# when a spider dies



## ned (Oct 11, 2018)

.
when a spider dies
nobody cries
there's no surprise

when a spider dies
there are no tearful eyes
as it slowly dries

frozen in the moment
before becoming dead
feet clasped in prayer
hanging by a thread

when a spider dies
nobody cries

least of all
the flies


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## jenthepen (Oct 12, 2018)

Sad but true. 

I enjoyed the mischievous fun but the third line feels a bit clunky. Maybe a short adjective would work better than 'no'  ?


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## Gumby (Oct 12, 2018)

big surprise? Something short like this, maybe?


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## ned (Oct 12, 2018)

hello - thank you for reading and commenting 

I've changed the third line - unclunked?...............Ned


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## jenthepen (Oct 12, 2018)

Perfectly unclunked.


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## oxenvex (Oct 26, 2018)

We should all cry.


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## inkwellness (Oct 26, 2018)

This is an enjoyable poem with a bit of humor in the end.

"hanging by a thread" -this line didn't work for me. I understand its value as a double entendre. However, I see it as a commonplace saying in the middle of an original work of art.

Thank you for sharing this one with us Ned. Although the spider dies in the end, I see your talent for writing is alive and well.


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## ned (Oct 27, 2018)

thank you for reading and commenting.

Inky, for me, 'hanging by a thread' is the best line in the poem, and pun intended, hangs it all together.

it is because it is a common expression that it works, adding a twist to the concept.

oh well, it takes all sorts.

have to say, I'm flattered by 'original work of art'.......................Ned


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## lumino (Oct 28, 2018)

This is an excellent poem, clear and metrical.


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## Pelwrath (Oct 28, 2018)

when a spider dies
nobody does anybody criesy?
there's no surprise

when a spider slowly dies
there are no tearful eyes
as it slowly dries
 
but, did you hear the crunch?

frozen in the moment
before becoming dead
feet clasped in prayer
hanging by a thread

when a spider dies
nobody cries

least of all
the flies


Very light hearted poem. I offer a few suggestions and your last line is excellent!


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## ned (Oct 28, 2018)

hello Pel - for me, your suggestions don't add anything - other than upsetting the rhythm and rhyme......don't you see that?

but I thank you for reading and your input.........................Ned


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## Pelwrath (Oct 28, 2018)

As I PM'd, so went back and reread and reread and yeah, my suggestions just are way out of form for your poem.


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## Hanat (Apr 29, 2019)

Agreed but still love!


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## ned (Apr 30, 2019)

a four word comment - doesn't cut it for me.

take the small amount of trouble to say something meaningful or don't bother!


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## Jing Joy (May 8, 2019)

when a spider slowly dies
there are no tearful eyes

I like this change. 
 l like the overall feel of this poem!!


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## ned (May 13, 2019)

thanks Jing - but you've got to explain how a spider slowly dies

as I already said, it slowly dries.....................


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## Bard_Daniel (May 15, 2019)

when a spider dies
nobody cries
there's no surprise *(Three successive, effective lines, with rhyming style, that quickly bring the reader into the tone and set the rhythm for the poem. Effective and nicely done!)*

when a spider dies *(Repetition to set the mold, to focus on the image and the idea.)*
there are no tearful eyes *(True.)*
as it slowly dries *(Spiders dry up and turn into detritus that is eaten or disposed of- a true statement mixed with "slowly" to give it poetic prowess.)*

frozen in the moment
before becoming dead
feet clasped in prayer
hanging by a thread *(A resounding image that you contrast by giving it human characteristics that effectively give the spider character, also pointing back to the silk that they use to catch flies, and other insects, with. Nice.)*

when a spider dies
nobody cries *(Bringing it back to the core.)*

least of all
the flies 						*(Great finish!)*

Good work Ned! I didn't have any suggestions because I think you've captured this well. Very original. Good work matey!


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## fspecter (May 19, 2019)

For me, this was a deceivingly simple poem which actually made a wider comment about how we value some human lives more than others.


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