# One angry chick managed to do the trick



## albertjacc (Aug 29, 2016)

*One angry chick managed to do the trick-REVISED*

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There once was a chick                                                                                                                 
Whom was living in a hen.                                                                                                        
The big bad cock’s name sure was Rick,                                                                                    
And her best chick friend,was Brenn.

The kind farmer`s wife was very  sick
Sothe doctor came around their house.                                                                             
One of them chickens thy should pick 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                     A hot steaming soup to give to your spouse.

The doctor`s words sure sounded harsh                                                                                                
So the farmer cut down the chicken Brenn.                                                                                   
Our chick swore revenge,a decision very rash                                                                                  
And Rick the cock wanted to help her then.

Her feathers turned red and Rick did not sing                                                                          
Their friend was dead,she sure was killed.                                                                                  
To the evil farmers,justice they now had to bring                                                                        
And their revenge would be fullfiled



[FONT=&Verdana]Few good days later,as time passed                                                                                  
The kind farmer`s wife did not yet click.                                                                                           
The chicken soup,they would think last                                                                                  
Brenn the chicken too,was sick.


[FONT=&Verdana]Now the farmer sold all he had                                                                                                             
 But the chick in the hen he sure forgot.                                                                                   
Although he sure was very sad
[/FONT]His wife had died,all he had.


[FONT=&Verdana]Our chick felt good about herself                                                                                                   
But never knew what hit them hard.                                                                                  
The evil farmer too inside his heart,was dead.                                                              
The chick was now a happy one,and her revenge she had.


So this is my new and revised poem,it is kind of sad,i know.And sorry it took me this long,i really hope you like it guys.                                                                PS:cock is the male chicken,but we all know that.




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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

Welllll... ok... I can't comment on the structure, rhythm and rhyme... imagery, because I am confused by the incomplete story... WHAT was the revenge... What happened here.... I don't get this...


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## albertjacc (Aug 29, 2016)

Well,the thing is,the chick didn't get her revenge,something happened and she is all alone now,but she likes to think that she made them all dissapear.I can understand your confusion


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

Right.....?


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## albertjacc (Aug 29, 2016)

Well ) i really...i am not a poetry guy,and i see that now.You know.in my mind it sounded really good, haha


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## Ariel (Aug 29, 2016)

Actually, the poetry itself is ok.  The story just becomes confused and I think it is because the structure is too restrictive.  Try it again with a thesaurus and a summary of the story you want to tell. If it helps write it out the way you want it to look with no rhyme then take your thesaurus and find rhymes.


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

albertjacc said:


> Well ) i really...i am not a poetry guy,and i see that now.You know.in my mind it sounded really good, haha





Here is where you and I disagree, my poet friend.... I believe you ARE a "poetry guy".... this is unique, and original .... I am quite intrigued... I would love to see where you could take this.... my personal challenge to youuu.... I dare you...


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## albertjacc (Aug 29, 2016)

Challenge accepted my friend,you will surely see where i can take this


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## albertjacc (Aug 29, 2016)

Thank you,i think that i will use that,right now in fact.


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## Firemajic (Aug 29, 2016)

Fabulous...


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## SilverMoon (Aug 29, 2016)

Yes. Go for it! I really look forward to reading the revision. And you "have" the poetry sensibility. 

Just in this: "Her feathers were red" possibly portraying anger or death. Nevertheless, I loved it!

Very wise advice from amsawtell!



> Originally Posted by *amsawtell*
> 
> Try it again with a thesaurus and a summary of the story you want to tell. If it helps write it out the way you want it to look with no rhyme then take your thesaurus and find rhymes.



albertjacc, I can't wait to read why chic didn't get her revenge! Laurie

PS This is a link to Rhymezone . It includes a thesaurus (Find Synonyms) and so much more. I use it quite often. 

Just click on the link! It's the writer's best friend.

http://www.rhymezone.com/


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## albertjacc (Aug 30, 2016)

Man,thank you so much for the website.You sure saved me a few good hours of finding a good synonym.Thank you,


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## SilverMoon (Aug 30, 2016)

Yeh! Isn't it awesome! You can find definitions, antonyms, close rhymes etc.. And it does save a hell of allot of time. I'm sure it will not only make your writing process  easier but fun ,too!


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## SilverMoon (Aug 30, 2016)

Albert! I just read your revision and am blown away! Just overnight you transformed your thoughts to create the story you wanted to tell. And....of course now, the rhyming is top notch. Your characters now sculpted. And your unique writer' voice heard loud and clear. I look forward to reading more! Laurie


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## albertjacc (Aug 31, 2016)

Man...this community just keeps getting better and better for me.I am here for such a short time,and i already learned something new.Thank you for your support Laurie,i hope i turn out to be a good writer


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## Firemajic (Aug 31, 2016)

albertjacc said:


> There once was a chick
> Whom was living in a hen.
> The big bad cock’s name* sure* was Rick,
> And her best chick friend,was Brenn.
> ...


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## Nellie (Sep 1, 2016)

albertjacc said:


> Man...this community just keeps getting better and better for me.I am here for such a short time,and i already learned something new.Thank you for your support Laurie,i hope i turn out to be a good writer



Hi Albert,

I didn't comment on your first poem, but after reading this comment, I had to reply. Not only does this community help with your writing, but so does your writing and Re-writing. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. So keep on writing and you will become a great writer. And yes, thanks to Laurie for guiding me to www.rhymezone.com., too.  

BTW, your re-write was good, the rhyming worked, so I'm not going to nit-pic every little thing in this poem, since you are just beginning.


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## albertjacc (Sep 1, 2016)

I always like it when a fellow writer feeds me with a little bit of courage.I sure will keep writing and i will become a good writer.


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## albertjacc (Sep 1, 2016)

You are right,but for some of the words i did not find that many rhymes.I will try harder now i know a bit more about writing.Thank you firemajic,i hope to write a great next poem,or even short story,because i have many ideas.


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## Firemajic (Sep 1, 2016)

albertjacc said:


> You are right,but for some of the words i did not find that many rhymes.I will try harder now i know a bit more about writing.Thank you firemajic,i hope to write a great next poem,or even short story,because i have many ideas.




If you can't find a rhyme for the word you are using, try a different word, to express your thought... I am looking forward to your next poem...


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