# Bitter Waters



## Gumby (May 2, 2011)

Your face, bleak Saharan
your mouth, a riverbed
which holds the words that flow
caress
this riparian body you possess-
upon whose banks I rest.

I dip my fingertips 
within the currents, passing by;
press them to my lips and chin
gently brush them on my skin

and taste the bitter absinthin
of wasted dreams
might have beens

if you had let me in.


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## Trides (May 4, 2011)

This is a kind of love poem, isn't it? By "if you had let me in" I presume that the narrator wanted to be closer to this bleak, bitter person but was pushed away. Alternatively, the bleak, bitter person may be dead, but I don't think that would make as much sense.


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## candid petunia (May 5, 2011)

I was waiting for someone to come along and provide a bit of insight. Could you explain a bit, Gumby? I like the read, but my inexperienced mind has been unable to truly understand the meaning.


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## Baron (May 5, 2011)

Gumby said:


> Your face, a bleak Saharan
> your mouth, a riverbed
> that *which* holds the words which flow
> caress
> ...



I've just made a few of suggestions for change to help the flow.  It's always good reading you.  This really conveys the sense of longing to reach out to someone who has made him/herself unreachable.


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## Gumby (May 5, 2011)

Thank you Trides, yes this is a love poem of a sort. Though the person isn't necessarily a bitter person, just remote. 

Candid Petunia, I'm sorry this wasn't clearer for you, but it is truly just someone expressing a longing to be closer to another, and regretting what has been missed.

Rob, thank you for your suggestions, I have switched _that_ for _which_ and then switched back about three times now. I'm glad you've helped me to decide.  I do think it sounds better. Thank you for reading and commenting.


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## Trides (May 5, 2011)

Gumby said:


> Though the person isn't necessarily a bitter person, just remote.


 I could argue against that. I know one person for whom this poem fits exactly. :salut:
Anyways, I think the first line could be changed to "Your face, a bleak Sahara" unless the person is actually Saharan; I think it would fit a little better with the comparison of the person to a landscape.


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## Gumby (May 6, 2011)

I know just the type you mean, Trides.   Funny you should suggest Sahara, as that is what I originally had.


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## Trides (May 6, 2011)

Gumby said:


> Funny you should suggest Sahara, as that is what I originally had.


 Oh, whoops XD


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## Chesters Daughter (May 6, 2011)

Cin, you know exactly how I feel about this one without my having to say it. Poked about in me brains again, haven't we? I'd ask if I could borrow this to share with you know who, but he wouldn't understand a word. Brilliant, the use of the desert was just so spot on. Loved it.

Me


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## Boddaert (May 6, 2011)

Yes, this is good, REALLY good. It drags my feelings into a world in which I reach out towards the unobtainable. But you manage to keep the narrator from appearing bitter. Great stuff.


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## candid petunia (May 6, 2011)

Understood now. Was nice, liked the last four lines. A hint of yearning. Nice work.


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## Gumby (May 11, 2011)

Lisa, thanks sweetie, I'll happily poke around in your head any day. 

Boddaert, thank you for your kind comments, glad you enjoyed. 

CP,happy you liked it.


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## Firemajic (May 21, 2011)

Let me come back from where your Poem sent me......


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## Gumby (May 23, 2011)

What a lovely compliment, Firemajic!  Thank you!


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## A Saucerful of Secrets (May 23, 2011)

I love this Gumby, such fantastic imagery, really wonderful lines like:

_this riparian body you possess-
upon whose banks I rest.

_and what a powerful ending, really great!


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## Gumby (May 23, 2011)

Thank you so much Saucerful, that happens to be one of my favorite lines too, I'm really glad you liked it.


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## Firemajic (May 23, 2011)

You are welcome Gumby.Just warn me the next time...but I am better now..


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## Gumby (May 23, 2011)




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## NeoCaesar (May 25, 2011)

I think this is really strong and loaded with emotion, beautifully hard to pin down.

The only issue I had was the unintended contrast in the first two lines. I imagine a desert riverbed to be dry so expect the mouth to be silent but this person's words flow. Is it an intentional juxtaposition?


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## Trides (May 25, 2011)

NeoCaesar said:


> Is it an intentional juxtaposition?


 I assume so.
And even the river is like a desert, as the waters are bitter, as opposed to sweet and fresh as a river should be.


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## Gumby (May 25, 2011)

You are both correct. 

Thank you for your comments, NeoCaesar.


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## alanmt (Jun 30, 2011)

Masterful and moving.  come sit by me.  

Once I absorbed the elegant expression of the poem, it led me to contemplation of stereotypical "the nice guy" who, once rejected - or not yet rejected for lacking the courage to present himself - nevertheles remains content and discontent to remain in proximity to the cherished one, ever hopeful and ever disappointed.


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## Gumby (Jul 2, 2011)

Thank you alan. What a sweet thing to say.  

Yes, 





> nevertheles remains content and discontent to remain in proximity to the cherished one, ever hopeful and ever disappointed.



great description.


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