# Idea Feedback



## nathanmb (Dec 19, 2012)

(Note: this is a similar idea but completely rethought of from my original idea.)

There are changes being made. Everything changed will have a * in front of it.

Idea:
The people of the United States were forced to take shots after a vaccine has come out quickly for a plague that began to ravish the United States. Only a few thousand died. The vaccine had no side effects- but there was a undetectable computer chip in it which flowed into the bloodstream and went into the person's brain. This chip was made to use its own selective memory on the person to change what they think they saw. This is where it all starts.

Timeline: (Made to understand the book)
2020:The United States and China have been struggling to get along as technology has advanced and the United States has little use for China's exports to the United States. This hurt China's economy. *The United States cuts off all imports from China due to them becoming self-dependent. The United States begins to export items to China. The United States reaches a state of where it has the best economy worldwide.

2022: The First Cyber War is the first war fought throughout the computer, it was between the countries China and the U.S. Neither side won. It caused much damages but no long term effects, lasting only about a year for China and two for the U.S. *The worst of the effects was that most of America had no access to the internet for two months.

2025: The Ross Plague began at R.O.S.S Corporations Headquarters where their research and testings for a "miracle" cure to cancer. A virus was released and this led into a plague. The United States suffered approx. 6000-10000 deaths from direct effect of the plague. But R.O.S.S Corp. found a cure quickly and all around the United States the cure was given out, but this cure also contained a computer chip made by the U.S government. It was used to change a person's perspective and thoughts of things that happened in the United States, this was used to do tests and cause people to forget someone completely and think completely differently on things. It was very successful. *Later R.O.S.S Corp. found out that the virus was made and constructed by the United States government. R.O.S.S Corp. employees were bribed on what they know. A few thousand men and women lost their jobs. They were given at least ten thousand dollars each to not talk of what they know. Between now and the year 2030, three hundred of them have died from mostly unsolved murder cases.

2026: The United States government has been rounding up teens using the chip, now nicknamed SMC.*(Selective Memory Chip) The government begins rounding up the healthy, and the unhealthy teens they can find and begin using them in experiments. They test them with biochemicals, new technological weapons such as long range stealth lasers, detector bullets, scanners, nuclear warfare, and radiation warfare. These are only the bad ones. Much other tests go on, getting better for the person or worst for them. Why do they use teens? Because they are starting to develop and have more potential. They are generally healthier and can be influenced greatly physically and mentally.(Note: this is not something too futuristic, lasers can be used in current warfare but they are not in mass production, the current ones have ranges of 750 miles and make absolutely no sound at all, detector bullets are currently known as possible, but they require a lot of money.) *The United States, after the mass production of the chips start looking for ways to make even more money to make up for what they lost.

*2028: China has been in great dept, but they have been trying to make it seem like it is not obvious to their country to keep them all under control. The United States Government realizes this and uses them as a business partner. They decide to sell them the Virus they manufactured and the chips to China. China buys it for a few trillion dollars putting them greatly in dept. But they quickly make their money back by selling it to most of the countries worldwide. The information on the chips have never been revealed.

2030: As Miller's chips malfunctions and is seen in a X-ray after breaking his collar bone. They take it out. It was to badly damaged for any information to be found. He begins to memorize slowly but surely his friends that he never knew before and his twin brother, that he saw being taken away and shot in the head as he tried to resist. He begins to questions his past view on his reality and everyone else's in the United States.

*The main plot in this story is a revolution against the United States. It seems highly unlikely to happen in life. But things change fast, and we could be having a war anywhere in any country in a month and be completely fine with the country as we are now, but things can change fast.

*New Technology and Discoveries:
Data Chip (SMC)
Paylight (Rare Earth Element that each atom of it has the potential to store over a million terabytes of memory. This was a big discovery and very few countries have the element Paylight.
Retina Money (The United States no longer uses money, and keeps money on a persons DNA. It's information is based on a Retina scan. To store all this data the United States used Paylight to keep in information stored. It is virtually un-hackable. You can give money with a DATA Wrist. It is given free by the schools of the United States, and given at banks for a cheap price. All bankers got a new job to keep the data on check.)
DATA Wrist (Object you put on your wrist and you can pay people with it, check your balance, write notes, set alarms, get information on the internet, and many other things.)

Setting: 
2030
Fresno, California

*United States population: 870 million

FAQ:
Q. Where does China come in?
A. China came in for a incentive for the United States government to use more extreme measures to fight back for their countries.

*Q. How does the population of America increase so much?
A. After many reforms making the United States a greater country then it already is, the United States getting the best economy worldwide, and the virus being in just about every country worldwide, many people immigrated to the United States.

*Q. How does the data chip know which direction it is going and where to stop?
A. It is inserted into the arm and it follows the bloodstream all the way to the brain, it checks the speed of the blood stream and calculates where to stop. It uses Paylight to get the information on when and where to stop.

Personal Opinions:
In my first Idea it was just round them up and kill them to control the population, but in the end no one is evil at heart and would do something like that. People like Hitler and Osama Bin Laden did bad things, but they thought they were doing what was right. This is the idea that this novel will take place, as in it I do plan a revolution against the U.S government and future laws (that are fictional) that begin to anger the people. This will be, if the book does become a series which I hope it does, the second book in this series.


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## empresstheresa (Dec 20, 2012)

> The vaccine had no side effects- but there was a undetectable computer chip in it which flowed into the bloodstream and went into the person's brain. This chip was made to use its own selective memory on the person to change what they think they saw.



You have to have a plausible explanation of how this works, or else the story won't be taken seriously.
Oh sure, there have been some implausible movies,  _Total Recall,  The Matrix_,  but these stories were designed for the movies, which were basically special effects showcases. 


( total recall was a greatly expanded version of a short story from 1966 which didn't have enough stuff in it for a movie, and a rather bland ending )


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## popsprocket (Dec 20, 2012)

Yep, ET has it right. You need a plausible explanation for a chip that enters your blood stream then manages to lodge itself in the brain and then alter memories. Being YA it doesn't have to be the most scientifically in-depth explanation ever given, but it has to make the reader at least feel as though they are able to connect the dots that would make something like that possible.

Otherwise, as a premise, this is workable. But so are most premises. What is the actual plot? What is going on, who is doing what, why are they doing it?


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## nathanmb (Dec 20, 2012)

just so you know this is still a W.I.P


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## erusson (Dec 24, 2012)

> 2020:The United States and China have been struggling to get along as technology has advanced and the United States has little use for China's exports to the United States. This hurt China's economy.


 Why doesn't the US need exports from China? It might be worth working a little more on the timeline/background info in the editing stage, but right now I'd say it's a good idea, just get something written and a lot of your questions will answer themselves on the way x

PS. Also, it sounds like it could turn into a zombie apocalypse novel. I don't know if that's where you wanted to go with it, but it might be worth thinking about if you like that sort of thing.


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## nathanmb (Dec 28, 2012)

The Idea what I came up with is Revolution against the United States Government.


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## Lewdog (Dec 28, 2012)

nathanmb said:


> The Idea what I came up with is Revolution against the United States Government.



Much of the current "real" theories are built around the idea of the New World Order, the World Bank, or the Illuminati.  Those might be some things for you to read in order to help your plot development.


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## erusson (Dec 28, 2012)

nathanmb said:


> The Idea what I came up with is Revolution against the United States Government.



In that case you might want to change your target audience. I don't know how children's/YA you want to go with this, but there comes a point where an idea like that just won't work for littluns! xx


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## nathanmb (Dec 28, 2012)

Well just so you know, I am 14. I notice a lot of YA/Teens interested in books like this.


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## Lewdog (Dec 28, 2012)

nathanmb said:


> Well just so you know, I am 14. I notice a lot of YA/Teens interested in books like this.



This sounds like a "Children of the Corn," "Lord of the Flies," "Madmax," mix.


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## nathanmb (Dec 29, 2012)

I am soon going to be making a re-write of my original post. Expect it tomorrow.

CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE


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## bioclasm (Mar 26, 2013)

A few quick questions/suggestions:

If the chips can alter memories and perspective, why would the government need to bribe people to keep quiet about? They could just reprogram the employees. 

The US today already has the most powerful economy. From an economic standpoint, ceasing imports from China isn't the best idea to maintain a healthy economy either. Countries benefit greatly from specialization. For example, China is able to produce shirts for much cheaper than the US, yet the US can produce CPU's more effectively, and cheaper than China. So both countries benefit if the US imports shirts from China allowing the US to focus production on CPU's and export them to China. This allows both countries to produce more of a product they're good at producing. So, if the US in your story shuts off trade with China, it will have an adverse effect on the US economy and certainly wouldn't make any friends with China.

For a government with the ability to control the minds of the populations, I don't think it would much care for money. It would be in a position to print (or encode) money at will and simply program the population to value it. It wouldn't much care for selling it to China for several trillion dollars. In fact, it would probably just use the chips to take control of other countries. It might sell the vaccine to China for show, only to get their chips into positions of power. 

Anyways, those are just a few thoughts of mine. I like the idea. I've worked in middle schools, and kids are genuinely interested in revolution against Big Brother stories. Just look at _Hunger Games_. I understand the specifics of your country's economics probably won't be important in a YA novel, but thought I'd share just in case it proved useful to you. Good luck.


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## summergenevieve (Jun 9, 2013)

I'm 16 (so a young adult) and yes the plot sounds interesting but when it's developed further it will become increasingly difficult to comprehend. Hope you can work it out.


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## Pelwrath (Jun 9, 2013)

Okay, my suggestions.  Yes, a logical premise for the chip is needed and the backdrop/history.  This can be introduced during the story and yes, it doesn't have to be very scientific or detail, just consistent. Perhaps put some notes/ideas on cards for reference when you write the story.  The above comments all are valid, the who, what, where and when of a story.  I like the idea and what you have so far as a draft. Expand on it and don't worry about rewrites.


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