# The Silent War of the Soap and the Shell



## Ari (May 3, 2014)

There are five people in my house, including myself. 
At least two of them are engaged in furious, silent warfare. The weapons are a bar of soap and a seashell. The battleground is the bathroom sink. No one has spoken of it; the warriors keep themselves secret. I do not know which of my flatmates they are.

It began on Tuesday.
Someone brought home a shell. It looks like an open fan and fits neatly into the palm of my hand. Someone put it at the edge of the sink and placed the soap inside it. 
Very pretty. 
Or at least it would be, if the soap fitted properly inside. It does not. It is too big, and so sticks out over the edge, less than picturesque. 
This does not bother me. If we all wash our hands with great industry, the soap will soon shrink. 
But it bothers someone.

Next time I used the bathroom, the soap had been placed back in that little dip at the edge of the sink where soap is supposed to go. The shell sat artistically by the mirror.
Hmmm, I thought.
And went back a couple of hours later to check. Sure enough, the soap was back inside the shell.

This back-and-forth has continued fiercely, neither side giving in.
And not one person has spoken of it.
I am wondering, how long will this last?
I am wondering, what if a got a kitchen knife and chopped the soap in half so it would fit in that shell? 
Or maybe I could act the part of an assassin, throw both shell and soap away and replace them with a bottle of handwash. A stealthy, back-stabbing thing to do. Like the people who, while the two main sides are warring over who will be king, sneakily place their own favourite on the throne.

I wonder.


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## dither (May 3, 2014)

Better now?

What you need is nuts,
get yerself some snickers imo.:topsy_turvy:


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## bookmasta (May 3, 2014)

First option. It would probably end up more humorous.


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## Deleted member 49710 (May 3, 2014)

Hi Ari,
I enjoyed this, reminded me of some passive-aggressive housemate wars back in my college days. I wonder if it might be worth considering each of the roommates, trying to figure out who might be doing what. Maybe think about ways the fight could escalate, the truth emerge suddenly. If you felt like expanding on this. But it's a fun little piece by itself.


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## Ari (May 3, 2014)

Hi dither,
Snickers cures everything ^_^ Thanks. I think I just needed to rant a bit.

Bookmasta, I am very tempted... It could be kind of funny.

Hi lasm 
Eiy, I could try figure it out like a detective story. See if the soap still moves when certain people are out the house, that kind of thing... I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Us typical collage kids..


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## Pandora (May 4, 2014)

The Mom in me comes out here which even the funniest moments can manifest in worry. Well until it all passes then I laugh more freely. Your cute storytelling, way of presenting, your writing style all that made me chuckle out loud. I enjoyed this very much. . .


now Mom . . . I wish whomever is removing said gift from the ocean would chill out and know it means something to someone. That is the important thing in life, let them enjoy.


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## Ari (May 5, 2014)

Thanks, mum ^_~

I'm glad you liked reading it. I had fun typing it up, and I honestly wasn't sure if it was the kind of thing anyone would read or reply to. So I'm glad a few people liked it and got some amusement.

They silent warriors are still going at it, though I have my suspicions now as to who they are. And so tonight, I'm cutting the soap in half with the kitchen knife.
I have decided.


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## ToriJ (May 5, 2014)

That soap has to be so confused now. "Do I go in the shell or the edge of the sink? WHICH IS IT!?"


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## Pandora (May 5, 2014)

Are you sure you want to bring a knife into this?  :wink:

go for it!


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## Ari (May 5, 2014)

Ah.
ToriJ, to be honest, I did not consider the feelings of the soap.
And now I have murdered it.

Pandora, your caution about knives came too late! I cut it in half late last night, smoothed off the edges, hid one half in a box under the sink and placed the other in the shell. 
Maybe it is more like one of those saw-the-lady-up magician's tricks than actual murder...?


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## dither (May 5, 2014)

dither said:


> Better now?
> 
> What you need is nuts,
> get yerself some snickers imo.:topsy_turvy:



I shouldn't have posted this,
sincere apology offered Ari,

dither


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## Ari (May 5, 2014)

dither said:


> I shouldn't have posted this,
> sincere apology offered Ari,
> 
> dither



... really? Okay. Apology accepted, though I am not really sure why you're making it. If there was a double meaning to your post it flew right over my head.. Kind of thought you were telling me to eat chocolate and nuts and all would be good. Which is fine advice at any time, I thought.
Anyway. 
Water under the bridge and all...


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## Pandora (May 5, 2014)

Ari said:


> Ah.
> ToriJ, to be honest, I did not consider the feelings of the soap.
> And now I have murdered it.
> 
> ...


This is getting cuter by the minute, please keep us posted! I wonder how it will end, really!


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## Ari (May 7, 2014)

There is not really much more to tell. 
I guess the war has ended as silently as it began, for the cut-up soap has stayed inside the shell. No one has spoken of it, no one has asked (as I hoped they might ask) "Whose wonderful idea was this?"

I have my suspicions over who was fighting, though. If I were asked to place bets I would say David found the shell and put the soap inside it, and Melissa decided this offended the bathroom's aesthetic.
But no one is asking for bets.
I expect we shall all stay silent until we're really old, like fifty, and have one of those reunion things and someone will say "hey, do you remember when we had that war..."

And maybe then I shall have my glory for ending it all before somebody got killed.


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## Pandora (May 13, 2014)

Any more shenanigans about? Might be fun to hear some more.


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## dither (May 13, 2014)

Ari said:


> ... really? Okay. Apology accepted, though I am not really sure why you're making it. If there was a double meaning to your post it flew right over my head.. Kind of thought you were telling me to eat chocolate and nuts and all would be good. Which is fine advice at any time, I thought.
> Anyway.
> Water under the bridge and all...



It's an English thing, a tv ad. promoting snickers.


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## Ari (May 13, 2014)

dither said:


> It's an English thing, a tv ad. promoting snickers.



Aw man, I wish I'd known. I could've flipped you off in the two-fingered, European style. 
I've always wanted to do that. 
Don't know why we favour the American middle-finger here. It's not half as cool.

Pandora... all is pretty much as normal. But, if anything strange or amusing does happen, I will write it here.
Thanks for being interested ^_^


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## Pandora (May 14, 2014)

That would be nice Ari, smiles.


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## Ari (May 21, 2014)

This evening, four of us were watching tv (a Korean miniseries called Rooftop Prince) and Melissa came in with a half-empty bottle of milk in one hand.
"While you're all together," she said, leaning against the door so we couldn't escape. "I'd like to point out that my milk is half empty."
I almost said that it depended on her point of view, and perhaps she would be happier believing it was half full.
But I didn't.
She is not really in a joking mood. She never is when it comes to her Vanishing Food.
So I logged on here instead to do a kind of live journal thing. Live report from the house of Ari and friends...

According to Melissa, we scoff her grapes, swallow her honey, and slosh her milk into our tea. And I am quite sure that we do not. 
Because all of the rest of us, at one point or another, have said very quietly to the others, "so, which of you..?" because if whoever was doing it would just stop, life would be more peaceful.
Much more peaceful.

"I bought this three days ago," says Melissa. "And I have only had four cups of tea since then, and one of them was herbal." 
You are not supposed to put milk in herbal tea. 
"There is no way," she continues. "That I could have used this much milk. So who was it?" 
We look at each other, and both Jay and Nathan seem very guilty, but how can it be them? They have their own milk in the fridge. I've seen it.
"Of course I don't _mind_," Melissa says, obviously minding very much. "But I do like to be asked first. It's only polite. Ari, you're not listening!"
Uhm. Yes, I am. I'm just typing at the same time.
"I noticed you don't have any milk."
Uhm. No, I don't. 
"Say something, Ari!"
So I told her that I do not drink milk because I do not want to get fat. Which was totally the wrong thing to say, because now Melissa thinks that I was calling her fat and that is not what I meant at all.
Oh dear.
But at least it distracted her from the vanishing milk.


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## bookmasta (May 21, 2014)

Ah...roommates. The two I live with right now are pretty much live you and Melissa are. There's never a boring day where I live.


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## Gargh (May 21, 2014)

Oh I'm so glad not to have room mates any more! It was a necessary evil at uni, and I definitely lived with and was each of these 'characters' at some point. It's no fun to live with, but funny to peep in at... though I'm glad for you Ari, you seem to be able to find the humour in it regardless.


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## Ari (May 21, 2014)

There's one in every flat, then? If you guys both had a Melissa of your own... Maybe people could advertise, and get all the people like that to live together. That could be interesting.

It is kind of amusing, *Gargh*. But the problem is, you have to pretend to be so very serious because your smiles only make them crosser. I don't really know why.

*Bookmasta*, I love your avatar. I got a vague feeling I saw it on a t-shirt once... is that possible? Anyway, it makes me want to cheer for the rhino. Keep going, buddy! One day you'll be a unicorn ^_^


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## Gargh (May 21, 2014)

Ari said:


> There's one in every flat, then? If you guys both had a Melissa of your own... Maybe people could advertise, and get all the people like that to live together. That could be interesting.



Eek! A flat full of people passive-aggressively marking milk bottles with marker pen, taping hairs across their cupboard doors and single-handedly keeping Post-it manufacturers in business?! That's pretty explosive stuff.


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## Pandora (May 21, 2014)

Hey Ari, I love how you write and your continuing thread here, thank you! 

Boy I remember those days. I might be able to handle milk but don't touch my tunes! I too ran into moments like this.

I will focus on a roommate that became a life long friend though. We have been best buddies for almost 40 years! I hope you will find that with one of your roomies. It's hard to describe just what it means to have a friend so long. I guess cherish is a good word.


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## Ari (May 22, 2014)

Gargh said:


> Eek! A flat full of people passive-aggressively marking milk bottles with marker pen, taping hairs across their cupboard doors and single-handedly keeping Post-it manufacturers in business?! That's pretty explosive stuff.



Yes, just like that! And we could place bets on who would be the first to start murdering the others and that kind of thing.

*Pandora*, thank you very much. I'm glad it gives you some amusement! I'm enjoying writing the stuff out, actually.

That's great, that made a really great friend of a roommate. I have a little; David and Nathan are cool. Jay happens to be my brother. And even Melissa is okay in the end, because she does things like buy people lemonade when they're sick and she never complains when it's her turn to clean the bathroom.
And so.


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## Pandora (May 22, 2014)

Good on you two living with a sibling, that speaks volumes for your family unit. You see that most everyone has good qualities, wisdom earned. My daughter too traveled with a friend only to learn much about her that was not in common with her, who reacted to the world much differently, incompatibility.  Though it was this young lady that remembered her in times of need and showed she really valued the friendship. Those the nice surprises in life. The book cover thing. For the old folk here it's a truly great thread, sparking people known so long ago but also remembering ourselves, looking at who we were, how we've changed and not so much. I still don't like anyone messing with my tunes . . . 
thank goodness my roomie of 33 years is loving the music. :-\"

I'll keep an eye here for more adventures if you continue the roommate saga, fun stuff!


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## Ari (May 22, 2014)

Thanks, Pandora.
Lovin' the music ^_^


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## Gofa (May 30, 2014)

Thanks Ari for the memories. Lovely to recall the good old days when men were men and I flatted with others. In your place I would be so tempted to find another clam shell and cut it in half too. In my day the milk was an issue as well and we would top up the bottle of the complaining flat mate. Nothing nicer than.

Who's been touching my milk ?
Not me 
Not me
Nuh not me either

Why ? what's the problem

I'm sure it's fuller now than this morning
Nuh
Na
Can't be

PS never own up these mysteries are the stuff of life


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## escorial (May 30, 2014)

could be a soap opera...enjoyed


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## Ari (May 30, 2014)

Hey *Gofa* 
That is a really good idea! Magical refilling milk... I like it. It would be so cool... and then totally deny that we filled up her milk. Her face would be one big question mark.
The mysterious will go on forever? I like them to be solved. Then, a new mystery!

*Escorial*, a soap opera? Very good. And thank you ^_^


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## Gofa (May 31, 2014)

Become the good Faery  and turn the world into a more mystical place
Like Neo they will start to believe
being nice to people can be sneaky and fun too. :untroubled:


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## Morkonan (May 31, 2014)

Ari said:


> ..I am wondering, what if a got a kitchen knife and chopped the soap in half so it would fit in that shell? ...



Use the wisdom of Solomon...


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## Ari (Jun 1, 2014)

*Gofa
*Yes... nice sneakiness, like scavenger hunts for birthdays and that kind of thing. And magical milk refilling. But of course, I could only do that so many times before the milk would go off, and the surprise would curdle from a nice one into something awful.

*Morkonan
*I read Soloman and thought, "Oh, he misspelled Saruman."
I think I have a Lord of the Rings problem.
But yes, Solomon was wise as well, and probably had a Saruman beard to prove it


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