# Disappointment- haiku



## InSickHealth (Oct 26, 2012)

The ocean grew too large
This is the wave of the day
Closeout, hold your breath

This is my attempt to become more comfortable with sharing my writing. I figured I could finish a haiku quick enough to not doubt that it is worth the time to read. I don't know if people that don't surf will understand this.


----------



## Gumby (Oct 26, 2012)

I'm glad you mentioned the surfer connection, it gave me a deeper understanding of this. Not being a surfer, I wouldn't have made that connection. I would suggest that you give it a title that alludes to surfing, that way it will help the reader to make that leap. Well done.


----------



## Kevin (Oct 26, 2012)

InSickHealth said:


> This is my attempt to become more comfortable with sharing my writing.


 Just drop in. The worst that could happen is you loose your shorts. No big deal. Everyone's seen a shiner before.


----------



## InSickHealth (Oct 26, 2012)

Gumby, good idea.
Kevin, thanks for putting things into a perspective that I can understand. Your words of wisdom haven't fallen upon deaf ears.
Mahalo, guys!


----------



## Kevin (Oct 26, 2012)

Three lines, very concise. Haiku leaves no room for error.  Makes you say what you mean without being too wordy. You've got to pick them just right. It can only help your writing. Jmo. This one...well done. I'm no expert on the forms, but it works for me.


So...InSickHealth, do you *_get_ this one? :

*BIG WEDNESDAY
__________________

*Dawn, donning neoprene,
Big Mick waxes stick, makes the scene.
Biggest he's ever seen, could be ever been.
Sensing sharts, not sharks, departs.
Hopes he wasn't seen.

*I'm not bumping but I wondered if another surfer would get it.


----------



## dolphinlee (Oct 26, 2012)

Hi,

I didn't understand the word closeout but I knew it was about surfing because of "wave of the day." I interpreted the last line to be a wave that was going to take the surfer under and this was the reason for "hold your breath." I felt the disappointed.

There is one small problem the first line contains 6 rather than the usual 5 syllables. 

The ocean grew too large
This is the wave of the day
Closeout, hold your breath


----------



## InSickHealth (Oct 27, 2012)

@ Kevin: Yeah, I definitely got that one. Makes me a little sad that I had to miss the last big day due to work lol. I do agree that choice of words is paramount.

@ dolphinlee: I swear it only had 5 syllables when I originally wrote it. It must be those damn poetry gnomes that I've heard so much about. Legend has it that they get great pleasure in breaking rules behind a writer's back! Good thing I'm not a member of some math forum hehe. Now that my haiku broke the first rule of haiku, I guess I can stick to the title "Disappointment" :wink:

Also, to explain a closeout, it's when the entire wave breaks or crashes at once. An ideal wave will break across, allowing the surfer to ride across the face of the wave ahead of the break. A closeout can turn the perfect wave into wasted effort and possible wipeout.


----------



## dolphinlee (Oct 27, 2012)

In my house we have the sock fairy that steals socks. The computer imps, a whole family, that cause programs to go wrong and gremilins that love stalling the motors of cars and lawnmowers. 

I think I will avoid verse if it attracts the poetry gnomes.


----------



## wmpthree (Oct 28, 2012)

I don't surf so I doubt I completely understand your intended meaning. On the other hand, it isn't about us readers inferring your meaning, rather it is about forming our own. . . The beauty of interpretation based on personal experience and culture!


----------

