# o4.



## TBK (Apr 9, 2013)

The vulture looms
at night.
He takes off my clothes.

I powder my bruises 
when I
powder my nose.


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## Travers (Apr 9, 2013)

That's great TBK, so simple yet powerful.


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## dannyboy (Apr 9, 2013)

enjoyed it also.


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## Ariel (Apr 9, 2013)

The images are so hard and so matter-of-factly presented that it's hard when the poem ends.  I'm expecting more of the poem. 

Well done.


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## Angel101 (Apr 9, 2013)

There's not really much to critique here, since it's such a short poem. I'm not a fan of the use of "demon." For me, it's a bit of a cliche. But other than that, the poem works. You packed a violent idea and image into a micro-piece. Well done.

Bay


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## bookworm189 (Apr 11, 2013)

The last para is striking. I like the whole poem, but the last para more than the first. The contrast is portrayed in such a great way.


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## Fats Velvet (Apr 17, 2013)

Fantastic.


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## Squalid Glass (Apr 17, 2013)

I'm curious about the title...


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## NathanBrazil (Apr 17, 2013)

TBK said:


> . . . I could give you a bunch of billy jack bullshit about it, but it's just a number. I'm tired of titling my poems. The titles never fit, and I feel like they're redundant, so I'm numbering them, now.
> 
> I was told, once, that we unintentionally pick things that are symbolic--our brain creates subconscious connections for us. Once could be the prime selfishness, that we are all alone, we are all just one person. It's a masculine, introverted number, aggressive.
> 
> Also, the great thing about art is that you interpret things the way you want to, so it's not so much what it means to me, but what it means to you, I think.



From the poetry thread, "1."


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## TBK (Apr 18, 2013)

Thank you, guys, for your compliments and suggestions.

I edited the word 'demon'.


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## bajmahal (Apr 18, 2013)

I liked it better with "demon" rather than "vulture" - I know your probably thinking "Arrrgh!" 
It's just that vulture implies death, so how are you alive to powder your bruises and nose later?


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## Squalid Glass (Apr 18, 2013)

I like demon as well. I was thinking maybe you could change "comes" to "looms" or something like that. It would complete the abc-abc rhyme scheme.


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## TBK (Apr 18, 2013)

I do like looms, and I appreciate vulture, more, now that I think about it.

'Powder my nose' is supposed to refer to drug use as well as makeup.

So I like that the vulture is picking her bones clean.

Thank you, again, for your suggestions.


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## NathanBrazil (Apr 18, 2013)

Love vulture there - especially up against looms.

Though, I just had a misread - "powder my bones".

Dern vultures.


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## Fats Velvet (Apr 18, 2013)

Vulture works far better than demon.  The later was a bit too generic to add meat to the poem.  Reminded me of Danzig...vulture is more sinister.


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