# How would a child like this react to death?



## ScarletM.Sinclaire (Jul 6, 2018)

So I've picked up my second novel to my series and started writing some more of it finally. I'm writing a scene in which the MC's father is killed. Obviously she's distraught but she has a little brother, who's age 7 and very sheltered. He knows death is a bad thing but doesn't really know the true meaning of it as he's never experienced it before. 

How would a child like this react to the death of a loved one?

I'm trying to relate it back to when I was younger. I was about 6years old when I experienced death for the first time in my life. I'd accidentally killed a kitten. (I was leaving to go outside, didn't look behind me, tried to shut the door several times. Didn't realize what was happening until it was too late.) Anyway, I knew what death was but didn't understand it, not fully. I felt bad, but was over it within a few minutes. 

Then again, this was a kitten. It might've been different had it been someone I cared about.  Do you think it's possible for a child like this to react the way a normal young adult would?


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## Jack of all trades (Jul 6, 2018)

I think more information is needed, and even then there's no single answer.

How old is the sibling? Does the 7 year see the body, or is he just told? Is there another adult that he's close to? 

And then each person reacts differently, so options exist. Maybe he goes into denial and believes Dad is just away. Or maybe he withdraws, refusing to trust anyone ever again. 

You might want to try to talk with a child psychologist. That's someone who would have some real experience to draw from, and can give you the range of responses he/she has seen.


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## Terry D (Jul 6, 2018)

Some resources:

https://www.willowhouse.org/grief-reactions-by-age.html

https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/bereavement-reactions-age-group

https://crhcf.org/Blog/helping-children-in-grief-understanding-childhood-bereavement/


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## Plasticweld (Jul 6, 2018)

I was  7 when I lost my older sister who was nine.  I wrote about it in a story called The Day my Father Broke.  It is posted here on the forum and will probably answer a lot of your questions...Bob

*
Here for some reason the link does not work 

*[h=2]The day my father broke. 694 words[/h]The day my father broke. by Bob Brown

It is early morning, spring time and warm enough for short sleeve shirts. My stout German Grandmother is feeding us. She is in the kitchen making more Cream of Wheat. I am busy, stirring in _way too much_ brown sugar, big clumps that turn the Cream of Wheat brown as I stir it in. I am in the middle of this process when my parents arrive home. I did not pay to much attention; lately there have been all sorts of odd hours kept by my parents. My father trailed my mother, shoulders slumped. My mother was in a fast walk, hurrying to get to the door. I watched this from the dining room window. My father was in no hurry; it seemed as though he did not even want to come in. My Grandmother already seemed to know what was going on. She met my mother halfway across the kitchen, they hugged for a long time. My dad came in and stood by the door. He looked at my mother and grandmother hugging, and then down at his feet. He remained silent almost sullen, while my grandmother comforted my mother. My grandma was tough, maybe it was an inner strength or maybe it was because she had to be. She was one of those types of people you could always count on. I don’t think my father really liked her but accepted her for who she was. There was tension in the air and I had no idea why.

We are piled into the 63 Chevy Station wagon. My younger brother Tom, who is six, and my brother Dave who is four, are in the back seat. My father is sullen, never much of a talker even in the best of times; this morning there is a dark cloud hanging over him. He fiddles with the controls, staring ahead as if he sees something in the distance. I have no idea what he’s looking at; I see just our barn that looms ahead of us. 

He speaks slowly, in measured beats, “Your sister died this morning...” He said no more. He did not cry, he didn’t do anything… except stare at the barn. 

My brother Tom speaks up from the back seat in a pleading voice, “Are you sure?”

“Yes...” Was his only response. 

We drove in silence, to my god mother’s house. Three small boys and one heartbroken father, none of us knowing what to say or how to say it. Nobody cried, nobody talked. Three small boys looked to their father for a hint as to how to handle this. We did not get one, not on this day or at any other. We would spend the next few days there, in a fog. They made all of the funeral arrangements and held the funeral; we did not go to the funeral. When it was over, we came back to a house that was missing a sister. 

Christine was 9 and died of Aplastic anemia. Her room was closed up, her things were left just as she had left them. My room was across from hers. The door to her room had been shut tight and never opened, it was a sacred place that was off limits to us. For a long time after that… for many years; I was confronted by that door in the morning, as I headed down the stairs. The morning sun would shine under her door, making it appear as though she was up and had turned on the light. There were many times I had the urge to call out her name, yet never did. That little sliver of brilliant sun light somehow connected me to my sister, it was a small thing, it was private and it was mine.

My father had no ray of sun shine to help him along. The closed door to her room was symbolic of how he would go on to handle his feelings, for many years. I often wondered when I was growing up, if her room had been across from his and he saw that sliver of sun shine, maybe things could have been different.



I wrote this to add to my family files for my kids and grand kids... Any corrections or errors please feel free to point out. This started as a exercise that the Pancreas11 suggested to help me with my descriptions. Sorry it is not a cheerful subject, but one that fit the criteria for working on the skills and something I wanted to write about and share... Bob​

Last edited by Plasticweld; 2014-11-02 at 19:06. *Reason:* edited with help from TKent...Thanks :}​God hates a coward Revelation 21:8 

“Good writin' ain't necessarily good readin'.” 

Ken Kesey,​


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## ScarletM.Sinclaire (Jul 6, 2018)

Jack of all trades said:


> I think more information is needed, and even then there's no single answer.
> 
> How old is the sibling? Does the 7 year see the body, or is he just told? Is there another adult that he's close to?
> 
> ...




To put it more precisely, Humans are extinct, and a disease is rapidly spreading across Earth. Earth is now inhabited by new beings called Celestials, and some of them are healers but its a rare ability to have. They can heal sickly things like people or plants. But because of the rapidly progressing disease, a lot of Earths inhabitants as well as plants, are dying. The Celstials managed to build a wall around a small area from the outside world to protect them. But they are forbidden to venture outside of the wall for risk of death and illness. And since there are so few healers, they don't have the ability to save Earth and cure the ilness. That is until the MC discovers there's a plant that exists that can heal the world but it's location is kept secret. If the MC is able to harvest the plants seeds, and grow more of it, they can stop the disease. 

Anyway, long story short, the MC ventured outside the walls to find an ancient map with the location of the plant on it. Since they had been gone for a long period of time, her father (Which is their current King) became worried about her. He thought the disease had gotten to her. So like any good concerned father, he set out to find his daughter. In the process he'd fallen ill from the disease and died. The King's people were notified. And that's how everyone found out.

The MC is 17. So I know how their reaction should be. But they now have no other family. It's just her and the little brother. 

And thank you for the advice. If I get the time, I will look into a psychologist.


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## ScarletM.Sinclaire (Jul 6, 2018)

Plasticweld said:


> I was  7 when I lost my older sister who was nine.  I wrote about it in a story called The Day my Father Broke.  It is posted here on the forum and will probably answer a lot of your questions...Bob
> 
> *
> Here for some reason the link does not work
> ...



Thank you for this plastic! This was very helpful and intimate. My condolences to you, I know that had to be hard at a young age. When I get the chance, I will take a look at the link.


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## Jack of all trades (Jul 6, 2018)

ScarletM.Sinclaire said:


> To put it more precisely, Humans are extinct, and a disease is rapidly spreading across Earth. Earth is now inhabited by new beings called Celestials, and some of them are healers but its a rare ability to have. They can heal sickly things like people or plants. But because of the rapidly progressing disease, a lot of Earths inhabitants as well as plants, are dying. The Celstials managed to build a wall around a small area from the outside world to protect them. But they are forbidden to venture outside of the wall for risk of death and illness. And since there are so few healers, they don't have the ability to save Earth and cure the ilness. That is until the MC discovers there's a plant that exists that can heal the world but it's location is kept secret. If the MC is able to harvest the plants seeds, and grow more of it, they can stop the disease.
> 
> Anyway, long story short, the MC ventured outside the walls to find an ancient map with the location of the plant on it. Since they had been gone for a long period of time, her father (Which is their current King) became worried about her. He thought the disease had gotten to her. So like any good concerned father, he set out to find his daughter. In the process he'd fallen ill from the disease and died. The King's people were notified. And that's how everyone found out.
> 
> ...



I see a couple other problems, or potential problems, with your premise, but that's not the purpose of this thread.

Under the circumstances you have laid out, I think the most likely response the seven year old would have is refusing to believe his father is dead. In fact, he might try to go out and look for his father himself. Children often believe they are the cause and/or solution to many problems -- alcoholism, other addiction, domestic violence, or divorce. I can see that including the death of a parent that takes place away from the normal living terrain.


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## Underd0g (Jul 6, 2018)

My wife and I were house parents in a children's home early in our marriage. We cared for some kids that had lost their parents to both natural causes and murder. You would not know it unless you were told. Children adapt to their surroundings and they desperately want to be seen as normal. The ones I knew, their behaviors were very even in their temperaments. The only time they dealt with it was in counseling and that was out of our involvement. They valued their privacy. The only reason we knew was because we were the professionals involved in their day to day care. It's not like they would act out in grief or despair around us.

I would imagine there are other ranges of emotion and they would act out when they weren't around us as their house parents. I'm sure we influenced them to be calm because there were several other children in our home and acting out would have been inconsiderate to the other residents. I think it mattered what the atmosphere was like where they were at the time. If they had bouts of emotion when they were with kids their age, I never found out about it. I have no idea of long term effects.

This is just anecdotal.


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