# How To Write A Love Poem



## Darren White (Aug 5, 2017)

A love poem...
                How do you write a love poem

                                                              First of all
you need inspiration

                                             The best inspiration
is a person
                                                                     to love
or to hate even
yes, even hate or jealousy
                       can be an awesome prompt
                       to write about 
                       whatever
                       you once felt

                     Or perhaps puppy love
               for that little boy with braces
                 two blocks down the road
                      from where you once lived

                Or even secret love for that
                   stud that never saw you
                because you're that wussie
                     that nerd that stutters

                           So how DOES one write a love poem?
                           Never EVER use the word _'love'_
                           it's a cliche
                           all critics in the world agree 
                           on that one

Also never use 
_"kissing your moist lips"_
_'kissing'_ is a gerund
_'your moist lips'_ 
                                              is a cliche worse than _'love'_

                               Then how.... how to write a love poem?
                                          What would I know?
                                I've never written a decent one


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## sas (Aug 5, 2017)

Well, you made me laugh. As for the poem . . .


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## SilverMoon (Aug 5, 2017)

Darren, a simply brilliant poem. You had accomplished what you set out to do!


> I've never written a decent one


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## Darren White (Aug 5, 2017)

Thanks, both of you


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## Sebald (Aug 5, 2017)

Hi Darren,
Great to cross over with you again. A sweet piece, but I'd sharpen it a little. Delete the opening line. Change the title to 'Kissing is a Gerund'. It's your best line by far. 

I think I can still hear Sas laughing about that.


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## Darren White (Aug 5, 2017)

Kissing is a gerund, eh?
I kinda love that one. Will change it.
I am not sure yet about deleting lines yet, must think about that. The poem is intentionally wordy and a little weird naive, for effect.
Not saying I won't do it, just thinking first
But I WUB the title, so will change right away 
THANKS 

Oh maybe explain why I wait with deleting lines. I have written this to be performed on stage, and even though that will most probably never happen, it's written different from an 'ordinary' poem.


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## Sebald (Aug 5, 2017)

Great. Yes, I get the chatty tone you're going for.


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## RHPeat (Aug 5, 2017)

Darren

a problem right here:

_"kissing your moist lips" — moist is the adjective and not kissing_
_'kissing'_ is a gerund

"kissing" is not a gerund here in the line; it's a participle as a verb. A gerund is when the "ing" word is used as an adjective. And you still have a form of the verb in word "kissing". "to taste your kissing lips" will create an adjective out of the word "kissing", for the word than becomes a modifier to the person's kind of lips. Adjectives are modifiers. There are many ways to make kissing into an adjective, but it's not happening in the line above at the moment. 

Do you see the difference between an adjective - gerund and the form of the verb - as a participle which carries action? Probably just a second language obstacle in translation. It's just one of those quirky things in English. I'm sure other languages have their quirks too. 

Participles are also used when creating subordinate clauses which can be quite strong in the lines of poetry. 
While too many adjectives can cloud intent in the poem. And that would include the "gerund" as an adjective. 

That's the reason why it shouldn't be used unless it really adds to the intent of the complete poem and not just the line in the poem. That is a justifiable reason for using a gerund or any adjective in any poem. Participles work well in poems unless you are creating too many subordinate clauses in the poem until the sound of the poem begins to ring with ringings. The singing ringings of too many ing's starts to ping the sing, ring the poem into nothingness pinging by being nothing but ringing. 

a poet friend
RH Peat


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## Darren White (Aug 5, 2017)

Oh Ron,

Thanks!
You're right, but it's such a shame for the title 
I'll change that title back, and have a look how I can improve the poem. It in a way uses that line as the key to the whole poem, eeeeek.

And yes, languages are often killing ....
This one, the gerund, is sometimes completely incomprehensible for me.

I might simplify it here (to "killing is an -ing word") for the sake of the poem, which is deliberately written in a simple manner. I'll sleep on it tonight.


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## Firemajic (Aug 5, 2017)

Darren White said:


> A love poem...
> How do you write a love poem
> 
> First of all
> ...





Hello Darren... if you were to remove the stanzas, and put this in a paragraph, well, it would sound like a school assignment... JMO but this lacks a certain poetic... finesse ... now, that's not to say that it is not charming...


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## RHPeat (Aug 5, 2017)

Darren

Firemajic makes an excellent point, the poem is *telling* far more then it is *showing* us as readers. (those ing's by the way are participles.and not gerunds. They are a form the verb.)

However the poem needs a metaphor or three in the opening, the turning and the closure within the poem. That's your new assignment. The turn is where you had word kissing. I gave you an alternative to kissing as an adjective. So just use the word as a modifier in anyway you wish related to your intent. A good metaphor might pull this off, when using *kissing* words. (Now that "kissing" is a gerund again. it modifies "words" as an adjective.) 

That's how easy it is. As a writer you should be able to create 3 metaphors in nothing flat. (A=B) or (A plus B = C). or go double compound metaphor (A is to B as C is to D) Git on it, poet. The last example will always hit the major cord. You could put one of each type at each of the places I suggested while cutting the telling parts in the text, and you will have a far stronger poem. Just connect the three metaphors to a progression of some sort and the poem will come together in a stronger way. Put a verb between two nouns and you have a metaphor. Lions race into gazelles. presto bingo, you have a metaphor. Form the context you want (love poem) around it as the language of the poem and you have a metaphor for a love poem: example

First of all
you need a gazelle 
for the best lion
as a person
                                                                     to desire
with passion. 

I'm using strange images so that you will find your own, but it shows you how to make prose into poetry through the use of images and metaphors. By doing these things you heighten the language of the poem to uplift the reader in finding their epiphany. To tie all the metaphors together is just another trick of extending what the metaphors contains. So if you maintained the subject of Africa in the next 2 metaphors it would extend this metaphor into the next two metaphors. But find your own damn metaphor and images to do this. Something you are feeling about your original poem that hasn't quite surfaced yet. But I feel you are on the edge of it, because you have the information that should allow you to show it instead of explaining it to us, the readers. Firemajic is on top of the thought here. This could be a lesson plan instead of a poem for it lacks music to some extent and definitely the metaphorical figures of speech. However your poem does have a weak form. That's the 3 basic characteristics of any poem: 1. music as rhythms, 2. metaphorical-language and 3. form as content being a single unit. 

a poet friend
RH Peat


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## Darren White (Aug 6, 2017)

Firemajic, Ron,

You are both absolutely right. The poem is tellling. And Firemajic hit the nail on the head by saying it sounds more like a child in front of a classroom reading aloud an assignment. That is what it was supposed to be. Exactly that.

However, obviously I failed in making this a good and entertaining performance piece, so I will take the challenge, and write it again. And get the metaphors in there. Maybe adjust parts only, maybe write a completely new poem around the idea (because I like that idea). Of course that will not be finished today. But I will be back with it.

Thanks, both of you


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## RHPeat (Aug 6, 2017)

Darren

There is nothing in the opening of the poem to show or suggest a story telling at all. I missed that completely, and I went back and checked it out. You can't assume the reader will get something. you have to either show it outright or make it into a suggested intent in the poem. Neither was done here. Maybe third person is required here, something like this is needed: "the boy stood/ before the class/ and began to read/" And realize this is a narrative poem. so treat it like one. Read some Wordsworth. Check out how he opens several of his poems in different ways. 

a poet friend
RH Peat


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## Darren White (Aug 6, 2017)

Thanks Ron, will make that more obvious in the rewrite too.


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## ned (Aug 7, 2017)

hello - as suggested already, this is plain and uninteresting prose.

why should a piece that wouldn't be worth posting in the prose section
be acceptable as poetry - just because it has unnatural line-breaks?

it undermines poetry, as less discerning than prose - when the opposite should hold.

OK, maybe you have deliberately written a bad poem to make a comedic point - 
but the joke wears thin very quickly, as I see it.

keep scratchin'
Ned


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## CrimsonAngel223 (Aug 7, 2017)

The hilarity! I love love poems!


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