# A Quarrel over Breakfast



## toddm (May 20, 2011)

One fair autumn morning, when the sun filled all the wood with golden light and the last of the clinging leaves rattled in cool breezes, a chipmunk ventured out to find his breakfast. A sniff of the air and a couple flitting glances around convinced him that it was safe to move further out. With tail upright and head down, he inspected the ground for promising morsels.

“Fine morning, Chip,” said a rough voice from behind a tree. Out stepped Jack, the ragged old jackal. 

Chip’s little heart fluttered. “Uh, hi Jack,” he said, trying to sound casual, “the morning is quite fine.” He knew Jack well, and knew not to trust his attempts at friendliness. He was notorious for playing with his prey, and never spoke to one of the little ones unless he fancied them for food.

Jack sauntered strategically between the chipmunk and his homey hole. As he began creeping towards Chip, a sultry voice whispered, “SSSilly Jackal, you crooked canine. SSSally you forth, the ‘munk is mine!”

It was slithering Cecilia, and the fur on both Jack and Chip’s backs quivered. She approached in an insidious arc and with sinister glee she showed the two mammals her particularly long and elegant fangs.

There was a pause as Jack considered seizing Chip in a flash and darting away. Cecilia leered at him as if she dared him to try.

Chip himself was as if frozen between the two pairs of hungry eyes. Jack had almost made up his mind to pounce when a sudden rustle rushed down deftly upon the chipmunk and like a swift wind was away.

Jack and Cecilia gaped, stunned, and heard a mocking voice trailing off through the woods: “Farewell, friends! Your hesitation has hurt you. The morning is wearing away and some of us are hungry!”

“Curse that falcon!” Jack said with real malice, “May his wings wither!”

“Felix is a fine fellow,” Cecilia said with a grin, “but he certainly knows how to spoil a fine breakfast.”

Jack and Cecilia stared blankly off into the woods, almost as if they hoped their eyes had the power to recall the thief. When it became clear that both bird and breakfast had flown far away, they both turned slowly back to glare at each other. There was a sort of unspoken blaming that took place between them then, while both tried to regain their swagger.

The silence was broken by a low growl. Jack put a paw to his belly and slowly moped away, mumbling something about needing to find something to eat.

Cecilia turned away as well, slithering over dry leaves. “SSSilly Jackal”, she said to herself, knowing as she did that chipmunks are a bit tart for her taste anyway.


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## Trides (May 20, 2011)

Lovely, nice and lilting, although I wouldn't recommend it for very young children.


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## toddm (May 21, 2011)

Trides said:


> Lovely, nice and lilting, although I wouldn't recommend it for very young children.


 
Certainly not, as it is, knowing that the little ones would relate with the poor little chipmunk - of course, it could be altered where the falcon rescues the chipmunk, and the story continues - but I've left it as is for now


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## candid petunia (May 21, 2011)

Liked the last line:


> knowing as she did that chipmunks are a bit tart for her taste anyway



Something like the traditional fable, like how the fox says _The grapes are sour._


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## toddm (May 21, 2011)

candid petunia said:


> Liked the last line:
> 
> Something like the traditional fable, like how the fox says _The grapes are sour._



thanks - I hadn't intended on that initially, but that is certainly one valid interpretation
I like to think she truly didn't like eating chipmunks and was only wanting it because the jackal did, just to be mean and troublesome
---todd


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## Giantlobsterrobot (Oct 20, 2011)

I thought this was interesting.  It could very well end where you ended it, but saying you plan on expanding it to having Chip get rescued makes me wonder where you plan on taking the story.  Have you written more to it?  If not, what do you have planned for Chip.  Also, I know my 8 year-old may read something like that.  If not intended for children, who did you have in mind?


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## toddm (Oct 21, 2011)

Giantlobsterrobot said:


> I thought this was interesting. It could very well end where you ended it, but saying you plan on expanding it to having Chip get rescued makes me wonder where you plan on taking the story. Have you written more to it? If not, what do you have planned for Chip. Also, I know my 8 year-old may read something like that. If not intended for children, who did you have in mind?



To be honest, I haven't worked on this one further, but your comments may prompt me to do so - thanks!
---todd


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## Zootalaws (Oct 21, 2011)

I loved it! Cecelia is a perfect name for a snake, although it leaves 'Chip' a bit wanting.

Are you a descendent of Aesop? It reads like one, or one of those modern retelling of African Br'er Rabbit stories.

Well done! I will pass this to my wife, who teaches littlies, you never know, it may end up on the mat at story time


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## TinyDancer (Nov 6, 2011)

I adore the first paragraph, the intro to the chipmunk made me smile. I like how you know cecilia is a snake without you saying so, and the dialogue is good, it would be nice to read aloud. oh, the chipmunk dies, how sad! Its a good story, you could give it more oomph, more depth, it feels abit like a blue-print at the moment. I like the characters


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## toddm (Nov 6, 2011)

TinyDancer said:


> I adore the first paragraph, the intro to the chipmunk made me smile. I like how you know cecilia is a snake without you saying so, and the dialogue is good, it would be nice to read aloud. oh, the chipmunk dies, how sad! Its a good story, you could give it more oomph, more depth, it feels abit like a blue-print at the moment. I like the characters



thanks - it would be simple to continue this and have the chipmunk live to the next chapter, and he and the falcon become friends etc etc
I do like the characters too, thanks, I'm glad you do too - 

perhaps try it as a template for a writing exercise: pick 3 or 4 animals at random and write a story about them - : )


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