# 21/1/2012 - LM - At Last Some Life SCORES



## Like a Fox (Feb 23, 2012)

And here’s the thread you’ve all been waiting for, the Last Line (At last, some life in this place) scores thread!
I bet if you read through all the scores threads in the last two years they would pretty much all begin with my apology for the delay. So why break tradition? I apologise, again, for my delay.

This was a great round to judge. Lots of strong, interesting stories. Not a stinker in the bunch.
Was hard to get to these results as the entries were all so good, and you'll see there were some variations between the judges, but I think all the winners are well-deserving.

And so without further ado, let’s congratulate *InsanityStrickenWriter* for *In Dark Spaces*.
In second place, a big hand goes to *ppsage* for his *Days Gone Way Past Woe.*
And in third place, congratulations to *Baba Yaga* with The Scientists in the States.

Well done, to all of you.
Now, if you’d like to see how we reached our winners, here is the maths:


Creation by Terry D – 16+16+16 = Average of 16
Iowa by Karl R – 15.5+17+17 = Average of 16.5
Untitled by Ozzy Shiraz – 18+16+16 = Average of 16.66
Kamuda Youth by Kyle Colorado – 17.5+17+17= Average of 17.16
*The Scientists in the States *by* Baba Yaga – 16.5+18+18= Average of 17.5*
Treasures by Sunny – 17+16+16 = Average of 16.33
*Days Gone Way Past Woe *by* ppsage – 15+19+19 = Average of 17.66*
Gracie by Gardening Girl – 15+16+15 = Average of 15.33
*In Dark Spaces *by *InsanityStrickenWriter – 20+19+16 = Average of 18.33*
Laughing in the Dark by Ravensty – 14+17+15= Average of 15.33



And here are the judge’s comments and scores.
See you next round!

*LIKE A FOX’S SCORES*

*Creation by Terry D*
Haha. Whaaaaaat? Oh man, you drew me in so much, into this almost Fantasia-esque-Mickey and the evil wizard dude- kinda place. And then you give me popcorn. I’m trying to decide if I like that. I think I do. All the bravado, all the melodrama, whittled into a punch line. I expected that with a last-line prompt, but didn’t expect this. Really good descriptive prose, which is tough for something so grandiose, and especially tough for me to enjoy because my brain usually checks out. But it didn’t. You spelled lightning wrong, (no E). Few weird comma placements in the beginning, but I didn’t notice them as much once I got into the piece. Also didn’t like the ‘Light beyond description’. Sounds like an easy out. You can find one 
Nice job, I enjoyed it.
*SCORE –* *16*

*Iowa by Karl R*
Nice, you went for a little slice’o’life here. 650 words can be all kinds of things, it can cover hours, days, years. I felt like this story almost happened in real time. Took a minute or two to read. And probably took about that long for the gang at the diner to get Terry his Cornflakes. Haha.
I think you could have wrung a little more out of your characters. You definitely showed us a bunch of friendly adults who see plenty of each other, know each other well. I wonder if a little more depth to the characters could have been hinted at. Only actual nit was the word ‘newcomer’. That made it sound as though Terry had never been there before, whereas obviously he had, and until the word ‘newcomer’ came up, that was what I was expecting. It tripped me up.
Thanks for entering, as always. A very easy piece to read.
*SCORE –15.5*

*Untitled by OzzyShiraz*
Wow. That hit the ground running. I just blinked and I was in the middle of it. Your second paragraph was pretty brilliant. I don’t read anywhere near as much as I ought to, and when I read a paragraph like that I remember why writing and reading are so awesome. I loved how the MC talks about wanting to get rid of the girl. I’m glad she makes a reappearance.
Love the ‘What a drag’. Love heaps of this. Love how you incorporated the last line. I really liked this prompt, liked seeing how people interpreted it to get to the same place, and this one is particularly well done. Great job.
*SCORE -- 18*

*Kamuda Youth by Kyle Colorado*
I’m not sure if you’ll think this is cool or terrible, but I read this out loud to my little sister in a really ridiculous Jamaican/Mexican accent (I realise those two don’t go together). It was a fun one to read out loud. Heaps of drama and action. Lots of ‘noise’ and atmosphere.
I like the world you created. I always think that’s pretty amazing in so few words.
The whole thing was dramatic but I only felt you spilled into melodrama once or twice. The even the sky is submerged in tears, She’s drowning the world bit. I don’t know. I don’t think tears are easy to empathise with. And you want your readers feeling what she’s feeling. I’d go for a heavy head, an aching chest. Your reader can feel those things.
Nice entry. Another great take on the prompt.
*SCORE –17.5*


*Which side are you on? by Bazz Cargo*
So, hopefully I’ve gotten this right and our main characters are a bunch of ghosts and the guy with the mobile phone at the end who joins them is the transvestite who just died? I kinda like that, the bored ghosts, waiting for more deaths. The funeral service was cool too. Always like that something-different thing.
A few nits. I would’ve had a capital letter for the T in– “Why do we come here? *T*here’s never any signal.”
The MCs are a little bit unlikeable which is a shame, maybe you could expand this by 50-100 words and warm us to one of them in particular a little more. I think it would add a lot to the story.
Anyway, thanks for entering. A very cool idea.
*No SCORE – Judge’s entry*

*The Scientists in the States by Baba Yaga*
Loved the voice in this. Not totally sure I got what the MC was starting. A body farm? Didn’t really matter, didn’t really affect my enjoyment. I like the stuff about the States. Almost envy. The title is really great too. You used the word flipping at least three times. Part of me didn’t mind at all, another part of me thought that that’s quite repetitive for less than 650 words. Though it added to her voice. Plus the word flipping seems to be a replacement for a swear word which says a lot about the character. My Nanna used to say sugar instead of the other sh word. 
Thanks for this entry. Really great voice.
*SCORE -- 16.5*

*Treasures by Sunny*
This was very well-written. Easy story to read, and crisp, clean images. Your main character is easy to listen to, if a little predictable. The flirtatious playboy character is a fun one to write too, and you did that really well. Made him sort of effortlessly likeable.
I felt the story lost direction at the end. It’s only a short work but you start with the intro about treasure, I felt even a cheesy line from him about her being his treasure would tie it all up. I’m a fan of tying things up in that almost too-neat way, but I have a feeling you would be too. The romance side sort of stole the other storyline and I don’t think it needs to have if you can bring us back to the start, at the end.
Good entry. Thanks for playing.
*SCORE -- 17*

*Days Gone Way Past Woe by ppsage*
I couldn’t quite get a grasp on the setting here, but it helped if I thought of it like a rec room in a psych ward. A little bit one flew over the cuckoo’s nest. I liked your characters, the poetic physical descriptions. ‘The two geezers rub spare tyres there and poke at it.’ As always happens to me, when I read something by you, I got lost. I think the similies and metaphors start to overtake what’s happening in reality, and we delve into the imaginations of the characters, which works well with my whole psych ward thing. I read it twice, (while I read all the other entries once) and still am not totally sure that the reality-based conflict is that begs the final line. I notice you didn’t use the lne verbatim, and I had thought that if I were entering this competition, I too would want to be able to manipulate the voice of it, however I don’t think that is strictly adhering to the prompt. No big deal. I might just minus a point, mostly because everyone else stuck to the wording of the line exactly.
As always, an interesting and challenging read. Thanks for entering, pp.
*SCORE – 15*

*Gracie by Gardening Girl*
I love the subject matter of this story, and thought the prompt was used particularly well. I think some people struggled to fit the ‘voice’ of the last line with their character, but I definitely believed George would say it just like that. The voice slipped a bit in other parts of the story. I thought the use of ‘for sure’ seemed a bit young for him where the word ‘certainly’ might have worked better. Also the choice of tense was weird. It read like past tense but you put some of it in present tense. I think it would all read a lot smoother if it was in past tense. The second half with Jim was smoother than the first half. He was a rich character. Sometimes the reiteration of Gracie not being there felt unnecessary. Loss, I think, can be portrayed with a bit of less is more.
Nice entry. You created a nice character here and really did well with the prompt. Thank you for entering.
*SCORE --15*

*In Dark Spaces by InsanityStrickenWriter*
Oh, wow. What an excellent entry. That was so well-written, clever, speedy to get through. In the first few lines I thought you might be going to a really dark place, thought maybe we had some fantastical take on depression or suicide (and maybe that’s what zombies are). But I’m glad it became a zombie story. I loved the ending too. Actually halfway through the story I thought ‘Oh the ending is going to be so expected,’ and then you brought in the boyfriend and I wasn’t expecting that at all. Loved this, it was an absolute breeze. Thank you for entering!
*SCORE -- 20*

*Laughing in the Dark by Ravensty*
Interesting entry you have here. I love a mostly dialogue piece and you did a pretty good job of distinguishing between the two voices. The use of present tense was well done too. Perfect choice for this story, kept it suspenseful.
I have a major peeve with ellipses and I think most of the ones you used (if not all) could go. I think they sort of cheapen writing, especially if overused. ‘more wilder’ is grammatically incorrect. It’s just wilder or more wild. Further down in Clement’s dialogue he says “you seen them, haven’t you?”. ‘You seen’ is incorrect too. You’ve seen is correct. Being dialogue it doesn’t really matter, I know plenty of people who say that wrong. But just so long as it was intentional. Clement’s character didn’t seem to speak poorly otherwise. I also found the movements of Clement not quite fitting. I don’t think Demure and slumps/scoots complement each other perfectly.
A fun take on the prompt. It’s a strong piece you’ve got, just could use a bit of an edit.
Thanks for playing.
*SCORE -- 14*


*BAZZ CARGO’S SCORES*

*Creation by Terry D.*
3/5 - Predominantly correct. Minor errors.
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style
8-10 points. Effect: |Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 16/20*

Highly entertaining, I enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek element. This would make a great advertisement. Clever scene setting, nice touches in the descriptions and a worthy groan at the twist. Mary Shelley would be pleased her work is still being referenced today.
You deserve a better score.
Why put the opening sentence inside speech quotation marks? Try Italicizing thoughts.
_Canvass_ is not the same as canvas.

_Outside a storm raged, slashing at stone walls with blades of rain, hammering with mauls of thunder, but inside there was only the soft hiss of torches, the scraping of boots against stone as the man's assistant moved from one machine to another checking connections and setting dials. “Will it work?”_
Picture perfect.

Thanks for a great read.

* * *

*Iowa by KarlR.*
4/5 - Grammatically flawless writing.
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.
9-10 points. Effect: |Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 17/20*

I was there. You write a scene beautifully, layering hints at character and emotional complexity, nice descriptions, snappy dialogue, really bad pun.
“_Morning, Donna,” he said, looking under the brim of his ancient John Deere cap. _
Did he find her there?
_Townshend _
You are perfectly at liberty to write any name you wish, but is the h supposed to be there? It is a tad distracting.
A classic slice of everyday life rendered in an entertaining way. Great characters, Nice references to familiar things. Beneath the hood of this is some clever work. Loved the theme tie-in, always was a sucker for a pun.
Thank you for a remarkable read.

* * *

*Untitled by OzzyShiraz*
3/5 - Predominantly correct. Minor errors.
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.
Effect | 8-10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 16/20*

You threw everything into the mood: the weather, his addictions, relationship failure, and what reads like depression. The blend is very strong. The picture held my attention. There are some excellent touches of almost poetic prose.
“_Nothing of today deserves to last!” I thought, “It's all nonsense and blubber.”_
Personally I would lose the speech marks and italicize the inner thought dialogue.
_The 'drops _
What does the apostrophe signify?
_The hour of my appointment drew near, came upon me, cracked my guilty-bone a few times with its elbow, and took its leave without me. Another missed appointment with Life, with productivity that disappeared like the nicotine buzz after a few strong drags. What a drag._
What appointment? It sort of hangs there, nicely written but puzzling.
I was going to give some examples of what I liked, but it turns out I'd have to put all of it down.
Very strong writing, lovely tie-in with the prompt.

Thank you for a great read.
* * *

*Kamuda Youth by KyleColorado.*
4/5 - Grammatically flawless writing.
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.
Effect |9-10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 17/20*

A lovely slice of sci fi. Nice transition from present to past tense. The sense of urgency is portrayed well, I was pulled along by the breathlessness of it all. You referenced a lot of things without any explanation, just using stock sci fi clichés. A clever technique when presenting a story in such a small amount of words. It does cut back dramatically on originality though.
_To die for your planet is an honor. _
Yup!
“_No!” she sobs. “you're not doing this! I won't let you!” There's water everywhere she looks. Even the sky is submerged in tears_
Nice turn of phrase. This is a strong, well crafted piece of writing.
A great pleasure to read.

***

*The Scientists In The States By Babayaga.*
5/5 - Competent manipulation of sentence structure, creative use of punctuation and effective paragraph composition.
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.
Effect | 9-10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 18/20*

A nice, twisty, little slice of grim humour. I loved the way you addressed me as if I was there.
A clever and unusual story. This is a rare occasion when I am struck dumb by how good something is.
_And there's nothing out here either, it's like the landscape is bored as well. Too bored to even make a mountain, or a nice big lake for swimming._
You have been to East Anglia.
Nice tie in with the prompt.
Thanks for a nice read.

* * *

*Treasures by Sunny*
3/5 - Predominantly correct. Minor errors.
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.
Effect | 9/10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 16/20*

You deserve a higher score.
This was simple, evocative, fun to read and frustrating that Jessie didn't have the guts to fire her team for being on the job and not doing their jobs.
_It was a beautiful day, Jessie thought. Sunlight sprayed through the water in rays._
Nice imagery. Personally I would put introspective thoughts in italics.
_Ay. _Aye.
Nice tie in with the prompt. Lovely. One of my favourites.
Thanks for a great read.

* * *

*Days Gone Way Past Woe by ppsage.*
5/5 - Competent manipulation of sentence structure, creative use of punctuation and effective paragraph composition.
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.
Effect | 9-10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 19/20 *

You have a unique and delightful way of challenging me as a reader. I'm a shallow person so nearly always the effort of digging out the meaning behind the style would put me off, yet you drag me in. I still don't have all the jigsaw of story assembled, perhaps I never will, yet it does not matter.
_the way vampire seeds sprout in fresh and warm blood._
Oh to have such a rich, verbal dexterity.
There is so much here to cherish: allusion, parody, mockery, honesty and charm. I try not to resort to metaphor, but in a world of differing stones, it is refreshing to find one so polished by the elements.
salutê

* * *

*Gracie by Gardening Girl *
3/5 - Predominantly correct. Minor errors.
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.
Effect | 9-10 points. originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 16/20*

You deserve a higher score.
Despite the brevity of words you successfully conveyed the loss of a loved one, the shock of being forced out of a comfortable rut, the struggle to find new friends. A touching gift and the prospect of an interesting challenge. You have a talent.
_While it was with some relief when she passed_
While it was a relief when she passed
_He doesn’t much see the point in going on._
Grammatically correct, but a tad clunky. Try, He doesn't really see the point in going on.
_Gracie had done so much for him that he knew he’d struggle alone. _
Gracie had done so much for him and he knew he’d struggle alone.
_hard to uproot himself_
Loved it.
I'm glad you put this in to the challenge, it gave me a good feeling.
Loved the tie in to the theme.
Loved the story.
Thank you.


** *

*In Dark Spaces by InsanityStrickenWriter*
4/5 - Grammatically flawless writing.
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.
Effect | 10-10 Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 19/20*

A grim fairytale. A dark mirror held up to life, with sharp observational humour stabbing at conventionality. Hammer would be proud of this.
_Jess, he whimpered.
She reached for the carving knife. At last, some life in this place._
Loved the tie in.
You have written this in such a spare style there is nothing pick out, only everything.
Cracking read.
Thank you.

* * *

*Laughing In The Dark by Ravensty*
4/5 - Grammatically flawless writing.
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.
Effect | 9-10 points. Originality, conceptual interest, effectiveness of imagery, emotional evocativeness and, of course, creative interpretation of the theme.
*Total 17/20*

Very strong stuff. Stark and brutal with a hint of humour. In such a small space you have packed a hell of a punch. A classic situation given a good working over.
“_Oh most definitely, Clement, my sarcasm is my charm…; I don’t go anywhere without it!”_
A treat.
Three smirks and a smirking in one paragraph could be considered a tad excessive.
You might consider line-breaking paragraphs and dialogue to help old farts like me read more easily.
A great read.
I'm glad you put this in the LM

***



*HAWKE’S SCORES*

*Terry D - Creation - 16*
I read this hoping for some kind of twist, and there was. Sure didn’t see that particular one coming. Funny! Even though well written and with Frankenstein in public domain (with the exception of the neck bolts), this work disappointed me in that the bulk was ready-made and so didn’t have the_ Wow!_ factor that it might have, had it been all your own. Plus, it’d be a mighty hard sell if you wanted to sub it. Next time, I’d really like to see you ‘let the dog off the chain,' as they say. We both know you’re capable of far better.


*KarlR - Iowa - 17*
Right off the bat (and I’m probably alone in saying this), you top loaded this with too much detail. Maybe my mind wanted a chance to fill in some of the blanks. Maybe not. Whichever, it bothered me because each one kept jarring me out of the work. After that point, the work caught and held me. Good stuff!

I caution against product placement/using trademark products. (Please see: http://www.writingforums.com/writers...rademarks.html Don’t diminish the product, always refer to what the product is, always capitalize.) With those in mind, this story could get you into heap-big trouble. Just saying.


*OzzyShiraz - Untitled - 16*
Title, please.
I’m a fan of long sentences, but like all things, even they need to be in moderation. Perhaps break a few down for the read’s sake. It’s your choice though, of course, just as it’s your choice to keep or nix the “If I were a prize fighter they’d call me Gaseous Clay, and I’d be undefeated” line. This work is a little too Debbie Downer for me. Good writing though. Thank you for the read.


*KyleColorado - Kamuda Youth - 17*
One quibble. Quan is knocked back, she continues forward, Quan is still stabbing the Roglan’s eye when she arrives. Huh?

This was a pretty neat read. No massive surprises, but there’s nothing at all wrong with that. I like what you did with the small word count. Thank you for the read.


*bazz cargo - Which Side Are You On? - N/A - Judge*
Nit: usual thing, suffered from boredom. (emdash or colon); … here? there's = … here? There’s; … , he had a mobile phone in his hand = … , a mobile phone in his hand

This was neat. Had to back up to get it, mind you… and why all the big words? Stop that.

Would you believe me if I told you that earlier today, before reading this, I got a chill and said, “Someone’s dancing on my grave”? Good stuff. Thank you for the read.


*BabaYaga - The Scientists in the States - 18*
Nits: A couple of missing words. For single character dialogue broken into paragraphs with no dialogue tags, quotation marks should be present at the beginning of each paragraph (to show that it’s dialogue) and absent at the end to denote a continuation of that character’s dialogue into the next paragraph, with the final dialogue paragraph having both beginning and ending quotation marks. (Clear as mud, right?)

Creepy (which is right up my alley), and your pacing was great. Loved it. Kudos.


*Sunny - Treasures - 16*
Hi, Sunny. Good job. So, were there any sharks in the water? Just asking. *innocent* Thank you for the read.


*ppsage - Days Gone Way Past Woe - 19 *
Boy, do you ever have some gems in there! Nice. And a very nice read as well. I enjoyed it. Kudos.


*Gardening Girl - Gracie - 15*
Nit: Be careful of your tenses.

I liked that the man found a plant, and a friend. Retirement homes and losing loved ones—they’re sad to think about, never mind having to someday face. Unless I go first, that is. Thank you for the read.


*InsanityStrickenWriter - In Dark Spaces - 16*
Nit: In amidst one of the dark spaces beneath the world = This doesn’t read right to me. Perhaps In the midst of… or just In one of the… or even Amid(st) one…; bells sound = bell sounds (‘it’ being one bell)

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, eh? And talk about holding a grudge! Two years? Wow. A neat read, this. I wonder if the ending shouldn’t be a warning to men, that what they do could come back to “haunt” them. But maybe that's the thing - the ex boyfriend part felt a little tacked on to me. Reaching, almost, since he came out of nowhere. Thank you for the read.


*ravensty - Laughing in the Dark - 15*
Nits: Missing a lot of commas (and that’s rare for me to say!); space after ellipses; watch tenses and punctuation; give way = gives way; Looks = Look

Sadly, I knew where this was going and how it would get there as soon as I started reading it. Not that it‘s wrong, but it does make it a touch disappointing. In competition, the one thing you don’t want your work to be is predictable. Coming up with a plot that others might not use or finding a way to say it differently than someone else is one way to make your work stand out among many. Do you know what I mean? Thank you for the read.


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## Kyle R (Feb 23, 2012)

Congrats, InsanityStrickenWriter! And to you too, ppsage and BeebuYoogee!

ISW, your piece best of all resembles your name. What a crazy creative story! I had to resist my temptation to hit the "Like" button on your post when I read it, as I remember being warned not to do so as it would be considered influencing the judges. But I did thoroughly enjoy yours. It also made me, oddly hungry.

I also enjoy reading all the other entries. Everyone had a unique take on the prompt, and equally unique, and impressive, writing styles! Great collection of flash fiction. My hat is tipped to you, ravensty, karl, terry, snoofoo, gardening girl, and ozzy!


In response to my critiques:

Like A Fox - Would you believe it if I told you that I actually wrote this with a Jamaican accent, and read it aloud the same way? Seriously. Because if you believe that, then you're totally gullible. Lol. But I laughed when you said you did that. How hilarious! I'm no good at Sci Fi (terrible at it, actually!) so I wanted to give it a try here. It was a bit over the top but I was in an over the top mood when I wrote it. Thanks for the suggestions and the fun critique. Cheers!

Bazz Cargo - I don't know or read too much sci fi so I'm not aware of what's cliche and what's not. Though, after writing this I went on to read the Hunger Games and found, curiously, a very similar scenario, (16 year old thrust into combat to die) and responded by slapping my forehead. 650 words is quite hard for me to manage, I originally wrote this out in about 2,000 words, and the only way to narrow it down was to snip onto the most vivid moments. Curiously enough those moments also seemed the most cliche. Lol. But thank you for reading and the nice critique!

Hawke - It was meant to show Quan being gored/speared by the creature, knocking him back as they ran forward, while Bylsa was lost in her thoughts. Then she had to stop, turn around, and run back to him, and when she arrived, he was pinned under the creature, still stabbing it in the eye to kill it (even though it was already dead at that point). The word count gave me problems with that, which started out as several paragraphs, but I tried to narrow it down into one sentence. Lol. Thank you for the feedback and for reading.


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## BabaYaga (Feb 24, 2012)

Congrats PP and ISW! Thanks as always to the hard-working judges. 

LA Fox- Yes, it was a body farm  I know I used the word 'flipping' a lot. I also used 'like', like a whole buncha times to hopefully illustrate the character's vocab. Glad you liked the voice, I actually really enjoyed writing in it and might try to expand this into something longer. 

Bazz- Thanks so much for the flattery! Pleased you enjoyed my little trip into weirdsville, I'm starting to really enjoy writing stuff that's set locally and I'm glad you liked it  

Hawke- Doh, doh, doh. I need to kidnap a proof reader and keep her in a pit in my home. Thanks for picking up the nits, I haven't altered anything on the competition entry (seems against the spirit of the thing), but found the sentence cavities to which you refer and fixed them up on my master document. Also added in all those quotation marks, thanks for the tip!


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## Terry D (Feb 24, 2012)

Many thanks to the judges.  Your time and honesty are very much appreciated.  This was my first entry into LM forum, but be warned, it will not be my last:icon_cyclops_ani:.  Congratulations to the winners -- very well done!


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## KarlR (Feb 24, 2012)

Big congratulatios to ISW, ppsage and Baba Yaga!  Another fun-flash competition hilights the talent on the Forums.

Well done  to one and all!

(Note to Hawke:  Sorry about the infringement.  I wasn't sure how many of the worlds' audience members would get the reference--won't happen again.)


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## Gardening Girl (Feb 24, 2012)

Thanks so much to the judges for their effort and time which is much appreciated.  Congratulations to the winners and also to all participants.


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## bazz cargo (Feb 24, 2012)

Congratulations: ISW, PP, and Baba,
And everyone else. Stunning stuff.


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## ppsage (Feb 24, 2012)

Dang, that was a bit too close! Could a been like the Red Sox giving up the second longest losing streak in the history of baseball to win a couple lousy world series. They had a chance at triple digits and now they've had to start over. Still insanity maintains quite a safe margin and deserves the prize as do all that contribute. Where's the next windmill?


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## Rusty Nail (Feb 24, 2012)

It was great to see how the participants used the last line in such different and creative ways.  I was amused by KarlR's take on it.  KyleColorado provided a great deal of atmospheric detail in suprisingly few words.  I had no idea what a "body farm" was until after I read BabaYaga's story and I really liked Gardening Girl's story of love, loss and new-found friendship.

I noticed though that two of the judges commented about the rules not being strictly followed (untitled story for one, and modified last line for the other).  As a newcomer to this site, I'd be interested in knowing how much leeway there is for bending the rules.  I imagine that the word limit is strictly enforced.  How much discretion is left to the judges?


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## ppsage (Feb 24, 2012)

Have we ever had a judge with discretion? We should give them all we have, they need it more than we do.


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## bazz cargo (Feb 25, 2012)

> How much discretion is left to the judges?


We are all very discrete...

But seriously.

The LM is primarily an educational tool. It serves to help sharpen writer's skills and helps to develop confidence. The judging is less hard-ass and more 'how a reader would perceive what was written.' The one real thing a writer needs is to be understood. Clarity of communication. 

The rules are there to provide a framework that gives the judges a chance to deal with the technical side. Ten times 650 words is a lot of reading, if there was wholesale evasion of the guidelines it would become too difficult to make the LM work.

On a personal note, the LM has helped me learn more about writing than school ever did.

It may seem scary at first. Putting your work up for such a close scrutiny is daunting but once you get past the fear factor it is brilliant!


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## InsanityStrickenWriter (Feb 25, 2012)

Hurray  Congrats to Baba & PP, and thanks to the judges.

I had re-read this story since I posted it an unhealthy amount of times, to the point that all the humour faded and I was left with just the sheer depression of it. Glad the story was enjoyed, but I really need to be more cheerful before I cause someone to order some rope off the internet... I think I heard one of the stores are doing a discount....

LAF- Thanks. I go into phases where I write depression into everything, (regardless of whether or not I'm perfectly fine in real life). It all spawned from the end pun. The original plan was that everyone down there would be incredibly tedious and the main character is relieved to finally find something/someone living to interact with. Instead, it changed to the _food_ being incredibly tedious and so the main character is relieved to finally find something/someone living to _eat_. I'm not even sure if she even had any particular grudge against the man, he'd come looking for her after all. Nope, she was just bored with the food.

Bazz- Glad you enjoyed it. Relieved you saw the humour, some of my latest writing is running the risk of just being plain depressing. Starting to reverse again though.

Hawke- Hmmm. You might be right about amid instead of amidst. They both read fine interchangebly to me so that can't be right.

I'm not sure if she actually did have a grudge, you have to understand how boring bone food is in order to see her point of view, you see. I did have some notions of a slight grudge, (accidently pushed down a well? Unintentionally run over by car?), but he did put in a lot of effort looking for her after all, to the point of ending up on a plate, in fact, so she may have forgiven him. And she didn't _necessarily_ use the knife. The tale conveniently ended at that point. 

About the tacked on bit, funnily enough it's more the other way round, with the story tacked on to the pun of a dead woman having something living suddenly appear in front of her. Though it wasn't originally her boyfriend, and it wasn't originally on a plate.

Kyle- That's the good, wholesome, family goodness (did I say good already?) of soylent green your stomach is rumbling for. I personally have taken to wearing a patch to stem the craving. Thanks


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## Gardening Girl (Mar 3, 2012)

_


Rusty Nail said:



			I noticed though that two of the judges commented about the rules not being strictly followed (untitled story for one, and modified last line for the other).  As a newcomer to this site, I'd be interested in knowing how much leeway there is for bending the rules.  I imagine that the word limit is strictly enforced.  How much discretion is left to the judges?
		
Click to expand...


_I was curious about this too.  Why have rules if they are not enforced and are easily broken without penalty?  Is it fair to those participants who follow the rules when others clearly do not?  There were at least three violations in this contest. And if the rules are not rules at all, maybe they should be renamed “guidelines” or abolished completely. 

If this was a ‘real’ contest, the entries with (a) no title, (b) an incorrect prompt line and (c) an edit after the 10-minute rule almost certainly would have been disqualified.  

To quote the Challenge rules: “You can no longer edit your entry after posting. There will be a 10-minute grace period, if you want to go in there and edit a typo or something, but really, you should approach this as if you were submitting your work to be published and paid for.”   And: “All submissions must be titled.”.

Several participants in the last contest were disqualified for posting in the wrong thread, so clearly rules were being followed in that case.

Are these contests simply for fun, or is the idea that it is practice for the real publishing world?  If the latter is the case, surely enforcing and abiding by the rules will only help writers.  

So when is a rule not a rule?  And are rules written to be broken?


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## Jon M (Mar 3, 2012)

Gardening Girl said:


> Are these contests simply for fun


This



> or is the idea that it is practice for the real publishing world?


and sometimes this.

Personally, I never like to see anyone disqualified if they have at least written something for the prompt and are mindful of the wordcount.

BUT -- if someone doesn't post a link to their Workshop entry, then there is a good chance it will be missed.


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## Like a Fox (Mar 3, 2012)

Just to elaborate on what John's said, this competition, as far as I've always understood it, is somewhere in the middle of both of those things. There was a time when people would post an entry, delete it, come back later and post a different one. Be forever re-reading and changing words. So I introduced the ten minute grace period to try to minimize that happening because in a professional atmosphere, there's no way that would fly. As for the title, that's not a rule and never has been. It's certainly preferable but not a rule. It shouldn't be written in the challenge thread like that,I'll see about amending it for the next. As for the take on the prompt, it was never spelled out that it had to be used verbatim. It probably should have been but because it wasn't I made the decision not to disqualify on those grounds.[FONT=Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]
Not putting an entry in the right thread means the judges can't find your entry when it's time to score. Last round a number of the judges didn't find those entries, had it been only one judge, I probably would have asked them to look again. My philosophy is that I want this to be fun and inclusive so I'm never setting out to see people disqualified and I rarely do it. Usually these days if someone has taken over ten minutes to do an edit, they have talked to me in private about it. We're hard on word count and we're hard on being able to find the story. The use of the prompt really changes with each challenge. 

So the story should be the same length as (or shorter than) everyone elae's, it should be easy to find, and you should edit it thoroughly before you post it so there is no need to edit once it's up. After that the originality of the idea and the overall execution of the story is on you. And that's really what we'd rather be giving the score for.[/FONT]


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## bazz cargo (Mar 3, 2012)

Emotively written. 


> So when is a rule not a rule?  And are rules written to be broken?


There is the golden rule. She who has the gold makes the rules.

Writers have to learn things. Spelling, punctuation, grammar, tenses, and so on. They also need an imagination and drive to tell stories. You learn by doing. You gain by practice. The LM is a step on the way. An educational tool. Like all tools it can be misused. 

Winning is nice but improving is better. Bending the rules is a temptation for all writers, for there lurks a rebellious streak in all of us. Bending them gains nothing.  

A winners trophy won by cheating is a mark of personal failure.(Seb Coe).

The LM is your chance to practice the craft of writing.  Work at it, become great.


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