# I'm like Jazz



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

I’m like Jazz,
a bit edgy on the ledge of frenzy

call me the mouth of Chet Baker’s trumpet
that mourned his last breath after life needled him

the throat of Charlie Parker’s saxophone
that choked up a death note, a Bird track

the White Gardenia in Billy Holiday’s hair
that wilted when she drew the line at heartbreak

call me the arm of a virgin,
 "The White Lady" laid out on a drum cause  I'm
.......................................................................like
.......................................................................Jazz


----------



## midnightpoet (Apr 12, 2017)

You did great on this one, I can hear the "edgy" notes in my brain as I read it.  As I remember, Jazz came out of the Blues, and often retains the sad, lonesome sound. This poem makes it personal.


----------



## Bloggsworth (Apr 12, 2017)

In one of life's coincidences, I've just been listening to Chet Baker and Gerry Mulligan. Good stuff (both poem and jazz...)


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *Midnight   *
> 
> You did great on this one, I can hear the "edgy" notes in my brain as I read it.  As I remember, Jazz came out of the Blues, and often retains the sad, lonesome sound. This poem makes it personal.



Thanks much. It "is" very personal. It's about my love affair with melancholy. The nature of what I mostly write about when not on acid. LOL

Fairly sure you will find this interesting https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jazz


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *Bloggsworth   *
> 
> In one of life's coincidences, I've just been listening to Chet Baker and Gerry Mulligan. Good stuff (both poem and jazz...)



Really, an honor hearing from you. It's been awhile but recall your keen talent and insight evidenced in your work and reviews.

Yes, I've been listening to Chet Baker off and on this week. Becoming more and more interested in cool jazz. Not familiar with Mulligan but that will be a fix (pun intended).

 Perhaps, you've seen the movie "Born to be Blue". Ethan Hawke, a powerful performance, as Baker


----------



## sas (Apr 12, 2017)

A poem that says without saying! Very difficult to write well, but you accomplish it. "call me the arm of a virgin" is genius. 
I can applaud each stanza. 

A couple of things: The periods are unneeded. Could you find another title? The last line has a fork stuck in it before it's delivered. It's done when served up again. 

Great meal, though. Sas


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

> Originally Posted by* sas*
> 
> The periods are unneeded.


 Agreed and thanks. There's only a "period of music"



> Could you find another title?


 I totally get this. I had the same problem with my poem "If You Had Only Shot Up Bach" (No! I'm not obsessed with drugs). Poem was about a brilliant ex, a musician, who turned out to be a junkie when we met up 30 years later. 

In any case, after much thought, I could not sacrifice the title nor the twin last line. 

The same applies here but will take another look at preceding lines, thinking gourmet.... Thanks, sas!


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

*Original
*
I’m like Jazz,
a bit edgy on the ledge of frenzy

call me the mouth of Chet Baker’s trumpet
that mourned his last breath after life needled him

the throat of Charlie Parker’s saxophone
that choked up a death note, a Bird track

the White Gardenia in Billy Holiday’s hair
that wilted when she drew the line at heartbreak

call me the arm of a virgin
 but if I’m not jammin I've punctured the gauntlet, now junk, cause

 I’m like Jazz


*Edit

*I’m like Jazz,
a bit edgy on the ledge of frenzy

call me the mouth of Chet Baker’s trumpet
that mourned his last breath after life needled him

the throat of Charlie Parker’s saxophone
that choked up a death note, a Bird track

the White Gardenia in Billy Holiday’s hair
that wilted when she drew the line at heartbreak

call me the arm of a virgin,
"The White Lady" laid out on a drum cause I'm
.......................................................................like
......................................................................  Jazz

____________________________________________________________________________________

Cocaine, otherwise known as, The White Lady.  Lines are implied. I've employed Shape Poetry to create a Visual Onomatopoeia -  my going down...

I point to heroin throughout the poem, then to "my" poison of choice hoping to bring in an element of surprise after reading:_ call me the arm of a virgin_


----------



## midnightpoet (Apr 12, 2017)

and thanks, you just inspired a poem


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

> Originally Posted by* Midnight*
> 
> and thanks, you just inspired a poem :grin:


 FANTASTIC!!! Looking forward to it, Tony.:joyous:


----------



## midnightpoet (Apr 12, 2017)

you did on jazz, I did one on the blues "I am the blues."  On my NaPoWriMo thread.


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

I will check it out!


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Apr 12, 2017)

Hey Silvermoon!

I liked this. Very cool. Your references are sharp and your execution is edgy in the best possible way. Good work!

Glad to see you posting here again! : D

Have a good one!


----------



## Firemajic (Apr 12, 2017)

I am a Fan of your brilliant, cutting edge poetry, and this poem is a perfect example of why I am in love with your style... Fabulous, colorful, unique and many layers of complex emotions... like... well, like Jazzzzz...


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 12, 2017)

Thanks, Daniel. Always wonderful to hear "cool" when it comes to Jazz. And I will have a good night. Will be watching "The Theory of Everything" (again) about the amazing physicist, Stephan Hawking.

FireMagic, you're like Jazz! I always love the "cymbals" LOL in your work._ Oh, that was kind of corny_. Seriously, I return the respect because I glean much from your work both emotionally and as a crafter. Like your user name, you just sparkle overall!


----------



## sas (Apr 13, 2017)

A couple of things:

I wrote a poem yesterday after a long break. After yours, mine's only good for outhouse paper.  Full of Crap. I've flushed it.

Please, please change your title. You're too creative to execute your last line, to kill it, at the get.

I am not a fan of shaped poems (I did them, too). I came to see their use as juvenile. This poem has a serious message deserving a more straight forward format. Shaped poems remind me of a story I submitted in fifth grade about someone drowning. I thought myself genius when I wrote, this way, on the page, that the person went. . .

down
down
down

As I said, pretty juvenile. 

Your work never bores me, kiddo. My highest compliment. Bring more on. Love it. Sas
.

.


----------



## SilverMoon (Apr 13, 2017)

> I wrote a poem yesterday after a long break. After yours, mine's only good for outhouse paper.  Full of Crap. I've flushed it.


  You don't want to have call a plumber! And certain words can be re-incorporated into another piece.



> I am not a fan of shaped poems


 That's waaay Ok! Much of what's in your fridge is most likely not in mine.
I like leftover cold pineapple pizza!

sas, your input is invaluable. Please keep it coming....


----------



## Nellie (Apr 13, 2017)

Hey Laurie,

Another wonderful, truthful creation of yours that is in tune with your life, a bit edgy, and full of jazz!
Love it!


----------



## sas (Apr 13, 2017)

Nellie said:


> Hey Laurie,
> 
> Another wonderful, truthful creation of yours that is in tune with your life, a bit edgy, and full of jazz!
> Love it!




You'll need to find another analogy of our difference: I LOVE COLD PINEAPPLE PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Nellie (Apr 13, 2017)

sas said:


> You'll need to find another analogy of our difference: I LOVE COLD PINEAPPLE PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Was this meant for me or Silvermoon? *I* NEVER said anything about loving pineapple pizza for breakfast, let alone it be cold!


----------



## sas (Apr 13, 2017)

Meant for Ms Silver.


----------

