# Tell me a secret



## TheYellowMustang (Sep 19, 2013)

I'll start.

Sometimes when I'm feeling blue I click "Private Session" in Spotify and listen to Justin Bieber.


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## EarnBoogie (Sep 19, 2013)

I like turtles!


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## Pluralized (Sep 19, 2013)

I once had a t-shirt with cats on it.


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## PiP (Sep 19, 2013)

When my daughter's rabbit died I told her it went to heaven


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## EarnBoogie (Sep 19, 2013)

pigletinportugal said:


> When my daughter' rabbit died I told her it went to heaven



Awww that's sad.


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## PiP (Sep 19, 2013)

I also told her there was a tooth fairy...


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## Lewdog (Sep 19, 2013)

My second toe is longer than my big toe, but only slightly.  It's called Morton's toe, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton%27s_toe.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 19, 2013)

Love your avatar, Mustang.

Secret: I think the first _Godfather_ film is boring *millions of gasps around the globe*. Yeah, I said it -- whachya gonna do?

And I think _The Rolling Stones_ are rubbish. HEADSHOT.


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 19, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> My second toe is longer than my big toe, but only slightly.  It's called Morton's toe, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton%27s_toe.



Hey, mine too. High five.


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## Lewdog (Sep 19, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> Hey, mine too. High five.


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 19, 2013)

These are good fun facts people, but not really secrets. Come on, give be something juicy.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 19, 2013)

Hmm. . . I have some unusual fetishes. The image of blood, for instance. I would happily drink it, bathe in it, etc. Without hurting someone to obtain it, of course. I have actually drank my own blood (about a quarter of a glass, probably less). I liked the taste.

Combined with the facts that bats are my favourite animals, I'm very pale, and sensitive to light -- I have no lightbulbs in my room, and windows with blackout blinds. Also, when I was five, a crazy woman who lived on the same street as us grabbed me and held a crucifix to my cheek. She would make a cross with her fingers at me whenever we saw her after that. All true. 

That juicy, or just weird?

I don't believe in the supernatural, though.


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## Lewdog (Sep 19, 2013)

Bruno Spatola said:


> Hmm. . . I have some unusual fetishes. The image of blood, for instance. I would happily drink it, bathe in it, etc. Without hurting someone to obtain it, of course. I have actually drank my own blood (about a quarter of a glass, probably less). I liked the taste.
> 
> That juicy, or just weird?



I normally wouldn't mind reading this, except I'm eating BBQ country style pork ribs for dinner...or at least I was.


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## Robert_S (Sep 19, 2013)

I'm a fan of P!nk and I have Hanson's "MMMBop" on my iPod.


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## Lewdog (Sep 19, 2013)

I'm not sure if I said it on this forum or not, but I lost my virginity to a girl named Brandi Glad.  Yes a name I will never forget, B. Glad.  No joking, true story.  She was a Saluki, not the actual dog...that would be sick, but a student from the University of Southern Illinois.


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## Angelicpersona (Sep 19, 2013)

I don't have many secrets - I'm pretty much an open book - but if I was put face to face with my ex boyfriend, I would likely have to have someone hold me back from being the living daylights out of him for some of the ish he did to me. Most people would find that shocking, considering that it takes a LOT to make me even mad enough to say something to someone.


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## Blade (Sep 19, 2013)

Angelicpersona said:


> I don't have many secrets - I'm pretty much an open book - but if I was put face to face with my ex boyfriend, I would likely have to have someone hold me back from being the living daylights out of him for some of the ish he did to me. Most people would find that shocking, considering that it takes a LOT to make me even mad enough to say something to someone.



You can always use the ultimate punishment. Deprive him of your company.\\/


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## Alabastrine (Sep 20, 2013)

My secrets are too dark to share on here. So instead I will admit that I am terrified of the dark. There I said it


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## sstokol (Sep 20, 2013)

Robert_S said:


> I'm a fan of P!nk and I have Hanson's "MMMBop" on my iPod.



Don't feel bad, all well stocked Ipods of a certain era have MMMBop and Pink is a compelling artist (*cough)...

Wait now I have spoken I feel I should share a secret... in a similar vein I have to confess I have a massive secret love for Fall Out Boy. I will save the much darker stuff I could say till I have posted a bit longer on this forum!


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## sstokol (Sep 20, 2013)

Oh I just thought... two easy secrets: I cant swim, and I cant ride a bike. I'm 28. What were my parents smoking eh?


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## EarnBoogie (Sep 20, 2013)

Alright, you asked for it. Juicy secret... whenever someone of the opposite sex touches me, it makes my heart race. Is that weird?


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## Gavrushka (Sep 20, 2013)

I have an irresistible urge to dance whenever I hear ice-cream van music. - It's very awkward when I hear one in a public place...


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## Alabastrine (Sep 20, 2013)

EarnBoogie said:


> Alright, you asked for it. Juicy secret... whenever someone of the opposite sex touches me, it makes my heart race. Is that weird?



Sounds pretty normal to me. I think most people have that response.


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## escorial (Sep 20, 2013)

I was arrested and banged up with NFA earlier this year.


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## Sintalion (Sep 20, 2013)

I used to think the white spots on orcas were their eyes.


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## EarnBoogie (Sep 20, 2013)

Alabastrine said:


> Sounds pretty normal to me. I think most people have that response.



Alright, I give up. I guess one thing that not many people know about me is that I sometimes get mistaked for a female. It's happened about 3-4 times these past 2 years. I'd be waiting at a bus stop and a guy would come up to me like "Excuse me baby, you got the time?" That's my embarrassing secret.


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 20, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> I'll start.
> 
> Sometimes when I'm feeling blue I click "Private Session" in Spotify and listen to Justin Bieber.



Okay I've got another one, but it's horribly embarrassing... Until about 1 year ago I thought humans had two stomachs, one for drinks and one for food. I always wondered where soup went.


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## Alabastrine (Sep 20, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> Okay I've got another one, but it's horribly embarrassing... Until about 1 year ago I thought humans had two stomachs, one for drinks and one for food. I always wondered where soup went.



How old are you? Not trying to sound rude, just curious


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## EarnBoogie (Sep 20, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> Okay I've got another one, but it's horribly embarrassing... Until about 1 year ago I thought humans had two stomachs, one for drinks and one for food. I always wondered where soup went.



Hahaha! That's hilarious. Sorry. I do know someone who eats like they have two stomachs though.


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## Apple Ice (Sep 20, 2013)

I was once arrested for stealing rich-tea biscuits from Aldi. A proud day.

I can't wait until someone takes this too far and posts the weirdest thing any of us have ever seen and this thread just awkwardly fades away with the persons dignity


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 20, 2013)

Alabastrine said:


> How old are you? Not trying to sound rude, just curious



21. Yup... so... I should probably start wearing a helmet when I leave the apartment.


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## EarnBoogie (Sep 20, 2013)

Apple Ice said:


> I was once arrested for stealing rich-tea biscuits from Aldi. A proud day.
> 
> I can't wait until someone takes this too far and posts the weirdest thing any of us have ever seen and this thread just awkwardly fades away with the persons dignity



That's what I'm waiting for too! I've been keeping an eye on this thread for that reason. Haha!


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## Myers (Sep 20, 2013)

I just learned the difference between a skirt and a dress. I was buying something for my wife and was calling a skirt a dress, and I got schooled by the lady at the store. Live and learn.

In college I had a dalliance with my girlfriend's best friend. Both of us felt horrible about it and swore each other to secrecy. As far as I know, no one ever found out. I still feel pretty bad when I think about it. Not my finest hour.


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## Lewdog (Sep 20, 2013)

Apple Ice said:


> I was once arrested for stealing rich-tea biscuits from Aldi. A proud day.
> 
> I can't wait until someone takes this too far and posts the weirdest thing any of us have ever seen and this thread just awkwardly fades away with the persons dignity



Isn't 'rich' and Aldi about as far apart as you can get?

When I was like 8 years old I got caught trying to shop lift an L.L. Cool J. cassette.  Yes it was his very first one, and I did it out of peer pressure.  I never tried to steal again, and I was forced to listen to one of my only other tapes, by the Fat Boys.


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## J Anfinson (Sep 20, 2013)

One time I high school I spent most of the night drinking with friends and went to school the next morning. I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth. Had to avoid breathing on people all day. Not that it ended up mattering. One of my teachers pulled me aside and said I smelled like a keg. I think the only reason I didn't get in trouble was because I was one of those quiet kids that nobody ever expected would do things like that, so people overlooked it that day.


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## popsprocket (Sep 20, 2013)

I was afraid of needles up until high school.

It stemmed from a bad experience when I was 7, but it was no less embarrassing.


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## justanothernickname (Sep 20, 2013)

I have a fetish............its feet...............i like them

so stop talking about your Morton's Toes..............i have one too...just sayin

bye


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 21, 2013)

I hate the birthday-song. I mean, I _really_ hate it. I'm scared of it. I have birthdaysong-phobia. Once when I was about 13 I ditched school on my birthday because I was scared that they'd sing it, then the next day my teacher goes "Oh and we didn't get so sing for Fride yesterday, so I thought we'd-" and then I shot up from my chair and started running out of the classroom. I crashed into my teacher on the way and made her fall over. Then when I was 17-18 I actually did go to school on my birthday, which was a huge mistake because everyone knew about my phobia by then and so they joked that they'd sing it to me in the cafeteria. I ended up locking myself in an empty classroom and stayed there until the school-day was over. I cried some too. 

Now I keep it a secret because it turns out that people are more inclined to sing it if they know I hate it.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2013)

All you have to do is expose your genitalia. That's what I do to make them stop singing. 100% record.


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## dale (Sep 21, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> I hate the birthday-song. I mean, I _really_ hate it. I'm scared of it. I have birthdaysong-phobia. Once when I was about 13 I ditched school on my birthday because I was scared that they'd sing it, then the next day my teacher goes "Oh and we didn't get so sing for Fride yesterday, so I thought we'd-" and then I shot up from my chair and started running out of the classroom. I crashed into my teacher on the way and made her fall over. Then when I was 17-18 I actually did go to school on my birthday, which was a huge mistake because everyone knew about my phobia by then and so they joked that they'd sing it to me in the cafeteria. I ended up locking myself in an empty classroom and stayed there until the school-day was over. I cried some too.
> 
> Now I keep it a secret because it turns out that people are more inclined to sing it if they know I hate it.



[video=youtube;qCJSNMqub8g]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCJSNMqub8g[/video]


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## Apple Ice (Sep 21, 2013)

What about seeing the song typed? Would you throw your dog at the screen and run?

Lewdog, I know, how dare they call their biscuits rich. The experience has put off rich-tea biscuits for life


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## Pluralized (Sep 21, 2013)

I'm something of a pluviophile.


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 21, 2013)

dale said:


> [video=youtube;qCJSNMqub8g]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCJSNMqub8g[/video]



It doesn't really have any effect without the faces and the people, and the sweat running down my back as I'm trying to figure out where to look and how long I have to keep up the smile. But you did prove my point.


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## dale (Sep 21, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> It doesn't really have any effect without the faces and the people, and the sweat running down my back as I'm trying to figure out where to look and how long I have to keep up the smile. But you did prove my point.



to be honest, i don't like it either. i didn't like it when i was a kid...and it makes me uncomfortable now. 
i don't know why. i just don't like a group of people chanting or singing at me. it's like an uncomfortable,
squirmy feeling of not knowing what to do with myself.


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## Angelicpersona (Sep 21, 2013)

When I was in high school I was 5'6", 140 lbs, a size 8, and I thought I was fat. I also thought I would never find someone who would want to marry me (turns out I found him just after high school. Yup, lucky me!). And I had a boyfriend who dumped me because he didn't like the fact that I like lots of hugs and kisses.


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## Robert_S (Sep 21, 2013)

Angelicpersona said:


> And I had a boyfriend who dumped me because he didn't like the fact that I like lots of hugs and kisses.



Is that the same one you want to beat the crap out of?


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## Angelicpersona (Sep 21, 2013)

Robert_S said:


> Is that the same one you want to beat the crap out of?


Nope, different guy. I should've known dating a guy who was in his church's choir was a bad idea... I'm still FB friends with him though. I've never reached out to the boyfriend who I want to beat the piss out of because... well, I want to beat the piss out of him. While he and I were dating, he and my family joined a model train club together. My husband and I met on a forum and lived 2000 miles apart, so the first time he came to visit with me I was showing him all of the places that I had talked to him about during the first few months of our relationship, including this train club. We ended up running into my ex there, and because I had confided to my husband about some of the grittier details of our relationship, my husband ended up having to turn around and walk out, physically shaking and with fists clenched because he really didn't want to get arrested in another country.


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## Blade (Sep 21, 2013)

dale said:


> to be honest, i don't like it either. i didn't like it when i was a kid...and it makes me uncomfortable now.
> i don't know why. i just don't like a group of people chanting or singing at me. it's like an uncomfortable,
> squirmy feeling of not knowing what to do with myself.



I find that the beat of the song a certain 'funeral dirge' to it. For a piece that is supposed to be happy and celebratory it is certainly not lively.

Its offence is that it puts someone on the spot but on the other hand it is mercifully short.


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 21, 2013)

Blade said:


> I find that the beat of the song a certain 'funeral dirge' to it. For a piece that is supposed to be happy and celebratory it is certainly not lively.
> 
> Its offence is that it puts someone on the spot but on the other hand it is mercifully short.



The norwegian version is painfully long.


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## Lewdog (Sep 21, 2013)

Big Brother is watching you...

:welcome:


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## OurJud (Sep 21, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> My second toe is longer than my big toe, but only slightly.  It's called Morton's toe, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton's_toe.



Isn't everyone's? Mine certainly is.


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## dale (Sep 21, 2013)

OurJud said:


> Isn't everyone's? Mine certainly is.



mine is too, slightly. you may not have known it, jud.....but this is the internet destination for where us morton toe people gravitate to. welcome, brother.


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## Lewdog (Sep 21, 2013)

Maybe Morton's Toe people are the creative ones?


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## Ariel (Sep 21, 2013)

I have "Egyptian" feet in that all of my smaller toes slant down from my big toe and are progressively smaller.

I have an uncontrollable shudder at the very thought of worms--of any kind.  It's the partly the reason I don't eat pork.

I also have panic attacks when I'm underground and that includes basements.  I'm terrified of being underground and I haven't the faintest idea why.

I've also never personally dissected anything and I made it through both high school and college biology courses with at least a "B" grade.  I had gentlemen who dissected the animals for me--so long as I knew and could name what was going on I got my grade.


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## Lewdog (Sep 21, 2013)

..,yes speaking of fears, it scares me to death to cross water on a bridge, especially high bridges.  I've had this fear for quite some time, and the recent bridge collapses and reports that almost every bridge in the U.S. isn't up to code doesn't make things any better.

:nightmare:


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## justanothernickname (Sep 21, 2013)

Gawd this feet talk has to stop!


ok another secret...

When i was a kid, we used to get this satellite tv channel of golden oldie show reruns or something. There was this old show called Gilligan's Island from way back. I had a huge crush on the Maryanne character..............don't tell anyone ok?


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## bookmasta (Sep 21, 2013)

I am afraid of clowns.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2013)

I have Algophilia.


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## Blade (Sep 21, 2013)

TheYellowMustang said:


> The norwegian version is painfully long.



That might be the primary problem. Any shy person, even a small child, can handle a few seconds of focused attention on them but if it drags on into a long ordeal there is a issue.:concern:


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## Ariel (Sep 21, 2013)

I am angry with my mother--I'm angry that she didn't care enough after my brother's death to try to have a life for me.  I'm angry that she didn't care for herself and I'm angry that she was so intent on revenge on my dad that she was self-destructing. At the same time I would do anything to be able to climb into her arms and cry.


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## J Anfinson (Sep 21, 2013)

bookmasta said:


> I am afraid of clowns.



Oh lordy yes. They be creepy. I think they're all serial killers.


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## dale (Sep 21, 2013)

amsawtell said:


> I am angry.



believe me, hon. this was no secret. you are female.


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## Lewdog (Sep 21, 2013)

J Anfinson said:


> Oh lordy yes. They be creepy. I think they're all serial killers.



Ha!  Did you hear about the guy dressed up like Pennywise from Stephen King's "It" running around some UK town scaring people since Friday the 13th?

http://news.yahoo.com/northampton-clown-terrifies-british-town-211118964.html


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## Travers (Sep 22, 2013)

I'm ridiculously scared of large moths.
I was fine with them until one day a few years ago. I saw one sitting next to me, cleaning its face with thick, hairy arms.
Now they freak me right out, though I try not to show it in public...


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## SarahStrange (Sep 22, 2013)

> believe me, hon. this was no secret. you are female.



Way to go, Mr. Sensitive. 


My secret? Well, here's a biggie that no one knows about me: For the past three years, I've identified as asexual. Now, I've decided that sexual orientation is over-rated. So I don't identify with any orientation anymore since I find them so useless. (Only when they pertain to me, though. I know others like identifying with a certain one.)


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## dale (Sep 22, 2013)

SarahStrange said:


> Way to go, Mr. Sensitive.
> 
> 
> My secret? Well, here's a biggie that no one knows about me: For the past three years, I've identified as asexual. Now, I've decided that sexual orientation is over-rated. So I don't identify with any orientation anymore since I find them so useless. (Only when they pertain to me, though. I know others like identifying with a certain one.)



yeah. i'm asexual to a certain extent, too. i've been screwing myself over for years.


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## OurJud (Sep 22, 2013)

dale said:


> mine is too, slightly. you may not have known it, jud.....but this is the internet destination for where us morton toe people gravitate to. welcome, brother.


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## SarahStrange (Sep 22, 2013)

> yeah. i'm asexual to a certain extent, too. i've been screwing myself over for years.



Nice try, but not quite. Here's a simple little definition for you: Asexuality (or nonsexuality) is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity. Hope that cleared it up.


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## Robert_S (Sep 22, 2013)

Certainly not asexual here, but more occupied with my wants to bother with something so consuming as a relationship.


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## Pidgeon84 (Sep 22, 2013)

Travers said:


> I'm ridiculously scared of large moths.



Oh my god, this.


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## Robert_S (Sep 22, 2013)

Travers said:


> I'm ridiculously scared of large moths.



Then you must get paralyzed at hummingbird moths. They are about the size of humming birds, can fly backward, flap a million time/second and buzz.


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## bookmasta (Sep 22, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> Ha!  Did you hear about the guy dressed up like Pennywise from Stephen King's "It" running around some UK town scaring people since Friday the 13th?
> 
> http://news.yahoo.com/northampton-clown-terrifies-british-town-211118964.html


I'm going to lock myself in my room now and probably never come out for a very long time.


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## dale (Sep 22, 2013)

SarahStrange said:


> Nice try, but not quite. Here's a simple little definition for you: Asexuality (or nonsexuality) is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity. Hope that cleared it up.



oh. i see. so it's basically like being elderly or castrated?


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## SarahStrange (Sep 22, 2013)

> oh. i see. so it's basically like being elderly or castrated?



Again, not so much. 1) The elderly have viagra. And actually, due to my work with Hospice, I can tell you that many elderly people are able to have wonderful, satisfying relationships with their partners regardless of age. Many, women especially, say that they are even more satisfied with their relationships and all that entails, now than when they were younger. 2) Castrated men have a very _diminished_ sex drive (though diminished, not completely absent). A castrated man can also take testosterone to boost his drive. An asexual person cannot cure their orientation through the help of drugs, just like a homosexual cannot "cure" their orientation. 

*******************

Secret #2: 
When I am feeling down about my writing or I'm thinking about never being successful, I imagine myself being interviewed on some big time talk show. I even act it out and speak aloud. Some gorgeous man like Anderson Cooper is interviewing me and fantastic actors like Robert Downey Jr. want to be apart of the movie adaptation. Oh mama! *fangirl scream* It makes me feel so much better and gives me much more ambition.


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## Lewdog (Sep 22, 2013)

If I ever reproduce it will be like Sheldon Cooper, through mitosis  (which is asexual   ).


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## dale (Sep 22, 2013)

SarahStrange said:


> Again, not so much. 1) The elderly have viagra. And actually, due to my work with Hospice, I can tell you that many elderly people are able to have wonderful, satisfying relationships with their partners regardless of age. Many, women especially, say that they are even more satisfied with their relationships and all that entails, now than when they were younger. 2) Castrated men have a very _diminished_ sex drive (though diminished, not completely absent). A castrated man can also take testosterone to boost his drive. An asexual person cannot cure their orientation through the help of drugs, just like a homosexual cannot "cure" their orientation.
> 
> *******************
> 
> ...



ok. but do you think from a medical point of view, that possibly the technique you sponge-bath an elderly man with might 
be a integer in the equation of whether he actually needs viagra? some elderly men like to pretend they need pills. but a nurse
with any given sponge and warm water could actually discover the truth of the matter......no?


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## Blade (Sep 22, 2013)

dale said:


> with any given sponge and warm water could actually discover the truth of the matter......no?



​Cold can also work as well, surprisingly. Take a thick hand towel soaked in very cold water, wring out a little, wrap around the affected area and then try to massage in the cold. If you think I am kidding, try it. :encouragement:


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## Deleted member 49710 (Sep 23, 2013)

A secret. Okay, this is terrible and shocking, hold on to yourselves. I once stole a ten dollar bill out of my mother's purse. So much candy, I thought. A new My Little Pony. All kinds of sordid fantasies. But then my mom was all upset, like, _I thought I had ten dollars, I'm sure I did,_ and I felt awful, like a horrible monster child, so I took the ten dollar bill outside and rubbed it around in the gutter and brought it back_: Hey look what I found._ She knew what was up, gave me the stinkeye something awful, but I was allowed to walk free.

Another secret. Even worse than the last. A year ago, as I was calculating final grades, I discovered I had forgotten to give my students a quiz, one out of ten for the semester. After a little pacing and swearing, a couple beer, and some frantic fingertapping, I gave them all full points for the quiz they didn't take. I am a bad French teacher. 

Real talk, kids.


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## Myers (Sep 23, 2013)

You people have amazingly lame secrets.


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## Mariner (Sep 23, 2013)

I have a badger colony, who have a maze of tunnels, living in my cupboard.


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## Gavrushka (Sep 23, 2013)

If I turn round too quickly, my eyebrows end up on the back of my head.


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## Bloggsworth (Sep 23, 2013)

I have a rule - Three people can keep a secret, as long as two of them are dead...

- - - Updated - - -

I have a rule - Three people can keep a secret, as long as two of them are dead...

- - - Updated - - -

I have a rule - Three people can keep a secret, as long as two of them are dead...


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## Gavrushka (Sep 23, 2013)

If I pass wind from both ends at the same time, I do an involuntary somersault.


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## popsprocket (Sep 23, 2013)

In high school I was an accomplice to some cat-fighting in which one girl's assignment was hidden moments before it was due to be collected and she ended up receiving a failing grade. She was well known for not turning in school work so the teacher wasn't particularly surprised, but still took the girl at her word that it had been taken and hidden. Even when I was questioned on whether or not I knew what had happened I lied. Of  course, I was an excellent student so I was believed immediately and sent on my way.

And to this day I don't care.

I'm such a lovely individual.


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## The Tourist (Sep 23, 2013)

You often hear that kids are fearless and do inane stuff because they think they are immortal.  I have found this to be an urban legend.

I think I was afraid of my own shadow until the age of about fourteen.  I even had a touch or hypochondria.  But I discovered teen angst, women and motorcycles, and from those starting blocks an interesting dichotomy happened.

As you age, your life's clock shortens.  There are a cavalcade of more yesterdays and fewer tomorrows.  Slowly over time I noticed I spoke out more.  I was never a fence sitter, but I got increasingly strident and less willing to bow to any hypocrisy.  Then something wonderful happened.

I go to the gym every morning and my work-outs are intense, even 20-somethings cannot do the regimen.  But I noticed a mindset, not from within, but from the people I'd meet.  They had that same tentativeness that I found in myself as a teen.  They were afraid, and clearly, of numerous things.

I have no idea on what my lifespan will be.  My lineage shows we live long, healthful lives.  But you'd think I'd be quiet, protective of the natural gifts, or even ride my motorcycles slower.  That is not the case.

Here's my secret.  Being older and mortal makes you younger and immortal.  I don't fear anything, I do not put things off.  I do not take guff.  Do not share my secret.  Keep it between us.

They say that in the world of the blind the one eyed man is king.  In a world of lemmings the loud mouth biker steals your thunder, every time.  And had I known this wonderful secret, I would have been even more of a terror as a younger man.  Who was the idiot that convinced me that "working hard and being prudent" was the secret of success.  Playing with the little hurts is the key that opened my world.

A bucket list is the dumbest thing  I ever heard of.  A bucket is a metal device that slows you down.  You do not need a list, you need to destroy lists as fast as you can, then make another list.  Tick, tock.


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## TheYellowMustang (Sep 23, 2013)

SarahStrange said:


> Secret #2:
> When I am feeling down about my writing or I'm thinking about never being successful, I imagine myself being interviewed on some big time talk show. I even act it out and speak aloud. Some gorgeous man like Anderson Cooper is interviewing me and fantastic actors like Robert Downey Jr. want to be apart of the movie adaptation. Oh mama! *fangirl scream* It makes me feel so much better and gives me much more ambition.



Yes! I do that too. It's so embarrassing. I usually don't speak out loud though, but the mental conversation is loud enough. I'm usually on Letterman. I feel like we'd get along, David and I.


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## midnightpoet (Sep 23, 2013)

I was a loner growing up in the 1950's, with few friends and very shy.  Even though I was an example of the 1950's version of a "nerd" I don't remember ever being bullied.  I finally came out of my shell after college, and finally had a date with a girl.  How did I survive being a teenager?
The "M" word, of course (if you need explanation for that, good luck).


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## The Tourist (Sep 23, 2013)

midnightpoet said:


> The "M" word, of course (if you need explanation for that, good luck).



Yeah, I know what MENSA is.  Not all bikers are stupid--crazy maybe, but not stupid.

And even with those credentials you weren't smart enough to get a date?







LOL.


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## midnightpoet (Sep 23, 2013)

The Tourist said:


> Yeah, I know what MENSA is.  Not all bikers are stupid--crazy maybe, but not stupid.
> 
> And even with those credentials you weren't smart enough to get a date?
> 
> ...



I realize you're kidding, but being smart has nothing whatever to do with getting a date (unless you're rich, of course).:joker:


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## Deleted member 49710 (Sep 23, 2013)

Myers said:


> You people have amazingly lame secrets.


We're just saving the real juicy stuff for our memoirs.

Like the time I lost a student's grade on an assignment, and just stone cold _made one up_. :disillusionment:


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## dale (Sep 23, 2013)

lasm said:


> We're just saving the real juicy stuff for our memoirs.
> 
> Like the time I lost a student's grade on an assignment, and just stone cold _made one up_. :disillusionment:


lol. god, you rebel. john milton should have wrote an epic poem in your name for that one.


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## Alabastrine (Sep 24, 2013)

I can't stand wearing clothes. The second I get home, off they go. I feel constricted and claustrophobic...which I also am. I was born naked and I will leave this earth naked. Hopefully.


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## justanothernickname (Sep 24, 2013)

ok now we are heating up

Edit: and lets keep the feet covered up...ok byer


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## Alabastrine (Sep 24, 2013)

Don't make me use the "F" word again Justanothernickname.


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## justanothernickname (Sep 24, 2013)

sorry...

The f word as in feet??


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## Alabastrine (Sep 24, 2013)

Bingo!


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## WechtleinUns (Sep 24, 2013)

A lot of people think that I'm gay. I'm actually just ambitious.


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## SarahStrange (Sep 27, 2013)

> A lot of people think that I'm gay. I'm actually just ambitious.


I'm confused as to why this would make people think you were gay. People are weird... Lots of people think I'm a lesbian. I don't actually really care. Why be offended by something that isn't an insult?


I work in my University's library and sometimes when I realize I've bound a book incorrectly, I shelve if anyways. No one ever goes back in the stacks anyways...


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## Ariel (Sep 27, 2013)

The cats like me more than anyone else in the house.  Even the crazy psycho one will let me hold him.  

I cut off all of my hair and now I hate it.  I can never get it to lay right and now it's too short for any sort of hair style.

I hate being pressured to write.  I self-sabotage and will procrastinate until it's too late for me to get the work done.


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## Greimour (Sep 27, 2013)

A secret... hmmm...

I had always believed I was not afraid of death. I had been in several moments when I truly believed I was about to die... on each occasion I accepted the fate and waited for it to come true. After surviving those instances, I didn't have so much as an accelerated heartbeat. For example, a near miss as passenger of a car.
- A flat bed lorry reversed right in front of our path, I inhaled deeply, which was the only notification the driver received to the danger. With a mad swerve, I watched in slow motion as the tail end of the lorry passed no more than a couple centimeters from my window. Had we crashed, The driver may have survived, but I would have been sliced in half from the waist upward. The driver (having screeched to a stop) honked his horn long and loud before his racing heart and addrenaline pumped body had him shaking like a leaf. He was unable to drive for a couple of minutes. Meanwhile, I was as calm as a soft summer breeze waiting for him to regain his composure.

Instances like that had me believing I was not afraid of death. But then, I realized recently that I am afraid of death. I don't know what I am afraid of yet, but I have started to zone in on what scares me. Partly, it is the method of my end...
Old in bed asleep sounds really good to me, but knowing I am to die within any immediate time frame would probably have me afraid of going to sleep, for fear I would not wake back up.

So my secret was one I kept from myself. I had believed I wasn't afraid of death, but it turns out, I am. 

Another was loneliness. I spend a great deal of time alone, I like it... but being alone and single at forty without kids has started to become a worry for me. I have had plenty of chances to settle down with a lass, have kids and live life in the normal fashion... but I always found a reason to retrun to single life, alone and content. I had believed this was the life I would live and was content with it... but it turns out, I am actually worried that it may be true. I still have a dozen or so years before that happens, I am yet to reach thirty after all... but I still can't help but think about the future these days. 

So my two secrets,
I am actually afraid of death (shock horror, I really didn't think that was the case)
I am actually afraid of spending my life alone, (and yet alone here I sit, without care enough to change the situation in any immediate future)


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## justanothernickname (Sep 27, 2013)

I like romantic movies.............shhhh


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## Pluralized (Sep 27, 2013)

Once, in my late teens, I had a serious relationship going with a young woman with a full-time job, a car, and a dorm room. She and I dated for several months, and things went fairly well for the most part. Until one night, after thirty or so Jaeger-shots, when I called her by the wrong name. Her sister's name. She poured a full drink in my lap and I never saw her again. 

Thanks, thread! I think the "peeling of the onion" needs to stop right there.


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## FleshEater (Sep 27, 2013)

Bruno Spatola said:


> Hmm. . . I have some unusual fetishes. The image of blood, for instance. I would happily drink it, bathe in it, etc. Without hurting someone to obtain it, of course. I have actually drank my own blood (about a quarter of a glass, probably less). I liked the taste.
> 
> Combined with the facts that bats are my favourite animals, I'm very pale, and sensitive to light -- I have no lightbulbs in my room, and windows with blackout blinds. Also, when I was five, a crazy woman who lived on the same street as us grabbed me and held a crucifix to my cheek. She would make a cross with her fingers at me whenever we saw her after that. All true.
> 
> ...



Sorry. I just popped in this thread for a peek and saw this. Are you Martin? If so, that's awesome!


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## FleshEater (Sep 27, 2013)

amsawtell said:


> I have "Egyptian" feet in that all of my smaller toes slant down from my big toe and are progressively smaller.
> 
> I have an uncontrollable shudder at the very thought of worms--of any kind.  It's the partly the reason I don't eat pork.
> 
> ...




This is where I work. 8 1/2 hours...everyday. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2aou6c2MOmg


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## WechtleinUns (Sep 29, 2013)

I've only celebrated Halloween once in my lifetime, when I was around 6 years old. After that, I never went trick or treating again. I figure I should get that one out there, because It's going to come out eventually.


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## Ariel (Sep 30, 2013)

That would bother me, Flesh.


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## ToBeInspired (Sep 30, 2013)

I have feelings for a girl that has a boyfriend of two years. They currently live together. I have moments of extreme sleep deprivation and took an Ambien after a three day stretch. Long story short - sedative kick in? no. psychotropic kick in? yes. I blacked out and woke up to find I texted her things that didn't make sense. I was talking to her as if she was my ex from high school at one point, I told her I bought her and her boyfriend tickets to Disney (odd much?), a lot of other odd things, and that I loved her.

I've never said that to anyone. I'm a romantic at heart and I've gotten in trouble before for not saying it. As if I've told them, when I say it I intend to mean it with my entire being. There's a difference between caring and loving. You have one heart, love should be singular. The other forms of relationships should be described more accurately with other words. When I say it - I mean it. So... not sure how that came out. I like her quite a bit, but boyfriend = off-limits.

First time anything of the sort has happened to me. I feel like a jerk now. I'm very attractive and successful. At one point she stopped hanging out with me because I was "too attractive" and it was hard justifying it to her boyfriend. Though he's cheated on her (best friend) and currently hangs out, alone, with his ex girlfriend in his room often. I'm tempted to go for her, but I don't know what to do. Her feelings are paramount in any decision and it's hard to decide. She accepts mistreatment too easily and allows others to walk over. My problem is that if we ever did get together... well it would have to be serious I'd believe. 

Simple facts:
Two year live in boyfriend
I said I loved her (regardless of me being legally crazy at the time) 

Maybe this could be love (new thoughts as I type)... I did think of her daily for a long period of time. When she stopped talking to her I missed her. I've never missed anyone or anything before... I'm nomadic in nature. I'm quite protective of her as well. She does make me quite happy just by being around her. This may be the first time I consider a serious relationship... sigh. 

Either way I'm torn up about someone for the first time in my life. I don't push people towards what I want, however, so if she doesn't make a move I will simply walk away. I have swam with alligators and intend to kiss a shark (bucket list), but a 5'4" girl can make me nervous. I've faced down CEOs without flinching. It's... an unpleasant feeling. I was tempted to not post this. However, it was refreshing in a way. I may cowardly edit this to nothing later... but for now I shall use it as a form of release.

It's a shame I have no one I feel comfortable discussing this with. Someone to bounce my feelings off may result in clarity. However, while I've held emotional bonds with others... I've been a listener. I tend to bottle my feelings. Well, no longer.


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## WechtleinUns (Sep 30, 2013)

ToBeInspired, you really are a romantic, and that's a wonderful thing. But romanticism will always yield a broken heart unless you temper it with practicality. Being madly in love with someone is one thing. Being serious about a relationship and going all the way is quite another. Mad passion requires only romance. But settling down in a serious relationship isn't nearly so glamorous. Once the flames of passion die away, you'll have to start thinking about the nuts and bolts of the relationship.

Passionate romance is very effective for short term relationships, but you're going for the long haul here. It's a marathon, not a dash.

Now then, I'm dissappointed in all of you. You call these things secrets?! Bah. It looks like I'm gonna have to be the first to spill his guts. So, here goes:

1. I've been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I don't disclose it, because I've become high functioning enough to not have to. Most people wouldn't believe that I was autistic if I told them anyway. Frankly, I wouldn't believe myself, but I've got the paperwork, so there.

2. I have indulged in cross-dressing. Yep. That's right. 6-foot guy with a hairy chest and Uberbrows, putting on lipstick and mascara, and trying on a bra. I don't do it anymore, mainly because I don't really have to. Nevertheless, there was a short period in high school when I thought about getting a gender change.

3. I have a slight deformity in my nether regions, such that I'll probably need to see a gynocologist before I succesfully engage in intimate relations with a woman. It's nothing too serious, and I'm not too worried about it. A relatively simple procedure that I am not in too much of a hurry to pay for.

4. I have had a great many delusions of grandeur. I am perfectly aware of this, and must carefully remind myself to stay humble. Nevertheless, I do possess megalomaniacal tendencies.

So let's see here... we've established that I'm a broken man both mentally and sexually, and that I would relish being the dictator of a third world country. Anything else?

Hmm... I'm an Atheist, if that sort of thing is still considered taboo. Yeah, that should cover it. So here I stand, naked before you, bleeding and scarred.

Ah well. Such is life, que no?


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## Ariel (Sep 30, 2013)

I've shared quite a bit here before.  I don have deep and dark secrets.


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## helium (Oct 1, 2013)

I would also be a dictator, like Hitler.


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## ToBeInspired (Oct 1, 2013)

WechtleinUns said:


> *Passionate romance is very effective for short term relationships, but you're going for the long haul here. It's a marathon, not a dash.*



I'm a very practical and logical man. She originally had a crush on me, while still with her boyfriend. It was obvious, for a while that she was considering breaking up with her boyfriend for me. Which is where the questions of whether or not I was willing to do this arose. If I took her away from a man that she claims to love than I would be obliged to make the relationship serious. Unlike my other, short-term, relationships I would have to commit. Regardless of her intentions I will not start anything with her unless I have decided to be serious.

A marathon, eh? I'm a long distance runner and one of the most patient people that I have come across. I can wait years for a goal to come to fruition, never wavering in my determination. I also understand the flaws of passion. If I over-do it than it will simply become the normal and thus fizzle out. Passion has to be interlaced with the normal. It must be spaced out, in intervals, to enable other emotions and feelings to grow: steadiness, consistency, etc. I relate passion to the making of a sword. While the flame may grow to an inferno the sword still must be tempered. I'm realistic and as such consider all of the options before making a choice that would be as major as this one. It's a shame we're still not friends. I would be able to get to know her better and make an even more informed decision. I hesitate with the foolish prayer that my youth does not blind my choice. 

I have serious goals and ambitions and shall be traveling soon. I will think over it before I come back. I will also give her time to think as well. A departing letter sounds like me.

A romantic? You have no idea. I would more properly be categorized as a Romantic Realist I believe, though.

Thank You,
ToBeInspired

P.S. I was intending to delete this, but after what you shared I see no reason to. I have real secrets that I hold and I'm not about to be ashamed for something so trivial. I was going to delete it simply in case she stumbled upon it. It's unlikely though... I'm just cautious.


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## WechtleinUns (Oct 1, 2013)

ToBeInspired, I think you and I would have quite a bit in common, actually. A lot of what you say makes sense. It's a good thing to think about it over travels. Very healthy. Having said that, I'm sure you'll make the decision that you truly desire.


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## dakota.potts (Oct 2, 2013)

EDIT: This first paragraph used to be some things that were maybe too personal to put on the internet under my name, but I received some very kind messages about them. 

I graduated high school at 16 and at 18 have barely made any money, haven't had a "real" job, and haven't gone back to school. I'm worried about the direction in my life. I want to be known for my music, but on my terms. Although I have always enjoyed writing, it falls behind music on my last of passions and I pursue it because I'm good at it, still enjoy it, and know that I can one day make decent money at it. 

I am terrified of death, unsure of my existence, and often times don't feel real. I feel detached and hazy sometimes like I'm on auto pilot. I have a hard time feeling emotions (fear, sadness, happiness) where I should feel them, but too much of these emotions from someone else or an inability to feel them cause me stress and frustration which just makes me angry. I am not an angry person and don't believe in yelling or shows of force and honestly don't think I have ever lost my temper or said/did something to hurt someone out of anger, but I do get stressed and overwhelmed by things easily. 

I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and perhaps a derealization effect. From what I'm not sure. 

I enjoy life but am terribly nihilistic. We are all slowly losing a battle to entropy. Nothing will last, nothing is permanent, and science can't even nail down what our current state is. In all this, things are hard to put stock in. Simple things start to feel ridiculous when I examine them too much -- how we see faces as attractive, how motor vehicles all have almost the same form, engineering, and propulsion systems, etc. but I see all these things from a detached distance. 

My dreams sometimes terrify me. It feels as though there's a part of my brain that actively wants me to be afraid. In my dreams, everything is covered in a dark grimy layer. People fade in and out. The smallest suggestions turn into nightmares. I feel fear in a half-lucid dream state because I know all the things that can and do happen. A statue of Einstein will suddenly invert and become a mess of razors while I hear the memetic suggestion of laughter in my head. I'll open a book to find the most horrifying face I've ever seen. The sleep paralysis is the worst. I've never felt more intense waves of energy. Often times I'll hear noises like screaming. Recently I was paralyzed within a dream while a horrible screaming creature floated over my bed and came closer to my face. I often wake up moaning, desperately trying to make a noise and call for my dog hoping she'll come to wake me up, but I can't because my muscles are paralyzed. 


I am 18 years old and like Pokemon, Avril Lavigne (one album, but it's still my guilty pleasure), and video games like Dark Cloud. 

How about you guys?


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## Alabastrine (Oct 2, 2013)

I had a tawdry affair once. There's my deep dark secret. Not proud of it


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## justanothernickname (Oct 2, 2013)

I am interested in all things spiritual.............so there


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## Jon M (Oct 2, 2013)

I was in jail on my eighteenth birthday.


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## FleshEater (Oct 2, 2013)

Sorry, I have no real secrets.

ToBeInspired: I've been in the exact position you're in with the girl. In fact, I've been there many times, and it kept happening until I started drinking again...heavily. That aside, you're probably going to have three outcomes. 

1. Keep your feelings to yourself, keep everything the same, and let life happen. If you do this, she'll know you care, but perhaps not as much as you'd like her to know, and perhaps the relationship never moves past just being friends.

2. You open up to her. She shuts you down with the friend title. You know? Because some women just can't date guys that are friends.

3. You open up to her and she feels the same. Bingo.

I'm 29 now, happily married with a 3 year old son, and another son coming this month. Looking back, I'm soooooooo glad nothing ever happened with those "crushes." And, interestingly enough, they all fit your girl's profile as well. They all liked being treated like garbage, liked staying with those guys that didn't "deserve" them, etc. etc. I was ALWAYS the shoulder to cry on, the guy to talk to, the guy that was there, blah, blah, blah. Thing is, those girls never changed. They're still living dead end lives with dead end guys. I have no idea why, and sometimes I wonder "what if." But, it's like The Butterfly Effect, so why bother?

Not sure if that helps or not, but every stroke of "love" before marriage feels like the most important thing ever, when it's nothing more than a farce. When I met my wife, we clicked instantly. It's hard to explain, but when it happens, if it happens, you'll know.


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## Element Writer (Oct 3, 2013)

Here's my secret I never liked my ex. I was just hanging out with her for the benefits. The day I finally told her I never wanted to see her again was the happiest I'd been since the whole thing started. She in return got upset and started drinking, possibly doing drugs and sleeping around. I don't feel the least bit bad about it either because she was a horrible person and a huge hypocrite. I guess this is a case where the guy broke up with a girl who liked treating him like crap, liked to be treated like crap, and was crap. I kind of hope she overdoses, but then again I don't really care what she does anymore. Life's good.

...Was that technically more than one secret? Eh, I prefer to think of it as fractions of a whole.


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## Blade (Oct 3, 2013)

FleshEater said:


> Not sure if that helps or not, but every stroke of "love" before marriage feels like the most important thing ever, when it's nothing more than a farce. When I met my wife, we clicked instantly. It's hard to explain, but when it happens, if it happens, you'll know.


Good advice, 'bottom line', in my opinion. Anything like this that is marred by triangulation, hesitation and philisophical musing is not likely to lead anywhere you would like to go. I would just press 'delete' and move along myself but fate may have other plans.:disturbed:


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## FleshEater (Oct 3, 2013)

Blade said:


> Good advice, 'bottom line', in my opinion. Anything like this that is marred by triangulation, hesitation and philisophical musing is not likely to lead anywhere you would like to go. I would just press 'delete' and move along myself but fate may have other plans.:disturbed:



Exactly. So much time, effort, and emotion gets wasted trying to force love. There's no sense in trying to convince someone that they'd be better off without him or her. Life usually never plays out like the movies.


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## ToBeInspired (Oct 4, 2013)

*Secrets:*

* I had an incredibly rough life and at one point I became detached from the world. I would stare blankly and not talk at all. I was given medication to try and fix this, but instead it made it worse. It got so bad that when I accidentally put my hand on the stove I just looked at it until someone else took it off for me. I felt the pain and it just didn't bother me. To this day I can bring myself to a similar state and thus take incredible amounts of pain or work past my normal bodily limits. During this time I had thoughts that I may be a sociopath, due to it being actually alarmingly common, and wondered whether I would form homicidal tendencies. I never did, but my mind doesn't think A, B, C it's A - Z then AA -- ZZ then AAA --- ZZZ. Due to never having a strong emotional relationship with someone, as of yet, I'm unsure as to whether or not I have emotions similar to that of other people. I commonly examine others to try and contrast my own. I've read articles on sociopaths and I'm still entertaining the idea that I formed a misguided illusion of emotions to fulfill my own desires. Basing it off others while not truly meaning any of it. It's made me curious as to whether I do this simply to reach my own desires that are set by social standards. I'm not sure if what I claim to desire is an actual want or just a detached view of a need set by the examination of other lives. Though, all of that made me laugh. So, I think I'm okay. Laughter and smiling are what made me dismiss this as just a fun little jot in my mind. However, thoughts like these lead to great characters. Hah.

* I've been having the strangest urge to kiss people whenever I'm talking to them. I realize it's due to my current relationship dilemma, but it's making things odd. No one will ever notice it, I keep very good control of any displays of body language, but my eyes slightly flicker whenever it happens. I cover it up as a natural blink, but sometimes it continues. It starts off as a moment of intense clarity. My eyes focus (I have very great eyesight) intensely upon the persons cheek area. My vision narrows and it seems as if there's a flush to myself or them (it's a vague sense of feeling, so unsure). Then my lips begin to twinge and I have an overwhelming urge to kiss the person I'm talking to. It's only been happening for the last two days, but it's everyone I'm talking to. It doesn't matter if they're male or female; old or young. In fact 95% of the people, that I've had this sensation for, I find unattractive. It's incredibly... odd. I've been around children and luckily nothing close has come to pass, so it's not disturbing at least. My only thoughts on the matter, so far, are that it's an accumulation of my pent up emotions and feelings. It's actually a little sad. Kind of pathetic, really. I believe that I've just felt so unloved for so long that even my almost endless patience is cracking. I just want to feel loved. I wonder if I'll cry? I've always felt that I needed to, but I've never been able to get it out. When the only man I ever considered a father passed away, it didn't bother me. Deaths don't reflect on me since I see it in a logical, analytic way. We all die, someone passing is an eventuality. Enjoy the time you have with them and reflect upon the good. Life is an accumulation of memories and as such simply retain the best of that particular individual. Why be sad when you only have happy memories of them? That's what I told my mother, almost exactly, at the age of 6. The kissing sensation stopped, only lasting two days, but I'm leaning towards forgetting the current girl I'm stuck over and just giving someone else a chance. Even though I'm 90% sure I could have her if I so wanted. Due to not being around her as much as I like I can only forecast upwards to 1-2 years with her. I'm not sure if that would be labeled as a serious relationship, which is what I would have to participate in if I decided to win her over.

* I have the ability to do multiple things at once without losing focus on any single task. I'm currently at the library with a random kid bringing book after book for me to read him. Virtually nothing really annoys me, so I don't mind. However while I'm reading I'm also having thoughts on the particularities of each story. Such as why would an author have a giant mouse (fireman) rescuing a cat? Wrong animal association. I'm typing with one hand, slowly, as I read with the other. I'm evaluating what I want to write here as well, while explaining things to him as I read. I focus intently on the story so as to make sure I give proper tone and read the story in an interesting manner (inflections). I'm careful not to mispronounce words or cut off sentences shorts. While doing all of these things I'm reflecting on other thoughts about myself and my future. I tend to be reserved when showing any form of intelligence in person (face to face). My mind tends to be... all over the place. I prefer waiting as to just saying my first thoughts.


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## ToBeInspired (Oct 4, 2013)

* I've had thoughts of suicide before. My parents had me institutionalized after an argument led me to saying "how about I just kill myself!" It was an overreaction on their part and a ploy on my end. I've always been extremely observant. Since I was detached I processed things in a... certain sort of way. I gave special attention to understanding others and their actions. I grew to be manipulative. I learned to fake emotions and give special attention to all displays of body language. Timing them to give impressions and setting up words to follow other actions. I would use this to lead to points making them initiate specific points of conversation that I alread had follow-up designs upon. I've kept this secret from anyone due to knowing that if anyone was aware it would raise their guard, making it extremely less effective. I've developed a default "innocent" boy aura that I project when meeting new people. I'm seen as harmless and people are more relaxed around me. I showed only basic intelligence and displayed nothing that would arouse suspicion. I tended to get absolutely whatever I wanted, though I wanted little. Once my emotional problems were fixed, though still being built upon, I saw what I was doing as wrong. I consider that form of manipulation to be characteristic of a "bad" person. I'm unwilling to manipulate people, to such an extent, but I use what I know to gather data and to prod people towards bettering themselves. Such as seeing what a person lacks confidence in and encouraging them in ways that build self-esteem in that subject. I still have certain detached views at time and I can at any time go to the "default" mode that I once created. However I used what I considered to be wrong and turned it into an asset to better the lives of people I come to care about. I'm actively trying to make up for all the wrongs I've committed and all of the wrongs done to me. I hope to do this by bettering as many lives as possible simply by becoming a great person. I'm VERY actively working on it.

* I've had moments of joy and have had quite a bit of fun in the last few years, but there has never been a point in my life that I would call happy. However, pain and misery was my norm for most of my life. Since I have not reached the upper end of the spectrum I feel that I'm able to continue with pushing myself beyond my bodily limits without caring. I can deprive myself of sleep, food, and comforts without a second thought. I fear that if I ever actually become happy it will change me and I will lose much of my resolve. I'm _hoping_ that it instead promotes me toward an even higher sense of motivation. I have no fear over normal things. A gun to my head or a shark in my face means nothing. The end result is simply death, which is inevitable. However, thoughts of all my efforts leading to failure terrifies me. I'm absolutely terrified of the moment that all of my efforts come to fruition leading to... nothing. That instead of finally coming to acceptance with myself and knowing I built my future with my own hands that I wasn't good enough. However, I would be fine if I simply died before coming to this point. It wouldn't be a failure, simply a natural occurrence. I tried, but life got in the way. I would have to say that all of my fears, in life, stem from the idea that all of the drastic changes I've made turn out to be virtually meaningless. It promotes me to evaluate all of my decisions and choices to make sure that I don't go down a wrong path. I try to use up every second I can to promote myself further and it's incredibly exhausting. My body sometimes fails me, but it repairs itself at an incredible rate. I feel that I may quite literally work myself to death. And I'm okay with that. It's better than not giving it my all.


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## escorial (Oct 4, 2013)

got arrested with a friend the night john lennon was murdered outside the cavern in mathew street..spraying graffiti..shine on john..an stuff..ha


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## WechtleinUns (Oct 4, 2013)

ToBeInspired, it seems to me like we have a lot in common, actually. I think along incredibly logical lines as well. In fact, it wasn't until just a few years ago that I began to understand the emotional aspects of reality. In my social life, I was always dark and brooding. I'm certain that some people considered me their friend, but I wouldn't have known who. At the time, I did not truly understand the concept well enough to recognize it.

At the same time, we seem to have taken divergent paths from our similar initial starting points. I eventually grew to become extremely ambitious, even unto the point of megalomania. When I finally figured out emotions and social dynamics(to an extent), I immediately put them into use to further my various competencies and goals. Aside from that, I have little patience for emotional dalliancy or situations of the sort.

Indeed, even our positions on love and recognition appear to be at polar ends. In my case, for example, I express my admiration and respect towards all that I feel worthy of it, and couldn't care less about recieving love in return. I do strive to provide value to others, and to help others genuinely. But this is simply because I feel genuine ambition is achieved through genuine value. I'm not sure if I could love another. I don't know. Maybe that makes me weak.

I've also had thoughts of suicide, and great moments of bliss and joy, etc. Although, my parents are puro mexicano, and wouldn't even consider dialing 911 if I were to make a statement like that. They might have handed me the kitchen knife themselves, actually! Haha.

I also was never as manipulative as you claim here. But then, you appear to have developed an understanding of human emotions much more quickly than I did. At the same time, my 'understanding' of emotions is very much intellectual in substance. I wonder if yours is the same?

Well, since I'm posting, I guess I've got to confess another secret, eh? Well... let's see here. My elder brother died of cancer when I was 16. We we're one year apart. The sad thing is that, while he was dying, he would beg me to play yu-gi-oh with him. But I, being terrified of being around him, refused.

The scene was almost clownish. He would grab my shirt, practically begging through sobs to play yugioh with him. And I... turned him down. I kept turning him down. I didn't know how to deal with him, and was scared of being around him.

And then he died. I still have all our cards in the closet. Man... I'll tell you what. I often say that I have no regrets. That I like the way I am now, and in a way that's true. But don't ever underestimate the power of missed opportunity. If there's one thing in this life that I could do over again. I mean, if there was really just one thing... I would spend all day every day of that year playing games with my brother.

My god... what has it been? It's been 8 years. So much has changed. There's so much that I want to show him. So much that I want to tell him. About the future, and the things that have happened. There's been... so much that has happened.

And I can't tell him. That's what hurts the most. I can't even tell him.


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## Ariel (Oct 6, 2013)

Wechtlein, I lost my brother in a house fire.  While I never had to watch him slowly wasting away I do know what it is to want to be able to talk to him.  It'll be14 years this December.

I have this incredible jealousy of other people's siblings.  That's a relationship other people can't break into and understand from the outside.  Losing that relationship has redefined my entire life.


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## SarahStrange (Oct 7, 2013)

I want to drop out of college.

Doesn't mean I will, but I want to. There are days when writing is the _only _thing that I want to do. There are days I think if I go to another class, write another essay, or smile and chat at _another_ sorority function I'm going to pull all my hair out and run for the hills. These days seem to be getting more frequent. 

I could never drop out. It'd break my mother's heart. She has nearly killed herself getting me to the point where I could go to a fabulous private college such as the one I am attending. Not to mention it would be phenomenally stupid. If writing doesn't work out (which statistically speaking it probably won't) how else will I get a job where I can make enough so I can give my mother the retirement funds I so desperately want to give her? 

I'll go to college, keep getting good grades and acquiring scholarships until eventually I don't have to pay a cent of tuition, be an active leader, volunteer and make myself visible, find an internship that will allow me to network, find a good job, grovel for said job, hope I'm not passed up because my reproductive origins are on the inside instead of the outside, hope my salary is the same as a males for the previous reason, collect enough to give my mother retirement, hope in that time that I am able to save enough for myself as well, quit and then devote my time solely to writing. By my calculations, I'll be able to be 'full-time writer' when I'm around 70. 

Well. That was a depressing sequence of predicted events. I'm going to go eat some chocolate and finish my essay now... a lot of chocolate.


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## alanmt (Oct 7, 2013)

I used to have a phobia about those pepper grinders that wait staff would shove in your face at restaurants. I got over it.  Not sure if it was the pretentiousness of the whole exercise or my discomfort of having a large wooden phallus shoved inches away from my face while about to eat.  Probably both. I had a dream once where I snuck up behind a guy, put one arm around his neck and with the other slowly slid a blade into his heart while he moaned, stiffened and then went limp. It was disturbingly erotic. Some sensationalist television program once wanted to do a segment on me because they had received an anonymous tip that I left my wife for the guy who raped her. The tip may or may not have been technically true . . . 

Too much?


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## Myers (Oct 7, 2013)

SarahStrange said:


> I'll go to college, keep getting good grades and acquiring scholarships until eventually I don't have to pay a cent of tuition, be an active leader, volunteer and make myself visible, find an internship that will allow me to network...



That's about what I did. Now I have a job I like, and life is pretty good, if not somewhat hectic. And I still have time to write. Hang in there.


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## WechtleinUns (Oct 7, 2013)

SarahStrange, I admire and respect you for your goals. Furthermore, you're absolutely justified in not liking college. I'm at university at the moment as well, and I can't say I'm too pleased with the environment. Having said all this, it looks like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. And that pressure is causing you a lot of stress.

Stress is never good. If you let it, it can interfere with your writing, and can affect so many aspects of your life for the negative. It doesn't have to, however. You're thinking so far ahead into the future: 70 years! Trust me on this one, Sarah, the next 70 years are not going to unfurl into anything like what you have predicted here in this thread. Not in a million years will we have someone that can predict the next 70, and that's a very good thing.

Because it means you're still alive here and now, and you still have the power to shape your tommorrow. (^_^) Good luck. 

Now then, because I'm posting in here, I've got to post a secret, don't I? Well. First, Thank you very much Amsawtell for telling me about that. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Dying in a fire is no easy thing. Thank you very much for sharing that.

Now then... a secret... hmm...

Up until a few weeks ago, I thought that David Tennant(from Doctor Who) and Richard Hammond were the same person. Needless to say, I'm a huge fan of Richard Hammond, who is one of the television presenters on Top Gear.

Which also makes me sad, because I saw what he said about Mexicans on youtube...:sad:


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## FleshEater (Oct 11, 2013)

SarahStrange said:


> I want to drop out of college.
> 
> Doesn't mean I will, but I want to. There are days when writing is the _only _thing that I want to do. There are days I think if I go to another class, write another essay, or smile and chat at _another_ sorority function I'm going to pull all my hair out and run for the hills. These days seem to be getting more frequent.
> 
> ...



I just have to point out the sexism fear here. Yes, I realize sexism exists, and that it affects both genders. However, it is 2013. Most likely your salary will be the same across the board for a similar position, regardless of gender. 

My wife makes $1.61 less than me an hour, and with her bonuses, that actual number is more like 79 cents MORE than me an hour. And I'm in management as a government contractor! 

Where I work though, there is more sexism committed against men than woman. But, women out number men by almost 7 to 1 where I work, so...

Don't worry so much, it isn't 1960.


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## SarahStrange (Oct 11, 2013)

> Don't worry so much, it isn't 1960.



Yeah... about that:


> -The median annual earnings for full-time, year-round women workers in 2012 was $37,791 compared to men’s $49,398.1
> -In 2012, the median weekly earnings for full-time working women was $691, compared to $854 for men.2
> -In 2012, the median weekly earnings for women in full-time management, professional, and related occupations was $951, compared to $1,328 for men.



http://www.catalyst.org/knowledge/womens-earnings-and-income



> Women on average make only 77 cents to every dollar earned by men.


http://www.whitehouse.gov/equal-pay/career


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## FleshEater (Oct 11, 2013)

Well, move to western PA. You'll make more than most men.

My wife; $21.88 Review Technician
Me; $21.09 Warehouse Supervisor

The men that work under me, their wives make a lot more than they do. 

Every area is different. Statistics are B.S. if you ask me. Do you also notice how that said "related occupations"? Compare apples to apples, meaning let a man retire from a position, replace him with a woman, and then we'll see if it's fair, or unfair. Same company, same position.

Unless everyone studied worked under something like a Service Contract Act for the government, which means you have a standard that MUST be paid according to Wage and Determination, then it wouldn't reflect accurate numbers. 

A manager for McDonald's isn't going to make the same as a manager at Best Buy. But, they're both management positions, so that counts, right? Wrong.


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## squidtender (Oct 11, 2013)

My wife makes more money than me and always has . . . 

But, I wonder if the figures would hold up if you took out high paying welder, construction, electrician and plumber jobs? Jobs that are typically physically demanding.

My secret: When I caught my fiance cheating on me with my best friend, Christmas of 1997, I drove to the only open fast food place and bought twenty cheese burgers . . . sat down and ate all of them. :shock:


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## FleshEater (Oct 11, 2013)

My wife would like to add that she makes more money than me because I pay her to make my sandwiches. 

Her words, not mine!


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