# Alone Again



## PrinzeCharming (Jun 12, 2016)

[FONT=&Verdana]*I submitted my first Sestina attempt for the Pip challenge. It was unqualified for using the wrong form of refrain. Refrain was meant to be an entire line within or at the end of each stanza. Not a word or multiple individual words. Enjoy. 

*[/FONT]"The sestina is a strict ordered form of poetry, dating back to twelfth century French troubadours. It consists of six six-line (sestets) stanzas followed by a three-line envoy. Rather than use a rhyme scheme, the six ending words of the first stanza are repeated as the ending words of the other five stanzas in a set pattern. The envoy uses two of the ending words per line, again in a set pattern."

- Shadowpoetry.com

[FONT=&Verdana]
Original: 

[/FONT]*Alone Again
*
Watch me caress soft delicate skin 
your eyes widen to gentle blows. 
Take me, take my love
vulnerability squirming in lace
nestled between satin 
stretched out legs and curled toes. 

Freshly painted red velvet toes 
match the color of your flushed skin. 
Playfully moving beneath the satin 
the fan circulates gradual blows. 
A beautiful silhouette covered in lace 
never imagined someone for love. 

Do we depart our ways or is it love?
Do I curl another woman's toes? 
Do I buy another dress with lace? 
Do my fingers explore different skin?
Oh, the feelings. I get attached, it blows
there are temporary stains across the satin. 

I lie here, resting my head against the satin 
terrified of fate, pondering about love. 
Where is Cupid and the trusty arrow he blows? 
Straight to my back, intense pressure to my toes. 
May I renew character? Change into another skin? 
Allow me to become a chameleon covered in lace. 

You left everything, but your lace
nestled between the satin. 
The sheets are nothing like your skin
the pillows have no concept of love. 
Nothing exciting curls any toes 
the fan ticks and gradually blows. 

Another night, soft air blows 
against the unclaimed lace. 
Shivering, alone, and uncurled toes
burrow beneath the satin. 
May I stop searching for love
if I cannot caress your delicate skin? 

Morning kisses for my skin, the fan still blows 
a playful cat claims my love, dust covers the lace 
burrowed beneath the satin, remains uncurled toes.


*Revised: 
*
_Changed "blows" to "fingers" 
Changed "satin" to "silk" 
Changed "lace" to "linen" 
Reworded, refined several stanzas. 
Changed "remains" to "remain" 
_
*Alone Again
*
Watch me caress soft delicate skin 
your eyes widen to gentle fingers. 
Take me, take my love
vulnerability squirming in linen
nestled between silk 
stretched out legs and curled toes. 

Freshly painted red velvet toes 
match the color of your flushed skin. 
Playfully moving beneath the silk 
I aimlessly circulate five fingers. 
A beautiful silhouette covered in linen 
never imagined someone for love. 

Shall we depart our ways or is it love?
I may seek to curl another woman's toes. 
You may return the dress with linen. 
My fingers slowly adapt to different skin. 
Emptiness lies between my fingers
lingering emotional thoughts as I lie in silk. 

I lie here, resting my head against the silk 
terrified of fate, pondering about love. 
Where is Cupid? The way his twitchy fingers  
launch arrows, intense pressure to my toes. 
May I renew character? Change into another skin? 
Allow me to become a chameleon covered in linen. 

You left everything, but your linen
nestled between the silk. 
The sheets are nothing like your skin
the pillows have no concept of love. 
Nothing exciting curls any toes 
nothing is caressed within sensual fingers. 

Another night, idle fingers 
against the unclaimed linen. 
Shivering, alone, and uncurled toes
burrow beneath the silk. 
May I stop searching for love
if I cannot caress your delicate skin? 

Morning kisses for my skin, swatting fingers 
a playful cat claims my love, dust covers the linen 
burrowed beneath the silk, remain uncurled toes.



I must admit. I feel a whole different vibe from this. Thank you for the suggestions.


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## Harper J. Cole (Jun 12, 2016)

Great work, I've never attempted one of these but understand that they're quite a headache to put together!

The third stanza stood out for me. When you're being forced to reuse the same six line endings a poem can easily become repetitive. The series of questions shake things up a bit.

Possible improvements? The lines ending in "blows" were a bit awkward in places - particularly stanza four, as blowing is an unusual way to describe archery. Of course, finding a word to work in six or seven different contexts is no simple thing.

Again, good effort, it's unfortunate it didn't fit in the Pip challenge this month.

HC


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## Ariel (Jun 12, 2016)

I like the turn against a traditional love story in this poem.  I have to agree with HC.  The lines using "blows" just don't work in some places.  The rhyme with "toes" is also distracting and not in a good way.  I'm also wondering if maybe there couldn't be something a little bit darker and less cliché than satin and lace?


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## Bard_Daniel (Jun 12, 2016)

Your second and sixth stanzas were my favorites. I liked it!

The only thing I was a little unsure about was a part in the third stanza: 

"Oh, the feelings. I get attached, it blows
there are temporary stains across the satin."

I read it out loud and it didn't jive for me in terms of rhythm. Though those are just my two cents! A good piece overall and well worth the read!

Thanks for sharing!


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## Ariel (Jun 12, 2016)

I found that when writing sestinas it's a good place to start by writing the end and knowing what story you want.  Choose your end words from the end and work backwards.


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## SilverMoon (Jun 12, 2016)

A brief, brave title which drew me into the bravery which followed. Always in awe of writers who can write good love poems. Kudos.


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## Darkkin (Jun 12, 2016)

One thing I do is keep a journal with the pattern written down.  I still can't do it without a cheatsheet, so kudos on the undertaking, PC.  Also, I'm glad to see someone else uses the shadowpoetry.com site for form information.  It is an excellent resource.

Harper and ams have given you some solid advice and I concur with the awkward fit of the blows line.  Over the course of the piece that line, no matter where it falls in the sestet is out of sic with the tone and flow of your piece.  The only other major nit is with S3.  I like the questions, but you have the skill to do something more than repeat Do I at the start of four of the six lines.  It is an aberrant pattern that distracts from the stanza.

-D. the T.


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## PrinzeCharming (Jun 13, 2016)

Thanks everyone. Keep in mind, there were a few other things I wanted to do, but this was intended for the Pip. The main objective is improvement. So, I left room for error. I will definitely look into it. I see exactly where everyone meets with the critiques, especially the questions. Much appreciated.


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## ned (Jun 13, 2016)

hello Prinze - keep coming back to this one, so I'll give it my tuppence worth.

the form seems unnecessarily complicated and rigid to me - 
I'm all in favour of certain poetical constraints - sylllable count, rhythm, rhyme etc
as it forces the poet to be more creative, perhaps - but this is brutal
and given all those rules, I reckon you did a great job in getting the story and the message across.

maybe this form comes over more naturally in 12th century French? - c'est la vie!

like the strong ending and - a playful cat claims my love - is sweet
although, I feel 'remains' should be in the singular

cheers
Ned


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## Firemajic (Jun 13, 2016)

The Pip challenge called for the refraining line to be used at the end of each stanza, or between each stanza... 
I applaud your efforts and you turned out a fabulous poem using one of the most demanding forms... Thank you for sharing...


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## PrinzeCharming (Jun 13, 2016)

I took another stab at it. Thanks everyone.


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