# Dirty Deeds



## Firemajic (Aug 19, 2014)

The closet door is opening,
the skeletons will soon be free,
dancing and cavorting
with relief and glee.

For years I hid my abuse
wrapped up in secret shame,
believing when you always said
I was the one to blame.

You thought I was your victim,
that I was too afraid to fight,
and none of your sadistic deeds
would ever come to light.

So I blew the closet open,
then I burned it to the ground,
the skeletons followed me to safety,
but you were never found...

Now these skeletons are my own
locked in a closet deep,
every night they rattle the door,
and scream and moan and weep.


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## E. Zamora (Aug 19, 2014)

Okay, well this is very clear and economical. I like it.



> in demonic glee.



I think this should be "with" demonic glee. 

But on examination, I don't think there's really anything "demonic" about the skeletons. The skeletons are secrets, and in a way, they are in the closet through no fault of their own; and you've set them free.  So to me the glee should hint at something more akin to freedom or even joy; if that makes any kind of sense.

Good work, Firemajic!


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## tinacrabapple (Aug 19, 2014)

Delightful read.  The words roll off the tongue well.  The rhyming scheme works as it is not overdone or "forcing words" that don't belong.


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## Firemajic (Aug 20, 2014)

Esteban--Thank you for your comments. I changed "in" to "with" as you suggested. You are RIGHT{again!} about "demonic"--I am searching for a better descriptive, but have not found one yet.. I also added a final stanza to the poem, I thought it was complete and the story told, but this stanza just would not go away...Thanks again,always a pleasure to read your comments. Peace...Jul

tinacrabapple--Thank you for your comments, when I write a poem that rhymes, I hear the inner melody and try to stay true to it and make it more fun to read. Thank you again for reading. Peace...Jul


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## jenthepen (Aug 20, 2014)

I like this clear and honest approach to what is a situation usually strangled by emotion and guilt. I love the strength and determination that managed to release the skeletons and also the recognition that, despite their exposure, these skeletons still remain to haunt the mind. 

A very insightful and powerful poem.

How about 'with relief and glee' in place of 'with demonic glee' ? Just an idea.

Jen.


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## Firemajic (Aug 20, 2014)

jenthepen--Thank you  for your comments, I made the changes you suggested, and I think it reads better, But I really wanted more drama ...I loved your comment that the skeletons still haunt-[-with a new keeper of the closet.] Thank you again.   Peace...Jul


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## E. Zamora (Aug 21, 2014)

Firemajic said:


> You are right{again!}



I think when my wife gets home, I'm going to drag her in front of the monitor and ask her read this out loud. It might be the only way I'm ever going to hear it from her.


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## toddm (Aug 21, 2014)

very nice, and intensely personal - the imagery and metaphor you use is very effective, well done - I also like the way you sorta book-end the piece, with the closet opening at the beginning, locked at the end, also the contrasts of being 'free' and then 'locked in' give the piece a well-rounded feel as a whole.
It's hard to write so directly and openly about such topics, but you did a very nice job.
: )
---todd


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## aj47 (Aug 22, 2014)

Excellent rhyming.  Interesting ending.


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## Nellie (Aug 22, 2014)

This poem was smoothly written on such a sensitive topic. The words seem to flow out of you without falter. Well done.


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## escorial (Aug 22, 2014)

i was caught between two poems..at first the skeletons were a fun theme but it soon came to an end that thought.....in the end i felt the words expressed a darkness and a feeling of young emotions mixed with adult sentiments..dark man.


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## Firemajic (Aug 22, 2014)

Esteban--I edited , And put "right'-- in caps so your wife can see it better!:highly_amused:

Todd-- Thank you for commenting, I am happy that you understood about the first and last verse.

astroannie--Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

Nellie--Thank you for understanding how sensitive this is and hard to handle with care...

escorial--Dirty deeds are dark [lol] , Thank you for reading,


High praise indeed from such talented poets!    Peace...Jul


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## Kevin (Aug 23, 2014)

Excellent rhythm. 





> For years I hid my abuse


 you could replace 'my abuse' with 'them'. Anyone there would know just what you're talking about. jat. edit- Maybe not, might blow the rhythm. Anyway, this one got me thinking, not so much about content, but sentence structure, and testing it out loud.


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## AnnePrice (Aug 23, 2014)

Poems like these always get me. Heart shattering.


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## Firemajic (Aug 24, 2014)

Kevin--Thank you for your comments...Now you have me thinking...

AnnePrice--Thank you for your comments.    Peace...Jul


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## ElijahChristian (Aug 25, 2014)

This flowed so well. Reminded me of my own childhood skeletons that have since been overcome. Good job.


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## Firemajic (Aug 26, 2014)

ElijahChristian--Thank you for your comments. Very few people truly over come those skeletons, they will still rattle that door from time to time...Peace...Jul


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## TheFuhrer02 (Aug 30, 2014)

Second stanza was very powerful, and the ending certainly packed a punch. Great piece, here. :thumbl:


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## Firemajic (Aug 31, 2014)

TheFuhrer02--Thank you so much for reading . Peace...Jul


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