# It Happens (Adult)



## Ariel (Dec 30, 2014)

_Everything that is described below happened to me.  This is inspired by "I need feminism because . . . " posts._

The first time I was catcalled I was seven.  I was on the playground wearing a denim skirt and tights.  Three men walking down the sidewalk started calling to me, “Pretty girl, pretty girl, why don’t you play with us.”  One made a waggling motion with his tongue.  I ran as fast as I could away from the fence with them laughing the whole time.   My heart pounded in my chest and I didn’t know how to explain why they scared me but they did.  Because I didn’t know how to explain it I didn’t tell anyone.

At twelve I went to “World of Wheels” with my parents and some friends.  My parents let me go with my friends to look around while they helped at a friend’s booth.  An old man behind us started yelling at us.  Then he stuck out his tongue and waggled it over the gap between his index and middle finger.  I pointed him out to my friends (because I hadn’t seen a tongue piercing before) and when the oldest ushered us on with a dirty look for the old man I was confused because I didn’t know that he was offering oral sex.

At thirteen a boy on the bus tried to shove a stuffed animal into my mouth that he’d shoved down his pants.  I pushed him away and was teased.  He later pinched the front of my neck so hard it looked like I had a hickey.

At fourteen a rumor spread around school that I was a slut.  I had only a couple boyfriends.  I hadn’t slept with any.

At fifteen I dated a boy because he forced me to kiss him at a baseball game.  I was scared to say no because I was afraid for my _reputation_.  This same boy showed violent tendencies throughout our relationship including forcing my mouth open because I chewed gum with a flavor he didn’t like and forcing my arm behind my back because I refused to hug him.  He also successfully scared off other potential dates by telling them we were still dating for nearly _two years_ after we broke up.

At seventeen I was groped by a man in a QuikTrip who ran his hand down the entirety of my left side.  I was with my mom and an aunt.  I told a police officer who was coming in and pointed the man out.  The man was made to sit in handcuffs while the cop did a sobriety test.  He was let go and no charges were made.

At seventeen I was also backed into a dark corner at a religious camp by a boy who decided to grind against me.  When I pushed him away he called me a whore.

At nineteen I slept with someone for the first time.  Upon talking with my friends I was called a slut because we hadn’t been dating for long.

At twenty-four I broke up with my boyfriend of three years because he told me “I hope you tell me before you start fucking them” when I decided that I would rather spend time with a male friend rather than with him.

At twenty-seven I ignored my boyfriend calling me a whore because I loved him.  He never implied he loved me but I stayed in the relationship because I thought it was enough.  He kept asking me why I didn’t sleep with his friends.

At thirty I quit my job of four years because, no matter how much I complained about the way I was treated by the men I worked with (kissy noises, being called baby, etc) I was told I was racist because they were Mexican and that’s just how they were.  When I complained about a customer asking me to, “jump for joy so I can see your tits bounce” I was told “that’s just the way men are in this business."  Yet I was expected to dress modestly because it was a company based on “Christian” values.

These are just the most jarring and obvious instances of sexual harassment and shaming that I’ve faced.  I need feminism because when I read the employee handbook and went over the entries on sexual harassment I started crying because I’ve faced every instance outlined.  I shouldn’t have to live my life in fear of anybody, yet I do.  Daily.


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## J Anfinson (Dec 30, 2014)

I see no grammatical issues, and I can't think of anything to improve it. Nice.


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## Ariel (Dec 30, 2014)

Thank you.


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## TKent (Dec 30, 2014)

Very powerful! Thanks for sharing this. As far as feedback, check the tenses in this sentence. If that is 'read' past tense then the 'go over' is wrong tense, if it is 'read' present tense then I think the rest of the verbs need to be present tense. (I think -- at least half the time a real grammatician comes behind me and I'm wrong!)




> need feminism because when I read the employee handbook and go over the entries on sexual harassment I started crying because I’ve faced every instance outlined. I shouldn’t have to live my life in fear of anybody, yet I do. Daily.


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## Ariel (Dec 30, 2014)

Thanks TK!  I don't usually get up in arms about feminism but lately it's been bothering me and it was triggered by reading the employee handbook at my new place of employment.


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## InstituteMan (Dec 30, 2014)

Thanks for posting this. I particularly appreciate you bringing this out of the workshop for greater visibility. I feel a little weird clicking the like button for a piece that makes me feel sad, but it is well written and important to share, so click I will. Thank you.


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## Plasticweld (Dec 30, 2014)

As  a back drop to this piece I wonder if there is any reports of less intimation when the hand book is in place. 


My Daughter Cathy worked as a bar tender while going to college.  I am sure she has heard ever rude remark and pick up line out there.  I know she is tough and very thick skinned.  While I know she dealt with the type of behavior I wonder if there has been a reversal of trends based on more awareness.



amsawtell said:


> Thanks TK!  I don't usually get up in arms about feminism but lately it's been bothering me and it was triggered by reading the employee handbook at my new place of employment.


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## Ariel (Dec 30, 2014)

We had a handbook at the other place that discouraged sexual harassment too.  Even having a tough skin is deceptive.  It all builds up.  It took me four years and another job to realize how much sexual harassment I've endured through my life.  I hope that Miss doesn't have to endure as much.

And actually, no, there's currently a nasty backlash against "third wave" feminism.


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## Pidgeon84 (Dec 31, 2014)

I appreciate this piece a lot. I have also endured a good deal of harassment and I have a lot of fear to move on with the changes I want to take as the harassment might get worse. So I completely feel your pain.


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## Ariel (Dec 31, 2014)

It's heartbreaking that we have to live with that fear, Pidge.


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## Pidgeon84 (Dec 31, 2014)

That's why we need feminism! Haha


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