# Delayed Gratification and Love (Part Two of Two)



## Winston (Jan 26, 2017)

It's strange the way many of us choose to remember and honor those that have passed before us.  It's common in our culture to retell the departed's deeds, or perhaps cite their many accomplishments.  We take sycophantic pride in their academic, professional or financial success.  We can brag about skills that they passed onto us.  Even if it's as simple as remembering how they made us laugh.  

Underneath all those tangible, easy to identify traits and talents, there is something else.  There is The Person.  

Any idiot on Comedy Central could make me laugh.  A person's financial riches and possessions do not impress me.   There will always be someone smarter, bolder or stronger.  I think there is a asset that impacts us the most, a thing that sticks with us.  It is a question we do not ask aloud.  In the end, was the person "good"?

You can philosophically parse that word from now 'till the end of time.  You know what "good" means, to you.  Very few of us are related to Martin Luther, Mother Theresa or  Jonas Salk.  I don't see Good being a yardstick like that.  I see Good in small things that a person does, over their lifetime.  Choices.  Decisions both large and small.  No one lives in a vacuum, and everything we do has some effect on those around us.  We all know this.  My Grandmother Pauline knew.  
　


I still remember the "spirited" discussions my father and Grandma Pauline had.  My dad was a gambler, both literally and figuratively.  My grandmother never liked taking chances.  She was definitely a "slow and steady wins the race" kinda gal.  My dad called Pauline a "tightwad", that "squeezed a Nickel so hard she made the buffalo crap".  She would laugh and advise my dad "the best way to double your money is to fold it in half and stick it back in your wallet".  Then she reminded him "I'm not stingy, I'm frugal!"      

Oh, and was she "frugal"!  Pauline bought bread and milk on sale and FROZE them.  Yeah, she had a freezer in her garage full of foodstuffs that she bought at a discount.  The Great Depression did have a lasting impact on her.  She hated waste.

She was not a woman who held her tongue.  And she made sure to let me know how stupid my cigarette smoking was.  It was a waste of money AND it was bad for me.  Still, she didn't badger me about it.  Just an occasional "reminder".  The fact that her husband died from lung cancer was only an additional reason to be irritated.  But only at my habit.  Not at me.   Just like she disliked my dad's trips to gamble in Reno, but still loved him.  

A  year after she passed, I gave up smoking.  The friggin' Surgeon General was telling me that the stuff was deadly, but I didn't listen to him.  However, I remembered her words.  

My sisters and I were quite surprised after Pauline's passing, and her estate was settled.  Grandma had decided to leave her assets to us kids.  It was not a small amount, by most standards.  It was rather large considering she started off as a poor kid from the outskirts of San Juan.  And raised in sugar cane worker huts on Oahu.  Then married to men that liked to live hard and enjoy themselves (I bet she fought like Hell to hide the money from them).  Regardless, the money was there, and NOT by accident or luck.  It was money that was worked hard for, and saved over a lifetime.  And she was giving it to us.

I was newly engaged, and my fiancée and I were looking at places to live.  The money that Grandma Pauline left us was a gift that beyond my hopes. Now we could put a sizable down payment on a modest house (a 15 year old two bedroom house, to be precise).  In a world where most folks are looking for a low-to-zero down move-in, this may seem odd.  I mean, we could have spent that money in many other ways.  But I'm pretty sure that's not what Pauline would have wanted.

The larger down payment meant a smaller monthly payment.  Which meant there was more money in our budget to pay off my college tuition, and then invest in our 401k retirement accounts.  Which further meant that we started our married life not in debt, but preparing for our future at a young age. 

This was about 25 years ago, literally a lifetime for some of you.  But even back then, there was the societal propensity to "take care of it later".  The thought was (is) "just enjoy life.  Buy stuff, take vacations.  Worry about your future later.".  I never thought that way.  I often thought that there was something wrong with me.  But after reflecting upon Grandma Pauline, and her life, I realized that there was something wrong with everyone else.  

That is not a judgment upon any of you, any more than Pauline judged me for smoking.  I'm just stating the obvious.  In the way she would appreciate.  

There is not a proper word for the impact grandma Pauline has had on my life.  I learned from her.  She impressed and inspired me.  Her love was genuine and deeper than most can imagine.  She sacrificed her entire life, so later generations could live more secure.  And live in peace.  

It is a burden, but one that I carry with gratitude.  I have taught my kids to be "frugal".  It impresses the Hec out me how my boy and girl can stretch a dollar.  I think Macklemore followed my family around before writing "Thrift Shop".  Our freezers are full, with food bought on sale. We grow our own food, can and dehydrate some for use in the future.  Like 1929 again.

But it's not about the money.  It's about what the money represents.  It represents hard work, and respect.  It is the bounty that God has given us.  My wife and I are not rich, and probably never will be.  My kids can choose their own path.  I passed on the tools that I was given.  I will be there for them, and their children, just like Pauline was there for us.

I will be there, because I realize that it's my job, and no one else's, to take care of my family.  I will be there, because I love them.

I know somewhere, there's a bunch of folks enjoying their poi and tofu, laughing and just enjoying the afterlife.  I hope that the howlie boy didn't disappoint them.  I don't think I did.  I'll just have to wait until we all get together again.  I hope I get the Won Ton soup, and not the poi.    

Regardless, I have been, and always will be grateful.


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## jenthepen (Feb 7, 2017)

A nice tribute to your grandmother, Winston. It sounds like she was a strong and wise woman. Reading your piece, it strikes me that the fundamental lesson that you absorbed from your grandmother and passed on to your own children is all about taking responsibility for ourselves, our family and our future. Maybe it's even more than that - having a respect for the necessities of life and avoiding the careless waste that comes from taking sustenance for granted.

I enjoyed your story and the picture matches up to the image of your grandmother that you describe.


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## Plasticweld (Feb 7, 2017)

Thanks for a great read Winston...


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