# Random Acts of Silence



## Firemajic (Mar 2, 2017)

_*I gnaw off my tongue to escape
unable to lick my wounds
I silently swallow the bane of my existence 
trying to digest your bitter venom
continually vomiting my humiliation 

You watched my illness from the distance of time
then crawled through broken possibilities
heartstrings severed hemorrhaging regret
vomiting on the knowledge that truth
is a bitter pill you have to swallow

You beg forgiveness
I would absolve you if I could ease your agony
But I am mute my mouth full of sores 
from words you never allowed me to utter
I watch from a distance as you gag trying to swallow my silence
*_


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## ned (Mar 2, 2017)

hello - a very strong and engaging poem - 

I'm not sure of the meaning (I haven't got my best head on today) but it's put over deliciously darkly...

needs puntuation, as I see it - after the first line and L3 V3 particularly.

would change the second vomiting for a simpler term - that might chime with the narrator's condition.

consider cutting out 'trying' from the last line - it weakens the impact, perhaps?

enjoyed
Ned


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## sas (Mar 2, 2017)

Gosh, it figured I'd have to read "vomit" when I've got something nasty like that today. I was just going to say that I'll need to get back on this, as sick. Ha. Later, pal. sas


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## Bard_Daniel (Mar 2, 2017)

I felt that this had a lot of power behind it and I liked that. Good work.

I agree with ned that some punctuation may benefit the poem as well.

Thanks for sharing Firemajic! Always a treat!


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## Firemajic (Mar 3, 2017)

ned said:


> hello - a very strong and engaging poem -
> 
> **I'm not sure of the meaning*** (I haven't got my best head on today) but it's put over deliciously darkly...
> 
> ...




Hello, ned... thank you for saying that you were not sure of the meaning...to me, living this, writing this... the meaning is clear and I forget that the reader is not privy to my personal experiences... so thank you for reminding me 
This poem is about the silence that surrounds incest and molestation.  I was forced to keep silent first, because the abuser enforced my silence with terror, then later I was forced to keep silent from shame, I was told by my family to NEVER speak of IT. That to do so would bring shame on the "family name" and shame on the church... because it seemed like such a dirty secret, and because the family was so ashamed of the abuse.. I internalized that shame, and felt like I was something to be ashamed of... then later when the dirty secret was exposed, my family asked my forgiveness, but I could not say those words...

I will look over this poem again and try to make some corrections... thank you..

sas, get well soon 

Daniel, thank you for reading, I always appreciate your kind comments...


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## sas (Mar 3, 2017)

Fire,  This will be difficult, considering the topic, but I'd try to tap down your "fire" a bit. Using vomit image twice doesn't illicit the reader response you're after, at least, from me. But probably releases some angst from you. 

In your re-write, please keep: I am mute, my mouth full of sores."
Absolutely fabulous line that you should try to capture on the others. 

And, I am sorry you even need to write this poem. You need to vomit it out. Be sure to flush it away, my friend, for good.

sas


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## Firemajic (Mar 3, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> _*I gnaw off my tongue to escape
> unable to lick my wounds
> I silently swallow the bane of my existence
> trying to digest your bitter venom
> ...




ned and sas... I am working on it... still not sure where to add the dreaded punctuation .... 


sas... I am working on everything you suggested... I am strong... well... stronger than I was..


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## sas (Mar 3, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> _*
> (I gnaw off my tongue to escape)
> 
> To escape I gnaw off my tongue.
> ...


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## sas (Mar 3, 2017)

I'm writing with one finger on iPad, so my comments were not visually well done. Hope you can figure out what I did. Maybe you can use something of it.


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## Firemajic (Mar 3, 2017)

EDITED:
_*To escape, I gnaw off my tongue.
Unable to lick my wounds
I swallow in silence;
try to digest your venom;
vomit  humiliation 

You see the past in me
then crawl through lost possibilities
severed heartstrings hemorrhage regret
You beg forgiveness
But I am mute my mouth full of sores 


*_[/QUOTE]

Less is more, but is it really enough... I will live with this for awhile... I understand why you did surgery on this, and I appreciate and respect your skill... but surgery is painful... hahaa...


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## jenthepen (Mar 3, 2017)

Fire, I think the essense of this wonderful poem is your own position of strength. Sure, it's a strength born from pain and disrespect but, having achieved that high ground and reaching a place where you can look down (and back) with the power to withhold absolution, I don't think you should weaken the message by changing it at all. 

That inner child has grown a powerful champion who still feels the old pain but can deal with it objectively. I got all this from your original version and it cost you too much to allow one word to be diluted. It may be imperfect poetically but it is a bombshell of emotional expression and I think it should stand on its own merit, just as it came to you. It brought tears to my eyes. Wonderful writing!


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## Firemajic (Mar 3, 2017)

jenthepen said:


> Fire, I think the essense of this wonderful poem is your own position of strength. Sure, it's a strength born from pain and disrespect but, having achieved that high ground and reaching a place where you can look down (and back) with the power to withhold absolution, I don't think you should weaken the message by changing it at all.
> 
> That inner child has grown a powerful champion who still feels the old pain but can deal with it objectively. I got all this from your original version and it cost you too much to allow one word to be diluted. It may be imperfect poetically but it is a bombshell of emotional expression and I think it should stand on its own merit, just as it came to you. It brought tears to my eyes. Wonderful writing!





Your words are powerful .. your insight is amazing... you understood the courage it took to deny absolution, no one should be absolved for forcing me to feel shame and suffer in silence, I still struggle to speak up for myself... Thank you for your compassion and understanding.


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## mark_schaeffer (Mar 3, 2017)

........*Mute*

*I split my tongue
I silently swallow 
trying to ingest humiliation 

You watched my illness 
then crawled through possibilities
truth is a burnt witch

You beg forgiveness
My mouth full of sores 
I taste the words you never allowed me*​


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## Firemajic (Mar 4, 2017)

mark_schaeffer said:


> ........*Mute*
> 
> *I split my tongue
> I silently swallow
> ...



Love the title... "mute"... fabulous...


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## midnightpoet (Mar 4, 2017)

I applaud you for the courage to write this and the grit and determination to overcome and deal with your past.  Good job.


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## Firemajic (Mar 4, 2017)

midnightpoet said:


> I applaud you for the courage to write this and the grit and determination to overcome and deal with your past.  Good job.




Thank you so much, my friend.. I appreciate your kindness...


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## SilverMoon (Mar 7, 2017)

Have been scrolling down and came upon your poem which is a sibling of very close sorts to one I wrote some time ago (and then more years back). You may remember. And I'd like  to share that I am determined to be more of a Liver than a Survivor. I'm not there yet but with each poem I write about that which kept my youthful silence, my voice becomes louder. 

Recollection and confession have been saving. The wounds so deep, I unapologetically say, I will be writing loudly for the rest of my life. 

I validate you with warmth, tears, hugs and the greatest of empathy. Yours, Laurie


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## dannyboy (Mar 7, 2017)

I agree with the repeated use of vomiting,
 and add also the repeated use of swallow.

The lack of punctuation doesn't bother me, each writer constructs to their own (this is without punctuation but the sense is not lost without it)

thank you for the read


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## Firemajic (Mar 8, 2017)

SilverMoon said:


> Have been scrolling down and came upon your poem which is a sibling of very close sorts to one I wrote some time ago (and then more years back). You may remember. And I'd like  to share that I am determined to be more of a Liver than a Survivor. I'm not there yet but with each poem I write about that which kept my youthful silence, my voice becomes louder.
> 
> Recollection and confession have been saving. The wounds so deep, I unapologetically say, I will be writing loudly for the rest of my life.
> 
> I validate you with warmth, tears, hugs and the greatest of empathy. Yours, Laurie




Having read your poetry, I knew you would understand.... and you are right, writing about my abuse is so liberating and is vital to putting events in perspective, I believe it allows me to reclaim my voice and that is a crucial part of taking back my power and moving on... I thank you for your compassion... such a gift...





dannyboy said:


> I agree with the repeated use of vomiting,
> and add also the repeated use of swallow.
> 
> The lack of punctuation doesn't bother me, each writer constructs to their own (this is without punctuation but the sense is not lost without it)
> ...





Danny, thank you for reading.. I learn so much from other poet's point of view... helps me see my words through a different filter and I appreciate that...


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