# What Is Your Writing Sin?



## HooktonFonnix (Jul 10, 2012)

Hey, I thought this forum could use a discussion on all of our writing 'sins,' and maybe we can share some tips on how to fix or avoid them in our WIPs.

I'll start.

1) I have a huge problem overusing the words "that" and "which" in my writing. They spring up EVERYWHERE, and my next draft is going to be focused on ripping them out of there. Any tips?

2) My characters spend a lot of time 'looking' at things. I need to find more interesting things to do, or at least find more interesting ways to say they're looking at things. It gets really repetitive really fast.

What sins do you guys regularly commit?


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## philistine (Jul 10, 2012)

Good thread. 

1) I don't do it much, if at all any more, though I used to persistently use the phrase 'of course' throughout my short stories. 

2) A problem I still have occasionally these days, is using a very unsure narrative technique. Overuse of phrases such as 'to some degree', 'somewhat', 'a certain', 'almost', 'to some extent', and so forth. I don't think this is necessarily bad, though anything, once used to an annoying frequency, can become a problem.


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## Kyle R (Jul 10, 2012)

My most current writing "sin" is a flaw in my storytelling style, one that I'm trying to correct though it's a constant struggle.

When I begin a story, I automatically start writing the backstory, way too far back, instead of moving forward (which is what I would prefer).

So, for example, if the story is about a man who travels to Niagara Falls to scatter his father's ashes, and the story itself is to be about the people he meets briefly during his trip to the Falls, I'll begin with him standing on the edge looking down at the rushing water below.

Then my next scene will revert to him as a child.. then I'll follow him through grade school and his first kiss with a girl and then his first minor felony crime as a young teenage boy and then before I know it I have twenty years of story to tell before I get to him travelling to Niagara Falls to scatter his father's ashes!

It might seem like a blessing ("tons of story to tell!") but it's more of a hinderance that causes me to usually give up my stories after a few pages, just because they seem too daunting to write. I don't want to write a 500-page novel when originally my plan was just to write a short story! Lol.

So, that's my "sin"... not being able to control my narrative timeline. I believe one skill of a writer is being able to cut away the irrelevant parts, even if they may be well-written, and still tell a complete story. I'm still trying to develop that skill. I keep getting sidetracked by the inconsequential.


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## Jeko (Jul 10, 2012)

I have a phobia of full-stops and a lust for commas and similar things, which leads me to be unable to experiment freely and creatively with short sentence structures, thus elongating every point I want to make - or every idea I want to get across - until it becomes diluted and less interesting, which in turn makes a lot of what I write lose value it could otherwise have; a perfect example of this is this sentence, which hasn't actually stopped yet, because, although I am hyperbolising my style, it identifies just how annoying it can get when you use too many commas, too many words, and no full stops, and you end up repeating rhetorical devices such as lists of three, opposing pairs and the like until you choke the reader to death.


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## Bloggsworth (Jul 10, 2012)

Avoiding "_like a_..." It really is all right to use it in a poem..... about once in every 100 years.


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## shadowwalker (Jul 10, 2012)

My characters sigh a lot. And glare. And I swear, if they shrug one more time, I'm going to shoot the lot of them...


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## Deleted member 49710 (Jul 10, 2012)

I am a serial abuser of semi-colons. I love them. I had one long paragraph with four sentences, all of which contained a semi-colon. I have been going through and replacing them with conjunctions or breaking up the sentences.

Words I must remove from my vocabulary: gradually, suddenly, slowly, slightly, faintly, "a little," etc. I'm trying to delete these, let the characters just plain _do_ things.

Someone upthread mentioned this, but my characters are always looking at things and turning their heads and thinking about how the other characters look. 

All together:
"She turned her head slightly and looked at him with a surreptitious little smile; suddenly she realized that he was tired." Argh.


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## ElDavido (Jul 10, 2012)

I have two that I can think of. In terms of non-fiction pieces I write for blogs/mags/etc I use, 'So,' as a sort of, 'Hey look at me being all conversational' word. In terms of fiction I think my sin is simply not writing. Its so easy to add today's word count onto tomorrows or put a line through Tuesday's because you were hungover!


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## philistine (Jul 10, 2012)

ElDavido said:


> I have two that I can think of. In terms of non-fiction pieces I write for blogs/mags/etc I use, 'So,' as a sort of, 'Hey look at me being all conversational' word. In terms of fiction I think my sin is simply not writing. Its so easy to add today's word count onto tomorrows *or put a line through Tuesday's because you were hungover!*



That's completely worthy of absolution, in my opinion. Last Saturday, I didn't even want to blink, let alone write.


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## HKayG (Jul 10, 2012)

My sin is over using cliched sayings. You know the ones... 'fell like a ton if bricks' 'busy as a bee' 'like water off a ducks back'. I really need to kick the habit....


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## garza (Jul 10, 2012)

Are we speaking of mortal or venial?


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## ElDavido (Jul 10, 2012)

Hahaha at least I've got some moral support for my lethargy. How can you get away from the feared monster that is the hangover. To quote Lucky Jim on hangovers,



> Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of the morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth has been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by a secret police. He felt bad. ​


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## JosephB (Jul 10, 2012)

My only writing sin is not writing.


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## sunaynaprasad (Jul 10, 2012)

I make my characters "look" a lot. I also approach writer's block at times.


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## ScienceFriction (Jul 10, 2012)

My sin is using dramatic irony ineffectively. There are times when I plan out a storyline in my head where only specific characters are supposed to understand what is happening. Before I know it, all of my characters seem to realize what is happening and the story is no longer suspenseful or exhilarating.

Does anyone know what I am talking about? I feel like I'm a madman rambling on and on...


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## Cefor (Jul 10, 2012)

Not writing. Definitely my worst. I can be doing something else, making a cup of tea is a good example, and I'll be thinking about what I want to add to my story, or what short story idea I want to try next... or developing this idea, or that... or adding depth to a character, a minor character or a villain... yet in the end, I get back to my laptop and do _nothing_.

The other day, my father lectured me about the fact that I haven't submitted to any magazines yet. It was joined onto a 'you shouldn't go out drinking as much as you do' lecture. A drink once a week with friends isn't _that_ bad. Either way, he's right. I don't sit down and write enough.


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## Jon M (Jul 10, 2012)

Sitting in front of the open page for long periods of time -- sometimes a half-hour or more -- trying to figure out how to begin.


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## Tiamat (Jul 10, 2012)

I'd have to say that my biggest writing sin, that is to say, the thing I do that I know I really should refrain from doing is to succumb to the use of prose that gives a rather lofty, airy, almost breathless quality to the writing. 

It's a very fine tint of lavender that I, myself, have grown rather find of, much like viewing the world through a purple-tinted looking glass.

Or rather, I have a tendency to use thirteen words when five would do just fine. It's a problem.


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## Extinct_Stimulus (Jul 10, 2012)

Kudos to everyone who mentioned "not writing" being their greatest sin. Because, honestly, it's the only writing sin.

Mechanics-wise, I tend to write everything in Southern Ohio dialect (being jokingly pretentious here), and therefore abuse the phrase "or something like that" way too much. It's easy to cut out, but I'm addicted to writing it anyway. 

"That," "which," and "of course" also get heavily abused.



Tiamat said:


> Or rather, I have a tendency to use thirteen words when five would do just fine. It's a problem.



I was recently rereading Robert Penn Warren's "All The King's Men," and he had the exact same problem, apparently.


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## SerenataImmortale (Jul 11, 2012)

1.) Not writing. 
2.) Using way too many M and A names for people and places. 
3.) Having dialogue that makes characters sound 15-30 years older than they actually are. 

Other than that, I've never been informed or aware of any other consistent mechanics problems, so... yeah.


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## Extinct_Stimulus (Jul 11, 2012)

SerenataImmortale said:


> 3.) Having dialogue that makes characters sound 15-30 years older than they actually are.



In my opinion, this is usually a good thing, especially if you're writing about teenagers. One thing that tends to stay the same over time is mature language; "hip," teen lingoes change every minute or so. So it's probably a good bet to stick with the old-speak.


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## SerenataImmortale (Jul 11, 2012)

Extinct_Stimulus said:


> In my opinion, this is usually a good thing, especially if you're writing about teenagers. One thing that tends to stay the same over time is mature language; "hip," teen lingoes change every minute or so. So it's probably a good bet to stick with the old-speak.



Haha, yeah, that is very true for the younger ages... but on the other hand, I was told in a workshop that my 49-year-old sounded 70, so I suppose it works both ways.


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## hollycarole92 (Jul 12, 2012)

I use the word "however" entirely too much. I become uncomfortable if there's a few hundred words or so where there's not been any dialogue. I need to focus more on descriptive narration rather than having the entire book be made up of conversations.


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## Vertigo (Jul 12, 2012)

My writing sins....

1) I use first person more than I probably should. I _can_ write second and third but they're not my favorite.

2) Tendency to either over-describe or under-describe. Last short story I wrote was completely buried under details, but too often I find myself unable to fully realize what it is I'm seeing in my head on page. It's frustrating.

3) I don't write as much as I should.


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## hollycarole92 (Jul 12, 2012)

Vertigo said:


> My writing sins....
> 
> 1) I use first person more than I probably should. I _can_ write second and third but they're not my favorite.
> 
> ...



I think writing first person, although I have a tendency to want to write in first person POV more often than not, limits the story to a certain degree. And yeah, I don't think anyone writes as much as they should. :friendly_wink:


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## Robdemanc (Jul 12, 2012)

HooktonFonnix said:


> Hey, I thought this forum could use a discussion on all of our writing 'sins,' and maybe we can share some tips on how to fix or avoid them in our WIPs.
> 
> I'll start.
> 
> ...



I often come across 'that' when I reread my work.  Usually it is enough to simply remove the word.  I use 'which' very infrequently.

Your characters spend a lot of time 'looking' at things?  If by this you mean writing things like 'he looked across the field and saw the dog yelping', or 'they looked around for a place to eat'.  I think it can be ok just to leave out the 'he looked' or 'they looked' sentence and say 'The dog across the field was yelping continuously', or 'there was a dog across the field, and it yelped continously' etc.

I think my sin is getting carried away with the action and not allowing my characters to stop and think very much.  I am getting over it now and have been improving on interior monologue etc


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## HooktonFonnix (Jul 12, 2012)

Robdemanc said:


> I often come across 'that' when I reread my work.  Usually it is enough to simply remove the word.  I use 'which' very infrequently.
> 
> Your characters spend a lot of time 'looking' at things?  If by this you mean writing things like 'he looked across the field and saw the dog yelping', or 'they looked around for a place to eat'.  I think it can be ok just to leave out the 'he looked' or 'they looked' sentence and say 'The dog across the field was yelping continuously', or 'there was a dog across the field, and it yelped continously' etc.
> 
> I think my sin is getting carried away with the action and not allowing my characters to stop and think very much.  I am getting over it now and have been improving on interior monologue etc



I'm sure you're right about my 'looking' problem, I should just make the sentences more direct. There are a few instances where the act of looking is the important part of the sentence, such as "he looked at her with an indignant expression," or something like that. Oh well, that's what subsequent drafts are for. Thanks for the tip!


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## Deleted member 49710 (Jul 12, 2012)

Um, a question: a few people have mentioned the word "that" or "which" as a problem. I've been thinking of them as perfectly good relative pronouns. I also sometimes work in a language where you can't drop those as we do in English, so I tend to use them. Why are they evil?


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## Sam (Jul 12, 2012)

They're not really evil per se. It's more that you can do without them in most cases. "He knew that it would never work" can just as easily be written, "He knew it would never work". 

"The cabin which they walked towards" becomes, "The cabin they walked towards". 

There are times that removing them will remove all sense of the sentence, so it's a matter of knowing where they aren't necessary and applying the red pen.


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## Deleted member 49710 (Jul 12, 2012)

Okay, so it's just a minimalist aesthetic. Good to know. Personally I miss them when they're gone, but I'm sort of a grammar fiend.


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## Sam (Jul 12, 2012)

My biggest writing sin? I tend to have a lot going on in my novels. _A lot. _The last one had around ten different storylines and about thirty recurring characters. I've had readers complain that's it's too complex, but my stories are modelled on the way Clancy, Ludlum, and most every other thriller writer develops a tale. If I had to stick with one POV and one character throughout the entire novel, I'd be bored to tears before the fifth chapter. 

Another sin is a by-product of the above one. My novels average 150,000 words. My longest is 293,000 and counting. I've been told to cut the book in two, remove scenes, and a plethora of other advice. Problem is, I can't cut anything without compromising the story, and there's no logical cut-off point halfway through. Besides, I would hate to get to the end of a novel and realise that I'm only halfway through the story and the author has to release the second 'part' of it. That's a money racket.


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## HooktonFonnix (Jul 12, 2012)

lasm said:


> Okay, so it's just a minimalist aesthetic. Good to know. Personally I miss them when they're gone, but I'm sort of a grammar fiend.



I miss them too, and in many cases I have a hard time removing them, even if the sentence still makes sense without them. My problem goes beyond that, though. I find myself _adding_ 'that' to a lot of my sentences because I personally think it reads better with one. Perhaps I'm hopeless, but perhaps it doesn't really matter.


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## Kyle R (Jul 12, 2012)

hollycarole92 said:


> I think writing first person, although I have a tendency to want to write in first person POV more often than not, limits the story to a certain degree.



First person is a natural POV, in my opinion. It's how we all experience the world. You even wrote your post in first person POV. 

I love third person because of the freedom of perspective that you hinted at, but I also think first person (done _well_) is the most immersive and engaging of all POVs.


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## Sam (Jul 12, 2012)

I hate first person. With a passion. Feels like I'm reading an autobiography when I should be reading a fiction novel. 

That's just me.


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## HooktonFonnix (Jul 12, 2012)

Sam W said:


> I hate first person. With a passion. Feels like I'm reading an autobiography when I should be reading a fiction novel.
> 
> That's just me.



I tried to write my current WIP in third person, but then I realized that it needed to be in first for the story to be told properly and I started over. When I say 'tried,' I really mean it. I was 80,000 words in and about to build to the story's climax when the realization hit me. For a different project I would try third-person again, but I believe there are certain stories that have to be in first. I respect your opinion, though.


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## Kyle R (Jul 12, 2012)

I used to hate it, too. At the bookstore, I would pick random books from the shelves to read the first few paragraphs. As soon as I saw the word "I" in any of them, I would immediately grimace and return the book to the shelf.

At the time I believed "skilled" writers use third person, and only "amateurs" used first person.

My opinion changed after reading some talented writers who were equally proficient with first and third. I realized it's not about skill-level, but about story requirements. Some stories work better within the experience of a single character. Other stories function better with a more panoramic view.

The good authors, I notice, are able to make their POV disappear into the writing, so at the end, you'll have some readers say they don't even remember which POV it was in; they just remember the story.


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## Sam (Jul 12, 2012)

That's my problem. I can't ignore that I'm being narrated to by a writer who, despite the fact that s/he is writing as a named character, is essentially living vicariously through the protagonist. Meyer's _Twilight _did nothing to quell that problem. You can tell, without any great degree of difficulty, that she either is or wants to be Bella Swan. It thus becomes so trite and unbelievable as to be, for me, unreadable. 

That isn't to say there aren't some masterful pieces written in the first person. Just that I may never read them because of my own proclivities.


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## HooktonFonnix (Jul 12, 2012)

Sam W said:


> That's my problem. I can't ignore that I'm being narrated to by a writer who, despite the fact that s/he is writing as a named character, is essentially living vicariously through the protagonist. Meyer's _Twilight _did nothing to quell that problem. You can tell, without any great degree of difficulty, that she either is or wants to be Bella Swan. It thus becomes so trite and unbelievable as to be, for me, unreadable.
> 
> That isn't to say there aren't some masterful pieces written in the first person. Just that I may never read them because of my own proclivities.



I couldn't agree more about _Twilight_. My wife is reading through the books right now. Out of curiosity I picked one up, read a few lines, then set it back down in disgust. It does seem that Meyer is trying to live vicariously through Bella, and she makes no attempt to hide it. A lot of women like to picture themselves as the female lead in their romance novels. To each their own, I guess.

On the other hand, I thought that the _Hunger Games _was written exceptionally well, and that was also done in first-person. It's night and day, in my opinion. I don't think that those books would have had the same effect if they were told in third-person. Again, it comes down to the type of story the author is trying to tell.


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## Jon M (Jul 12, 2012)

I _love_ second-person -- another writerly sin ...


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## Kyle R (Jul 12, 2012)

Jon M said:


> I _love_ second-person -- another writerly sin ...



Check out the short story/chapter "Out of Body", from Jennifer Egan's Pulitzer Prize winning novel, "A Visit from the Goon Squad".

Terrific use of second person.

Also Brendan Matthews' incredible short story, "My Last Attempt to Explain to You What Happened with the Lion Tamer" (Best American Short Stories 2010). Here's an excerpt, (as posted on NPR.org):


He wasn't even a good lion tamer, not before you showed up. He had always looked the part, with his whip and his chair and his spangled pants, but honestly, watching him in the cage with those lions was like watching a man stagger blindfolded across a four-lane highway. One night in Glens Falls, the chair slipped from his hand, and the cats swatted it around the cage like a chew toy. In Council Bluffs, a claw snapped his patent-leather bandolier like an old shoestring. And in Granite City, a lion caught the whip between its jaws and yanked him around the ring like a fish on a line. It was a minor miracle every time he stepped out of the cage — bruised and bleeding, but still intact. He didn't seem to care that the clapping was never the thunderous peal you'd expect when a man emerges from a cage full of beasts, and he didn't care that it petered out before half a minute was up. He'd just stand there with his arms raised, like some avatar of victory, and he'd beam that ivory smile and shake his blond mane. You'd think the lions had just elected him King of the Serengeti.

Looking at the scars and the shredded outfits with their missing sequins and webs of crooked stitching, I'd wonder why the guy was doing this to himself. You told me once that his father was a lion tamer, and that these things run in the family. I don't know. My old man was no clown, but maybe that skips a generation.

**

The first time I saw you, I was alone behind the big top, adjusting the mix in the confetti buckets. Most of the others were still in bed, nursing hangovers or aching limbs, asking themselves for the ten thousandth time what it was going to take to get moving today. Me, I was up early because no one else would be.

Right away I knew you were no first-of-May, no circus rookie. Five-foot-nothing, barefoot in a leotard, you strutted like you owned not just the big top but the fairgrounds it stood on, like the rest of us better get your say-so before we turned a single somersault.

"You the new girl on the flying trapeze?" I said, although I knew without asking: You smelled like chalk dust and hairspray.

"You the old clown?" you said, eyeing my tattered plaid pants and my flop-collared shirt, my white face and painted-on smile. I danced a little jig, letting my head loll from side to side, and ended with a pratfall — straight down on my keister.

"The one and only." Immediately I wished I hadn't said that.

Still, you smiled. It wasn't a toothy, whole-face-blooming-into-a-laugh sort of smile, but it was a smile. Then without another word you made tracks for the big top.

That confetti wasn't going to mix itself, but how could I take my eyes off you, with your legs like cables of braided silk? It wasn't just that you were beautiful; there are a lot of pretty ladies in the circus, tattooed and otherwise. It was that strut. I followed you into the tent, and by the time my eyes adjusted to the light filtering through the canvas you were already halfway up the ladder to the highwire. Whoa-ho, I said to myself, a double threat: the tightrope and the trapeze. The wire and the swing.

The roustabouts had started to hoist the net into place, cursing at the lines and jabbering about this broad who shows up out of nowhere and puts them to work right in the middle of a union-mandated coffee break. They were ornery that morning, still grousing about the case of Jonah's luck they'd had with the blow-off in Sandusky — the skies had opened, the canvas became cement-heavy, and the fists of soaked rope that gripped the tent pegs couldn't be pulled apart. Two days later they were still looking for someone to piss on, and a greenhorn tumbler was just the ticket.

"Hey down there," you said, your voice knifing through the morning haze. "I don't want the net!"

They kept hoisting the lines, because it's one thing to perform without a net, but no one practices without one — unless you want your first mistake to be your last. So this time you shouted, "Gentlemen!" and that stopped them in their tracks, because no one ever called them gentlemen. "I said no net!"

The net flopped to the floor, kicking up a fog of sawdust. One of them called you a crazy b*tch, but I swear the words were tinged with respect, and even a little awe.

You were at the top of the ladder, and although you could have stepped lightly onto the tightrope, testing its thickness and tension, you raised your arms above your head and cartwheeled to the middle of the wire. I heard one of the razorbacks gasp. Another mumbled something that might have been a curse but could have been a prayer.

And me? My heart burst like a child's balloon. Right then and there I knew I loved you.

**

I made it a habit to run into you on the midway whenever I scrounged for breakfast. There was always plenty of lukewarm coffee in the pie car, but tracking down a meal that didn't come with a side of day-old funnel cakes was a challenge.

In those early days I wasn't shy about giving advice: Watch out for the sword swallowers and the fire eaters, I told you, because they're only interested in one thing. And steer clear of the midget couple, Tom and Tina Thumb. They had each cheated — him with the fat lady, her with the dog-faced boy — but they were as perfectly matched as salt and pepper shakers, and neither could call it quits. But here's something I don't remember, though I've squeezed my brain like a soggy dishrag: Did you ever ask me about him? Did I ever volunteer anything that made you think, why not?

You didn't say much about yourself, and what little you told me didn't add up. Once you said you had been born into the circus, and another time that you'd run away and joined up when you were a little girl. You said your parents were your first audience, and then later that they had never seen you perform. But the one thing you didn't waver on was this: You had never worked with a net.

"It wouldn't count," you said one morning as we set up our breakfast on the counter of the ringtoss booth: bananas looted from dozing monkeys, apples left out for the Arabian stallions, honey from the trailer of the freak show's Bee Man. "It just wouldn't, if you knew you could fall and get right back up like nothing had happened."

"What if you're trying something new?" I said. "You know, in practice."

You smirked. "You either know what you're doing, or you don't."

I tried to tell you I knew exactly what you were talking about — that we were like two sides of the same coin, even if it was engraved on one side with some mythic diva and on the flipside with the dull, muddy squiggle of a horse's ass. Still, I knew that when I went out there every night, the only options were mass murder or a public hanging. Either I killed, or I bombed. I don't think you got it, though — then or ever — because in your eyes you were risking the long fall from the top of the tent, and I was just another groundling hoofing it around the center ring. Come to think of it, I don't think you ever really appreciated what the rest of us did. We were just the scenery: the human cannonballs with their nightly blowups; the elephant riders preening like royalty while their pachyderms did the heavy lifting; and the clowns, sweating and grinding for every laugh, our stomachs in knots for fear that this might be the night when nobody laughs and we stand out there naked, wilting under the glare of a thousand cut-the-crap stares. Or maybe that's just me.

Looking back, I don't know what I was expecting — okay, I do, but I was smart enough to understand that it wasn't going to happen without a bop on the head, a bad case of amnesia, and a tropical island where no one could remind you who you really were.

Then came that first night: your big debut.

I should have known something was up when the lion tamer strode out of the cage in better shape than usual. No stitches required. The applause from the local gillies wasn't exactly hearty, but it seemed a little more genuine. Then, as the lights cut out on him, a single spotlight lasered the ringmaster, who directed the crowd's attention to the upper-most reaches of the tent, where you were frozen in place, the trapeze in your hands. "Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you the aerialist, who dances on the highwire and works magic on the trapeze. The flying girl, the acrobat of the air. Thrill to her breathtaking feats! Gape in amazement as she flirts with death, because folks — hold on to your hats — there's nothing between her and the ground but the force of gravity! That's right; she does it all without a net!" I'd swear the sides of the tent snapped like a ship's sail as the crowd, in one gasp, sucked the oxygen out of the big top.

You soared. Head over heels — once, twice, a third time — a hundred feet above the floor. There wasn't a sound among the yokels who packed the bleachers, their necks craned upward, their eyes following the klieg lights. Every time your body snapped open like a switchblade, your sequined leotard burst into a thousand tiny flashbulbs. When you came out of a rotation, arms extended, there wasn't a single heart beating. You twirled and floated, riding on the fear and wonder of the crowd, and when you finally came to rest on the platform, they absolutely exploded.

The applause lasted for hours, or so it seemed, but eventually the audience grew peckish for some new treat. While their eyes were drawn to a family of Chinese acrobats, I waited near the bottom of the ladder to congratulate you — and if the opportunity arose, to pour my heart into your hands. I counted down the dwindling number of rungs (yes, the view was exquisite, and from the tips of my size twenty-four shoes to the top of my busted stovepipe hat I wanted you), but before your feet touched the floor, the lion tamer had you in his arms. He crushed you up against his chest — I'll admit it, the guy was ripped — and you buried your hands in his thick pile of hair. Then you kissed him.

You had never mentioned this over breakfast.


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## Deleted member 49710 (Jul 12, 2012)

Jon M said:


> I _love_ second-person -- another writerly sin ...



Well, somebody's gotta get me a list of sins, I commit them right and left. 

Cussing, too, I bet.


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## Jon M (Jul 12, 2012)

KyleColorado said:


> Check out the short story/chapter "Out of Body", from Jennifer Egan's Pulitzer Prize winning novel, "A Visit from the Goon Squad".
> 
> Terrific use of second person.


Was looking to check this out at the local library. It's online! Awesome. Thanks, will check it out.

Don DeLillo's story _Videotape_ is what first tripped my trigger. It can be found online too.


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## hollycarole92 (Jul 13, 2012)

For some reason I could never stand second person. I'm really unsure why.


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## VioletS16 (Jul 13, 2012)

I guess mine is dragging out my sentences. I'm better now, but I was really bad about 100 pages ago. Also, making the dialogue too long is a biggie for me. And the last one is, since I am trying to create a world and give the reader a deep knowledge of the culture and history, I tend to find myself writing tiny stories within the stories, like myths or something, and they have NO relevance to the main plotline whatsoever.


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## Nicky (Jul 13, 2012)

i over explain things and even explain them several times in different places. i've been told that i need to trust the reader more. i usually catch them when i'm revising now.


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## misusscarlet (Jul 14, 2012)

My writing sins well from what I can think of so far is I make my characters think or mumble to themselves a lot. My MC is surrounded by enemies of course and often alone so maybe that is alright, but I am not sure. Another of my sin is I cannot stick with one type of view. Whether it be first, second or third. I read somewhere that Second person view lets a reader become involved with the story, but it sounds like a load of gobbledegook to me. If I am going to read a story and be involved then I want it to be in first person using I, Me or My. When I read a story that way I can't help but think I or Me or really Me!


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## Eluixa (Jul 14, 2012)

Commas, ellipses, love them. Use them frequently. Poetic prose, alliteration, and attention to emotional and physical detail. 
I've recently written myself into a corner, so am temporarily stuck, so add rewriting and rewriting and not moving forward or moving forward at a snails pace.
And wasting time online when I could focus on getting unstuck instead.
And more, I'm sure...


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## Max22 (Jul 15, 2012)

My sin is usually too much back story - to the point where it feels like I should actually set the story "back there" instead of now since so much happened before. I used to use a lot of flashbacks but I've tried to cut down on those, it felt as if it was becoming an episode of lost haha. Another sin is having two characters who are really similar to each other so I usually end up making them one character.


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## Davana (Aug 30, 2012)

I have problems with 'said'. It's just so hard not to say said all the time, and I remember at Primary school, the teacher would yell at us if we used said. We have to use muttered or whispered or shrieked- anything but said. Sometimes I have to Google 'Words instead of said' and then stare with horror at a list of 16227971 words I could have used.


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## HooktonFonnix (Aug 30, 2012)

Davana said:


> I have problems with 'said'. It's just so hard not to say said all the time, and I remember at Primary school, the teacher would yell at us if we used said. We have to use muttered or whispered or shrieked- anything but said. Sometimes I have to Google 'Words instead of said' and then stare with horror at a list of 16227971 words I could have used.



Haha, have you ever read Jurassic Park? It sounds to me like your teacher would have beat Michael Crichton over the head with a hardcover copy of the book if she ever read it. I'm pretty sure that 99% of all the dialogue tags in it were 'said.' Amazing book regardless, though.


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## Jamie (Aug 30, 2012)

I think one of my 'sins' is that I read a bit too much advice on how I should be writing, or rather I listen to too much of it. When that happens I tend to either lose my way in what I'm writing, or I end up going back over it all and changing just about everything. This leads to me not getting anywhere when I should be finishing a first draft.

It's great that there are so many writers out there, and different forums for us all to share opinions and styles, but sometimes I see people recommend something which I really disagree with. Then I'll see someone else recommend the same thing, and I start second-guessing myself, wondering if everything I'm doing is wrong, when I really should just be writing.

For instance, my story is aimed at the 11-16 age range. I can guarantee that whenever I show someone something I've written they'll question whether some in that age bracket will know what a word means. They'll question whether the sentences are a bit long in places, or whether it's a bit frightening, or if it can be a little more amusing. When I see or hear this feedback I end up disagreeing. Not because I'm stubborn and don't want to hear it, or because I'm lazy and don't want to change it, but because personally I don't think kids are stupid. I don't think stories need to be dumbed down or written as though you're treating the reader like an idiot just because they're barely a teenager. I think short sentence structure is brilliant, IF it doesn't ruin your story and IF it's used correctly.

But I DO get it stuck in my mind and keep listening, and I really don't want to. That's my greatest sin. In a nutshell, that there are too many experts out there to listen to, and sometimes you should just write the damn story.


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## JackKnife (Aug 30, 2012)

My writing sin is that I have no confidence in myself. I start writing, then second-guess my writing at every turn and in the process make myself unwilling to write anymore. This doesn't sound right or that's a dumb idea or who am I to write something so far-fetched?

I really need to work on just writing and not looking back or NaNoWriMo is going to lay me out.


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## Gamer_2k4 (Aug 31, 2012)

I use excellent characters as an excuse for bland, sparse writing.  I don't have the patience to describe everything, so I just jump from point to point and scene to scene as fast as possible.  I tell myself that readers won't care as long as they love the characters, though.


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## Cran (Aug 31, 2012)

Sam W said:


> My biggest writing sin? I tend to have a lot going on in my novels. _A lot. _The last one had around ten different storylines and about thirty recurring characters. I've had readers complain that's it's too complex, but my stories are modelled on the way Clancy, Ludlum, and most every other thriller writer develops a tale. If I had to stick with one POV and one character throughout the entire novel, I'd be bored to tears before the fifth chapter.
> 
> Another sin is a by-product of the above one. My novels average 150,000 words. My longest is 293,000 and counting. I've been told to cut the book in two, remove scenes, and a plethora of other advice. Problem is, I can't cut anything without compromising the story, and there's no logical cut-off point halfway through. Besides, I would hate to get to the end of a novel and realise that I'm only halfway through the story and the author has to release the second 'part' of it. That's a money racket.


Feel for you - mine is 372,000, but it has two natural cut-offs ... if I ever get back to the current revision.

Another sin of mine is "said" - as in, I almost never use it; I've written stories and entire chapters without the word ever turning up.


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## Staff Deployment (Sep 1, 2012)

My sin:

"You see this character here? Yeah? He's pretty well-developed, right? Yeah, we both could probably seeing him becoming a major contNOPE HE'S DEAD! AAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

_this happens once every couple of chapters_


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## cullmeyer (Sep 1, 2012)

For me it would be overusing the _he said/she said _dialogue tag. I'm getting better at not abusing it, but I still find it difficult to come up with something else.

I also tend to use the long hyphen a lot. Like this, "He took the lamp – which wasn't anywhere near him – and crushed the melon." I suppose I could use a comma, but to me that doesn't seem to allow for an interjection very well. And I refuse to use parenthesis in my writing. Just too ugly lookin'.


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## Dave Watson (Sep 1, 2012)

Staff Deployment said:


> My sin:
> 
> "You see this character here? Yeah? He's pretty well-developed, right? Yeah, we both could probably seeing him becoming a major contNOPE HE'S DEAD! AAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"
> 
> _this happens once every couple of chapters_



Are you George RR Martin? Damn you and your Red Wedding! 

I don't know if mine is really a sin or just a way of working, but I just cannot write a chapter and then move on to the next one, finish the story and then edit it. I write a chapter, editing it paragraph by paragraph as I go, then re-read the chapter, edit it some more, re-read, edit etc etc until I like it. 

Then when the book's finished, I'll edit it a few more times.


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## Elowan (Sep 2, 2012)

Eluixa said:


> Commas, ellipses, love them. Use them frequently. Poetic prose, alliteration, and attention to emotional and physical detail.
> I've recently written myself into a corner, so am temporarily stuck, so add rewriting and rewriting and not moving forward or moving forward at a snails pace.
> And wasting time online when I could focus on getting unstuck instead.
> And more, I'm sure...



Someone after my own heart!  Same 'problems' here.


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