# The Man in The Red Shirt



## ClosetWriter (Jun 15, 2013)

*The following is a copy of the most recent post to my blog:

*


I hereby promise this is the last blog about my trip to Maui (While raising my right hand).

I have been home for a couple days now, and have thought passionately about what I wanted to say in reference to my time in Maui. I know the obvious thing is to talk about the beauty of the island, but I hope my photographs can do that for me. With my words I want to be much more descriptive, therefore, I have taken the time to make sure what I write is honest, straight-forward, and compelling.

First things first… A few months ago my cousin Linda sent an email to my wife Colleen. After having read my blog about my battle with cancer, she and her husband Al decided that they wanted to offer to send Colleen and me to Hawaii. My immediate thought was “no.”  I have never been one to accept generosity very well, and this seemed like simply too much for me to accept. However, as I was just about to give an excuse to Colleen about why we shouldn’t go, I saw the excitement in her eyes. I thought about it as I said, “Wow!” over and over. Colleen’s face lit up when I said sure – let’s do it. For the next few months May 19th was circled on our calendar, and we waited for it to arrive with great anticipation.

I have talked often about how stress is very hard on me, and I knew nine hours in a plane would not be stress-free. Linda and Colleen made sure that all I had to do was show up – they took care of everything else. My job was to keep calm and stay relaxed. After we arrived, and got settled in, I was able to look around, take a few deep breaths, admire my surroundings, and relax.

The first week and a half we spent admiring much of what the tropical paradise had to offer. My son Jason, and his wife Krystal, joined us on the trip (they stayed for almost two weeks). We had a wonderful time with them as we explored the island.

Having been told by friends whom had visited Hawaii that we needed to stay at least two weeks so that we could get accustomed to the time change, and enjoy the experience at a relaxed pace, Colleen and I had planned to stay from May 19th through June 6th.  As we were drawing near the end of our trip we were enjoying a relaxed afternoon on the patio looking out toward the beach. I was oblivious to it at the time, but Colleen was stalling, and didn't seem to be in any big hurry to go souvenir shopping as she had planned for the day. I glanced up when I heard someone talking, and saw a woman walk around from behind the flower-covered bush at the corner of the patio. For a split-second I thought, what is that lady doing here? Then it dawned on me that it was my cousin Linda – I hadn't seen her in twenty-five years. I got up without saying a word; we embraced with a truly sincere hug. It is not often that I am surprised by anyone, but Colleen and Linda pulled it off.

The very next day Linda was working on convincing me to spend a few more days in Maui, so that we could have more time to reconnect. Although she, and Colleen may have thought different, it didn't take much convincing.

I told Linda how I had almost said _no_ to her invitation to send us to Hawaii. She shared how she had learned to ask herself, when making a decision such as this, “What if I just said yes?” That hit home with me because I often say no based solely on the belief that I am not worthy of the experience.
Over the next few days, Linda and I played the “remember when” game as we rehashed several of our childhood memories. It was very interesting to find out that we both held many of the same memories dearest to our heart. Linda then told me something that choked me up.

Like many families do, we slowly started growing a little distant when her family moved to Dexter, Michigan, and mine moved to Saline, Michigan. She told me how she remembers feeling proud that I was her cousin when talking about my athletic days as I competed against her high school. That touched me – it was something I never knew.

Linda and I took a walk on the beach; we talked about life and happiness. We discussed things that can be detrimental to allowing us to be happy. Our conclusion was that there was no need to carry the weight of jealousy, anger, or grudges on our shoulders – it only gets in the way of being happy. Those things are nothing more than a burden. I was overwhelmed with happiness to know that my cousin saw life the same way that I do.

I know that by now you are probably wondering what the title means. Who is the man in the red shirt? I am about to tell you.

Linda drove us to the airport as we were ending our trip. I told her how my constant tight muscles in my back and neck have been gone during my stay on Maui, and I thanked her and Al again for this opportunity.

The airport was about to do it’s best to bring me back into the stressful world. Anyone who has done any flying knows that the boarding process can be somewhat hectic as everyone starts to gather to try and get on the plane first so that they have plenty of room to put their carry-on bags, and not be caught in the crowded line. The announcement came that they were boarding people with pre-boarding for those with health conditions 1st, and then first-class 2nd. Linda had told us to get in the pre-boarding line because of my cancer. I normally don’t like to take advantage of things like that. The reason is that I still feel relatively healthy, and sometimes feel guilty about accepting the goodwill. When Colleen asked, “Do you want to get in the pre-boarding line,” my first instinct was to say no even though I was feeling tired, and wore out. Then I remembered Linda’s words – “And what if you say yes?” I told Colleen okay, and we moved up to toward the front of the line.

As we got to the front there was a man in a red shirt standing first in line. Colleen asked him, “Are you pre-boarding?” He pompously responded, “I am first class!” Colleen then told him that we were pre-boarding as we stepped in front.

We showed our boarding passes to the lady at the gate. She told us we were zone 1, and it was not our turn to board. Colleen said, “We are pre-boarding – my husband has cancer.” She said okay, scanned our pass, and sent us on our way. As we were walking toward the gate, Colleen was ahead of me. I heard the man in the red shirt say to his wife, “Oh yeah – they look real weak.” I stopped dead in my tracks as Colleen continued down the tunnel. I stood there for what seemed like a minute. I was getting myself worked up so that I could turn around and let him have an earful — a funny thing happened. I drifted back to my walk on the beach with Linda, and remembered how we talked about not carrying the burden of others on our backs. I smiled, and started walking. How fitting it was that he wore a red shirt – the color of anger.

One of the things that makes a photograph compelling is the contrast between different things in the image. The contrast between my talks with Linda, and the attitude of an angry man in a red shirt punctuated our trip to Maui.

Thank you Linda and Al – I will never forget your kindness.

~Dave


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## nerot (Jun 15, 2013)

Eloquent and point well made.  Glad you had a nice trip.


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## IanMGSmith (Jun 15, 2013)

nerot said:


> Eloquent and point well made.  Glad you had a nice trip.



I'll second that.

Nice write Closet-W. Well set out, interesting and relaxing.

Flying SA to UK some years ago with an injured back, the airline insisted on putting me in a wheel chair and pushing me through. Boy was that quick!

You described the "Red Shirt" incident, especially your own reaction, very well and I'm sure most of us have come across people like that in our own travels. My old friend Monty Love (R.I.P.) who was an ex WWII navy diver used to say, "Ian, what do you do when there's a skunk in your path" and I'd reply, "I'll walk around it Monty." "That's right, he'd say, "Never kick it."

Thanks again Closet,

Ian


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## ClosetWriter (Jun 15, 2013)

IanMGSmith said:


> I'll second that.
> 
> Nice write Closet-W. Well set out, interesting and relaxing.
> 
> ...


Your friend was very wise. It took me a lot of years to learn that. I have been sprayed by a lot of skunks. :unconscious:


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## vickinicole (Jul 9, 2013)

This was a good read because I felt like I was there along side you in Hawaii. I could feel your apprehension at accepting the offer to take the trip and I felt invested in your relaxation.


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## Trilby (Sep 19, 2013)

I was captivated by this piece of writing. I can relate to a lot of your thinking, I too have difficulty accepting genuine generosity - I find it hard to show feelings of gratitude.

As to the man in the red shirt - the world is full of them and they are best ignored, they are the one with the problem.

Beautifully written. Well done. I'm going to pop over and have a look at your photos of the trip now.

Take care CW!


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## ClosetWriter (Sep 20, 2013)

vickinicole said:


> This was a good read because I felt like I was there along side you in Hawaii. I could feel your apprehension at accepting the offer to take the trip and I felt invested in your relaxation.


Thank you very much... My one wish is that everyone could take a step back, and live in the moment -- I try hard to do that.


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## ClosetWriter (Sep 20, 2013)

Trilby said:


> I was captivated by this piece of writing. I can relate to a lot of your thinking, I too have difficulty accepting genuine generosity - I find it hard to show feelings of gratitude.
> 
> As to the man in the red shirt - the world is full of them and they are best ignored, they are the one with the problem.
> 
> ...



I appreciate your kind words. I hope to do some more writing soon - I have a lot to say. It is hard, at times, to find the inspiration, but I will soon.

Thanks again,

~Dave


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## Divus (Sep 26, 2013)

CW.   You are a brave man to suffer the indignity of long haul flights in this modern era of cheap tickets.   I suffer from spinal issues which make sitting in a chair arduous and as a result I choose not to fly.   When I was working some fifteen years ago I flew often on business and back in those days the passenger was a respected guest who the crew hoped would fly again on their airline.    Nowadays Ryanair and others offer a cheaper ticket but at the expense of passenger dignity.       The indignity of flying from Heathrow is nowadays too much for me to contemplate.      And the journey itself does not start at the airport - it begins when you close the door of your house and start to make your way to the terminal.  Anyone who travels on the London tube system anywhere near commuter time will confirm that one must accept a crowded ride on an underground railway system built by Victorians  who had no knowledge of air conditioning and who had no idea of what crowding the modern jumbo jet might bring.

Yes your man in the red coat might well have been irritable and bad tempered but perhaps it wasn't just yourself whom he was reacting to.
No, I won't be flying to see my brother who lives a thousand miles away in the South of France.    If I ever make the trip I'll go by Eurostar.  The high speed trains take longer and I shall have to cross the centre of London to reach the terminal  but my comfort and dignity will make the method of transport more enjoyable.  
Dv


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## bazz cargo (Oct 13, 2013)

G'day Dave,
 I am so glad I was pointed in this direction by a friend. You teach a good lesson by example. Thank you.


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