# True Stories



## Megookin (Sep 12, 2014)

This seems to be happening to me more and more these days and I don't know if  it's just me, or if people are that clueless.

Two weeks ago, my wife's car needed a new exhaust.  I had time midday to take care of the issue for her so I took it to the muffler shop.  As I was dropping the car off, I noticed a sports bar and grill next door.  The new exhaust was only going to take an hour so I thought I'd get something to eat while I waited.  As I walked into the grill, there was a hostess there who asked "Can I help you?"  I thought to myself, "let's see, dining establishment, so what should I ask for?"  I looked her in the eyes and said "Well I am kind of hungry and real ugly.  I would like to get one of them resolved in the next hour if I can."  She sat me at a table and handed me a menu.

Last Saturday I went to get my haircut.  A new place had opened up close to home so I decided to give it a try.  When I walked in this young lady at the cash register said "Welcome to Sports Clips!  Is there something I can do for you?"  Flashing back to the sports bar the previous week, I said "Well, I am way overdue for a haircut and I am really ugly.  Before I walk out, I would like to have one of these issues resolved."  She cut my hair.

Yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store on the way home.  While checking out, the girl said "Is there anything else you need?"  I replied with "Well, I got all my groceries so all I need now is a little plastic surgery for a new look."  This young checkout girl said "Oh, I'm sorry sir, we're not qualified to do that."

When I got home I thought "Am I that ugly that everyone keeps taking the easy way out?" :very_drunk:


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## Plasticweld (Sep 14, 2014)

Nice story.  You could always use the line I used when someone asks if I need help, I simply reply that just because I am good looking does not mean I am helpless.  Being and old guy I can get away with that and still get a smile. 

PS
I sent a message to Bishop who is on the forum and a SF writer and been working with some of the same issues you have and is probably further down the same path as you, i respect him and his insight, I asked him to contact you..Bob


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## escorial (Sep 14, 2014)

fun read...


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## Pandora (Sep 15, 2014)

Or my line . . . I just look dumb . . . ha!


In my travels I get the feeling people are a bit on autopilot in their responses. Occasionally you find someone who is actually thinking and responding to the moment, I guess the way you were Megookin. That made for a nice story, some insight into you and something to ponder, all good things. It is easy for distraction these days, I guess we just need to be glad their noses aren't in their phones, though their minds might be on Facebook and what they are missing. 

Sometimes I think no wonder Zombies are so popular . . . another ha!


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## Megookin (Sep 15, 2014)

I have a few favorites beside the posted one.  When they had me a receipt and say they need my signature, I look at the bill and tell them I charge XXX (usually about $10 more than the bill) for my autograph and smile.  Most of them get it and will tell me to put it on their tab, but I had a young lady get nervous and tell me that she couldn't pay anything out without the manager's authorization.  I piped in with "Okay, this one will be free, but in the future..." and smiled again.  I don't think she got it.  

The other one I like to use when they ask if they can help me is "Yes!  These little voices in my head keep repeating something I can't quite make out.  Can you get them to speak up?"  Fortunately, no one has taken me serious on that one.  But it is good in life to laugh and give others a reason to laugh too.


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## tjer222 (Oct 24, 2014)

Made me chuckle. I am always making my partner run and hide when I strike up conversations with complete strangers or make a notable and witty quip at some humourous occurance. Well, I am pretty sure they are humourous, but my partner, well she is convinced that one day I'm going to do it with the wrong person. However, I must admit that it is on one hand that I can count the instances when someone has failed to see the funny side. Not that anyone has ever said so direct. They either act like they didn't hear me or even register that any remark made. 

Personally I feel that maybe, just maybe, the world might be a little Bit happier for us all if we all tried,maybe just once a week, to strike up a conversation with a stranger or make someone smile.

Anyway, if someone ever does say anything to me I've already got my comeback prepared:i "I am very sorry, I didn't mean any offence . It's just that I am a little bit socially awkward having only just been released from jail on parole after many years."


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## Plasticweld (Oct 25, 2014)

32 years ago when I moved to Up-State New York  I was the new guy in a very small town where everybody knows everybody else.  While just about everyone knew who I was, I had no idea who they were.  I was asked at the counter of the local hardware store how things were going.  The place was full of the normal Saturday crowd, they had no trouble ease dropping to find out how the new guy was doing.  Without missing a beat I just told the cashier that, "Sometimes an ex-con can't catch a break."   The place when silent. I never cracked a smile, paid for my stuff and left.  After getting to the truck I could hardly contain my laughter.  

I am sure your parole  line will work.


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