# Satire News



## StephenP2003 (Feb 28, 2009)

*Cure for cancer intermittently available on Wikipedia*

  Last week, the scrutinous editors of user-generated encyclopedia Web site Wikipedia.org finally approved a separate entry for “Cure for Cancer.” The cure for all forms of cancer had been discovered more than four years ago by an independent researcher and obsessive pro bono Wikipedia editor known only by IP address 69.21.172.26. 

  “In 2001, I first discovered a 10-day treatment that eliminated 100 percent of cancer cells in mice,” said 69.21.172.26, who communicates solely via his IP’s Wikipedia talk page. “In a few years’ time, I was successful in curing lung cancer in my first human test subject.”

  Previously noted for his major Wikipedia contributions about histologic grading, angiogenesis inhibitors and Final Fantasy V character Bartz Klauser, the researcher was proud to make yet another small impact in the growing sea of trivial, uninteresting information. 

  He promptly posted the at-home treatment on Wikipedia, where it underwent a painstaking review by millions of devout Wikipedia extremists before being approved as a permanent entry.

  “Finding the cure was the easy part. Keeping the information available on the site was a real uphill battle,” said 69.21.172.26, speaking of the countless Wikipedia editors who persistently work against each other in the name of pride and an unhealthy desire for comprehensiveness.

  Explaining the basic principles behind the cure itself, the anonymous editor said the treatment is not a drug and does not involve chemotherapy or radiation, nor does it require any additional visits to an oncologist.

  “It’s a 10-day diet, essentially, consisting of a very precise combination of common foods at certain times a day and in certain quantities,” he said.

  The Wikipedia devotee has no plans of submitting his research to any other entities and hopes that his entry will mark the first time that universities, other researchers and the media cite Wikipedia as a source.

  “I want student research papers around the world to prominently and confidently say ‘According to Wikipedia.org.’ It’s just time,” he said.

  According to users on the entry’s discussion page, the cure is 100 percent effective.
  Still, maintaining the consistent availability of the proven treatment is not without its struggles, as more unrelenting members of the Wikipedia army continue to challenge the merit of the article due to its occasional deviation from American to British English, the incorrect use of an idiom that originated in New Jersey, and its lack of cross references to other, completely irrelevant Wikipedia entries.

  Many have suggested removing the article altogether until these discrepancies are resolved, while other users, termed “vandals,” make slight edits to the cure’s details and render the treatment ineffective. 

  Fortunately, 69.21.172.26 said he monitors the entry during daytime business hours to quickly reverse any vandalism and defend the necessity of the entry against naysayers. 

  “Cancer patients have a better chance of the treatment information being accurate and complete between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., and on Tuesday nights before 10 p.m. sometimes,” said 69.21.172.2.

  The next step, he said, is to convince someone to translate the article into the other languages supported on Wikipedia, though he acknowledges that it may not happen for years and would have to undergo a lengthy debate on whether the article is important enough to be in more than one language.


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## PSFoster (Mar 10, 2009)

Wow, that's some good news, especially if you got cancer from reading Wikipedia.


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