# Alcohol and moving out. (1 Viewer)



## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

My mum has been drinking every day for years, and I finally had enough of it on Monday. On her way back from a party she fell and broke her nose, lost a tooth. I mean she was literally unrecognizable, bottle of Vodka in her right hand. 

So Tuesday comes around, and she's acting as if nothing has happened, bottle of wine on the table with her mates round, all talking utter shit of course. She starts talking about my sister to these harpy's, about her private life, and I got pretty angry. I escorted her "friends" out of the house, I smashed every single bottle of alcohol I could find, destroyed my room (that was great) and went to bed. She didn't say a word and had some coffee, sobered up a bit and fell asleep. I think she had taken poppers as well or something but I'm not sure. Her eyes were so wide, that was pretty scary. She looked absolutely schizo. 

I was doing something on WF when I heard crying at about four in the morning on the same day. I go downstairs, she's weeping, saying she's sorry about all the drunken nights, saying she'll never drink again etc. I believe her, like a total fool and start crying too.

So today (about three hours ago) I'm watching Goodfellas with my sis, she walks into my room, totally drunk and starts screaming at my sister for nothing. I started to phone the police but my sister stopped me (What!?) and so now I'm leaving tomorrow. No more lies, really don't need that.

I know these problems aren't exactly important, but it's annoying when it basically sucks the life out of you. 

This has helped quite a lot actually, writing it out. It can only get better from here eh? I'm still alive.


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## Lamperoux (Sep 8, 2010)

take yer sister with ya...you dont wnant her ot live with a drunk. 

ur being a man...i'm supporting you all the way.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

Thanks a lot mate. 

I wouldn't go anywhere without my sister, she doesn't need that crap either, you're right. 

Just hope I'm doing the right thing.


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## Foxee (Sep 8, 2010)

Sorry to hear things have been like this, Bruno, and it certainly IS important. Good advice to take your sister with you. Doing the right thing? I think so...if your mother doesn't want to change things, she won't and you'll be stuck in the same situation until you do move out. It's now or it's later...it might as well be now.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

Thank you Foxee, that's made me feel a bit more sure of myself. I probably should have left a long time ago, but you always seem to think someone is redeemable, especially a member of your family.

Naivety on my part, but it _is_ now or later. Actions speak louder than words, clearly


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## Foxee (Sep 8, 2010)

I don't think you have to look at moving out as giving up on her, really. That might be what it takes to shake her into a realization that she's living in a destructive way. 

It can be really difficult to leave a bad situation when it's with someone close to you like that. I hope you have somewhere good to go.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 8, 2010)

Good for you. Enough is enough. I hope things are better for you when you're out. Yeah, take your sis with you. You guys need each other. Hopefully your mom'll snap out of it and get some help on her own.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

Thank you Dream, I really hope so. If her own son begging her to stop isn't enough, then something has to change, fast.

I don't have anywhere to go right now, I haven't sorted anything out but it wont be a problem. It's sad that I have so many options and there are people living on the streets with no help at all. Puts it into perspective but, I'm glad I have people to talk to about it.

This is all making me want to do charity work to be honest, and I might just do that.


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## Like a Fox (Sep 8, 2010)

Ahh *Hug* What a horrible thing for you to have to deal with.

You're too young in my eyes to have to do that, but I imagine you've had to be a lot more mature than others your age because of your Mums.
And that will serve you will in times like these.

You have support here. I'm sure some people will know what you're going through. I have a couple of friends with alcoholic parents.
If you can get out it might be the thing to get your mum out of her rut. She needs help though, for sure, there's very little chance she can just say she's done and be done with it, I don't think. Support like AA would be a great step. She obviously knows she has a problem. It's just getting her to face it.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

Exactly Fox, but it's a step she's going to have to take on her own.

We all have problems, but I'm not sure I can help this one. The best thing I can do is move away, for my sister's welfare. If I carry on like this then, I'm going down with the ship.

_It's just getting her to face it._ It's the most difficult part. She pretends to "wake up" and it goes back to normal. 

*hugs back*

Thanks.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 8, 2010)

Sometimes you've just got to think about yourself. I get that. *hug* Hope it works out.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

It's funny, I'm not even worried about what happens to me. I'm just worried about my family you know? (My sister, and my dog Boycie lol)

Two hugs eh, I'm lovin' this


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 8, 2010)

You should be worried about your sister, and your mom, too. 

Where does your dad fall into this picture, if he's in the picture at all? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, of course.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 8, 2010)

Oh no that's fine, he left when I was two. I still see him weekends, but he's an ignorant Italian racist bigot, and I'm glad he left 

I love my mum with all my heart, that's why it hurts so much.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 8, 2010)

I'm really sorry about that. Feel free to PM if you want to talk at all or you just want to vent something out. Venting's good.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 9, 2010)

Thank you 

I hate talking about myself usually, but it's nice to know people understand.


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## Eluixa (Sep 9, 2010)

I'd recommend taking the time to find a good situtation for you and your sister if you can. It would be less likely you'd have to go back that way. That you love your mother regardless, it has me thinking very well of you and like pp said, you are coming a man quickly. Get out, get grounded, and then if you have the wherewithall, maybe try to help. Best of luck to you with all of this. 
I have a friend who in mid thirties is still reacting from her childhood with a drunk mother. Though I don't know it myself, I see it is a very hard thing. From seeing my friend, I would recommend talking to someone yourself. Better not to drag it into your later years if you can help it. Writing too, could do go a long way in helping you. I'm sorry, being a mother myself, it is sometimes overbearingly frustrating that one is in fact a person all the while they are a mother, and people don't cope well at all sometimes. It's not to do with you. And obviously, you are a great kid.


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## alanmt (Sep 9, 2010)

congrats on becoming a man and doing the right thing under dfficult circumstances.

Take care of yourself and your sister first.  (You might need to check with a solicitor or social worker to see if something needs to be done legally to make you your sister's guardian, if she is a minor).

I have a little saying that I say to myself in situations like this "Alan, it's not your Titanic".

Your mom has a significant problem.  You can love her, support her and offer her help and advice.  But it is her problem and ultimately she has to deal with it on her own and she might not be able to and her ship might sink.  But as you have realized, you don't need to be on that sinking ship.  Take care of yourself first.  Distance yourself enough physically and emotionally to protect yourself.

best of luck


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 9, 2010)

Thank you Eluixa. That really means a lot coming from a mother. 

_Better not to drag it into your later years if you can help it._ That's what made my decision final. I'm 18 and this has been going on for six years, how old will I be when it stops? 

Thanks Alanmt. It's a horrible feeling leaving her, but you're right. I will always be here for her, and I'll never shut the door on her completely, but she has to do this on her own. For it to mean anything anyway. 

She was begging us not to go this morning (it's about 2pm now) She said "I'll sort it out" and when I said I didn't believe her she said "I don't blame you" but she's said all this before. She was drinking from nearly empty wine bottles the night before so why should she suddenly reform over night?

Anyway I'm seeing some people today to sort it out, thank you all for your support, it's helped more than you might think. 

Edit: My sister is actually 23 (In May). She's four years older than me in age, but much younger than me in her mind, if that makes sense to you?


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## Lamperoux (Sep 10, 2010)

i'm not a hugger...sry no hugs from me. But i'll give you a handshake, lol.  Good luk. Its nice to hear that you'll have a place to stay. Sometimes people rush through this and end up homeless. Glad for you, hope it gets better. Be strong, though you prolly didn't me to tell that to you, since judgin by what you said, you're being more of a man than i ever have been. (then agin, i'm only 15).


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## MJ Preston (Sep 10, 2010)

Bruno, living with an alcoholic parent is a very tough thing. Protect your Sister and hang in there. Hopefully your Mom will bottom out and find her way out of her addiction. It took my Mother 50 years. My heart goes out to you, if I can give you any advice it would be this: You can't make her stop, she has to be ready to stop. 

All the best.
Mark


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## Fox80 (Sep 10, 2010)

Bruno - so sorry. I'm at the other end of that story; I was a drunk and also abusing narcotics. I had to stop, and it wasn't easy. I know what alcohol can do to families, and I'm glad to see you are taking steps to distance yourself from the sickness. You can love someone, but that does not mean you have to tolerate that behavior.

I wish you good luck and hope that your mother gets some help with this terrible problem. My problems are under control now. Hers can be, too.


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## Kat (Sep 11, 2010)

I was in your place once but much younger when I left. I'm glad that you are 18 and better able to handle the world. It's not an easy thing to do. Lost of hugs and the best of luck. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. 

I don't know about where you are but there are shelters and services that may help.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 11, 2010)

You're right MJ, but I doubt she will get out of this poisonous rut. If she does...well, I'll be there for her.

Cheers Fox, I'm glad you got rid of your demons. Gives me hope that it can be done.

Thank you Kat. I'm sorry that you experienced this at a younger age, I hope you're okay now.



Kat said:


> It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.


 Ditto.


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## RM Americano (Sep 21, 2010)

Unless one family member is about to murder another you should NEVER call the cops on family.

Moving out might actually open your mother's eyes, and once she starts coming home to an empty house she may find motivation to clean up.


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## Patrick (Sep 21, 2010)

Family... I am telling you, man. Good to see you got a bit crazy, too. We all do. Nothing to worry about, though, I broke my bedroom door clean of its hinges a few weeks ago and then slapped myself because I had to fix it.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2010)

Mermaid on the breakwater said:


> Nothing to worry about, though, I broke my bedroom door clean of its hinges a few weeks ago and then slapped myself because I had to fix it.



It's always the door that gets it 

We all need to let off some steam, grr. I think it's quite healthy.


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## caelum (Sep 21, 2010)

Moving out can be really hard and dramatic, but sometimes that's what you have to do.  Hope it all works out.  By the time I was seventeen I had moved out twice.  I came back after the first time, after about a year, hoping things were better.  They weren't, so I left again.  Best decision I ever made.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2010)

Cheers mate, as long as I am writing and laughing, nothing will bring me down. I've learned that loving yourself is wrong, but taking care of yourself is highly important and benefits those around you as well (referring to my dog Boycie and my sister)

I'm over it now anyway, I was really upset when I first posted this thread but, talking really helps. Thanks


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 21, 2010)

> I've learned that loving yourself is wrong


There's nothing wrong with loving yourself. What makes you say that?


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2010)

I just think it's quite arrogant to love yourself, and I don't love myself. Most people I know who do are total narcissists, and narcissism is just another thing I hate. 

Love is a strong word, can you truly say you LOVE yourself? It's a very weird thing to exhibit in my opinion. I only love others. 

We're all different though, that's just the conclusion I've arrived at within the environment I've lived in.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 21, 2010)

Well I do love myself. Does that make me narcissistic? No. My defintion of loving yourself is looking after yourself, and wanting the best yourself.

I admire that you're so selfless, but sometimes loving others is a waste. I've seen love go to waste.

Not trying to sound like a cynic, but I think it's hard to find people who truly deserve your love. I only have two or three of those in my life.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2010)

I wasn't calling people who love themselves narcissists, and I certainly wasn't calling you one. I was saying the people I know who love themselves are narcissists, sorry if that felt like it was aimed at you!

Anyway, I will never love myself, ever. It's wasted even more on myself than it is on others. I respect myself, but that's something else.

I'm talking about people who actually _love_ themselves. You know boasters, vain and arrogant people, the ones who look at themselves in the mirror for hours. These are people I know, and they are almost definitely narcissists.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 21, 2010)

That's not really my idea of loving oneself. That's just plain narcissism. I get the feeling they won't "love" themselves anymore when they get all old and wrinkly. 


> Anyway, I will never love myself, ever. It's wasted even more on myself than it is on others.


Ah, well that's debatable. Say you're in an abusive relationship, but you love the person who is abusing you. You wouldn't think that love has gone to waste? Shouldn't you love yourself enough to get out of a situation like that?


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 21, 2010)

It's a good question but, I would never love someone who was abusive in the first place. _Your_ idea of self love is correct and selfless, everyone should look after themselves, I totally agree with that.

If I was in that situation though, my love would definitely be wasted, but that's a relationship. I love my friends, I love my family (whatever they may be), but I don't love myself. It's weird, I can't even say it to myself 

My idea of self-love has been formed from the people I know, and I don't like it one bit. Sorry if I offended you by the way, I should have been more specific.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 21, 2010)

Okay, you've made your point clear. And no, you didn't offend me. I just couldn't understand why you thought it was wrong to love yourself. And I agree that you should try to love your family, and then there are those that you can't help but love. Believe me, I've been there.


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## Msweeble (Sep 23, 2010)

How did it go? Did you do anything yet??

Been thinkin of you dude


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## Gumby (Sep 23, 2010)

Bruno, I think you're an exceptional young man in the way you're dealing with this. Just know that you and sis aren't alone in your pain. These kind of situations have become so common, having a family member who is lost in alcoholism or drugs or both. I also have a loved one, a son, who is lost. The pain can be almost unbearable at times when you love the lost.

 I know that you know this but here goes, you can't save her. But you can save yourself, and that is the best thing you can do for mum.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 23, 2010)

Wow, thank you Msweeble, it's very kind of you to say. I actually moved out with my sister and dog about five days ago. I wont go into the details but, it seems like we'll manage just fine.

Thank you Gumby, means a lot. I will never touch alcohol, never have but this has proven the power that stuff can hold over people. I know I'm not alone, the support I've had from people here has helped so much, showed me that I wasn't to blame for anything. I feel awful leaving her but, sometimes you have to save yourself to save others.

I'm very sorry about your son. The pain is unbearable, especially when it's a loved one and, that's not a nice feeling. I hope he finds his way out.


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## Gumby (Sep 23, 2010)

> I'm very sorry about your son. The pain is unbearable, especially when it's a loved one and, that's not a nice feeling. I hope he finds his way out


 
Thank you Bruno. The hardest thing I've ever had to do is to step back and let him fall. In essence, what you are doing with your mum. They have to be the one to do it, if it's going to get done.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 23, 2010)

I know, and it's amazing how long you deal with it, thinking you can pull them out of their poisonous routine.

I honestly admire you for being able to take a step back like that, I can imagine how hard it was. The days that follow aren't much easier.


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