# Ode to my Alarm Clock



## McJibbles (Jul 23, 2015)

Wake me up
my head is burning
In my mind, dreams are turning
into
nightmares

Wake me up
don't let me die
don't leave me here
alone 
All night

Wake me up
Please save my life
Don't let me slip
away
without a fight


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 23, 2015)

I got the emotion of being nervous to fall asleep.

Pretty nice one.

7/10


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## Lewdog (Jul 23, 2015)

I'm just not sure about the pace.  The syllables in each stanza don't flow for me.  I like the subject of the poem, and you get the point over very well but if I were you I would try moving your sentence and stanza structure around a bit.


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## McJibbles (Jul 23, 2015)

I was going to make it a song. It's not finished, and I have no way to upload. Guitar accompanied, and the last two lines of each like "into + nightmares" are held out a lot longer to make the fit.


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## Phase (Jul 23, 2015)

Nevermind scratch that, I can see it becoming a song with a structure like that I would just change the endings structure so the last part of your song would end with a smooth flow. 

O yeah and well done I enjoyed it, the fight seems hopeless though. 

Keep writting!!


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## escorial (Jul 23, 2015)

wake me up before you go,go..#....as a poem it had many elements i like..one line.."please save my life"....kind of sent me of thinking in another direction...


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## Firemajic (Jul 23, 2015)

McJibbles said:


> Wake me up
> my head is burning
> In my mind,* dreams are turning*.... maybe rework this line..
> into
> ...





Nice, McJibbles... After reading this poem, I understand the title... very well done.. for me, this poem had an inner rhythm ... that sounded like a heartbeat, and as I read, the beat increased in tempo.. jmo.. anyway.. this is a cool read, I would have loved it if you were to go more in depth with the fear element... Thank you for sharing your poetry with me... Peace.. Julia


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## Sonata (Jul 23, 2015)

Having lived by the alarms of alarm clocks I grew to hate them.  Now, when I do not need them, I frequently wake in terror wishing the clocks would wake me from nightmares, so I thank you for putting some of my feelings into your words.

It is almost as if your poem is writing my own feelings and all I can do is thank you.


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## Pursuit (Jul 23, 2015)

I would of wrote a verse of finally hearing a alarm clock that wakes you up!  Awesome read.


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## Oblivious Plunge (Jul 23, 2015)

As a person suffering from Sleep Paralysis I can definitely relate. A blunt poem, not much metaphore going on there- but obviously that is not a necessity. That's what I like about it, straight forward.


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## Darkkin (Jul 23, 2015)

McJibbles said:


> Wake me up
> my head is burning
> In my mind, dreams are turning
> into
> ...





Excellent message, but it needs tightening up.

S1, L1.  Good.  Strong and emotive.

S1, L2.  Remove the preposition in my mind.  This is redundant, implied by the fact that you are dreaming.  This reduces the line length by almost half, bring it more in keeping, metre wise with the rest of the poem.

S1, L3 and L4.  Try combining these two, having a line with a single word, a preposition at that, doesn't do anything for the piece, you want this to pop, so streamline.  Try repeating the process with S2, L4 and L5 and S3, L4 and L5.  You don't have a set rhyme scheme within those lines, but by combining them, you even out the overall metre and tone of the piece, while still maintaining your pattern.

Overall, a very good piece, but prune, pluck and tune.

- Darkkin, the Tedious of Ponds Bottom


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## inkwellness (Jul 23, 2015)

I really enjoyed this piece. It was a different viewpoint from the usual "I hate my alarm clock" rant. Instead, your alarm clock is your lifeline. And you showed that by making the struggle into a life or death situation. 

Maybe when you get too far out, only the alarm clock (and nothing else) has the power to bring you back. 

And I hope the power doesn't go out. (yikes!)


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## Apex Predator (Jul 26, 2015)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if feels as though the last two stanzas have more than one meaning.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting it... but overall, a fun and well written poem.


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## McJibbles (Jul 26, 2015)

Apex Predator said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong, but if feels as though the last two stanzas have more than one meaning.
> Maybe I'm misinterpreting it... but overall, a fun and well written poem.



There's actually more than two interpretations that I can think of, and I'm just the guy who wrote it. I like to leave stuff open-ended and ambiguous sometimes so others can draw their own connections into what I wrote. If you're picking up on something it was probably intended.


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