# 06-02-05 | Scores



## gohn67 (Feb 27, 2006)

*Literary Manuevers*: Worst Valentine's Day Ever?

So...the scores were a few hours late.  I promised I'd get the scores by midnight yesterday, but encountered some miscommunication which was my fault entirely and I feel bad for not posting them in a timely fashion.

I was pleastantly surprised by the strong turnout and there were some great pieces of poetry and fiction, so thanks to everyone who participated and also the volunteer judges who were instrumental in making this thing work.

Anyways here are the scores: (order is - Gohn67, aprilrain, Silverwriter, and mjk)

Ilan Bouchard: 17 (16, 14, 18, 20)
Crazy_dude666: 14.25 (16, 13, 14, 14)
murdershewrote2005: 14.5 (15, 14, 14, 15)
Kat: 15.25 (13, 14, 18, 16)
mjk: 15.33 (15, 15, 16, X)
eggo: 16.5 (15, 16, 16, 19)
Dephere: 14.25 (15, 13, 14, 15)
Brightside: 14.75 (14, 13, 18, 14)
LoneWolf: 15.75 (14, 12, 17, 20)
Wyndstar: 16.25 (16, 15, 17, 17)
Vinralfakyn: 12.25 (14, 11, 14, 10)
Jiedan: 14.5 (14, 12, 13, 19)
Chris Miller: 17.75 (17, 17, 17, 20)
Silverwriter: 17.67(16, 17, X, 20)
character1_Caitlan: 12.5 (14, 11, 12, 13)
Ruben: 16 (17, 14, 16, 17)



*Top Five*


Chris Miller (17.75)
Silverwriter (17.67)
Ilan Bouchard (17)
eggo (16.5)
Wyndstar (16.25)


Congratulations to the top five and everyone else who made LM #6 a success - judges and participants.  And now the thread is open to banter and acceptance speeches as always.

Also LM #7 will be open on Monday March 27, 2006.  Contact me if you want to judge this competition as we don't have any permanent judges except for me.


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## gohn67 (Mar 2, 2006)

*gohn67's scores:*

Title: *Pre-pubescent romance*
Author: *Ilan Bouchard*

Second stanza third line – our friendship rocks – that was pretty funny.  A very lighthearted fun read. The meter is perfect, not that I expected anything less.  Got confused on stanza three line one when she hurried to her seat?  Took me a while to realize that the mailboxes were probably glued to their seat and last line felt a bit cliché, but I do see that you has to fit the rhyme, which I surprisingly didn't notice 'til now as I was writing this up. That's always a good thing when the rhyme is unnoticeable

Score: *16/20*

Title: *Fires of Love*
Author: *Crazy_dude666*

I really like how the title ties in with the poem.  It reminds me of that Futurama episode about Christmas and how the fear of that robot Santa brought them closer together.  I'm getting the same message here.  Liked the line – People piled, skin wielded together. The rhyme and rhythm kind of gave it a jaunty upbeat feel.   It contrasted the content of the poem.  Some of the rhythm was a bit off.  Wondering why you changed into quatrains for the last three stanzas after using couplets and you also changed rhyme scheme

Score: *16/20*

Title: *Two Kids and Condom*
Author: *murdershewrote2005*

First thing I wonder is what the hell was she thinking?  I mean on Valentine's Day of all days, you'd think she'd be with her boyfriend and not some random guy, which tells a lot about Kassidy's character. She doesn't seem too smart, Valentine's day seems to increase the chance that she'd get caught.  Interesting how he had an engagement ring, so it must have been pretty serious.  You got me totally thinking about what type of person Kassidy is.  There were a lot of similes.  I think you went overboard with them though, it seemed like you tried to use a simile for every description.  

Score:*15/20*

Title: *V-Day Song*
Author: *Kat*

I love the contrast of O' Christmas tree and venereal diseases.  It's a funny contrast. In the genital warts stanza wouldn't someone still have a chance to get genital warts if they talked to some random person at bar? I tried to sing it, in my head to the of O' Christmas and some parts didn't work rhythm wise to me.  My favorite stanza was the first one.  The rhythm worked the best there.

Score:*13/20*

Title: *A Blood Flower*
Author: *mjk*

Dialog punctuation is off.  Should be *commas* instead or periods, throughout.  The actions and word usage of you character definitely show how she's feeling – opened up my menu to use as a shield. 
The use of the word shield is great, it's subtly humorous and shows her feelings about this guy.  I didn't get what was going on at first, until I read it the second time, then it all made sense. I get a good picture of what the narrator is like.

Score:*15/20*

Title: *My Love is Electric*
Author: *eggo*

“...caricature drawn hastily by a drunken bum.”  Just a great image that I can easily picture.  Interesting twist to the story, a bit cliché, but you took it one step farther with the execution, instead of having him just be in an insane asylum.   The repetition in the second paragraph of the light bulb flashing on and off is nice hint of his insanity.  Nice way to end with the black mask going over his face, kind of like how at the end of movie sometimes the screen fades to black and goes to the credits.   Also like that you leave it up to the reader's imagination.

Score:*15/20*

Title: *Drunk with Love*
Author: *Dephere*

You really built up her anticipation of her date with Jesse, made her feel so obsessive about him and going to a dance for the first time. I kept wondering what would happen, specifically what Jesse would do to make her day miserable.  It was kind of like dues ex machina, how her boyfriend died.  The use of past present was confusing because I wasn't sure when certain events were happening, like if something happened in the past or present.  I notice you did a lot of listing with your sentences. It worked well for me

_Up in heaven, at God's office, she's checking her planner for the day. _ 

God: So, Elizabeth has a date huh?  Well, we'll see about that!  George get over here.

George: Yes, ma'am?

God: Send in the drunk driver.  He knows what to do.

Score:*15/20*

Title: *Reassured Loneliness*
Author: *Brightside*

Lord of the Rings extended version, haha.  Personally I'd die of boredom if I ever had to watch that all the way through.  I like the subtility of this piece because to me he is obviously lying to himself and he really is miserable, especially if he's to the point where he can watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy all the way through.  Probably because of the word count restriction but the part about his girlfriend and brother seemed a bit rushed and it was definitely an important part to me. First sentence of second paragraph, the adverbs were a bit weak and unnecessary.  Grammar is a little off.

Score:*14/20*

Title: *As She Waits*
Author: *LoneWolf*

First paragraph definitely shows her anxiety and how she can't wait to see him or hear from him, something.  Lot of great lines here, especially in the first paragraph with the computer and the cellphone.  One of the coolest images was how the sun is personified and kissing the sky, even the sun and sky have someone on this day, everyone except her.  Got confused once she was on the phone with the brother and I read it three times.  Chocolates for who's baby sister?  Also the brother says that he was on his way, but then later says that he didn't know where he was.  Hmm, interesting, I just thought of something.  What if the brother is actually lying to cover for his brother, which is why some of the facts aren't consistent?  And she's able to tell.

Score:*14/20*

Title: *Experience Observations*
Author: *Wyndstar*

I don't know why but I really liked Abagail.  Strange but I found it charming and somewhat quirky how she's seventy and at a mall, following these people around.  Loved that aspect of the story, but it got confusing at paragraph 9 when she points to the video arcade.  I wasn't sure what happened, but after thinking about it I think I realized what happened.  The husband was with another woman and Abagail turned out to be following them.  

Score:*16/20*

Title: *Happy Valentine's Day*
Author: *Vinralfakyn*

This reads almost like non-fiction to me.  Not sure why though.  You do a lot of telling in this piece, but it works for the most part.  Some parts felt they could have been elaborated on more, but I think the low word count attributed to that.  Interesting how you inserted background information.  Has a very conversational style, and I wished it was longer.  Maybe a story for you to flesh and extend when there is no word limit constraints.

Score:*14/20*

Title: *Diamond Dreams*
Author: *Jiieden*

I loved the line – Sunlight is too honest.  It's very poetic, the writing style, maybe a bit too sappy for, but I think you are trying to create a very dreamlike feel with these poetic descriptions.  And I think you are also using the poetic descriptions as hyperbole and trying to enhance the moment, to give the reader a feeling that this is a great moment.  It's kind of funny because it seems like they are playing poker and combined with the poetic descriptions is strange contrast.  

Score:*14/20*

Title: *Joanne's Artistic Floral Arrangements and Gifts*
Author: *Chris Miller*

It's not quantum physics – hilarious as was the whole story.  Took me two reads to figure out he sent the flowers to one of his subway workers.  The parenthetical part about the use of “mother” was hilarious to me because I was thinking along similar lines about the inclusion of “mother”. The last paragraph was quite a sentence, but a bit clunky and hard/confusing to read.  Although stylistically it would have been nice if you had you pulled it off.

Score:*17/20*

Title: *Why I don't own a Shotgun*
Author: *Silverwriter*

What a title, implies a lot.  I really liked the opening stanza, starting with the cliché “roses are red” poem, it really worked for me, your inclusion of that.  Like the part about engulfing the bear in flames, and the how you used the line break there.  The rhythm is off though at times and messes up with the flow. 

Score:*16/20*

Title: *The Delivery*
Author: *character1_Caitlin*

Interesting how you repeat card and chocolates throughout the piece.  The only person that sends flowers is Roy. It seems like everything is so standardized on Valentine's day with all the cards and chocolate, except for when she gets to talk to Madeline.  So I think that's why she her valentine's day is unenjoyable (I know not a word) because no one is there to keep her company and talk to her.  But at least she got a card and chocolates!  At the end I wasn't sure why the delivery guy just handed her the flowers, it didn't seem plausible to me.

Score:*14/20*

Title: *How Love is an Atom*
Author: *Ruben*

The rhyme and rhythm was nicely done, flowed well.  Interesting comparison of love and an atom, lot of good lines.  My favorite being the first – Ah, the atom, omnipotent and supreme.  Subtly funny for some reason and just plain cool to read.  Also really liked – as attraction, always involves plural hearts.  Just a very cool idea and awesome phrasing.

Score:*17/20*


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## gohn67 (Mar 2, 2006)

*aprilrain's scores:*

Title: *Pre-pubescent romance*
Author: *Ilan Bouchard*
Poor Susanna! The rhyme scheme is a tough one (1&3, 2&4) and you pulled it off, though some of the lines seemed forced and constructed around the rhyme requirements. Also, the final line of each stanza seemed to be a syllable short, but I may be ignorant of a poetry style in this regard. Overall, nice poem.
Score: *14/20*

Title: *Fires of Love*
Author: *Crazy dude*
Tragic event treated with solemn respect with good conveyance of the waste and senselessness of the circumstances. Interesting title. However, some of the rhyme seemed forced, and the various line length made it a bit clunky. The last line in particular lacked punch because of the rhyme constraint.
Score: *13/20*

Title: *Two kids and a condom*
Author: *murdershewrote 2005*
The metaphors didn’t quite work for me (mud in between, etc.), but the character’s nonchalant, innocent response made me smile (“What was what?”).
Score: *14/20*

Title: *V-Day Song*
Author: *Kat*
Very amusing and light-hearted, but it does seem like shock factor is the goal here.
Score: *14/20*

Title: *A Blood Flower*
Author: *Mjk*
I like the character development in a brief amount of words; her internal thoughts reveal a great deal. The meaning of the first sentence is unknown until much later and throws off the reader (is she going to kill him or what?) This mystery cuts both ways. I do like the final sentence (nice role reversal). As a lawyer, though, I must say…..HEY! J
Score: *15/20*

Title: *My Love is Electric*
Author: *Eggo*
Wonderful use of comparisons and imagery. Description of wife after accident--although horrific--is masterfully done. I did have an issue with “drawn hastily by drunken bum.” I see now that it was intended as a descriptive phrase, but I thought you were conveying information about the accident (she was killed by a drunk driver). So reading the rest, at first, had me puzzled. There are several incidents of punctuation/grammar problems.
Score: *16/20*

Title: *Drunk With Love*
Author: *Dephere*
The ending was a surprise--I thought you were heading toward a humiliating, Carrie-like date. Still, something about the brief explanation from the father felt a little flat. I wanted to feel more emotion than I did.
Score: *13/20*

Title: *Reassured loneliness*
Author: *Brightside*
I enjoyed the voice used in this. The constant insistence of not needing anyone with the underlying understanding that he is just lying to himself. I just wish there was a little more substance and depth--a story hook.
Score: *13/20*

Title: *As She Waits*
Author:*Lone Wolf*
The first two paragraphs are strong, but it begins to unravel with the phone call. “Yes, he was on his way…” Who was he--the boyfriend or the brother? Neither choice makes sense, and this confusion derailed me.
Score: *12/20*

Title: *Experience Observations*
Author: *Wyndstar*
The POV from old woman is effective. Her observations and bittersweet musings are solid. I envisioned the woman she sat next to as being much older while the couple had teenage qualities. The twist at the end didn’t sink in for me right away because of this and ended up having less impact. Still, sad and disillusioning, which is the intent.
Score: *15/20*

Title: *Happy Valentine’s Day…*
Author: *VinrAlfakyn*
Felt like a diary entry of a pre-teen, which is okay since it is from the perspective of a character about that age. But there just wasn’t enough of a story hook here to keep my interest.
Score: *11/20*

Title: *Diamond Dreams*
Author: *Jiieden*
Some of the imagery was well done, and certain phrases made me smile (sunlight is too honest). However, other than the fact that he is gambling, I never caught on to what was going on---was it all a dream or not? Also, the insertion of the Valentine connection seemed arbitrary.
Score: *12/20*

Title: *Joanne’s Artistic Floral Arrangements and Gifts*
Author: *ChrisMiller*
The character’s outlook on his situation is highly amusing (he’s completely in the right, it’s the incompetent florist’s fault!). It does require a reread of a few of the sentences to fully grasp the situation, but this does pack a large amount of background information into a small space without seeming like it. Nice.
Score: *17/20*

Title: *Why I don’t own a Shotgun*
Author: *Silverwriter*
Rhyme and rhythm didn’t seem forced. Conveyed emotion and told story well while staying within constraints of syllable count and poem structure. Loved the final lines. Excellent poem.
Score: *17/20*

Title: *The Delivery*
Author: *Character1_Caitlin*
I liked the friendship between the two women, but it was often hard to follow the dialogue. In one spot, Karen speaks three sentences, each set of with separate quotes with no tag lines. The ending, also, left me wondering why the day was so horrible for her--because her friend wasn’t there or because she was enjoying her friend’s gifts with none from her own hubby?
Score: *11/20*

Title: *How love is an atom*
Author: *Ruben*
Creative idea and comparison. Rhyme and meter seemed effective throughout. Think “seize” was meant to be “cease,” which is important turning point of poem. Not a strong link to specific theme.
Score: *14/20*


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## gohn67 (Mar 3, 2006)

*silverwriter's scores:*

Title: *Pre-pubescent Romance*
Author: *Ilan*
I chuckled when I read this, thinking of a little blonde with curly hair skipping around while she dropped Valentines into the other kid’s boxes. The ending made me laugh in that pitying way and just shake my head. Poor thing. Well done.
Score: *18/20*
~
Title: *Fires of Love*
Author: *CD*
While I found the poem in need of structural improvement, I liked how you used a real happening for your subject. The tone was clear right in the beginning to me, which I always appreciate. Also, you presented it in a way that doesn’t leave a lot of questions; the reader knows exactly what happened. Made me shudder a bit.
Score: *14/20*
~
Title: *Two Kids and a Condom*
Author: *MSW*
Ouchie. I would have kept the ring. Hehe. A nice short piece that has worst V-Day written all over it. I know there were length constraints, so I can’t really complain about feeling like it went to fast. Very nice setup in the beginning. You set a strong tone right there.
Score: *14/20*
~
Title: *V-Day Song*
Author: *Kat*
I’ll be honest - I saw ‘sung to the tune of ‘Oh Christmas Tree’ and I said ‘Oh lord.’ I can just imagine three or more single, drunk women sitting in a bar on V-Day singing this. Hilarious and highly enjoyable. Well, reading about it anyway. Haha.
Score: *18/20*
~
Title: *A Blood Flower*
Author: *mjk*
Wow, that was different and left me chuckling at that. I like it. Especially the ‘oh, you thought I cared?’ tone toward the end. The last line was very funny, especially coming out of a woman’s mouth.
Score: *16/20*
~
Title: *My Love is Electric*
Author: *eggo*
Well, dang. It’s entirely unfortunate the word count was placed at 400 because I feel like there is a bigger story here. It took me a bit to figure out what was going, which is most always fun. Quite twisted, especially with his execution being on Valentine’s Day.
Score: *16/20*
~
Title: *Drunk with Love*
Author: *Dephere*
Here I was expecting one end and you presented me with a completely different one. A far more powerful ending than I was expecting too. Overall, a quite effective piece.
Score: *14/20*
~
Title: *Reassured Loneliness*
Author: *Brightside*
Somehow I find myself identifying with this, though I’m hardly in that position. The tone remains constant through the entire piece, you tell a lot with a few words, and the piece was well written. Well done.
Score: *18/20*
~

Title: *Teapot Tragedy*
Author: *Penelope*
The slow death of love. Was there actually a love in the beginning? On his side, sure. Very strong and steady writing, but I can’t help but feel like I am missing something. Then again, that’s probably the whole point, isn’t it? The reader is Porter, left wondering why. Nicely done.
Score: *N/A*
~

Title:* As She Waits*
Author: *LoneWolf*
I’m not sure how much I like the shattered heart and decision (or lack thereof) at the end. I’m wondering what the decision is. To break up with him? I feel like it could go a couple ways. But, I like very much how she is left waiting, just listening on the phone. Very nice way of letting the end sort of drift off and not cut off with a nice, neat conclusion.
Score: *17/20*
~
Title: *Experience Observations*
Author: *Wyndstar*
Way to tell story layered within story Wyndstar. I absolutely loved “And judging from her forlorn expression, she knew it.” Everything fit quite nicely. (Glad nothing bad happened to the elder woman.)

Score: *17/20*
~
Title: *Happy Valentine’s Day*
Author: *VinA*
Aw, Vin. This is such a sad one and I’m left not quite knowing what to say. Effective title. I can just hear the sarcasm in it. The piece is a bit different style than I am used to, but it made me feel, the goal of any writer.
Score: *14/20*
~
Title: *Diamond Dreams*
Author: *Jiieden*
I like the reckless abandon that comes through in this piece, but I feel like the part about it being Valentine’s Day was thrown in as an afterthought rather than an element woven into the piece. Nicely done with the colors and music.
Score: *12/20*
~
Title: *Joanne’s Artistic Floral Arrangements and Gifts*
Author: *Chris Miller*
“Mary got her tubes tied back when we still had sex.” - I had to stop reading and have a good laugh because of that line. Very funny. The ending was a bit rough in my opinion, but funny nonetheless.
Score: *17/20*
~
Title: *Why I don’t own a Shotgun*
Author: *silverwriter*
Score: *na*
~
Title:* The Delivery*
Author: *Caitlin*
I got a little mixed up with the dialogue, though I’m still for minimalism in dialogue tag usage. This piece is nice and, given a little tweak here and there, it could come out crystal. I think no word limit would help a lot.
Score: *12/20*
~
Title: *How love is an atom*
Author: *Ruben*
Barring the ‘nothing to do with Valentine’s Day’ aspect, I think this is a great poem. I would have never thought to compare love to an atom, though the two seem utterly obvious to compare. Nicely done.
Score: *16/20*
~


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## gohn67 (Mar 3, 2006)

*mjk's scores:*

Title: *Pre-Pubescent Romance*
Author: *Ilan Bouchard*
Free of technical error. Excellent use of a particular tone, not the most original style, but a consistent and steady flow that works well. Fun interpretation of the theme. Simple line structure contributes perfectly to the effectiveness of the poem. Altogether, cute, short and sweet (and a bit forlorn by the end), just like poor little Suzy.
Score: *20/20*
***
Title: *Fires of Love*
Author: *Crazy_dude6662*
There were a couple of spelling errors in this: ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ and some missing apostrophes. Also a few places I feel another comma could have been used in relation to the rhythm. A style is there in most stanzas but falters in a few. Interpretation of theme is very original and depicted fairly through this piece, but the forced rhyming and inconsistent structure took a lot of the strength away from this.
Score: *14/20*
***
Title: *Two Kids and a Condom*
Author: *murdershewrote2005*
A few spelling and grammar errors. Varied sentence structure which makes this an interesting read. You have some fantastic similes in the first and second paragraphs which I feel are tainted by the use of clichés. A few sentences seem pedantic and unnecessary, disrupting the flow of the piece. Overall, this is original and interesting, but for the maximum effect, it would need some fine tuning: replacing the clichés and omitting anything needless from the prose.
Score: *15/20*
***
Title: *V-Day Song*
Author: *Kat*
Free of technical errors. Consistent style and witty tone. Rhythm borrowed from another source, but it works well here, although the last stanza seems to stumble. This reminds of something teenagers would sing on the bus, not a bad thing, just an impression. Original interpretation of the theme with a not so original song. It’s very effective.
Score: *16/20*
***
Title: *My Love is Electric*
Author: *Eggo*
Eek, spelling and grammar would have been perfect except for two small errors. Varied sentence structure. Excellent use of description; imagery is well manipulated and disturbing (in a good way). Provocative writing style gives authentic voice. Highly original interpretation of theme mixed with creative delivery makes this an effective and interesting read.
Score: *19/20*
***
Title: *A Day of Doom*
Author: *Penelope*
Free of technical errors. Simple style carried well throughout the poem. Fun use of words and phrases. Rhyme scheme is playful. Flows well. Tone is consistent. Combined package is very effective, evocative and amusing.
Score: *N/A*
***
Title: *Mr. Handsome and Sugar-Free Godiva*
Author: *Gohn67*
No spelling errors and a couple grammatical errors. Interesting and original style. Varied sentence structure contributes well to the voice of piece. Excellent use of descriptive detail in relation to plot. Dialogue is realistic and fluid. Original interpretation of theme. Overall, a humorous and enjoyable read.
Score: *N/A*
***
Title:* Drunk with Love*
Author: *Dephere*
A few minor spelling and grammatical errors. Sentence structure is mostly varied, but does give off a repetitive feel. Predictable word choices at places and unique ones in others. Descriptive style works well in displaying character’s emotions through action. Very original interpretation of the theme and excellent delivery of emotion packed plot. Overall, interesting and evocative plot but is hindered by errors and minimal style.
Score: *15/20*
***
Title: *Reassured Loneliness*
Author: *Brightside*
A few spelling and grammatical errors. Varied sentence structure making it an interesting read. The climax felt forced; it came out of left field for me and definitely did not elaborate enough. Just flat statements on why Michael was alone on V-Day. Use of parentheses is great. Minimal description. Predictable interpretation of theme. Overall well written and fluid, which redeems the piece.
Score: *14/20*
***
Title: *Teapot Tragedy*
Author: *Penelope*
No technical errors. Excellent word choice and description. Consistent and flowing style. Fantastic punch line. Authentic delivery on a slightly less original interpretation on the theme. All together a highly enjoyable read, delicious to read out loud.
Score: *N/A*
***
Title: *As She Waits*
Author: *LoneWolf*
Free of grammar and spelling errors. Varied and stylistic sentence structure very effective in delivery. I just love the image of sitting by the phone with cell phone in hand; it conveys a great deal of insight into the Chelsea’s emotion. Excellent description. The only thing lacking in my opinion is the interpretation of theme, as this is a common occurrence, but it is delivered so well, I’ll just be quiet and say you’ve done a superb job.
Score: *20/20*
***
Title: *Experience Observations*
Author: *Wyndstar*
A few minor grammatical errors. Varied sentence structure. Minimal description. Some sentences seem pedantic. Highly original interpretation of the theme making this shine for me. Last two paragraphs combine to an excellent conclusion. Overall, although intriguing concept and plot, parts of the delivery detracts some of its effectiveness.
Score: *17/20*
***
Title:* Happy Valentine’s Day*
Author: *VinrAlfakyn*
No spelling errors and a few grammatical errors. Dull and uninteresting style; sentence structure is consistent and predictable throughout piece. Ordinary interpretation of theme. Overall, this could be a good story if there were less flat, telling statements and more showing description.
Score: *10/20*
***
Title: *Diamond Dreams*
Author: *Jiieden*
No spelling errors but a few questionable punctuation marks and one grammar error (should be ‘were’ instead of ‘was’ in first para). Unique style flows smoothly throughout and definitely conveys a dream-like trance. Varied sentence structure. Excellent description and imagery. Highly original interpretation of the theme delivered in an interesting and provocative style. Overall, exceptional.
Score: *19/20*
***
Title: *Joanne’s Artistic Floral Arrangements and Gifts*
Author: *Chris Miller*
Only technical error is the abbreviation of ‘apartment’ which is ‘apt.’ but the rest of the piece is written flawlessly (so I just can’t mark you off for that). Creative title. Varied sentence structure. Unique and witty style. Excellent use of a parenthetical thought. Amusing conclusion. Great descriptions. Very original interpretation of theme. Overall, this piece is funny and splendid.
Score: *20/20*
***
Title: *Why I don’t own a shotgun*
Author: *silverwriter*
No spelling errors. Punctuation well placed in relation to rhythm which carries smoothly throughout. Inventive and provocative title. Simple style which works well for the poem. Mood and tone are consistent. Last stanza seals the deal. Hilarious interpretation of the theme. Overall, a fun and bitter read.
Score: *20/20*
***
Title: *The Delivery*
Author: *character1_caitlin*
No spelling errors but several consistent grammatical errors, including missing punctuation. Great use of the present tense, lending to the writing style. Limited sentence structure. Dialogue is well used, but feels a bit stiff due to no use of contractions. Realistic characters. Highly original interpretation of the theme but delivered ineffectively. Overall, an interesting plot but it would need more revision and more variation in style.
Score: *13/20*
***
Title: *How love is an atom*
Author: *Ruben*
No spelling errors. One or two commas made me stumble, but overall, the poem flows smoothly. Excellent and imaginative word choice. Last stanza is not nearly as powerful as the first, stunting the conclusion. Very original interpretation of the theme delivered in authentic style. Overall, a delightful read but needs some revision, perhaps in the last stanza.
Score: *17/20*


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## gohn67 (Mar 6, 2006)

Scores Posted.


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## character1_Caitlin (Mar 6, 2006)

Ok thanks all, The hard part is I know whats in my head, all the comments I understand. I look forward to more of these so I can get my score up. 

Thanks to all the judges and congrats to Chris Miller and the rest of the top 5.


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## Ruben (Mar 6, 2006)

Yeah! I'm #6!

Excellent, great reviews, a BIG thanks to all the reviewers! And yes, it was supposed to be cease, and not seize. And you're probably right about the fact that the last stanza isn't good. I personally hate those last 2 lines, but pretty content about the rest (with exceptions of course).

I'm glad most/all liked to read it, and thanks again!!


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## Jiieden (Mar 6, 2006)

I want to add my thanks to the reviewers too!  I appreciate the work you've all put in, and I hope we do this much more often!


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## Ilan Bouchard (Mar 6, 2006)

Thank you both reviewers and contributors for another fun LM.


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## mjk (Mar 6, 2006)

yes, i'll throw in my thanks to those who submitted and the other judges (and i'll give myself a pat on the back)

i liked judging, but _hated _giving scores.  would have just rather given a review.  but yeah, i know, it's a competition so there had to be a winner, although i'll throw out the cliche, 'you're all winners to me.'

congratulations to the top five!  you all wrote very strong and creative pieces which were a delight to read.

aprilrain- see, female lawyers are a whole different story. 

getting crazy with the bold, eh gohn? hehehe


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## Brightside (Mar 6, 2006)

Well done to the Top Five! And thanks to the reviewers for their time and hard work! I'm well chuffed - i didn't think my entry was any good - i have totally re-written it since posting! Thought i wouldn't get any points actually, to thanks for the good scores and comments.


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## mjk (Mar 6, 2006)

for some reason this spaced my mind completely and it's definitely warranted...

THANK YOU GOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  without your organizing efforts this never would have happened.  you put in the most time and dedication to LM and your efforts are very much appreciated.


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## Dephere (Mar 6, 2006)

You guys are awesome, thank you Gohn and all of the judges for making this so fun!!!

 :cheers: :thumbl:


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## silverwriter (Mar 6, 2006)

yes, i believe many thanks are owed to gohn. were i in cali, i'd give him a big hug. 

thanks to all who participated. judging was very hard.

ps. i'm already volunteering to judge in the next one. is that allowed?


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## eggo (Mar 6, 2006)

Thanks everyone,

Number 4 whew!

When I found this forum, the LM caught my eye. Its always great fun and I once again tip my hat for Gohn man for keeping it alive.

Thanks to all the judges for the time it takes to write detailed descriptions of each story. You were all excellent.

Congrats to everyone who participated, the competition was chock full of great prose and poetry.


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## gohn67 (Mar 7, 2006)

silverwriter said:
			
		

> ps. i'm already volunteering to judge in the next one. is that allowed?


Of course it's allowed. Hehe.  Thanks for volunteering agian.  Much apreciated.


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## silverwriter (Mar 7, 2006)

i hope there isn't a 'three judgings and you're out rule'

*grin*


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## gohn67 (Mar 7, 2006)

silverwriter said:
			
		

> i hope there isn't a 'three judgings and you're out rule'
> 
> *grin*


Hehe, I can't afford to alienate any volunteer judges with a rule like that, since judging doesn't seem like the trendy thing to do at this forum yet, but someday it will, someday.


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## silverwriter (Mar 7, 2006)

not trendy.

pish. i am the goddess of trend.

okay, maybe not.

so, would i get a cookie if i was to say i'd like to be a permanent judge? or do i just go on an LM to LM basis?

*cough*iwantpurpleboxes*cough*

just kidding. anywho, is that how it's going to go? if we keep going on and having the week long to judge, i should be able to do it over the summer too.


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## aprilrain (Mar 7, 2006)

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I really enjoyed judging, and I was quite impressed with all of the entries, especially given the time limit and word count limit.  It looks like I was the "tough judge" of the group, but it is not reflective of the quality of the works--I think I took the point system a little too seriously.  But since I applied it to everyone, I guess it evens out.  Great job, everyone.

Thank you very much, Gohn, for your work on this and being patient with my questions.  I would like to both judge and participate next time.  Looking forward to it!


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## Wyndstar (Mar 7, 2006)

*LMs*

Aside from getting a lot of fun stuff to read (ahhhh--I really did take to Ruben's, and Jess' last line about still having sex got me the chuckles) I get to do the 'I told you so' dance in someone's face.

Thank you to the judges for that, too.  Thanks to your time, patience, skill and effort, I can lord it over someone.  Betcha never foresaw THAT as part of the end result.

Okay, though--which one of you were high? I'm in the top five? That was a revenge piece.  I got a mental bruise the size of a machintosh on my brain for it.


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## gohn67 (Mar 7, 2006)

aprilrain said:
			
		

> Thank you very much, Gohn, for your work on this and being patient with my questions. I would like to both judge and participate next time. Looking forward to it!


Okay, I put you on the list.  Next LM should be an easy one to judge, I think.  Although probably more restrictive than this one. But I think it will be a tough challenge.



			
				silverwriter said:
			
		

> so, would i get a cookie if i was to say i'd like to be a permanent judge? or do i just go on an LM to LM basis?


Since, I don't have any cookies, I think I will do it on a LM to LM basis.  Just because I don't want people to feel compelled to judge every single one.


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## Chris Miller (Mar 7, 2006)

I too would like to thank gohn67 for organizing, and also aprilrain, Silverwriter and mjk for commenting on and comparing these many wonderful apples and oranges, for having come up with even arbitrary “marks.”

Taps microphone.  Feedback squeal wakes several in the audience.  “Sorry.” Tears stream down cheeks.  “Thank you.  Thank you all for affording me this recognition, this honor.  I know it was a crap shoot, way too close to call. Dumb luck. But this is the first literary competition I have ever won. Thus it will stand forever at the top of my CV.”  Wipes nose on sleeve.  “I want to thank Wyndstar for making me aware of this forum.” Blinks and waves to Wyndstar.  “I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my friends, my employer, my mom and dad—”  *gaak*  Shepherd’s crook catches neck and yanks off stage.

Seriously all, thanks, for the inspiration to have written and opportunity to have been read here.  It means a lot to me.

Chris


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## Crazy_dude6662 (Mar 8, 2006)

sorry i havnt replied earlier...

THANK YOU!!!!!! to all who judge my work


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## LoneWolf (Mar 19, 2006)

Thanks much to the judges (and mjk for the perfect score hehehe) , congrats to the top 5. Hopefully I'll be able to do the next LM...


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## Ilan Bouchard (Mar 19, 2006)

Lemme throw in my appreciation a second time.  I remember how much time it took to judge so I appreciate those that are doing so now.  This is one of the activities this forum has that really characterizes the communal aspect of this forum.


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## character1_Caitlin (Mar 19, 2006)

Your right.  When is the next one?


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## gohn67 (Mar 19, 2006)

27th of March, had no idea St Patricks Day was this week though, oh well.


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## Kat (Apr 10, 2006)

thanks to all the judges, gohn for organizing it. Was loads of fun and I really enjoyed reading everyone's work. I'll have to try my hand again, when I have more time.


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