# Little Blue Death (My First Poem)



## 2HF (Feb 2, 2011)

This was supposed to be a short story. I've had the idea for years but I could never get it to work. I was reading some poetry a friend wrote and I was inspired to write this. I hope you like it.
*
Death has come.
In loneliness he wallows.
The boy has come.
And silently Death follows.

A cold wind blows.
A twig is snapped.
Of his motives no one knows.
It seems his prey is trapped.

The boy just slipped and fell
Death stands above him thinking.
His sanity has slipped as well.
He saves him without blinking.

The boy gets up and then says "hi".
Death says "hello" and "how are you"
His new disguise will get him by.
Some torn up jeans and coat of blue.

The boy says come with me.
And silently Death follows.
To a creek and fallen tree.
And audibly Death swallows.

The creek is frozen.
Ice is thin.
Death is frozen.
The boy has fallen in.

Death stands above the boy.
And lets escape a mournful sigh.
Destiny is not a toy.
The boy just has to die.

Death reaches down and grabs his hand.
His love has made him blind.
They walk together through this land.
But leave no prints behind.*


----------



## Slugfly (Feb 2, 2011)

First poem?  Very well done!  There's a few things I could mention that might fuel you for number two.

Poems can but never MUST:
-have rhyme patterns
-have single-statement lines
-use proper grammar
-begin lines with capitals
-end lines with punctuation

If you use these features, you should use it because you think that the poem in you would benefit from it, but don't ever feel that if you ignore these features it stops being a poem.

For an actual critical comment, there are places where "he" is difficult to identify.  For example, "his" in stanzas 3 and 4.  Overall though, I think this is a pretty solid piece, especially for a first poem.  And I think you should write lots more and post some!


----------



## Jane Martin (Feb 7, 2011)

good grasp of rhyme and rhythm for a first go, although I would reiterate what Slugfly has said about these. It's not easy to maintain a rhyme scheme without it sounding forced.


----------



## Gumby (Feb 7, 2011)

I echo what Slugfly and Jane have said and add that I think it's a very nice story, too.


----------



## curtis (Jul 20, 2015)

Excellent poem! Nice imagery...


----------



## Darkkin (Jul 20, 2015)

Zombie thread from 2011!  Like the poem, still...


----------



## Mesafalcon (Jul 20, 2015)

Hmm. Zombie poem or not, I wasnt here in ２０１１　and I rarely even read something passed page １、so, its new to me！

Nice one. I like rhymes.

６.５　of １０


----------



## Oblivious Plunge (Jul 22, 2015)

I imagine this kind of 'edgy teenage-angst ridden" persona when reading. I am almost postive that everyone can relate to this in one way or another. Keep it up.


----------

