2012)

Hang in there Cassie. Life is a roller coaster for us all. If we didn't have the bad times to contrast the good, we would never know how wonderful life is. Therefore, see the bad times for what they are -- a gift to make us appreciate the world around us.


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## dale (Jun 25, 2012)

they say depression is anger and loathing "turned inward". i probably spend too much time pissed off at other people to be depressed.
i also think i'd prefer red wine over psychotropic pharmaceuticals to elate my mood. the wine may be more physically unhealthy...but that
seems a small price to pay for elation.


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## shadowwalker (Jun 25, 2012)

Depression medications aren't used to 'elate mood'. They're used to stabilize the chemicals of the brain so people feel 'normal' ups and downs.


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## dale (Jun 25, 2012)

shadowwalker said:


> Depression medications aren't used to 'elate mood'. They're used to stabilize the chemicals of the brain so people feel 'normal' ups and downs.


or so big pharma tells us. i have a bit of an attitude against these drugs because of my nephew. the boy is a genius. his intellect is being
destroyed through these drugs in the name of adhd. my sister buys into it. i look at him and his aspergers mind and see wonderful possiblities.
she sees his mentality as something that needs "corrected". it pisses me off. people put too much faith in these drugs nowadays.


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## cassie30 (Jun 25, 2012)

I like your Willy Wonka quote dale. Do you guys and gals think this needs improvement.


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## shadowwalker (Jun 25, 2012)

dale said:


> or so big pharma tells us. i have a bit of an attitude against these drugs because of my nephew. the boy is a genius. his intellect is being
> destroyed through these drugs in the name of adhd. my sister buys into it. i look at him and his aspergers mind and see wonderful possiblities.
> she sees his mentality as something that needs "corrected". it pisses me off. people put too much faith in these drugs nowadays.



ADHD is a problem as far as over-medicating; I agree with you on that. But that's only one area in psychiatry and shouldn't be seen as indicative of all psychiatric medications. A great many people are alive, well, and functioning because of them.


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## shadowwalker (Jun 25, 2012)

cassie30 said:


> Do you guys and gals think this needs improvement.



I think you meant psychiatrist versus "physiatrist", which is a different type of medical person. There are also some grammatical and tense errors scattered throughout.

I also saw some organizational problems - you mentioned the episode with your mother and brother twice, and the time frames jumped around a bit. You may want to just list events in the order they occurred, and then rearrange your article accordingly. I'm not sure about including the actual dosages, but that may just be a personal thing (my eyes tend to cross at details like that).


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## grant-g (Jun 26, 2012)

Sometimes when those medicine commercials air, with the "lengthy" side effect warnings, I can't quite figure out why a company would want some of these lists attributed to their brand.  That was until I had this idea fresh in my mind, it was late in the day, and I was, more or less, daydreaming into the television when the commercial slipped by.  The diurnal rhythms, the slow motion, white bubble letters, taller than man.  I saw, start to finish, the same commercial but this time I missed the side effect list.  Very subliminal.  

  Well, I am bipolar, and due to social construct, my age, and background; my bouts are with anger but it got to a point where I couldn't be in confined places with other people without going psycho.  So I take a generic allergy med (but i double it) and I pop St. Johns Wort.  I get a couple different brands, one is a pressed tablet and the other is capped.  My favorite thing is to pop open the plastic caps and pour the powder into my coffee.  Its like an herb and you'd swear theres soil in it.  But it keeps me balanced.  

I liked your piece and I like it when people write good stuff about God ... have a good one


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## cassie30 (Jun 27, 2012)

When I was twelve I started losing interest in things that used to interest me. Also about that time I started to gain weight. I turned to food to combat my feelings of sadness.

My battle with depression began when I was when I was eighteen, but, I feel that it actually begun sooner. It was a long road to recovery. Some say my depression was hidden within me. They say I was showing signs when I worked for the Somerset Kmart. The longer I worked there the angrier I became.

            Feelings of anger and sadness really enveloped me in July 2001. I’ve been at my new job at Stop and Shop for about seven months, when I made a comment to a co-worker that I needed a psychiatrist, which in turn upset the customer I was taking care of at the time. So, the customer complained to the manager at the time, who happened to be Jay. Jay in turn helped me find a psychiatrist.

            Thus at twenty-four years old I began to see a therapist and psychiatrist at 189 New Street, in my hometown of New Brunswick, NJ.  I was put on Zyprexa and Zoloft at the time. The exact dosage I don’t remember now. But a change had begun when I started to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses in 2003.

            Before that I was suicidal and threatened to kill myself on several occasions. I was so desperate that one day I grabbed a knife and threaten to use on myself. However, my mom and brother stopped me. I remember that I kept screaming I don’t want to live and you don’t want me to live either. If it wasn’t for their intervention and the help of the therapist and psychiatrist I would be dead now.

 Being suicidal is no picnic, but my family, friends and Jehovah God has helped me. I remember one day when I was crying, and screaming that my life was over. “I don’t want to live and neither do you want me to live.”

            “Yes we do want you to live.” My mom and brother said.

            My real help came from above in the form of my friend Ginger who is a Jehovah’s Witness. Because I started asking Ginger about her religion in 2003, I live today. True the medicine and psychiatric help helped me too. But once I learned what Jehovah can do I started to change my ways.

            True I may be single but I know Jehovah has someone out there for me. One other thing helped me coped the comfort of my cat Becky whom I’ve had since 1999 but she was born in 1998. Oh my writing has helped me cope as well. Whenever I feel down I sit down and write.

            I now take Abilify, Zoloft, and Trazodone. However, I only take 5 mg of Abilify, 50 mg of Zoloft, and 150 mg of Trazodone. Trazodone is only one that wasn’t lowered. I used to take 10 mg of Abilify, and 100 mg of Zoloft. I started taking the Trazodone because I was having trouble sleeping.

            Even though I’m still on medicine I feel like I’ve won the battle on my depression. I feel like I’ve won my battle with depression because I am a lot happier now. True I still have my down days but they are few and far between now. 

            In my early days of my depression I had so many ups and downs that I felt like I was on a roller coaster, and I’ve never been on a roller coaster to my knowledge. 

            The Compact Oxford English Dictionary defines depression as: 1. severe unhappiness and dejection. 2. A medical condition in which a person experiences severe feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. 3. A long severe recession in economy or market. 4. The action of lowering or depressing something. 5. A sunken place or hollow.  6. An area of low atmospheric pressure which may bring rain.

            Of course I fall in the area of one and two. And because of that I needed medical help right away. My definition of depression is one of many ups and downs. Fortunately right now I’m on high instead of a low. 

            From what I remember from an old Zoloft I believe is that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression is a serious illness that can be treated with medicine. You can find all kinds of information on different websites. One such site is National Institute of Mental Health.

I reworked it does it read better.


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## shadowwalker (Jun 27, 2012)

It does seem more organized now. The only portion I still have a little 'problem' with is:

_Before that I was suicidal and threatened to kill myself on several occasions. I was so desperate that one day I grabbed a knife and threaten to use on myself. However, my mom and brother stopped me. I remember that I kept screaming I don’t want to live and you don’t want me to live either. If it wasn’t for their intervention and the help of the therapist and psychiatrist I would be dead now.

Being suicidal is no picnic, but my family, friends and Jehovah God has helped me. I remember one day when I was crying, and screaming that my life was over. “I don’t want to live and neither do you want me to live.”

“Yes we do want you to live.” My mom and brother said._

The second two paragraphs repeat via dialogue what was already stated in narrative in the first paragraph. I would go with one or the other, but not both.


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## cassie30 (Jun 27, 2012)

Thanks then I would have to think how to make it 750-1000 words. As it stands now it has 755.


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## dale (Jun 27, 2012)

ahhh, cassie. i'm an idiot. i was reading your piece like i was in the debate forum or something. treating it as something
to argue opinions over. so this is an essay? or something you're trying to get published in a column or maybe a watchtower
 issue or something like that? ok. let me comment again from that point of view. 

it's slightly too robotic. not enough feeling or emotion to it. you describe what has happened to you in a sequence by sequence
type of format, but i can't really FEEL anything from it. i think when writing this type of emotionally based non-fiction...you have
to pour more of yourself out. you have to trigger the readers heart and emotions to feel what you felt or still do feel. otherwise?
it's not really going to convey what you want it to.


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## grant-g (Jun 28, 2012)

I dunno...    I got to reading it in my preview pane on thunderbird.  I just thought that someone had replied to the forum and I know that I had replied too.  So I started reading, and I have dub-step on in my headphones, cranked up pretty loud and I was totally drawn into it.  
Theres a couple typos but I definately enjoyed it.


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## cassie30 (Jul 2, 2012)

When I was twelve I started losing interest in things that used to interest me. Also about that time I started to gain weight. I turned to food to combat my feelings of sadness.

My battle with depression began when I was when I was eighteen, but, I feel that it actually begun sooner. It was a long road to recovery. Some say my depression was hidden within me. They say I was showing signs when I worked for the Somerset Kmart. The longer I worked there the angrier I became.

            Feelings of anger and sadness really enveloped me in July 2001. I’ve been at my new job at Stop and Shop for about seven months, when I made a comment to a co-worker that I needed a psychiatrist, which in turn upset the customer I was taking care of at the time. So, the customer complained to the manager at the time, who happened to be Jay. Jay in turn helped me find a psychiatrist.

            Thus at twenty-four years old I began to see a therapist and psychiatrist at 189 New Street, in my hometown of New Brunswick, NJ.  I was put on Zyprexa and Zoloft at the time. The exact dosage I don’t remember now. But a change had begun when I started to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses in 2003.

            Before that I was suicidal and threatened to kill myself on several occasions. I was so desperate that one day I grabbed a knife and threaten to use on myself. However, my mom and brother stopped me. I remember that I kept screaming I don’t want to live and you don’t want me to live either. If it wasn’t for their intervention and the help of the therapist and psychiatrist I would be dead now.

            The real question is did I really want to die? At that particular time in my life I did want to die. I sought death and darkness. So I sat down wrote poems that express how I felt at the time. One such poem is called My Sorrow. In short My Sorrow is about this deep sorrow within me.

            My real help came from above in the form of my friend Ginger who is a Jehovah’s Witness. Because I started asking Ginger about her religion in 2003, I live today. True the medicine and psychiatric help helped me too. But once I learned what Jehovah can do I started to change my ways.

            True I may be single but I know Jehovah has someone out there for me. One other thing helped me coped the comfort of my cat Becky whom I’ve had since 1999 but she was born in 1998. Oh my writing has helped me cope as well. Whenever I feel down I sit down and write.

            I now take Abilify, Zoloft, and Trazodone. However, I only take 5 mg of Abilify, 50 mg of Zoloft, and 150 mg of Trazodone. Trazodone is only one that wasn’t lowered. I used to take 10 mg of Abilify, and 100 mg of Zoloft. I started taking the Trazodone because I was having trouble sleeping.

            Even though I’m still on medicine I feel like I’ve won the battle on my depression. I feel like I’ve won my battle with depression because I am a lot happier now. True I still have my down days but they are few and far between now. 

            In my early days of my depression I had so many ups and downs that I felt like I was on a roller coaster, and I’ve never been on a roller coaster to my knowledge. 

            The Compact Oxford English Dictionary defines depression as: 1. severe unhappiness and dejection. 2. A medical condition in which a person experiences severe feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. 3. A long severe recession in economy or market. 4. The action of lowering or depressing something. 5. A sunken place or hollow.  6. An area of low atmospheric pressure which may bring rain.

            Of course I fall in the area of one and two. And because of that I needed medical help right away. My definition of depression is one of many ups and downs. Fortunately right now I’m on high instead of a low.  

            From what I remember from an old Zoloft I believe is that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression is a serious illness that can be treated with medicine. You can find all kinds of information on different websites. One such site is National Institute of Mental Health.

The red section is a recent add. I hope this is improved a little. Word count 759.


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