# The Column



## musichal (Jul 15, 2015)

deleted, see blog​


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## Darkkin (Jul 15, 2015)

This is a bit more abstract than I've read in your style before, but with this piece it really works well.  Who hasn't looked through the rain blurred window of a car at some point in their lives?  Even after having read through it several times I'm not quite sure what's going on.  

Nearest I can figure is that you, the narrator are in a long line of slow moving traffic passing the scene of a nasty accident caused by the storm.  It is stanzas four and five where I really lose my footing.  Structurally, they're sound, but I'm having trouble connecting weapons and missiles to driving in the rain.

Edit:  Flashbacks from military service, possibly?  The column on its way, ambush.  If I'm completely misreading this, please let me know.

Overall, I like it.

- Darkkin, the Tedious


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## Firemajic (Jul 15, 2015)

Musichal.. this has drama.. one of my favorite things... The repeating lines gave this poem  tension and added to the dramatic landscape you created with your imagery, mood and message.. I felt like this had a war vibe goin on... probably wayyyyy off your poetic mark, but sooo well done...Thank you for sharing your poetry... peace...


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## LeeC (Jul 15, 2015)

Your words painted a vivid picture for me, it flowed with a certain rhythm, and the rhymes gave it a lyrical quality. 

I know diddly about poetry but this works for me.


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## astrum (Jul 15, 2015)

I can hear rain drops in puddles, cloudy car windows, early evening, dark and cloudy. With no context, I obviously don't know what this is about, but of course that's not entirely necessary. Didn't make me giddy like a raw, honest piece of work does but fair enough.


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## musichal (Jul 16, 2015)

The structure, or form, of this poem is termed villanelle (villanesque). This is my first; I intend to write another, maybe a few.


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## QDOS (Jul 16, 2015)

*Great piece musichal, a well constructed and executed Villanelle following the repeating refrain using capitals and rhyme with lower case. All except the last line ‘Long streams...’ should be a capital here me thinks.  

QDOS
*


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## musichal (Jul 16, 2015)

QDOS said:


> *Great piece musichal, a well constructed and executed Villanelle following the repeating refrain using capitals and rhyme with lower case. All except the last line ‘Long streams...’ should be a capital here me thinks.
> 
> QDOS
> *



Nice catch.  I didn't use a cap there as I had used a comma on the previous line, and I didn't wish to imply the finality of a period. However, your comment brought to my attention that a semicolon was actually the punctuation I should have employed.  Thank you for focusing my attention upon the error.


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## Sonata (Jul 16, 2015)

musichal said:


> The structure, or form, of this poem is termed villanelle (villanesque). This is my first; I intend to write another, maybe a few.



Whatever the structure was, it tells a story.  A not fully understood story but a story nonetheless.


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