# I am lonely



## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

I find myself incredibly ugly, and I assume others share my impression. Every day I wake up and look into the mirror and think of all the things I find unattractive about myself. My lips, my hair, my face in general. I was born with a cleft lip. I am 19 years old and have thick black hair all over my body.
My experience with women is not one to be proud of. My first girlfriend when I was 13 was a black girl. I never thought twice about it, but all of my peers, including my best of friends, criticized our relationship. I was happy with our relationship and never cared what people had to say about it. One day, she tells me that she has to move all the way to Oklahoma and that she didn't want a long distance relationship... So we broke up. I was devastated and depressed for another 3 years until I met another girl. I was 16 by then, so I was a bit more emotionally stable. She was beautiful in every way imaginable. She was intelligent, hilarious, and did little things that made me love her even more every day. Her pale ears would poke through her thin red hair and made me just want to kiss her. We dated for 6 months, until I went to the beach with my friends and we met up with some girls. I had no interest in these girls because obviously I had a girlfriend whom I loved dearly. Suddenly, one of the girls wanted to take a picture hugging me and posted it on facebook. My girlfriend saw it and wondered why I didn't tell her. Frankly, I thought nothing of it so I didn't even consider telling her about it. Needless to say she thought I was cheating on her with this girl. When I came home about a week later everything seemed fine, until I noticed she was acting funny. I felt an indelible sense of distance.... I loved this girl, so you can imagine how upset I was about this. A month later, she tells me that we should break up. Her reason was that she felt that being with me was too painful to bear any longer and that she's always felt this way... About a week after we break up, I find out that she's been talking to my cousin for 3 months whilst we were dating... Another year goes by before I decide to seriously consider dating someone again. There was this girl in my AP Statistics class whom I found quietly beautiful. It seemed that no one ever gave this girl the time of day, but I found her exceedingly beautiful, reminiscent of the red haired girl even. Anyways, the winter formal dance was coming up so I devised a cute plan of asking her to the dance. At the beginning of each class we would start with a warm-up question; I figured this would be the perfect time to give the message. I got with the teacher and she agreed to allow me to write a warm-up question asking this girl out. The big day came where the question would be read in front of the entire class. The teacher turns on the projector and reads the question: "What are the chances that Chase and Summer will go to the Winter Formal dance together? A. 100% B. 100% C. 100% D. 100%" Amongst the strew of "awws" and "oh-my-god-that's-the-cutest-thing-evers," I heard Summer and her friend whispering... I had to leave in the middle of the class to talk to the counselor about career plans or something. When I came back, I saw her face. It was a face of disgust. I sat down across from her, and before she opened her mouth I said, "I already know what you're going to say, so just spare me the pain of your answer, please." She turned to her friend, looked back at me and said, "I'm sorry, I promised my friends that I would go with them." I replied, "It took you an entire class period to come up with that? You could have done better than that." She look downwards and sighed. I sighed too. After that period, I left school, and cried myself into a nap because I felt so unwanted... I still feel like that to this day, and with every glance I catch from a girl I sigh and look downwards because I know I have no chance with any of them. I am unwanted. I am unlovable. I am unattractive. I am lonely


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## Bloggsworth (Feb 4, 2015)

I give you Charles Aznavour, Yves Montand, Jaques Brel....


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## Pluralized (Feb 4, 2015)

All the black hair and cleft lips and unrequited young love can't change the fact that you have a beautiful heart. Find what makes you happy and be true to yourself. 

Loneliness is painful. Been there. Best wishes for strength and passage through the low times.


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## Boofy (Feb 4, 2015)

You sound like you've had a hard time of it, Chase. I get it. I was bullied, physically, emotionally and verbally throughout secondary school. I remember one faulty light bulb moment, where I confessed my attraction to guy in my French lesson who promptly rejected me and proceeded to loudly inform the rest of the class. I know what it's like, to be stung like that. It happens to us all, in various ways, hard as that may be to believe. 

The important thing I realise in hindsight is that, as much as I thought at the time that my world was ending, it wasn't. Even now, I dislike myself, regardless of the opinions of others. I don't think _that_ will change. Despite that, I am forced to acknowledge that others _do_ like me, for whatever reason. You haven't found what you're looking for yet but you have a lifetime of love and friendship to look forward to. It will come to you all the sooner if you learn to be comfortable in your own skin. You are who you are and those struggles will make you empathetic and kind where others haven't been. 

I'm glad you shared this with us. Stay strong and optimistic, you.


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## TKent (Feb 4, 2015)

I remember telling my 29 year old daughter so many times I could never count, how trivial the high school years will seem when you are older. There is so much peer pressure at that age, and so many weird outside influences in general, that can make the whole young adult / new adult experience kind of weird. 

I know that this sounds cliche, but work on yourself and the other stuff will fall into place. 

And don't sweat the physical, there is a reason people say the geeks will inherit the world. While the kids who are succumbing to peer pressure are working so hard to be popular, trendy, party animals, the geeks are quietly doing things they like to do, gaining the knowledge and breadth of experience that makes them interesting people. In your thirties, forties, fifties, it's a hell of a lot funner to be hanging with an interesting person  

Anyway, that is my way of complimenting geeks. In fact, I married one 

You sound like a very interesting guy, work on yourself, and the other stuff will fall into place!


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## Jeko (Feb 4, 2015)

People suck at handling feelings and relationships when they're the age you and I are at - that goes for both the people who are asked out and the people doing the asking out. We're young. We're still developing. We are _not _adults yet, no matter how much the media tells us we are. Yet, we try to act like them as much as we can.

So don't be surprised when people are selfish idiots towards you, especially the people you have feelings for. It's part of growing up, and I've experienced a fair share of it myself. You just have to rise above what goes wrong and use it to work further towards what'll go right.

I have a policy against asking girls out unless I know how they feel about me. I dislike the social construct of having a 'girlfriend' etc.: it mostly leads to the problems you're experiencing. 

My advice would be to simply focus on being a good a person as you can. Give to people - then they'll want to give more to you. The easiest way to do this, I've found, is to listen to people more than other people listen to people. It works wonders for building friendships, which is always the best first step towards a proper relationship.


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## dale (Feb 4, 2015)

a lot of people find themselves unattractive in their youth. then we turn 40 and look at old pictures
and wonder why the hell we were always so down on ourselves.


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## am_hammy (Feb 4, 2015)

Thank you for sharing this. You have a lot of courage in doing so. This kind of self-reflection is never fun and quite brutal. Always try to remember this though: The only person that can truly define you who you are is you. Easier said than done, trust me I struggle with this every single day of my life. Self worth isn't defined by the masses. The beautiful thing about it, is that it's incredibly subjective. Yes, we all need love, affection, friendship and other factors in our lives to help us along but as everyone has been saying, focus on yourself and work on yourself. Be the person you want to be, not what anyone else tries to have you be. 

I really hope you continue to grow, and don't be discouraged. It hurts now, but things like this fade and pass in time and you learn from it. Thank you again for sharing this. You got this yo!


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## Smith (Feb 4, 2015)

I don't find myself really all that attractive. And I completely disregard anything positive my family tells me because, well, they're my family, so it kinda' seems like they have an obligation to. There came a point where I just accepted it. After all, what is more important is confidence. Still spend too much time screwing around with my hair in the morning though, lol.

School wears me down too. I could go on and on about how certain people annoy me. Disgust me at how fake they are. Or how school is mostly bull to begin with, a giant system rigged against people who don't want to play the game of "do good, get a job, pay off college until you're 65 and then retire so you can enjoy the last brief moments of your existance".

Not to mention all the terrible "relationship" experiences I've had.

1. Some girls just want to be friends. Learn to be friends.
2. Never ask a girl out in her room, in her bed, and your only way home is your mom picking you up in 10 minutes. *facepalm*
3. Recognize when the girl you're with is cheating on / using / playing you.
4. Don't expect to hit a home-run during your first at-bat in the big leagues. Especially not a grand-slam.

I don't know you personally. This is the first time I've read anything from you. By the way, judging from your post count, welcome to the forums. Going through high-school now, I can tell you it blows. You're not the only one. But you have an option to at least make the best of what you can. Complaining won't help anything. So, I started playing by my own rules. Ignore the people I don't like, choose to hang out with my best friends. Quality over quantity. Realized relationships aren't everything and re-prioritized, beginning with writing and reading, then soccer.

Just start to self-evaluate. Worry about yourself. That's the only thing you can control, after all. See what you're doing wrong. Work on improving yourself. And do what you love to do, no matter what. I suffer from self-diagnosed depression. It sucks. You gotta' have a little rain to see the rainbow though, right? Usually, anyway.

Feel better. If you need somebody to talk to, let me know.


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## Laughing Duck 137z (Feb 4, 2015)

am_hammy said:


> Thank you for sharing this. You have a lot of courage in doing so.



I give you the up-most respect for sharing this to people's faces you haven't seen. Props Bro.



am_hammy said:


> This kind of self-reflection is never fun and quite brutal. Always try to remember this though: The only person that can truly define you who you are is you.  Self worth isn't defined by the masses. The beautiful thing about it, is that it's incredibly subjective. Yes, we all need love, affection, friendship and other factors in our lives to help us along but as everyone has been saying, focus on yourself and work on yourself. Be the person you want to be, not what anyone else tries to have you be.



Remember the most important physical being (right now) in your life is you. And guess what...*you're the only* physical being who can stop you from beating yourself up. Granted we can point you in the right direction, but its on your shoulders Chase. And we all believe in you.



am_hammy said:


> I really hope you continue to grow, and don't be discouraged. It hurts now, but things like this fade and pass in time and you learn from it. You got this yo!


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

I thank you for all of your kindness. I know that the only way to attain love is to create it within myself. However, my struggle is convincing myself that I am lovable... I know, everyone says, "of course you're lovable; everyone deserves love!," but this is hard for me to believe... In my day to day life, I go to college, study, read, go to the gym, study more, play chess, study, go running, and study some more. During all of that time, I *might* utter a few words. 

Frankly, I have nothing to _say_ about anything. My problem with social interaction is that I sound like an idiot when I speak, so I don't speak that much. Give me a pen and paper, and I will write you an eloquent string of English vocabulary to describe even the most mundane of things. 

I read something a while ago that said that people like me, who have trouble expressing their thoughts through speech but are good writers, use different parts of their brain to process information. Apparently, the part of my brain which processes writing is overstimulated, whilst the part that processes speech is under-stimulated.

It is this unfortunate affliction that has lead me to be so depressed...

I'm sorry for being such a downer everyone, but I have to get this off of my chest every once in a while.

Again, thanks for all of your kind words  they are much appreciated.


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## TKent (Feb 4, 2015)

Consider this, keep writing. I have fangirl crushes on several authors solely based on the power of their written words  We all hit lows sometimes. It's nice to have a place to get it off our chests. Glad you are here!


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

It's hard sometimes, ya know? Writing makes me feel... well, good... but I have to wonder if my words matter to anyone. My goal in life is to help people, in some way, everyday of my life. If somehow I could do so through my writing, then hey, that'd be great! But what if that doesn't work, and I've just wasted years of my life on a book or series of books to find out that it's complete rubbish? Do I keep on writing, or is that selfish, or a waste of time?


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## TKent (Feb 4, 2015)

First write for yourself, but use the tools you have available, like the workshops here, to get feedback as you go. I think you'll get a sense of whether your writing is improving over time. Even if you don't end up making a career out of writing, if you enjoy it, it's a great hobby!


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## Smith (Feb 4, 2015)

Chaseanthemum said:


> It's hard sometimes, ya know? Writing makes me feel... well, good... but I have to wonder if my words matter to anyone. My goal in life is to help people, in some way, everyday of my life. If somehow I could do so through my writing, then hey, that'd be great! But what if that doesn't work, and I've just wasted years of my life on a book or series of books to find out that it's complete rubbish? Do I keep on writing, or is that selfish, or a waste of time?



If they matter to you, they most definitely will matter to somebody else.

Just 15 minutes ago I finished throwing together a poem reflecting how I've been feeling lately. It's how I communicate and, as you said, "get it off my chest" because there are *very* few people in my life who would understand. I have a few close best friends and that's that, as far as being able to trust people with these kinds of things. They know where I'm coming from, and are willing to listen to me, and give me good advice.

Basically, I often write for my own sake first. It'd drive me mad otherwise. Like a cork waiting to fly off, under too much pressure. Instead, I channel it, and enslave my demons. You can do much the same. And take pride in your own writing. While whether or not others will enjoy it is important to an extent, especially if you plan to make a living from this, for me it always comes second to staying true to myself. Writing doesn't always have to be a therapeutic process, but it definitely can be.

Don't take this the wrong way, but hey, if you did spend years of your life writing books that turned out to be complete rubbish... do you like them? Did you at least have fun or learn something? Lastly, worst thing that could happen is you inadvertently educate the masses on how not to write. But I REALLY doubt you're that bad.

What I mean to say is think positive. ;P


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## dale (Feb 4, 2015)

is that you in the avatar? jesus. you had me thinking you look like the elephant man or something by the way you were talking.
i don't see anything wrong with the way you look at all.


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

Thanks. That helps a heap  you are a very wise person. I feel like I could ask you a thousand questions and you could, without a moment of hesitation, give me a heartfelt answer. @tkent

- - - Updated - - -



Smith said:


> If they matter to you, they most definitely will matter to somebody else.
> 
> Just 15 minutes ago I finished throwing together a poem reflecting how I've been feeling lately. It's how I communicate and, as you said, "get it off my chest" because there are *very* few people in my life who would understand. I have a few close best friends and that's that, as far as being able to trust people with these kinds of things. They know where I'm coming from, and are willing to listen to me, and give me good advice.
> 
> ...



You surely have a lot of experience :O thank you, I'll try to be positive


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## TKent (Feb 4, 2015)

And I have to echo Dale's comments, you definitely have a skewed image of yourself  Keep that chin up!


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

Perhaps I'm not as ugly as I think... but I am in no way attractive. Thanks though, you lot are too kind.


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## Smith (Feb 4, 2015)

Chaseanthemum said:


> Perhaps I'm not as ugly as I think... but I am in no way attractive. Thanks though, you lot are too kind.



Haha, _you _are too kind! I wish I was so experienced. You should see some of the stuff I posted when I joined just a mere year and a half ago... *shudders*

Really, it's people like TKent and many others who have taught me so much in so little time. I think you'll really like it here. Going to add you as a friend so I won't miss when you post your work. See you around! ^_^


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

Really?! Haha, my first impression of you was that you were a conditioned writer who has slaved over a slab of the smoothest of Ukranian paper with a vial of the purest ink for many an eon.

And okay  sounds good, my friend!


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## J.T. Chris (Feb 4, 2015)

You sound like a proper writer now. In two years you can drink legally too, so dealing with women gets even easier.


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 4, 2015)

Thank you 

And I don't drink, haha. I treat my body like a temple -- ultra-zen.


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## Carly Berg (Feb 4, 2015)

You're not ugly or unappealing and you've had a couple of girlfriends, which is more than many guys can say and further proof that you're not ugly or unappealing. Most relationships do end so that's not surprising. Also, I think it is largely a numbers game- Just like with sending writing out for consideration, the tougher you get about accepting rejections and keep offering elsewhere anyway, the more likely you are to get acceptances. And of course there's a learning curve too and most of us have to learn a few things the hard way. So now you know not to put girls on the spot by asking them out in front of others or including others in the invitation. But if that is the worst embarrassment you get out of it you're doing pretty good ha ha. I think one good way to meet girls is through other girls, plenty of us ladies love playing matchmaker. Just a thought, you might ask around and see if your relatives, friends or friends' girlfriends know anyone who might want to go out to dinner (or wherever) with you. And whatever you do, don't tell them you think nobody wants you! Remember they will be just as lucky to get to meet you as you will be to meet them. Good luck!


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## Mistique (Feb 5, 2015)

You are pretty hard on yourself. Don't get me wrong.... I have my moments when I am the same way. What helps me is looking at myself as though I am someone else. So I will then ask myself that if it was someone else who looked like me and who was the same as me in every way if I would be that harsh as well? With me the answer is always no, because I am never this hard on someone else. It makes me realize that I shouldn't be that hard on myself either.

You spoke about wanting to help. Have you considered doing a vollunteer job? It feels good to help others and it can help you focus on someone else rather than focussing all your attention on what you consider to be wrong about yourself.

Looking at your picture.... a guy with dark hair and dark eyes? I would have melted in a heartbeat  I was a shy teenage girl though so if I had seen you looking down the way that you describe that you do then I would have asumed that you weren't interested in me. You would never have known that I liked you and perhaps there are girls you know who are just like that and who you will never know that they do like you untill you look up and smile at them.

Well, for what its worth, that is my two cents


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## Ariel (Feb 5, 2015)

You're young--don't count yourself out yet.  I'm 30 and I'm not yet married.  (Engaged though--we're just lazy).  You'll meet someone yet.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Feb 5, 2015)

Trust me. The grass isn't any greener on the other side, friend. I am what people consider attractive, but I don't believe them of course, I only see the faults as well.
But because I look that way and dress nicely, people assume that, A. I'm gay, which I'm not, or B. I have a big ego, and because of my mannerisms, people avoid me and they think that I think I'm better than them. My brother and my best friend already know who they're going to marry. Now I'm better looking, taller, wittier and funnier than both of them and nobody gives me the time of day. And trust me I've tried. People just give me those mixed looks from a distance. 

I had one girlfriend, once. She cheated on me with my own brother. Lied to both of us. Now she's married and has a kid with some dark skinned carny. Aka a guy who's family works for a carnival that I -used- to be friends with. Yeah. That makes me feel peachy.

In school, I was one of three white children. I live in southern Georgia by the way, and refuse to speak with a country accent. Needless to say, I stood out and was bullied frequently. So my parents took me out of public schooling when I was nine. I've been in online schools ever since. 

I have parents that neither understand nor appreciate my creative qualities. My father is an intellectual and simply cannot comprehend my conceptual way of thinking. 
Simply put, I know I'm loved only because I'm their child. Not because of the person that I am. How do you think that feels?

In many ways I feel the same. Most girls pre-judge me, and of course I meet eyes with them knowingly just the same. Nothing would change even if my appearance was different. Even if I changed the way I dress. 

You're not alone in that thinking. But let me just say appearance and situation in life make little difference. Most teenage girls aren't mentally right themselves. They have expectations and plans and some perfect idea of the prince that they want.

I'm working on growing myself. You want a grown woman, not a girl. Someone who doesn't have those insane expectations of men and actually knows what she wants in a man. 

Everyone here is just as wierd. We've all been there. Some of us are still there. 

I know it sounds stupid when older people say it. Take it from someone else your age. Just wait. Both girls and boys are stupid in youth. Wait for a grown one to come along, and like everyone else said, alot of girls love geeky people nowadays. 

I always use a favorite illustration. I don't believe in PTSD. I don't believe being in a plane crash would prevent someone from flying again. I've crashed my car horribly. I could have died. Doesn't stop me from driving. My grandmother had a bridge break down RIGHT behind her car, and now she's terrified of bridges. It annoys me.

My point being, accidents, pain, suffering, are all nothing but random chance and statistics. Worrying that it will happen again, or looking to deep into it, only gives people unnecessary stress. You've have terrible experiences with women. It sucks. 

But that only proves that THEY were stupid, not you. It wasn't your fault. If those girls want to be superficial and shallow, that's THEIR choice. Personally, you seem awesome to me. The girl that stabbed my back was the same way. Most girls like that have their own mental problems and issues, and they're in no position to even be thinking about dating someone.  

My point being, don't let other people's actions affect your own view of yourself. And wait for someone who does. 

Tkent married a geek. Awesome. And you really think someone's not gonna fall for Boofy? Really? Someone smart will come along and snatch her up. 

Smith was a newbie to writing and gotten way better in such a short time.

 All of us that are new here have had a chance to get way better. It's laid back here but there's libraries of knowledge in these folks brains. 

I've been here not even a month I think. Already it's like I have new family! 

And people say this too often, but I mean it. Any time I'm on, hit me up. I know how it is. And if it wasn't obvious I love to talk. 

Me and my three best friends are probably lamer than you, haha. We all love anime and make corny internet jokes and write our own cheesy stories and draw. 
They all, 100% KNOW who they're going to marry, cuz they met the smart ones. I don't have mine yet but I know I'll meet her soon enough. So will you. Just avoid those stupid ones, alright?


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## Gumby (Feb 5, 2015)

The thing about 'attractive' is this. It's different for everyone. We all know what society labels as attractive, but in the real world and to real people, it's much more complicated than whether or not you look like a model.

I look at your avatar and I see an attractive person. For me, I can appreciate the magazine ads of all the 'lovely' people, but on a personal level, I don't want a man who is prettier than I am. I like them a bit rough around the edges, in appearance. That, to me, is 'masculine'. That is what makes me take a second look.

Hey, some like blondes, some brunettes, some redheads. None of us are going to float everyone's boat, but you can be sure that you will definitely float someone's boat. I promise you that.


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## Kevin (Feb 5, 2015)

Loneliness  is a curse. You're supposed to be like...  preparing yourself for the future, not mooning over... Advice I was not able to follow myself. 19, you should be out on your walkabout, free and clear of all anchors, tethers, hindrances. If you've ever dreamed of going anywhere, doing anything, focusing on anything a 100%, a 1000%, now's the time. Don't hook up. Next thing you know she's pregnant. You have the rest of your life for that.


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 5, 2015)

You all are the kindest people I know, haha. I feel much better about myself today than I have in a while 

Anyways, I posted my first piece on here under the fiction category. It's kind of a boring topic, and it's only one page, but any feedback is welcomed.

Meanwhile, I'll be reading a few stories and giving my own opinions on them.

Thanks.


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## KuroStrawberryX (Feb 6, 2015)

You my friend are not completely lonely. I too find myself lonely all the damn time. The only difference is I don't even do relationships. I had one girlfriend four years ago. We didn't even break up we were kinda forced apart by her aunt. That was the year I graduated. I always felt I had something dark inside of me. That summer of 2011 it became apparent what that ominous feeling was depression. For over the span of two years I tried to get into talking spars with girls and nothing because I was still torn. Year three I realized I wasn't missing her, I was missing companionship. All my friends moved on and never messaged. I tried school dropped out after a semester and a half. Got in a fight with my pops over that and almost committed suicide until I realized I was so pathetically scared of everything I couldn't do it. Til this day right now I still have no one I consider a friend and definitely not a girlfriend but I have realized how important family is. The weird part about it is my loneliness and depression is close as ever with me.. Like seriously I wish they'd up and leave like the rest. Anyways keep your head up bro (can I call you bro?) I know it's rough even though we've walked different paths. I just have to keep thinking that the one is out there. I suck at staying self positive but I still give it a good shot sometimes. Anyways if you ever wanna get stuff off your chest this wonderful community and myself are here to listen and hopefully lift your spirits even if it's the slightest.


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## JamesR (Feb 6, 2015)

You know, friend, I feel a lot of sympathy for you.

I too was and am sort of in the same boat. I'm extraordinarily insecure about my physical appearance--perpetually feeling overweight and hating myself for eating even though the doctor says I'm in shape, disliking the fact that I'm extremely short and have often been teased for this even by my friends, etc. To make it worse, I'm very shy and have social anxiety disorder. I can't keep eye contact with people--especially females, and I've never once had a girlfriend, even as I'm about to be 19 years old this month.

But there's one thing I learned, and I think this will help you. Everything that happens now is trivial--all of the mocking, the pain, the struggles, the embarrassment--it's trivial. We are constantly growing; life is constantly changing. Our life right now won't be the same in 10 years and our lives 10 years from now won't be the same in 30 or 40 years. While it may feel unbearable at the moment, it eventually will come to pass, and what you thought you couldn't put up with will merely be a memory. There is no fate but what we make--we determine our futures.

We make our lives.

You need to focus on yourself. Forget what everyone says, expects, and tells you how to be. What do YOU want to be? What kind of life do YOU want? Where do YOU want to be in the future? Once you figure this out and learn to stop caring what others think, you can set a goal, and then all that matters is using the present to create this future. It's an investment. All that matters is creating the reality that you want to have in the future. Only you can make it happen. You are a master of your own destiny.

I can guarantee you that while it is SOOO difficult right now, once your day comes in the future where you are living the life that you want to live--even if that life is simply getting married or staying single or having a house with a toy collection, whatever--you will truly be happy. You will feel accomplished. You will be satisfied. Happiness can't come until we stop caring about what others think and focus solely on what we want.


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## Sam (Feb 6, 2015)

One of the first things my father told me when I became old enough to start going out on weekends was that "fake people have an image to maintain; real people don't give a shit". To this day, I never stress about my appearance. I take pride in it, wear the right clothes, comb the hair, but I don't look in the mirror and think: "I wish I was this, or I wish I was that". That's a recipe for depression, low confidence, and social anxiety. 

Unless you're contemplating plastic surgery (which you shouldn't be) you cannot change your appearance. Nor should you want to. I have friends who are better-looking than me, some who aren't, but what I can tell you is that, for the majority, the better-looking ones last at most about six months in a relationship. The 'average' ones are, for the most part, married and settled down with children. Because no matter how good- or bad-looking you think you are, there's a certain point where it doesn't matter any longer. Most relationships are forged or broken on one key area: personality. I'm not going to lie, sex plays an important role, of course it does, but even sex can't beat personality. Having sex with someone you hate is good for a couple of weeks, maybe a few months, but nothing serious usually ever comes of it. 

I know it sounds cheesy and corny, but people don't fall in love with an image. You can't truly love someone until you know them on an intimate and personal level. Looks are superficial. Being confident in yourself, in your body and personality, and not trying to be someone you aren't -- that's what makes you attractive. Not the shape and contour of your face. 

You're still young. In ten years, you'll read this again and want to slap yourself.


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## JamesR (Feb 6, 2015)

If I could add, once you begin college--assuming you decide to go--things usually get a lot better. The cliches, social hierarchy, gossip-culture, and all that garbage tends to disappear. As someone else said, nerds will inherit the Earth. In college the guy who was cool, handsome, and awesome in High-School has nothing on the small puny kid who was a nerd. No one cares anymore. All that matters is your academic success, personality, and responsibility. It's finally an environment where we're the top dogs. My life improved very much once I started college not too long ago (I graduated High School about a year early).

Despite how volatile my relationship with her has sometimes been, to the point that I tried to strangle myself with a belt when I was 12, my mother once gave me a great piece of advice. She said that my happiness and confidence can only come from myself. I can't derive it from what people think of me, from having money or looks, women, or other external things. And in retrospect, I believe that she is correct. I truly began to feel happier once I stopped caring what others think and focused more on who I am and who I want to be. I've come to accept myself more. I've come to accept being short, not having a lot of money, being shy and socially anxious, etc. I've come to accept that I'm still a virgin at almost 19 and while people laugh, it's my decision. I've come to accept that I stutter.

And it feels good.

Accept who you are; you'll feel much better :smile2:


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## Ariel (Feb 6, 2015)

I think the real point we're all dancing around is that high school sucks.  It sucks no matter what social strata, academic level, or physical attributes you possess.  Suck it up, tighten your belt, and just get through it.  Those idiots who say "high school was the best time of my life" are just that--idiots.  

To Crowley--just because _you_ haven't suffered PTSD doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.  I survived a deadly house fire and fifteen years on I still wake up screaming about it.  It isn't fear so much as it is anxiety and paranoia.  It's a situation that changes your perspective on life and who you are as a person.


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## KuroStrawberryX (Feb 6, 2015)

amsawtell said:


> I think the real point we're all dancing around is that high school sucks.  It sucks no matter what social strata, academic level, or physical attributes you possess.  Suck it up, tighten your belt, and just get through it.  Those idiots who say "high school was the best time of my life" are just that--idiots.
> 
> To Crowley--just because _you_ haven't suffered PTSD doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.  I survived a deadly house fire and fifteen years on I still wake up screaming about it.  It isn't fear so much as it is anxiety and paranoia.  It's a situation that changes your perspective on life and who you are as a person.



Yeah I hated high school lol but in all honesty high school never ends. Well at least in my opinion if you look at things everything is groupings and what not. At the work place you have your people you tend got all to more and others have theirs. Sure the places and actions differ but the principles itself is practically ummm high school. Not sure if I'm making any sense right now I'm having a terribly bad headache right now so >.>


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## escorial (Feb 7, 2015)

life's a journey kidda


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## Kevin (Feb 7, 2015)

Whenever you feel down:

"Siri, who's your favorite person?"

"You are, of course."
_
Ahhh..._


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 7, 2015)

You use a lot of absolute negatives, I find it hard to believe that you have no unique and attractive features at all. Your navel was imperfectly tied, your toe nails are mis-shapen by fungul infections and your iris is so boring and regular that you can not obtain a modern identy document. 
Don't worry, even if this is the case, that you resemble a long lost cousin of the Munster family, the world is filled with weird people, someone,somewhere will find that a real turn on.

I don't believe it of course, I am sure you have some things going for you you are refusing to  see, my realadvice would be get outside, nothing like getting the open sky above you to help see the world in a different light, literally and metaphorically.


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## Plasticweld (Feb 7, 2015)

I was thinking about you today while driving down the road.  

I have a friend, he is actually the son of one of my best friends but he and I get along very well and talk on the phone often.  He is 36 today, he used to race motorcycle with me and has been an employee of mine during mud season, during the last 17 years or so.  "Mud Season is when loggers can't work due to mud" 

Anyway Dave has lead a tough life when it comes to learning things the hard way, he is a brilliant guy, yet makes many stupid decisions.  Drugs and alcohol have taken a toll on him over the years, his teeth are rotted away, he has been in a few accidents and shows lots of wear and tear for a guy 36 years old, he is a little over weight, and has red hair and the temper that seems to go with it.  He is anything but pleasant to look at. 


Dave is a lady killer, I have never seen someone so successful with the ladies, if his conquests where notches on a gun, the stock would have log ago been whittled away to nothing a long time ago


The difference between you and he, is confidence.  Dave sees none of the things I or anyone else sees when it comes to appearance.  He is always in a good mood, loves to talk and flirt.  If he saw the picture in your avatar and read your story he would laugh out loud at your self pity. 


If you feel honestly feel this down and out, this sorry for yourself.  Send me a PM and I will send you his number so you speak to him and gain some confidence.  I am sure he would be more than willing to share some of his tips for making friends with the ladies.  I know for years of dealing with him he is so confident that he can help that he would be glad to do it and when you got of the phone with him you might just feel a little more confident. 


Sometimes the most complex problem requires very simple solutions, this was the thought today while driving down the road and reflecting back on your original post...Bob


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 7, 2015)

I actually had this same thought leaving my grandpa's earlier tonight. I sincerely lack any form of confidence.
Every time I go to my grandpa's, me, my dad, one of my friends, and my gramps all play billiards. It's usually my friend and I versus my grandpa and my dad. Billiards has taught me a lot about life. For instance, everything at it's core is geometric. 

Tonight, I was shooting terribly... I couldn't focus and my mind was elsewhere. Eventually I noticed that I was angry at myself for a number of irrelevant things, until I realized there was no reason to be. Once I set my anger aside, I started to shoot better. Looking back on earlier while in the car, I noticed that the moment I started to believe in myself and set aside my negative thoughts, I performed better. 

This is applicable to life; once you begin to believe in and love yourself, you blossom. Like the butterfly. For a long time it had lost hope... but the moment it began to believe, it broke free from what had held it back for so long and realized it had grown into something beautiful. For me, my own mind is my chrysalis. 

P.S. Thanks for thinking about me  it makes me happy to know there are people who care, even if my struggle is among the most irrational.


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## Chaseanthemum (Feb 7, 2015)

Mistique said:


> You would never have known that I liked you and perhaps there are girls you know who are just like that and who you will never know that they do like you untill you look up and smile at them.



I just read this post over again, and had an epiphany...
I listen to this song all the time: "Someone Somewhere" by Jason Reeves
One part of the song goes: "Someone is dreaming, someone is hoping just that this will be the day... that you take your eyes off the ground out of the blue, and see that someone is looking right back at you."
I always thought that I was the person hoping this about _someone_... but perhaps there is someone hoping this from _me_.

What an eye-opener...

I'll try to keep my eyes open Misty, thank you.
Maybe there _is _"someone somewhere" 

- - - Updated - - -

I just want to say that all of the positive comments from you all have helped me in ways you cannot imagine. I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being there for me in someway.


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