# Social support good for writing motivation?



## DarkVamp9401 (Sep 25, 2013)

This is a rather odd question that most may find a little silly. But is social support a good way to get motivation to write stories and various other things? I won't go into details about why i lack any real friends (there are many reasons why i don't), but i used to have motivation to do almost anything when i had a social circle with people to talk to years back. After i lost that my motivation started to die down and i have hardly written things since.

Anyone had any experiences or opinions regarding this?


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## Sintalion (Sep 25, 2013)

Social support is what I used to stave off the freshman fifteen in college. I had a couple gym buddies. On my own I could go, but I was much more likely to get things done when I had a buddy dragging me out the door with her. I don't have running buddies since graduation and living apart, but I do still run and exercise on my own. Having social support in the beginning helped me get to where I am today. 

In terms of writing, I was an avid roleplayer who wrote stories on the side, so you could say I did have social support for motivation. I never showed the roleplayers my stories, but I was motivated to do better by interacting with people who wrote better than I did. 

For writing my stories, I just do it. After doing it day in and day out, it's become a habit for me. I'd suggest trying to develop that habit for yourself, and seeking support for improving the quality of your writing.


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## Outiboros (Sep 25, 2013)

The only reason I write is because a friend of mine urged me to.

Even after two years of writing, he's the only one who ever reads any of it, if he even does, but I don't think I could write without that bit of support. I've never told anyone else because I either don't think they'd care or would think me weird for it, and I've never posted any of it on the internet because I don't think my stuff is good enough to bother with. Perhaps I should post it to get some good critiques, but the problem I run into is that it's all much too long.

In any case - I'd never have written a page without social support.

Maybe you work differently. Maybe you can work up the motivation purely from feedback from the anonymous on the internet.


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## DarkVamp9401 (Sep 25, 2013)

Im a person what tends to prefer physical contact. Plus i feel my life is a bit of a mess at the moment and my mental issues (anxiety/depression) have gotten pretty bad. I just lose the motivation to do anything quickly, even stuff i enjoy like Video Games (but hardly any good ones have come out recently imho).


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## David Gordon Burke (Sep 25, 2013)

This thread reminds me of an old joke.
Guy walks into a Doctor's office.
When it comes time for his examination he says to the Doc
"Hey Doc, check this out," he says, sticking his tongue out to the left while cocking his eyebrow to the right, "It really hurts when I do this."
The Doctor answers, "So don't do that."  

Growing up in the era of acceptable mental health issues has just made it acceptable to have a mental health problem.  And thank god since there are so many pharmaceuticals laying around on warehouse shelves that need to get sold.  What?  No mental health issues?  You are letting down a stock-holder somewhere.

But as far a writing is concerned - let me put this as brutally as possible with the hope that it might be a kick in the pants.  
IF YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER, IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES ..... GET OVER YOURSELF, SPANK YOUR INNER MOPPET AND GET WRITING.
No more excuses.  Like they say at Nike ... just do it.

Best wishes.
David Gordon Burke


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## Myers (Sep 25, 2013)

My friends have never expressed anything more than polite interest in my writing, and while my wife is fairly accommodating as far as time goes, she doesn't care all that much about it. I do like getting feedback from other writers; that's primarily why I'm here, but I don't really consider that social support. I think social support is more about general encouragement, and that's not something I really need.

P.S. -- Try not worry about strangers on the internet who make casual judgements about other people's mental health issues.


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## DarkVamp9401 (Sep 25, 2013)

David Gordon Burke said:


> This thread reminds me of an old joke.
> Guy walks into a Doctor's office.
> When it comes time for his examination he says to the Doc
> "Hey Doc, check this out," he says, sticking his tongue out to the left while cocking his eyebrow to the right, "It really hurts when I do this."
> ...



Ever had a mental health issue? It sucks.

And you are right, i should just do it. But i feel so uncomfortable (for a lack of a better word, not writing) right now with myself its getting in the way. I know whats causing this issue but there are things (not making excuses here) that are getting in the way and its really hard for me to cope with myself right now. Also i was taking medication for my mental health issues at one point...turned me into a dopey zombie.


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## David Gordon Burke (Sep 25, 2013)

RyanJay said:


> Ever had a mental health issue? It sucks.
> Also i was taking medication for my mental health issues at one point...turned me into a dopey zombie.



Yes, been there done that.  Head shrinkers and pill pushers.  I don't want to come off like Tom Cruise, bouncing around Oprah's couch but..... the medication is not the way to go.  And yes, I was being asgently provocative as I could in my letter.  Did it make you mad?  Did you want to jump up and send me an email, give me a piece of your mind?  Punch me in the face?  

That's my whole point.  For a moment you were motivated and you didn't need anybody's help - just a little stimulus and you got moving.  The vast majority of people I have met who have been suffering from the Lesser mental illnesses (not including those that are based on chemical imbalance, head injury etc.) while suffering greatly, all had one thing in common - with our without the depression, bi-polarism or whatever other syndrome, they were all content to be lazy and let someone else cure them, do it for them, tell them what to do.

When I got sick the Docs prescribed some psuedo-Prozac substitute and I flew over the moon for about a week.  It's a miracle that I didn't try skydiving without a parachute.  Great high.

Then I crashed.  Decided then and there that the docs were all nuts.  Stopped taking the meds.  Got busy with life.  Went for a walk everyday.  Took a shower.  Did the laundry, cleaned house, cooked dinner, did the dishes, practiced my guitar, watched some tube, went to bed early, got up early, brushed my teeth, got a haircut, ironed my shirts and NEVER, EVER, EVER spent another moment since then in an IDLE State.  

Get out of your head and into your novel.  
Good luck, I wish you well.
David Gordon Burke


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## Deleted member 49710 (Sep 25, 2013)

Social support can definitely be good motivation--helps to have people who care about what you're doing and think it's worthwhile, who will help you celebrate your victories or make you feel better in case of defeat. That said, I don't think social support isthe only or even the best kind of motivation--it's more important that you write for your own reasons.


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## Jeko (Sep 25, 2013)

In my opinion, it's a bonus. You should never rest or rely on it, but it can give your writing a boost.


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## DarkVamp9401 (Sep 25, 2013)

David Gordon Burke said:


> Yes, been there done that.  Head shrinkers and pill pushers.  I don't want to come off like Tom Cruise, bouncing around Oprah's couch but..... the medication is not the way to go.  And yes, I was being asgently provocative as I could in my letter.  Did it make you mad?  Did you want to jump up and send me an email, give me a piece of your mind?  Punch me in the face?
> 
> That's my whole point.  For a moment you were motivated and you didn't need anybody's help - just a little stimulus and you got moving.  The vast majority of people I have met who have been suffering from the Lesser mental illnesses (not including those that are based on chemical imbalance, head injury etc.) while suffering greatly, all had one thing in common - with our without the depression, bi-polarism or whatever other syndrome, they were all content to be lazy and let someone else cure them, do it for them, tell them what to do.
> 
> ...



I see now, i need to expose myself to stuff that will stimulate me to write! Thank you, you might have solved my problem with writing after all!

And you are right, i need to fix these issues myself, but its hard in the area i live in and the fact i can't really go to the fun places without my parents driving me (i am still underage and don't know how to drive). And i took prozac too...i hate it and not only did it turn me in a doped up idiot, it made my personality much different (in a bad way) too.


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## Jon M (Sep 25, 2013)

Myers said:


> P.S. -- Try not worry about strangers on the internet who make casual judgements about other people's mental health issues.


Sometimes difficult to ignore when judgements are as flippant and ... toxic as a few of the comments here.


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## DarkVamp9401 (Sep 26, 2013)

Jon M said:


> Sometimes difficult to ignore when judgements are as flippant and ... toxic as a few of the comments here.



And especially if you have a low self esteem like i do right now. Though Burke actually had intelligent things to say, which isn't something i would say to most who say things like that.


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## David Gordon Burke (Sep 26, 2013)

Apparently, my comments were taken entirely the wrong way.  My apologies.  The truth of the matter is that I have little tolerance for whining.  Not to say that a person's problems aren't real but if you can identify that you have a problem and you aren't busting your rump to fix it - or better yet just getting on with the business of LIFE, then you are just letting your problems grow like a cancerous wart - and well, that's just another problem isn't it.?

Read "The Secret".  Or better yet, come on down to Mexico for a visit.  I'll lend you my spare bedroom.  Go wander around the streets of Monterrey for a while.  Your problems will look miniscule in comparison to the third world horrors we live with every day (hunger, drug war, kidnapping, assorted crime, crooked politicians, corrupt police, insane car crashes, chili peppers).  Or if you have three days free time, I'll tell you my problems.  

Here's a little story.  My Dad had extreme health problems.  Doctors bounced him from specialist to specialist - did test after test, all the while not wanting to spend the big money for the expensive tests that would have identified the problem in about a day.  In the end they discovered lung cancer which by that point was untreatable and which had by then travelled into his bones.

So my Dad is in this crowded hospital waiting room - nurses running around, clearly overworked, patients lying on gurneys, moaning in agony, and my Dad notices this older man who had obviously soiled himself.  The nurses didn't have time to clean the guy up.  Dad pushed the gurney into a washroom, grabs a towel and some soap and bathes the guy himself.  

Half an hour later, in comes this kid who has tried to commit suicide.  He ends up in a huge conversation with my Dad and walks away from it with a new outlook on life.  Two month later a letter comes in the mail from the kid, thanking my Dad for taking the time to talk with him and telling him how he had taken my Dad's advice and was turning his life around.  What did my Dad advise the kid?  More or less the same thing that I said in my first post.  Possibly the worst moment of my Dad's life and he faced it by turning his attention away from himself and focussing on other people.  He passed away 4 months later.  I'm lucky to have had him as a father.  

Mental health is / has become the latest topic to fall into the category of "things we just can't talk about truthfully" because there will always be someone who gets "insulted" by a free and open dialogue.  It's like the state of Israel.  Say anything against their politics and you are instantly branded an "anti-semetic."  

What is truly toxic is having people say "oh, poor ...insert name here.... He is ....insert modern psuedo-psycological condition here...."  So excuse me for 1.  taking the time to care enough to write and voice my opinion and 2. for not coddling.  

And seeing how this is a writer's forum, my advice seems appropriate.  Write your way out of your problems.  Write 500,000 words about all these feelings.  If that doesn't cure you, it might turn out to be a bestseller.  If not it should be enough practice writing that you will come out the other side proud of the advance in your skill as a writer.  

My apologies again for any percieved insult.
David Gordon Burke


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## The Tourist (Sep 26, 2013)

I've found any social pressure--either positive or negative--to be an anathema to doing anything creative or innovative.  The moment an outside forces re-directs your efforts, or even implies an idea, you cannot unring the bell.

No matter what you think of Rowlings, she did her best work all alone in a train station.  

Margaret Mitchell wrote her novel in the late afternoon after playing cards with her girl friends.  She would always leave the group by stating she had to go home and work on her book.  They thought she was kidding.


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## shadowwalker (Sep 26, 2013)

David, what you might want to consider is that your personal experience does not reflect the entire world of mental health issues or every single person who has a mental illness. Being in the deep throes of an episode is not laziness - it's an _illness_, and the old "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" has one definite affect - suicide. 

Your writing advice may be sage, but I suggest you consider that as a writer, you should understand the power words have and consider them more carefully when discussing other matters. Which includes apologizing for "perceived" insults.


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## Myers (Sep 26, 2013)

*hits like button*


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## Deleted member 49710 (Sep 26, 2013)

David Gordon Burke said:


> Apparently, my comments were taken entirely the wrong way.  My apologies.  The truth of the matter is that I have little tolerance for whining.  Not to say that a person's problems aren't real but
> 
> [...]
> 
> And seeing how this is a writer's forum, my advice seems appropriate.  Write your way out of your problems.  Write 500,000 words about all these feelings.  If that doesn't cure you, it might turn out to be a bestseller.  If not it should be enough practice writing that you will come out the other side proud of the advance in your skill as a writer.


Equating depression to "whining" is harmful and demeaning to those who suffer from it. 

Like you say, this is a writing forum. The story about your father might be interesting, but anecdotes are not data. If you're not well versed in the mental health field and have little experience with it outside the personal, I think it would be wise to stick to the topic of writing.


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## Terry D (Sep 26, 2013)

This is not the place to discuss mental health issues, or the perception of mental health issues. It is time to get this thread back on track--Social support and writing motivation.


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## J Anfinson (Sep 26, 2013)

I used to self pub shorts with the hope that feedback would boost my confidence and help make me a better writer. Sometimes it is good for confidence, but I've found that the act of writing, itself, and reading has done more for me than the reviews ever did. I think to be a writer you have to learn to not care what people think and just write for you.


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## Charlaux (Sep 26, 2013)

This is what I do the moment anyone I know asks me how my novel is coming along. 

Social interest makes me less motivated because I feel silly when I talk about my stories; I worry people will think they're bad ideas. My friends don't have a clue what I write about. I think lack of social support is a different thing to being unhappy though. The first enhances my writing, the second cripples it.


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## Bloggsworth (Sep 26, 2013)

The Tourist said:


> No matter what you think of Rowlings (sic), she did her best work all alone in a train station.



She would be surprised to learn that...


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## Bloggsworth (Sep 26, 2013)

Support - What's that? When younger I used to spend evenings and weekends mechanic-ing for friends racing cars; I would drive 50 miles 3 or 4 evenings a week; occasionally work 36 hours without rest - I did this for about 4 years, When I got my own car and raced, apart from 2 occasions, it was just me and the Mrs. I have sent my poems to any number of fellow poets for comment and advice, only one of them ever bothers to respond with a decent critique - They're all too busy, will read it as soon as they have a moment. In reality, when it comes to writing, it's just your conscious, your unconscious and you...


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## DondreKhan (Sep 27, 2013)

RyanJay said:


> This is a rather odd question that most may find a little silly. But is social support a good way to get motivation to write stories and various other things? I won't go into details about why i lack any real friends (there are many reasons why i don't), but i used to have motivation to do almost anything when i had a social circle with people to talk to years back. After i lost that my motivation started to die down and i have hardly written things since.
> 
> Anyone had any experiences or opinions regarding this?



You don't want it to turn into people telling you what to write.  Also, don't be a tool for people to write by proxy; by that don't let other people to tell you what to write and then do it for them.  If anything, that's just a backdoor way for people to get you to write things that they're afraid to.


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## Greimour (Sep 27, 2013)

After reading all the above, I think there is really only one real motivation for writing.

Sure, you can fantasize about having your name on a front cover in a shop window of the next best sellers list...
You can want to be a stay at home parent who knocks out books as often as Stephen King with as much success or more...
You might want to start the next Harry Potter or Twilight frenzy and see your imagination hit the big screen...
You might just enjoy writing and think it is the most logical path for you to follow...
Writing this will give me an A in English Lit...
Its my assignment, if I don't write it I don't pass...
I need write something else for a while so I can return to my main story with a fresh mind/eye...

But...

The only REAL motivation you will truly find, is the story itself. 


My writing was a process of mental evolution.

*I enjoyed reading that book*
*I wish I could write how these people do*
*I could write a story like that, I think...*
*I would have written that story a little differently, but I liked it...*
*When was the last time I read a story I enjoyed? What is it I want to read?*

That last thought became: *I know what I want to read, but first I will have to write it.*

When all you can think about is your story, how it progresses, what the people and characters are like, what happens... when all you can think in your excitement is that this story deserves to be shared - that keeping it to yourself is selfish. The motivation to get it out into the real world will follow. The motivation is the story itself.

When I am sat at my desktop, on a laptop or writing in a notepad regarding my story... the last thing on my mind is a social network. I don't want to be disturbed by the outside world. I want to continue writing and nothing else for as long as possible. Perhaps returning to a piece from a friends kick up the butt will sometimes work, but really, they aren't the ones writing it, so what they say or do only affects you if you let it, in which case, you really only wanted someone to give you permission to continue. You gave yourself permission the moment you started, so work on... a social network may help motivation... I cant say it doesn't, as everyone is different and as they say: different strokes for different folks... but social help is definitely not a pre-requisite for motivation.

That's what I think.


~Kev,


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## DondreKhan (Sep 27, 2013)

Yes, you don't want to be burdened by what other people want.  Many writers never take suggestions from their friends.


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## Jeko (Sep 27, 2013)

> Writing this will give me an A in English Lit...



Creative writing counts for 0% of English Lit as far as our school's examination board is concerned... and if you go on about being a creative writer to Oxford while applying for their competitive Lang&Lit Degree, they'll act like you're invisible (so I've heard).


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## Greimour (Sep 27, 2013)

Cadence said:


> Creative writing counts for 0% of English Lit as far as our school's examination board is concerned... and if you go on about being a creative writer to Oxford while applying for their competitive Lang&Lit A-level, they'll act like you're invisible (so I've heard).



In the first few examples, I was giving motivation to any type of writing. :/
I was pointing out that anything in regards to completing written work can be considered motivation...
However...
When it comes to writing creatively... there really is only one real motivation factor that drags your butt back to whichever method of writing you use. The story is what makes you pick up the pen, not a person that tells you to. The story is what makes you think about it in your free time, not a creative writing teacher telling you it is due on Friday (even though that may remind you of the story, if you actually liked the story to start with, it would be on your mind without the teacher giving any prompt)

Perhaps I should have stuck to examples regarding creative writing only, but I was just bashing out things people may have named "motivation" when they had some writing to finish.


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