# Super Human



## escorial (Aug 26, 2013)

He couldn’t believe it, after watching all those movies and  reading comic books he now possessed super human powers. What this meant for mankind was about to be decided within the next few hours...will it be for the good or would his powers move him over to the dark side. Walking down the street he couldn’t wait to try out his new powers but decided he would wait until he reached the city centre  were more people could see him. Looking around as he went , each person he thought never gave him a second look or made any attempt to get to know him but not anymore, after today it would all be different and he will pick and choose his friends from now on. Gone are the days when invitations did not arrive and promotion in work always past him by but not anymore for he was now a giant amongst men. 

Sitting on the train he looked around for people he knew but there was nobody he recognised except for a few that were locals around his place. Every train stop he felt the power grow inside him but he kept calm and in control, this was not the time or the place . Arriving at his destination he left the train station and headed for the city square were more people gather then anywhere else. Past mothers with prams, young love struck couples and dad’s , son’s  and daughters all about to witness his god given power. Standing on the step of the town hall he looked down at everyone around him and unleashed his power....”Jesus died for our sins and I believe he has told me in a dream to spread the word of Christ.”


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## Qetris (Sep 6, 2013)

This is indeed very funny.  I think a lot of it is due to the tension built up at the beginning of the story, as I was expecting the power to be along the lines of super-human strength, supersonic speed, etc..  Your references to comic books and how the character used to miss invitations and work promotions helped me presume that the power would be one typically seen in superhero movies.  I enjoyed how the final Jesus reference served as such a contrast to this tension.


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## escorial (Sep 7, 2013)

Thanx Q


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## Kevin (Sep 7, 2013)

Oh...this is good. Start to finish, well done.

Now...on mechanics, some possible alternates:

"What this meant for mankind was about to be decided in the next few hours..."  Maybe 'would be decided'

"...where more people could see him." would
"Looking around as he went , each person he thought never gave him a second look or..." -  Looking around as he went, it occurred to him that people never... (so many ways to say this)

"...promotion in work"- ...promotions at work always passed him by, but...

"Sitting on the train he looked around for people he knew but there was nobody he recognized except for a few that were locals around his place."- except for a few of the locals from his neighborhood.

I think, unlike poetry, my prose comes out better with each re-write.                                        
Cool stuff, loaded with ideas/themes. 
This is an excellent short, or will be with just a little adjustment. 
It's definitely a whole story and doesn't need any more detail, just a technical sharpening of what's already there.

Thanks for sharing, K


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## escorial (Sep 7, 2013)

appreciate that kevin..cheers man


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## qwertyman (Sep 9, 2013)

I don't get it. I wasn't poked by the funny stick.


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## escorial (Sep 9, 2013)

ha..qwertyman...it's about a guy who feels superhuman with his new faith.


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## Dephere (Sep 9, 2013)

Hey escorial,

The read was good for a quick chuckle. I didn't expect that at the end, although I knew there was going to be some twist. 

I usually enjoy something with a bit more of a story though, I'll have to keep an eye out for a post with some more bulk to it (and more plot).


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## qwertyman (Sep 10, 2013)

escorial said:


> ha..qwertyman...it's about a guy who feels superhuman with his new faith.



Mmmn... I was afraid that was going to be the explanation. 

You filed this under 'Humour'. It falls short.

The first paragraph hints at un-Christian thinking, pride, choosing friends etc. If you had emphasised that he totally missed the point of Christian thinking...that would be funny. 

There are dozens of alternative ways of finding humour into what is basically a clever idea.

I think I've said before, you're going somewhere interesting and don't get there.  

Sorry, but I think its hasty and under-prepared.


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## escorial (Sep 10, 2013)

thats ok man


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## thepancreas11 (Jan 2, 2014)

It was a nice smile. To play up the humor, play up the tension. Shorten your sentences, focus the idea, maybe on pride as qwertyman suggested, and deliver that last line like a punchline in front of the crowd. Maybe suggest that they all turn to him expecting him to say something triumphant, and then let him say the last line.


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## escorial (Jan 2, 2014)

ta for input thepancrease11


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## N J Xkey (Jan 19, 2014)

Oh that made me chuckle!! Actually, as someone who has had some past experience with religious euphoria in my younger less sceptical life (a world away from where I am now) I reread it after the twist and you have captured it perfectly. I always like to go back and make sure the build up to the twists "fits" after it's reveal. With that in mind, my only criticism of this lovely little snapshot is his questioning regarding whether he would use his power for good or go the dark side. The piece, although third person, reads like a description of his inner monologue and I feel that a person who has undergone a radical religious conversion, full of the self confidence and euphoria that such a thing brings (however temporarily) would not even conceive of any "dark side" to their new found faith. They are now being guided by a higher being after all  But yep, you got a genuine laugh from me


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## escorial (Jan 19, 2014)

thanks NJX


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## caseface99 (Jan 31, 2014)

I enjoyed it, I wasn't expecting the Jesus thing at all haha


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## The Tourist (Jan 31, 2014)

qwertyman said:


> I don't get it. I wasn't poked by the funny stick.



Don't feel alone, I didn't get it either.

Now, having said that, I have laughed out loud reading some offerings here.  However, most of those were written to be serious...


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## bazz cargo (Feb 1, 2014)

Hi E man,
while I didn't find this funny, I did find it clever and a rewarding read. The ending caught me as intended. I felt your inner monologue captured the essence of double standards that faith fosters and the point was well made.

Thank you for a thought provoking read.
Bazz


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## escorial (Feb 1, 2014)

thanks BC


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## escorial (Feb 2, 2014)

I respect all religions and never intended it as a piece about poking fun at a persons faith....I was in the city centre one afternoon and I watched a guy I knew from school many years ago belting out words from the Bible. He never recognised me and he went on about how faith had cured him of drink, drugs. I don't know his circumstances and I would never judge him if I knew what turned him onto religion..so it was a kind of school kids attitude to the whole thing I was aiming for..cheers The  Tourist.


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## Deleted member 49710 (Feb 2, 2014)

Hi escorial, I think this is a fun idea, but you could work a bit harder on bringing out the humor, the grandiosity of this guy's ideas. Like what exactly are these superhuman powers he thinks he's got? Flying, superstrength, telepathy? What could he do with these powers, specifically? Is he going to be a vigilante? Is he going to wear one of those spandex body-armor things, a cape, weapons? I think you could get very imaginative with the comic-book hero angle of it, invent something ridiculous, have a lot of fun with that.

A little confusing that he's unsure whether he's good or evil yet, since I would expect someone who believes in Christ to think that the influence/mission received from Christ is good.

For style, I like the indirect discourse thought/monologue, think that was a good choice for this particular story. Since it's a deep POV I think you could cut a lot of the "he thought, he decided" type phrases, also no need to tell us that he's looking around. I also find your sentences rather long, some of them run on a bit, so I'd consider chopping them into much smaller pieces. Might help to simplify the grammar, too.

Hope this helps!


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## escorial (Feb 2, 2014)

Thanks isam...I'm trying with my grammar..I'm getting better..doh!..long way to go..I'm well read but I do struggle with grammar.


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## Terry D (Feb 2, 2014)

escorial said:


> I respect all religions and never intended it as a piece about poking fun at a persons faith....I was in the city centre one afternoon and I watched a guy I knew from school many years ago belting out words from the Bible. He never recognised me and he went on about how faith had cured him of drink, drugs. I don't know his circumstances and I would never judge him if I knew what turned him onto religion..so it was a kind of school kids attitude to the whole thing I was aiming for..cheers The  Tourist.



I read the piece as an attempt to get inside the head of someone we have all known, or seen, but never want to actually associate with. The street-corner doom-sayers, the city park prophets, the airport Krishnas (a dated reference, but you get my drift). The piece could use a bit more room to breathe--that might solve the misconception of humorous intent--but I like its POV and tone. Never avoid writing a story because of what internet morons might think of it. If it doesn't offend someone, it won't mean anything to anyone.


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## escorial (Feb 2, 2014)

Thanks TD..."room to breath"..excellent choice of words...it was just a snippet of a moment in time..I always carry a pad an pencil and I have loads of stuff like this.


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