# Productive Things to Do  (shortened title, language warning)



## Deleted member 33527 (Oct 24, 2013)

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## Gavrushka (Oct 24, 2013)

Thank you.

It was a peculiar sensation reading that. You are pulled into the first sentence, and then the insistent beat of each one that follows carries you through until you are spat out at the last line.

And then you have the peculiar sensation that you should go back to the first line, and read it all over again.

I felt it was more like sharing with you, than reading your words and I guess it is because we can all identify so strongly with much of what you've written.

I like it. I like it very much.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Oct 24, 2013)

Gavrushka, thank YOU for reading this. I thought this might be something a lot of other people could relate to, especially fellow writers. I hope you enjoyed that peculiar sensation you felt throughout the piece.


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## dannyboy (Oct 24, 2013)

I really enjoyed this.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Oct 24, 2013)

Thank you, dannyboy.


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## Olly Buckle (Oct 24, 2013)

As was said, very nice and flows well

There were a couple of places I felt you could tighten up a bit if you are claiming the title 'prose poem'


> Cook some food even though you know they probably won't eat it, just to show you care.


I guess you know how I feel about 'just' in contexts like this, I view 'even' similarly, juggle the words a little and you get 'Cook some food to show you care, though you know they probably won't eat it'. It seems the same thing, it isn't quite of course and may not be what you want.

The second place was here;





> Organize those files and papers. Buy a file cabinet in which to do so.


 It seemed like an afterthought tacked on, 'Buy a filing cabinet in which to organise those files and papers' seems more integrated and to fit with the flow of the rest of it.


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## dannyboy (Oct 24, 2013)

I think Olly is right.


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## Kevin (Oct 24, 2013)

Nice one, Dreamy. Very nice. No crits.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Oct 24, 2013)

Olly, thank you for the detailed nits. I agree with all of your suggestions. I had trouble with "Buy a file cabinet in which to do so." I appreciate the help!

Kevin, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.


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## Gumby (Oct 24, 2013)

I enjoyed this, Dreamy. Olly made some good points, and by the way, you have a charming voice.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Oct 24, 2013)

Aw thanks, Gumby. I'm so glad you liked this!


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## Pidgeon84 (Oct 24, 2013)

How do you know about my room View attachment 5090

:5stars:


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## Leyline (Oct 26, 2013)

Productive Things...(A Prose Poem)


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## Gumby (Oct 26, 2013)

Nice!


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## Deleted member 33527 (Oct 27, 2013)

Thanks George!

BTW, was that an image of T.S. Eliot?


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## Olly Buckle (Oct 27, 2013)

Very nice Leyline.


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## Pandora (Oct 28, 2013)

Thank you for the voice recording as well, I love voices. They say our eyes the window to our soul, 
for me our voices are our spirit.
You gave me new perspective on life, Dreamworx95 I enjoyed!


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## Leyline (Oct 28, 2013)

Dreamworx95 said:


> Thanks George!
> 
> BTW, was that an image of T.S. Eliot?



No, dear, that was Kafka.


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