# My New Phone gets me in trouble



## nathan sturley (Jul 4, 2016)

I love my new mobile phone. It has voice recognition!
I say "okay google what is the most populated country?" and it tells me.
I say "okay google sexy ass bikini girls" and it comes up!
I say "okay google sexy girls in panties" and it comes up again.
Then the ticket inspector kicked me off the train for lewd offensive behaviour!
I say "okay google whats the next train to victoria"
Okay google what is the definition of lewd behaviour"
Okay google find me lawyers in canterbury!
as i sit at chatham station only halfway through my journey
Okay google what is a chav!
Oh bugger it as I sit at chatham station "okay google sexy milfs in bikinis"
more trouble is gonna come!

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please i am sorry if i offend anyone it is just a bit of fun. No offense is meant against anyone at all just a joke.


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## PrinzeCharming (Jul 4, 2016)

I _kent _control myself. Stop being such a chav! Do you talk to a young lass like that? Despite the cultural barrier, I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.


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## nathan sturley (Jul 4, 2016)

PrinzeCharming said:


> I _kent _control myself. Stop being such a chav! Do you talk to a young lass like that? Despite the cultural barrier, I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.


yeah that word chav is insulting isn't it. it is nasty to ordinary working class people but so many people call chatham like that as it is mainly poor white english folk high unemployment etc. I think I will change it as it doesn't sit easy with me at all. I never like to be insulting about anyone it is wrong just that is how so many people consider chatham and gillingham. I read the word originated from chatham and it has that reputation. But i may take it down as it is insulting and that makes me feel uneasy and it doesn't add much anyway to it.


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## nathan sturley (Jul 4, 2016)

PrinzeCharming said:


> I _kent _control myself. Stop being such a chav! Do you talk to a young lass like that? Despite the cultural barrier, I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.


yes i am very english and perocial these days i need to be a bit more worldly.


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## PiP (Jul 4, 2016)

Natham, why is chav insulting? Chav is Cheltenham average. My son went out with a girl and he was told to take off his puma tracksuit bottoms because they were 'chavish'. It's just a word. Slang... don't beat yourself up on it.

Needless to say he never wore the beloved tracksuit pants again. Please don't apologize for using British slang. It's psrt of our culture and humour...


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## nathan sturley (Jul 4, 2016)

PiP said:


> Natham, why is chav insulting? Chav is Cheltenham average. My son went out with a girl and he was told to take off his puma tracksuit bottoms because they were 'chavish'. It's just a word. Slang... don't beat yourself up on it.
> 
> Needless to say he never wore the beloved tracksuit pants again. Please don't apologize for using British slang. It's part of our culture and humour...


okay, thanks for adding that. It is just I never like to offend whole swathes of people who may or may not know any better. It is cruel and sort of smart arsed and i feel lesser for saying such things. Cheltenham average??? I never knew that that is amazing! I read an article years ago about where the name came from and noone knew. Some say chatham and others said cheltenham girls school. Yes i just dont like to ever offend a whole group as I have found out in life that within any group of people in society you normally get all forms good and bad. I dont want to be looking down on people or been smug. you taught me something thanks man!


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## afk4life (Jul 4, 2016)

And now I know what chav is short for... thanks for the poem


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## nathan sturley (Jul 4, 2016)

afk4life said:


> And now I know what chav is short for... thanks for the poem


yeah me too!


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## PiP (Jul 4, 2016)

nathan sturley said:


> osaid cheltenham girls school. Yes i just dont like to ever offend a whole group as I have found out in life that within any group of people in society you normally get all forms good and bad. I dont want to be looking down on people or been smug. you taught me something thanks man!



Yep, his girlfriend went to Rencomb College. Boy was she embarrassed when he arrived in his Pumas... he never even got in the door. 

I loved your story, especially



> Oh bugger it as I sit at chatham station "okay google sexy milfs in bikinis"
> more trouble is gonna come!



Made me laugh!


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## Sonata (Jul 4, 2016)

I always thought that "chav" was short for "Chatham average" :? but never having been to either Cheltenham or Chatham I have no idea which is correct.


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## PiP (Jul 4, 2016)

ETA:

Just checked the Urban Dictionary

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav&defid=5811537



> the word chav is short for Council Housing And Violent. Typically wearing 'bling', tracksuits, cheap imitations of designer clothing and an incorrectly placed baseball cap with the apparent inability to speak english. Please note that more than 3 chavs in one place is known as a chavalanche
> [FONT=&quot]_"See that kid over there, in the tracksuit"?
> 
> "Who the chav"?_


_

LOL... We learn something new every day I think she was trying to spare his feelings! _[/FONT]


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## afk4life (Jul 4, 2016)

Yeah I wasn't gonna put the Council Housed and Violent up lol. I really can't criticize a country that gave us Shameless and Skins and a ton of other great shows except I want more of them...


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## dither (Jul 5, 2016)

nathan sturley said:


> I love my new mobile phone. It has voice recognition!
> I say "okay google what is the most populated country?" and it tells me.
> I say "okay google sexy ass bikini girls" and it comes up!
> I say "okay google sexy girls in panties" and it comes up again.
> ...




I've only just seen this.

TUT TUT sturley lol.


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## dither (Jul 5, 2016)

Reminds me, i don't know why, of something that happened me once.

Being the cheapskate that i am i bought a second hand phone a few years ago.

This really happened.

I got a text from a woman asking? "Why did you leave so early? Don't you like me?"

Then one night soon after, i got a phone-call, all i could hear was loud music and girls laughing. It only lasted a few  seconds and that was the last i heard from her.

Weird eh?


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## nathan sturley (Jul 6, 2016)

dither said:


> I've only just seen this.
> 
> TUT TUT sturley lol.


i didn't want to get banned for sexual innuendo like using the words "it comes up" and "gonna come" but i got away with it. Sexual innuendo really is the last bastion of the cretin isn't it?


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## Phil Istine (Jul 6, 2016)

nathan sturley said:


> i didn't want to get banned for sexual innuendo like using the words "it comes up" and "gonna come" but i got away with it. Sexual innuendo really is the last bastion of the cretin isn't it?



Yes it is.  I'm glad that you've stiffened your resolve against it and held back from gushing justifications.


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## nathan sturley (Jul 7, 2016)

Phil Istine said:


> Yes it is.  I'm glad that you've stiffened your resolve against it and held back from gushing justifications.


I am a hardened pillar of prose who likes to let it flow don't you know!


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## dither (Jul 7, 2016)

Let it flow brother, let it flow.


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## afk4life (Jul 7, 2016)

Just really work your writing and you'll never know what comes out.


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## nathan sturley (Jul 8, 2016)

afk4life said:


> Just really work your writing and you'll never know what comes out.


it is true that when i charge my battery with juice it hums and feels so full of juice that when i hold it in my hands i can feel it's vibration when someone makes it go off!!
)this thread could go on a long time!!


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