# Spaces (short piece (359 words)) WARNING: a couple of swear words



## Phil Istine (Jul 3, 2017)

The tube squeaked to a halt and the doors hissed open yet again.  Walter Snodgrass tucked the briefcase under his arm and prepared to alight.

_Mind the gap _droned the electronic voice for the hundredth time.

“Do you have to keep fucking saying that?” shouted Walter, supressing a sneeze.

There was a pause: _Well, you might forget one day _answered the voice.

“Stop patronising me, you bastard,” said Walter. “As if I wouldn’t remember there’s a space between train and platform.  A-a-atchoo”

_Who said anything about *that* space? _asked the voice.  _The other spaces concern me more.

_“Other spaces?  What other spaces?” Walter asked.

Walter looked up and people were starting to point and stare.

_You do realise_ said the voice _that the biggest part of anything is empty space, don’t you?

_Walter thought for a moment: “I believe so.  I think I saw that on some science program about particle physics.”

 The voice continued: _So that means that most of this doesn’t exist.  Did you know that the entire human race can be compacted into the size of a sugar cube?

_“And I just stirred the human race into my afternoon coffee,” said Walter, rolling his eyes. “Atchoo.”

_Bad for your teeth_ said the voice.

“So, if most of it is space, why does it feel so solid?  Surely, when things collide, they should go straight through each other.”

_They do,_ said the voice.  _Collisions are an illusion.  I can prove it.  There’s another train due any moment.  You will be able to travel straight through the front of it if you concentrate on the spaces.

_“Hmm_. _An interesting hypothesis – but surely it will kill me.  Atchoo.”

_Only if the nuclei at the centre of the atoms collide, Walter – and possibly some of the orbiting electrons. But with all that empty space, it’s pretty unlikely. Go on mate, do it for science.

_The train rushed from the tunnel and Walter jumped.  Some people screamed.

It came to a halt and the doors opened.

_Mind the gap - atchoo_ said the voice.


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## Sebald (Jul 4, 2017)

That's a cool little story, Phil. The last line was hilarious. 

Maybe tweak the name? I like Walter, but Snodgrass seems familiar? Viz magazine? The Beano? Charlie and the Choc Factory?

I know someone called Mr Stick.


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## Phil Istine (Jul 4, 2017)

Sebald said:


> That's a cool little story, Phil. The last line was hilarious.
> 
> Maybe tweak the name? I like Walter, but Snodgrass seems familiar? Viz magazine? The Beano? Charlie and the Choc Factory?
> 
> I know someone called Mr Stick.



I don't know if a Snodgrass appears in the places you mention, but it occurs to me that he doesn't need a surname anyway.  Plain Walter would do it, I think.
On the subject of odd names (and nothing whatsoever to do with this thread  ), I once knew a man called Julius Caesar.  Both his father and son were also called Julius Caesar.


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## Sebald (Jul 4, 2017)

Flipping Heck. If we put it in a story, nobody would believe us ha ha.


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## Sebald (Jul 4, 2017)

I googled it. He's in The Pickwick Papers. Well done me, for confusing Dickens and Viz magazine.


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## Phil Istine (Jul 4, 2017)

Sebald said:


> Flipping Heck. If we put it in a story, nobody would believe us ha ha.



Truth stranger than fiction. I was a kid when I first met Julius Caesar,  My father was building a kitchen extension for him.  All totally true, but would be consigned to the fiction section


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## Phil Istine (Jul 4, 2017)

Sebald said:


> I googled it. He's in The Pickwick Papers. Well done me, for confusing Dickens and Viz magazine.



There really is a Walter Snodgrass in the Pickwick papers?  Ha ha.  I imagine my less conscious parts have remembered that because I don't have conscious memory of it.
Think I'll stick to plain old Walter before anyone accuses me of plagiarism.


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## Sebald (Jul 4, 2017)

'My Father Built a Kitchen for Julius Caesar'. That's great.


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## Sebald (Jul 4, 2017)

Augustus Snodgrass.


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## Jessica Stemmer (Jul 10, 2017)

I really enjoyed this! Very well written and easy to picture. Well done.


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