# Petal Pushers



## Shirley S. Bracken (Feb 20, 2011)

I haven't the faintest idea where to post this.  Move it as you please.

    "Petal Pushers"

In the fall of petals,
the flowers cease to be.

On the ground they settle, 
never more to be.

But from the pain of falling,
into the darkness free.

The flowers start a blooming,
growing beauty just for me.

So once again, life does begin,
and shows me how to see.


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 20, 2011)

Well, it is set in couplets with plenty of rhyme and rhythm, so I don't think 'prose' is right, I would think of that as more like one of the youtube pieces in my signature. but I don't know where to put it, Gumby will come along I expect.


"In the fall of petals,
the flowers cease to be."
is a lovely beginning, I might leave out 'the' at the beginning of the second line, it might lead the reader to expect some particular flowers. I can well  imagine a poem to that effect, but I do not think this is it.

In the first four lines you establish a rhyming scheme abab, where the first line has the first rhyme, the second the second, the third the first again etc.
Assuming it goes on the same way the rhymes are,
Petals / settle
to be /to be
Falling / blooming
Free / me
begin
see

Firstly you appear to be two lines over or two lines short, we could say the rhyming scheme changes to cdcdcd, if you do that it might make more sense to structure it as four lines and then six rather than in pairs, the 'but starting the fifth line indicates something is changing, it is not inappropriate to express it differently.
If we do that you have the rhymes falling/blooming/begin and free/me/see, these are not wonderful, especially the second lot, they are slightly better than rhyming 'to be' with itself. 
Using a rhyming dictionary was something I did a lot when I first started making rhymes, after a while it sort of puts your brain in gear and you start seeing them for yourself but the dictionary still remains an excellent aid, especially if I am trying something new.
I am unsure where you were going with lines 5,6,7,8.

"So once again, life does begin,
and shows me how to see."

here I think you missed an opportunity to reflect the rhythm of the opening lines in the way the sense reflects the rhythm of life. 
In the fall of petals,
flowers cease to be.

again, life does begin,
show me how to see."

It is nice to see a poem punctuated, so many do not bother.


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## Shirley S. Bracken (Feb 21, 2011)

Thanks Olly.  I guess you can see I don't know how to write poetry.  I need to learn some rules.  Yes, at least I do know how to punctuate. 
So the last lines should reflect the rhythm of the first?  And there should be an even number of stanzas?  I have a hard time making things even.  I do like how you changed the last line.  
I didn't know there was a rhyming dictionary.
Do you think this could be reworked?  I like the first two lines too.  Maybe I'll start over with just those two.


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## Gumby (Feb 21, 2011)

I really like the title, Shirley, and the first two lines start out very promising, and the essence of what you are saying here is wonderful. I wouldn't give up on this one, it definitely has some nice potential, as Olly has said. 

Writing a poem to a strict structure isn't an easy task, making the rhymes sound natural can seem impossible. There are several rhyming dictionaries, one of my favorites is RhymeZone rhyming dictionary and thesaurus 

There are so many different types of poetry to explore, I haven't begun to stratch the surface in my explorations. Here is a nice site that can help you see the different types and gives you examples to look at. 
Poetry Terms


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## Shirley S. Bracken (Feb 21, 2011)

Thanks Gumby.  I will look at those.  
I tend to run on emotion even though I do have brains too.  
I've never been too much in to poetry but being here has made me think more seriously about it.  
I have several binders full of writings like this.  All written with no guide lines at all.  I may revisit them and try to apply some of the things I learned here to them.  
Is this the right place to post them?


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## Penelope (Feb 21, 2011)

Excellent title!  Your avatar reminds me of the painting I have of Brian Scott's old ramshackle Chrysler painted in Cumberland.  

What I thought when I read your poem is that the title overpowered the poem.  Almost as if there should have been more to it.  

You got some excellent editing advice already and it's not usually something I do .. lucky you to have received such focused attention.


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## Shirley S. Bracken (Feb 21, 2011)

Thank you so much Penelope!  My painting is better than my writing.  This one is rather large 22X30".  The truck is titled "Rusted Memories".

The title of the poem is significant to me.  I used to wear petal pushers and have always imagined many ways to use the title.

I feel I got the attention I needed and I thank everyone for taking me into the fold.


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## Penelope (Feb 21, 2011)

well .. actually it's pedal pushers

pedal pushers link


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## Shirley S. Bracken (Feb 21, 2011)

Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot to change it back.  Thanks for the reality check.


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## Gumby (Feb 21, 2011)

Even though it is pedal pushers, your title immediately brought the garment to my mind, as a play on words. Which is a good thing, you sometimes want your words to have many meanings as it adds depth to your poem. The downside is that probably no one under the age of 50 knows what the heck pedal pushers are.  I guess I'm kind of dating myself there, but I trust you all to keep it a secret.
Shirley, your painting is awesome, I love it.


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## Shirley S. Bracken (Feb 21, 2011)

Thank you Gumby!  I intend to post some of the work (paintings) that I consider more me in the visual section.  Or maybe I'll just change my avatar occasionally. 
Yes, I love plays on words!
Did I put this in the right place on the forum?

I have another written piece that I would like you to look at.  I know it is not correct as far as stanzas etc, but maybe you could give it a kick.  It has meaning to me but it may not make sense to others.  May I post it here?


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## Gumby (Feb 21, 2011)

Well, I did move this poem to the structured verse board, as it had a rhyme pattern to it, you may not have noticed that I moved it. If the poems have a structure to them, then this is the place for them. In other words, do they have a pattern of rhyme in them? Even if you're not sure where they go, we can always move them afterwards.  And _correct_ is such a definite word to use, I'm learning. Even though there are rules to certain types of poetry, there is certainly room for poetic expression and interpretation and even rule breaking, blending, free form.

edit to add: Please do post your poem, or poems Shirley. I look forward to reading them.


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