# Russian Roulette



## Theglasshouse (Jan 8, 2018)

edit: Trying to submit it somewhere. Thank you for the people who helped me check this. I may post it again but not in here. If need be, a copy will be in the writer's workshop.

https://www.writingforums.com/threads/175205-Playing-with-Russian-Roulette


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## ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord (Jan 8, 2018)

To be honest, I had trouble understanding that was going on. Even some individual sentences I had trouble following from start to finish. The dialogue was also kind of unnatural (not really how real people talk), and some of the wording was awkward. That said, I think you have an interesting idea here, of what I can gather of it.


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## Theglasshouse (Jan 8, 2018)

ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord said:


> To be honest, I had trouble understanding that was going on. Even some individual sentences I had trouble following from start to finish. The dialogue was also kind of unnatural (not really how real people talk), and some of the wording was awkward. That said, I think you have an interesting idea here, of what I can gather of it.



To: ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord:
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Agreed after reading it I see some of the issues you mentioned and fixed it. I still haven't decided what to include as to what is happening in the story. For example, there was a time machine in the story, which I now refer to as a machine. Maybe it will be a self-replicating machine.

I am using Scrivener full screen to clean up the language by making the phrasing clearer (first time I use full-screen mode and it is helping me see things more clearly on the computer). That was helpful as was your feedback. Yes agreed on the dialogue, I wanted to characterize him by what he said but it did sound unnatural so I tried fixing it. I have a feeling scrivener will help me repair this manuscript. Going to start a thread on what functions people use in Scrivener.

Thank you as I was in need of an honest assessment, I made some fixes all around eliminating errors and reading out loud with full-screen mode. Next time I plan on using Scrivener and Grammarly since I sorely need to polish this. But I appreciate your feedback and this forum. I made a lot of mistakes but feel more confident in revising but maybe someone else will eventually point out anything I do wrong. Both programs I need to use. Thanks a lot for your help you gave me to help me improve this.

I got the character situation down after toying with it and I know I might need to cut some parts to make clear what happens in the story.


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