# You’re Getting Heavy.      irony   548 words



## Plasticweld

You’re Getting Heavy
By Bob Brown

I was cautious going into this relationship, I just got out of one that failed.  I got so discouraged and disillusioned that I packed up my bags and left.  I was not sure what I wanted, I was real sure of what I didn’t’ want. 

 There was a time when we were young, full of hope, full of optimism.  We sat around on a dark evening talking about the prefect relationship.  We all had different ideas, while we did not always agree on what we wanted, we all knew what we didn’t want... the things we didn’t want, this was our bond.   We talked and we planned.  We thought we looked far into the future.  None of us wanted to be hen pecked husbands, none of us wanted to be tied to a mate that took more than their share, we were all sure of that.  We had all vowed to never to fall into that trap again. 

 Our new relationship started out pure, it came at a cost, one we all thought worth the price paid... even though it was very dear.   Hand in hand, able to do more together than we could apart; a unity, a marriage in the purest sense.  The things I could not do by myself she could.  The things she needed to get the job done, I provided.   For many years we got along just fine, we both prospered.  We did well enough to not only take care of our household but those who were less fortunate.  We were proud, we held our heads high as we strolled down the street together; people waved back, they showed us both respect and admiration.  Yes we were a proud young couple, envied by many. 

Maybe relationships change with time, maybe it is part of some sort of evolution that cannot be changed, I would still like to try;  I would like to make it the way it was in the beginning.  I miss the honeymoon phase of our relationship.  You used to respect me. You used to pull your fair share of the weight.  You have turned into a controlling wife who tells me, what to eat, what I can do and what I can’t.  You have made up so many rules that I know longer know what I can do and what I can’t.  You spend my money, you limit my freedom while telling me you know what it best for me.  Just do as you’re told, don’t argue.

My heart is heavy, people no longer wave with the same enthusiasm.  The people now wave with one hand and reach out with the other for help. We are despised, yet counted on.  In the past we helped because we could, we were proud of that, we do it now out of obligation.  I miss the old days.

My country  that was founded in hope  it has changed today.  The government that was once a helpmate, who was thin and frugal, is now obese.  Two hundred and twenty nine years later, she is no longer my blushing bride. The government of our dreams is now a mill stone  around my neck,  it is now holding us back. The founding fathers I am sure never meant for it to turn into this. In my dreams I can only imagine what it would be like to have this burden lifted off my back, for a partner to beside me, helping me pull the load, instead of being the load. I have not given up hope.  She is still capable of being all those things we used to dream about and I have been reminded of what the founding fathers did not want so many years ago.


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## midnightpoet

One thing stood out at first read.  Third paragraph you shifted abruptly into second person. It's really best to stay with one POV in short pieces like this.  A couple of typos (didn't' - extra apostrophe, prefect, s/b perfect) otherwise good read. Also, in the last paragraph you wandered into politics instead of staying with the subject.  To me, it didn't work in such a short piece.

Good job, keep writing.

Tony


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## Plasticweld

Tony it is all about politics it is a satire piece, the woman of my dreams is my country.  I will make the changes you suggest, maybe I should at Satire to the heading.  Thanks for reading and your help it is always very much appreciated...Bob


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## Deleted member 56686

I was a little confused myself. I thought something had happened with your wife. I'm glad that it wasn't the case obviously. I guess the trick will be to make the post less confusing, yet still have it set up for the punchline. If people know you're taking about the country right off the back, it will make the punchline less effective. Interesting dilemma :scratch:


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## dither

Interesting perspective there, evolution of the "self" also perhaps.

Life eh?


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## midnightpoet

Sorry, wasn't playing close enough attention.:stupid:


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## dither

Lol poet,
my first thought was marital-strife.


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## Deleted member 56686

dither said:


> Lol poet,
> my first thought was marital-strife.




Me too, which would have been unusual for Bob


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## Blade

dither said:


> Lol poet,
> my first thought was marital-strife.



Same here.:eagerness: I was caught off guard when 'government' suddenly showed up.


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## LeeC

Actually I found this a very innovative piece. Leading the reader in, an subtly turning the prism, for a more memorable reading experience. 


Kudos to you on your writing dexterity Bob


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## ppsage

I've not been very able to interpret this as satire, and, when I try to figure out why, I think, for me at least, it lacks an essential ingredient, which I'll call amusing belittlement. (I hope not to get hung up on what to call this, but I think satire needs to make fun of something, beyond being clever and entertaining.) This seems to me more like a melancholy and slightly ironic analogy. A very good analogy, I hasten to add, which, by it's comparison of citizenship to marriage, brings home to me quickly and succinctly the sentiment of it's writer. In a way I might not otherwise think to consider. (In the end, I believe I mostly reject the model, I maybe think of my country more as yet another irascible employer, in a marketplace relatively untouched by chivalry.) I think real satire a bit flammable for these hallowed halls, as one of it's main intents is to debase those criticized by causing an angry reaction. In appreciation, pp.


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## Plasticweld

I only added the satire wording after so  many seemed lost and did not get the point.  I may remove it as I think you assessment is correct.

As a business owner the relationship between the government is far more intimate than it has ever been in the past.  I do not make a decision concerning a job, that does not include how the government'ss role effects the out come and the process.  I deal with State Workmans Comp.  The IRS, DOT, OSHA, EPA. US Forest Service, along with local regulations.  I envy your thoughts and sentiments and could only wish that they were true in todays market place.  Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion, it is always respected and appreciated ..Bob 





ppsage said:


> I've not been very able to interpret this as satire, and, when I try to figure out why, I think, for me at least, it lacks an essential ingredient, which I'll call amusing belittlement. (I hope not to get hung up on what to call this, but I think satire needs to make fun of something, beyond being clever and entertaining.) This seems to me more like a melancholy and slightly ironic analogy. A very good analogy, I hasten to add, which, by it's comparison of citizenship to marriage, brings home to me quickly and succinctly the sentiment of it's writer. In a way I might not otherwise think to consider. (In the end, I believe I mostly reject the model, I maybe think of my country more as yet another irascible employer, in a marketplace relatively untouched by chivalry.) I think real satire a bit flammable for these hallowed halls, as one of it's main intents is to debase those criticized by causing an angry reaction. In appreciation, pp.


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## Firemajic

LeeC said:


> Actually I found this a very innovative piece. Leading the reader in, an subtly turning the prism, for a more memorable reading experience.
> 
> 
> Kudos to you on your writing dexterity Bob





 LeeC--ya did it again--That is exactly what I wanted to say...Well done Bob, I enjoyed reading, always a pleasure. Peace always...Julia


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## TKent

Hey PW, I love these short pieces with the surprise endings. Very creative! My main suggestion is that you take the time to perfect it because it is a great piece!

As far as feedback, I think that there is this balancing act on how heavily the piece implies the 'decoy' (the wife) leading up to the surprise ending. Too little and you never make the connection, too much and you have to big of a brain jerk at the end. This might be just a tiny bit tipping towards too much. I almost think that if you made it a more 'generic' relationship, that it wouldn't be such a jump at the end. And I don't mean to change the idea, cause I love the idea and the overall comparison, but maybe not use the word 'wife' and 'she' as much. Not sure how to do it, i tried something similar and used 'my companion' but it definitely is a little clunky in places. Also I agree with whoever mentioned switching to 2nd person in the middle. I'd either do it all the way through with 2nd person or not a all (which I think would work if the entire piece was being directed to 'the govt').

Anyway, thanks for sharing!!


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## EmmaSohan

laughing -- as an emotion junkie, it was a disappointment that this was about the government instead of your wife. (And of course I actually hope the best for you with both.)

Did anyone read this twice? You have to read it twice. It is really intricately done. Well, if I am understanding it correctly. And nice. For example, "We all had different ideas, while we did not always agree on what we wanted, we all knew what we didn’t want; the things we didn’t want, were our bond." I never thought of the start of our country that way.


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## EmmaSohan

Okay. Seriously. In your story, your last paragraph comes off as whining -- because you didn't help me feel why you see the government that way. You did that a lot better in your response.

And... no one can properly appreciate the start of the story because they don't know it's about the government.

So....What if you interleaved your descriptions of what your life it really like with your wife metaphor? Like..



I do not make a decision concerning a job, that does not include how the government's role effects the outcome and the process. I deal with State Workmans Comp, the IRS, DOT, OSHA, EPA. US Forest Service, along with local regulations.

_Just like my friends I was young, full of hope, full of optimism. We sat around on dark evening talking about the prefect relationship. We all had different ideas, while we did not always agree on what we wanted, we all knew what we didn’t want; the things we didn’t want, were our bond. We talked and we planned, we thought we looked far into the future. None of us wanted to be hen pecked husbands, none of us wanted to be tied to a mate that took more than their share, we were all sure of that. We had all vowed to never to fall into that trap again. 

_As a business owner the relationship between the government is far more intimate than it has ever been in the past. [maybe needs more]

_It started out pure, it came at a cost, one we all thought worth the price paid, even though it was very dear. Hand in hand, able to do more together than we could apart; a unity, a marriage in the purest sense. The things I could not do by myself she could. The things she needed to get the job done, I provided. For many years we got along just fine, we both prospered. We did well enough to not only take care of our household but those who were less fortunate. We were proud, we held our heads high as we strolled down the street together; people waved back, they showed us both respect and admiration. Yes we were a proud young couple, envied by many._


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## Plasticweld

EmmaSohan said:


> Did anyone read this twice? You have to read it twice. It is really intricately done. Well, if I am understanding it correctly. And nice. For example, "We all had different ideas, while we did not always agree on what we wanted, we all knew what we didn’t want; the things we didn’t want, were our bond." I never thought of the start of our country that way.



This was never intended to be obvious, it was intended that it not make sense until you have finished.  Anyone who has studied American History, and is up on current events would pick up on the subtle hints.  It may also be geared towards an older audience.  I think the older you get the more you compare things. I would hate to insult the reader by explaining the parable.  

I am pretty comfortable with it having to be read twice, it's short, it sarcastic.  As far as the last paragraph coming across as whining.  I can still complain about a something without giving up hope, still nag about the wife, still think she needs to drop of few pounds, still change her attitude, without divorcing her, I am loyal like that :}


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## escorial

pristine piece of writing man


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## Plasticweld

escorial said:


> pristine piece of writing man



Thanks it walks the line between not being obvious enough if you are not familiar with current or past history.


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## Bevo

Reading this piece a second time as recommended does really make the hints fall into place.
This style of writing appeals to , I love a great twist.

Well done!


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## John Oberon

The only way this piece works is if you were not born in America. The analogy works if, for example, you were a refugee leaving a communist regime for America...that would fit your first paragraph perfectly. But if you were born in America, you didn't start a relationship with America, because you've never known anything else. You're talking about the deterioration of a relationship you've always had, and it doesn't match. If you are an immigrant and the analogy fits, then I think you need to make this more of a metaphor framed in the context of your literal experience. You write about your factual journey to America and discuss your feelings about the event in terms of a love relationship. I think that would be better.

If you were born in America, I think a better analogy would be that of receiving an inheritance. You're born into a family, the family has certain expectations of you growing up, but when you grow up and receive your inheritance, the expectations change. They become more demanding, to the point of strangling, and the things you grew up thinking were important to your family are now submerged under the new expectations.

That's my take.


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## Kevin

> only way this piece works is if you were not born in America.


 Yes... the speaker would have to represent the American people, as an entirety, the entire of their relationship (200+ years), not just the lifespan of one man. I think that's what's intended, though it's easy to personalize it, to one person, with only his life's perspective (80 yrs, more or less) being the speaker.


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## John Oberon

I don't think the speaker needs to represent the American people, or the history of America. The concerns addressed in the OP can easily lie within the lifespan of just one man. I remember what it was like just thirty-five years ago in America, and lemme tellya, government was a _heckuva_ lot less intrusive and bloated than it is now.


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## Kevin

True... but income tax started  during what, ww1 or something?  We see it during our lifetime as 'accelerated'. What're we not seeing, bigger-picture?


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## John Oberon

Well, the OP doesn't mention taxes. I tend to view taxes as relatively insignificant in comparison to regulation. Regulation is how government steals freedom, and that's what really galls me most of the time. I think that's primarily what Plasticweld is pointing at, but I could be wrong.


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## Plasticweld

Kevin said:


> True... but income tax started  during what, ww1 or something?  We see it during our lifetime as 'accelerated'. What're we not seeing, bigger-picture?



Kevin you are right on the spot when it comes to my intentions, "the big picture,'   John my intentions were to use the founding fathers and what they had intended to do with the new government; all of the analogies I used were based on what the founding fathers had hoped and strived for and what this country  had morphed into. I  wanted to let the reader know that this country was formed and created by what the creators wanted and to make sure their prior experiences did not happened again.  Aware of where they had been making sure to not let this government turn into what they had just left. I never intended it to be a personal journey but one that was witnessed by us as a nation.  Going back to the concept that this nation was born. The examples I used in how this country is viewed express the changes in the world view of the USA over it life span not a single instant.  

Thank you both for the feed back, as a writer it is often difficult to gage what a reader in going to pick up on.  I credit my readers with a fair degree of history to put my concepts into perspective.  As a rule I seldom if ever come right out and say anything but rather use a parable approach to the points I am trying to make.  I am not always successful in my attempts so your first impressions are really appreciated...Bob


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## John Oberon

You might be interested in reading The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn.


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## hypocritter

Seems to be a bone of contention to some but I loved the deliberate deception in setting up the twist element. I get a thrill out of realising all is not as it seemed after the fact,sucker us in by our own understandable presumptions then,WHAMO the reveal .Any warning or heads up would ruin this aspect completely .Very clever and creative to keep the parallel possibilities open for as long as necessary.
I guess playing to such a varied audience makes it somewhat understandable that romantics,for example may feel robbed of the story developing in their mind but that  Would be more their hang up than yours imo.
I'm niether conventional nor orthodox in most things so certainly not a gramma Nazi and have no critique to offer in that regard. 

Nice work fella.


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## ismith

Well done! I had to reread it a couple times.  The first time I read it there was some phrasing that I found strange and after I got to the last paragraph I understood why.  Had it not been for those little snags I wouldn't have known something was up. 

     For example: "None of us wanted to be hen pecked husbands, none of us wanted to be tied to a mate that took more than their share, we were all sure of that.  We had all vowed to never to fall into that trap again. "

    I had to pause for a second and make sense of these two sentences.  They make perfect sense in the context of the last paragraph yet are a bit of a head scratcher at the beginning.

    Here's where I believe the snags are: "None of us wanted to be hen pecked *husbands*, none of us wanted to be tied to a *mate* that took more than their share, we were all sure of that.  We had *all* vowed to never to fall into that trap again." 


   I think if you had made the first two generic and eliminated the last one entirely this would have not clued me in that something was amiss.


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## curtis

That was an enjoyable read. I liked the way you built up to the revelation that the relationship is between a man and his nation. Good work.


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## Reichelina

At first I got sad because I thought it was your wife. 
But then TADA.. 

Whom are you voting for? 
Well, I wish your government all the best.


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