# January 2017 - LM - When A Good Man Falls - Scores



## kilroy214 (Feb 1, 2017)

kilroy214
rcallaci
fantastical
Bishop
total
Godofwine
18
18.5
8
16
15.12
The Catcher in 
the Sky by _Terry D_
17.5
17
12
14
15.12
Ibb
15
16.5
14
14
14.8
Dictarium
15
15
12
16
14.5
Sleepwirter
14.5
16
11
14
13.8
JaneC
13
12.5
9
16
12.6
CPMurphy
11
15
12
12
12.5





By the pricking of my thumbs, we have had a doozey of a competition this month. Thank you to the judges this month, your time is always appreciated. And thank you to the contestants, who without you, I would win every month, so HA! If you would like to 'like' 'lol' or 'thank' an entry from January, you may now do so, let me know if there is any problems with my arithmetic or whatnot.

In First place...WE HAVE A TIE!!!

*The Preacher's Wife* by *Godofwine*, and *The Catcher in the Sky *by *Terry D* incognito are our 1st place winners this month!!!
And *Mr. Goodman *by *Ibb *rounds out our top three for third!

Congratulations! And no the Scores!!!


 [spoiler2= kilroy214's scores] *King's Call
 CPMurphy

 Spag: 2
 Tone: 3.5
 Effect: 5.5
 Total: 11

*I have to say, I think you did well giving your character's personality in such a short amount of writing space. There was not much confusion what motivated and defined the King and Artum.
 That being said, this was a hard piece to get through.  The punctuation errors were so glaring that it became distracting. I also found a lot of what was going on confusing; phrases like "Its peel ringing loud..." and "...a figure started to medialize." made me stop to question what I had just read.

 There were a few instances where we are told, not shown, what is going on, and these pieces of exposition stop any kind of momentum the story had.

*
 The Preacher's Wife
 Godofwine

 Spag: 5
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 9
 Total: 18

*I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, this is your best work I've seen yet. SPaG looks clean (nice use of the long dash, by the way) the tone is strong and clear. The twist comes at the best possible moment. My only nits were that there were a few lines like "she was on his mind so much that he couldn't think straight" and "as if attempting to wash away his sins" that were...I don't know. I would say they sound cliché, but kind of a little hokey; a little too common for such a story. I realize with the 650 word limit, wiggle room is a luxury many of us can't afford, so I understand.
*

 The Catcher in the Sky
 Terry D.

 Spag: 5
 Tone: 5
 Effect: 7.5
 Total: 17.5*

 I was so happy to see some sci fi in this LM, and you did not disappoint. I think this story could be used as a great example of how a vignette should read. The Spag looked clean, the dialogue brought the characters to life and gave them and the scene color. The story left me feeling curious about the world you painted before the reader, but didn't leave me asking so many questions it detracted from the work. It was like the sample of wine they pour you at Olive Garden. It satisfies without having to buy a whole glass.


*To Kill a King
 JaneC

 Spag: 4
 Tone: 3
 Effect: 6
 Total: 13
*
 I always like a tale of assassination, which says more about me than you probably ought to (or at least wanted) to know. The writing looked mostly clean, there was a spot where you dropped a letter of the a word (footfall*s) and the wrong tense (yet have no choice - should be had)

 All in all, this read more like someone retelling an action scene or story. There is a lot of cliché and description, and very little dialogue until the end. This could have been a very brutal, tense, action scene depicting wronged man's revenge and a bad king's assassination. As active as this story is, it is slowed down a lot in these very long sentences that are somewhat clunky, and the action just loses its tension and intensity when the reader gets bogged down. 


*fantastic(al) or when a boy falls in love
 Dictarium

 Spag: 5
 Tone: 3
 Effect: 7
 Total: 15
*
 I usually have to give a cursory eye roll when I start reading romance in a story, but I didn't here, and that gets a big kudos for the writer. It didn't come off sounding overly emotional or mushy. It had a very natural vibe to it, and it was very relatable; it was a situation I'm sure many readers have found themselves in, or at least can easily imagine themselves.

 I have to say, though, I was not really sure what happened in the story the first time I read through it. Towards the end I got the sense that this was a flashback, and that we were actually at their wedding and this was just a memory of the MC. Then I thought, perhaps because there is a note of melancholy I was picking up on, this was her funeral? Maybe I was reading a little to deep into the story, and I love endings that can be ambiguous, but I found myself wanting a bit more clarity at the end of this tale.


*Bad Day
 Sleepwriter

 Spag: 5
 Tone: 3.5
 Effect: 6
 Total: 14.5
*
 I thought this was an incredible take on the prompt, and to be honest, I was surprised to not see more police or law enforcement stories in this LM.

 The writing was very clean, I didn't see any spag errors, and the dialogue reads well and is believable. The problem arises late in this story, and there were two things that really stood out to me.  

 The first was that trials do not work like they are written in this story. First and foremost, if the police are performing a raid, they have to have a search warrant, and if the warrant is to search and seize drugs, they can only arrest someone while performing the search and seizure for a drug charge. Right off the bat, hooker and john are being illegally arrested.

 Secondly, the prosecuting attorney is the one trying to indict Officer Sanchez, or so I figured, so why is the defense attorney (who would be Sanchez's attorney trying to protect him) having him talk about the affair he was having with Mrs. Cox if it is detrimental to his case. She should be doing everything in her power to steer the trial away from this information.

 It should also be pointed out that attorneys in a trial don't get to speak and ask questions whenever they want, they take turns in what is called cross examination, where the Prosecutor gets to state what he deems as fact, ask questions to the witness, etc, and then the Defense gets to ask their own questions to try to disprove what the prosecutor is trying to imply, and state what they believe is fact.

 This also seemed like a very convoluted way to get evidence for Mrs. Cox to divorce her husband. If she already knew her husband was seeing prostitutes, it would seem a safer, more likely choice to hire a PI to get proof of his infidelity, as that is grounds enough for a divorce. 

 *

 The second thing that stood out is a little more clinical of the story in general. It took me a good long minute to figure out just how Mr. Kirkpatrick fit into this story, and a short minute after to realize he really serves no purpose. I understand why he's there, but the entire first 3rd of the story is about his arrest, and then he is never even mentioned except offhandedly in Officer Sanchez's trial during his testimony.


*Mr. Goodman
 Ibb

 Spag: 4
 Tone: 4
 Effect: 7
 Total: 15
*
 I have to say, I really enjoyed the humor in this. It was a perfect balance of dark and absurd. There were only a couple of spag issues; a "lay" vs "laid" situation, and datastream should have a space between it. I would say this was a rather dense block of writing to get through and some more paragraph breaks would have been nice.
 All in all, thought, I really liked your colorful and imaginative use of adjectives in your description, and enjoyed the read thoroughly.  [/spoiler2]


 [spoiler2=rcallaci's scores]   CP Murphy

 Kings Call

 Tone and voice 5/4
 Effect 10/7
 SPAG 5/4

 Total 20/15

 Comments: That damned king got what he deserved. The ending was quite satisfying. The king was responsible for two good men to fall, the Sorcerer, Saritin and Artum’s father, excellent use of the prompt. 

 The tone or writing style was casual; although a few non- commas made me stop, go back, it interrupted my reading pace. I’m the opposite, I put in too much commasJ

 I was engaged, I enjoyed this short, but it was somewhat predictable, no surprises, but that’s alright too.   

Godofwine

 The Preacher’s Wife

 Tone and voice 5/5
 Effect 10/8.5
 SPAG 5/5

 Total 20/18.5

 Comments: You made this old pagan smile. I simply loved this. I eat up stories about hypocrisy and unfaithfulness of the religious elite. 

 The tone and writing style was quite good. I was thrown off- I thought he was having a rough time because he was missing his wife and having sexual fantasies about her. I assumed that he was sanctimonious to the extreme and viewed his thoughts about his wife inappropriate. Was I WRONG... The son of bitch had a mistress. He was full of guilt and self loathing but he still carried on the affair. That text from his wife was a gem—great writing.

 Now I’m not one to preach about SPAG being that I have problems of my own, but I didn’t see any. You paused in all the right places. Good job.  I’ve read most of your stuff in these challenges, you have vastly improved. Oh by the way, love that titleJ He was a Goodman who fell -

Anonymous

 The Catcher in the Sky

 Tone and voice 5/5
 Effect 10/7
 SPAG 5/5

 Total 20/17

 Comments: This was a well written piece, the tone and style was engaging and well paced. This felt like it was written by an experienced hand. 

 I liked the story, especially the Catcher being a Priest named Goodman Falls. I like the nihilistic theme that all souls will die in the Belt and rather than being a savior of souls he becomes its catcher. 

 The ending was good considering the word restriction but it didn’t make me howl with delight. 


Jane C

 To Kill a King

 Tone and voice 5/3
 Effect 10/6.5
 SPAG 5/3

 Total 20/12.5

 Comments: You set a good pace, your action scenes were good but your typos interfered with the flow. You need to reread your story about thirty times before you release it. Also let it sit for a while and go over and over it.  A lot of words were missing which interrupted the story-line.  
 The ending was kind of conflicting. The king said she slept around, assumedly he tired of her, and so he killed her. But our hero didn’t believe it, knew in his heart that she was true and died seeing her welcoming him to heaven. You left us hanging. There was no resolution for me as a reader. The word restriction limited you. 

 Don’t get me wrong, you write well, but you need to work on your hiccups. 

Dictarium

 Fantastic(al) or when a boy falls in love

 Tone and voice 5/4
 Effect 10/6
 SPAG 5/5

 Total 20/15

 Comments: I really enjoyed the bulk of the story. The boy’s infatuation and love for the girl was palatable. The kiss was glorious. And then the last paragraph totally confused me. It was a WTF moment for me.  He had an antidote for who-her? He was in a church –were they getting married or executed? Was she dyeing or was it him? Although the last sentence was nice, remembering and holding on the greatest moment of his life, that whole paragraph was not. 

 My little brain didn’t understand it; you did not present your finale with clarity, a well written piece up to that point. I’m assuming he was the good man who fell, but to where?

Sleepwriter

 Bad Day

 Tone and voice 5/4
 Effect 10/7
 SPAG 5/5

 Total 20/16

 Comments: Who was the good man who fell—the cop—the john--- surely not Mr Fitzpatrick. This was a well written piece with a strong tone and solid writing style. But But...

 What confused me was who was the trial   for— was it the murder trial of Fitzpatrick or the wrongful death suit of Arthur Cox.  If it was the murder trial then the revelation that he was Cox’ wife’s lover was not relevant, if it was a wrongful death suit then it surely was. You did not make that clear; an assumption was that it was a murder trial.  Clarity!  I need clarity! One little sentence would have cleared that up. Good story, great use of dialogue. 

Ibb

 Mr Goodman

 Tone and voice 5/5
 Effect 10/6.5
 SPAG 5/5

 Total 20/16.5

 Comments: Was this well written—Yes—did it make sense –yes- was the tone and style commanding and assured-Yes. Did it work (for me) as a dark comedy or satire—no.  This was a fast paced piece- it made your head swim. 

 I just couldn’t understand why everybody was happy that Goodman was dead. Why did they revel in his misfortune? It was just assumed by the writer that all the readers would understand what the underlying theme was. Again I was confused on what the hell was the takeaway. 

 I liked how you fit in the prompt- Mr Goodman falls on his ass and dies. [/spoiler2]


 [spoiler2=fantastical's scores] *Author  CPMurphy **
“King's Call"
Spelling/Grammar: 3/5
Tone/Voice: 4/5
Effect: 5/10
Overall: 12 *

Review 

There were a few grammatical mistakes throughout, so it is in need of a slow read through and a edit. The story was nicely complete with backstory, start middle and an end. Although I do wish that we get more of a feel for Artum. While you gave us a great picture of the King and Thorin (in the short time he was around) Artum just didn’t leave much of an impression.  

*Author - Godofwine**
“The Preacher’s Wife"
Spelling/Grammar: 3/5
Tone/Voice: 2/5
Effect: 3/10
Overall: 8 *

Review

I think that lingering on the writing of the sermon in the beginning slowed it down a lot. There could have been more tension throughout to compensate for the quiet tone of the piece, it would have also have added more of a punch to the end if it hadn’t been obvious that he was having an affair. 

*Author - **Anonymous
“The Catcher in the Sky"
Spelling/Grammar: 4/5
Tone/Voice: 3/5
Effect: 5/10
Overall:12 *

Review

It would have been better without the language, in general language just doesn’t add anything to a story. It closely reminded me  of that scene in _The Expanse _with the priest on the shuttle to the station with the creepy dead girl. Ah well… It has the potential to be a great flash fiction piece but you need to focus more on the main character, The Catcher and the whys and hows of his story. Get us into his head, why did he become a Catcher? How does he feel? Why was he there? What effect did whoever was in the container have on him? We need to be in his head, not the miners head. 


*Author - **JaneC
“To Kill a King"
Spelling/Grammar: 2/5
Tone/Voice: 3/5
Effect: 4/10
Overall: 9 *

Review

Action is hard to write and you didn’t do so badly at all. My only comment would be that you needed to maybe make the moves clearer. It was hard to tell who he was fighting at all times, a bit like the difference between a shakycam fight scene and a well choreographed fight scene filmed with a wide angle steadycam. 

I would also have started the story when he got the news of his wife's death, making the fight scene only a small part of overall story. 

*Author - Dictarium**
“Fantastic(al) or When a Boy Falls in Love"
Spelling/Grammar: 2/5
Tone/Voice: 4/5
Effect: 6/10
Overall: 12 *

Review

A lovely story about falling in love, and staying in love. I liked the fact that you had them stay together, manage to make it work. I haven’t got anything else to say really… 

*Author - Sleepwriter**
“Bad Day"
Spelling/Grammar: 4/5
Tone/Voice: 4/5
Effect: 3/10
Overall: 11 *

Review

It was a good story but one that did leave me with questions about the events told within the story. Was Michael Kirkpatrick actually guilty of murder? If he was, how did the Arthur Cox know about him? Why did Arthur kill himself? Did he kill himself or was that a fabrication too to cover his murder? If Arthur was murdered why did the other cops cover for Oscar Sanchez?

These seem like small details but they are also important ones. When writing something that relies on facts to bring about the climax of the story you need to make sure that they really back up the ending. 

*Author Ibb**
“Mr. Goodman"
Spelling/Grammar: 4/5
Tone/Voice: 4/5
Effect: 6/10
Overall: 14 *

Review 

I liked how you worked a lot into this story, from the way people are when a powerful person falls from grace, to the current political stuff going on in America to the way that the media has been with the deaths of celebrities last year. 

But it while it had a lot of commentary it lacked a bigger story. You need some more structure to hang these layers on, too give the story a lasting meaning outside of the commentary. 

Also I am not sure that the language is really necessary, saying “head-over-heals” or if you had to “head-over-ass” would have been fine, you didn’t need to say “head-over-asshole”. It just doesn’t add to the story but takes away from the flow of the writing in the rest of it. 
 [/spoiler2]


 [spoiler2=Bishop's scores] CPMurphy -- "King's Call"


 SPaG: 4
 Tone/Voice: 3
 Effect: 5
 Total: 12


 Review: I believe writing fantasy in flash form is always a challenge, one you approached with admirable imagination and brevity. I also worry it failed to translate. I feel like what I read here was a part of a larger piece; something that would fit in a novel and would thereby be a little more fleshed out. It lacked sensory information; all we really had to go on as readers were what the characters were saying. This translated, to the reader, with a lack of empathy. What you have here doesn't quite hit home in the flash fiction setting, but I would encourage you to drive onward with it; flesh it out, add more detail, take the time these characters need to grow and for us to understand them. The grammar of it also confused me some; I know dialog tags and formatting is handled differently by many, but I feel like punctuating these in a more standardized and common way would help with the reading and understanding of the piece. Keep it up; there's talent here, you need only develop it. 




 godofwine -- "The Preacher's Wife"


 SPaG: 5
 Tone/Voice: 4
 Effect: 7
 Total: 16


 Review: I'd like to begin by saying that while I've judged only a few LM's, your work has been one I've noticed along the way, and I also believe you have improved greatly over time--and this tale relays that hard work into a succinct, somewhat deep, and interesting story. My only criticisms are the abruptness of the ending--partly perhaps a result of the tight format of the contest, but nonetheless a small detriment. I feel like a little less space could have been used on description and a little more on the situation. I love your last line--I merely wish I'd known about Sheila nearer the beginning so that the impact of our lead character's sin was all the more compounded at the end. Put it in our heads early that she's his assistant, reveal the affair at the end. Fine work, though, and a good read.




 Anonymous -- "The Catcher in the Sky"


 SPaG: 5
 Tone/Voice: 4
 Effect: 5
 Total: 14


 Review: The first thing I noticed was that your characters at the beginning speak the exposition that should have been in the narrative, and vice-versa. The specific examples are the narrator's explanations of recycled air (WE need to know that as the audience, but experienced spacers would already know that), Murph's obsession with money (which was clear with her first words--no need to explain it right again afterward), and the description of the "eight inches of death" would have been much better as dialogue. You also seem to shift verb tense a little--stick to the past-tense as you began with, and make it fluid throughout. Instead of "I could feel the gentle squeeze of" say "I felt the gentle squeeze of" thereby saving words and confusion. Then the dialogue takes over the narrative and you somewhat lose me in their conversation. The worldbuilding of it all seems jumbled--why explain the breaker-rod, but not show it used or why it's important (or perhaps I missed something?)? Why is a mourning man on a ship with these miners? You have a lot here and not a lot of room to develop it, I understand, but tightening up the concepts to fit the format is important, and it dulled the effect by the end. Expand this, though, I think you could do well with a larger story format.




 JaneC -- "To Kill A King"


 SPaG: 5
 Tone/Voice: 4
 Effect: 7
 Total: 16


 Review: Fantastic start, with one exception. I'd advise revealing his motive later; let's see him fight past a few guards as you show, let's see his rage guiding his blade--THEN have him ask the question of the king, first hinting at his reason for WHY. Basically, you need to omit or alter the sentences starting at "His focus faltered as he thought of his wife" and ending at the end of the paragraph. It greatly improves the pace and the buildup in my opinion. Next, your narrative gets a little confusing near the end, and I had to re-read to see quite what had happened there. Not a big problem, but the ending could likely use a rewrite for clarity alone--the narrative is fine. But, it's also somewhat bland. It's a timeless tale told competently, but I feel like it could use more singularity; it's a somewhat ineffable critique, I know, and not the most helpful one especially given the short format for the contest. Either way, I would work to distinguish the characters somehow, perhaps some backstory poking through a little more dialogue instead of some of the lengthier fighting sequences. Still, fine work; keep at it.




 Dictarium -- "fantastic(al) or when a boy falls in love"


 SPaG: 5
 Tone/Voice: 5
 Effect: 6
 Total: 16


 Review: I love your opening description; seats me in the character's head beautifully and shows me where he's at in an interesting and eloquent way. Bravo, my good author. But then it seems to drag on a little; being afforded only so many words, it seems like this sequence was eating up a bit too much of it. It's a beautiful vingette, eloquently written, and touches the heart--empathically, I remember being right in that place during my wedding. My largest criticism is also the fault of the tale: there was no real development or plot, merely a beautiful image within a beautiful image. In effect, I get his feelings of her--but what's the payoff? Still, I cannot argue with your ability to capture sentiment.




 Sleepwriter -- "Bad Day"


 SPaG: 5
 Tone/Voice: 3
 Effect: 5
 Total: 14


 Review: While normally, I greatly dislike dialogue-heavy sequences, I feel like you used it well with the courtroom back-and-forth. Still, I feel like we were told a story by the characters more than by the author. While that's not inherently bad, I feel like in this particular instance, it ruined your effect. Characters were so directly honest, so unemotionally so, that when Oscar broke into tears, I imagined a very calm and relaxed man relaying the truth suddenly burying his face in his hands and sobbing like a child--I wanted more buildup than that. The knot in his stomach was a nice touch, but a cop on the stand can stomach a LOT and still be visibly calm. It made it hard to parse, and the fact that you've jammed two little stories in hurt you as well. I would cut the opening entirely; start in the courtroom, let the story flow from the courtroom. Give us more sensory description, give us more emotion. Let the characters tell us what's happening, but do so in a way that we're not just reading facts, but reading people manipulating each other and their story at the same time. 




 Ibb -- Mr. Goodman


 SPaG: 5
 Tone/Voice: 5
 Effect: 4
 Total: 14


 Review: Your voice is fantastic here. I get a very Douglas-Adams vibe, mixed with a bit of Pleasantville, USA; something about it speaks to me... unfortunately, I'm not 100% sure about the tale itself. You began to lose me in the middle of paragraph 3, and by the end I was confused as to what was going on beyond Mr. Goodman's death. I believe I felt a somewhat political vibe, but it still left me somewhat in the dark, despite the overall message being strangely familiar. I did enjoy the narrative, I just wish I'd been able to grasp it a bit better. Some more clarity near the end, perhaps a bit more of what the effect of his death was on the society--or wasn't, if that's the goal here.  [/spoiler2]


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## Dictarium (Feb 1, 2017)

Perfectly valid criticisms on the lack of plot; I acknowledge that that was there when I posted it. That's not an excuse, I could've worked on it more, I basically just wanted feedback on the elements that _were_ there. I'm glad that I got such positive feedback on the visuals and emotional descriptions (and even on not being hackneyed, which I was certainly scared about!). Thanks everyone for the judging and congrats to Godofwine and Terry D!


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## TKent (Feb 1, 2017)

Congrats to all!!  Looking forward to reading the entries!


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## Sleepwriter (Feb 2, 2017)

Congrats to the winners!

Ah you judges, tear me down just for some discrepancies and confusion.  I was told these things prior to posting, now I must go tell my wife she was right.  I'm gonna drink my coffee first. 

seriously, because of you good people who volunteer to judge, my writing has improved and for that I thank you.


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## Terry D (Feb 2, 2017)

Thanks to all the judjes for the great critiques. All of your good words are much appreciated as well as your thoughtful suggestions. I want to congratulate Godofwine and Ibb; terrific stuff!

killroy214 -- Yeah, I'm pretty curious about the world I created too. Maybe I'll head out to The Belt again sometime.

rcallaci -- Those 650 words go by so darned fast that sometime endings get shortchanged. I usually try to keep the end strong (I like the "howl of delight"), but this one just had a different, more melancholy feel to it.  

fantastical -- Thanks for the input, but don't blame me for the bad language, it those darned rowdy miners. I just can't get some of them to clean up their talk. I purposely stayed out of The Catcher's head. Trying to delve into his motivations and history would turn this flash piece into a novel. But, if it didn't work for you that's something I need to strongly consider.

Bish -- All very valid points. I should have taken more time to smooth out some of the inconsistencies you noted. I used the Breaker Rod only as a way for the POV character to know that Goodman Falls was a Catcher, sort of like spotting a detective's badge clipped to his belt. In my head the airlock on this space station was like a sort of bus station where travelers cross paths while waiting for the shuttles that will take them to their next destination. I tried to convey that the miners were newbies just heading out to the mines for the first time, but I obviously missed that mark. Thanks for the comments.


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## godofwine (Feb 2, 2017)

Bazinga! I'm so happy right now I can't even tell you, but I'm going to try. I've been competing in these contests monthly for the past 2+ years and I've come in second a few times, third place another couple of times, but this is my first win. I need the critiquing because, though I am a lifelong reader, I haven't had anyone judge my writing since high school (aside from 2 semesters of Honors English 4 years ago). 

I've been working on my novel End of a Nightmare for a while now and I want to do it right - technically I mean. I've got the movie in my head, but as you all know the amalgamation of getting a story from your head to words that express the thoughts and actions of all characters in the book is a helluva process and a daunting task. I got 30,000 words in and I felt that I needed help with structure and process, so I started over and now I'm 12,000 words into the new beginning telling Zora's story in a better way than I did before.

I thank the judges, even the hard ones, because they point me to see things I can't see, that I don't even know I don't know. I try to soak up everything because the movie of this novel in my head has everything a great novel should. I know Stephen King doesn't believe in back stories, but I'm putting it in there anyway. You guys give me confidence that I can do this damned thing, and what a great birthday present this is (I turn 40 next Monday). 

*kilroy214*-Thanks for always telling it straight, and the complements. Sometimes I am a little hokey. It's my personality. 

*rcallaci-*The same. You always shoot straight. I take your comments/criticisms to heart, because they help build a better writer.

*fantastical *- I don't recall many reviews from you. Right or wrong, I try to act as if my shorts are a clip of a larger piece and try to give you a little line before I hook you at or near the end. 

* Bishop - *Same, I don't recall many reviews from you. I'm attracted to the late reveal. It's the kind of books that I've always enjoyed reading. I give you all you think you need to know and I build up what seemed to be a deep love of his wife. You see the person, but you don't know their motivation for doing what they do until later. Then you're like, "Ohhhhh" (or more closely personified by WeeBay's reaction on The Wire when he found out Kima was Narco

http://replygif.net/1408

Congrats to Terrd & Ibb and all of the other contestants. Can't wait until April.


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## Ibb (Feb 2, 2017)

Congratulations to the winners and thank you, as always, to the judges. I think everyone commented on the lack of a bigger story and conclusive ending to my story, and I agree. Here's an explanation:

I had way more fun writing Mr. Goodman than I anticipated. The story got huge--it still is huge. I've taken off with writing it and hope to God it's done by the end of week. After 200 million bad attempts at ending it within 650 words, I just scribbled a last paragraph that didn't reveal much and posted it into the competition.

 I love the LMs because a prompt can spark a sentence, a sentence an idea, an idea a full blown tale I would not have otherwise thought to write. I've told a lot of my friends how much I love this website, and it's for reasons like this that I'm grateful--this place keeps my writing tank fueled in a way nothing else seems to. I'll post the full version into the fiction section when it's complete. Hopefully you guys get a kick out of it then.

Thank you to Kilroy for managing this behemoth and congratulations again to all entrants and winners. I'm always fond of the talent you guys show off. This is a great place and I love being part of it.


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## godofwine (Feb 2, 2017)

Ibb said:


> Congratulations to the winners and thank you, as always, to the judges. I think everyone commented on the lack of a bigger story and conclusive ending to my story, and I agree. Here's an explanation:
> 
> I had way more fun writing Mr. Goodman than I anticipated. The story got huge--it still is huge. I've taken off with writing it and hope to God it's done by the end of week. After 200 million bad attempts at ending it within 650 words, I just scribbled a last paragraph that didn't reveal much and posted it into the competition.
> 
> ...



My novel End of a Nightmare was sparked from a short story contest on another site. You are right, a prompt can spark a sentence, an idea, or a full-blown tale that otherwise you wouldn't have had thought to write. I choose to reign myself in with these contests, though, and stop at no more than 660 words and have to trim. But some of the stories that I wrote for the themes  - Dream Thief in Nov 2015 & It Grows on You in May 2016 - left a lot of room for growth of larger Y.A. stories that I may write later. 

I feel the same way you do about this place and I look forward to reading your finished composition.


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## Harper J. Cole (Feb 2, 2017)

Congratulations, godofwine! I've seen quite a few of your entries in the past couple of years, and judged some of them. I agree that you've been steadily improving with your short story technique, which is what the WF is all about. I'm glad you've reached the winner's enclosure. :thumbl:





And congratulations to Terry D as well, of course!


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## Ibb (Feb 2, 2017)

godofwine said:


> My novel End of a Nightmare was sparked from a short story contest on another site. You are right, a prompt can spark a sentence, an idea, or a full-blown tale that otherwise you wouldn't have had thought to write. I choose to reign myself in with these contests, though, and stop at no more than 660 words and have to trim. But some of the stories that I wrote for the themes  - Dream Thief in Nov 2015 & It Grows on You in May 2016 - left a lot of room for growth of larger Y.A. stories that I may write later.
> 
> I feel the same way you do about this place and I look forward to reading your finished composition.



Isn't it great? We're lucky to be in the company of each other and other great writers. 

And I realize I never even managed to congratulate you in my last post. Godofwine, you've been hustling booty with nearly every LM, asking for advice, requesting information regarding technique, applying it where you can, and just giving it a 100% effort every time. That's admirable, proof of character and proof of someone who deserves success. I'm with HarperCole: you've earned your victory. Congratulations and continued good luck in your writing.


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## JaneC (Feb 2, 2017)

Congrats godofwine! Your submission was very well done and I enjoyed reading everyone's!

Thank you so much to all the judges! My biggest problem is not taking the time to mull over my work before posting. I will work harder at that.


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## rcallaci (Feb 2, 2017)

I really enjoyed reading all of your work, going over the stories carefully with a few rereads makes you appreciate the craft and the art of writing. Some of us are better at the art, while others at the craft When you put them both together in equal balance you got one hell of a writer. We have a lot of talent here and this is a good place to hone those skills,. 

Congrats to all who entered and put there stories out there... each one was unique...


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