# Taboo's are not gone



## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

A lot of my life is perfectly normal (Im in love, im getting married, have a nice family, some friends, even get along rather nicely with the in laws) and ofcourse like everyone I do have my concerns (I have MS, I cant have kids) but some of my life is very different than most people and its that different part that can make me feel very isolated. Its the BDSM part of my life. It suits me, I dont want it to go away, because without it I am not complete, but sometimes its hard that I cant talk about it with anyone, except those involved. I cant talk about it with my friends and family as it freaks them out and even within the lifestyle I cant talk about it with others as our particular form is different to most and even they judge me. Its odd how even among the weird you can still get judged for being weird or 'doing it the wrong way'. So what does that make me? A freak? A weirdo? The sensitive girl who al agree is sweet (the most common word used by others to describe me) with a deep raw dark edge that nobody knows or wants to know about? It maken me me feel isolated at the times when my lifestyle stir emotions that confuse me (I am just a newby after all) and I've got nobody to talk to to help clear my mind. In those times it maken me feel lonely. Gay people come out of the closet. Men parade around as woman if they feel like it or even have their sex changed. Hell, people even dress up as vampires and have fake fangs inserted. But someone like me hides in the shadows. I think even WF, with all its tolerance, might not quite be ready for this part of me so I will leave it at this.


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## escorial (Feb 12, 2016)

you can share with the world your inner most feelings and it will help I'm sure but deep down the one who has to stand alone and accept who you are and why you feel the way you do is as you say a very insular experience but I would offer this....it's great to tell the world and it's far more important to be comfortable with the person you are everyday of your life without the need to be understood...


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

You are absolutely right, and funny enough that is exactly what my Dominant tries to teach me, but I'm not there yet.


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## escorial (Feb 12, 2016)

you may never get there M..but what you can do is just try..sometimes that can be more important than reaching a goal...I hope you do get there though...


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

I hope so too, Escorial, because in those few moments that I do feel it, it feels pretty amazing.


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## Ultraroel (Feb 12, 2016)

I haven't got experience with BDSM or any other kinds of taboos.

I've always been considered weird, hyperactive and annoying too people. It's not neccesarily a taboo, but being considered weird and not normal has taught me people can be very mean and cruel to people who deviate from their own standard. In the end, it's the unknown and the fact that these people cannot understand your motivation that makes it scary for them. in addition, anything you don't normally do, can easily be laughed away. In the case of BDSM, most people will feel uncomfortable discussing any of the topics, which makes them ignorant. Ignorance allows them to ridicule it without knowledge, cause that's how we deal with the unknown. Either ridicule it, or be scared of it. 

Like some others, I learned to accept my "weirdness"  and to be who I am, at any given moment, which ofcourse makes me even weirder.
I have come to accept it as one of my greater strenghts, the fact that I have a different point of view, a different perception and can easily accept other peoples "weirdness" 

In the end, taboo and the refusal to discuss it, says a lot about the people who make it like that.. More than what it says about you. Be happy with who you are, embrace yourself with all your characteristics. Most importantly, don't value yourself based on other peoples opinions on you. Find your own strength and love and embrace that.


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## dale (Feb 12, 2016)

i don't think you're weird or anything. most women i know are submissive to one point or another.
but i really don't understand this whole need for some people to "come out of the closet" thing.
why is it only people with "fetishes" or gay people or trannies feel the need to make their bedroom
shit everyone's business? if you like being tied up and whipped or whatever? hey. that's cool. or
if a person is like a queer and likes to take it in the ass? hey. whatever floats your boat, dude. but
why do they gotta have a disgusting pervert parade thru the center of town about it? that's what i
don't get. it'd be like if i walked around downtown with a big posterboard saying...."hey. i shoved
my girlfriend's face in a pillow while i pounded her from behind"....i mean...who cares? don't nobody
wanna see that shit. so that's the part i don't get.


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## Stormcat (Feb 12, 2016)

dale said:


> i don't think you're weird or anything. most women i know are submissive to one point or another.
> but i really don't understand t*his whole need for some people to "come out of the closet" thing.
> why is it only people with "fetishes" or gay people or trannies feel the need to make their bedroom
> shit everyone's business?* if you like being tied up and whipped or whatever? hey. that's cool. or
> ...



"I'm not racist but..."


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## dale (Feb 12, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> "I'm not racist but..."



lol. yeah. here we go. because a man doesn't want his 6 year old kid innocently walking downtown to have to
run into a bunch of sickos with the ass cut out of their leather chaps...he's a bigot. yeah. sorry....i don't buy into
the bolshevik mind manipulations. save that crap for someone else.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

Ultraroel....  you have a funny nickname there. My brother's name is, Roelof, wich we sometimes shorten to Roel, so I read your name as Ultra Roel  I know its imporant not to let your value depend on the opinions of others, thats also a hard thing to do.

Dale: I don't really feel a need to 'come out', but it would be awfully nice to have someone, some friend, that I could talk to about it, because just because I have these feelings dont mean they dont confuse the hell out of me sometimes.

Stormcat: That wasn't really the topic of this thread, now was it?


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## Stormcat (Feb 12, 2016)

dale said:


> lol. yeah. here we go. because a man doesn't want his 6 year old kid innocently walking downtown to have to
> run into a bunch of *sickos* with the ass cut out of their leather chaps...he's a bigot. yeah. sorry....i don't buy into
> the *bolshevik mind manipulations*. save that crap for someone else.



It's fun to watch a man dig his own hole.

I believe you'll find that most BDSM practitioners AND gay folk like to keep the bedroom/dungeon activities in the bedroom. Love takes many forms. Holding hands with another man is one thing, fucking an arsehole until it bleeds is another entirely.


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## dale (Feb 12, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> It's fun to watch a man dig his own hole.



lol. is that what you think? the bitch is...this thread isn't even about that. you decided to make it about that, though.
i like mistique. and she can be whoever she wants here on this forum. i make threads on this forum that have been considered
"controversial". this section of the forum is appropriate for that. nothing wrong with it. i was only making a point about it being
 "publicly taboo", because really? even vanilla boring sexual relations type things are "publicly taboo". lol. i'm not digging myself
a hole on anything, because i don't care if you call me a "bigot". i'll happily be a bigot and laugh in your face about it.


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## Stormcat (Feb 12, 2016)

At least you own up to the title "bigot", most people try to explain it away.


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## dale (Feb 12, 2016)

Stormcat said:


> At least you own up to the title "bigot", most people try to explain it away.



lol. why wouldn't i? it's just a made up word bolsheviks use to try to scare people into shutting their mouths.
you can't shut my mouth so easily, though. a mod can. but you can't.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

Dale: Thank you for your comments, but would you mind not responding to Stormcats comments any more and in doing so help him derail my thread?

Stormcat: Dale is right, this is not about you. Don't derail the thread. You are right though that I like keeping my bedroom activities in the bedroom.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Feb 12, 2016)

Okay, guys , lets keep this discussion civil, shall we?

And can we keep this in the spirit of what the OP intended? She's not expecting you to approve, just to understand, okay?


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## Stormcat (Feb 12, 2016)

EDIT: Nevermind.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

Thank you, MrMustard, I couldn't have said it better myself


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

dale said:


> i like mistique. and she can be whoever she wants here on this forum.


,
Bye the way Dale, thanks for that. That means a lot to me. If this thread had not gotten any other responses than hjs one, this one alone would have made it worth it


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## 20oz (Feb 12, 2016)

There's nothing wrong with BDSM. It's not my preference, mainly because I never tried it or never got the appeal. But I respect people enough to know people have different attractions. BDSM, feet, etc.

So, you're not weird to me. You do you.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

Okay, since I can be 'whoever I want to be here' I will do a little 'coming out' of my own (but without ass cutouts - even though it is pretty cute  - and without taking my bedroom activities into the open). Because then I don't have to tip toe around things any more when I talk about my daily life on here.  The fact that I am into bdsm at all, is hard to swallow for those near me, but they reluctantly accept it, but the fact that I have two Dominants of which one of the two is a DaddyDom, and not my partner/future husband, is too shocking for both them and the bdsm community. I am a (little)girl, which is the submissive for a DaddyDom, and that makes people think of incest, which is absolutely not what it is (as this only involves consenting adults), and I get accused of cheating (not by my partner, who is my Dominant, and who is perfectly fine with this) and being 'selfish' and my Dominant of not being a 'real Dominant'. Those are just the ‘kind’ things I get accused of, I have seen far harsher judgements than that, but the theme is always the same, I am considered ‘sick’. I don’t necessarily want everyone to know about this part of me, but because I can’t talk to anyone about it (except for my Dominants) I decided to tell you guys so its not this secret anymore burning inside me.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

20oz: thanks for that


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## InstituteMan (Feb 12, 2016)

People like lots of different things. What other adults choose to do together isn't any of my business, rather like what InstituteWoman and I choose to do together isn't anyone else's business. 

I know that letting other people be themselves without judgment isn't quite what you were asking about, though, M. Finding a community is a different thing.

I've listened to enough Savage Lovecasts over the years to know that lots of people view BDSM as an important part of their identity. I also have learned that the "you're doing it wrong" thing is a pretty common objection from people who have set themselves up as the arbiters of every flavor of sexual interest you can imagine.

My view is that I absolutely want no community whatsoever with regard to my sex life. I wouldn't enjoy sharing that aspect of my life with others who weren't directly involved, no matter how close I was to them. For example, I have not once discussed sex with my brother. I have two children and he has two children, so we can take it as a given that we each have had some manner of a sex life over the years, but that's not something we are going to talk about.

Perhaps your challenge in finding people who understand where you're coming from with regard to this has more to do with discomfort over the topic of sex in general rather than the specifics involved. Truth be told, while there aren't reliable ways to measure such things, there's evidence from surveys that a large percentage of the population have similar interests--you just may not know who in your social circle that is.

One thing I do feel like I should add on the topic of "coming out," and this is something I've also learned from Dan Savage, is that you have to come out of the closet when you are gay or lesbian, because that changes _who _you bring home to meet your parents. You don't have to come out as having a particular type of sexual identity or interest like BDSM because that doesn't change how you interact with your friends and family. Your family needs to know who you are with, but they don't need to know what you are doing with that person.

Those are just some random thoughts that I have mostly derived from elsewhere. Good luck.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

I don't talk to my brother or my friends about my sex life either, but if something would happen between me and my partner that would upset me then I would talk to a friend about it. That wouldn't be talking about sex, it would be talking about the fight I had with him or whatever it was that upset me. When something like that happens between me and my DaddyDom I can't talk to anyone, because in the eyes of those near me he doesnt exist, so I am stuck all alone with those feelings.


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## Ariel (Feb 12, 2016)

I agree with Dale.  I like Mistique the way she is and she can be whoever she wants.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

amsawtell said:


> I agree with Dale.  I like Mistique the way she is and she can be whoever she wants.



Ah, sweetie, thank you. You made me smile, but then again you always do


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## Phil Istine (Feb 12, 2016)

Nicely done Mistique.  We all have different tastes in relationships and sexual behaviour.  Some of my stuff is fairly unorthodox too, and I happily share those things when with a like-minded woman.  There are certain aspects of sub/dom/domme about many relationships and there are many degrees of it.
I really see no problem with what consenting adults do with each other so long as both (all?) parties are happy.


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## Plasticweld (Feb 12, 2016)

Mistique, it is very common for people to share what is going on in their life, especially when it is not considered conventional.  I have been a Christian councilor for young men and there is not much I have not heard over the years.  The desire to tell someone who will not judge you and still accept you is always the what seems to be the norm, that aspect of what you are going through is very normal.

  I get to listen, get to help, offer advice or offer a shoulder to cry on.  The one thing I never get to do, is ever share any of the secrets that I know with anyone else.  From that point of view I clearly understand your desire to share.  There are so many things l know, I wish I got to comment on or share with my wife or anyone else but never can, nor never would.  That part over the years does wear on you, that I get. There are things I wish I could just shout out about.


I never put myself in the role of judge and don't judge you now but do understand...


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## lvcabbie (Feb 12, 2016)

Society has placed taboos on some things that are genetically natural. I honestly feel that everybody is born bi-sexual. We are then taught that is unacceptable in society.

Human beings are the only creatures on this planet designed to have pleasing sex. We can do so without the driving need to procreate. That means we were designed to have different experiences than the other living creatures - meaning that whatever comes natural to us should be acceptable.

Does that make sense?


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## dale (Feb 12, 2016)

lvcabbie said:


> Society has placed taboos on some things that are genetically natural. I honestly feel that everybody is born bi-sexual. We are then taught that is unacceptable in society.
> 
> Human beings are the only creatures on this planet designed to have pleasing sex. We can do so without the driving need to procreate. That means we were designed to have different experiences than the other living creatures - meaning that whatever comes natural to us should be acceptable.
> 
> Does that make sense?



they say that dolphins are the only other animal to have sex for pure pleasure, also. i'm not sure if they get into bondage, though.


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

dale said:


> they say that dolphins are the only other animal to have sex for pure pleasure, also. i'm not sure if they get into bondage, though.



what do you mean they don't get into bondage??? Some of them get caught in fishing nets, that seems quite restraining to me! 




Phil Istine said:


> Nicely done Mistique.  We all have different tastes in relationships and sexual behaviour.  Some of my stuff is fairly unorthodox too, and I happily share those things when with a like-minded woman.  There are certain aspects of sub/dom/domme about many relationships and there are many degrees of it.
> I really see no problem with what consenting adults do with each other so long as both (all?) parties are happy.



 Thank you for that, it always feels good to know I am not the only one 



Plasticweld said:


> Mistique, it is very common for people to share what is going on in their life, especially when it is not considered conventional.  I have been a Christian councilor for young men and there is not much I have not heard over the years.  The desire to tell someone who will not judge you and still accept you is always the what seems to be the norm, that aspect of what you are going through is very normal.
> 
> I get to listen, get to help, offer advice or offer a shoulder to cry on.  The one thing I never get to do, is ever share any of the secrets that I know with anyone else.  From that point of view I clearly understand your desire to share.  There are so many things l know, I wish I got to comment on or share with my wife or anyone else but never can, nor never would.  That part over the years does wear on you, that I get. There are things I wish I could just shout out about.
> 
> ...



You sound like a great person to talk to, can't you move over here? 



lvcabbie said:


> Society has placed taboos on some things that are genetically natural. I honestly feel that everybody is born bi-sexual. We are then taught that is unacceptable in society.
> 
> Human beings are the only creatures on this planet designed to have pleasing sex. We can do so without the driving need to procreate. That means we were designed to have different experiences than the other living creatures - meaning that whatever comes natural to us should be acceptable.
> 
> Does that make sense?



Yeah. that makes sense to me, thank you for that


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## Mistique (Feb 12, 2016)

deleted


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## Ultraroel (Feb 13, 2016)

Mistique said:


> Ultraroel....  you have a funny nickname there. My brother's name is, Roelof, wich we sometimes shorten to Roel, so I read your name as Ultra Roel  I know its imporant not to let your value depend on the opinions of others, thats also a hard thing to do.



Bit offtopic, but I see we are both Dutch, so it's not that surprising 
My name is officially Roelof too .


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## Schrody (Feb 13, 2016)

Misti, every man and woman have different sexual preferences. As far as I'm concerned - if you're doing it with an adult person, and you have his/her permission, the sky is a limit!  And yes, you're perfectly normal.


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## Mistique (Feb 13, 2016)

Ultraroel said:


> Bit offtopic, but I see we are both Dutch, so it's not that surprising
> My name is officially Roelof too .



You are called Roelof too? How cool is that! Good thing you are not living in Leeuwarden, otherwise I would have to worry that you actually were my brother and he had just read a whole bunch of shit that neither one of us would want him to know 

Schrody: thanks for that


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## Mistique (Jun 6, 2018)

I reread this thread today and it made me realise how right I had been in my initial post. Looking back I now know that this relationship was hugely toxic to me and that isolation that I spoke of in the initial post was THE main reason why I didn't see that. I was so caught up in the feelings of it all, in the confusion, and those near to me who loved me, couldn't intervene because they simply didn't know. I read it now in the words I used then. I wasn't trying to tell the world that I am into bdsm. I was trying to talk about how utterly confused I felt at times and I was trying to find words for that. I just didn't know that at the time. Isolation is a very risky thing when it comes to extreme relationships like this one. I just felt like writing that, because the whole 'keep it in the bedroom' thing, also means you don't speak up. Nothing good comes from silence, so let people speak, even if they talk about shit you aren't into.


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## Plasticweld (Jun 6, 2018)

It’s nice to see you back and to know you are surviving.


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## dither (Jun 6, 2018)

Plasticweld said:


> It’s nice to see you back and to know you are surviving.




I'll go along with that.


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## Mistique (Jun 7, 2018)

Thank you, both of you, I am not just surviving, I am actually quite happy at the moment  More and more I am living my life on my terms and its very liberating. How are you two doing? I have missed you both.


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## Bayview (Jun 7, 2018)

So to be a bit more analytical - it sounds like you were in an unhealthy relationship that you thought at the time was healthy? And people you told about it told you it was unhealthy, and you didn't like that so you stopped telling people about it?

What would the better response have been, from these people? You say it was bad for you to be isolated while dealing with the unhealthy relationship and I absolutely agree with that, but would it have been any better for you to have been connected to people who weren't telling you the truth about their opinions of your relationship? If they'd been more supportive, might it not have actually taken you LONGER to realize it wasn't healthy?

I'm a bit lost, here.


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## Mistique (Jun 9, 2018)

No that is not what I meant. You were right about the first bit, I was in an unhealthy relationship and at the time I did think it was good for me. The problem was that it was a controversial relationship so the poeple near me didn't want to know about it. So I had nobody to talk to. I was confused at the time, because part of me did get that something was off, but I had nobody I could say that to. The only person I could talk to was the man I was in a toxic relationship with and he clearly wasn't going to tell me that he was intionally manipulating me. Whenever I had doubts he would talk to me in such a way that made me believe I had been wrong about it. What would have been the better response? If they had allowed me to talk about it.​


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## escorial (Jun 9, 2018)

The church had made not only sex but sexual preferences a sin over the centuries..if a man was caught in a sexual act with a farm animal the villages would have hung him by the nearest English oak tree and the parish priest would make them hang the farm animal as well..but times have changed an now you could probably marry the cow.


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## Bayview (Jun 9, 2018)

Mistique said:


> No that is not what I meant. You were right about the first bit, I was in an unhealthy relationship and at the time I did think it was good for me. The problem was that it was a controversial relationship so the poeple near me didn't want to know about it. So I had nobody to talk to. I was confused at the time, because part of me did get that something was off, but I had nobody I could say that to. The only person I could talk to was the man I was in a toxic relationship with and he clearly wasn't going to tell me that he was intionally manipulating me. Whenever I had doubts he would talk to me in such a way that made me believe I had been wrong about it. What would have been the better response? If they had allowed me to talk about it.​



I can see the problem. But I've been on the other side of it, having a friend in an unhealthy relationship and she always wanted to talk about the relationship in a positive way and I DID shut her down because I thought she was totally fooling herself and didn't want to be a part of her delusion.

In the end, we're all responsible for ourselves and our own decisions. It's hard to listen to someone you care about talking about something you really don't agree with--like, don't agree with because you think it's bad for her, not because it's bad for you.


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