# "Even the gods - he looked her in the eyes - are vulnerable."



## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

That's the sentence from my WIP, and I find it very powerful. It reveals everything and nothing. Are you proud sometimes of the sentences you made up? And what are they?  Of course, if you want to, you can post your most brilliant paragraphs, although I wouldn't recommend posting it here (but in the Workshop) if you're going for a publication. Just a sentence is fine  I'm sure we're gonna read a lot of memorable quotes


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 27, 2014)

That is a powerful statement. I have come up with a couple ditties myself but you'll have to see them in the workshop (eventually) :friendly_wink:

PS- Chapter one of my WIP is sitting there just waiting :icon_cheesygrin:


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> That is a powerful statement. I have come up with a couple ditties myself but you'll have to see them in the workshop (eventually) :friendly_wink:
> 
> PS- Chapter one of my WIP is sitting there just waiting :icon_cheesygrin:



Yeah, I know


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

P.s. I meant just a sentence, not necessarily a paragraph or chapter


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 27, 2014)

Schrody said:


> P.s. I meant just a sentence, not necessarily a paragraph or chapter





I know. It's just you have to see the context to understand what I think are my best lines.:icon_colors:


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

Maybe to ask the mods to move this at the Workshop?


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 27, 2014)

Not neccesarily. I think people who are comfortable with posting one line won't have any real problem.

Incidentally got the okay from Cran about my proposed thread. Now I just have to hear from bazz so he's aware.:bee:


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> Not neccesarily. I think people who are comfortable with posting one line won't have any real problem.
> 
> Incidentally got the okay from Cran about my proposed thread. Now I just have to hear from bazz so he's aware.:bee:



Great!


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

What, nobody has such a great sentence? :scratch:


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 27, 2014)

Okay I'll show you a paragraph by my MC from my WIP just for you.

      This “troll” just looks at me with that totally stupid smile. _Do little girls really think this is cute_? _I thought Screech was cute once. He was so dreamy on Saved by the Bell. Then he did Celebrity Fit Club and he wasn’t so cute anymore. That’s why I love the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

_It may not be my best (I hope anyway) but I thought it was a little funny as my MC is something of a kook.:raindeer:


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 27, 2014)

Here's one that I really like. Here Gertie has to make a long distance call from Hell and she is talking to the "Operator from Hell"

     “Yes Ma’am, I have you connected to a Mr. Edward somebody at the New York Monocle.”
      “Thank you.”
     “It will be three dollars and fifty-five cents, extra if you want to talk.”

A little example of my prose if you will :smiley_simmons:


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> Okay I'll show you a paragraph by my MC from my WIP just for you.
> 
> This “troll” just looks at me with that totally stupid smile. _Do little girls really think this is cute_? _I thought Screech was cute once. He was so dreamy on Saved by the Bell. Then he did Celebrity Fit Club and he wasn’t so cute anymore. That’s why I love the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
> 
> _It may not be my best (I hope anyway) but I thought it was a little funny as my MC is something of a kook.:raindeer:



Tnx, mustard. Ah, Screech 



mrmustard615 said:


> Here's one that I really like. Here Gertie has to make a long distance call from Hell and she is talking to the "Operator from Hell"
> 
> “Yes Ma’am, I have you connected to a Mr. Edward somebody at the New York Monocle.”
> “Thank you.”
> ...



You have a talent for the comedy


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## Pluralized (Sep 27, 2014)

Something that made me giggle:

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif]“It’s subterfuge and shenanigans on the highest order,” Grim said, not realizing he had latte froth hanging from his ridiculous, bushy mustache, “and they know we know it. For instance, the base units they use: they’re all in abstract numbers! Millions, billions of years.” He took a pull from the hookah and licked his lips. Must’ve noticed the froth, because his tongue did a Scooby-Doo, propeller-style and his mouth was clean again like a big black beaver from the 70s.[/FONT]


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 27, 2014)

Thanks Schrods:cat:


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## patskywriter (Sep 27, 2014)

I find it difficult to declare my own work brilliant— to me, it's like mugging in front of the mirror. I'd rather leave that to someone else (both the declaring and the mugging).


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## Schrody (Sep 27, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> Something that made me giggle:
> 
> “It’s subterfuge and shenanigans on the highest order,” Grim said, not realizing he had latte froth hanging from his ridiculous, bushy mustache, “and they know we know it. For instance, the base units they use: they’re all in abstract numbers! Millions, billions of years.” He took a pull from the hookah and licked his lips. Must’ve noticed the froth, because his tongue did a Scooby-Doo, propeller-style and his mouth was clean again like a big black beaver from the 70s.



What a description! 



mrmustard615 said:


> Thanks Schrods:cat:



Thanks mustard 



patskywriter said:


> I find it difficult to declare my own work brilliant— to me, it's like mugging in front of the mirror. I'd rather leave that to someone else (both the declaring and the mugging).



I think every writer has a brilliant sentence or two during their writing life, even though that sentence might be brilliant only to them


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## ShadowEyes (Sep 27, 2014)

Ah man, I love _Snow Crash_. Just the F***ing terminology in every paragraph, it's almost as realized as _The Name of the Wind_, and that book is like a DnD game on steroids. I'm pretty sure Pat Rothfuss knows exactly how many times of the day each tinker thinks about female characters, apportioned to a die roll, of course. Anyway, I really have to re-read _Snow Crash _again, 'cause I can't find any cyberpunk quite like it. I think the funnies are what keep me going, at least when I start to hate my writing. It just becomes a game to me, then:  see how ridiculous I can make it.

I wrote this five minutes ago because I got sick of reading and didn't know what to do about writing:

"Cat lugged another pizza into the car, waiting for the light to switch from red to green. Nothing said business like food prepared before you decided to order it. With mnemonic implants, most orders arrived before you got around to calling. Oops, looks like you were busy, sir. Sign here. Only in the stratosphere? 'Specially in the stratosphere.

She slipped the charcoal-activated boxes into their comfo-padding, large blocks shouldering the back seat like obese triplets in car seats, and started the ignition. A little percussive therapy on the ol' black monitor woke it up like a drunk and she heaved the clutch back to 'mid-range.' Three settings:  'incognito,' 'mid-range,' and 'hold your breath.' The back-burners flared like grandma's oven."

I'm clearly bored.


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## Ari (Sep 28, 2014)

Wow, Schrody. I like yours. It is powerful and if I'd written it, I would be very pleased as well 
I have nothing that is brilliant, but one line I am rather fond of without quite knowing why.

"Ah. I do believe," said Varekai, as if he did not believe it at all. "That someone has stolen my house."


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## Kyle R (Sep 28, 2014)

Fun thread! Who doesn't like tooting their own horn once in a while? 

Here's a line from a superhero story of mine that's been lying in the "finish later" bin for far too long. It's not a brilliant line, but I think it characterizes the narrator well:

Being around Steve is like getting shot by a mad scientist’s shrinking ray--everything about me feels too subtle, less spectacular than it should be.


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## Schrody (Sep 28, 2014)

Ari said:


> Wow, Schrody. I like yours. It is powerful and if I'd written it, I would be very pleased as well
> I have nothing that is brilliant, but one line I am rather fond of without quite knowing why.
> 
> "Ah. I do believe," said Varekai, as if he did not believe it at all. "That someone has stolen my house."



Thanks Ari.  And thank you all for contributing 

I'll have to dig for more sentences


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## Arcopitcairn (Sep 28, 2014)

McTaggart pulled a small respirator from his pocket, just big enough to cover his nose and mouth, and he pressurized it in place. His eyes found Miriam's, saw the hunger there, the lust that could only be doused to a glowing ember, never extinguished, and he untied the sash of her trench coat. The coat dropped around her feet and she was naked in the weak light of the alley lamps. She shivered, but not from the cold. He reached up carefully, brushing aside those lustrous blond curls, to the little black dial on her temple. When he fingered the dial, Miriam's lips quivered, the sweetest of tiny moans drifting on catching breaths.

 The dial had three settings. Off, on, and everyone. He clicked the dial to everyone.



From a first draft I've been tinkering with


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## popsprocket (Sep 29, 2014)

> "I don't need to be king of the world, I just want to be king of myself."



I always come back to that one. I'm not writing the WIP it comes from anymore but I'd like to use the line elsewhere one day. It says a lot about that character and his motivations. It's also way cooler in context.


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## Ari (Sep 29, 2014)

I like it, *popsprocket*! 
It's cool even without context, so with it I can imagine it'd be all kinds of awesome.


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## midnightpoet (Sep 29, 2014)

From one of my short stories:

"Our office building reminded me of a hospital, a place where the stench of death wandered whitewashed corridors."


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## Schrody (Sep 29, 2014)

popsprocket said:


> I always come back to that one. I'm not writing the WIP it comes from anymore but I'd like to use the line elsewhere one day. It says a lot about that character and his motivations. It's also way cooler in context.



Like Ari said, it's cool even without the context, and it's very powerful! 



midnightpoet said:


> From one of my short stories:
> 
> "Our office building reminded me of a hospital, a place where the stench of death wandered whitewashed corridors."



Another great sentence! And scary though.


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## Bishop (Sep 29, 2014)

Serious, from my novel _Playing With Dolls_:

"I remember the night it all started. It was a Tuesday, and I always hated Tuesdays. They were boring, drab, nothing days that passed by in the workaday bustle of the city as people mindlessly went about, blissfully or intentionally unaware of the black side of humanity. That awful, dark place where any one of them could snap and kill their spouse, or drown their kids in the river.

Tuesday. That’s all it was to them, but to me, it was the start of the worst case of my career."

And I really do hate Tuesdays.

Now more light hearted, from my novel _Darkest Light_:

"The last time I left you in charge of my ship, the words 'ramming speed' were used. You're still in time-out."


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 29, 2014)

Bishop said:


> Serious, from my novel _Playing With Dolls_:
> 
> "I remember the night it all started. It was a Tuesday, and I always hated Tuesdays. They were boring, drab, nothing days that passed by in the workaday bustle of the city as people mindlessly went about, blissfully or intentionally unaware of the black side of humanity. That awful, dark place where any one of them could snap and kill their spouse, or drown their kids in the river.
> 
> ...



You play with dolls? I should have known. :smiley_simmons:


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## Bishop (Sep 29, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> You play with dolls? I should have known. :smiley_simmons:



No just the serial killer in my novel


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## Terry D (Sep 29, 2014)

Here's a line from a short story in my upcoming collection;

_He had jowls that hung like the cheeks of a fat lady's ass and every time he stuck that stinking cigar in his mouth it looked like an act of sodomy.
_
This one's from my first novel. I used it as a promo blurb also;

"They figgered they had left them behind. Comin' to this place where all the skies seemed brighter, all the crops grew bigger, and all the nights were quiet. Seemed a world away from all the old scaries. But, they didn't know that they'd stowed away the old world darkness in the corners of their pitiful wooden crates." The old man looked from Hank to Ernie, smiling a gap-toothed smile, the scars dancing on his cheek, along his jaw, "They just weren't smart enough to know that you can't pack up yer dreams without stowin' away yer nightmares too."


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## Schrody (Sep 29, 2014)

Bishop said:


> Serious, from my novel _Playing With Dolls_:
> 
> "I remember the night it all started. It was a Tuesday, and I always hated Tuesdays. They were boring, drab, nothing days that passed by in the workaday bustle of the city as people mindlessly went about, blissfully or intentionally unaware of the black side of humanity. That awful, dark place where any one of them could snap and kill their spouse, or drown their kids in the river.
> 
> ...





mrmustard615 said:


> You play with dolls? I should have known. :smiley_simmons:



No, no, no! How could you do that to me mustard?! That should've been my line! WARNING - LANGUAGE Damn you! Damn you all to hell!




:mrgreen: If somebody didn't get it, that was the reference to the original Planet of the apes 

And yes, thanks for the contribution!


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 29, 2014)

Schrody said:


> No, no, no! How could you do that to me mustard?! That should've been my line! WARNING - LANGUAGE Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You got to be quicker with the trigger Schrods :lol:

And yes I do remember Planet of the Apes :monkey:


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## Schrody (Sep 29, 2014)

Here's the part I particularly love from my novel (not WIP)

"Suddenly she gets a feeling from the childhood, feeling so creepy which always gave her chills, something she wouldn't wish to anybody. She really hated it when it happened. She looked at the right palm as if it wasn't hers, but again it was. She felt like a stranger in her own skin that looks itself. She looked at her palm like she sees it for the first time, but somehow knew that it's a part of her, her whole being."


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## Schrody (Sep 29, 2014)

mrmustard615 said:


> You got to be quicker with the trigger Schrods :lol:
> 
> And yes I do remember Planet of the Apes :monkey:



I didn't mean you won't get the reference, I said in case someone else doesn't get it


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## Deleted member 56686 (Sep 29, 2014)

I just wrote this one

“So,” I say to Dorothy, or at least I think this is Dorothy, “this is just a tape of screams and groans?”

“And other types of human suffering.” Dorothy says in such an upbeat manner. “Would you like a cupcake?”


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