# Zodiacal Light



## Gumby (Dec 13, 2018)

Zoe left as the day disappeared
and the last sliver of fiery sphere
was swallowed by the horizon.

Like the little yellow suns
lined up on the tub’s rim
would soon slide down her throat.

She drank the last of her beer
warm as the bath she lay in
before pulling the plug.

She'd waited for just after sunset
somehow it had seemed . . . appropriate.


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## Darren White (Dec 14, 2018)

This hints at so much that is not said. And read literally it works, read it with what is unsaid works as well. This Last Light is wonderfully written, I enjoyed it very much.


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## Gumby (Dec 14, 2018)

Thank you, Darren. It is an old one that I pulled out from 2013. I had a bit of trouble getting the second stanza understood, back then, and thought I'd see what fresh eyes might see.


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## Darren White (Dec 14, 2018)

That second stanza? If you have changed it, or not changed it? To me it if perfectly clear yes. And I think it's a wonderful bringing together of two yellow shines, sun and what's on the rim, and they both will drown in a certain way. I quite like that stanza.


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## Gumby (Dec 14, 2018)

Thank you! Yes, I did fiddle with it a bit.


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## apple (Dec 14, 2018)

What a poem!. It is so visual and I got the feeling of peace as well as resignation. The scene was vivid and beautiful even though the intent was tragic and sad. It made me imagine the story behind it.


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## Gumby (Dec 15, 2018)

Peace and resignation, you really summed it up well with that. Thank you for that.


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## kaminoshiyo (Jan 12, 2019)

It's beautiful and tragic... Aligning the suicide to sunset was pretty good, but for some reason your use of the words "yellow suns" for pills(?) lingers most of all to me. All in all I can see why you chose the title.


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## Gumby (Jan 12, 2019)

Thank you, kaminoshiyo! Yes, the 'yellow suns' were meant to represent pills.


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## Kevin (Jan 12, 2019)

I think I might condense and combine sentences in the first. I stumble over the 'and' in line two. It seems a long mouthful. I thought of alternates, but I will not share.  
Zodiacle - a play on Zoe and her inner light, 
Another sad story. Don't we love them?


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## Gumby (Jan 12, 2019)

We do love our sad stories, Kevin. Thank you for your comments, I have lived with this one for so long that it is hard for me to see what you are saying about the second line being a mouthful. Occupational hazard of being a poet, I think.


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## escorial (Jan 13, 2019)

a poem charged with depth....when i read poetry that takes a few uncomplicated words and i read on to the end..sometimes one gets that feeling i'm so glad i just read that...


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## Gumby (Jan 13, 2019)

Thank you escorial, that is a lovely compliment!


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## Terry D (Jan 17, 2019)

Being an old amateur astronomer, I bit on the zodiacal light title, only to be gobsmacked by the poem. Very powerful stuff. The only part that I found a bit jarring is the, "before pulling the plug" line. It absolutely nails the connection between the bath and the suicide, but I found the colloquialism to be a speed-bump along an otherwise smooth road. Its tone seems almost facetious to me, but I sure don't have any good suggestions for modifying it.

Thanks for sharing.


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## Gumby (Jan 17, 2019)

Thank you, Terry!


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## pinkus (Jan 24, 2019)

I would question the necessity of the first stanza. There is an attempt on the play between Zoe and zodiacal but does that warrant a whole stanza. I also feel there is room for improvement between the end of S2 and the start of S3. Other than that it skims the surface OK but I find it quite a shallow bath.

Pinkus


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## Gumby (Jan 24, 2019)

Thank you for your comments, Pinkus! Do you have any suggestions to go along with your observations?


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## Gumby (Jan 24, 2019)

Terry D said:


> Being an old amateur astronomer, I bit on the zodiacal light title, only to be gobsmacked by the poem. Very powerful stuff. The only part that I found a bit jarring is the, "before pulling the plug" line. It absolutely nails the connection between the bath and the suicide, but I found the colloquialism to be a speed-bump along an otherwise smooth road. Its tone seems almost facetious to me, but I sure don't have any good suggestions for modifying it.
> 
> Thanks for sharing.



I actually do understand what you're saying about the colloquialism, Terry. It wasn't meant to be facetious to the poem, but really more to reflect her mindset. She is 'pulling the plug' on her life and at peace with it, ending it on her terms and okay with that decision. Still, I hope it isn't widely perceived as being a facetious to what is going on in this. Thank you for sharing your perception with me.


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## pinkus (Jan 25, 2019)

Briefly

I feel taking the tabs with the beer should be part of the same sentence.

Also why? Her state of mind is obviously suicidal, but what’s driven her to be so desperate?


Pinkus


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