# I have done it!



## Mistique

My boyfriend and I are starting a fertility treatment. This means injections. I am terrified of needles. Today however I did it. I put the needle on my skin, stuck it in and slowly pushed the button that releashed the hormones. It burned, still does actually, but its done. I'm sitting here being all proud of myself.


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## Elvenswordsman

Congrats!


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## Skodt

BABIES!!!!!!!!


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## Deleted member 56686

Good luck!:smile:


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## Ethan

Is Vertility anything to do with Fertility? or am I just too old?


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## Mistique

Elvenswordsman said:


> Congrats!



Thank you 

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Skodt said:


> BABIES!!!!!!!!



Yes, if I'm lucky 

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mrmustard615 said:


> Good luck!:smile:



Thank you 

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Ethan said:


> Is Vertility anything to do with Fertility? or am I just too old?



My mistake, but I've corrected it. English is not my first language so I make mistakes sometimes.


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## bazz cargo

Yahoo!!!!
Live life to the max, I wish you all the very best.


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## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> Yahoo!!!!
> Live life to the max, I wish you all the very best.



Thank you my friend


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## InstituteMan

Good luck, Mystique. I am glad conceiving my children was less pointy, but it says a lot about your desire to be a mother that you'll endure the pointy poking bit.


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## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> Good luck, Mystique. I am glad conceiving my children was less pointy, but it says a lot about your desire to be a mother that you'll endure the pointy poking bit.



There are steps in the process that are a lot more unplesant than this pointy poking bit - like the egg punction - but you don't know how much you are willing to fight for your dream untill you actually have to. I used to say 'I draw the line at this' or 'I won't do that' and the first time around that I had to do the injections (years ago) I was screaming for an hour that I couldn't do it, but in the end you do it all no matter how painful or hard as the alternative of not having kids is far more painful. Thanks for the kind words.


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## dither

Good luck.


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## Mistique

dither said:


> Good luck.



Thanks


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## Morkonan

Congratulations! 

Now, what are you waiting for? You've got serious business to attend to! So, be off with ye. Be thou fruitful and multiply... or at least have fun practicing it. 

My sincerest best wishes for your success!


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## aj47

Good luck.  And you're right, you don't know how far you'll go until you get to the end of where you were and need to take the leap to where you could be.


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## Mistique

Morkonan said:


> Congratulations!
> 
> Now, what are you waiting for? You've got serious business to attend to! So, be off with ye. Be thou fruitful and multiply... or at least have fun practicing it.
> 
> My sincerest best wishes for your success!



Thanks, I'm sure we will manage the practicing bit, although I do have to say that the doctors way sure is a lot less exciting 

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astroannie said:


> Good luck.  And you're right, you don't know how far you'll go until you get to the end of where you were and need to take the leap to where you could be.



Thank, you 

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I think I will keep using this thread to keep updating about the firtility front  rather than starting new ones.

Tomorrow the insemination will happen. So no more hormones, all we can then do is wait. Two weeks of waiting....


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## escorial

good luck


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## Mistique

escorial said:


> good luck



Thanks


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## Mistique

I've got a bad pain in my tummy so I got a feeling this first attempt wasn't succesful  but we have to wait a bit longer.


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## Deleted member 56686

Don't know what to say on that one, Misti. Just hang in there I guess :smile2:


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## Mistique

Thank you, sometimes its not about what you say, just knowing you care is enough


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## Mistique

I was right; it wasn't a good sign. My period started today and the hormone injections start again on Sathurday.


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## Mistique

First hormone injection of the second attempt was today. I almost forgot all about it as it was also the first day of the NaNoWriMo and I was so busy writing I hadn't thought about the hormons. I ended up remembering at 11 p.m. So I guess all of the injections will be at 11 p.m. now as they have to be at the same time every day. The hormons had more effect on me that they did the first attempt. I could feel it burning into my skin and during the first attempt that didn't happen until about the forth day. This sort of stuff builds up so its going to be harder each attempt. More side effects, less fun, but well...


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## escorial

a roller coaster of a journey your on M..stay safe kidda


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## Mistique

escorial said:


> a roller coaster of a journey your on M..stay safe kidda



It's definately that. This kind of treatment is not without its risks. Physically I am perfectly safe, but for my mind its gets more and more rough. The hormons make me tired - more so each attempt - and unfortunately when I am tired my mood gets low - so also more and more with each attempt. That combined with with the hope that you both find and lose with each attempt its definate a rough ride.


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## Pidgeon84

Congrats!


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## Mistique

Pidgeon84 said:


> Congrats!



Thanks, I think.


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## Pidgeon84

Haha Maybe good luck would've been a more appropriate response


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## Mistique

Maybe, but the intention was good either way, so thanks.


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## Mistique

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that the untrasound showed that I have two follicles that have developed to a good size rather than one. The rules in my country are so that the doctor is allowed to continue the insemination with two follicles, but not with three (the preference would be for there to be only one). The reason for this rules is that with two follicles the chances increase that you could be having twins and with three it could be triplets and they don't want that to happen as it increases the risks to the mother and the children. In my case however its a different matter. My own doctor feels that we should even abandon the attempt if there are two follicles as she feels that because of my MS twins pose too much of a risk to my health. I didn't see my own doctor today however. I saw a different one as mine wasn't working today. This other doctor didn't agree with my own doctor and so despite the fact that she saw the warning of my own doctor (stating that the attempt should be abandoned if there were two follicles) she decided to go ahead with the attempt. I was very happy with this as I didn't agree with my own doctor as two follicles doesn't just mean that there is a higher chance of twins, but it also means that the odds of succes increase from 10% to 20%. So it might be more of a risk, but it also gives me a better chance and I am very happy about that.

The bad news is that I needed a pregnyl injection today and I messed it up so I only got part of the hormones in my system rather than all of it. This is a big deal, so I called the emergency number of the hospital in panic and asked what I had to do. I expained it to the nurse. She talked it over with the doctor who was on the ward, but they couldn't figure out what to do so they called the gynecologist who was on call. She made the decision that I should inject a second time. She said that it wasn't a big problem medically if I got too much pregnyl in my system (even though I would get more side effects), but getting too little was a major problem. There is however a timeframe in which you have to take the meds, so I rushed to the hospital to get new medication and I injected a second time. I felt pretty stupid having messed up like that, but at least its sorted now.

So twice the follicles, twice the hormones, so perhaps also twice the luck?


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## Deleted member 56686

Wow, sounds like you're having a time of it. Just be careful Misti. We still want you to hang around for awhile, okay?  :smile2:


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## Mistique

mrmustard615 said:


> Wow, sounds like you're having a time of it. Just be careful Misti. We still want you to hang around for awhile, okay?  :smile2:



I know  but to be honest I don't care what the risks are. I would do anything for this to work.


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## Mistique

Today was the insemination so we now have two more weeks of waiting to do. I have been making chrismas decorations lately and so today I made one for our future child (should we be so lucky to get pregnant). An angel of hope


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## dither

A Christmas wish.


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## Mistique

dither said:


> A Christmas wish.



Yes, its definately that


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## BryanJ62

*Good for You! Lets hope for some happy news. Best wishes!!!!!!*


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## Mistique

BryanJ62 said:


> *Good for You! Lets hope for some happy news. Best wishes!!!!!!*



I hope so too 

It's three more days waiting untill the pregancy test. There is still no sign at all that I could be getting my period (even though I am usually early!). We are now two days further into it than we were last time. I am always the level headed one, but even I am starting to get nervous now. If only...


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## Mistique

I am having pains at the moment that could be described as ligament pain. This could be an early sign of pregnancy. I have also had quite a sharp pain about a week ago which could have been the implementation (the embryo burrowing into the lining of the womb). Neither one of these signs are a guarantee that I am pregnant (they could just as easily be a sign of my period) but they sure make me more nervous. I've been told I can do a pregancy test this wednesday, so a few days later than expected. More waiting...


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## Deleted member 56686

Good luck Misti :encouragement:


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## dither

Oh Mistique,
how i hope, and wish you all the very best.


dither


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## InstituteMan

Good luck, Mistique! InstituteWoman and I had an easier time of it back in the day, no particular issues out of the ordinary, but even so I remember the stress of waiting for a pregnancy test. I am hoping for a placid pregnancy easy and an easy delivery for you. I'll even wish that the baby not keep you up too much at night, but that is really getting ahead of things!


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## Mistique

mrmustard615 said:


> Good luck Misti :encouragement:



Thank you 

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dither said:


> Oh Mistique,
> how i hope, and wish you all the very best.
> 
> 
> dither



Thank you. My boyfriend strongly believes in the strenght of possitive thought and he is rubbing off on me, so all best wishes help 

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InstituteMan said:


> Good luck, Mistique! InstituteWoman and I had an easier time of it back in the day, no particular issues out of the ordinary, but even so I remember the stress of waiting for a pregnancy test. I am hoping for a placid pregnancy easy and an easy delivery for you. I'll even wish that the baby not keep you up too much at night, but that is really getting ahead of things!



All beautiful wishes, so thank you for that


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## Mistique

I am going back to my original thread 

After the miscarriage, today has brought the first real message of hope. My sister in law told me that she had heard that firtility tends to get a little higher after a miscarriage. I didn't quite believe her so today at my appointment I asked the gyneacologist. She told me this is true. That although they don't know why, they do see a higher rate of pregnancies after a miscarriage. This definately made me smile. She also did an untrasound and blood test and both showed that my body is recovering nicely and that in about two weeks (whenever my period has started again) we can start with the third insemination. So this is good news too.


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## Deleted member 56686

Good luck Misti :smile:


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## Mistique

mrmustard615 said:


> Good luck Misti :smile:



Thanks


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## InstituteMan

Heal well, and good luck from there.


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## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> Heal well, and good luck from there.



Thanks, I will


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## Schrody

Mistique said:


> I am going back to my original thread
> 
> After the miscarriage, today has brought the first real message of hope. My sister in law told me that she had heard that firtility tends to get a little higher after a miscarriage. I didn't quite believe her so today at my appointment I asked the gyneacologist. She told me this is true. That although they don't know why, they do see a higher rate of pregnancies after a miscarriage. This definately made me smile. She also did an untrasound and blood test and both showed that my body is recovering nicely and that in about two weeks (whenever my period has started again) we can start with the third insemination. So this is good news too.



Maybe because there's still hormones "leftover" after your short pregnancy? :-k 

Anyway, we're proud of you honey, and we all wish you see your little bundle of joy soon!


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Maybe because there's still hormones "leftover" after your short pregnancy? :-k
> 
> Anyway, we're proud of you honey, and we all wish you see your little bundle of joy soon!



Me too


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## Firemajic

Mistique said:


> I am going back to my original thread
> 
> After the miscarriage, today has brought the first real message of hope. My sister in law told me that she had heard that firtility tends to get a little higher after a miscarriage. I didn't quite believe her so today at my appointment I asked the gyneacologist. She told me this is true. That although they don't know why, they do see a higher rate of pregnancies after a miscarriage. This definately made me smile. She also did an untrasound and blood test and both showed that my body is recovering nicely and that in about two weeks (whenever my period has started again) we can start with the third insemination. So this is good news too.





I have "heard" of this also. I know several women who have had  the same heartbreak as you, then was very successful, so hang in there, Blessing are coming your way.  Peace always...Julia


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## Mistique

Today at 1 p.m. my period started. The timing of this moment is very important as you will see:

- because my period started at 1 p.m. rather than 12 a.m. today does not count as the first day of my period, but tomorrow does (that is the rule the hospital set),

- because my period started at 1 p.m. rather than 12 a.m. the third day of the cycle, the day I have to start injecting, will be on Christmas day (rather than the day before christmas),

- because my period started at 1 p.m. rather than 12 a.m. the 10th day of the cycle, the day of the first ultra sound, will be on the 1st day on the new year (rather than the last day of the old year). They are closed that day, so it will be on the 2nd of january,

- because my period started at 1 p.m. rather than 12 a.m. the expected day of the insemination will be on the 3rd of january rather than the 2nd of january and that is when it becomes important because there are no gyneacologists available to do this treatment on the 2nd of january, but they can do it on the 3th of January. So because my period started at 1 p.m. rahter than 12 a.m. we can start with the next treatment in a few days rather than having to wait another month.

Weird, huh 

Because of this one rule (after 12 p.m. this day does not count as the first day) this hour makes all the difference between being able to start or having to wait, but I am pretty sure that for my body it makes very little difference at all.


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## Gargh

That's lucky! Saves you a lot of stressful waiting  

Have you tried Manuka honey to help your body recuperate? I've been recommended it so many times now that I'm finally giving it a go to get over a virus that refuses to let go. So far so good but it's early days.


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## TKent

If ever there was a potential baby with a huge fan club, it is this one! You realize that you're going to have to make us all godmothers/fathers!!  Sending positive fertility vibes your way my friend


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## Ariel

Good luck, Misti.  I hope you have all happiness.


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## dither

Mistique said:


> I am going back to my original thread
> 
> After the miscarriage, today has brought the first real message of hope. My sister in law told me that she had heard that firtility tends to get a little higher after a miscarriage. I didn't quite believe her so today at my appointment I asked the gyneacologist. She told me this is true. That although they don't know why, they do see a higher rate of pregnancies after a miscarriage. This definately made me smile. She also did an untrasound and blood test and both showed that my body is recovering nicely and that in about two weeks (whenever my period has started again) we can start with the third insemination. So this is good news too.




Good luck.


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## Schrody

Gargh said:


> That's lucky! Saves you a lot of stressful waiting
> 
> Have you tried Manuka honey to help your body recuperate? I've been recommended it so many times now that I'm finally giving it a go to get over a virus that refuses to let go. So far so good but it's early days.



I've read about Manuka honey, they say it even cures MRSA :shock: It's worth a try! And Misty, at least you don't have to wait for a month, so it's something


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## Deleted member 56686

Fingers crossed Misti :-D


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## Mistique

Gargh said:


> That's lucky! Saves you a lot of stressful waiting
> 
> Have you tried Manuka honey to help your body recuperate? I've been recommended it so many times now that I'm finally giving it a go to get over a virus that refuses to let go. So far so good but it's early days.



I've never heard of Manuka honey, but I will have a look at it 

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TKent said:


> If ever there was a potential baby with a huge fan club, it is this one! You realize that you're going to have to make us all godmothers/fathers!!  Sending positive fertility vibes your way my friend



I am pretty sure that my child, should I ever get so lucky that I will become a mum, will be more than happy with that many godmothers and fathers  Thank you.

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amsawtell said:


> Good luck, Misti.  I hope you have all happiness.



Thank you  I hope the same for you, happiness that is 

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dither said:


> Good luck.



Thanks 

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Schrody said:


> I've read about Manuka honey, they say it even cures MRSA :shock: It's worth a try! And Misty, at least you don't have to wait for a month, so it's something



Yep, not waiting for another month is definately a good thing in my eyes 

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mrmustard615 said:


> Fingers crossed Misti :-D



Don't keep them crossed all the time though, that makes writing - even typing - hard


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## Schrody

I you're going for Manuka honey, make sure you buy UMF (Unique Manuka Factor) 15+. It has the best quality, but it's expensive too.


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> I you're going for Manuka honey, make sure you buy UMF (Unique Manuka Factor) 15+. It has the best quality, but it's expensive too.



Not quite sure if that is being sold in my country, but I will check.


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## Mistique

Okay I found Manuka honey and even NMF 15+ at my favourite herb shop, but it has me a little confused. I thought you were talking about the kind of honey you can actually eat, but what I am finding here are things like body lotion, lip balm and other body products. 

Oh wait, now I did find the actual honey


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## Gargh

Schrody said:


> I you're going for Manuka honey, make sure you buy UMF (Unique Manuka Factor) 15+. It has the best quality, but it's expensive too.



That's the one I went for in the end. It's apparently easy to fake, which is why the 'UMF' standard exists, so I used this list http://www.umf.org.nz/licensees to narrow down the options available over here. The only name on that list that was easy to trace the supply line for was Comvita, so I went with that. It's a lot of money to spend anyway, but even worse if you're not getting the genuine product!


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## Schrody

Mistique said:


> Not quite sure if that is being sold in my country, but I will check.



You can buy it online.



Mistique said:


> Okay I found Manuka honey and even NMF 15+ at my favourite herb shop, but it has me a little confused. I thought you were talking about the kind of honey you can actually eat, but what I am finding here are things like body lotion, lip balm and other body products.
> 
> Oh wait, now I did find the actual honey



LOL. It's edible, trust me  The honey, I mean.



Gargh said:


> That's the one I went for in the end. It's apparently easy to fake, which is why the 'UMF' standard exists, so I used this list http://www.umf.org.nz/licensees to narrow down the options available over here. The only name on that list that was easy to trace the supply line for was Comvita, so I went with that. It's a lot of money to spend anyway, but even worse if you're not getting the genuine product!



Yes, Comvita is good and "safe", meaning it's a genuine product, be careful not to buy a knock off!

EDIT: Like most good and quality things (tea tree oil is pretty expensive too, but it works great against bacteria), Manuka is from Australia, and I've read they even cure some things with it (maybe not in the hospitals, but something similar)

EDIT2: It's actually from New Zealand


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> You can buy it online.
> 
> 
> 
> LOL. It's edible, trust me  The honey, I mean.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, Comvita is good and "safe", meaning it's a genuine product, be careful not to buy a knock off!
> 
> EDIT: Like most good and quality things (tea tree oil is pretty expensive too, but it works great against bacteria), Manuka is from Australia, and I've read they even cure some things with it (maybe not in the hospitals, but something similar)
> 
> EDIT2: It's actually from New Zealand



Oh my favourite herb store doesn't have knock off's of any kind 

I read about the curing part too, but not enough research has been done into that.


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## Schrody

It's a rarely "new" thing, but I think it can't hurt. Will buy it for my BF immunity (he's constantly sick) when I'll have more money


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## Deleted member 56686

Misti, I'm not an expert but have you looked into Chinese herbs? I'm not sure if they have anything that would help your situation but it's probably worth checking into


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## Sunny

Good luck Mistique! I hope you get everything you dream of having this coming month... and the next 9 after! Oh what the heck, 9 months? I was gonna even say 18 years, but really, I think it's more the rest of your life!  

Being a great mother is not something all women possess. I have a feeling you'll be a wonderful mom. I sure hope this works out for you. *crossing fingers and toes*


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> It's a rarely "new" thing, but I think it can't hurt. Will buy it for my BF immunity (he's constantly sick) when I'll have more money



Well, with my health that is not entirely true. Things that trigger/stimulate my immune system can actually hurt me, because the MS is a dissease of the immune system. I have to be a bit more careful with that than most people, as some herbs can actually hurt me, but from what I am reading about it that doesn't seem to apply to this honey.

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mrmustard615 said:


> Misti, I'm not an expert but have you looked into Chinese herbs? I'm not sure if they have anything that would help your situation but it's probably worth checking into



LIke I said, some herbs can hurt, but it is always worth checking into 

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Sunny said:


> Good luck Mistique! I hope you get everything you dream of having this coming month... and the next 9 after! Oh what the heck, 9 months? I was gonna even say 18 years, but really, I think it's more the rest of your life!
> 
> Being a great mother is not something all women possess. I have a feeling you'll be a wonderful mom. I sure hope this works out for you. *crossing fingers and toes*



Thank you, Miss sunshine, that was very sweet of you to say


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## Ariel

Sunny was honest.  You would be a great mom.  We're all cheering for you, sweetie.


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## Schrody

Mistique said:


> Well, with my health that is not entirely true. Things that trigger/stimulate my immune system can actually hurt me, because the MS is a dissease of the immune system. I have to be a bit more careful with that than most people, as some herbs can actually hurt me, but from what I am reading about it that doesn't seem to apply to this honey.



Yeah, I forgot about your MS :-k


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Yeah, I forgot about your MS :-k



I think I am going to take that as an amazing compliment  I like you forgetting. Means there is more to me than just MS. So thank you.


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## Deleted member 56686

Mistique said:


> I think I am going to take that as an amazing compliment  I like you forgetting. Means there is more to me than just MS. So thank you.




Of course there is Misti. A lot more to you :smile:


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## Schrody

Mistique said:


> I think I am going to take that as an amazing compliment  I like you forgetting. Means there is more to me than just MS. So thank you.



Oh Misti, of course. You're a person to me, not a woman with health issues  I might add a wonderful, caring person. And I truly believe there is so much more for you in your life than MS.


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## Mistique

mrmustard615 said:


> Of course there is Misti. A lot more to you :smile:



Thanks


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Oh Misti, of course. You're a person to me, not a woman with health issues  I might add a wonderful, caring person. And I truly believe there is so much more for you in your life than MS.



Now you are making me blush, no, actually... you are making me smile ear to ear. Thanks. Not sure what MS is in my life. Its certainly not an enemy, but not a friend either. Perhaps its more like a mentor who is teaching me to live my life differently.

There definately is more 

Today I baked rasberry cupcakes, chocolate chip cupcakes, applepie cupcakes, double chocolate cake, rasberry cheesecake and mixed white/dark brownies. Tomorrow I am going to bake profiterols, a blueberry cake, a lemon cake and a cookie/cream cake. Obvously I wont be eating all of those by my self or I'd be doubling my weight  I will however deliver them to the homeless shelter on the night before christmas. I imagine it will be the best day this christmas for me, perhaps even the best day for 2014  I can't wait!


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## Awanita

Misti good luck and hang in there. We are putting out positive thoughts for you. Yes please be very careful of the herbs. Best to stay away from them if you can.


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## Mistique

Awanita said:


> Misti good luck and hang in there. We are putting out positive thoughts for you. Yes please be very careful of the herbs. Best to stay away from them if you can.



Thank you, Awanita, for caring  If it was positive thoughts that were getting me pregant I would be having dozens of kids


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## Winston

First, congrats and good luck.  You'll need the luck for so many reasons, it's impossible to quantify them all right now.  But things tend to just work out.

On that note, all this specific health and diet advice sounds good.  As a parent of two very healthy kids, I'd just add that you should lead an active lifestyle as much as possible.  The more you are (safely) exposed to now gives your little one an advanced start.  Get outside, breath the air.  Don't be one of these "sanitizer nuts" that lather Purell on everything.  Think about when you were in North Africa... how do those millions of moms manage to have healthy kids with minimal pre-natal care?  
Just my observation.  Always follow your gut, and sometimes listen to your guy.


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## Schrody

Mistique said:


> Now you are making me blush, no, actually... you are making me smile ear to hear. Thanks. Not sure what MS is in my life. Its certainly not an enemy, but not a friend either. Perhaps its more like a mentor who is teaching me to live my life differently.
> 
> There definately is more
> 
> Today I baked rasberry cupcakes, chocolate chip cupcakes, applepie cupcakes, double chocolate cake, rasberry cheesecake and mixed white/dark brownies. Tomorrow I am going to bake profiterols, a blueberry cake, a lemon cake and a cookie/cream cake. Obvously I wont be eating all of those by my self or I'd be doubling my weight  I will however deliver them to the homeless shelter on the night before christmas. I imagine it will be the best day this christmas for me, perhaps even the best day for 2014  I can't wait!



That's exactly what you would do, Misti, you're that kind of person. We're lucky to have you (as those in your life too) here


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## Mistique

Winston said:


> First, congrats and good luck.  You'll need the luck for so many reasons, it's impossible to quantify them all right now.  But things tend to just work out.
> 
> On that note, all this specific health and diet advice sounds good.  As a parent of two very healthy kids, I'd just add that you should lead an active lifestyle as much as possible.  The more you are (safely) exposed to now gives your little one an advanced start.  Get outside, breath the air.  Don't be one of these "sanitizer nuts" that lather Purell on everything.  Think about when you were in North Africa... how do those millions of moms manage to have healthy kids with minimal pre-natal care?
> Just my observation.  Always follow your gut, and sometimes listen to your guy.




Thanks, all very good advice  I believe you are right about following your guts and yes, the listening to my guy part too, but don't tell him I said that


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> That's exactly what you would do, Misti, you're that kind of person. We're lucky to have you (as those in your life too) here



Thank you. It's just my way of finding something to smile about after the miscarriage. It is working wonderfully


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## Schrody

I'm glad you have the reason to smile again


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> I'm glad you have the reason to smile again



Me too 

There they are:


----------



## Mistique

Yesterday the injections started again.


----------



## Deleted member 56686

Hope it works again for you, Misti


----------



## Mistique

me too, Mustard


----------



## InstituteMan

Good luck (?) with the injections, Misti!


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> Good luck (?) with the injections, Misti!



Thanks


----------



## bazz cargo

Positive vibes and chocolate.


----------



## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> Positive vibes and chocolate.



definately chocolate


----------



## Mistique

The ultrasounds was today and the insemination will be sunday.


----------



## Sunny

Good luck! *fingers crossed for you*


----------



## bazz cargo

Positive vibes and more chocolate.


----------



## Mistique

Thanks  both of you!


----------



## InstituteMan

Good luck, Misti.


----------



## TKent

You are such a sweetheart   Good luck in the weeks to come. Fingers crossed, candles lit, all meditative thoughts are being sent your way. We are with you, behind you, underneath you when you need support (that's sounded kind of dirty but you know what I mean)!!



Mistique said:


> Me too
> 
> There they are:
> 
> View attachment 7078


----------



## Mistique

That did sound kinda dirty hihihihi

Thanks for the support


----------



## Schrody

Congrats Misti, on your Vet status!


----------



## Deleted member 56686

Yeah Misti :champagne:


----------



## Eluixa

I am hoping for you, Mistique!


----------



## Batch

Good luck!


----------



## Firemajic

New year, new hopes , new dreams! I am wishing good things for you, here's hoping we will have something wonderful to celebrate !!


----------



## Mistique

Firemajic said:


> New year, new hopes , new dreams! I am wishing good things for you, here's hoping we will have something wonderful to celebrate !!



I hope so too


----------



## Mistique

The third attempt ended without pregnancy. Physically the third attempt was pretty rough. I had quite a few symptoms - which I hoped were of sign of pregancy, but I guess they weren't - and it got scary for a little bit as some of the symptoms suggested I could be suffering from a ovarian hyperstimuation syndrome (the hormons can cause that). This can get quite serious as in theory it could be fatal (only if it isn't treated quick enough). Luckily that wasn't the case and most of the symptoms have subsided by now.

I have started the first injection of attempt four today.


----------



## TKent

We are always hoping for you!!  Hope you know that!


----------



## InstituteMan

Good luck, Misti. Your child will be very precious. You will be a great mom.


----------



## Deleted member 56686

Good luck as usual Misti


----------



## TKent

And he/she will have a couple of thousand green godmothers/fathers (who ALL want a hand in the naming by the way...)


----------



## Mistique

TKent said:


> We are always hoping for you!!  Hope you know that!



I both know and feel that 

- - - Updated - - -



InstituteMan said:


> Good luck, Misti. Your child will be very precious. You will be a great mom.



That is what I keep thinking. I mean the precious part. There will never be a child more loved.

- - - Updated - - -



TKent said:


> And he/she will have a couple of thousand green godmothers/fathers (who ALL want a hand in the naming by the way...)



Sorry, the names have already been decided. Should we be so lucky to get a baby girl then her name will be Sophie and should we be so lucky to get a baby boy then his name will be Bram (Dutch name) or ofcourse we could be doubly blessed with a Sophie and a Bram  You are the only ones who know the names now though. Even my family doesn't know that!


----------



## Mistique

I couldn't resist showing off. My mum and me made this for my brother. Its our first major completed project. I love it.


----------



## TKent

That is gorgeous!!


----------



## Blade

Wow.:eagerness: There will be no problem finding that in the middle of the night.:victorious:


----------



## Mistique

TKent said:


> That is gorgeous!!



Yeah, it turned out nice 

- - - Updated - - -



Blade said:


> Wow.:eagerness: There will be no problem finding that in the middle of the night.:victorious:



Only problem is; he is not allowed to sleep under it. It's just decoration


----------



## Blade

Mistique said:
			
		

> Only problem is; he is not allowed to sleep under it. It's just decoration :smile:



:scratch: It's to impress cute chicks or something? This has got to be some sort of Dutch thing.:ghost:


----------



## Mistique

Blade said:


> :scratch: It's to impress cute chicks or something? This has got to be some sort of Dutch thing.:ghost:



Its a bedspread. You use it to decorate your bed during the day, but you don't sleep under it. This is wool, so you probably wouldn't want to sleep under it, or you would burn up. This thing could probably still keep you warm sleeping outside in the snow. The main reason why you probably shouldn't sleep under this is because you don't want to have to wash it as the process would de horrific. You would have to handwash it - as the material can't handle the machine - and if this stuff gets wet it will become ten times as heavy (and it is already quite heavy) and then you can't hang it up to dry (not that you could lift it anymore by then anyway) as that way the weight would make it lose its shape, but instead you have to dry it horizontally (so with it lying on top of some kind of rack) so that the weight is devided equally over the entire surface. A nightmare. So its best to just use is as a bedspread and that isn't a Dutch thing  you never sleep under a bedspread!

And my brother isn't the 'impress the cute chick' kind of guy. He's got a girlfriend and I have no clue how he got her, because he certainly didn't do much to impress her. Not that he isn't a nice guy, but he's more the 'what you see is what you get' type.


----------



## Mistique

Back to the fertility treatment...

I am going to rant for a little bit, just so you know...


The hormones are definately kicking in hard. The faitigue I recognize, but the way they change my thought processes always seems to catch me by surprise. I was sitting at home today and my mum was cleaning my house (very sweet of her to do that). I can't quite explain it, but her walking around like that doing all sorts of stuff (I was sitting quietly on the sofa) was hard for me to take. It got on my nerves. I was constantly thinking 'I don't care if my house is dirty, but for fuck sake sit down. Be quiet already!' My next door neighbour started drilling on the outside of the house, but at the same time someone else was drilling on the inside of his house (so two drills at once). That made me want to cover my ears and just crawl away into the sofa. 'Be quiet already!' I am screaming inside my mind. 'Leave me alone!" Then this guy starts walking near my front door for no apparent reason (because he wasn't ringing the bell) and a little later on he did the same thing in the garden. Walking around there and he even started drilling in my outside wall. I rush to the door and have this conversation:

Me: Can I ask what you're doing to my house?
Man: Working on the drainage, ma'am
me: What the hell for?
Man: Maintanance, ma'am
me: Who the hell told you to do that?
Man: The landlord
me: You should have rang the bell to tell me you would be doing that. I don't know how it works around your house, but when people start drilling in my outside wall for no apparent reason that freaks me out.
Man: Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry.

The man just stands there acting nervous.

me: What?
Man: Ehm, I'm sorry, but can I now go back to doing my job?
me: Sure.

I go back inside. Now imagine this whole conversation with me yelling (because I did yell at that poor man). I go back to sitting on the sofa feeling bad about having yelled at him like that. I don't yell. I never do. I don't treat people that way. So I am sitting there thinking, 'what the hell did I do that for? The conversation in my head goes on like this: I'm so tired, I wish the world would just go away. The world can't go away! So maybe I should go away instead. I wish I could just switch myself off the way you switch off a light. Just not excist anymore. What do I live for anyway? All I do is crochet. What kind of life is that? I am 40 and live like a 80 year old woman. Well, 80 year old woman die, so maybe so should I. What the hell am I doing? Why am I thinking like this? This is bordering on suicidal, what the hell is going on? This is not me! How the hell did I go from eternal optimist to suicidal?

And then it hits me...

Hormones!

I am right, this is not me! Its them bloody hormones! 

So thanks for reading my rant. It helps to talk about it sometimes and I can't talk about this with my family or boyfriend - let alone the doctor - because if I did they would stop the treatment instantly and I don't want that. I just need to get through this.


----------



## TJ1985

I won't lie and say I understand what you're going through, because I don't. Not from the hormonal side. I've had periods of severe irritability that sounded eerily familiar in your message, but for me the trigger is plastic shopping bags being moved/touched. That sound would drive a sane person to the edge. 

I'm hopeful that everything levels out for you soon.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I won't lie and say I understand what you're going through, because I don't. Not from the hormonal side. I've had periods of severe irritability that sounded eerily familiar in your message, but for me the trigger is plastic shopping bags being moved/touched. That sound would drive a sane person to the edge.
> 
> I'm hopeful that everything levels out for you soon.



It will in a few days as the hormones end this sunday, but then ofcourse there will be something new on the baby rollercoaster. It never quite ends, but we will get there in the end.


----------



## Deafmute

I can't say that I know how medicine works in your country, but personally in my practices mood swings of this magnitude are not something that would lead to me to recommend you be taken off the medicine. This is a big choice and comes with a lot of risks, if they were willing to move forward with this then i think they would be willing to keep moving forward inspite of the mood swings, further there is a good chance they could give you rescourses to help you deal with these issues. You need someone to talk to, and as great as we are as anonymous screen names and picture avatars we can't give you what you need. Therapists can help and you could find one even without telling the doctor if that is to much of a concern. And tell you boyfriend, you are having a baby with this man, there needs to be trust, his job is to help you through times like these otherwise what good is it to be in a relationship?


----------



## Mistique

That is about as honest as you can get. Thank you for that. I will give it some thought. I had a therapist, but he didnt think I needed one as I was doing so well on my own. I didnt agree. I do trust my boyfriend - I dont want to worry him - but you are right. I will tell him today. It would be nice to not have to do this on my own.


----------



## Deafmute

Being in a relationship should mean you are never alone. I am sure he will agree. I am glad you are going to talk to him. As always though I am sure I speak for everyone when i say we are here for you to vent to whenever you need.


----------



## Mistique

I just called him. He was home (he lives on the other side of the city and its night now) and he was going to go to bed as he had an early appointment in the morning, so the timing wasnt all that great. He's coming over and will spend the night here. He's actually going to walk to get here (takes about an hour). We will talk and I know I will feel a lot better sleeping in his arms tonight. I keep forgetting he really is a nice guy and not like my ex husband (I got this low before during the IVF and the doctor told him not to leave me alone for the weekend. He left anyway as he was going to see him friend and he didnt feel like cancelling and I felt shitlessly lonely). He cant be there for me if I dont give him a chance to do so.


----------



## Schrody

As much as we would want to - we can't really help you, we can only give you words of comfort, so I'm afraid I agree with Deafmute. But you know we're here for you, right?


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


> As much as we would want to - we can't really help you, we can only give you words of comfort, so I'm afraid I agree with Deafmute. But you know we're here for you, right?



I do know that and dont worry... I agree with Deafmute too


----------



## TJ1985

At day's end, sometimes it helps to find a friend with open ears and a strong shoulder. My best advice is to run to somebody, and if it can't be us, let it be him.


----------



## InstituteMan

Hormones are potent things, in ways both good and bad. I hope the good part happens so you don't have to decide whether to face the bad again. Take care of yourself, and talk to your bf--and come here if it gets too rough.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> At day's end, sometimes it helps to find a friend with open ears and a strong shoulder. My best advice is to run to somebody, and if it can't be us, let it be him.




That is what I did. Thanks for the concern.

- - - Updated - - -



InstituteMan said:


> Hormones are potent things, in ways both good and bad. I hope the good part happens so you don't have to decide whether to face the bad again. Take care of yourself, and talk to your bf--and come here if it gets too rough.



Yes, they are. I can't wait for that good part to start


----------



## Mistique

The insemination was today, so we are now back in the waiting mode.

I ate pinapple today, because apparently there is a 'pinapple pregnancy theory'.  See with my litteral mind this gives me images of pregant pinapples, but this isn't the case  The theory states that pinapple contains an enzyme called Bromelain and this apparently breaks up proteins that inhibit implantation of a fertilized egg. You have to take a pinnaple and divide it into five parts which you have to eat for fine days starting the day of the insemination. Apparently eating the core is vital as it contains the most Bromelain. There is very little scientific evidence to support (or contradict) this theory, but what harm is there in eating pinapple? So as of today and for the next five days I am eating pinapple  The core is pretty bitter, but nothing I cant live with.


----------



## Deleted member 56686

Wow I just ate some pineapple. Hope I'm okay :lol:

Seriously best of luck, Misti


----------



## Mistique

Neah, Mustard, you will be pregnant within days. its unavoidable now!  thanks!


----------



## bazz cargo

Power vibes coming your way. Pineapple eh? Wouldn't mind a stroll along a beach in the sun. 

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...&mid=8258E96731D1CD24FE028258E96731D1CD24FE02


----------



## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> Power vibes coming your way. Pineapple eh? Wouldn't mind a stroll along a beach in the sun.
> 
> http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...&mid=8258E96731D1CD24FE028258E96731D1CD24FE02



Yes, I am pretty sure a stroll along the beach in the sun would do this fertility treatments loads of good. The doctor should refer me! and have the ensurance pay of course. I'm thinking Hawai? Florida?


----------



## escorial

View attachment 7448


----------



## InstituteMan

I don't much like pineapple, so it's a good thing I don't want to get pregnant. I hope it works for you, Misti, good luck!


----------



## TJ1985

Congratulations! I'm really happy for you. 

I had a can of pineapple yesterday and now I'm kind of concerned, but other than that, congratulations!


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> Congratulations! I'm really happy for you.
> 
> I had a can of pineapple yesterday and now I'm kind of concerned, but other than that, congratulations!



You should be concerned! With that many pineapples I think you'll have triplets


----------



## Schrody

Mistique said:


> The insemination was today, so we are now back in the waiting mode.
> 
> I ate pinapple today, because apparently there is a 'pinapple pregnancy theory'.  See with my litteral mind this gives me images of pregant pinapples, but this isn't the case  The theory states that pinapple contains an enzyme called Bromelain and this apparently breaks up proteins that inhibit implantation of a fertilized egg. You have to take a pinnaple and divide it into five parts which you have to eat for fine days starting the day of the insemination. Apparently eating the core is vital as it contains the most Bromelain. There is very little scientific evidence to support (or contradict) this theory, but what harm is there in eating pinapple? So as of today and for the next five days I am eating pinapple  The core is pretty bitter, but nothing I cant live with.



It isn't a theory - pineapple really contains Bromelain enzime which "dissolves" soft tissues, and it can be used as a meat tenderizer. Just don't keep it too long or you will get a mush. It is said that people who work a lot with pineapples often don't have any fingerprints  Anyway, hope we're gonna hear good news soon!


----------



## belthagor

Good luck! I was recently researching some things related to this which may be important for you, private message me if you want to hear!


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


> It isn't a theory - pineapple really contains Bromelain enzime which "dissolves" soft tissues, and it can be used as a meat tenderizer. Just don't keep it too long or you will get a mush. It is said that people who work a lot with pineapples often don't have any fingerprints  Anyway, hope we're gonna hear good news soon!



Thanks, good news would be amazing


----------



## Chaseanthemum

Yay!  Another kind soul destined to be brought into this beautiful world we call home!


----------



## BryanJ62

I need something like that. Any chance you can swing by Western Oregon? 

- - - Updated - - -



Mistique said:


> View attachment 7273 *I need something like that. Any chance you can swing by Western Oregon?
> *
> I couldn't resist showing off. My mum and me made this for my brother. Its our first major completed project. I love it.


----------



## Mistique

BryanJ62 said:


> I need something like that. Any chance you can swing by Western Oregon?
> 
> - - - Updated - - -



If you pay the flight I'm sure I can do that  and the material ofcourse! I won't charge you the (wo)manhours, because other wise you would go broke instant! unless of course you were referring to the cat, my brother says that he's not for sale 

- - - Updated - - -



Chaseanthemum said:


> Yay!  Another kind soul destined to be brought into this beautiful world we call home!



That is a very kind thing to say. Thank you for that.


----------



## belthagor

you still didn't mention if you liked my advice, for later =(


----------



## Mistique

belthagor said:


> you still didn't mention if you liked my advice, for later =(



I am so sorry I hadn't gotten around to responding to that yet. My mind gets disoriented at times. Yes, its good advice and definately worth considering.


----------



## Mistique

Unfortunately the forth insemination attempt wasn't succesful. I feel a little powerless at times, because no matter what I do it just doesn't seem to work, but I pull myself together and we move on to attempt five.

We've had a meeting to discuss the possibility of IVF after the sixth insemination (should both the fifth and sixth insemination fail as well). We have to decide this now, because the official decision to do IVF has to be made before my 40th birthday (and that will be on the 24th of April). IVF is the advanced version of insemination. It's the same hormone treatment, but tripple the dose, and its a far more intrusive procedure. IVF scares me, because I have had it before and it was rough then, but combined with the MS might be a mountain that will be too hard for me to climb. The thought of taking tripple the dose when I know what a single dose does to my body and mind is quite scary. The conclusion of the meeting however was that we would be going for IVF anyway after the sixth insemination.

I got home and called the ensurance.

It turns out that they won't cover more IVF for me. I have already used up all the attempts I had and the fact that I am now with a different partner don't make any difference. So if we do want to go for IVF we have to pay for it ourselves. Which means our families will have to pay for it, because we can't afford it. Our families have already said that they are more than willing to pay.

To be on the safe side, before I agree to a treatment that I both fear and can't afford, I have asked the doctors if its possible that instead of three IVF attemps we could have have six more inseminations instead. This is not common practice. As a matter of fact I have never heard of anyone who has done that, but inseminations are covered by my ensurance (no matter how many of them we get) and they are far less intrusive on my body. The doctor agreed to discuss it with the medical team and she will get back to us about it this monday.

So now we wait...

Well, actually we do more than wait, because this thursday I have to start the injections again for attempt five.


----------



## Deafmute

Good Luck, misti


----------



## Mistique

Hormones of the fifth attempt started yesterday and no side effects so far. That is a good start


----------



## bazz cargo

'S okay, we wouldn't tell the difference anyway.


----------



## InstituteMan

Good luck. Misti!


----------



## Mistique

The insemination was today and it went fine. There is a problem though and quite a serious one and I can't really fix it. I am getting sick. I have a cold, I am sneezing all the time and my temperature is going up. Especially that last bit is a problem, because I can not use any medication - because of the insemination and the possible embryo - against it. So I can't really do anything about it, which is bad for my health, but I dont think it will do the embryo any good either if my fever gets too high. So here is me hoping that this will stay with just a cold and won't develop into something nasty like pnemonia.


----------



## InstituteMan

Have some chicken soup, Misti. Like they say, 'it couldn't hurt.'


----------



## Gargh

^ Yup. Think of it this way, you may not be able to take medication but thankfully a cold doesn't necessarily need it. There are so many home remedies for colds that actually work so rest, have the chicken soup, use steam inhalation, drink lemon and honey and watch an obligatory bad movie or two to relax. Try not to worry before it happens... far easier said than done, I know


----------



## Blade

Gargh said:


> ^ Yup. Think of it this way, you may not be able to take medication but thankfully a cold doesn't necessarily need it. There are so many home remedies for colds that actually work so rest, have the chicken soup, use steam inhalation, drink lemon and honey and watch an obligatory bad movie or two to relax. Try not to worry before it happens... far easier said than done, I know



I would go with this 100%. There are a lot more medications floating around out there than there are conditions where they are actually needed. The above description will do as much good as anything without the risk of any unfortunate complications. This applies, I believe, to conditions in general and not just risky situations.:-k Good luck with it.


----------



## Mistique

All three of you are right. Thanks for the concern. Chickensoup sounds like a good idea, as does the rest. I am currently sipping my chamomile tea with honey. Fever is staying fairly low so I am trying my hardest not to 'worry before it happens'. Thanks guys.


----------



## Mistique

I was reassessed for my disability allowance. Originally they put me at 37% disabled (in my country they work with percentages) and now that has been increased to 72%. I know its a good thing as it is helpful finacially, but yeez... 72% disabled? That is a lot. I know its true, but its not that much fun to see it expressed in number like that.


----------



## Crowley K. Jarvis

*Clap clap* 

Well congratulations... And apologies! Haha.

I already have a few nerve issues with my back. I know someday it might seriously progress and I don't look forward to that either...  Most of my family is disabled in one way or another, so I have to see their struggles. 

I hope this makes it easier for you though!


----------



## Mistique

Crowley K. Jarvis said:


> *Clap clap*
> 
> Well congratulations... And apologies! Haha.
> 
> I already have a few nerve issues with my back. I know someday it might seriously progress and I don't look forward to that either...  Most of my family is disabled in one way or another, so I have to see their struggles.
> 
> I hope this makes it easier for you though!



Yeah, it does make things easier. Quite a bit easier. I hope your back problems won't get worse, even if that is hoping against the odds. Just like I am hoping that my MS won't progress either.


----------



## bazz cargo

Get well soon.


----------



## InstituteMan

MS is a weird thing, Misti. It's gonna do what it's gonna do, so there's no harm in hoping for the best. I know I'm hoping for your MS to remit. No matter what number they put on your ability level, you're still pretty darn handy with this writing thing.


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> MS is a weird thing, Misti. It's gonna do what it's gonna do, so there's no harm in hoping for the best. I know I'm hoping for your MS to remit. No matter what number they put on your ability level, you're still pretty darn handy with this writing thing.



Yeah, the writing seems to work out okay. I can't write as often as I like, but I can still do it and that is pretty amazing as the MS seems to hit my cognitive abilities the most.


----------



## Mistique

My period started today, so I guess it's now official: the fifth attempt failed! It's harder to get back up and smile these days, but still that is what we are going to do. In a few days I will have to inject again and with that the sixth attempt will start. It's always such a rollecoaster ride to go from shock, to sadness, to new hope in just three days.


----------



## Sonata

I am very new to this forum Misti and have only just read this thread.  I do not know if it will be of any consolation or not but in my day [I am very old] there was no such thing as attempts you have been going through.  I had no problem becoming pregnant but I just could not get further than six weeks - and there were no instant pregnancy tests either in those days.

But - and this is something for you to keep hold of - I did eventually carry two babies, one full term and the second nearly full term, and both were fine, even though the second was officially my twelfth pregnancy and that was quite possibly a low estimate.

Your much longed-for child will come when the time is right, which could well be this attempt.  Who knows but I will pray for you if you will permit it.

With regard to the percentage number of your disability - it is only a number.  Where I live it comes in two parts and I have 85% physical and 100% medical, but they are only numbers.  The difference is, of course, that my offspring are now older than you are.  But I would like you to know that even after so many disappointments, if it is meant to be then it will happen.


----------



## Mistique

Thank you for responding and sharing your story. That was very kind of you and yes it does help. Any message of hope helps. I can't begin to imagine what it must have felt like for you. That many pregancies. I am so glad it did work out for you in the end. That is my hope too and who knows it might happen. I will certainly keep on hoping until the very last attempt.


----------



## aj47

I don't have a percentage. At least you have a number you can point to and say, "thiiiiis much".

I have 20/60 vision.  The law says, in order to get help from handicapped services (specifically services for the blind as they are separate from other disability services--I'm not 100% sure why) my vision must be 20/70 or worse.  The good news is I can legally drive--the bad news is, I have difficulty reading printed matter (books, newspapers, etc.--I can adjust the font size on my computer).  So I fall through the cracks.  I'm making it, so it's not a huge deal.  

I understand your frustration though. Not being able to do everything you would like is never fun.  Especially if it's the sort of thing you used to do. Looking through a mondo .pdf of a textbook is a lot more cumbersome than opening it to the index, finding the page(s) you need and then flipping to them.  I used to be able to manage that.  Now, the print is a little too small.  

I'm saddened to hear of your loss. It's tough to face multiple disappointments. Hang in there.  I have a friend who now has two kids whose wife was going through stuff similar to yours. Hope is there for the grabbing.


----------



## Mistique

astroannie said:


> I don't have a percentage. At least you have a number you can point to and say, "thiiiiis much".
> 
> I have 20/60 vision.  The law says, in order to get help from handicapped services (specifically services for the blind as they are separate from other disability services--I'm not 100% sure why) my vision must be 20/70 or worse.  The good news is I can legally drive--the bad news is, I have difficulty reading printed matter (books, newspapers, etc.--I can adjust the font size on my computer).  So I fall through the cracks.  I'm making it, so it's not a huge deal.
> 
> I understand your frustration though. Not being able to do everything you would like is never fun.  Especially if it's the sort of thing you used to do. Looking through a mondo .pdf of a textbook is a lot more cumbersome than opening it to the index, finding the page(s) you need and then flipping to them.  I used to be able to manage that.  Now, the print is a little too small.
> 
> I'm saddened to hear of your loss. It's tough to face multiple disappointments. Hang in there.  I have a friend who now has two kids whose wife was going through stuff similar to yours. Hope is there for the grabbing.




Thank you annie, sorry to hear about your sight. I have loads of things too that I used to be able to do. I used to be able to write whenever I felt like it. Now I have to wait untill whenever the faitigue will lift and these days that isn't often. I still get to write some of the time though and that is what matters. Thank you for your kind words, they are much appreciated.


----------



## Mistique

I had the ultrasound for the sixth IUI attempt today and it is looking amazingly well. There are two follicles and both of them are growing equally strong. The last time we had this (and that time it wasn't as good as this time, because one of them was growing less strongly than the other) I got pregnant (and had a miscarriage). It doesn't mean I will get pregnant this time, but it certainly has raised my hope considerably. It also means that should we get pregnant that the odds of twins have gone up as well. The doctor doesn't like me having twins, but I couldn't be happier if I were to be that lucky. So please hope/pray with me that this time it will work


----------



## Sonata

Of course I will pray for you Misti.  Today is a special day for me so I pray it will also turn out that the news you had today turns out to be special for you as well.


----------



## Mistique

Sonata said:


> Of course I will pray for you Misti.  Today is a special day for me so I pray it will also turn out that the news you had today turns out to be special for you as well.



Thank you very much for the support


----------



## Gargh

Mistique said:


> So please hope/pray with me that this time it will work



Still crossing my fingers and toes for you... though I do get some funny looks when I go out. :scratch:


----------



## Mistique

Gargh said:


> Still crossing my fingers and toes for you... though I do get some funny looks when I go out. :scratch:



I would imagine so, yes, and perhaps there is also a risk of falling with all those crossed toes  I greatly appreciate your sacrifice!


----------



## InstituteMan

I'm not the praying sort, Misti, but I'm hoping hard for you. Good luck!


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> I'm not the praying sort, Misti, but I'm hoping hard for you. Good luck!



I'm not the praying sort either, but I am grateful for your hope  Thank you.


----------



## BryanJ62

*I am sure this has been brought up at one time or another so pardon me if I am repeating it, if it doesn't happen have you considered adoption? I'm not sure how your country works, I do know here in the states it can be a long drawn out affair, but I have heard of people looking into other countries and having an easier time of it.*


----------



## Mistique

BryanJ62 said:


> *I am sure this has been brought up at one time or another so pardon me if I am repeating it, if it doesn't happen have you considered adoption? I'm not sure how your country works, I do know here in the states it can be a long drawn out affair, but I have heard of people looking into other countries and having an easier time of it.*



In my country fostering happens much more often than adoption. In time its something we can look at, but it is unlikely that we will pass the assessment because of my MS. They would consider that a risk factor.


----------



## bazz cargo

In this country that would be a discrimination issue. Lawyer fodder, oh yeah.


----------



## Mistique

No, Bazz, I don't think so. I went through an adoption assessment when I lived in London and they did far worse. I wasn't diagosed with MS yet at the time, but they considered my past - a neglectful childhood - and my husband's past (now ex husband) - an abusive childhood - too much of a risk factor for us to be able to adopt.


----------



## Phil Istine

Mistique said:


> No, Bazz, I don't think so. I went through an adoption assessment when I lived in London and they did far worse. I wasn't diagosed with MS yet at the time, but they considered my past - a neglectful childhood - and my husband's past (now ex husband) - an abusive childhood - too much of a risk factor for us to be able to adopt.



Using the prospective adopters' backgrounds in this way sounds way out of line to me.  Surely the real issue in such circumstances ought to be about whether you have seen those backgrounds for what they were and whether you have risen above them.  I do realise that abusive and neglectful behaviour early in life can get locked away in the recipients' subconscious for later repetition - but I also believe that those who are aware of this can rise above it to become quality carers.


----------



## Mistique

Phil Istine said:


> Using the prospective adopters' backgrounds in this way sounds way out of line to me.  Surely the real issue in such circumstances ought to be about whether you have seen those backgrounds for what they were and whether you have risen above them.  I do realise that abusive and neglectful behaviour early in life can get locked away in the recipients' subconscious for later repetition - but I also believe that those who are aware of this can rise above it to become quality carers.



I would agree with you on this one completely, but they would say that they simply can't take the risk.


----------



## bazz cargo

Pointy headed bureaucrats, If they bothered to learn about you properly and then keep A/ an eye on you and B/ made sure you had the correct support there would be no problems...


----------



## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> Pointy headed bureaucrats, If they bothered to learn about you properly and then keep A/ an eye on you and B/ made sure you had the correct support there would be no problems...



Yes, I would agree. I would actually think that my past would benefit the child as children that are put up for adoption often have a similar sort of background and in the very least I understand where they are coming from. The social workers are reacting from fear. There have been child death cases in which the adoptive parents ended up killing the child and they don't want to be the social worker who places the child into a situation like that so they try to avoid any and all risk factors. That those risk factors could also be strenghts isn't something they are willing to consider.


----------



## aj47

Phil Istine said:


> Using the prospective adopters' backgrounds in this way sounds way out of line to me.  Surely the real issue in such circumstances ought to be about whether you have seen those backgrounds for what they were and whether you have risen above them.  I do realise that abusive and neglectful behaviour early in life can get locked away in the recipients' subconscious for later repetition - but I also believe that those who are aware of this can rise above it to become quality carers.



The trouble is, there is too high of a correlation for it to be ignored.  And we're talking about lives here.  It is better to be safer than sorry.



bazz cargo said:


> Pointy headed bureaucrats, If they bothered to learn about you properly and then keep A/ an eye on you and B/ made sure you had the correct support there would be no problems...



They don't have enough resources to keep the necessary eye on.  It's a good theory, though and if they could implement it, it would make more sense than just giving you a black mark and saying "no".


----------



## Mistique

astroannie said:


> The trouble is, there is too high of a correlation for it to be ignored.  And we're talking about lives here.  It is better to be safer than sorry.
> 
> 
> 
> They don't have enough resources to keep the necessary eye on.  It's a good theory, though and if they could implement it, it would make more sense than just giving you a black mark and saying "no".




You are right that the correlation can't be ignored. You are also right that this is about lives and you can't just play around with that. It would be nice though if they researched a bit deeper than just the correlation and also took the person in consideration.


----------



## Mistique

Anyway the insemination was today and it went well. All the circumstances are perfect this time around - my health is strong, two follicles, fertile sperm, my spirits are up - so who knows, maybe this time it will work  I am certainly hoping hard.


----------



## Ariel

My fingers are crossed!


----------



## Mistique

amsawtell said:


> My fingers are crossed!




Sorry I didnt see this sooner, but thank you  its much appreciated.


----------



## Mistique

I am going to rant a little... just a little... nothing like last time!

My breast have blown up, I mean properly blown up, like sizes bigger. They are increadibly sensitive too, in a painful way, and with my little two year old nice climbing all over me - we babysit her a lot - this is very unplesant. My tummy is blown up too. So most of my clothes look and feel several sizes too small. I get naucious. So all in all I look and feel like a woman who is several months pregnant except I might not be pregnant at all. It could just be the pregnyl which side effects are similar to pregnancy. Or I could be pregnant. It could be anything and there is nothing I can do to figure out which it is, but wait. Its frustrating. I feel super pregnant, but I constantly have to remind myself that it means nothing whilst my body is screaming that it means a lot. Oh and if I do get signals that could suggest my period is coming - like the light cramp I am having in my lower tummy -then that dont mean nothing either, because one of the early pregnancy signs is a 'cramp similar to having a period'. So basically every single symptom I am having could either mean I am pregnant or I am going to have my period. There isnt a single symptom which distinguishes one from the other. If this fertility proces was a girl she'd make one hell of a tease!


----------



## bazz cargo

Not having been pregnant myself, I cannot help with a comparison. I hope everything turns out right in the end. _It had better turn out right in the end or I will be having a word or two with the management. _


----------



## Mistique

Okay if this doesnt work out I'm counting on you to tell off that tease!


----------



## TKent

Given how hard you have been trying so far with no luck, I hate to say it but I'm glad you are miserable because it could mean you are preggers!!  I have everything on my body that can cross, crossed. And I'm sending positive vibes your way. Oooohhhhhh how I hope you are pregnant!!  And don't get me started on menopause which SUCKS as well. Talk about a tease...



Mistique said:


> I am going to rant a little... just a little... nothing like last time!
> 
> My breast have blown up, I mean properly blown up, like sizes bigger. They are increadibly sensitive too, in a painful way, and with my little two year old nice climbing all over me - we babysit her a lot - this is very unplesant. My tummy is blown up too. So most of my clothes look and feel several sizes too small. I get naucious. So all in all I look and feel like a woman who is several months pregnant except I might not be pregnant at all. It could just be the pregnyl which side effects are similar to pregnancy. Or I could be pregnant. It could be anything and there is nothing I can do to figure out which it is, but wait. Its frustrating. I feel super pregnant, but I constantly have to remind myself that it means nothing whilst my body is screaming that it means a lot. Oh and if I do get signals that could suggest my period is coming - like the light cramp I am having in my lower tummy -then that dont mean nothing either, because one of the early pregnancy signs is a 'cramp similar to having a period'. So basically every single symptom I am having could either mean I am pregnant or I am going to have my period. There isnt a single symptom which distinguishes one from the other. If this fertility proces was a girl she'd make one hell of a tease!


----------



## TJ1985

Like Bazz, I've never been pregnant or had a period, but I can say that you're a lot stronger under this than I could dream of being. You're holding up well, while I would be a mess. Actually, I'm not dealing with any of that, and I'm a mess. You're going through all this, and you post one little rant? You rock!


----------



## Mistique

TKent said:


> Given how hard you have been trying so far with no luck, I hate to say it but I'm glad you are miserable because it could mean you are preggers!!  I have everything on my body that can cross, crossed. And I'm sending positive vibes your way. Oooohhhhhh how I hope you are pregnant!!  And don't get me started on menopause which SUCKS as well. Talk about a tease...



So I guess the entire female body is a tease  Yeah, I dont mind feeling this way - although the insecurity of it is no fun - the real hard part is when the symptoms stop and hope dies, but who knows... Four more days till pregnancy test! Thanks for the crossed fingers and toes.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> Like Bazz, I've never been pregnant or had a period, but I can say that you're a lot stronger under this than I could dream of being. You're holding up well, while I would be a mess. Actually, I'm not dealing with any of that, and I'm a mess. You're going through all this, and you post one little rant? You rock!



Thanks, that made me smile. I saw an experiment once of two guys who were put - with medication - into a state similar to giving birth. They screamed like they were being tortured and they cried... A lot. I guess this just symply isnt a guy thing to do! But if you and Bazz feel like giving it a go then take a shot of 5000 Mg pregnyl and you will feel just like this! Well, sort off.


----------



## TJ1985

Mistique said:


> Thanks, that made me smile. I saw an experiment once of two guys who were put - with medication - into a state similar to giving birth. They screamed like they were being tortured and they cried... A lot. I guess this just symply isnt a guy thing to do! But if you and Bazz feel like giving it a go then take a shot of 5000 Mg pregnyl and you will feel just like this! Well, sort off.



I would shoot whomever gave me the drug, and then myself. No, actually I'd probably shoot the person who gave me the drug twice, I like a job done properly. 



> So I guess the entire female body is a tease :wink:



Don't say it TJ, don't, relax, calm. Think of your happy place. NO! The *other* happy place, breathe, breathe. Click reply and don't say that....


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I would shoot whomever gave me the drug, and then myself. No, actually I'd probably shoot the person who gave me the drug twice, I like a job done properly.
> 
> 
> 
> Don't say it TJ, don't, relax, calm. Think of your happy place. NO! The *other* happy place, breathe, breathe. Click reply and don't say that....



You are a funny guy  you would actually have to shoot yourself... twice... since these injections you have to do yourself.

Are you really not going to say it?


----------



## TJ1985

Mistique said:


> Are you really not going to say it?



Not on a large bet.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> Not on a large bet.



really really not? *bats her eyes sweetly*


----------



## TJ1985

Mistique said:


> really really not? *bats her eyes sweetly*



{Pulls hat down to cover my eyes, slinks away slowly} Well played!


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> {Pulls hat down to cover my eyes, slinks away slowly} Well played!



But you managed to get away anyway so clearly not well enough


----------



## Sonata

Still praying for you Misti although my prayers are more like one-way discussions.  Hold onto your dreams and your hopes because if it is meant to be then it will be.


----------



## Mistique

Sonata said:


> Still praying for you Misti although my prayers are more like one-way discussions.  Hold onto your dreams and your hopes because if it is meant to be then it will be.



I am definately holding onto them, thank you


----------



## Pluralized

Positive thoughts your way, Mistique. Your tenacity is inspiring and good things will come.


----------



## Mistique

Pluralized said:


> Positive thoughts your way, Mistique. Your tenacity is inspiring and good things will come.



Thank you very much, I appreciate the thought


----------



## Mistique

Unfortunately the sixth IUI attempt failed. Once again I got my period. I feel sad. Somehow the sadness seems to get a little stonger every time a new attempt fails (especially this one since it seem to go so well). I was supposed to go to my little nice's two year old birthday party, but I can't be around kids right now. Instead my boyfriend is going to come over and he is going to spoil me rotten, with cuddles, kisses and tea (maybe chocolate too ), which is increadibly sweet because he is sad too. Someone once said to me a long time ago that this - this difficulty to have children - is my big sadness in life and I think she was right.


----------



## TJ1985

I'm so sad and sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you.


----------



## Mistique

Thank you very much, that means a lot to me.


----------



## TKent

Crap. Don't know what else to say


----------



## Sunny

I'm so sorry Mistique. I think of your struggles often. I remember how depressed and sad I got when I thought my entire adult life it would never happen for me either. The loss I had had made it unbearable, too. It's a sadness and yearning that you carry around everyday. I remember I had to bail on my friends baby shower and hated looking at all of my friends baby pictures on Facebook. It's painful deep down and it doesn't go away. Just know you're not alone, and there are people (like your great boyfriend) there for you to lean on and support you! 

Just hang in there and enjoy your time with the people you have in your life that love you. I wish good things for you.


----------



## Sonata

So sad for you Misti - not much more can I say, is there.  But if you sense some arms around you, they are mine.


----------



## Schrody




----------



## dither

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Misti,
so much feeling for you here, goodwill, and hope.

dither


----------



## Mistique

TKent said:


> Crap. Don't know what else to say



Crap sounds like a good thing to say. Goes nicely with the dutch 'kut'. Thank you.


----------



## Mistique

Sunny said:


> I'm so sorry Mistique. I think of your struggles often. I remember how depressed and sad I got when I thought my entire adult life it would never happen for me either. The loss I had had made it unbearable, too. It's a sadness and yearning that you carry around everyday. I remember I had to bail on my friends baby shower and hated looking at all of my friends baby pictures on Facebook. It's painful deep down and it doesn't go away. Just know you're not alone, and there are people (like your great boyfriend) there for you to lean on and support you!
> 
> Just hang in there and enjoy your time with the people you have in your life that love you. I wish good things for you.



I'm glad things changed for you and thank you for the support


----------



## Mistique

Sonata said:


> So sad for you Misti - not much more can I say, is there.  But if you sense some arms around you, they are mine.



I love a cuddle, thank you


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


>



yeah, I know, it sucks. Thank you.


----------



## bazz cargo

A baby Misti would be a special person. We have you, which is wonderful.:flower:


----------



## Mistique

dither said:


> Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Misti,
> so much feeling for you here, goodwill, and hope.
> 
> dither



Thank you dither, I don't know if you realize this about yourself, but you are quite a caring person


----------



## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> A baby Misti would be a special person. We have you, which is wonderful.:flower:



That is amazing. Thank you for making me smile


----------



## Mistique

Ferdy, my boyfriend, and I are going to take a break now from this whole insemination stuff. My body is drained, I am sad and so is he and it's time to spend some quality time looking after ourselves and each other. So no new attempt for a month. We are going to enjoy this break in England where we will be visiting friends. We will be going from the 8th of April until the 18th of April.


----------



## Deleted member 56686

That sounds like a good idea Misti, sometimes some time off can do wonders. I wish you luck as always :smile2:


----------



## Mistique

mrmustard615 said:


> That sounds like a good idea Misti, sometimes some time off can do wonders. I wish you luck as always :smile2:



Yes, I'm sure it will  some time to just carelessly enjoy ourselves


----------



## Gargh

Let's all hope for a sunny April in Blighty then. Relaxation, a change of scenery... it's all good for a tired soul and body. Wishing you well


----------



## Schrody

Mistique said:


> yeah, I know, it sucks. Thank you.


 
I just know that baby would be the most loved creature in the world!


----------



## Mistique

Gargh said:


> Let's all hope for a sunny April in Blighty then. Relaxation, a change of scenery... it's all good for a tired soul and body. Wishing you well



Yes, lets hope that  I'd be delighted for a little sun.


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


> I just know that baby would be the most loved creature in the world!



Definately, just like my two year old nice is the most loved nice in the world


----------



## Monaque

I`m new here but thought I`d send you some more good wishes and prayers from the UK. So sorry to hear of your problems and all the best with your treatments in the future.

Monaque


----------



## Mistique

Monaque said:


> I`m new here but thought I`d send you some more good wishes and prayers from the UK. So sorry to hear of your problems and all the best with your treatments in the future.
> 
> Monaque



Thank you very much  Its always nice to see a new face and all good wishes and prayers are welcome


----------



## Mistique

I'm not having too much fun at the moment. I am bleeding heavily and as a result I am feeling quite weak and tired. When I get up I either want to sit down again, because I feel dizzy or I fall down again because I faint. I do a lot of fainting at the moment which usually gets me one of those worried looks on my boyfriend's face that I dislike so much as I hate making him feel that way. I also get showered with 'you need to eat', 'you need to rest' and other concerned comments from either my mother, brothers or boyfriend. Especially from my boyfriend who watches over me like a hawk at the moment. He seems to feel that I am being careless with my health, which I don't think I am, but I appreciate the concern. He loves me, how can I blame him for that, right? He was ofcourse the first to insist I call the doctor - he always is - which I reluctantly agreed to. She says there isn't much she can do, as this isn't particularly out of the ordinary, and she suggested that perhaps what I am going through is a very early day miscarriage and not my period. At the moment it doesn't really matter any more which is it as it both results in the same thing: I'm not pregnant and I'm bleeding. She's very pleased with us taking a break for a month as she feels my health could greatly benefit from it and I've drained myself entirely too much for too long. Which of course prompted my boyfriend to give me one of his 'I told you so' looks. So I've resigned to spending most of my time on the sofa again resting and reading part three of the fifty shades. With my own fifty shades hovering over me like I'm going extinct I felt it was a good book to read. I am enjoying it so far. So that's me with my little rant/update.


----------



## Gargh

So... you have to stop fighting and let your body sort itself out. That's so hard to do but take it from someone who's been there; if you don't, it gets worse. Wishing you everything you need


----------



## Olly Buckle

I don't know how I missed this thread for so long, six failed attempts is a real rollercoaster of a ride,those hormones really play havoc with the emotions. We were lucky, our sixth attempt worked, that was a bit over twenty three years ago when the success rate was not nearly so high, so I have some idea of what you have been through. You really deserve that break, have a good rest, let people spoil you, and get your strength back. And take it from me it can work, and when it does it is wonderful, seeing our daughter graduate with a first class degree a couple of years back was one of the highlights of my life, seing her born was one of  the others, you have so  much to look forward to as you relax and get well. All the very best to  you.


----------



## TJ1985

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Take some time for yourself and rest, it sounds like you need it.


----------



## Mistique

Gargh said:


> So... you have to stop fighting and let your body sort itself out. That's so hard to do but take it from someone who's been there; if you don't, it gets worse. Wishing you everything you need



I know it gets worse if I don't let my body sort itself out. I've been there too. So I will try my hardest to be good. Thank you for the support


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> I don't know how I missed this thread for so long, six failed attempts is a real rollercoaster of a ride,those hormones really play havoc with the emotions. We were lucky, our sixth attempt worked, that was a bit over twenty three years ago when the success rate was not nearly so high, so I have some idea of what you have been through. You really deserve that break, have a good rest, let people spoil you, and get your strength back. And take it from me it can work, and when it does it is wonderful, seeing our daughter graduate with a first class degree a couple of years back was one of the highlights of my life, seing her born was one of  the others, you have so  much to look forward to as you relax and get well. All the very best to  you.



It's definately a rollercoaster. The hormones turn you into someone you are not and make you react in ways that you wouldn't do normally. I'm so glad it worked for you and you have your beautiful daughter to show for it. Thank you for the message of hope


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Take some time for yourself and rest, it sounds like you need it.



Thank you, my new friend, yeah I do need the rest and I will be a good girl and try and give in.


----------



## Mistique

Tomorrow morning Ferdy and I are flying to Manchester where we will be picked up by our friends who will take us to telford. I can't wait  I'm sure it will be loads of fun. I might show up every now and then during my vacation to post a little. I might not. I will see. Either way I will be back in ten days


----------



## Sonata

I wish you and Ferdy a safe flight and a wonderful vacation.  (((hugs)))


----------



## InstituteMan

Enjoy a well deserved vacation, Misti!


----------



## Mistique

Thanks guys, we're driving off to the airport now


----------



## Schrody

Have a great vacation!


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Have a great vacation!



I am doing just that  the weather is amazing - which is quite a bonus considering I am in England - and we're having a lot of fun. It's very nice not to have to do the injections for a while. I am suffering from a ongoing alergy attack (cats) that I don't think will go away until I go home. It's making breathing harder, but its nothing I can't handle.


----------



## Olly Buckle

> the weather is amazing - which is quite a bonus considering I am in England


That made me smile, my dad used to say, "Other countries have climates, England has weather."  So glad you are having a good time here.


----------



## Sonata

Olly Buckle said:


> That made me smile, my dad used to say, "Other countries have climates, England has weather."  So glad you are having a good time here.



And that made me smile as it is rather cold here whereas it should be rather hot!

Enjoy England, Misti!


----------



## Mistique

Thanks guys 

Having lived in England myself I know what the weather can do, but I was lucky this time 

I am back! I have gained quite a bit of strenght and we don't have to start the seventh IUI yet, so I intend to take full use of this strenght now that I am home. Lots of cleaning to do and if I am lucky some writing too. I have also been taught by my friend how to work a crocheting pattern, so I can now make clothes that way (I only did blankets before, but a person can only have so many blankets before it gets silly) and I intend to do just that.


----------



## Mistique

Okay guys I wasn't going to say this, given how things went wrong the last time, but I can't resist. Whatever toes or fingers you haven't crossed yet, cross them now! Seriously! Pray for me. Have hope. Whatever it takes, because this morning I tested positive on a pregnancy test. Don't go congratulating me just yet, because it was only a light positive, so there is still a lot of uncertainty. What is clear is that I am pregnant, however it isn't clear if it is going to stick or not. I have to test again on sunday and hopefully by then it will become a strong positive. I am hoping a lot  Today is my birthday and this would be the best birthday gift ever! Maybe this is an odd thing for me to say, but two years ago on the day of my birthday party I lost sight to my right eye (I did get my sight back) and I ended up being diagnosed with MS. Wouldn't it be a great way for 'fate' 'the universe' or whoever is out there to balance things out a bit by giving me this amazing gift on my birthday?


----------



## InstituteMan

Well, as per your entirely reasonable request, I will only wish you good luck, Misti! I'll be sending positive vibes your way!


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> Well, as per your entirely reasonable request, I will only wish you good luck, Misti! I'll be sending positive vibes your way!



Thank you very much, it is much appreciated


----------



## Schrody

Sending positive vibes ~~~~~~~~~~


----------



## TJ1985

I've got every crossable part of my body crossed, and every pair of scissors in the house are stored points down. I'll be thinking of you too.


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Sending positive vibes ~~~~~~~~~~



Thanks Schrody, always welcome


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I've got every crossable part of my body crossed, and every pair of scissors in the house are stored points down. I'll be thinking of you too.



Thank you very much  It means a lot to me.


----------



## dither

In the church of the soul, 
a lighted candle.
With every flicker of the flame,
fresh hope.

dither


----------



## Mistique

dither said:


> In the church of the soul,
> a lighted candle.
> With every flicker of the flame,
> fresh hope.
> 
> dither



That's beautiful, dither, I enjoyed reading that


----------



## Mistique

I did the second test, the one the doctor told me to do, today and it was negative. I don't have any signs at the moment though that I am about to have my period and I do have a few pregnancy signs, so this testresult confused me quite a bit. I feel pregnant, but the test says that I am not. I called the hospital to ask them and the doctor told me that its impossible to tell at this point in time. That it could be that I am having a miscarriage - but if that is true I should start bleeding today or tomorrow - and it is also possible that the hormone levels are still too low for this test to be able to detect them. She told me only time can tell if I'm having a miscarriage or not. So we wait... again!


----------



## TJ1985

Mistique said:


> I did the second test, the one the doctor told me to do, today and it was negative. I don't have any signs at the moment though that I am about to have my period and I do have a few pregnancy signs, so this testresult confused me quite a bit. I feel pregnant, but the test says that I am not. I called the hospital to ask them and the doctor told me that its impossible to tell at this point in time. That it could be that I am having a miscarriage - but if that is true I should start bleeding today or tomorrow - and it is also possible that the hormone levels are still too low for this test to be able to detect them. She told me only time can tell if I'm having a miscarriage or not. So we wait... again!



I am the product of a failed pregnancy test. My mother was a long ways along before she finally got a positive. It's funny because everything said she was expecting except for the pregnancy test. My best advice, as a person who knows absolutely nothing about the female system or of babies in general, don't do anything stupid like drinking, high exertion, etc. I don't have a clue what could cause a miscarriage, but I wouldn't risk it. Plus, as your doctor said, the hormone levels could be still too low to make it register. 

Waiting stinks, but sometimes it is the best solution.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I am the product of a failed pregnancy test. My mother was a long ways along before she finally got a positive. It's funny because everything said she was expecting except for the pregnancy test. My best advice, as a person who knows absolutely nothing about the female system or of babies in general, don't do anything stupid like drinking, high exertion, etc. I don't have a clue what could cause a miscarriage, but I wouldn't risk it. Plus, as your doctor said, the hormone levels could be still too low to make it register.
> 
> Waiting stinks, but sometimes it is the best solution.



That is hopeful. Oh, I am definately doing what the doctor is telling me. I am taking it really slow. I'm on the sofa crocheting and that is it.


----------



## dither

I almost don't dare to look here any more and doubt that i look in again.


----------



## Mistique

dither said:


> I almost don't dare to look here any more and doubt that i look in again.



Sorry sweetie, can't really make it any different than it is, but thank you for caring.


----------



## dither

Mistique,
no need for sorry.
I just wish.
Y'know?


----------



## Mistique

dither said:


> Mistique,
> no need for sorry.
> I just wish.
> Y'know?



yeah, I know, and me too.


----------



## InstituteMan

Good luck with the waiting, Misti.


----------



## Mistique

The waiting is over. I spend tonight in the emergency room, because I was in severe pain. She confirmed what I feared; that I am having a misscarriage. It's over. This time anyway. Physically things will get rough for the next week or so, but that will pass. I am sad, ofcourse, but that will pass too.


----------



## Gargh

Sorry to hear that... be well.


----------



## InstituteMan

That's so sad, Misti. I'm sorry.


----------



## Schrody

We're here for you, honey


----------



## TJ1985

I'm sorry to hear this Misti. If you need to talk, my PM inbox is always open.


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> That's so sad, Misti. I'm sorry.




i know, thanks for caring.


----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


> We're here for you, honey



I know that and it means a lot to me


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I'm sorry to hear this Misti. If you need to talk, my PM inbox is always open.



Thank you, that is very kind of you.


----------



## Mistique

After everything that happened starting with the injections again took a bit of getting used to, but I have done it and with hope in our hearts we move on to the new attempt.


----------



## Ariel

I'm so sorry, dear.  I wish I could give you a big hug.


----------



## TJ1985

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.


----------



## Mistique

amsawtell said:


> I'm so sorry, dear.  I wish I could give you a big hug.



Imaginary hugs count too


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.



Thank you, sooner or later all this hoping should work out


----------



## Mistique

On a lighter note....

Since my birthday - 24th of april - I have been filling my aquarium with fish (I had been building it the previous four weeks; you know, big rock, plants and so on). It is now fully occupied. To my surprise however I found out this morning that on top of the fish I bought I now suddenly have 10 baby fish. Apparently one of the fish I bought was highly pregnant. I have put the baby fish in a breading talk (it floats in the main tank, but the other fish can't enter it and therefor can't kill the little ones). There could be more in the main tank so I spend a lot of time sitting in front of the aquarium staring at the plants looking for little ones to rescue. It's a nice distraction


----------



## TJ1985

I used to have fish before my health couldn't handle the work of tank cleaning/maintenance. I had an orange siamese fighting fish named Rocky, he had the worst attitude I've ever seen, lol. If you walked by his tank, as you neared he'd fan out and bump the side of the tank. If you stopped and looked at him, he'd just fan out and stare you down, lol. If he'd been a dog, he'd have been a biter.  You could almost hear him when you walked by going "Yeah, that's what I thought. Keep walking, Mouth breather, know your place!" 

I advise using a flashlight to study areas hidden from the tank lighting. I noticed that little ones like to hide down in the foliage. It happened to me, I bought a Mickey Mousy Platy named Mickey (because I was a _really _creative kid!) who was just a little bit pregnant to the tune of 29 little ones. Mickey was tricky.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I used to have fish before my health couldn't handle the work of tank cleaning/maintenance. I had an orange siamese fighting fish named Rocky, he had the worst attitude I've ever seen, lol. If you walked by his tank, as you neared he'd fan out and bump the side of the tank. If you stopped and looked at him, he'd just fan out and stare you down, lol. If he'd been a dog, he'd have been a biter.  You could almost hear him when you walked by going "Yeah, that's what I thought. Keep walking, Mouth breather, know your place!"
> 
> I advise using a flashlight to study areas hidden from the tank lighting. I noticed that little ones like to hide down in the foliage. It happened to me, I bought a Mickey Mousy Platy named Mickey (because I was a _really _creative kid!) who was just a little bit pregnant to the tune of 29 little ones. Mickey was tricky.



Isn't that a coincidence.... the one who I suspect of being the mum of this little group is a blue Micky Mouse Platy


----------



## TJ1985

I've been told that female Mickey Mouse Platy's are very cautious when it comes to selecting a mate. The more I hear about them, the more I believe it: They'd prefer the mate to be a Mickey Mouse Platy, but will consider other options as they occur.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I've been told that female Mickey Mouse Platy's are very cautious when it comes to selecting a mate. The more I hear about them, the more I believe it: They'd prefer the mate to be a Mickey Mouse Platy, but will consider other options as they occur.



Well, the only other platy that was in the tank (in the shop) when I bought them was a pale white platy male. I bought him too  But from the looks of it all of my platy's prefer mates that match their own colors. My orange male and female platy's have become a couple and so have my choco platy's 

My guppy's on the other hand are a bit confused. They are chasing after ever female guppy around - which makes sense since they do enjoy having a little harem - but they also go after the platy females


----------



## Mistique

Having a bit of a moody day. I guess the hormones are kicking in. Had an argument with my boyfriend - nothing major - and I feel tired and low. I thought he would come over tonight so I was waiting for him before I would decide what to do for dinner, but he never showed up. I send him messages, but he didn't respond, so I got rather moody from that. Then there was no food in the house and I was too tired to go out so I was altogether grumpy. When I did speak to him - hours later - he was kinda drunk and it turned out he had been at a party. It also turned out that he had told me about not coming over tonight and about the party yesterday. Which is probably true, but I have no memory of it. So I guess I had been waiting for nothing and getting moody over it when it wasn't even his fault. I hate it when my memory does that.


----------



## TJ1985

I'm sorry to hear you've had troubles. The human memory is a difficult place to try and predict.


----------



## Mistique

TJ1985 said:


> I'm sorry to hear you've had troubles. The human memory is a difficult place to try and predict.



Yeah, but with MS it is far more difficult to predict. Or perhaps easier. I basically forget most anything. I've had moments when I thought my laptop was stolen because I had forgotten where I put it. I have had days when I thought my two year old nice had gone missing, because I had forgotten that my boyfriend asked if he could take her for a walk (and had done so after I had said yes). It happens quite a few days that I forget to eat or drink. I walk in showers and walk back out without having washed my hair, but I could also just as easly wash my hair three times because I forget I have already done it. I forget entire conversations. I forget entire people (particuarly if I don't know them too well). I took out a subscription to a magazine I love twice, because I did remember that I wanted it badly, but I had forgotten that I was a member already. I can forget most anything really.


----------



## Olly Buckle

> It also turned out that he had told me about not coming over tonight and about the party yesterday. Which is probably true, but I have no memory of it.


That gives him much too good an excuse, I would get a notebook and have some sudden memory improvement from time to time, just to keep him on his toes, or am I too suspicious and my mind too twisty


----------



## Crowley K. Jarvis

Mistique said:


> Yeah, but with MS it is far more difficult to predict. Or perhaps easier. I basically forget most anything. I've had moments when I thought my laptop was stolen because I had forgotten where I put it. I have had days when I thought my two year old nice had gone missing, because I had forgotten that my boyfriend asked if he could take her for a walk (and had done so after I had said yes). It happens quite a few days that I forget to eat or drink. I walk in showers and walk back out without having washed my hair, but I could also just as easly wash my hair three times because I forget I have already done it. I forget entire conversations. I forget entire people (particuarly if I don't know them too well). I took out a subscription to a magazine I love twice, because I did remember that I wanted it badly, but I had forgotten that I was a member already. I can forget most anything really.



Before you think I'm cracking fun, first off, lemme say, that stinks. sorry to hear it.

But if it makes you feel better, I'm nearly as forgetful, with no excuse whatsoever! Hahah..

Hope you watched Nacho Libre or this joke is lost... 

View attachment 8311


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> That gives him much too good an excuse, I would get a notebook and have some sudden memory improvement from time to time, just to keep him on his toes, or am I too suspicious and my mind too twisty



You are funny  but you do have a point. Its the way I am with borrowing money now. I never borrow from anybody and I never lend anybody any money. Not because I don't want to help, but this way I know for certain that when someone shows up who says: "You still have to pay me back" I will confidently be able to say: "That's not true as I never borrow from anybody." Otherwise anybody could try and make me 'pay back' money, because I would have no memory of having borrowed it, but I would have no way of knowing if that was because I didn't borrow it or because my memory was simply failing. Experience taught me this after someone did show up asking his money back and I had no memory at all of having borrowed it or of what I spend it on for that matter. My relation with that person was such that would be inclined to trust him, but still it was very frustrated to not be able to rely on your own memory and judgement.

I don't really need a notebook for that though  My memory has a way of switching on and off, depending on how tired I am, so some of the time I remember things in great detail and some of the time I don't remember a thing. That should keep him on his toes just fine, right?


----------



## Mistique

Crowley K. Jarvis said:


> Before you think I'm cracking fun, first off, lemme say, that stinks. sorry to hear it.
> 
> But if it makes you feel better, I'm nearly as forgetful, with no excuse whatsoever! Hahah..
> 
> Hope you watched Nacho Libre or this joke is lost...
> 
> View attachment 8311



My mum had an MRi, just like I have had many, but her's had been for different reasons. One of the things that showed up on her MRI where these white spots (holes in the brain). She had a few of them (where I have a lot of them), but here's were caused by aging (so nothing to worry about). Now we tease each other all the time (or my brother teases us both) that whenever we forget stuff it is because it slipped in one of the holes  When my brother is being a smartass I tell him that if he isn't careful I will push him in one of them holes completely and I will make him dissapear that way 

I haven't watched Natcho Libre


----------



## Mistique

The insemination happened over an hour ago. It's mother's day today. I was lying in the hospital in one of those examination chairs (which isn't particularly comfortable, but I've grown used to it). I had just been inseminated and afterwards you have to lie still for about ten minutes. The hospital was all quiet, the doctor had dimmed the lights, put on some music and then left and I was sitting there with my boyfriend holding my hand looking at his smiling face knowing that this could be the moment when it all starts and I was feeling quite at peace and happy. Isn't it odd how you can find happyness in the weirdest moments and places


----------



## Sonata

I will keep you in my prayers Misti that everything will be OK this time.





​


----------



## Olly Buckle

> Isn't it odd how you can find happiness in the weirdest moments and places


With someone you care, for planning a future, sounds like a most sensible moment to feel happy. All the best, when it comes this child will have so many cheering 'aunts' and 'uncles'.


----------



## Firemajic

Ahhhh  darlin'...  I sooo want this to be the time when all goes as planned...If my wanting you to have what your heart desires was enough... you would be holding your child in 9 months...


----------



## Mistique

Sonata said:


> I will keep you in my prayers Misti that everything will be OK this time.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ​



Thank you very much, I am hoping that too. Cute dogs by the way


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> With someone you care, for planning a future, sounds like a most sensible moment to feel happy. All the best, when it comes this child will have so many cheering 'aunts' and 'uncles'.



That's true, this child, should we get that lucky, will grow up thinking the whole world is his or her uncle and aunty


----------



## Mistique

Firemajic said:


> Ahhhh  darlin'...  I sooo want this to be the time when all goes as planned...If my wanting you to have what your heart desires was enough... you would be holding your child in 9 months...




If that had been enough I imagine I would have gotten pregnant some time ago  thank you


----------



## InstituteMan

Good luck again, Misti. I really believe this is going to work eventually, I just hope it's this times so that you can stop going through the wringer.


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> Good luck again, Misti. I really believe this is going to work eventually, I just hope it's this times so that you can stop going through the wringer.



Thank you very much, I hope so too.


----------



## Blade

Olly Buckle said:


> That gives him much too good an excuse, I would get a notebook and have some sudden memory improvement from time to time, just to keep him on his toes, or am I too suspicious and my mind too twisty



I would agree strongly with this. Even if you memory is pretty good having an easy to use recording pad is quite beneficial. Even something that is obvious at the time may be quite lost a day or two later. You can also prevent oversights that just slipped your mind by having all your notes bundled in together.:encouragement:


----------



## Firemajic

Just stopped by to say my thoughts and good vibrations are with you Darlin'... hope you are doing well...peace...


----------



## Mistique

Blade said:


> I would agree strongly with this. Even if you memory is pretty good having an easy to use recording pad is quite beneficial. Even something that is obvious at the time may be quite lost a day or two later. You can also prevent oversights that just slipped your mind by having all your notes bundled in together.:encouragement:



Yep, it isn't a bad idea


----------



## Mistique

Firemajic said:


> Just stopped by to say my thoughts and good vibrations are with you Darlin'... hope you are doing well...peace...



Thank you sweetie, its always appreciated


----------



## Mistique

The injections for the eight, and last, IUI attempt started monday. Should this fail then we are moving on to IVF. I am still not entirely sure if that is a route we should take as it scares me quite a bit, but I am posponing the decision untill we know the outcome of this IUI attempt.


----------



## Sonata

My thoughts, wishes, hopes and prayers are with you Misti, and if I could only just wave that magic wand...


----------



## Mistique

Sonata said:


> My thoughts, wishes, hopes and prayers are with you Misti, and if I could only just wave that magic wand...



With a forum as full as this one you would think that one of us would have a wand stashed somewhere


----------



## Loveabull

I'm sorry darlin' this is the first time I've read this post. All I can offer is hugs and sympathy. I can't even imagine, I had a miscarriage or two in my time and it's devastating. A glimmer of hope however. With the younger boy I began bleeding one night and was sent home with "Hey not too much we can do for you here, come back if it gets worse". That was twenty years ago and that baby is sitting next to me right now- happy, healthy and maybe five foot ten. It can happen for you too.


----------



## Phil Istine

I know it's no consolation but I am currently revising maths and English for an "IVF baby's" mock GCSE exams.  He was a first time success on the IVF trail.
Sadly, his father is no longer with us but I help out where I can.


----------



## Mistique

Loveabull said:


> I'm sorry darlin' this is the first time I've read this post. All I can offer is hugs and sympathy. I can't even imagine, I had a miscarriage or two in my time and it's devastating. A glimmer of hope however. With the younger boy I began bleeding one night and was sent home with "Hey not too much we can do for you here, come back if it gets worse". That was twenty years ago and that baby is sitting next to me right now- happy, healthy and maybe five foot ten. It can happen for you too.



I know it can  thank you for the support


----------



## Mistique

Phil Istine said:


> I know it's no consolation but I am currently revising maths and English for an "IVF baby's" mock GCSE exams.  He was a first time success on the IVF trail.
> Sadly, his father is no longer with us but I help out where I can.



That is pretty amazing. Thank you for the support


----------



## Olly Buckle

Mistique said:


> Should this fail then we are moving on to IVF. I am still not entirely sure if that is a route we should take as it scares me quite a bit,



Egg collection was not nice, but they will sedate you, and everything is over in not too long a time; now, giving birth, bringing a child into this unpredictable world, and caring for them for twenty plus years, that's scary.  Don't worry, you women have amazing strength when it is needed.


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> Egg collection was not nice, but they will sedate you, and everything is over in not too long a time; now, giving birth, bringing a child into this unpredictable world, and caring for them for twenty plus years, that's scary.  Don't worry, you women have amazing strength when it is needed.



They do sedate you here too, but when I had ivf before that sedation didnt work too well for me  you are right about the amazing strenght through  when it comes down to it what choice do you have?


----------



## Mistique

At the moment it isnt pain that worries me, its the MS. I am on vacation in Belgium - which is amazing by the way - and I am currently suffering from balance problems. It happened to me last week as well, but this time its stronger and its lasting longer. I feel like I am drunk - which I am not - and the world is rotating. Even when I am sitting or lying down. When I bended over before to pick some grass to feed a pony it got really bad, so I am now sitting in a chair waiting for it to either fade or get worse. This could be the beginning of a new flare up and if so that would mean the MS has reactivated itself. It would also pose a problem for a possible treatment, as I am currently in the two week waiting period to find our if the iui succeeded and if I am pregnant or not, so I cant be medicated. I am nervous at the moment. We are going home tomorrow, as planned, so if it hasnt lifted by then I will have to call the hospital.


----------



## Olly Buckle

Your young man must be quite  special person, I remember the emotional ups and downs of treatment, not easy; add to that the responsibility you are taking on, and how much is going to be down to him at times ... quite a lad, you re lucky.


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> Your young man must be quite  special person, I remember the emotional ups and downs of treatment, not easy; add to that the responsibility you are taking on, and how much is going to be down to him at times ... quite a lad, you re lucky.



Yes, he is quite special and I am lucky  Although if you asked him, he would say that he is the lucky one


----------



## Mistique

Today I found out that our eight IUI failed. I am not sure that there is a word for how I feel right now.


----------



## Ariel

Oh Misti, I'm so sorry.


----------



## Firemajic

I am soooo sorry darlin'... wish I had some Majic words to make this all turn around for you... I can only imagine your grief and sorrow... hugs... I will be thinking of you, and hoping good things will come your way soon.. Love you bunches... jul


----------



## Mistique

amsawtell said:


> Oh Misti, I'm so sorry.



Thank you, sweetie, I know you mean it.


----------



## Mistique

Firemajic said:


> I am soooo sorry darlin'... wish I had some Majic words to make this all turn around for you... I can only imagine your grief and sorrow... hugs... I will be thinking of you, and hoping good things will come your way soon.. Love you bunches... jul



I don't have too much to say right now, but thank you for caring.


----------



## InstituteMan

I'm so sorry, Misti.


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> I'm so sorry, Misti.



I know, thank you.


----------



## Schrody




----------



## Mistique

Schrody said:


>



Yeah, that one gets close to how I feel


----------



## TKent

Crap


----------



## Olly Buckle

In a week or so I will try and think of something positive to say, right now is not the time, wallow, and throw things


----------



## Mistique

TKent said:


> Crap



Yes, definately


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> In a week or so I will try and think of something positive to say, right now is not the time, wallow, and throw things



I am not good at wallowing, but I am going to try not to burry my emotions this time around


----------



## Mistique

We had a meeting today with the doctor to discuss how to move forward. Normally the next strep would be IVF, but with the MS that gets complicated. The doctor gave a strongly negative advice on that. She believes that IVF would drain our finances, would not increase my odds of getting pregnant (because my body doesn't respond well to that kind of stimulation) and would pose a serious risk to my health. She's going to ask her team if an exception can be made for me to extend the IUI three more times (the same three attempts that others would get with IVF). This would pose a risk to my health as well, but not as great. Either way she wants us to take a two months break to let my body recover (which we will do). If the team says no (we will know tuesday) then the choice will be to go ahead with ivf anyway or stop and somehow learn to accept that its not going to happen.


----------



## Schrody

Mistique said:


> Yeah, that one gets close to how I feel



I imagine.


----------



## bazz cargo

My friend, my co-writer. My thoughts are of you. Hugs.


----------



## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> My friend, my co-writer. My thoughts are of you. Hugs.



Thank you, my friend, believe it or not, but that actually helps. Hugs.


----------



## Mistique

The verdict is in. We are allowed to do three more IUI treatments, but only if we take a two month break. A condition I can happily comply with


----------



## Olly Buckle

Have a productive and enjoyable break, it will do you the world of good and you will come back to it all the better for it.


----------



## Loveabull

I wish you the best darlin'. I recently came to find out my niece went through similar trials getting in the family way. Now a little girl due in September. I dunno, I was one of those people who had no business having human children. Yet if somebody said the word "pregnant" while I was in the room Booomp there I was. Should have farmed them out to others No I'm not kidding


----------



## InstituteMan

I bet the break will do you good. Rest and recover, Misti!


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> Have a productive and enjoyable break, it will do you the world of good and you will come back to it all the better for it.



I think so to  and it will be a proper break, because I have moved in with my boyfriend so all the stress of my old home (too many people running around, too much chaos) is gone!


----------



## Mistique

Loveabull said:


> I wish you the best darlin'. I recently came to find out my niece went through similar trials getting in the family way. Now a little girl due in September. I dunno, I was one of those people who had no business having human children. Yet if somebody said the word "pregnant" while I was in the room Booomp there I was. Should have farmed them out to others No I'm not kidding



Thanks sweetie  perhaps you're being a bit more harsh on yourself than you need to be.


----------



## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> I bet the break will do you good. Rest and recover, Misti!



I think it will too  thank you.


----------



## Sonata

Misti, a break will give your body - and your mind - time to recover from all the previous hopes and disappointments.  I hope you have a good rest and wish you every luck for the future. xx


----------



## Mistique

Sonata said:


> Misti, a break will give your body - and your mind - time to recover from all the previous hopes and disappointments.  I hope you have a good rest and wish you every luck for the future. xx



Yes, it will and I need that badly right now. Thank you.


----------



## aj47

Any procedure like that is taxing and recovery time is a good idea.  Rest well.


----------



## Mistique

astroannie said:


> Any procedure like that is taxing and recovery time is a good idea.  Rest well.



Yes, it is. Thank you for the support


----------



## Mistique

What is up with me today????? I am practically glued to the computer. I have things I want to do, but I can't seem to make myself move no matter what. The days is just coming and going and I'm not any part of it. I am lazy as hell and I don't want to be, but I can't stop myself somehow. We are currently in the middle of a heatwave though, so that might have something to do with it. I have had to close the shutters completely in an attempt to keep some of the heat out, but as a result I feel completely caved in. I can't even go out and get food, because they told us that it was better to stay in and that would be even more true for someone like me, as MS is heat sensitive. Oh fuck, I just heard on the news that the heatwave will continue tomorrow. I have to get food at some point


----------



## Ariel

Misti, the best advice during a heatwave is to stay hydrated.  If you need to cool down take a warm (not cold!) shower.


----------



## Mistique

amsawtell said:


> Misti, the best advice during a heatwave is to stay hydrated.  If you need to cool down take a warm (not cold!) shower.



Working on the hydrated part. Warm? I just took a cold one, I guess that wasn't good.


----------



## Ariel

Taking a cold shower will shock your system and make it seem even hotter.  Taking a hot shower will just make the over-heating worse.  Take a warm one and you'll feel better.


----------



## Mistique

I will remember that


----------



## Mistique

There I am again. We have started the nineth treatment about ten days ago and the insemination will be tomorrow. After the three month break we had it was hard to start the hormones again knowing what they would do to me, but we are giving it another go so we will see.


----------



## Olly Buckle

You are nothing if not persistent, such determination deserves a result, good luck.


----------



## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> You are nothing if not persistent, such determination deserves a result, good luck.



Yes, I would hope so, thank you.


----------



## Sonata

Good luck Misti - extra prayers for you that this time it will be the success.


----------



## dither

GL.


----------



## hoihoisoi

Nicely done! Congratulations! Good luck on the upcoming months!


----------



## Mistique

Thank you guys for your best wishes and your hopes. Unfortunately this time around, like all the others, it wasn't meant to be. The next one starts in three days, the tenth atempt. I have no words for how I feel right now, so I am not even going to bother to try. Sometimes it feels like the human heart isn't meant to bear this much grieve. Anyway, I am sure that somewhere in the next three days I will find the hope to start all over again, untill then, I think I will stay in bed.


----------



## Sonata

Never give up hope Misti - if it is meant to be then it will.  Just never give up that hope.

I will keep on praying for you and send you so many cyber {{{hugs}}} that I might squish you!

I also send you much love as I know how you must feel. xx


----------



## Ariel

Mistique said:


> Thank you guys for your best wishes and your hopes. Unfortunately this time around, like all the others, it wasn't meant to be. The next one starts in three days, the tenth atempt. I have no words for how I feel right now, so I am not even going to bother to try. Sometimes it feels like the human heart isn't meant to bear this much grieve. Anyway, I am sure that somewhere in the next three days I will find the hope to start all over again, untill then, I think I will stay in bed.


*BIG BIG HUGS*

I'm so sorry, Misti.


----------



## Harper J. Cole

Sorry to hear that. I hope the next attempt is the perfect tenth ...


----------



## J Anfinson

Sorry to hear that. Don't give up hope. Keep on keeping on.


----------



## ShadowEyes

I will pray for you. I am sorry to hear your woes and see your wounds, but I'm sure your heart is in the right place. And may your desires be equal to your rewards.


----------



## Gumby

So sorry, Love! I can only imagine how you're feeling right now! I can't help but admire your determination and strength.


----------



## InstituteMan

I'm so sorry, Misti.


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## Olly Buckle

Oh dear, very sorry it  didn't work out yet.


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## Mistique

Im too tired to respons to each individually, but thank you guys for your kind words. We are in the middel of the tenth attempt now. Insemination will be this weekend.


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## bazz cargo

Will power and good vibes sent your way.


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## InstituteMan

Good luck with the tenth attempt!


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## Mistique

Thank you, both of you


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## Ariel

Big hugs and good luck!


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## Mistique

The ultrasound was today and it wasn't good. Apparently the follicles aren't growing as they did previous times. So this means I have at least four more days of hormone injections and it also means that becauase of that the side effects will increase. That isn't the real isue though. My fiancee works in Poland and he is only home one weekend in two weeks. That weekend was this weekend, so the timing would have been perfect had the IUI been saturday or sunday as expected. Because of this delay however the insemination is expected to be wednesday or thursday. So we panicked. For a moment it seemed like this attempt was over for us already as my finance simply could't get home on that day. His boss was accomodation though and so now he will be there for a treatment on thursday. Problem is we still don't know if the treatment will actually be on thursday. We might be too late by then. We won't know until monday, at the second ultrasound, if it can be done on thursday or not. This has another consequence. As they are changing his flight to thursday he won't be coming home this weekend. I am utterly exhausted from all the hormones and I want to crawl into my finance's arms and forget the world exists, but no such luck


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## Ariel

*big hugs*

I really hope this time is the time.  Good luck, sweetheart.  We all love you and are behind you in this.


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## Mistique

I know sweetie and that means so much to me  I like your new avatar, but I also loved the one you had before


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## Sonata

(((hugs))) and prayers Misti. xx


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## Mistique

The tenth attempt failed two days ago. I have been in bed since, dont feel like getting out, but I guess tomorrow I will. The new attempt starts tomorrow and it will be the last as my doctor is refusing - and rightfully so - to put my body through anything else. One more and I have come to the point where my fear of what the outcome might be and my hatred of what it involves and what it does to my body is stronger than my hope that it might work.


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## Ariel

My fingers are crossed, Misti.  I really hope it all comes out well for you and your fiance.


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## TKent

My thoughts are with you!!


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## Sonata

I am still praying for you Misti and that is all I can do.  And send my love and hugs. xx


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## Arthur G. Mustard

Wishing you well and my thoughts are with you. All the best and strongest people are born on the 24th April! 

:lemo:


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## bazz cargo

I am so sad. But we still have you to brighten our lives.


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## Mistique

amsawtell said:


> My fingers are crossed, Misti.  I really hope it all comes out well for you and your fiance.



im hoping that too, thank you.


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## Mistique

TKent said:


> My thoughts are with you!!



ik know they are, thank you!


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## Mistique

Sonata said:


> I am still praying for you Misti and that is all I can do.  And send my love and hugs. xx



With all that praying going on it should work


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## Mistique

Arthur G. Mustard said:


> Wishing you well and my thoughts are with you. All the best and strongest people are born on the 24th April!
> 
> :lemo:



now that made me smile, thanks


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## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> I am so sad. But we still have you to brighten our lives.



Oh, bazz, my beautiful friend. You brighten up my life too.


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## Schrody

Hang in there, kiddo. Forgive me for my curiosity, but have you tried reading books about how to increase fertility (food, positive thoughts, etc.)? I don't know if those work, but it can't hurt.


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Hang in there, kiddo. Forgive me for my curiosity, but have you tried reading books about how to increase fertility (food, positive thoughts, etc.)? I don't know if those work, but it can't hurt.



i know you mean well and I am grateful for it. Thank you. I have tried everything. I am a hopeless optimist, but positive thought after ten failed IUI attempts and two miscarriages is a stretch even for me. I am hanging in there, but thats about all at the moment.


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## Olly Buckle

You just stay hanging in there for a bit and do some recovering, boy you deserve it.


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## InstituteMan

I'm thinking of you, Misti. Good luck.


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## Schrody

Mistique said:


> i know you mean well and I am grateful for it. Thank you. I have tried everything. I am a hopeless optimist, but positive thought after ten failed IUI attempts and two miscarriages is a stretch even for me. I am hanging in there, but thats about all at the moment.



I know it's hard to stay positive after all the bad luck. All I can say is - we're here for you! <3


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## Mistique

Olly Buckle said:


> You just stay hanging in there for a bit and do some recovering, boy you deserve it.



Thank you, one more treatment and then I have quite a bit of recovering to do. The thought of that scares me more than anything else. The though of how I will feel after it all ends. When there is no more hope. I know how low my moods get now, so the thought of the end terrifies me. I try not to think that far ahead, but its hard.


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## Mistique

InstituteMan said:


> I'm thinking of you, Misti. Good luck.



I know you are, thank you for that.


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> I know it's hard to stay positive after all the bad luck. All I can say is - we're here for you! <3



Schrody, that means everything to me, thank you!


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## Mistique

Today is a day of hope  I had my ultrasound today and I have three follicles that are of the right size. This is very hopeful as usually I only have one and once I had two. It still means that the odds of it failing are highter than the odds of it succeeding, but it does increase our odds. We even have a small risk of a triplet, but somehow I don't see that happening. If one of these three sticks I'd be the happiest woman alive, so here is me hoping for that. The insemination will be sunday.


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## Sonata

Still praying for you Misty xxx


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## Mistique

Sonata said:


> Still praying for you Misty xxx



Thank you, need that more than ever now!


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## Ariel

My fingers are crossed.  Good luck!


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## ismith

Wishing you the best!


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## bazz cargo

Positive vibes. And I won't walk on any paving joints.


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## Mistique

amsawtell said:


> My fingers are crossed.  Good luck!



thank you, sweetie. Everytime I see your picture I think the same thing; you are such a beautyful radient bride!


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## Mistique

ismith said:


> Wishing you the best!



thank you, always appreciated!


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## Mistique

bazz cargo said:


> Positive vibes. And I won't walk on any paving joints.



Oh good, I'm glad. I'm sure lots of woman get pregnant when men dont step on paving joints. The doctors think its all about the insemination, but I'm pretty sure its the paving joints!


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## Mistique

The insemination was last sunday and it didn't go as planned. The doctor was 45 minutes late due to an emergency surgery and I sat there in the waitingroom crying my eyes out as I feared it was all over. The insemination was done 45 minutes later. The doctor called the laberatorium to check if the wait would have a negative effect on the effectiveness of the procedure and they assured us that it wouldn't. I hope they are right!


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## MzSnowleopard

blessings and prayers for a positive result.


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## Ariel

Good luck, Misti.


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## Schrody

You go, girl! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I know it's hard, but positive thoughts!


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## ismith

Fingers crossed! I know the anguish, my son is an IUI baby as is the one that has been inside my wife's tummy for the last 18 weeks. We tried for six years before getting "assistance ".


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## Sunny

Good Luck! I think of you often and everything you are going through.

I pray that you get this miracle baby. The love you have waiting for this child is already so strong... I hope some little fingers and toes are coming your way.


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## Mistique

The last insemination failed.


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## Ariel

Oh, Misti, I am so terribly sorry.

((hugs))


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## InstituteMan

I'm so sorry, Misti.


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## am_hammy

I'm sorry Misti =( My heart, thoughts, and all the hugs go out to you.


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## MzSnowleopard

:sorrow: sorry to hear this Misti


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## J Anfinson

Sorry Misti.


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## Deleted member 56686

Sorry to hear the news, Misti.


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## Schrody




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## Mistique

Thank you everyone for your kindness  it's appreciated as always


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## Mistique

I have been feeling very low the past few days. Everything seems so pointless, because no matter what I do this pain is here to stay. I have been trying to keep myself distracted, but it hasn't been very effective and so I have decided to go for a 'bigger' distraction. On impulse I have booked a holiday to the Canary Islands. I will be going there with my mum (not with my fiancee unfortuately as he will be working in Poland then) from the 9th of december until the 16th of december. Hopefully a little sun is just what I need to brighten my days. If not, well it certainly isn't going to hurt me.


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## Sonata

Nothing to say Misti that has not been said.  Just sending you my love and will keep praying for you.


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## Hairball

Mistique said:


> I have been feeling very low the past few days. Everything seems so pointless, because no matter what I do this pain is here to stay. I have been trying to keep myself distracted, but it hasn't been very effective and so I have decided to go for a 'bigger' distraction. On impulse I have booked a holiday to the Canary Islands. I will be going there with my mum (not with my fiancee unfortuately as he will be working in Poland then) from the 9th of december until the 16th of december. Hopefully a little sun is just what I need to brighten my days. If not, well it certainly isn't going to hurt me.



My dear, I understand. Sometimes it is just time to get away. I did that once and it helped me deal with difficult issues, and I came back refreshed and ready to deal with stuff.

Bless your heart, honey. I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Do what you will, sweet one, and we'll all be here when you return.

With loads of love, Hairball


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## Ariel

Misti, have a good trip with your mom.  ((Hugs))


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## Schrody

Bon voyage, and try to enjoy a little, if you can! <3


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## Mistique

Thank you guys 

Things have not gotten easier... two days ago I unfortunately had to go to the vet and let her put my rabbit to sleep. He was simply too old and was suffering too much. It makes me sad to see that empty rabbit cage 

But on a lighter note, this is my pick me up song, I listen a lot to at the moment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh4dTLJ9q9o

So guys: I lava you


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## Schrody

Poor bunny  I'm sorry, Misty...


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## Mistique

Schrody said:


> Poor bunny  I'm sorry, Misty...



Yeah, I know, I miss him far more than I had expected. I could have used that little cuddly one right about now.


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## Sonata

I am so sorry about your little cuddly one Misti - my little puppy is not a cuddly one - I do so wish she was.


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## Aquarius

Mistique said:


> There are steps in the process that are a lot more unpleasant than this pointy poking bit - like the egg punction - but you don't know how much you are willing to fight for your dream until you actually have to. I used to say 'I draw the line at this' or 'I won't do that' and the first time around that I had to do the injections (years ago) I was screaming for an hour that I couldn't do it, but in the end you do it all no matter how painful or hard as the alternative of not having kids is far more painful. Thanks for the kind words.



I admire your courage and wish you all the best in this enterprise and always. 

With love - Aquarius

* * *


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## Mistique

I'd like you guys to meet the newest member of our family. When he first came to the animal shelter he was starved and quite thin and had taken a severe blow to the head causing his eye to be filled with blood. He has healed since and today I picked him up and I do believe he feels like a king on my sofa  he's very cuddly and playful. He trusted me instantly and he follows me around everywhere. He don't like it when I go though and when I do he hides under the sofa until I come back. When he first came in he was all over me as though he wanted to thank me for taking him home with me. He seems determined not to leave my side. The picture below is him some weeks ago when he first came to the shelter. He had progressed so much and im so proud of him for trusting humans again the way that he does. Animals have such faith in us, even when having been treated so poorly. He's in for the easy life now though!


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## Ariel

He's beautiful, Misti!


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## Schrody

Your kitty is the same as mine! He's beautiful! There's something in white cats... <3


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## Deleted member 56686

It sounds like you got yourself a people cat, Misti. Take good care of him


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## InstituteMan

That's a pretty kitty, Misti!


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## Mistique

Amsawtell: thanks
Schrody: you're got a beautyful white one too, huh? Yes, they are special!
Msmustard: thanks, I will
instituteman: thank you

i took my baby to the vet today (his name is snowy by the way) and he's very healthy, but blind in his left eye. I kinda figured that since is lense is litterally brokken in two. So he's got his limitations, but he doesnt agree with that so he jumps onto things and off them all the time. He does get it wrong from time to time so then he falls off things, but that just makes him try again. Strange sounds scare him and when there are too many of them he comes hiding behind me because I am his human and I should protect him, which of course I do


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## Joe_Bassett

Sounds just like my Aiko-cat.  She's such a graceful cat isn't she?


She's deaf and scares easily. She also likes to chew on things. Like my charger for instance....
You've got yourself a pretty cool cat!


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