# Do your family approve and/or support your writing?



## philistine (Aug 25, 2013)

Thread title. 

I spent last night at a friend's house, where I handed him a copy of my novel. His brother also writes, and asked me if he could have a copy. No problem. But then his mother came over, and the topic of writing took quite an unexpected turn. To make a long story short, she didn't really show any enthusiasm for his current WIP (he's been at it for a while, and it's really quite brilliant); on the contrary, her comments were bordering on derision. I could tell the guy was a little hurt by it, though he didn't say anything.

The general level of support from that of my own family is much the same. My immediate family, although I haven't asked them directly, they view my desire to be a full-time writer as something of a pie-in-the-sky fancy; that it'll probably never happen, and that I'm wasting my time. All in all, no enthusiasm for the work I have written, no interest, and no words of encouragement. That's fine by me, as I don't need that; though it is a little dejecting when you hear of aspiring novelists who have the backing of their parents and extended family. 

The only member of my family who I care to discuss my writing with is my great aunt. She's a voracious reader, and has written a little poetry of her own. I have, and will continue to share my work with her, knowing full well I can expect honest criticism and feedback. 

It seems writing is at bottom viewed as wasting one's time. Unless you're published. And making money. And then lo and behold the general consensus is flipped upside-down.

What about you guys?


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## Bloggsworth (Aug 25, 2013)

My wife thinks it is an excuse for not doing the washing up/mowing the lawn/putting up shelves/doing the shopping...


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## Charlaux (Aug 25, 2013)

My mum saw it as one of my endearing peculiarities and though she encouraged it, she never found the time to read anything I wrote.

My dad says he hasn't read a novel since school, but he believes in my eventual success and promises to buy the audiobook.


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## philistine (Aug 25, 2013)

Bloggsworth said:


> My wife thinks it is an excuse for not doing the washing up/mowing the lawn/putting up shelves/doing the shopping...



Is it? :barbershop_quartet_


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## Robert_S (Aug 25, 2013)

My sister was enthusiastic at first. My mother couldn't care less. My brother seems neutral.


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## PiP (Aug 25, 2013)

I have the opposite problem. My friends, family and blog followers nagged me to write a book but I never wrote the type of book they expected  So while they are supportive, they don't approve....if that makes sense.


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## mber341 (Aug 25, 2013)

I feel it's often that way with anything creative. My brother (my only remaining immediate family) is much like me. We're creative types and encourage each other in whatever we do. We both create original music, and I've been known to dabble in amateur filmmaking and of course, writing. My extended family are full of pessimistic, discouraging, logical types. I keep all mentions of my creative endeavors clear away from them. In fact, I don't keep in touch with any of them much at all.


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## tepelus (Aug 25, 2013)

I don't get any support from family or friends. The only support I get are from strangers on the internet. Having support from those who are supposed to be close and dear to me would be nice, but it won't happen. Unless I actually publish something. Then I may get a congrats, but that would be it.


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## OurJud (Aug 25, 2013)

philistine said:


> The general level of support from that of my own family is much the same. My immediate family, although I haven't asked them directly, they view my desire to be a full-time writer as something of a pie-in-the-sky fancy; that it'll probably never happen, and that I'm wasting my time. All in all, no enthusiasm for the work I have written, no interest, and no words of encouragement. That's fine by me, as I don't need that; though it is a little dejecting when you hear of aspiring novelists who have the backing of their parents and extended family.



Generally very similar, but it would very ungrateful of me to say my experiences are exactly the same. Most of my very large family fall into the above type, but my parents were initially encouraging when I told them all I wanted to do was write. They even coughed up £170 (or whatever it cost) to enroll me on the Writer's Bureau course, on the understanding that I pay them back with the money I make from my writing. In the event that I didn't make any money from my writing I could ask the Writer's Bureau to honor their guarantee, which stated they would refund the cost if I hadn't made more than the initial fee from my writing by the time I'd finished the course.

Much to my shame, though, I did neither. I grew bored of the course and stopped sending in my assignments, and because I hadn't done enough to sell my work (you had to send in rejection letters and other evidence that you were trying to sel your work) there was no point in me looking for a refund.

But to answer your question, parents initially encouraging, now sceptical. Rest of the family have never really shown any interest or seen it as anything other than a pipe-dream.


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## sunaynaprasad (Aug 25, 2013)

My little brother has a bad attitude towards my writing, and my parents don't pay too much attention.


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## J Anfinson (Aug 25, 2013)

I think it often is viewed as a pipe dream. If you look at the stats, very few authors ever manage to make a living off their writing alone, so it's understandable that some will look down at those of us pecking away at a keyboard with grandiose dreams. I'm not sure if my family approves or not, but it's something I feel like I have to do, so I'm just doing it for me.


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## enchantedsecret24 (Aug 26, 2013)

My family has never showed interest AT ALL towards my writing. As a teenager I had stacks and stacks of my writing in my room, and binders everywhere full of my stuff. They never once asked to read it, and told me to not waste my time with it. I wanted to go to school to study writing, dreamed of going to college and getting an English degree. They beat that dream down until I considered it pointless as they did.

For years I have not been writing because they made it seem like such a horrible thing to waste my time with. I felt ashamed of the fact that I wanted to "waste my time" writing short stories, or that I had this exciting dream of becoming a published writer. Finally though, a year ago I just said "eff it all" and started back up again. I started my novel on May 31st and have 50,000 words done. I feel like I could finish it within a few months if I really start to focus and take myself seriously. Still though, it's hard to take it too seriously. I can always hear them in my head putting me down and telling me how stupid my idea of trying to publish my book is. It's pretty ridiculous.

I do have a sister who enjoys reading my writing, but she also sees it as something I'll probably outgrow someday. That will NEVER, ever happen and I know that, but no one else seems to. If I ever became a published author though, then it would all be different. They would all pretend that they always knew I'd do it, and blah blah blah. That's just how they are. Right now though, I am at the point that I do know my chances of getting published are slim, so I'm finishing my degree to become a Medical Lab Technologist, and I'll work on my writing in my spare time. Hopefully someday I can prove everyone wrong, that would be the best day of my life.


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## Lewdog (Aug 26, 2013)

The only person that really knows that I write anything, keeps bugging me about why I haven't written MORE, and why I won't write about this, or that.  Every time we talk about something that he finds remotely interesting, the first words out of his mouth are, "You write, why don't you write about it."

He is my cousin but we grew up more like brothers and even roomed together in college.  He actually expects more out of me.


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## OurJud (Aug 26, 2013)

enchantedsecret24 said:


> If I ever became a published author though, then it would all be different. They would all pretend that they always knew I'd do it, and blah blah blah. That's just how they are.



When you do get your book published, will you _please_ have as your dedication, "To my family, who never ever believed in me, even when I did."


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## philistine (Aug 26, 2013)

enchantedsecret24 said:


> If I ever became a published author though, then it would all be different. They would all pretend that they always knew I'd do it, and blah blah blah. That's just how they are.



I have a feeling this would probably happen to both my friend and I if and when we finally got picked up by a traditional publisher. 

Concerning major success being a long shot: yes, that's absolutely correct. However, one must keep in mind that there ARE people who achieve success, and beat out the thousands of other authors vying for a good deal with a great publisher; that there ARE people who do 'make it' (however you choose to define that- recognition, monetary success, etc), and that there ARE people who go on to win celebrated writing prizes, awards, scholarships, et al. 

It being the case that the odds of success being unlikely, that doesn't necessarily warrant the nay-saying, the putting down, the derision, and the belittlement that a lot of aspiring writers experience. Sour grapes, you might say.


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## Dictarium (Aug 26, 2013)

They always have but they definitely have the "you need to make sure you focus on having a regular job too because it's an unrealistic career field"-mentality (as do I, to be fair). But really, my mom has always been my first proof-reader and sample audience before I'll show something to a teacher or anyone else and she's always happy to assist.


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## Myers (Aug 26, 2013)

My parents and siblings are mildly interested in my writing and ask about it from time-to-time. If they didn't care or show any interest, it wouldn't make any difference to me.

My wife understands that I would like some time to write and is accommodating, but otherwise she’s blasé about it. She has her interests, and I recognize her need to pursue those, so it’s really a matter of reciprocation and compromise. That’s the extent of the approval/support I get from her. I don't really need or expect anything more than that.


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## Sintalion (Aug 26, 2013)

My answer is similar to Dictarium's. They support me, but they also want to make sure I can support myself (thus: having another career). In the end they just want to me to succeed, with writing or without out.  I have pretty big dreams, so I fall in line with their thinking. Writing is great if I can develop my talents into something worthwhile, but I want to have a great day job, too.


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## escorial (Aug 26, 2013)

I'm a secret writter in so many ways...not sure why


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## Skodt (Aug 26, 2013)

I have a brother who writes, and that means I have someone to bounce off of. My Grandmother before she passed would read my stories. She hated my genre's but still would offer her time to read what I had written. My mother has offered a few times as well, but I haven't taken her up on it yet. I really don't get any adverse opinions on the subject. Then again I don't rely on it for anything but a hobby and something I love to do. I would love to be published like any author of course, but I have other plans as well.


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## Motley (Aug 26, 2013)

My mother has always been supportive of my writing. She thinks I'm great. (I'm middle-aged, by the way, and live with her since she's not quite as capable as she used to be.) Most of my friends are writers too, so lots of support there.

For anyone struggling with family not being supportive, just make sure you do something else that actually makes money and talk about writing online with other writers.


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## Jeko (Aug 26, 2013)

Well, they supply the paper. And the pens. And I might be getting a laptop for doing well at my GCSEs. 

Aside from that, they want to keep it as a hobby and me focused on getting a real job. But they support my artistry, and encourage my expression. I guess that's what matters most.


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## Deleted member 49710 (Aug 26, 2013)

My husband approves of artistic endeavors in general but would like some help with the mortgage.

The rest of my family--I don't know. I'm an adult, I don't really need their approval. When I've had stuff published I've posted it on Facebook and they "liked" it, so I guess that's support.


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## Staff Deployment (Aug 26, 2013)

lasm said:


> My husband approves of artistic endeavors in general but would like some help with the mortgage.
> 
> The rest of my family--I don't know. I'm an adult, I don't really need their approval. When I've had stuff published I've posted it on Facebook and they "liked" it, so I guess that's support.



Hey lasm, I may have remembered this wrong but you're a teacher, right? Have any of your students ever figured out that you're a published writer?


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## Deleted member 49710 (Aug 26, 2013)

Staff Deployment said:


> Hey lasm, I may have remembered this wrong but you're a teacher, right? Have any of your students ever figured out that you're a published writer?


I am a grad student and teaching assistant, yes--they could figure it out if they googled me, but none of them has ever mentioned anything. Guess they are not all that interested in the secret life of their French teacher, probably think I sit around conjugating verbs for fun. Which, in a sense, I guess I do.


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## Gamer_2k4 (Aug 26, 2013)

Only three people know I write, and none of them are in my family.  I expect my family members would be impressed that I finished a book, though.



philistine said:


> It seems writing is at bottom viewed as wasting one's time. Unless you're published. And making money. And then lo and behold the general consensus is flipped upside-down.



You say that like you're trying to make fun of that line of reasoning, but it's objectively true.  If I have a .01% chance of success, trying to base a life on that IS foolishness.  If I succeed despite the low odds, clearly I have the talent to make it, and that SHOULD be congratulated.

What's the problem?



enchantedsecret24 said:


> My family has never showed interest AT ALL towards my writing. As a teenager I had stacks and stacks of my writing in my room, and binders everywhere full of my stuff. They never once asked to read it, and told me to not waste my time with it.



That's because with the rare, RARE exception, teenagers' writing is invariably bad.  Adolescence is home to the largest gap between what a person thinks they know and what they actually know, and any creative efforts reflect that only too well.



enchantedsecret24 said:


> I wanted to go to school to study writing, dreamed of going to college and getting an English degree. They beat that dream down until I considered it pointless as they did.
> 
> Right now though, I am at the point that I do know my chances of getting published are slim, so I'm finishing my degree to become a Medical Lab Technologist, and I'll work on my writing in my spare time. Hopefully someday I can prove everyone wrong, that would be the best day of my life.



Sounds like they wanted you to be successful and fiscally stable.  Given that you'll be graduating with a degree that might actually earn you money, I'd say they were on the right track.


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## Tettsuo (Aug 26, 2013)

My family loves that I wrote a novel, although many of them wouldn't read it.  They're just not readers.


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## philistine (Aug 26, 2013)

Gamer_2k4 said:


> You say that like you're trying to make fun of that line of reasoning, but it's objectively true.  If I have a .01% chance of success, trying to base a life on that IS foolishness.  If I succeed despite the low odds, clearly I have the talent to make it, and that SHOULD be congratulated.



That is the reality, of course. What I'm saying is, it's a pretty crummy way of openly treating someone's aspirations towards something (be it writing, music, art, or whatever) if they have a legitimate talent and are obviously passionate about it.

I had a friend in highschool whose parents mocked his band (a metal group) for years, up until in the final year where he got paying gigs every other week, and was making damn good money- all in school. After which they played the 'I believed in you from the start' rubbish. It's that hypocrisy I look upon with scorn.


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## Grape Juice Vampire (Aug 26, 2013)

To my surprise, my family and most of my friends support me, almost fanatically so. My parents approve of me trying to get published, they know this is something I want. I don't get the you need a real career thing, though I think that's due to the fact I live at home to take care of them ( I handle 90% of the household chores) and because I do have babysitting jobs. Even my grandparents support it, and are always asking to see my stuff, and though it isn't their preferred genre, they've said they really like it.

I've only got one naysayer, and that's the friend I have talked about a few times on here. It's gotten so bad, I just don't tell him anything anymore. But that's par for the course with him.


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## Bilston Blue (Aug 26, 2013)

> *probably think I sit around conjugating verbs for fun*.



:love_heart:


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## Dictarium (Aug 26, 2013)

Philistine: There's a difference between the demonization of writing or art as a profession and wanting a love one and/or friend to not live in an impoverished or super-impoverished state because they're choosing to pursue a career field which is not likely to yield much financial return. 

Its not a villification of writing or art, but of the tendency of those who practice it to not become successful and make a decent living.


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## Jon M (Aug 26, 2013)

Dictarium said:


> Philistine: There's a difference between the demonization of writing or art as a profession and wanting a love one and/or friend to not live in an impoverished or super-impoverished state because they're choosing to pursue a career field which is not likely to yield much financial return.


I'm sure Philistine understands the difference. It is the hypocrisy, derision, some people display in the early stages, when the artist is just learning how the process works. They mock it, suggest it is a waste of time. Once the artist achieves a measure of success, those people pretend like they've been supportive the entire time, from silly, stupid beginnings, to success and important art. 

For what it's worth, I have a problem with that, too. The friends who are with me from the beginning I tend not to forget. My mind's a little foggy at the moment, but (counting fingers) I'm reasonably certain the number in my case is three.


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## philistine (Aug 26, 2013)

Jon M said:


> I'm sure Philistine understands the difference. It is the hypocrisy, derision, some people display in the early stages, when the artist is just learning how the process works. They mock it, suggest it is a waste of time. Once the artist achieves a measure of success, those people pretend like they've been supportive the entire time, from silly, stupid beginnings, to success and important art.



Exactly that.

Dictarium: I realise the importance of having a career (or at least a job) whilst pursuing writing on the side. After all, every great writer worked as something or other before making it professionally.


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## WechtleinUns (Aug 26, 2013)

It's about the same. Although I should mention that my family doesn't necessarily have to put up with me being a layabout. So... yeah.


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## enchantedsecret24 (Aug 26, 2013)

OurJud said:


> When you do get your book published, will you _please_ have as your dedication, "To my family, who never ever believed in me, even when I did."



Ahhh gosh yes that would be hilarious! I should totally do that, always tried to think of who I would dedicate my stuff to. That's just perfect, I'm doing it! lol


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## Angelicpersona (Aug 27, 2013)

I feel so horrible when people say that they don't have the support of family or friends, because I've always had it. I suppose my parents are rather free minded about following your dreams, having had their formative years during the 70's, but ever since I was little and was telling them nonsense stories they've encouraged it. My mother even wrote down a few which I've giggled over in recent years. They're the ones who pushed me into seriously considering getting published, even before they'd read much.
My extended family loves the fact that I write, and any time I visit my aunt we usually end up spending a few late nights discussing our writing. My friends and coworkers have almost all read at least the intro to my book and look up at me when they're done and say, almost to a person, "wow, this is REALLY good!". I bounce ideas off of them all the time, and have incorporated a few of them, even basing a character off of a friend who jokingly suggested it (though he is quite an interesting person anyways).

I guess I just got really lucky in my family, and I pick my friends well =)


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## sir_vile_minds (Aug 28, 2013)

My parents (who I blame mostly for my love of reading and writing) both support my writing as does my Gran (and I'm sure my Grandad would also, if he were alive) - although I'm not sure if they've read anything I've posted online. 

 My brother only reads the daily papers so I don't think he's too bothered either way, although we have written a couple of little things together, just as a play-around type thing as I was interested in what his writing style was like.

I'd say my friends and partner give me the most support though.


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