# 05/03/2010 LM New Monsters and Double Blind SCORES



## Like a Fox (Jul 10, 2010)

Alright guys, finally we've got our act together (almost).

Here are the scores for the* New Monster LM.*

Very sorry for the delay, had to take advantage of Mod's brief dips into the online world to get all the info sent to me.

He lost his scoring too, so we've just got the three blind judges.
(Who were Non Serviam, Vangoghsear and myself. Big thanks to you guys.)


So! Here I'll reveal the authors for each story, and their scores.
If I've attributed the wrong work to you, please let me know.


*Entry Number One - A Plastic Bag - NathanBrazil*
Scores - 19 , 12 , 20 =* Average of 17*

*Entry Number Two - The Blind Judge - ppsage*
Scores - 17 , 14 , 17 =* Average of 16*

*Entry Number Three - Satyricon - alanmt*
Scores - 18 , 14 , 18 =* Average of 17*

*Entry Number Four - Chest Pains - NathanBrazil*
Scores - 18.5 , 13 , 18 = *Average of 16.5*
_(Not including this entry as technically there should only be one per writer. This obviously got confused in the darkness of the blind entries.)_

*Entry Number Five - Mumago - Kat*
Scores - 17.5 , 14 , 17 =* Average of 16.16*

*Entry Number Six - To Remind Men of their Evils - Siegfried007*
Scores - 18 , 14 , 16 =* Average of 16*

*Entry Number Seven - You are Merely Human, I am Monster - Tsaeb XIII*
Scores - 19.5 , 10 , 16 =* Average of 15.16*

*Entry Number Eight - Backspacers - Darknite-Johanne*
Scores - 18.5 , 13 , 15 =* Average of 15.5*


So in Equal first place we have *NathanBrazil* and *alanmt*!!

Congratulations you two 

In second place is* Kat,* with her story Mumago, 
and in equal third *Siegfried007 *and *ppsage*




*So here are the judge’s scores.*

*Judge Number One*

Nice work from everyone, not a bad one in the bunch.

*Pencil Pushers By Moderan*
Spelling and grammar are good. Sentences and paragraphs are varied. 5. Tone and voice set me well into the time and place. He is alone so I don’t really expect dialog. Perhaps some thoughts verses narrative might improve the overall effect? 4.5. Creative and well written. Believable. 10
*Non Scoring Entry (But 19.5/20 if it were)*


1 *. A Plastic Bag*
Spelling and grammar seem readable. Sentences and paragraphs do not show much variety in length or structure. 4.5. Voice and tone are appropriate to the piece and I like that dialog is used. Point of view, while omniscient is for the most part observational, then seemed to internalize describing the thoughts of the two boys, which took me out of the story. 4.5. Okay, the monster is very creative, and could even be a metaphor for society and waste. 10.
*Score: 19/20*

*2. The Blind Judge*
There is an omitted word early in the piece, otherwise spelling and grammar seem rather well executed and complex. 4.5. This piece has a creative tone and voice in my opinion. 5. I had a bit of trouble following what was actually happening in the story, but I found it compelling and inventive. 8.
*Score: 17.5/20*

*3. Satyricon*
Good use of grammar and spelling. 5. Interesting voice, but the tone seems a bit off, the main character, although being threatened, was more just clinically watching the floating monster and thus maybe a bit out of character. 4. Fairly creative monster, intriguing setting. Nice little twist at the end. 9.
*Score: 18/20*

*4. Chest Pains*
Spelling is good. Grammar...hmm. I wonder if it lost something of the formattng when transferred in? When the creature shows the signs, I think we are missing end quotes each time, it becomes a bit confusing. I can’t tell if we are reading his thoughts or the monster actually typed that into his sign. 4. Voice is good, but the tone in places is a bit understated. I would expect a bit more horror when the creature emerges from his chest. 4.5 I loved the acceptance and humor at the end. There is also an interesting metaphor for monsters in business. 10.
*Score: 18.5/20*


*5. Mumago*
I found a grammatical error, but for the most part grammar and spelling were okay. 4.5. The journalistic voice style suited the piece well. The tone was fine considering the voice used. 5. I found it creative, but it had a feeling of being rushed, perhaps a bit too narrative. Good use of humor, maybe some opportunities to expand on that. 8.
*Score: 17.5/20*


*6. To Remind Men of Their Evils*
I did not notice any grammar errors; it seemed to be used well and complex in some areas.. Spelling looked fine. 5. Tone and voice were fine for the piece and set me in a frame of mind that it was a damaged world. 5. The back story was delivered a little heavy handed, but the overall idea was creative and interesting. 8
*Score: 18/20*

*7. You are merely human; I am monster*
The grammar and spelling seem well handled. 5. The voice is consistent and works for the piece. The tone sets a sinister mood. 5. The only real problem I had with this one is that the use of the phrase “I speak”. This could be left out, but it isn’t that big a deal. I would have liked a little more dialog, perhaps at the water cooler, to establish his frustration at not knowing who he was. Minor problems. Compelling and scary. 9.5
*Score 19.5/20*

*8. Backspacers*
Minor grammar item missing: some sort of “” or ‘’ around ‘I’ shaped to differentiate it from the word “I”. The rest looked pretty good. 4.5. Tone and style are appropriate, the paragraphs and sentence structures are varied. 5. Overall, I thought it was very clever, and well told. I have a problem with locking a piece of writing in to an audience (mentioning that you are writing for LM). Good use of humor. 9
*Score 18.5/20*





*Judge Number Two*

Moderan said to be "creative, original and brief". Since they're all brief, I'll give marks out of ten for creativity plus marks out of ten for originality.

*A Plastic Bag*
A bit Stephen King, this.
Creative: 7/10. Good style, well told, some nice imagery. 
Original: 5/10. It's a killer bag of goo.
*OVERALL: 12/20.*

*The Blind Judge*
Gets the award for the best opening sentence. 
Creative: 6/10. Marked slightly down for trying to cram so much content into the tiny word-count, leading to a slightly confusing read.
Originality: 8/10. I'd never read about anything like those at all.
*OVERALL: 14/20.*

*Satyricon*
Creative: 7/10. Nicely-executed.
Originality: 7/10. I liked that the satyr wasn't the actual monster; this story managed to have a little twist, in its own small way--no mean feat for the word count.
*OVERALL: 14/20.*

*Chest Pains*
Impressive execution let down by a less-than-stellar conceit.
Creative: 8/10. I liked the protagonist, what a bastard.
Originality: 5/10. An alien that takes people over one by one and eventually takes over the world.
*OVERALL: 13/20.*

*Mumago*
Wins the prize for the most original monster.
Creativity: 5/10. Lacking in tension, unfortunately. Seemed less immediate and focused than other stories in the group. I'd advise using the passive voice less.
Originality: 9/10. A monster made of music: well done!
*OVERALL: 14/20.*

*To Remind Men of their Evils*
Another well-crafted story.
Creativity: 8/10. Managed to get quite a bit of detail about a post-apocalyptic society in there.
Originality: 6/10. Too many echoes of Monty Python in the savage killer monster that looks like a rabbit.
*OVERALL: 14/20.*

*You are merely human: I am monster*
Creativity: 4/10. It was a courageous decision to write this in the second person present tense, and by "courageous", I mean "bad".
Originality: 6/10. A thing made of void that eats life.
*OVERALL: 10/20.*

*Backspacers*
A monster that lives in (or is?) your computer and deletes things. The conceit was reminiscent of Stephen King's "Word Processor of the Gods".
Creativity: 5/10. Some nice stylistic elements, but breaking the fourth wall in the opening paragraph let out all creative tension. Don't do that.
Originality: 8/10. Not quite as genuinely new as the monster made of music, but definitely deserves its equal-second place from me.
*OVERALL: 13/20.*





*Judge Number Three*

I should just say, I ended up reading each of these a number of times, and I'm super pleased and impressed with the ideas that came out. Well done all of you, even though at this stage I still have no idea who entered. Looking forward to finding out.

*Entry Number One*
*A Plastic Bag*
I loved this one. I felt as though I were watching it all from the bag’s point of view, or just behind the bag. The brief but vivid descriptions of each little vignette gave that spectator feeling to it. I really liked the garbage bag that makes people scream too. The mystery in these sort of things is often the strongest thing about them. The dialogue was neat and effective, the prose simple, which made it perfect for what read to me as a stoic account of the bag’s story. There’s a ‘your’ in there that should be a you’re, but otherwise my favourite of the bunch.
*20/20*

*****

*Entry Number Two*
*The Blind Judge*
I have a guess as to who wrote this entry, mostly because it confuses me so. Which is probably not a failing of the writer, but of me the reader. I felt I had a grasp on it until two thirds through. Perhaps the names are too much considering I’m entering a surreal world, maybe some easier to pronounce-in-my-head names would make it a smoother ride. I do apologise for this not falling into my usual scope. That said, I thought the dialogue was delightful, and the silliness to it was very compelling. I found the sense of place confusing, I was never sure who was where and when. Overall I get the impression that I’m just not bright enough to get this one. I’ll continue to work at it.
*17/20*

*****

*Entry Number Three*
*Satyricon*
This one was really cool. The suspense built elegantly as the thing (you said potato, so it was just a big potato in my head. The other descriptions came too late for me to get rid of the spud) drew closer and the attacker didn’t know. I really felt like I was in this story, and the tension was perfect. Even the Satyr’s assessment of her body had a creep vibe in it. Actually for a second I thought “Is this about to get sexy”... I’m pretty glad it didn’t ... What with all the tendrils. Wasn’t sure about the ending... I wonder why the MC turns into a Satyr thing, that didn’t seem clear. Maybe a clarifying line about how they can change into them would make that less left-field. Otherwise, really great.
*19/20*

*****

*Entry Number Four*
*Chest Pains*
I found a lot of humour in the little typed messages and the MC reading them aloud. I could picture that pretty vividly. The image of the monster was clear for me and done nicely. The concept, I thought was not the most original. But then I’m ashamed to say I’ve read Stephenie Meyer’s – The Host, and that had similar creatures. 
I like the little joke at the end, that was neat, and I thought the voice in this was particularly well-cut. 
*18/20*

*****

*Entry Number Five*
*Mumago*
First of all, the name of your monster is great. I really liked this concept too. I can almost imagine the thought process behind coming up with this and running with it. I think this, now, could benefit from an expansion. The mute thing wasn’t explored enough, I don’t think. It was very much left to the reader to really think about how crappy being mute would be, and how a silent world would feel. Where a few choice sentences even might have highlighted that. Otherwise, I think this was one of the most original takes on the theme, and the execution did it justice nicely.
*17/20*

*****

*Entry Number Six*
*To Remind Men of Their Evils*
I was kind of lost in the pipes.. I think the rat-description at the very start served to add to the confusion. I assume now, that the main character was human or human-esque. But coupled with the pipes and then the giant rabbits... I could see rats being the mains too. Just a nit. I really loved the line that you used as the title. I felt this could be a much bigger story. It’s very rich, there’s a lot here and it would be wonderful to see an expansion. I also thought maybe you were teasing someone around here for loving his bunnies so much. Haha. Nice job. 
*16/20*

*****

*Entry Number Seven*
*You are merely human: I am Monster*
I thought this had a very clever use of tense. It’s mostly second person, but then you reference the monster as Me, so it’s actually first. It’s kind of all in the title, and that really worked for the overall story. That sense of identity shift, and the reader feels that. Very effective use of second. As for the story, I quite liked it. Good flash narrative. As a beginning -to -end story I think it would be a great ending to something, or a great beginning, but doesn’t feel like a linear narrative so much. I liked the idea of the void. I breezed through this. Cool idea. 
*16/20*

***

*Entry Number Eight*
*Backspacers*
This one had a great voice. Really fun, close relationship with the MC, and a very appealing story for writers. Maybe not so much non-writers, but hey, there’s none of them around here, right? I liked the Backspacer monster concept. I’m pretty sure I’ve been attacked in the past. I think making the writer wake up at the end was a mistake. Without that it’s left up to the reader to decide if this really happened or if the writer is an idiot and forgot to save, OR if they haven’t even started. 
A few slips in and out of the correct tense, but otherwise pretty clean. A fun read, good work.
*15/20*


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## NathanBrazil (Jul 10, 2010)

Wow, thanks and congrats to AlanMT, Kat, Siegfried007 and PpSage as well.  Thanks to the jugdes for taking the time to read and score these entries.


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## Kat (Jul 10, 2010)

Congrats Nathan and Alan! Everyone did a great job. It was fun, and slightly frightening, to see what lurks in everyone's minds. I had to chop so much to get it down. I originally had footers and all kinds of stuff. But this was one of my fav. LM so far.


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## darknite_johanne (Jul 10, 2010)

COol Thanks!


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## alanmt (Jul 10, 2010)

Cool!  Congrats, Nathan, kat, pp and seig!  Thanks for judging, judges.

I have to say that this prompt sounded a whole lot easier in my mind than when I actually sat down to try and come up with some new kind of monster.  But it was fun to write adn very fun to read the other  entries.


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## seigfried007 (Jul 10, 2010)

Amen to that, Alan.

It's funny about the "Monty Python" reference. This monster first showed up in a post-apocalyptic D&D game I was running for the husband (about five months long, playing every day). When his character was first introduced to the Pipes, someone told her about Pipers and "other things" that lived in it. At one point, we used a random dice roll to figure she wa running into such a creature... and the Pipers told me about it. And I told them, "Hell no, I'm not making rabbits the worst thing on the planet to bump into. No farking way." Then the Pipers showed me what these things look like, and I granted that the rabbits were creepy as hell.

It was really interesting to me to watch a civilization terrified of "rabbits"--doubly so after people who remembered what rabbits were supposed to be like entered the scene and laughed, also saying, "No farking way. Rabbits? Pull the other one."

I'd originally started an answer to this challenge with another story entirely, but that one unfortuntely grew too damn long to cut down to 500 words (it's over 35K now)


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## Tsaeb XIII (Jul 14, 2010)

Thanks to all the judges for judging and the feedback, and congrats to NathanBrazil, alanmt, Kat and seigfried007, as well as all the other competitors for producing fine entries.


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