# The Immortal



## Lamperoux (Feb 22, 2011)

this is all of chapter one, edited. 

CHAPTER I

The sun was shining brightly upon Paris. _Le Café LeCarde _was quiet. A few people sat at the tables outside, having breakfast on a lazy Sunday. The waiters and waitresses were walking in and out of the small, actual café building, one of the brownstone townhouse complexes in the city. There were a few people walking around the café in this early morning.  There was a young man sitting by himself, reading a book, made possible by the shade provided by the blue and white umbrellas that were placed at each table. He had chestnut hair, and blue eyes. He had light facial hair, and was running his finger along the side of his face, through the bristles, in a contemplative manner. The waitress came over to him, putting the bill on his table. He looked to her giving a light smile, and pulled out his wallet, getting the money out to pay. As he was handing her the money, he noticed a frustrated soul nearby. She too was alone at a table. He hands were on her forehead, slightly pulling back a little of her hair pale, almost white, blonde hair. The young man took out some more money, and whispered a few words to the waitress, pointing to the woman. He slowly made his way to the woman. “Bonjour, Mademoiselle,” he said, putting his hands to the chair across from her. When she looked to him, he saw her olive eyes, with eyes like a ring of stained glass. The whites of them were stained with veins of red, evident of tears she had recently shed. He motioned his chin down to the chair, his eyes asking her if he could sit down in front of her. “Go ahead,” she said. 
Louis sat down and said, “Eyes like those shouldn’t shed tears.” 
She paused for a second, then responded, “Yet they do anyway.” 
“So what pains such a delicate face?” Louis asked. 
She looked to him with a half smile. “Men don’t usually come onto me this quickly.”
“But that thick, alluring accent drew me in,” he said, laughing, “You must be from Spain?”
She nodded.
The waitress came once more with two plates of _crèpes_ and cups of coffee. Louis nodded to the waitress, “_Merci.” _He then looked back to the woman, “Now, Mademoiselle, you haven’t told me your name.” 
She looked at him blankly at him, then came to her senses, “Esperanza,” she said, “And yours?” 
Louis  paused for a moment to swallow a bite of his _crèpe _and then responded, “Louis.” He slapped his hands upon his lap, looking around them, a little bit of disappointment of, “It is nothing compared to a name like Esperanza, though.”
She sighed, and sipped her coffee.
“How are you so sad when you are in a city like Paris, in a place like the Champs-Elysées?” 
She looked at him strangely, “You ask very personal questions for a stranger.”
“I have a great deal of experience in life, no matter how young I look,” he said with a smile, “And I am so bothered by your melancholy. It serves no man well to see beauty suffer.”
She still was reluctant. 
“Mademoiselle,” he said, a face that denoted both seriousness and genuine care, “We French can be kinder than we sometimes seem. Now tell me what is wrong, I could assist you.”
She smiled as another tear slowly rolled down her face, “If you French were kinder, I wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“Hmmmm?”
She put her elbow on the table, and leaned a bit forward. As she stared at some blank space on the floor beyond Louis, she said, “I was living here with my boyfriend. I came here because he got a job here. I was so in love with him I just went without questioning it. Then two months later...,” she couldn’t finish her sentence. 
“He left you,” Louis added, “Didn’t he?” 
Another tear ran down her face, “Yes.” She looked once again to Louis , “I don’t know where to go. The earliest flight I could get is a week from now.” 
“And where will you live, Mademoiselle?” 
“Nowhere,” she said, taking a light sniffle, “I was living with him.” 
Louis paused for a moment. “Well, I do have a place to live. If you would like—“
She blushed. Her cheeks rushed with blood, looking like a deep red ruby, set upon white ivory. 
Louis realized his words, “W-w-wait. I meant…” he stopped. He rubbed his palms over his face furiously, “I never said Frenchmen had tact.” 
She laughed a little, “No, no,” she smiled, “I know what you meant.” 
“I live a very short walk away, Mademoiselle. I have two bedrooms, you will not have to worry about anything.” 
She smiled at him, “I would very well appreciate it, Monsieur.” 
§§§
The bottle of wine poured into the glass, swirling in a small whirlpool as it filled it. Louis was sitting at a sofa with Esperanza, in his apartment. There were two other sofas to wither side of the one they sat on, and one glass table in front of them, where they had two glasses of wine, and a plate of cheeses.“So tell me now, Mademoiselle Esperanza,” Louis handed the glass of wine to her, “More about yourself.” 
She swirled the wine in the glass, and took a small sip, “Well, I do love wine.”
“You’re more French than you know.”
“Though I’m not too fond of the cheese,” she added.
“I take it back,” Louis  said. He stared at the plate of cheeses. “So you won’t be…” he said, pointing to the plate. 
She looked to it, wrinkled her nose in half-disdain, “No, not at all.” 
He took a piece of the cheese, and had a bite, “You insult me, Mademoiselle.”
She laughed, and then set down her wine. “Well, other than that, I don’t know exactly what you want to know.” 
“Well then,” Louis  paused, “What were you doing before you came here to Paris.” 
“I was attending a college in the United States.” 
“Ahhh, and for what?” 
“For Theatre.”
“The theatre,” Louis  said, “One of the greatest arts of the world.”
“I had just finished, and was planning to start working,” she added, “But then I came here with the man I thought was my true love.” 
Louis’ smile disappeared. Esperanza began to look around the room, and at the decorations covering the walls of the room. After a few moments of silence, she finally broke the silence, “There are so many portraits in this house.” 
Louis realized that she was talking, and left his apparent daze, “Oh! Yes, I find plain blank walls to be wasteful.”
Esperanza got up. She started to walk across the room, gazing at the several portraits upon the chocolate-red wall. The art ranged from depictions of mythology to the portraits of Kings and Queens. She looked to the one of a young boy. “This one looks so much like you,” she said. 
Louis got up and walked behind her, and saw the portrait, “ I can see the resemblance.”
“He looks like a younger version of you! From the hair to the nose,” she turned to him, gave a smiling face, hinting at curiosity, “Who is  this?”
“It is Louis  XVII of France. He was the son of Louis  XVI.” 
She looked to him, “Wasn’t Louis  XVI the last king?” 
“No, there were a few more. The Monarchy stretched back for over 1000 years,” he looked to her with a raised eyebrow, “You think they would disappear without a fight?” 
She nodded, and looked back to the portrait, “And what became of this little boy?” 
Louis  sighed, “The Revolution was bloody thing. When he was declared King, the Revolutionaries did not want him there, they imprisoned him in a cold prison cell fit merely for animals. Then, he died.” 
“How old was –“ 
“Merely ten. But if he escaped, they feared he would return with vengeance upon them.”
Esperanza took he hand, and slowly ran it down the face of the boy. “How cruel to do it to such a young boy.” 
“Well, history is history. The boy has no pain now.” 
“I suppose so,” she said softly. Her mind still lingered at the thought of the boy. “Well, if you will excuse me, I need to use the powder room.” She looked to him and pointed her finger around, asking for where the restroom was. 
“Oh. It’s behind be, at the back, to the right.” 
“Thank you,” she said as she went towards the restroom. 
A woman’s voice, coming seemingly from nowhere, sounded through the air, “You are planning to keep her here for a week?” 
“Mhmm,” Louis responded to the voice, as he looked at the portrait. 
“For what reason?” 
“I don’t know,” Louis told the voice, “She reminds me of Beatrix.” 
“It has been almost 200 years, Louis—“
“And yet I have never forgotten her.”
“And you even assist this woman in memory of her?” 
“She reminds me of her in every sense. From the smile and to the golden hair. Even those eyes.”  Louis  walked over to the sofa, and sat down. 
“Louis, I do not know if this is the best time to house a mortal woman like this. Godric could be returning at any point now. He has never stayed dormant this long.” 
“Though I did bring him to the brink of death last time. I couldn’t imagine him coming back at least for another decade.” 
“Be careful, Louis, I had fought with him for much longer than you. Godric is a servant who will do anything, he truly believes he serves God. He waits for you to become lax, and then strikes In full force,” she paused, and then added, “And when better to attack you than when you are trying to house an innocent woman, whom you are already becoming attached to.” 
“I am not attached to her,” Louis lightly retorted, looking to his side as if someone was there. They heard the powder room open, and suddenly the mysterious presence left, as Esperanza came back. 
§§§
_One Year Earlier_

The light reflected off the glass windows of the Milliers Steel Company’s skyscraper. Jason Milliers sat in his office. He was sitting in front of two men, discussing business matters. Milliers was a man with a demeaning aura about him. He has a small, well trimmed beard that was black, it two streaks of gray. His dark, jet black hair was combed neatly back. He listened with impatience to the two men in front of him, as they were presenting their business ideas to deaf ears. He finally tired of their bickering, and lifted up his hand, shooing them away. One of the men sighed, and they both got up and left, knowing that even the slightest protest was futile. It was merely seconds before the door of his office opened again. This time a young man walked in. He was young, well built, with curly blond hair, and sharp, cutting blue eyes. He had a darker olive complexion. He walked in smiling, with an air of confidence in his step. Jason Milliers did not give the same distasteful attitude to this young man. He gave a smile, a feeling of excitement, of some hidden anticipation finally fulfilled. “Godric!” Jason said happily and invitingly. 
“Good day, Mr. Milliers. God’s Blessing to you.” 
“What do you need of me?” Milliers asked as Godric sat down. Milliers leaned forward, like a child waiting for awaiting food news. 
“Not I, but the Lord, Mr. Milliers,” Jason corrected. 
“Yes,” Jason said, “What does the Lord require of me?”
“He has grown tired of the Frenchman and his disobedience to the Holy Ordinances, his treason by siding with the dark forces of that Hellish Woman. He wishes to rid the world of this curse.” Godric stood up, “And he requires a service from you.”
“What service does he require?”
“Steel, Jason,” Godric replied, “He your most well refined and sturdiest steel.”  
“As he has said, so it shall be done,” Jason responded, in a sort of chant. “How much does he require,” he asked. 
“He requires that you keep producing more specifically for the holy cause until he eradicates the enemy,” Godric said, as if he were a prophet. 
Jason prepared to say something, but hesitated. 
“Speak your mind, the Lord will answer what he wills with no consequence for thee.” 
“What will the Lord do to eradicate the enemy.” 
Godric smiled, “He will bring forth his army of Heavenly Angels upon the earth to annihilate the fiend,” Godric said. Jason Milliers could not believe what he was hearing. He was filled with both a strange sense of fear and awe. Godric stood up, “I cannot stay for long,” Godric said, “I must attend to my prayers.” 
“Of course,” Milliers said, “And I too should attend to mine.” 
§§§
Godric was on the sole kneeler of a chapel. Several slowly burning candles served as lighting for the small, yet richly decorated chapel. Godric was deep in prayer, whispering words of prayer. As he was deep in his prayer, the flames of the candles began to dim. One by one, they began to light out. The darkness remained, and the chapel was solemn. The wisps of thin winding smoke, rising up from the candles into the air, began to move from their upwards paths towards Godric. They began to culminate into a thin circle of translucent smoke. It began to glow a bloody red hue, and then lightened into a gleaming yellow. Godric was entranced, his eyes closed. The mist around him began to speak, in a strong, imposing voice, reduced into a soft whisper, “Godric, my child.” 
“Yes, Lord,” he said. 
“My master plan has come at hand,” the voice stated. 
“You will bring forth the last day?” Godric inquired, with a reverence in his voice: hesitant to ask yet eagerly waiting for a response. 
“It has come. In a year’s time, I will raise my heavenly armies to physical form, to raze the forces of Hell.” 
“And what will be my role in this great battle, Lord,” Godric asked, already anticipating the answer.
“You have served me well through the centuries. You will stand as Abaddon, the general of my heavenly forces.” 
“I will gladly take your offer, my lord. I will serve you to my greatest ability.”
“You will take this antichrist, and crush the head of the snake. You will pave the road for the second coming! You will be the Herald of Christ! But even greater rewards than this await thee!” 
“What could be greater than bringing forth your glory, my Lord?” 
“You will take the right of Christ in the second coming. You will be the name uttered in the eternal heavens as the second Joan the Baptist, the second Herald of the Son of God!” 
“Lord, you have blessed me in many more ways than I have ever deserved.”
“Now take this power I give you now, to make my heavenly armies!”
“What could this power be, my Lord!” Godric was silenced in awe. 
“You will have the power to raise forth life and power, you will be granted a gift that no mortal sinner has ever received!” The smoke began to glow and move and funnel into Godric’s nostrils, and into his mouth. Godric lost his breath as it came into him. As the smoke faded entirely into him, Godric was posed as if he was taking a deep breath, and then fainted, resting his entire weight upon the kneeler. The lights slowly relit themselves in the chapel.


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## Lamperoux (Mar 8, 2011)

anyone?


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## Lamperoux (Mar 11, 2011)

Chapter 2, edited. 

CHAPTER II

Louis walked with Esperanza under a large dome in the_ Galeries Lafayette. _There were large arches that reaches to the roof of the monstrous complex, and within their spaces were the balconies revealed the two upper floors, ringing behind the arches. The roof was an extremely decorative glass dome. As Louis and Esperanza walked under the Dome, Esperanza’s eyes were fixed upon the glass dome, her eyes twinkled with wonder and awe, seeing the grandeur of it. Louis looked behind him, seeing her gaze so happily at the wondrous place the surrounded her. As he looked to her infectious smile, he felt that wonder and awe, long gone from the many decades gazing upon the wonders of Paris, once again return. “Come on,” he said to her, “We have to get you some clothes for tonight.” 
Esperanza took a quick run to catch up to Louis , and asked, “What’s happening tonight?” 
“We’re eating out,” Louis replied, looking back to her as he walked, “I can’t let you leave this place without having some fun, now can I?” he smiled, as they began to walk out of the dome.
“So,” she bit her lip, restraining a laugh, “You’re taking me on a date?” 
“No!” he responded defensively, stopping and turning to her. 
“Because as far as I know, taking me out to dinner usually counts as a-“ 
“This is an act of courtesy and kindness, and only proper for a good host. It is nothing more!” Louis turned and continued walking.
“Call it what you want,” Esperanza said, following, “But I still call it a _date!_” 
Louis tried to contain his embarrassment and continues walking towards a small boutique, in a glass building on the floor of the mall. 
“Welcome, Monsieur Montespan,” a older woman came to them immediately. 
“Bonjour, Madame,” Louis said warmly to the woman, donning a grin. 
She had hark, pulled into a bun at the back of her head. Her skin was peppered with wrinkles, though her flesh seemed to be tightly plastered onto her face. She carried with her a clipboard, and wrote something down onto it. She looked up and saw Esperanza standing behind Louis. “_Et elle, _she is with you?” she asked. 
“Her,” Louis looked behind himself, as if he had momentarily forgetten her, “Oh, yes. She is.” Louis turned back to her, “I am taking her out to a dinner tonight, and if you could please help her be dressed for the occasion accordingly, I would very well appreciate it.” 
The woman smiled, “Why of course.” She wrote something on her clipboard again, and then looked back to Louis , “And the budget for this?” 
“Money has never been a problem, Madame. Let her pick what she pleases.” 
“Well then,” she said to Louis, as she made her petite steps toward Esperanza, “Come with me, Mademoiselle.” 
“Louis,” Esperanza said softly, “Are you sure? You really don’t have to do anything like this.” 
“I insist,” Louis said, “My pockets are deep, and I don’t want you to go to a restaurant without some proper clothes.” 
“I mean, you barely know me, Louis. I met you yesterday, and now you’re buying—“ 
“I mean no offense,” Louis put his hand to her shoulder and whispered into her ear, “But you are the first woman I’ve met who has tried to deny an expensive dress.” 
She fell silent for a moment. 
Louis laughed, “Just enjoy this. I have deep pockets, Mademoiselle. This is nothing for me. You have six days left in Paris, and I want you to have the best time her until you leave.” 
Her silence changed to one of gratitude that she couldn’t express in words. 
“Mademoiselle,” the woman said to Esperanza, “May we go?” 
“She looked to the woman blankly and then said “Y-y-yes, Let’s go.” Esperanza followed the woman deeper into the boutique, leaving Louis behind. He looked to a nearby attendant, “_Excuez-moi,” _Louis said to him, “See that woman,” he pointed to Esperanza, barely visible through the aislesof clothes, looking through lines of dresses like an excited child. 
“Yes,” the man said, his expression going blank, his eyes lingering on her. 
Louis slapped him lightly from the back of the head, “I didn’t say stare. Just get me a suit to wear so I can impress her.” 
“Yes, Monsieur,” the attendant said, “Follow me.” 
§§§
The heavens were illuminated with stars, shining their small lights upon the streets of Paris. _La Rose Bleue _seemed to glow a golden color, as the lights of the candles brightened the dark orange walls, which the logos of blue roses artfully imprinted in fine detail on the wall. The host greeted Louis, who came in a black suit, with a red vest and tie of a deep crimson shade. His paints had stripes of the same rich color. “For Two,” Louis said to the attendant. 
“Ahhh, Oui, Monsieur Montespan, But may I ask, where is your company?” 
Louis looked to his side, “Here she is,” he smiled, looking to her, as she walked into the restaurant. She walked in with her hair in thick, twirling curls, resting upon her shoulders. Her lips were crimson, well defined on the canvas of her fair skin. Her dress was black, with one shining red stripe curling around her curvaceous form. The host seemed to lose this breath, and then composed himself, “Well, Monsieur Montespan,” the hot motioned his hand for a waiter. When the waiter came, the host left them in his care , “He will show you your table, just follow him.” 
“_Merci,_” Louis said as he and Esperanza followed the waiter. They were led to their table, and Louis pulled back the chair for Esperanza, then sat down himself. The waiter handed them the menus, and then left as they decided what to order. They both looked intently at the menu when Louis said, “Have your eyes on anything for the Hors D’oeuvres?”
“This food costs a fortune,” Esperanza said, looking through the list of food. 
Louis smiled to himself, “Not when you’re me.” 
Esperanza folded her menu and looked to Louis, “If you don’t mind me asking, how do you have all this money to be spending on strangers?”
“Well, let me correct you there. I only have enough money to spend on beautiful strangers, the other ones aren’t worth it,” He put down his menu and looked to her, “As for the money, I have made several investments over the years that have proved fruitful beyond your wildest imaginations.” 
“Beautiful strangers?”
“Well,” Louis paused to summon a response, “Would you like me to call you average?”
“Average!” she said almost indignantly. 
“See,” Louis pointed out, “You know you look better than most.” 
She blushed a little. 
“Now come, come,” Louis laughed, “Don’t be shy about it. I’m not telling you to flaunt your beauty, but I do think you should take pride in it.” 
She still didn’t respond, instead, she took her menu and opened it up once again. 
“By the end of this week,” Louis sighed, “I will crack that shell of yours wide open.”
“Now you’re a _magic _flirty money-man,” Esperanza said, biting her lip, preventing a laugh, and only letting a smile come from her face. 
“I’m glad you’re catching on,” Louis said jovially as he picked up his menu as well, “Now how about we start to eat, I’m in a mood for a little bit of shrimp to start the meal.” 
Louis and Esperanza continued their meal, as a pair of eyes observed them all the while. Two tables down, diagonally, there were two people. One was a dark skinned man, with curly hair, and small, rough facial hair. He had streaks of gray along his hairs. He was a bit round, and a little short, but he still had an imposing demeanor. Across from him was a young woman. She was tall, with a Nordic complexion. Her skin was white, but it was alight with a pink hue. Her hair was a glowing red, straight and long. “They’re still flirting?” The woman said calmly, not moving her attention from the menu she held. 
“Still at it,” replied the man in the same, calm and collected manner. 
“The girl looks like she will be staying with him for a while,” The woman said. 
The man sighed, putting down his menu, “I know.”
“I don’t how we will be able to get them apart long enough to complete the assignment,” She put down her menu as well, “Got any idea?”
“No, Valerie,” The man rubbed his forehead, “I don’t.” 
“How about a dossier on the girl, Elijah, did you get that?” 
“That,” Elijah sipped his wine, “I do have.” Elijah brought out a thin manila colored file. Valerie took it, and examined the several documents. “Esperanza Jasso-Alvarez, 23 years of age. Brought up in the small Spanish village of Marrola, she received a scholarship to study Theater in at several prestigious theatre schools in the United States. She met a young man by the name of François Leroux who became her boyfriend. When she received her degree, she went straight to Broadway, and received a minor role in an upcoming musical. She declined to come here to Paris, to start running a café with her boyfriend.”
“Well, that’s not François Leroux,” She said, pointing to Louis, “that’s Louis Capet.”
“We could only presume the relationship had ended and now she is staying with Louis until she leaves to go back to Spain or New York.”
“He just picked up this girl?”
“It’s my conjecture,” Elijah responded. A waiter came with food, and soon Elijah’s attention seemed to drift to the delicacies in front of him. But even as he ate, he still paid great attention to Louis and Esperanza, using his eating as a thin veneer. 
“When do we have to have him?”
“We have two days.”
“We have two days to separate him from the girl and take him?” Valerie asked. 
“Yes.”
“What if we can’t separate the two?”
Elijah finished chewing and dapped his lips with his napkin, and then responded, “You know the answer to that already.” 
Valerie smiled, and whispered, “We take them both.”
§§§
As the rain fell down on Paris, a private jet flew over the Charles de Gaulle airport. In the glowing night lights of the city, the craft landed. The door of the jet opened, and a short set of stairs came down from it, touching the wet asphalt ground. Three people came one after another from the jet. The first was an older woman. She was tall, with distinctive Nordic features. Her face was angular and pale, set against her cutting blue eyes. Her blonde hair was dyed a dark brunette shade, with the highlights of blonde hair evident in the roots of her hair. Following her was a young man, with light brown hair in two arches coming from the center of his forehead. His face, in deep contrast to the woman’s, was smiling, seeming to beam with happiness. He seemed to jog down the stairs of the jet with a hop in his step. The walked side by side towards a jet black car. “What’s the plan?” the man asked. 
“We keep Louis from getting himself into some pretty deep trouble,” The woman said. 
“So,” The man smiled, “The same as usual?”
“Pretty much.” 
§§§
“_Merde_,” Louis said as he walked out of the restaurant, Esperanza closely behind him, “Of course it has to rain,” he said. He looked behind himself to Esperanza, “Just wait one second for me,” Louis said, “I’ll bring the car up to here.” 
Esperanza nodded. As Louis charged into the rain, towards his car, Esperanza stood alone, holding her purse, waiting patiently. 
“Nice man you have with you,” a voice behind her said. 
“Hmmm?” she faced the direction of the voice, to see Valerie standing there. 
Valerie walked towards her, her arms crossed, “Just noticed you two. Maybe you want some company as he, uh…,” They both looked to where Louis was, as his car was tightly parked between two others on the side of the road.
Esperanza looked to her, “Yes, thank you.” 
Valerie walked a few more steps right next to her, and they both looked as Louis struggled with leaving the situation without hitting another car. “Is he your boyfriend?” Valerie asked. 
Esperanza blushed, “Oh, no no no,” she said, “He’s a friend. He’s letting me stay at his apartment until I can go home.” 
“When’s that?” 
“Five more days,” Esperanza replied, “It would have been earlier, but there was apparently some volcanic explosion in Iceland, and it’s delayed all the flights.”
“And he’s housing you the entire time,” Valerie inquired. 
“Yes.” 
“He sounds like he has a bit of an ulterior motive,” Valerie said. 
Esperanza’s cheeks glowed an even brighter shade of red, “I’ve been with him for two days, and he’s never even tried—”
Valerie laughed, “That must be some sort of record.” 
Esperanza gave a nervous laugh, “I suppose so.” 
“Don’t worry, not all men are like that.” 
Valerie whispered into Esperanza’s ear, “Just be careful,” ending her words with a little laugh. 
“I will,” Esperanza smiled. 
Valerie started to walk back towards the restaurant, “And by the way.” 
Esperanza looked back at her. 
“If you two do, uhm, get at it,” She looked towards Louis, “It might not be that bad.” 
At this point, Louis had conquered the parallel parking issue, and was pulling in. The window rolled down, and Louis was looking at her. “Who’s that?” 
Esperanza shrugged, “I really don’t know.” 
“Well anyway,” Louis seemed to look away for a second, pondering, and then said, “Get in.” 
Esperanza walked in, shielding herself from the rain for the short steps she took from the protection of the restaurant canvas to the car. Louis began to drive from the restaurant, back home. As they rode along, Esperanza’s eyes wandered to Louis. They lingered upon his face, as he stared intently at the road. Valerie’s talk was seemingly haunting her. She looked away, and focused her eyes on her lap, looking at her hands as she fiddled around with them. Louis looked at her sitting silently, and said, “What’s wrong? You are suddenly so silent.” 
“I don’t know,” Esperanza replied, “Just a bit tired I suppose.” 
“Well in that case,” Louis pressed a button on the side of his door. When he did, Esperanza’s seat began to recline. She jumped lightly from her seat in surprise, but then relaxed. Sleep soon began to overshadow her, as she closed her eyes for the night. Louis parked his car in front of his apartment, but didn’t get out. He saw Esperanza sleeping peacefully. Her hair was spread in every direction from the seat, like a golden halo. Her head was leaning slightly to one side, and her arms were resting upon the armrests. Louis smiled and decided he didn’t want to disturb her. He did not want her to leave her alone either, so he locked the doors of the car, and left the car on, as he too reclined his seat. He looked to his side, as he saw her serene face. He too soon fell into a deep sleep. 
§§§
_Summer, 1805_

A light breeze was blowing through the nighttime sky of France. The grass was lightly swaying from the breeze. Louis lay upon a hill, just outside of a rural French village, looking at the stars. He was dressed in a drop sleeve shirt, and a pair of ankle length breeches. He looked to his side, and there was a woman. She had pale, almost white hair, and eyes that were olive in color, and looked like a ring of stained glass. Her cheeks were rosy red in the breeze, as she looked up at the stars. “What do you see, Love?” Louis asked. 
“Nothing really,” She replied, “They just look so beautiful twinkling in the night. Like a thousand little lights.” 
Louis smiled, and then sighed. He got up, and looked to her, “I will be going to help Martin with cleaning the shop.” 
“No, no!” she said playfully, holding out her hands, “Stay with me!”
“But Martin will-“ 
“Forget what Martin will do,” she cut in, “Just stay here with me.” 
Louis smiled and walked back towards her and lay close to her. He lifted his torso by one arm, and leant his face close to hers, smiling. She smiled as well, and closed her eyes as their lips embraced. Then they kissed, and again, over and over until the woman rolled over on top of Louis. She stopped kissing and looked endearingly at Louis, “You do not know how much I love you, Louis.” 
“And you do not know how much love I have for you, Beatrix,” Louis replied. Soon the drowsiness of the night overtook Beatrix, and she fell asleep in Louis’ arms. He softly and carefully let her down beside himself. He lay back down upon the hill, and looked at her serene face, as he fell deep into sleep. 
§§§
Louis awoke to a silent rapping on the glass of his car. He shifted to see what it was. He looked, and saw a tall blonde woman at the door. He groaned, “Jeanette, oh, Jeanette.” He put his hands over his face, murmuring to himself, “Maybe if I close my eyes, she’ll go away.
Jeanette rapped the door once again. 
“_Salope,_” Louis said as he got up and furiously opened the door. He got out of the car, and closed the door lightly, so as not to wake up Esperanza. 
“Glad you finally woke up,” Jeanette said, her arms crossed.
“I’m not,” Louis responded curtly. 
“Now why are you sleeping in your car?” Jeanette cocked her head to her side peering behind Louis. She saw Esperanza in car, sleeping. She gave a face of disgust, “Oh, you’re sick.” 
“What!?” Louis said, realizing the incriminating situation he was in. 
“I mean, she looks so innocent.” 
“I wasn’t trying to-“ 
“So what were you trying to do?” Jeanette looked to him, “Sleeping in a car in the middle of the night with a young blonde woman, who,” Jeanette looked back to Esperanza, “Has pretty nice-“
“_Tais toi!_” Louis retorted. 
“Don’t tell a lady to shut up!” Jeanette laughed, “It’s not kind,” she paused, “Or a good comeback.” 
“I’m not trying to give you a comeback! I’m trying to shut you up!” Louis brusquely replied. 
“Alright, alright,” She still held a laughing smile. “But seriously,” She began to compose herself to a more serious demeanor, and looked straight to Louis, “We need to talk about some very pressing matters.” 
“Pressing matters? Of what?” 
“Your safety, Louis,” Jeanette responded gravely.
“What’s happened now? I haven’t really noticed any activity from Godric.”
“It’s not Godric, Louis ,” Jeanette sighed, “We need to go inside and talk.”
“What’s wrong with here?” 
“Well,” She began sardonically, “If you haven’t noticed, the Champs-Elysées is not exactly the most private street in Paris, or France for that matter.” 
“I can’t leave Esperanza here alone!” 
“Ah, so her name is Esperanza!” Jeanette smiled. 
Louis tried to cap his frustration, giving a heaving breath and standing up erect, pinching his forehead, “Nevermind her name, I’m not going to leave her here alone.” 
“Alex can stay with her.” 
Louis loosed his grip on his forehead and looked at her in shock, “You brought Alex along with you!” 
“Yes I brought Alex along with me. He right there,” Jeanette pointed. In the car behind Louis’ car, there was a young brown haired man. When he noticed Louis , he waved with a gaping smile. 
Louis turned back to Jeanette, “What demon possessed you to bring Alex along with you?” 
“He wanted to come,” Jeanette said, “Besides, he’s an excellent bodyguard when needed.” 
“Bodyguard?” 
“Louis,” Jeanette took one step towards him, “We’re not joking around here, you are in great danger, and we have to protect you. Now come on, we have to talk.”
At that moment, a voice interrupted the conversation , “What’s going on?” Both Louis and Jeanette turned, seeing Esperanza coming out of the car. She looked to Louis, waiting for an answer. 
Jeanette smiled, “Introduce me to your ‘friend’, Louis,” she said, turning to him. 
Louis sighed once more, “Esperanza, this is Jeanette, she’s my agent.” 
§§§
“An unexpected rain came upon northern France today. A very unexpected event, but the rains have already stopped, and forecasts say we should expect sunny weather tomorrow morning,” the news anchor announced. Louis and Jeanette sat on one sofa, while Louis looked intently at the television, and as he was Esperanza sat uncomfortably next to Alex, who seemed to have no sense of personal space. While Louis was still watching, he said, “So tell me what is going on, Jeanette.” 
“Well,” Jeanette began, “I think the girl should leave first.” 
“Esperanza?” 
“Yes,” Jeanette replied, “This isn’t a matter for a stranger to hear.” 
Louis looked to Esperanza, “My apologies, but I don’t think I can have you listen to my personal affairs.” 
“I understand,” Esperanza rose from the couch and walked away. Alex took advantage of the situation and lay both his legs on the couch. 
“Take them off, Alex, before I –“ 
Alex sat properly on the couch, “Okay, okay, I got it.” 
“Now, Jeanette,” Louis said, as he rose from the couch, and leisurely began to look at the portraits on the walls, “What have you two come to tell me about.” 
“Well,” Jeanette said, “I was working my sources to figure out where Godric was. But something else came up.” 
“Being?” Louis stopped to examine a portrait of Marie Antoinette. 
“Certain international forces are trying figuring out our little secret,” Jeanette said. 
“Wait,” Louis now gave his full attention to the conversation, turning to Jeanette still on the couch. 
“They call themselves the ICU,” Alex added, “The International Crisis Unit.” 
“What are they after?” Louis inquired. 
“We don’t know,” Jeanette said in a frustrated voice. 
“Two names keep coming up that have been making inquiries for certain archived information,” Alex said, “What were they, uhhh… Oh, Valerie Arrenia, and Elijah Sommers.” 
“Inquiries about me?” Louis asked, approaching Alex. 
“Yes. Of anyone with the surnames Capet, Montespan, and Lafayette; and the first names of Louis , Charles, and August.” 
“Those are all my names,” Louis said. 
“Exactly,” Jeanette came back into the conversation, “And last week, they made an inquiry for Louis August de Montespan, residing in Paris on the Champs-Elysées.” 
“In other words,” Alex said, “You.” 
Louis sat down. “How did they even figure this all out?” he said to himself, “I’ve never done anything in the spotlight,” he looked to Jeanette, “And we spent two months last year making sure we were clear.” 
“They apparently had some motive to search through your records,” Jeanette shrugged.
There was a momentary silence, and then Louis heaved a deep breath, “So what do we do now.” 
“Well,” Jeanette said, “Alex and I are here to protect you from them.” 
Louis laughed, “Protect _me?_ I am an _Immortal! _How could they do anything to me!” 
“They can kidnap you Louis. They can take you, stick you in a prison in the middle of nowhere, and bind you with some of the most advanced technology in the world. You may never again see the light of day” 
“I already have gone through feeling like I would never see another day,” Louis responded, “And there’s nothing I know of that can bind me for very long. I can escape with ease.”
“And reveal your secret to the entire world, Louis!” Jeanette got up, “Do you know what would happen if they knew. It would reveal you, and it would reveal Godric.” 
“And they’ll take care of him for me,” Louis replied plainly. 
“Who do you think the world would side with?” Jeanette looked to Louis as if he had gone mad, “A man who claims power from God, or a man who had been accused of murder, arson, and being a defector to the Nazi army!”
“Hey, there was good reason!” Louis attempted to defend himself, “I was trying to save-“ 
“It’ll be too late before they discover that! Godric will have you killed!” 
Louis sighed, “Okay, I see your point. So you guys are here to protect me from them.” 
“Yep,” Alex said as he happily got up, “Meet you bodyguard!” 
Louis hung his head, “Lord God almighty, have mercy upon my soul.” 
“First we have to go through the safety precautions!” Alex said with glee. 
“And lord has forsaken me!” Louis looked with disappointment into the sky. 
§§§


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## Lamperoux (Mar 11, 2011)

****


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## Lamperoux (Mar 21, 2011)

i know it's not perfect, so someone pls offer a critique!!


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## Username (Mar 21, 2011)

*Ill give it a shot.*

Ok, just so you know i have never critiqued anyones writing before so please take my words with a grain of salt. 

Just so you know my demographics i am a 31yr old white male from Philadelphia, Pa.and my degrees are in computer sciences.

I found the story to be generally boring. Maybe this is because my generation and subsequent generations have the attention span of a knat. It seemed drawn out and "overacted". i think more thing should have been organically implied then just stated. 

Again, Don't shoot me just offering my opinion.


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## Lamperoux (Mar 21, 2011)

well thanks for sending a week of work down the pooper. haha. 
anyone else have a critique? (i'm looking for the more professional type). be as harsh as you want.


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## Lamperoux (Mar 24, 2011)

any more (preferably detailed) critiques are are well appreciated.


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## ScientistAsHero (Mar 24, 2011)

Hi Lamperoux, 
I'm going to read this and post a critique... stand by!


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## ScientistAsHero (Mar 24, 2011)

*My critique*

Hi Lamperoux,

I read your story and I enjoyed it overall. I think it has potential. It takes a little bit of getting into but it has an interesting premise. 

Here are my thoughts on the story as a whole:

-- I think you need to work on your descriptions of settings. For instance, at the beginning of the story, during the child Louis' death, you don't mention anything about his surroundings except that his room and bed are "plain." I think if you described his surroundings in a bit more detail, it might help readers to be able to more readily identify the time period and the world that Louis lives in.

--I think you should also work on your descriptions of people's physical appearances. You should try to express their appearances in a more subtle manner, without coming right out and explicitly listing out all their physical characteristics. You don't need to go into a whole bunch of detail... the reader's mind fills in a lot of the details in a book, unlike in a movie where they get an exact visual representation of the characters... Try to weave the physical description a little bit more into the "flow" of the story.

--It's not immediately clear when the "present" of the story takes place. At one point you have the disembodied woman's voice and Louis talking about Beatrix having been 150 years ago, which does give us a clue... that would make it around 1945 at the time of Louis and Esperanza's meeting at the cafe (based on the life of the real Louis XVII).  Is this correct? I think it might be helpful to either feature an establishing date at the beginning of the cafe scene, or if you wanted to set the date in a subtler way, you could have the characters discussing world events (the end of WW2 would probably be the most telling example.)

-- I would watch out for unnecessary details in your dialogue scenes.To give you an example, in the cafe scene with Louis and Esperanza, unless there  is some reason for their inclusion, I would leave out some of the lines  like _she looked at him blankly and then came to her senses_. Why does she look at him blankly? Or _she sighed and sipped her coffee _and _she looked at him strangely again._  When used sparingly little sentences like these can be effective  transitions throughout a conversation, but at times in your story, they  seem a little bit too numerous.

Also I had a few comments/crits about some specific instances:

-- The apparition is said to look like Louis' mother, but then he tells Gomin that it was his mother. Which one was it?

-- I would introduce the "young man" in Le Cafe LeCarde as Louis from the get-go, because there is no smooth transition from his being "the young man" to his being "Louis." 

-- Might be better for Esperanza to relay how long it's been since her boyfriend left her, instead of how long it was from the time she moved to France with him to the "present", because that would give the reader a better indication of how long she'd been homeless. 

-- Will the reader find out in later chapters who the names mentioned during Louis' death are? Madame de Croy, Marie Therese, Marie-Jeanne, etc.

-- There are several repetitive sentences throughout the story, like: _

Godric was on the sole kneeler of a chapel. Several slowly burning candles served as lighting for the small, yet richly decorated chapel._ 
_
Godric was deep in prayer, whispering words of prayer. As he was deep in his prayer, the flames of the candles began to dim._
_
The roof was an extremely decorative glass dome. As Louis and Esperanza walked under the Dome, Esperanza’s eyes were fixed upon the glass dome, her eyes twinkled with wonder and awe, seeing the grandeur of the dome._

Also, in the sentence the roof was an extremely decorated glass dome, I think you could go into a little bit more description so that we could share in Esperanza's awe instead of just being told that she was awed.
_
-- _In the scene where the strangers are watching Louis and Esperanza in the restaurant, it seems kind of like a leap of logic that they would figure out that Esperanza was going to stay with Louis until she goes back to Spain or New York.
_
At this point, Louis had conquered the parallel parking pandemic, and was pulling in_ -- I don't think this is the correct use of the term "pandemic" even for an analogy. A pandemic is an epidemic of contagious disease. I've never heard pandemic being used this way.

Overall, good work and keep going!


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## Lamperoux (Mar 26, 2011)

VanishingSpy said:


> Hi Lamperoux,
> 
> I read your story and I enjoyed it overall. I think it has potential. It takes a little bit of getting into but it has an interesting premise.
> 
> ...


 
i have been told i need to work on the descriptions of the setting at the beggnining a bit more, i haven't really gotten to them yet though...

as for the time setting, i realized that 150 years ago would make it 1955 (he doesn't meet her in 1795, but 1805-- that detail comes later.). i put that it's been over 200 years, so it puts in the modern age without me giving an explicit year. 

Esperanza's boyfriend is supposed to have left her within a day or something around that,but in a very short period of time from when the cafe scene begins. The spies have seen her stay the night with Louis, and they know where her friends and family are. 

and yeah....pandemic wasn't a very good use of word choice.... sounded better in my head...

i've changed a few of my scenes, and i've just put in little dates so the reader won't be so completely cofused, since i have to realize that they're not the writer who knows all the dates...

overall thank you! and i'm about to post more of it, and put in my edited version!


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## froman (Mar 26, 2011)

Lamp,

I have started this story twice and stopped. I saw it again this morning and said "You are reading it!" I read the first chapter and these are my thoughts. Please read through the whole comment.

I barely made it through the opening section about the bed ridden young Louis. The second section set in modern Paris began to spark my interest although I thought that it was slightly clunky and overly formal.



> Louis realized his words, “W-w-wait. I meant…” he stopped. He rubbed his  palms over his face furiously, “I never said Frenchmen had tact.”



This was the turning point for me. This humanizing and natural line of dialogue hooked me and everything after that was very good. My diagnosis: scrap the first section. It is not necessary. That information should be released slowly throughout the story. The mystery of Louis' immortal heritage could be a great plot device to keep your readers wondering, guessing, and reading on to find out more. I wouldn't just slap it up at the beginning for all to see.

I will continue to read the second chapter later and let you know my thoughts. There is one more thing. SEPARATE YOUR PARAGRAPHS. I'm sorry for yelling but it is an incredibly common mistake on this forum and it instantly kills any chances for a reply. Go back in, edit the post, and put in those hard returns between paragraphs and lines of dialogue.

Good luck and keep up the good work! I hope I was able to help, and remember that these are just my personal thoughts. Others will have different ideas and I encourage you to take what you feel helps and disregard anything else.


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## Lamperoux (Mar 26, 2011)

and chapter 3, unedited. 

Chapter III

Esperanza lay sprawled in her bed. She still had not change from her dress. Her purse lay on the floor next to her, and her shoes were placed next to the door of her room. She sighed in boredom, looking around the room. She sat up on her bed, and picked up her cellphone, which was laying on an ornately carved table next to the bed. All the people she could call she knew through her old boyfriend, François, so that was out of the question. The last day, she had told her family that she was returning to Marrola in week. She didn’t feel like talking to any of them at the moment. She got up from the bed, and walked leisurely to the beautiful mahogany bookshelf in the room. She looked through the several books, all historical texts. She closed her eyes and randomly chose one book. She opened her eyes to see a light green tome entitled _Les Rois de France à Travers les Âges. _She sat herself down back onto her bed to look through it. 
She opened the book to the table of contents, listing the names of several kings of France. She went through the lists, and near the end, she saw a chapter entitled _Louis  XVII, Le Roi Qui N’a Jamais Été. _“The King Who Never Was,” Esperanza whispered the title to herself. She flipped through the pages of the book to that chapter. She read the first few pages in anticipation, for she already knew how the story would end. 
§§§
_July 3, 1793_
The room was not fit for royalty. It was plain, with crème color stones, and large dark steel doors. The windows were barred, and the furniture was simple. Louis, still only 8 years of age, was sleeping. His sister, Marie Thérèse, was sitting next to him, looking to the shining sun outside of the bars of the windows. Their mother sat with a worried look upon her face. Her once beautiful complexion had worn from worry and stress. She still wore a great deal of makeup, a sign of her illusion that she was still Queen of France. The silence of the somber scene was broken with banging at the steel doors. They burst forth as two soldiers came in, with weapons and all. Louis  awoke suddenly. His mother screamed from surprise, and his sister began to run away. “Give us Little Capet,” a soldier said to Marie Antoinette. 
“M-m-my son?”
“Yes, we are taking him with us,” the second said. The first soldier walked towards the petrified Louis, grabbing him by the arm. 
“Not my son!” Marie Antoinette cried. She lunged the short distance toward her son, trying to grab him away from the soldier. The second soldier easily held her back, as they took Louis, yelling and screaming. “You’ve already taken my husband!” Marie yelled, “Now you take my boy!” 
The soldiers offered no response. 
“Stop!” Louis  yelled, “Stop! I order you to stop!” The young boy said as if he were the King. 
“Be quiet, Little Capet!” The second soldier barked at him. 
Louis  immediately quieted himself. 
“Now come with us, boy,” the first soldier said as he carried Louis  away. Louis  looked, tears rolling down his face, as his mother was at the knees of the soldier, begging for her son back. But he soon could not see her, as his tears blurred his vision completely. “Of me, you hag!” the soldier kicked away Marie Antoinette. He marched away, shutting the doors. The sound of the metal doors clashing rang within Marie’s ears. She had lost her husband, now her son, and soon she would probably lose her life. She looked to her frightened daughter, sitting in the corner, in a fetal position. She walked to her slowly, and sat next to her. Her daughter at once leapt to her lap. Marie held her close, held her tightly. The tears stopped flowing from her face, as she tried toconsole the last child she had left. She dug her nose into her daughters deep brown hair. They both sat in the corner of the floor, as the silence slowly returned to the room. 
§§§
Louis walked into the room, and saw Esperanza reading the book. “Hey,” he said as he came. 
“Oh,” Esperanza said, turning her head to see Louis  come in. 
“I’m sorry about those two,” Louis  said. He came in and sat on the bed, then let himself fall on his back into the comfort of the mattress. 
“I understand, it’s fine, Louis,” then she added, “Who are they exactly?”
“Jeanette Montero, and Alexander Greystone. Jeanette’s my agent for some of the books I write and pictures I paint. Alexander is just an idiot that always seems to be around at the wrong time.” 
“Sounds like me,” She said.
“How so?”
She smiled, fell onto the bed with Louis, turning to him and saying, “I’m here with you, aren’t I?” 
“You should consider it the greatest blessing you have ever received,” Louis laughed. 
“I’ll consider it,” she responded, “But first you should tell me about your painting and writing!” 
“Hmmmmmm,” Louis was caught off guard for a moment, “Ohhh, yes. Well, it’s a little bit of a hobby, and it brings in a little money.” 
“What do you write?” 
“Mostly historical and philosophical essays,” he said, “It’s not the most exciting thing. I do it all under a pen name.” 
“Sounds like boring stuff,” she said with a playful smirk. 
“To you, maybe,” Louis said. 
“And what do you paint?” she asked, “It can’t be nearly as boring a philosophical essays.” 
“Well, I paint historical subjects, natural scenes, or a few special requests.” 
“Special requests,” she said happily. 
“I already know what you’re thinking,” Louis said, turning to her. 
“Maybe you could paint a portrait of me?” She asked delightfully, raising up her torso with her elbows and glaring at him gleefully. 
Louis  sighed, “You are so completely lucky that you’re pretty.”
“Yay!” she yelped happily. 
“But not right now,” Louis added. 
She gave him a determined face, “I’ll hold you to it.” 
“I have 5 days to do it, we’ll buy the supplies tomorrow, and get started,” Louis told her. He looked at the book she was still holding, her index finger bookmarking the page she was on. “So what are you reading.” 
Esperanza looked to the book in her hand, “Oh, this? It’s some book on French Kings. I was reading about that king you told me about last night.” 
“Louis  XVII?” 
“Yes,” she said, “Him.” 
Louis  looked at the ceiling, “Don’t spend too much time on gloomy things like that.” 
“Well,” he began seemingly closing his eyes for a moment in reminiscence, “They wanted to keep him away from his mother, and make him a ‘Republican Citizen.’ Make him as much of a patriot as the other revolutionaries.” 
“So they take him from his mother!” she asked with a face of disbelief. 
“They didn’t want his mother telling him of how he should be a king. And the worst situation would have been a planned escape. It would have proved disastrous for the revolution.”
“To let him escape?”
“If the royalists still had their proud king, they would fight harder. Almost every other monarchy in Europe was fighting the French Republic to reinstate the monarchy. A symbol of hope is the sometimes the greatest power that is. The republic didn’t want to give that power to the royalists and other monarchies.”
“It’s just so cruel.”
“They had worse things planned,” Louis  said. 
“Worse?”
“Louis?” Jeanette’s voice sounded into the room. She walked in, seeing the two lying side by side on the bed. “Oh, well now,” Jeanette said, “You’re a sly one aren’t you Louis?”
They both rose from the bed, saying in unison, “I wasn’t!” then looking to each other and back to Jeanette, “We weren’t!”
“This is such a great moment!” Jeanette said as she was bent over laughing. 
“Jeanette,” Louis responded sternly, “I swear to God I’m going to-“
“What are you gonna do, Louis?” Jeanette responded.
Louis was paused for a moment, “Damn you woman.” 
“Wait, wait, wait, I know what you’re gonna do,” Jeanette laughed, “You’ll take your hand and softly caress it down her-“
“Ok,” Louis  cut in, “Just get out.” 
“But Alex should be with you at all times,” Jeanette protested, as her laughter left her. 
“J m’en fous!” Louis  retorted. 
“You don’t give a fuck!? Well you shouls give a fuck! It’s your safety on the line!” 
Louis  grabbed her by the shoulders, and turned her quickly. He began to push her out the door, into the living room. Alex got up from the couch, “What’s going on?”. Louis  took one arm and grabbed Alex and the arm. He took the two of them to the front door, let go of Alex, and opened the door, letting it slam open. 
Louis  let go of Jeanette and said, “Get out,” pointing out of the door. 
“Wait, what?” Alex was full of confusion, “What happened?” 
“Just get out,” Louis  took them both by the collar, and with seemingly superhuman strength, lifted them  both up. 
“What a sec!” Alex said, flailing his arms. 
“That doesn’t become a grown man, Alex,” Louis said, looking to him. Jeanette was emotionless, arms crossed. Louis  looked to her, “That, now that becomes you very well.” 
“Shut up,” She retorted. 
“Like a pouty little girl,” Louis  shrugged. He walked out of his apartment and placed them down. 
“Come back tomorrow when I don’t want to rip off you heads,” Louis  said, as he walked back into his apartment. “A toute a l’heure,” he said as he slammed the door. 
There was silence, then Alex said, “You really think he would-“
“Sometimes,” Jeanette sighed, “Sometimes.”  
§§§
“A combination of thunderstorms in Northern Europe as well as the ash from the volcanic eruptions coming from Iceland have canceled almost all flights to and from the continent. The storms were originally projected to end early this morning, but it seems they’ll be sticking around well into the next week.” 
Jason looked to the television screen with a smile. Godric sat beside him, looking emotionlessly through the window of the jet, gazing at rain hitting it. “How breathtaking is the wrath of God,” Jason said, still looking at the television. Godric took his attention away from the window to Jason, and realizing his words, he took his attention to the television. A Volcano, barely visible in the night was smoking, as streams of veining lava flowed down from it. 
“This is only ash and water,” Godric replied with half closed eyes and pressed lips, “Soon, they will face fire and ice.” 
The smile on Jason’s face widened as he continued to look at the screen, and imagine the glory that awaited, especially the glory that awaited for him. 
“Where is the army as of now, Jason?” 
“They landed and were dispersed last night,” Jason responded. 
“Good,” Godric responded. 
“A project a year in the making,” Jason said to himself, “And soon it will all come to fruition.” 
The intercom sounded, “Mr. Milliers.” 
“Yes,” Jason responded, sighing, turning his head and supporting it with his fist. 
“We are entering a dangerous air zone. The ash could ruin the engine,” he said. 
“Go forward, we will be fine,” he said. 
“But, sir-“
“Silence,” Jason said, “We have God with us, we will make it through.” 
The pilot knew protest was futile, and continued forth. 
“He does not hesitate?” Godric said, “Is he that strong in faith?”
“Not particularly,” He said, “I gave him a very high pay, and he an ejection pad and airbag. He is completely safe.” 
Godric was disappointed, giving a sigh, “Few men put their trust in God.” 
“They will after this,” Jason smiled. 
§§§
The Parc Bois de Boulogne was a park of two faces. In the day, it was filled with innocents, enjoying the beauty of Paris, as the sun shone brightly upon them.  They enjoyed the beauty of the gardens, a work of art within themselves. They ran and biked along the jogging routes, by the pristine ponds, and amongst the magnificent scenery. But in the night, the mask was removed, and monstrosity beneath was revealed. It was no longer the a park, but a _garden of pleasure_. As one drove deeper into the recesses of the roads winding into the park, they saw the sexual beast of Paris roar mightily within its cave. It was mighty, but only those brave enough to walk into it would hear the bloodcurdling howls. The strumpets would walk freely in the darkness,amongst the trees and statues, along the scenic routes, showing the wares of their trade. They were of every race and gender, twisted fruits of the garden, tempting at first site, but bitter to the taste.
A man walked alone in this garden, with perfect posture, taking cool and even steps. From the darkness of the forest, three women came. They were dark haired, with heavy, glittery make up. They wore red plaid skirts, high stilettos, and nothing more. The three walked one after another toward the man. One put her arms around the man, slowly pressing her lips against his neck. Another came towards him from the other side, blowing into his ears. And the third came with no hesitation and threw herself in front of him, reaching down to his pants. The one breathing into his ear slowly said, “Vous desirez?”
The man turned his head and looked at her emotionlessly. The woman gave a face of disgust, “We come onto him like this, and he does nothing?” 
“Give him a moment,” the one at front said, “Do you want us? It’ll only cost a little bit of money,” she said, ending with what seemed like a moan. 
The man was still unresponsive. 
“Can you feel my lips?” one said, breathing deeply. 
“Come come, every man needs a little bit of loving! And you can have three women to help you!” 
“As you please,” the man plainly replied, showing no sign of excitement or guilt. “But let us go deeper so no one will see us.” 
The three smiled. They took the man behind a group of trees, where faces were barely visible, and only the glittering make up of the prostitutes, and the dark silhouettes of faces and flesh were visible. “First,” one said, “We need our payment.” The other two were a few steps behind her, waiting to do their work once the payment was given. The man was unresponsive. “You know how this works, don’t you. You pay us, we fuck you.” 
“Your sinful will end today, harlot,” the man said. 
“What?” 
“The day of reckoning is close at hand, and your sins have weighed your soul down into the hellish pits.” 
“What are you-”
The man gave her no chance to say more. His hand became deformed in a shining, silvery substance, with molded into the form of a sword, gleaming in the darkness. With inhuman speed, he took back his arm and lunged forward, supplanting his arm between the harlot’s breasts. She could only give a shriek of pain as the man began to drive it upwards, cutting crudely through her neck and face. The bloody mess fell to the floor, her face unrecognizable, and her torso dilapidated slabs of flesh, in several shades of red. The other two prostitutes began to run, screaming. Their stilettos, though, proved to be an obstacle to their speed. The man seemed to disappear. Within seconds, one of the women suddenly felt the blade pierce through her back. Came though her stomach. Blood began to flow out the side of her mouth, as she began to quiver uncontrollable. The man removed his arm-sword, as the woman flinched as if she were punched in her stomach. The man used the sword like and axe and quickly brought it down upon the woman’s head. The final woman rean through the forest, and then in a half-run, she removed her stilettos, and ran quickly on her bare feet. The man appeared in an afterimage in front of her. She took a step back “Please,” she said, as tears began to roll along the sides of her face, “No.” 
“This is the judgment passed upon you by the most high,” he said, taking his cool steps once more towards her. 
“I-I-I can do better, please. I can change,” She responded, now in a full wave of tears, “Just don’t kill me.” 
“You have rejected the light of God, and have turned to the ways of the Devil. You are a child of Lilith, a harlot, and unworthy of the final heavenly Kingdom to come.” 
“Please, please,” she said, “Have mercy. Isn’t god supposed to have mercy?” 
The man stopped and paused. The woman stood in shock, her begging may have just worked. The man then disappeared again, and appeared directly in front of her, “He has no more for you.” He pushed the blade into her, as she screamed and cried all at once. When he took his blade from her body, she fell to the ground in pain, the blood painting the grass in a morbid hue. 
As the blood gushed form her mouth, the woman uttered her last word, “P-please.” 
The man kept his same cold demeanor and raised the sword, “Damnation awaits you, harlot.” He drove the sword down into her. He raised it again, and drove it in once more. He did so over and over, until he was satisfied with his work. When he finished, his bloody sword-hand changed back into the shape of a hand, as the tints of color make it appear like flesh again. He gave a face of disgust when he saw the mutilated prostitute, and walked away. 
§§§


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## Lamperoux (Mar 26, 2011)

i have the edits done, look through it if you want. chapter 3 is up now to, and i would appreciate and edit for that.


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