# A Life Worth Living (Language, adult situations)



## Yours Truly (Dec 22, 2017)

This is an intro for a novel idea I have. Very much a work in progress. The hope is a bit of gallows humor infused in a story about a man in a very difficult situation. All criticism is welcome. I hope you enjoy. 


_"The mind once stretched by a new idea can never return to its previous shape."_
_For me, that new idea was love._


Wait...is that too cheesey? Too sappy, too romantic? Yeah, I think it is. Starting with a quote, what was I thinking, and a really bad quote at that. Plus, that isn't the only reason this happened. Everyone likes to boil complicated situations like this down to one pretty little thing they can use to explain it, but the truth is more complex. I need to be honest. I need to let everyone know what was really going on, this didn't happen just because of the girl.


I sat and thought for a while. Should I start with talking about the past few years of money problems? Nah, everyone has those, that's boring. What about my health issues, that would be a good place to start. I want to be thorough, but not overly in depth. People don't need to know about every minute detail of my life, no one would read it if I made it too long.


Maybe start with a different quote? 

_'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.'_

Bullshit buddy. Spoken like a true fuckin' asshole, or someone that has never really been in love.


No. Shakespeare is too much. I can't open with that, what the hell am I going to follow it with?


Actually, you know what. No. I like that first intro idea, and honestly, I'm never going to get another chance to do this. If I want to be cheesey and overly dramatic then I will. I mean shit, if you can't be dramatic when you're writing a suicide note when can you be? 

Back to line one-
_For me, that new idea was love. For those of you reading this that have known me for any length of time, you'll know what I'm talking about, you'll have seen the change. I was never a romantic kind of guy. I was, admittedly, the asshole who would just throw girls out after a few weeks of using them. Until I met Lily. I don't know what it was about her. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I knew from the first time I hung out with her that I wanted her to be a part of my life_.


"From the first time I hung out with her"? That's just bad writing, *and* I'm falling back into making this all about her. You know what, fuck it, today isn't the day. If I can't write a decent explanation, then this isn't happening.


I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trashbin next to my desk. There were already a few previous drafts lying at the bottom. I had been at this for about a week already.


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## Plasticweld (Dec 22, 2017)

I like the voice in it.  You did a real good job of connecting with the reader and developing a connection is just a few paragraphs.  This may actually be one of the better openings I have read in awhile, as you draw me and make  me want to learn more. 

Welcome to the forum thanks for sharing.


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## Yours Truly (Dec 22, 2017)

Thank you! That really means a lot to me, this is my first attempt at writing a novel, and my first draft of the opening. Hearing a more experienced writer praise it means a lot. :smile:


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## nickpierce (Dec 22, 2017)

Yours Truly said:


> This is an intro for a novel idea I have. Very much a work in progress. The hope is a bit of gallows humor infused in a story about a man in a very difficult situation. All criticism is welcome. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> 
> _"The mind once stretched by a new idea can never return to its previous shape."_
> ...




Yeah, this works.
It ain't cliche ridden and it ain't an info dump.
And the last sentence is a nailer.


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## SueC (Dec 24, 2017)

Oh, those openings are such a challenge! But bravo - you did great! Like Plastic said, you drew us in. We like this guy! We've been near this, all of us, especially the creative _us_​. I want to know what is going on with him. Please gimme more! Good job, you.


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## ppsage (Dec 26, 2017)

Reminds me of _​Floating Opera._


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## bdcharles (Dec 27, 2017)

I like the way this is a bit of a nested story, with us peering through the fourth wall at your narrator-I. I would personally be inclined to end a paragraph on the sentence about the suicide note, and continue in a new para.



> I mean, shit, if you can't be dramatic when you're writing a suicide note, when can you be?
> 
> Back to line one-



I wasn't sure why you comma-spliced this:



> I need to let everyone know what was really going on, this didn't happen just because of the girl.



But yep - it's a pretty intriguing piece. The voice is decent enough, and while I feel that the _yeahs_ and _nah_s tumble it a little too much towards the commonplace, that is very much a personal taste thing.


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## kaminoshiyo (Dec 27, 2017)

The line that hooked me was the one where he mentions that what he’s writing isn’t just an biography or some account of his life, but a suicide note. It seemed like a huge shift in perspective and I was immediately like...”What happened here?”

Nice.


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## Yours Truly (Dec 27, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> I like the way this is a bit of a nested story, with us peering through the fourth wall at your narrator-I. I would personally be inclined to end a paragraph on the sentence about the suicide note, and continue in a new para.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yeah, those commas seem unnecessary. Thanks for pointing that out I'll change that.

The _yeahs_ and _nahs. _I understand that making it seem a bit too informal, but my goal with this story is to tell it directly from the characters mind. The entire story is going to be a direct look into the thoughts of the main character, with all the colloquialisms, logical flaws, and irrationality that comes along with it.

Thank you all for the thoughts about this piece. This story is coming from a very personal and painful place, it's sort of an exaggerated and fictionalized account of a very dark period in my life. I'm so happy that it seems to resonate with some of you and I hope I can continue to make good progress with it. :adoration:


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## Itachi (Jan 2, 2018)

Hi,

I love this voice and would love to read more.

It reminds me of a cheeky Robin Hood-esque character. It has been written really well I already relate to the character and want to know what has happened at he is contemplating suicide. 

As soon as you wrote 'hung out' I thought that is a bit tongue in cheek, but your character reacted perfectly.


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