# HAIKU: In the mourning



## Rick Keeble (Jul 12, 2017)

_

Dawning never lasts,
__
snowflakes melt like history,
__
beauty grieves on graves._​


----------



## andrewclunn (Jul 12, 2017)

Solid haiku.  One suggestion.  "Dawning" to "The Dawn"  It's fine the way it is, but I was a bit perplexed by what the meaning was.


----------



## Rick Keeble (Jul 12, 2017)

A fair enough suggestion, I'll ponder on that.


----------



## Bloggsworth (Jul 12, 2017)

For what it's worth, I agree - Dawning is more often associated with realisation.


----------



## Rick Keeble (Jul 12, 2017)

That's what I was shooting for. To give it a touch of ambiguity


----------



## sas (Jul 12, 2017)

First, I rarely like gerunds in poetry. I should say I never like gerunds in a poem, to be honest. 

But, I like "Dawning". The coming into awareness & a day is unique.

Haiku never have a title.  Put in parenthesis here to indicate you know. That it is just a working title.


----------



## Rick Keeble (Jul 12, 2017)

Sas, I don't know how to edit the working title! Forgive this ignoramus!


----------



## sas (Jul 12, 2017)

For some reason we can never edit titles.  Sorry. A techie glitch. I just meant next time you post haiku, senryu, etc put title in parenthesis.


----------



## ned (Jul 12, 2017)

hello - took me a while, but I saw the connections, finally!

I'm sure there is a better word out there than 'history'

not fond of the pun title

enjoyed.......Ned


----------



## CrimsonAngel223 (Jul 13, 2017)

I like it. Great read.


----------



## Darren White (Jul 13, 2017)

I agree with sas on "dawning". Has a great double meaning here.


----------



## SilverMoon (Jul 13, 2017)

_Dawning never lasts,
__
 snowflakes melt like history,
__
 beauty grieves on graves.
_​Such elegance. melancholy. Yes, "Dawning", the perfect double entandre. Your second line, so utterly unique. You've married such sadness and beauty. It has great emotional impact for me, so much so, I've yet to find words as to explain why. Last line, wonderful contrasting. A strong visual for me. The alliteration is smooth.  

A stunning piece of work!


----------



## sas (Jul 14, 2017)

Yes, this was beautiful haiku. That is why the word "history" seemed off to me, as it did to Ned. Consider this (even though I do believe strict adherence to haiku form does not use metaphor, but since beauty doesn't grieve I continued with it. That's why I prefer not to label these poems anything except as a short-poem):
_

Dawning never lasts,
__
snowflakes melt like yesterdays,
__
beauty grieves on graves.


_​


----------



## SilverMoon (Jul 14, 2017)

I discovered that both of these figures of speech are permissible in haiku.

Metaphor related to haiku poetryhttp://www.modernhaiku.org/essays/CarielloEssay-MetaphorHaiku.html
Simile usage https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/forum_sm/index.php?topic=887.0

Last night I mentioned that I was at a loss as to express my interpretation of this central line as I was moved too much at the time. No less moved now, I attempt to explain why I was reached.



> _snowflakes melt like history_



Snow is so very symbolic in literature. It be a clean beginning, a blanket of sorts obscuring truth, death or purity....on and on.
History's etymology comes from the Greek meaning _"injury"_

History melts away from us every second. I think of it as injury to the spirit because it can never be retrieved, whether to assuage guilt or return joys.

Are snowflakes so unlike history? They delicately fall, then like history are gone in a second. 

Rick, your contrasting the delicate and pure to the image of that which is a dark abyss of dust and ruin is truly stunning in both sense of word.  

Upon first glance, this was my favored line. Keep writing many more! Laurie


----------



## Nellie (Jul 17, 2017)

sas said:


> Yes, this was beautiful haiku. ​



Yes, this IS a beautiful haiku.


----------

