# Ghost Ladders-  edit 2



## Gumby (Aug 26, 2010)

removed


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## Mike (Aug 26, 2010)

Okay, note to self: Do not hit the "Reply to Thread" button when finished writing in this box. 

The first stanza confuses me. "You" is both in the tower on the edge of the cliff and refusing to step out onto the edge of the cliff. There is a lot of metaphor at work here, between what is physical and what is emotional, so maybe this schism was intentional?

The third stanza was very well done. And the final line aptly shows a past between the one in the tower and the one trying to climb up/in. 

I had written something else earlier, but now I can't seem to think of it.


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## mysteryfanatic (Aug 26, 2010)

I loved it... and i usually dont like most poetry.


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## JonM (Aug 27, 2010)

I can't say I relate (well not to narrator anyway), but this poem does relay an idea I can appreciate. Good work!


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## Gumby (Aug 27, 2010)

Hi Mike, thank you for commenting on this. I've changed the first stanza up a bit, hope it's clearer.

Mysteryfanatic, I'm glad this worked for you, it is still a work in progress and I thank you for your comments.

JonM, it's probably a good thing that you can't relate to the narrator, hopefully you will never experience that feeling. I'm glad that the idea was able to come across to you. Thank you.


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## RecoverylessRecovery (Aug 27, 2010)

Never fear, for I’ve the power,
to help you get inside that tower,
such a lady oh so frail,
should not have to climb or scale,
so if you’ll just come back later 
...I’ll send down the elevator.

:lol:

Loved your work, sorry couldn't resist


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## Gumby (Aug 27, 2010)

Thanks Recovery, an elevator would be lovely!


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## Jon M (Aug 27, 2010)

I liked it. I was kind of revising the first stanza as I read it. May not be what you're intending, but it seems stronger to me:



> I see you've gone to your tower again.
> The one that sits on the cliff.
> You brood at the window -
> eyes full of ghosts.


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## Gumby (Aug 28, 2010)

Thank you, fearsatan. I welcome all thoughts and ideas, it's still a w.i.p. for me.


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## Foxryder (Aug 28, 2010)

When I was about eight, momma used to warn me about a lonely old house at the end of our street (one-way). 'Steer clear!' she always barked. But I secretly sneaked into the building with some friends back then. One visit to the dilapidated house left me terrified for weeks. Strange faces... 


This poem vividly reminds me of it in a certain way. Brilliant work, Gumby.


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## Gumby (Aug 28, 2010)

Thank you foxryder, your words are very kind to this poem. I'm not really satisfied with it yet, but will keep simmering the pot. 

Ah, now you know that mama was usually right, eh?


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## Chesters Daughter (Sep 3, 2010)

Being a fellow climber (I know exactly where this one comes from), I implore you to wait for Recovery's elevator, we wouldn't want to break a nail, now would we? I so admire your ability for brevity, Cindy love, if I ever tried to tackle this theme it would take me endless stanzas. Yet you say it all in four, bravo. Loved smooth, (I don't think you need that comma) stone face, such clever wordplay. The brooding emanates from the page, extremely well done and much enjoyed.


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## Gumby (Sep 4, 2010)

Thank you Lisa, I knew you of all people would get this one.  Thanks for the punctuation catches, too. I think I'm doing better, but my poor brain doesn't want to absorb it all. No matter how many times I go over it.


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## Martin (Sep 7, 2010)

No matter how good a climber we are, if the mountain won't let us climb, we'll never make it... You brought that point across for me, with nice imagery and in a felt and personal way.

_"Eyes full of ghosted shadows"_ --- I would cut this line completely. Stuck up Rapunzel is already in the tower brooding, and so this line is really just abstract reasoning as to why... IMO

And why the double space after first stanza?

Besides those two I think the poem works very well and I would personally be content with it.


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## Gumby (Sep 11, 2010)

Thank you Martin, the extra spacing between the stanza's is a mistake. Left over from so many edits, so thank you for catching that one.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 11, 2010)

You go exceptionally dark, here. And you know I'm a sucker for that! Really well done. What I would give thought to is replacing "_Rapunzel's golden hair", _working it out some other way. I think it disturbs the chiseled and aphotic imagery, so well managed in the poem. The ending, a great hit! Laurie


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## Gumby (Sep 11, 2010)

Thank you Laurie, I always appreciate your take on things.


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## Fox80 (Sep 11, 2010)

Gumby - I'm not a poet so can't really comment except to say: nicely done. Invoked emotions.


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## Gumby (Sep 11, 2010)

Thank you Fox80.


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