# As A Mother



## mommytozachandgrace (Dec 3, 2014)

“I wish I could go back.”  How many times have we all had this thought?  I know I’ve had it a lot.  Especially since I’ve had my children.  My son is six and my daughter is four.  I’m twenty six.  I was just nineteen when I got pregnant with my son, twenty when he was born, and not in the best of situations.  I wasn’t married to his father and eventually that relationship fizzled.  My son doesn’t know his father and I’m not too sure if he ever will.
Looking back on those times, I realize how completely selfish and immature I was.  I was a child having a child.  I hadn’t grown up, not even a little bit.  I was so concerned with living my life and having friends and I didn’t even realize the little miracle I called my son was growing faster than the blink of an eye.  While I was out with friends or working, he was with my parents; he was learning to walk, talk, and navigate his way through the world and I was missing the majority of it.
I was the typical twenty year old in a sense; wanting to hang out with friends, go out, do whatever, and at that time in my life, I honestly am grateful that I had family to help me with my son because I did not have the mental capacity to be a mother.  I took care of my son financially (with my parents providing shelter and food), I bought him neat things, cool clothes and toys.  I changed his diapers, took care of him when he was sick, took him to the doctor, but if I’m being totally honest with myself, what I _didn’t _do was spend enough time with just him.  Doing things.  Talking to him.  Playing with him.  Just enjoying my baby.
I regret that more than anything now.  I look at his baby pictures and tears come to my eyes because it was gone before I knew it.  Now he’s in first grade.  He doesn’t like to be held.  He’d rather play.  I regret the fact that when he was little I didn’t do enough of that stuff and the funny thing is, all those ‘friends’ I had back then; I’m not in contact with a single one of them now.  But at that time I thought doing things with them was more important.  How wrong I was!
What if I died tomorrow?  What type of memories would he have of me?  What kind of mom would he remember me as?  Does he feel important?  Does he know how much I love him?  Would he be proud to call me his mom?  None of this stuff even entered my mind at twenty.
Fast forward two years later, I had my daughter.  I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mom at that time, though my marriage to her father didn’t work out so I found myself a single 22 year old mom living with my parents.  I worked, they kept my  kids.  Still, it was rough at times.  I got myself into some sticky situations and made A LOT of bad decisions.  I was still selfish.  I put my own happiness in front of my kids.  I let my mom and dad do the job I should have been doing; raising my kids, reading to them, playing with them.  Why?  Because I took everything for granted.  I’m grateful nothing happened to me during that time because I know my children wouldn’t have a very good opinion of me.  I was NOT someone they could be proud of.
At 26, I am engaged to an amazing man that I never thought I would find.  He allows me to be a stay at home mom to my children.  I take them and pick them up from school each day.  I’m able to take care of them if they are sick.  We take vacations and do family things and our lives are focused on them.  No, we are not perfect, by any means.  I still struggle with things daily.  BUT I do know how important my children are and what my job is as their mother.  I know it’s important for them to feel loved and secure.
I’ve learned a lot in the past year and done a lot of growing and I guess what I hope for is that this blog will reach any teenage or young mothers and maybe help them to realize what a blessing their kids are.  You’re the only mom they’ll ever have.  Even when those friends you thought you had fade away, your child will always be there.  They just want to be loved and made to feel important.  To know you’re happy you have them.  If I could save just one person from making the mistakes that I did, I would love that.  I would love to know that I had helped someone.
I know that it’s hard being a young mother and there are a lot of temptations out there.  I know it’s hard when all your friends are going out to do whatever and you have a child.  But please, don’t be the person I was.  Know that the child you have is WAY more important than boyfriends or partying.  Those moments of rocking your child to sleep or holding him sleeping in your arms go by way too quick.  I PROMISE if you don’t relish these times now, you WILL regret it one day.  I know I do.  Every time I see my son’s and daughter’s baby pictures.  Please don’t make the mistakes I did.  Realize that when you decided to have a child, it is a SACRIFICE.  In order to be a good mother, there are things you have to give up.  Yes, it’s hard, I know, I failed miserably.  But take it from omeone who knows while you can still change it.  In the end you will be glad you did I promise!


 

 

 

 


These are photos of my children as babies.  Now they’re in school!  It goes by so quickly.  Please realize how quickly it goes.  And we aren’t promised tomorrow.  We should strive to be parents our children will be proud of so that when they have kids they pass along good values.  Like I said, if I can just help one person, I’ve made a difference.  If my mistakes will help someone else make better choices, that’s a good thing.


----------



## Plasticweld (Dec 4, 2014)

You write with a open and candid honesty that translates well.  You manage to form a connection with the reader by not holding anything back and sharing part of your inner self.  I did not see any SPAG errors that jumped out at me, I am weak in that area. 

Welcome to the forum, I am  looking forward to reading more of your work...Bob


----------



## mommytozachandgrace (Dec 4, 2014)

Thanks so much!  Means a lot!


----------



## dither (Dec 4, 2014)

Personally,
reading that story, seeing those pics, i think perhaps you didn't fail so miserably.
Please, try not to be so hard on yourself eh?
You're there now, and looking good.



dither


----------



## mommytozachandgrace (Dec 4, 2014)

Thanks so much, Dither.  I appreciate that.  My hope is that others can learn from my mistakes.  In my case hindsight is 20/20 and I have a lot of regrets, BUT I know not to live in my past because it's the future that counts.


----------



## dither (Dec 7, 2014)

mommytozachandgrace said:


> Thanks so much, Dither.  I appreciate that.  My hope is that others can learn from my mistakes.  In my case hindsight is 20/20 and I have a lot of regrets, BUT I know not to live in my past because it's the future that counts.



I don't know, maybe?
Sometimes you just gotta live it y'know?
And hopefully, you come out of it a stronger better person.


----------

