# In Liberal Land



## southerner (Aug 21, 2012)

*In Liberal Land*
*© Ben Burton 8-16-12*

*In liberal land the poppies grow*
*But not too long for  ** they're **soon smoked*
*How else can they maintain a belief*
*That's mired in fantasy and  grief*

*They have consistency of mind*
*Their  brains malfunction all the time*
*But don't let politics revolt*
*Inside they house a heart of cold*

*Their way of thinking was set forth*
*In a fairy tale of yore*
*Where nothing was as it appeared*
*And playing cards could speak and hear*

*They've dwelled inside that rabbit hole*
*Since long before Frank's polio*
*Where common sense is a disease*
*And all that counts is feeling pleased*

*With how you've been so kind and bold*
*In carving life from helpless souls*
*Who none the wiser cast their votes*
*For shamans dressed in phony hope*

*It took a child to bare the king*
*For none dare speak while witnessing*
*The simple truth before their  eyes*
*Their brains whitewashed through guile and lies*

*They seized the schools, the bench, the arts*
*Upturned the vendor's applecart*
*Til none were left to pay the rent*
*Totalitarian government*


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## Gumby (Aug 22, 2012)

> *They seized the schools, the bench, the arts*
> *Upturned the vendor's applecart*
> *Til none were left to pay the rent*
> *Totalitarian government*



My favorite stanza, but I hear what you're saying throughout.


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## southerner (Aug 22, 2012)

Thanks, Gumby. Nice to have a pleasant comment right out of the chute! The very stanza you refer to contains a line (They seized the schools, the bench, the* ARTS) *with the implication that I can expect vitriolic responses, or none at all.


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## alanmt (Aug 22, 2012)

I cannot get past the content to comment on the merits of the poem as poem.  Hyperbole in service to the demonization of one's political opponents is distasteful to me, for its lack of respect to one's fellow human beings, its dumbing down of the political discourse, and its engenderment of political paranoia and hostility.


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## southerner (Aug 23, 2012)

Dumbing down of discourse? Laughable! Anyone paying the slightest  attention to what is happening in this country knows the media is  utterly and completely liberal, save for the dreaded Fox and talk radio.  

Seems the only time content REALLY matters is when it is  uttered by a Conservative against a liberal. My poem, while employing  mild hyperbole for illustrative purposes, comes from many years of  having been a liberal before realizing how convoluted the whole  philosophy is, especially in the last couple of decades. My observations are spot on as far as I am concerned, which is, after all, what really matters, given that I am the author.

Guess  there's no need to thank you for critiquing the work since you didn't.  Perhaps you would be more objective toward genuine works of art like the Christ in urine?


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## JackKnife (Aug 23, 2012)

Okay, I'm not going to touch on the whole propaganda vibe I'm getting here because it's all pretty silly.

It's nothing new, pushing one's political slant into someone's face via written means, so to comment on this piece as a piece and nothing more, it's got a good rhyming scheme and the comparisons drawn between others' work was a nice touch.


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## southerner (Aug 23, 2012)

Well, that is certainly fair. I am indeed happy and relieved that you confined your comments strictly to the piece, rather than taking, propagandized shots at my political leanings, for that old, in-your-face tactic (via written means) would be pretty silly, after all. 

I thank you for your kind remarks, good sir.


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## Fats Velvet (Aug 28, 2012)

Are you submitting this to scrutiny as a poem or a rant?


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## southerner (Aug 29, 2012)

Well, I honestly did not see a "rant" category (nor, do I see the dictionary version of that word as an embodiment of my poem), so...since this is on the structured verse thread, that is how I would assume scrutiny would be applied.


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## Fats Velvet (Aug 31, 2012)

southerner said:


> Well, I honestly did not see a "rant" category (nor, do I see the dictionary version of that word as an embodiment of my poem), so...since this is on the structured verse thread, that is how I would assume scrutiny would be applied.



Ok then.  I'll critique the medium, not the message.


*In liberal land the poppies grow*
*But not too long for  ** they're **soon smoked*
*How else can they maintain a belief*
*That's mired in fantasy and  grief* You never elaborate on the specific beliefs, let alone "grief".  As it stands the last two lines of this stanza are platitudes. 

*They do not have have consistency of mind  *
*Their  brains malfunction all the time* 
*But don't let politics revolt  *
*Inside they house a heart of cold*  Wordy.  My impression is that you have let the end rhymes define the content.

*Their way of thinking was set forth*
*In a fairy tale of yore  See my previous comment.* *Additionally, I am interested in this fairy tail*.  Yet you never mention it again.
*Where nothing was as it appeared*
*And playing cards could speak and hear* Makes no sense.

*They've dwelled inside that rabbit hole  What rabbit hole?*
*Since long before Frank's polio* Before his polio what?
*Where common sense is a disease*
*And all that counts is feeling pleased*

*With how you've been so kind and bold*
*In carving life from helpless souls  Murder?*
*Who none the wiser cast their votes*
*For shamans dressed in phony hope  Alright two lines.*

*It took a child to bare the king  Makes no sense.*
*For none dare speak while witnessing*
*The simple truth before their  eyes*
*Their brains whitewashed through guile and lies  Another case of ramming through a word to make the poem rhyme.*

*They seized the schools, the bench, the arts*
*Upturned the vendor's applecart* Interesting image.
*Til none were left to pay the rent* 
*Totalitarian government* Rent and ideology; if there is a relationship between the two, you never draw it.

The main structural issues are forced rhymes which detract from the already tenuous, sometimes non-existent, connections between individual lines and entire stanzas.  The poem is rhythmically solid due to them, but they do not make for a coherent narrative.  I cannot comment any further without getting into what you are saying, or trying to say, in the poem.  If I did, it would mostly echo Alanmt.


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## Arcopitcairn (Sep 1, 2012)

alanmt said:


> I cannot get past the content to comment on the merits of the poem as poem.  Hyperbole in service to the demonization of one's political opponents is distasteful to me, for its lack of respect to one's fellow human beings, its dumbing down of the political discourse, and its engenderment of political paranoia and hostility.



Are you not doing something that you would consider distasteful by making this unproductive comment based solely on the fact that you disagree with what the author is saying?


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## Arcopitcairn (Sep 1, 2012)

Arcopitcairn said:


> Are you not doing something that you would consider distasteful by making this unproductive comment based solely on the fact that you disagree with what the author is saying?



Now I've done it too. Kettle, I am black.


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## JackKnife (Sep 2, 2012)

I admit I only came here because I thought I was going to see a train derail and smash into a children's hospital or something. I don't even like poetry.


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## southerner (Sep 4, 2012)

*First, thank you for taking the time to critique this. I do appreciate it! 

I'm not sure if I should respond to all of your comments. I will say that I never EVER allow a rhyme to dictate my content....too easy to simply change words.**

In liberal land the poppies grow*
*But not too long for  ** they're **soon smoked*
*How else can they maintain a belief*
*That's mired in fantasy and  grief* You never elaborate on the specific beliefs, let alone "grief".  As it stands the last two lines of this stanza are platitudes. *(Poems, by their very nature, often require the reader to look behind the curtain of the metaphors and secret passages. There are plenty of allusions)*

*They do not have have consistency of mind ** (No, it's saying that they ARE consistent, in that their brains constantly malfunction. Was meant as sarcastic humor)*

*Their  brains malfunction all the time* 
*But don't let politics revolt  *
*Inside they house a heart of cold*  Wordy.  My impression is that you have let the end rhymes define the content. (*Exact same meter throughout, save for the end. More double-edged sarcasm, as in: "But don't judge too harshly on their politics, for they really are cold-hearted inside, after all!)*

*OK, let me just say that **you seem to be missing a number of things, like Alice in Wonderland and The Emperor's New Clothes. I did take poetic license in referring to the emperor as a king, but I consider the optimum time for taking said license is in an actual poem.* :single_eye:
*
"Frank's polio" lets the reader know that liberalism began creeping its way into our government even before fdr. *


"If I did, it would mostly echo Alanmt." *Seriously? I never would have guessed! *:stung:
*
Thanks again.*


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## southerner (Sep 4, 2012)

*"... Kettle, you're black!"*

:smile::smile: Love it! Of course, people have been committed for responding to themselves, and I don't know if obamacare provides coverage for that affliction. lol!!! Anyhow, don't be too harsh on yourself, Arcopitcairn. By comparison, you barely wet a tippie-toe versus a full-body plunge by the one to whom you were referring. 

And, thank you for coming to my aid! (You WERE...
 kinda... sorta doing that, weren't you? :welcoming


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## southerner (Sep 4, 2012)

Okay, Jackknife, move along now...nothing to see here...train for Robert Frost's home left at dawn. Giiddy-up.


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## Kryptex (Sep 5, 2012)

I was wary once I had started to read it, expecting a great poem due to the popularity of it - and I was not disappointed. You string me along for a generation before I reach the end - and what a journey it is.

I think the others above me have displayed their (mal)content with this poem, so I shall leave you with their remarks, save for this one by me:

The last stanza is exceptionally good. I might have enjoyed it further as the mention of _Totalitarian,_ brought back some rather pleasant memories.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, very nicely written & composed.


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## southerner (Sep 9, 2012)

I find your review to be somewhat cryptic, Kryptex. haroh: I think you're saying that you appreciated the construct of the poem while disagreeing with its content? And you long for totalitarianism? Ugga-wugga-wigwam!

In any event, I want to thank you for your comments and I'm glad you enjoyed the journey!


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## Fats Velvet (Sep 10, 2012)

southerner said:


> *First, thank you for taking the time to critique this. I do appreciate it!
> 
> I'm not sure if I should respond to all of your comments. I will say that I never EVER allow a rhyme to dictate my content....too easy to simply change words.**
> 
> ...



You're welcome.  I won't be reviewing your future work.  It's fairly obvious you're not looking for serious feedback.


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## southerner (Sep 13, 2012)

Well, this seems like a no-win prop, FV. Had I merely said, "Thanks," would you then have been more likely to review my future work? I tried to acknowledge most of your points without sounding condescending. Your peeved liberal bent was obvious throughout your critique, but I still tried to address most of them.

You said things like "What rabbit hole?" "Murder?" "...never mention the fairy tale again" and that the line about talking cards "... makes no sense." You obviously aren't familiar with ALICE or The Emperor's ... Perhaps, you are from outside the US?

If it was my FINAL comment that ticked you off, just look at what I responded TO (and, the smilie face).

Regardless, my 'thank you' stands.


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