# Grand Fiction Challenge 2020 Results



## Harper J. Cole (Mar 3, 2020)

Ladies and gentlemen, the results for the 2020 contest are in!


*Story**Folcro**rcallaci**Ralph Rotten**Sam**Average*The Halfway House - _Non Serviam_17181718*17.5*Shorty Ballad - _TL Murphy_10121116.5*12.375*Halfway House - _sigmadog_11161815.5*15.125*Perilous Gambit - _M__ish_15151717*16*Leaving Home - _SueC_15141615*15*Highway of tears - _Tim_12191818*16.75*Real-Life Cauchemar Sighted In Hecurro - _bdcharles_18121519*16*JOI and Despair - _epimetheus_9171418*14.5*The Last Dragon Whisperer - _jenthepen_13191716*16.25*Justice - _velo_10171817*15.5*The House at the Edge of the Sea - _ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord_16191418*16.75*Valkyrja - _Born for Bruning_16161319.5*16.125*scripting the nodes, return: contents settle during shipping _-xXx-_171612N/A*15*De Halverwege Huis - _Megan Pearson_14121719*15.5*Halfway to Nowhere - _rcallaci_8N/A1316*Judge*The Ladder - _undead_av_17201919*18.75*The Better Half - _luckyscars_11121218*13.25*

These are the winners ...

*1st place*
The Ladder _by undead_av_
$100

*2nd place*
The Halfway House _by Non Serviam_
$40

*3rd place*
Highway of Tears _by Tim
_The House at the Edge of the Sea _by ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord_
$10 each

*People's Choice poll winner*
JOI and Despair _by epimetheus_
$40

Many congratulations to all of you!
:champagne: :champagne: :champagne:

Thanks to all 17 contestants (a record, I believe). For those who didn't qualify this time around, remember that you can be eligible for our 2021 contest by competing in the monthly Literary Maneuvers challenges: the March contest is *already open*! You can also qualify by judging (you need to have judged at least once in 2020 and at least five times overall).


Finally, my deepest gratitude to our quartet of judges: Folcro, rcallaci, Ralph Rotten and Sam, for their time and skill this year! You can find their comments below ...

[spoiler2="Folcro"]

The Halfway House

SPag: 4

Missing Comma (I ought to explain that, thirty years ago…); missing hyphen (thickly-thatched roof); unnecessary comma (I really meant, anyone at all).

Tone and Voice: 5

Your writing style reminds me of HP Lovecraft, sans the fart-sniffing high he got off the overt eloquence of his prose. Yours is smooth, engaging, and flawlessly befitting of the atmosphere I would expect of such a story as this.

Evaluation: 4

While the style began with immaculate precision, I felt like you lost that grip in the second half. Witty dialogue and a voice unique to each character would have made up for this.

Reaction: 4

Flash fiction often relies on a punchline, and this story more-or-less aligns to that regiment; however, it didn’t feel so much like I was waiting for a punchline, as it was a pleasant ride getting there.

Shorty Ballard

SPaG: 5

While you obviously took artistic licensing with the dialect, the SPaG was technically intact.

Evaluation: 2

Credit in the distinction between the (unnecessary, IMO) narrator and the one who was telling the story. Unfortunately, it ends there. Even without the formatting getting in the way, the dialect (which, granted, is not an easy thing to do) was inconsistent; I’m stuck between two storytellers like a dog between two masters; and I don’t know if I should blame laziness or artistry for the bullet-points, but again, you would have had plenty of room for proper transitions without the superfluous narrator.

Tone and Voice: 2

Why is a narrator narrating the narrator? Why can’t JW just tell the story? Why do I need to know that his arms are spread wide like an apocalypse preacher and why do I need commentary on the story he’s telling? Every time you broke dialogue, I said to myself, “Shut up and let the man speak!”

Reaction: 1

Many flash stories rely on a punchline at the end, but in order for that payoff to, well, pay off, the reader shouldn’t feel like they have to drag their feet to get through. Even for a mere 998 words, this was a hefty haul: the formatting, lack of grounding detail, and bifurcation of the narrative made this a bit of a headache.

Halfway House

SPaG: 5

Good use of “lay,” and otherwise well-proofed.

Tone and Voice: 2

The story reads like a synopsis of facts that were formatted into paragraphs. The only time where you seem like you’re having fun with the prose is when the devil speaks, as though you might have rushed a bit to get to his lines.

Reaction: 2

So what exactly is the message here? That the devil is stupid? I’m not sure as I really understand his plan. What was he expecting would happen? What did he stand to gain? And why did things not turn out the way he wanted them to?

Evaluation: 2

The effort in this is there, but there just wasn’t enough meat. The story revolved around man’s struggle with Satan—great!— but Satan’s an idiot. And he’s so on-the-nose and explainy about his plans. Where’s the drama in that? Where’s the tension?

Perilous Gambit

SPaG: 4

No comma needed after “but” and “yet.” There were a few missing commas.

Tone and Voice: 5

I’m not sure how accurate I am, but this little story, from its names to its terms (“pain symphony”, “imperial psych conditioning”), screams Frank Herbert. Any story that can captivate that atmosphere is bound to strike me as enjoyable, and you really did a fantastic job with the atmosphere.

Reaction: 3

I was almost thunderstruck by the tone of the story: very sci-fi and yet almost medieval, much like Dune. However, there was a lot that held you back. First, there were a few missteps in punctuation, but that’s an easy fix; the bigger problem was how big a world you tried to cram into a thousand words. As a writer (and we all fall into this trap), you have to watch out for when you find yourself writing “As you already know…”— there are better (more elaborate, usually, but better) ways to explain your world. This would have been a much better story if it had a room for a lot more words.

Evaluation: 3

You rely on dialogue, but it is sometimes confusing as to who is speaking. You do not need to start a new paragraph every time you open dialogue; you can, and usually should, combine a character’s actions with their dialogue into one paragraph (so long as each paragraph “belongs” to only one character). Another thing to note is that, while the dialogue was well-written, I felt a longing for some description. This felt more like a shortened chapter of a good book rather than a short story, let alone flash. As one example, it just didn’t feel right that the main character’s epileptic fit should begin and end in two sentences, or that the revelation of the fit should be concluded in the same paragraph. Things like that held this back— it’s one of those instances of a good story having to chop its own arms off to fit in this contest.

Leaving Home

SPaG: 5

Tone and Voice: 4

Your style is very simple, but you exemplify how this is more often than not a good thing: you don’t let elaborate style get in your own way, but instead tap into the heart of the creative story you’re telling. Yours is the kind of style recognizable only after the reader has gotten to know you a bit; this is often a good thing.

Reaction: 3

I loved how you set up the plot: the protagonist being back at his childhood haunted house in a cop car, seeing it converted to a halfway house. Very creative. But my love for the idea was the very reason I find the story so frustrating. You packed a big idea into a small story. This idea deserves more; it could make a fine novella or even a novel if you give it the love it deserves.

Evaluation: 3

While I can’t say there was anything done wrong per se, I thought the story was lacking, and was rushed, especially for having such a great premise. This is one of those times where a good idea is wasted on a limiting contest. There is so much potential in this story to build suspense while revealing the horrible details of the character’s past. The rushed ending was more than just rushed, it was nigh incomprehensible… a surreal allegory for drugs, perhaps?

Highway of Tears

SPaG: 4

Punctuation hurt you. Commas mostly, but there was an inappropriate period.

Tone and Voice: 3

Appropriately simple, but I would have preferred more description amid the dialogue, and a little more grounding to the setting, particularly in the beginning.

Evaluation: 3

Personally, I found it a little glaring that you don’t describe the setting in the opening scene. Are we in a city, a suburb, the desert? When the car goes “off road” and starts tumbling, what is it tumbling on?
At first, the story seemed a little too straight forward, but I did enjoy the little twist at the end.

Reaction: 2

It wasn’t terrible; you’re a competent writer, but I felt this needed a lot more meat. As it stands, the little twist ending just wasn’t enough to elevate this to a solid entry for me.



Real-Life Cauchemar Sighted In Hecurro
SPaG: 5
Tone &Voice: 5
From start to finish, this story was bursting at the seams with atmosphere. I had a little trouble following the plot (for which I blame some key details that probably had to be removed for length), but it almost didn’t matter; this was a superbly-written picaresque. Your description “something invisible and remorseless” was nothing if not brilliant.
Evaluation: 4
What mainly holds you back is the lack of detail; it seems obvious that there were some things you had to remove to make this story fit in the contest. I’m telling you— those things were important. Descriptions of scenery, a _little_ bit more back story, and a little more interpersonal interaction would have brought this over the edge.
Reaction: 4
I had some trouble putting myself in the scene due to unfortunate length constraints; but for me to love a story I didn’t fully understand is a great feat on your part. A well-deserved final score.

JOI and Despair
SPaG: 1
You couldn’t have proof-read this? Not even once?
Reaction: 2
How old is Eddie? He’s a robot mechanic but still gets beatings from daddy? I liked the paragraph on human depression, and I liked the concept of unemployment caused by AI, but those ideas were only introduced, not explored; there really wasn’t anything else original to go on here.
Tone & Voice: 3
Who is telling this story— an AI or a human? Sometimes the narrative seemed robotic, and sometimes it had a little more of a flow to it. Also, it’s difficult to establish a consistent tone when you do not proof read; it’s not just about SPaG.
Evaluation: 3
There were some parts that had substance, and I wish you would have focused on those. The story read like a synopsis that itself still needed more ideas to really pack a punch.

The Last Dragon Whisperer
SPaG: 4
A few missing periods, a missing word.
Reaction: 3
It’s one thing to try and make a death impactful when I haven’t known the man but for some 900 words; it’s another thing to kill him off because he forgot to take his meds. I didn’t feel the weight of it.
Tone & Voice: 3
Simple prose, which is good: you didn’t get in your own way, and the narrative was pleasant enough. But there was nothing that really jumped out at me. Maybe upping the whimsy a little?
Evaluation: 3
I see the potential for whimsy and emotion, but I didn’t feel it. The story dragged a little bit, and the prose was just okay for me: I felt some empathy for the old man, but not enough to feel the gravitas of his tangential death.

Justice
SPaG: 4
Punctuation’s the problem here, mostly comma placement; one typo.
Reaction: 2
I like how you establish pronunciation, but did you have to spell it “Dike”? And why did Dike lead him to his death? What was her motivation? If she wanted him dead, why not kill him while he was sleeping in her yurt for three weeks?
Tone & Voice: 2
I would like to have seen more environmental description, more of an idea for where I was. At first, I thought wild west, but then I see a boardwalk and I’m thinking Jersey Shore. I also had some trouble with the dialogue— you go out of your way to make these people sound gruff and uneducated, but then they speak in these drawn-out, expository sentences, almost Vaudeville.
Evaluation: 2
I can always respect in medias res, but the story just didn’t grab me: there was a lot of explanation and build up, and a decent twist, but from the odd dialogue to the baffling motivations of Dike, the story didn’t really leave an impact on me.

The House at the Edge of the Sea
SPaG: 5
I saw a few odd punctuation and spatial decisions, but whatevs.
Tone & Voice: 4
Though maybe a bit too long in some instances, you maintain control of your sentences and usually come away with a decent cadence at the end of each one. Also, great dialogue, especially the way you incorporate it with character action— smooth and organized. You also paint a clear and pretty picture; I could see the story as a painting.
Reaction: 3
Sadly, I had a little trouble visualizing what you were describing at the end there, and how exactly it connected with their discussion (which was almost dominated by mermaids). There wasn’t much to the story, from what I could tell, but it more or less fulfilled what I believe to be its intended purpose of whimsical imagery.
Evaluation: 4
Imagery and atmosphere (the pleasantness combined with the mystery) elevates this story. It was simple, as is my evaluation: I enjoyed reading it, but I wanted to see a little more, a little better.

VALKYRJA
SPaG: 4
The missing commas (between adjectives) and inappropriate commas (after “then”) started to grate after a bit.
Tone & Voice: 5
I liked that opening description— that image isn’t easy to establish in so few words. There were some awkward moments, like starting a sentence with “neither” inappropriately. I was tempted to take a point off for such (albeit uncommon) mishaps, but your voice overall is something that deserves a spotlight. One more thing, though: please mind your dialogue tags— there is nothing wrong with “he said, she said”; too much of anything else in so short a time can and _will_ feel forced.
Reaction: 3
I wanted to see more about the world you established, this futuristic dystopia with punk rock and human trafficking; the sudden demon-slaying took me out of that world.
Evaluation: 4
Overall, very good writing that could use a little polish. You made it a point to bring plot into the story, but the plot you employed was lacking.

Scripting the Nodes, Return
SPaG: 5
Tone & Voice: 5
Given my ardent belief in the separation of verse and pros, I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with this at first, but whatever this is, you do it extraordinarily well. To go from one-word sentences, almost robotic, to “A gentle drift of snowflakes gives way to dancing droplets” shows an incredible sense of self-control, which I’m finding to be the primary strength behind this oddball piece.
Reaction: 3
I feel like I’m being soft on this story because I respect it, but here I have to emphasize that I had no idea what was going on.
Evaluation: 4
It’s plain to see that this was a very deliberate approach you took, especially as seeing how you used a mere 70% of your allotted words. You took on a lot, but didn’t fall flat on your face, which deserves consideration all on its own. I have a feeling this isn’t how you normally write— that you’re a skilled writer who decided to experiment. But your skill shines through absurdity, which is another factor for consideration.

De Halverwege Huis
SPaG: 5
Tone & Voice: 3
You could have been a little more efficient at times: for example, you describe the classic image of a Saint Bernard when you could have just called it a Saint Bernard, only to call it a Saint Bernard a few sentences later. “…snow began blowing a little less” could be “the wind began to slow,” etcetera…
Reaction: 3
The concept had a sense of quirky originality, and that little quip about the math student made me laugh. I have to say though, I think you made a big mistake by explaining why the woman with the wedding dress was there; by the time she shows up, we know exactly why she’s there and it’s funny just to put two and two together. She shouldn’t have explained herself.
Evaluation: 3
This one was okay, but it could have been better for the idea you had; execution was your main problem here.

Halfway to Nowhere
SPaG: 2
Too many apostrophes; too few commas; elementary typos.
Tone & Voice: 2
I think Lilith could benefit from finishing school. The writing needed to be cut down; “endless eternity”, for example, is strikingly redundant. Winded paragraphs of expository dialogue needed to be broken up with more description of character behavior, and a sense of what’s going on.
Reaction: 2
…Whaaat? All this effort to bring Lilith up to speed only got me lost.
Evaluation: 2
Sadly, whatever idea you seemed excited to convey here was lost in the execution: the exposition read like lifeless bullet-points. And without commas, half the sentences seemed like a ramble without tone. Maybe these ideas belonged in a longer story?

The Ladder
SPaG: 5
Tone & Voice: 5
The prose was simple, serviceable, but the atmosphere you managed to capture was fantastic. It was darkly futuristic, but whimsically classic; also, you managed to pull up a few emotions with well-pointed lines of dialogue.
Reaction: 3
While I loved the atmosphere and overall very much enjoyed the piece, I had a little trouble understanding what was going on. These strange descriptions used to describe an urban landscape made me wonder if Annie knew what a modern city was, and if not, why not? At first, I thought the city was an ancient site in a post-apocalyptic setting, but it seems that people lived there, maybe or maybe not in a post-world society. I also wasn’t really sure what Annie found when she got to the top. Was she in heaven? If so, I mean… all her brother had to do was die to get there, why did she have to work so hard?
Evaluation: 4
Overall, this was a very well-done little piece. I felt engaged and curious to see where it ended. I would have liked to see a more expanded world, and a more coherent plot, but half of that is personal taste.

The Better Half
SPaG: 4
Needed some more proofreading.
Tone & Voice: 3
I was very confused at first as to POV: you start with Adam, so I assume it’s him, then you start saying “she” without giving a name. But overall, the writing was competent, I just wasn’t a fan of the quirky tone and situation… had Adam really not bathed in weeks because the bathroom was not on his side?
Reaction: 2
Well, you definitely didn’t seem in any mood to challenge gender stereotypes, but life goes on… What irked me a little more was the simplification of divorce: a quirky little game of “saw the house in half” because they had some undetailed fight a few months ago? I wasn’t feeling that aspect of it at all. And what was the lesson here? What the heck was the lawyer even trying to do or gain?
Evaluation: 2
Competent writing produces a bold experiment that, in the end, just didn’t work for me. The ending baffled me, and I wasn’t sympathizing with the characters.[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2="rcallaci"]

*Judging results of the LM Yearly contest-*rcallaci

Some used the prompt well and some didn’t, my scores reflect that. Also the art of storytelling plays an most important role in this contest. I’m not much of a technical spag guy, for me it’s all about the prompt and story. A lot of damn good writing all around. 

*The Halfway House*—1st one

I enjoyed this piece. A  good yarn . I love demons and things. Well paced and written. Nice bit of world building. The only thing that was a little disappointing for me was the predictable ending. It seems he got the better deal in doing the demons job. She got burned. Not that it was a bad conclusion but after the first two paragraphs the ending was obvious.   Good job. Good use of the prompt.
Spag—5
T@V   5
Evaluation   4
Reaction      4
Total        18

*Shorty Ballad*

An odd piece that didn’t fully connect with me, who was the narrator, it kept changing. I got confused in places.  You have good writing skills, that can’t be denied, but the story and pacing was a bit disjointed.  The Unka part or the dialect writing kept me unbalanced. What about the prompt?  It Was not utilized as far as I could determine. 
Spag- 4
T@V  3
Evaluation 2
Reaction  3
Total  12

*Halfway Hous*e  2nd one

A heartwarming ending, it made me smile. A simplistic story told well, a bare bones piece.  Good use of the prompt. 
Spag 5
T@V  4
Evaluation 4
Reaction 3
Total 16 

*Perilous Gambit *

Good storytelling although a little convoluted in places. You used the prompt in a casual way that was not directly tied to the story. Cool ending. This piece needed another 100 to 200 words to fill it out. 

Spag 4
T@V 4
Evaluation 4
Reaction 3
Total 15

*Leaving Home*

Where’s the beef. He went to sleep terrified and woke up refreshed. Six months magically passed and he left the house better than when he came in. Those ghosts or demons didn’t seem terrifying to me, why didn’t they torture him instead of letting him off with no recollection of the past six months. Many holes in this piece, the ending is quite unsatisfying.  Good use of the prompt. 1000 words was too short for your style you seemed rushed. 

Spag 5
T@V 3
Evaluation 3
Reaction 3
Total 14

*Highway to Tears*

Excellent story. Fair use of the prompt but not fully integrated in this amazing piece of writing. Kudos. Powerful beginning, powerful ending.... 
Spag 5
T@V 5
Evaluation 4
Reaction 5
Total 19 

*Real-Life Cauchemar Sighted In Hecurro*
Have Weapons, Will Travel

No use of the prompt. A thick and convoluted story. This felt like part of a larger story cut down to fit the word count. Confusing to say the least, I kind of liked the ending though. 

Spag 4
T@V3
Evalution 2
Reaction 3 
Total 12

*JOI and Despair*

Love the title. A wonderful piece, great bit of storytelling, good writing chops, clapped at the ending; those damned humans.  You cheated on the prompt not really integrated in the story. Minor typos. 

Spag 4
T@V 4
Evaluation 4
Reaction 5
Total 17 

*Justice*

An interesting take on a bad man getting his due, got a kick out of seeing the old lady doing the jig. A well written piece and an interesting take on the prompt- “Where ya are is halfway between where ya started and where yer gonna end up, just follow the river down and you'll see your way back." Thus making her house the halfway house. Good story telling all around. The bastard got what he deserved.

Spag  5
T@V 4
Evaluation 4
Reaction  4
Total  17

*The Last Dragon Whisperer *

A lovely, lovely. Heart-warming story that brought a smile and maybe a tear to my face, excellent writing.   Although I understand your use of the prompt “She told me the houses were on the boundary between knowing and not knowing and asked me if I had ever seen a dragon.” It was a bit vague. Kudos 

Spag 5
T@V 5
Evaluation 4
Reaction 5
Total 19 

*The House at the Edge of the Sea*

Good use of the prompt. Although the story didn’t pop for me, it lacked that something that fires up my mind to the extreme, but it was a damn well written piece. Flawless bit of writing.  A great Mood piece

Spag 5
T@V 5
Evaluation 5
Reaction 4
Total 19

*VALKYRJA*

Interesting little SiFi horror piece. It felt like it was part of a larger story. The ending was abrupt. You did a throw away prompt. Good job though. 

Spag 5
T@V 4
Evaluation 4
Reaction 3
Total 16

*scripting the nodes, return: contents settle during shipping*

This is not so much a story as it is a poem. One hell of a good prosaic poem I might add but not a story. You have great writing skills, you’re a wonderful poet, but again this is a contest about story in the more traditional sense. You did integrate the prompt and showed us your writing chops. If this was a poetry contest you’d get a 20.

Spag 5
T@V 3
Evalution 3
Reaction 5

Total 16

*De Halverwege Huis*

I’m sorry this story didn’t make sense to me. It lacked believability, it was kind of jumbled- The tone was off. Also the ending was flat. A magical franchise in Ireland. Was he Justin or Martian. You confused me .

Spag 5
T@V 2
Evaluation 3
Reaction 2
Total 12

*The Ladder*

A dystopian marvel.  Great imagery, tone, and heart.  Great use of the prompt. Need I say more Kudos ..... a ladder to heaven found in a urban wasteland...
Spag 5

T@V 5
Evaluation 5
Reaction 5
Total 20

*The Better Half*

I can’t say you didn’t use the prompt well but the story uninspired and rushed. Didn’t feel for the husband and wife –the story was mundane and the ending was uninspired, too many holes to make his a compelling story. 

Spag 5
T@V 2
Evaluation 3
Reaction 2
Total 12

*Halfway to Nowhere*

I wrote this on the fly and like all my stories it’s part of a larger work. It’s also a tell piece, part of a  pagan bible of sorts.[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2="Ralph Rotten"]

"Title" *The Halfway House*

Review: This story was sort of an English slant on Angel Heart. I liked the buildup, the whole mystery flavor of the story. The author has good mechanical control of their writing, and I thought they wrote a very big story for just 1000 words.
My only complaint was the abruptness of the ending. It just felt like they ran out of words and had to taper it off quickly.

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 5/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 17/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title" *Shorty Ballard*

Review: Although there was some really great redneck dialogue in this story, it was like following a radio show without any sound effects. It was a curious world, but I do not get the connection to a *halfway house* (the theme for this contest.) 

SPaG: 3/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 2/5
Total: 11/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"*Halfway House*

Review: This story flowed well, and did a good job of staying interesting from start to finish. I felt the character illustrations were very good (considering the word limit) and I was able to easily imagine each of the players. My only complaint was the abruptness of the ending. I wasn't 100% sure what had just happened...

But it was a good story nonetheless

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 18/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title" Perilous Gambit

Review: This was an interesting little tale with a nice surprise ending. The author showed true *economy of words* by being able to paint such a big story in so few words. Personally I thought the story moved too fast in the middle, the room got crowded fast, but the ending closed it all out neatly.

SPaG: 4/5
T&V: 4/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 17/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  *Leaving Home*

Review: An intriguing little horror story. The plot-line was a little bit fuzzy tho. Good writing by the author, story itself was meh. I didn't understand why 6 months had passed if they didn't get to play...? 

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 4/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 16/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  *Highway of Tears*

Review: Although this story only has a loose connection to the contest theme (Halfway house) I did like it. Just when I thought it was going to be another serial killer story or true-crime drama, the story revealed a fun twist at the end. The writing was good, the illustration was good, and the writer showed good* economy of words*.

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 4/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 18/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  *Real-Life Cauchemar Sighted In Hecurro*

Review: The author of this tale created a whole world, as well as a unique dialog to paint their world. The downside of this was that it made the story slightly laborious to read. There was some detatched dialog that made me have to go back and reread the passage. The story has potential tho. It felt like a D&D game where the players sell out Sheldon Cooper.

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation:3/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 15/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title" *JOI and despair*

Review: This was a fair story that was marred by odd formatting. The flashbacks & flash forwards were a little jarring, but the author told their story well enough. The bit at the end was an interesting reveal as well.

SPaG: 3/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 14/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title" *Justice*

Review: This turned out to be an interesting little supernatural western. We are led to believe that Brett is the good guy, shot in the back by the true villain, but by the end of the story we see the truth. We also find out the truth behind Dike's medical generosity. There is a sense of Karma to the story. 

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 5/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 18/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title" *The House at the Edge of the Sea*

Review: This was a nice little nautical horror story. It flowed well enough, and had very few hiccups. The ending was a bit confusing tho.

SPaG: 4/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 14/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  VALKYRJA​
Review: Story moved very fast, covered a lot of ground, had a _Mack Bolan_ flavor to it. 

SPaG: 4/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 13/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  *scripting the nodes, return: contents settle during shipping*


Review: This was an interesting bit of exploratory work. The author is trying to tell their story in a unique new way.

SPaG: 3/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 12/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  De Halverwege Huis​
Review: I had to laugh at the part of the story when the tent blew away in the wind. BTDT. The story kept me interested, expecting a big reveal at the end, but I never quite got it. I thought the last paragraph at the therapist's could have been better...been more...? Good *economy of words* tho. 

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 17/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title" Halfway to Nowhere

Review: Nice little story about the coming of the end. The prose took effort to read, and felt a little stilted. The story itself was interesting, but the delivery needed work.

SPaG: 3/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 13/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  *The Ladder*

Review: This tale put an odd twist on the classic jack & the Beanstalk tale. I thought the writing was solid, the author showed true economy of words, illustrated the characters very well, and painted a world we could easily see. The story flowed well, and my only complaint was the bluntness of the ending. I wanted to know more. (had I written it I woulda deleted the paragraph with the construction fence getting int he way, and used those words to bump up the ending.)

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 5/5
Evaluation: 5/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 19/20
______________________________________________________________

"Title"  The Better Half

Review: A horrific trip down Divorce lane. The story was a bit confusing in spots where the writer was trying to be mysterious. The ending was a bit of a surprise-twist tho.


SPaG: 3/5
T&V: 3/5
Evaluation: 3/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 12/20
______________________________________________________________

The Last Dragon Whisperer

Review: As an American, I really loved the flavor of this tale from across the pond. It had an authentic voice to it, the characters were well developed, and it mostly flowed well. The author could have trimmed a bit from the beginning to better round-out the ending, but otherwise it was a fine story.

SPAG: 5
T&V: 5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 3/5
Total: 17/20[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2="Sam"]

GRAND FICTION CHALLENGE SCORES (SAM)

SHORTY BALLARD

SPaG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 4.5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 16.5/20

I’m a sucker for finding new ways to do old things, especially in a story, but one of those is not offsetting dialogue with hyphens. The last thing I want to do when reading is look at ostentatious layout that detracts from what is an otherwise excellent piece of flash fiction. It’s jarring, and the only effect it has is to break the reader’s immersion. Sorry to be a stickler, but dialogue layout has existed the way it does for centuries and for a very good reason. 
There’s a tad too much telling going on here, but I get it, and this piece is one of the many examples of something that resonates greater when it’s not shown. I love the tone and voice; it crackles with colloqualisms and immediately makes the reader feel comfortable. There’s the slightest hint of danger intermixed with intrigue and suspense. I love the irony of the characters having to swallow their pride and ask the village idiot (or in this case, the village shorty) for help. 
But the ending, at least in the dozen or more times I read it, doesn’t sit with me. Whose hand grabs at Shorty? Unka Buddy’s? A ghost? And we’re supposed to believe Unka Buddy died from a broken nose? Or, since he sat up in the back seat, didn’t die? It’s all a bit confusing to end, but I enjoyed it. 
Well done. 

HALFWAY HOUSE

SPaG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 4/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 3.5/5
Total: 15.5/20

Okay, I’ve got a slight problem. You made the Devil this cool, imposing, onimous character wearing an entirely red outfit sans the tie. Tick. You established a fear factor by having our character shot. Tick. You created an inescapable scenario and yet had the character escape. Tick. You ticked all the boxes and then . . . you had the Devil say “but, alas” and “sport” and “kid” and “dipshit”. Is the Devil auditioning for a role in _Hamlet_?
And then, you fell into the trap of introducing back-story via dialogue (seriously, don’t do this. It’s like a character saying, “Hi, Johnny, you remember that time I shot you in the back?”). You have the Devil opining about That Fateful Day and how it took a lot of work to make all the pieces come together – all, or most, of this should have been done via exposition. And if haven’t enough words to do it via exposition, you need to consider whether it’s necessary. 
You don’t need to say ‘BOOM’ to show us something has made a loud noise. Things like this really scream ‘comic book’. But I still think you have a lot of potential. You write well and can convey a character well. I’d work on your dialogue, though.
Overall, I enjoyed the read, but the piece as a whole didn’t really work for me.  
Well done nonetheless.  

PERILOUS GAMBIT

SPaG: 4.5/5
Tone and Voice: 4.5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 17/20

So the magic word is “Stovak”? That’s not a sentence I thought I’d ever write. 
There’s only one problem with it. Pre-programmed words, ala The Manchurian Candidate, have to be spoken for them to be effective. It’s a word buried deep in the sub-conscious that triggers something else buried deep in the sub-conscious, so I can accept the character hearing it in a dream. But why didn’t it trigger when the main character awoke? Or, rather, why did it trigger when he remembered it during the conversation with Kareg? 
If the main character triggered by just remembering it, he should have triggered remembering it after the dream, but he didn’t. To confuse things further, he then had to speak it aloud for Emperor Kareg’s guards to trigger. Either the word works sub-consciously, or consciously, but you’re going to have a hard time convincing me it’s both. 
That being said, I quite enjoyed this piece. I can dispense with the problems above because it’s exceedingly well written. I did knock half a point off SpAG, though, for the phrase “shaking and shivering”. ‘Shivering’ implies fear or coldness; ‘shaking’ implies uncontrollable spasms; it’s anatomically impossible to do both at the same time. 
Well done. 

LEAVING HOME

SpAG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 4/5
Evaluation: 3.5/5
Reaction: 3.5/5
Total: 15/20

Flash fiction is a complex genre. I can’t help feeling that if you had another 500 words to play with here, you would have been able to flesh out an even more intriguing opening and maintain the suspense level throughout. Your opening two paragraphs are excellent, but everything from there feels rushed. That may seem a strange criticism to level at a piece of flash fiction, I know, but there’s a tendency to rush micro-fiction much more than any other kind. 
The ending serves to obfuscate, rather than delineate. What was the point in going to the house if the character was going to leave ten minutes later? And how exactly does one make a hex sign with their fingers? A hex sign is a six-sided shape (originally called a ‘sechs sign’, i.e. “sign of six”, from Dutch tradition and mistakenly heard by English settlers as ‘hex sign’) and I’m having a hard time imagining that you could make one with your fingers. Even if you could, for it to be effective it would have to be painted onto the house.
Overall, I did enjoy it, the above comments notwithstanding. 
Well done. 

HIGHWAY OF TEARS

SpAG: 5/5
Tone and Voice: 4/5
Evaluation: 4.5/5
Reaction: 4.5/5
Total: 18/20

I’ve got a few nitpicks here that caused me to knock a few points off what is an excellent piece. 
Firstly, I don’t know what police precinct the character is with, in what part of the world, but no one, bar swat and Special Forces, has access to night-vision goggles. They don’t hand them out to rookies at initiation. And using them in a car chase would be quite frankly nuts. There’re cars all around, traffic lights, neon signs, and any one of them could temporarily blind your main character if the light shone into his field of vision. 
Finally, a Chevy Camaro sticks out like a fly on a wedding cake, in any urban locale, so it’s not a great car to hunt the hunter, in my opinion. It’s easily identifiable, and anyone on the force looking for this vigilante would only need a couple of brain cells and a crime-scene report to nail our mc to the wall. 
All that being said, this was one of my favourite pieces of the Grand Fiction challenge. I can forgive the cliched ending (just), and suspend my disbelief at a few of the abovementioned things, and I definitely enjoyed the read. 
Well done. 

REAL LIFE CAUCHEMAR SIGHTED IN HECURRO

SpAG: 5/5
Tone and Voice: 5/5
Evaluation: 5/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 19/20

It’s rare I come across flash fiction that marries perfect form with excellent tone and voice, but this was one such example. I enjoyed every single moment of it and can offer not much more than a “well bloody done” as my response. 
I would have awarded full marks but for one thing: after numerous readings, I cannot find any link, tenuous or otherwise, with halfway houses. If I’m incorrect, I will happily alter my score, but I can’t award full marks for a piece that didn’t reference the theme of the challenge. 
Well bloody done. 

JOI AND DESPAIR

SpAG: 4.5/5
Tone and Voice: 4.5/5
Evaluation: 4.5/5
Reaction: 4.5/5
Total: 18/20

I have to admit, I read this piece more than any of the Grand Fiction challenge entries. There’s a part of me that absolutely wants to give you 19/20 – 20/20, but my major issue with this piece in general is that it works on a predicated notion that AI cannot interpret pain, fear, and other human emotions. I don’t know when you’ve set this piece (which may or may not be clever on your part) but technology has made incredible strides toward artificial intelligence that can not only interpret human emotions, but can also respond to them. 
It seems harsh to knock two points off for this, but I would have found it fascinating if the ai had been manipulating Eddy (do I detect a New Vegas reference?) to start a war against his father instead of inciting a war on his father’s behalf. There may not have been enough words for that, but the scope there is amazing. 
Overall, I loved this piece. It was in my top five favourite entries. 
Well done. 

JUSTICE

SpAG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 17/20

So let me get this straight: the healer, Dike, spent twenty days and a considerable amount of trouble to nurse ol’ Collins back to health, only to bewitch him into going back to fight Williams, where he would ultimately (and deservedly) die? It comes across as one of those scenes in a movie where the bad guy has our main character tied up, half dead, and proceeds to narrate him to death with how awesome he is. Why don’t they ever just kill the main character when they have a chance? And why heal a rapist (gut shots are lethal; Collins was going to die) just so he can be shot again and die anyway? That makes no sense. 
I’m afraid I didn’t get this one. Well done nonetheless. 

THE HOUSE AT THE EDGE OF THE SEA

SpAG: 4.5/5
Tone and Voice: 4.5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 18/20

I don’t know whether I’m just missing it, but there seems to be a few entries in this challenge that don’t have any definining characteristics tying them into the overall theme. This piece, while technically sound and very interesting, is one of those. I can’t see any link to halfway houses. You used ‘halfway’ to describe something out at sea, but I don’t see how this ties in. For my evaluation, I therefore had to knock points off. If you can explain where this tie-in happens, I’ll be happy to take another look. 
Well done.

VALKYRJA

SpAG: 4.5/5
Tone and Voice: 5/5
Evaluation: 5/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 19.5/20

But for one simple mistake, I would have awarded full marks here. For the record, when referring to female warriors of Greek mythology, they’re always ‘Amazon’, not ‘amazon’. Not to be confused with either the rainforest ‘Amazon’, or the online shop ‘Amazon’. That is, of course, unless you’re creating a completely new race of warrior women called ‘amazons’. I doubt it. 
That being said, this is my favourite Grand Fiction entry.and my winner. It’s exceedingly simple and that’s why I’m choosing it as my winner. This is why good flash fiction, especially with a limit of 1,000 words, does not lend itself to complicated stories. Keep it simple, stupid. 
This is a simple, but brilliant, story. 
Well done. 

SCRIPTING THE NODES

SpAG: N/A
Tone and Voice: N/A
Evaluation: N/A
Reaction: N/A
Total: N/A

What? 
Okay, let me try that again. No, I mean, let me read that again. I feel like once is enough, with the greatest of respect, but my ignorance doesn’t automatically make it bad. Okay, I tried again, and if this is flash fiction, then I’m secretly Bruce Wayne. 
I’d like to award more marks for the sheer gusto and guts of it. But like I said to one of the above contestants, keep it simple. 
I can’t mark something I don’t understand. 
Sorry. 

DE HALVERWEGE HUIS

SpAG: 5/5
Tone and Voice: 4.5/5
Evaluation: 4.5/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 19/20

I have nothing much to say here other than this is a brilliant piece with a genuinely surprising ending that took a few times to get, but had me in shock when I realised what it meant. 
Definitely one of my favourite pieces of the challenge, and apologies I couldn’t offer more criticism than that. 
Well done. 

HALFWAY TO NOWHERE

SpAG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 4/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 16/20

I’m usually fine with a little bit of inter-dimensional chaos, and I’m usually fine with a main character cursing like a sailor, but this piece seemed to be dragged down unnecessarily by the presence of both. I get it; Lilith is furious (and you don’t need to tell us she’s furious after creating excellent dialogue to convey this) and she’s demonstrating this via her choice of words, but you have to understand that it needs to be sprinkled on in layers so it still has impact. After the seventh curse, all heretofore impact was lost. 
I wanted so much to mark this higher. I’m sorry I couldn’t. 
Well done nonetheless. 

THE LADDER

SpAG: 5/5
Tone and voice: 5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 19/20

Virtually perfect. This is my second favourite entry of the Grand Fiction challenge. I deliberated for days whether I wanted this, or Valkyrja, as my overall winner. In the end, I had to go with my gut feeling, but in no way does that detract from what is an incredible piece of writing. 
Well done. 

THE BETTER HALF

SpAG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 5/5
Total: 18/20

You almost saved the best ’til last. Well, no, that’s no one hundred per cent true. I always read Grand Fiction challenge entries out of the order in which they’re posted. That way, I can never be too biased. 
A little more polish and this one might have been my winner, but I thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless. 
Well done

THE HALFWAY HOUSE

SpAG: 5/5
Tone and Voice: 4.5/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4.5/5
Total: 18/20

It’s rare, for the ones I’ve judged at least, to find so many notable entries for any challenge, let alone the Grand Fiction challenge. There are a number of 18/20 scores I’ve awarded, out of the 17 entries, and this is another one of those technically sound and wonderfully executed stories. The tone and voice drips off the page, and the ending is the best of any I’ve read in the challenge. 
This, along with _Valkyrja _and _The Ladder, _is my third favourite entry of the challenge. I loved it from start to finish. 
Well done. 

THE LAST DRAGON WHISPERER

SpAG: 4/5
Tone and Voice: 4/5
Evaluation: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Total: 16/20

For what it does, it’s a pretty good story, but I read it three or four times trying to understand a link, any link, to the theme of the piece. I found a “halfway between hell and nowhere” in there, but please understand that the challenge is specifically called “Halfway House” and not just “Halfway”. I hate to be a pedant and dock points for this kind of thing, but understand how to write around a theme for these challenges is 75% of the challenge itself. 
Well done nonetheless. [/spoiler2]


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## Harper J. Cole (Mar 3, 2020)

Please let me know if you spot any errors. I'm off to bed now, but will try and deal with any problems tomorrow.

HJC


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## Mish (Mar 3, 2020)

Thank you Harper J. Colefor for facilitating this great competition! Congrats to all the winners and a big thank you to all the judges for the priceless feedback! My personal favourite was "JOI and Despair by _epimetheus_" I'm glad that it won the people's choice. Looks like the score for my story got parked next to _bdcharles'_s glorious effort, which is a good company.

To answer Sam:

"Pre-programmed words, ala The Manchurian Candidate, have to be spoken for them to be effective. It’s a word buried deep in the sub-conscious that triggers something else buried deep in the sub-conscious, so I can accept the character hearing it in a dream."

All of the instances of the pre-programmed word were actually spoken in the story. The very first instance was spoken over the protagonist's transmitter by his handler, it was not a dream. The persona was switched back on during the night, which is why it had no recollection of previous events. The word is meant to be a switch that triggers the previous host's persona and then switches it off. (I just ran out of words to explain this further)


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## ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord (Mar 3, 2020)

Congratulations undead_av, Non Serviam, and Tim! And thank you to Harper and the judges; this was one of the most fun challenges yet. scripting the nodes was my favorite--it was puzzling, certainly, but a wonderful puzzle that I kept going back to and reading over and over again. Moving, too. 

I guess my ending was a little confusing, lol. The idea was that the "mermaid" turned out to be more of a sea-god; I was going for a cosmic horror kind of thing. In response to Sam's question, the idea was that the house served as a "halfway house," or transition, between the worlds of the ocean and the land.


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## Tim (Mar 4, 2020)

Thanks ArrowinTheBowOfTheLord. Congratulations to you as well. Also Congratulations to undead_av, Non Serviam and everyone concerned. Well done!


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## Darren White (Mar 4, 2020)

All of you, congratulations. And a big thanks to Harper and the judges. It was a delight to see so many entries this year, and to read all of them!


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## epimetheus (Mar 4, 2020)

Well done everyone. Thanks to the judges for the useful feedback and Harper for hosting. Awesome to win something.


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## velo (Mar 4, 2020)

Thanks, judges.  Better responses than I anticipated.  I was super sick through most of the competition so this was pretty rushed and literally written in a few hours on the last day.  

To Folcro, Dike is the Greek god of justice.


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## jenthepen (Mar 4, 2020)

Many congratulations to all the winners. :champagne::champagne:

Heartfelt thanks to the judges too. To come up with such comprehensive assessments of so many stories is impressive. As to my story, I absolutely agree with all the comments and suggestions made. I had real difficulty coming up with a story at all - my creativity was at a low ebb - so I'm rather pleased that there were some positive reactions to parts of the work. Thanks guys, I think I'll be able to wrench a decent story out of this idea now. It might be longer than 1000 words though. 

Last but not least, my gratitude to Harper for organising this enjoyable event. He made an immaculate job of it.


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## bdcharles (Mar 4, 2020)

Great comp - congrats to the finalists - winners all! And thanks as always HJC for hosting and the judges too. Some good entries - glad to see my people's vote edged epimetheus's tale into #1. And I'll take Sam's "well bloody done" over a $100 any way


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## Non Serviam (Mar 4, 2020)

Well, thanks to the judges, and massive congratulations to undead_av and the other winners.  These things are really hard to call, aren't they? I'd have bet you good money that Highway of Tears was going to win, and I'm frankly amazed -- as well as chuffed -- to find my own effort so highly placed.


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## PiP (Mar 4, 2020)

Wow, what a great challenge! Congratulations to our winners and a huge thanks to the judges. Judging 17 entries was quite a task!


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## Megan Pearson (Mar 4, 2020)

Hi All, 

Just wanted to give a big 'Thank You!!!' to all of our judges for the work they did! Congratulations undead_av, Non Serviam, Tim, and epimetheus!  And to the other contestants as well! I only read a handful but every single one I read was really very good.

Good job everyone!


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## sigmadog (Mar 4, 2020)

It was a fun challenge. I first thought one thousand words would be easy until I started having to cut ideas out to meet the threshold, like a fat guy being forced to skip seconds and thirds.

And of course, congrats to the winners!


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## rcallaci (Mar 5, 2020)

Judging this competition was  challenging-so many quality pieces.   What wonderful stories even the ones I marked low were all quite good. The irony to this is mine was the worst of the lot. I did a rush job on this,the moral being never rush your work especially if it's being judged. 

I truly was annoyingly delighted by Falco's (sorry for the apostrophe, I just can't help myself) scathing disgust of my inferior writing skills. His review made me want to put a nail in my head. Lilith on the other hand was not so pleased, she had a few choice words for our residential judicial curmudgeon. Sam and Rotten although more gentle and kinder were none too thrilled with the piece as well. A good learning experience indeed. 

Kudos to all the judges and writers but most of all to Mr Harper J Cole who put this all together....


warmest
bob


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## -xXx- (Mar 6, 2020)

um.
so.
i look forward to this challenge every month
AND
have the invitational blocked out on my calendar
through 2025, at the moment:
the approximate time invitations go out,
prompt process begins,
etc.

i am soooooo happy others are willing to oversee this challenge.
the diversity of interpretation and presentation
*just shines*, imho.
my apologies to those that had less than a positive experience
and/or forced themselves through my submission.

thank you to everyone that shares in this experience.
*congrats to top score recipients!*
_special thanks to my beta reader.
without your feedback, i'd have struggled
with best use of the 10 words-in-reserve._

_*reads judges credentials*
**after* scores post*
*face-plants*
*in awe*
*and with gratitude...*
**lots of gratitude**_
+


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## Ralph Rotten (Mar 8, 2020)

There was some astonishing work in there!
Writers: Keep at it.


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## Gumby (Mar 8, 2020)

You all blew me away with your writing! Congratulations to the winners and to all for such quality work~

Judges, I don't know how you did it! You guys are awesome.


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