# Your Name



## qwertyportne (Oct 4, 2014)

This white hair and Choctaw chin
don't make me a chip off the old block.

But I could have used a piece of you
when the chips were down
and I was out of aces.

You cloned and collared me 
to place your bets
and play your hand.

But I’ve got my own cards now
and they won't be 
fuel for your feeble fire,
wind for your weary wings, 
nor saddled to carry you one more step 
down that long, dark tunnel.

Your name might have fit like an old shoe,
but you stuffed a sock in my soup,
then served the cookbook as the meal.

The last time you closed that heavy door,
turned out your light,
one of the lights in me went out...

but another light came on.


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## wainscottbl (Oct 4, 2014)

> collared me



Is this a technical term meaning, viz: 


> 19.      to lay hold of, seize, or take.



Like taking your money in the cards. Sorry I was not familiar with it. 



> Your name might have fit like an old shoe,
> but you stuffed a sock in my soup,
> then served the cookbook as the meal.



That made me smile. I like that metaphor, even though I only half understand what is going on. :witless:

Well written in terms of metre and pithy. I'm only half sure of what is going on but that may or may not be a bad thing. Cards obviously and it seems to me some friend was not there when you had a bad game to help you? Maybe I am just dull. And since this may be personal it does not necessarily have to be perfectly understood by the reader. I'll leave it to other readers to say if they concur with me. You know, "Poem from Quebec-Whiskey-Echo-Romeo-Tango: Poem is good but unclear. The poem is authentic." So do others incur? :icon_cheesygrin:


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## Firemajic (Oct 4, 2014)

When you wrote your beautiful poem "Back seat" , I became a fan of your poetry,This one is no exception...You have some beautiful lines and intriguing wordplay. I do not understand all the complexity of this,and that's ok with me. Would I love to know? Oh yes! But still--Very nice.  Thanks for sharing,    Peace...Jul


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## Cran (Oct 4, 2014)

Despite the sense of a serious internal message, you had fun with this one, didn't you? 

With the interleaved and overlaid mixed metaphors and tangled sayings (playing with cliches), it's not easy at the last to decide if you are addressing a person or an idea like an addiction. Perhaps it is a little of both?  

Certainly, nothing jumped out and screamed, "typo!", "nit!",or "grammar alert!". 

Well done.


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## Kevin (Oct 4, 2014)

A rejection of dysfunctional legacy; the 'name' would imply paternal.  No real specifics, but the gist is universal, at least to those of similar ilk.


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## escorial (Oct 5, 2014)

one of those pieces were i can detect a bit of fun between the lines..liked


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## qwertyportne (Oct 5, 2014)

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. As usual, informed and enlightening.

My intention was to convey my thoughts and feelings figuratively, not literally. But yes, it could be, perhaps should be, a bit more lucid. There were a few images that were literal, such as "white hair" and "Choctaw chin" which refer to ways in which I was physically similar to my father. He was born in Oklahoma. As some of you may know, the Choctaw were moved from Missouri to the "red" state.

So Kevin had it right. A rant about my father who was about as accessible as a brick wall. Always a father but never a dad. Hence the door being closed and the light being off. 

Another literal phrase is "your name." According to my mother, he insisted I be named after him. Hence the "clone" and "collared" images. Can't remember why I used poker as a metaphor to carry that idea. And I'm not sure "collared" is a word you should use for card games. Knowing me, I probably got carried away with the "c" and "cl" sounds. But like Johnny Cash's song about a _Boy Named Sue_, having a name I didn't like did more to help than hinder my individuation, a word I learned from Carl Jung. There I go again with the "cl" sounds!

I long ago got past my teenage angst over what Kevin so accurately named "dysfunctional legacy" so someday I will write the memoir my father so richly deserves, a memoir in which I acknowledge his good qualities and the positive contributions he made to my life. Probably call it Crusty Old Marshmellow.

And Cran and Escorial, you got between the lines, didn't you? Yes, it was fun getting some of that stuff off my chest, down on paper, and eventually on to a computer screen where I could push the "Post" button. 

In my "open mic" days, I performed this poem before live audiences several times. I was always surprised that someone in the audience, sometimes two or three, would see it in ways I had not intended. One night in a coffee house, after performing this poem, a woman stood up and yelled "He's talking about my ex husband!"

Poetry can do that. And the poems I have read here at WF do that more consistently than any other forum I've ever participated in. Thanks WF!


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## Ethan (Oct 5, 2014)

8-[8-[8-[WHAT HAPPENED....DID I MISS SOMETHING


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## wainscottbl (Oct 5, 2014)

I did not see the father thing but that's not bad per se. You mentioned it should be more lucid. Maybe, but you also mentioned Jung. In that case if it is about your psychological sufferings over the father issue why make it lucid. Are all such thoughts, especially dreams, lucid?


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## Cran (Oct 5, 2014)

qwertyportne said:


> And Cran and Escorial, you got between the lines, didn't you? Yes, it was fun getting some of that stuff off my chest, down on paper, and eventually on to a computer screen where I could push the "Post" button.


I couldn't tell if it was your father, or the more abstract idea of, say, founding fathers, or indeed a bit of both (hence my comment). But don't make that a reason to change it or 'make it more lucid' - often the value in a piece for others might not have been as intended and cannot be anticipated. 



> In my "open mic" days, I performed this poem before live audiences  several times. I was always surprised that someone in the audience,  sometimes two or three, would see it in ways I had not intended. *One  night in a coffee house, after performing this poem, a woman stood up  and yelled "He's talking about my ex husband!"*
> 
> Poetry can do that. And the poems I have read here at WF do that more  consistently than any other forum I've ever participated in. Thanks WF!


Yes, and not just poetry. I had similar when live performing one of my songs. I think it's meant to tell us that we scored a hit, touched another's life by sharing something personal and familiar.


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## dannyboy (Oct 5, 2014)

I wouldn't change a thing.


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