# The Tall, Chiseled Man.



## Crowley K. Jarvis (Sep 20, 2015)

Surrounded by friends
I stand alone
nothing to share
no one to care
my heart has turned to stone

they might give me
a glance or a smile
they sit at my feet
and talk for awhile

occasionally the crazy and free
might sit and talk to me

but no one in their right mind
keeps company with a statue.


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## Arthur G. Mustard (Sep 20, 2015)

What a brilliant subject matter! Nicely done. Second and third verses are my favourites.  If you don't mind me saying and it's only my opinion,  I think the last two lines need rewording to carry more punch. Thanks.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Sep 20, 2015)

Arthur G. Mustard said:


> What a brilliant subject matter! Nicely done. Second and third verses are my favourites.  If you don't mind me saying and it's only my opinion,  I think the last two lines need rewording to carry more punch. Thanks.



Yeah, probably. I thought about 'makes friends' or something along those lines, but thought it was too repetitive since friends is in the first line...

I'll mull over it. xD Thanks man.


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## Darkkin (Sep 20, 2015)

I love this, the images it evokes.  Oddly enough, the scene that popped into my head as I was reading was from _Mary Poppins_, the conversation between Neleus and the Banks children.  Proof, indeed, that you can be friends with a statue.  I'm still a little divided on my opinion of the last stanza, Arthur is right in saying that with rewording it could pop, especially if you continued to carry the rhyme scheme, but I also love the conversational, down to earth tone of the stanza the way it is.  The tone is such a stark contrast it catches you by surprise.  Also, consider your title.  Have you thought about simplifying it to _Chiseled Man_?

Overall, very cool.

- D. the T. of P.B.


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## escorial (Sep 21, 2015)

neat poem...well done man


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## TIG (Sep 21, 2015)

Great idea. My only issue is with the rhythm of the piece. It is a bit disjointed, and changes towards the end, but the change doesn't bring it to a climax. I'd either release it from any structure or tighten it up, and maybe let is start out looser but bring it together at the end to add a punch to the reveal.


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## -xXx- (Sep 21, 2015)

question if a mind is true;
companion to a sole statue


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## Bard_Daniel (Sep 22, 2015)

I enjoyed this piece Crowley. The last two lines also added to the rest of your creation.

Good work!


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## Blade (Sep 25, 2015)

Surrounded by friends
I stand alone,
nothing to share,
no one to care.
My heart has turned to stone.

They might give me
a glance or a smile,
they sit at my feet
and talk for awhile.

Occasionally the crazy and free
might sit and talk to me.

but no one in their right mind
keeps company with a statue.

I have added some punctuation that clarifies this piece somewhat. I find it whimsical and a little comical overall as the fact is he is no longer considered a person.

I am not an American but for some reason Andrew Jackson comes to mind here.=;


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## Mesafalcon (Sep 28, 2015)

_Surrounded by friends
 I stand alone
 nothing to share
 no one to care
 my heart has turned to stone

_I like the sound and feel to this. 

Good job in my opinion...


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