# I Am



## QuixoteDelMar (Jul 30, 2018)

If I am the Wind,
    I am the Rain
If I am the Lightning,
    I am the Flame
If I am the Danger,
    I am the Pain
If I am,
    I am
A Storm in the eye of a Hurricane
If I am
_I am._


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## NeoKukulza (Jul 31, 2018)

I like it.  Short yet strong.


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## Darren White (Jul 31, 2018)

Can I make a suggestion? Since you capitalize and thus personalize Wind, Rain, and so on, you don't need 'the' everywhere. I think it will make your poem even stronger. I like it a lot


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## QuixoteDelMar (Jul 31, 2018)

Good note, good note. I do like the second reading better.

I actually already shortened it a lot. The original draft was a lot more wordy (If I am the lightning that strikes the tree, I am the fire burning wild and free) but I wanted each line to have a more impact so excised most of the imagery and tried to emphasis the core of each line, hence the capitalization and use of the definitive articles. The Wind, The Rain.

But that isn't really necessary, and brevity helps deliver the feeling better.

So, Y'know. Thanks.


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## TuesdayEve (Jul 31, 2018)

I’d like to see that version too


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## ned (Jul 31, 2018)

hello - a good dramatic read, yet for me, the message is not that clear.

maybe, could do with one more image before 'A Storm in the eye of a Hurricane'
to rhyme with eye.

just my thoughts.......................Ned


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## QuixoteDelMar (Jul 31, 2018)

The original version then, for TuesdayEve: 



> If I am the wind blowing through dry grass,
> I am the rain that brings life at last
> If I am the lightning that strikes the tree,
> I am the fire burning wild and free
> ...



ned - I'm not sure what imagery I could use that would rhyme with eye... I'll think on that for a bit, see if I can come up with anything.

I did consider leaving in the Cause and Effect line, but I didn't think it fit with the pared down version.


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## aj47 (Jul 31, 2018)

sky 

.... take it


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## QuixoteDelMar (Jul 31, 2018)

astroannie said:


> sky
> 
> .... take it



Now, see, you'd think that would have occurred to me, but no. No it didn't. Wow.


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## Robbie (Jul 31, 2018)

Yes!


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## Firemajic (Aug 1, 2018)

QuixoteDelMar said:


> If I am the Wind,
> I am the Rain
> If I am the Lightning,
> I am the Flame
> ...




Welcome to the fabulous poetry thread  Your intriguing poem was the inspiration for the August Pip challenge... I hope you participate... I think you will enjoy it....


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## QuixoteDelMar (Aug 2, 2018)

Firemajic said:


> Welcome to the fabulous poetry thread  Your intriguing poem was the inspiration for the August Pip challenge... I hope you participate... I think you will enjoy it....



Hey, thanks! Honored, really. Not sure I'll have anything to contribute though - I write poetry pretty infrequently. Mostly I devote my talents to Weird Al-esque parodies of the music my parents listen to.

Okay, so how about this revised version:

If I am Wind,
I am Rain
If I am Lightning,
I am Flame
If I am Danger,
I am Pain
If I am Dust,
I am Sky
If I am,
I am
A Storm in the eye of a Hurricane
If I am
_I am_


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## Dino_Gonzalez (Aug 2, 2018)

is this like a cause and affect

like wind --> rain 

I dont get that, but i figured it might be because 

Lightning can cause a Flame
this is dangerous 
Danger can cause Pain

.... then

"A Storm in the eye of a Hurricane"

something disastrous in the wake of something disastrous

I don't want to sound unintelligent, but I dont understand it. I feel slightly ashamed as if I should. What am I missing?


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## QuixoteDelMar (Aug 2, 2018)

Dino_Gonzalez said:


> is this like a cause and affect
> 
> like wind --> rain
> 
> ...



It's not exactly cause and effect; that's why I excised the line that included that phrase in the first place. It's more like - I'm what comes before, and after.

The wind picks up before it rains; lightning strikes before the tree burns; danger comes before the injury; dust in the atmosphere gives us the sky... Still not sure about that last one. I'm working on getting the right image.

And finally, you had the right of it - something dangerous inside of something worse. And "in the eye" implies that it isn't over yet - even when I'm gone and the 'storm' has passed, the worst is still out there.

That's what it means to me anyway.


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## Dino_Gonzalez (Aug 2, 2018)

yeah, now that you say that it makes a lot more sense - looking forward to the changes man.


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## QuixoteDelMar (Aug 5, 2018)

The latest draft: 



> If I am Water,
> I am the wave
> If I am Lightning,
> I am the flame
> ...


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## TuesdayEve (Aug 7, 2018)

Dear Q,
Just a little tip regarding location, any revisions for 
any work you do, would be better seen and noticed
on the same post/page under or above the original 
piece....this way it’s easier for people to compare.
The revision I think well done.


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