# Pedestian facilities



## Olly Buckle (Oct 29, 2012)

Practically out the door to have my cataract done, I leave you with this and look forward to your comments when I regain my sight.

Meeting me one meets a fair minded, decent, honest, respectable and reasonable person, one whose word can be relied on. It is true I could possibly, some might even say probably, improve in the area of modesty, but I am working on it and should soon reach perfection. Having confessed my fault and established my merits I trust I have the respect of all rational readers, and shall launch into the main gist of my discourse without further ado.

I recently came across the phrase, ‘Pedestrian friendly improvements and enhanced pedestrian facilities’, ‘rubbish’ was my first reaction, ‘probably coloured tarmac’. However, I make no bones about it I am getting on, I suffer the disabilities of age, exacerbated by chronic illness. My sight is clouded and there is no longer a spring to my step, if I turn my head quickly I tend to lose my balance. These things do not assist crossing busy roads.

I tried the ‘elderly mad person’ tactic, wearing eccentric and obvious clothing and walking straight out, looking neither left nor right, and came to the conclusion that I had reached the point in a man’s life where it is prudent, expedient, socially acceptable and no longer impinges on my machismo if I investigate these ‘enhanced pedestrian facilities’. I simply need to do it with grace and style. After all, one would expect them to be helpful to some degree, the words ‘pedestrian facility’ do more than imply they are facilitating for those on foot.

This is not the case from where I stand, waiting for the pedestrian light. The simple kerb I have been negotiating since I was about three, predictable and workable, has been replaced with a, steep slope. Now you may feel that the description ‘a steep slope’ is overstating the case for a wheelchair ramp, but this is a matter of perspective.

Look at it from the point of view of an elderly gent who is not too bad on the straight and level, but is looking for an easy, secure place to cross the road. The chances are he will share at least some of the disabilities I am afflicted with. Admittedly few are as ill as me. I have a rare, pernicious, chronic disease, which would kill me in a moment, as dead as any man living, if I did not take very strong drugs; but even the unfortunate, who have little to talk about and do not have to suffer all of the symptoms, may be endangered.

To the elderly gent, a little unsteady on the pins, or visually challenged in the event of looking at things as far away as his feet, such a slope, peppered with small raised lumps, is daunting.

Its descent is directly on to a busy main road, (There are no special provisions for pedestrians on side streets). It becomes a major challenge. One that must be faced if one wishes to grasp the traffic light pole to steady oneself whilst taking stock. Often a suitcase, shopping trolley, or some such wheeled device, provides some subtle  support and comfort. Not when one is teetering on the rim of imminent destruction. Then the wheels represent potentially uncontrollable forces dragging you to doom, one requires the nerves of a tightrope walker. Luckily I have them, others are not so fortunate.

On consideration I would like to qualify that statement about side streets being bereft of pedestrian facilities. I could of course simply delete it, but the ‘We elderly’ has a fine ring to it and I do not see the opportunity to use it in such an apposite manner elsewhere, (besides brackets add a certain something), so I shall leave it, but qualify it. Where side roads meet busy streets many of them have been raised to make a hump for vehicles to cross, and a level surface for pedestrians. 

This is all very well and fine if the hump is a distinctive colour. If not, with limited sight, I still see the kerb stones left in place and, when stepping to the road beyond, expect the customary four inch drop, then stumble into the centre of the road. This especially happens at dusk, when distinctive humps become in-distinctive, and pedestrians invisible.

Further, a stumble is a stumble, it is hard to disguise, one is inclined to hear comments such as, “Doddery old fool” or “Shouldn’t be allowed out on his own”. I don’t ignore them, the ideas may gain some currency. My approach is to look straight at the person and say “What’s that, speak up, can’t stand people who mutter” in a loud, clarion clear voice. Of course sometimes they didn’t mutter, but that does not matter, to you that is. To them it matters that they did not mutter, because now the doddery old, irascible, fool, is singling them out. They always slip away.

Age gives one a certain immunity, with other facilities fading one should use it. Even the Neanderthals understand, and know that if they give you a kicking the bystanders won’t stand for it, and will hunt them down if they try to make their escape. You just have to hope they remember in time.

The only time the ‘speak up’ tactic has gone against me was when the helpful one, who hadn’t said it, then assumed I was deaf. I let them establish they were on side and commit, then said, “I am most grateful, but please don’t shout, it hurts my head.” They tried to explain, I was dead pan, confusion and embarrassment were ignored, I was an old person who had stumbled! Who were they with their petty angst? Then came, “I am sorry, is there any way I can help?”. “Please could you help me find somewhere to sit for a minute,” won me time to plan how I should angle my catch ashore. As I remember a taxi to my door was the ultimate result, no point getting old if you don’t get crafty.

But, putting such petty social banter aside, I return to the reason for these improved pedestrian facilities, I see a pattern of diabolical, economic logic. We poorly sighted and slightly infirm outnumber the blind and wheel chair users, who are the ostensible beneficiaries,  many times over on the streets, why, for example, must the wheelchair ramp stretch the full width of the crossing. Wheelchairs are not that wide, a four foot ramp would be more than ample, they could queue in their assigned channel at busy periods like everybody else, and save us the risk of stumbling over them at dwarf height in the pedestrian mainstream.

It was when I saw workmen laying one of these hazards I was struck by the truth, times are hard, this is a government money saving ploy. The poor were being ‘Given the chance to earn their bread’ cutting and fitting kerb stones and paving slabs with an angle grinder. Working shrouded in a cloud of dust from the stone and cutting blade they wore no protection.

Many years ago, when the old age pension was introduced at sixty five, two thirds of working men did not attain that age, but now that heavy industry has shut down and the coal mines closed it is no longer true, and they remain a drain on the state for many years. Here is the next generation of manual workers contracting emphysema, preparing to die young when their usefulness fades, and before they ever claim those benefits.

The blind and wheelchair bound, are generally an excellent work force. Grateful for the opportunity, they have trouble leaving, both because prejudice stops them finding other positions, and physically. Willing to be remunerated with a minimum wage and to work in insecure part time jobs, they are worth preserving. We oldies, on the other hand are propelled beneath the wheels of cars.
You may think I am paranoid, but I would be willing to bet, some one makes sure something gets me in the next decade or two. They will make it look natural of course, death camps are political suicide since ’45. I wish I could find a taker, I know just how I’d spend my winnings.

Postscript:
I had considered posting this in non-fiction, as I established in the introduction, I am incapable of telling a lie, but the droll image conjured up of the blind working in buildings where the management don’t pay for lights and the workers can’t find the door, convinced me to put it in humour.


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## kitsunescholar (Nov 21, 2012)

This was pretty funny.  I like the part about singling people out.  I am 33 and on my way to be old.  I hope I make it!


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## Donthebat (Nov 30, 2012)

I can identify with all of that sir. I have just had my cateracts done and it has given me a new lease of life. I can now see more of the things that are likely to kill me and at the same time see how beautiful (in some parts.)the world really is. I worry about the amount of pills I take to keep me alive, but try to tell myself they are only extracts from to food I _should_ be eating.
 With winter arriving I shall see less of the world for a few months, but I can hide in the unlikely little worlds I create inside my head, and try to write about them.


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## patskywriter (Nov 30, 2012)

Nice style of writing!    I rather enjoyed the understated humor, even though I did wander off halfway.


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## Olly Buckle (Nov 30, 2012)

Thank you for reading every one. The more I look at this the more dissatisfied I am, it seems very much repeating the same exaggeration trick.


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## bazz cargo (Jan 6, 2013)

Hi Olly,
I have taken a moment to dig something of yours  up to stick my two pen'orth in. Boy am I glad I did.While not laugh out-loud funny it is entertaining enough to consider generating a new character and setting them against the world. There is a hint of Ronnie Barker and a more erudite version of One Foot In The Grave. 

In a world of modern attitudes and technology a geriatric warrior with a sharp tongue and a lightning swift walking stick would be a great source of 'stick it to the man' humour. I would read it. If I could I'd buy it.

I can see where this was more string of conciousness rather than properly planned and yet it  is great. With some thought you could elevate it to brilliant!
Bazz


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## o negative (Jan 11, 2013)

The style of writing is fine, to me. But introducing more than one caracter would certainly avoid you to "repeat the same exaggeration trick".The are many opportunities to do so. I have hesitated to give up reading, because your text is a little bit redundand. It s a shame because your way a describing scenes is very catchy.


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## dolphinlee (Jan 11, 2013)

Overall, I really liked this piece. It reads well. However, as with everything we write, it could be honed. At that point I hope you submit it to a magazine.  

The one major point I would like to make is that with the emphasis on illness/infirmity at the start, combined with the dangerousness of the facilities I did expect the ending to revolve around deliberately injuring old people - in an effort to bring about their early death. 

Meeting me one meets a fair minded, decent, honest, respectable and reasonable person, one whose word can be relied on. It is true I could possibly, some might even say probably, improve in the area of modesty, but I am working on it and should soon reach perfection. Having confessed my fault and established my merits I trust I have the respect of all rational readers, and shall launch into the main gist of my discourse without further ado.

I like the way this paragraph established the mood of the piece. I do have a small problem with the word gist. 

I recently came across the phrase, ‘Pedestrian friendly improvements and enhanced pedestrian facilities’, ‘rubbish’ was my first reaction, ‘probably coloured tarmac’. However, I make no bones about it I am getting on, I suffer the disabilities of age, exacerbated by chronic illness. My sight is clouded and there is no longer a spring to my step, if I turn my head quickly I tend to lose my balance. These things do not assist crossing busy roads.

 “However, I make no bones about it I am getting on, I suffer the disabilities of age, exacerbated by chronic illness.” There is nothing wrong with this sentence. However I would break it into two. 

I think using the word assist instead of the more mundane help is clever. 

I tried the ‘elderly mad person’ tactic, wearing eccentric and obvious clothing and walking straight out, looking neither left nor right, and came to the conclusion that I had reached the point in a man’s life where it is prudent, expedient, socially acceptable and no longer impinges on my machismo if I investigate these ‘enhanced pedestrian facilities’. I simply need to do it with grace and style. After all, one would expect them to be helpful to some degree, the words ‘pedestrian facility’ do more than imply they are facilitating for those on foot.

So many people can manage to start their pieces humerously but then the humour dribbles out. You manage to keep both the style of the piece and the humour going. 

I admire the way the paragraph above is linked to the paragraph below. The above paragraph ends on a statement. The idea of the statement is carried into the paragraph below. So many writers are unaware that paragraphs should flow. YOU are not one of them.  

This is not the case from where I stand, waiting for the pedestrian light. The simple kerb I have been negotiating since I was about three, predictable and workable, has been replaced with a, steep slope. Now you may feel that the description ‘a steep slope’ is overstating the case for a wheelchair ramp, but this is a matter of perspective.

Clear, clean and crisp.

Look at it from the point of view of an elderly gent who is not too bad on the straight and level, but is looking for an easy, secure place to cross the road. The chances are he will share at least some of the disabilities I am afflicted with. Admittedly few are as ill as me. I have a rare, pernicious, chronic disease, which would kill me in a moment, as dead as any man living, if I did not take very strong drugs; but even the unfortunate, who have little to talk about and do not have to suffer all of the symptoms, may be endangered.

I like the way you are telling the story and then divert to bring back the humour.

To the elderly gent, a little unsteady on the pins, or visually challenged in the event of looking at things as far away as his feet, such a slope, peppered with small raised lumps, is daunting.

Not sure why you have separated the sentence above from the paragragh above.

Its descent is directly on to a busy main road, (There are no special provisions for pedestrians on side streets). It becomes a major challenge. One that must be faced if one wishes to grasp the traffic light pole to steady oneself whilst taking stock. Often a suitcase, shopping trolley, or some such wheeled device, provides some subtle support and comfort. Not when one is teetering on the rim of imminent destruction. Then the wheels represent potentially uncontrollable forces dragging you to doom, one requires the nerves of a tightrope walker. Luckily I have them, others are not so fortunate.

You might consider replacing the ‘Its’ at the start of the above paragraph (Its descent...) with 'the slope' or 'the wheelchair ramp' to clarify the subject of your sentence. I suggest this because it has been two paragraphs since you named it. 

On consideration I would like to qualify that statement about side streets being bereft of pedestrian facilities. I could of course simply delete it, but the ‘We elderly’ has a fine ring to it and I do not see the opportunity to use it in such an apposite manner elsewhere, (besides brackets add a certain something), so I shall leave it, but qualify it. Where side roads meet busy streets many of them have been raised to make a hump for vehicles to cross, and a level surface for pedestrians. 

I am not sure of the reason for the inclusion of  '(besides brackets add a certain something)'. It seems unnecessary. 

This is all very well and fine if the hump is a distinctive colour. If not, with limited sight, I still see the kerb stones left in place and, when stepping to the road beyond, expect expecting the customary four inch drop, then stumble into the centre of the road. This especially happens at dusk, when distinctive humps become in-distinctive, and pedestrians invisible.

Further, a stumble is a stumble, it is hard to disguise, one is inclined to hear comments such as, “Doddery old fool” or “Shouldn’t be allowed out on his own”. I don’t ignore them, the ideas may gain some currency. My approach is to look straight at the person and say “What’s that, speak up, can’t stand people who mutter” in a loud, clarion clear voice. Of course sometimes they didn’t mutter, but that does not matter, to you that is. To them it matters that they did not mutter, because now the doddery old, irascible, fool, is singling them out. They always slip away.

I think, the above paragraph, this might flow a little better with shorter sentences.

Age gives one a certain immunity, and with other facilities fading one should use it. Even the Neanderthals understand, and know that if they give you a kicking the bystanders won’t stand for it, and will hunt them down if they try to make their escape. You just have to hope they remember in time.

I stumbled a little with the word Neanderthals. I understand why you have used it. I just wonder if using a direct reference to the people who comment, such as ‘those who make thoughtless remarks’ might make a difference. 

The only time the ‘speak up’ tactic has gone against me was when the helpful one, who hadn’t said it, then assumed I was deaf. I let them establish they were on side and commit, then said, “I am most grateful, but please don’t shout, it hurts my head.” They tried to explain, I was dead pan, confusion and embarrassment were ignored, I was an old person who had stumbled! Who were they with their petty angst? Then came, “I am sorry, is there any way I can help?”. “Please could you help me find somewhere to sit for a minute,” won me time to plan how I should angle my catch ashore. As I remember a taxi to my door was the ultimate result, no point getting old if you don’t get crafty.

You might consider changing “when the helpful one, who hadn’t said it then,” to “when a helpful bystander,”  

Although there is humour in the above paragraph I wonder whether it really fits in this piece.

But, putting such petty social banter aside, I return to the reason for these improved pedestrian facilities, I see a pattern of diabolical, economic logic. We poorly sighted and slightly infirm outnumber the blind and wheel chair users, who are the ostensible beneficiaries, many times over on thestreets,  why, for example, must the wheelchair ramp stretch the full width of the crossing. Wheelchairs are not that wide, a four foot ramp would be more than ample, they could queue in their assigned channel at busy periods like everybody else, and save us the risk of stumbling over them at dwarf height in the pedestrian mainstream.

“they could queue in their assigned channel at busy periods like everybody else”  delightful and irreverant.

Whilst I love the elegance of long sentences, the me and the average reader nowadays finds them hard to follow. (sorry about the me.)

It was when I saw workmen laying one of these hazards I was struck by the truth, times are hard,. this This is a government money saving ploy. The poor were being ‘Given the chance to earn their bread’ cutting and fitting kerb stones and paving slabs with an angle grinder. Working shrouded in a cloud of dust from the stone and cutting blade they wore no protection.

Many years ago, when the old age pension was introduced at sixty five, two thirds of working men did not attain that age, but now that heavy industry has shut down and the coal mines closed it this is no longer true, and they remain a drain on the state for many years. Here So here  is the next generation of manual workers contracting emphysema, preparing to die young when their usefulness fades, and before they ever claim those benefits.

The blind and wheelchair bound, are generally an excellent work force. Grateful for the opportunity, they have trouble leaving  (???), both because prejudice stops them finding other positions, and physically. Willing to be remunerated with a minimum wage and to work in insecure part time jobs, they are worth preserving. We oldies, on the other hand are propelled beneath the wheels of cars.


You may think I am paranoid, but I would be willing to bet, some one makessure something gets me in the next decade or two. They will make it looknatural of course, death camps are political suicide since ’45. I wish I couldfind a taker, I know just how I’d spend my winnings


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## Olly Buckle (Jan 11, 2013)

> You might consider replacing the ‘Its’ at the start of the above paragraph (Its descent...) with 'the slope' or 'the wheelchair ramp' to clarify the subject of your sentence. I suggest this because it has been two paragraphs since you named it.


A good point, thank you.



> I am not sure of the reason for the inclusion of '(besides brackets add a certain something)'. It seems unnecessary.


I was able to put it in brackets, that gave it a certain added something I felt.

I am glad you enjoyed this piece, it has been generally better recieved than I had expected, it seems you never can tell.


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## dolphinlee (Jan 11, 2013)

Olly, I adore your sense of humour. 

More please


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## buckethead111444 (Jan 28, 2013)

Quite funny, you have a great sense of humor. Truly funny writing.


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## Akoya (Jan 29, 2013)

Olly, I admit, I wasn't sure I would like this when I started reading.  That being said, I loved it.  Frankly it reminded me of a conversation with my Grandmother while I was on a walk with her.  The dry humor was right up my ally, and I thought the "(besides brackets add a certain something)" was perfect.  It is exactly how I feel when I use them.  Overall, a fun piece with a deep feeling.  Good job!


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