# Womb Moon



## Amnesiac (Aug 5, 2019)

Caffeinecrash nicotinesick dawn
Worn boots hurting my soul
Walking all night striding to no destination
Gray pigeons on the gray square gray sky gray rain gray brain
Just wanna open a trapdoor into the soundless surface of the
Womb moon and sleepdrink cool darkness for a millenium

Brothel dining room stew tastes
like smokesweat flatbeer and warm
as I watch the deadred sunrise with redeyes while 
Madam Kali's stale cigar assaults my nose and
she cacklewhispers endless tales about people I've never met

Rub my tired face with tired hands and watch tired trash
blowing by the grimy window in the hollow wind through my hollow skin
Just wanna open a trapdoor into the soundless surface of the
Womb moon and sleepdrink cool darkness for a millenium


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## Bard_Daniel (Aug 5, 2019)

Hey Frank! The combinations of words is something that I especially liked about this piece. I know in German they do that, but I find that (in poetry- even for me) it helps make new words that stand on their own. Additionally, this felt like a rush of conscious thoughts and feelings all blended together and I think this adds literary weight to the poem that you've written here. Overall, a good job. I hope to read more.

Thanks for sharing!


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## Amnesiac (Aug 5, 2019)

As I wrote it, the combination words lent a rhythmic feel to things. At least, that's how it feels to me... Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks!


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## -xXx- (Aug 6, 2019)

Bard_Daniel said:


> The combinations of words is something that I especially liked about this piece. I know in German they do that, but I find that (in poetry- even for me) it helps make new words that stand on their own.





Amnesiac said:


> As I wrote it, the combination words lent a rhythmic feel to things. At least, that's how it feels to me... Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks!



curious as to poet's choice of when.where to incorporate
fusion(s) vs when.where to infer discrete element.
ie: all the grays
"_Gray pigeons on the gray square gray sky gray rain gray brain_"
are these intentional full beats?

imho, refrain, m.od(d)-f.rain, refrain fusion element works.


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## Amnesiac (Aug 6, 2019)

Yes. It was intentional.


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## Namyh (Aug 12, 2019)

Amnesiac - Kinda makes me wanna open a trap door too and I liked its lyrical creativity. Namyh


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## Amnesiac (Aug 12, 2019)

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.


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## Theglasshouse (Aug 12, 2019)

I liked the resolution "to sleep cool darkness for a millennium". I sometimes wish skilled poets could deconstruct some of the basics of poetry. I know a lot of poems have a beginning, middle, and end. I enjoy the eldritch touch you've created. I was a little bit confused by the metaphor "womb moon." I still read the poem but don't feel qualified for feedback and I am just leaving some comments here.

My reaction: we are all children of the moon and sun, and we are stuck in the womb of the moon is my guess. We are stuck in its infinite shadow too. It's a given it will be there like a sentry or guardian.

Good poem, I think I got a tad bit inspired by it in my reaction and comments and wrote a mini-poem. I hope you write some more.


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## Amnesiac (Aug 13, 2019)

High praise, indeed. So gratifying to know that it inspired you! During crazy, chaotic, restless periods of my life, the moon has always seemed something soundless, peaceful, and remote from the beating sun obscured by the metaphorical dust of chariot wheels and the thunder of horses that this life is, at times. When I wrote this, I was tired down to my bones... A lot was happening in my life at the time; things I was having a difficult time with, and all I wanted was peace. I would leave my house around 9 or 10 at night, and I'd just walk and think. Often, I'd walk until sunrise. I was spiritually, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, during that time of my life.


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## Firemajic (Sep 15, 2019)

Amnesiac said:


> Caffeinecrash nicotinesick dawn
> Worn boots hurting my soul
> Walking all night striding to no destination
> Gray pigeons on the gray square gray sky gray rain gray brain
> ...





Amnesiac said:


> I was spiritually, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, during that time of my life.




This poem captures the mental exhaustion brilliantly.... it has a dark hopeless vibe due to the gritty imagery... well done!


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## Amnesiac (Sep 16, 2019)

Thank you so much! It was written during a time of mental and spiritual exhaustion. I've been homesick my whole life, and life itself seems like a carnival. I've eaten my fill of hot dogs and cotton candy, ridden all the rides, played all the games, and it's late. Just want my dad to pick me up and carry me home, while I fall asleep on his shoulder.


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## Gumby (Sep 16, 2019)

I like this, but have a small suggestion, try removing the "ing" from the first stanza to make it 'hurt, walk and stride'. Makes it feel more immediate and punchy, IMO.

Nice!


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## Amnesiac (Sep 16, 2019)

Thank you! I'll revisit it.


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## jenthepen (Sep 19, 2019)

The grittiness of the words make a perfect counterbalance for the deep emotional and spiritual exhaustion that you expess so well in this poem. The message here could have become self-pitying and trite but you not only avoided that trap but absolutely smashed it with this memorable piece of writing. Great imagery too.


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## apple (Sep 22, 2019)

So well written Amnesiac. I could feel the dust and weariness so vividly. I loved the line about the "the hollow wind through my hollow skin.' I felt like I was in a sad, desolate, old western town.  So, so good.


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## Amnesiac (Sep 23, 2019)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.


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