# 3-22-07 | Scores



## silverwriter (Apr 17, 2007)

What an LM! There were certainly a lot of entries as well as a lot of delays. I apologize for that. 

A note - Chris Miller missed Shawn's entry, so I averaged out the other scores and put that in as his score rather than delay the results any further.

As always, thank you to the judges and to the participants.

Without further ado...

Amber Leaf = 16, 14, 16 = 14.6
itsaboysname = 17, 16, 15 = 16
ebmadman = 17.5, 16, 17 = 16.83
wombat boi = 12.5, 15, 10 = 12.5
Dephere = 15.5, 16, 14 = 15.16
Heather Louise = 13.5, 14, 11 = 12.83 
due on maple street = 16, 15, 15 = 15.3
seawings = 16, 16, 19 = 17
evelyn = 16, 16, 16 = 16
Cornish Maid = 13, 19, 12 = 14.6
Shawn = 5, 2, 8 = 5
RainBeau = 17, 16, 17 = 16.6
benjirama = 18, 10, 13 = 13.6
cat smh = 17, 16, 17 = 16.6
rboy27 = 15, 16, 11 = 14
cyberspector = 18.5, 18, 17.5 = 18
Mike = 18.5, 17, 18 = 17.83
defenestrator = 18, 17, 17 = 17.3
Foxee = 19.5, 19, 20 = 19.5
Matrim = 17, 17, 17 = 17
mwd = 19.5, 17, 18 = 18.16
Tsaeb XIII = 18, 16, 16 = 16.6
eggo = 17.5, 18, 18 = 17.83
ruksak = 17.5, 18, 15 = 16.83

Congratulations to the winners:


Foxee = 19.5
mwd = 18.16
cyberspector = 18


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## silverwriter (Apr 17, 2007)

Chris Miller’s Scores

  I found the water level pretty high in this one. Tough to “judge.” Impressed by the quantity and quality of submissions.


Amber Leaf: no title – 16

*their no use*
they’re

*my times up?*
time’s

*now its summer*
it’s

The ending was my favorite part of this. The looking forward to the last day. Like one good day trumps all the rest. I kept stumbling across a loose embedded rhyme scheme, which was interesting, even if not deliberate. I found the story and beginning a little melodramatic and obsessed, but also very honest, like this is what you’d really do and think and hope for.


Itsaboysname: Gonna Die Tomorrow – 17

*up and done*
down

Interesting voice. Cool read. Seemed to lean a little pedophilic toward the end, like I thought the guy might do something sick. I like how the dying part is kept on the back burner, how indirectly it’s handled, like he can’t even bring himself to tell the reader, and all the banal little details that stick in his mind as the end approaches. Well done.


ebmadman: Dear Joshua – 17.5

*Joshua stares at her as tears stream down his face.*
Pronoun problem.

*He see's one of them*
sees

Really enjoyed the letter. Real and specific, and sad. Nice handling of the theme too.


Wombat Boi: On A Cold, Wet Night In The City – 12.5

*near where I lay*
lie

*I resign to laying still again*
lying

Was expecting some sort of resolution or explanation at the end to compensate for the vague journey. Sounds like animals nursing or about to be born. Since I’m not sure what it’s about, it’s hard to say if it relates to the theme. Suspect it was written for another venue and then kludged in here. Cleanly written, but essentially character-less and plot-less. 


Dephere: Happiness – 15.5

*a resonate voice*
resonant

Interesting first paragraph. Funny. But then sort of falls off a cliff thematically to me. Like isn’t what he did pretty much the same as suicide? Sort of a cop out idea-wise to me. Like if I had 24 hours to live, I’d get high. Suspect this is business as usual for this junkie.

heatherlouise: my last day – 13.5

Death staring one in the face is a tad cliché.
bushed=bushes
sunk=sank
shies=shoes
i=I

Kind of misses for me. A moral looking for a story looking for a moral. Appears to have not been reread even once. That’s gonna cost you. Making me read something you couldn’t be bothered to. Saved by some nice, alert description toward the end.


Due on Maple Street: No tears the day before I die – 16

*Tell Bradley to drag his out of bed*
ass

I think men are “blond” and women are “blonde.”

Straight forward little tale. Waxes a little shrill at the end. Why would she want to punch the bimbo in the nose? The asshole probably just gave her AIDS. That she seems to still have feelings for him seems a little conflicted. Some very funny non sequiturs, like the Vanilla Coke. 


seawings: No Fear of Tomorrow – 16

Well written. Kind of lends another new meaning to, “Have a nice day.” Unless the guy were very depressed, it’s a little hard to imagine such a laid back, non philosophical reaction. I’d kind of like to know what exactly he’s dying of. Maybe then I’d understand better. So far, all of these seem to want to skip over this important detail, which tends to strain credibility for me, reduces them to more of a themed assignment than a short story.


Evelyn: A Day’s Work – 16

Wow! Reminds me of the novel called, “Deliver us Form Evelyn.” Seems like kind of a pain in the ass having to traipse around looking for these guys. Or may it’s just I hate flying. Might consider buying a firearm once you’re off the plane. Cutlery might not give you quite the advantage you’ll need. But a sawed off 12 gauge… Nice change of tone from the warm beginning to the surprise, shrill ending. Hope you get ‘em. They deserve it.


Cornish Maid: My Death – 13

*The intense cold is the first thing I notice.*
What about the unbearable pain in the previous paragraph?
Or the onslaught the likes of which you have never known in the one before that?

Feel like you kind of missed the theme here. You make no decisions. You just pointlessly die with all the attendant cliché musings and suffering.


RainBeau: My Way – 17

Points for specifics, originality and wit. The abundance of adverbs toward the beginning made it clunky to read. I was a little confused by his motivation. Like I felt I was missing important parts of the story. 


Benjirama: I AM THE FUCKING LAWNMOWER MAN – 18

I enjoyed this one. Very original. Feels a little fanfic-y, or maybe more of a parody of fanfic. Pretty funny. Some interesting ideas. And this is the first story where I know WHY the MF is dying. I enjoyed its fearless, experimental nature. Lots of typos and grammatical errors, probably not all intentional, but then the venue kind of demands this.


cat smh: Honeybees – 17

At first the “one day to go” motif felt overworked, and the whole thing sort of melodramatic. But it recovered by the end and had me involved with the character. Nice. Again glad to know why he had one more day.


rboy27: The Cedar Door – 15

First paragraph over-descript. 

I new it
knew

The ending didn’t really work for me, or the theme I think. Some nice vernacular. Feels like an excerpt kind of. 


cyberspecter: A Mother’s Confession – 18.5

Very beautiful. Strong voiced, specific and imaginative. You captured character and poignancy, even drama, in a concise and subtle way. 


Mike: Chichimanga – 18.5

Beauty and description through subtlety and detail. Both characters shine. Their relationship feels real. Nice dialogue. Very efficient. Very nice work. 


defenestrator: Last Breath – 18 

Poetic. Skirts the theme well enough. Indirectly philosophical in the way of the dying I imagine too.


Foxee: The Mourning After – 19.5 

*enough for he and the kids*
him (?)

I’m a sucker for your style. I like the way the genre just creeps in. Here you use the negative utopia to solve the problem of pending death in an imaginative and credible way, a dark way, a political way even, and also advance the plot. I like how the story just emerges. How you incorporate the theme without making it look like the answer to some test essay question or assignment. Great descriptions and characterizations throughout. Wouldn’t surprise me if you actually had a brother like that. Poignant and evocative love scene at the end too. I like how you juxtapose their lovemaking with the distancing of her secret. Very beautiful. Kind of selfish too maybe. Like there might be stuff he’d want to say. I feel bad for the guy, that he didn’t get to “enjoy” her last day along with her. Lots of emotion in any case.


Matrim: ash – 17 

A nice idea. Not sure quite targets the theme of what one would do with one’s last day, but some leeway is okay. I liked the simile linking the licking of flames to his licking her shoulder. Some nice use of poetic device. A bit thin on plot and character development, and therefore just a tad melodramatic for my personal taste. But a well done scene nonetheless.


mwd: No Refunds – 19.5 

Great work. Really develops his character while exploring a philosophical theme relevant to all of us. Like, it really could be my last day. It might as well be my last day. Because it ain’t coming back. The little details, of his fridge for example, kept it real and funny. Mapping the ending onto the title struck me as a little heavy-handed maybe, or maybe just out of voice. Because you do a nice job with the tight 3rd person here. It almost reads like the first person. This is a tough POV to pull off in something so short. (I remember a Twilight Zone in which a guy got a similar cookie, only his said, “You are dead” I think.) But still, another really interesting and original incorporation of the theme, not at all forced. Though-provoking.


Tsaeb XIII: The World’s Greatest Mathematician – 18 

though=thought
looking forwards=looking forward

Theory of Relativity’s pretty old. Taught in junior high. E was moonlighting on the Swiss patent office where he worked when he cooked it up. So threw me that this genius didn’t understand it yet.

Interesting little humor story with the theme well in hand. Some references I wasn’t familiar with only made it more interesting. Kind of Douglas Adams-ish. The narrator struck me as kind of full of his brilliance, which truly brilliant people tend not to be. But that just made it funnier to me.


eggo: Letter – 17.5 

are a way = is a way
you aunt = your aunt

Nice jump in focus between 1st and 2nd paragraphs. Interesting.

A somewhat different voice or style for you. Still funny, but in a different, more serious way. I like it. It kind of skirts the theme, or maybe just treats it indirectly. No regrets.

I laughed at the guy’s most embarrassing childhood moment. Mine was shitting myself on the way to school in grade 4. Or maybe calling my teacher “mom” in grade 2. Both have shaped me. Very credible. Makes me wonder how much of yours is “true.”

Some cliché but valid wisdom elements. Some nice description too. Overall, nice letter/story.


ruksak: Bum Blue Boy – 17.5 

Fine implementation of an anti-bullying theme. Reads very adult and believable and interesting. It feels a little like it might have been fitted to this competition rather than written for it. But it still fits I guess.


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## silverwriter (Apr 17, 2007)

*Hawke’s Scores
(Wild Life)

*23 entries! Wow! 

I want a raise. 

Just saying.


*
Untitled
Amber Leaf
14/20
*warm hair = air (?)
That’s a nice way to die, I think.  Just wish things were explained more, maybe. I have to admit that I read it twice and still don’t get that if he’s her love, why “He never comes by and visits our block” and why he was just passing by. Just to say, calling him “the man” makes him sound distant and not really a love. Got the feeling of a Harlequin Romance (not that I’m knocking Harlequin Romance novels). Of course my mind filled in a little, making him her love from afar as she loved him, and he, perhaps having heard of her plight, realized his own feelings for her and rushed to her side in disbelief… I’ll blame the small word count and say thank you for the read. 

*Gonna Die Tomorrow*
*Itsaboysname*
*16/20*
Livid = livid.
I very much liked this snippet of a person’s life. Regrets are the worst parts of looking back, aren’t they? It all rang true with me and touched me. Very much liked the end as well. Very nice. Thank you for the read. 

*Dear Joshua*
*ebmadman*
*16/20*
Nice work here. Very sad. Very good. Thank you for the read. 

*On A Cold, Wet Night In The City. *
*Wombat Boi*
*15/20*
Went over the word count by a titch. Also, soft x 2 in the first sentence. This was a birth (cat, maybe) and that he/she/it is going to die—am I right? But the thing of it is, if not for knowing the prompt, I doubt I’d have guessed that, instead focusing on the growing “spark of warmth inside of me” and the word “hope” used in close proximity, and so would have assumed (wrongly) that everything would be all right. Do you know what I mean? The impending demise of the runt (is it?) needs to be just a wee bit clearer I think. A good read none the less. Thank you for the read.

*Happiness*
*Dephere*
*16/20*
Well, he admitted not to try killing himself, just wanted the joy, right? But maybe he died anyway, as per “just [his] luck.” (?) Very sad that he missed out on what could have been a decent day, or maybe even give a few loved ones some decent memories. Sad, that. Thank you for the read.

*my last day*
*heatherlouise*
*14/20*
A very nice last day, this. Thank you for the read. 

*No tears the day before I die Due on Maple Street*
*15/20*
Just curious if the plan is to kill herself, since she can’t die of AIDS in a day. That’s my only quibble, really, and what hung me up. Thank you for the read.

*No Fear of Tomorrow
seawings*
*16/20*
Funny how everything, including or priorities, change when facing our mortality, isn’t it? A shame it takes something like death to wake us up to living. Thank you for the read.

*A Day’s Work*
*Evelyn*
*16/20*
Extra point for the giggle (“_A brief visit to the House of Cutlery_…”). I love a vengeance story. Just wish I knew how this woman could do all the things she has done (and yet to) but has some malady that will kill her in twenty-four hours. You know? Something plausible maybe that could fill in that question and make the story really fly. Thank you for the read. 

*My Death*
*Cornish Maid*
*19/20*
The first word out of my mouth when I finished your piece was “Fantastic” which pretty much says it all right there I think. Very nice take on the whole death/life thing. Be proud. This was a super nice story. Thank you for the read. 

*24 hours? Try eight! (If that’s the title)
Shawn 
2/20 (one point because you entered and one point because there were no nits)
*Three words: where’s the story?

*My Way*
*RainBeau*
*16/20*
Nits: Just a caution on dialogue tags and the punctuation preceding them. The ending was also a tad hokey, mostly because you had him speak without a tag (which isn’t always necessary, I agree) but had the main character’s actions immediately following it, which is usual IF the char speaking _and_ moving were one and the same. Or did I just confuse things more? Anywho… An inventive and interesting read. Spooky to think of facing your cremator like that. The tip/pun was a nice touch. Thank you for the read. 

*I AM THE FUCKING LAWNMOWER MAN
Benjirama
10/20
*Uhh… Alrighty. I could go all punctuation freak on you… but nah. I could also say I didn’t understand some of it… but nah. Maybe it’s a teen/male/British humor/sumpin-sumpin thing, is it? Right. Well, I’m feeling a tad dense about net speak and all that good stuff, so I judged and scored it based on nits and what it did or didn’t make me feel as a reader (as I should). If I’ve made a bad call when compared to my fellow judges, my apologies. Thank you for the read.

*Honeybees*
*cat smh*
*16/20*
So did he kill Lexie? Or did he lose it out of grief and maybe killed her killer? Guilt perhaps? Not guilt for killing her killer, but for failing to protect her maybe. Note here how much I like ‘write-your-own-scenario’ stories. Thank you for the read. 

*The Cedar Door *
*rboy27*
*16/20*
new = knew; 37 = thirty-seven
How very sad. How interesting as well. To have spent thirty-seven years afraid of what was beyond the door, only to find… well, I won’t ruin it for anyone who hasn’t read it yet. Thank you for the read.

*A Mother's Confession*
*cyberspecter*
*18/20*
Excellent use of the word limit. Excellent tale weaved around painting. I very much enjoyed this, cyber. Thank you for the read.

*The Chimichanga
Mike*
*17/20*
Nice work here. Very touching. A lot of people knowing they’re very ill would opt not to tell their loved ones. I enjoyed this. Thank you for the read. 

*Last Breath*
*Defenestrator*
*17/20*
What a wonderful idea. What a wonderful, heartwarming thought. To live, or rather, to continue to live, through a breath. My goodness. Very nice work. I enjoyed this. Thank you for the read. 

*The Mourning After*
*Foxee*
*19/20*
Cleaver title. Cleaver story—exactly what I’d hoped for. The reasons for death were clear, which makes the story plausible. Excellent use of the word count. Excellent job, Foxee. Thank you for the read. 

*Ash
Matrim*
*17/20*
Very emotional and very loving to have pushed her away like that. Also very clear why/how he died, which makes the work plausible. About the only quibble I (the reader) didn’t get to see his last twenty-four hours, only his last two minutes of memories. That didn’t take away from the fact that I enjoyed it though. Nice job. Thank you for the read. 

*No Refunds*
*mwd*
*17/20*
I’d pass out cold if I got that cookie, so I can certainly empathize with the man. Good story. Good use of “show, don’t tell.” Good job, mwd. Thank you for the read.

*The World's Greatest Mathematician, and they didn't even know it *
*Tsaeb XIII*
*16/20*
I wish I could have felt more for the man. But I’ve never been good with math, so odds are… *grin* Not sure about the possibility of being able to calculate one’s demise, what with all the variables and the like (is in, say, getting hit by a bus as he‘s making his way to the store). Good job. Thank you for the read.

*The Letter*
*eggo*
*18/20*
Lovely work, eggo. Emotional and all too. I’m assuming the dad is on death row (is he?). About the only quibble I have is to _maybe_ make that clearer. Thank you for the read. 

*Bum Blue *
*Roy Ruksak*
*18/20*
blueing = bluing
Excellent first sentence here. Words are powerful things, more powerful than some realize. A little liberty with the twenty-four hour idea, but still… Really nice job and very good work. Thank you for the read.


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## silverwriter (Apr 17, 2007)

Silver’s Scores

  Amber Leaf – Untitled

  I like the stream of consciousness quality to this piece, even if it did confuse me in a few places. The peace the narrator has helps me to enjoy the story instead of frowning at a narrator who is going crazy not knowing what to do because s/he is dying. I like this take on the last twenty-four hours. I, however, am left wondering what she said to him to convince him she was really dying. The usual human reaction is “we can fight this.”

  Score: 16/20

  Itsaboysname – Gonna Die Tomorrow

  I found myself able to identify with this one quite a bit. This story gives a sort of “Why tell me I’m going to die if there’s nothing I can do about it?” feel. It’s as if he’s frustrated with it all but not enough to be angry or do anything about it. He has a just “Well, damn” attitude I really like.

  Score: 15/20

  ebmadman – Dear Joshua 

  This was certainly an interesting take on the theme. I liked how you paced things and put them, making sure the reader didn’t know until the end what was happening. This piece was filled with emotion. So much backstory in so little space. Well done.

  Score: 17/20

  Wombat boi – On a Cold, Wet Night in the City

  While I think I know what’s going on, I’m not seeing how this fits into the prompt. It could be said that if you found out you had twenty-four hours you would simply hope for the best, but I’m digging for that one. Plus, this creature doesn’t seem to know of its impending death, and the focus of this prompt is the knowing. Well written, but not what I was looking for.

  Score: 10/20

  Dephere – Happiness

  The first paragraph made me smirk, but I don’t feel like I was lifted from the initial level set at the beginning. There wasn’t any rise in emotion/action/etc, and I just watched a man get some drugs and take a hit. I understand wanting to get away from thinking about impending death, though. This piece just didn’t make me feel much of anything.

  Score: 14/20

  Heatherlouise – My Last Day

  You paint some rather pretty pictures here, but I still feel rather…unmoved by it all. This could have used some more description in that she could have imagined this place, she could have “oops, I discovered a hidden paradise right outside the city!” or she could have been on a search for inner peace. This feels like a rough draft. You have the basic ideas down, now tell me the entire story and make me _feel_ something.

  Score: 11/20

  Due on maple street – No tears the day before I die

  This is an interesting piece. I’m wondering if her last twenty-four hours are winding down, but it doesn’t seem that way when she thinks about her other options. I think it would have been more effective if she told the woman he was with while he was standing there. Why go tell the man unless he doesn’t know? Does he? I’m left wondering about some of the details, but overall a nice piece.

  Score: 15/20

  Seawings – No Fear of Tomorrow

  Yum. I liked this. I loved the feeling of peace throughout and the attention to detail made not only by the character but by the author. I like the theme of slowing down to enjoy and savor all of life just as he does his food. I find myself wanting him to wake up the next morning with a second chance. Will he fall back into rushed habit, or will he continue to see what he’s been missing? Well done.

  Score: 19/20

  Evelyn – A Day’s Work

  Whoa. Good vengeance stories always have a place in my heart, and this certainly is one of them. Something in me wants her to have a gun. A big one. The ones with the shot sound that can be heard for miles around. A gun might be harder to get, though, so I understand her knife option. I love this as it is, but I think you could have had even more fun with unique weaponry. (Does saying that make me look bad? Ha.) Absolutely appropriate title.

  Score: 16/20

  Cornish Maid – My Death

  I find myself not liking this piece in that the baby can’t do anything or make any choices. It just “dies” and there you have it. I think the beauty in this prompt is being able to go places, see things, and do things you’d never do otherwise. This piece is nice in the death/birth symbolism/reality, but it’s not quite what I was looking for.

  Score: 12/20

  Shawn – 24 Hours? Try Eight!

  Cute, a bit funny on the work = death thing, but I feel like you didn’t take this LM seriously, which puts me off.

  Score: 8

  RainBeau – My Way

  You have me with the title – I’m a Sinatra fan. I rather like this piece. I like the “getting your final affairs in order” feel to this, which I haven’t gotten in quite this way from any of the other pieces. I find myself liking the character even though I don’t quite know him in this short space of time. I’d like to pluck him out of this story and put him in another to see what he does.

  Score: 17/20

  Benjirama – I am the Fucking Lawnmower Man

  Huh. I’m a bit on the fence about this one. I think the story idea is a good one, but I don’t feel particularly…anything about it. I smirked in a few places, but that’s about it. I think it could have been written better.

  Score: 13/20

  Cat smh – Honeybees

  Strangely enough, I am listening to “Wake Me Up When September Ends” and this story (minus the execution) reminds me entirely of the music video for the song. I like this, though I feel the “one more day” may have been overdone a bit. Nicely written and a good read.

  Score: 17/20

  Rboy27 – The Cedar Door

  I’m not sure exactly where the twenty-four hours comes in with this one. I’m not very fond of this piece. Why keep and feed someone for thirty-seven years only to let them free in a field? Why would you suddenly gain freedom – even if you thought it might be false freedom – and kill yourself without having at least tried to explore your surroundings just a little bit? I can’t claim to know the mind of someone who has been imprisoned for that long, but if he can still remember his Boy Scout days… I find myself unsatisfied with this piece.

  Score: 11/20

  Cyberspector – A Mother’s Confession

  Certainly a different switch in the prom queen cheerleader trying to catch the debate team guy’s attention. I liked this piece both in details and on the whole. Again, I like the pieces in which the person who is going to die has found some sort of peace about the matter. Nicely done.

  Score: 17.5/20

  Mike – The Chimichanga

  I don’t have much to say other than nicely written. The characters’ relationship reminds me in some ways of my fiancé and me. I enjoyed it.

  Score: 18/20

  Defenestrator – Last Breath

  Ah, spending the last of your time listening to your breathing. What an interesting take on what to do with your last hours. Very interesting indeed. I can just imagine the character lying there listening to his breathing while letting his thoughts wander free. Nicely done.

  Score: 17/20

  Foxee – The Mourning After

  Wonderfully done. Exactly the kind of entry I was hoping for. Well done.

  20/20

  Matrim – Ash 

  I’m not quite sure this exactly fits the theme, but you still get in with a wonderful entry. How poetic to spend your last moments saving the one you care about most. It’s one of the very few times I know exactly what’s going to happen but I keep reading anyway. Nicely done.

  Score: 17/20

  Mwd – No Refunds

  What a beginning! I love how he pauses wondering who else to call, but at the end of the story, he’s only called his boss. About the pens. I love it. Very funny even though it’s a sad story. I like how you had him thinking about what people would think when they found him. It’s an interesting detail often overlooked.

  Score: 18/20

  Tsaeb XIII – The World’s Greatest Mathematician

  I like how he stops reading because he didn’t want to die mid-sentence. I don’t think that’s something I would have thought of. I find it quite amusing how one could stumble across the formula for calculating his/her time of death. Overall, this was amusing to me on quite a few levels. I like it. Just be careful in your proofreading.

  16/20

  Eggo – Letter

  This is a nice piece in that it has layers. You’re telling a story, but you’re also telling a philosophy of life on top of that – a philosophy I just happen to like. I’m curious as to why he’s dying, but I also feel like he’s the kind of man not to “waste time” explaining why he’s going to die. I get a lot out of this and enjoyed reading it.

  Score: 18/20

  Ruksak – Bum Blue Boy

  This one is a bit sad and strays away from the prompt, but at least it made me feel something. Given the first sentence, I thought it was going to go a different way, but it works. I like the way you wrote it. There are few things that makes one mature in a hurry and death is one.

  Score: 15/20


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## Ilan Bouchard (Apr 17, 2007)

Cool.

I see that Cornish Maid's summarized score seems to be a bit screwed up, there.  May want to take a look at that.


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## Foxee (Apr 17, 2007)

Thank you, Chris, Hawke, and Silver. I will help lobby for those raises for you! That was a LOT of reading and scoring and great entries... Thank you again for donating your time like this.


> Wouldn’t surprise me if you actually had a brother like that.


 Yep, I do. He's exactly like that. Scary!


> I feel bad for the guy, that he didn’t get to “enjoy” her last day along with her.


 You know, I considered this but it felt wrong. My hubby feels things more deeply for me than for himself...so he would have been unable to enjoy anything. In RL I doubt I could keep it from him like this...but in the fantasy of fiction I would want to give him the last day without knowing. 

Great prompt, Silver! (I expected to come in in the middle of the pack, actually.)


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## Mike (Apr 17, 2007)

Thank you, judges, for your valiant efforts. I can't imagine reading so many stories so thouroughly and then trying to arrange them into some kind of contesting hierarchy.


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## cyberspecter (Apr 18, 2007)

Wow...! 23 is a heck of a lot of stories to go through. I don't envy you your jobs judges. It can't be easy. Many, many thanks for your collective efforts. 
This was a fun one! 
Can't wait for the next one!


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## mwd (Apr 18, 2007)

A big thanks to Chris, Hawke, and Silver, for your time reading/scoring all these.  It's a fun challenge to write on such a specific topic, and in such a small word limit no less.



> Mapping the ending onto the title struck me as a little heavy-handed maybe, or maybe just out of voice.


 Yeah, I think you're right.  I'll give the ending some thought, thanks Chris.


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## defenestrator (Apr 18, 2007)

Thanks for all your hard work and feedback (23 entries!!!) Chris, Hawke and Silver! Your time's always appreciated.


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## seawings (Apr 18, 2007)

*Thanks to Everyone:*

My compliments to the judges for carefully "wading" through so many entries...job well done! And to Foxee and the other winners...congratulations, they were all great reads!


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## Benjirama (Apr 18, 2007)

Well lots of thanks here for trawling though all them stories.  It's alot of work I am sure.

I will now apologise for my spelling and grammer, you have no idea how diffuclt it is for me to find the errors I make in these cases.  

Anyway thanks again.


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## ruksak (Apr 18, 2007)

Huge thanks to the judges.  The feedback was very helpful and completely spot on.  Foxee is an utterly deserved winner - a wonderful read.

Can't wait for the next one now!


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## heatherlouise (Apr 18, 2007)

many thanks to Chris, Hawke and Silver, and congrats to Foxee, mwd and cyberspector.
thanks,
Heather


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## ebmadman (Apr 18, 2007)

Thanks to all the Judges, and congrats to all participants.


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## rboy27 (Apr 18, 2007)

Though it's been said here before, thank you judges for your input (especially considering the large number of entries this time), and congrats to all the winners!

As for responses to my story, I half-expected the reviews I received. When I wrote the first draft, it was around 2,500 words, so you can imagine the heavy editing I had to do. I wanted to say so much more, but that damn 500 word limit can really mess things up sometimes.


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## Cornish Maid (Apr 18, 2007)

Thanks for all the hard work behind the scenes peeps. Well done to everyone.


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## Wombat Boi (Apr 19, 2007)

Thanks to the judges (there WERE a lot of entries, wow). 

I appreciate the feedback and understand what the issue was with my entry (I had a feeling it was too vague for the prompt but I wanted badly not to use humans as my subject so it would stand out. Humans were so easy to use because their understanding of death is so definite but animals have a more natural/accepting view of death. Sick kittens are abandoned by their parents when they're born, even sick older animals usually crawl off under a house or something to die, etc. Their knowing wouldn't be a knowing as a human would understand (unless they're anthropomorphic or something) but more of an acceptance.)

I obviously didn't pull it off well enough though. Oh well. Haha.

The only thing I was offended by was the note that I may have written it for a prompt other than this one and pasted it in here. That was kind of uncalled for.


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## Chris Miller (Apr 19, 2007)

I apologize Wombat.  Thank you for explaining too.  Shows you what a crapshoot competitions can be.  Just because I didn't get it, doesn't make your story bad.  It makes my judging weak.  And I see it now that you've explained.  There's nothing wrong with drawing on previous work for contests either.  I did that once here, lifted an excerpt right out of my novel.  (Got spanked for it too though.)  But pros develop "craft libraries" I understand.  Again, sorry to have missed your meaning, and sorry to have upset you with my inaccurate remark.


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## Wombat Boi (Apr 19, 2007)

Chris Miller said:
			
		

> I apologize Wombat. Thank you for explaining too. Shows you what a crapshoot competitions can be. Just because I didn't get it, doesn't make your story bad. It makes my judging weak. And I see it now that you've explained. There's nothing wrong with drawing on previous work for contests either. I did that once here, lifted an excerpt right out of my novel. (Got spanked for it too though.) But pros develop "craft libraries" I understand. Again, sorry to have missed your meaning, and sorry to have upset you with my inaccurate remark.


 

I'm not angry about it, and I can understand why you would think that, but I just found the comment inappropriate. I just feel as though judging should be a judging on the quality of what's written without any additional remarks that aren't totally relevant on what is being judged. In my opinion, I feel as though the comment was equatable to someone judging a story in which the writer of the story inserted something about a movie they liked into it, and the judge going, "And, by the way, that movie sucks." Even if it didn't have an impact on the actual score it's just not appropriate when you're in that position.

But it didn't break my heart or anything so don't worry about it. =P. Next time I'll have to keep my mind on the prompt and force myself not to have to be so weird and picky about things all the time, haha.


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## Shawn (Apr 19, 2007)

silverwriter said:
			
		

> A note - Chris Miller missed Shawn's entry, so I averaged out the other scores and put that in as his score rather than delay the results any further.



I'm proud to have probably scored the lowest on any one of these things!  Writer's block is a terrible, terrible thing.


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## eggo (Apr 19, 2007)

Hey Guys,

Just scrolled down the page and noticed that the scores were posted. I have read some of the entries and was really blown away by the high quality of 
them.

I think I ended up four or fifth and the ones that whooped me, whooped me good.

Great writing guys. 

I think I scored about the lowest in the world in reading comprehension. I tedn to read more into things than is actually there.



> You're going to die tomorrow. It's not something you can despute or fight. You're going to die and that's that. What do you do today? What do you do for the rest of your short life?


 
When I read this, I decided to put away all thoughts of death. If there is something that you can't control and can do nothing to affect it, why dwell on it.

So I set aside the whole idea of incorporating the inevitable into my story and concentrated on the fact that there was no regrets. Obviously he will never find his son in time and left him this note before he died.

The cause of his death? Why Silver's prompt of course.

Thank you judges for you keen insights and the unpaid, stinking hard work of reading 35 times 500 words or 

17500 words

and offering intelligent, constructive crit on each piece.


I would suggest, since the LM is growing large, to limit the word count for the next. Some of the 100 word limit ones were very good.

Just a thought,

Thanks again  Pete


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## Evelyn (Apr 19, 2007)

My hat is off to the judges: what a lot of hard work! Thank each of you very much  


I hope it isn't considered inappropriate to respond to your comments:


			
				Chris Miller said:
			
		

> Wow! [....] Might consider buying a firearm once you’re off the plane. Cutlery might not give you quite the advantage you’ll need. But a sawed off 12 gauge… Nice change of tone from the warm beginning to the surprise, shrill ending. Hope you get ‘em. They deserve it.





			
				Hawke said:
			
		

> Extra point for the giggle (“A brief visit to the House of Cutlery…”). I love a vengeance story. Just wish I knew how this woman could do all the things she has done (and yet to) but has some malady that will kill her in twenty-four hours. You know? Something plausible maybe that could fill in that question and make the story really fly. Thank you for the read.





			
				Silver said:
			
		

> Whoa. Good vengeance stories always have a place in my heart, and this certainly is one of them. Something in me wants her to have a gun. A big one. The ones with the shot sound that can be heard for miles around. A gun might be harder to get, though, so I understand her knife option. I love this as it is, but I think you could have had even more fun with unique weaponry. (Does saying that make me look bad? Ha.) Absolutely appropriate title.


Doh!
Hindsight is 20/20.
(Epitheus must have been my muse...).

First off, if she was going to have to fly (and fly in the post 9/11 US, which poses special problems for the transport of weapons), she should have just used a garrote: quick and easy when used with the element of surprise, and easily assembled from quite carry-on-able guitar strings and jump rope handles. 
(But she'd want a knife for back-up, so Hawke'd still get to have her giggle 

But my real goof was just not getting the way the whole Story Contest Theme/Prompt thingo works (this is the first one I've entered): you don't fit the _story_ into the constraints of the _prompt_, you fit the _prompt_ into the _workings_ of the story. 
(Doesn't the word "duh" mean anything to me at all???!!!)


I think I may rework this into a longer story. If she drives rather than flies, that makes it much easier to transport firearms over state lines - so she can have Chris's sawed-off 12 gauge .
(And of course she'll also have her knife, and the garrote .

A freshly diagnosed but fast-spreading & terminal cancer would give her a couple of weeks of viable strength and activity, but also a strong assurance that, by the time the murder squad figured things out, there wouldn't be all the much of her left to arrest. 
(Sadly, that does blow the title, which was one of the best parts of this story...)


- Evelyn, who learns something new everyday 


PS. Hawke, I believe that the "Sharp Steel Thingies 'R' Us" store in my local mall is indeed called the "House of Cutlery."


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## Chris Miller (Apr 19, 2007)

Didn't actaully miss your entry Shawn.  Just didn't think you were serious, thought it was more of a comment.  Also I try to avoid spending more time/words commenting on a piece than the author spent writing it.


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## Chris Miller (Apr 19, 2007)

> I just feel as though judging should be a judging on the quality of what's written without any additional remarks that aren't totally relevant on what is being judged...  Even if it didn't have an impact on the actual score it's just not appropriate when you're in that position.


I always try to look behind and beneath surface of a story.  Muse on how and where it originated.  Sometimes I get carried away and forget how sensitve we writers are.  But again I apologize.  You can have my "position" for the next one.  I think that would be a suitable punishment.


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## Amber Leaf (Apr 20, 2007)

cheers for taking the time to read and critisize judges. you had a lot or work on your hands there.


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## Itsaboysname (Apr 20, 2007)

eggo said:
			
		

> I would suggest, since the LM is growing large, to limit the word count for the next. Some of the 100 word limit ones were very good.


 
I second the motion.

Thanks to all judges, sweet prompt, and excellent entries by all.

I love LMs.


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## Wombat Boi (Apr 20, 2007)

Chris Miller said:
			
		

> I always try to look behind and beneath surface of a story. Muse on how and where it originated. Sometimes I get carried away and forget how sensitve we writers are. But again I apologize. You can have my "position" for the next one. I think that would be a suitable punishment.


 
Your job is not one I particularly want.  Thanks though. Haha.


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