# My autobiography



## shewalksinbeauty (Jun 10, 2004)

I just wanted to post this.  I'd love for some of you to post your biographies - to get to know one another a bit better?  If there is already a thread for this then I'm sorry. I didn't see it!   

*Stripped*

Suppose a girl had a choice to make. Suppose that, at the time, it didn't seem like such a huge decision to her. Suppose that girl was me. I always had my heart set on going to Collingwood. All my friends from middle school were going, so of course, I wanted to be with them. I often look back from this mess I find myself sitting in and wonder, what would I be like if I had taken the other path? If I hadn't been so stubborn, and if I had carefully considered my options, then my parents might still be together. I might not have fallen in love. I wouldn't have the friends I have now. In fact, I wouldn't even be the same person. It's true, a person's friends and surroundings help to make someone who they are. A person's experiences can make them stronger or weaker. 

Let me start from the first major point in my life that sticks in my mind; the birth of my little sister. I remember being told, as an 8 year old, that I would be given a present - a baby brother or sister. I was completely overjoyed. I definately wanted a little sister. One to share clothes with, and go shopping with and have mini midnight feasts with. I still remember being driven to my friend Christopher's house that night when my mum went into labour. And I remember my dad coming round to the house in the morning and telling me I was an older sister. I don't remember going to the hospital, or seeing Francesca for the first time. Actually, one of the only other things I remember around the time of her birth was getting my present. Dad drove me into town, telling me that I would get a present so I didn't feel left out, from all the fuss being made over Frankie. We went into Halfords, and I can see myself now, sulking, because I didn't want to be in a bike shop. That was until dad told me to choose a bike, because that was my present! 

I think I must have been in a coma for the next few years, because I can't remember much at all. There was the awful event of my gorgeous black labrador, Paddy, dying. That was horrific. I think I was 10, and I was totally distraught. Me and dad had a mini funeral for him. 

Next in my life, my parents divorce. Of all the things that have happened to me, this is the one I cannot stand to think about, yet every day it drives me insane. 2 o'clock every morning, I would be awake, with my ear pressed against my door trying to listen to what my mother and father were screaming at one another. It drove me insane. Part of my rolled my eyes and wanted to go back to sleep. Another part was crying, all night, until my head rested on the pillow and dreams took over. Also, curiosity sometimes got the better of me. I often crept out of my bedroom and sat in the corridor, listening to the shouting. I wondered if my sister ever heard it, and what she had made of it all. She was so young, it can't have meant much to her. Mum was asleep one evening when I eventually found the courage in my to ask dad if mum was having an affair. I couldn't ask it to his face, so I wrote it down. And he wouldn't give me a straight answer at first, but I persisted, and he told me. Yes. I didn't know what to say. I was a little girl. All I could see was a very hurt man. I threw my arms around him and held him for what seemed like forever. It was on a Wednesday night that my mother came in to the sitting room, when I was about to settle down for the evening to watch Streetmate, and told me who it was she was having an affair with. I already knew, in my heart. And I pleaded with her not to tell me. She did; my school principal. The same guy who had smiled at me earlier in the day. Now I come to think of it, a smile full of guilt. 

Weeks, months of torture were ahead. One night I will never forget; my dad was drunk, and he had driven off to find my mum's lover, with the soul principle of hurting him. I managed to get through to him on his mobile phone. Me and mum were both begging him not to do anything stupid. It was a year, maybe two, later that he told me that night he was intending to kill himself. Driving along a motorway, he saw a bridge. He turned his car slightly towards the wall. Only, he told me, his saw my face in his mind, and swerved at the last minute. That was not the only time, unfortunately. Something to do with a hosepipe and a car exhaust springs to mind. 

It's also my fault that my stepmother is a fire-breathing dragon. Davina McCall, being my idol, inspired me to 'streetmate' my dad. So I did, and he found Daisy. Or rather, I did. Unfortunately. I'd like to say I admire Daisy for her honestly, but, being honest myself, I think she's plain rude. In every argument, she brings up my mother. She knows just what to say to hurt me, and she says it so well. It feels like she is trying to tear me and dad apart. It kills me. I love my dad so much, after all we've been through. He used to rely on me. I helped him when mum left. Now it seems, we've been stripped of our rights to see him every week. My charming stepmother took it upon herself to decrease that to every two weeks. My friend lost her father not long ago. It made me see how much I appreciate my dad, and now it seems I'm only getting dragged further and further away. It doesn't help that my mother tries to poison me and my sister against him. It doesn't work for me, but my sister... I don't know. She hasn't lived with dad as long as I have. My fear is that she thinks of my stepdad as more of a real father. 

Falling in love. I fell in love, well at least, I thought I did. Looking back now, I think it might just have been infatuation. After all, that is all unrequited love is anyway; infatuation. 4 years of my life seem wasted, yearning for one person. I still remember the first sighting, and the first meeting, and I'm sure I will always hold that in my heart until I die. This experience, if that is what you call it, has enabled me to grow up. And I have. I didn't think those feelings were capable of someone quite so young. I had to deal with it, and nobody taught me how. It was a forbidden love, of sorts. Not many people knew, let alone taught me how to cope with those feelings. I just hope that what people say, "you have one true love in a lifetime" is wrong. I want to fall in love and be happy with someone who can return those feelings. I'm still looking for my ideal partner - I think I have high expectations though, so it may not happen for some time. But it will happen. And hopefully in the not too distant future, so I can gain some experience, if you know what I mean. 

My friends. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with some of them. Other times I treasure them and hold them close. They all have a huge place in my heart. I know I've been used a few times, and I'm not saying I'm the perfect friend either. I can be insecure, and jealous. I need to know that I can trust my friends and that they can trust me. After recent events, I know that I need to lose a few of these so-called friends. They cannot offer me anything I need. Maybe a bit of fun, but no trust. And why bother with them when I have angels who can offer me both. The ones who truly mean something, they know who they are. It's a shame I don't see all of them often. A lot of my friends were made through the Internet, so as you can imagine, they are dotted all around the country. Some friends at college too - I've noticed they've become a bit closer and more special to me lately. Perhaps it is because college will be over soon. People will be moving around the country for university. I'll still be here though, I don't have the patience or money for university. I will tell my friends, soon, how much they mean to me. Hopefully they already know, but as some people have figured out, I'm not one for speaking my emotions. That is, of course, until writing this...


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## SeraphOma (Jun 10, 2004)

_What inspired you to write this and post it? Your life is well worth writing about. It's very short so its a good "synopsis" for something long and great... and detailed   _


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## shewalksinbeauty (Jun 10, 2004)

I wrote it a few months ago.
I'm not sure why I decided to do it.  It felt good to get everything out in the open, that I otherwise refuse to talk about.

Got through about 6 boxes of tissues whilst writing it *lol*


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## Emma LB (Jul 4, 2004)

You have a very nice style and your writing is very good, I don't think I'd even know where to start if I were to write an autobiography.  
I suppose you've just finished your A-levels now, so what will you be doing, as you aren't going to uni?


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## sully474 (Jul 10, 2004)

It is a very riveting story. Full of the main events in your life. It changed my perspective about what an autobiography was. I used to figure it was like, I was born July 3, 1942 etc.

Good job.


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