# Who is your "go to" person?



## Justin Rocket (Feb 5, 2014)

When you've reached a point where you don't know how to proceed, do you have a "go to" person with whom to talk through the problem?

If so, who is it?


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## N J Xkey (Feb 5, 2014)

My husband, and then I do the exact opposite of whatever he suggests Only joking, I mainly use him as a sounding board, I'll start rambling and then in the midst of my waffle the solution will come to me and I'll shout "never mind! I just got it!" before he even opens his mouth... I don't think he even listens to be honest


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## Gavrushka (Feb 5, 2014)

Until recently, it was someone who had followed my writing adventures since the earliest days. The problem was that it 'polluted' my style with their preferences. I ended up writing in a way that was more to please them, and it ended up damaging all I did. I still listen to advice, but I'll not rely on any specific source as I found it counter-productive. (I appreciate that will become less of an issue with writers who are confident of their literary identity.)


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## T.S.Bowman (Feb 5, 2014)

My girlfriend. She's actually been very helpful. Most of the time she doesn't even know it, though.


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## escorial (Feb 5, 2014)

I rely on the forum for that...I never discuss my writing with anyone I know.


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## The Tourist (Feb 5, 2014)

To be serious, I pray.

As I'm writing this, our morning got turned on its ear.  I was just on my way out the door when one of our dogs got violently ill.  My wife is on the way to the vet while I stay home and monitor the other dog--he just had surgery...

I find in a crisis that people are useless.  You know the expression, when seconds count the cops are minutes away.  I know my limitations.  I put it in the hands of God.

Writing?  That's a minor concern.  My dog threw-up on the rug, that is a problem.  But at the end of the day, writing is just meaningless pixels on a page...


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## dale (Feb 5, 2014)

escorial said:


> I rely on the forum for that...I never discuss my writing with anyone I know.



this is pretty much what i do, nowadays. my ex-wife used to be an pretty honest sounding board for my writing, but now i just
pay attention to writers here, mainly.


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## Mistique (Feb 5, 2014)

When it comes to writing my 'go to' person is my writing coach. I also get a lot of advice from my boyfriend. He very patiently listens to all my rambling about the story and adds advice her and there. Most of the time I reject his advice, but it triggers my mind into finding the sollution myself.

When it comes to life my 'go to' person is my boyfriend


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## LexPlays (Feb 5, 2014)

To be honest, I'm not the kind of person to go to someone if I'm stuck, whether it's for writing or something else. But I guess the thing I do go to is music. It's not as much a matter of helping me figure things out, it's just a great way for me to relax, breathe and think about what's going on. But other times, I will go to close friends to vent and let everything out, then we somehow find a solution. Though when it comes to writing, I have a separate group of friends for that. Other times, I rely on forums, like one person had already said. Sometimes, it can be much more helpful than getting anyone else to help you.


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## Sam (Feb 5, 2014)

Does my brain count? 

I talk to myself. Failing that, I occasionally ramble to a member of the forum who I've forged a great friendship with over the years. Failing that, I go to sleep and try to work it out in my dreams.


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## popsprocket (Feb 5, 2014)

I don't really share with anyone. I let the problems sit in my brain and they always untangle themselves.


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## J Anfinson (Feb 5, 2014)

I've tried using others but it's never helped. I can't get excited off someone else's ideas. Instead, I brood over the problem for however long it takes to figure it out and in the meantime switch to a side project, which sometimes helps to stimulate the ol' noggin into finding the answer faster.


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## T.S.Bowman (Feb 5, 2014)

J Anfinson said:


> I've tried using others but it's never helped. I can't get excited off someone else's ideas. Instead, I brood over the problem for however long it takes to figure it out and in the meantime switch to a side project, which sometimes helps to stimulate the ol' noggin into finding the answer faster.



My problem is that I don't really have any "side projects". Writing ideas are hard for me to come by.


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## bookmasta (Feb 5, 2014)

That would have to be my family, particularly my dad or my sister. But when it comes to writing and editing, I have a myriad of people who I turn to, some of them being forum members.


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## Morkonan (Feb 6, 2014)

Justin Rocket said:


> ...If so, who is it?



Unfortunately, I've never had one of those. Well, I had someone like that, sorta, once. But, I haven't had someone like that in a very long time. It's OK, though. I'm used to it.

OH, is this about "Writing?" 

Well, then, the answer for me is - Nobody. I might, just might, bring up something related to a problem I'm working through, but I've only done that a couple of times. (I think I did it here, once, in regards to a tricky piece of work with a fantasy story I'm writing. It involved "To Prologue/Flashback or Not To Prologue/Flashback" or something like that. It's complicated. But, I think I've got the solution down, now. (And, it's still complicated...)

I have never discussed anything specific about my writing with anyone.


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## dither (Feb 6, 2014)

No G.T.P. here, in any capacity.


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## Gavrushka (Feb 6, 2014)

There is a a Beta readers group on  this forum: http://www.writingforums.com/group.php?groupid=71  - This could well be the best source for anyone who wants an opinion. - It is unlikely you'll find someone willing to read a full novel (unless it is that good!) but it could be a good resource for those who wish to have a second opinion on a problem area, but don't wish to post their work on the forum.


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## The Tourist (Feb 6, 2014)

dither said:


> No G.T.P. here, in any capacity.



I hereby volunteer.  You're going to have some fun in life yet.  And I do not like to lose...


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 6, 2014)

The Tourist said:


> I find in a crisis that people are useless.  You know the expression, when seconds count the cops are minutes away.  I know my limitations.  I put it in the hands of God.


You are so right, and I guess ,like me, not easily led. Most people simply do what they are told. I remember vividly seeing a biker come off, as I got there there were three or four people round him 'Help me up' he said, that his foot was at right angles to his leg and he was obviously in shock made no difference, they went to help him up, 'Put him down and call an ambulance' I said. I was barely out of my teens at the time and they were all 'grown-ups', they still did what I told them. That was a big lesson for me, 'Don't rely on anyone but yourself, unless they are a specialist*' and 'State things as an order and you are usually obeyed'.

* I don't have God, but I do listen to people like doctors, mind you I still go home and check if there is time, no-one has your interest at heart like you do yourself.


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## dither (Feb 6, 2014)

The Tourist said:


> I hereby volunteer.  You're going to have some fun in life yet.  And I do not like to lose...




Well you just did.

I wouldn't know how to do fun now, and after god knows how long, i really don't dare now.
Fun is all about trust/letting go, and i daren't, i just daren't. I'm sorry.


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## The Tourist (Feb 6, 2014)

dither said:


> Fun is all about trust/letting go, and i daren't, i just daren't. I'm sorry.



Then I'm the perfect man for the job.  

If you're a writer, than you must be a reader.  Consider the Norse story of the death of Baldur.  He was killed by a dart made of mistletoe, while invulnerable to everything else.

While there is a dart out there somewhere for me, you ain't it.  You are simply not a threat in any fashion, hence, I have no need to take a defensive stance.  I can be universally open, warm and helpful, and on your worst day you might assail me with harsh language.  The operative word there is "might."

Conversely, since I'm not afraid to speak my mind, I make the perfect mentor.  I will provide an unvarnished guide to your excuses.

What have you got to lose?  Besides, it will drive the apologists and some moderators to distraction.  Imagine the fun--you and me--friends.


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## dither (Feb 6, 2014)

Well,
i'm not,actually,in the true sense of the word, a writer.
And i haven't read much in my lifetime, don't have the staying power.
Although,as i've aged i love reads-biographical.
Real-life stuff.
Y'know?


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## The Tourist (Feb 6, 2014)

dither said:


> Although,as i've aged i love reads-biographical.
> Real-life stuff.  Y'know?



Have you read Hunter Thompson's book on The Angels?  Changed my life.  Real life in overdrive.  It represents the span of history I lived through.

A great insight into the American mind.  We are a nation of outlaws at best, most just try to hide it and act civilized.


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## dither (Feb 6, 2014)

No, haven't read that mate.
I seem to have read mostly biographies of news-readers/world-travelers.
How boring is that?


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## The Tourist (Feb 6, 2014)

dither said:


> No, haven't read that mate.



Try it, if only a few chapters.  Especially the part where Thompson describes the bikes.

It might seem a "comfort zone" thingie, but it's not.  You'll be safe at home, your teeth will still be as crooked, a rock hard scone dipped into some Earl Grey while your tired feet soak in some blood pudding--the only valid use for that stuff.

You'll see bikers having adventures, and trust me, it's more fun than fancy screwdriver and a ride in the TARDIS.  There's girls and everything...


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## dither (Feb 6, 2014)

Where on earth would i find such a read?
I doubt whether it would make a lot of difference though.


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## The Tourist (Feb 6, 2014)

dither said:


> Where on earth would i find such a read?



I thought you'd never ask...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0345410084/?tag=writingforu06-20


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## Blade (Feb 6, 2014)

dither said:


> and i *daren't,* i just *daren't.* I'm sorry.



Removing this word from your vocabulary would be a step in the right direction. I don't believe anyone else in the world uses it any more.:bi_polo:


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## Jeko (Feb 6, 2014)

God.

He's the best storyteller I know.


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## Justin Rocket (Feb 6, 2014)

Cadence said:


> God.
> 
> He's the best storyteller I know.



As a gay Christian, I can get behind this statement.  Being a minority, I've found much solace in the stories in the Bible.


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## The Tourist (Feb 6, 2014)

Justin Rocket said:


> As a gay Christian, I can get behind this statement.  Being a minority, I've found much solace in the stories in the Bible.



I'm a Christian, too.  I do dread meeting my Guardian Angel, Harold.  I found a model for my headstone.  It's Harold, of course, and the caption will read, _"Thankfully, that biker is finally dead..."_


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## M. Cull (Feb 6, 2014)

I do have someone, whose identity I will keep anonymous, who is really an amazing muse for me. Whenever I have trouble with writer's block, or when I've written myself into a corner, this person is always helpful. It's nice that they feel the same way about me  Lucky me, I guess.


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## Pidgeon84 (Feb 6, 2014)

In all seriousness I'm much inspired by darker artwork. I find sin, temptation, blasphemy, darker emotions much more interesting  than a happy, wholesome ending. Not that I don't have a story or 2 that don't end in a content character but I don't write with a moral of the story in mind. Before I start rambling I guess should just say that have no go to person. If it's just writer's block I will eventually find my inspiration through some piece bleak or dark artwork. If it's general grammatical direction than it's pretty much just you guys.


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## The Tourist (Feb 7, 2014)

Pidgeon84 said:


> In all seriousness I'm much inspired by darker artwork. I find sin, temptation, blasphemy, darker emotions much more interesting than a happy, wholesome ending.



I understand the attraction.  My father once commented that in my sophomore year in high school I wore nothing but black clothing and did not seem depressed.  I think it's a phase all people go through.

As an older man I find the idea of "triumph and redemption" to be a more powerful impetus.  Watching the torment of an individual look at the body of mistakes he has made--face them and find ultimate victory--breaks my heart every time.

In literature, such a triumph usually results in the lead's death, which is depicted as a price the character willfully pays.

The idea of "evil" is in actuality, the work of a second class poser.  After all, who is the greater force?  The guy who builds something, or the demented schlep who simply blows it up?


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## dither (Feb 7, 2014)

Blade said:


> Removing this word from your vocabulary would be a step in the right direction. I don't believe anyone else in the world uses it any more.:bi_polo:


Bade,
the thought of waking up and starting another day scares me.


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## The Tourist (Feb 7, 2014)

dither said:


> Bade, the thought of waking up and starting another day scares me.



Dither, it scares all of us.  This morning I woke up frightened that I didn't have 209 dollars.

You see, in Wisconsin the amount to bail you out of jail for smacking some idiot is 209 bucks--in cash.  I don't have that much on me, and I'm in "one of those moods."

So you see, we all have fears.  

Hanging in my den is a "red shirt" from one my ancestors who rode with Garibaldi.  Under it, I keep the family crest with the inscription, _"Perseverare, conquistare la tua paura, dormire con le donne dai capelli rossi."_

It strengthens me.


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## dither (Feb 7, 2014)

Tourist,
i'm not a fighter like you.


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## dither (Feb 7, 2014)

Ha'ha'ha;
Y'know?
It's funny,
The times i've posted in this place,looked down at my sig. and thought, with a wry smile, "yeah".:apologetic:


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 7, 2014)

dither said:


> Bade,
> the thought of waking up and starting another day scares me.


 What is to be scared of? You have been waking up day after day for years and you are still here, the worst that can happen is you die, and you will anyway one day, so live a little while you still can.


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## dither (Feb 7, 2014)

Olly Buckle said:


> What is to be scared of? You have been waking up day after day for years and you are still here, the worst that can happen is you die, and you will anyway one day, so live a little while you still can.



People/life/situations/failure/ridicule/poverty/homelessness,ridicule/failure/being made to look stupid/rejection/did i mention ridicule?And failure?/An inability to cope/cancer/confrontation ( i won't defend myself,total wimp), and what if? "What if?" fills me with dread,quite often when i'm out or at work.

What if? What if what? You might wonder.

I don't know ,but what if?

And i'm deadly serious here.

This not a joke.

When i leave home, i automatically think to myself " i hope nothing bad happens".
I worry about opening my mail,hoping there's nothing bad in it.


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## dither (Feb 7, 2014)

I DO like that headstone TT.


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## Morkonan (Feb 7, 2014)

dither said:


> ...When i leave home, i automatically think to myself " i hope nothing bad happens".
> I worry about opening my mail,hoping there's nothing bad in it.



Having anxiety issues is no joke, I agree. There are many ways someone can end up feeling beset by dangers, real or imagined. The good news is that there are ways to overcome such a disability. Seek out professional help. Seriously - Do it. No, you're not crazy. But, if this problem with anxiety and fear is something you no longer want in your life, it's possible to be free of it. But, you'll probably need a little bit of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Showing you that fear does not really lie around every corner) as well as possibly some medication, which you may not have to take all the time. (Benzodiazapenes or something similar, depending upon your age and such.).

My Aunt has long had an anxiety disorder, but has never gotten treatment for it. (Unfortunately, her doctor is an idiot...) Her life is dictated by her fears and every decision she makes is made solely in favor of the choice that avoids the most anxiety, whether it is worthy of being anxious about or not.

Get some help. It's really possible to overcome this problem, but you'll have to take the first scary step. After that, you'll have plenty of helpful support to help you get through it.


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## J Anfinson (Feb 7, 2014)

Take those what ifs and turn them into a story. That's exactly how I come up with stories.


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## Kevin (Feb 7, 2014)

> Take those what ifs and turn them into a story.


I imagine King waking up with an eyeball in the center of his palm. And that panhandler who looked like a Gypsy, the one he didn't give money to, what if she cursed him?


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## The Tourist (Feb 7, 2014)

Morkonan said:


> Get some help. It's really possible to overcome this problem, but you'll have to take the first scary step. After that, you'll have plenty of helpful support to help you get through it.



+1 on that.  If you truly feel this way, right now you need to see professionals.

BTW, if it interjects humor, I always laugh when I see that memorial stone and calculate what it's going to take to put me there.

I figure a full magazine of hollowpoints, an ambush fired by at least six gang bangers and several forum moderators--a few from this board...

But until your help arrives, look at the issue the way I might.  Let's suppose you're right.  Imagine that the entire ethereal palette of evil and misfortune is on collision course with you (and my soul).  There is no escape, there's a train-wreck acomin' down the line.  Just a matter of time.

Yeah, you could hide under your bed.  I'd buy a tank of the of the best non-corn, high octane fuel I could find for one of my bikes, get a nice bottle of Don Julio 100% blue agave tequila, hit the Interstate system to Sturgis, and go look up a few biker chicks I know.

And when death comes they'll find you amid dust bunnies.  I'll be found amongst some very grateful strumpets.  If it's coming anyway, don't fear it--face it.

In the meantime, start calling some qualified people.


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## Justin Rocket (Feb 7, 2014)

dither said:


> People/life/situations/failure/ridicule/poverty/homelessness,ridicule/failure/being made to look stupid/rejection/did i mention ridicule?And failure?/An inability to cope/cancer/confrontation ( i won't defend myself,total wimp), and what if? "What if?" fills me with dread,quite often when i'm out or at work.
> 
> What if? What if what? You might wonder.
> 
> ...



I've been there.  When I first had my spinal injury, the pain was intense and constant.  The worse, though, wasn't the pain, it what happened to my state of mind.  It raised my anxiety level and kept me in bed most of the time.  
There is help, but you need to stop talking about it on the Internet (since that has you focusing on it) and pursue help.


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## Morkonan (Feb 7, 2014)

Just as an aside: Most people who experience broken bones and serious injuries report unnatural depression and/or anxiety. It's very common and is likely a natural, if sometimes inconvenient, response to such injuries. But, in some people, these natural responses to injury can go overboard. Some people even need to seek counseling for such things after having something as simple as a broken arm. The body... A weird and wonderful machine with lots of gears that don't always work the way we want them to.


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## Justin Rocket (Feb 7, 2014)

Morkonan said:


> Just as an aside: Most people who experience broken bones and serious injuries report unnatural depression and/or anxiety. It's very common and is likely a natural, if sometimes inconvenient, response to such injuries. But, in some people, these natural responses to injury can go overboard. Some people even need to seek counseling for such things after having something as simple as a broken arm. The body... A weird and wonderful machine with lots of gears that don't always work the way we want them to.



A good point to raise is that it has nothing to do with you as a person.  I used to think that all I  needed to do was push myself through the healing process harder.  After all, my mom raised four boys while she was deaf and blind.  I've had good role models for pushing my way through stuff.  But, your body is your  body.  Sometimes, it isn't a matter of free will so much as it is a problem of stress chemicals (which aren't so much about your ability to think happy thoughts) and engineering in your body.  I had to learn to be okay with whatever the healing process needed.

So, if you are ashamed to seek help, don't be.  You have to learn to be okay with whatever the healing process requires.


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## dither (Feb 8, 2014)

Morkonan said:


> Having anxiety issues is no joke, I agree. There are many ways someone can end up feeling beset by dangers, real or imagined. The good news is that there are ways to overcome such a disability. Seek out professional help. Seriously - Do it. No, you're not crazy. But, if this problem with anxiety and fear is something you no longer want in your life, it's possible to be free of it. But, you'll probably need a little bit of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Showing you that fear does not really lie around every corner) as well as possibly some medication, which you may not have to take all the time. (Benzodiazapenes or something similar, depending upon your age and such.).
> 
> My Aunt has long had an anxiety disorder, but has never gotten treatment for it. (Unfortunately, her doctor is an idiot...) Her life is dictated by her fears and every decision she makes is made solely in favor of the choice that avoids the most anxiety, whether it is worthy of being anxious about or not.
> 
> Get some help. It's really possible to overcome this problem, but you'll have to take the first scary step. After that, you'll have plenty of helpful support to help you get through it.



Morko,
there's only one thing that i don't need in my life and that's life itself.
No, i'm not going to top myself anytime soon, but as with my disorders ( for want of a better word ) and life in general, i just can't be bothered.
I really can't see the point.
 Plus i have no faith in, nor respect for, doctors.
I'd probably get one just like your aunt's.

Okay, so why am i here?

I did start scribbling and i found it a welcome distraction.

We'll see.


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## dither (Feb 8, 2014)

J Anfinson said:


> Take those what ifs and turn them into a story. That's exactly how I come up with stories.



Nice thought JA but i don't have the ability to do that.


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## dither (Feb 8, 2014)

NOW,

GENTLEMEN,

I really don't know how this all started, but it's been one hell of an intro,

LET'S PUT THIS ONE TO BED NOW EH?:apologetic:

Thank you all for your kind thoughts.


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## Jeko (Feb 8, 2014)

> _I find sin, temptation, blasphemy, darker emotions much more interesting than a happy, wholesome ending._



The Bible's pretty good for that.


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## dither (Feb 8, 2014)

No sin and/or blasphemy here mate.

Just a borin old fart bitching and whining.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Feb 9, 2014)

I usually talk to my good friend about writing whenever I'm having a problem and I don't know how to proceed. This forum is also a pretty good resource. I also started a Facebook group for writers, which was an excellent idea mainly because of the people who are a part of it (mostly people from this forum). Because people tend to spend more time on Facebook, I can ask a question in the group and get short, direct answers in five minutes.

With personal problems, I go to my mom.


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## The Tourist (Feb 10, 2014)

Dreamworx95 said:


> Because people tend to spend more time on *Facebook*...



That's the one thing I promise never to do--join FaceBook.

Granted, good information is good no matter where it comes from.  However, I also know people who just turn on the computer and cannot turn it off.  It's winter here, and especially with the spate of sub-zero temperatures, I've become chatty enough.

One of the problems with "studying writing" is that you never sit down and actually write.  Heck, I'll let go of a tourniquet on some dying schlepp if one of my friends drops by for fun.  People are like that.

I look at it this way.  I have too many hobbies and interests.  The last thing I need is another time wasting addiction.


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## Pandora (Feb 11, 2014)

My father passed 24 years ago, just writing that seems almost impossible to believe.  He was an inventor and dreamed his inventions, 
kept a pad of paper  next to his bed. My Mama had a weird sixth sense, intuition, a connection to predicting. I write from my dreams and memories, 
I'm getting to the point in life where they seem to overlap. I feel my parents so keenly that they are most surely my go to souls.
 There is the magic of time and dimension,  I ask and I hear. I feel and I know.


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