# A memory, moment in time...



## H.Brown (Feb 18, 2018)

_Across decades, centuries, millennia our love reaches back to that fateful day. You remember it almost as well as I, don't you? I stared across the filled ballroom, bored to tears, as you entered. Your dark hair obscuring half your face, one twinkling blue eye arrested my attention. Holding me in place as you crossed the room. Breathing became harder as you neared but still I didn't look away, you were powerful and magnificently proud as you stalked you way over to the President's daughter.

We danced that night, remember? You twirled me around and around until everything else blurred into the background. until it was just you and me. Together and laughing. I smile even now as I hear the deep tones of your laugh, can still feel you body pressed warmly against mine. I can still smell your honeysuckle scent on the air. I still hold dear the words you whispered to me that night. So many years have passed since then, so much has happened to us both, but I regret nothing. 

I love you still, my love, my demon of shadows._

As always the dream left me breathless and tingling all over as I looked at my familiar faded blue walls. I felt the crushing pain of loneliness that wasn't my own. I longed after a love that couldn't possible exist, there was no such thing as demons or otherworldly councils, that held secret balls. But it felt so real, almost as if I could reach out and touch that world.


----------



## ScarletM.Sinclaire (Feb 19, 2018)

This was a really nice opening. I felt as if I were dreaming that dream myself. In that short amount of time, you captured my interest.

There are a few spelling mistakes but you can fix those up with no issues. My only issues are I wish there was more to read and I would love to know who the MC is.


----------



## H.Brown (Feb 20, 2018)

ScarletM.Sinclaire said:


> This was a really nice opening. I felt as if I were dreaming that dream myself. In that short amount of time, you captured my interest.
> 
> There are a few spelling mistakes but you can fix those up with no issues. My only issues are I wish there was more to read and I would love to know who the MC is.



Thank you Scarlett for taking the time to read this small snippet, I'm glad that you liked it enough to want more and trust me there will be, this is going to be the start of an interdemensional story which will, fingers crossed become a series. 

My writing does tend to have spelling mistakes in it right up until my final edit, as I can't always spot them, I have dyslexia which makes spellings look right to me but are miss-spelt, it also affects my grammar as my thoughts run faster than I can write/type so I tend to jump around from idea to idea.


----------



## Ralph Rotten (Feb 20, 2018)

Twas good!
Should a guy smell like honeysuckle?  Never smelled it m'self.


----------



## H.Brown (Feb 20, 2018)

Ralph Rotten said:


> Twas good!
> Should a guy smell like honeysuckle?  Never smelled it m'self.



The guy is a demon, in a dream at the moment, he can smell of anything. 

Thank you for reading and commenting.


----------



## Ralph Rotten (Feb 21, 2018)

Ahhh, I thought you meant demon of shadows in a metaphorical way.  
Still good work tho.


----------



## H.Brown (Feb 22, 2018)

Ralph Rotten said:


> Ahhh, I thought you meant demon of shadows in a metaphorical way.
> Still good work tho.




Thank you. Yeah I can see how you could think that. I have posted more of this story on my blog, if you wanted to read more of it Ralph. There are some more dream sequences and a slightly longer take on the scene posted here. i'm glad you liked it.


----------



## jk1973 (Feb 24, 2018)

Does grammar matter? It's so difficult to say. I've read some fantastic novels (The Dog Stars comes to mind) where grammar was thrown out the window but yet it worked. Your short introduction flowed so nicely and I have no idea if it's grammatically correct. I guess what I'm saying is "If it works who cares how it got there."
Nicely done, looking forward to more.
On a side note, I've used italics to indicate past memories and it confuses some people. Thoughts?


----------



## Birb (Feb 26, 2018)

You have made a foolish mistake.

You didn't post enough. Please post more.

This was really good, might not be a helpful critique, but you deserve the praise.


----------



## H.Brown (Mar 4, 2018)

Birb said:


> You have made a foolish mistake.
> 
> You didn't post enough. Please post more.
> 
> This was really good, might not be a helpful critique, but you deserve the praise.



Thanks for your comment, I do find your words helpful they are encouraging. If you wish to read more then below are some links. 

https://www.writingforums.com/entries/3626-Dreams-of-the-shadow-lord

https://www.writingforums.com/entries/3621-Fateful-day


----------



## H.Brown (Mar 4, 2018)

jk1973 said:


> Does grammar matter? It's so difficult to say. I've read some fantastic novels (The Dog Stars comes to mind) where grammar was thrown out the window but yet it worked. Your short introduction flowed so nicely and I have no idea if it's grammatically correct. I guess what I'm saying is "If it works who cares how it got there."
> Nicely done, looking forward to more.
> On a side note, I've used italics to indicate past memories and it confuses some people. Thoughts?



Hi JK, I always use italics when writing about an aspect that the main character thinks, dreams or remembers. I find that it helps some readers to identify what is real and what is not, without me having to tell them this is so. Thank you for you comment, i'm glad that you enjoyed it. If you still wish to read more then follow the links I've posted for Birb.


----------



## Lizzie Brookes (Sep 11, 2018)

H.Brown said:


> _*Across decades, centuries, millennia our love reaches back to that fateful day.* You remember it almost as well as I, don't you? I stared across the filled ballroom, bored to tears, as you entered. *Your dark hair obscuring half your face, one twinkling blue eye arrested my attention.* Holding me in place as you crossed the room. Breathing became harder as you neared but still I didn't look away, you were *powerful and magnificently proud as you stalked you way *over to the President's daughter.
> 
> We danced that night, remember? *You twirled me around and around until everything else blurred into the background.* until it was just you and me. Together and laughing. I smile even now as I hear the deep tones of your laugh, can still feel you body pressed warmly against mine. I can still smell your honeysuckle scent on the air. I still hold dear the words you whispered to me that night. So many years have passed since then, so much has happened to us both, but I regret nothing.
> 
> ...



The language is beautiful. Did you seek inspiration from the Twilight Saga? The topic of the story seems similar.


----------



## H.Brown (Sep 11, 2018)

Not twilight inspired, it is goijg to become part of a fae based trilogy once I pin down all the planning, but thank you for saying such kind words.


----------



## Lizzie Brookes (Sep 11, 2018)

You're welcome.


----------

