# Red



## Sonata (Jul 11, 2015)

This is a not a sad poem
I don't know if it it is one
but I fell and my head bashed
I not know on what on

But bloomin hell it did
hurt like an explosion
with blood spewing out 
all over the ocean

All over the place and
it felt like my brains
were going to spew 
'till they fell down the drains

There is something wrong
with my balance you see
so I fall and if unlucky
the crashes hurt me

















T


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## Anari (Jul 11, 2015)

Nice poem. Sorry you hurt your head.


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## Sonata (Jul 12, 2015)

Nellie said:


> Sorry you had a fall on your head. Boy, can I relate! I had a head injury and do know what falling on the head does feel like. It does feel like hell on earth. And my balance, speech, and word-finding is bad now.
> 
> Great poem! Tell us more.



The puppy was waking up so I hoiked her out of her bed to put her on the pee pad as it was late and I wanted an early night, my balance went and from the look of the place now I must have crashed my head onto the television - see, I have forgotten the word.  The thing the television sits on.  And scalps are thin and they bleed.  And bleed.  And are messy.  And head bumps hurt.

Pressed my emergency button only to be told it would be five hours before a doctor could come so said sod it [must find another service] and they sent an ambulance instead.  Another bill to pay, oh well it is only money and at least I did not end up with my head banging on the stone floor.  Which is what usually happens when I fall.  And I refused to be taken to the ER.

So, I have blood to clear up on the television unit and the floor - the paramedics told me not to wash my hair to get the blood out as they had glued it [???] - puppy slept until 6am because even though she will pee on the pee pad in her crate she will not poo in it.  That, she saves for the doormat.  And I am up and the little booga is fast asleep in her bed, having first dragged all her toys out of it.

And I have a nedache.

Oh, and I appear to have done a nasty to my left wrist.


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## aj47 (Jul 12, 2015)

Sonata said:


> This is a not a sad poem
> I don't know if it it is one
> but I fell and my head bashed
> I not know on what on
> ...



Overall, punctuation should be your friend, not your enemy.  It would help to clarify some of your muddled phrasings. If you'd like, I can punctuate one of the stanzas to show you what I'm talking about.  Let me know.


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## Firemajic (Jul 12, 2015)

Deleted by Firemajic


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## Sonata (Jul 12, 2015)

I was not trying to be rhyming.  And I am a native English speaker and I do appreciate your help.  It was just before midnight, my time, when I write this and I had a just  houseful of paramedics here while trying to keep a wriggling puppy on my lap who kept trying to  nip the paramedic who was trying to glue my scalp.

I do not use punctuation in my "poems" - I just write them.  I really do appreciate your offer of help but I need to be able to write as me, as *me* is, not a correct me, and the "me" who is really *"me"* cannot write if it is being smothered by corrections.  

I want to write.  That is all.

And I fell in my house and hit my head on the television cabinet.

Been much worse when I forgot to take my computer spectacles off and nearly ripped out my eye.

This is how I write.  Because I do not know any other way to write.  Muddled or otherwise, I always write like this even when I am not concussed as I am.

And I am sorry but I cannot see too well at the moment but am doing my best regarding typos.  I just tried to write a silly little poem how I was feeling before things went Pete Tong and I ended up sleeping on the floor.


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## Sonata (Jul 12, 2015)

According to the time - Israel time - I posted my OP at 11.42pm after  the paramedics had glued my scalp and gone.  The last thing I was thinking of was correct poetry, which I cannot write at the best of times.  And no, I still have not cleaned up the blood because I dare not lean down but I did manage to get off the floor somehow and crawl through the bungalow and get on my bed.

I do not know how to write "proper" poetry.  I do not understand the words that explain it and I do not understand punctuation when I write what I think is poetry.  Which it is obviously not.  I just want to be me and write as I write.  Because if I do not then those are not my words.

I need to be able to write as me, not write "proper" poetry which is not me.  Has nothing to do with me.  And if people cannot understand what I aj desperately trying to explain then yes, I have no right to be here.

Are there no others on WF who write how they feel without being jumped on?  I do not want to learn "proper" poetry.  I just want to write what comes into my head.  And last night I was covered in blood which was spewing from my skull and all I wanted to do was write something.

Was that so wrong of me?


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## QDOS (Jul 12, 2015)

Sonata – hope you feel better soon. 

  Poetry, verse, just writing your thoughts, whatever others might call it, can and is obviously very therapeutic to you so don’t be put off by any of our critiques. But as I said yesterday just like taking snap shots with a camera every now and again, by accident if you like, natural talent will deliver something exceptional. 

  The comments you’ve received to date shown you have ability. You’ve started a journey, I am sure you will reach even greater heights, and the warm pleasure at your own accomplishments will leave you elated. 

  [FONT=&Verdana]So just view our suggested tweaks as a helpful hand rail to steady your progress and just because it’s there don’t let yourself feel intimidate by it. 

QDOS
[/FONT]


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## Nellie (Jul 12, 2015)

Sonata said:


> I do not know how to write "proper" poetry.  I do not understand the words that explain it and I do not understand punctuation when I write what I think is poetry.  Which it is obviously not.  I just want to be me and write as I write.  Because if I do not then those are not my words.
> 
> I need to be able to write as me, not write "proper" poetry which is not me.  Has nothing to do with me.  And if people cannot understand what I aj desperately trying to explain then yes, I have no right to be here.



I understand what you are desperately trying to say. You want to be heard, understood and not have others put words into your mouth that make absolutely NO sense to you. 



Sonata said:


> Are there no others on WF who write how they feel without being jumped on?  I do not want to learn "proper" poetry.  I just want to write what comes into my head.  And last night I was covered in blood which was spewing from my skull and all I wanted to do was write something.
> 
> Was that so wrong of me?



Nothing is wrong with you. Yes, some of us have been jumped on when we've expressed how we feel thru our writings. It is how it is perceived. Some just come across a bit too harsh. We ALL have a right to expressing our feelings thru our view of poetry.


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## Sonata (Jul 12, 2015)

Nellie said:


> I understand what you are desperately trying to say. You want to be heard, understood and not have others put words into your mouth that make absolutely NO sense to you.
> 
> Nothing is wrong with you. Yes, some of us have been jumped on when we've expressed how we feel thru our writings. It is how it is perceived. Some just come across a bit too harsh. We ALL have a right to expressing our feelings thru our view of poetry.



I just want to write things in my words, and to be honest I do not care if my words and my punctuation is correct or not.  The words are my words and if I sound rather whoopsy at the moment it is because I am concussed.  Other times it is just because I am me.  I am not a poet and not a writer.  Never was and never will be.  I just like to write and sometimes it comes out of MY form of poetry.  And if I insult people by my bad poetry then I apologise.  But they are my words and my non-punctuation because that is the way the words come out of my head.

I fell.  I fall.  Because my bungalow is tiny and I  try to use my crutches inside and not my electric wheelchair.  But I fall out of that regularly as my balance has gone.  But I need to be upright at times to keep my stupid guts working.  And yes I know I was mad to get another puppy  but hell, what other reason do I have to get up in the morning?

And I think in rhyme.  I have done for as long as I can remember.  It just happens.


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## Chesters Daughter (Jul 12, 2015)

A mere five days ago, I respectfully requested that this creative board be used for its intended purpose. For those who may have missed it, my post may be accessed *here.*

Obviously, my plea has made zero impact for again in this thread, as well as in a few others, most of the replies do not address the piece presented for consideration. Since no one wants to use this thread for its intended purpose, I should lock it. I am electing not to go to that extreme for the moment, but the next post that does not address the work itself will result in the thread being locked. I again implore everyone to be mindful of the purpose of the creative boards while posting as nothing saddens us more than having to pull posts or lock threads due to something so easily avoidable as misuse of the board. And I will again reiterate that there are many locations on the site that cater to discussion.

Thank you for your attention.

Chester's Daughter


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 12, 2015)

Thanks for the poem Sonata.

I liked this part here:

_There is something wrong
 with my balance you see
 so I fall and if unlucky
 the crashes hurt me
_
[FONT=ＭＳ Ｐゴシック]
[/FONT]I did not find anything incredibly original about the writing,
but it was nice.[FONT=ＭＳ Ｐゴシック]

[/FONT]
6/10


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## Olly Buckle (Jul 13, 2015)

There is a little imagery in this, it is not purely a statement of fact, but


> I was not trying to be rhyming. And I am a native English speaker and I do appreciate your help. It was just before midnight, my time, when I write this and I had a just houseful of paramedics here while trying to keep a wriggling puppy on my lap who kept trying to nip the paramedic who was trying to glue my scalp.
> 
> I do not use punctuation in my "poems" - I just write them. I really do appreciate your offer of help but I need to be able to write as me, as me is, not a correct me, and the "me" who is really "me" cannot write if it is being smothered by corrections.
> 
> I want to write. That is all.


What you describe here is not poetry, more like a blog or diary. The idea of poetry is not to smother the 'You', but to display the aspects that are beyond the mundane and easily described, the contradictions and complexities of our perception. Those who say 'This is me, I am simple' are either near morons or mistaken, we are people, complex, filled with inhibitions and emotions, poetry is a way of expressing this, it does not often come easily and directly. Sure, write about the experience at the time and grab the immediacy of the moment, but then, next day when the puppy is asleep and the paramedics have gone, go through what you have written and find the poem within it, use it as a reminder of the complexities of thought you did not record, of the emotions, the contradictions involved in the company and demands of the puppy in such situations, all those other things beyond the bare facts of the case; otherwise, as I say, it is not a poem, it is something else.
The poem is not 'you' without these things, any observer could have written it, seeking them out also helps explore and develop the 'you'. I sometimes wonder if you are so  literal because you feel awed by you, and keep yourself dark and hidden even to yourself? Probably just my imagination.

Not to say I don't have some sympathy for your sore head; that glue is a great invention, much less invasive than stitching.


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## Terry D (Jul 13, 2015)

I am going to reinforce the post above by Chester's Daughter. The Poetry forum is one of our creative boards and a creative board exists on this site as a place where members can post their poetry for critique -- and, yes, sometimes criticism. Work posted here should *expect and be open to such scrutiny*. This is *not* a forum for a discussion of the topic of the work, or of any other subject except the style, structure, and effectiveness of the originally posted poem. Diversions into other subjects is *a form of thread hijacking and will not be tolerated*. Duration of membership here at WF, quantity and quality of previous participation, nor any other characteristic is sufficient grounds to ignore the instructions and suggestions of staff members trying to maintain the purpose of these forums.

I share Chester's Daughter's aversion to locking threads. I prefer to allow the thread to remain open and let the site's disciplinary system take care of those who refuse to participate under the rules they agreed to when joining the site. This warning pertains not just to this thread, but to all posting on the Poetry forum.


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