# Thank You- From the President



## Lester Burnham (Apr 14, 2009)

I thought I would try my hand at speech writing. 






My fellow democrat-Americans,

I am closing in now on the first 100 days of my historic presidency.  It seems an auspicious time to take a moment to thank the people that got me here, and to reiterate exactly what your votes and hard work campaigning for me got you.

You voted for me because you wanted change in Washington.  And indeed, from the moment I announced my candidacy till the last vote was counted, I ran my entire platform on the promise of change.

And I have kept my word about that.

You said you wanted change, _so I did_.

Since taking office, after you voted me in as a peacemaker, I have escalated the conflict with a surge of troops in Afghanistan.  I have changed, yes _changed_, every projected pullout date from Iraq that I initially promised.  And I have decided that “pull out“ means 50,000 residual troops are to remain indefinitely.

You voted me in to restore our civil liberties, and I am changing, yes _changing_, the Patriot Act so that citizens cannot sue the government when we spy on them illegally.

I ordered the closing of Gitmo, but now have the justice department furiously defending the same exact type of facility at Bagram, Afghanistan, where we hold suspects with no habeas corpus, no charges and no rights to representation.  I will likely transport the Gitmo prisoners there when I close that evil facility.

I have ended our policy of torture, but decided that third world countries that do it for us are not yet ready for change.

You voted me in for the sake of transparency, and I promised you that spending bills would be posted on the internet for thorough public scrutiny  prior to being voted on.  I changed that, too.

You said you were tired of fear mongering, and I promised you an end to that as well.  Then I changed, yes _changed_, and told you that the sky would fall in if my stimulus package were not voted in blindly and expediently.

And I am proud to say that I look out across this great nation and still see so many of you cheering me on.  And I have learned well from it.  I have learned that you really don’t care about wars or civil liberties or transparency or torture or imperialism or even whether you are lead like sheep wherever I want to take you.  

What you cared about was a democrat in the White house, even if his actions were indistinguishable from the previous administration that had you on the streets with signs, chanting your outrage.  

Well, you got just exactly that.

And for this, I am humbled, and say, from the bottom of my heart:

Thanks, suckah’s.


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## Leyline (Apr 15, 2009)

LOL.

"I find your lack of hopechange disturbing."


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## Dr. Malone (Apr 15, 2009)

Nice.


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## The Backward OX (Apr 15, 2009)

Why don't you ask for it to be moved to the Debate forum?


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## Foxee (Apr 15, 2009)

> I have ended our policy of torture, but decided that third world countries that do it for us are not yet ready for change.


I like the concept of outsourcing torture. Hadn't thought of that one.

As a humor piece I think it stands okay. Not real subtle but good for a chuckle here and there.


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## Lester Burnham (Apr 15, 2009)

The Backward OX said:


> Why don't you ask for it to be moved to the Debate forum?



Request submitted.


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## Lester Burnham (Apr 16, 2009)

Ox,

I submitted this for debate.  As usual, the mod over there ignored the request.  Do they wonder why this place is slow?


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## The Backward OX (Apr 16, 2009)

Yeah, I’ve fond that once or twice. I seem to recall making an official complaint – my short-term memory ain’t what it used to be – and also seem to recall valeca or Non Serviam – somebody – saying there may have been a glitch somewhere. 

These days I PM one or two mods when I submit a topic. Unless you’re advocating something really inflammatory - I dunno, like mandatory abortion maybe - that should get it into the system.


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## BoredMormon (Apr 16, 2009)

I like it. All polititians are much the same, aren't they?


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## Foxee (Apr 16, 2009)

Lester Burnham said:


> Ox,
> 
> I submitted this for debate.  As usual, the mod over there ignored the request.  Do they wonder why this place is slow?


There isn't a 'mod over there' all mods are everywhere. Could have been many reasons why it wasn't immediately approved.


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## Lester Burnham (Apr 16, 2009)

Foxee said:


> There isn't a 'mod over there' all mods are everywhere. Could have been many reasons why it wasn't immediately approved.



Understood.  It is just that this is the second time running, and I have had some conflict with one of the mods.  

I'll leave it to the stars.


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## NaCl (Apr 17, 2009)

Well written . . . sadly.


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