# We all Conspire to Lie



## jenthepen (Oct 2, 2016)

Dragons, unicorns and wishes
smiling faces that pretend
that life is made of candy kisses
fairytales and rainbow’s end.


We all conspire to lie


Just be happy and don’t worry
tomorrow is another day
as one door shuts another opens
time will heal all wounds they say.


We all conspire to lie


What don’t kill you makes you stronger
it’s a blessing in disguise
Only good folk die when younger
that should come as no surprise.


We all conspire to lie


So count your blessings and be glad
that all comes in its season 
all’s well that ends well – not so bad!
All happens for a reason


We all conspire to lie.

  [FONT=&Verdana]
Get your reward in heaven’s domain
when to a better place you fly.
Just know, my friend, no pain no gain
and we all conspire to lie.[/FONT]


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 2, 2016)

I heard them ALL, when my mom was killed, every empty cliché was whispered to me from well meaning friends... they thought they were offering comfort, but I struggled not to scream... Jen, you put such a unique twist on this... so elegantly written, and the use of the refraining line is brilliant! I believe people say these clichés , because we NEED to believe them, because the truth is intolerable....  SUBLIME work... BRAVO..


----------



## LeeC (Oct 2, 2016)

Too insightful to comment on. Thank you.


----------



## escorial (Oct 2, 2016)

i liked the way you started the piece in a whimsical way and then with each stanza built a more robust outlook to the end....cool


----------



## CJL4307 (Oct 3, 2016)

Very interesting and creative idea for a poem! No matter how well intentioned, perhaps silence is greater than false hopes and empty consolations. However, a world without any hope, is a grim one indeed. Thanks for this thought provoking piece!


----------



## NicK29 (Oct 3, 2016)

Yes, I agree. Sometimes people just need a hug instead of cliches. A very thought-provoking piece - will make us think twice next time we go to use a common phrase!


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Oct 3, 2016)

You had some very strong verses in here. Enjoyed.


----------



## ned (Oct 4, 2016)

hello - wonderful poem - that just went deeper and deeper

and it's very true, we all cling to hopes, knowing they are probably false.

What don’t kill you makes you stronger
it’s a blessing in disguise
Only good folk die when younger
that should come as no surprise. - love this verse

a strong message, with thoughtful, natural rhyming - well crafted.
Ned


----------



## Blue (Oct 4, 2016)

Beautiful language, and such a strong message too. I loved this


----------



## jenthepen (Oct 4, 2016)

Thanks, everyone for your supportive and thoughtful comments. Everyone understood the dilemma of giving and hearing those comforting platitudes and yet, as some pointed out, we need to cling to these hopes because life can be grim and sometimes intolerable. After reading all the feedback, I felt the poem needed something more - something to sum up this almost meaningless hope that we cling to and the reason behind it. I came up with these four lines that I thought might be inserted in place of stanza four (which I felt was the weakest) and wonder if the change of pace and rhythm of these lines helps or hinders the original draft. Any comments on these changes would be appreciated.

  Dragons, unicorns and wishes
smiling faces that pretend
that life is made of candy kisses
fairytales and rainbow’s end.


We all conspire to lie


Just be happy and don’t worry
tomorrow is another day
as one door shuts another opens
time will heal all wounds they say.


We all conspire to lie


What don’t kill you makes you stronger
it’s a blessing in disguise.
Only good folk die when younger
that should come as no surprise.


Platitudes and friendly faces that only want to ease the pain,
a social instinct of our species,  meant to soften and contain
  those attributes of being human - intuition and sense of self -
  granting us imagination and giving sight of fate itself.
  [FONT=&Verdana]
Get your reward in heaven’s domain
when to a better place you fly.
Just know, my friend, no pain no gain
and we all conspire to lie.


I still can't make up my mind whether this is an improvement or if I should have left well enough alone (to use a well-known cliche) 

Thanks again, everyone.

 [/FONT]


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 4, 2016)

Hummmm............. well...I don't know... because there are so many possibilities, and different way to end this poem...not much help, am I?


----------



## SilverMoon (Oct 4, 2016)

Jenthepen, this is a sensational piece! I say this because I could sense my eyes lite up just reading your first stanza and perfectly caustic refrain.

What an original spin on the ordinary - those preachy, unbearable maxims. You give the trite the boot, rhyming all the while which is no small feat.

You wonder if you should stick with the first 4th stanza.

 I would suggest, LOL, You "leave well enough alone" This first line is one of the most notable of all dictates, so a great introduction. And you maintain the succinct rhyming as with the other stanzas.



> So count your blessings and be glad
> that all comes in its season
> all’s well that ends well – not so bad!
> All happens for a reason
> ...



Here, you begin with "Platitudes" which is what the poem is about, so it's what I would call a "shadow word".

In context of this poem, I don't think you need to give a reason as to why we cling to these hopes.
 But! I see this as great food for fodder for another poem. A great stanza I would hold onto for later.



> Platitudes and friendly faces that only want to ease the pain,
> a social instinct of our species,  meant to soften and contain
> those attributes of being human - intuition and sense of self -
> granting us imagination and giving sight of fate itself.



One suggestion, otherwise? Your brilliant refrain is hidden within this last stanza.




> Get your reward in heaven’s domain
> when to a better place you fly.
> Just know, my friend, no pain no gain
> and we all conspire to lie.



Let the "lie" shine - in keeping with the others.


"Get your reward in heaven’s domain
 when to a better place you fly.
 Just know, my friend, no pain no gain.

We all conspire to lie."



This is the first poem of yours I've read and am _Wowed. _Hope I've been of some help re: 4th stanza quandary. Laurie


----------



## jenthepen (Oct 5, 2016)

Thanks for the advice, SilverMoon! You've helped me to decide, and it's one of those times that I feel totally happy and kinda relieved that the original came out on top. First thoughts are usually best thoughts where poetry is concerned and, once I start messing, I find it hard to know when to stop. LOL.

I really appreciate the feedback and I will hang on to that spare stanza. Separating that last line is great advice too. Thanks!

jen


----------



## SilverMoon (Oct 5, 2016)

So glad I could help. Often I don't stick with my instincts either but love to edit. For some reasons it's like sculpting for me. You've got this clay to work with. I guess I feel like it's a tangible. I'm a little weird this way! And it is hard stopping what we love to do.

Really, your second version of that stanza has allot of meat to it. Make a meal!


----------



## Shay Sloan (Oct 10, 2016)

This was beautifully written. I'd say the original version is the one which you should stick with, as I can't really see a need for (greater) improvement. This is also something which I thought about, common places being means for disguise. Thanks for sharing.


----------



## jenthepen (Oct 11, 2016)

Thank you, Shay. I appreciate the compliment and it's good to get another vote for the original version. Thanks for responding.


----------



## Grub-r (Oct 12, 2016)

I think the original version lends itself more to a customized message for the reader. From the responses you've gotten so far, each person seems to have gotten something slightly different from it. If that's what you are going for here, then it's very well done and I wouldn't change a thing. 

Me personally I'm a sarcastic realist in my day to day conversations but when I read something (particularly since I use reading as a form of entertainment) I'm usually optimistic about what I'm reading unless it's apparently not written that way. 

Maybe it's because you start with unicorns, candy kisses and rainbows but what I got out of your poem was more of an unspoken bond between humanity,

 that yes, you don't really believe it 
Yes, I know you don't really believe it
Yes, we both kind of wish it were true
and yes, I recognize that you acknowledge my feelings and care enough about me to feed my this line instead of giving me nothing.

Great Poem :thumbl:


----------



## jenthepen (Oct 13, 2016)

Thanks for the insightful critique, Grub-r.  

You're right that everyone seemed to take their own message from this poem and that's okay. For me, although my words come from my own deep emotions, my meaning is less important than the fact that it stirs emotions in another mind.

In fact, the way you read it is very close to the way I was feeling when I wrote it. If you read the words of the stanza I considered adding you'll see that I was trying to express just what you say - that these trite sayings are our attempt to soften the impact of our imagination and our awareness of things to come, human attributes that can build traumatic situations into unbearable horror.

_Platitudes and friendly faces that only want to ease the pain,
a social instinct of our species,  meant to soften and contain
  those attributes of being human - intuition and sense of self -
  granting us imagination and giving sight of fate itself. _
  [FONT=&Verdana]
Again, thank you for seeing so deeply into my poem. You've help to clarify my own thoughts about this one. 

jen
[/FONT]


----------

