# White Horses



## Firemajic (Sep 24, 2011)

Across the silver marshes,
under a vermilion moon,
sounds of ghostly white horses
racing over midnight dunes.

Silken manes and burning eyes,
hooves of polished steel,
drawn there by winds of death,
by a force against their will.

Breathing plumes of ash and smoke,
they rear and toss their heads,
to stare across a bloody sea,
at the Isle of the Restless Dead.

A child of fragile ivory bones,
rises from the heaving waves,
carrying bouquets of black lilies
to cover the tiny graves.

In secret they were buried,
hidden under piles of stone,
the wailing children waiting
for someone to take them home.

Sparks fly from polished hooves,
as the horses stampede in fright,
across the shifting dunes they run,
into the haunted night...


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## SilverMoon (Sep 24, 2011)

I read this over once and because it's so intricately beautiful I must give my entire attention to it. This evening I haven't been feeling all that well but tomorrow morning I expect to feel better. Nothing like a good night's sleep!

And you're a such gifted writer. I look forward to your work, always. Laurie


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## Phyllis (Sep 25, 2011)

So sad and so beautiful at the same time.  I was hoping the horses might take the children home, but I guess that's not their job.  Pity.  Oddly I care about the ghosts in your poem!  In so few lines you've managed to do what most movies fail to do.  And I love the use of white horses!  Great lines: "drawn there by winds of death, by a force against their will."


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## Firemajic (Sep 25, 2011)

Dear Laurie--I anxiously await your attention!
Phyllis--That you love this particular poem is so very special to me, And I humbly thank you..As I responded in my post to your poem "Joy Ride" --Our poems are personal and like our children---and it can be scary to send them out all on their own...This is a poem I have been struggling with--I have been haunted by these horses for a long--long time....So again , Thank you.    Peace...Jul


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## Nacian (Sep 25, 2011)

Dear Firemajic this is an oustanding piece..so vivid..the words almost come alive..you could see them the images as your read them..so lovely..I like the fact that you brought in an iamge of a child..Black Lillie very powerful.
I really enjoyed it!!:tennis:


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## SilverMoon (Sep 25, 2011)

Jul, a _very_ rich poem. A mystery story or sorts (which I’ll get to later) where “pure” imagery is used to depict the haunting. However, the third and then the last are absent of such imagery. I think if you incorporated just couple of “shiny” adjectives, you would further point up the dark and keep consistency. With that said, your contrasting was brilliant.

Examples:

Across the *silver *marshes,
under a vermilion moon,
sounds of ghostly* white *horses
racing over midnight dunes.

*Silken manes *and burning eyes,
hooves of *polished steel,*
drawn there by winds of death,
by a force against their will.

Breathing plumes of ash and smoke,
they rear and toss their heads,
to stare across a bloody sea,
at the Isle of the Restless Dead.

A child of fragile* ivory *bones,
rises from the heaving waves,
carrying bouquets of black lilies
to cover the tiny graves.

In secret they were buried,
hidden under piles of stone,
the wailing children waiting
for someone to take them home.
as the horses stampede in fright,
Across the shifting dunes they run.
into the haunted night….
　
Something, for the life of me, I cannot do is rhyme! You pulled it off and my favorite rhythmic stanza follows. I also favor the imagery.
*
A child of fragile ivory bones,
rises from the heaving waves,
carrying bouquets of black lilies
to cover the tiny graves.
*　
In the end, it’s credit to your deep thinking which renders this poem astonishing, saving it from a Fairy Tale ending.

What evilness causes these horses to “stampede in fright”? What happened to these delicate children? The mystery. 

You’ve left me with chills which is difficult to do as I’m not certainly not afraid of the dark!

Brilliant. Bravo! Laurie


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## feralpen (Sep 25, 2011)

Firemajic;

  I am in awe of the spectacle you have captured with 'White Horses'. The grandeur you've attained is remarkable. The one hope I have in reading is that you closed with an ellipses for a reason... the story is not finished ... you will continue.

fp


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## Firemajic (Sep 26, 2011)

having problems with my internet.will thank everyone asap.thanks


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## Firemajic (Sep 27, 2011)

Nacin--Thank you so very much for reading--your thoughts are appreciated!

Laurie--Wow! Thank you for your feed back--The Horses are running in terror from the haunted children--and from what they witnessed rising from the sea...I am glad you loved this--your opinion of my work is so very respected!
feralpen--Your ability to spin a great tale is something I strive toward..Thank you. your thoughts are valuable to me...Peace Jul


These Silver ghost horses have haunted me for years--trying to tell me something---I hope I have done them justice---maybe they will be at peace---and so will I.....


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## Firemajic (Sep 28, 2011)

AshTheSlash--thank you for reading and replying, You have made some valid points...I will have to live with the changes you suggested [for a few days]to see if they work for me...I can tell that they work for the poem ,but I will need some time...I appreciate that you cared enough to make those suggestions. Peace...Jul


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## toddm (Sep 29, 2011)

Jul, you have woven a very rich piece here, full of mystery and beauty, and storytelling - so many great vibrant and haunting dreamlike images - very accomplished I must say -
I'm not quite sure how about how the last line(s) are laid out, the words themselves are lovely, it's the stretching them out that I wasn't sure about - it does actually come across very hauntingly wispy, like drifting remnants of fog, there at the end, so it is probably fine
---todd


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## Firemajic (Sep 30, 2011)

Dear Todd --Thank you for reading and replying . You know your critique is one that I will cherish. The last lines---about the horses haunting my dreams--are not part of the poem...that was just an explanation of the inspiration for this poem. I really wanted this to be a mystery novel--written about the horses and the lost children,  but I am hesitant to take on such a project.. Thanks again my friend, Jul


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## toddm (Sep 30, 2011)

Firemajic said:


> The last lines---about the horses haunting my dreams--are not part of the poem...that was just an explanation of the inspiration for this poem.



oh I see, that makes sense - consider maybe separating them from the poem itself with a line or something : )
__________________________________________________

---todd


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## Firemajic (Sep 30, 2011)

Todd---of course you are right,those last lines could be confused as part of the poem.  I have edited them out.  Thank you for catching that. Peace...Jul


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## Firemajic (Sep 30, 2011)

Todd I checked out your Blog--it is awesome ...Thank you for sending me the link. I will visit again.  Peace...Jul


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## Chesters Daughter (Sep 30, 2011)

You've done an outstanding job with this piece, dear Jul. Too pooped for an in depth, I'll stop by tomorrow. I'm happy the move was okay with you, love.


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## Firemajic (Oct 1, 2011)

Thank you, Lisa. See you soon,   Peace...Jul


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## Chesters Daughter (Oct 3, 2011)

Hello, love. I was wondering if you'd be willing to trade your horses for my tidal waves and tornadoes. Recurring dreams are a pain, but you've done your horses a great service with this piece. Rich imagery which actually gave me goosebumps. You really need to stop that. You did a wonderful job with meter save for a hitch or two. I have to say that Ash's suggestions are spot-on for a fix. I am haunted by this piece, Jul, kudos for a job done extremely well.


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## Firemajic (Oct 3, 2011)

Thank you Lisa, I am proud of those goose bumps...After your comment--I took AshTheSlash's advice and lost the "A"...now my meter is nice and smooth [I hope}  So thanks, Ask and Lisa for your helpful critique...I was appreciated. Peace...Jul


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## TKent (Jan 5, 2015)

omg. this is superb poetry!! Wow!


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## Firemajic (Jan 6, 2015)

TKent--Thank you! This is my favorite poem and it is special to me. I still dream of these horses and they continue to haunt me.  Tank you for reading "White horses". Peace always....Julia


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## tundrawolf (Jan 31, 2015)

The steely hooves really grabbed my attention. I literally saw what you saw when you wrote it. That does not happen to me very often. 

I can't help but think there is a deeper sorrow in your heart that you were tapping into, the desire to he helped, saved as a child that comes out in these words. It is very haunting to me given my own childhood, I wanted someone to love me.


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## Ethan (Feb 2, 2015)

Excellent read, thoroughly loved every word, line and stanza. your clever use of words and rhythm set a perfect ambiance, For me, this is your best...so far.


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## escorial (Feb 2, 2015)

seems like an odd thing to say but it kind of fits for me..so poetic..so liked


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## Firemajic (Feb 2, 2015)

This poem is  about the abuse I suffered as a child...That I survived, the Doctors say --Is a miracle...The white Horses knew my secret, but like me--they were powerless , the dead child bringing flowers, represents grief of innocence murdered. The white horses still run... Thanks Tundrawolf, Ethan and ecorial.Peace always...Jul


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## escorial (Feb 2, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> This poem is  about the abuse I suffered as a child...That I survived, the Doctors say --Is a miracle...The white Horses knew the my secret, but like me--they were powerless , the dead child bringing flowers, represents grief of innocence murdered. The white horses still run... Thanks Tundrawolf, Ethan and ecorial.Peace always...Jul



now when you throw that into the mix it gives the poem a voice beyond the words....


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## jenthepen (Feb 2, 2015)

I'm so glad that TKent brought this one back from the past so that it caught our attention again. It has come from a deep, emotional place and everything about that origin is carried in every part of this poem - the imagery, word choices, atmosphere and rhythm all work together to paint this chilling and beautiful cry from the heart.

Superb poetry, Julia. I hope that expressing all this helped with your own pain and I'm sure it carries the power to help others.

jen


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## Firemajic (Feb 2, 2015)

Thank you jen, your comments cut to the heart of the message, seeing beyond the written word...I know these horses will always run through my dreams, But now I know how to live with them. Peace...Jul


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## TKent (Feb 2, 2015)

Jules, I knew that this poem had a lot of meaning, but only guessed at the extent.


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## Nellie (Feb 2, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> This poem is  about the abuse I suffered as a child...That I survived, the Doctors say --Is a miracle...The white Horses knew the my secret, but like me--they were powerless , the dead child bringing flowers, represents grief of innocence murdered. The white horses still run... Thanks Tundrawolf, Ethan and ecorial.Peace always...Jul



I'm grateful that this poem was brought back. So now, having more insight on the "why" of your poem, it is much more meaningful, and your way of expressing, Julia, is superb. I'm also more than grateful that you survived the abuse and it has made you a very strong lady!  :applause:  :triumphant:


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## Firemajic (Feb 2, 2015)

TKent--Now you understand, And you know why...

Nelle--I am strong, [lol and a little crazy...ok--a lot crazy] and when the horses must stampede, I just ride it out. Thanks.


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## tundrawolf (Feb 4, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> This poem is  about the abuse I suffered as a child...That I survived, the Doctors say --Is a miracle...The white Horses knew my secret, but like me--they were powerless , the dead child bringing flowers, represents grief of innocence murdered. The white horses still run... Thanks Tundrawolf, Ethan and ecorial.Peace always...Jul



I feel for your heart. It is the nurturing feminine heart that can grieve it's loss of innocence in a way most men cannot understand. But the men who can understand are grieve just as deep, with you.


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## Firemajic (Feb 4, 2015)

Haa! It's all cool now. Thanks.


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## Phase (Feb 5, 2015)

The power that stanza 4 and 5 held was quite amazing. Love how you took your pain. And turned it into a piece of marvelous art, says something about the writer. Life altering poem Juls.

You will always be a inspiration to all of us.


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## Firemajic (Feb 5, 2015)

Ahh, Phase you are kind! Watching you grow as a writer has been an inspiration to me...Thank you my friend for your comments.  Peace always...Jul


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