# The Tale of John Primus, Master Wizard in Exile (Adult Themes, Language, 1st Chapter)



## kaeneth (May 7, 2011)

[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]*Chapter 1*[/FONT]


 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Blood still dripped onto John's white robe from his broken nose as he squirmed in the hard wooden chair of the accused. His flesh was red beneath the silver necklace. His manacled hands reflexively went to his throat yet stopped a few inches short by the chain bound to the manacles around his ankles.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John's eyes roamed over the magistrate's staff of office as the nobility's creature entered the courtroom. The marks of both a nobleman and a University-trained wizard were engraved into the yellow wood. John sighed. He had hoped there were no wizards so thoroughly bought by the nobility to betray one of their own. John resigned himself to the thin, vain hope that he could escape his cell after the trial but before his execution.[/FONT]

[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate took his cushioned seat on the obsidian dais and slammed his staff into the floor, a miniature thunderclap was the floor's reply. The magistrate said evenly, “John Alexander Primus, Magister of Necromancy...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The handpicked gallery of nobility booed. The nobility was the only class of people who would waste time on this farce of a trial.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate banged his staff a second time, the same miniature thunderclap silenced the gallery. The magistrate continued, “You stand accused of the most heinous crime of rape. Your plea of not guilty was registered at the time of your arrest. My advice to you, young man, is to admit your guilt and throw yourself at the mercy of the court. The woman's screams for you to stop were heard by witnesses and she is prepared to face you in open court and denounce your claim the sex was consensual. I may be prepared to commute your sentence to a life of hard labor, with silver around your throat. It will be unpleasant for a wizard but you might last a whole year in such a state. Otherwise, should your defense prove insufficient to convince the Court of your innocence, you will be executed tomorrow at Dawn.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John replied calmly, “Her father's bribed witnesses and pressure on his daughter does not change the truth, Magistrate. The only reason this is being ruled a crime is her father planned to marry her to ...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate's staff thundered for a third time and the Magistrate said evenly, “His Grace's character is not on trial, defendant. Your statements are pure speculation without a shred of evidence. While I understand no lawyer was prepared to represent a villain of your evil, only evidence and direct, witness accounts are valid in a court of law. Please refrain from any further speculation or I will consider only the State's view.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John bowed his head and replied, “Very well, the sex was consensual. I stand by that fact and repeat my plea of Not Guilty.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate nodded and turned his gaze to the only other man outside of the gallery, the State's prosecutor. The magistrate said, “Understood. Sir Wicke, if you would present the State's witnesses. I know you have thorough opening and closing arguments planned. However, the State and the Accused were unable to find any proper representation for the Accused. This being the case, I see no need to engage in typical debate which would certainly disadvantage the Accused.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Sir Wicke smiled at the excuse to stand and leave his uncomfortable wooden chair behind. Wicke replied, “Very well, Sir. I call the victim herself. I will be happy to call others, if the Court desires. However, as the defendant does not deny the sex act itself I feel her testimony should be sufficient to decide the matter. Would that be acceptable, Magistrate?”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate smiled. [/FONT] 

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Indeed, Sir Wicke. I have faith in the honest testimony of a woman of such a prestigious lineage. I understand how difficult this is for her and I would hate to delay justice a moment, should such justice be deserved by the Accused.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The rear door opened to admit a woman, every inch covered in mourning black from the veil over her face to the black boots on her feet.  She yelped as her leg lightly brushed against the chair. She took a deep breath before she sat in the witness's soft, cushioned chair. Her fingers went to her leg but stopped an inch short. She took another deep, calming breath.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Sir Wicke said, “My lady, I apologize once again most humbly for this inconvenience. I know you have suffered horribly and I wish this could be avoided. Unfortunately, the law is the law. If you would, for the record, please state your full name, a short summary of events, and confirm the Accused is the man who raped you. After that, my dear, please feel free to leave immediately. I would hate for you to spend a second longer than necessary and I am certain the Court will see justice done with such a short ...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John said calmly, “I have no right to ask her any questions? I was...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate's staff thundered. “John, you will refrain from such outbursts. It is unfortunate you lack competent legal representation. However, you agreed that the trial should proceed without such. You have no right to ask the victim of a crime any questions, as the accused[/FONT][FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace].[/FONT][FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace] Only a third party, such as a lawyer, is permitted such a right. However, as your defense hinges on the fact the sex was [/FONT]consensual her repudiation of that fact is all the Court requires in this instance. Do not open your mouth again, unless asked. You have tried the Court's patience enough for one trial.[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate turned to the lady and bowed his head. He continued, “I am sorry, my lady, for the delay. Please do as the State has asked and return to the safe bosom of your family.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Ye-yes, Magi-magi-ster.” [/FONT] 

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The lady took another deep breath.[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]My full name is Alexandria Catherine Hardwicke. The Accused is the man that...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Another deep breath.[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]...I met last night.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]She took another deep breath and closed her eyes beneath the veil. The silence grew from moments to minutes as she kept her mouth shut.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John stared at his lady in the silence. He might seal his fate but he had to see, he had to know. She never dressed like this and her behavior was odd. She was fine when he left her yet now, she brushed lightly against furniture and yelped. Now, her graceful voice lacked its melody. He drew on what little reserves he had, the silver's fiery caress grew as the smell of burnt flesh began to emanate from him. He carefully imagined the most gentle blast of wind to grab at the front of her veil and force it back over her head. He needed to see.[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Please, my lady, continue. I understand this is most stressful, however, my Court needs to hear the truth so that I may pass judgment upon...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]A slight, unnatural gust of wind blew the veil from Alexandria's face, the slight contact of the wind on her face drew another pained sound from her throat. The court's inhabitants gasped. The woman's soft white flesh was covered in bruises. There was also a small patch of burned flesh in the form of the letter H, a brand as if she was cattle, that left no doubt in the minds of many that this was not the wounds of a raped woman but a tortured one. A woman tortured at her father's command. The H brand was the mark of the Archduke's torturers, the careless fool would likely lose their life for branding the Archduke's daughter. However, the damage was done amongst the gallery. None of them would dare breathe a word but all of them knew in their heart that John was innocent and the earlier accusation of a political marriage being the reason for this trial was the truth.[/FONT]

[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate's hand turned white as he gripped his staff. He willed a second gust of wind to blow the veil down. He said evenly, “Sorcery in a court proceeding is illegal except in the defense of the Court. I have no choice but to take that, and the lady's injuries, as proof of the Accused's guilt. I have no interest in...”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate paused as Alexandria's mouth opened beneath her veil. A second spell, slammed her jaws together and she squealed slightly through clenched, bound teeth. The magistrate breathed deeply and continued, “...delaying the lady's return to her family. I am sure their physicians will see to her health. I find the defendant guilty of the heinous crime of rape as well as the lesser crime of sorcerous malfeasance. He is to be executed, by pyre, at dawn.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The magistrate's staff thundered a final time which signaled the end of the proceeding.[/FONT]


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## Gravehound (May 7, 2011)

hey not bad, kind of enjoyed that.
the magistrate is obviously not fond of john but you should maybe explain why in short
also necromancy isn't that like forbidden by all mages?
Beside that I personally don't like reading texts like this, to many spaces in between
Just write like they do in the book and it will be more pleasant

I like to read more
GH


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## kaeneth (May 7, 2011)

Gravehound said:


> hey not bad, kind of enjoyed that.
> the magistrate is obviously not fond of john but you should maybe explain why in short
> also necromancy isn't that like forbidden by all mages?
> Beside that I personally don't like reading texts like this, to many spaces in between
> ...


 
This forum seems to break the copy/paste formatting from my word processor by turning every line break into two. :/

As for Necromancy, necromancy is simply another tool. As long as you aren't doing things that are generally illegal with it...it is perfectly acceptable. Applications such as animating some dead guy's corpse without permission is illegal. Killing someone with it is illegal. Simply knowing how to use it isn't. Sort of like Firearms in the US. It is perfectly legal to own and know how to shoot someone. It is illegal to actually shoot someone without a damned good reason.


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## Gravehound (May 7, 2011)

Yeah but how do you get permission by a dead guy though, also he must have had some training in it or some other or is it just like a gift he has?
Are you planning to let that character use that power in the future? 

Yeah I have the same problem with word but I then just edit it in the 'quick reply'
later GH


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## kaeneth (May 7, 2011)

Gravehound said:


> Yeah but how do you get permission by a dead guy though, also he must have had some training in it or some other or is it just like a gift he has?


Wizards are mainly trained. Unless you define a 'gift' as having significantly above average ability to control one's thoughts and an IQ over 115.



> Are you planning to let that character use that power in the future?


Probably not...

Zombies and other traditional 'undead' would get ripped apart by the kind of opponents (other beings with magic) he'll be dealing with.



> Yeah I have the same problem with word but I then just edit it in the 'quick reply'
> later GH


Ya first time posting on this forum and didn't notice.


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## kaeneth (May 7, 2011)

[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]*Chapter 2*[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John sat on the cold metal floor cross-legged as he meditated in the center of his cell. The four walls of his prison are a series of bars made from Magebane Steel. Magebane Steel is an alloy of steel and silver that is nigh-invulnerable to mortal magic yet strong enough to be unbreakable by the strongest of mortal hands. The floor and ceiling were solid Magebane Steel. The size of John's two meter by one meter prison reflected the cost of such material, a single cell of such cost more than a minor nobleman's fortune.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]He was thankful the cost had resulted in four walls made from bars, rather than solid walls. The flow of magic was difficult to tap but not impossible. He had wasted his reserves to see his love's face one last time, to harden his heart with hate for the man who would do such to her. Moment by moment, that reservoir of power within him filled as the silver necklace grew hot against his flesh.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]He yelped slightly and opened his eyes, concentration broken by the pain. The scent of burnt flesh filled his nostrils. His hands reflexively reached for the burning, painful necklace but were stopped short by his manacles. He cursed softly. John had barely enough power to strengthen his body to burst the manacles and then break down the bars. He needed to be able to silence the racket caused by such an action. An unusual noise, such as the clang of a metal bar being torn from its mooring, would alert the guards. [/FONT] 


  [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John's eyes closed as he prepared to spend the next hour of life in agony. He started to tap the natural flow of magic, for that is what all magi saw it as...an endless river that flowed in strange rivers through the oceans, the air and the earth. A voice stopped him.[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Hello, John. You will likely kill yourself if you try that again, you know?”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]He jumped to his feet as he searched frantically for the speaker only to be rewarded with the bare stone walls of the dungeon that lay but a few feet beyond his cell on all sides. John replied with forced calm, “Who is this? Show yourself, please.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]The voice chuckled. “John, John. As a wizard, you should know quite well there are methods of sending one's thoughts or voice quite a distance. You are not the only wizard alive that knows the secret of piercing an imperfect barrier of Magebane Steel. Pure silver is the only perfect defense, after all. Now, would you mind not committing suicide long enough for us to chat? The builders were quite accurate with their calculations, I assure you. Even the greatest mortal wizard that ever lived would only be able to draw enough power by killing himself to both break the manacles, the bars, and dampen the sound to keep it from echoing far enough from a guard to hear it.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]What do you want, then? To convince me it is suicide so I just give up and let them kill me in the morning? I'd rather fuck up this little prison of the Archduke's and die that way, thank you very much.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Silly human, why would I waste my time on you to discourage you? I simply said your plan will fail and you will die. I would rather make a deal that would allow you to escape, alive, instead.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]What do you want?”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Three books. Specifically, the books of Kaen. I have a bit of a puzzle to sort out and Pride insists on keeping them. I'm not going to risk an encounter with one of the Dark One's most powerful servants at the heart of their power. A dead man? A dead man might take on such a risk.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]That is insane. I'm no match for your average Daemon, let alone one of the Seven. I'd rather risk killing myself channeling power with silver against my flesh.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Who said anything about fighting Pride? The books are relics in his library, nothing more. If you are careful, he will not even be aware of you. His mind is always focused on his Great Work as the Chosen One of his Master. I doubt he'd spare a thought for your intrusion as long as you remain in the outer sections of the Tower. There, yes, you might encounter a few Darkspawn but, honestly, your average Daemon is less powerful than you silly mortals think. I think you can manage it or I would not be wasting my time.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]If it is so easy, why don't you do it yourself? Eh? I mean if Daemons are 'easy' and Pride won't even notice, what risk would it be for someone who can project his voice through tons of rock and Magebane Steel?”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]I never said I was certain, human. I simply said it was a risk. If Pride notices you, yes, you are a dead man. I doubt you would survive his first spell. However, Pride's flaw is Pride. He is too important to bother guarding relics. He keeps them because we don't like sharing our toys.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John closed his eyes as the voice's words sank in. “You are one of them.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Yes. However, my plans require that many mortals survive. The other Six lack such a requirement. [/FONT] 

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]You see, Darkspawn do not 'Lust'. I am not sure if that was intentional on the others' part, to pick me out of the herd and cripple me, or a simple accident. Darkspawn do _rape_ mortals. However, it is always a crime of a desire for power and as such Greed benefits while I do not. [/FONT] 

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Mortals? Mortals lust for damn near everything with the proper anatomy, if one gives them the slightest nudge. They lust for the pleasures of the flesh with quite regularity. Look at the city of Hardwicke. The majority of common women, those who lack the intelligence to enter the University, become little more than breeding stock for the nobility's pleasure. Of course, the practical side effect keeps your kind alive despite the constant losses inflicted by the Darkspawn.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Does that make me an evil you can work with?”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Well, it depends what you would do with the books, Lust. If I'm handing you the key's to the Dark One's prison, I'd like to know beforehand. What is this 'puzzle'?”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]What happened to one of my two Creators. Yes, the Dark One had a hand in making me...but so Kaen. A man whom I watched fight the Dark One to a standstill as his ally killed the Dark One's host and forced the Dark One into his prison. I could be lying, of course. Feel free to read the books before giving them to me. I simply desire to know if Kaen still lives in that petrified body of his. A fact I cannot ascertain without the books or entering the Tower of Midnight myself”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]You do talk a lot, you know that right? And more importantly, why the fuck would I risk revealing the status of someone who would intentionally create a monster of your power? I'm not sure I would want to live in a world with more of your kind.”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]I do not lie, mortal. Those who know the lore of the Seven would know such. I have never lied to a mortal. Now, as for more of the Seven, why the fuck would I want that? I do not need the competition. [/FONT] 

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]I simply miss him as a son does his father. Kaen was good to us. Kaen loved us. Now, I have wasted all the time I can afford on this. Will you do it or not?”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]I will agree to recover the books. If they are as harmless as you claim, I will give them to you. I will be free to steal any artifact or treasure that might be of use to me in removing the corrupt nobles from Hardwicke. Fair?”[/FONT]

 “[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Done, mortal. The books truly are harmless and you might even find the information useful as it delves into the history of your home city and the University. Now, as for the power to escape, mortal kind's magic is based on certain simple principles. Energy cannot be created or destroyed. However, energy can be manipulated through evocation to create powerfully destructive effects. The only real magic flows through reality like a series of rivers which can be tapped to exert unnatural effects upon the reality through which such rivers flow. A practitioner is burned by silver when utilizing magic. Silver disrupts the use of magic. [/FONT] 

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]This is a lie, and like all great lies, is a lie of omission. There is another form of magic, another form of reality-bending power.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Faith and souls. This is not necromancy, as you understand it, but something more. Every time a mortal engages in a fantasy or an act of Lust, it feeds me a sliver of their soul. The same is true of the other Six. The belief of all Darkspawn and mortals that I am, for all intents and purposes, Lust-made-flesh. This belief is what feeds me small nibbles of their souls. The cultists who pray to me have a similar effect, each prayer feeding me a small nibble. [/FONT] 

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]This power is not disturbed by a mere metal. You have no such external sources but you do have a soul, my delectable mortal. So close your eyes and take a little nap. When you wake up, you will find a second reserve of power within you. DO NOT DEPLETE IT. It will regenerate, with time, but slowly.[/FONT]
  [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]We will not speak again. A cultist will find you once you have returned to the city of Hardwicke. Your entry into the city will be taken as a sign you have read the books and are prepared to deliver them.[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]Good bye, John.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]John's eyes grew heavy a moment later and he collapsed. His head struck the metal bars on its way to the floor. The thud was audible but in a dungeon, a head hitting something hard was hardly noteworthy.[/FONT]


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## kaeneth (May 7, 2011)

Cleaned up OP, posted second chapter...I guess I can't edit thread titles which kinda sucks. I may need to do new threads for each chapter or just one new thread for a clean copy and point people here to comment :/


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## kaeneth (May 13, 2011)

*Chapter 3*

John woke a few minutes past midnight. His blood-stained white robe shifted about his body as instinctively reached for the blood encrusted hair and the bruised flesh beneath. John's hands were brought up short and he growled. The manacles fell from his flesh to strike his feet. He yelped yet no sound issued forth.

His mouth opened and no words came out. However, if one could read lips, one would see, “What the fuck?”

His hand explored his injury until he was satisfied the bleeding had stopped hours ago. His eyes closed and he sought out that part of his mind that 'held' his reserves of magic. His feet felt soft sand as he stared at his two ponds. One of the ponds, the one filled with crystal clear water on top of hard, gray clay, was familiar but the other...

No sound left John's lips as he spoke again but a lipreader would see, “Where the fuck did...Oh. Fuck. No wonder the Seven seem so fucking powerful. They simply wish it, and it is. No thought-forms, no focus, no concentration.”

The second pool was filled with what appeared to be his own blood, which seemed to make a sick sort of sense. He conceptualized water since Wizards as his magical reserve were trained to tap into the river-like ley lines. Blood made sense as a similar analogy to his subconscious. Unlike the pool of water, the pool of blood was only slightly under half full. Forty percent, maybe. His eyes opened and he sighed. His soundless lips moved again, “And that is why they need us. A human soul does not go far.”

He was unaware of the bubble of silence that surrounded him yet he instinctively knew he had no need to erect one. He stepped towards the bars and the Magebane Steel exploded outward, the shrapnel embedding itself into the wall of the Archduke's dungeon. His eyes flickered closed as he removed the silver necklace from his throat, bits of flesh coming off with it. A bit less than ten percent left. He needed to stop.

Blood dripped down John's white robe as he closed his eyes and focused on the simple concept of him being unremarkable, him walking free was to be expected. He projected that belief into the world and so it was. For the moment.

He knew the way from his trip to the Courthouse above and he began to walk the bare stone corridors of the Archduke's dungeon. He noted the closer he got to the entrance, the brighter the torches became. Perhaps the guards changed them more frequently where the nobles might see? He froze as he heard the sound of footsteps interspersed by screams. He almost cursed aloud when he realized he must have willed silence into being at the same instant he had removed his restraints. He closed his eyes and smiled. Sixty percent water, ten percent blood. Whomever was coming would not notice anything amiss.

Two guardsmen in Hardwicke's green and gold livery arrived as one. The pair spread out to flank the stairwell to the upper floor. John walked towards them calmly as the guardsmen turned to each other, speaking softly.

“Did you hear about their youngest?”

“Philip is on the rack right now over it. Fucking hypocrites.”

“She is his daughter.”

“Still, order her tortured and make no comments about special treatment? Then torture the torturer for handling it like he would normally?”

“Poor bastard. Still, maybe he didn't order it? Some lackey did?”

“And how the fuck was...”

The guard's voice trailed off as they noticed John. The two guards said absolutely nothing as John brushed past them and ascended the stairs.

He heard them resume behind him.

“Who the fuck was that?”

“Some new guy. Philip's replacement maybe?”

“Cold one. He didn't even say Hi.”

“Can you blame him? It wasn't like we waved or anything.”

“True. Anyway, at least the Archduke is paying Philip's widow the death benefit.”

The voices grew incomprehensible as John closed his eyes to check his reserves. A third water, a tenth blood. John cursed silently but he was stuck between two sets of guards now. He had to push forward and he dared not Channel in the middle of guardsmen. They might not be wizards but they were trained to recognize Channeling. Wizards were too rare, and expensive, to use as guards which meant guards were taught to attack channeling wizards on sight. Usually.

He stepped onto the rough brick of the ground floor. The four guards were silent as he entered, each guard positioned in a corner of the room with two watching an entrance. The four men were also wearing a tunic of the Archduke's colors and carrying swords in waist scabbards. However, unlike the guards below, these four wore metal armor. Shit. Would the Archduke spend the money for sets of Magebane Steel armor?

He took his second set of steps into the room and all four drew their swords. He raised his arms in surrender and said evenly, “Sorry guys. I know no one is supposed to come up for another hour but I really, really need to take a shit. I did not want to tell everyone I'm too sick to show on my first day, y'know? I couldn't...”

The one furthest from John replied, “What is today's password?”

“Fuck man, I don't remember alright. I know I fucked up, just give me a break? Please?”

“You know we can't do that. We've got a wizard down there. Just go back down and come up during the shift change for your ilk. Take a shit on a prisoner or in an empty cell. We won't tell.”

John's eyes flicked closed for an instant, a fifth water, tenth blood. John weighed his options. He could rebuild his reserves and try again...but if too many people tried to move through at once, his little illusion would suck him dry before he could get through the line. John shook his head and began to imagine heat into the guards' armor and a burst into the weapons.

John nodded and said, “Alright. Alright. You win. I'll be back and if I smell like I crapped my underwear, you'll have to deal with it too.”

John stepped back onto the stairwell. He made it a few more steps before he released his illusion of normalcy. The guards yelped and their weapons clattered to the floor as John took another step. John spun around and charged back into the room, moving towards the exit. Footsteps thundered behind him as the guards below rushed up the stairs. 

The guards in the room with him screamed. One of the guards moved for him but he fell to the floor and screamed as bits of metal melted into his flesh. The other three had succumbed faster, dying on the floor as molten bits of metal entered their flesh while the rest burned horribly. 

The smelled of the guards' burnt flesh was still in John's nostrils as he found himself in the Archduke's courtyard near the gated rear exit. Two guards charged from the exit towards him and he flicked his wrist, tripping them. Their heavy armor slowed their movements as he ran past them, careful to stay out of reach.

The gate was closed. The screams behind him stopped.

“Fuck. Fuck.”

John's eyes flicked closed as the two guards ran towards him from behind. No water.

“What the fuck?”

The pool of blood was nearly full. John was on the other side of the gate and in the cobblestone street beyond the estate's brick wall. He flicked his eyes closed again and ran towards the alley. His eyes flicked closed and slammed his face into the paving stones as he fell. Fifty percent blood. No water.

He heard the sound of the guards' metal encased feet smacking against the stone road behind him. John scrambled to his feet and continued to run. He muttered to himself, “Where the fuck did that power come from? Does my soul heal itself that fast...or did killing those four men cause it?”

He darted out of the alley and into a crowd of commoners, wishing to blend in. His blood-stained white robes became a simple brown tunic and trousers. His feet shifted from soft white shoes to leather sandals. John's hair changed from brown to blonde. He slowed his pace and started off in a new direction.

The guards exited the alley as John's eyes flicked closed again. Forty percent blood. No water. The guardsmen's eyes scanned the crowd in vain as John. John turned a corner before the guardsmen had manged to pick through a couple of faces.

John would make his way to the small cottage he kept outside the city in a friend's name to gather his things and be on his way. He had known one day, someone would find about his lover and he would need to flee. He had never imagined they would torture her instead of him, if they were caught.



John left his bolthole, tired but motivated. The Archduke had not seen through the ruse and his supplies were waiting for him. It was not the massive armory of powerful magic one would desire when sneaking past one of the Seven but it would have to do. Once his lover healed, he had no doubt the Archduke would marry her off to the highest bidder. The Archduke was problem enough. The Archduke plus a husband would be insurmountable.

The old wooden staff, with a silver core, he had enchanted as his master's thesis. The staff is capable of absorbing magic in near proximity and allowing the wielder to treat the staff as a second energy reserve. The use of such a staff while working magic required a great deal of practice and even then the staff would absorb some of the energy from John's spells.

He now wore a dark green greatcoat over his light 'city clothes'. The traditional robe of a Wizard would be too unusual outside of a city and it would draw unwanted attention. That, and his greatcoat was enchanted to ward off extremes of temperature and mundane weaponry. Another relic from earlier days.

The last item was a leather sack with a strap to hang off a person's shoulder. The sack was filled with food and coin. It was enchanted, of course, to keep its contents and fresh. It also had an impermanent enchantment to cloak itself from mortal eyes. However, that second enchantment would only function for a couple of days and then need weeks to recover.

http://talesofthehundredheroes.tumblr.com/ <- I've moved the story there since I've only had one guy commenting and he seemed to have stopped


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## Razzazzika (May 24, 2011)

I want MORE. MORE MORE MORE. I loved it, honestly I did. You could have another Dresden on your hands.

I love the idea of the seven deadly sins being powerful Daemon lords...


But... because I always do it, some nits.

I like the character's last name, but John is rather average. I know another 'wizardy' character named John Taylor in the Nightside series, okay maybe he's more of a psychic antichrist or something(I only got through the first book so far) but still John is very common. I think it's funny even more when series don't check the last name (not you, but Stargate Atlantis had its main character as John Shepard, and when Mass Effect came out with its main character as Shepard, the default male name was 'John', though you could change it)

"the voice" is revealed to be lust, but it's never given the intonation of the voice, is it a male or female voice? i was picturing it as a male voice UNTIL you revealed it was lust, then it immediately snapped to female, because in almost every depiction of lust, you usually see as some sort of demon succubus. Needless to say it requires clarification.

I think you were very lenient with capitalizations of words. I understand some of these were capitalized for emphasis, but there are too many capitals : His mind is always focused on his Great Work as the Chosen One of his Master. I doubt he'd spare a thought for your intrusion as long as you remain in the outer sections of the Tower.

Yes, the Dark One had a hand in making me...but so did Kaen.

Now, as for more of the Seven, why the fuck would I want that? --- I can understand the John cursing, but the Daemon? nah, doesn't sound right

I counted the word fuck 13 times in chapter 3 --- reel it back a bit man, reel it back... or flavor it with other words or something sheesh

I did however like seeing him keep track of his magical reserves, water to blood ratios. Showing how he uses his necromantic powers.


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## Atys (May 29, 2011)

This is really interesting; I'm always in to this sort of thing, particularly when presented in such a flowing style. I've got one or two suggestions for bits and pieces that you might want to modify, just things that leapt out as I read chapter 1.

The first sentence is moderately long; what about 'Blood dripped on to John's white robe. His broken nose...' and then something about how that pain is in competition with the discomfort of his manacles and chair etc.

If I read that someone's gaze roamed over something, I'd consider it to be fairly wide and tall; also in that paragraph, if the Nobility is a recognised body, I'd capitalise it.

'...slammed his staff onto the floor; a miniature thunderclap...' two changes there; is the staff actually piercing the floor, and I'd change the comma to a semicolon.

Conversely, I'd add a comma in at '"Her father bribed witnesses, and pressure on his daughter doesn't change the truth, Magistrate." One or two word changes there for you, possibly.

The magistrate's speaks 'evenly' again; he did that in the third paragraph too.

A rogue comma in this sentence: "While I understand no lawyer was prepared to represent a villain of your evil, only evidence and direct witness accounts are valid in a court of law." is what it should read, I think.

'Sir Wicke smiled at the excuse to stand and leave his uncomfortable wooden chair behind.' Is that what John thinks, or is that what Sir Wicke thinks? Since we're seeing all this from John's perspective, it seems odd to suddenly bounce to Sir Wicke's.

As you've already mentioned the chair, perhaps 'She took a deep breath before she settled herself in the soft cushions.'

The first chapter ends magnificently, and I'm left wanting more; I'll read 2 and 3 when I next have time to sit at it  I hope my comments are useful!

-Steve


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## kinetika (May 30, 2011)

I like it, especially the court scene. It felt natural and flowed nicely, and it really grabbed my attention. Also, the whole conflict with the woman and how she was punished made me interested in the father's character and what his explanation would be for doing such a thing to his daughter, but you didn't really add that in there. I guess he doesn't really need to explain much, considering who he is? I would have, though, but that's just me.

On the Lust daemon: Like Raz said, I thought it was a male, but unlike Raz, I still think it's male, despite it being "Lust" because of the tone and lack of sensuality. I would have made Lust have a very sexual personality, and put in some suggestive remarks. Maybe you were going for a general lust/desire of anything, and not restrict the daemon to sex, only?

Also, yeah, in Chapter 3, you did use "Fuck" a lot, and just about everything else I have to say was said by Raz. Overall, I liked the idea.


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## Dreaming Shadow (May 31, 2011)

This was an amazing story. I really want to read more of it. As for the Lust daemon I think it is male be cause he said "[FONT=Liberation Mono, monospace]I simply miss him as a son does his father."[/FONT] which made me believe that Lust is a male character.


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## Atys (Jun 1, 2011)

I followed the link to your blog, but I can't seem to post comments on it, which is annoying because I think this is a good piece of work that deserves to be worked on and commented on and changed for the better as a result.

Anyway, here are my comments on the second and third chapters.


I'd not just tell me what Magebane steel is. Can we find out as part of the narrative, rather than just telling me? The name's something of a giveaway anyway, to help with that.

"but so Kaen" doesn't make sense to me; possibly you meant "but so did Kaen" or "but so too Kaen"?

Chapter 3

Does his head hurt? Perhaps he spots the blood on his robe, tries to move his head, sudden pain, finds a blood-encrusted bit of matted hair or something.

The pools idea is a good one, because it provides a way for the character to be limited in a way that the reader can easily understand. He's quite good at working out how full his pool is as a percentage though.

I understand that he used some magic to get past the two guards, because he didn't get caught and a third of his water pool went, but what did he do?

Not sure what you mean by ilk when he's talking to the password guy.

Ooh, suddenly there's a potentially interesting dynamic; does he sin to replenish his blood pool quicker? Could be interesting in the future, as he wants the power but can't countenance killing people... does it have to be a death, or can it be lust? Gluttony? Can he eat himself full of power? What happens if he has a full blood pool and then does something bad, does it overflow? This is a nice movement!

Again, at the end, you just tell me about the staff rather than allowing me to find out when it's appropriate to the narrative.

There's lots of swearing in the third chapter, but I'm not sure I'd have noticed it had it not been brought to my attention. Perhaps scatter the phrases with something other than 'fuck'. Are there gods? 'Gods and angels' or 'Gods and demons' or something can be equally ascerbic.

As I said, I'd definitely like to see more. Bring it back to the forum, please 

-Steve


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