# Cilice



## Gumby

She pulled the worn valise
from the dark depths 
of her closet.
Lifting the latches, she gazed
at the garments inside.

Each time she saw them,
they looked worse than before,
no matter how carefully 
she packed them away.

She stiffened her spine, 
held each one up 
to the harsh, cold light;
tried to smooth them with her hands

as her past,
passed before her
and regrets
coursed the canyons of her cheeks.

_They were beyond repair._

She longed to throw them out,
after all,
how many hair shirts 
can one person wear?


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## SilverMoon

Cindy, I marveled while reading. The longing. The faded beauty.




> As her past,
> passed before her
> and regrets
> coursed the canyons of her cheeks.



Great alliteration aside, what imagery! For some reason, I'm thinking of the famous black and white photograph of Georgia O'Keefe.



> after all,
> how many hair shirts
> can one person wear?



The imagery is so strong, I can feel it upon my skin. Deep meaning but I can't put my finger on it.
You told a large story captured in a minute's time.

Fantastic! Laurie


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## Gumby

Thank you Laurie, glad you felt the deeper meaning here, as it is really a metaphorical poem. I truly appreciate your thoughts on this one.


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## Baron

Very strong imagery, Cindy, and the hair shirt metaphor is a strong one.


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## SilverMoon

Baron said:
			
		

> and the hair shirt metaphor is a strong one



Having never heard of a "hair shirt" I would love to hear your take on the metaphor. This would mean a great deal to me. Laurie


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## Gumby

Laurie, the hair shirt has an interesting history, I can't imagine actually wearing one and feel for those who did or do. Though I meant mine in a metaphorical sense. An _underwire bra_ is enough torture for me, 


A *cilice* (pronounced /ˈsɪlɨs/) was originally a garment or undergarment made of coarse cloth or animal hair (a *hairshirt*) used in some religious traditions to induce some degree of discomfort or pain as a sign of repentance and atonement. In more modern religious circles, the word has come to simply mean any device worn for the same purposes.


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## Gumby

Baron said:


> Very strong imagery, Cindy, and the hair shirt metaphor is a strong one.



Thank you Baron.


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## Nellie

Cindy,

I, too, think this poem has great imagery. 

I had heard of a "hair shirt" before, but never heard "Cilice".  Thank you for the explanation.


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## Gumby

Thank you, Cindy.   I've read that Mother Teresa actually wore a hair shirt. 

The movie The Da Vinci Code portrayed an Opus Dei priest who wore a cilice in the form of a spiked chain around his thigh, though that was a grotesque exaggeration of reality, I believe.


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## SilverMoon

> A cilice (pronounced /ˈsɪlɨs/) was originally a garment or undergarment made of coarse cloth or animal hair (a hairshirt) used in some religious traditions to induce some degree of discomfort or pain as a sign of repentance and atonement. In more modern religious circles, the word has come to simply mean any device worn for the same purposes.



Thank you, Cindy, Now I can say your ending was brilliant! Laurie


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## Edgewise

Very strong poem Gumby.  I found the connection between the poem and the central metaphor to be somewhat vague because the poem doesn't really seem to include any mention of, or reference to, penance.  It might be implied that the subject is _seeking_ repentance, or that she is recalling past transgressions, or that she wants to unburden herself of those memories but cannot quite bring herself to do it out of an ambivalent sense of obligation.  I am curious to know how you envisioned the piece in that regard.  Even without knowing those specifics, it works well on a literal level as a description of a profound moment.   



Gumby said:


> She pulled the worn valise
> from the dark depths
> of her closet.
> Lifting the latches, she gazed
> at the garments inside.
> 
> Each time she saw them,
> they looked worse than before,
> no matter how carefully
> she packed them away.
> 
> She stiffened her spine,
> held each one up
> to the harsh, cold light;
> tried to smooth them with her hands. *Strongest image imo.*
> 
> As her past,
> passed before her
> and regrets
> coursed the canyons of her cheeks. *Slight grammar issue with this stanza.  It is phrased as either a continuation of the previous stanza or a set up for the following line (works fine in either case), but it is written in such a way that it seems to stand alone.  Easily remedied by removing the period at the end of the last stanza and de-capitalizing the first line of this one.  An alternative is to simply remove the period at the end of this one so that it introduces the subsequent thought/dialogue. *
> 
> _They were beyond repair._
> 
> She longed to throw them out,
> after all,
> how many hair shirts
> can one person wear?



Much enjoyed.


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## Gumby

Thank you, Edge for the comments. I took your advice and eliminated the period at the end of the third stanza, as that better represents how I wanted the thoughts to flow, thank you for that suggestion.

As to the metaphor, I was envisioning that the whole act is a penance for her, a cilice, the very fact that she keeps these past sins locked carefully away and forces herself to bring them out into the harsh light of her own judgement to relive the pain and self condemnation. They are her own hair shirt and though she longs to throw them out, she can't or won't, as she cannot forgive herself.

Thank you again, Edge, I truly appreciate your thoughts here.


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## bearycool

Much better than the original. Keep up the great work!


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## Martin

I've been wanting to dive into this piece ever since you posted it. What happened to the original? Did your moderating forces delete it or did you simply edit the title as well?

Anyway, I read it, looked up the rare words and pondered on it before reading the comments. Your explanation in the end were really so accurate as to how I got the metaphor. Excellent work I must say, strong and sad yet enlightening and so very true for many I believe.

One suggestion:

_As her past,
passed before her_

This part is explicating, at least what I already understood, and so I thought it unnecessary. It reads nice enough, but ultimately it came off as fill for me. And another win by getting rid of it:

_and regrets
coursed the canyons of her cheeks._

This part would be so much more powerful as those two lines just on their own. In my opinion at least. Anyway it's not an essential nit and the piece is excellent regardless.

Martin


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## Gumby

Thank you bearycool, your encouragement is much appreciated. 

Martin, yes, my superpowers came in handy, as I realized I had posted it before I was ready to.

I will definitely consider what you've suggested, and I appreciate the time you've taken to ponder on this one. I was afraid that it wouldn't come across as I intended, that it was too metaphorical from start to finish, so I'm very pleased to hear that your mind understood it in the way I meant it. Wonderful!  Thank you so much, Martin.


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## Nenada

As I read it I felt such an emotional restraint from the narrator, whether this was intentional or not I really enjoyed it.  It hints at such depths that might have been covered by etiquette and the 'stiff upper lip' of society.  My only criticism would be that her crying didn't rub well with the overall feel of the poem in my opinion.  There is such a composure (however false) and a sense of getting on with it coming from the narrator that that didn't sit well with me.  But I think that's just a personal thing and I love the tone, the mood and the character of the piece.  Bravo.


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## Gumby

Nenada, thank you for commenting on this, sorry to be so late with my reply.


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## Candra H

Hey Gumby, not much to say technically or subject wise, since I'm no poet and don't know much about it or reading it. 

Just wanted to let you know I'd read something of yours and how much I enjoyed it. Got a feeling of poignancy and time passed from this. Nice.


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## Gumby

Thanks Candra.


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## toddm

I enjoyed this piece - very personal, layers of meaning - I especially like the regrets coursing the canyons of her cheeks, great line!


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## Gumby

Thank you toddm, appreciate the comment.


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## arkayye

Gumby said:


> She pulled the worn valise
> from the dark depths
> of her closet.
> Lifting the *its* latches, she gazed
> at the garments inside.
> 
> Just wondering if "and" can be a useful word to use instead of _she_
> thereby providing a connected continuity and transition. It just
> sounds better, maybe reading the stanza with the two versions
> would make clearer what I'm trying to say; thus:
> 
> She pulled the worn valise
> from the dark depths
> of her closet.
> Lifting its latches, *and* gazed
> at the garments inside.
> 
> Maybe it is just me and I know you have your own reasons
> for structuring the stanza they way that you have
> but I will just put out there what might be a viable alternative.
> Of course in the end it is a matter of your preference.
> The following stanza can have its former lines given more
> cohesion with its final verses and vice-versa:
> (Or something similar to what I have done below
> which takes care of past, passed being awkward
> on the tongue as they are spoken out and ridding
> the stanza of "and" which in this case just links the
> succeeding line/s in a series. Thus providing for a
> solid organic unity to the stanza.)
> 
> 
> as her past,As her yesterdays
> passed before her
> and regrets liquid regrets
> coursed the canyons of her cheeks*:*
> 
> _They were beyond repair._
> 
> The colon at the end of the stanza *:* can be used to provide some ambiguity
> allowing the reader to dwell on the question of who or what is beyond repair?
> 
> 
> The one tiny aspect that niggles at me is the plentiful use of pronouns
> to refer to "the garments;"  they, them they, each one, them, they them.
> I wouldn't know how to resolve that and it's probably just me, again,
> being tedious.
> 
> Truth of the matter is that I have thoroughly enjoyed cilice's valise.
> It is a poem that I can take wherever I go, specially now that I am of an age
> where my collection of moments lived have began to overtake the storage
> space in the attic.


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## Gumby

Thank you, arkayye.  You've given me some points to ponder, and I appreciate your going through this one and offering your take on it. I'll have to come back to this one ( when real life quits interfering) and give it a re-work. Unfortunately, I have several poems that I need to give this treatment to.


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## Chesters Daughter

How many times do I have to implore you to stop poking around in my subconscious for inspiration. lol. I got me a whole set of scuffed luggage buried deep in the recesses of my dark closet. Seriously, Cin, I can relate to this on a level that made me uncomfortable which is why I'm so long in replying. I love it, and think its perfect as is however close to home it hits. "as regrets course the canyons of her cheeks" is sheer brilliance. Excellent effort, Cin. Now kindly get the heck out of my head.


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## candid petunia

I'd read the poem many times before, but hadn't understood it. (Yeah, that's how I am most of the time. It usually took me 2 full years at school to finally understand and appreciate a poem, which was too late, considering. That also means I'm giving myself a pat on the back now. )

But now when I read, I thought "What's there _not_ to understand?" Feeling a bit off-colour as well, maybe that's the reason I connected. Could totally feel the regret. The yearning makes my heart ache.
Love it.


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## Gumby

Okay, okay...I'll try to stay out of your head, Lisa...or...are you in _my_ head? 

Thank you candid petunia, glad you liked it.


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## ramatheson

Why are there edits?

I love the title, and the use of the hair shirt. Those things are terrible.


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## Gumby

ramatheson, glad the title worked for you, it was a chance I took to use it, as I know it isn't a commonly used word. 

Ugh! I can't imagine what wearing a hair shirt must be like. I've worn wool next to the skin before, very uncomfortable.

As to why there are edits, I cut a bit of the original out, as it wasn't necessary and added nothing to this. 

Thanks for commenting here.


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## ramatheson

No need to thank me. I enjoyed the piece. I'd like to see the original as well. I'm one of the weird ones that's not usually for editing. I guess I feel like what people always say when you take a test, "Don't change your answers. Your first instincts are almost always the best ones." It's a personal decision I use for my writing, but of course understand many enjoy the editing process. I was just curious.


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## arkayye

I loved this read... quite crisper and more fluid in its line transitions and interleaving of images and action. 
It is my hope though, as with all other poems crafted and edited, that in doing so it hasn't altered your original intent 
but heightened and accentuated the expression of its original thought and core.


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## Boddaert

Oh I just LOVED that last stanza. Goes deep, deep, deep.


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## Gumby

Why thank you, Boddaert, so glad it worked for you.  I appreciate your kind words.


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## Firemajic

Gumby--I was digging around in the old threads and came across this Gem, because of something personal I am going through, this resonated with me in a deeply personal way. I think I will remove this "Hair shirt" I have been wearing for far too long. It is time to change....Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem with me...Peace always...Julia


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## Gumby

Juls, it seems that women especially have so many hair shirts packed away. I'm glad you've decided to throw yours out. I hope some day to get rid of all of mine, too.

Wishing you peace, dear.


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## Nellie

Firemajic said:


> Gumby--I was digging around in the old threads and came across this Gem, because of something personal I am going through, this resonated with me in a deeply personal way. I think I will remove this "Hair shirt" I have been wearing for far too long. It is time to change....Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem with me...Peace always...Julia



Thanks for your explanation, Julia. Now I understand why folks bring up old threads, 'cause sometimes I just want to say "let it be".


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## Firebird

I like the simplicity of the language in this piece. In this instance, it lends power. 

Thanks for a good read.

Cheers,

Firebird


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## Firemajic

Nellie said:


> Thanks for your explanation, Julia. Now I understand why folks bring up old threads, 'cause sometimes I just want to say "let it be".





Sorry , I did not mean to cause offence....


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## rcallaci

There's nothing I can say that has not already been said;this made my bones ache... a dark and glorious piece...

my warmest
bob


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## Gumby

Thank you, Bob!


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