# The Norm



## Nellie (Jan 27, 2016)

Natural selection
Of the fittest is
Rapid evolution
Manifesting well
Adopted generations.
Living longer, is this 
  NORMAL?​


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## PrinzeCharming (Jan 27, 2016)

I enjoyed the flow and the overall message. It's a precise piece provoking thought and analysis. Omit 'is' and it'll flow even better. 



Nellie said:


> Natural selection
> Of the fittest is
> Rapid evolution
> Manifesting well
> ...



*Edit*: 

I thought it over. Maybe use *O* as a constructive word? Natural selection -> *O*rdered / *o*rganized perfection 

In addition, it would flow more smoothly at the end of each line:  

*- ion 
- ion 
- ion 
- el
- ions 
*
Just a thought.


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## Firemajic (Jan 27, 2016)

Acrostic executed with your personal style... fabulous.. hahaaa... and your message is quite a paradox/ dilemma, isn't it....


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## jenthepen (Jan 27, 2016)

This is a neat summing up of the evolution theory into acrostic form. That would have been an achievement in itself but to add the final question moves the whole poem up onto a higher plane. Loved it!

I'm not sure you need the period at the end of line five? Also, I may be wrong because it works as it is, but did you mean 'adapted' rather than 'adopted'? I think _adapted_ would fit the theory better.

jen


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## Nellie (Jan 27, 2016)

PrinzeCharming said:


> I enjoyed the flow and the overall message. It's a precise piece provoking thought and analysis. Omit 'is' and it'll flow even better.



If I omit the word "is" and changed the O as a constructive word, like you suggest





			
				PrinzeCharming said:
			
		

> *Edit*:
> 
> I thought it over. Maybe use *O* as a constructive word? Natural selection -> *O*rdered / *o*rganized perfection
> 
> ...



that would change the flow of the poem, IMO. Natural selection of the fittest, an ongoing sentence, Darwin's definition.


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## Nellie (Jan 27, 2016)

Ha, Firemajic. It is a dilema.......


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## Nellie (Jan 27, 2016)

jenthepen said:


> This is a neat summing up of the evolution theory into acrostic form. That would have been an achievement in itself but to add the final question moves the whole poem up onto a higher plane. Loved it!
> 
> I'm not sure you need the period at the end of line five? Also, I may be wrong because it works as it is, but did you mean 'adapted' rather than 'adopted'? I think _adapted_ would fit the theory better.
> 
> jen




You caught it!! I DID mean _adapted_ and made a HUGE typo!!  The word "adopted" doesn't really go with what I'm trying to say. Thanks so much. I also wasn't sure about that period, either, so thanks for mentioning it. {{{HUGS}}} to you!!


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## ned (Jan 27, 2016)

enjoyed your poem - and that final question, sends sparks.

you say on one of your replies-
Natural selection of the fittest, an ongoing sentence, Darwin's definition.  						- which is not entirely correct.

you're combining 'natural selection' (a theory) with 'survival of the fittest' (a process)
the latter atributed to Herbert Spencer. as wiki puts it-
" Herbert Spencer first used the phrase – after reading Charles Darwin's _On the Origin of Species_ – in his _Principles of Biology_ (1864), in which he drew parallels between his own economic theories and Darwin's biological ones.

so, it's easy to get things mixed-up, that's understood (oxymoron?) and a common mistake.

and it's absolutely fine in a poem - we all have licence to to stretch reality for poetic effect. I have no problem with that.
but in a discussion, I feel the facts need pointing out.

which leads on to PC's suggstion - Maybe use *O* as a constructive word? Natural selection -> *O*rdered / *o*rganized perfection 
I think it would help the flow, right from the start - as 'natural selection' already says enough, I feel.

sorry to bang on! - this really is a terrific poem - and ending in a question is clever, but the question itself, is unexpected and loaded.

cheers
Ned


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## Nellie (Jan 27, 2016)

ned said:


> enjoyed your poem - and that final question, sends sparks.
> 
> you say on one of your replies-
> Natural selection of the fittest, an ongoing sentence, Darwin's definition.                          - which is not entirely correct.



Thanks for pointing that out.



ned said:


> you're combining 'natural selection' (a theory) with 'survival of the fittest' (a process)
> the latter atributed to Herbert Spencer. as wiki puts it-
> " Herbert Spencer first used the phrase – after reading Charles Darwin's _On the Origin of Species_ – in his _Principles of Biology_ (1864), in which he drew parallels between his own economic theories and Darwin's biological ones.
> 
> ...




So if Herbert Spencer first used the phrase, "survival of the fittest", but AFTER reading Darwin's work, isn't that really quoting Darwin? It also says,
"This term strongly suggests natural selection"




			
				ned said:
			
		

> which leads on to PC's suggstion - Maybe use *O* as a constructive word? Natural selection -> *O*rdered / *o*rganized perfection
> I think it would help the flow, right from the start - as 'natural selection' already says enough, I feel.
> 
> sorry to bang on! - this really is a terrific poem - and ending in a question is clever, but the question itself, is unexpected and loaded.



If I used Ordered, Organized, etc., that interrupts the whole concept of the poem. I would need to change the words after and that would take on a different meaning. Ending this poem with a question is meant to be a loaded question.

Thanks for your input!


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## ned (Jan 30, 2016)

you ask the question -
So if Herbert Spencer first used the phrase, "survival of the fittest",  but AFTER reading Darwin's work, isn't that really quoting Darwin?

do I really need to say that if Herbert was quoting Darwin, then Darwin would be accredited with the first use of the phrase?
Herbert applied the theory of natural selection to a totally different sphere of investigation - economics. And came up with a process which he alone defined. That's how science works. Hardly mere quoting.

If I used Ordered, Organized, etc., that interrupts the whole concept of  the poem. I would need to change the words after and that would take on  a different meaning. - not at all, why would you need to change anything else? but you are the writer, and it's perfectly fine, whatever you want.

'the question itself, is unexpected and loaded' - this is a compliment, that you have read, for some reason, as a criticism.

communication breakdown doesn't cover any of this.

Thanks for your input!                         
Ned


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## Nellie (Jan 30, 2016)

ned said:


> 'the question itself, is unexpected and loaded' - this is a compliment, that you have read, for some reason, as a criticism.



I did?  :scratch: I thought I was just saying I intended for it to be a loaded question. _I_ didn't take it as criticism.
Thanks for the compliment.




			
				ned said:
			
		

> communication breakdown doesn't cover it.



Communication breakdown is a common occurrence between man and woman. A woman can say something with the hopes the other person is listening, hearing what she intends to say. Not always wanting an answer or a solution, just someone to listen. A man, on the other hand, always offers a solution, their solution. Communication is a two-way street.


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## Flint (Jan 30, 2016)

I liked this poem, personally, especially the construction of it.

 I find it very difficult to hook into poetry, but I've found the poems I've seen so far quite accessible. I also enjoy reading everybody's comments on the poems.


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