# Can You See Anna



## shedpog329 (Dec 15, 2015)

mnklnkl


----------



## Firemajic (Dec 15, 2015)

hummmm... this is mysterious and bewitching... well, and sorta saddd... shedpog, you always shake things up with your unique style and alluring message...


----------



## Robbie (Dec 15, 2015)

This has great imagery and evokes deeply human sadness. I think the first two words are exceptionally fitting, 'Side swept.' It sets the pace for the emotionality that is to come. ..a powerful metaphor as it makes me feel a bit off balanced as in "swept to the side." the seeming intent of the poem. I don't mean the poem is off balance, but that the figurative language about the illness is realistic.... 'and that an illness like this would throw an observer off balance, especially a family member or friend who was closely involved with the patient.   'tied to a chair' is very revealing and evinces a wealth of insight. I also like 'broken glass'  a strong image for fragility. I am uncertain what 'picked last'  means. Has someone else gone before?


----------



## inkwellness (Dec 16, 2015)

This piece is so sad, but bursting with imagery. I think that you have effectively evoked emotion in the reader. Well done, sir.


----------



## ned (Dec 16, 2015)

abstract as ever, and as Inky says, evokes plenty of emotion.

Robbie has a point with 'picked last' - maybe, picked at last?
but I like that whole verse.

sad, but strong ending.

nice one
Ned


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Dec 17, 2015)

Plenty sad and plenty good.

Thumbs up!


----------



## escorial (Dec 18, 2015)

cool piece man....


----------



## TL Murphy (Dec 19, 2015)

Try putting the first stanza after the third stanza.  Start the poem with "Cold and in the dark".  Do you see how it changes the poem?  Sometimes we write the cut at the beginning.


----------



## audrey (Dec 19, 2015)

And I think I might put the first stanza after--

She died there, picked last,
cold and indisposed where doctors 
laid to rest her final chance.


Brings a nice lead in to the close


----------



## shedpog329 (Dec 19, 2015)

thanks all who commented and thanks for the input


----------



## TL Murphy (Dec 20, 2015)

I think you are right, Audrey. It works better at the end than at the beginning.


----------

