# You Will Probably Hate Me.    1150 words



## Plasticweld (Mar 21, 2014)

[h=2]You Will Probably Hate Me. 1150 words by Bob Brown[/h]I was reminded of the past, the other day when I received a note from my brother with the line “Hey Hombre.” Now that would not mean anything to anyone else. But to a couple of brothers who grew up together, sharing secrets and unknown deeds, it brought back memories of cats. That is where this story starts. 

Now I don’t know if I really don’t like cats, or I just don’t like people who like cats. That morning in seventh grade English class I was trying to figure out how I fit in. Having just come from the elementary school, all of us trying to find our social groups. More Importantly, it was about establishing the pecking order with our new classmates. We were all busy trying to figure out where we fit in. Who is better than us, more importantly, was who we were better than. I was in an awkward position, I was a leader without a following. 

In Miss Linahands class, I sat in the back of the class, observing the rest of my fellow classmates busy in the usual banter and gossip of seventh graders. Unlike the Teacher, my back was never turned. No notes were passed without me knowing it, and no classroom antics missed my gaze. While I missed most of what was being said by the teacher, seldom did I miss the goings on of my fellow classmates. 

I was busy that day trying to figure out who I didn’t like. Which is sometimes easier than trying to figure out who I did like. My attention was drawn to a kid named Joe Currie, now, except for an uncanny ability to for doing an imitation of Curly of the Three Stooges, I couldn’t find anything about him that I liked. This guy was going to grow up, and be some sort of Liberal, tree hugging, I can feel your pain kind of guy, which I couldn’t stomach even back then. 

Joe was in the middle of a story about one of his cats and he had the attention of two cute girls and one ugly girl with a great set of hooters, which is worth a lot in the seventh grade. The girls were hanging on to his every word. I mean, what girl at that age can resist a cute kitty story? I watched all this from the back and waited for Joe to finish. Now I’m not sure what made me say this, but I said it, and made it up as I went along.

“I used to have three cats Joe.” Now I had Joe’s attention, and the two cute girls, and even the one with the great hooters. Up until that point, Joe must have figured me for some kind of jerk, but maybe if I had cats, maybe I wasn’t all that bad. Joe paused for a moment and said. “What do you mean used to have?"I looked him dead in the eye and said, “Well, Joe.” I took a long practiced pause, “I had to hang them”. 

Joe’s jaw dropped, he gave me a dirty look of disgust. The girls did their best to outdo him with their looks of astonishment and disapproval. Joe wanted to know why I would hang my cats. Now I had to think fast, I was working for shock value here. I did not want to lose credibility, and have them think this was all a hoax. So I came up with the most believable line I could think of concerning the cats. 

“They pissed in the house all of the time and my Mom said to get rid of them.” 

This line had them.

Everybody knows cats do stuff like that. And it’s well known by kids at this age how evil mothers can be. I had them Hook, line and sinker. Joe sat there shaking his head in disbelief. “How could you do It” he managed to push through his lips. Now I was on a roll.

I now had a growing crowd of listeners, as the others turned to catch our conversation. My mind was racing for a response. I knew that anyone who liked cats probably liked poodles too. They’re all part of that cute, but worthless group of animals. Looking down this time, in my best imitation of a man with a heavy heart, you know the kind that has been to the edge and looked over. I sniveled a little, reached for my eye to brush away a tear that wasn’t there. “it was no worse than the time I shot my poodle.” I swallowed hard. “After he got hit by a car.” This line drew a dead silence.  

“Yeah, no one was home,” tears looked like they were ready to fall except for my inner strength, I repeated in a shaky Voice, “No one was home and I couldn’t get him to a vet.” I stared at the pen on my desk, twirled it in my hand milking the moment. “So I put him out of his misery.” I looked up with sad eyes.  

Now it’s funny, the effect the last line had. Some of the girls felt sorry for me. This was deep, what a heavy burden for a guy to carry. Others thought I was a complete wacko. The best part was that I had started a wildfire of talk from one row of kids to the next. The class was buzzing, with news of how I had hung my cats and shot my dog. 

If I had been a reasonable type of guy I would have said “GOTCH YA” But I didn’t, there was too much power in this head trip. Joe all of a sudden hated my guts, and that’s what I wanted. 

The part that I have never been able to figure out is why I never told anyone it was a joke. As years passed every now and then someone would come up to me and ask “Did you really shoot your dog and hang your three cats?” In the best Clint Eastwood impression that I could muster, I would slowly shake my head and say “Yeah I did.” This would always produce the same shocked expression that I had got the first time I said it. 

My class reunion is coming up soon, and if I am asked the again the question that defined me all through school, you can bet I will be bringing up the best Clint Eastwood expression I am capable of.

And this brings us back to where this all started. I don’t know if I really don’t like cats, or just don’t like people who like cats.






























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## Pandora (Mar 22, 2014)

You are a storyteller indeed, in more than one way. Thoroughly enjoyed this, I feel I know you a bit more which is sometimes why we write, yes? 
A very entertaining and well written memory from 7th grade. That age can be a turning point, have fun at your reunion. I've made it to each one every 5 years,
40th this year! Wow, that's hard to believe, it just sunk in. :surprise: 

Thanks for sharing Plasticweld, I'll be looking for more.


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## Plasticweld (Mar 22, 2014)

Thank you very much for the kind words. I am still working on being able to have it read the way I would have it sound if I were reading it out loud to a listener. Practice and reading how others do it  here has been a big help. 

I do love to tell stories. I was involved in theater as a kid and learned a lot about being dramatic.  Watching the response of others to certain phrases and words that seem to strike a nerve, always let me fine tune a story and the way I told it. I have always thought that same dynamics of being able to tell a joke are the same skills needed to tell a story. Both are crafted, each line is measures and as they say it is all about timing which is what I am hoping to learn to be able to do with my writing.


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## Gargh (Mar 23, 2014)

Plasticweld said:


> I am still working on being able to have it read the way I would have it sound if I were reading it out loud to a listener.



Changing passive to active helps e.g. from _I had wanted_ to _I wanted.
_
Also, try writing it in present tense to really take us into the moment with you. e.g. _I am in that seventh grade classroom again. It's Miss L's class and I grab my usual seat at the back. _For instance. Might work for you, might not, but might be worth a try. 

Clean up redundant information; 


> In Miss Linahands class, I sat in the back of the class,


 could do without one of either of the two instances of 'class'. Also, watch out for that missing possessive apostrophe.


Any help, _from this cat person!?_​ 



ETA: Meant to say, I'm not sure how the first paragraph links in with the rest? Why did 'Hey Hombre' specifically prompt this memory?


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## dither (Mar 23, 2014)

Well, you had me PW.

 I envy you the ending. The story has an ending, but is that the end? The choice is your's.

I've been racking my brains for a similar ending, so much so, that I've put it down for now.
Maybe I shall go back to it, maybe I won't, but well done sir.


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## IvyRuth (Dec 20, 2014)

Damn, lost my response... Start over.

Great story starter with brothers inside info. We all have that stuff and it rang very true. Also the line about not liking cat owners. Again a sentiment many can either relate to or at least recognize. It sets a great stage. It is well used as the closing sentiment making it both a call back and a summary.

In the third paragraph you end with a line that is like an establishing shot in a movie. The establishing shot shows the scene then the details are explained in close ups.  If you placed this line right after the line of watching the class it would make the paragraph stronger. I think that would be better use of the !ine than as a summary line as it now stands. 

I think your view of ALL the kids checking the pecking order is wrong. I remember that age and yes a few kids did worry about that. They were generally very popular or hung with the very popular, were the school gvt leaders or the bad boy leaders. That left the rest of us just being awkward hoping to have a friend and wondering if we were would ever get a boyfriend or a girlfriend.  

I think it would be stronger if you did an establishing shot about the awkwardness of the age then focused on the character being a leader looking for a following.  That would show him as more unique as well as avoid the chance of missing the boat with an ALL statement.  Most times there will be a few readers who don't, or in this case, didn't fit the description so will object at some level to being characterized "wrong".


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## Plasticweld (Dec 21, 2014)

Excellent advice. I have not looked at this story in  along time it was one of the very first stories I wrote when I joined the site.  A interesting comment about using the word 'all' in my description.  I think at that age I assumed everyone thought like I did.  I was always very aware about being a leader, I doubt I gave the dynamics much thought as how the others saw how it worked 

I think you are spot on about changing the third paragraph that makes perfect sense to me.


Thanks for reading and helping...Bob


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## IvyRuth (Dec 21, 2014)

I chose to look at old stuff because it is easier to be objective (for me any way).  The points about the establishing statement then focusing on the details is transferable to many places so can be a useful tool.  Of course if over used it sounds like a newspaper. 

Never say never, all will always get you in trouble... Platitudes but useful.

I'll look at some of your newer stuff as time allows.


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## Riptide (Dec 21, 2014)

Well now... my stepdad actually did hang my cat, and my dog. I remember her (the cat) little fuzzy body curled up. She had grown silent, almost submissive of the act while she dangled. I just remember her face. She was ready to fight. I imagine that she could've hung there for days. My sister brought her down, both of them I believe. 


Anyway, good story! I have many a stories about my pets and horrible endings that they came to, but they're usually true. but not fault of my own


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## Winston (Dec 29, 2014)

Good read, my man.

I don't think I could have kept that farce going as long as you did, kudos.

BTW:  I like cats.  And I know you like me.  So there!


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## HeightenedState (Jan 22, 2015)

Wow, this was a great read.

For some reason, I really like stories where the ending somehow echoes the beginning. It gives you that sense of emphasis on details. 

So have you decided if you don't like cats or just people who like cats?


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## TMarie (Jan 24, 2015)

I very much enjoyed reading this.  It reminded me of grade 5, and a similar fella who would tell stories.  Dwayne was a good kid, just misunderstood, and always seemed to be at the end of the teacher's stick.  Interesting how 40 years later, I read something and he comes to mind ..... wherever you are Dwayne, I hope you're still telling stories

Cats come, cats go .... lesson learned from growing up on a farm.

p.s. not so much into critiquing any writings .... just enjoying the different feelings they give me


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## juggled (Jan 26, 2015)

While reading this I could picture you sitting behind me as I told the story of my cat. 
It was a fun read, bringing back memories of Junior High.


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