# The bond



## haribol (Apr 25, 2018)

Walking all alone
And I see dancing images
Of yesterdays with you,
Though you are not images,
For realities are not enough for life.

If there are no images and imaginations
The shadow of yesterday leaves us for ever
Life becomes incomplete and not sated
I need ghosts of millenniums to haunt me
That broadens my world.

Tomorrows are without a connection hollow and unlinked fragments
I become a bridge between yesterdays and tomorrows
And  walk alone cutting the edge of time and space


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## jenthepen (Apr 25, 2018)

There are a lot of truths and insights in your poem and I enjoyed the imagery in the final stanza.


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## andrewclunn (Apr 29, 2018)

I'm conflicted.  I want this fleshed out more.  Or rather I want the explanation interspersed with the visual elements rather than at the end like an explanation cliff notes style.


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## Olly Buckle (Apr 30, 2018)

Andrew wants more, I kept wanting less. There were so many words that seemed surplus.

Walking alone
I see dancing images

That sort of thing, fewer words, same meaning.

This caught me:-
"The shadow of yesterday leaves us for ever ..." 
'Forever what?' I wondered for several seconds


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## Caleb Murdock (May 1, 2018)

I'm new here, and I don't want to get off on the wrong foot, but in my opinion there is too much cliche'd language in this poem -- "dancing images", "shadow of yesterday", etc.  There are also a lot of general statements.  To write a good poem, you have to zero in on exactly what you want to say.  Don't try to be poetic; just write what you mean.


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## Olly Buckle (May 1, 2018)

Caleb Murdock said:


> I'm new here, and I don't want to get off on the wrong foot, but in my opinion there is too much cliche'd language in this poem -- "dancing images", "shadow of yesterday", etc.  There are also a lot of general statements.  To write a good poem, you have to zero in on exactly what you want to say.  Don't try to be poetic; just write what you mean.



Don't worry about being new, newbies get a bit of leeway, make hay, they will crack down on you when you have been here a bit  

Seriously; you make some good points.


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## Caleb Murdock (May 1, 2018)

I get to post one of my own poems only after I've made ten posts on other poems, is that how it works?


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## Olly Buckle (May 2, 2018)

That's it, Caleb, not that it has to be on poetry, but some areas like procrastination don't add to post count. Only two to go. Sorry about the wait, but it is a very effective filter for spammers, they just want to get in and out without any real interest.


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## Caleb Murdock (May 2, 2018)

Olly Buckle said:


> but some areas like procrastination don't add to post count


Thanks.  I can't figure out what you mean by that.

Haribol, sorry for momentarily hijacking your thread.


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## Olly Buckle (May 2, 2018)

Caleb Murdock said:


> Thanks.  I can't figure out what you mean by that.



https://www.writingforums.com/forums/209-Procrastination-Central-Fun-amp-Games-Only

There is an awful lot of stuff on this forum when you go right through. They say 'not to be taken seriously', but I manage to have some writing point in most of the games I have put up.


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## Proseph Biden (May 3, 2018)

I agree with various points of the above feedback. A lot of vague, somewhat hollow concepts/imagery are used. Tomorrows and yesterdays, edge between time and space, shadow of yesterday, ghosts of milleniums. I am not sure what these are meant to convey, because they do not actually create any image. I think the thematic elements of the poem are good, with a focus on bonds, but it can be strengthened by bringing the scope of focus down a bit to be less grandiose. A bond is a real thing that is highly relatable and I think the emotional strength imbued in this poem is lost because of the zoomed out nature of the concepts at work here. As noted above as well, the inter-line language can be tightened up a bit to remove some clunk (such as "and" in the 2nd line) while expanding on the focus of bonds. Good start!


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## haribol (May 3, 2018)

Favorable or unfavorable I do not care I am at least concerned here. The point is this thread stirred minds and I am happy for that. Poetry is for me an expression of a particular emotion(s) and grammar and structure follows and it is better if is constructed artistically in perfect syntactic, semantic fashion but all can not do it for the language they write in will not be in their total control and command. In my case English is a second language and I cannot claim native grandeur. Since this forum is not a multilingual forum and as such writers, poets and thinkers from different cultures and languages take part here. And this has enhanced its value and scope as well and has given it an international repute.


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## Albo Ari (May 7, 2018)

Caleb Murdock said:


> I'm new here, and I don't want to get off on the wrong foot, but in my opinion there is too much cliche'd language in this poem -- "dancing images", "shadow of yesterday", etc.  There are also a lot of general statements.  To write a good poem, you have to zero in on exactly what you want to say.  Don't try to be poetic; just write what you mean.



I actually did not feel the same way you did. I think it was well stated and for that matter more on the less complicated and straight forward side. Although the last line with the space time somewhat did not ring so well in my mind.


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## haribol (May 8, 2018)

Caleb Murdock said:


> Thanks.  I can't figure out what you mean by that.
> 
> Haribol, sorry for momentarily hijacking your thread.



Yes the thread has gone out of track and the discussion concerning the poem is not here. It is totally hijacked.


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## RC James (May 9, 2018)

[h=2]The bond[/h]Walking (all)alone
(And) I see dancing images
Of yesterdays (with you,)     ---------- our yesterdays??
Though (you are not) images,
(For) realities are not enough (for life.)

(If there are) no images (and) imaginations ---------with no images or imag....
(The) shadow of yesterday leave(s) us (for ever)
Life becomes incomplete (and not sated)
I need ghosts of millenniums to haunt me  ---------- millenniums of ghosts??
That broaden(s) my world.

Tomorrows (are) without (a) connection*s* *are* hollow (and unlinked) fragments
I become a bridge between yesterdays and tomorrows
And walk alone cutting the edge of time and space​


hope this helps - RC


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