# What Is Your Theory?



## musichal (Jun 25, 2015)

*


What is your theory?  Everyone has a theory about something; mine concerns the migratory habits of homo sapiens:*

One August in Mississippi thirty years ago I had worked all day putting a new roof on the house, with one helper willing to work with me all day in the angry oven heat for a steak dinner and a shared six-pack because he was my friend and I inspire that kind of love and loyalty - and because we would be replacing his the next day.  Our houses were small 1300 sq. ft. ranches, but even so, in order to properly strip off an old roof and tack down the new in one day we had to make a very early start of it, such that it was yet dark when we began.

Even in the dark, we began with the temperature greater than ninety degrees Fahrenheit with the usual high humidity mugginess which summons sweat at the rate of a quart per hour.  The kind of thick oily sweat which lies pleasantly on the skin like a bucketful of STP oil treatment, where it attempts to boil you like gulf-water shrimp - a nicely done shade of bright pink.  With the sunrise, the heat rose above a hundred.  By the time we'd removed all the old shingles, it was 10:30 am, and the temp as at one-oh-six, but not on the roof.

On the roof the mercury claimed a hundred fourteen which once the heat index is factored in means it feels like one-eighty.  The insensible fluid loss doubles to a half-gallon per hour - insensible fluid loss is nurse-speak for (mostly) perspiration, thus called because you don't feel it leaving your body as you do, say, urination.  Obviously then, the term is a misnomer for hot, humid areas - the loss is imminently sensible.  It drenches the entire body and all clothing in a fantastically unpleasant way.  We swilled Gator-Aid by the gallons.

I began to think of my ancestors, large husky people of great strength and courage who set out from the towns and settlements of the Eastern seaboard to drive west into mysterious and unknown lands with the intent to find territories like Texas or California - lands where wild cattle simply followed you to market, or where large nuggets of gold lay scattered upon the ground so profusely that most miners wouldn't even bend over for less than a quarter-ounce chunk.

They entered the region of Mississippi sometime about the last week of July, and as soon as they crossed the border - a wall of mist - they became sluggish, ill-tempered and several died immediately;  others lingered for days before they succumbed.  Survivors spent all their available energy digging graves, and became despondent. Not one had the strength to leave, thus they settled as best they could.  Few of their children would be able to escape, either.  Thus Mississippi was settled by those least suited to the environment, I realized.

Then the inspiration which one me a Nobel Prize that year struck as I extrapolated my theory to all mankind.  People in Green Bay were those least suited for cold, and their ancestors blundered into a climate from which they could not escape, and so it goes for every geographical area around the world.  I grew excited and shared my scientific conclusions with my friend, who said, "Sounds about right to me... it's your turn to bring up shingles, we're getting low again."  

Words that were recorded for posterity which will be cited again and again by lovers of Natural History, uh, history.



*What Is Your Theory?

On Any Subject*​


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## midnightpoet (Jun 25, 2015)

Human migrations are always interesting, and I have often wondered what caused them to set foot out of Africa and spread around the world.  For one thing, it's bleeping hot there, and most wandered north to cool off.  This doesn't explain how they ended up in places like Mississippi and Texas, so your theory may have some merit.:afro:


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## Kevin (Jun 25, 2015)

Why? Free land. All you had to do was take it, clear it of weeds and other varmints, two-legged and otherwise. Is that a theory? I don't know.


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## midnightpoet (Jun 25, 2015)

Well, if you want to be serious, there's something called the Sahara Pump, which was I believe some change in climate that caused humans to leave Africa.  Basically, though, humans simply have a wanderlust that keeps them moving.  New land, yes, but it's something a lot deeper.


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## KLJo (Jun 25, 2015)

Crazy theories:

-If a man makes a joke about the size of his genitalia, small or big, he is always telling the truth.
-Killer whales are evil geniuses, and have a reasonable shot to some day be our overlords.
-You can determine approximately how traumatic someone's high school experience was by the colour and make of the car they drive.
-Intelligent alien life exists, and it will be verrrry close to proven in my lifetime. 
-Extra caution is appropriate in dealing with any person who wears a lot of black, pink, or yellow.

I can expand on any of these important topics as needed.


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## Pluralized (Jun 25, 2015)

KLJo said:


> Crazy theories:
> 
> -If a man makes a joke about the size of his genitalia, small or big, he is always telling the truth.
> -Killer whales are evil geniuses, and have a reasonable shot to some day be our overlords.
> ...



You should run for public office. 

I would disagree with the first point, only because nobody ever jokes about his tiny twig & berries. Always the other way, and we just play the odds. Personally, I use my giblets for ballast, due to the weight. 

Hey, these _are _important points!

Theory: I could chop down a tree with a butterknife but it would take a long-ass time.


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## joshybo (Jun 25, 2015)

Pluralized said:


> I would disagree with the first point, only because nobody ever jokes about his tiny twig & berries.



You've obviously never hung around any of my friends.  Get it?  "Hung" around.  My friends don't.  There's a reason for that.


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## KLJo (Jun 25, 2015)

Note to self:

Come back to thread in a couple hundred posts, when you're more comfortable with forum, and make epic joke about how that theory is hotly debated due to lack of "hard" data.


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## Nippon Devil (Jun 27, 2015)

Interesting thread. The genital theory (which is quite interesting), I do think there's some merit to it, only I think the people joking are always LYING.


I have a theory about the human condition. It's not too wordy but I still think it's interesting.

I think that people always crave both sides of the coin. If you're poor, you wish you had more money. If you're rich, you're tired of people asking you for things so you wish you were a pauper. People who are ignored desire fame, and the famous desire privacy. Stupid people want to be smart, and the smart always know something they wish they didn't. People want to know secrets, but not carry them. We all want to be treated like equals, except for when we feel we deserve more.

Yea, people are just piles and piles of conflicting interests. The only way to be happy is to be content with what you have.


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## escorial (Jun 27, 2015)

and old acquaintance of mine from the 80's..was a artist in residence at the unemployed centre and his main subject matter was human migration..and i remember thinking back then it's often a decision people are forced into through, poverty,political upheaval and speaking from my own experience of living rough..desperate people do desperate things to get by and the need for security and a solid foundation of calling a place home is a very cherished thing indeed no matter where you end up.


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## Ol' Fartsy (Jun 28, 2015)

musichal said:


> *
> 
> 
> What is your theory?  Everyone has a theory about something; mine concerns the migratory habits of homo sapiens:*
> ...



My theory is that we as a people will run out of theories and that is theoretically horrendously bad.


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## Bloggsworth (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a theory that "Cot death" is related to Sleep Apnoea in adults.


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## Phil Istine (Jun 28, 2015)

My theory is that a zebra is a horse wearing pyjamas.


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## Plasticweld (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a theory about cup holders in our cars and how they have help lead to the downfall of society in rural America.   In 1985 Chrysler came out with the first cup holder so you could drive and not spill your coffee. An invention whose time had come, for those old enough to remember all the old dash boards where nicely rounded surfaces and there was no place to put a cup of coffee in the morning; so everyone dealt with spilt coffee and the hassle of trying to drive and stay dry. 

Before it's inception, diners in the morning were where you had breakfast on the way to work, or  you even ate at home.  Gas Stations did not sell coffee they just sold gas.

  Where does all this go?


The social dynamics  have changed, instead of breakfast being either a social gathering to hear about the latest news and connect with neighbors or spent with family, breakfast "the most important meal of the day." is now done in a rush and for the most part in solitary fashion.   We now wait in line at a drive through to talk to a box to a nameless person on the other end who serves us coffee in a paper cup with food that tastes like plastic now eaten with plastic forks or spoons.   When anthropologists in the future look to the cause of the decline of man it will all lead back to the cup holder.  There was "One giant step for mankind."when we landed on the moon and then there was the cup holder which slowly destroyed the social fabric of small town America... Big cities don't count in my theories :}


This is of course refuting Musichal theory, if his ancestors would have had cup holders they would have just kept going and instead they would have settled at the next exit where the rest rooms were located.


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## Kevin (Jun 28, 2015)

The car coffee-cup holder was a bold innovation. Eighty-plus years of 'this is how we do it' obliterated.

This:  ....
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





is a misinterpretation of a written description. That is not a halo. It is a misinterpretation.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jun 28, 2015)

My theory?

You might not like it. This is not bait either. I'm not trying to rile someone up.

Just, my thoughts. My musings. The questions I ask myself when I visit the little boys room.  

I think we're still too different from apes to have come from them. Somehow we supposedly got much smarter and lost nearly all of our strength? Now, before you refer to our change in living habits, even the fittest men and rock climbers can't even begin to keep up with arboreal creatures of any kind.Even a smaller monkey that lives in a cage can whoop my ass. We're simply weaker. I don't believe tradeoffs like that happen, and I have seen no proper explanation. 

Also, they make huge assumptions on the fossil record. (Carbon dating is surprisingly not very accurate, and largely based on assumption) Tiny pieces of teeth are supposedly new species, and they seem to ignore the possibility of unknown defects, caught up in the feverish excitement when they think they've found the 'missing link.'Given the recent environmental changes over man's lifetime as well, I think the earth changes much faster then they would have us believe. How would creatures adapt fast enough? The way I see it, if it takes so many years, the earth is changing too fast. Everything should be dead.

I'm no scientist either. But don't most cells make DNA as copies? Whatever existing strands they have go through a little thing, which unzips the DNA like a zipper and the other half is formed again.

So the question I ponder is, how do our bodies have a way of actively monitoring our surroundings and making the needed changes? I don't think that they do. Sure, there are mutations, and sometimes certain traits thrive because creatures with less practical traits die out. Otherwise, I don't see any possible way a given creature could change so much as to become a different species. 

All mutations that are too extreme, or any species bred together, cannot reproduce. And most mutations die. Humans have different traits, but we're all the same. Besides those traits that change, our DNA, fundamentally, is still the same. And our cells remake it, the same. 

Also, I am not fanatically religious, nor do I blindly claim to some faith. 

It's just, logically, it doesn't make sense to me. 

That's why, I say, it's a Theory. Not a fact.

Much like my opinion, which I do my upmost to not state as a fact. Hahaha. I hope I was coherent in my thoughts...


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## musichal (Jun 28, 2015)

Seems a pretty good theory to me, and not one I care to debate, either.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jun 28, 2015)

I didn't want to come across like I had beef with someone. Hah. 

My other theory is that if you time travel, back to the man who accidentally invented the high five, and preemptively give him a high five just before he invents it, the ensuing tear in space-time would end everything that exists.


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## musichal (Jun 28, 2015)

The high-five time jive theory.  So cliché.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jun 28, 2015)

What about going back being the first guy to snap his fingers? Ehh? Eeeeeh?


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## KLJo (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a theory that Jehovah's Witnesses are actually some of the best people you can meet.

There is something amazing about folks giving up their free-time to try to get you, and other strangers, to come with them to the coolest place they know.


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## jenthepen (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a theory that the existence of aircraft is a widespread and longstanding conspiracy perpretrated by the descendents of the Wright family and sustained with blanket hypnosis.

Consider the facts; early attempts at flight consisted of one skinny man aboard a flimsy machine constructed from paper and string and it Never worked. The Wright brothers added engines and 'proved' that flight success is achieved in ratio to extra WEIGHT added. Finally, huge transporter machines, made of metal and carrying multiple engines and hundreds of people proved to be the most successful formula for fast and sustained flight. Who do they think they're kidding!

If you're wondering where a couple of ordinary guys like the Wright brothers got the money to set up this worldwide conspiracy of deception you need to look no further than Isombard Kingdom Brunel. This fellow had already made a fortune by conning Britain into building IRON ships to replace the nice bouyant wooden ones. He was obviously at the forefront of this ploy to hypnotise all of us into believing we are blundering around the world like we have no homes when, the truth of it is, we are all locked up in factories producing stuff to make these conspirators RICH.

Wake up people!!

Regards, a concerned citizen.


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## midnightpoet (Jun 28, 2015)

Crowley K. Jarvis said:


> What about going back being the first guy to snap his fingers? Ehh? Eeeeeh?



What about the first guy who flicked his lighter at a rock concert?  Did everyone around him think he was goofy? Guarsh.


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## musichal (Jun 28, 2015)

Crowley K. Jarvis said:


> I didn't want to come across like I had beef with someone. Hah.
> 
> My other theory is that if you time travel, back to the man who accidentally invented the high five, and preemptively give him a high five just before he invents it, the ensuing tear in space-time would end everything that exists.



A Corollary to your High-Five Time Jive Theory, is that if you went back to 1981 and delayed the national unveiling of the stadium sports wave until August 1987 during Harmonic Convergence Week, you would usher in a new Age of Aquarius.


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## Phil Istine (Jun 28, 2015)

Crowley K. Jarvis said:


> My theory?
> 
> You might not like it. This is not bait either. I'm not trying to rile someone up.
> 
> ...



I'm not going to take de bate ... err ... I mean the bait 

I think you will find that even the most ardent evolutionist agrees with you that humans have not evolved from apes.  I believe that the theory is more about humans and apes having a common ancestor in the less distant past than, say, frogs and leopards.
My cousin five hundred thousand trillion times removed is a banana.  I ate him yesterday.  Am I a cannibal?
I'm not after a debate as that's not allowed here but just wanted to clarify that the human-ape (alleged) connection is about common ancestry rather than one producing the other.
The most commonly proffered theory about humans physical strength decreasing is that we no longer needed so much of it for survival as our brains developed.  It appears that working smarter rather than harder may have evolutionary origins    It appears that you are right in saying that environmental change kills off creatures.  That a relative few have managed to survive is a testament to the adaptability of those that currently exist (IMHO of course). 

Please note that I'm just paraphrasing things I've read elsewhere and do not have any emotional content in this post.


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## musichal (Jun 28, 2015)

Please, let's not debate our tongue-in-cheek theories.  At least that would be my preference - I have not either the authority  or the inclination to dictate.  Just asking.


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## KLJo (Jun 28, 2015)

If I could go back in time I would steal/invent the keyboard tie.

That shit is awesome!


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## Kevin (Jun 28, 2015)

> If I could go back in time I would steal/invent the keyboard tie.
> 
> That shit is awesome!


 Similarly: Paintballing... Do you know how frustrating it was to have blown them away only to have them say  "Uh-uh, you missed."  *_blat*_ Did I miss now? *_blat_*...how 'bout then? *_blat-blat-blat_* What? That hurts? *_blat-blat_*.


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## kbsmith (Jun 28, 2015)

Theory

Earth is a rare flower in the universe that blooms with life and species. Past attempts at cosmic pollination had failed, so we stayed. The last of its kind, the earth is showing her age with one final bloom of years before we birth our replacements. 

Future generations of machines will not wonder how they came to be: that information will be hardwired in their circuitry. Like all things, even those initial foundations will fade away like memory of some God that no longer speaks, at which point they will build their gods, themselves, us.


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## KLJo (Jun 28, 2015)

Enceladus or bust!

Theory: this post will help me find other space-geeks.


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## walker (Jun 28, 2015)

My theory: People have difficulty believing that people with opposite personality traits from themselves exist.

Example: 

Type A personality, "That other person is not_ really_ a Type B personality. They can't possibly want to swim and fish and listen to Jimmy Buffett records all day. Secretly, they have an inner desire to work as an investment banker and make a million dollars. Their free and easy act is all a sham."

Type B personality, "That other person is not _really_ a Type A personality. They can't possibly be fulfilled working 9 to 5, and climbing the corporate ladder to better support their family. Secretly, they have an inner child who wants to come out and fish and swim and listen to Jimmy Buffett records, like I do."

Example 2:

Liar and Scammer: "Come on, nobody tells the truth, ever. It's all a scam. Whatever they say, you can be sure there's a hidden agenda there. They withhold information and make stuff up, to make things work out to their benefit."

Non-liar and scammer: "That person is not lying. They are telling the truth--as they see it. Everybody has their own truth. Some childhood trauma causes them to not recognize that they are lying--they really believe that what they are saying is true. People are basically honest."

Theory works for everything...


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## Phil Istine (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a theory that the person who invented the semi-colon was a half-arsed writer.


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## Jon M (Jun 28, 2015)

Type A people are all secretly robots.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jun 28, 2015)

KLJo said:


> I have a theory that Jehovah's Witnesses are actually some of the best people you can meet.
> 
> There is something amazing about folks giving up their free-time to try to get you, and other strangers, to come with them to the coolest place they know.



I know many. This is true. 

The conventions every year at the Georgia Civic center are beautiful. They have a website too now. 

but, more on topic-

If energy can neither be created nor destroyed... what's up with gravity?

Instant kinetic energy. 

And we still can't explain gravity. We can make scales and measure weight, but there is no 'gravity detector.'

Mass is simply attracted to itself, an effect that multiplies depending on the size and density of the object. Planets of course have huge gravitational fields. 

I find it fascinatingly unexplainable. WHY!? lol.


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## am_hammy (Jun 28, 2015)

I have a theory about pancakes and Ashley. When pancakes and Ashley are in the same area, Ashley is happy and can go on with her day. Seriously.


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## Crowley K. Jarvis (Jun 29, 2015)

am_hammy said:


> I have a theory about pancakes and Ashley. When pancakes and Ashley are in the same area, Ashley is happy and can go on with her day. Seriously.



I might have a similar theory about Red Bull and Jadon...


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## JustRob (Jul 11, 2015)

Plasticweld said:


> I have a theory about cup holders in our cars and how they have help lead to the downfall of society in rural America.



Such matters are serious social issues. As a similar example the Swiss are a people who thrive on conversation. They have many local dialects and expressing oneself in spoken words is effectively the national sport in which they take great pride. In fact they don't have a written language at all but use other borrowed languages such as French or German when writing. When supermarkets introduced those blocks to place on the checkout conveyor belts to divide the purchases of one customer from another they were horrified that this would kill off conversation at the checkout. From experience in our British supermarkets this has probably proved true here. 

Being a time-traveller puttering along at a regular one twenty-fourth of a day per hour I have a theory about something which I call temporal streamlining. Some people don't have it and bluntly crash into future events like they are a brick wall and their lives shatter. Those who do have it coast smoothly through their lives and somehow avoid all the pitfalls. Whenever problems arise they are somewhere else or simply unaffected by some coincidence. I'm not convinced that it can all be explained by conventional logic. It is more as though people are born with not just a particular three-dimensional shape but a four-dimensional one which in some cases happens to slide through time without a ripple. I suppose one can change one's profile to some extent by going on a temporal diet, whatever that is, but haven't really pursued the theory in its entirety. As my angel and I both seem to be naturally time-slim we haven't had to consider it too much but are just grateful for it. It means for example that when we go out for a walk the sun will shine until we are just a few steps from home on our way back when it will start to rain. We don't like hot weather though, so when we were on holiday recently the weather was cool and gloomy that week while the week after our holiday there was a heatwave which we would have detested. Whenever my angel complains to me about something over which we have no control somebody else mysteriously does something about it, pushing aside the obstruction to our smooth path through life. If I truly understood it I'd bottle and give it away, not needing to charge for it of course, being as wealthy as I want to be. The most significant evidence and also possible explanation is that I happened to marry an angel. Yes, perhaps that does explain it.


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## ShadowEyes (Jul 12, 2015)

Theory? Magic is real and the antithesis of prayer. It involves an idea, repetition, and some kind of demonic source. This makes things such as Oujia boards, spells, and wards particularly dangerous. So... This makes writing about fantasy with the protagonist as a wizard or witch morally ... inappropriate.

::tinfoil hat::

Maybe you could attribute it to that guy Edgar Casey who they used to document on the History Channel before it went full Nazi. Did they ever figure out if the left paw of the Sphinx contained some sort of secret treasure?


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## jtgrall (Aug 2, 2015)

My theory is that we exist to give the universe meaning


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## Foxee (Aug 2, 2015)

One of my theories is that any group of people left to simply 'follow their heart' as repeatedly encouraged by Disney films would, in fact, kill each other off in the end.

I'd suggest we never test this one. Too many bodies to clean up.


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## Phil Istine (Aug 3, 2015)

I have a theory that the universe is a giant creature and that our solar system is but one molecule within it.  The creature is still growing up hence the reason why the universe is expanding.


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## Pidgeon84 (Aug 3, 2015)

Lizard people!


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