# Breakdown ... or?



## Hairball (Apr 14, 2016)

My world fell apart on me this morning. While cooking breakfast, I couldn't do anything right. I kept dropping things, I didn't flip hubby's omelet right (he ate it anyway, it was good), I did something evil to my shoulder while doing my exercises, and I fell off my bike again.

I came in, and I lost it. I sat down on the couch and began to cry, and I couldn't stop. Hubby and Rina (Cat's Mom) came running, and I suppose they thought I was physically hurt or something. Hubby started to come to me, but Rina pulled him back. She said, "No. She needs to do this."

I bawled, I yelled, I cursed, I punched the couch, and you'd have thought there was a hyena fight in the living room. Almost six weeks of anger, frustration, pain, misery, and loss came flooding out. This went on for over an hour, and when I finally got everything out, I calmed down and looked around.

Everything around me seemed brighter, fresher, sweeter, and dearer. I felt weird, as if I were light as a feather. I hugged Rina and hubby, the dog, and as many cats as I could snatch. Then I realized what I was feeling.

JOY. I felt JOY for the first time in weeks! I forgot how it feels to be joyful! Everything seemed to be such a struggle, a grind, hopeless, painful, frustrating ... a dead-end road to nowhere.

Then after all this, I got a call from my supervisor at work. K has been a regular visitor and caller, and she asked if I felt up to doing a go-to list for the self-checkouts. I can do this! I even remembered how to dismantle the top scales and everything so as to clean them! I have to log into our private associates' Walmart website and put my time in, and I'll be paid!!

Then as if that's not enough, I came here and found a PM that was soooooooo special. The worst day of my life turned out to be the best!

I apologized to Rina and hubby for my breakdown. 

Hubby said, "You didn't break down, baby. You broke THROUGH."


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## TJ1985 (Apr 14, 2016)

I agree with Hubby. It sounds like you're fighting and that's always the best sign. It's when people stop fighting on that things get nasty.


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## Hairball (Apr 15, 2016)

TJ1985 said:


> I agree with Hubby. It sounds like you're fighting and that's always the best sign. It's when people stop fighting on that things get nasty.



Thank you! You're very kind. I think you're right, too. I really appreciate your input more than you know. Thanks for being here.


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## SilverMoon (Apr 15, 2016)

I'm back to read. This is Wonderful news! I must get the hang of crying. I keep so much suppressed. I want that FREEDOM you now feel. So happy for you. You deserve it. I'll have to look into if there is such a thing as "Crying Class 101"


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## MzSnowleopard (Apr 15, 2016)

Rina is right, you needed it. Hubby is right, that was a breakthrough.


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## escorial (Apr 15, 2016)

stay safe....


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## bazz cargo (Apr 27, 2016)

Sorry I missed this. I like your hubby, he has you at the centre. Even after the battle you have been through the essential Crazy Cat Lady still shines though.


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## Hairball (Apr 27, 2016)

bazz cargo said:


> Sorry I missed this. I like your hubby, he has you at the centre. Even after the battle you have been through the essential Crazy Cat Lady still shines though.



Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. You make me smile.

Wait ... no improvement?  They were supposed to fix that, danggit!


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## Hairball (Apr 27, 2016)

escorial said:


> stay safe....



Hey .... I've never forgotten this!




I'm too damned tired to multi-quote, sorry.


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## Schrody (Apr 28, 2016)

How do you feel now?


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## Hairball (Apr 28, 2016)

Schrody said:


> How do you feel now?



I feel incredible. I feel like ME. 

I feel as if I have a new life and I'm running ahead of my therapist, who says I don't need him. I'm ME! I just have a little trouble remembering phone numbers. If I slow down and think, I remember those numbers.

My balance is back, and with spring here, I ride my bike with my dog and don't fall now. I don't drop stuff any more, for the feeling has come back. I was cleared to get my driver's license back and did that.

I did nail the Highway Patrol officer dead on. We got into my car, I put on my seatbelt, he didn't.

I looked at him, he looked at me. He said, "Go ahead, back out."

I said, "No, I'm sorry. This car isn't going anywhere until you put your seatbelt on."

I passed, even parallel parking and all that. 

YAY!!!

So, I feel great!


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## Hairball (Apr 28, 2016)

Double post. Holy crappppp.


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## Schrody (Apr 28, 2016)

I'm so happy for you! I "know" it's not easy to recover from a stroke, but you did it!  Congratulations! Our own Mustard had been through something similar.


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## Hairball (Apr 28, 2016)

Schrody said:


> I'm so happy for you! I "know" it's not easy to recover from a stroke, but you did it!  Congratulations! Our own Mustard had been through something similar.



Thank you so much! But I didn't have a stroke. I had a blood clot and it didn't burst the artery or anything. I didn't have an aneurism, just some surgery where they drilled into my head and removed the clot without any major problems. But when you mess with the brain, there are issues.

At first I was terrified, for I forgot so much. But it is all coming back and I'm roaring ahead! On we go, right?


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## Schrody (Apr 28, 2016)

Sorry, I don't know why I thought you had a stroke. Nevertheless, your situation was serious as it might've triggered a stroke or something even worse. Just keep up positive spirit!


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## Hairball (Apr 28, 2016)

Schrody said:


> Sorry, I don't know why I thought you had a stroke. Nevertheless, your situation was serious as it might've triggered a stroke or something even worse. Just keep up positive spirit!



Actually, you're right. This could have been a whole lot worse. When I came home and lay in my bed with my dog, a few cats, and hubby beside me ... it was so quiet, so precious ... I had tears. 

Life is so very precious, and I realized how blessed I am. I'll never forget that. 

Life is like an ocean, calm with blue skies, then the storms roll in, those dark skies cover you up and sometimes you think there is no tomorrow. But you burrow your way through and wow! Tomorrow is today, and all you can say is, "I got this!"

I got this! And thank you.


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## Schrody (Apr 28, 2016)

You got this. You got us


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## Hairball (Apr 28, 2016)

Schrody said:


> You got this. You got us



You are precious. I'm so grateful for you. Thank you, and I know the love I've seen in you must drown others in your life. Boy, they are blessed.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Apr 28, 2016)

I was under the impression it was a stroke too. I think most of us here thought that. Anyway, what you went through was far more serious than what I went through, so it's good to see you functioning very well now.


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## Schrody (Apr 28, 2016)

Hairball said:


> You are precious. I'm so grateful for you. Thank you, and I know the love I've seen in you must drown others in your life. Boy, they are blessed.



It's this community, it can overwhelm you sometimes... <3 I know people here genuinely care for each other


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## Hairball (Apr 28, 2016)

mrmustard615 said:


> I was under the impression it was a stroke too. I think most of us here thought that. Anyway, what you went through was far more serious than what I went through, so it's good to see you functioning very well now.



No, no. It was just a blood clot that lodged and didn't burst. I did lose a little bit, but it's coming back. I didn't have an aneurism. I'm remembering stuff. I'm okay.


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## kellypeace (Apr 29, 2016)

I wish I could have release like that! I can barely raise my voice, let alone cry and wail and let it all out.


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## Hairball (Apr 30, 2016)

kellypeace said:


> I wish I could have release like that! I can barely raise my voice, let alone cry and wail and let it all out.



No one had ever seen me do that, and it did scare the crap out of hubby.

The next day, I didn't wake up with my heart pounding, nervous, worried, and afraid.

I slept so well that night and woke up fresh, ready to roll, bring it on! 

Now I'm back at work, went through a bomb scare there on my first day back, remembered my emergency procedures, and haven't fallen off my bike since.

I used to post a funny pic here when I was mentor and trying new things and exploring, and this sums it right up:




Cats always land on their feet.


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