# Maybe I'm Just Meant to be Alone



## Smith (Mar 4, 2016)

The puzzle that comes with no instructions or ending;
just pieces twisting, clicking, breaking, and bending,
finding their places while I've no faith in belonging.
I believe that nobody will find me befitting.

The factory made me and it was a mistake.
I'm a one-size-fits-all extra for convenience sake;
I'll never be enough, only a temporary fake,
until they have found "The One" they are looking to take.

But it's my fault -- or at least it always seems to be,
and when it isn't, blame circumstances that have control over me.
My other half is locked away somewhere and there is no key.
Nothing in life's worth it, so merciful God set me free.


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## Syren (Mar 5, 2016)

Enjoyed that Smith. Some thoughts:

Made me feel... persecuted. Ostracized. Contained and boxed in, while seething to break loose and expand. The emotion is tangible.

The rhyming character of the couplets really struggled for me, where tempo and cadence were concerned. I think that if couplets are used, it really needs a rhythmic pace, as would a song, or a lyrical piece. 

A few possible word substitutions could tighten it up too... but that's more of the same - pace and timing. 

All told, a very good piece here my friend. Hope my comments help in some way - if not no worries, just thought I'd convey my thoughts, and I'm no expert.

Cheers, thanks for sharing,

//Sy


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## Smith (Mar 5, 2016)

Syren said:


> Enjoyed that Smith. Some thoughts:
> 
> Made me feel... persecuted. Ostracized. Contained and boxed in, while seething to break loose and expand. The emotion is tangible.
> 
> ...



It's weird because in my head the first eight lines flow well for me in a sing-song rhythm that sounds great in my head. So I guess that's just something that will differ from reader to reader.

However, the last four lines need a bit of tweaking, because I am not satisfied with the flow there.

Thanks for the feedback!


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## kaminoshiyo (Mar 6, 2016)

Smith said:


> The puzzle that comes with no instructions or ending,
> just pieces twisting, clicking, breaking, and bending,
> finding their places while I've no faith in belonging.
> I believe no other will ever find me fitting.
> ...



I really liked the rhythym. The first verse was killer  I also liked the poem. Like an echo from my past...

The last line in the first verse "fitting' seems to stand out a little.

But other than that, I thought it was pretty good.


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## Smith (Mar 6, 2016)

kaminoshiyo said:


> I really liked the rhythym. The first verse was killer  I also liked the poem. Like an echo from my past...
> 
> The last line in the first verse "fitting' seems to stand out a little.
> 
> But other than that, I thought it was pretty good.



One day I hope I can say this is "an echo of my past" rather than "an echo of my present" haha.

Thanks kamino, glad you liked the rhythm! That was something I was deliberately working on with this piece, so it's good to know I succeeded in that regard. 

-Kyle

P.S. I changed "fitting" to "befitting" so that it has the same beginning and ending as "belonging". Let me know what you think!


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## Radrook (Mar 11, 2016)

Smith said:


> The puzzle that comes with no instructions or ending,
> just pieces twisting, clicking, breaking, and bending,
> finding their places while I've no faith in belonging.
> I believe that nobody will find me befitting.
> ...



A whole lifetime can pass very quickly in that seemingly inescapable situation and with each passing year the solution options decrease until the only option left is to wait to die or accept the totally unacceptable options left. That's why it's important to replace constant ruminations on the situation with action design to change the situation for the better. Otherwise it tends to cunningly perpetuate itself.


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## Smith (Mar 14, 2016)

Radrook said:


> A whole lifetime can pass very quickly in that seemingly inescapable situation and with each passing year the solution options decrease until the only option left is to wait to die or accept the totally unacceptable options left. That's why it's important to replace constant ruminations on the situation with action design to change the situation for the better. Otherwise it tends to cunningly perpetuate itself.



It seems like the whole thing is out of my control and there's nothing I can do. I don't want to live to see 40.

Thanks for reading!


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## EllaLouis (Mar 19, 2016)

Smith,
I like the metaphor of a jigsaw -- these lines rock especially:

_The puzzle that comes with no instructions or ending,
just pieces twisting, clicking, breaking, and bending,

_Good sonics here too, nice unforced rhymes

One idea: Maybe change the lock and key image to something that fits with a puzzle?

Enjoyed this, and good luck to the N of the poem!

EllaL


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## escorial (Mar 19, 2016)

read it a few times now and it still has that very raw feeling...liked


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## Firemajic (Mar 22, 2016)

Smith! I love your message, and the way you delivered it, you have so much creativity... you are NOT a "One size fits all" Poet... It has been my pleasure watching you mature as a writer and poet extraordinaire....Fabulous work!


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## Smith (Mar 23, 2016)

EllaLouis said:


> Smith,
> I like the metaphor of a jigsaw -- these lines rock especially:
> 
> _The puzzle that comes with no instructions or ending,
> ...



Now that I think about it, another puzzle analogy would probably work better and wouldn't conflict with the imagery. Good that you pointed that out.

Happy to hear you enjoyed the piece. 



escorial said:


> read it a few times now and it still has that very raw feeling...liked



Thanks esc!



Firemajic said:


> Smith! I love your message, and the way you delivered it, you have so much creativity... you are NOT a "One size fits all" Poet... It has been my pleasure watching you mature as a writer and poet extraordinaire....Fabulous work!



Hey, you're back! Yay! 

Thanks Jul, it's been cool and fortunate having so many helpful people, you included.

-Kyle


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## DarkHowl (Apr 7, 2016)

I really like this, specially the first two parts. I think that many of us have been in a situation that can relate to this feeling, so this might hit more than a few. Even if in the past, it struck me hard.


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## Solokeh Krontos (Apr 8, 2016)

This seems to contradict itself in a major way. You consider yourself a one size fits all castoff, but your poetry defies that idea. It shows that you are no castoff, you have power and agency, most importantly you know where you are, and where you're going. Thank you for sharing.


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## Smith (Apr 10, 2016)

DarkHowl said:


> I really like this, specially the first two parts. I think that many of us have been in a situation that can relate to this feeling, so this might hit more than a few. Even if in the past, it struck me hard.



Means a lot. There's nothing I want more than for people to be able to connect to what I'm writing and take something away from it.



Solokeh Krontos said:


> This seems to contradict itself in a major way. You consider yourself a one size fits all castoff, but your poetry defies that idea. It shows that you are no castoff, you have power and agency, most importantly you know where you are, and where you're going. Thank you for sharing.



Aw, thank-you! Appreciate you reading and commenting.


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## escorial (Apr 10, 2016)

dude you kept the first two stanzas with words ending the same..why not all three..i like things like that


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## Smith (Apr 10, 2016)

escorial said:


> dude you kept the first two stanzas with words ending the same..why not all three..i like things like that



Haha yeah, I'm not satisfied with the final stanza now that I look back on it, so when I get time I might revise it a bit. Thanks esc!


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## Greyson (Apr 10, 2016)

Smith said:


> But it's my fault -- or at least it always seems to be,
> and when it isn't, blame circumstances that have control over me.
> My other half is locked away somewhere and there is no key.
> Nothing in life's worth it, so merciful God set me free.



I feel like this was one of the better stanzas honestly, the phrasing was beautiful and leading and really feels, or rather, makes me feel (which is amazing when poetry does that). I think the sort of slant rhyming scheme you tried to adhere to throughout took away some of what could have been said though. I think by restricting yourself to words with similar suffixes you made a bit of a rhythm, which is always good, but I think that you had to give up some of the meaning in order to pull this off. I care more about meaning than rhythm personally, which is why I like free verse a little more. I liked this a lot though, really fitting for the time and I'm going through some similar feelings and problems right now. Just because the piece doesn't fit into the immediate picture when you start the puzzle, doesn't mean it's useless.


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## Smith (Apr 10, 2016)

Greyson said:


> I feel like this was one of the better stanzas honestly, the phrasing was beautiful and leading and really feels, or rather, makes me feel (which is amazing when poetry does that). I think the sort of slant rhyming scheme you tried to adhere to throughout took away some of what could have been said though. I think by restricting yourself to words with similar suffixes you made a bit of a rhythm, which is always good, but I think that you had to give up some of the meaning in order to pull this off. I care more about meaning than rhythm personally, which is why I like free verse a little more. I liked this a lot though, really fitting for the time and I'm going through some similar feelings and problems right now.



What I will say regarding the rhythm and slant rhyming is that it came very naturally for the first two stanzas. I was just sitting in line waiting for an oil change, wasn't having a good day so I wrote it out in a text message and sent it to a friend of mine. The only part that I had to contrive was the third stanza, so I'm actually very glad to hear you liked that part the most!

There's no greater reward than creating something that another person can feel and connect to.



Greyson said:


> Just because the piece doesn't fit into the immediate picture when you start the puzzle, doesn't mean it's useless.



Perfectly put! Thanks Eric! ^_^

-Kyle


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