# Variations on "he said."



## PenCat (Jun 14, 2016)

While I can't readily cite authors who've done this, I have read books in which, rather than relying simply on "he said" and "she replied" used other verbs, such as:

"she explained"
"he elaborated"
"he offered"
"she instructed"

on one hand, it seems to me that this can provide a little emphasis to that speaker's position or intent. On the other, it can be distracting. Attentive readers will know when a speaker is replying, giving instructions, being defensive..


Are there thoughts on the use of this device/technique?

Thank you!


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## Gyarachu (Jun 14, 2016)

Dialogue tags are virtually invisible to the reader most of the time. Rarely is it stronger to use anything other than the simple said/asked/replied. As you've noted, anything else is mostly superfluous, and even distracting.


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## PenCat (Jun 14, 2016)

yeah..distracting..reason enough to nix it.

thank you!


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## Aquilo (Jun 14, 2016)

Most times speech tags can be deleted and action used to carry the speaker.


"Run, quick," snapped James, gabbing the keys to the door.

"Run, _quick_." James grabbed the keys to the door.

The same with change in voice tone:

"Come 'ere," he whispered.

"Come 'ere." His whisper teased the back of her neck.


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## PenCat (Jun 14, 2016)

OK..I like that..proximity sufficiently establishing who-sez-what, plus builds immediacy, excitement.

Thank you!


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## EmmaSohan (Jun 14, 2016)

Some authors avoid 'he said'. It's boring, and sometimes deadening if readers take "he said" as meaning "he said". Which I do.

"_Ohmy God_!"Jenny screamed. "_Ohmy God, look at it!_"

"_Oh my God_!" Jenny said. "_Oh my God, look at it_!"

Your choice. And I should note, most authors try to avoid dialogue tags when they would be just "he said" or "he asked"

(The first one is from Stephen King's _Revival_.)


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## Jay Greenstein (Jun 14, 2016)

Years ago, there was a little mimeographed pamphlet sold in the classifies section of Writers Digest called, _The Said Book_. It listed every possible alternative to "he said." The publishing industry thought it was great laugh, and when a manuscript came in which was littered with alternatives to "said" they said it had a case of Said-book-ism.

As has already been mentioned, people don't notice "s/he said" any more then do they identify commas, other than to use them to guide their reading. After all, why say, "Go to hell!" she shouted, when the bang, in and of itself, tells us it was shouted? Or "he replied," when we know what was said, whose turn it was to speak, and that he had just replied, before we read the words, "he replied."

But that being said, James Michener, in his book Afganastan, did his best to use every possible word in the Said Book, apparently, just fort the fun of it. And it was a great read—though I think it was, in part because the reader caught on, laughed, and then ignored them. The other part was that he wrote so damn well that he could get away with anything.


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## EmmaSohan (Jun 14, 2016)

Jay Greenstein said:


> Years ago, there was a little mimeographed pamphlet sold in the classifies section of Writers Digest called, _The Said Book_. It listed every possible alternative to "he said." The publishing industry thought it was great laugh, and when a manuscript came in which was littered with alternatives to "said" they said it had a case of Said-book-ism.
> 
> As has already been mentioned, people don't notice "s/he said" any more then do they identify commas, other than to use them to guide their reading. After all, why say, "Go to hell!" she shouted, when the bang, in and of itself, tells us it was shouted? Or "he replied," when we know what was said, whose turn it was to speak, and that he had just replied, before we read the words, "he replied."
> 
> But that being said, James Michener, in his book Afganastan, did his best to use every possible word in the Said Book, apparently, just fort the fun of it. And it was a great read—though I think it was, in part because the reader caught on, laughed, and then ignored them. The other part was that he wrote so damn well that he could get away with anything.



As far as I know, I notice "he said."

I don't think "Go to hell" should get a dialogue tag.


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## J Anfinson (Jun 14, 2016)

My own rule of thumb is to use a variation if it feels right, not just to avoid "said". If a variation would make it better then run with it and see what others think. But as already mentioned, the chief advantage is that "said" is invisible most of the time.


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## Terry D (Jun 15, 2016)

EmmaSohan said:


> Some authors avoid 'he said'. It's boring,



So is the word 'the', but we use it when it is appropriate.



> "_Ohmy God_!"Jenny screamed. "_Ohmy God, look at it!_"
> 
> "_Oh my God_!" Jenny said. "_Oh my God, look at it_!"
> 
> Your choice.



No one has ever said to never use anything other than 'said'. A descriptive tag is sometimes the right choice. In the quote you posted, King may have wanted to keep the pace quick and abrupt so he opted for "screamed" rather than reinforce the volume of her statement through a bit of narration -- "Ohmy God!" Jenny's scream filled the small room. "Ohmy God, look at it!" No one would ever follow a bit of dialogue intended to be a scream with a 'said' tag. That's because the character obviously didn't just 'say' it. Your example is rather silly.



> And I should note, most authors try to avoid dialogue tags when they would be just "he said" or "he asked"



No you shouldn't, because this is simply wrong. 'He said', and 'he asked' are everywhere in fiction. What most real authors try to avoid is assuming their readers are so stupid they need stage direction for every bit of dialogue.


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## Non Serviam (Jun 15, 2016)

http://www.writingforums.com/entries/5-Writing-101-On-dialogue


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## Patrick (Jun 15, 2016)

It's simply a matter of balance and, again, a writer's ear. If you clutter your dialogue with stage direction to avoid _he/she said _your writing will suffer. It will also suffer if you have dialogue with just a string of _he said/she said. _

As writers, we develop silly aversions at one time or another. I think much of that stems from familiarity and fatigue. As Terry adroitly points out, we use "the" a lot; it's the definite article and is fundamental to the English language. Yes it's boring, but not every aspect of your writing can be unprecedented. You need those boring elements to hold the writing together and for ease of reading. Imagine trying to read something that tried to be unprecedented all the time; you would be exhausted after a paragraph or two.

Familiarity may drive a writer to neurosis, but it sustains accessibility and gives the reader a breather.


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## bdcharles (Jun 15, 2016)

Make up some new ones. "He piffed" and "she squicked" are two I like


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## Patrick (Jun 15, 2016)

bdcharles said:


> Make up some new ones. "He piffed" and "she squicked" are two I like



I like to create new words too.


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## SilverMoon (Jun 15, 2016)

> Originally Posted by *Patrick*
> 
> It's simply a matter of balance and, again, a writer's ear. If you clutter your dialogue with stage direction to avoid _he/she said _your writing will suffer. It will also suffer if you have dialogue with just a string of _he said/she said. _



In entire agreement that it's all about balance. When I find my writer's ear going deaf/bored from using a plethora of _he said/she said(s) _I safely assume the reader will become blinded/distracted by tedium. 

I will often go for something of the like  e.g.  "a_s she put it"_ rather than "_she said_". Minor enough change to avoid the "stage direction".




> Originally Posted by *bdcharles*
> 
> Make up some new ones. "He piffed" and "she squicked" are two I like :smile:



Love 'em, too! Neologisms and Onomatopoeias.  Very inventive idea - use of both in one. But wonder if the astute, curious though rather concrete reader would pause to look up the words all for naught and become frustrated?

Geh vays?_  Yiddish - packed with Onomatopoeias _ Go figure_?_


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## dale (Jun 15, 2016)

"I always do find speech tags sorrowful," I cried.


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## bdcharles (Jun 16, 2016)

SilverMoon said:


> Love 'em, too! Neologisms and Onomatopoeias.  Very inventive idea - use of both in one. But wonder if the astute, curious though rather concrete reader would pause to look up the words all for naught and become frustrated?



There is that. I think the key is to sufficiently onomatopoeiaise (!) the dialogue tag so there's no need to look it up. The reader will "just know". They'll just get it.


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## SilverMoon (Jun 16, 2016)

> Originally Posted by *bdcharles*
> 
> There is that. I think the key is to sufficiently onomatopoeiaise (!) the dialogue tag so there's no need to look it up. The reader will "just know". They'll just get it.



Onomatopoeias are enlivening and agree that there should be no need to look them up. My concern was coupling it with the made up word. Did a little exploring and found the following to be good food for thought when creating Neologisms for tagging. (I'd love to explore it in context of story but don't want to derail this thread.)
*
When to Use Neologisms
*"Part of the strength and vitality of English is its readiness to welcome *new words and expressions*, and to accept new meanings for old words. Yet such meanings and uses often depart as quickly as they arrived. . .  

"Before grabbing the latest usage, ask yourself a few questions. Is it likely to pass the test of time? If not, are you using it to show just how cool you are? Has it already become a cliché? Does it do a job no other word or expression does just as well? Does it rob the language of a useful or well-liked meaning? Is it being adapted to make the writer's prose sharper, crisper, more euphonious, easier to understand--in other words, better? Or to make it seem more with it (yes, that was cool once, just as cool is cool now), more pompous, more bureaucratic or more politically correct--in other words, worse?"

http://grammar.about.com/od/mo/g/neologismterm.htm


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## Kyle R (Jun 16, 2016)

To me, dialogue tags exist, mostly, to help the reader know who's speaking (and, occasionally, to specify _how _they're saying it).

How you handle them is really up to you. Sometimes, though, I find authors get caught up worrying about rules, or variety, or repetition—and they start to contort their writing with those things in mind.

Taken too far, things end up sounding artificially stiff. Or the opposite: the narration sounds too flamboyant and over-the-top.

So I find it's best to try not to worry about it, to write what seems the most natural and logical to you, and just remember the main goal: giving your reader a story they can imagine and engage with. Most of the time, readers don't care about your word choices, or your dialogue tags—not as much as us fellow writers do, anyway. :encouragement:


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## SilverMoon (Jun 16, 2016)

> Originally Posted by* KyleR *
> 
> To me, dialogue tags exist, mostly, to help the reader know who's speaking (and, occasionally, to specify _how _they're saying it).



Right there with you! The _specifying_ is important (for me) to flesh out the speaker a bit.

A super find I'm keeping in my Favorites. Hope this helps y'all out. Replacement words when _She/He _becomes the narcoleptic mantra. Can give them that twist with those "Funhouse Mirror Words". 

http://esl.about.com/od/writingadvanced/a/he_said_she_said.htm


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## Terry D (Jun 16, 2016)

SilverMoon said:


> Right there with you! The _specifying_ is important (for me) to flesh out the speaker a bit.
> 
> A super find I'm keeping in my Favorites. Hope this helps y'all out. Replacement words when _She/He _becomes the narcoleptic mantra. Can give them that twist with those "Funhouse Mirror Words".
> 
> http://esl.about.com/od/writingadvanced/a/he_said_she_said.htm



That article says it is about alternatives to 'said', but then every example is narration and not a dialogue tag. Interspersing narration with dialogue is a good way to avoid using trite, and usually comical, 'said' replacements. 'Said' only becomes a "narcoleptic mantra" for the writer self-conscious about using it. Readers don't pay any attention to it. Of course, if you use "she said" after every line of dialogue it will draw attention to itself like any other over-used word or phrase.


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## Tettsuo (Jun 16, 2016)

Kyle R said:


> To me, *dialogue tags exist, mostly, to help the reader know who's speaking (and, occasionally, to specify how they're saying it).
> 
> How you handle them is really up to you.*


Generally, if two people are talking, you can drop the dialogue tags relatively quickly so long as you keep the conversation flowing in a logical direction.  It starts to get dicey when you have more than three people talking.  This is usually where the writers ability to create distinct characters and dialogue along with it starts to show itself.


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## EmmaSohan (Jun 16, 2016)

We have a variety of ways of avoiding dialogue tags such as _he said_. I think beginning writers should be told to learn them and use them. (Not all of the time, as people have noted.) We would not have them -- or use them -- if dialogue tags were harmless. I think beginning writers should not be told they are harmless.

Past that it's interesting.

Added: I forgot to mention the technique for minimizing the impact of the dialogue tag. (Putting it at middle or end.)


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## SilverMoon (Jun 16, 2016)

> Originally Posted by* Terry D *
> 
> That article says it is about alternatives to 'said', but then every example is narration and not a dialogue tag. Interspersing narration with dialogue is a good way to avoid using trite, and usually comical, 'said' replacements. 'Said' only becomes a "narcoleptic mantra" for the writer self-conscious about using it. Readers don't pay any attention to it. Of course, if you use "she said" after every line of dialogue it will draw attention to itself like any other over-used word or phrase.



The link I provided offering alternative words to "He/She *said*" did go overboard with substitutes for dialogue tags but thought it would simply spur some ideas -to narrow down. Agreeably, "said" can pass for a kind of invisible word (and suppose I am self-conscious about overuse). All in all, it's about the balancing act.

For example: (_t__his is not mine) _it's overdone, distracting and redundant..... but I have a reference to work with.

_"I snapped a quick response to his question." _

I'd put this on a diet:

"I (He/She) snapped back" (We already know there's a question at hand.)


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## Terry D (Jun 16, 2016)

SilverMoon said:


> The link I provided offering alternative words to "He/She *said*" did go overboard with substitutes for dialogue tags but thought it would simply spur some ideas -to narrow down. Agreeably, "said" can pass for a kind of invisible word (and suppose I am self-conscious about overuse). All in all, it's about the balancing act.
> 
> For example: (_t__his is not mine) _it's overdone, distracting and redundant..... but I have a reference to work with.
> 
> ...



I guess it depends, to me, on how important the 'snapped' is within the conversation. The reader should be able to a character's tone without being told. In this case "I snapped back" isn't particularly egregious, and if it out of my fingertips while writing I'd probably let it stay, but usually I'd look for a way to make it unnecessary.


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## SilverMoon (Jun 16, 2016)

.... have a gift for double posting :icon_arrowd:


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## SilverMoon (Jun 16, 2016)

> Originally Posted by* Terry D *
> 
> I guess it depends, to me, on how important the 'snapped' is within the conversation



In just a snap, I agree. :wink:


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