# Behind the smile



## Glyax (Mar 7, 2016)

Darkest is
The heart that feigns
Happiness


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## aj47 (Mar 7, 2016)

This certainly cuts to the chase. It reads rather raggedy though.

*Darkest* doesn't seem enough of a contrast to me, though I have no better suggestion.  

I think either breaking it differently, or making it two lines (versions of the same thing) and/or not capitalizing every line would help with the continuity.

I like what you're expressing.  I think tweakage of some sort would improve the work.


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## Glyax (Mar 7, 2016)

hmmm, sorry about the punctuation...that was because of my phone haha...I'm going to try again below..
----

Saddest is the heart
 which feigns
happiness.

Loneliest is the person
who loves from 
 shadows.

Emptiest is the mask
smiling outside
yet never within.

Darkest is the soul
scarred by all;
still smiling.
----

perhaps I shouldn't add the other stanzas


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## midnightpoet (Mar 8, 2016)

The other stanzas add to the piece, I'd leave them - simple words often say a lot.


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## Blue (Mar 8, 2016)

Personally I loved the first one. It was quick, to the point and very powerful


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## Glyax (Mar 8, 2016)

Blue said:


> Personally I loved the first one. It was quick, to the point and very powerful



I felt the first was more raw emotion, the second more revealing yet composed


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## Mesafalcon (Mar 10, 2016)

Well, Annie said it best. This cuts to the chase. 

Still, I enjoyed it. No attention span required for giving this one a read.


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## Glyax (Mar 11, 2016)

Mesafalcon said:


> Well, Annie said it best. This cuts to the chase.
> 
> Still, I enjoyed it. No attention span required for giving this one a read.



It's over before you realize you were reading something


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## escorial (Mar 13, 2016)

quality piece..has many elements i like in a piece..cool


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## AcanroSeer (Mar 13, 2016)

The poetic structure reminds how Yoda speaks about the dark side. It's reminiscence of that.   Each stanza naturally leads into the next one; slowing building on each other.  It asks what keeps us smiling. It's't loneliness, emptiness,or sadness.  It's the dark when we no one can see us. That part I like for it has dark tone. We are in the dark, and only in the dark, we smile. Why? because our hearts sometimes feel that way.


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## kaminoshiyo (Mar 13, 2016)

Glyax said:


> Darkest is
> The heart that feigns
> Happiness



Oh yes. Liked.


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## Glyax (Mar 13, 2016)

kaminoshiyo said:


> Oh yes. Liked.



 thanks!


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