# Milk



## Space Cadet (Dec 8, 2017)

Ego loves a microphone
to play a solo slept in song
wed to death

where our closest ones 
sing a life spilt over black tea talk
in carbon monoxide remains


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## andrewclunn (Dec 9, 2017)

Not my favorite of yours.  Beautiful lines, but not enough content to get into a flow.  Not really enough clarity for a meaning based interpretation either.  This feels incomplete.  More stanzas and this could be part of a solid larger piece.


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

Loving your title because it’s wide-ranging. That it could be about anything caught my attention

Ego loves a microphone Exceptional first line. Brilliant personification of ego’s means for being HEARD.
to playing a solo,slept *slumbering* in song Softer word in keeping with others. Great alliteration!
*Wed to death*. Oh! I wish this were mine, though unclear. Could you explain how it relates to L1, L2?
 
where Our closest ones “where” seems unnecessary, distracting.
sing about life spilt over black tea talk  I’d axe “talk”,”split”. Black tea is worth singing about because it’s healthy, having more oxides.
*Yet*, carbon monoxide remains “Yet’ Great power word introducing death. Despite living healthfully, death is inevitable.

Well, this is my interpretation. Space, you’ve created a memorable piece! Laurie


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## Kevin (Dec 9, 2017)

I think he's going for sound/word association stream of consciousness on the subject.  It's very difficult, like high speed throwing a clay pot eyes closed- hit or miss. As the reader, you can't see each turn but have to try to see it spinning as a blur to get the whole image. And since we're not the ones actually touching the clay that's difficult.

milk-tea-spilt.  Spilt milk-resentment
Ego-microphone- sing-solo.  Our solitary condition
slept in-            Our accustomed ways
talk- carbon monoxide ( not co2) . Solitary expressions
wed to death- remains.  Lifelong- until we die.

edit: black tea talk.  Resentful discussions(?) 'black' - dark, bad


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

Kevin, very keen analogy. It would be for Space to explain but I don't seen him going for Stream of Consiousness. SOC continues down the page at length. He has two very brief stanzas.



> Originally Posted by *Kevin* wed to death- remains. Lifelong- until we die.


Very clear, now.


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## Kevin (Dec 9, 2017)

Silver-could be that's all he's got on that subject. Haiku-like in its brevity. 
Three 'S ' -words in a line ...' assonance' I think. Short words, so they go together.. 
Ilike it all read out loud. The last line sounds different, sort of drawn out, longer words and gives it an uncomfortable finality/ finale - Jmt's


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## aj47 (Dec 9, 2017)

The first stanza .... I get that as a poem all by itself and I think I understand it, too. <nudge-nudge>

The second stanza, not-so-much.


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## Neetu (Dec 9, 2017)

Space, the line caught my attention along with the title. I will not even try to decipher the full intent yet. I am simply absorbing the remarkable lines and the vision they attempt to create. At first, they seem disjointed. I know there is more to this poem than meets the eye in first reading. Ego loves a microphone - indeed, it needs a voice and a loud one. That is an excellent analogy. And it loves to play a solo, too. Wed to death, I imagine refers to until death but I could be wrong. It is the next stanza that throws me off and begs for clearer direction. We have moved from ego in the first line to carbon monoxide remains in the last. There is the idea of being "wed to death" in S1 and carbon monoxide is deadly, we know, so the idea of is perpetuated throughout the poem. Spilt milk reminds me of the old saying "crying over spilt milk", in other words, regret over things that cannot be changed. What I am unable to connect to spilt milk is the carbon monoxide remains. 
Maybe it is just me or is there something else the poem needs to bring that connection into light?

Just a few thoughts, Space. I like brevity, as you know, and I love the lines even though I am fumbling for clarity.


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## -xXx- (Dec 9, 2017)

Space Cadet said:


> Ego loves a microphone
> to play a solo slept in song
> wed to death
> 
> ...



completely missed the cup, ay?
_*likes, as is*_
_*closes garage door*_
*happy* holidays....to you *&* yours


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## ned (Dec 9, 2017)

hello - too many apparently disparate concept clashing here for me, making for a bumpy ride.

a wedding? then a funeral? - but the journey from A to B seems to go via XYZ.

you have something to say Space, and an interesting vocabulary, but please consider the reader and demystify.

cheers...........Ned


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## Darren White (Dec 9, 2017)

Pfft, why do I find this poem here, while I mailed you about it in a very different other version ;p


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## SilverMoon (Dec 9, 2017)

> Originally Posted by *Kevin *Siver-could be that's all he's got on that subject. Haiku-like in its brevity. Three 'S ' -words in a line ...' assonance' I think. Short words, so they go together.. Ilike it all read out loud. The last line sounds different, sort of drawn out, longer words and gives it an uncomfortable finality/ finale - Jmt's



I agree, Kevin. It does have that haiku feel. The repeating of S's is an Alliteration. Just two would also qualify as an Alliteration. And, yes. The Assonance (flow) is off.

This might work:

My First Edit*
playing a solo, slumbering in song
*
Edit 2*
a solo, slumbers in song .. *_*It's assumed a solo is played. "slumbers" rather than "slumbering". One in the same. Slimmer

*_



> edit: black tea talk. Resentful discussions(?) 'black' - dark, bad


Ha! This is where it gets really interesting. We have different interpretations.  I certainly get yours, truly liking your turn of thought. I'm thinking maybe Space was equating life and the inevitabilty of death via references to Chemistry i.e. Black tea has less oxides than other teas , therefore a healthy "life". Yet despite, carbon monoxide is left behind. Poison, "death".

Space's Original*
Where Our closest ones **
sing a life spilt over black tea talk*
*Yet*, *carbon monoxide remains
*
My First Edit
*Our closest ones
sing about life over black tea.
Yet, carbon monoxide remains **

Edit 2
Our closest ones sing ..... Brought up "sing" from L2. A complete sentence. 
about life over black tea. 
Yet, carbon monoxide remains. 

*
Certainly, interesting and fun speculating together!


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

Thank you, andrewclunn, for taking the time to read and add notes/critique.  I think you're right about the content, not much of it.  It _does_ feel incomplete.  I wanted to keep it short and try to express the beautiful death of Ego and perhaps how it still damages people that haven't killed off _their_ Ego.  I suppose if it had a bit more content, etc., I wouldn't have to explain the direction I was headed for/meaning.  

Thank you again, AC.  I appreciate your feedback and totally agree it's unfinished.  The last few poems I've scribbled down haven't been languished over as much...I think. 

Warm Regards, 
Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

ned said:


> hello - too many apparently disparate concept clashing here for me, making for a bumpy ride.
> 
> a wedding? then a funeral? - but the journey from A to B seems to go via XYZ.
> 
> ...




Thank you, Ned.  I always appreciate your feedback and taking the time to read my posts.  It's a struggle.  I'm a bumpy ride, yes.  

I wanted to express the beauty of the death of ego.  I also wanted to keep it short but struggled to create an image of people I've known, or crowds I've witness, joined together for a drink, or whatever, and wondered the ego level of the public gaggle.  I suppose explaining this is easier than writing it. hahaha.  Explanation is even harder because it's less clear, at least it seems to be as whilst I write this.  

Any thoughts on the subject or poem?

Thank you again for reading 

Best Regards,

Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

Kevin said:


> I think he's going for sound/word association stream of consciousness on the subject.  It's very difficult, like high speed throwing a clay pot eyes closed- hit or miss. As the reader, you can't see each turn but have to try to see it spinning as a blur to get the whole image. And since we're not the ones actually touching the clay that's difficult.
> 
> milk-tea-spilt.  Spilt milk-resentment
> Ego-microphone- sing-solo.  Our solitary condition
> ...


  Yes!  Resentful. On the money. 


Kevin.  I dig your analogy and kind words.  Thank you for reading.  I enjoyed your critique and how you read this skeletally written poem.  You brought some denseness to it that I wouldn't have even thought of.  

The words are about the death of Ego and how beautiful it is when someone has lost their ego and/or understands its toxicity.  I mean, we can't completely lose our ego all the way until death.  But we can lose it at times.  

It's a rather esoteric way of explaining all this in the poem; so, it tends to lose meaning, connection with the reader, etc., when defined.  And this is totally my fault as the writer.  But I accept this. Haha.  

Thank you again for reading/critiquing.

Best Regards,

Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

SilverMoon said:


> Loving your title because it’s wide-ranging. That it could be about anything caught my attention
> 
> Ego loves a microphone Exceptional first line. Brilliant personification of ego’s means for being HEARD.
> to playing a solo,slept *slumbering* in song Softer word in keeping with others. Great alliteration!
> ...




SilverMoon.  Thank you for reading.  Your interpretation is fabulous!  I love your edit suggestions too.  This is about Ego and the beauty of losing it, understanding it to be toxic.  "Wed to death" relates to Ego -- one will live with ego for the rest of their life.  Celebration of losing it from time to time appears to carry over into the last three lines:  the recognition of the ones around you and their ego level, their gossip.  

Thank you again for reading.   

Warm Regards,

Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

-xXx- said:


> completely missed the cup, ay?
> _*likes, as is*_
> _*closes garage door*_
> *happy* holidays....to you *&* yours


\


Happy Holidays to you and yours too!  Thank you for reading/commenting. 

Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

Neetu said:


> Space, the line caught my attention along with the title. I will not even try to decipher the full intent yet. I am simply absorbing the remarkable lines and the vision they attempt to create. At first, they seem disjointed. I know there is more to this poem than meets the eye in first reading. Ego loves a microphone - indeed, it needs a voice and a loud one. That is an excellent analogy. And it loves to play a solo, too. Wed to death, I imagine refers to until death but I could be wrong. It is the next stanza that throws me off and begs for clearer direction. We have moved from ego in the first line to carbon monoxide remains in the last. There is the idea of being "wed to death" in S1 and carbon monoxide is deadly, we know, so the idea of is perpetuated throughout the poem. Spilt milk reminds me of the old saying "crying over spilt milk", in other words, regret over things that cannot be changed. What I am unable to connect to spilt milk is the carbon monoxide remains.
> Maybe it is just me or is there something else the poem needs to bring that connection into light?
> 
> Just a few thoughts, Space. I like brevity, as you know, and I love the lines even though I am fumbling for clarity.




Thank you for the read and your kind words, Keetu.  To be honest, I'm not sure the connection of the spilt milk over tea with carbon monoxide and its remains.  All I know, that the poem is about ego and the beauty of losing it, its death.  The words are a bit disjointing, but they came out that way and I decided to keep them at the time.  

Thank you again for all your words.  I truly appreciate your time. 

Warm Regards,

Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Dec 16, 2017)

andrewclunn said:


> Not my favorite of yours.  Beautiful lines, but not enough content to get into a flow.  Not really enough clarity for a meaning based interpretation either.  This feels incomplete.  More stanzas and this could be part of a solid larger piece.





SilverMoon said:


> Kevin, very keen analogy. It would be for Space to explain but I don't seen him going for Stream of Consiousness. SOC continues down the page at length. He has two very brief stanzas.
> 
> 
> Very clear, now.





SilverMoon said:


> I agree, Kevin. It does have that haiku feel. The repeating of S's is an Alliteration. Just two would also qualify as an Alliteration. And, yes. The Assonance (flow) is off.
> 
> This might work:
> 
> ...



Thank you for this discussion.  I enjoyed reading both of your comments.  A metaphysical angle crawls out of this poem bit by bit.  

Wesley


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## Space Cadet (Jan 4, 2018)

Darren White said:


> Pfft, why do I find this poem here, while I mailed you about it in a very different other version ;p




It just appeared, I suppose.  Post your edited version, please.  W.


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## Darren White (Jan 4, 2018)

Space Cadet said:


> It just appeared, I suppose.  Post your edited version, please.  W.


_
(Sure, why not, I also have it on our blog by the way...)_

Ego loves a microphone 
to beautifully sing solo

Sadness sleeps with song
the tired wed death 

The closest one falls out—
sleep spills life 
too tired to spill tea 
where carbon monoxide resides


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