# Autumn Haiku Challenge



## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

It is autumn in the northern hemisphere. This challenge is about celebrating the season of autumn using Japanese haiku.

From http://www.creative-writing-now.com/


> The following are typical of haiku:
> 
> 
> A focus on nature.
> ...



Critique is encouraged. Please use Reply With Quote when critiquing.

On the solstice day, the author of the piece with the most *Likes* _from other participants_ wins this graphic to put in their sig.


​
Enter as often as you like, but be ready for serious critique on each entry.


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

crisp October breeze
lays down multicolored leaves
squirrel hides acorns


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## escorial (Oct 13, 2015)

dark Autumn night sky
stars reflect on top of the sea
only the fish can see


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## PiP (Oct 13, 2015)

autumn breeze chills air
as leaves of gold and bronze fall
naked tree is cold.


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## Ariel (Oct 13, 2015)

Autumn leaves blush red
naked trees shake and shiver
the lonely ghost howls


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

escorial said:


> dark Autumn night sky
> stars reflect on top of the sea
> only the fish can see



Lovely turn.  I think it's a little ... I'm not sure of the word ... too easy ... to use "autumn" as your _kigo_.  Perhaps also rework L1 so you don't have both dark and night, but that may just be me.


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## escorial (Oct 13, 2015)

astroannie said:


> Lovely turn.  I think it's a little ... I'm not sure of the word ... too easy ... to use "autumn" as your _kigo_.  Perhaps also rework L1 so you don't have both dark and night, but that may just be me.



i must admit i don't fully get the concept..i've got as close as i think and yeah it prob could do with some work..thanks


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## escorial (Oct 13, 2015)

dark Autumn sky
the sea reflects the stars
only the fish can see


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## alanmt (Oct 13, 2015)

geese in southbound flight
frosted stubble field beckons
silent shotgun waits


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## Gumby (Oct 13, 2015)

gold and russet trees
coyly drop each leaf to tease
jack frost holds his breath


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

PiP said:


> autumn breeze chills air
> as leaves of gold and bronze fall
> naked tree is cold.



I think you have filler words in L2.  Also, L1 seems a little stilted.  "Fall" in L2 works as your _kigo_--your season-word so you don't need to say autumn in L1 if you have more you want to put into it.  L3 is ... I'm not sure how to express this, but it's kind of humanizing it and that's less nature-nature.  Also the turn isn't very ... turnish.  It doesn't take much to go from falling leaves to naked trees.  I love the word "bronze" though. It's not used as often as gold for autumn foliage, though it could be.


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

amsawtell said:


> Autumn leaves blush red
> naked trees shake and shiver
> the lonely ghost howls



I was uncomfortable with PiP's naked trees and I'm uncomfortable with yours too.  I think it's because to me, nakedness is very human and there are other words that mean bare that are less imbued with humanity.  The use of both naked and blush makes it very humanistic.   I love the turn from the trees to the haunt.


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## Ariel (Oct 13, 2015)

astroannie said:


> crisp October breeze
> lays down multicolored leaves
> squirrel hides acorns



I love that you've captured so much of the feeling of October.  I think "lays down" feels passive.  Otherwise, your language, as always, is lovely.


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

alanmt said:


> geese in southbound flight
> frosted stubble field beckons
> silent shotgun waits



I would swap L1 and L2....it reads like 3 thoughts in this arrangement rather than two.  I like L3's turn.


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## Gumby (Oct 13, 2015)

Having never written haiku, I am struggling with the same thing, leaving 'humanity' out of it.


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## Ariel (Oct 13, 2015)

I was so excited I didn't think about it much.  I'll be revisiting this later.


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## Gumby (Oct 13, 2015)

crisp carpet of leaves
  rustle in October breeze
  white tailed flags fly high


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

Gumby said:


> Having never written haiku, I am struggling with the same thing, leaving 'humanity' out of it.



A lot of folks think that it's about the syllable count and that's it.  That's part of why I picked to go to the solstice--because it is NOT easy. That's also why I write a lot of senryu--as a human, it's easier for me to write about humans.

The point of this is to challenge ourselves to create the best of the form that we can.  It's probably a good idea to do some critiquing with the guidelines in mind.  Sometimes you get insights that you would otherwise miss.  I struggled with mine--the word "carpet" as a verb is ... human. So I didn't use it.

ETA, while I was doing that, you posted yours....my comment was not directed at you.


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

crisp October breeze
scatters multicolored leaves
squirrels hide acorns


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## alanmt (Oct 13, 2015)

astroannie said:


> I would swap L1 and L2....it reads like 3 thoughts in this arrangement rather than two.  I like L3's turn.



I agree. nice eye.


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

Gumby said:


> crisp carpet of leaves
> rustle in October breeze
> white tailed flags fly high



white-tailed needs a hyphen.  Carpets and flags seem too anthropic to me.  October is a good _kigo_​. I like the turn from leaves to deer.  You've given me the germ of an idea for my next one.


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## aj47 (Oct 13, 2015)

for _kigo_ you can try googling .... I'm reading that the moon is an autumn _kigo_ and assumed to be full.


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## Gumby (Oct 13, 2015)

Okay, reworked that one.


  crisp scattering leaves
  rustle in October breeze
  white-tails flip then fly


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## kilroy214 (Oct 13, 2015)

leaves turn crimson red
to our delight and whimsy
they fall to their deaths


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## Phil Istine (Oct 13, 2015)

Red rain falls from trees,
slaking thirst of Mother Earth.
Winter winds await.


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## Ariel (Oct 15, 2015)

The deathless moon hangs
over skeletal trees.  Spiders
weave silken tales.


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## aj47 (Oct 16, 2015)

Gumby said:


> gold and russet trees
> coyly drop each leaf to tease
> jack frost holds his breath



This is very ... anthropomorphic.  And the rhyme distracts.  I like the image though, of bating while the leaves fall.


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## aj47 (Oct 16, 2015)

kilroy214 said:


> leaves turn crimson red
> to our delight and whimsy
> they fall to their deaths



Nice senryu.  Really.  It's too human-centered though to be haiku.  Read the guidelines at the top of the thread ... instead of talking about feelings, try to describe something to impart them.


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## aj47 (Oct 16, 2015)

Phil Istine said:


> Red rain falls from trees,
> slaking thirst of Mother Earth.
> Winter winds await.



This makes the earth sound bloodthirsty.  

I like the idea of the red rain and the winds awaiting.  Perhaps instead of slaking thirst, you could have the rain do something else.


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## aj47 (Oct 16, 2015)

amsawtell said:


> The deathless moon hangs
> over skeletal trees.  Spiders
> weave silken tales.



Like the enjambment.  However, you have a The.  Maybe some other word or some reworking to get more mileage from that syllable.


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## angiedewtoo (Oct 16, 2015)

search light autumn moon
shining in the black night sky
raccoons nights bandits


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## aj47 (Oct 17, 2015)

Loud antlers clashing,
stags striving to procreate;
Ripened apples fall.


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## Bloggsworth (Oct 17, 2015)

Harvest moon rising
casts a silver shadow on
wheat before reaping.

​


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## Phil Istine (Oct 18, 2015)

astroannie said:


> This makes the earth sound bloodthirsty.
> 
> I like the idea of the red rain and the winds awaiting.  Perhaps instead of slaking thirst, you could have the rain do something else.



How about this:

Red rain falls from trees,
cycling life for Mother Earth.
Winter winds await.

It seems a little more nurturing than "slaking thirst"


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## Bloggsworth (Oct 18, 2015)

I have a problem with Haiku which actually mention months or the season. The time of year in a Haiku is meant to be alluded to, not stated outright...


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## Phil Istine (Oct 18, 2015)

Bloggsworth said:


> I have a problem with Haiku which actually mention months or the season. The time of year in a Haiku is meant to be alluded to, nut stated outright...



Oops!  Looks like some of us have messed up.  I wasn't aware of this.  Thanks for the info.


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## aj47 (Oct 18, 2015)

I don't know if a month-name is a valid _kigo_ but I am pretty sure the name of the season is.


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## Bloggsworth (Oct 18, 2015)

astroannie said:


> I don't know if a month-name is a valid _kigo_ but I am pretty sure the name of the season is.



I think you will find that the whole point of _Kigo_ is the avoidance of the direct naming of the season, thus the reaping of corn indicates autumn, the sprouting of say, cherry blossom, indicates spring etc., etc. It is typically Japanese in that _Kigo_ is a coding device, one says something indirect, but the reader knows exactly what is meant.


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## angiedewtoo (Oct 18, 2015)

Searchlight harvest moon
shining in ebony sky
raccoons night's bandits


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## ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord (Oct 18, 2015)

Burn red, purple, gold
Trees, lift your dying flames to
Deep cathedral sky


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## rcallaci (Oct 18, 2015)

a cup of coffee
and a slice of pumpkin pie-
too early for snow


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## CraniumInsanium (Oct 19, 2015)

Wind so clean and crisp
Caress of a freezing grip 
Winters deathless sleep


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## CraniumInsanium (Oct 19, 2015)

Hallow the deads eve,
The balance of equinox
Lifes slow implosion


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## rcallaci (Oct 19, 2015)

a thanksgiving feast
turkey mince pie fat bellies-
twenty nine days till christmas


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## LadsandtheClassics (Oct 20, 2015)

The trees shed their leaves
Which fall down on to the soil
Turning into mud


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## rcallaci (Oct 21, 2015)

best friends forever-
we lay on beds of fresh leaves
everything changes


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## LadsandtheClassics (Oct 21, 2015)

rcallaci said:


> best friends forever-
> we lay on beds of fresh leaves
> everything changes



Could you explain this one?


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## KellInkston (Oct 21, 2015)

The world bends downward
Kisses me on reddened cheek
Gosh golly how nice


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## rcallaci (Oct 21, 2015)

rcallaci said:


> best friends forever-
> we lay on beds of fresh leaves
> everything changes



It's best left to the imagination...if it needs explaining then the imagery failed.  The kigo is kind of dual kigo -fresh leaves-which indicates autumn - 

best friends forever-everything changes-things are always in stasis even though they seem static.

we lay in beds of leaves- what is done on those beds of leaves changes and solidifies the relationship. use your imagination...

this can be considered a senryu, but it is a haiku as well, as man in this instance is part of nature. .


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## rcallaci (Oct 21, 2015)

a waning sunset-
horny crickets sing their songs
lust reaps its rewards


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## aj47 (Oct 21, 2015)

geese flying southward
riding northerly currents
grizzlies hibernate


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## Rookish (Jan 30, 2016)

a lone breeze rustling
gravity embraces decay
sound of dens emerge


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## 20oz (Feb 3, 2016)

The morning sun shines
Freshly made footprints in snow
You are a new you.


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## ned (Feb 6, 2016)

ozone after rain
puddles on pavements breathed in 
watery sunshine

(original posted in the workshop)


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## Gofa (Feb 6, 2016)

Borrowed from the sun
spirit returns to its source 
when death comes calling


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## Scizologic (Feb 20, 2016)

Migrating geese fly
Collapsing greenery fall
Vast transportation


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## Glyax (Feb 22, 2016)

I don't Haiku...but here's my attempt 
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Green to gold to ground
Earth's rotation widely felt
Metamorphosis


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## Moonbeast32 (Oct 11, 2017)

Pumpkins, wheat, and corn.
Humbly, we bring an end to
The harvest cycle.


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## Bloggsworth (Oct 11, 2017)

Leaves bronzed by sun
flutter and swoop alighting
on October grass.


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## aj47 (Oct 25, 2017)

dry oak leaves flutter
arbor of orange splendor
monarchs on the wing


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## midnightpoet (Oct 25, 2017)

Rollercoaster fall
blazing hot to cool breezes
sweaters back to shorts


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## MacDub (Oct 29, 2017)

Failing Fall Haiku
This Belongs in Poetry
Summer Forever


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## jenthepen (Oct 29, 2017)

death and cold decay
soft beauty of warm colour
paired in October


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## andrewclunn (Oct 29, 2017)

beautiful in sleep
under tree woven blankets
fallen amber leaves


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## VonBradstein (Oct 29, 2017)

When leaves start to fall
A mind resumes remembering 
The spring where they formed





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TuesdayEve (Nov 3, 2017)

Cloudy skies cool winds
dying bees and marigolds
migration follows


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## ned (Nov 3, 2017)

Leaves fall, summer dies,
bears slumber while above all
Orion will rise


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## midnightpoet (Nov 3, 2017)

Ninety degrees F
crazy November weather
global warming, yes?


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## aj47 (Nov 3, 2017)

.


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## TuesdayEve (Nov 4, 2017)

When autumn winds sing
count the colors of the trees
turn your mind to spring


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## C.Gholy (Nov 4, 2017)

a flurry of leaves
shades of pumpkins and lemons
cinnamon lattes


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## Nellie (Nov 7, 2017)

orange and golden
glistening aspens dusted,
autumn snow begins.


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## C.Gholy (Nov 7, 2017)

I'm not shivering
Just embracing Halloween
I lied to the Lord


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## nelen (Nov 14, 2017)

The north wind has blown
One leaf is left on the tree
Loneliness comes soon


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