# A wife's revenge -- bad poetry



## JustRob (Sep 13, 2015)

This afternoon I discovered that I had an email from my angel with the above title and the following content.  Apparently she had a little time to spare while cooking the Sunday roast and dashed this off.

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I have an ageing husband
A novel he has writ
But no one wants to read it 
So he's really got the pip

He keeps banging on about it
It does no good at all
How can you tell a loved one
That he drives you up the wall

It turns up on a Sunday
As regular as roast
It's in my novel he will say
One day he will be TOAST

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This was shortly followed by a second email with this content.

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He joined the writers forum
But it didn't do the trick
Still no one wants to read it
And he's getting pretty sick

So now he's writing poetry
He chats to Cran and Boofy?
It seems to cheer him up a bit
And stops him going goofy.

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I will pass on all plaudits and messages of sympathy and understanding to the author, bless her. Personally I think it's brilliant considering that she never does anything like this normally. She reckons that it's because her recently bought iPad can spell much better than she can, but iPads can't come up with the ideas, can they?


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## Sonata (Sep 13, 2015)

I love it - think it is brilliant!  Certainly brought a huge smile to my face - thank you!


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## JustRob (Sep 13, 2015)

Thanks Sonata. I have passed on your message. She says that it was a little on the evil side, but then I've never said exactly what type of angel she is.


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## Nellie (Sep 13, 2015)

Ah, revenge, sweet, sweet revenge! Some of us relish it. A great poem!


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## JustRob (Sep 13, 2015)

Thanks Nellie. My angel thinks that it's hysterical that a first draft that she scribbled, if that is possible on an iPad, while cooking a meal should get such a favourable response. Of course it is unusual for angels to sink to the level of us mere mortals at all, let alone indulge in such frivolities, but she is in every way special. Some men may say that their wives don't understand them but mine understands me far too well.


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## jenthepen (Sep 13, 2015)

Definitely need to get your wife signed up here, Rob.


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## JustRob (Sep 13, 2015)

Jen, to quote my angel "That is just bonkers." I get the feeling that she doesn't take the subject at all seriously.


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## jenthepen (Sep 13, 2015)

JustRob said:


> Jen, to quote my angel "That is just bonkers." I get the feeling that she doesn't take the subject at all seriously.



She sounds great fun, though, and just think how many beans she could spill about you.


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## JustRob (Sep 13, 2015)

No more than I spill myself, I suspect, and yes, she always has been great fun.


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## David... (Sep 13, 2015)

Well your wife is a poet. Mine never writes anything to me except a list of chores. But she has a poets heart. Enjoyed this.

David..


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## pgbthewriter (Sep 13, 2015)

I really enjoyed reading this.


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## Phil Istine (Sep 14, 2015)

That was funny to read 
Tell her that she missed some punctuation - while I'm deleting my account.


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## JustRob (Sep 14, 2015)

Actually she missed out all the punctuation. I added the final full stop but otherwise it is verbatim from the emails. You can understand why I am willing to accept all criticism due to her.


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## LeeC (Sep 17, 2015)

Had to show this to the wife.
She said to pass along that she empathizes, experiencing a similar situation ;-)


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## JustRob (Sep 17, 2015)

Lee, I have passed on the message. Just as some disreputable magazines have sections entitled "Readers' wives" perhaps WF needs a "Writers' partners" section for comments from the other silent half of the community. Writers supposedly work predominantly alone but that is hardly true of the impact of their activities. They choose to suffer for their art but what about their partners? What say do they have in it and what compensation? Fortunately my angel is tolerant of my perpetual madness regardless of what form it takes, as witnessed by the good-natured form of her protest here.


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## Mesafalcon (Sep 18, 2015)

_It's in my novel he will say
 One day he will be TOAST

_Nice line!


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## JustRob (Sep 18, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> _It's in my novel he will say
> One day he will be TOAST
> 
> _Nice line!



Message passed on. We have an open fireplace where we can make toast over a log fire on winter weekends. I made a four-pronged toasting fork without any joints out of a single length of square-sectioned steel, an interesting design challenge. There is always the risk that one might eventually be pricked by one's own creations though.


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## Boofy (Sep 18, 2015)

Haha! Why didn't I see this earlier? I even get a mention! This must be what it feels like to be a household name... on a much, much smaller scale. On a negative note, my ears have let me down. They didn't burn at all, the useless things...

That was good fun to read. So much so, I may have read it over multiple times. I did enjoy the rhythm, too. This angel of yours ought to join up and spread that whimsy about. It's really made my morning so I guess, in one sense, I am glad to have only stumbled upon it now. This is turning out to be a real roller-coaster, as mornings go. ^^


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## JustRob (Sep 18, 2015)

Boofy said:


> Haha! Why didn't I see this earlier?



I did wonder that myself. I passed your message on but she is unmoved by praise to get involved any further. While it is legitimate for me to post her words about me here I wouldn't contemplate posting what she says about the rest of you. Now there's a sobering thought for all concerned. I keep pointing out that angels are above all this. Yeah, like hell they are. Was that an inappropriate simile, do you think?


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## BlondeAverageReader (Jan 16, 2017)

jenthepen said:


> Definitely need to get your wife signed up here, Rob.


Well as I'm here now, I think that I'll  give up my Pam Ayres style of poetry and just read! If the muse hits again I'll try to fight it. Embarrassing myself in public not my style.


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## Firemajic (Jan 16, 2017)

Dear fabulous Blonde, I enjoyed reading your charming, whimsical poem... I am hoping you will post many more... so clever are you to email your husband a poem... because we all know that while a good poem may say a lot, a clever poet also knows that what is NOT said can send a very clear message... yes? Welcome to WF and welcome to the fabulous poetry thread...


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## PiP (Jan 16, 2017)

Hey, I love Pam Ayres  I have two of her poetry books... now who's embarrassed


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## jenthepen (Jan 16, 2017)

BlondeAverageReader said:


> Well as I'm here now, I think that I'll  give up my Pam Ayres style of poetry and just read! If the muse hits again I'll try to fight it. Embarrassing myself in public not my style.



Embarrassing yourself is a way of life for us lot, BAR. Your poem hardly registers on the cringe scale at all so you have nothing to worry about. If the muse hits again you must publish and be damned - literary constipation is a condition to be avoided at all costs!


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