# Euthanasia (Language)



## walkbyfaith (Jan 25, 2011)

_*EUTHANASIA*_
Memories of A Dying Man​​





​*J**ANUARY 17, 2011*



Anne,

A  stranger told me that a dream, is the only place where a man   could understand the definition, of a perfect freedom. I used to cling   unto what he said. So, the moment I got home, following that 13-hour   flight, I started to dream after I closed my eyes. That  night was very  memorable, as I had the fanciest dream of my life. I went  back to my  senses kissed by the mild warmth of a sun‘s ray, and that  was the very  morning when I believed, that the sleep I just slept, will  always be my  deepest, and my longest, just not after the day…….. when I  saved you.


*[Xavier University, September 9, 2000]*



“*Open the  fucking gate!!! Faster old man!!*”

My  day was instantly ruined upon seeing my ex-girlfriend holding hands   with her new found assaholic boyfriend. Well, I was a worse asshole than   he is, but maybe, just maybe, the slightest of  differences matters   when it comes to those not-so-sought standards of ethics…


“*Plangstkk!!!*”   the deplorable sound of a twisted metal  made the bystanders scream as  I wreck the rusty gate with my car.  They’ll replace the rotting piece  of shit anyway so I better help them  decide..


“*What?!!*”   I saw the old guard glaring before I revolted  my car’s engine to it’s  most deafening roar as I dash my way to my own  parking space. He  couldn’t do a thing anyway..


Concealed whispers  were thrown at me as soon as my feet touched the  university proper..  Their eyes contained such hatreds and I needed not  to hear anymore. I  was aware that they were already calling me names-  the bastard, the  hypocrite, the moron, the asshole. whatever offensive  they could  squeeze from their slightly used brains.


Gandhi  said, that everything you do in life would soon seem  insignificant,  but, it’s important that you do them anyway. Yes, I took  it the other  way and it goes to show that I‘m only a man. I’m naïve and  I’m blind.  Sometimes, I let emotions take over. Sometimes, I simply  forget that I  am…


“_You wrecked the gate, you’re not in uniform and you’re late. You can come back decently tomorrow._. _By the way, are you on drugs?_
”

My  dogmatic professor who believes that he’s flawless sent me out of the   room even before I got inside. Sometimes, the authority of those who   teach becomes an obstacle to those who want to learn.

But thanks to Mr. Kalaw, his provocation led my footsteps into finding you, Anne.


I  woke up at the rooftop of our school building. That was where I felt   the most of my entity.. That was where I let my rage subside. Above, I   could pretend that I really own the world. There was my sanctuary,  the   place where I met you..


I saw a portrait lying beside me.. A portrait of a gorgeous man sleeping..

“_Who did this?_
”

Of course, I knew that the illustrated man was me, or, I wouldn’t have called it gorgeous in the first place..


I  got stoned while staring at the canvass you drew.
Anne, it was captivating, more than beautiful.
If  only I wasn’t able to see inside the man you painted, then it would   have been perfect. But the man you drew put the beauty into a waste,   spoiling your “rabbit” signature below.


As I go  downstairs, I heard two professors talking about the  art-competition,  and inquisitive about the painter who drew me in my  sleep, I went  inside the art-room. There were a lot of colors, colors  that will soon  change, and worst, they might vanish..


Every  painting looked vivid. But only one caught my attention, the  flower,  the river, the mother, and everything else looked abstract. It  was  painted with such unique strokes by “the rabbit.”


“_So here’s the fagot who drew me._
”

I  secretly wished for your win. It wasn’t because I wanted you to be   happy, I just wanted to see for myself if you really look like a hare.   Seriously.


The roll of the percussions begun to  ignite the spectators’ adrenalines  while we wait for the announcement  of the best painter-student.


“*The winner of our 67th art fest is, the rabbit, Ms. Annetoneth Ho! Congratulations!*”

I  was frozen in disbelief by the moment I had a glimpse of you smiling   as you take your way upstage. I never believed that angels are real   until I saw you. You must be hiding your wings somewhere behind your   dazzling smile.


You looked at me. I was the furthest from you inside that hall, but still, you looked at me..


I fell in love with you and I knew, your heart is not like any other rusty gate that I could crush.

“_Yes Ms. Ho, I fell in love with you._”


We  had our moments after that day. It was a ride worth riding as we pass   thru all of those life-sceneries. I remembered the colors of the   art-room and I saw myself slowly changing because of you..


“_Will you choose to live with me like this forever? We‘re different and I hope I don‘t make you feel restrained._”  you asked me once.

“_I  will. I will never look back.. You, you‘re my only reason. Without   you, I‘m gone. When you came I had  enough of everything, every will to   believe that I could change_.”
the words of my manly answer..


And  we made love. We kissed one another’s lips. I held your body so  close  to mine. We were one. We lost ourselves in the depth of that  euphoria. I  felt the warmth of your breath. We burnt ourselves with  passion as I  explore your body the moment you explored mine. We made  love, a  memorable one, worthy of changing me, worthy of memories


Two years after, we broke up.. It was supposed to be the last quarter of our four collegiate years.


Mr.  Ho, your father was to send you abroad.. It was after he learned  about  our relationship. I couldn’t blame him. He used to own the once  most  powerful company in the country until my dad begun to make a name  of  his own.

I was reckless when I said that it was his envy that will send you away. We parted ways.


The  day before your flight, I couldn’t find you.. I surveyed every  corner  of our school and not even your shadow was found. I thought you  already  left until I learned from a friend, that you were so drunk,   out-your-self,  partying on a nearby bar, slowly losing control.

I was enraged. You were with that asshole who made a mess out of my ex-girlfriend.
_ “I will never let it happen again. Not to you, you’re different and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment._” as I drive rushing to save you.

I  reached the place and saw that these guys were already carrying you   like a wasted bitch ready to get bitten inside their van. There were   four of them and you had  no  idea what was happening. I tried to save   you. I tried. Believe me. I fought for you wanting to be the man who’ll   carry you home safely. I wanted to put you to bed, to change your   clothes and cleanse your body to give you comfort.. I did everything. I   bled for you..




* [December 27, 2004 Laguna]*



Anne,


I  failed to finish my studies. My family ran out of resources. I was   told that it was a feat of sacrifice to save me from dying. They simply   threw away everything to save my worthless breaths. But, I didn’t know I   was dying. How?

I couldn’t remember anything. I tried  but I was clueless and lost. I  knew nothing, not even my name. I don’t  even know, why the man I saw in  the hospital cried, while calling me  his son by the moment I woke up. I  don’t know why I was there.


With  nothing to eat and no money to spare, I was forced to work as a   janitor.  My  legs and thighs turned into brawns. My arms have gotten a   lot bigger and my chest looked burlier. All of these changes, just   because of my hard work, because I sweat really hard for food.


I  pedal my way kilometers afar just to attend my job. I need to work. My   old bicycle  knows how hard it is when someone’s hungry cause he too   couldn't roll..


From the lobby up to the 12th  floor of Ho Heights, I worked, sweated and  bled. I mopped the floor, I  carried stuffs from places to places while  being enslaved by different  people.. It was hard and it gotten worse  when I learned that in life,  most of them only care about what you have  rather than who you are.  It  was only my need to survive that kept me  going…


I  was watering the garden when I learned that the owner’s daughter was   about to arrived. I’ve never seen the owner so I couldn’t tell how his   daughter might look. I was told by the supervisor that I must clean the   place perfectly and make it look better than he could ever imagine.


It’ was almost dusk when I saw a white car approaching its way between the closed gates..


The guard wasn’t there and I was the one standing the closest.

*TOOOOTTT!!!!! TOOOOTT!!!!*  the sound of a raging horn called for  me to open the gates and so I  complied only to get humiliated by the  enraged shouting of its driver.


“*Open the fucking gates!! Faster moron!*” the driver told me and so I responded with my dignity out of sight.

The white car had its way and a red car tailing behind soon followed.


From  the white car, came out was a very decently clothed man.. Maybe he  has  the right to treat me like a dog after all.. From his looks, you may   conclude a large amount of wealth that lies behind his unknown name.


My  duty was almost over  and I was about to pack my things when I saw   this lovely lady emerging from the second car.. Confetti begun hailing   the place as everyone shouts to welcome this girl named Annetoneth, the   company‘s owner‘s daughter.


“*Welcome Anne!!*” As the big bosses of the company kiss and hug her..
“*We miss you!*
”

I  was stunned upon seeing her beautiful face but I immediately shrugged   the idea off, keeping in mind that I am only one of the company’s   janitors.


So I packed my things and went home. My  dad was ill and I sacrificed my  dinner for his medicine. Still, I  wasn’t sure if he really is my father.  All I knew was, he’s a good man  who provided me with a comfortable  shelter.


The  next day seemed ordinary. I was inside the elevator carrying a pail  and  a mop to clean the 8th floor when the door opened, and there,  appeared  was the most angelic face I’ve ever seen. It reminded me that  angels  are real, something I know I had learned from the past.


I  couldn’t move and so was she. I was stunned and so was she. The   elevator closed its doors and she was left standing there. She made me   feel dirty, just too dirty that she couldn't ride an elevator with   someone like me. It was my incompetence, it was our difference..


More  days followed and I was about to resign.. I decided to work on my   papers to find a better fortune abroad. I was to chase a dream. It   wasn’t a secret to anyone that dollars would suite me better.


I had a week left, just a week left.

What  made me wonder within those days were the owner’s daughter’s stares   every time I would pass by her, every time I do something filthy as   their janitor. She was always watching me and it made me feel really   belittled. I always feel being watched whenever she's around..


One time, I was resting while staring at one of the cars when she saw me sitting down outside.

_ “Kyle……_” she murmured behind me.

How come an elite like her knew my name? I was confused.

"M_a’am? I‘m sorry for being lazy… I just felt like I needed a breather_.” I hesitantly told her.

“_No, no, it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure…_ “ she gently responded.

“_Make sure of what?_” I asked with curiosity

“_Your name…_” she sadly whispered.

“_But how_?” I was really intrigued as I look into her teary eyes.

She pointed at the name stitched on my smelly uniform before she walked away with faint sobs she thought I didn’t hear.


That  night, I went home and found my dad dying… I was to take him in the   hospital when he stopped me.. He told me that it was his time and he’d   feel glad to embrace his long-sought rest..

Before he said  his last goodbye, he handed me an old case he hid under  his bed. I was  in tears. I cried and cried until my tears went all dried  up.. I wept  like I had never wept before..

I had almost forgotten  about that dusty case he had given me after me  and some neighbors  walked him to his final rest.. I got home and opened  the case.. Inside  was my previous I.D‘s., some papers and a  cellphone.

Xavier  University, Kyle Villarente… September 12, 1990.. Son of Mr and  Mrs.  Charles Viallrente… I never thought that I studied there before.. _Why didn’t dad tell me?_


I opened the cellphone to check all the files inside and saw a video taken merely 3 years ago as suggested by the date….


_It  was me.. It was definitely me and four guys were savagely hitting  me  with their knuckles! I was in a fight. I was taking a beating and  there  was blood all over me… One guy brought up a gun and aimed it right  on  my head before this girl… no.. the girl… the girl…..pushed him…..  The  girl was….. Annetoneth Ho……._ The girl was you…How could I forget? How?

“*BANG!!*” a bullet hit me, slicing thru the temple right before the policemen arrived…

How could I forget??   I was getting all confused.

Sirens inundated the place as medics were seen rushing me into a nearby hospital….It was when I remembered.


But it was too late. It’ll only complicate my future plans as I was about to leave the next day…..


*Flight number 528...all passengers proceed to your designated areas now…
*

I made up my mind. I’m leaving. I wanted rebuild my long lost entity.

I  sat inside the aircraft only to learn that you were there…..sitting   comfortly beside me..I cried… I cried and you needed no explanations… We   both cried..  Both of our hearts filled with joy.. We kissed. I held   your hands. I looked into your eyes. I love you.. I told you I love you…   I remembered. I love you…I just cried while giggling.. I was, insane   with the thought of having you again beside me… We held and embraced one   another tightly until that one last tragic disaster….



* [January 17, 2011]*


I  hear a woman sobbing beside me. I want to comfort her but I just can’t   move my body. I heard her cry so many times but her sadness had never   expressed a deeper melancholy than this..


I heard someone uttered euthanasia…perhaps, it’s the doctor.


“_The  same stranger told me that as a man dies, scenes of his life are   flashing just like a movie in his consciousness- the story of how you   touched other people‘s lives and the story of how they touched yours…One   thing‘s for sure, one’s fingerprint will never be erased  once he   touches the life of another_.”


Anne, before that plane crashed, I was really satisfied to remember that I was able to touch yours….
I’ve been sleeping for years and I understand that you’re now giving up…


Baby, here’s my last wish… Just let me drop this letter in a post that I will find somewhere in my dream.


I love you…


_The Rabbit_,
_Kyle Villarente_


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## xxaznvanxx (May 29, 2013)

A  stranger told me that a dream, is the only place where a man   could understand the definition, of a perfect freedom. 
Remove the comma between dream and is. You don't need one there.


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## xxaznvanxx (May 29, 2013)

I enjoy reading this. Its interesting.


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## escorial (Jun 1, 2013)

After reading this i felt the similarities with ,"five people you meet in heaven."...i enjoyed the way you move from one place to another..enjoyed


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