# The Splinters and The Blood



## SilverMoon (Jun 27, 2016)

They wear sawdust coats, gloves and hats
made out from injuries to felled trees and
stroll down streets where no leaves dance.

Every night they look up to a jagged moon.
At noon eat beef at the Hammerland Diner.

In the mornings they wake to the silence of
woods and hides, never knowing mountains
quake, ranches shriek or that wind gossips..


----------



## midnightpoet (Jun 27, 2016)

SilverMoon said:


> They wear sawdust coats, gloves and hats
> made out (I'd delete "out) from injuries to felled trees and
> stroll down streets where no leaves dance.
> 
> ...



Just a couple things I had questions about - hope they help.  Liked the idea and the poem.  Good job)


----------



## CJL4307 (Jun 27, 2016)

Interesting piece here but I have to admit it has left me slightly confused. Maybe in just my own reading of it. I do agree with midnight of nixing the use of the word *out* in your 1st stanza, 2nd line. Beyond that, in your last stanza, the idea of waking to the silence of the woods came across as a little weird. Again this could be chalked up completely to my own misunderstanding. Overall I enjoyed the read, maybe wishing for just slightly more clarity to see the picture you have created as you intended. Thanks!


----------



## ned (Jun 27, 2016)

hello - a good idea for a poem - lumberjacks or wood-millers, perhaps

made out from injuries to felled trees *- *is not well put - injuries is not the right word, for me
- and to felled trees, further injuries might seem irrelevant.

stroll down streets where no leaves dance - not that unusual, really

the middle couplet can be more interesting - a chance to give an insight, maybe.

the ending is strange - why don't they know these things - and why are they significant?
I feel like I missed something somewhere.

as said, nice ideas here, with a nice flow - but the message is a bit garbled
Ned

PS don't know what happened to the formatting - it's not supposed to be bold!


----------



## Firemajic (Jun 27, 2016)

Intriguing... Your work is always intriguing, and your language unique and bewitching...


----------



## am_hammy (Jun 27, 2016)

Love the phrases "jagged moon" and "wind gossips". The images and personifying are awesome. It's a cool concept. I'd be neat to see an expansion of the story if you ever happen to want to come back to this. Thanks for sharing =)


----------



## SilverMoon (Jun 28, 2016)

Thank you all for reading and your feedback.



> Originally Posted by *Midnightpoet*
> 
> made out (I'd delete "out) from injuries to felled trees and
> stroll down streets where no leaves dance. _(Agreed)_
> ...





> I
> 
> 
> 
> ...






> Originally Posted by *Ned*
> 
> the ending is strange - why don't they know these things - and why are they significant? _(Yes, they don't know these sounds nor the lyrical sounds of their homes - the mountains and ranches - which are at one with the pain of loss. Mostly Personification is employed in this brief poem.)
> _
> PS don't know what happened to the formatting - it's not supposed to be bold! _( Am not seeing what you are. Some kind of glitch, I suppose.)_






> Originally Posted by *FireMajic*
> 
> Intriguing... Your work is always intriguing, and your language unique and bewitching _...I will always hold onto these magical words when I reach for the pen!_





> Originally Posted by *Am_Hammy*
> 
> Love the phrases "jagged moon" and "wind gossips". The images and personifying are awesome. It's a cool concept. I'd be neat to see an expansion of the story if you ever happen to want to come back to this. Thanks for sharing =)_Thank you and thank you! Yes, this poem could be expanded but my forte is Confessional poetry and think I should stick to spilling out my guts! Those are the looong poems _




Again, thank you for all of your time and thoughts. Laurie


----------



## CJL4307 (Jun 28, 2016)

I can definetely see the direction now. A forest robbed of the life? Cool piece and great opportunity to bring out some lively descriptions.


----------



## Sonata (Jun 28, 2016)

On first reading it was slightly puzzling but your explanations [message #7] made sense of it all - and a second reading brought it to life for me.  Thank you.


----------



## Nellie (Jun 28, 2016)

Laurie, your poems are always intriguing/perplexing with your confessionals. One  has to think "outside the box" when reading your work. Thanks for sharing!


----------



## SilverMoon (Jun 28, 2016)

Thanks guys, I'm very glad the read is more clear now.



> Originally Posted by *Nellie*
> 
> One  has to think "outside the box" when reading your work





I must think outside of the box or I might cause myself irreparable damage!


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Jun 28, 2016)

I'm very intrigued by this poem. I liked it! It set an atmosphere almost as an image for me.

Good work and thanks for sharing!


----------



## SilverMoon (Jun 28, 2016)

daneilstj. I'm intrigued. Your viewing this poem as an "image". Compact personification would give off this feel. Never thought about it this way. Merci!


----------

