# Storm Song



## Ilasir Maroa (Oct 28, 2009)

In the black, on the cold sharp floor,
she sings the storm-song,
of birds and clouds,
and of the little girl in the sky,
who is all alone.

When the stones begin to steam,
she knows it is morning;
when the stones
sing her to sleep, 
in harsh creaking chords,

the sun-thief is stealing upward, 
behind her murky grey screen.
The crickets scrape their strings
in chittering anticipation
of the sea-king’s breath,

and, through the shattered veins,
a salty tang
parches her sweet lips;
they are cracked and peeling,
two bright streaks of scarlet.


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## MTMarshall (Oct 30, 2009)

You know I've read this a few times and still don't know why I'm not taken. I love that the title is in the piece. It's a good clear short and memorable title as well giving the reader a nice clue as to what to expect. Everything a title should be.......Now what's up with how I'm hearing this???? I think its because for some reason I don't hear your voice here or  rather the voice that I've somewhat grown accustomed to hearing in your pieces. I'll have to come back to this again maybe I will make more sense then. I do like the idea here regardless.... It's as if I want it to pick up a bit in the middle to stanzas and really leave me on the verge of that storm at the end.... I don't know what I'm saying at this point as my brain's still heavily clogged due to allergies the  winds stirred up and that this may just be a result of that....I'll read this piece a few more times at least when all's clear here. I'm sure it must be me that's just not thinking or hearing correctly...


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## Ilasir Maroa (Jul 4, 2010)

My goal was to build up to just before the storm broke, but maybe I should have tried to put the entire storm in...


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## MeeQ (Jul 4, 2010)

I like the weather, it stirs more emotions in me than most daily things. I find many a poet under-appreciate it's unpredictability and power. 
But your poem gives it prowess; a beautiful mystery. 

The last stanza is easily my favourite. (But to be general, the last stanza in all poems is the best)

But if i have any critique, which is hardly anything to really consider. in the second stanza third line, i find myself re-reading (obviously breaking the flow). I think it's the 'But'. It just, makes me pause and re-consider. All i noticed. 

Always a pleasure to read, always a pleasure.


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## SilverMoon (Jul 4, 2010)

Ilasir said:
			
		

> but maybe I should have tried to put the entire storm in...


Oh, no! As MeeQ said there is a beautiful mystery going on here which is very powerful. You take the calm before the storm and turn it into music!

Normally, I'm not a fan of "nature poems" but you bring in the human element which renders a deeper poem. And your imagery is just out of this world!

After Reading MeeQ's observation in S2, S3 , I gave it some thought. As an example, I replaced "but" with "though" for a softer sound, which I think might compliment your piece. 


> When the stones begin to steam,
> she knows it is morning;
> though when the stones
> sing her to sleep,
> in harsh creaking chords,


 
_This is my favorite line!_


> the sun-thief is stealing upward,


 
Ilisar, I love your verse! Please come back with more! Laurie


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## Ilasir Maroa (Jul 4, 2010)

"but" dropped, MeeQ.  You were right.  Much better without.


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## Gumby (Jul 6, 2010)

> the  sun-thief is stealing upward,
> behind  her murky grey screen.
> The  crickets scrape their strings
> in  chittering anticipation
> of the  sea-king’s breath,



This one was my favorite, I love the image of the crickets here.
Wonderful poem!


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## Firemajic (Nov 5, 2011)

This is gorgeous, mysterious, and intriguing.. Love all the visuals going on here. 3rd stanza--breathtaking , I truly love your style of writing,and as always--a real pleasure to read.  Peace...Jul


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## Jeko (Nov 7, 2011)

Wow.

The atmosphere there is thicker than a Mcdonald's milkshake. I love your lexical choice: 'The crickets scrape their strings'. The sensory imagery there is fantastic.


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## shedpog329 (Nov 16, 2011)

i liked the way you put this together, the urning for something so simple such as a storm
i think that you could add more inbetween here as well, more description between the days

good stuff


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