# It's going to be nonfiction story. I need feedback for my prologue please :)



## teeekilicious18 (Jan 30, 2018)

its going to be a story about a girl having wild adventures in the dark. *

PROLOGUE*

Hi. This is me. I came from a country where panic attacks are common even when people didn’t realize it. They are too caught up in their own world. There are types of people where they are eager to get out of their depression circle or anxiety zone where they are desperate for success. It’s really hilarious when people would actually let these term define them especially when it gets worse. Then there’s me, I’m the type who’s easily influenced because what is right or wrong these days? 

So here I am, scrolling through my emails like any other human being would do the first thing they woke up in the morning and as usual, my emails would be filled with apologizes of why I wouldn’t get this and that. As expected, I would then ignore it. I put my phone aside and cry myself back to sleep for another 5 hours. I’m so imposed to the fact about being fired, rejected, fail and well, _broke_ repeatedly that my nightmares and the dark that I used to be afraid of ever since I’m little, _didn’t scare me anymore_. 

_On June 2012…._

It was graduation day. I was walking down the memory lane before feeling excited about leaving high school. 4 years have just ended fast in the blink of an eye. For the first two years after graduation, I still felt clingy with my high school like a sad sack who first started going through the phase of learning to let go. Behind the times, I’ve set the mindset where I needed to be approved in order to blend in with the world and with me being aware that I haven’t accomplish anything while the others has, I’ve finally had gotten through the phased and focus on myself which still was a bad idea. 

Telepathically, I’m being asked the most cliché question, “what would you want to do next?” by any adults who would approach me. The question that any child would feel terrified by their mothers is when their mothers kept pestering them to do something useful without letting their child stop for a moment to think and we finally realize that we have to act our age when a mother herself is going through one of its menopausal symptoms – mood swings. Mother’s mood swing is like the death of us and that’s when mother-child issue occurs. No women would share that they are going through menopause anyway. For this case, my mother’s mood swing has made me leave the house at the age of 18. From then on, I began to _feel_ alone. Even up till now… I’m still wondering if my disappointments had gotten me to follow into their paths blindly and that’s what I’m bout to find out.

_6 years later… _

Medical appointments after medical appointments, no excuses! When time flies quickly, sleeping a lot or sleeping wrongly sure got me feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time and being alone has so many benefits towards that. This time I would get out even if I have nothing.


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## velo (Jan 30, 2018)

At a high level I believe I can vaguely see where you are trying to go but my overall impression is the the voice is disjointed and unfocused.  I would avoid the speculative bits about other people in the country or what others are thinking.  Keep it about the POV character.  IMO a prologue should focus tightly on a single scene or concept and provide a hint of foreshadowing as to what's to come, and hopefully intriguing the reader enough to turn the page, but I don't really get that from this.


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## teeekilicious18 (Jan 31, 2018)

velo said:


> At a high level I believe I can vaguely see where you are trying to go but my overall impression is the the voice is disjointed and unfocused.  I would avoid the speculative bits about other people in the country or what others are thinking.  Keep it about the POV character.  IMO a prologue should focus tightly on a single scene or concept and provide a hint of foreshadowing as to what's to come, and hopefully intriguing the reader enough to turn the page, but I don't really get that from this.




weee thanks! I'm writing prologue later, now moving on to chapter 1. just a question tho, where can I ask someone to help edit my story when all is done? thanks2


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