# On the topic of Coldplay



## earthman buck (Dec 16, 2006)

I got home from school today at the same time I usually do, about 3:30. I was hungry (having spent the past few hours in a teachers-vs.-students volleyball tournament), so I decided to make myself some hot dogs. (And in case you're wondering: yes, I do get sick of hot dogs. So very fucking sick.)

As my hot dogs sat on the stove making themselves edible, I turned on the TV. A quick flip through all the channels told me there was nothing good to watch. So I did what I always do in situations like that: turn to MuchMusic and loudly make fun of whatever's on.

At this particular moment in time, MuchMusic was showing an entire concert: Coldplay in Toronto. Here is everything I knew about Coldplay before watching this particular program:

- They're a band from England
- That one guy is married to Gwyneth Paltrow
- I think I heard one of their songs playing in the background on _Coronation Street_ one time

Here is what I learned by watching the program:

- Coldplay sucks.

I think the thing that bothered me most about the concert was how packed the venue was. I have never seen so many people crowded so close together in all my life (and that includes all that footage of Chinese hospitals I watched one lonesome summer night).

At first I thought nothing of it. I mean, if a bunch of people like a band a lot and that band happens to come to town, it stands to reason that they are going to want to go. As the show progressed and I realized that all Coldplay's songs are the exact same not-very-good song, however, a sort of frenzy overtook me. I started shouting things like "How can people listen to this crap?!" and slamming my fists on the counter.

My brother, from his seat at the computer, laughed and said "Well, how can people listen to......Simple Plan?"

"That's totally different," I said. "Yeah, they both suck, but at least with Simple Plan there's this.....kind of energy, you know? This shit......what IS this shit?! This isn't _music_! These people should be playing in a fucking nursing home to calm down the comatose!"

I could hear a bubbling noise building up. Thinking I was about to have some sort of stroke, I turned off the TV. It was only then, as the bubbling noise continued, that I realized my hot dogs were done.


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## WrittenEscape (Dec 16, 2006)

Well that was entertaining, I must say.

You watch Coronation Street? xD


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## earthman buck (Dec 16, 2006)

I do indeed watch Coronation Street. Shaddup.


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## WrittenEscape (Dec 16, 2006)

Oh I watch it quite frequently, I just thought I was the only one.
I do it for the entertainment of watching Brits trying to yell. xD


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## Jolly McJollyson (Dec 16, 2006)

I think Coldplay's fans simply share their obsession with mixolydian mode.  In which the band can't...fucking...stop...writing.


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## Hodge (Dec 16, 2006)

I used to like their first album. Then it became a couple songs from their first album. Then I got sick of it. And now I hate Coldplay. Generic horse shit.


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## Scarecrow (Dec 16, 2006)

They're not that bad. Not the bets band ever, certainly, but they're more than tolerable.

In any case, if you watch soap operas, I think I can safely discount your opinion on anything. It's like finding out someone doesn't believe the Holocaust happened. Their poor judgement in that one area corrupts anything else they will ever say.


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## earthman buck (Dec 16, 2006)

Not "Soap Opera*s*." Just the one.


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## Cipher2 (Dec 16, 2006)

While we are on the subject of soaps: Coldplay are the musical equivalent of Eldorado. I think anyone who ever saw that will know which side I am on in the 'Coldplay: bad or worse' debate.


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## rboy27 (Dec 16, 2006)

I'm going to put myself out there and say that I _can't _listen to Coldplay because frankly, they make me cry. Something about "Yellow" and "The Scientist" just makes me break out in tears.

There. I said it.


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## earthman buck (Dec 16, 2006)

Now that that's all out of the way, what did you think of the writing itself? Were there any errors of any sort you noticed? I figure the best way to get good is to be corrected.


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## gohn67 (Dec 16, 2006)

hey earthman buck,

It is easy to read. I had no trouble getting through it. Nothing wrong with the prose. Seems grammatically correct.

Writing wise, I think you need to stronger analysis than saying "Coldplay sucks". Saying that all their songs sound the same is good start. But you never really explain why. All your arguments are very generic, making your opinion less credible. Of course, this only applies if it the intention of this piece to criticize Coldplay.

But I guess the above depends on what your purpose is for this piece. Right now it feels more like a blog post.


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## earthman buck (Dec 16, 2006)

It actually was a blog post. Same with the eggnog one I did a few days ago. 

It's not so much meant to be criticizing Coldplay as giving people a laugh, which I hope it did. I think I'm a way better writer when it comes to stuff like this than say, stories or lyrics.


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## Cipher2 (Dec 16, 2006)

It doesn't matter in a blog post, only as much as _you_ care and that it can be understood


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## fear_the_spork (Dec 24, 2006)

I liked it. It was easy to read and as far as I can tell, grammatically correct. But, I happen to really like Coldplay and you didn't really give any good reasons of why they, in your opinion, suck.


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## Fifth_Column_Media (Jan 12, 2007)

I'm not a coldplay fan either.  it seems far too....ethereal?  Is that a word?  It comes off as too dream-like to me and lacks reality like its floating in some other world outside of all the problems of reality.  And this is coming from someone who loves Pink Floyd, but even Floyd seems more grounded than these guys.

I have a lot of friends who say I should listen to them and that I'd like them and I should see them in concert but I just can't bring myself to do it.  I don't know, to each their own I guess.

      Take care,

D.A.N.

Owner/Editor - Sights & Sounds from the Fifth Column 
The Fifth Column Online Magazine - www.fifthcolumnmagazine.com 

A division of Fifth Column Media -- Freelance Graphic/Web/Multimedia Design
www.fifthcolumnmedia.com


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## Fifth_Column_Media (Jan 12, 2007)

Oh and I forgot....I agree with some of the people here who are saying you should explain more.  There is nothing wrong with thinking a band sucks but you should at least say a little bit more about why.

Thanks, sorry for the double posts.

      Take care,

D.A.N.

Owner/Editor - Sights & Sounds from the Fifth Column 
The Fifth Column Online Magazine - www.fifthcolumnmagazine.com 

A division of Fifth Column Media -- Freelance Graphic/Web/Multimedia Design
www.fifthcolumnmedia.com


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## WrittenEscape (Jan 12, 2007)

I like how this keeps going back to a debate. XD  This was well-written, and gave me a laugh, at least.  Who cares if you explain or not, that has nothing to do with the quality of the writing, which was good.


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## Fifth_Column_Media (Jan 12, 2007)

WrittenEscape, thats a good way to look at it too.  

I mean I might want someone to explain their point but they certainly don't have to.  We can all say anything we darn well please and everyone else can decide what they think about it and whether or not it has merit.

That's freedom of speech at its best.

      Take care,

D.A.N.

Owner/Editor - Sights & Sounds from the Fifth Column 
The Fifth Column Online Magazine - www.fifthcolumnmagazine.com 

A division of Fifth Column Media -- Freelance Graphic/Web/Multimedia Design
www.fifthcolumnmedia.com


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## Scratches (Jan 12, 2007)

Eh, I'm not sure I see the point in putting a blog here, considering the wasteland of errata most personal blogs turn into. It's not as if most readers mind. Anyway, my point was: if this is ever to be more than a blog post, I concur with some of the others - provide more of your reasoning. It's so fiendishly cool to loathe Coldplay right now. If you want your hatred to be heard, it'd better be witty...!

(They were all right until X&Y. Cough, cough, splutter.)


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## Scratches (Jan 12, 2007)

EDIT: Sorry, double posted.


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## davidisawriter (Jan 28, 2007)

Coldplay are good. Not great, not crap, but better than the manufactured drivel of the Pussycat Dolls and other related plastic cheese for 8 year olds.

I tell ya! Just look at the charts. You've got great songwriters slaving away for years not becoming famous because some S Club 7 rip-off gets to no1 on their first week beause they land themselves a slot on a pointless reality show for "celebs" (who've had a top 100 single of something) and they can dance (supposedly) Also getting millions some computer-generated frog that sounds like a 2 year old on helium. On that subject the crazy frog debut got to number one and what was @ #2? Coldplay's Speed of Sound. I REST MY CASE!

WHAT'S THE WORLD COME TO?? !#@/?!


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## earthman buck (Jan 28, 2007)

davidisawriter said:
			
		

> Coldplay are good. Not great, not crap, but better than the manufactured drivel of the Pussycat Dolls and other related plastic cheese for 8 year olds.


Well, I agree with you on that point. I may not like Coldplay, but at least I can appreciate the way they're different from pretty much everything else out there these days.


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## Jolly McJollyson (Jan 28, 2007)

davidisawriter said:
			
		

> Coldplay are good. Not great, not crap, but better than the manufactured drivel of the Pussycat Dolls and other related plastic cheese for 8 year olds.


You don't think that the pussycat dolls sound a little like Parliament Funkadelic?

I'm glad the Dolls are around.  They've brought back decent, complex songwriting into pop music.


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## Shawn (Jan 28, 2007)

AAAAHHAH!!!! My God. Insolence.  Me and my boyfriend... well, erm, did something for the first time while "Green Eyes" was playing. Makes me tear up every time.

Next, people will be saying they don't like Eastenders or... or, Tina Turner (that's for my boyfriends sake, not mine)!


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