# What it feels like to be tall - Humorous Essay



## Atom (Nov 25, 2006)

*“What it Feels like to be Tall” by Atom

*Everyone wants attention. At my school, I’m the tall kid. On my basketball team, I’m the tall white kid. The football coach begs me to play while saliva drips from his mouth. Although I receive attention for being tall, it’s the unwanted kind. A cute blond girl came up to me in the hallway and says: 

“Hey, I know you.” 

I turned to say something, but was interrupted with:

“Your really tall, you know.”

I replied with the only thing I could say;

“Yes, I know.”

Then she said something like:

“How does it feel to be tall?”

I could’ve told her that she was one of the many people each day to harass me about my height. I also could have told her how it feels to be a tall person in a short world. 

About how I would sleepily hit my head on the school bus ceiling every morning.

About how I would have to sit sideways in my seat so my knees wouldn’t be cramped, thus occasionally tripping students and teachers walking down the aisle. 

I could've told her about how in 8th grade, a girl drew a picture of the entire class and the second tallest person was up to my knee. It was blatantly obvious that my head was in the clouds. Bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think? 


I could’ve remarked about how I have to hide my feet so people wouldn’t point and goggle at my size 16’s. I could've told her exactly how many people in the school had dandruff while I loomed over crowds. 

To this girl in particular, I shrugged and walked on. 

As a kid, playing hide and go seek was always a burden, as I had limited hiding spaces. My friends hid in cabinets and closets while I resorted to hiding under the bed like a buffoon. 

When my relatives came down from New York, they would tell my fraternal twin brother “You’ve gotten so big!” and when they turned to me, there was stunned silence. 

Growing up, people would mistake me for being 5 years older than I really was. I’ll never forget my 2nd grade teacher - who had to look up to talk to me. Picking up again in 6th grade, I would look down to my teachers to talk to them. 

I feel bad for the person who sits behind me at the movie theater. 

4 years old and tall enough to ride the roller coaster.
8 years old, able to enter the weight lifting gym. 
10 years old, able to wear my dad’s clothes.
13 years old, able to order alcohol from restaurants.
At 14 years old, I was able to scrape dust off the ceiling with my fingertips without ever leaving the ground. 

If the ceiling collapsed, I’d be the first to die. 

At 15, people stopped asking me “Do you play basketball?” and started asking me “Where do you play basketball?” 

The phrase “Act your age, not your shoe size” bears no meaning to me. I am meaningless, and eventually I will die. And when I die, my coffin will not fit. 





Kind of random, my friend typed it up exactly as i spoke it to have a more comedic feel. Tell me what you think.


* 

*


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## Foxee (Nov 25, 2006)

Hi Atom!

That was a neat process... dictating the piece to your friend. I think it worked out pretty well and, overall, I liked the piece. A couple of lines like:


> About how I would sleepily hit my head on the school bus ceiling every morning.





> I feel bad for the person who sits behind me at the movie theater.


Are particularly good, in my opinion.

Now, for what could be better, I think that the piece tips too far into pathos and loses its humor. Yes, pathos works in humor, no doubt about it. But it must be balanced with a wry smile. For example:


> The phrase “Act your age, not your shoe size” bears no meaning to me. I am meaningless, and eventually I will die. And when I die, my coffin will not fit.


I think that this breaks down when you generalize that you are meaningless. It makes the whole piece turn on a sour note that because you are tall you are worthless. I think that if you find a positive note for the piece to turn on instead, the coffin bit will be much funnier. Keep that, it could be touchingly funny and a good cap-off.

It is a good start! Hope to read the rewrite.


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## Caeser (Nov 25, 2006)

i laughed out loud... this was hilarious.  I don't know if I'm in a giddy mood, or what, but it was one of the funnier things i've read.



> could've told her about how in 8th grade, a girl drew a picture of the entire class and the second tallest person was up to my knee.





> My friends hid in cabinets and closets while I resorted to hiding under the bed like a buffoon.



Funny stuff.  These last two had me laughing out loud, pretty hard.  The ceiling part was the funniest of it all.



> If the ceiling collapsed, I’d be the first to die.





> And when I die, my coffin will not fit.



I was the short kid in my classes... maybe that's why i find it so funny.  A little bit of revenge is oh so sweet.  I hated you tall kids.  Good story man, I'm sorry if it's all true.


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## Atom (Nov 25, 2006)

Thanks for the feedback. Foxee, your right about the ending, i'll  change that later. And yeh, pretty much everything is true but i like being tall so it's fine, lol.


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## mammamaia (Nov 26, 2006)

it's pretty good and it's very funny here and there... just needs some careful editing to be as good as it deserves to be... it's worth the effort, imo... polished, it should sell easily enough to a teen mag or any that take humor pieces...


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## Deleted member 14306 (Nov 26, 2006)

Exceptional narration.

: )


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## Atom (Nov 29, 2006)

My friend wrote it down exactly as i spoke it. Thanks.


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## Deleted member 14306 (Dec 25, 2006)

Potassium is the key to evolution.


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## A Simple Man (Dec 25, 2006)

Thanks for the fun, it struck close to home.

"How tall are you?"

"why don't you grow up and find out?" was my childhood favorite.

Now I say with a wide smile, "Two meters even."
I have the scar tissue on my skull to prove it! 

Even more fun, it was the scar tissue that gave me the extra cm to break even.


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## Atom (Dec 25, 2006)

You just might be the weirdest person on this site.


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## A Simple Man (Dec 25, 2006)

Atom said:
			
		

> You just might be the weirdest person on this site.


 
_Thank you!_


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## Small-town_Wright (Dec 26, 2006)

Drink coffee! Cafine stunts growth 

Seriously? I feel the same almost, except, I'm shortest. People would never ask if I play basketball (I do, PS) because they figure I'm too short.


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## Atom (Dec 27, 2006)

I like being tall... these were just funny things that come with it. 

If you would like to know, im 6'4 and 15.


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## A Simple Man (Dec 27, 2006)

Atom said:
			
		

> I like being tall... these were just funny things that come with it.
> 
> If you would like to know, im 6'4 and 15.


 
About the size of my 15 year old. Size 15 shoes? (cruise liners?)


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## Atom (Dec 27, 2006)

16's. Cruiseliners?


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## Raging_Hopeful (Dec 27, 2006)

This was a great piece. I am tall.. for a girl. I am 5'11 but I too enjoy being tall. The views better up here. And Simple Man, I am SOOOOO stealing that "grow up and find out" line. Just thought you should know.

I laughed and related. This was great and really would be an excellent submission for a teen magazine or zine (with editing of course.) Keep writing!

Cheers,
Linz


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## Atom (Dec 28, 2006)

After editing, what would be my first step in getting this published in a teen magazine?


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## A Simple Man (Dec 28, 2006)

Atom said:
			
		

> 16's. Cruiseliners?


 

Shoes man:

battleships
cruiseliners
float yer boats
boat shoes
sleds
water skis

long, honkin', big toed, mile-long-laced, tongues would make a bloodhound sweat: 

shoes man!


strap roller skates to me knees and I am normal height.
i got the ceiling, you get the baseboards
_damn_ those ceiling fans lookit the scars would ya?

tall, large, lanky, skinny-as-a-rail(well..a while back), turn me sideways disappearing act, stretched out thin 

tall man!


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## A Simple Man (Dec 28, 2006)

my first day in third grade they had to go to the sixth grade to find a desk and chair.

i had the only orange chair in the room!


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## Raging_Hopeful (Dec 28, 2006)

There are many ways to look into getting published. Maia has a bunch of information, I don't have any off the top of my head. Try PMing her and see what she has to say. Or PMing any of the Mod's.. I'm sure they'll be able to help. *hugs Simple Man*

Awwwww.... tall and skinny! *squeeze*


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## americanwriter (Dec 28, 2006)

*Consolidation and complete sentences can help foster clarity and understanding.*

How about using your last statement, edited, as your opening one.  Here's a new take on your unique and humorous perspective.  


One day I will die.  I will not be surprised if my coffin, like the world around me, does not fit me comfortably.  

Growing up, people have often mistaken me as being five years older than I really am.  At the age of four, I was tall enough to ride roller coasters.  By the age of eight, I was able to get into the weight-lifting gym unaccompanied.  By age ten, I was borrowing my dad's cloths.  At thirteen, I could pass for eighteen and get away with ordering alcohol from restaurants.  At fourteen I learned I had an underdeveloped skill -- I could scrape dust off the ceiling with my fingertips without using a ladder. I realized, if the ceiling suddenly collapsed I would be the first to know.  At fifteen, people stopped asking me, "Do you play basketball?" and began asking, "Where do you play basketball?" Everyone assumes that being tall is a blessing, in a world where buildings, doorways, automobiles, public seating, and even clothing are designed for the average, being above average can be frustrating. 

At my school, I am the tall kid.  On the basketball team I stand out as the tall white kid.  I have learned to ignore the saliva dripping from coach's mouth when he begs me to play, but my height seems to precede me off the court more so than on.  In my classes I am forced to sit sideways in my seat so my knees won't cramp.  Occasionally, teachers and students trip over my size sixteen feet, despite my attempt to hide them, as they walk down the aisle.  I recall my second grade teacher having to look up to speak to me, just as I remember looking down when talking to my sixth grade teacher. In the eighth grade a fellow student drew a picture of the entire class.  The second tallest person in the class was depicted knee height to me, while my head was in the clouds.  Artistic license or overexaggeration?  My height has often proven a rude awakening to the injustices of being tall in an average man's world, as rude an awakening as is sleepily hitting one's head on the school bus's ceiling every morning.  

The world outside the classroom simply reinforces the uniqueness of my self.  As a kid, hide and seek was a burdensome game.  Adequate hiding places were hard to come by.  While my friends could tuck themselves away into cabinets and closets, I was forced to resort to hiding under the bed like a buffoon.  Relatives, traveling from New York to visit us, would proffer the obligatory platitudes to my fraternal twin, "You've gotten so big" while my height stuns them into silence.  And then there is the shadow of guilt that follows me even into the movie theater.  I find myself feeling bad for the person who has to sit behind me.  

Being tall, I am often the object of attention.  Sometimes it is unwanted.  Sometimes it's a mixed blessing.  Recenlty, a cute blonde girl came up to me in the hallway at school.  

"Hey, I know you."  Before I could reply she spoke again.  "You're really tall, you know?" 

"Yes, I know." 

"How does it feel to be tall?" she asked. The first thing that came to my mind?

"Where do I begin?"


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## Atom (Dec 28, 2006)

American: Good suggestions, i copied and pasted your take on my story/essay and put it in microsoft word, for reference when im rewriting mine. I like the beginning and the end, it makes the in between alot neater too. Thanks again.

Raging: Thanks, ill PM Maia later tonight.

Simple Man: Your a curious one... how tall are you anyway?


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## americanwriter (Dec 29, 2006)

*You're welcome.*

Good luck with your rewrite.


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## mammamaia (Dec 29, 2006)

After editing, what would be my first step in getting this published in a teen magazine?

1. get someone knowledgeable [no one you're related to or sleeping with!] to go over the piece and make sure it's ready to be submitted...

2. go to www.duotrope.com and make a list of all the magazines your piece might be accepted...

3. write a brilliant query letter [have the same person check that out] and send it out till you find a taker... be sure to follow the submission guidelines for each place you submit to... they're not all the same...

best of luck, maia


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## strangedaze (Dec 29, 2006)

im down with AWs suggestions. had a good time with this.


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## A Simple Man (Dec 29, 2006)

Two meters even.

Wear those cruise liners with pride!
Good luck!


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## Deleted member 14306 (Mar 16, 2007)

iuiujiu


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## Deleted member 14306 (May 20, 2007)

iuujiui


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## mammamaia (May 20, 2007)

> iuujiui


 
just a blatant 'bump'?... or _what_???


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## RoundEye (May 21, 2007)

I can relate to this, I'm a little under 6'3". Always the tallest one in class, and now I wear biker boots, so that makes me appear so much taller.

I've heard that "_You're so tall, do you play basketball?_" too often in life.

The best reply I had was something I read in the paper,

"_You're so short, do you play miniature golf?_"

They usually never mentioned basketball again.


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