# The emotional cost of writing.



## JJBuchholz (Jan 3, 2019)

Over the last few days, I wrote a trilogy of short stories in my Birds Of Prey series that all seemed to explode in my mind. I wrote feverishly, completing the trilogy in two days, not because I was rushing, but because the idea flowed freely. I experienced a myriad of emotions throughout the writing process. laughing with my characters, feeling anger during the climax, and shedding tears at how they rose above the diversity and won the day.

Writing for me is an emotional roller coaster at best, but I can't be the only one. Can anyone else here relate to this? Does anyone here feel as emotionally spent as I do sometimes after a major session of writing?


-JJB


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## Hill.T.Manner (Jan 3, 2019)

I wont say I experience an emotional connection, I feel more relief after I've finished writing. A release of sorts if that makes sense.


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## luckyscars (Jan 3, 2019)

JJBuchholz said:


> Over the last few days, I wrote a trilogy of short stories in my Birds Of Prey series that all seemed to explode in my mind. I wrote feverishly, completing the trilogy in two days, not because I was rushing, but because the idea flowed freely. I experienced a myriad of emotions throughout the writing process. laughing with my characters, feeling anger during the climax, and shedding tears at how they rose above the diversity and won the day.
> 
> Writing for me is an emotional roller coaster at best, but I can't be the only one. Can anyone else here relate to this? Does anyone here feel as emotionally spent as I do sometimes after a major session of writing?
> 
> ...



Good topic. The answer is: Not to the extremes you describe. And honestly I don't think I would want to.

I do occasionally find myself in situations similar to what you describe, but it is quite rare and rarely focused on the characters themselves - its more situational. I actually found my writing got a lot better when I stopped letting myself care as much about any individual character, scene, or even story. They're not real people.

I think there's a crucial difference between knowing your characters and having a strong sense of what works, and developing an emotional attachment to what you are doing. It sounds quite romantic to be so immersed in your work that you feel everything, but I'm not sure that it actually lends itself to better quality of work. Assuming that's the goal here.

So what's the problem with it? Well partly it's the old thing about not seeing the wood for the trees. Your characters as individuals are pawns in a bigger game - the story. There's a thin line between emotion and devotion and if you become devoted to your characters you start making decisions based on what you want rather than what might actually work better. Next thing you know, you are writing them in ways that are entirely unrealistic or idealistic. They cease to be accurate depictions of people and start to be reflections of the author's psychodrama. That rarely ends well.

There's also the issue of becoming too close to your work. A story you love in the ways as you describe is not a story but a work of passion. That can be good. It can also be godawful. It is really difficult (almost impossible) to take criticism, let alone rejection, on a work that you have a strong emotional bond with. You see it all the time in critique...

I think a relationship between an author and their characters should be less as friends/lovers/enemies and more as an employer and their subordinates. Not a sexy way to describe it, but it works for me. You can care about your characters (you can care about your employees), take an interest, laugh when they're funny, but a good manager doesn't allow themselves to become too emotionally tied.


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## Megan Pearson (Jan 4, 2019)

JJBuchholz said:


> Writing for me is an emotional roller coaster at best, but I can't be the only one. Can anyone else here relate to this? Does anyone here feel as emotionally spent as I do sometimes after a major session of writing?
> 
> 
> -JJB



Hey JJB, so far as I'm concerned, my characters are real people. I treat them with respect by letting them have their way on the page. (I also prefer character driven stories.) Until recently, I've been so busy I have not been able to write in a very, very long time. With this small break I have had, I decided to pull out some things I had begun a year ago and have been frustrated by a number of things. One of those frustrations has been not being able to hear their 'voices'. (Not in a weird way, but in a very practical, this is what she would say and that's the action he would take--and so on & so on.) When I don't hear the story, feel the story, see the story, what I write is clunky and just awful. I think of it akin to actors preparing for their roles on stage. They don't talk about it but let the character build on the inside. Much as the actor 'becomes' the character on stage, so I think we 'become' our story on paper. I could not do that if I were emotionally separate from my work, and in fact, in my business correspondence, I write quite differently than in my fiction. (I doubt you could market my business writing.)


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## Winston (Jan 4, 2019)

Guilt.  That's how I feel.
The time I need to just write, much less the added time to learn and improve, takes me from my family.  Sure, I can hop-on and make some inane comments in The Lounge, but real writing will always take a back seat to my family.
My kids will be out of the house in a couple of years(?!), and by then my wife may look forward to be rid of me... to some degree.  
Sure, writhing feels good.  But I was raised and weaned on the delayed gratification beast.  Words on a page / screen are not real. They can wait.


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## bdcharles (Jan 4, 2019)

JJBuchholz said:


> Over the last few days, I wrote a trilogy of short stories in my Birds Of Prey series that all seemed to explode in my mind. I wrote feverishly, completing the trilogy in two days, not because I was rushing, but because the idea flowed freely. I experienced a myriad of emotions throughout the writing process. laughing with my characters, feeling anger during the climax, and shedding tears at how they rose above the diversity and won the day.
> 
> Writing for me is an emotional roller coaster at best, but I can't be the only one. Can anyone else here relate to this? Does anyone here feel as emotionally spent as I do sometimes after a major session of writing?
> 
> ...



Frequently. I feel I've had an intense time with close friends after a good session.


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## Sir-KP (Jan 4, 2019)

Probably not that far, but since I usually will practice a little bit of act before writing a scene and/or dialogue to reflect on, I do sometimes get anxious over it. 

There was a time when I had to sleep with lights on after writing a horrifying part with death and murder, because the horror imagination lingered.


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## JustRob (Jan 4, 2019)

Yes JJB, that's exactly how i felt when I wrote my solitary novel back in 2011. In fact I had never had any intention of writing fiction at all, but the thoughts forced themselves on me and I had to take to writing just to purge them from my mind. Therefore there wasn't an emotional cost to the writing but rather a payback. As you say the story just seemed to write itself, carrying me along on its emotional roller-coaster. I had tears in my eyes while writing some parts and when I came to edit them later the tears returned. When I gave the draft novel to a lecturer in English literature to read he told me that he sensed the emotions in the words to the extent that he had similar feelings. Somehow I had transferred my feelings into his mind without really understanding how my words had achieved that, being a complete novice writer. 

I am not normally a fiction writer and can't make it happen to order. Equally I am not normally a poet and the occasional poems that I have posted in WF are just spontaneous. I am really just a free writer who transcribes his thoughts and feelings into words when compelled by them and I feel that the members here who try to fabricate their stories by some prescribed process are missing out on the essence of such writing, which is its naturalness. When responding to a member's thread I always wonder why they write or want to, because that is at the root of how they write and measure their success.


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## JJBuchholz (Jan 4, 2019)

JustRob said:


> As you say the story just seemed to write itself, carrying me along on its emotional roller-coaster. I had tears in my eyes while writing some parts and when I came to edit them later the tears returned.



Indeed! This is exactly what I'm talking about! I do occasionally feel several emotions when I'm writing in one of my series or getting really involved with the characters they contain, but this time was different.

The trilogy I just wrote was all in my head at once, all three parts. They played out in my mind like a movie, and as I wrote I was experiencing the 'movie' as it went from my mind to the page. I've had moments before while writing, but this trilogy was something I lived. 

It burned me out at the end, but it was exhilarating!

-JJB


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## Kyle R (Jan 4, 2019)

JJBuchholz said:


> Writing for me is an emotional roller coaster at best, but I can't be the only one. Can anyone else here relate to this? Does anyone here feel as emotionally spent as I do sometimes after a major session of writing?



I tend to, yes. A scene in the novel I recently completed made me cry as I wrote it, because I felt for the character and what they were going through. Hopefully it has a similar impact on readers (if it makes them laugh, instead, I'll feel quite silly )!

I think it comes with the territory of fiction writing and crafting a world through different POVs. Writing is essentially one big exercise in _empathy_.

It's also a sign that the characters mean something to the author, which I believe is a good thing. The opposite extreme (apathy) would probably make for some pretty lousy writing. :grief:

(Also, neuroscience has shown that there's very little difference between a fictional experience and a real one, when scanning the mind of a reader. I imagine the same holds true for an author while in the thick of writing.)


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## SueC (Jan 4, 2019)

> Writing for me is an emotional roller coaster at best, but I can't be the only one. Can anyone else here relate to this? Does anyone here feel as emotionally spent as I do sometimes after a major session of writing?



I love this thread because that is how I often feel with my writing projects, and its great to know I am not alone! I always saw this emotion as a gift, because that meant that the actions and re-actions of my characters where genuine. 

The first story I had published in a magazine years ago was about my father being put in a nursing home. I cried through out the writing, because it was a story of wishes - wishes that Dad would have the kind of experiences my character did. My dad was angry; angry at my brother for putting him there, angry at being old enough to be in a "home," angry at the world and not allowing anything good to come from his time there. So I wrote a story of how I wished it could be for him.

I gave the magazine to a friend to read and she wept. She said my character, Henry, reminded her of her grandfather! It was amazing. Since then I see my emotions as a good judge of character.

Great thread!


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## Periander (Jan 4, 2019)

I experience a lot of emotion during a writing session.  I weep out of frustration because the words on my page don't seem to play to the tune that sounded so sweet in my head.


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## mbear (Jan 4, 2019)

I don’t get overly emotional when writing. But I feel it’s an outlet for emotions for me just the same. I love writing. I am terrible at it. Absolutely terrible. But I have had a need to do it from as long as I can remember. Just writing stories. I had a slightly traumatic experience around middle school revolving it and then I just stopped. Then I just picked it up secretly sometime in my mid twenties. I hide it. I think my husband would be floored to know that I have started like 4 novels and have ideas for like 10 others. My current one is just under 40,000 words. I sneak around to write. It’s not overly emotional, but it’s like a drug or alcohol addiction for me. I feel antsy when I am in the mood to write. Like tonight we will go out with our friends and I will be thinking about it. I will come home and put the kids to bed, still thinking about it. I am exhausted with 4 kids who don’t sleep, but I will wait until everyone is asleep and I will sneak up to our playroom on a table with my lab top and spend two hours writing tonight and that is all I have been thinking of all day. I have been grumpy with my kids all day due to lack of sleep... but I have got to get this story out of my head and on my computer screen. So that’s how I feel when I write, like I am getting my fix. But I do feel what my characters feel, just not to the point of physically crying.


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## Megan Pearson (Jan 4, 2019)

Winston said:


> Guilt. That's how I feel.
> The time I need to just write, much less the added time to learn and improve, takes me from my family. Sure, I can hop-on and make some inane comments in The Lounge, but real writing will always take a back seat to my family.
> My kids will be out of the house in a couple of years(?!), and by then my wife may look forward to be rid of me... to some degree.
> Sure, writhing feels good. But I was raised and weaned on the delayed gratification beast. Words on a page / screen are not real. They can wait.



I struggled with guilt for a long time, too. My career has always been demanding and makes little to no use of any natural skills or interests I have, so walking away from the writing used to leave me feeling guilty, almost ashamed, for denying myself something I loved doing. Like you, I found that when I prioritized my work and grad school obligations, it gave me time for family. Although, it did severely limit the time I had to available to write.

I think there is a lot to be said about delayed gratification. Even while working and going to school, I've somehow produced enough material for a trilogy (although unlike the novel-length manuscript I produced quite a few years before, it needs a lot of work). Plus, the skills I've learned in being patient and persistent in how I now approach my creative writing will, ironically, transfer well into my new profession. 

I almost think the emotional cost _of not writing_, or of not being able to use one's abilities in one's regular line of work, is of a greater cost than dealing with any emotions that may or may not come out of the act of writing itself.


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## JustRob (Jan 5, 2019)

JJBuchholz said:


> Indeed! This is exactly what I'm talking about! I do occasionally feel several emotions when I'm writing in one of my series or getting really involved with the characters they contain, but this time was different.
> 
> The trilogy I just wrote was all in my head at once, all three parts. They played out in my mind like a movie, and as I wrote I was experiencing the 'movie' as it went from my mind to the page. I've had moments before while writing, but this trilogy was something I lived.
> 
> ...



That sounds exactly like my experience, so I ought to mention what happened in the six years following. I discovered that my novel was apparently based on my own future experiences even though there's no scientific evidence that such a thing is possible. Equally there is no positive evidence that it isn't though. 

It is assumed that fiction writers reassemble many fragments of their past experiences and knowledge acquired into what appear to be original stories, but apparently they can incorporate fragments of their future experiences as well in their efforts to be original. These latter thoughts probably stand out in the mind at the time because they have no obvious origin, unlike ones that clearly originate from past memories. Maybe that is why they seem so vivid and compelling, because the brain is trying to find them a context and the only way it can do that is to create a fictional story. The strong emotions that accompany them may be a part of this process and they can certainly feel taxing. When I'd finished my novel I just couldn't understand where the story had come from or why I'd conceived it.

It is apparently a known fact that fiction writers can notice similarities between elements of their stories and their own later experiences, so look out for them in your life. They can be quite subtle or amazingly obvious and may take years to appear from my experience. In fact that's probably why it isn't realised just how commonplace they are, that and the fact that many scientists and psychologists claim that such a thing simply isn't possible. If you think that it's happening to you don't worry; it's apparently a harmless phenomenon and I suspect that it happens to everyone to some extent. The main character in my novel actually died at the end, but so far I'm still here. Much of what we write in our fiction can be symbolic of something else rather than literal. Almost nothing in my novel has directly predicted anything in my life although the similarities have been obvious later. It's a fascinating subject to explore if you get the chance.


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## SueC (Jan 5, 2019)

> I almost think the emotional cost _of not writing, or of not being able to use one's abilities in one's regular line of work, is of a greater cost than dealing with any emotions that may or may not come out of the act of writing itself._



Amen!


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## Arseny (Jan 5, 2019)

I feel something like this when I get involved in a process, when I dive into it with my head. 
Never at the beginning. 
One need to get into the stream. 
I think so.


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## Sir-KP (Jan 6, 2019)

Kyle R said:


> Writing is essentially one big exercise in _empathy_.



Indeed. Indeed.

You deserve Quote of the Day Award.


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## Copression (Jan 8, 2019)

I go back and read the stuff I wrote, that I have forgotten, to see if I can re-feel the emotions I felt at the time of writing. With some of it, it’s clear there was more emotion felt than was expressed.  And the emotion itself was dampening my ability to express clearly. 

This could be a turn in how personality handles emotion. Maybe the expression valve is opened bigger by emotion depending on the personality of the person.

I am still on the fence on whether emotion while writing helps or not. It is the engine and the brakes.


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## JJBuchholz (Jan 8, 2019)

Emotion and storytelling go hand in hand, and it's up to us as writers to convey the plethora of raw emotion to the reader. I have always been of the belief that as writers, we showcase a part of ourselves with every story we tell, giving the world a glimpse of what really makes us tick.

When I am writing, only then am I truly free.....

-JJB


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## Miss-Riah (Jan 17, 2019)

My writing has definitely made me feel things before-- had me smiling and my hands tingling. Then there were some pieces that I reread months later and teared up because I had gotten the emotions just right. I haven't really felt that recently, but I consider feeling it at any given time during the process a blessing


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## Cephus (Jan 17, 2019)

I really don't.  I will feel relief when I'm done, but not any kind of real emotional connection to the writing exercise itself.


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## Guard Dog (Jan 17, 2019)

Believe me, Miss-Riah, there are times when, if someone were to be listening in on me, they'd think I'd lost my damned mind, due to me laughing at something I've written, that was actually as funny as I intended it to be.

And yeah, I know you're not supposed to 'love' your own copy, but there are times when ya get a certain bit _right_, that it's hard not to do.


G.D.


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## Theglasshouse (Jan 17, 2019)

Since writing is for many a discovery process, it's difficult not to discover your feelings concerning the subject of what you've written about which has drama, conflict.  It's a fictional account that is opinionated without expressing an opinion. Because of show versus tell and maintaining a balance. Drama demonstrates an opinion that is nuanced and you feel for the characters. It's more difficult than that. But that's the only way to involve others into reading the story. Which is why exposition is usually frowned upon if used too much.


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## Guard Dog (Jan 17, 2019)

Y'know, Theglasshouse, I've noticed that you put a lot of importance on drama and conflict... and I suppose it is an important part of a good story.

But for me, it's not - and never has been - a motivation or driving force.  Maybe that's because I've lived through so much of it, and been responsible for dealing with it... both my own, and other people's.

Regardless of the reason, I tend to like the 'character studies'... that learning what makes other people - or characters - 'tick'.

Back in the days when I still read and collected comic books, certain titles would occasionally do a "day in the life of..." story, where there was no bad guy/gal, no real obstacle to overcome, no world-ending event to have to stop or divert.

( I remember one old X-Men story where the worst challenge anyone faced was Kitty Pride/Shadow Cat trying to find her lost floppy disks. And it turning out they were under her keyboard the whole time. ( And I know we've all had days like that. ) )

Just people being people, getting through their day like all the rest of us.

I always liked those stories, though I'm sure most people probably hated 'em.


G.D.


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## Theglasshouse (Jan 17, 2019)

I agree and while I was never a big reader of comic books. I know what you mean. You probably made me think of a story's definition for me there with your post. A day in the life of a person sounds like lessons a character must learn. Maybe the people surrounding someone me for example (who influence me) are for instance are in need of lessons of life, or to be the opposite personalities I need to get what I want from my own personal goals. Maybe they'd make a good character study as you have brought to attention. I have observed people. Maybe conflict isn't everything. I remember reading a book that said that people fall into 3 triads. Maybe there are 3 triads if you see a generous person, a selfish person, a stingy person. I have seen all 3 in life.

I think it may be true that character is just as important as plot. But I know this is me rethinking what you explained. That's how I would base a story on a real person. I read this book published a good while ago out of print.

Then the book I think said pit opposites against each other as a tip.

In real life I have met business-like minded individuals, people who give up easily, people who don't give up easily (stubborn is more negative than persistence) and could be another part of the triad (always need 3).

But anyways it's a decent way to use characterization. A tip I picked up from an old book, except now it makes sense.

Anyway that is what I think of that advice.


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## Guard Dog (Jan 17, 2019)

Theglasshouse said:


> Anyway that what I think of that advice.



I'm just talking, hon. Not so much 'advice' as 'observation and conversation'.


G.D.


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## Theglasshouse (Jan 17, 2019)

It was just in reply to your observation of what stories are about and what you did like, which the "everyday life of a character," can be seen in more than one way what someone writes has its many layers of interpretation. That's why a literary character or story can been seen in multiple ways. Anyways, I am going off topic, but I believe I agree with the poster who created the thread. I am just using story terminology.


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## JJBuchholz (Jan 17, 2019)

Miss-Riah said:


> *Then there were some pieces that I reread months later and teared up because I had gotten the emotions just right.* I haven't really felt that recently, but I consider feeling it at any given time during the process a blessing



Yes! I have experienced this time and again when I go back over my work. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I even experience a sense of loss. The emotions I feel when writing/revising/etc. can be raw and unpredictable, and sometimes just downright nasty, but I wouldn't trade them for anything!

I believe we as writers experience the things we do because a piece of our soul is contained in each story we tell.

-JJB


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## elissasmart (Jan 18, 2019)

We all do. I hope. It is impossible to write a good story without emotional connection. Your story is something that is coming from your heart. It is part of you and until you have that passion and emotions your story wouldn't cost anything.


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