# I Once Woke Up in Heaven



## ned (Jan 27, 2017)

*.
I once woke up in heaven, did I pray The Lord my soul to keep?
I must have been a believer. I must have died in my sleep.

My body had turned to wispy smoke, yet somehow I could see
And sparkled like the morning sun upon the Galilee.

With the universe all around me, I began to gently fall
And through eleven dimensions, saw the glory of it all.

The majesty of expansion, space-time in a ball,
The delicate dance of the chromosomes, and understood it all.

I reached a golden plateau of the sort you might expect
And greeted by a multititude hushed in awed respect.

Of an undeniable presence that reached me deep inside,
The kind that drove poor Abraham to near infanticide.

So I swung in sweetest rapture with the others that were saved,
We shimmered like excited photons caught on a quantum wave.

In ever-increasing circles, the mass became the whole,
I could read their very minds, I could touch their very soul.

Within this faithful harmony, we shared our inner bliss
But my mind kept on reminding me that something was amiss.

A sudden sense of sorrow for the ones who were not there,
Family, friends, humanity, but the others didn’t care.

They understood without compassion, loved without empathy.
The virtues of my own salvation, still so precious to me.

So I wept for all our losses yet they didn’t want to know,
I should’ve ran away, but there’s only one place to go.

Then I saw Elvis! Singing ‘Don’t Be Cruel’ upon a cloud,
It’s seven o’clock in the morning, the radio-alarm is set on loud.*


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## Firemajic (Jan 27, 2017)

ned said:


> *.
> I once woke up in heaven, did I pray The Lord my soul to keep?
> I must have been a believer. I must have died in my sleep.
> 
> ...




I just can't stop reading this! I love me some rhyming couplets! I could eat them with a spoon... somehow, you managed to work your rhyme into the background and it is not intrusive... that is not easy... well of course your message is fabulous, your imagery is fabulous, your witty humor understated, so that is fabulous... do it again... I insist... thank you for a fabulous faaaabulous read...


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## sas (Jan 27, 2017)

Few can rhyme better than you. I don't even try anymore. Wish others wouldn't either. 

Note: you've used "all" as end line rhyme twice.

Consider: "space time inside a ball" instead of "in a ball". Cadence. Assonance. 

Would this work? "...the radio is alarmed on loud" ...line seemed off. Hmmm

Good work. Sas
.


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## PiP (Jan 27, 2017)

I like this, ned. I like it a lot, what fun! Timely post considering my question on closed couplets!


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## ned (Jan 28, 2017)

hello - thank you for your comments and encouragement - it is much appreciated.

good suggestions made - which I'll apply where I can.

"you've used "all" as end line rhyme twice" - actually, I've used 'it all" twice.
poetic resonance is key.

I see your points about the last verse - so changes made -
(I've given myself a heavenly lie in til seven)

cheers.....Ned


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## bree1433 (Jan 28, 2017)

Oh my gosh! I love this! The rhyme works very well within this poem. It doesn't feel forced at all, and I really enjoyed how it flows.


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## escorial (Jan 28, 2017)

reminded me of the waterboys song...ha,ha

[video=youtube_share;dQ0YflHNOB8]https://youtu.be/dQ0YflHNOB8[/video]


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## jenthepen (Jan 28, 2017)

Nothing to add, except applause. Good one, Ned.


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## DATo (Jan 30, 2017)

How refreshing to read a poem that makes sense and has something to say which can be understood! The rhyme and meter were also spot on and made this a joy to read.

Thanks so much for sharing!


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## Bard_Daniel (Jan 30, 2017)

I really liked your references Ned and I felt your rhyming was pristine. Good work! Your pieces never disappoint. 

Cheers!


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## kaminoshiyo (Jan 31, 2017)

Sir, you've won my undying respect...

Very good poem.


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## shedpog329 (Feb 4, 2017)

liked alot! thanks ned


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## Olly Buckle (Feb 4, 2017)

Inside/infanticide I really liked that one.

"It’s six o’clock in the morning, the radio-alarm is set on loud."

this line jangled, but maybe that is deliberate as it is an alarm going off. If not 'radio-alarm' gets me and the first part is over long.
'Radio at six am, alarm and set on loud.' 
Something like that?

Fun though, thanks.


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