# Bed Time Stories



## Firemajic (Aug 11, 2015)

*Tell me a lovely fairy tale
about a world without pain
where your touch is kind and gentle
and where I feel no shame

Tell me a lovely fairy tale
about a place where no one lies
where there is total honesty
and truth is reflected in your eyes

Tell me a lovely fairy tale
about a place where love is true
where hearts are never broken
and mine is safe with you

Tell me a lovely fairy tale
fill me with  bewitching lies
make me believe you are good and kind
and not a monster in disguise.... 
*


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## Foxee (Aug 11, 2015)

This hits such a specific note, sweet and soothing with a hint of danger. The end gave me chills.


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## Darkkin (Aug 11, 2015)

This is a gorgeous contrast of what should/ could be and an all too often bitter truth.  Fairy tales are among the first stories we hear as children, and in our innocence we long to believe in them.  The world intrudes, people cross the paths of these dreamers and shatter the glass castles.  Some of the fragments cut deep, down to the very seat of the soul.  Scars form, but that inherent trust is lost forever.  It leads to chronic questions and cynicism.  Two crimes I'm guilty of myself...

I like that you've repeated the first line through the course of the poem, in most cases it doesn't work, but here it was well executed.  Also enjoyed the repeat and subtle changes on the rhyme pattern in the second and fourth stanzas.  The scheme here is delicate, but very well wrought, much like the glass castles of yesteryear.


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## inkwellness (Aug 11, 2015)

Oh Firemajic you shouldn't have.  But you did! ;-)
What a wonderful piece you've created here. The form is taunt with ample rhyme. But it's the tone that grabs me by the shirt collar: magical with a tinge of sadness.


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## Anari (Aug 11, 2015)

This is lovely. Between you and musichal I am grateful that I always have something wonderful to read.


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## Lewdog (Aug 11, 2015)

I really like the poem and how you set up each stanza with the repeated opening line.  One thing that stood out to me is the word "*beguiling."  *​I think the sound of the word throws off the poem.


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## Phil Istine (Aug 12, 2015)

I did enjoy this - sweet with a twist of sinister.
It's funny how I picked up on "beguiling" too.  I don't think that "beguiling" is the problem though as it goes well with "lies"; I think the issue in that line is that "your" can be dropped to allow the line to flow more readily by dropping a syllable.  This would have a knock-on advantage of allowing the "you are" in the penultimate line to be contracted to "you're", if desired.
I was also thinking that some syllables might be lost in the last two lines of the second stanza, something like:
"... *where there is total honesty,
(the) truth reflected in your eyes ..."
*
This poem resonated deeply with me due to my unusual upbringing.  I also like it because you left the wording sufficiently open for varying interpretations.


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## escorial (Aug 12, 2015)

often you draw me in then at the end the whole poem needs another thought as to it's topic,meaning.....one is often suprized


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 12, 2015)

The repetition of -tell me- worked for me. 

Nice one.


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## Firemajic (Aug 12, 2015)

Foxee.. I love that you caught the soothing sounds, and the chill at the end... things are never what they seem, are they?? Thank you!

DarKKin, your comments are lovely, and your insight right on... Fabulous.. Thank you..

Inkwellness... lol.... I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself.. Thank you..

Anari... Thank you for your lovely comment...

Heyyy Lewdog... I agree with you.. I will search for a better word... Thank you... I appreciate..

Phil, I will make the change you suggested.. Thank you for your comments..

Escorial... always a twist.. how else am I going to keep you on your toes... Thank you..

Mesafalcon.... Thank you for reading and commenting...


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## rcallaci (Aug 12, 2015)

Firelove

A truly wonderful little masterwork. Inspired writing - fractured fairy-tales and other dark things is what I write and this piece fits in well with my thematic intentions. The ending was jack- You have perfected this style- your voice has a bright and sharp edge- a melancholy tone  with a streak of devilish blister...

The student has surpassed the master. bravo...

my warmest
bob


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## Firemajic (Aug 12, 2015)

Poet God! Grasshopper will always walk in your shadow... I am quite content to do so... sooo, watchit!!! I love that you love this... You inspire my fire... Thank you Maestro... your comments are fabulous.... write on...


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## Bard_Daniel (Aug 12, 2015)

This was fabulous!

The repetition of lines sometimes works but sometimes doesn't but in this poem you brought it home. The last verse was especially electrifying as well. 

Thanks for the read!


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## Lewdog (Aug 12, 2015)

The change in words makes a world of difference it leaves me more fulfilled.


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## Firemajic (Aug 13, 2015)

Daniel.. Thank you for reading , I am thrilled that you thought my poem was fabulous!


Heey Dog! LOL... Thank you for your critique and for helping me polish my poem... write on..


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