# Honor is the knight,who is honor's right hand



## albertjacc (Sep 4, 2016)

My fellow writers,i hereby present you a short poem about a knight's death,with honor of course.

The metal sought
To a mighty sword,
For a few knights who fought
And with honor kept their word.


Knight was the bloke
Who fought to the death,
For his kin he spoke
To the last breath.


Honor is the spirit
That boils the heart and soul
She is who earns the merit
For a blood filled bowl.


War took with it the knight
He,who now earned his peace.
The son will keep alive his fight,
With the sword clinched in his fists.


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## ned (Sep 4, 2016)

my fellow writer, I hereby present a bad review, with honour, of course.

the poem is a hotchpotch of rather unfocused, abstract ideals regarding knightly honour, 
that lacks the guile to poetically put any of them across. 

the rambling title foreshadows what is to come...never mind the untidy typo.....what does it mean?
the knight is honour and also honour's right hand? (whatever that is)
 - this is the first point of reference, for the reader - and not the place to put them off.

the poem tries in vain to explain the abstract concepts of honour - already well understood by most readers
I should think - at the expense of any imagary or evocation of emotion - to interest or involve the reader.

I would suggest a re-write as a story, to give it focus and direction.
describe the knight, his armour, his emblem, his horse etc
describe the battle, the location, the enemy etc
describe his death - then, introduce honour as a parting shot.
with plenty of scope for imagery and interest for the reader.

it's a great idea for a poem, and fair play for giving it a shot.
but keep it simple and focused, to engage the reader.

Ned


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## albertjacc (Sep 4, 2016)

My friend,i believe you did not understand my poem at all.This is not about the knight's armour nor about his look.Honor is just in his heart,not a main plot,THE STORY IS ABOUT HOW A KNIGHT FIGHTS HIS LAST BATTLE AND DIES.He made a promise to his family and before he died he made sure he kept his promise.And if you do not even know how to read,the title states that the knight is honor and he is also honor's right hand.I am sorry to tell you,but my "masterpiece does not need a rewrite.With respect,me...a good writer.


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## albertjacc (Sep 4, 2016)

And by the way,there is no typo here.Maybe english is not your first language in which case i suggest you go to a site where you can check the spelling online and for free my friend.I lived in the us for 18 years and believe me when i say that i can write in english.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 4, 2016)

Hey, guys, let's see if we can be a little more civil with each other, okay? 

Also we should keep in mind that English and American spellings are different, cool?


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## Nellie (Sep 4, 2016)

ned said:


> it's a great idea for a poem,




This is the ONE statement I agree with. 
Not only is it a great_ idea _for a poem, it IS a great poem!  Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas, Albert.


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## albertjacc (Sep 4, 2016)

I am so sorry if i made anyone feel bad,Ned i am sorry if i was rude.I love reading comments about my story and giving my opinion too.I do not want to offend anyone.Mrmustard,you have a great nickname.


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## albertjacc (Sep 4, 2016)

Thank you for reading,i really am happy that you like my little poem,Nellie.It really means the world to a newbie like me,


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## Firemajic (Sep 4, 2016)

albertjacc said:


> My fellow writers,i hereby present you a short poem about a knight's death,with honor of course.
> 
> The metal sought**???? Whaaat????
> To a mighty sword,
> ...




I agree with ned... nice start, but this needs more... more drama, more imagery... more emotion... Maybe describe the battle... Poetry is all about creating a mood, expressing a message/ story... enhanced with bold imagery...strong emotion... there is a lot you can do with this, so... roll up your sleeves, imagine an epic battle... unchain your imagination... you are growing as a poet, and that is obvious in this poem! Now, take your skill to the next level, add texture, drama and emotion...


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## ned (Sep 4, 2016)

hello - I don't feel bad, it's only written words.........I had my opinion on how your poem might be improved........
you had yours, otherwise - and very gracious of you to apologize.

but do not think I give comment without due consideration -there is a typo in the title, in that there is a space missing.


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## Phil Istine (Sep 4, 2016)

albertjacc said:


> My fellow writers,i hereby present you a short poem about a knight's death,with honor of course.
> 
> The metal sought
> To a mighty sword,
> ...



I found this a bit tricky to follow without the explanation.  You seemed   to be going for abab end rhyme in each stanza, but it went awry.  I  considered adding some comments in red but I opted out because it would  have thrown your rhyme scheme off even further.  Although "clinched" can  work in the last line, I suspect "clenched" may be more viable.  Also,  "bloke" didn't feel like the right word to me, but it does rhyme with  "spoke".  I was even wondering about something like:

Knight threw off his yoke,
fought to the death ...

There are so many possibilities to liven this up and make it clearer.
It seems like a viable first draft and a workable idea.  Maybe consider  whether the rhyme or the story is more important to you, because it  feels like the rhyme and near-rhyme may be getting in the way.
I feel that thorough revision could improve this piece exponentially.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 4, 2016)

Hi Albertjacc, I see this is your second poem. You've been given some very helpful advice. And lots of it! I imagine all of this might be difficult to digest being so new to writing poetry. But, please do not get tight chested. Just wear it all like a loose garment for now. But this is not to say do not preserver!

FireMagic made a great point concerning utilizing your imagination. I employ it in most all of my work. But this knack did not happen overnight. I began simply by writing down words that I "liked" - randomly on a page. Sooner that I would have thought they'd spark my imagination. The more words: more ideas, more feelings that I could "translate" into "visuals". And it's a hell of allot of fun when you relax into it. To this day, I am still writing down my beloved random words.

I found this link for beginning poets which might be helpful. Quote there within:

"Never let the idea of perfection keep you from writing your "own" Masterpiece" 

http://www.powerpoetry.org/resource/how-to-create-poem


To my favorite verse of yours:



> Honor is the spirit
> That boils the heart and soul
> She is who earns the merit....I also wonder the "why? of She" This is my only nit in an otherwise "beautiful" segment.
> For a blood filled bowl.



Keep on rock'n  ride:


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## albertjacc (Sep 5, 2016)

She who earns the merit,i mean the honor,because the knight killed in the name of his honor.Most men kill in the mame of honor,if i seem relevant.I really will revise my story and you gave me one very good advice,i am very gratefull to all of you.All i have to do now is to keep working and becoming better and better.


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