# So,what's it all about?Dithering,



## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

I'm 62 yrs old and have rarely ventured outside my home county.
I've been nowhere, seen, and done nothing, and i know nobody.
Call me friendless.But not in a bad way, it's just that really, away from my place of work, i really don't know a living soul, oh there are faces, people that i sometimes see and recognise, in my general day to day existence,but that's it.

So, what's this thread all about?
We've all heard it said, "you should get out more, get a life."
Well, i'm beginning to think that actually, i think i'd like to, get out more, and GET a life, of sorts,but how?


I think the best way to start,would be to jump on a bus to the farthest destination from my home town,which wouldn't be so far, 20/30 miles i would think,and take it from there, but one could so easily end up somewhere and find one's self thinking "god!What a dump". Only way to find out though is to do it.

"J.F.D.I."
Yeah i know.

And having achieved that,then maybe, repeat the method. Go to the farthest destination, from my farthest destination, and well,see how far i could take that,ultimately to a coastline.

Isn't that how the writing of "Memoirs" start?

mmmmm,and i shall dither for an eternity, probably.

maybe when the summer comes.

dither


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## Gavrushka (Jan 30, 2014)

You've an imagination, and I'd say that has travelled far further than many of us can physically. 

In the above post, you seem to have concentrated on what could be considered negatives, and I am sure there is a reason for that. I don't think it was written to elicit sympathy from others, but perhaps it was more a statement of circumstances.

I have a feeling that many of the aspects of your life revolve around personal choice, or perhaps bi-products of your employment status. - Here, I don't think anyone judges anyone else by personal circumstances. Instead, we rate the words that each of us write, and make suggestions as to how they could become something better...

...Perhaps writing is an outlet and a foundation for many of us to experience a life that has been elusive to date.


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

You're about my age, _and if you're being truthful_, I am so glad I've been an outlaw my entire life.

Life isn't delivered like a pizza.  You stalk the good things in life, conquer them by beating them half to death with a wet brick and offending far too many women to even catalog.

I've never been out of my home country, either.  As long as there are states where I do not have wants and warrants my work is not done here.

My Aunt Clara once told my dad that if a man lived his life correctly his funeral would be packed.  Half there to mourn, the other half to make sure he's dead.

So go live your life before it's too late.  Getting your nose broken doesn't hurt that much.  The worse thing about getting arrested is the lousy food--the last time I was in jail I played Hearts and won four bucks.  Most girls don't like boys like me, but then, lots of them do.  Having a wound-out motorcycle engine explode between your legs is an experience you cannot glean from Grand Theft Auto--trust me.  And you really do see "red" in bar fights.

Start small, tell your mom you're moving out to find your own apartment.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Truth is, i just don't have the balls mate.

Loved your response though.

Btw, i'm in England,totally different gig to the states.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Gavrushka said:


> You've an imagination, and I'd say that has travelled far further than many of us can physically.
> 
> In the above post, you seem to have concentrated on what could be considered negatives, and I am sure there is a reason for that. I don't think it was written to elicit sympathy from others, but perhaps it was more a statement of circumstances.
> 
> ...



Gav,
i haven't posted this thread for sympathy,cos actually, i don't feel sorry for myself, regrets? Now that's a different story, but at the end of the day, we all have a choice, and i made mine.And yes,i know this is a writing forums website, but i thought this particular was a place for totally writing unrelated topics, rubbish/nonsense etc.

I was merely thinking aloud.

Maybe i'm just taking stock.

I don't know.

As i said, i would like to get out more, would even like to have someone to experience it with, but "people, I mean real,,,people?" UGH!

So, i shall probably go it alone, until i get mugged,raped, stabbed, or something.

We'll see eh?


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> Btw, i'm in England,totally different gig to the states.



I hear you.  I'm on a few gun and knife forums, and the things I do here without thinking is the same stuff that can buy you some serious jail time.  Here, the police fear us, as it should be.

But I advise you to do something--anything.  Is there a book or fictional character that got your attention?  If so, go buy a cup of the lead's favorite coffee, just do something.

Worst case scenario, sell your family silverware and come here to the colonies.  I'll let you shoot a real handgun, maybe even buy you an assisted opening knife that locks open--that is, if your heart can take it.

Time is wasting away, man.  If they wrote a book about your life, would you even bother reading it?  If not, consider joining this forum as a wake up call.


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## dale (Jan 30, 2014)

the only question you need to ask yourself would be......in years down the road when it might become too late to travel, will you lay there
in bed regretting not doing it. answer that question, and it should answer whether or not you should "dither" any longer.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

dale said:


> the only question you need to ask yourself would be......in years down the road when it might become too late to travel, will you lay there
> in bed regretting not doing it. answer that question, and it should answer whether or not you should "dither" any longer.



Dale,let's put that another way.
If 50 yrs ago,i could have seen how my life would unfold, would i have done things differently?

No, of course not, because i am me, with all my failings and inadequacies, they define who i am.
If i could have shed/avoided the baggage, well then, i wouldn't have been me, i'd be somebody else entirely.
I'd probably be some other lucky sod, with courage,self-esteem, and maybe even confidence, WOW? Big words there.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Tourist,
you are right of course.
And i DO "hear you".
But i just can't do that shit.
My life story would be best printed on a bogroll, but there wouldn't be enough for one good wipe.


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## PiP (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> Truth is, i just don't have the balls mate.
> 
> Loved your response though.
> 
> Btw, i'm in England,totally different gig to the states.



Hey dither, I'm also from England   I'm gonna make a suggestion and please don't laugh. Why don't you get yourself down to your local travel agents and see what deals they have on cruises leaving from the UK. A package cruise not only offers the 'feel safe' spirit of adventure but also the opportunity to visit several different countries from the safety of the mothership. Hey, there's even plenty of organised coach trips once you dock in port. Don't get to 80, look back and then think "If only" 
PiP


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> Tourist, But i just can't do that shit.



Why not?  Poor health?  Lack of funds?  Fear?

This is my little Harley, I call her "Spinner."  That's a salty Amurkin epithet for a feisty little girl.  She has one job, and that's to kill me as fast as she can--and trust me, she has a work ethic.  Everything about that bike, including the exhaust, is dangerous, over-priced and illegal.

So at the end of the day, what's the real difference between you and me?  The answer is absolutely nothing.  I was fourteen when I threw a leg over for the first time.  Now I buy warning nipples in sets of four.

Go do something!!!

In front of my wife's SUV is another bike--one with an even bigger engine, she's Black Betty.  If you've heard the song, then you know what she's like to ride.  That pouch on my right hip?  That's a concealed SW 360PD in .357 Magnum.  I don't ask permission.

I believe in divine appointments.  Maybe it's a good thing we met.  Answer me this, what are you going to do today?


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## Gavrushka (Jan 30, 2014)

I think the thing to remember is that you are reflecting on a life that has a good way to travel yet. 62 is nothing of an age. If you've regrets, make it 62 years worth and not 63 years worth - Pip's idea is a good one. - She was 87 before she left England's shores for the first time. 

I think you should start by sharing a few of the things that you do regret not doing so far, and then let's see which of those you can tackle sometime soon... 

My original post was written when you'd first submitted a very short opening post, which you've since edited, so my first words may be out of kilter with the full flavour of that opening.


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## Terry D (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> Tourist,
> you are right of course.
> And i DO "hear you".
> But i just can't do that shit.
> My life story would be best printed on a bogroll, but there wouldn't be enough for one good wipe.



Don't worry about it, dither. Your honesty is refreshing. I'm sure whatever you decide to do it will reflect who you really are and you won't fall into the pathetic trap of spewing bullshit across endless forums trying to convince strangers you are something you are not. I don't get the sense that you feel the need to compensate for anything. That is to be admired.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Pip,Tourist,
i can respond to both of you with one word, "FEAR".

I envy you Tourist, but you are you.
And i could never BE, you.

As for living to be 80, i never wanted to see 50.

Tired o' living,scared of dying.

Scared of living maybe.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Terry D said:


> Don't worry about it, dither. Your honesty is refreshing. I'm sure whatever you decide to do it will reflect who you really are and you won't fall into the pathetic trap of spewing bullshit across endless forums trying to convince strangers you are something you are not. I don't get the sense that you feel the need to compensate for anything. That is to be admired.



Terry,
re compensate.

I do feel as though i owe the world an apology for having breathed the same air.

Compensate?
Not really sure where you're coming from there.
Sorry.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Maybe i just want to be liked,
"mediocre,indeed".

I sometimes wish that i had that F*** you attitude, but i just don't.


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

Dither, that's an easy fix.  "Fear" is the easiest thing in the world to conquer.

"Fear" isn't a person, a Draconian ruler, a debilitating tax or a recalcitrant ex-wife.  It's an idea, and one of the worse kind.  It's a slate of lies and erroneous logic that you have inflicted upon yourself.

The same engines, bullets and crazed redheads that could kill you can just as easily kill me.  And if you've convinced yourself you're already one of the walking dead, than what's the real risk of a high-speed, head-on collision with a runaway locomotive?

The Bible teaches that if your right hand offends you, cut it off.  And so it is with fears, boogeymen, doubts and lack of experience.  When I get into a low rut, I go to the poetry section here and read the works of our fellow member *Pandora*.  I recommend you do the same.  With a simple few words, she hacks through the debris of the human experience and refocuses the truths of clearer thinking.

Consider Pandi and I two sides of the same coin.  She's the positive voice you need to silence those fears.  And I'm the swift kick in the arse you so desperately need in your hesitation.

God puts you where he wants you, and you poor soul, He sent you a biker...


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Tourist,
Positive un-nerves me,
and the thought of ever being self-assured scares the crap out of me.

I'm sorry.


I'm regretting having started this now, cos really,50 odd yrs of negative, fits like an old pair of slippers.
It's easy,it's comfortable, and it's safe.
It's not for changing.


I started this with a wish/desire to try and kick-start my senses, give/find something to blog about, and it got around to me, i'm sorry about that also.

Well, maybe you know me a little for it.


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## PiP (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> i can respond to both of you with one word, "FEAR".
> .


 I can understand 'fear' of the unknown. Moving to Portugal felt like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.
Whatever you decide, dither, sometimes you just have to take a chance. But at the end of the day we are not all the same and as such cope with the challenges of life in different ways.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

I shall continue to dither Pip.


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## dale (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> I shall continue to dither Pip.



cool. if you feel your life has been a satisfying one, then you should remain "dithering". i would. just because one is "well-traveled" doesn't
mean their life is more fulfilled.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Fulfillment?
Satisfaction?

Does it really matter?


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

pigletinportugal said:


> But at the end of the day we are not all the same and as such cope with the challenges of life in different ways.



Hey, I'm glad you chimed in, you little Iberian Oinker.  It will be good for our new member to hear a parallel opinion on life and literature.

Ya' know, he's been corresponding back and forth with us, and that shows me that part of him wants to join us in the fun here.  Admittedly, my perspective is about as bent as a warped boomerang, so yours is desperately needed.

For example, I was schmoozing with some other "itinerant riding associates" one night over a few chilled lemonade beverages after choir practice.  We were discussing women, and the subject touched upon who might be the champion of alluring behavior.

Now granted, I believe things should be dangerous to be fun, but I had to admit that the hands down winner for me was Sandahl Bergman when she looked coquettishly into the camera and asked, _"Do you want to live forever?"_

Whatever that woman had, I wish I could send a bottle of it to Dither.  His initial comments reminded me of a statement made by Rob Reiner.  He opined that in his entire life he had "seventeen seconds of pure joy."  Not a way to live.


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## Terry D (Jan 30, 2014)

Stepping out of your comfort zone doesn't need to be dramatic. It can be as simple as immersing yourself in a new hobby, or taking a class. Eight years ago, at a very low point in my life, I bought a cheap telescope and became a backyard stargazer. Talk about a thrill for the senses; and the mind! Find something that speaks to you and embrace it. Maybe it's music, or art, or carpentry. You don't have to travel to expand your horizons.


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## PiP (Jan 30, 2014)

Terry D said:


> Stepping out of your comfort zone doesn't need to be dramatic. It can be as simple as immersing yourself in a new hobby, or taking a class. Eight years ago, at a very low point in my life, I bought a cheap telescope and became a backyard stargazer. Talk about a thrill for the senses; and the mind! Find something that speaks to you and embrace it. Maybe it's music, or art, or carpentry. You don't have to travel to expand your horizons.



You are right, Terry. 





> Find something that speaks to you and embrace it. Maybe it's music, or art, or carpentry. You don't have to travel to expand your horizons.



Dither, we can all chip in with ideas but if you accept life as it is, why change? Be happy and at peace


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## dale (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> Fulfillment?
> Satisfaction?
> 
> Does it really matter?



lol. oh. so basically this thread is your little tribute to nihilism then?


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Pip,
i accept what is, and don't really want to change anything.
I started this thread about me looking to get out of my home town, just to freshen up my way of seeing things.
I didn't mean to get around to me, really, i didn't.

Maybe i could find a way of writing stuff that speaks to my kind,now there's a thought.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

dale said:


> lol. oh. so basically this thread is your little tribute to nihilism then?



And maybe it's just a "poor old me" gig.

Seriously, i DO try to self-analyse.

And maybe,maybe,maybe.


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## patskywriter (Jan 30, 2014)

Dither, I think I can relate to you … but only up to a point. 

I started out as a very strange child. Unresponsive, weird, solitary, the whole bit. Sometimes, looking back, I wonder if I was autistic. I'm still *very* socially awkward. But, thanks to my having siblings, I learned how to pretend to be a normal person until I was later able to catch on. I also learned to deal with my fears (well, some of them) by just jumping into things and slogging it out. I never really cared what people thought of me anyway. Sometimes I stood on the sidelines and merely observed, but I at least made the effort to "be there" (as opposed to totally becoming isolated).

You can start by being on the periphery of the "action" (whatever you choose), and then you can wade in when you feel it's right for you. Identify your strengths and try something you can handle. In my case, I decided to become a journalist and start a community paper—which involves talking to people I don't know. That was a scary decision for a recluse, but it was something I really wanted to do. I quickly came to the realization that I don't really see people unless I really look, and that I can't hear them unless I pay close attention. I don't really notice people and I'm far from gregarious. Those are *terrible* traits in social settings—but the need to concentrate closely when someone talks to me has allowed me to become a really good interviewer. Of course, I had to start out pretending that I was an affable host and clever journalist—and I eventually grew into these roles.

I have also realized that, by having friends, I can enjoy certain things that I can't, or haven't, achieved myself. I can't imagine ever getting close enough to someone to start a family, but, thanks to my sister, I'm happy to be an aunt (and also a play-aunt to my friends' kids). I might only have half a dozen friends, but they're good 'uns. 

So, take a deep breath and do something—one thing. My grandmother used to offset winter depression by visiting people in the hospital. Maybe you can take a book or magazine to your local hospital, read to someone, and engage them in conversation. Putting yourself out there by making a friendly gesture could help make life worthwhile for someone who *really* needs a bit of kindness. 

Then report back to us—I'm eager to see what happens. You know, life isn't really all that hard once you get into it.


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

patskywriter said:


> Then report back to us—I'm eager to see what happens. You know, life isn't really all that hard once you get into it.



+1

I'd like to see him do something positive, and report back that it wasn't as scary as imagined.  At some point in all our lives, we've been crippled by inaction derived from fear.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

Patsky,
i have to go now, duty calls.

But i think i should tell you that i'm married and have a grown-up son.

Journalist?
I can see where you're coming from there but i doubt that i'm clever enough.

I've thought about autism.

Meeting strangers for the first time, i love meeting strangers, but then i run and hide.
Can't face closeness.
And can't explain.
I gotta go.


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## dither (Jan 30, 2014)

The Tourist said:


> +1
> 
> I'd like to see him do something positive, and report back that it wasn't as scary as imagined.  At some point in all our lives, we've been crippled by inaction derived from fear.


 Tourist,
the only reporting back that i'm going to be doing is if i blog experiences of a short bus-ride.


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## alanmt (Jan 30, 2014)

If you are not used to traveling and want to start small, I recommend:

1. pick a nearby town
2. find something specific to do there that interests you, like visiting a museum, going to a concert or art show, dining at a particular restaurant.  Use the internet to find such an activity and plan your trip.
3.Go as planned. Take a travel notebook and camera for notes and pictures. 
4. Get home and write about it.  You might have the next "Travel with Charlie" on you hands after a while.

If you are battling general feelings of worthlessness get checked for depression.

If you need a fresh outlook and sense of purpose, find some volunteer work, especially for the less fortunate.


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## The Tourist (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> Tourist, the only reporting back that i'm going to be doing is if i blog experiences of a short bus-ride.



Not my choice of transportation--too many wheels!  LOL

Do what you have to do.  Start small.  I began with brunettes.  Then blondes.  True bravery entered my life when I signed that organ donor card and dated a redhead.    Laugh if you want, but I've risked my life for far sillier things!

But please come back.  I think there's four or five decent guys here, one is a clone from an experiment gone awry, but I digress.  A victory for you is a victory for us all.  What's the worse thing that can happen?  Tower of London?  I hear the Queen had to fire the headsman over spending issues...


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## patskywriter (Jan 30, 2014)

dither, if you're married and have a son, you're a whole lot braver than you're letting on! I could never do that.     I suppose if you didn't have a job you'd feel more isolated. So that's good, too. But you're still focusing on "doubt," "can't," and you're listing things you can't do. I have done so, too, but my solution is to approximate or come close to what others seem to be able to do easily: For example, I don't dance. I just can't imagine dancing. But I love music—so I'm a part-time DJ. I recoil from human touch, so I will obviously never be a mommy, LOL—but I'm an aunt, and I've learned to hug. When I look back on my life, I can see that I might have missed a few things that some people assume _everybody_ does, but I've still had a wonderful time. 

About that short bus ride: A lot can happen on a short bus ride. It was on a short bus ride that I really heard German for the first time. It hadn't occurred to me that the only German I had heard was shouted by Hitler and other bad guys on TV and in the movies. I was surprised to see a young woman cradling her toddler and reading to her softly in German. And then I was surprised that I was surprised. Of course Germans love their children! Had I ever doubted it, or had I ever given it any thought?

Another time, I listened in while a young black man described how desperately he wanted to go to college when he was kid. He wrote to the president (chancellor?) of Dartmouth College when he was 12 years old. They kept up a correspondence, and he was eventually offered a four-year scholarship.

Oh yeah, a lot can happen on the bus. Try starting a conversation and see where that leads. Maybe that will put you on a path of having meaningful, albeit short, relationships with people you probably initially took for granted.


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## Morkonan (Jan 30, 2014)

dither said:


> ...So, what's this thread all about?
> We've all heard it said, "you should get out more, get a life."
> Well, i'm beginning to think that actually, i think i'd like to, get out more, and GET a life, of sorts,but how?...



First of all, never forget that you already have a "life." You may not think of it as much, but it is one. It may even be much more exciting or involving than the lives of other people. Don't discount it.

But, if you feel that it is not broad enough, not exciting or fulfilling enough, then you may want to focus on those areas - Broaden it by engaging yourself in various pursuits that you have an interest in. Do you like to write or read? Join a book club at the local library/community center/bookstore. Like to fish or hunt? Join a fishing or hunting club? Travel? Same... See? The reason I suggest "clubs" and civic groups and such is that those are the most easily identifiable means for you to jump into a social activity.

You don't have to travel in order to broaden your experiences. Travel just frequently presents you with new experiences, not all of them pleasant. But, the sense of discovery and personal achievement might be something you're looking for. So, check around to see if there are any travel groups in your area. There are usually some sorts of groups of people that get together to go on trips and such, organized by civic organizations or even colleges and universities. (A relative of mine took a trip around the world that was sponsored and organized by a University-affiliated club.) Maybe something like that would interest you? If so, grab a local paper or contact your local community center.


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## dither (Jan 31, 2014)

I've an imagination?
I wonder what made you say that.
If i had an imagination i'd be a writer.
I think that maybe i'm confusing imagination with creativety.


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## dither (Jan 31, 2014)

alanmt said:


> If you are not used to traveling and want to start small, I recommend:
> 
> 1. pick a nearby town
> 2. find something specific to do there that interests you, like visiting a museum, going to a concert or art show, dining at a particular restaurant.  Use the internet to find such an activity and plan your trip.
> ...




Alan,
i do intend to make an effort,to get out and see new places close to home. Soon. 
The only thing that really interests me, is watching people, like boffs watch lab-rats. Actions/reactions/interaction, it's cabaret to me.
I always carry a notebook nowadays but i don't do cameras since they became digital,too complicated, it's a pity.And if i did, i wouldn't know how to put them onto computer.
"Travel with charlie"? My dream mate.
Depression?
Yeah, i've thought about that also. I don't enjoy being me, but i fancy the alternatives even less.
Volunteer work? I just don't cope well with people,and working with less fortunate, would totally destroy me emotionally.

Thanks for your thoughts Alan.


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## dither (Jan 31, 2014)

patskywriter said:


> dither, if you're married and have a son, you're a whole lot braver than you're letting on! I could never do that.     I suppose if you didn't have a job you'd feel more isolated. So that's good, too. But you're still focusing on "doubt," "can't," and you're listing things you can't do. I have done so, too, but my solution is to approximate or come close to what others seem to be able to do easily: For example, I don't dance. I just can't imagine dancing. But I love music—so I'm a part-time DJ. I recoil from human touch, so I will obviously never be a mommy, LOL—but I'm an aunt, and I've learned to hug. When I look back on my life, I can see that I might have missed a few things that some people assume _everybody_ does, but I've still had a wonderful time.
> 
> About that short bus ride: A lot can happen on a short bus ride. It was on a short bus ride that I really heard German for the first time. It hadn't occurred to me that the only German I had heard was shouted by Hitler and other bad guys on TV and in the movies. I was surprised to see a young woman cradling her toddler and reading to her softly in German. And then I was surprised that I was surprised. Of course Germans love their children! Had I ever doubted it, or had I ever given it any thought?
> 
> ...



Patsky,
oh Patsky.
The ability to dance? If only, like hugging, i was and am, just too self-conscious.
I never even hugged my own son.Ever. How awful is that?
Relationships? Now that's something to recoil at, but having said that, if i was ever in the enviable position of  reporting on  travel-experiences, i think i could deal with people, might rather enjoy it,as a fact-finding exercise.:smile:


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## dither (Jan 31, 2014)

Morkonan said:


> First of all, never forget that you already have a "life." You may not think of it as much, but it is one. It may even be much more exciting or involving than the lives of other people. Don't discount it.
> 
> But, if you feel that it is not broad enough, not exciting or fulfilling enough, then you may want to focus on those areas - Broaden it by engaging yourself in various pursuits that you have an interest in. Do you like to write or read? Join a book club at the local library/community center/bookstore. Like to fish or hunt? Join a fishing or hunting club? Travel? Same... See? The reason I suggest "clubs" and civic groups and such is that those are the most easily identifiable means for you to jump into a social activity.
> 
> You don't have to travel in order to broaden your experiences. Travel just frequently presents you with new experiences, not all of them pleasant. But, the sense of discovery and personal achievement might be something you're looking for. So, check around to see if there are any travel groups in your area. There are usually some sorts of groups of people that get together to go on trips and such, organized by civic organizations or even colleges and universities. (A relative of mine took a trip around the world that was sponsored and organized by a University-affiliated club.) Maybe something like that would interest you? If so, grab a local paper or contact your local community center.



Morko,
i really don't fancy the social thing.
I enjoy wandering/roaming, both mentally and physically, alone. 
People just get in my way,slow me down,and yes, mentally and physically.
I would love to be able to write.
I have notes that i might try to put into some sort of order over the weekend.
I like to read but i lack stamina,can't stay with a book for long.
Short reads,and jars of cheap cider. That's what my weekends consist of.
I'm 62, i really don't want anything physical.


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## Pandora (Jan 31, 2014)

We dither about to concerts, that's my kind of dithering. See the sights, meet great people, eat their food, drink their drink, see the concert with people of like minds. It adds to the idea of a destination. I'm probably never going to make it now to England but oh to have walked the same streets as a young Eric Burdon, Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, my gosh the list is endless. To see the countryside of my ancestors, find their resting places. 
My imagination takes me there, I am there in spirit.


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## dither (Jan 31, 2014)

And i wouldn't have minded experiencing your country.
Life eh?:nonchalance:


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## Arcopitcairn (Feb 1, 2014)

Not everyone is meant to _do _something. Some people wait. Forever.


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## Kevin (Feb 1, 2014)

> To see the countryside of my ancestors





> wouldn't have minded experiencing your country.


   FLAT SWAP!?! all that's required is plane tickets and some tidying...Pm each other for details.


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

Arcopitcairn said:


> Not everyone is meant to _do _something. Some people wait. Forever.



True.

- - - Updated - - -



Kevin said:


> FLAT SWAP!?! all that's required is plane tickets and some tidying...Pm each other for details.



Ha'ha'ha. Yes, thought did occur.


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## patskywriter (Feb 1, 2014)

Arcopitcairn said:


> Not everyone is meant to _do _something. Some people wait. Forever.



Agreed. Some people, like myself, who have identifiable challenges, learn how to get around them and still lead wonderful lives. But, sadly, some get stuck lamenting what they can't do, and end up watching the world go by. There's probably more people like the latter than we realize—and they go unnoticed until one of them speaks up. Oh, well. It's Saturday—time for adventure!


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

Adventure,

Nice one Patsky.:smile:


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## The Tourist (Feb 1, 2014)

Arcopitcairn said:


> Not everyone is meant to _do _something. Some people wait. Forever.



Yeah, and most end up as road-kill.

The expression is, _"They also serve who only stand and wait."_  The premise is that they are equally trained and committed to action, which they will provide when called.  Like a deep bench in sports or a an under-study in the theater.

But the expression is not, _"They also live who stand rigid, never move, hide out and only veg."_

I made the determination that the OP is venting, not planning.  He never intended to do anything, he just wanted some support or confirmation that being frozen in abject fear was a valid alternative life style.

Now granted, my roots in a MC might offend, challenge, disgust and infuriate most of you guys, some specific moderators, all of polite society and the entire body of my own countrymen's apologist tenets.  I pick out metal polish with more intensive determination than care what these pretenders think.

And for good reason.  There will always be 'fraidy cats, self appointed social organizers, and even world leaders who think they rule by divine rite.  All of them are idiots.  The rules they inflict on us never apply to themselves, and even if they claim compliance, there's always a "special circumstance" to negate the inconvenience.

In short, if you think someone, anyone, is going to deliver fulfillment and satisfaction to you because you're a good but wounded person, then nothing in your life will ever, ever happen.

I broke a bone in every serious fight I was ever in.  I was in love four times in my life--and I had to sort through +400 women to find them.  Broke my neck in five places hitting a truck.  There are fourteen memorial bricks at our clubhouse.  One was shot and killed during a gang war.  I rode with every one of them.  Don't even get me started on The Red Queen.

My feeling?  _I wish I could do it all over again_.  This time I'd live bolder, speak the truth more often.  Break a few more bones.

Hiding is not life.  And trust me, I'll never buy a book that begins, _"My mother let me sleep late this morning after that frightening dust bunny confrontation I had last month.  I hope she restocked the Pepto-Bismol, I almost had an erection again..."
_


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

Tourist, you're a lucky fellow.


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## patskywriter (Feb 1, 2014)

As Mae West used to say, "Luck's got nothin' to do with it."


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## The Tourist (Feb 1, 2014)

dither said:


> Tourist, you're a lucky fellow.



Do you know the difference between you and I?  I'll tell you a dirty little secret.

Absolutely nothing.

I saw the movie The Red Badge of Courage as a younger man.  I did not know who Audie Murphy was then.  In that movie he looks like a scared little kid.  My dad informed me that he was the most decorated soldier of WWII.  He shouldn't have even been in combat, he got into the service after lying about both his age and his height.  I don't even know how you would do that.

But as young and as small as he looked in that movie, you have to remember it was filmed fully six years after he was awarded the CMoH.  When decorated, he was even younger and smaller.

You, me, and Mr. Murphy are given the same dollop of courage by our Creator.  It's not being foolhardy that's the secret, it's conquering your own fears.

Nothing more.  I have probably been more scared than you can ever imagine.  Never stopped me once.  Heck, I'm afraid of Alexa now...


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

patskywriter said:


> As Mae West used to say, "Luck's got nothin' to do with it."



I would beg to differ, respectfully of course.


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

The Tourist said:


> Do you know the difference between you and I?  I'll tell you a dirty little secret.
> 
> Absolutely nothing.
> 
> ...




Sorry mate, totally disagree.


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## The Tourist (Feb 1, 2014)

dither said:


> Sorry mate, totally disagree.



How do you know?  Which one of us is better the judge of being The Mouse That Roared.?

Look at my avatar.  I was nineteen, and weighed 140 pounds.  Heck, most of the women I "dated" weighed more than I did!  Have you ever seen a biker chick!  Kind of like watching a train wreck, oh, you want to turn away, but you just can't...LOL

Consider this premise.  What happens if you do something crazy--like eating a can of peas outside the expiration date--and you like the feeling!

Then what?  There I can provide guidance.  Pretty soon you'll be checking out library books just to watch them go overdue.  You'll start buying your own underwear no matter what your mom says about "building the boys a home."

Then ruination.  Did you know that when you talk to girls several will actually talk back to you?  Oh, there are the errant face slaps and death threats--but girls in that category usually wind up calling you later.  I'd like to tell you how that pans out, but my job here is to encourage you, not scare you to death...

_(Oh, and when that redhead insults your heritage three generations back, let your beard grow a bit.  That ilk likes 'em scruffy.)_


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## Deleted member 49710 (Feb 1, 2014)

Hey dither, just wanted to say, I think I have an idea of where you're coming from, and I thought this was good advice:


Terry D said:


> Stepping out of your comfort zone doesn't need to be dramatic. It can be as simple as immersing yourself in a new hobby, or taking a class. Eight years ago, at a very low point in my life, I bought a cheap telescope and became a backyard stargazer. Talk about a thrill for the senses; and the mind! Find something that speaks to you and embrace it. Maybe it's music, or art, or carpentry. You don't have to travel to expand your horizons.


as was alanmt's advice about choosing small activities and excursions. I don't think you need to change who you are or your entire life all in one fell swoop, but it does sound like you're a bit bored and unhappy right now. So maybe trying some new things, even small things like new foods or going to events and places nearby where you haven't been before, would help you push your boundaries a bit, find some new experiences. Hope things improve for you.


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

Lasm,
I did actually have a phase ,years ago, where i did night classes, in an attempt to improve my image of myself, it didn't work i'm afraid. I must admit, that at the time i enjoyed meeting and studying with my fellow adult learners though.


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## dither (Feb 1, 2014)

Well, i visited Corby today, or rather a retail park on the outskirts of the place.For sometime now, apparently, my sister had been wanting to go and checkout the Asda superstore that's open 24/7. A friend had cautioned her, that if her car ever broke down whilst in the vicinity, that she should most certainly NOT, under any circumstances, leave her car, that she should keep all doors locked, and start making phone-calls, oh dear, how awful is that? And so, with that message ringing in her ears, i was invited to go along.
I'd always wanted to go to Corby. Well no, that's not entirely accurate, like my sister, i had, for some time now, rather fancied checking out Asda's. I wasn't disappointed. It's one helluva place, it's huge. For myself, i'm tierd of paying top prices for my glasses, i'd seen good reports regarding their opticians on the question of value, and i shall probably venture forth in the summer, but they don't do bi-focals, it will have to be verifocals, and i wonder why? Weird huh!
Anyway, we went, we saw, my cheap cider was a few pence cheaper, and we were both suitably impressed.:cheers:
Apart from that, nothing remotely remarkable occurred, went there, returned home.
 I got on the next bus out for my routine Saturday shopping trip, not to shop though, i'd done that, i borrowed  a book from the library after a small detour, having nodded off on the bus, again:apologetic:, got my quid bag o' spuds, paid a visit to Frydays, spoils consumed at the nearest possible "empty" bus shelter, then headed for home.
I missed Downan, i do hope he's okay.
Other than that, again, nothing remarkable occurred, i returned home, again, and that's me. Sorted.:smile:


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## The Tourist (Feb 1, 2014)

dither said:


> Other than that, again, nothing remarkable occurred, i returned home, again, and that's me. Sorted.:smile:



What!  You're safe and sound?  No convulsions?  You didn't get spirited off as carrion by some mythical bird of prey out of Sinbad?

I must say, I did feel the planet tilt a bit when I was at the gym.  I thought it was the girl ahead of me in the teenie tiny pants...

Dither, let this be a lesson for you and a first step.  There's nothing out there in the world but other frightened souls who probably have a yellow streak wider than yours.

Go live.  And I expect you back here with news that you talked to a strange woman--and survived!


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

Tourist,
this is England.
There can sometimes be half a dozen people at a bus stop, a car-crash could occur, and not a word would be spoken.

As for "going out/going places/seeing people", jesus! I work, remember.
It's not possible for me not to do the above.
But when i go out at the weekend, i don't hang about. My only mission is to get home. Occasionally, something inside my head prompts me to  sit for a while, or stroll,  soaking it all up, as if i'd just spent the last ten years in a cave.
It's funny, that just gave me a thought, maybe i carry my very own personal cave around with me. Avoiding big open spaces, clinging to the edge, hiding in the shadows, like some wounded animal.
Y'know?
This could come across as self-pitying, and when i was younger, well, maybe i was, but nowadays, it's simply a case of i really can't be bothered with it all.
Wake up tomorrow? Breath in fresh air? Experience another day of living? Do i HAVE to? Must i?
I've done nothing with my life 'cep work and pay bills and, i suppose, it could have been, might easily have been, a whole lot worse.So why can't i see that?
Yes i think about suicide but it aint never gonna happen, i'm to big a wimp for that. I shall do my time, see out my sentence, like the good hard working/tax paying chump that i am.
As for breaking out,cutting loose, this worm isn't for turning.
Life eh?


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## qwertyman (Feb 2, 2014)

*Read the Dice man.
*wikipedia:_*
The Dice Man* is a novel published in 1971 by George Cockcroft under the pen name Luke Rhinehart and tells the story of a psychiatrist who begins making life decisions based on the casting of dice. Cockcroft wrote the book based on his own experiences of using dice to make decisions while studying psychology_


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## helium (Feb 2, 2014)

Do something different. I sat on a banana once and of course that changed my life. What are you gonna do?


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

qwertyman said:


> *Read the Dice man.
> *wikipedia:_*
> The Dice Man* is a novel published in 1971 by George Cockcroft under the pen name Luke Rhinehart and tells the story of a psychiatrist who begins making life decisions based on the casting of dice. Cockcroft wrote the book based on his own experiences of using dice to make decisions while studying psychology_



Can it be read online?
Not really into novels.
I don't buy books, don't like clutter, that's why i joined a library.


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

Helium,
i used to think different was scary, and i don't like surprises.
Nowadays, i just can't be bothered.

But i DO see where you're coming from, and appreciate the thought.:smile:


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## qwertyman (Feb 2, 2014)

dither said:


> Not really into novels.
> I don't buy books, don't like clutter,...



Splutter! splutter!

Sorry, can't help you. Carry on dithering.


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## patskywriter (Feb 2, 2014)

I accept dither for who he is. Some years ago, at the memorial service of the mother of a good friend, all they could really say about her was that she gave birth to five lovely daughters. She simply lived and died, and like dither, lived a life of no apparent consequence. She is not missed, and, although it sounds sad and all, that's just the way it is for some people. And I'm willing to accept that.


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

Sorry Qwerty,
i enjoy biographical reads.
But hey!
who knows?


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## The Tourist (Feb 2, 2014)

I do have a very real, palpable and visceral reason for my advice to Dither.  That being my father.

My father was born in the Midwest, never missed a meal, had a car during the Great Depression, got advanced schooling, somehow got out of WWII without serving, married the first woman he loved, had a white collar job for 42 years, retired with a full pension, lived into his eighties, and then died peacefully in his sleep.  *yawn*  Those are the only high points.

Yikes, I did more than that before I was seventeen years old.  Cross out that married part, and I did more than he did before I was twelve...

One of the true blessings of my family was a great oral tradition, and as you know, I have abiding respect for the bizarre, dangerous, and surprisingly sage comments of my addled Aunt Clara.  I learned at her knee that the only regrets you pile up in life are not from your mistakes, but from inaction.  If you're going to peel potatoes, why not a sharp knife?  If you're going to dance, why not naked?

Take a stance, be honest about views no matter how many detractors fill the room.  Lost causes are the only things worth fighting for.  Aunt Clara summed up the concept with a wink, a sip of port and observation, _"Sicilian spelled backwards is 'revenge'..."_

Heck, I wish I was as brave as she was.  I know she had a lot more fun and moved more lives than my dad.  And for the purpose of this thread, I have yet to see one valid point in rebuttal to defend the ideology that being a wall-flower is a superior path.

Oy vey, I think the seventh ring of hell must be bland food, elevator Muzak, sensible shoes, cold bedrooms, and 72 clueless virgins.  If I can write poetry I think Dither should gather himself up and rip that tag right off his mattress...


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

There will be no ripping up in the constitution of dither i'm afraid.

I don't mind "bland".
"Sensible" is safe.
"Cold" i can and do actually, live with.
"Virgins"? Can't do anything about that i'm afraid. 
"Elevator muzak"? whatever.


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## The Tourist (Feb 2, 2014)

Oh, Dither, you crack me up!

I now believe in reincarnation!  My father has come back to life!

Did you ever stop to think that motorcycle boots are "sensible shoes"?  How do you guys walk around in this dangerous world of toe-stubbing and dropped coffee cups without a superior re-enforced toe box on your footwear?

Ya' know, a switchblade makes a lot of sense.  I'll bet there are real, live working ninja clans in your country.  And while the odds of meeting any is probably ten bezillion to one, why take any chances?

I will admit that your stance on virgins is probably better than mine.  I dropped a women faster than spoiled marinara if she related she was a virgin.  Yikes, the crying, the late night calls, the roses day after day--do you know how embarrassing it is to come to work, find flowers, and knowing all your co-workers have read the plaintive card?.  You're better off with biker chicks every time--only the satanic tattoos are scary, until their true side become apparent.  Then everything about them is delightfully scary.

But be honest, Dither, you really do still have that mattress tag, don't you?


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

Tourist,
i'm confused by the term "mattress tag".
Is that an " Americanism"? No offence intended, and maybe i'm just ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, how should i put this?,,,, uninitiated?

If you knew me personally, you'd probably want to kill me, and in doing so, you be doing me the biggest favor.

I'm beat mate, totally defeated.

I just amble on, day after day,  trying to avoid any sort of confrontation.


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## The Tourist (Feb 2, 2014)

dither said:


> Tourist, i'm confused by the term "mattress tag".  Is that an " Americanism"?



Oh, merciful heavens, yes!  It's an epithet whose font is in the depraved wanton lowland of Racine, Wisconsin!  For decades they had midnight Jayhawker raids to rival Beloit.  Woe to the innocent who awakes one morning to find a smoldering beer keg on their lawn!

The battle cry of these terrorists was "Mattress Tag."

Yeah, I'm yanking you...

On American mattresses is a tag marked, "Do not remove under penalty of law."  My mother was scared to death of it, and warned my brother and me not to touch it.

The truth is that the tag was never aimed at the consumer, just the retailer.  It became somewhat of a joke here, implying that wusses could be imprisoned for defying the government.  Modern mattress tags now add that this doesn't apply to the end-user, as if people are still that gullible.

But the practice continues.  When I bought a new Sportster I found this label on the rear of the gas tank:


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## patskywriter (Feb 2, 2014)

"Never tow a trailer"? Hilarious. Although I once spotted some po' boy, (probably self-professed) redneck gentlemen towing a car in the strangest, unconventional manner. When I saw sparks and chain links flying everywhere, I hurriedly passed them and prayed that they wouldn't blow themselves up.


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## The Tourist (Feb 2, 2014)

patskywriter said:


> "Never tow a trailer"? Hilarious.



Maybe not with a Sportster, but the bigger Glides do it easily.   It has nothing to do with power, it often destabilizes the bike under braking.

You should see all the trailers at Sturgis.  Some of the riders pull those little mini-campers that sleep two.

http://www.1motorcycletrailers.com/


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

Looks as though the term "mattress tag" just about sums me up i'm afraid.
I don't push boundaries, and i don't cross lines.


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## Deleted member 49710 (Feb 2, 2014)

dither said:


> There will be no ripping up in the constitution of dither i'm afraid.
> 
> I don't mind "bland".
> "Sensible" is safe.
> ...


dither, it's your life. If you want to change it, then of course you should, and starting small is still starting. Still takes bravery, still worth trying. But if you're happy with your life and who you are, don't let strangers on the internet tell you there's something wrong with you.


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## patskywriter (Feb 2, 2014)

The Tourist, I did take a look at those motorcycle trailers. Very cool. Your bad-boy-on-a-motorcycle persona tickles me when I think of *our* local "outlaw" motorcycle clubs that sponsor back-to-school giveaways and book fairs. Sometimes I wonder if you guys act tough only to keep us afraid of you and at arms-length. I'm a journalist so I'm naturally nosy—so one day I entered a motorcycle clubhouse once, uninvited. It was like a superfunhouse in there—stereo speakers everywhere, flatscreen TVs, a beautifully polished bar, videogames, lounge … Wow, what a getaway!


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## dither (Feb 2, 2014)

lasm said:


> dither, it's your life. If you want to change it, then of course you should, and starting small is still starting. Still takes bravery, still worth trying. But if you're happy with your life and who you are, don't let strangers on the internet tell you there's something wrong with you.



Yeah, it's my life.:disturbed:
Happy?
I don't have that within me Lasm, it just isn't meant to be.
Every so often, an old family tale surfaces about how i might easily have not survived being born, 3 months premature being the least of my problems, doesn't that tell you something?
Maybe I just wasn't meant to be.
Wrong? Right? Just somebody else's opinion.
It's flattery that i don't like,absolutely abhor it.
And no-one on this earth could possibly think less of me than i do.


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## The Tourist (Feb 2, 2014)

patskywriter said:


> The Tourist, I did take a look at those motorcycle trailers. Very cool. Your bad-boy-on-a-motorcycle persona tickles me when I think of *our* local "outlaw" motorcycle clubs that sponsor back-to-school giveaways and book fairs!



My club does charity work, too.  One of our club offices is for The Red Cross Blood Drive.  In my day we had the St, Vincent DePaul ride.  The biggest one in my city is the MDA run, hundreds of bikers turn out for that one.

We're good men, just bad little boys.  It's a bike club, not a pirate ship...


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