# What Blackens the Crows, In Man



## MattDavies (Aug 19, 2016)

The crows, nestled in the dense veins of yew,
Encumbered by a thought. The shutting of their skulls
Latching the cell together. Lost as they are in the thick of forest
They play hostage. A potent traveller, the thought that
Blackens the wings, breaks the body, rots the fruit that lies bare
Whistling their misfortunes to earth. Feathers fully empty
Flung together, even the trees are
Windswept, tugged down by bombarding rock, their bark
Broken, such is the thought.

Then that thought clasps the mind of Man,
And Man hacks birdsong rough by the root, tacks the crows’ hearts
Grounded to dirt, and bares the thought to a barren bleakness
Blistering with weight, spun to his rites, rubbing the surface.
A sour puckering of earth peels off Man’s beaked brick,
The charred wickedness of that performance
Gaping wide open, the mask of bone,

The act that
Dragged Man by heel off Earth.


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## Galivanting (Aug 19, 2016)

typically poems with every line capitalized is more of a case of the publisher being bad at publishing poetry and not a stylistic choice. this really distracts me when reading poetry because it causes hard line breaks where it really doesnt feel like you want that. perhaps give it a look with the capitalization taken away and see how you like it. if you truly do want the breaks to cause a pause, and its a stylistic choice, you really have to make sure each line ends on a punch. only three lines dont, the two that end in "that" and the one that ends in "are"

as for the content itself... the title is great even though there seems to be an errant comma. love it. the poem feels like its skirting around something and makes things very intriguing digging for "the point".... "A sour puckering of earth peels off Man’s beaked brick," in particular gets my mind just rolling.

good stuff, my nitpicks are just pet peeves more than anything.


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## Sonata (Aug 20, 2016)

I agree with Gallivanting's nitpicks but I did like your poem.

My main nit is that you have obviously copied and pasted it from where you originally wrote it, and when printed it is so very small and difficult to read.

May I please suggest that once transferred to WF you click on "Size" to enlarge the font?  No offence intended.


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## MattDavies (Aug 20, 2016)

Ok, I've made the font bigger. To me it looks too big, and I found the size before easy enough to read, but maybe that was just me.
As for the 'bad publishing' point, unfortunately our opinions are very different here. Every poem I have ever read has been capitalised at the start of the line, to me that's not bad publishing. Birthday Letters, The Colossus, Unexpected Elegies, The Art of War, and so on. These were done by the big name publishers, faber and faber, penguin books, them sorts. Admittedly mainly fandf. It's very normal, by my experience, to have an enjambment where the next line is capitalised. To me that just seems perfectly normal, I hate to disagree but I don't think it breaks up the rhythm at all. I really don't think that's what capitalisation does. If I wanted a break, I would have put one.

If what you say is true though, my opinion has probably came from the fact that most of the texts I have studied were published by fandf, and poetry anthologies in academia have always capitalised the start of the line.
I'm sorry for disagreeing, but to me not capitalising the line would just seem unnatural.


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## Sonata (Aug 20, 2016)

MattDavies said:


> Ok, I've made the font bigger. To me it looks too big, and I found the size before easy enough to read, but maybe that was just me.



Thank you Matt.  The font is not too big as it is now the same size as all other posts.  It really was difficult to read before - some of us do not have perfect eyesight, especially old farts like me.


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## MattDavies (Aug 20, 2016)

Ok, sorry about that. A lot of the books I read tend to use smaller writing. I'll try to be more considerate in the future.

Oh and I've done some quick research. Historically lines have been capitalised, not doing so is a much more modern and typically American trend. So it doesn't have an effect on rhythm the way a comma period or hyphen would. And doesn't cause line breaks. It's simply a formatting choice. So thanks for helping me learn something new guys!


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## escorial (Aug 20, 2016)

so liked the subject matter and the content delivered....cool


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## aj47 (Aug 20, 2016)

The issue with capitalizing every line is readers of contemporary poetry are accustomed to using capitalization as a cue in determining the beginnings of sentences or the identification of proper names.  And, yes, I used to capitalize every line, too.  However, as I began to read more contemporary poetry and less classical stuff, I've become aware of the role capitalization plays and so I make a conscious choice to use it, like punctuation, to help convey my message to my readers.

It is a stylistic choice--make it an aware one.


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## MattDavies (Aug 20, 2016)

I've become more aware of it today, and I see now that some people read capitalisation differently than others.
I respect that, we're all used to different things.
If the capitalisation throws some of you guys off, I apologise for that.
This is the way poetry has been written for thousands of years, and it feels more natural to me, looks more natural to me, and the effect it has on me when I read it is more natural to me too.
So I will continue, for the foreseeable future, to write this way.

Thank you for making me more aware of this.


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## Firemajic (Aug 20, 2016)

MattDavies said:


> I've become more aware of it today, and I see now that some people read capitalisation differently than others.
> I respect that, we're all used to different things.
> If the capitalisation throws some of you guys off, I apologise for that.
> This is the way poetry has been written for thousands of years, and it feels more natural to me, looks more natural to me, and the effect it has on me when I read it is more natural to me too.
> ...





Matt, it is ALWAYS the poet's choice, of course.... and should be respected... However, poetic styles are tools, and one should always use the best tool to get the job done...


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## MattDavies (Aug 20, 2016)

ok, very true, thank you.
For me I think the nature of this poem is much less contemporary, and a more classical style seems more fitting.
In this case I think the tool applied is best for the poem.
Best for the audience? Maybe not.
I'll consider that in future writings.
Thanks for respecting my choice,
Matt


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## Firemajic (Aug 20, 2016)

MattDavies said:


> ok, very true, thank you.
> For me I think the nature of this poem is much less contemporary, and a more classical style seems more fitting.
> In this case I think the tool applied is best for the poem.
> Best for the audience? Maybe not.
> ...


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## ned (Aug 20, 2016)

hello - a good dark and moody poem, that consistently held a strong voice.

although, rather dense in parts and difficult to get one's head round.
some of the word choices seem to be for poetic effect, rather than impact - and the imagery is lost on me.
Feathers fully empty - A sour puckering of earth peels off Man’s beaked brick, - for example

but when it works it is very good - Man hacks birdsong rough by the root - spun to his rites

I read it as a metaphor for dark thoughts - but it was a bit of a stretch in parts.
with the wide vocabulary, interesting language and ideas here, you are definitely on to something
but I would make the imagery more immediately accessible.

cheers 
Ned


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## MattDavies (Aug 20, 2016)

Hey Ned,
thanks, those are some good points. I think I've got a classic issue among writers here, where the imagery seems fine to me, but is less clear to someone else. It could be that what I've imagined and what I've written have a bit of a disconnect here, maybe. There may be another cause though;
here you've said that I've used some lexis for poetic effect rather than impact, I'm not to sure if I see a difference.
Could you distinguish them for me? That would really help, because then I can better understand your advice.

Thanks,
Matt


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## ned (Aug 20, 2016)

ok - I actually said 'seem to be' - which means that's how some of the word-choices came across to me, deliberate or not.

ie - tacks the crows' hearts - has a nice in-rhyme (poetic effect) but has no immediate reference point or imagery, for me.
(so does not impact as the further information/description you are trying to relate).

ie - barren bleakness - has nice alliteration (poetic effect) but bleakness is too abstract to evoke a feeling or imagery.
(no impact on communicating further information or description)

and yes, it may be all rather subjective, but I can only call it as I see it.
Ned


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## MattDavies (Aug 20, 2016)

I understand that you can only say what you see, I could ask no more of you.
I want to understand your sight better.

I get what you mean now, about the difference between poetic effect and impact. Though perhaps 'image' would be a more suitable word, for I believe poetic effect does have an impact. This is an issue of image.
For me, in the first example, there is imagery in that, a motion, something to imagine.
In the second example, I find imagery in 'barren bleakness' too. A desolation, an usurp one.
So I think what you're saying is that these images, while apparent, are neither coherent nor clear. That they do not conduce to something whole.

I think that is what you are seeing, it helps me learn to see such things. I would like to offer you my own sight of it now:

Perhaps this poem's obsession with violence makes it move too quickly for a clear image,
and it can so easily hide behind rhetoric.
I don't think the being that is this poem is meant to be seen in image, but in motion. That is the elusive 'thought', this being.
It does not live in the image of the tacked crow heart, but in the very tacking itself.
That may make it confusing, unclear - if you are searching for an image.
I would suggest looking into the barbarism of the action, rather than the image. That is where I think it lives.

I don't want to say 'you're reading it wrong', that would not be a truth. You are not wrong, and I not right. There is no one truth, only understanding. I hope, in trying to understand your sight of this poem, you might do the same.
Maybe then the matter of why there is no one clear image can be understood.
I am not attempting to justify this poem, the weakness you have located is indeed apparent, I am trying to do what I think is best in this situation, I am trying to explain this poem.

Thank you for offering your insight on this poem, it helps me understand it better. Once I fully understand it, and explaining something is key to understanding it yourself, then I can change it.


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## ned (Aug 20, 2016)

hello - thank you for your considered reply - but I think you are over-complicating things.
simply put - the poem is too abstract/vague/obscure to get your ideas fully across, to me.

'tacks the heart' may have relevant meaning to you - but, for me, the best I can imagine is a heart 
with a drawing pin stuck in it - was that your intent?

in short, the imagery needs to be more grounded, so the reader can relate in a meaningful way.
this is the craft of the poet - to be original, yet universal - and it ain't that easy.

the idea in this piece, with your extended vocabulary has great potential - but you've got to connect
to a wider viewpoint.

cheers
Ned


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## MattDavies (Sep 24, 2016)

Ok, I agree with you.
sorry I overthink things a lot.
My bad, and as always thanks for the feedback.
 - Matt


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