# Yet Still They Count Their Sheep (villanelle)



## aj47 (May 19, 2017)

I haunt the tossing dreamers, their dreams are mine to keep.
I revel in their nightmares—the ones they never tell.
They know I'm always waiting, yet still they count their sheep.

I own the hours of darkness—the hours they are asleep.
Whenever they are dreaming, they fall within my spell.
I haunt the tossing dreamers, their dreams are mine to keep.

My reach extends forever—my powers vast and deep.
The seeds are being planted—their fear begins to swell
They know I'm always waiting, yet still they count their sheep.

The flowers of their terror are what my scythe shall reap.
The blade incises deeper where inner terrors dwell.
I haunt the tossing dreamers, their dreams are mine to keep.

They cannot cry for mercy nor make even a peep—
not that they'd find my presence so easy to dispel.
They know I'm always waiting, yet still they count their sheep.

My tortures are exquisite—enough to make them weep.
I am their dark reflection, they know this all too well.
I haunt the tossing dreamers, their dreams are mine to keep.
They know I'm always waiting, yet still they count their sheep.


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## Firemajic (May 19, 2017)

This checked off every box in my mental poem wish list...OOOoo, forget fabulous, this went straight to sublime... dark, moody, with a portent of doom... the refraining line is perfect, like a bell tolling, proclaiming disaster.... annie! you are full of delicious surprises.... I am blown away! Your skills as a wordsmith are clearly showcased in the lines of this poem... " The flowers of their terror--that's what my scythe will reap" ..... mumm hummm....


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## Bloggsworth (May 19, 2017)

First class.


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## Bard_Daniel (May 19, 2017)

Very nice astro. One of my favorites by you yet.


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## sas (May 20, 2017)

So impressive. I cannot do these well and have given up. I think they take much discipline and perhaps a mathematical brain. I know you are a musician and both are related. Applause on your work.

Of course, I always look to see what I might suggest. Often it's a brain exercise for me, more than help to another. Anyway, this is how I might have seen a different line construction:

I own the hours of darkness—*the hours that they sleep.
*
The flowers of their terror—*are what* my scythe shall reap.

On following, I was trying to eliminate adverb and felt "into" was correct word. Hmmm.

The blade incises *deeper into* *places* nightmares dwell.


Maybe someday I can write these. Hope so, and hope I was a little bit helpful.  sas


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## jenthepen (May 20, 2017)

Moody and deliciously smooth. Well done!


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## -xXx- (May 20, 2017)

astroannie said:


> They know I'm always waiting, yet still they count their sheep.
> 
> I am their dark reflection, they know this all too well.


numbers.
they're everywhere.


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## aj47 (May 20, 2017)

Today is one of my busier days -- will probably look at this Monday and tweak on it.  Thanks all for the kinds words and the *Like*​s.


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## C.Gholy (May 21, 2017)

Nice one.


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## aj47 (May 23, 2017)

sas said:


> So impressive. I cannot do these well and have given up. I think they take much discipline and perhaps a mathematical brain. I know you are a musician and both are related. Applause on your work.
> 
> Of course, I always look to see what I might suggest. Often it's a brain exercise for me, more than help to another. Anyway, this is how I might have seen a different line construction:
> 
> I own the hours of darkness—*the hours that they sleep.*


*
*cadence



> The flowers of their terror—*are what* my scythe shall reap.
> 
> On following, I was trying to eliminate adverb and felt "into" was correct word. Hmmm.
> 
> The blade incises *deeper into* *places* nightmares dwell.



Changed it differently.


> Maybe someday I can write these. Hope so, and hope I was a little bit helpful.  sas



They are like music in many ways... cadence and rhyme.  Thank you much.


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## Darren White (May 24, 2017)

I am totally in love with this villanelle. The cesura runs almost through all lines and reminds me of the original Arabic Qasida (not the English version), which is also closely related to music. Absolutely beautiful!!!


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## aj47 (May 24, 2017)

I'd thank you twice if I could.  If you have time, tell me more or link me to an easily accessible source....I'm not familiar much with Arabic anything and I'm curious.


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## Darren White (May 24, 2017)

astroannie said:


> I'd thank you twice if I could.  If you have time, tell me more or link me to an easily accessible source....I'm not familiar much with Arabic anything and I'm curious.


I could tell you a whole lot, but I don't exactly know where to start. 
Once you get me started I am unstoppable, and you really don't want that. 
So I am asking you the question first: Do you want to know about meter, about poets, or would you like to read translations of poems?


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## aj47 (May 24, 2017)

Darren White said:


> I am totally in love with this villanelle. The cesura runs almost through all lines and reminds me of the original Arabic Qasida (not the English version), which is also closely related to music. Absolutely beautiful!!!



I want to know an example of what this reminds you of.  A translation, please. lol.  And the music it's related to.  I do music, a bit -- I'm saving up for a guitar of my own and am using a loaner.  Links would be helpful.  



Darren White said:


> I could tell you a whole lot, but I don't exactly know where to start.
> Once you get me started I am unstoppable, and you really don't want that.
> So I am asking you the question first: Do you want to know about meter, about poets, or would you like to read translations of poems?



The idea that you would tell me about meter intrigues me.  Although I can replicate/mimic rhythms, I can't .... percuss in time to music accurately.  I own a Very Nice Tambourine but I keep it locked up because I'm a public nuisance with it.  The mimicry comes from my early infatuation with parody--I could rework songs and keep all the subtleties.  One of my proudest achievements was "Enter Wagner" a parody of Metallica's "Enter Sandman" for the closing pitcher Billy Wagner, who used the Metallica song as his theme music.  

So here we are then:  Meter, Music, what this reminds you of--examples.


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## Darren White (May 24, 2017)

I wrote a reply, my PC got a hickup... I lost it.....
I am not going to try again tonight, but I promise to make a decent document once I get my scattered thoughts under control.
I am sorry


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## Darren White (Jun 1, 2017)

(I hope the languages in my reply survive, if not I will send you my reply in a different way, annie). 

Contrary to what we are used to in western poetry, some cultures don’t uses stress (or accent) to determine meter. Arabic poetry for instance weighs the length of the syllable. This is the distinction between qualitative (western) and quantitative (arabic) meter. (We will not address here syllable-based languages like French and Chinese)

The characteristic traditional Arabic poetry is formed by lines (called bayt = home, house), divided in two halves ,one of which is called the sadr (صَدْر) (literally "chest") and the other which is called the ʿajuz (عَجُز) (literally "belly"). 

The count of syllables in the lines it not weighed by stress, but by long and short syllables:
Example:
Western:       u –    –  u       –        –  –         u – –         u  –  u – (u is a short syllable, – is a long syllable)
Verse:          Qifā  nabki    min     ḏikrā      ḥabībin     wa-manzili
Mnemonic:  fa`ūlun  mafā`īlun  fa`ūlun  mafā`ilun

It is difficult to explain, but the mnemonic doesn’t care for words, it only cares for the counting and order of the syllables, regardless of word endings.

Now to your villanelle and why it reminded me of lines from an Arabic Qasida.
The lines are, with a few exceptions, divided in two halves
The rhyme resembles the almost monorhyme of a Qasida
So as you maybe understand, it wasn’t so much the content of your villanelle, as the form that reminded me of the Qasida

I’ll end with a line of poetry in Arabic, which will hopefully show you what I mean. The :: is more or less the comma in your lines. The sentences read from right to left, every sentence ending in the monorhyme  ل   -Lu

وَلِي دُونَكُمْ أَهْلُونَ سِيدٌ عَمَلَّسٌ.....::    وَأَرْقَطُ زُهْلُولٌ وَعَرْفَلءُ جَيْأَلُ
هُمُ ٱْﻷهْلُ َﻻ مُسْتَوْدَعُ ٱلسِّرِّ ذَائعٌ ....::    لَدَيْهِمْ وَﻻَ ٱلْجَانِي جَِا جَرَّ يُخْذَلُ
وَكُلٌّ أَبِيٌّ بَاسِلٌ غَيْرَ أَنَّبِي .............::   إِذَا عَرَضَتْ أُولَى ٱلطَّرَائِدِ أَنْسَلُ​


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