# Exposure



## jenthepen (Aug 4, 2015)

Feeling, laid out in the sun, 
expecting the chance of snow.
  Enough to pull a glance or two,
  a nonchalant prod with a boot,
  turned, now and then, by a walking cane,
or kicked down the road like a can.

  Don’t worry, it won’t move far;
  attention is paid by the hour.
  Life goes on.

  Grilled and roasted in the icy glare,
  the shake, rattle and roll of time.
  Eventually, I will take it in,
  the bare, blanched bones of it,
  and throw it in a handy drawer
  to loiter, quiet and drained.

  The imprint of its wonder and pain
  left in the dusty road.
  Life goes on.


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## Firemajic (Aug 4, 2015)

jennnn... This is , for me.. a melancholy, ambiguous, lovely poem... love that you  used  contrasting words , adding depth and uniqueness to this stunning poem... Thank you for a cool read... OH..you rocked the imagery, and the mood... sublime...write on... Peace.. Julia


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## musichal (Aug 4, 2015)

I really like the flow, symmetry and imagery.  And the mood, of course.  The slant rhymes are so subtle... I love that, a lot.  It drove me nuts not being able to understand what "it" is, but in the end decided it is a feeling of being ignored or neglected, or something along those lines.


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## auden (Aug 4, 2015)

jenthepen said:


> Feeling, laid out in the sun,
> expecting the chance of snow.



I like this contrasting beginning.


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## jenthepen (Aug 5, 2015)

Thanks for the positive responses, guys. 

It's about us, Hal, all of us (writers) and how we hang our souls out there.


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## musichal (Aug 5, 2015)

jenthepen said:


> Thanks for the positive responses, guys.
> 
> It's about us, Hal, all of us (writers) and how we hang our souls out there.



Well, yeah, it seems obvious now you've told me, LOL.  And you are so right about that - we leave bits and pieces of ourselves in the lines.  My missing that reminds me of a time when I thought someone missed a particular meaning in one of my poems.  The way you explained was much more succinct - and nicer - than the way I did.  I only hope I remember to follow your example in the future.  So, a multi-level thanks.


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 5, 2015)

This poem has some nice contrast in imagery.

Good one, Jen.

7/10


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## Bard_Daniel (Aug 5, 2015)

Powerful, moving lines. This was a real treat to read. Good job!


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 6, 2015)

Very nice.

"attention works by the moment"; something about 'works' did not seem quite right, something like 'attention hovers momentarily', 'from moment to moment there is occasional attention', 'attentive moments pass, and are gone". None of them probably, but 'working' seems too 'solid' a verb, too deterministic, when it is the transience of it that seems important. Probably just me.


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## jenthepen (Aug 6, 2015)

Thanks, mf. 7/10 will do for me. 

Daniel, thanks for the kind words - I appreciate it.

Thanks, Olly. You've set me thinking now and I can see what you mean. I want to keep the the line short, so how about; *attention floats on the moment. *?

jen


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 6, 2015)

That I like very much, I was much too verbose, but I wanted to get across what I meant rather than tell you how to express it; you have done it beautifully.


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## RobertGilman (Aug 7, 2015)

Your poems are so brilliant, Your words seem to fade from words into actual images. Almost as if just reading it put me there.


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## jenthepen (Aug 8, 2015)

Thanks, Robert. That means so much.


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## mark_schaeffer (Mar 1, 2017)

Lying out in the sun, 
to greet the chance of snow.
Enough to pull a glance or two,
a nonchalant prod with a boot,
turned, now and then, by a walking cane,
or kicked down the road like a can.

Don’t worry, it won’t go far.

Grilled and roasted in the icy glare,
the shake, roll and rattle of time.
Eventually, I will take it in,
the bare, blanched bones of it,
and throw it in a handy drawer
to loiter, quiet and drained.


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## mark_schaeffer (Mar 2, 2017)

Enough to pull a glance or two,
a nonchalant prod with a boot,
turned, now and then, by a walking cane,
or kicked down the road like a can.

Grilled and roasted in the icy glare,
the shake, roll and rattle of time.
Eventually, I will take it in,
the bare, blanched bones of it,
and throw it in a handy drawer
to loiter, quiet and drained. 


these lines are you working at a very high level; the opening two of Siblings are off the charts perfection

Titles might be a development area; two out of three here have been good (Exposure, Ridge) and Siblings was serviceable and clear. _Windfalls _ick. But your lyrical gift is so strong that you may not be see titles as the all expenses paid moonshots they can become. Your titles are relaxed and charming but might want to sweat them more. Ah-ha: Dreaming on Hergest Ridge. Dreaming is suspect. Two million choices there; dreaming isn't one of them. You're not a wildflower; you're a kick-ass chick.  

(Could I get some feedback, impressions or just grunts on _Bed, Bath & Beyond_? I'd like to hear from someone so gifted.)


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