# Lies My Mother Told Me...



## Firemajic (Jun 4, 2018)

*Weeping
 I promise I will never 
try to leave you again
my collar is too tight
forged by years of your seduction
choking my resolve
bending my spine to your will

Even though I have returned
I am longing to be gone
present but apart from you
walking my mental halls
confined by walls of desire that
my Mother did not teach me
to dismantle with timid hands

Magenta and purple blooms on my cheekbones
my breasts ache under angry crimson hues
split lips smile at you across our coffee cups
as you tell me how beautiful I am this morning

Show me your wounds, Mother
let me see the wisdom in your secret
scars cunningly designed to keep
your mouth
shut

Weeping
you kiss my broken dreams
as you tell me it is ok to suffer for love...


*


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## jenthepen (Jun 4, 2018)

Those two final stanzas are the heart and soul of this perfect poem. How younger people must wonder at the way previous generations of mothers seemed powerless to protect their daughters. The sad truth  was that they had experienced a time when, in fact and in law, they _were_ powerless. They had learned that it was economically dangerous to give a girl too much self-esteem when, in a harsh world, they would find very little back-up from the authorities if they chose to complain about abuse.

The gentle complaint, that is the message of this poem, carries with it the story of entrenched unfairness and casual discrimination that makes ordinary life so difficult, even today.

You have once again managed to encapsulate feelings and ideas in your work that reach way beyond the words you use. I'm never sure how you manage to dig into life with your poetry the way you do but it is always such a pleasure to go on these journeys with you.


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## Pelwrath (Jun 4, 2018)

I hesitate to critique this as it's so personal, with strong emotions and feelings. I looked at flow and how the words brought me into this poem. 


*Weeping                    **A dramatic opening and leaving it alone enhances the emotion and feeling. Excellent first word.*
*I promise I will never *
*try to leave you again**to me this isn't needed, to quote Star Wars "There is no try, either do or do not."*
*my collar is too tight*
*forged by years of your seduction*
*That **choking**ed** my resolve*
*bending my spine to your will       **Another good description. One I felt.*

*Even though I have returned*
*I am longing to be gone  **what if: I long to be gone*
*present but apart from you*
*walking my mental halls*
*confined by walls of desire that  **Consider flipping: desire's walls*
*my Mother did not teach me*
*to dismantle with timid hands  **Consider making: with timid hands it's own line*

*Magenta and purple blooms on my cheekbones*
*my breasts ache under angry crimson hues*
*split lips smile at you across our coffee cups*
*as you tell me how beautiful I am **this morning(Is this needed?)*

*Show me your wounds, Mother     **Love this line!*
*let me see the wisdom in your secret*
*scars cunningly designed to keep*
*your mouth*
*shut            **  an excellent stanza! *

*Weeping*
*you kiss my broken dreams*
*as you tell me it is ok to suffer for love...


How to comment...Thank you for your courage, strength of will and ability to express a painful period of time.  I hope my suggestions are helpful.
*


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## poems (Jun 4, 2018)

Nice poem you did really good.


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## poems (Jun 4, 2018)

Your so welcome. I hope I get to write poems that you all can read.


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## aj47 (Jun 4, 2018)

Firemajic said:


> *Weeping
> I promise I will never
> try to leave you again
> *maybe drop *you again* as that is told in context
> ...



This is amazing and what I suggest are minor tweaks not major overhauls, usually grammar or tightening, nothing to change your voice as I hear it.


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## Firemajic (Jun 5, 2018)

jenthepen said:


> Those two final stanzas are the heart and soul of this perfect poem. How younger people must wonder at the way previous generations of mothers seemed powerless to protect their daughters. The sad truth  was that they had experienced a time when, in fact and in law, they _were_ powerless. They had learned that it was economically dangerous to give a girl too much self-esteem when, in a harsh world, they would find very little back-up from the authorities if they chose to complain about abuse.
> 
> The gentle complaint, that is the message of this poem, carries with it the story of entrenched unfairness and casual discrimination that makes ordinary life so difficult, even today.
> 
> You have once again managed to encapsulate feelings and ideas in your work that reach way beyond the words you use. I'm never sure how you manage to dig into life with your poetry the way you do but it is always such a pleasure to go on these journeys with you.




Thank you, jen... you always seem to understand the private emotions, and why I write the way I write... I dig the way you hear what I do NOT say... thank you so much...


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## Firemajic (Jun 5, 2018)

Firemajic said:


> *
> Weeping
> I promise I will never
> try to leave  again*** The reason I used "TRY" and "AGAIN" is to show that she has TRIED to leave him many times, but always came back...
> ...





Pelwrath said:


> I hesitate to critique this as it's so personal, with strong emotions and feelings. I looked at flow and how the words brought me into this poem.
> 
> 
> *Weeping                    **A dramatic opening and leaving it alone enhances the emotion and feeling. Excellent first word.*
> ...



Thank you Pelwrath and annie, your critiques have helped me a lot, and are greatly appreciated... I have made comments about why I used some phrases.. if you still don't think I need them, then I will edit


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## Firemajic (Jun 5, 2018)

poems said:


> Nice poem you did really good.




Thank you  Welcome to the fabulous poetry thread...


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## CrimsonAngel223 (Jun 5, 2018)

Fire your poems are always to magical and mesmerizing, never stop penning verses. Ever.


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## Firemajic (Jun 7, 2018)

CrimsonAngel223 said:


> Fire your poems are always to magical and mesmerizing, never stop penning verses. Ever.



Thank you


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## writersblock (Jun 7, 2018)

I love the imagery and the emotion conveyed. Thanks for sharing


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## SilverMoon (Jun 7, 2018)

Juls, bringing you up (just back from spending time with my brother).

You know I have my "Mother" poems. Once again, you share your own wounds bravely and generously. Do we not mother ourselves in the writing? Keep going...


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## TL Murphy (Jun 21, 2018)

Fire, here is what I would do with this poem: take all the pronouns out. Tell me to go stuff it if you want but every pronoun in the poem is covered in the title, which is brilliant.  So there's no confusion as to who the poem is about. By taking the pronouns out the poem reaches beyond the personal into the archetypal

Lies My Mother Told Me...

Weeping
promise will never 
try to leave again
collar too tight
forged by years of  seduction
choking resolve
bending spine to will

Even returned
longing to be gone
present but apart 
walking mental halls
confined by desire that
Mother did not teach
to dismantle with timid hands

Magenta and purple blooms on cheekbones
breasts ache under angry crimson hues
split lips smile across coffee cups
how beautiful this morning

Show wounds, Mother
see the wisdom in secret
scars cunningly designed to keep
the silence 

Weeping
kiss broken dreams
it is ok to suffer for love...


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## TuesdayEve (Jun 25, 2018)

I wish I could say it half as well as jen...
I will say I was deeply touched by your  honesty 
and gift to formulate and assemble your feelings into
 such a powerful arrangement of words.


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