# Rusty Hinges



## PiP (Dec 10, 2019)

Revision 

Knees creak 
like rusty hinges 
on an old barn door
as it catches the breeze.

No WD40 quick fix oil
will persuade
 these time-weathered knees
they are younger.

Maybe, new hinges are needed.

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Knees creak wearily
like rusty hinges on old barn doors
as they catch the breeze.
No WD40 quick fix oil
will persuade these time-weathered knees
they are thirty,
 or even ten years younger.

Maybe, new hinges are needed.


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## Phil Istine (Dec 10, 2019)

PiP said:


> Knees creak wearily
> like rusty hinges on old barn doors
> as they catch the breeze.
> No WD40 quick fix oil
> ...



I'm guessing this is personal.
I think the simile is apt.  I think the "wearily" is redundant as you bring that feeling into the poem with your other wording such as creak, rusty, and old.
I'm wondering if the "barn doors..." could be a single "barn door that catches the breeze."  It could even imply that one of the doors is hanging off.
I'm not sure if WD40 is a universal term, but you do say what it is, but I'm thinking that maybe WD40 can be dropped and simply use "quick fix oil".  Maybe even "no squirt of 3-in-1", but maybe 3-in-1 isn't universal either, although "squirt" would heavily imply that it's a type of oil.
Could "time-weathered" become plain "weathered" as you have already given enough to show that they've been around a while?
"... or even ten years younger" pulls me out of the poem a bit, but there are ways of adjusting it if so-minded.

It's a decent commentary on how ageing affects many people and the swivel motions of both knees and hinges have enough similarity for the simile to work well.

Thanks for sharing it.


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## escorial (Dec 10, 2019)

Like the metaphor of mechanical about the bones...it kind of lightens up a heavy subject...


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## PiP (Dec 10, 2019)

Phil Istine said:


> I'm guessing this is personal.



Yes, unfortunately. 


> I think the simile is apt.  I think the "wearily" is redundant as you bring that feeling into the poem with your other wording such as creak, rusty, and old.
> I'm wondering if the "barn doors..." could be a single "barn door that catches the breeze."  It could even imply that one of the doors is hanging off.



I originally wrote barn door then edited to doors. I'll change it back.




> I'm not sure if WD40 is a universal term, but you do say what it is, but I'm thinking that maybe WD40 can be dropped and simply use "quick fix oil".  Maybe even "no squirt of 3-in-1", but maybe 3-in-1 isn't universal either, although "squirt" would heavily imply that it's a type of oil.



WD40 is universal and was developed in the US
https://www.wd40.com/history/
I remember watching a TV program on how and why it was developed 
I often joke with my Portuguese physio that I wish WD40 would cure creaky knees so I do think it is very well known the same as sellotape.




> Could "time-weathered" become plain "weathered" as you have already given enough to show that they've been around a while?
> "... or even ten years younger" pulls me out of the poem a bit, but there are ways of adjusting it if so-minded.



haha.. You are right ... but time-weathered is one of my 'darlings' so I'm not sure I can part with it just yet 



> It's a decent commentary on how ageing affects many people and the swivel motions of both knees and hinges have enough similarity for the simile to work well.



Yep, my knees are as reluctant to bend as a rusty hinge.

I am now thinking this line should include reluctant
_like reluctant rusty hinges on old barn doors
_


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## Darren White (Dec 12, 2019)

PiP said:


> Knees creak wearily
> like rusty hinges on old barn doors
> as they catch the breeze.
> No WD40 quick fix oil
> ...



I agree with Phil on the 'wearily'. I think you should make the poem even shorter, because without explaining it is very clear what you are writing about. Above I made red what I think is redundant.


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## PiP (Dec 12, 2019)

thanks, Darren. I've made some changes.

I've kept the 'maybe' as there is no decision re new hinges. The decision also hangs in the breeze.


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## Pelwrath (Dec 14, 2019)

PiP said:


> Revision
> 
> Knees creak
> like rusty hinges
> ...



What if you did this?

Rusty hinges and barn doors
creaky knees, both feel the breeze
WD40 can’t fix time
New hinges might be needed.

A really nice poem and an all too real allegory.  Thanks for sharing.


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## Pulse (Dec 17, 2019)

The revision emphasises a point of no return (without surgery anyhow).


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## ned (Dec 20, 2019)

hello - long time no chat

like this poem  - but you are dropping the analogy before the metaphor.....!

Knees creaking
are rusty hinges 
of an old barn door
catching the breeze.

keep it metaphorical.......

enjoyed the read


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## PiP (Dec 21, 2019)

ned said:


> hello - long time no chat



Hello, Ned. Great to see you on the poetry boards! Have you seen the new Nuts and Bolts poetry discussion forum?



> like this poem  - but you are dropping the analogy before the metaphor.....!



I am not quite sue what you mean by this. Please can you expand?


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## ned (Dec 22, 2019)

PiP said:


> I am not quite sue what you mean by this. Please can you expand?



I'll probably expand over Christmas!

The thing is....the knee joint is a sort of hinge....so is obviously analogous to a door hinge.
so, no need for like - the metaphor is in the rustiness. 

for fun, swapping things around.....

Knees creak wearily
like old barn doors
as they catch the breeze.

No WD40 quick-fix
will persuade these rusty hinges
they are thirty,
or even ten years younger.


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## Greg William (Dec 24, 2019)

Pretty interesting take on the concept of old age. It at least seems like that's what this was about.


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