# Not Named Yet



## Hairball (Mar 18, 2016)

Hospital sounds, quiet, quiet
Don't laugh at things you see
Anything like laptops or books
They take away so easily


Away from home, gone away
Isolated in a sterile space
Crying, screaming, wanting freedom
Nothing happening in this place.


But finally, finally! I'm out!
The doors close behind me
Once and for all, they are closed
My husband drives to save me.


I step into my little house
My dog jumps up, cats run away
Lilly the dog is glad to see me
The cats are cats, nothing more to say.


Now I'm nestled in my bed
Safe and warm within my space
Loving people, reconnected
Safe and warm...in my own place.


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## EllaLouis (Mar 18, 2016)

Oh I can so relate!! Nice, Hairball. Spent time in hospital and loved getting back to my chair and bag in the box wine


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## Hairball (Mar 18, 2016)

EllaLouis said:


> Oh I can so relate!! Nice, Hairball. Spent time in hospital and loved getting back to my chair and bag in the box wine



Thanks!

I spent I think 18 days in the hospital and I hated it!  I'm in my bed now....it feels so good!


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## escorial (Mar 19, 2016)

cool proetry...


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## Nellie (Mar 19, 2016)

I've spent my share of time in and out of hospitals, so I don't like writing about them. Brings back BAD memories!! I hated being isolated, but yet not being allowed to sleep, so it seemed. The nurses were bothering me at all odd hours. And I hateukel: the smell of hospitals!

Your poem was grande.


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## Hairball (Mar 19, 2016)

Crap, I fell on my head and horked up a poem.

It's certainly open to critique .... (hint)


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## Harper J. Cole (Mar 19, 2016)

A very nice expression of how you feel about your hospital visit; I found that the final verse tripped off the tongue particularly nicely.

One thing I'd suggest is not to rhyme words with themselves, as in the third verse where "me" is used in the 2nd and 4th lines to make a rhyme. Using an alternative (glee, see, knee, agree, etc) will help the flow.

HC


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## Hairball (Mar 19, 2016)

HarperCole said:


> A very nice expression of how you feel about your hospital visit; I found that the final verse tripped off the tongue particularly nicely.
> 
> One thing I'd suggest is not to rhyme words with themselves, as in the third verse where "me" is used in the 2nd and 4th lines to make a rhyme. Using an alternative (glee, see, knee, agree, etc) will help the flow.
> 
> HC



You're right. I'll work on it! 

Thanks, HC!

I think I fixed it:

But finally, finally! I'm out!
The doors are closed and I am free!

Is that better?


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## Harper J. Cole (Mar 19, 2016)

Looks good to me! 8)


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## Hairball (Mar 19, 2016)

HarperCole said:


> Looks good to me! 8)



I guess this wasn't too bad. 

The weird thing is, I didn't try to write a poem. It happened, and I don't know what happened.


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## RayEver (Mar 21, 2016)

I was so excited to bring my wife and new baby home from the hospital, She begged me for days .. please get me out of here. They are bringing her down . Just drive around... and I locked the keys in the car. Absolutely true.


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## Blade (Mar 21, 2016)

I tried to trim it down a bit differently.

No hospital sounds.
Don’t laugh at what you see.
Laptops or books they take away so easily.

Away from home,
Isolated in sterile space.
Crying, screaming, wanting freedom
Nothing happening in this place.

Finally out the doors close behind me,
My husband drives to save me.

I step into my little house
My dog jumps up, cats run away
The cats are cats, nothing more to say.


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## SilverMoon (Mar 22, 2016)

Hi, Hairball. I've had a few hospital stays so can relate wanting to get away from all that white and back to the colors of home and love.



> Isolated in a sterile space


 What a spectacular line! Rare, an elegant line describing a certain kind of captivity. The alliteration and slant rhyme here blew me away.

 I'm a crazy cat lady, too. Returning home after being away for just several days, my two cats are neck to neck beneath my bed looking at me like "So there! We've got each other."

 A great piece most can relate to.

SilverMoon :moon:


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## Schrody (Mar 22, 2016)

Hey Hair, if they took my personal belongings (laptop), I would call the police, and could sue them! Don't know how's in the US, but here nobody even thinks of touching your stuff, because they know they could get in trouble! So sorry you had a rude and unpleasant (but then again, when being in a hospital is actually pleasant?) experience!


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## kaminoshiyo (Mar 22, 2016)

Hairball said:


> Hospital sounds, quiet, quiet
> Don't laugh at things you see
> Anything like laptops or books
> They take away so easily
> ...



I liked the cadence and the subject. Light-hearted and fun


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## Hairball (Mar 22, 2016)

Thank you all for your help and comments!

I'll work on this; it's the first time I wrote a poem that didn't send anyone over the edge.


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