# Handling it well? (Very light profanity, briefly suggestive.)



## TJ1985 (Jan 11, 2015)

I wanted to get something on here for you guys and gals to read, just so you would know I'm not just a pretty face. That I'm not a pretty face is of no relevance to the conversation.  Crits are welcome, but by no means required. I just wanted to share. For those who read it, I thank you in advance for your time. Here's "Handling it well?" 

*UPDATE: Revised version with WF edits added at the end of this post. *
As she left, the last thing she said stuck in my mind. She'd always been one for flippant comments, but that last one was a little dandy. “You'll get no sleep tonight, knowing that I'm never coming back.” In the history of preposterous statements, hers would take the blue ribbon every time. That self-assured certainty that without her my life would never be the same, that smug confidence that I would never find another to match her, the self-centered suggestion that just because she was leaving me I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'm thrilled to tell her that, contrary to what she predicted, I slept like a baby. I'll say it again with forceful feeling; I slept just like a baby.  

 I slept for about two hours, then I woke up to cry for a while. I kept repeating that pattern until dawn when my pillow became too soggy to sleep on, and I decided that like it or hate it the day had to start sometime. Damn that woman for the torture she's putting me through, and damn Hoskins for helping her do it. I could understand if she'd kicked me to the curb for a younger boy-toy or some European “stud”, but to leave me for _Hoskins_? For Christ sake, the man sounds like a disease. “Oh, I'd like to donate fifteen dollars, for Hoskins Research, you understand.”  

 And he slurps his coffee, every single solitary sip, he slurps it like it doesn't taste good enough to actually drink. It's like trying to drink coffee sitting across the table from a malfunctioning fish tank pump. Don't even think of his sense of fashion because he hasn't got one. He dresses like he walked into a random house in the middle of the night, groped his way to the closet, and put on whatever he could find that felt nice. And that car of his, good grief, I've seen more mechanically reliable vehicles on the back of a truck headed to the steel mill.  

 The man hasn't any sense with money either, any old junk will get his money. He paid forty, forty dollars in cash, for that necktie he was flaunting at work. Looked like a piece of curtain trim from a brothel, and not a high dollar brothel at that. I've seen better looking ties on a clown at the circus. I seriously doubt if the circus would have him wearing that stupid tie, blue with orange dots, he looked like a smurf with some kind of skin condition.  

 I know that I should be happy for them, but my stomach won't have that. Hoskins, I don't blame him personally. He's proven time and time again that he's at least half reptile, but her running off with him? It's like driving to a parking lot in a Ferrari to steal and drive away a Ford Fairmont. She won't be happy with him when she discovers that he has the moral aptitude of a stray cat and the trustworthiness of a candidate in the running. He'll grow weary of her when he discovers that, as psychologically unstable women go, she oscillates between bizarre and bonkers like demon-possessed windshield wipers.  

 “He makes me happy.” Ha! He makes her happy. He does that, but I never did, but he makes her happy. Entertaining her is easy, just dangle your keys and jingle them; if the sparkling doesn't do it, the sound will. The two of them arm-in-arm is a walking embodiment of what can happen when people whom you wouldn't trust to use scissors without supervision are allowed to breed. She doesn't know anything that hasn't been explained slowly, and he doesn't know anything that can't be explained with pictures.  

 Without question I will be the laughing stock at work. “Hey, did you hear? His wife left him for Hoskins!” “Hoskins? The guy who had to be shown how to use the bathroom soap dispenser twice? That Hoskins? You're joking!” My beloved wife was led astray by the guy who has be taught how to operate a soap dispenser. Twice. I guess I should take solace knowing that with their combined intelligence they'll both get stuck in a revolving door somewhere and starve to death trying to get free. I can't. Hoskins? Hank friggin' Hoskins? Moron Monthly Hoskins?  

 I'm hoping that in a few minutes I'll wake up to discover that it's all been a bad dream, that she's still here, that he's still an idiot, that I'm not the laughing stock of my entire firm. Just a bad dream.  

 I'm starting to think it's all true. She left me for _him_. I'm not going to work. If I were to go today, that idiot would have to say something to me about it. That's the sort of moron he is. “Hey, sorry I've been bouncing the wife, no hard feelings?” I can see the headline now; “Irate Insurance Salesman Bludgeons Co-Worker with his own Pleather Briefcase!”  

 No, I'd be more tactful than that, a poison of some kind. Bludgeoning is so Old-World Gothic. It'd be impossible to explain, being found banging away on half a Hoskins in the hallway between “Personnel” and “Account Services”. No, I must be the bigger man about this, literally and figuratively. It's not hard being literally larger than Hoskins, the man is a runt. I must handle this in my own unmistakeable style.  

 I will rise, I will have a shower, I will dress in the finest clothing I own, I will put on my favorite cologne, and I will get into my car. I will drive my car to 367 Elm Street, I will enter the liquor store there, and I will buy a bottle of Pink Champagne. I will get back in my car, I will drive to 414 Poplar Avenue, I will check my hair in the rear-view mirror, I will check my breath with a lick and sniff, I will exit my car, I will walk to the door, and then...

 I will seduce and bed Mrs. Joann Hoskins. Failing that, I will get back in my car, I will drive it home, and I will get as drunk as a human can with Pink Champagne. Either way, I'll feel better before this day is done.  
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*Edited version:

*As she left, the last thing she said stuck in my mind. She'd always been one for flippant comments, but that last one was a little dandy. “You'll get no sleep tonight, knowing that I'm never coming back.” In the history of preposterous statements, hers would take the blue ribbon every time. That self-assured certainty that without her my life would never be the same: that smug confidence that I would never find another to match her: the self-centered suggestion that just because she was leaving me I wouldn't be able to sleep.  I'm thrilled to tell her that, contrary to what she predicted, I slept like a baby. I'll say it again with forceful feeling: I slept just like a baby. 

I slept for about two hours, then I woke up to cry for a while. I kept repeating that pattern until dawn when my pillow became too soggy to sleep on, and I decided that, like it or hate it, the day had to start sometime.  Damn that woman for the torture she's putting me through, and damn Hoskins for helping her do it. I could understand if she'd kicked me to the curb for a younger boy-toy or some European “stud”, but to leave me for Hoskins? For Christ sake, the man sounds like a disease. “Oh, I'd like to donate fifteen dollars, for Hoskins Research, you understand.” 

And he slurps his coffee. Every single solitary sip. He slurps it like it doesn't taste good enough to actually drink.  It's like trying to drink coffee sitting across the table from a malfunctioning fish tank pump. Don't even think of his sense of fashion because he hasn't got one. He dresses like he walked into a random house in the middle of the night, groped his way to the closet, and put on whatever he could find that felt nice. And that car of his, good grief! I've seen more mechanically reliable vehicles on the back of a truck headed to the steel mill. 

The man hasn't any sense with money either—any old junk will get his money. He paid forty dollars—forty dollars!—cash, for that necktie he was flaunting at work. It looked like a piece of curtain trim from a brothel, and not a high dollar brothel at that. I've seen better looking ties on a clown at the circus. I seriously doubt if the circus would even have him wearing that stupid tie, blue with orange dots. He looked like a smurf with some kind of skin condition. 

I know that I should be happy for them, but my stomach won't have that. Hoskins, I don't blame him personally. He's proven time and time again that he's at least half reptile, but her running off with him? It's like driving to a parking lot in a Ferrari to steal a Ford Fairmont. She won't be happy with him when she discovers that he has the moral aptitude of a stray cat and the trustworthiness of a candidate in the running. He'll grow weary of her when he discovers that, as psychologically unstable women go, she oscillates between bizarre and bonkers like demon-possessed windshield wipers. 

“He makes me happy.” Ha! He makes her happy. Making her happy is easy. Just dangle your keys. If the sparkling doesn't do it, the sound will. The two of them arm-in-arm is a walking embodiment of what can happen when people whom you wouldn't trust to use scissors without supervision are allowed to breed. She doesn't know anything that hasn't been explained slowly, and he doesn't know anything that can't be explained with pictures. 

Without question I will be a laughingstock at work. “Hey, did you hear? His wife left him for Hoskins!”  I could take solace knowing that with their combined intelligence they'll both get stuck in a revolving door somewhere and starve to death trying to get free. I can't. Hoskins? Hank friggin' Hoskins? “Moron Monthly” Hoskins? 

I'm hoping that in a few minutes I'll wake up to discover that it's all been a bad dream, that she's still here, that he's still an idiot, that I'm not the laughing stock of my entire firm. Just a bad dream. 

I'm starting to think it's all true. She left me for him. I'm not going to work. If I were to go today, that idiot would have to say something to me about it. That's the sort of moron he is. “Hey, sorry I've been bouncing the wife, no hard feelings?” I can see the headline now: “Irate Insurance Salesman Bludgeons Co-Worker with his own Pleather Briefcase!” 

No, I'd be more tactful than that. A poison of some kind, perhaps. Bludgeoning is so Old-World Gothic. It'd be impossible to explain, being found banging away on half a Hoskins in the hallway between Personnel and Account Services. No, I must be the bigger man about this, literally and figuratively. It's not hard being literally larger than Hoskins, the man is a runt. I must handle this in my own unmistakeable style. 

I will rise, I will have a shower, I will dress in the finest clothing I own. I will put on my favorite cologne. I will get into my car and I will drive to 367 Elm Street. I will enter the liquor store there, and I will buy a bottle of Pink Champagne. I will get back in my car and drive to 414 Poplar Avenue. I will check my hair in the rear-view mirror, I will check my breath with a lick and sniff. I will exit my car, I will walk to the door, and then... 

I will seduce and bed Mrs. Joann Hoskins. 

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That's it. I hope you like it, and I really hope that if we have any Hoskins family members here that they'll understand.


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## Boofy (Jan 11, 2015)

Ah I laughed in so many places at this, such a refreshing piece. I was really with the protagonist, angry for him. That frustration and humour is something beyond relatable. Remarkable stuff, really. If you ever need somebody to read your work at length, seek me out. I haven't offered that sort of thing before because frankly, the concept baffles and incenses me but really, I'd love to read this. Or well, anything like this. 

I can't point to a thing I dislike and nor can I point out any technical mishaps (Though that may well have more to do with my lack of knowledge in that particular field)

Well done, Tj. Now I am seething with jealousy!


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## Plasticweld (Jan 11, 2015)

Well you're not only good looking; you can write too.  Great story, very well told.  You have such a mix of self-deprecation  and honestly that it is hard to like you and hate poor old Hoskins.  The jury is still out on your wife, somehow the notion of being able to entertain her with something as simple as jingling keys, I find intriguing. 


Welcome to the forum, always exciting to see new talented members...Bob


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## TJ1985 (Jan 12, 2015)

I appreciate the words of encouragement, and thank both of you for taking the time to read my work. Being given something that is so irreplaceable as time does mean a lot to me, and I appreciate it.


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## joshybo (Jan 15, 2015)

I liked this piece, T.J.  The sense of humor is right up my alley and you tell your story very well; very genuinely.  I did see some technical stuff here and there that might be able to be cleaned up a bit, but nothing too major.  As you've said this was just to share, I'll leave the crit out of it for now, but if you ever want a crit on this or anything else, feel free to shoot me a PM and I'll do my best!  BTW, I thought you had stolen a picture of my older brother to use as your avatar, until I noticed your much more impressive beard.  All the same, I'm still not fully convinced that you're not him, haha.  Welcome to WF!


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## vulpineCaptain (Jan 15, 2015)

Ahoy, friend! I'd like to let you know your piece had my attention from the first, and with each paragraph gripped it tighter. I don't need a visual of the protagonist to see his frustration, and then resolve. One thing I thought was wonderful was how with each passing paragraph, a little more information was revealed. Be it the time period, which could be recent or sixty years ago; be it what manner of person a character was, especially Hoskins, a rather dim scrawny man; or be it the stage of anger and grief the protagonist was in, at first sorrow, then anger, denial and finally resolution. 

The punchline of the whole piece had me chuckling in my seat, to imagine that Hoskins had a wife of his own all this time!

All in all, thank you for sharing this, I loved it!


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## tinacrabapple (Jan 15, 2015)

There are some really great lines in this- hysterical!  I was quoting them in the house and my husband was laughing too.  If you could sustain this for a whole book- you'd be good to go!


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## Firemajic (Jan 16, 2015)

:ChainGunSmiley:The moral aptitude of a stray cat!! good stuff! Thanks for sharing, Peace always...Julia


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## TJ1985 (Jan 16, 2015)

Thanks to all of you. I should mention that, when I posted this, I was expecting to be shredded from step one. "Oh my gosh, do you believe he used a conjunction at the beginning of a sentence that ended with a preposition? Hahahaha!" I found that the people here are so nice, I'm not nervous about laying myself out there because I haven't seen anybody being needlessly harsh. 

So, joshybo, what's on your mind? Grammar is my weakest point, and I'm eager to learn. Sometime when I have the free time, I've got a few grammar questions, maybe if someone points out a few errors in posted works I could pare the list of questions from 92 down to 78!  Oh, and the beard? 14 months in the making. I tell people I got it in a ZZ Top Starter Kit.


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## wainscottbl (Jan 22, 2015)

> I'll say it again with forceful feeling; I slept just like a baby.



I think a colon before "I slept like a baby" would work better. Not only is it technically the proper rule, but it gives more effect. 


> but to leave me for _Hoskins_? For Christ sake, the man sounds like  a disease. “Oh, I'd like to donate fifteen dollars, for Hoskins  Research, you understand.”



lol I like that



> I seriously doubt if the circus would have him wearing that stupid tie,  blue with orange dots, he looked like a smurf with some kind of skin  condition.



Run on sentence. Maybe use a semi-colon to avoid the trouble of having to create two sentences here since it all speaks the same idea. 



> she oscillates between bizarre and bonkers like demon-possessed windshield wipers.



Love that! :applause:



> He does that, but I never did, but he makes her happy.



I think this is a run on sentence again. I'd suggest:

He does that. But I never did. But he makes her happy.

Maybe drop the last makes her happy part altogether even. 


> “Irate Insurance Salesman Bludgeons Co-Worker with his own Pleather Briefcase!”



Great!Maybe a new Tell-Tale Heart is calling. :twisted: "The thousand injuries of Hoskins I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge."

I like the story a lot. It was funny and flowed well. I was smiling the whole time. The ending perfected it. Hoskins was a great name to pick for this loser. Has a douchebag ring to it.


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## TJ1985 (Jan 22, 2015)

Thanks for the crit! Grammar is my weakest point as I didn't pay attention when I needed to be on point. If I'd known then that I'd be writing, I'd have been much more interested! I've got a book, The Little Brown Handbook, that should help but I find it a little too perfect: It's 900+ pages and that alone has convinced me that I don't even want to see The _Large_ Brown Handbook.


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## joshybo (Jan 23, 2015)

Finally!  I finally found the time and attention span to prepare the crit I promised you!  Hopefully this is a better-late-than-never sort of situation, Lol.

I'll start by saying that this looks like a rather lengthy crit, but it's mostly small grammatical, some of which my just boil down to stylistic preference.  Overall, this piece conveys its particular voice very well and that accounts for several seeming errors that I would have otherwise pointed out.  It's obvious that certain parts are structured a certain way (fragmentation, what have you) due to the narrator's style of speech.  And your humor is good.  I won't even bother pointing out the good bits of humor because it's continuous throughout.  This piece is an easy read and goes by quick because it's simply enjoyable.  Good work!  Now, on to the crit!

*As she left, the last thing she said stuck in my mind. She'd always been one for flippant comments, but that last one was a little dandy. “You'll get no sleep tonight, knowing that I'm never coming back.” In the history of preposterous statements, hers would take the blue ribbon every time.*

Great opening!  I don't have any suggestions here, but openings are tough and I think you did a good job with this one.

*That self-assured certainty that without her my life would never be the same, that smug confidence that I would never find another to match her, the self-centered suggestion that just because she was leaving me I wouldn't be able to sleep.*

I might prefer semi-colons to break up this series as otherwise, it reads more like a run-on sentence.
_That self-assured certainty that without her my life would never be the same*;* that smug confidence that I would never find another to match her*;* the self-centered suggestion that just because she was leaving me I wouldn't be able to sleep.

_*I'll say it again with forceful feeling; I slept just like a baby*.

I would use a colon here instead of a semi-colon as semi-colons indicate what follows them is a continuation of the same thought that precedes them.  Here, the second part is a separate declaration simply announced by the first part.

*I kept repeating that pattern until dawn when my pillow became too soggy to sleep on, and I decided that like it or hate it the day had to start sometime.
*
I wouldn't change much here, just add a couple of missing commas.
_I kept repeating that pattern until dawn when my pillow became too soggy to sleep on, and I decided that*,* like it or hate it*,* the day had to start sometime._

*And he slurps his coffee, every single solitary sip, he slurps it like it doesn't taste good enough to actually drink.*

Here, you sort of deviate from the choppy style that the narrator's voice has established earlier in the piece.  You may think differently about this, but I feel like utilizing sentence fragments (à la Hemingway) might better convey the speaker's voice.
_And he slurps his coffee*.* *E*very single solitary sip*. * *H*e slurps it like it doesn't taste good enough to actually drink.

_*And that car of his, good grief, I've seen more mechanically reliable vehicles on the back of a truck headed to the steel mill.*

Another example of the previous critique.  I feel like you could chop this up and it would actually allow the speaker's voice to flow a bit more smoothly.
_And that car of his, good grief*! * I've seen more mechanically reliable vehicles on the back of a truck headed to the steel mill._

*The man hasn't any sense with money either, any old junk will get his money.*

The way these thoughts are connected, yet separate, I feel like an em dash (my _favorite_ punctuation mark [how nerdy does that make me? Like bracketing inside of parenthesis isn't even more evidence of that.]) might better fit the structure of this sentence.
_The man hasn't any sense with money either*—*any old junk will get his money._

*He paid forty, forty dollars in cash, for that necktie he was flaunting at work.*

I totally understand what this phrase is saying, but I feel like the emphasis could be presented more effectively.
He paid forty dollars—_forty_* dollars!*—cash, for that necktie he was flaunting at work.

*Looked like a piece of curtain trim from a brothel, and not a high dollar brothel at that.*

I feel like there should be an "It" at the first of this sentence, though I understand if you excluded it for voice.
_*It l*ooked like a piece of curtain trim from a brothel, and not a high dollar brothel at that._

*I seriously doubt if the circus would have him wearing that stupid tie, blue with orange dots, he looked like a smurf with some kind of skin condition.*

This was pointed out in another comment already, so I'll just show you how I would have written it and you can decide if you'd prefer what you have or something similar to my suggestion.
_I seriously doubt if the circus would *even* have him wearing that stupid tie, blue with orange dots*.* *H*e looked like a smurf with some kind of skin condition._

*It's like driving to a parking lot in a Ferrari to steal and drive away a Ford Fairmont.
*
It's not necessary to say, "...and drive away..." as the action of stealing the Ford implies it.  Little things like this just help to keep your thoughts concise and it's something I struggle with personally.
_It's like driving to a parking lot in a Ferrari to steal a Ford Fairmont._

*He does that, but I never did, but he makes her happy.*

This was also pointed out previously.  I can see what he's saying, but something about how it's structured just reads awkwardly.  Perhaps:
_He makes her happy.  I never did, but he does._

*Entertaining her is easy, just dangle your keys and jingle them; if the sparkling doesn't do it, the sound will.*

I'd suggest chopping this one up, too, for continuity of voice.  Also, the rhythm was a bit thrown off here by the use of "dangle" and "jingle" so close together.  Maybe because they sound so similar, or maybe because they sort of mean the same thing in regards to the keys which you repeat by mentioning the sound of the jingling keys, or maybe it's just me on this one.  All the same, here is what I would have done.
_Entertaining her is easy*.  J*ust dangle your keys*.* *I*f the sparkling doesn't do it, the sound will._

*Without question I will be the laughing stock at work.*

Two things here.  Firstly, "laughingstock" is one word, which I admittedly didn't know prior to Googling it for this very crit, Lol.  Secondly, I feel like for this sentence you should say, "..._*a* _laughingstock_..."  _instead of "...*the* laughingstock..." as it just reads more appropriately to my own sensibilities.  Conversely, you could say "...the laughingstock of work..." and that might even sound better.  Examples:_
Without question I will be *a* laughing stock at work.
Without question I will be the laughing stock *of* work.

_I'd like to clarify here that I totally understand that we are not necessarily the same writer.  If my stylistic preferences don't align with yours, I completely understand that.  I'm not saying that what I would do is any "better" than what you've already written, they are just suggestions, which you are free to take or leave, based on my own style and my by-no-means-infallible understanding of grammar.

*“Hey, did you hear? His wife left him for Hoskins!” “Hoskins? The guy who had to be shown how to use the bathroom soap dispenser twice? That Hoskins? You're joking!”

*Here, you've got two bits of dialogue from separate speakers in the same paragraph.  Generally, when the speaker changes there should be a new paragraph.  I'm not sure if that rule fluctuates based on the fact that these are just hypothetical statements which the speaker himself is imitating, but it's something to consider.  Sometimes I over-analyze things when I'm not even fully confident of my own opinion regarding what I'm analyzing, Lol.

*My beloved wife was led astray by the guy who has be taught how to operate a soap dispenser. Twice.*

This really just repeats what you said in the statement just prior to it.  You could probably cut it to avoid repetition, unless you intentionally want that repetition to be apparent.

*Moron Monthly Hoskins?*

This is a nickname, so you might want to put it in quotation marks.  Maybe.  I would in this case, though I'm not sure that it's necessary.  *"*Moron Monthly*"* Hoskins?

*“Hey, sorry I've been bouncing the wife, no hard feelings?”

*I might suggest saying, "...*your* wife..."  instead of "...*the* wife..." especially considering that we later learn that Hoskins has a wife of his own.

*I can see the headline now; “Irate Insurance Salesman Bludgeons Co-Worker with his own Pleather Briefcase!”*

Here again, I believe you should use a colon instead of a semi-colon given the declaration following the first part.
*
No, I'd be more tactful than that, a poison of some kind.*

I'd chop this on up, too, maybe even tack on "perhaps" to illustrate it's just one consideration of many possible retaliations.  No, I'd be more tactful than that*. * *A* poison of some kind*, perhaps.*

*It'd be impossible to explain, being found banging away on half a Hoskins in the hallway between “Personnel” and “Account Services”.*

Here, I'm don't think the quotation marks are necessary.  Capitalization should do just fine.

*I will rise, I will have a shower, I will dress in the finest clothing I own, I will put on my favorite cologne, and I will get into my car. I will drive my car to 367 Elm Street, I will enter the liquor store there, and I will buy a bottle of Pink Champagne. I will get back in my car, I will drive to 414 Poplar Avenue, I will check my hair in the rear-view mirror, I will check my breath with a lick and sniff, I will exit my car, I will walk to the door, and then...*

The way this series is constructed runs on a bit more than it perhaps should.  The content is fine, just might need to be restructured.  A possibility, once more utilizing sentence fragmentation:_

I will rise, I will have a shower, I will dress in the finest clothing I own*. * I will put on my favorite cologne*. * I will get into my car *and* I will drive to 367 Elm Street*. * I will enter the liquor store there, and I will buy a bottle of Pink Champagne. I will get back in my car *and* drive to 414 Poplar Avenue*. * I will check my hair in the rear-view mirror, I will check my breath with a lick and sniff*.*  I will exit my car, I will walk to the door, and then...

_Sorry for the lengthy crit, but I appreciate such detailed responses personally, so I try to do the same for the pieces I critique.  If anything I've mentioned doesn't seem to have a clear reasoning, just let me know.  Even if you don't agree with the advice, understanding the reasons behind such suggestions is important for future considerations and what have you.  I really did enjoy this piece and I look forward to reading your future submissions!


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## TJ1985 (Jan 23, 2015)

Josh, 

I'd like to thank you for the crit and the time you took to write it for me. I seriously appreciate it. I won't "argue points" with you because, as badly as it stings, you're right on every point that you mentioned. I let the voice of the piece take over in several places, and I should have policed that more carefully. I also need to bone up on my grammar seriously. I've been dinged in your crit and a couple others for repeated misuse of the semi-colon and I need to police that. 

What I keep seeing repeatedly in my crits is that I make a lot of the same stupid errors repeatedly. That has to stop, and soon. If I don't stop making the same mistakes, when will I find time to make new ones?


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## joshybo (Jan 23, 2015)

I just realized that something went really wonky with my italics in that post, so I've un-italicized some parts for clarity.  The majority of your errors were very small grammatical things.  The big takeaway of this piece is your sharp sense of humor and your ability to convey your character's voice very naturally.  Those are two great skills to possess and you seem to have them down pat.  A little technical polish here and there, trim up a couple of unnecessary flourishes, and you've got something really great here.  Keep it up, TJ!


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## TJ1985 (Jan 24, 2015)

OP updated with edited version.


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## gamblingworld (Jan 25, 2015)

Hi I enjoyed this- the style is very human sounding, I can imagine it being a real person's thoughts and feelings, rather than some writer's poetic onanism. For me that human element is the main thing I tend to look for, and often don't find, which keeps me reading.
I have to say I don't think I'd be friends with the main protagonist, and it sounds from his reaction that his wife was right to leave him from the way he reduces her to a treacherous magpie with no thoughts and feelings of her own! Hope that was a desired intent.


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## Kamek (Jan 29, 2015)

Very good; your descriptions are very creative, which must be one of your strengths- it's a weakness of mine, so I do envy that!


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## McCacks (Jul 8, 2015)

I think this is great, good descriptions and such. Keep up the good work


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