# Almost Heaven



## Iggi (Feb 26, 2011)

Once I when I was 19 I decided to drive through the Blue Ridge Mountains to explore what was in <i>“_them thar hills”_</I>. For two days I drove through the Shenandoah, up, down and over and through paradise. It is indeed as the John Denver song said;   “almost heaven” up there. As I was about to come down the mountain and spin around Highway 29 and turn for home, I decided to stop at an old country store.

It had obviously seen hard times, the siding was coming apart, and the roof line was warped and appeared about to cave in. In front were apples and pears and fresh honey, and, blackberries, and watermelon; all the usual things one finds at these roadside stores in the mountains. It was the large red and white faded, handmade sign on the door that caught my eyes and caused me to stop. It said “ Best Homemade Ice Cream. I decided to get some.

The inside was dimly lit by pale yellow, low wattage bulbs and  it was  jammed packed to its rickety rafters with all sorts of unusual objects; toys, kitchen utensils, knives and bayonets and even a few old muskets propped up beside a real cigar store Indian and a stuffed bear head. I browsed a bit before I got my Ice cream. I ended up picking up a couple of carved deer antler figurines and a civil war bayonet and then I went over to the counter to get my ice cream. 

  The biggest bear of a man I ever saw was sitting behind the counter. He was a veritable ogre; vermillion tinted teeth with skin mottled and flecked with grime as though he was long unwashed because he was allergic to water. He was also as rugged as the hills as his muscles appeared to be carved by the same forces that forged them. I paid for my ice cream, a bit squeamishly, but too scared to mention hygiene. At his prodding took a lick at the ice cream. It was amazingly good!  I ambled outside   feeling a bit ashamed that I actually liked it.
  . 
Across the yard illuminated by evening rays of a fat orange late summer sun,  I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She was about my age and admiring my car lovingly. I went up to her, mesmerized, unable to speak at first. She asked me about the car, I don’t remember my answer as I was unaware of the world except she was in it. She opened the door on the driver side and eased into the seat. She belonged there.

  Her eyes were a translucent green, like the tips of peacock feathers and devilishly alive with unfathomable mysteries to explore. Her skin was as unblemished porcelain and her hair glistened like beaten copper and flowed down her back like freshly spun silk. She wore no make-up but her lips were like fresh pomegranates and when she spoke - I heard sleigh bells and the sensation of Christmas.

  She wore a  diaphanous, white, cotton sundress and it billowed softly and teasingly with each puff of wind. I sensed even the wind wanted to touch her skinl.  I watched jealously as the rippling of fabric caressed the tips of perk nipples and wrapped itself eagerly about a most the most perfect human form. As I think back on it now ( and I often do), she is as Prince said in a song,  “ the reason that god made a girl”. 

I knew there and then I was going to take her out of those mountains in my new candy apple red mustang GT convertible, to my apartment in DC and work all day and play all night. Amazingly, she was receptive, her eyes flirted with me as I imagined Circe's did with wily Odysseus, told me she would like me to take her for a ride I said gladly, any place anytime willingly. She asked if I could afford her. I said that though quite broke  then I could assure her the inspiration was there and nothing in in this world she would ever want would be denied her. She was truly punishing.  She asked what I would do to her and how long noting in  her honeycombed southern country tones that still rings in my ears,   she is “no easy to please mama.”  I replied that to please her would be my eternal purpose.  

Just then, the ogre called from the door and he slowly shuffled over to where we were standing. We pretended I was buying pies and I ended up with about half a dozen of his apple and blueberry pies. It could be more; I don’t remember. He told me his wife does not give deals so next time I passed by, I should bargain with him chuckled a bit or was it a snicker?

   As they walked away, her arm wrapped about his monstrous waist, his gargantuan palm cupping her ass, hiking up her gossamer dress and revealing hints of paradise. She turned, winked at me, smiled, giggled then mumbled that she was sorry she was such a hard bargainer. I believed he pinched her behind as they disappeared into the murky recesses of the shop. I can imagine his gnarled hands in those tender places I dreamed of going as I heard her and squealed with glee from the murky recesses of the store. I got into my car and just drove hard into the approaching dark night.

I felt sick for a long time as though grieving the I loss of someone greatly loved and terribly missed. I am still nostalgic about a woman I knew for less than 20 minutes as feeling of loss is not completely gone as it is here even as I write this.  I will admit that in my day dreams  I sometimes I plot to redeem my honor by storming those hills to   rescue the  trapped princess. But I know in my heart I would have only ended up with more pies. Over 20 summers have come and gone and I can still see her as clearly as I saw her that autumn afternoon on highway 29. I never saw a more beautiful woman or loved another more since.


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## bysharonnelson (Mar 5, 2011)

Iggi said:


> Once I when I was 19 I decided to drive through the Blue Ridge Mountains to explore what was in <i>“_them thar hills”_</I>. For two days I drove through the Shenandoah, up, down and over and through paradise. It is indeed as the John Denver song said;   “almost heaven” up there. As I was about to come down the mountain and spin around Highway 29 and turn for home, I decided to stop at an old country store.
> 
> It had obviously seen hard times, the siding was coming apart, and the roof line was warped and appeared about to cave in. In front were apples and pears and fresh honey, and, blackberries, and watermelon;(too many and's) all the usual things one finds at these roadside stores in the mountains. It was the large red and white faded, handmade sign on the door that caught my eyes and caused me to stop. It said “ Best Homemade Ice Cream. I decided to get some."
> 
> ...



Overall well written. It may be more effective if the dialogue is written out as it is a little hard to follow.


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## Iggi (Mar 8, 2011)

bysharonnelson said:


> Overall well written. It may be more effective if the dialogue is written out as it is a little hard to follow.


 Thanks for the response. It is my first attempt and was about to retire from writing since there were some 20 views and no comments. I thought I bored everyone to death. Thanks again. Will look at your edits,  and write another.


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## bysharonnelson (Mar 8, 2011)

Never give up if you love doing it. Sometimes people just don't have time for full read through


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## AmberShah (Apr 25, 2011)

I really liked it. You managed to pack a lot of "story" in so few words. Ironically, I actually would trim it down - some of the description in the middle was lengthy. Although maybe the solution would be to leave all that and inject a little more tension about the speaker in those spaces, like allude to some personal struggle for him that is maybe tangentially related to him being out there or looking for a beautiful woman or something.

And have to second bysharonnelson to keep going if you love it anyways. Besides, on the internet you can expect a LOT more people to view than ever post, just the way it is.


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## sachael (May 13, 2011)

i am really not a 'technical' person when it comes to writing (and reading) so maybe ill just say what i think about it.
i had to read it twice before i get the actual scene (or maybe its just me)
the second time i read it, i enjoyed it and i really think it was nicely written.. 
but it ended strong and i was really moved. i liked it how you manage to use few words.. because i cannot write something that is less than 7 pages and i still can't send what i want to say about my story. 

(this is the fisrt time i try to comment about a story i read here so im not sure if im doing this right.. =/)


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## Iggi (May 24, 2011)

Thanks for the comments. Will think on what you said. I am almost finished with two others I will try to post. My problem is I have everything from romances to syfi to horror  knocking in my head for a chance to be on the page.


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## Iggi (May 24, 2011)

That you like it is all that matters. Thanks


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## Manfredjed (May 25, 2011)

Iggi said:


> Once I when I was 19 I decided to drive through the Blue Ridge Mountains to explore what was in <i>“_them thar hills”_</I>
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> Overall a very good piece.  Please keep it up.
> One thing I like about it is that it takes me back to the days before I met my belle, when I would fall in love like this 10 times a day.  Back to a time when I had a lot a choices despite there being so few who wanted me to choose them.


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## Iggi (May 28, 2011)

Will take your edits into consideration. Did not mean to disparage the fruit. Will ensure that is made clear Thanks again.


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