# the slur



## Mesafalcon (Aug 21, 2015)

So, I have been going over my novel, it is almost done *I think* after over 2 years.

What I noticed not everyone was picking up on, was that one of my characters is supposed to be slurring. 

“Those are sea b_u_rds. They can fly and stay und_a_rwat_u_r for quite some time.”

It is a minor character, so, not much work would be needed to make changes, but, this is how I have it. When someone slows, to me, it seems the vowels are more heavier pronounced.

Anyway, any suggestions for writing slurs would help!

Thanks


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## Bishop (Aug 21, 2015)

Changing the letters is good; using italics in the middle of a word, a bit weird to me. I use punctuation and misspellings, incomplete words, etc: 

"Wit this, yah? Yah use punct'ation 'n intention'l miss-spellin's tah git yer poin' 'cross."

How heavy the accent or slurring dictates how heavy the usage. I have a character that only has a few hints of her former accent, and it only comes out on certain words. Always fun


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## shadowwalker (Aug 21, 2015)

Personally, this is the place I go to telling versus showing. Apologies, but I didn't get "slurring" from either example - I got someone with a speech impediment. Sometimes trying to show this type of thing just makes for difficult reading, and the idea is lost anyway.


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 21, 2015)

I think Shadowwalker is right, stuff like 'His slur became more pronounced when he was emotional', or even simply 'he slurred' rather than 'he said'. Be sure it is 'slurring' you mean, not some other speech impediment, to me slurring is running one thing into another.


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## WriterJohnB (Aug 21, 2015)

I agree. I didn't get slurring from your example. I think you should stick with telling that the character slurs his words.


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## Shi (Aug 21, 2015)

Hmm. Do it Bishop's style if you really want to write it. Try to look for convincing slurs in other books or fanfictions or TvTropes.net. I didn't get slurring from your example, I got strange emphasis instead.


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## Riptide (Aug 21, 2015)

Isn't slurring elongating the words? Words attached? Slurring them together? Mumbling? I don't know if slurring is what you're looking for here.


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## bazz cargo (Aug 21, 2015)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sm2za2_IsWA


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 21, 2015)

Riptide said:


> Isn't slurring elongating the words? Words attached? Slurring them together? Mumbling? I don't know if slurring is what you're looking for here.



Yes, this, elongated words. I appreciate all who said they did not get a slur image from it.. any suggestions on how to write a slur？
In this case from alcohol... or a drunken slur.


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## shadowwalker (Aug 21, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> any suggestions on how to write a slur？



“Those are sea birds. They can fly and stay underwater for quite some time,” he said in a drunken slur.


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 21, 2015)

shadowwalker said:


> “Those are sea birds. They can fly and stay underwater for quite some time,” he said in a drunken slur.


Or,
“Those are sea birds. They can fly and stay underwater for quite some time,” he slurred drunkenly.


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 24, 2015)

shadowwalker said:


> “Those are sea birds. They can fly and stay underwater for quite some time,” he said in a drunken slur.



I dont think saying drunken slur puts the image in the readers mind. There mind has to back track. 

They read it written normal and imgine it first being pronounced normal... then their mind is told by the dialouge tag ～　wait！imagine that in a slur now. 

But.. they have already imagined it normally pronounced.

GRRM has a way to wrote a lisp, so there must be some way to write a slur.. not just by adding a dialogue tag.


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## Kevin (Aug 24, 2015)

She-burrs? Like a she-gull? Ss-seagulls can't swim, can they? Mmm-maybe they can...


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## DaBlaRR (Aug 24, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> I dont think saying drunken slur puts the image in the readers mind. There mind has to back track.
> 
> They read it written normal and imgine it first being pronounced normal... then their mind is told by the dialouge tag ～　wait！imagine that in a slur now.
> 
> ...



Then write the dialogue tag before the sentence.


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## shadowwalker (Aug 24, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> I dont think saying drunken slur puts the image in the readers mind. There mind has to back track.
> 
> They read it written normal and imgine it first being pronounced normal... then their mind is told by the dialouge tag ～　wait！imagine that in a slur now.
> 
> ...



Okay, so switch it around a bit (my mind rarely has a problem with this sort of format, but...). You have to understand, however, that trying to write a slur is not going to come across as "drunken" unless you tell the reader. Frankly, I think you need to give the reader more credit. Let go of the control thing.


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## Deafmute (Aug 24, 2015)

This is a divisive issue in writing. I have dabbled in accents and such before myself, and you will always get mixed feelings. The key is to look for other examples of accents and slurring in writing. I know Robert Jordan did it in his wheel of time series  but honestly may be just as easy to type in "examples of accents or dialects done in writing" in google. There are a plethora of articles on the subject rife with examples of the good and the bad.


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 24, 2015)

shadowwalker said:


> Okay, so switch it around a bit (my mind rarely has a problem with this sort of format, but...). You have to understand, however, that trying to write a slur is not going to come across as "drunken" unless you tell the reader. Frankly, I think you need to give the reader more credit. Let go of the control thing.



I am just searching for a way for it to be show in the writing and not told to the reader. 

Sure... establishing or giving a heavy hint the character is drunk beforehand is a good idea (and I think I did...)


Thanks.

"Then write the dialogue tag before the sentence."

A possibilty, but a tell, not a show. I am searching for a show of a slur. I can tell the reader anything by dialouge tag.


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 24, 2015)

Kevin said:


> She-burrs? Like a she-gull? Ss-seagulls can't swim, can they? Mmm-maybe they can...



_Something like this._

She-burrs kind of sounds like "sea birds" but slurred.


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## Kevin (Aug 24, 2015)

Try acting. Do the dialog out loud. Captain Jack Sparrow...you have hear it in your head and then phonetics for spelling. Personally, I don't slur when I'm drunk. I've heard it though.


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## shadowwalker (Aug 25, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> I am just searching for a way for it to be show in the writing and not told to the reader.
> 
> "Then write the dialogue tag before the sentence."
> 
> A possibilty, but a tell, not a show. I am searching for a show of a slur. I can tell the reader anything by dialouge tag.



So I guess the next question is why the reluctance to tell the reader. Hopefully this isn't another case of someone being told (oops) they should always show and not tell...


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 25, 2015)

You could do both if it troubles you
He slurred drunkenly, "Those are she burrds, they fly and shwim.".


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## MousePot (Aug 25, 2015)

I agree with Olly on this one.

Because phonetics are so hard to represent with the written word, only giving your best impression of a slur can often been taken any which way - its a accent, its a mistake, the character has something in his mouth etc. The first time we see the slur, having the confirmation that 'yes, hes talking like this because he's drunk and slurring' is almost a necessity, but then doesn't need to be mentioned again for the rest of the scene.

It is always good to show, but you also have to understand the limitations of the medium ^^


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## John Oberon (Aug 25, 2015)

I think you write the slur then have another character "translate" anything that's unclear:

_"Those're she-burrs. They can fly'n shtay unnerwadder for qui' shome time."

Jerry frowned in puzzlement. "Sea birds? Stay underwater? What the heck is he talking about?"
_
After you've "translated" one and the slur is fairly consistent, I think most readers could catch on to any subsequent slurred speech with little or no "translation".


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## InstituteMan (Aug 25, 2015)

Olly Buckle said:


> You could do both if it troubles you
> He slurred drunkenly, "Those are she burrds, they fly and shwim.".



I like this idea. I'm increasingly dim on descriptors in dialogue attribution, and I might drop the adverb, but I think a brief indication of the nature of the spoken words before the dialogue comes is well worth it. One of the difficulties for a reader in dissecting a dialect/speech impediment/slurred speech in dialogue is that it can take several paragraphs (or pages) to figure out what is being said. If you give the reader a Rosetta Stone of sorts at the outset, that avoids confusion.


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## Terry D (Aug 25, 2015)

Once you've established that the character is drunk and slurring her words, you don't need a bunch of phonetic spelling to keep hammering it home. The reader will remember.

_By the time Martin arrived at the bar Louise was already there, hunched over a hi-ball with three other empties lined up in front of her like pylons in a construction zone.

"Hey, Lou," he said, taking the stool next to her. "Sorry I'm late. Banerman hit me with two more reports to run right at quitting time."

"Sheessh, Mardy," she mumbled, her voice as thick and soft as a slug. "I was gettin ready to give up on ya, babe." She called everyone 'babe' when she was drunk.

"Well, I'm here now. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Import'nt shit, babe. Import'nt shit." With a flourish that would have made a sailor proud, Louise tossed back the last of her hi-ball and placed the empty glass in the row with the others. She waved her empty hand at the bartender and said, "Hey! Hey, babe! Let's have 'nother, huh?"

"What do you say we slow it down a bit, Lou?"

"Screw that!" She slapped the top of the bar.  The side of her hand clipped one of the empty glasses and sent it clattering and spinning down the bar. "Oopsh!"_

It's touches that create the sense of reality in fiction, not a verbatim rendering of speach patterns.


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 25, 2015)

> create the sense of reality in fiction,


Terry D's phrase says it, dialogue is never 'real',  that only works if you are there and participating, written down the way it actually happens it is bewilderingly confusing, half finished sentences, interruptions, all sorts. Good dialogue creates a _sense_ of reality, it is not real.


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 26, 2015)

Olly Buckle said:


> You could do both if it troubles you
> He slurred drunkenly, "Those are she burrds, they fly and shwim.".



I like this idea as well.

Both seems like a good compromise to this.

It lets me show the reader through the actual letters and lets them know by dialouge tag so there is no confusion.

Terry D,

thanks for that detailed post too!


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## David Gordon Burke (Aug 27, 2015)

How does the slurring add to the whole story?  How important to the plot is the slur?  
Why not make it a stutter?  A hair lip?  
If it's not central I'd scrap it cause baby ... nobody cares and it is just distracting.

David Gordon Burke


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## KellInkston (Aug 27, 2015)

Bishop said:


> Changing the letters is good; using italics in the middle of a word, a bit weird to me. I use punctuation and misspellings, incomplete words, etc:
> 
> "Wit this, yah? Yah use punct'ation 'n intention'l miss-spellin's tah git yer poin' 'cross."
> 
> How heavy the accent or slurring dictates how heavy the usage. I have a character that only has a few hints of her former accent, and it only comes out on certain words. Always fun



Seconded. doing that Mark Twainish smattering of grammar, punctuation, and abnormal spelling is usually enough to get it across for my readers, at least, so I've been told. I'd recommend it.


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 27, 2015)

David Gordon Burke said:


> How does the slurring add to the whole story?  How important to the plot is the slur?
> Why not make it a stutter?  A hair lip?
> If it's not central I'd scrap it cause baby ... nobody cares and it is just distracting.
> 
> David Gordon Burke



I like Olly's advice.

It's about building style as a writer. Not just for slurring, for when someone talks after teeth got knocked out, lisps, talks when they are chewing or whatever. 

I am exploring ways aside from dialogue tag to express certain things.

If you cut every thing that didn't add to the story you can write an outline of 20 pages or so that tells the same essential story as 500 pages.


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## Plasticweld (Aug 27, 2015)

As someone who reads lips and studies body language there are many subtle ways to describe a slur or lisp none of which needs to be verbal.

Anyone with a speech problem is very aware of it, they often over compensate when the do say something, there is a look of struggle or anguish at their lack of ability to be under stood in their facial expressions.  Explaining things like a pause before someone speaks, a grimace or a look of frustration are all tags you could use.  Someone taking a deep breath both before and after speaking is a give away for me.  They also tend to look down, not at you as a sign of a lack of confidence making it harder for you to understand to begin with,  try reading someone's lips when they stare at their feet.  Most people to some degree, pick up on the visual clues involved with speech even if they don't read lips.  It is amazing what is said through visual clues, most people with speech problems also tend to mask those because the lack the confidence making it even harder even for someone with good hearing to understand what they say. 


The response from your character listing to the person with the speech problem should be "what, huh, can you say it again, what did mean?" To write a realistic dialog between two people when one of them has a speech problem can easily be reflected in the response of the other character.  Just my two cents


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## Mesafalcon (Aug 28, 2015)

Plasticweld said:


> The response from your character listing to the person with the speech problem should be "what, huh, can you say it again, what did mean?" To write a realistic dialog between two people when one of them has a speech problem can easily be reflected in the response of the other character.  Just my two cents



I still like Olly's advice best. 

Something like "what, huh, can you say it again, what did mean?" as a reaction is not clear as to why the listener is acting that way and takes more word count to convey and... strecthes out the dialouge.

That is good advice, but, I really feel like Olly nailed it and found a good compromise between the posters who gave advice on how to write it (like Kevin for example), and the ones who said just write it normal in a dialouge tag.


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