# Cinquain..... (prequel)



## ned (Jun 26, 2017)

.


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## sas (Jun 27, 2017)

Outstanding. Fabulous ending. I see you have adhered to syllable count. Nice. Keep these coming.


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## ned (Jun 27, 2017)

hello Sas - thank you for reading and commenting -

I intended this to be read in conjunction with my previous cinquain - with this one opening
so it runs....too soon......too late.

and I think that is as far as I can take it Sas...

cheers.......Ned


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## sas (Jun 27, 2017)

Well, I'm jealous that I did not write this line:  "lick our fingertips and snuff out the stars"  

This is a perfect example of how to say much with few words. Yep, poets love words, words, words....too much. You proved how less, if distilled to perfect essence, is more: 

write/delete/write, write/delete/write . . .go have a beer/write/write/delete/stop


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## ned (Jun 27, 2017)

hello -

yes, these poetical forms are a great way to learn brevity - no room for clutter!

and the rhyming forces me to be creative, I hope.
yet linger within doubt - is exactly what I wanted, yet what rhymes with linger? - finger?
and forgive the pun, how do I stick a finger into a cosmic concept? - that's how it goes.

I like your writing guide - needs another grab a beer, for me.

wait a minute....are you saying finger tips is one word? - delete/edit/...have a beer.

Ned


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## Sebald (Jun 27, 2017)

These are really good, Ned. I haven't commented because I haven't fully grasped the short form yet. So I wouldn't really know what I was talking about. True, that doesn't usually stop me.

I'm learning, and hopefully I can be more helpful in the future.


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## sas (Jun 27, 2017)

Ned, I spent a year writing haiku/senryu forms and poems with strict syllable count lines. Those forms teach discipline. I fear I might be running amok since I've turned myself loose of them. Easy to do.


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## Space Cadet (Jun 30, 2017)

sas said:


> Well, I'm jealous that I did not write this line:  "lick our fingertips and snuff out the stars"



Agreed.  Bad a** line.  True poet and wordsmith.  I can't stop repeating it.  Stellar work, Ned.  -- Wesley


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## Firemajic (Jun 30, 2017)

ned said:


> .
> too soon
> we come to pass
> yet linger within doubt
> ...




My Grandmam did that... she would lick her fingers and "pinch" out the flame... love the imagery.... yeah, this is fabulous, and sas is right... less is best... it is always a pleasure to read your work..


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## Bard_Daniel (Jun 30, 2017)

Killer ending and, in all honesty, great throughout.

Nice one.


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## ned (Jul 1, 2017)

hello - thank you all for reading and commenting -

I have appended my first cinquain as the second verse of my second cinquain (if that makes sense)
 - because that is the way I wish them to be presented.

I'm not particularly looking for any extra comment - unless it's regarding whether they work together, or not.
(or if they're in the right order)

a note to Sebald - there is no mystery to the short forms - just appraise them as you would any poetry.
other than the syllable count (which keeps things concise), I don't take much notice of the rules.

cheers......Ned


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