# Snoring



## xiaoman (Jan 9, 2016)

in China while studying for my first degree,
 at nights I  slept deep and snored loud and free,
 So to my bed  my roommates threw me books,
 in the mornings they hurled me their dirty looks.
 In Canada  I  lived in a single room apartment,
 I could afford the rent  as a graduate student.
 About my snore my neighbor didn't complain at all,
 except that they sometimes knocked at the wall.
 These days my wife grumbles that she's  got fed, 
 Oftentimes she even kicks me off the bed. 
 Too bad, sometimes I also snore myself awake,
 seriously, what I am telling you is true not fake.
 Trying to solve this problem, I always go to bed late,
 until everybody has gone to their dreaming state.

March 16, 2013

Writer: Xiaoman


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## captflash76 (Jan 9, 2016)

Hi Xiaoman, I like the poem, its a cutie. I only have a couple of suggestions and one concerns the line: *These days my wife grumbles that she's  got fed, *I would suggest you change it to something like: _*These days my wife grumbles she's sorry she wed, *_Another line: _*in the mornings they gave me dirty looks. *_I would suggest something like: _*In the mornings they hurled me their dirty looks *_My suggestions only suggest style and personal preference and so can be taken or left where they lay or is it lie? Anyway, loved the poem, thank you for sharing it.    cf76


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## Firemajic (Jan 9, 2016)

xiaoman! I am always intrigued by your subject matter and the diverse things that inspire your poetry.. This is absolutely charming.. of course it could use some polishing and refining.. but still, so very clever and unique! Thank you..


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## inkwellness (Jan 10, 2016)

Xiaoman,

I noticed that the 9th line reads...


> These days my wife grumbles that she's  got fed,



It looks like you meant to say 'fed-up', meaning that she became annoyed.

Anyway, I enjoyed this poem as it was very humorous. I especially liked the part where you snored yourself awake.

Keep writing!


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## xiaoman (Jan 10, 2016)

Thank you captflash76, firemajic and inkwellness for your advice. Your comments are constructive and very helpful, I appreciate all your kindness.  So the new edition goes like this: 


Snoring 

in China while studying for my first degree,
 at nights I  slept deep and snored loud and free,
 So to my bed  my roommates threw me books,
 in the mornings they hurled me their dirty looks.
 In Canada  I  lived in a single room apartment,
 I could afford the rent  as a graduate student.
 About my snore my neighbor didn't complain at all,
 except that they sometimes knocked at the wall.
 These days my wife grumbles that she's got fed, 
 Oftentimes she even kicks me off the bed. 
 Too bad, sometimes I also snore myself awake,
 seriously, what I am telling you is true not fake.
 Trying to solve this problem, I  go to bed late,
 until everybody has gone to their dreaming state.


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## Mesafalcon (Jan 12, 2016)

I liked the rhymes...


nice read


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## xlwoo (Jan 12, 2016)

interesting.


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## Firemajic (Jan 12, 2016)

9th line of your rewrite.. xiaoman.. I was a little bit disappointed to see that you did not change that line, it just feels... forced, and I know you are creative enough to fix that.... anyway, this is your poem and your decision.. It is a witty, wonderful poem and you have some maddd writing skills! Thanks for sharing..


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