# Politics and Thanksgiving 718 words



## Plasticweld (Nov 23, 2017)

Politics and Thanksgiving by Bob Brown

Grandpa was telling us about the old days.  He said it was 2018 when he reckoned he went on his first hunt with his dad. He leaned back in his chair… closing his eyes for a moment, a smile came across his face.

 “There were lots of them...back then, yup...lots of them"
 He rubbed the gray stubble of a beard as if it might help him remember.

"Back then...yes Sir. No bag limit like there is today either.” 

“You could say we were overrun with them, but that would be an exaggeration. Their numbers were never that large, but they made so much noise that it made it seem like there were more of them than there really were.”

Grandpa sipped his coffee, he loved telling stories about the old days.

“It was just good conservation to thin them out.  Get too many of them together… and bad stuff always happens.”  The old guy was on a roll, “They were thick as fleas back then.” He shook his finger in the air to bring home the point as he said it.

My little sister piped up. “Grandpa was it conservation or just an excuse to do a little hunting?”

Grandpa chuckled a little.  If he had a pipe he would have taken a few puffs and then answered.  He loved dramatic pauses and used them often when he spoke.

“Both honey.” he said in a reassuring voice, dragging out words.

“They ruined everything they touched.” Grandpa became sullen and he glanced down, you could tell he was remembering bad times.

My brothers and I just wanted to hear about the hunting part, not the why.  My sister was always kind of a buzz kill.  We wanted to hear the story, not some debate about ethics.

My brother Tom, sensing that Grandpa was drifting off, asked, “Tell us about the first one, tell us about the shot?” 

Grandpa perked right up, “I used that Ruger model 77 in a 6mm with a 20-power scope on it, just a little over 500 yards.”  Grandpa loved to tell stories about his long shots. “Yup, 520 yards is what the laser range finder said when I hit the button on him.  Crosswinds at ten miles an hour, almost perpendicular.  I came up 37 clicks on the scope to account for the 23 inches of drop at that distance.  28 clicks to the left to account for the wind drift.”  Grandpa might not remember a lot of things, but his ballistic chart he had memorized like scripture.  He could tell you how many 1/8 minutes clicks it took to move the cross hairs for any distance.

Tommy knew the answer, but asked anyway, kind of his way of showing the old man some respect, “What was your Zero Grandpa?”

Grandpa smiled, “300 yards Tommy.”

He continued with his story.  “I picked him out of the bunch, he was making the most noise.” He looked lovingly at the mount above the fireplace. His prey stuffed by the taxidermist to look even more menacing than perhaps he did in real life.

“I was lucky back then, they weren’t so elusive.  I shot, and the rest of them took off. I heard stories from others, that you used to be able to shoot all day and they would just stand around not sure what to do.  Not this bunch, one shot and they were all gone. A good clean kill it was.”

Grandma called in from the kitchen, “Turkey's on the table.”

We all got up, Grandpa groans as he gets up from the chair.  I sit for a minute to let him lead the way out of respect.  The warm glow of the fireplace hits me.   I sit back and look up at the fireplace mount grimacing at me.  I realize how proud I am of Grandpa.  The evil man with his hand in a fist. The hate in his eyes stares back down at me from the wall. I know it is just the way the taxidermist made him look, with the Hillary and Obama buttons pinned to his shirt and the black Antifa hood.  I am glad that through good conservation practices they are no longer a menace.

The turkey smells good and I am thankful I am an American.


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## Winston (Nov 23, 2017)

You do realize that those with extremely thin skin and an under-developed sense of humor might be offended by this.
But some do offend very, vey easily.  What do you do?


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## midnightpoet (Nov 23, 2017)

I did get a chuckle, two wrongs don't make a right.  Humor on both sides of the political spectrum has gotten very nasty lately though and frankly I avoid the evening news anymore and the whole bleeping world has gone nuts. Love your enemies and forgive those who persecute you is not only old hat but I'm not sure it's ever been tried (not enough, anyway).  Jesus' words "Oh ye generation of vipers" still applies.


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## Plasticweld (Nov 23, 2017)

Thanks guys :} I have already sent this to some of my conservative friends and it is making the rounds.  I figured if I put it in the Fiction section I wouldn't get blasted.  It was written for the humor section of the site.  I put it here as a compromise.  Thanks for reading


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## Birb (Nov 23, 2017)

While I believe that jokes like this just escalate problems further and should be avoided at all costs....

they get an excuse if they're funny...

It was well written, thanks for the laugh XD


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## ppsage (Nov 24, 2017)

Turkey's .... unless it's a really big gathering.


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## Roac (Nov 24, 2017)

This was an interesting story. The ending made me laugh, though I found it to be quite predictable. I think you gave it away in the title. Maybe calling it something like “The Perfect Turkey Shot” would help to give the political twist at the end more pop.


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## jakuper (Nov 24, 2017)

"You could say we were *over run* with them, but that would be an exaggeration." - isn't right "overrun"?

"It was just good conservation to thin them out." - how thinning out becomes conservation?

"If he had a pipe he would have taken a few puffs and then answered." - why write about something that could be, You could also write "If he had a wife, he would have asked her advice and then answered" Or anything other that is unreal in the same degree.

"He continued with his story.  “I picked him out of the bunch, he was  making the most noise.” He *looks* lovingly at the mount above the  fireplace." - in the last sentence you suddenly jump into Present tense.

An interesting read, made me laugh


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## Plasticweld (Nov 24, 2017)

Roac said:


> This was an interesting story. The ending made me laugh, though I found it to be quite predictable. I think you gave it away in the title. Maybe calling it something like “The Perfect Turkey Shot” would help to give the political twist at the end more pop.




The idea came after watching the evening news.  The gist of the story was, dealing with politics at family gatherings during Thanksgiving." 

Most of my stories are humor related so I was looking to try a different approach and trying to write something that was out of the ordinary but would elicit a laugh.  I have also set the goal of writing a story that current with what is going on now.  I use either the news of the day or some holiday as my prompt.  

While the title may have been a giveaway for you.  I have found that most need some sort of hint to figure a story out and need a steady supply of very subtle hints that make more sense after the finish has been revealed.  For those that read a lot of my work, they had an idea where it was going, but couldn't believe I really went there.  


Jakuper thanks for the catch on "overrun" 

"Thinning the herd" is a common term used when managing wildlife.

The use of the pipe smoking is a chance to slow the story down and establish character.  Just as the overly technical description of the shot.  That was meant as a distraction so you didn't start to figure out, where is this story going kind of thing. 

Thanks for the catch on the tense with looks instead of looked


PPsage,  I am not sure what you mean, the turkey would be correct unless I am missing something.  You've known me for a long time, so please elaborate and explain.


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## SueC (Nov 24, 2017)

As Winston suggested, there might be some humorless and extremely thin-skinned people in our group. I am neither, but I have to admit that when I realized who the prey were in your piece, what came to mind immediately was the shooting of the congressmen at the ball field last spring, wondering if that's how that shooter saw them, even though you did say it was a reflection of 2018.



> “I was lucky back then, they weren’t so elusive. I shot, and the rest of them took off. I heard stories from others, that you used to be able to shoot all day and they would just stand around not sure what to do. Not this bunch, one shot and they were all gone. A good clean kill it was.”



At any rate, I tried to disengage that idea and simply focus on the writing and found it was pretty good! The visuals, I think, we spot on. I could see Grandpa and the kids and I think you did a good job of pulling it all together. Good job!


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## Roac (Nov 24, 2017)

Plasticweld said:


> While the title may have been a giveaway for you.  I have found that most need some sort of hint to figure a story out and need a steady supply of very subtle hints that make more sense after the finish has been revealed.  For those that read a lot of my work, they had an idea where it was going, but couldn't believe I really went there.



Ah OK, I see where you are coming from. I really like the idea of having subtle hints about where a story is going and seeing if the reader “gets it” in the end or, as you said, can’t believe that you went there. Great stuff!




Plasticweld said:


> The idea came after watching the evening news. The gist of the story was, dealing with politics at family gatherings during Thanksgiving.


 
This is a great prompt. Being from Canada, our politics are not nearly as conversation worthy.




Plasticweld said:


> Most of my stories are humor related so I was looking to try a different approach and trying to write something that was out of the ordinary but would elicit a laugh. I have also set the goal of writing a story that current with what is going on now. I use either the news of the day or some holiday as my prompt.


 
And I like the idea of using the news for prompts. I sometimes struggle to come up with story ideas, yet prompts are all around us. I will have to start watching more news and less hockey.


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## ppsage (Nov 24, 2017)

Turkey is on the table. Contractions need apostrophes.


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## Kevin (Nov 24, 2017)

I slightly wondered about the use of "buzzkill"- wondered if kids would know that. Like a said, I slightly wondered... I think you've got the timing down. As I recall some didn't get the last one (the moral dilemma about violence and squishing a fly; pure farce and very funny). I struggled with that, understanding that people didn't get it. Definitely something to think about in my own writing. How much do you tell to make sure they get it?


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## LeeC (Nov 24, 2017)

You’ve gotten a lot of feedback on this, than’s good. I thought it read easily, but was a bit too predictable to be entertaining satire. Maybe if there was more to the story to engage the reader, even to lead them astray, making for a real twist at the end? The simple idea of humans settling their differences by killing each other, has been written about so many times it’s trite. To stand out it needs a bit more than a description of a first kill.


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## Plasticweld (Nov 24, 2017)

Kevin that is the real trick in writing is to know that balance.  I remember a satire piece I wrote in the NF section on the anniversary of the Cultural Revolution.  I had some guy blast me, who claimed he was a history major yet had no real knowledge of what went on or of the terms that were used.  For the reader to get what I had written, you would have needed to really understand history and its context.  The piece, while a few got it, 90 percent did not. I referenced my key things of the times of the times back then and merely mirrored the same sentiments and same language that we used today.  The piece sailed over the heads of most that read it, it insulted them in the process.  Based on that it was a failure.  Good comedy if it doesn't come close to crossing the line is seldom good.

Satire is tough to write, it expects a certain level of intellect that does not always exist, a certain understanding of vocabulary and traditions.  That is sometimes tough when dealing with the history of 50 plus years ago. 

Just keep in mind that Black Flies Matter and not everyone is going to get it.   Thanks for reading and sharing


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## Plasticweld (Nov 24, 2017)

LeeC said:


> To stand out it needs a bit more than a description of a first kill.



Gee Lee, I figured this was already too much info.


_Grandpa perked right up, “I used that Ruger model 77 in a 6mm with a 20-power scope on it, just a little over 500 yards.”  Grandpa loved to tell stories about his long shots. “Yup, 520 yards is what the laser range finder said when I hit the button on him.  Crosswinds at ten miles an hour, almost perpendicular.  I came up 37 clicks on the scope to account for the 23 inches of drop at that distance.  28 clicks to the left to account for the wind drift.”  Grandpa might not remember a lot of things, but his ballistic chart he had memorized like scripture.  He could tell you how many 1/8 minutes clicks it took to move the cross hairs for any distance.


_I am a long range shooter and keep notebooks on all of my shots from loads and wind, elevation and air temps along with bullet and powder used along with primer and how far off the lands the bullets were seated.  I even write down whether the bullets were in my pocket to account for temp changes.  Every long range shooter I know figures it to be more of chess came to figure out the dynamics of the shot rather than what is shot. A shot made in high wind will always be remembered long after what was shot was forgotten. Most long range shooters are math geeks, and are not sentimental 

Based on the feedback I have gotten on the story I do disagree with your other observations but really do appreciate your perspective.


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## EBZ (Nov 24, 2017)

Hi Plastic,

With a title like that, you can be damn sure I'm going to finish the story! Nice job. I did figure out the "twist" by the fourth sentence, which brings me to what I think is a deeper issue.

I think that as a satire this piece could be a bit more objective/comprehensive. Obviously, it's a short piece that targets "whiny liberals" and how conservatives feel about them and I think you got that part pretty well done. However, if you want to take this satire to the next level, I think you need to offer a little bit on the family and the grandpa, especially if you want the piece to feel more realistic. Perhaps, something to convey their lower intellect, or a physical defect to indicate inbreeding (if you wanted to go crazy). Certainly, since this feels like a working class conservative family, and not a Wall Street type, you want to do a bit more to indicate the poverty, obesity, and lack of education that runs rampant in those sections of the country. At the very least, you might get us to laugh a bit more at the Grandpa who seems to think highly of himself for being able to essentially "point and click." Good luck improving this piece and thanks a lot for the fun read.

added: still thinking about the piece. What I picture here is sort of a monstrous family. Horribly obese from a strict diet of McDonalds and  with a vocabulary that has somehow gotten even worse in the time that has passed since 2018. They devour their horribly processed turkey so they can get down to Wal Mart and throttle their neighbors for black friday deals. Then, bam, we see their trophy, frozen in tight jeans and hipster glasses. Perhaps a quick reference about how whatever President exists then is still sticking them. I like it.


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## Plasticweld (Nov 24, 2017)

EBZ, thanks  for the kind words, but more importantly, welcome to the forum and the WF family. We are always excited to have new members. 

You bring up many interesting points.  I kind of go with the idea that anytime you get a story that goes over 700 words you are pushing the limits of  most casual readers.  You can always go into more detail, as Lee suggested. You can always build a character and let the reader better visualize who you are talking about.  I don't go with that school of thought very often.  Many times when you add too much information you limit the imagination of the reader.  The family could have been anyone from any economic class. You saw them one way, I am sure another reader saw them as something different. 

Anyway, I am glad you are here, flattered that you chose my piece to be your first to comment on.  I am looking forward to reading your work. Please send me a PM when you post up your first story, so I can return the favor in reading yours...Bob.


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## Debra (Nov 24, 2017)

It was a little airy for me. I chuckled, I could see a light (yet adult) and relatable post like that becoming viral on Facebook. A little predictable but fun all the same. What is the target audience? 

There was too little dark meat on this turkey for my taste. However, there's only so much you can fit in 700 words.

-Deb


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## EmmaSohan (Nov 25, 2017)

The story works as well (or as poorly) if the man was hunting fascists. I wonder why you chose the antifa? With fascists, it would still be as funny (or appalling).

Arghh!!! I just got it! It's a dystopia! A chilling look at a possible America! Right, very frightening. I was chilled. Nicely done. Let's us give thanks our country is not like that and use your story as a warning to give thanks for the American we have and work to keep a land of peace and tolerance and working together.


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