# This is Not An Apology (Apology/Confession Poem)



## Glyph (Nov 21, 2013)

I hope this could be considered a free-verse. Here goes nothing: 

I would like to start by telling you that, 
I’m not here to apologize or pity you. 
I know you hate that. You – 
So arrogant, but so sweet like dark chocolate. 
Perhaps that is what I liked most about you, or, 
Maybe your determination, or, 
Maybe your diligence, or, 
Maybe your unchanging opinions,
Like a tight tessellation on a windy day, 
Never moving. Or, 
Maybe your sweet tooth. You always, 
Always gave me a reason to chew on toffees. 
And now I must give you a reason, 
For the door of your empty rooms that I’ve left ajar. 

It isn’t just me you know.
My mother, 
She is distressed. How would we carry on the family name? 
Yes, 
I realize we aren’t the royal family, nonetheless, 
We are a proud one. 
I remember it was that very pride that always ached you. 
Perhaps that is what I liked most about you, or, 
Maybe your kindness in the face of evil, or, 
Maybe your forgiveness. But, 
Excuse me. I’m not asking for forgiveness am I? 
Ironic, as I find myself quite apologetic, you know? 

Of course you know. You always knew. 
I could see it in your eyes. 
I know you saw my pride, my unreasonable expectations, 
Your inability, you insecurities, 
My cowardliness, my fear. 
Although the hallways were barren, I kept seeing you,
Even though you weren’t there. 
You were at the doctor’s probably, 
You never stopped trying to find a solution, but 
I was always bad at problem-solving. 
Perhaps that is what I liked most about you, or, 
Maybe your ambition, or, 
Maybe the fact that every time you felt like you were failing,
You would pull out your purse,
Digging for a hard fruit candy, 
Savouring it like it gave you some strange strength to go on 
Even though there were so many obstacles. 
Even I could see them, but, 
You felt them, but, 
I gave up on them, but, 
You faced them. 

I don’t know how to justify my actions, 
There are too many justifications to make, 
And both of us haven’t the time. And, 
I, I have no justifications to begin with. 
And that is why I am not, 
Cannot, 
Apologize. 

I do not worry for you, I know, 
I always knew, you were better off… 
Without me. 
When I have my junior, I’ll be sure to visit. 
I want you to see him or her. I know, 
You would love that. 
I’ll have them bring sacks of hard fruit candies, 
To give you all the strength in the world. 

I’ll tell them that you are their godmother, 
Their best friend, their most caring guardian. 
I laugh, because you would probably be a better guardian then me!

For now I must step out, 
For longer than you might think. 
This is not an apology, but I know you are forgiving, 
Perhaps that is what I loved most about you.


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## danteinhickville (Nov 21, 2013)

I would ditch the numerous use of or and but.  It doesn't help the flow or enjoyment of the work.


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## alanmt (Nov 22, 2013)

I like this; it would fit right in as spoken word poetry at the local poetry slam. 

I especially like the little concrete details - the hard fruit candy references are the best thing about the poem.  

Overall, a nice piece, although I feel it could use a little tightening.  I do feel vaguely unsatisfied as a reader because the poem leaves, in my opinion, too much unsaid. I want more details about the person the poet is talking to - what happened to her (him?). Why is an apology necessary and yet not?  I guess I would like the personality traits anchored to even more concrete information, tidbits and details, about the person to whom the poem is written.


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## Glyph (Nov 23, 2013)

Ok, thanks for your replies! I will take a lot into consideration. 
This poem is actually for a writing project I'm working on. It's going to be one piece of a large project that overall tells a story implicitly. 
So, when you have questions about it, I think that's supposed to be a good thing in a sense, because I'm not supposed to be too explicit. 
There will be more poems/prose that are about the same plot so together they should work in telling you what the entire story is. 
Thanks again! 
Glyph.

P.S. The poem is about a man apologizing to his partner. He leaves her because he wants children and she can't have any (that's why she was "probably at the doctor's". He decides to leave her, but wants to apologize, but doesn't really know how to justify his apologies, because he feels his reasons aren't good enough to justify him leaving her. The bigger story this is part of is basically - she can't have kids, he leaves, she's miserable for a while, but then she learns of a good adoption agency, and she and this somewhat hesitant, ungrateful child bond in the end. 

The main issue I added this in, is probably because I need to know if you got something along those lines from this piece. Did you get that he was leaving her because he needed a child? And that she couldn't have children? And that he was trying to apologize but didn't really think he was doing a good job, so this wasn't really his apology? 

Yea, but thanks for all the feedback anyway. I appreciate it!


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## tinacrabapple (Nov 23, 2013)

Yes, the poem successfully conveys all these ideas, but the plot line overall sounds really interesting.


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## Pietro (Nov 24, 2013)

I particularly loved the first paragraph. The broken rhythm, the interrupted lines, and the subtle rhyming. I loved the or's in the first paragraph a lot. But I think the remaining of the needs a little bit more structure.



> So arrogant, but so sweet like dark chocolate.
> Perhaps that is what I liked most about you, or,
> Maybe your determination, or,
> Maybe your diligence, or,
> ...



Really beautiful; work on the rest of the poem to be up to this rhythm and content, or else this could stand alone for itself.


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## DoubleU (Dec 6, 2013)

Glyph, this is nice work!  I would be interested in reading the completed piece.  Not to be contrary in any way, but I rather liked the repeated use of "or" and "but" as well as the apparent stammer when he says, "I, I have no justifications to begin with."  He sounds lost, upset, torn and, as a result, he repeats himself.  In one man's humble opinion, that adds tension and emotion.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Dec 6, 2013)

Hi Glyph, this is a wonderful poem. I think it is an excellent free verse. Some lines that I particularly liked are: 

"This is not an apology, but I know you are forgiving, 

Perhaps that is what I loved most about you."

I love that line.  Reminds me of my mom. 

This also such a great line: "I know you hate that. You – 
So arrogant, but so sweet like dark chocolate."

Sounds like a love/hate relationship with someone you want to dislike but can't help but love. Also love the use of the word "tessellation." It paints a vivid image and unique image in that particular line about unchanging opinions on a windy day.

"Even I could see them, but, 
You felt them, but, 
I gave up on them, but, 
You faced them."

^^Excellent.

"I’ll have them bring sacks of hard fruit candies, 
To give you all the strength in the world. "

I love this and the reference to the mention about the fruit candies earlier in the poem. 

The whole poem was amazing, bittersweet. Thank you for sharing. 

Dream.


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## Glyph (Dec 12, 2013)

WOW! Thanks everyone for ALL the replies! I appreciated your timely responses so much, it really boosted my confidence about this, and I'm glad a lot of you guys liked it. 
I will work on some of the things you guys said, and hopefully it would be better than it was before. 

Thanks again everyone!

Ps. This is the completed piece, DoubleU. It's part of a project that I'm doing which requires the story to be told with multiple pieces, each of which tells a little part of the entire story, and all the pieces together will show the whole thing.


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## Pandora (Dec 13, 2013)

A long piece that kept me captivated with interest, easy to flow through, I enjoyed. 
I too thought the situation was clear and my own feelings on that came pouring out as I read. 
That was my favorite part how I felt, no need to apologize, no need at all, the choice was meant to be. 
Great piece of work indeed Glyph. I hope you post more, the entire project if you can.


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## DoubleU (Dec 13, 2013)

Glyph said:


> Ps. This is the completed piece, DoubleU. It's part of a project that I'm doing which requires the story to be told with multiple pieces, each of which tells a little part of the entire story, and all the pieces together will show the whole thing.



I understand, Glyph.  Nice work!  I truly enjoyed.


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## Glyph (Dec 15, 2013)

Pandora said:


> A long piece that kept me captivated with interest, easy to flow through, I enjoyed.
> I too thought the situation was clear and my own feelings on that came pouring out as I read.
> That was my favorite part how I felt, no need to apologize, no need at all, the choice was meant to be.
> Great piece of work indeed Glyph. I hope you post more, the entire project if you can.



I really want to ask for more feedback from all of you guys, because most of my peers just tell me it's good or bad, but most of the time, they just don't want to read it because it looks long lol. 

My only concern is... I'm not sure if my teacher will be asking us to submit it to a plagiarism checking software, and if he does, I don't want this to get detected (i.e. the forum post), and although it is my own work, and I can log in with the OP name if needed, I'd rather not go through the hassle. 

BUT! I will ask him, and if he doesn't need it submitted, maybe I'll add more.


Thanks for all your replies! 
~GLYPH.


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