# Deep POV Checklist by Juliette Wade



## Kyle R (Nov 13, 2013)

*A checklist for deep POV (in 1st or 3rd person!) by Juliette Wade*

Quoted from: http://talktoyouniverse.blogspot.ca/2011/11/checklist-for-deep-pov-in-1st-or-3rd.html

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Have you ever wondered what "deep point of view" is, or thought you might like to try to achieve it?  Essentially, deep point of view means feeling "close" to the narrator in a story. It's a question of narrative distance: instead of being a distant storyteller aware of the story being told, the deep narrator feels as close to the protagonist and her/his instinct and gut reactions as possible. Since I've always loved feeling like I am experiencing the story in a visceral way alongside my protagonists, I've spent a number of years developing techniques for deep POV, trying to push closer and closer. Since I've seen people discussing the question of deep POV again lately, I thought I'd put together a checklist of things you can do in order to create it.

I think the most important thing to keep in mind as you enter the task of creating deep POV is this: *deep point of view is not created by personal pronouns*. It has almost nothing to do with whether you are using first person or third person - you can make third person feel close or first person feel distant if you really try. Any text contains lots and lots of different opportunities to get closer or further away from your narrating character, and the more "close" opportunities you take, the closer your narrator will feel. The list below will give you a sense of where to look for these opportunities. _Please do keep in mind that none of these are "rules," and you do not have to do all of them._

I'm going to go through each point of the checklist in detail first, and then repeat it at the end as a summary so you can run through it more easily. (So if you want to get the overview first, you can skip down to the end now and then come back.)

Here we go:

*1. avoid overuse of personal pronouns* 
Personal pronouns are the ones people always ask about first when they talk about point of view. Usually they're either "I" (first person) or "he" or "she" (third person) but sometimes can be "you" (second person). Just because you've chosen one or the other of them does not mean that every sentence, or even every other sentence, should start with one. As a guideline for where you should use these pronouns and where you should not use them, think about dividing your character's narrative into *action*, *perception*, and *judgment*. Action sentences are the ones where your character is doing something, and those are the ones which will use personal pronouns. Perception sentences are the ones where your character is remarking on something that he/she perceives (sees, hears, smells, feels, etc.), and those should not use personal pronouns. Judgment sentences are the ones where your character is expressing an opinion about something that's happening, and those shouldn't usually use personal pronouns either. Chances are, if you're using personal pronouns for perception or judgment, then you're _filtering_.

*2. avoid filtering*
Filtering means putting extra words into your sentence that remove the reader from the experience of the character. When you go through your life you probably don't think distantly about what you're perceiving. You hear a car horn and you don't think, "I'm hearing a car horn." You think, "Hey, that's a car horn!" The filtering words in this case are "I'm hearing." Anything that describes the narrator's thought or mode of perception "I heard," "I saw," "I felt," etc. should be considered a filter between the reader and the character's experience. Expressing opinions is similar. You don't think to yourself, "I think that slime is disgusting." You think, "Eww, that's disgusting!" In a way, by writing down "I thought," or other filter words, you're reminding readers of the character's presence, drawing attention to the fact that he/she is a character in a book they're reading. If you do this as little as possible, your point of view will feel deeper.   

*3. use internalization*
I'm going to pick up here on what I said in #2 above about what one thinks to oneself. Your character is going through the story, acting on the basis of what happens to him or her. In deep point of view you're trying to create the sensation that your reader is deep in the character's head, and that means listening directly to the character's thoughts - most often, right as they are having them. If you try to _think of everything in deep point of view as internal_ in some way, then _all description becomes perception_. I'll come back to this below, because I'll be looking at a lot of tools to make description feel internal. My point here is that only what the character perceives should be described. Then, once something has been perceived (the character sees a rose; the character gets stabbed, etc.), then the character will have an emotional reaction, possibly one which evokes memories of backstory. After that, the character will form a motivation to respond and then he/she will respond.

Now I'm going to move into some more detailed techniques that involve specific grammar, and will contribute to the success of the first three above.

*4. use deixis, or pointing words*
When you move through life, you spend a lot of time pointing, both physically and verbally. Which one do you want? That one. Whose is that? Mine. Your character should be doing this, too. The trick to remember as a writer is that all pointing words indicate a "center" where the speaker is standing. Remember when the teacher called your name in class? You answered, "Here!" The word "here" points to the center; it points to yourself. In your narrative, the pointing words should all indicate your point of view character as the center. It's not actually very hard to make pointing words point to the character as the center in the case of dialogue, but it's much harder to remember to pay attention to the pointing words in general narrative. Every time you write "the night before" instead of "last night," you're taking a step away from your character's deep perspective. It's very easy to make pointing words in narrative point to you, _as author_, without even thinking about it. But in deep point of view, you don't want anything pointing outside the character. That character isn't aware that he/she is in a story, and thus you don't want author-centered pointing to remind readers that the author is still there. Here's a list of some kinds of pointing words that you can look out for (it's not an exhaustive list, so make sure to keep your eye out!).



demonstratives _this_ and _that_ (especially _this_)
Example: "This was what he'd been looking for."  



adverbs _here_ and _there_ (especially _here_)
Example: "He walked into the lab. Here was where it had all happened."



adverbs _now_, _soon_, _today_, _tomorrow_, _last night_
 Example: "Last night it had seemed only a memory, but now it loomed ahead of him."



verbs come, go
 Example: "The thing was coming closer."

*5. use syntax*
This one is directly related to the question of the character's action as I mentioned above. A character's action is anything from "He held perfectly still" to "She grabbed the knife and dived over the edge of the platform." I like to think of it as things the point of view character does which involve intent. Even things like "She looked at him" and "He didn't move" can be deliberate actions on the part of the protagonist. Mind you, they could be external too - they are open to either interpretation - but if everything around them is indicating an internal point of view, then these will be read as internal as well. The guidelines below basically are saying that you want to indicate that your deep point of view character is in charge of her/his own action by placing her/him in the subject position of the main clause of the sentence as much as possible.



place the protagonist (or the protagonist's group) in subject position
Example: "She reached for him." "They walked together into her room."



avoid placing the protagonist in object or other syntactic position
Example: "He reached for her." (if used too much, can sound like "he" is the protagonist)



avoid placing the protagonist in a subordinate clause for action
Example: "As she walked in, the door swung shut." (puts emphasis on the door's action)



use empty subject constructions to convey judgment
Example: "It was ridiculous to think anyone would actually follow him."
I'm going to explain this one a little bit. Notice that my protagonist, "she" is not present in this sentence. That's because we're not looking at an action sentence. This is a judgment sentence, and thus, if I said "She thought it was ridiculous..." then putting her as the subject would create filtering, not a sense of action. We often use the empty "It is"/"It was" with judgmental adjectives to think about situations in our experience, so I encourage you to do this for deep POV.



use bare verb+preposition combinations
Example: "He walked up."

This one is related to my point above about not putting the protagonist in object position. If I wrote out the whole situation, "He walked up to her," then she would appear in a non-subject position. If I leave "to her" off, then I find it seems more like what someone would think internally.

One last note of caution on syntax: when I say to avoid something, _I'm not telling you you can't put your protagonist in these syntactic positions_. I'm only trying to say that the effect will be different if you do: the emphasis will seem to rest somewhere other than on the protagonist's intent to act. Sometimes this is what people are actually referring to when they say to avoid "passive" constructions. However, if that different effect is what you _want_ (for example, if you want the protagonist to be perceived as victimized) then no problem.

*6. use adjectives, adverbs, and similes with judgmental connotations*
In deep point of view, what you're describing isn't what _you're_ describing. It's what your character is perceiving, noticing, and judging. Anything your character doesn't perceive shouldn't even make it into the description (I'll come back to this in a second). Whenever you describe a scene or an object, think through how your character perceives it. Describing something as "red" feels very different from describing it as "dirty red" or "sparkling red." Saying someone moves "reluctantly" is a judgment by the person perceiving it. Maybe that person is only moving slowly for some other reason. A character will compare something he/she sees to familiar things - so what is familiar? If you say her hair is like silk, presumably you know what silk is like. If your character compares something to silk but is too poor ever to have encountered it, you're looking at author point of view, not character point of view. 

*7. use evidential adverbs and modal verbs*
Whenever you can, it's important to create a sense of internal judgment - even in contexts where you wouldn't ordinarily expect to find it. Modal verbs and evidential adverbs can help you do this. here are some examples of how to use these.



can, could, may, might, must, shall, should, will, would, have to

These are the modal verbs, and each of them says something about the speaker's evaluation of the situation - likelihood, possibility, probability, will to accomplish something, etc. All of these are very subjective, and thus add a sense of internal evaluation to what is being said. For example, instead of writing "The ninja kicked him, but he quickly recovered from the blow," you could say, "The guy might be a ninja, but he couldn't kick hard enough to keep _him_ down for long." And that brings me to...



apparently, evidently, of course, clearly, surely, no doubt, naturally, likely, etc.

These adverbs indicate the protagonist's judgment of the sentence or proposition that follows, how likely or expected it is, and what they think of the source of the information. In fact, you'll hear a lot out there about how you should be avoiding adverbs altogether, but they can be extremely useful. In this article alone I've mentioned them now three times! Adverbs expressing time, adverbs expressing judgment of actions in description, and adverbs expressing the protagonist's judgment of information are all extremely helpful to creating deep point of view.

*8. use articles "a" and "the"*
_"The" indicates known information._ It is especially useful in indicating places or things that your protagonist is already familiar with. As such it's really useful when you want to create a sense of internal point of view, because you can use it to reflect your character's internal knowledge. Be careful not to use it to reflect your own (the author's) knowledge rather than the character's. "A" indicates new information. As such it's a really critical tool because _"a" is the primary indicator of_ _noticing_. If your character uses "a" with something, that means he/she has noticed that thing. Watch out for this, especially if you're trying to get a message to your reader without having your character get the same message. For example, your character can walk into a room where there's a really important key (a clue, or something needed to advance the plot), and just see it as "a room full of junk" (in which case the reader won't know the key is there) or "a room full of junk like old books, keys, and stationery" (here the reader might be able to pick up that the key is there, especially if some other hint has caused them to look for it). Here's the trick: the minute the character says she sees _a key_, that means she's noticed it. It's then up to the author to decide whether to show how the character responds - whether she looks by without thinking it's important, or whether she goes, "hey, that's _the_ key I was looking for!"  

*9. use voice*
Voice is a topic about which whole reams of information can be (and have been) written. What I'll say here is that if you're striving for a deep point of view that directly relates the inner thoughts of your protagonist, then those thoughts should reflect the way that character actually expresses him/herself. If this is a person who speaks a dialect, then the dialect should influence the internalization as well as the character's dialogue (though the internalization doesn't have to be quite as extreme as the dialogue). If this is a non-native speaker of English, find a way for the narrative and internalization to reflect that (as well as the person's level of proficiency in English, and level of education, so they don't sound needlessly stupid). If this is a person who swears, then that should show up in internalization. Whenever you can, consider whether your character's reaction would be worth expressing with direct thought exclamations. These are things like taking "He wondered if he could..." and turning it into "Could he...?", or taking "He wished..." and turning it into "If only...", or taking "She didn't want to..." and turning it into "No way would she..." or even "Damned if she was going to..." These can of course be overused, but they certainly will deepen the reader's sense of your point of view.

So, now that we've discussed everything in detail, here is the summary checklist:

*1. avoid overuse of personal pronouns* 


Personal pronouns are for *action* with intent.
Try to avoid them for *perception* and *judgment*.
*
2. avoid filtering*

*3. use internalization*


_all description becomes perception_.
*
4. use deixis, or pointing words*


demonstratives _this_ and _that_ (especially _this_)
adverbs _here_ and _there_ (especially _here_)
adverbs _now_, _soon_, _today_, _tomorrow_, _last night_ 
verbs come, go
*
5. use syntax*


place the protagonist (or the protagonist's group) in subject position
avoid placing the protagonist in object or other syntactic position
avoid placing the protagonist in a subordinate clause for action
use empty subject constructions to convey judgment
use bare verb+preposition combinations
*
6. use adjectives, adverbs, and similes with judgmental connotations*

*7. use evidential adverbs and modal verbs*


can, could, may, might, must, shall, should, will, would, have to
apparently, evidently, of course, clearly, surely, no doubt, naturally, likely, etc.
*
8. use articles "a" and "the"
*


_"The" indicates known information._ 
_"a" is the primary indicator of_ _noticing_.  

*
9. use voice*


dialect
profanity/swearing style
"direct thought" exclamations (if only, no way, damned if)

I hope you find it helpful in your own writing and editing.


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## FleshEater (Nov 13, 2013)

Thumbs up on complicating writing!


Good article, Kyle!


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## Sunny (Nov 13, 2013)

Kyle? I have a question for you. As my question mark signifies I'm sure. 

You posted this information, and I think it's great. But, you didn't give me your thoughts on this. 

Do you write with this in mind? Do you think it makes me, and you, and every other writer out there better to follow these rules? I'm just curious what you think. You're clearly a great writer, so I just wanted to know if you follow rules like this and do you give them (ie. these rules you obviously love) the credit to you writing as well as you do? 

 

Signed, 
Your biggest fan.  

(oOoooh, sounds so creepy)


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## Kyle R (Nov 13, 2013)

A question for MOI? How DARe you! *slap* 

I do like to write with these concepts in mind, but I don't treat them as rules so much. More like a nudge in the general direction. I think it's just as important to know when to go against such advice, as it is to know when to follow it. 

For me, I have to go through the process of trial and error in order to learn when one or the other applies.Mostly, I do #s 2, 3, 4, and 9. The others are a little much for me. I'm always trying to streamline my writing process and if I think too much about it, my brain explodes and it creates a mess all over the walls.

Sometimes my girlfriend challenges me to write freestyle, without any rules or plotting involved, and I groan and roll my eyes, but I go along with it, and then surprise myself by discovering that yes, it's possible to actually write well without any sort of plan or rehearsed pattern to my prose. 

But then again the woman always knows best.


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## FleshEater (Nov 14, 2013)

Keeping certain "rules" in mind are good practice. Though, I find that if I try to adhere to too many, my work never seems to be good enough, and I always find myself editing it until it becomes stagnant. The one thing I love about writing that I could never feel in any other medium of art, is that it's still art. It's absolute freedom to express yourself however you want. And every time I read a novel that takes the rules, burns them, and shoves a big middle finger to the literary crowd, I smile and know that the art in writing isn't dead.


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## Bilston Blue (Nov 14, 2013)

Great find, Kyle. Some useful stuff in there. Thanks. :thumbr:


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## escorial (Nov 14, 2013)

some people on here blow me away with their ability and understanding of what they do....read it again soon.


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## David Gordon Burke (Nov 14, 2013)

This is just great work.  This is why I come to the forum.  
In my case, the greatest hurdle is to get past filtering.
What would you call the category of verb that includes  'Hear' 'see' and 'feel'  (as in your recommendation to avoid - "I heard," "I saw," "I felt)  

Got more?  Bring it on!  

David Gordon Burke


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## Gumby (Nov 14, 2013)

KyleColorado said:


> But then again the woman always knows best.



Spoken like a true gentleman.   Great article, Kyle.


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## J Anfinson (Nov 14, 2013)

I like it. When you find your prose lacking, things like this help a lot.


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## Gamer_2k4 (Nov 15, 2013)

I don't like deep POV.  I much prefer phrasing like "the day before" to "yesterday", since I'm telling a narrative, not a perspective.  All those things are fine for first person, but this is third-person, and deep POV is just too casual-sounding for my tastes.

That said, the article does make a pretty good case for adverbs, which I certainly agree with.  Sometimes things need description (judgmental or not), and sometimes adverbs are the best way to convey that description.


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## danteinhickville (Nov 20, 2013)

It helped explain the process to me.  I attempt to write without consciously thinking about rules.  It seems like a great resource for editing.  I struggle to return to the voice of the narrator, so I think understanding the techniques I use will help me more consistently apply them.  Thanks.


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## Outiboros (Nov 22, 2013)

Gamer_2k4 said:


> I don't like deep POV.  I much prefer phrasing like "the day before" to "yesterday", since I'm telling a narrative, not a perspective.  All those things are fine for first person, but this is third-person, and deep POV is just too casual-sounding for my tastes.
> 
> That said, the article does make a pretty good case for adverbs, which I certainly agree with.  Sometimes things need description (judgmental or not), and sometimes adverbs are the best way to convey that description.


What do you mean with casual-sounding?


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## tepelus (Nov 22, 2013)

Here's a book I found helpful in understanding deep point of view even further: Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View.


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## Kyle R (Nov 22, 2013)

tepelus said:


> Here's a book I found helpful in understanding deep point of view even further: Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View.



 Well said, Tepelus!

I purchased that book sometime last year, and loved it as well. It's truly the best book I've found on Deep POV, and one of the easiest/simplest guides as well (comes with exercises to practice your technique, along with sample answers if you get stuck). 

A great recommendation for anyone looking to work on their Limited Third (though it also applies to first, as well.) :encouragement:


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## Gamer_2k4 (Nov 22, 2013)

Outiboros said:


> What do you mean with casual-sounding?



Words like "yesterday" imply that things are happening right now - a contradiction to the past tense most stories are written in.  Think about it: It makes plenty of sense to say, "Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theater.  The day before, he had purchased tickets."  It doesn't make any sense to say, "Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theater.  Yesterday, he had purchased tickets."  You don't use the word "yesterday" unless you're telling a story from your own perspective.  When used in a book, it's like you're having a conversation with the reader as the story is going on, rather than recalling events timelessly past.  That's where the "casual" feeling comes from.

Some people may like that, but I don't.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Nov 24, 2013)

Thank you for an excellent article, Kyle.


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## bookmasta (Nov 24, 2013)

Great advice. Thanks for posting.


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## Outiboros (Nov 24, 2013)

Gamer_2k4 said:


> Words like "yesterday" imply that things are happening right now - a contradiction to the past tense most stories are written in.  Think about it: It makes plenty of sense to say, "Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theater.  The day before, he had purchased tickets."  It doesn't make any sense to say, "Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theater.  Yesterday, he had purchased tickets."  You don't use the word "yesterday" unless you're telling a story from your own perspective.  When used in a book, it's like you're having a conversation with the reader as the story is going on, rather than recalling events timelessly past.  That's where the "casual" feeling comes from.
> 
> Some people may like that, but I don't.


I feel the exact opposite. I agree with first person seeming like a conversation between character and reader, but it's the one thing about first person I hate most. It breaks all possible immersion for me. It does indeed seem like someone's sitting opposite to me at a table and telling me what went down, and that's the exact opposite of actually being inside that character's head.

To each their own, I suppose.


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## Darkhorse (Jan 7, 2014)

@KyleColorado thanks for sharing this. I am trying to implement it in my own writing.

Do you have any examples of text - your own or others - where Deep POV is done particularly well? I find examples help me a lot. I have already hunted down your LM - Funny things happen when the sky is burning, which I enjoyed a lot.

Thanks!


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