# Dogwood Dreams



## Firemajic (Jan 21, 2016)

_Gnarled mossy branches, a secret refuge
secluded among dappled shadows
safety, an innocent illusion
_
_A sleek Robin, my only companion
 untidy nest, guarding speckled treasures
nestled under protective wings

Songs of joy warbled her pleasure
dulcet notes drifting on day dreams
like wind chime lullabies

Hiding under lacy leaves
I whispered confessions to the Robin
prayed fervent prayers for protection

My sanctuary defiled
dappled shadows hiding dark secrets
silent Robin, a grieving witness

I still dream of the Dogwood tree
silent Robin, bowed with sorrow
safety... a childish delusion

_


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## ned (Jan 21, 2016)

terrific poem - full of lovely imagery
the child and the robin, relating to each other in their hiding place.

not sure about the health and saftey warnings - falling out the tree?
needs a physical clue for the reader, I feel.

_Songs of joy warbled her pleasure
dulcet notes drifting on day dreams
like wind chime lullabies

wow! - says it all.
Ned
_


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## Gumby (Jan 21, 2016)

> _Hiding under lacy leaves
> I whispered confessions to the Robin
> prayed fervent prayers for protection
> 
> ...



Such sadness, here, Juls. I can't think of a worse thing than defiling a child and betraying that innocent trust that they have. A very tragic poem and you captured that sorrow and betrayal so well by what you didn't say.


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## Kevin (Jan 21, 2016)

> can't think of a worse thing





> sadness


 yes...


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## Aquilo (Jan 21, 2016)

Fantastic imagery to convey the abusive tone! The only place it flattened on the visuals and seemed to lose creative style was on "Songs of joy." I'd have really have loved to have seen more of your natural flare there, where 'warbled' came with a more original subject and expression that echoes the rest of the poem. What songs of joy would a child understand about the 'Robin's' life? Could you make it more visual? 

I love wind chime lullaby! 



Firemajic said:


> _Gnarled mossy branches, a secret refuge
> secluded among dappled shadows
> safety, an innocent illusion
> _
> ...


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## Nellie (Jan 21, 2016)

Oh Juls, what a melancholic poem. The last line of the poem sums it up for me.....



> _a childish delusion
> _


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## jenthepen (Jan 21, 2016)

With the comparison of the robin to the child you have perfectly captured the fragility of the trust in safety that they both depend on. There is no fairytale ending for so many children and your poem speaks for them. 

The imagery and gentle tone works to make this heartbreaking story all the more powerful. Thank you for having the courage and talent to express this dark side of childhood that is too often ignored or denied. 

This deserves to be widely read.


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## Firemajic (Jan 22, 2016)

ned said:


> terrific poem - full of lovely imagery
> the child and the robin, relating to each other in their hiding place.
> 
> not sure about the health and saftey warnings - falling out the tree?
> ...



ned... Thank you for your fabulous comments...I said all I could, without saying too much... secrecy is a huge part of abuse, and a child learns from day one to keep silent....

Gumby, Nellie, Kevin and Aquilo... Thank you so much for reading this poem.. that you understand... well, it means so much to me.. 

jen... You really do understand...Thank you..


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## Olly Buckle (Jan 22, 2016)

I like that, a couple of nits for me

'Innocent illusions', 'Illusions of innocence' perhaps in view of the ending?

Possibly some heavier punctuation at the end?
I still dream of the Dogwood tree,
silent Robin, bowed with sorrow,
safety... a childish delusion

Personally I might even alter the word order a little

Silent Robin,
I still dream of the Dogwood tree
bowed with sorrow,
safety... a childish delusion.

It leaves open if it is you or the tree bowed, and a 'bowed' tree has something.


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## inkwellness (Jan 22, 2016)

> _Songs of joy warbled her pleasure
> dulcet notes drifting on day dreams
> like wind chime lullabies_



Nice wordplay. This whole stanza is like a dream (just like the title).


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## Darkkin (Jan 22, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> _Gnarled mossy branches, a secret refuge
> secluded among dappled shadows
> safety, an innocent illusion  (Love the imagery here, especially use of gnarled.  Such a tangible adjective!)
> _
> ...



Overall.  Marvelous and speaking.


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## JP-Clyde (Jan 22, 2016)

Man I am about to look like the jerk here. Don't hate me too much. Personally, I think you have a great piece here. The technique is wonderful. Your scheme is lovely. Your technical writing skills clearly show. Your wording choice is great. And the imagery you have weaved together, I admired that as well. However, the subject matter, imo, was nowhere deeply as profound as others were putting it. Oh I am so so sorry for saying this, I really look like such a jerk butt right now. I just....couldn't shake the feeling I seen something similar before, elsewhere. However, everything else was admirable. And I look forward to reading more from you.


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## kaminoshiyo (Jan 22, 2016)

> _My sanctuary defiled
> dappled shadows hiding dark secrets
> silent Robin, a grieving witness_



I really liked these lines. 

These lines, alone, seem to echo with a painful history.


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## bree1433 (Jan 23, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> _
> safety... a childish delusion _



I think this line speaks volumes, and I think it was the best way to end this poem. I think with this kind of subject you have to treat it with a certain respect. A respect for those who have gone through something like this, and I think you did that well too.


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## escorial (Jan 23, 2016)

poetic....


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## Firemajic (Jan 27, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> _Gnarled mossy branches, a secret refuge
> secluded among dappled shadows
> safety, an innocent illusion
> _
> ...




Ollie and Darkkin, I made some of the changes suggested.. and I am so pleased.. Thank you both for a fabulous critique..

Ink Master.. Thank you for reading and commenting..

JP.. I appreciate your comments, this is an original poem, based on personal experiences and as I have never posted it before, I am surprised that you thought you had read "something like this" before..

Kaminoshiyo.. thank you for your insight, your comments are appreciated..

Bree.. thank you so much for your comment..

Escorial... "Poetic".. hahaa.. I hope so... thank you..


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