# Satsang



## Intel (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey all, yesterday was my first satsang and first meeting with an enlightened teacher so I'd like to share my experience here. If you've never attended one it may be interesting to read. I think Satsang means a meeting in truth and love.

I arrived an hour early and hang around on the grass opposite the small community hall. A small white car pulled up to the front of the hall and a young woman, possibly in her mid-20's stepped out of the passenger seat. On the other side a big man with dreadlocks appeared. Its Mooji! I read on his website that he studied with the great indian guru Papaji for a number of years until he attained enlightenment. 

I stared directly at him hoping to get a smile or a wink, but he simply looked past me then went inside. I was shocked. He's enlightened, how could he not even acknowledge me. Eckhart Tolle would've smiled. Gangaji would have waved, but this guy was expressionless and didn't seem to care for my existence. After a couple minutes he hopped back in the car then drove out of site. 

The door was open and had the sign 'satsang intensive' on the window. I was the only person there but I leaped inside. There was a picture of some indian guy, possibly gandi at the front. I looked to my left and there was the woman who came out of the car. She was in the small kitchen bent over washing a cup. Her beautiful ass looked so good that if I had some bread and butter I would have asked for a slice! But I thought making such a comment would seem immature. 

There was a guy with glasses and a small oriental woman also present in the hall. I said "hello" but nobody responded. I said it a little louder and everybody turned their attention towards me. I asked what the time the satsang would start feeling self conscious about the chocolate biscuits I just ate that stained my teeth. They said in around an hour then I said OK then hopped off. 

My mind told me that they'd think I was just some punk teenager (i'm 18 ) come to disturb the peace. I don't have any 'special' clothes for going out and wore normal 'street' clothes that day. My mind asked what I was doing there, that the enlightened teacher didn't even acknowledge me. That I'll only end up feeling awkward and dissappointed with the snobbery 'spiritual people' turning their noses up at me. 

However I decided to stay, as I wanted to see an enlightened person up close. Mooji looked so ordinary stepping out of the car that I probably wouldn't have noticed anything special about him had I not seen his face on his website. I've heard that awakened peoples eyes are very bright and that they have radiant skin. None of this I noticed. 

Other people began showing up on the grass, a few couples and friends. Many people greeted each other, but my mind said I'd have nothing in common with these older people. We went into the hall and I was one of the first people. My ego doesn't like to be stared at and gets nervous in crowds so I sat myself at the back although I had the opportunity to sit right infront of him. However my seat was positioned so I could see his face directly. 

Incense was burning and strange indian music was playing in the background. I saw to my right a couple that looked 19 or 20 so that made me feel good. Everyone was speaking and greeting each other, I think I was the only person who spoke to no one/or wasn't spoken to. 

A crazy Irish woman (dunno if she was crazy, but she was Irish!) picked up the microphone and asked for silence until Mooji arrived. I was trembling, not because Mooji was about to arrive, but felt deeply uncomfortable around these people. From the back of the crowd Mooji appeared and sat down at the front of the group. He made a point of looking at everyone in the room in silence, staring them directly in the eye and giving a warm smile. 

I avoided his gaze the first few times it past over me, I thought he'd remember me as the strange guy who stared at him earlier. Then I looked up, played it cool and gave the enlightened master a polite nod, to which he nodded back and looked like he was going to break into a laugh. I wondered if he could smell my fear. He looked down at the ground still in silence and didn't look as if he was going to say anything. 

Suddenly some guy raised his hand and asked a question. I've forgotten what he asked. Infact I can't remember much of what was said, but if you're familiar with Gangaji then you can guess he spoke of the same things in his own humurous style so I'll simply skip to the interesting part. 

After 2 hours of speaking he said we can have a break then I broke out the chocolate biscuits again and scoffed them down my throat while still at my seat. Many people wandered off to get some tea and biscuits, others took a stroll outside on the grass. One by one a few people went up to him and held his hand, he spoke softly into their ear and they did the same. Some woman got all emotional, crying and giving him kisses on the face all the while he was laughing. 

When he was alone I wondered if I should go up to him, then I remembered the socks that I've been wearing 4 days in a row (you have to take your shoes off to go on the carpet). I felt frustrated then had a bright idea. I'll buy some new socks! I ran down the street hoping to get back before the one hour break ended. Puffing out of breath down the high street I remembered that clothes shops are closed on a sunday evening. 

Walking back disappointed I even asked some old guy if I could buy his socks for £2 (thats how desperate I was to get close to Mooji). Walking back angry I took my place and let the second session begin. All the while I was more nervous than ever and kept fidgeting, I wonder if he noticed. After an hour and a half he said that we could have a 15 minute break. Again many people left their chairs. 

I saw one woman on the carpet in bare feet. How could I be so stupid! I took of my socks and shoes then signalled if I could come over. He waved me to him and I stumbled over to him from my trembling. I intended to give him a very formal handshake then buzz off. His eyes lit up as my feet touched the carpet and he had his arms widespread greeting me as he did all the other people with a huge smile upon his face. For a second I almost wondered if he had me confused with someone else. 

I put out one hand and then he gripped it tightly and pulled me in for a big hug. I fell to my knees and didn't quite know how to respond, hoping that no one else was looking. Silly of me. If someone is with Mooji, although no one else comes to disturb the peace and they look unconcerned, its funny how the corner of their eyes are always turned towards him. 

All I could do was smile while he held me in his arms. I said "sorry i'm a little nervous" and was shaking more than ever, and he told me it was alright. He asked how I was and when I told him that I was fine but didn't have much to eat he looked quite concerned and told me to go to the snack bar to eat some biscuits or something. 

I said that I felt anxious is crowds and he told me there was no need to be. He even invited me to a smaller session he holds at his house sometimes and said he'd give me his e-mail after the satsang. The only problem is when it finished I felt to nervous to go back up to him so I left! 

While I was still at his knees although I felt too inferior to look him in the eyes, I took my chance. I gazed down empty dark eyes and saw nothing. He was smiling more than ever. Subtly he had my right hand gripped in his two hands. I didn't want to take up too much of his time although he didn't seem bothered. 

I said "thankyou" and got ready to leave when one last time he pulled me in for another great hug and gripped the back of my neck like a Father hugging a long lost son. All the conventions of not being "blood", me being a complete stranger, my ragged clothes, my past and imperfections didn't seem to matter. He looked past my anxiety and fears and saw deep into my soul. This body was just a veil. 

Now I understand more closely the unconditional love of God. I took my bow and left.


----------



## mammamaia (Sep 25, 2007)

confused/confusing mess of tenses turned me off immediately, sorry to say...


----------



## Intel (Sep 26, 2007)

I changed the tenses a bit as I wrote this as an e-mail to a friend then quickly chopped it up a bit to tell it here.


----------



## mammamaia (Sep 28, 2007)

then you probably shouldn't have, till you ironed it out and corrected all the goofs...


----------



## Intel (Sep 28, 2007)

I've corrected it now, so why don't you take a read and see if you like it? :sunny:


----------



## Intel (Oct 11, 2007)

:-k


----------



## JohnN (Oct 12, 2007)

It didn't grab me to be honest, i think you need more of a hook in the beginning.


----------



## winner (Oct 17, 2007)

*"Why should we stay here? To be accepted by them? Or to be tamed by them?*

:thumbr: I liked your writing. It was interesting and truthful, revealing your true feelings about your experience. The writing needs to be cleaned up, but writers always need to refine their rough drafts. I liked it and it held my interest all the way along. Good subject. The feelings and the description of the people and the surroundings you were in were understandable and easy to relate to. I would bet that there were others there who viewed things the same as you did but of course would not say so openly. Good writing. :-D


----------

