# Living a life with pain and misery



## whoamI (Oct 17, 2007)

We all have our problems and difficulty in life that come in many different forms.  Mine came in the form of Crohn's disease.  i had multiple surgeries before they finally found out what was wrong with me.  It was a hard time for me as i had a fistulae that would not go away and i was in high school.  For those of you who dont know what a fistulae is let me explain.  we are constanly having tears occuring in our anal walls.  However with crohn's these tears do not heal like they do in a normal person.  they eventually become an absess.  this absess eventually grows so big that it shows on the outside of the skin.  In my case it was between my balls and anus.  in an effort to remove it, the doctors opened it up and tried to let it drain.  this did not happen and they performed multiple surgeries to fix it.  that alone was not he hard part.  the hard part was the pain and the fact that it was there.  and the worst part was that it leeked and that what came out reeked just like any infection does but worse.  i had to wear maxi pads in my underwear to catch the leakage.  as a teenager i found this to be incredibly difficult to live with.  finally they did some more tests and figured out that i had crohns.  They were then able to fix it mostly.  However it turns out that the fistulae was just the beginnings of my problems.  I now have multipe problems ranging from nutrients problems like having less iron in my body than my doctors have ever seen before, to bad joint problems, to horrendous gutaches that make me fall to the ground crying.  imagine having one of those happen on your first day in a college class. My purpose in telling you  these things is not to gross you out, but to set a basis for my story.  At first crohns didnt hit me.  I refused to admit there was anything wrong wiht me.  then i realized that no matter how much i refused to believe that i didnt have anything wrong with me, there was something wrong with me.  I feel into a deep depression and stayed that way for awhile.  One day i started to explore the thought of death as an escape from life.  the more i explored it the more i was disgusted with myself.  I felt like i was giving up not only on myself but on everyone else too.  But through my exploration of death i came to terms with the fact that not only would eventually die but i would die a lot faster than what i would have hoped.  I realized that meant that i needed to do whatever i needed to accomplish in life way before i would have otherwise done it.  And the thing that i find is most important to me feeling like i have accomplished my life, is that i become comfortable and content in who i am.  that has taken a lot of work and is definitely not done.  However i realized that despite the difficulties of my condition, it was a blessing.  it forced me to rea;ize that everyone has there hard times in life.  but it is not the pain and misery that is improtant but what you take out of the pain and misery.  If you look at these difficulties in life as something to use to improve yourself as a person and to make yourself into yourself, then it will happen and you will begin to feel content.  You may still be unhappy.  Life may still be hard and full of pain, but you will be able to go to the grave with confidence and the knowledge that you took everything that you learned and made yourself into a person that you can be happy with and proud of.  thus the point of this post.  there is a saying that i have begun to truly appreciate.  It goes that the hard way is often the best way.  this is because it teaches you the most.  So if you are someone like me and have something similiar or if you are just having a hard time in life remember that it will pass.  it will go away whether through time or death it will go away.  So rather than sit back and mope and feel sorry for yourself get up and take advantage of your situation.  Use it to puxh yourself to accomplish what you truly want or need.


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## winner (Oct 17, 2007)

I read your post and understand now what the pain and misery is that your talking about. I sympathize with you.

Now I want to know what your accomplishments in this life are. What is it your studying in college? What are your academic goals? Your personal goals? 
What is it you are dreaming of accomplishing with this life that you have now?


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## Foxee (Oct 17, 2007)

> And the thing that i find is most important to me feeling like i have accomplished my life, is that i become comfortable and content in who i am.


That is something few people ever truly learn.


> It goes that the hard way is often the best way.  this is because it teaches you the most.


Sure wish this wasn't true but I think you're right.

Consider yourself hugged, whoamI. As cheesy as that might sound it's meant sincerely.

~Foxee


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## Olly Buckle (Oct 17, 2007)

Ahh, ignore my p.s. pm, nasty thing, the poor diagnosis and surgery is a piss of, guess they give you steroids, I find these make me very emotional when I am on high doses and have to try and take that into account. You are right to see this as experience and that all experience is an advantage in some way, it took two motorcycle crashes as well as a chronic illness to make me start getting my act together so you're smarter than I was, you are also 48 years younger so you probably have more time at your disposal (my book says you may get quite long periods of remission) Make the most of it and remember to hit the shift key when you write about yourself, you deserve a capital "I". the first sentence is poorly constructed:- we all have problems, difficulties in life come in many forms, is as close as I could get to yours but I would rather phrase it as "life's difficulties"


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## Revo (Oct 18, 2007)

I completely agree with you dude. In life pain, misery, difficulties are merely hurdles that you need to overcome in order to accomplish what you are destined for. Sometimes, actually most of the time, people fail to understand that and end up doing horrible things. What we need to understand is the fact that life doesn't bring everything pleasant easily to your doorstep. You have to do something and sometimes alot to achieve your desires...
Though I sound typically conventional...but thats how things work...


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## winner (Oct 18, 2007)

Your reality is devastating. But how you handle it with either whip you or uplift you. Dealing with life is so much about 'attitude'. Not the problems that come, but how we face them.


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## Cheynekalani (Oct 23, 2007)

*You inspire me!*

Your story brough tears to my eyes. My prayers go out to you. I too am writing a book about my hard times in my life. I too want to inspire people who are struggling out there. and i to want to leave a legacy by a book. at a young age i had to over come the battle with abandonment. As a teen i had to overcome the struggle with drug addiction and i had to face the hard trials of being home less and surviving on the streets. My goal is to write an inspiring Non-fiction book based on actual events in my life. With this i will use to heal my past and to inspire millions out there. There is one thing that i learned and that is that we all have talent and that talent is a voice. that is why i want to tell my story and i am really glad that you tell yours!


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## winner (Oct 23, 2007)

To the previous post. Your writing is clear and well understood. That is the first skill a writer needs. As you write your book add spice to your writing and liven it up. The story you want to tell is the kind the make good movie scripts. So give it a go. :smile:


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## Cheynekalani (Nov 1, 2007)

Thanks so much for the comment. It really makes me feel good. I really needed it because for a while i was getting discouraged. I kind of have hit a block mostly because when im writing old wounds open up from the past. Its actually helping me a lot to heal more. If you want to know more message me. Thanks again.


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## The Backward OX (Nov 4, 2007)

WhoamI, you don’t know how lucky you are.

Your condition is a recognisable and treatable physical malfunction.

Consider this.

What if you were me?

What if you had to live out your life with an untreatable neurobiological malfunction that makes much of your behaviour “out of kilter”?

And how would you like it if one symptom of that same condition also makes it psychologically impossible to, _as you put it_, push yourself to accomplish what you want or need?

Like I said, you don’t know how lucky you are.


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## winner (Nov 4, 2007)

Comparing physical disabilites or malfunctions is inappropriate. If you want to tell about yours, alright. But don't dismiss or discredit someone else's hardship because you beleive yours is worse. Both of you are in a bad way physically. 

I think your narrative about being a 'clown' is certainly heartbreaking. But, you know, people in all situations and circumstances feel that way at one time or another. Not nearly to the extent that you describe your ongoing condition, but I do think people can understand. 

I am around people in adaptive p.e. classes and the disabilities I see people challenged with are mind boggling. A man with no legs goes swimming, a man with no arms pulls weights with his articifical arms, a blind man swims laps in the pool, a young woman with severe cerebral palsy goes swimming by strapping herself onto an instructors chest while the instructor swims backwards on her back. It is amazing how they handle it and I know many of them outside of that environment feel just as you described feeling in the world. But, in spite of those difficulties, they are not beat. They are still achievers. They are still winners. Take care, hon. :thumbr:


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## The Backward OX (Nov 4, 2007)

winner said:


> Both of you are in a bad way physically.
> 
> I think your narrative about being a 'clown' is certainly heartbreaking.


 
Do you know the meaning of the word "neurobiological"?

And my clown narrative, as you name my signature line, is not heartbreaking. It's whimsical.


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## Olly Buckle (Nov 4, 2007)

Winner: I see nothing in ox's post to imply that the condition he describes is one he suffers from, except that he is out of kilter with what most people see as normal, but then so is everybody else if you look closely, is this something I don't know about from some other thread maybe?


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## stillwriting (Nov 8, 2007)

whoamI,

I was struck by the candor in your piece, and I believe this degree of truth-telling in your writing will serve you well. Many writers never get to that point. Ralph Keyes in his book, The Courage To Write, wrote, "Fiction writers are judged by the emotional authenticity of their work." I think this can be applied to non-fiction writing as well (with one of the other critical factors in non-fiction writing probably being the adherence to and accuracy of facts). I think that with continued learning of the craft, rewriting, and refining, you have an engaging piece.

One thing, echoing what Olly had written: Use the upper case "I". I realize that this is _Internet_ writing where punctuation has gone the way of the four winds, but if you are going to take the time to write a story, it is worth doing correctly. I know, it's a picky point, but the small "i" thing can distract readers and take them out of the story. 

Keep on writing.


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