# things that annoy me



## Mesafalcon (Mar 14, 2016)

things that annoy me

people laughing at things that aren't funny,
life being based on the value of money...
healthly foods tasting like clay,
and junkfood being delicious all day...
dogshit on lawns,
country songs,
political correctness...
being short and getting older,
dentist visits,
decals on girls' nails,
Japanese people hunting whales...
these are just a few things as annoying can be,
and oh - women I try to pick up who ignore me...


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## Darkkin (Mar 14, 2016)

This doesn't really feel like a poem, more like a greatest hits of the annoying things thread in the lounge.  The normal bite and verve found in your work is missing.  No word play nor turn of phrase, that often characterizes your poems.  In all honesty, I really don't understand the whole list as a poem phenomenon.  Because if one considers it, if a list is a poem then even a grocery or to do list falls into the category of a poem.  It is the whole all succulents are cacti, but not all cacti are succulents thing.

- D. the T.


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## Glyax (Mar 14, 2016)

well...at least I wasn't the only one making a list...though yours does flow and actually have a rhyme scheme.  That being said, as Darkkin stated, this really isn't a poem....more like a rhyming list...  That being said, poetry is expression of self, and you have expressed yourself here.... I'm really wishy washy here haha.  I feel like you could expand on this, add more literary tools, paint a picture, show us, make us feel something, other than a chuckle at the last line


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## Mesafalcon (Mar 14, 2016)

Deleted...

(Sorry, Rei, I guess you gave me that LOL as I was editting)


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## Mesafalcon (Mar 14, 2016)

Darkkin said:


> This doesn't really feel like a poem.





Glyax said:


> That being said, poetry is expression of self, and you have expressed yourselfhere....



I tend to think there is no definition for “a poem.” Poetry is an art form, and once you define it, you put limits on it. Think of poetry as clay, it takes the shape of whatever the sculptor likes. Not like a math problem that has to fit certain limitations. 

Bruce Lee had a nice idea that fits poetry nicely. He said this (not an exact quote but close enough).

When water goes into a cup, it takes the shape of the cup, it becomes the cup.

Poetry is like water, it assumes the shape of whatever you want it to. It doesn’t feel like anything and it certainly is not always an expression of self.


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## aj47 (Mar 15, 2016)

I'll have to agree with Darkkin and Glyax -- a laundry list of <fill-in-the-blank> is not a poem.  You could make this a poem though if you expressed more of your feelings rather than just saying _this thing_ and _that thing_. 

For example, something that annoys me:
my neighbor's barking dog
like aural sandpaper
on my nerves
It's not what I'm saying--the barking dog annoys me--it's the way I'm saying it.  

If you expressed your feelings about what annoys you, it would be one hell of a piece and we'd feel your annoyance burning in the pixels of our screens.


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## Mesafalcon (Mar 15, 2016)

astroannie said:


> I'll have to agree with Darkkin and Glyax -- a laundry list of <fill-in-the-blank> is not a poem.  You could make this a poem though if you expressed more of your feelings rather than just saying _this thing_ and _that thing_.
> 
> For example, something that annoys me:
> my neighbor's barking dog
> ...



If you are going to back up respones that a poem is not "a poem," than please do so in a technical manner explaining what a poem is and how this is not a poem. 

Saying this is not a poem sounds the same to me as when someone says "RAP isn't music." I suppose to some people it isn't, but... it _is in actuality_. In other words, the statement you made is more than opinion, either this is a poem or it isn't. If you said something like this isn't a poem _to me_. That would be fine. In the same way I can say RAP isn't music_ to me _(but it is in fact music by definitaion).

Also, you are saying that if I added things that are not a requirnment to make this become a poem feelings/emotion, then it would be a poem. That makes little sense because you can surely write a poem without those elements.


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## Darkkin (Mar 16, 2016)

You're right when you say there isn't a hard and fast way to determine a poem, the defining characteristics, being determined by the writer _and_ reader's perceptions.  Rap, as an example, while hard on the ears, has technical elements that correlate with those of music, making it thus.

Turn this on its head.  Look at what you have written.  What about it makes _you_ as a _reader_ consider it a poem?  What elements are you seeing that other readers are not perceiving?  To see through another's eyes is one of the best ways to learn...What does your perspective look like for this piece?


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## Nellie (Mar 16, 2016)

Mesafalcon said:


> Saying this is not a poem sounds the same to me as when someone says "RAP isn't music." I suppose to some people it isn't, but... it _is in actuality_. In other words, the statement you made is more than opinion, either this is a poem or it isn't. If you said something like this isn't a poem _to me_. That would be fine. In the same way I can say RAP isn't music_ to me _(but it is in fact music by definitaion).
> 
> Also, you are saying that if I added things that are not a requirnment to make this become a poem feelings/emotion, then it would be a poem. That makes little sense because you can surely write a poem without those elements.



Poetry is an art form where human language is used for it's aesthetic qualities. There are many forms and some don't "require" emotions. Perhaps imagery and musical qualities. Poetry is often created from the "need to escape the logical".


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## -xXx- (Mar 16, 2016)

etymology (on-line)
n. 1540s (replacing poesy in this sense), from Middle French poème (14c.), from Latin poema "composition in verse, poetry," from Greek poema "fiction, poetical work," literally "thing made or created," early variant of poiema, from poein, poiein, "to make or compose" (see poet). Spelling pome, representing an ignorant pronunciation, is attested from 1856.

definition (cambridge online)
*1* a ​piece of writing in which the words are ​carefully ​chosen for the ​images and ​ideas they ​suggest, and in which the ​sounds of the words when ​read ​aloud often ​follow a ​particular ​rhythmic ​pattern
*2* a ​piece of writing in which the words are ​arranged in ​separate ​lines, often ​ending in ​rhyme, and are ​chosen for ​their ​sound and for the ​images and ​ideas they ​suggest:
_a ​book of ​love poems
The ​poet ​recited some of her ​recent poems._

i am guessing that if one opens a window
and screams the words into the streets below,
there will be several emotions evoked.

it has been created.

mesa,
i enjoyed the understated presentation.  as a desensitized culture comes at me blaring every moment of every day, screaming an individual's selected focal point upon which to fixate and recruit additional fixate-ees, i relate to the "not-about-the-toothpaste-cap"edness presented here.
it feels like papercuts. one line at a time. 

don't think it's what many publishers are looking for...but it is a departure from shock-collared.

i'll give you 7/10 for testing new waters. 
ps. what do you suppose verse means?


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## MadzBear (Mar 17, 2016)

I enjoyed this, and I totally agree that there are no real rules with poetry. It's whatever you want it to be. Your expression of it is however you want to express it. That's what makes poetry so great. Also sometimes, things are better expressed simply. Being a "poet" doesn't mean writing normal things in flowery language. And I think this piece lends itself to simplicity as it's like "ugh. I need to get this out but I really can't be bothered to waste my breath oh on this crap" - that's what I got from it anyway  
Yep. Definitely enjoyed this!
Specifically like the rhyme of "Dog shit on lawns" and "country songs". That made me chuckle.


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## Mesafalcon (Mar 17, 2016)

MadzBear said:


> I enjoyed this, and I totally agree that there are no real rules with poetry. It's whatever you want it to be. Your expression of it is however you want to express it. That's what makes poetry so great. Also sometimes, things are better expressed simply. Being a "poet" doesn't mean writing normal things in flowery language. And I think this piece lends itself to simplicity as it's like "ugh. I need to get this out but I really can't be bothered to waste my breath oh on this crap" - that's what I got from it anyway
> Yep. Definitely enjoyed this!
> Specifically like the rhyme of "Dog shit on lawns" and "country songs". That made me chuckle.



Well said. Of course I agree. 

Also, not everything is an opinion. Either this is a poem or it isn't, and I think it certainly is a poem due to the format and rhyme scheme. 

And yes, being able to express something how you want is what makes poetry (and writting) great. Too many people associate feelings and emotion with poetry. I'm not looking to be moved or feel anything you feel. I just enjoy having fun with words. So, love poems, and things that have been said for past 1000 years in poetry over and over, are very dull to me (usually, of course there will be exceptions... there are even a few country songs I love lol!)


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## MadzBear (Mar 17, 2016)

I completely agree re the feelings and emotions stuff - not to say I'm emotionless! haha. I took a "writing poetry" module when I was at university and one of the first things the tutor said to the class was "this is not a therapy session, don't use it as one". And I was like good god this man is a genius haha. 
Anyway, keep up the word play! Always enjoy your work.
Also I'm pretty sure everyone has a few guilty pleasure country songs... But let's not delve any deeper there >.>


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## Mesafalcon (Mar 17, 2016)

MadzBear said:


> I completely agree re the feelings and emotions stuff - not to say I'm emotionless! haha. I took a "writing poetry" module when I was at university and one of the first things the tutor said to the class was "this is not a therapy session, don't use it as one". And I was like good god this man is a genius haha.
> Anyway, keep up the word play! Always enjoy your work.
> Also I'm pretty sure everyone has a few guilty pleasure country songs... But let's not delve any deeper there >.>



Ya, that's good advice. Of course diversity is healthy, so all topics are welcomed. I just like more innovative attempts at poems than trying to write what has already been written in your own words.

And, of course, I do not mean to pick on country music! To each his own.


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## PrinzeCharming (Mar 18, 2016)

I enjoyed this as a list and poetic work. Good job.


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## Cat (Mar 18, 2016)

PrinzeCharming said:


> I enjoyed this as a list and poetic work. Good job.



I did also!

~Cat


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## EllaLouis (Mar 19, 2016)

Mesafalcon,
I just re-read this after a day or two, and suddenly I heard Julie Andrews singing My Favourite Things -- just that yours is the opposite!

List poems are fine. To me, it's important that it contains surprises, that the items spark off each other.

My main suggestion is to cut all the gerunds somehow, things being, folks hunting etc. Specific tangible things are possibly stronger in a list poem.

Mind you, there is this.


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## escorial (Mar 19, 2016)

i like the way you condense the lines to be short and brisk..there is alot in this piece that i find holds my attention..as i read it my mind takes in all the lines and at the end the shortness of depth gives it it's strength as a work based on a solid, open meaning and i always like that


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## Mesafalcon (Apr 3, 2016)

escorial said:


> i like the way you condense the lines to be short and brisk..there is alot in this piece that i find holds my attention..as i read it my mind takes in all the lines and at the end the shortness of depth gives it it's strength as a work based on a solid, open meaning and i always like that



This is the best and longest response I have ever gotten from you. 

Thanks.


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