# nobody



## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

the body is like a suitcase
that carries a soul from place to place
but when it’s lost and never to be found
what’s inside lives on and on


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## Elvenswordsman (Oct 11, 2014)

Not to sound like a douche, but "on and on" seems a bit cliched, I think you can find a better ending to this.

Thanks for sharing!


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## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

cheers E11..


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## jenthepen (Oct 11, 2014)

I really like the way this poem carries a profound idea in such a simple, everyday analogy. The idea of that 'inner something' that can never be destroyed by the twists and turns of life. 

Maybe the ending could be worded a bit better but the sentiment is sound and I think, if you do change it, you should choose a phrase that preserves the everyday imagery of this piece. Maybe something like, 'but what's inside still hangs around'.

Anyway, I connected to the theme of your poem and enjoyed reading it.


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## Firemajic (Oct 11, 2014)

I love this life and death metaphor, well done.  Peace...Jul


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## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

thankyou  firemajic

thanks jenthepen...what i was going for was no end in a way..


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## Firemajic (Oct 11, 2014)

I completely "got" the end of this poem...Peace...Jul


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## JamesR (Oct 11, 2014)

I enjoyed the premise but I feel it was overly short and somewhat lackluster. I think that extending the metaphor via describing the various trials and rough circumstances that suitcases go through--being tossed around in planes, lost luggage, thrown around in closets, etc.--would have greatly complimented the poem, symbolizing the trials that humans endure in life.


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## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

thanks JR


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## tinacrabapple (Oct 11, 2014)

Thanks for offering up a profound thought!  On one level or another, I can relate to this.


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## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

appreciate that tincrabapple


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## Mistique (Oct 11, 2014)

escorial said:


> the body is like a suitcase
> that carries a soul from place to place
> but when it’s lost and never to be found
> what’s inside lives on and on



Not sure if this helps any, because I don't know much about poetry, but I've read it over and over again out loud both with and without the 'and on' as I thought it might feel better without the ' and on', but I think I was wrong. When I read it out loud without the 'and on' (so the last sentence would be 'what's inside lives on') it feels like the poem has more of an ending. Like it stops there or something (maybe because that sentence is then shorter. I don't know). When I read it as it is, so with the 'and on' it feels more like its ongoing. As if you could have said 'and on and on and on and on...'  endlessly, just like a soul goes on endlessly. So I guess in the end... after all this... I like it best as it is. It has a sense of eternity to it that I like a lot. Did that make sense?


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## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

thanks for your thoughts Mistique..some believe in souls others a life force and others believe life begins and ends but we all affect somebody good or bad, be a long life or a short life we all effect the future.


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## Mistique (Oct 11, 2014)

escorial said:


> thanks for your thoughts Mistique..some believe in souls others a life force and others believe life begins and ends but we all affect somebody good or bad, be a long life or a short life we all effect the future.



Yes, I guess we do. There is a dutch song (not mine) that has somewhat of a similar sentiment. Part of it goes like this:
_
Ik heb een steen verlegd in een rivier op aarde (I have moved a stone in a river on earth)
het water gaat er anders dan voorheen (the water will now flow differently than before)
nu weet ik dat ik nooit zal zijn vergeten (now I know that I will not be forgotten)
ik lever bewijs van mijn bestaan (i have given prove of my existence)
omdat door het verlegen van die ene steen (because by moving that one stone)
de stroom nooit meer dezelfde weg zal gaan (the __stream will never be the same)_


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## Blade (Oct 11, 2014)

Mistique said:


> Not sure if this helps any, because I don't know much about poetry, but I've read it over and over again out loud both with and without the 'and on' as I thought it might feel better without the ' and on', but I think I was wrong. When I read it out loud without the 'and on' (so the last sentence would be 'what's inside lives on') it feels like the poem has more of an ending. Like it stops there or something (maybe because that sentence is then shorter. I don't know). When I read it as it is, so with the 'and on' it feels more like its ongoing. As if you could have said 'and on and on and on and on...'  endlessly, just like a soul goes on endlessly. So I guess in the end... after all this... I like it best as it is. It has a sense of eternity to it that I like a lot. Did that make sense?



I think so. My first reaction was that it was a little long winded with the extra 'and on' as well as 'place to place' and 'lost and never to be found'. I have a tendency to trim things down (as does escorial generally) but I think that in this case it is effective in giving the piece a tone that reflects and enhances the content.

I find repetition a very strange and intriguing sort of thing. Usually it does not work and only provides obstruction and clutter but when it does work it works well.

Anyhow I think it good as stands.:thumbr:


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## escorial (Oct 11, 2014)

a very direct approach Blade..cheers dude


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## The Defenestrator (Oct 13, 2014)

Its a great metaphor, but I can't help but feel you could expand on it a bit.  Perhaps that's just me, though.  

For example: you could talk about things associated with a briefcase, and compare them to the body.  Stuff like that. 

Also, the title didn't seem to connect to the poem well, but that may be a failure of understanding on my part.


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## escorial (Oct 16, 2014)

thanks..TD...the title had two things for me..nobody which could be read as the I being separated from the body..if you believe there is an _I...or nobody( a person) which tries to say even a nobody will alter the future and when they are dead their life will alter the cause of history._


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## qwertyportne (Oct 16, 2014)

You almost always condense several layers of meaning into one tight poem. Despite my preference to give readers more than a short walk with a poem, I find yours very satisfying. Reminds me of something James Dickey wrote: "Words go together in zillions of ways. Some ways go shallow and some ways go deep." I too think the last two lines could fit the first two lines a bit better, but can't think of any changes right now. Thanks Escorial. Oh, and I do like the title. Fits perfectly. Thank you for not sending your poem into the world without a name...


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## escorial (Oct 16, 2014)

qwertyportne said:


> You almost always condense several layers of meaning into one tight poem. Despite my preference to give readers more than a short walk with a poem, I find yours very satisfying. Reminds me of something James Dickey wrote: "Words go together in zillions of ways. Some ways go shallow and some ways go deep." I too think the last two lines could fit the first two lines a bit better, but can't think of any changes right now. Thanks Escorial. Oh, and I do like the title. Fits perfectly. Thank you for not sending your poem into the world without a name...




instant karma dude


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