# Isle of Bill



## Chesters Daughter (May 22, 2010)

My chosen isle
became uninhabitable,
its land pocked by pitfalls
of ravenous quicksand
threaded with magma freshets
from a malcontent
and ever erupting volcano.

With a blast of steam
at my back
I took refuge in choppy water,
but remained near enough
to eye the shore
with the hope peace would envelope 
swirling grains of glass.

Too tired to tread
and sipping brine,
with a sultry sunrise I spied
a welcoming body on the horizon.
Without remorse,
I turned my back on tumult
and with the grace of a swan,
swam toward serenity.

Making landfall
I hugged sweet sand,
allowing my limbs
to bask in warmth 
both alien and exhilarating,
and soon fell 
beneath the love bespeckled spell
that governed the Isle of Bill.

With safety only strokes away,
I again braved the bereaved beaches
I'd abandoned,
but when puffs of smoke 
sullied the sky
I'd hit the waves and take a dive
surfacing only
when the heat of my retreat
embraced me.

More and more hours were spent
on foreign foreland
until my resort wearied
of an unfairly imposed time share.
A silk sail was raised
to capture Neptune's breath
and carry my sanctuary northward.

I declined an invitation 
inked with salty drops of soul
for fear I'd forgotten 
how to subsist in calm waters,
and more so,
that I'd still be within
the molten reach
of a sputtering mount
furious at the loss
of its supremacy.

A fool I was,
for with the next gale
the stratum was barren.

Now, when heavens rain soot,
there's no choice
save the choppy sea for me.
A fate surely deserved
by such a spineless jellyfish.

From whatever waters
you now grace,
I wish you'd toss me a line.
I promise you a steadfast hold
should you see fit 
to tow me toward your sorely missed 
sunlit shores.
My flesh remains adrift,
but my firmly anchored core
resides at your side, Bill,
sight unseen.


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## Gumby (May 22, 2010)

I have been stranded on this isle, too. A good way to describe a bad relationship.



> My chosen isle
> became uninhabitable,
> its land pocked by pitfalls
> of ravenous quicksand
> ...


My isle had a different name, but was just as heavenly.



> Too tired to tread
> and sipping brine,
> with a sultry sunrise I spied
> a welcoming body on the horizon.
> ...


This is where it gets sad to me. I was fortunate enough to remain on my Isle, though it wasn't easy and it definitely came at a price.



> I declined an invitation
> inked with salty drops of soul
> for fear I'd forgotten
> how to subsist in calm waters,
> ...


Not sure if I'm reading this at you intended Lisa, but it fits so well with an episode of my life and brought it all back to me clearly.


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## MaggieG (May 23, 2010)

Darlin 

I just wanted you to know I haven't forgotten this piece. I have been studying it off and on today. Will be getting back to you


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## vangoghsear (May 23, 2010)

Another well executed metaphor.  There is a spot that fell into a sort of rhyme that actually took me out of the poem, but I don't think I'd change it it probably just worried me. 

Here is the spot:



> ...sullied the sky
> I'd hit the waves and take a dive
> ...



Did it throw anyone else?  It was just a small hiccup.

Overall really liked it.  Again, sad situation.

Favorite part:



> Too tired to tread
> and sipping brine,
> with a sultry sunrise I spied
> a welcoming body on the horizon.
> ...


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## Gumby (May 23, 2010)

I did notice that van, but it didn't throw me out of the poem. Maybe because I find that I do the same thing in my own stuff. I never thought that it might be a distraction to others. Hmmm, now you've got me thinking on this.


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## SilverMoon (May 23, 2010)

Lisa. Yes. I agree, an apt metaphor for being on "that end" of a relationship. And I am empathic as I'm sure are many.

Two sparkling alliterations:


> Too tired to tread
> and sipping brine,
> with a sultry sunrise I spied


 
Just one wonderful example of tender imageries peppered throughout this piece


> I declined an invitation
> inked with salty drops of soul


 
The very idea of bliss after a tumultuous journey. I adored: _I hugged sweet sand!_


> I hugged sweet sand,
> allowing my limbs
> to bask in warmth


 
My only crit. I was thrown off your poem, the picture, pace, the elegant wording with the naming of Bill in the middle of this stanza. I think the placing might be better suited towards the end. And I think might be more impactful.


> From whatever waters
> you now grace,
> I wish you'd toss me a line.
> I promise you a steadfast hold
> ...


 
Lisa, an exquisite heart felt poem. Laurie


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## Dzhyan (May 24, 2010)

Beautiful! I read a hiccup though - 'spineless jellyfish'. Although you might blame yourself for running or something in this stretch, it seems too sudden in this poem to put such weight on yourself. I didn't see any blame in your responses, some could perhaps have been more thought out but they were natural. The sudden self-critique, and especially in such squishy terms was a flowbreaker for me. The rest was great! Although only in the end did I understand the link to relationships, it could as easily allude to running from any other circumstance to islands within yourself, escapism without return..


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## MaggieG (May 25, 2010)

Darlin 

A big chunk of those 89 views are probably me , and the only nit I can truthfully say is that the sentimentality of this piece is not my usual taste. Having said that, I will say I see obvious work to minimize the sentimentality. I have an odd feeling you write like me ( Step apart from the emotion. Don't let it overwhelm you. If you do take a dive into it, you lose control over the piece. Am I close ? lol ) Another thing I actually enjoyed about this piece is that you have made it quite clear ( and this is a point often missed by others ) is that true "love" affairs don't start in bed. They start in the mind. 

Your metaphor here is beautiful, and wonderfully executed.  You follow through, giving the whole poem this excellent cohesiveness which I find hard to maintain with pieces of this length. 

Girl ! You truly have it going on


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## JosephB (May 27, 2010)

Lisa, this demanded several reads. It feels very genuine to me, and elicits great empathy, even though I can't fully appreciate the situation. 

There seems to be such a barrage of metaphor, that it's hard for me to take in, because I find myself stoping to make connections all the way through. I think you may have gone a little overboard with it. (Get it -- overboard?) This could very well be just me, though.

I do have to admire that you've used them all to good effect and managed to do it without getting corny about it. Overall, it's a compelling read. I really got into it, and I kept coming back -- so great work.


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## wacker (May 27, 2010)

WOW! a great piece of writing.

I feel as if I have been transported on to this island myself. It certainly is awe inspiring work

Wonderful

wacker


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## WhitakerRStanton (May 27, 2010)

~


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## Chesters Daughter (May 30, 2010)

I'd like to begin by saying that this was totally out of my comfort zone  and it took me the loan of a giant's stones to post it. I am both  astonished and delighted at the response it received and I thank you all  for taking a few moments of your precious time to read and reply.

Dear Cindy, We've discussed our respective isles at  length, so I won't bore you with repetition. I can never thank you  enough for your kindness in sharing your journey with me and for the  loan of your shoulder. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you  are a fine and decent human being.


Dear Maggie, I'd rather  amputate my toes than dip them into sentimental waters so this one was  hard for me. You noticed I kept it in check as best as I could and are  correct that I am like you. I remain detached while writing, or living  for that matter, too much emotion results in my losing control not only  of my pieces but of my good sense. I keep that shit locked up tight  although I believe my poems suffer for it, but to take down the walls  would surely cause the entire structure collapse. Two peas in a pod, you  and I, oh the stories we could tell. Agree with you entirely that love  begins in the mind, or for the mushy, the heart. Sex is just another  physical act like eating or breathing, although no one's ever died from  abstinence, can't say that about the other two.:wink: I'm glad you think I carried the metaphor well, it means a  lot. Thank you, your thoughts on this were greatly appreciated.


Dear  Van, Once upon a time, it was sad, not anymore though. Writing this  piece got rid of the last little echo of what was once the shrieking of a  banshee. The rhyme of sky and dive was unintentional and when I  realized it, I wanted to take it out but I liked the lines too much and  nothing else seemed to do. I convinced myself that the singsong sounded  like a child skipping off to play, which is exactly what it was, and  somehow that made it seem okay, so decided to leave it. Your favorite  stanza was a pain in the ass, rewrite after rewrite, I'm glad it turned  out pretty decent after all. 


Dear Laurie, Elated you  enjoyed, hon. I almost didn't use sweet sand, it meant a whole lot to me  but I thought it was too bland. Your mention of it soothed my worry.  I'm going to move Bill's name as soon as I'm done with this reply, keen  eyes with that one, love, thanks so much.


Dear Dyzhan, I  never thought this could apply to other situations, thanks for opening  my eyes to that, it gives the piece more worth for me. As to spineless  jellyfish, I wanted to express my self loathing (the squishier the  better to that end) at not taking what may have been the best offer I  ever received, for at the time, it seemed so. With a helluva lot more  years under my belt, I know my decision was the right one, I knew what I  had, didn't know for sure what I was getting. Every once in a while, I  do the, I wonder... but at the time all I did was kick myself in the  ass, for a very long time at that. I'm sorry it pulled you out of the  piece, but I think subconsciously, that's exactly what I was going for.  I'm thrilled you enjoyed it otherwise.


Dear Joe, Overboard,  indeed, wiseguy, lol. You are completely correct, I had a heavy hand  with metaphor, perhaps almost to the point of sabotage, but it was  intentional every step of the way. One never knows who reads these  things, I wanted to make sure it would only be comprehensible to "one of  us" and I think you know why so I'll leave it at that. I'm glad you  found it compelling and completely understand why it is difficult for  you to appreciate it. Quite frankly, I was surprised you replied at all,  I figured this would turn your stomach, but please know that I am  honored that you took the time to.l


Dear Paul, Thank you, love, I'm happy I could  take you on the journey.


Dear Whitaker, You mortally wound  me, sir. Is my vocabulary that over the top? For the record, I respect  everyone here far too much to even contemplate mocking anyone, never  mind actually taking a stab at it. Life, I mock, people, I don't, not  even those of questionable intelligence. Blame the dictionary, when  bored as a child, it was my tome of choice for recreational reading.:wink: Glad you liked S1 so much, I find I often start out with a  bang and then peter out. Alien I'm keeping, for its duality. I knew I  took a chance with bespeckled, I liked it for the sound, not sure  whether I'll retain or discard just yet. Not sure what to do about heat  of my retreat either, I thought it was reasonably okay. Inked with salty  drop of soul I knew was iffy, kept it for the duality once again, not  really happy with it though, so I'm thinking. I'm taking what out as you  suggested. My flesh remains adrift was changed so many times, I'm not  too fond of it either, again, thinking. I am honored that you will be  returned and that in the end I didn't disappoint.


Dear Drew,  Elated you enjoyed my dear friend, truly I am. Am pleased the only major  nits you found were so slight. I'm taking your suggestions both. Barren  I never realized would be better that way, sunlit shores I moved back  and forth and finally gave up. Thank you, my love.


Again, my  sincere thanks to all, I am truly grateful no one saw fit to bang the  gavel.


All my best, always,
Lisa


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## Firemajic (Jun 19, 2011)

Ask and you shall receive -Thank you Lisa! I was afraid I would have to wait for years ......This is soooo much more than a "Love Poem" Girl-and you know it. So elegantly crafted---bewitching and beautiful--but with a tidal wave of epic proportions of raw heartache ...Stanza 5-perfection ! Thank you!


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## toddm (Jun 19, 2011)

Lisa, this longer piece was well worth two reads - you drew me in immediately with the title and the first two lines, as I at times feel like a sailor stranded on a similar piece of real estate in the middle of the ocean - it may be in the same island chain as the isle you describe so eloquently - what an effectively poignant way of pulling so many emotions together to feast upon - thanks for your bravery in posting this one!
---todd


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## Trides (Jun 20, 2011)

This is good, and a little... how shall I describe it... well, it's like an ever-erupting volcano... words spewing forth in rather a crazy, torrential way... no offense meant, although I'm sure it sounds very offensive.
My personal favorite lines:

there's no choice
save the choppy sea for me.
A fate surely deserved
by such a spineless jellyfish.


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## Bachelorette (Jun 20, 2011)

Huh. This was extremely interesting. I never thought of comparing relationships to islands, but it seems so self-evident now. Well done!

Still, like your Hurricane Bane poem, as powerful as that one was as well, this one, like that one, could use some tightening up (lol, people are going to get so sick of hearing that from me). So, let's dive into this, shall we?



ChestersDaughter said:


> My chosen isle
> became uninhabitable,
> its land pocked by pitfalls
> of ravenous quicksand
> ...



Tiny little nitpick here - it ought to be "ever-erupting." You need a dash there.



> With a blast of steam
> at my back
> I took refuge in choppy water,
> but remained near enough
> ...



Another little nitpick: I believe it should be "envelop", not "envelope."



> Too tired to tread
> and sipping brine,
> with a sultry sunrise I spied
> a welcoming body on the horizon.
> ...



Very beautiful, this bit. Love the alliteration.



> Making landfall
> I hugged sweet sand,
> allowing my limbs
> to bask in warmth
> ...



Again, it should be "love-bespeckled." (I have trouble remembering where to put dashes, too, the little brats...)

Now, here we hit our first problem. When I read "the isle of Bill," I admit, I laughed a little, and I don't think that's what you were going for. This is a telling problem, I think. You've already named the poem "Isle of Bill," so I don't think you really need to tell us that that's where you've ended up; you've already done plenty of excellent showing that clues the reader in to where you are at this point. 



> With safety only strokes away,
> I again braved the bereaved beaches
> I'd abandoned,
> but when puffs of smoke
> ...



I had to read this bit a few times before I understood what you were trying to say, and I'm still not 100% sure I get it. The part that throws me is "surfacing only/when the heat of my retreat/embraced me." My understanding was that, when it was no longer safe for you to be on your original isle, you went to the new isle, but that isn't made very clear here.

That said, I freely admit that I roundly SUCK at figuring out metaphors. I have had no formal training in writing, and if we ever went over metaphor in high school, I must have been sick that day, haha. I know what a metaphor IS, of course, I just sometimes need a fairly hefty cluebat to get me to realize when it's being used. So my lack of understanding might just be my own failing; I don't know. But, maybe you could consider massaging those few lines.



> More and more hours were spent
> on foreign foreland
> until my resort wearied
> of an unfairly imposed time share.
> ...



Here again, I admit to being a bit lost. The bit about the time share is clever, but what's this about "carry my sanctuary northward"? I honestly haven't the faintest idea. And then...



> I declined an invitation
> inked with salty drops of soul
> for fear I'd forgotten
> how to subsist in calm waters,



This, too, has me a little baffled. Maybe you ought to just come right out and tell me, if you get a chance, and then I can decide if the problem is what you're saying, or my own inherent cluelessness... :cat:



> and more so,
> that I'd still be within
> the molten reach
> of a sputtering mount
> ...



Okay, now we're back to bits that my poor little brain can comprehend, hehe. This is a really excellent bit, right here.



> Now, when heavens rain soot,
> there's no choice
> save the choppy sea for me.
> A fate surely deserved
> by such a spineless jellyfish.



Aw. Don't be so hard on yourself! *pats ChestersDaughter on the shoulder* Still, I understand why it's in the poem, so don't change it, either!



> From whatever waters
> you now grace,
> I wish you'd toss me a line.
> I promise you a steadfast hold
> ...





> My only crit. I was thrown off your poem, the picture, pace, the elegant  wording with the naming of Bill in the middle of this stanza. I think  the placing might be better suited towards the end. And I think might be  more impactful.



I agree with this. Naming Bill here at the end works where it didn't earlier on, like I already said. But this is a beautiful ending. I'm always in awe of people who know how to end a poem well, since ending poems is what I find to be most difficult about them.

Thank you again for sharing. I'm glad you had the "guts" to post this.


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