# Grand Fiction Challenge 2019 Results



## Harper J. Cole (Feb 27, 2019)

Ladies and gentlemen, the results for the 2019 contest are in!


*Story**Ralph Rotten**bazz cargo**Non Serviam**Clark**Average*Carne Asada - _velo_1016151614.25The Queen of St. Louis - _Terry D_1618181617Scripting the Nodes - _-xXx-_698149.25Sustenance Sequence - _SueC_16161515.515.625Through a Hole Darkly - _epimetheus_1613191816.5The Secret of Mildred - _Arachne_19151515.516.125The Nature of Interruptions - _eggo_520151814.5Once Upon a Walrus - _rcallaci_1016141614No Grain, No Gain - _Ibb_101518.51414.375

These are the winners ...

*1st place*
The Queen of St.Louis _by Terry D_
$100 + eBooks from Meerkat and Mike Kowis

*2nd place*
Through a Hole Darkly by epimetheus
$75 + eBooks from Meerkat and Mike Kowis

*3rd place*
The Secret of Mildred - _Arachne_
$50 + eBooks from Meerkat and Mike Kowis

*People's Choice poll winner*
Carne Asada - _velo_
$75 + eBooks from Meerkat and Mike Kowis

Many congratulations to all of you!
:champagne: :champagne: :champagne:


Thanks also to all 9 contestants, and please don't be too disappointed if you missed the prize money - there will be other stories to tell.


Finally, my deepest gratitude to our quartet of judges, Ralph Rotten, bazz cargo, Non Serviam and clark, for their time and skill this year! You can find their comments below. Unfortunately, clark ran out of time for giving comments, but has given his breakdown of scores.

[spoiler2="Ralph Rotten"]

*Carne Asada 10/20*
I thought it was a funny wordplay of the name carne asada. Twas a funny way to explain where the popular dish came from.
But the story was a bit clumsy in its delivery, confusing at the beginning. I got derailed a couple times during the scene transitions.

Tacos rule!

*The Queen of St Louis 16/20*
This was a great little, first-person story with good scene & character development.
The narrator was a real piece of work, but believable.
The ending was inconsistent tho. I see the Adam/Eve symbolism, but WHY would he eat the apple?

*Scripting the Nodes 6/20*
This was an admirable collection of data, but a little inconsistent in the delivery.

*Sustenance Sequence 16/20*
Great job on the whole formal-British voice. I felt like drinking tea (and I don't even like tea!)
I felt like I was in a Stevenson scene.
But it was a little clumsy at the beginning (but smooths out nicely)
The intro for Polly was too close to Molly's intro, just felt sticky switching from one to the other.
Written well, but felt like a bridge to nowhere (but then what can you really do in 1000 words, right?)

*Through a Hole Darkly 16/20*
Dunno about the science, but it was a fascinating story. Characters were a little flat, but reminded me of a 1970's-era HUGO kinda stuff.
I enjoyed this story.

*The Secret of Mildred 19/20*
This story was a real sleeper. At first I felt like it was gonna be one of those stories where they over-describe the character to the Nth degree, but then I realized that the granular descriptions of the scene were really just painting a picture of an old lady living alone in a world little bigger than her apartment. I've known this woman, seen this woman many times, that little old lady peering out the windows at the world as she stands still.

And just when you are thinking she is a lonely old woman stalking the pizza guy, the ending hits you like a frying pan.
I rated this story highest because not only was it mechanically sound, but it conveyed true emotion from the writer to the reader.

*The Nature of Interruptions 5/20*
At its core this story had a fascinating premise, but the overall story was still unformed. It needs a little more character illustration.

*Once Upon a Walrus 10/20*
This was an interesting story that played out well.
But it had some mechanical issues like 2 people talking in the same paragraph. Twas a good effort tho.


*No Grain No Gain 10/20*
This was an interesting peek in the mind of a schizophrenic. It was a good effort, started out a little rough, but did a great job of illustrating the chaos inside of a patient's head.[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2="bazz cargo"]

*Carne Asada*


*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5*
5/5 - Grammatically flawless writing

*Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5*
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.

*Effect: **7*
*T**otal = 16*
  Nothing like a spot of cannibalism to fill a hole. This is almost a cliché, it does have an interesting twist in the brainwashing strand. It also, however, fails in the attempts of tension and humour. I also feel I  would like to eavesdrop on one of their conversations. Would it be cat and mouse or fox and Brer rabbit. Hmmm…. An easy read, the present tense is rock steady, nothing to stumble over.
  Good but not punchy.
  Thanks for a good read.



*SUSTENANCE SEQUENCE
COMMENCING WITH A MOLLY O.*
*
Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
*4/5 - Mostly correct with minor errors.*

Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
*4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.*

Effect: **8*
*Total = 16*


  Kudos for thinking laterally. I don’t know if is a side effect of style in writing a period piece or if you are ESL. It does read as clunky in parts. The tense is bang on, the perspective is excellent.  




> [‘Sitting in the study of his Edington country home in Leeds, Lord Randall Edington surveyed a room he had loved since childhood.’ ]


  You can lose the first Edington making the sentence smoother without losing any meaning. If you wish a more ‘destructive’  crit please PM me.
  Thanks for a good read.

*Through a hole, darkly*
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
4/5 - Mostly correct with minor errors.

Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.

Effect: **5*
*Total = 13*


  Hmmm… You have provided me with a conundrum. My natural habitat is Sci Fi and I have a significant number of bugbears on the subject. Stepping away from my own prejudices I can see you have an interesting backbone to a story that has too many rough edges. It is easy enough to read and yet is so technical it leaves no room for a proper exploration of the human factor. Granted, you have some headlines but no body text. I wonder if a proper Sci Fi conversation in Writing Discussion would be worthwhile?  
  For a bit of homework you can try  
http://www.cobaltreview.com/blog/2012/11/21/science-fiction-and-the-human-condition/
  Thanks for a good read.


*The Queen of St. Louis*
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
5/5 - Grammatically flawless writing
*

*Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.

Effect: **8*
*Total = 18*


  Way hard core and dirty. The middle-class, faux urban patois hits a sweet-spot. Just for me you could have spent a lot less words hammering home the Bump and a few more on finessing the finale, as it is it feels a bit like you had a punch line to head for and the reader had to keep up.  
  Thanks for an excellent read.


*scripting the nodes:*
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
1/5 - Unformatted and difficult to read

Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.

Effect: **3*
*Total = 9*


  If I weren’t in the hot-seat I would not have read this all the way through. Oddly enough it was worth it, you have taught me something, don’t ask…
  Do not take this as a harsh crit. As a writer I know the worth of experimentation, mostly it falls flat on its face but once in a while it smacks of genius. I may be with the first record company who turned down the Beatles but it didn’t work for me.
  Thanks for trying.


*The Secret of Mildred*
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
5/5 - Grammatically flawless writing

Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.

Effect: **6*
*Total = 15*


  Okay, first of I admire your sneakiness in dealing with the theme. Sadly, the sheer, banal domesticity of a lonely life is so well pictured it left me bored. There is a market for ‘life affirmation’ fiction, especially in the supermarket ‘Female’ magazines so your style, with a few tweaks, could easily sell.
  Thank you for giving me food for thought.




*The Nature of Interruptions*
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
5/5 - Grammatically flawless writing

Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
5/5 - Perfectly fitting or unique style and technique.

Effect: **10*
*Total = 20*


  Please, please work on this. I don’t care if this reads like a rough draft, it has all a reader could wish for. This reaches that accolade of any writer, ‘I wish I had thought of that.’
  Thanks for a brilliant read.


Once upon a Walrus
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
5/5 - Grammatically flawless writing

T**o**ne and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.

Effect: **7*
*Total = 16*


  I wonder how many of your readers would take this fake myth as a metaphor? There is a kernel of a story buried under this collection of highly repetitive verbiage, it deals with some significant strands of human mentality. I like that you aimed high, maybe if you had a target?  
  Thanks for a thoughtful read.


*No Grain, No Gain *
*Spelling and Grammar(SPaG): Based on a scale from 1 - 5
5/5 - Grammatically flawless writing

Tone and Voice: Based on a scale of 1 - 5
4/5 - Strong, interesting use of a particular tone.

Effect: **6*
*Total = 15*
  There is something here, something bigger than a 1000 words. Such a full bucket of melancholy should have space to breathe. Of course, Orwell’s classic springs to mind. There doesn’t seem to be any anti-hero / hero, just a mill of sharp observations.   
  Thank you for a thoughtful read.  


*
A general note*
 This is an incredible mix of imaginative magic. A remarkably strong set of contenders. My first impressions are here and if anyone wants to discuss my points I will gladly exchange Pms.


  Please keep on writing, The LM is a fantastic opportunity to experiment, learn and grow.  We all start by scratching rude words onto our school desks and only a few will make it to glory. No-one gets there without taking a lot of lumps, persistence pays. Good luck
  BC[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2="Non Serviam"]

Non Serviam's marks:-

Carne Asada

This marvellously sinister piece, which exactly fits the prompt, forfeited a few marks from me for being somewhat let down by a number of comma splices.

SPAG: 3
Tone/Voice: 4
Effect: 8
Overall: 15

Sustaining Sequence Commencing with a Molly O

This one certainly began with a bang! It had a Downton Abbey sort of feeling for me. There were some things I didn't follow about the timeline (the early industrialists were about 1750, weren't they?) and I was distracted during the early paragraphs by trying to envisage how someone could put a large hunting rifle in their mouth and pull the trigger.

SPAG: 4
Tone/Voice: 4
Effect: 7
Overall: 15

Through a Hole, Darkly

A high-concept hard science fiction piece with an apocalyptic ending, the author earns extra marks from my by salting it with pithy, writerly touches like "The universe is a miserly accountant" (to explain Hawking radiation). Amid some very stiff competition, this is my pick for the best piece.

SPAG: 5
Tone/Voice: 5
Effect: 9
Overall: 19

The Queen of St Louis

This piece of character-driven speculative fiction felt as if I was reading something by Stephen King -- and indeed it brought to mind our old and much-missed friend Leyline. I think it's very well done, and it's my pick for third best piece.

SPAG: 5
Tone/Voice: 5
Effect: 8
Overall: 18

Scripting the Nodes

Well, my sincere apologies to the author, but apparently I'm below the intelligence threshold to have enjoyed this piece. I was unable to locate any kind of narrative or character and all I could do is mark it as a sort of poem. It didn't resonate with me.

SPAG: 4
Tone/Voice: 2
Effect: 2
Overall: 8

The Secret of Mildred

I found this well-written and enjoyable; it made up for being more tangentially related to the prompt than some of the others, by sheer emotional resonance.

SPAG: 4
Tone/Voice: 3.5
Effect: 7.5
Overall: 15

The Nature of Interruptions

A piece made almost purely of dialogue, its ease and lightness was very welcome after the much heavier submissions I'd already read. I thoroughly enjoyed the story, but in a contest this close, even very minor errors such as missing full stops or spaces are enough to cost you important marks.

SPAG: 3
Tone/Voice: 4
Effect: 8
Overall: 15

Once Upon a Walrus

An amusing tale. I felt that it displayed a bit more enthusiasm than polish -- perhaps the author may have run out of time to finish editing it?

SPAG: 3
Tone/Voice: 4
Effect: 7
Overall: 14

No Grain, No Gain

This was technically interesting in that it involved a conjunction of third person omniscient viewpoint and an unreliable narrator -- on a meta level, it showed me the farmer's insanity, as well as telling me about it. As with "Through a Hole, Darkly", it had little writerly touches that I enjoyed:- "A hush fell as long as the shadows". This is my pick for runner up.

SPAG: 5
Tone/Voice: 5
Effect: 8.5
Overall: 18.5

[/spoiler2]

[spoiler2="clark"]


titlespag          /5tone/voice /5effect  /10total                       /20Carne Asada34916Sustenance Sequence54 ½615 ½Queen of St. Louis44816Scripting the Nodes33814The Secret of Mildred546 ½15 ½The Nature of Interruptions54918Once Upon a Walrus45716No Grain No Gain44614Through a Hole Darkly4 ½4 ½918
 
[/spoiler2]


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## eggo (Feb 27, 2019)

Thanks for your fine work judges.  Some great pieces here making this no mean task.

I’m glad my piece got some smiles. Humor is so damned subjective.


Thanks!


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## velo (Feb 27, 2019)

Eggo, I enjoyed your piece quite a bit.  Nice job.


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## rcallaci (Feb 27, 2019)

thank you all for the input--I needed a few more days in the editing process, I guess it showed- I've since re-edited the piece and will put it up in the blogs again thanks for the read and review


warmest
bob


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## epimetheus (Feb 28, 2019)

Woohoo! Did i really just get money for something i wrote? That's got to be a watershed moment. Massive thanks to the judges and their feedback (i'll have some questions about that if that is OK), and everyone involved in making this happen.

Congrats Terry!

As a dark horse i want to mention Scripting the Nodes - ultimately it didn't work but i really like the concept and might play with something similar myself.




eggo said:


> Thanks for your fine work judges.  Some great pieces here making this no mean task.
> 
> I’m glad my piece got some smiles. Humor is so damned subjective.
> 
> ...



Better to have some people love it and others hate than have everyone luke warm on it.


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## Arachne (Feb 28, 2019)

That was so fun! I loved guessing who wrote what.  

I echoed your thoughts this morning, Epimethius; I made some money from writing! It feels like the best few quid I've ever made. 

Well done to all the entrants, it takes loads of work to submit a polished story and, when you already have a full life going on, it can be a real feat. 

Thanks so much to the judges, you're a bunch of stars for giving up so much of your free time for us, and for imparting your wisdom to help us improve  

Thanks to Harper J. Cole too, for her tireless organising. Thanks hon 

Arachne


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## bdcharles (Feb 28, 2019)

Well done guys - these are all absolutely brilliant. I'm pretty glad I wasn't in the comp this time


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## SueC (Feb 28, 2019)

Congratulations everyone who won. Super job. Well done. Bravo! I'm so impressed with the creativity of what I thought of as a really, really difficult prompt. You all stepped up and what a wonderful read they all were. 

Arachne, I loved Mildred!


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## Gumby (Feb 28, 2019)

Congratulations to all! Well done, all of you!!!


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## Terry D (Feb 28, 2019)

This is an unexpected honor. As usual I spent so much time with this piece that I came to doubt if I did anything right in it. Especially when compared to such outstanding competition. I'm glad the judges liked it. I also congratulate all the other entrants, good stories one and all. It's not always easy to throw your work out onto the autopsy table for the judges to carve up. Thanks also to Harper for pulling this all together. And of course, the judges without whom none of this would work.

Ralph Rotten -- This story is a snippet from a much larger plan, so I couldn't get into the 'Queen' as deeply as I would like, but the reason he did eat the apple is because, as the second paragraph suggests, the game _is_ rigged. 

Bazz -- Your concerns with the story mirrored my own. Being just a glimpse into a much larger world I was worried that it would seem truncated and rushed, but I felt I had to explain the 'Bump' to have the story make any sense at all. 

Non Serviam -- You could give my story no greater compliment than to compare it to George's work. Thank you.

Clark -- Thanks for your time. I appreciate your appraisal of the story.


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## velo (Feb 28, 2019)

Terry, I'll admit I said a few off-colour words after reading your story because I knew it would get a better score than mine.    Really well done.  The voice you used was really spot on.


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## Terry D (Feb 28, 2019)

velo said:


> Terry, I'll admit I said a few off-colour words after reading your story because I knew it would get a better score than mine.    Really well done.  The voice you used was really spot on.




Thanks, velo. What you did with the pacing in Carne Asada is remarkable. It would have been so easy to rush your story, and very tempting to also with just 1,000 words to work with, but you didn't. The metamorphosis from frightened captive to willing sacrifice was really well done. 

Also, congratulations on the People's Choice win. When the readers give you a nod it means a lot.


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## Non Serviam (Feb 28, 2019)

Reading everyone else's thoughts on the same stories really brought home to me just how subjective and variable readers' reactions are.


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## -xXx- (Feb 28, 2019)

wooo-hoooo!!!
what a great showing!

having read and reread the entries
(great teachers all),
i was saddened by the final number of popular votes.
which,
leads to a goal for next year -
higher percentage of views
resulting in poll votes.  

thanks all around!
no _man
_ is an island
& the efforts of many are apparent
throughout all aspects of the result(s).
special and specific thanks to my beta reader *<3
*


epimetheus said:


> As a dark horse i want to mention Scripting the Nodes - ultimately it didn't work but i really like the concept and might play with something similar myself.
> 
> Better to have some people love it and others hate than have everyone luke warm on it.





didn't expect to even hit the midpoint of the score range,
so this feedback is 100% win for me.

apologies to
*ralph*: yes. this piece was HEAVILY dependent on presentation form. got it to work in word, but couldn't transfer to WF editor/display limitations. sorry. 

*bazz*-no aspirations to beatle. think audience demographic 200. many thanks for muddling through, and articulating your experience well. 

*non serviam*-intelligence is seldom prerequisite for the fiction i write. i will be more mindful in the future. sorry 

*clark*: poetry prose splatter. common contain(s), curtain(s) curta_i_l_ed_.  it really isn't a poem, but to a complex trauma subject, reality frameworks fuse. jussayin' 

congrats!
 congrats!
 congrats!
 _*<insert your happy dance(s) here>*
*serves refreshments*
*rocks out in the corner*
*with intentionally bad hair*_

_*runs for appointment*_


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## Harper J. Cole (Feb 28, 2019)

-xXx- said:


> i was saddened by the final number of popular votes.



That's on me, to an extent - I forgot to open the poll until there were only three days left. Something to remember for next time.

HJC


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## bazz cargo (Feb 28, 2019)

Its been a while since I slumped the hot seat, it was wonderful to exercise the old noggin and see what was being served up. I suspect we are in a golden era for new writers. High fives all round.


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## -xXx- (Feb 28, 2019)

_*note to those powers-that-be*
*rep handicap continues*
*passive petition to bump up permit number*_

hjc-no worries.
you did FAB!!!
personal goals are good. 

bazz-there really is space for everything brought to table.
belly up!


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