# What "Attracts" a stalker?



## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

I'm writing a character who is stalked by a man. I've got the consequences of the pursuit down, and the eventual, gruesome, end to the predator. But I still can't think of a reason a stalker would want to stalk my female protagonist in the first place.


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## bazz cargo (Jan 1, 2016)

Obsession, mental illness, greed, arrogance, having a laugh and going to far, misunderstanding, social incompetence, grief, anger. That is all I can think of right away.

There has to be more.


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## Plasticweld (Jan 1, 2016)

I have extensive first hand experience with this, "as someone who came to the rescue" not as a stalker... just to make that clear. 

In both cases both females played the role of the victim to the hilt, their fears played into the hands of those that stalked them, each time something happened instead of confronting their stalker they recoiled  empowering the stalker.  It was in my opinion was a clear case of predator and pray, or a example of a school yard bully with sexual undertones.   


In both cases that I was involved with, it took bad things happening to the stalkers to make it go away, the police both times were involved in neither case were they effective.  If you want more details about either, feel free to pm me and ask any questions, one of the cases involved me being sued, so won't comment on it publicly but is a story worth sharing if your interested  While the scars still remain for the victims even many years later, in the end the stalkers faired far worse...Bob


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## Patrick (Jan 1, 2016)

Beauty. 

Deeper than appearance, the stalker could be drawn to the woman without really knowing why, which introduces the subconscious, and that opens up an adventure park of possibilities for the writer. Perhaps she's everything the stalker is not. Perhaps to the stalker the idea of not having her is a daily torture. But then why? Maybe it's the way she dresses, the way she smells, the way she touches her hair, the way she's exquisitely feminine? Does the stalker know her or does he know her from a distance? Does the woman like him? Is she indifferent towards him? Does she dislike him? You have to ask these fundamental questions if you want to create any depth in both characters, otherwise you will just have two walking, talking plot devices on the page. What if, for example, the stalker thinks, for reasons that are yours to decide, that she wouldn't have an intimate relationship with him? But what if he's wrong? What if she likes him and she's not as perfect as he thinks she is and doesn't know how to encourage him? Now you have opened the door to tragedy and comedy in the form of irony. There are hundreds of questions left to ask, and you just need to get to work asking them so that you start to get to know your characters.


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## Darkkin (Jan 1, 2016)

It can really be just about anything, but it is determined by the mindset and psychological makeup of the stalker.  Was it a laugh, a look, or maybe just the sheer unattainability of the desired object?  Ask yourself what makes this stalker tick.  Break him down and look at it from his perspective.  How is he seeing the world?  When was the moment he first _knew_ that she was the one?  Interrogate him.

Seriously, I know this sounds ridiculous, but it is an exercise I've done with a few writers' groups and it really does help.  Stick the stalker in a chair before a panel of interrogators, be they of your own making, or those of fellow writers.  But have them ask questions.  Respond honestly, openly.  Or if your stalker doesn't want to talk, what would his reactions likely be?  Either way, you role play the character by taking them out of their context and forcing them to respond to alternative circumstances.  The results can be surprisingly insightful.

- D. the T. of P.B.


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## Sam (Jan 1, 2016)

You don't have to have a psychological disorder to become a stalker. 

All it takes is an obsession, and anyone can become obsessed. A crush can grow to obsession, and from obsession you can arrive at delusion, and from there a stalker can come to be because they believe the person they're stalking secretly loves them (see 'erotomania'). 

It's way more common than most people think.


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## Phil Istine (Jan 1, 2016)

I haven't read all the previous responses, but I saw some good replies.
I'm thinking that a stalker has very low self-esteem, and knowing (perhaps unconsciously) that they can have an effect on the other person, is a boost for that poor self-esteem.

Of course, now comes the horrible bit where we look into our own psyches.
Maybe, just maybe, we are all answering the question, "If you were stalking someone, what would be the thing(s) that triggered it?"

Dons flak jacket.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Jan 1, 2016)

Phil Istine said:


> I haven't read all the previous responses, but I saw some good replies.
> I'm thinking that a stalker has very low self-esteem, and knowing (perhaps unconsciously) that they can have an effect on the other person, is a boost for that poor self-esteem.
> 
> Of course, now comes the horrible bit where we look into our own psyches.
> ...



The most common reason I would think, is that the person he is stalking thought he was in love with that person. Sam makes a good point about a crush becoming an obsession. It can then get dangerous if the object of his affection is rejecting him. You may want to check out the story of Rebecca Schaefer (of My Sister Pam fame). She was pursued by an obsessed fan who ended up murdering her.


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## Patrick (Jan 1, 2016)

Another way to go about this, and it requires courage, is to ask yourself what would cause you to stalk somebody? This is not the same thing as really entertaining the idea of stalking somebody, but have you ever met a woman who made you _want _to give up everything, because the allure of her was so great? You see, it's when the allure of something or somebody is greater than the commitment to moral decency that this sort of obsession might form. And once it forms that person will then have to deal with the inner conflict. Perhaps he tells himself he won't do it again, but he just can't help himself. You need to be brutally honest about men's sexual perversions. Perhaps because his desire for her is so strong he ends up with a series of fetishes all centered on her, because the fetish then becomes, subconsciously, a way for him to channel a desire which otherwise ravages him.

Thinking about it, you need to be honest about your own flaws of sexuality before you can write this character; we all have them. Maybe he does increasingly daring things, culminating with him sneaking into her house and smelling her underwear. I mean, people can be really depraved. You just have to face it and write honestly.


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## Plasticweld (Jan 1, 2016)

A link that may help in your research.  Here


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

Patrick said:


> Another way to go about this, and it requires courage, is to ask yourself what would cause you to stalk somebody? This is not the same thing as really entertaining the idea of stalking somebody, but have you ever *met a woman* who made you _want _to give up everything, because the allure of her was so great?




No I have not. Since I am a heterosexual female.


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## bazz cargo (Jan 1, 2016)

oh, I missed at least one. Bullying. Find a soft target and never let go.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

bazz cargo said:


> oh, I missed at least one. Bullying. Find a soft target and never let go.



This seems to be the primary reason this villain is stalking the character. But said "Victim" has a husband who wields quite a bit of political power, enough to put the stalker's government job in jeopardy. The target isn't a "soft" one, why should he continue pursuing her?


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## bazz cargo (Jan 1, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> This seems to be the primary reason this villain is stalking the character. But said "Victim" has a husband who wields quite a bit of political power, enough to put the stalker's government job in jeopardy. The target isn't a "soft" one, why should he continue pursuing her?



I can throw out a few ideas, but you know the situation best so you will probably think of something better.

Blackmail: The stalker has something on the husband.

Envelope pushing: A push with no response, another push and another leading on to the question 'Why didn't you do something earlier?'

Perceived protection from another source: The Stalker may have  a friend or a blackmail victim in a higher place.

Stupidity: A lot of bullies have been so successful so long they cannot see the consequences of their actions. 

Hopefully this will help you think of a better solution.
Good luck
BC


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## Patrick (Jan 1, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> No I have not. Since I am a heterosexual female.



Why did you highlight that in my response? Without specific context, I can only ask the questions that will help you think about the thought life of the stalker.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

Patrick said:


> Why did you highlight that in my response? Without specific context, I can only ask the questions that will help you think about the thought life of the stalker.



Just pointing out that I cannot get into a man's head as easily as i'd like, due to being female.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

bazz cargo said:


> I can throw out a few ideas, but you know the situation best so you will probably think of something better.
> 
> Blackmail: The stalker has something on the husband.
> 
> ...



He's not thinking clearly about the consequences of his pursuit of this woman. He's got nothing on her husband, because he's not interested in her husband or his career. He only wants the woman.


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## bazz cargo (Jan 1, 2016)

Woman can stalk as well, it is an equal opportunity activity. 

You will note that each answer I have given is gender neutral. :icon_cheesygrin:


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## Patrick (Jan 1, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> Just pointing out that I cannot get into a man's head as easily as i'd like, due to being female.



Well, I've given you some ideas for what male infatuation with a woman might look like/feel like. You're a sexual creature too, so you can use your own feelings and experiences to empathise with a man whose sexuality is very skewed. It doesn't sound as though your character has anything to gain by this obsession, so think of how ruinous to his own life this will potentially be, and then think of the sort of obsession/attraction and weak character that would allow him to engage in such futility. There's an air of the pathetic and desperate about him considering he has a job in the government; he isn't your usual loner with no friends or acquaintances, so I think you need to think seriously about how weak he must really be to be doing all this.

I think my idea of him working himself up to eventually smelling her underwear sounds about spot on for this guy.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

bazz cargo said:


> Woman can stalk as well, it is an equal opportunity activity.
> 
> You will note that each answer I have given is gender neutral. :icon_cheesygrin:



Not denying that, but research has shown an overwhelming number of stalkers are male, and their victims are overwhelmingly female. I even state in my opening post the victim is female and her stalker is male.


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## Sam (Jan 1, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> Just pointing out that I cannot get into a man's head as easily as i'd like, due to being female.



That's not true. 

You don't get into a _man's _head; you get into a _character's _​head.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

Patrick said:


> Well, I've given you some ideas for what male infatuation with a woman might look like/feel like. You're a sexual creature too, so you can use your own feelings and experiences to empathise with a man whose sexuality is very skewed. It doesn't sound as though your character has anything to gain by this obsession, so think of how ruinous to his own life this will potentially be, and then think of the sort of obsession/attraction and weak character that would allow him to engage in such futility. There's an air of the pathetic and desperate about him considering he has a job in the government; he isn't your usual loner with no friends or acquaintances, so I think you need to think seriously about how weak he must really be to be doing all this.
> 
> I think my idea of him working himself up to eventually smelling her underwear sounds about spot on for this guy.



I've got his Modus operandi down already. I know about his obsession with this woman, but what I'm looking for is the "spark" that set off his obsession to begin with. Why would anyone, let alone a psychopathic serial rapist, want this particular woman in the first place?


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

Sam said:


> That's not true.
> 
> You don't get into a _man's _head; you get into a _character's _​head.



I've chronicled his obsession for the better part of 200 pages. All I'm missing to complete the puzzle is what started all this in the first place.


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## Patrick (Jan 1, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> I've got his Modus operandi down already. I know about his obsession with this woman, but what I'm looking for is the "spark" that set off his obsession to begin with. Why would anyone, let alone a psychopathic serial rapist, want this particular woman in the first place?



There's some cognitive dissonance here. You can't understand the man's obsession with her if you're still asking what it is about her that makes him want her.

You've got to get into the detail of his obsession, which requires you to get into the detail of her character. Maybe she talks to him when other women don't? I don't know. Other writers and readers can only help you by asking the right questions of you as the writer. You have to do the thinking. You can't ask other people to write the character for you.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

Patrick said:


> There's some cognitive dissonance here. You can't understand the man's obsession with her if you're still asking what it is about her that makes him want her.
> 
> You've got to get into the detail of his obsession, which requires you to get into the detail of her character. Maybe she talks to him when other women don't? I don't know. Other writers and readers can only help you by asking the right questions of you as the writer. You have to do the thinking. You can't ask other people to write the character for you.



The stalker firmly believes that my protagonist is behaving in an unwomanly way and must be punished for it. She's done... something... that goes against the strict gender norms of this society and the stalker believes it is his duty to punish her, since her husband either doesn't know or doesn't care. He has a set of rigidly enforced roles for men and women, and he thinks that anyone who breaks those roles must be punished.

Problem here is I can't think of what that something she does might be.


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## Patrick (Jan 1, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> The stalker firmly believes that my protagonist is behaving in an unwomanly way and must be punished for it. She's done... something... that goes against the strict gender norms of this society and the stalker believes it is his duty to punish her, since her husband either doesn't know or doesn't care. He has a set of rigidly enforced roles for men and women, and he thinks that anyone who breaks those roles must be punished.
> 
> Problem here is I can't think of what that something she does might be.



Well, begin with those entrenched ideas. What are they? In his mind, what are women allowed to do and what are they not allowed to do? Then you just have to ask which of those she's most likely to have breached. Is his interest in her at all sexual? It's easier if it is, because then he could almost be using his inverted moral code to justify his own deviant sexuality because it's "part of the punishment", but his stalking is really every bit as much (possibly more so) a way for him to satisfy his sexual appetite. In which case, the thing which initiates his obsession doesn't have to be a big deal. On the face of it, it's as though you're trying to make a political point, but the problem is it's overpowering the individual choices of your characters... Without a strong sexual impulse underlying his behaviour, I am not sure you could convince a reader of his motivation.


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## Aquilo (Jan 1, 2016)

The last stalker case I read was to do with a man stalking a female who had reviewed his work and given it a negative review. He traced the woman to where she lived, worked etc, then smashed a bottle over her head. He was a known stalker prior to this. Full news article here.


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## Stormcat (Jan 1, 2016)

Patrick said:


> Well, begin with those entrenched ideas. What are they? In his mind, what are women allowed to do and what are they not allowed to do? Then you just have to ask which of those she's most likely to have breached. Is his interest in her at all sexual? It's easier if it is, because then he could almost be using his inverted moral code to justify his own deviant sexuality because it's "part of the punishment", but his stalking is really every bit as much (possibly more so) a way for him to satisfy his sexual appetite. In which case, *the thing which initiates his obsession doesn't have to be a big deal*. On the face of it, it's as though you're trying to make a political point, but the problem is it's overpowering the individual choices of your characters... Without a strong sexual impulse underlying his behaviour, I am not sure you could convince a reader of his motivation.



Ah, this was the thing I was worried about. I thought if I made the "incident" too small it might be brushed off by potential readers. The incident that set off the obsession that I've already written is tiny indeed, but if that is enough to set off his "moral compass" than I guess I was stressing over nothing!

In case you are wondering what the incident I've written is, My Female Protagonist disguises herself as a (Male) servant to better freely move about the imperial palace, as women are strictly confined to certain rooms but men can go wherever they please. The Stalker sees a few hairs out of place on her disguise and becomes obsessed with punishing her for the transgression of wearing men's clothes.


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## bazz cargo (Jan 2, 2016)

^ Ah ha! 

in certain societies women have been lynched for transgressing the dress code. 

You have a winner.


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## dale (Jan 2, 2016)

yeah. it doesn't eally matter the reaon. look at "red dragon"? that guy stalked families because they were
 normal and happy and he wasn't.


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## Gofa (Jan 2, 2016)

uWhat attracts a stalker.  The more senseless the better the hook. You are showing crazy.  Rational bases for actions are counter to and limiting the scary scope of your crazy. Justify later but stalking because of the person is wearing patent leather shoes is a delightful random act and therefore no one is safe. To me the reader needs to feel threatened at some level as a buy in. 
An aside to prove the point. A few years ago went to a bbq. A friend of a friend and the people there were a mixture of white surpremists and black power gang members. Amazing to watch. A David Attenborough voice over played in my head all afternoon 
Thing was the scariest guy there was a convicted rapist. Oh yes, whatever, you brave guys all say. Women would feel a little uncomfortable.
The point i make now was this guy was convicted of raping fully grown men. That was his thing.  Now tell me good male reader if that does not bring to you a sense of menace. 
As a 6'3" guy 15 years then in martial arts, shit, I still wanted a weapon, preferably two and one of them to be a shotgun loaded with deer slugs.
Great party, left early though, and my then partner stuck to my side like a siamese twin even when i went to get her a drink. Dont talk to me about the Africian wilds being dangerous and full of ferocious animals. Ive been to one of little Steve's barbies.


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## LOLeah (Jan 3, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> I've got his Modus operandi down already. I know about his obsession with this woman, but what I'm looking for is the "spark" that set off his obsession to begin with. Why would anyone, let alone a psychopathic serial rapist, want this particular woman in the first place?


She rejected him. Classic trigger for stalkers/rapists.


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## alanmt (Jan 3, 2016)

They had a brief fling or just a flirtation or maybe she was merely randomly kind to him once, and he can't let go of it and has blown it up into more than it is, and is convinced that if she would just listen to him, and to her heart, they could be together. In his mind he may paint her powerful husband as an abuser and be stalking her out of some idealistic fantasy where he saves her and they live happily ever after. Once she finally tells him no, love turns to anger, he feels like she's led him on, and the stalking, a dangerous, powerful, and addictive habit, continues as he seeks to punish her.

Many stalkers are emotionally unstable jealous exes who haven't learned or are incapable of dealing with being broken up with. On the other hand, if you want a less sympathetic stalkee, she might have have been thoughtlessly cruel to the stalker at some point, casually ruining his life, and the stalker's social isolation led to obsession.


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## DaBlaRR (Jan 3, 2016)

Nice boobs a nice ass and flirtatiousness. At least that is the attributes of the person I'm currently stalking. 

Just kidding... about the boob and ass part...

Just kidding again... 

Ok I'm done.


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## Patrick (Jan 3, 2016)

DaBlaRR said:


> Nice boobs a nice ass and flirtatiousness. At least that is the attributes of the person I'm currently stalking.
> 
> Just kidding... about the boob and ass part...
> 
> ...



Don't forget to flush the kleenex down the toilet.


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