# A Conversation "The Men Without Names"



## Crash_Tomas (Jul 19, 2010)

There were three of us in the courtyard standing around the hole, trying to guess at how much more we had left to dig. 

	“Jump in and that’ll help.”

	So I did. 

	“It’s deeper than his height,” someone said from above. I raised my arms and found that I could touch the opening of the hole. 

	“Must be about six feet.” 

	“Yeah,” I agreed. 

	“How are you going to get out?”

	“Well, most six-foot deep holes can be climbed out of,” I replied and demonstrated my point. The two above watched as I dug my boots into the dirt walls and pulled myself up out of the grave. I smiled at them and wiped my hands off on my jeans.

	“Wait,” one of the others said. “What exactly are we doing here?”

	“You forgot?” I asked.

	“Yeah, I guess.”

	“Our job,” the other cut in. “We bury Angels and dig up Demons.”

	“It seems rather trivial.”

	“What?”

	“It could make us go crazy.”

	“The thing is,” I interrupted. “People have a knack for going crazy. And remember, you are people. We are people. Don’t confuse what we’re doing with other people. We’re helping them stay sane, longer.”

	“But we have to already be insane, don’t we?”

	“Probably.”

	“Definitely.”

	The other two stared at me for a moment and I walked around the grave to retrieve the casket. I looked up and smiled. They stepped forward and helped me drop our Angel down into the grave. 

	“What was his name?” one of them asked me.

	“I’m not sure,” I replied. “As far as I’m concerned he didn’t have one.”

	“What’s the use of a person if they don’t have a name?”

	I shrugged.

	“There’s a use for everyone,” the other one answered. “Even the bad people. The ones we dig up and burn. They had a purpose once, even though they strayed off the path. They meant something to someone.”

	“That’s as good a use as any.” I said.

	I started to fill in the hole with a shovel, transferring our giant pile of dirt that we had made earlier. 

	“What’s our use then?”

	“We go insane, remember?”

	“Right!” and he let out a laugh. I joined in and so did the other.

	The conversation made we wonder what we really were doing. Our purposes had changed many times and I couldn’t quite place what we were meant to do. 

	“It reminds me of something I heard once,” I said, breaking up the laughter. “The only man without a gun can’t shoot anyone.”

	The other two thought about it for a moment and so did I.

	“You’re insightful sometimes,” one of them said.

	“It just comes out that way.” I smiled and kept filling in the grave.

	They joined me and we finished without saying another word.

The End.


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## garza (Jul 19, 2010)

You set a good scene using mostly dialog. That's something I work at trying to do myself, and you do it well here. You keep it straightforward so there's no confusion. 

I'm not into demons and angels, since I don't smoke that stuff anymore. It's very difficult to get in Belize or anywhere up the entire length of the Yucatan Peninsula. Ask Lin, he'll tell you. The point is you set a realistic scene, then start with the demons and angels. Are you headed into a fantasy story? 

Whether fantasy or realistic, you've made a good start. I especially like your concluding bit of dialog.   

'...We help them stay sane, longer.”

“But we have to already be insane, don’t we?”

“Probably.”

“Definitely.”'

Nicely done.


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## Crash_Tomas (Jul 19, 2010)

Hey, thanks. Not going to be a fantasy story. They speak in a sort of code, though. Angels, being good hearted, nice people that die. and in my opinion of what they're doing, they dig up the assholes, or the demons, haha. Just a poke at people and stuff. Should have waited to post it, I suppose. But thanks for commenting. =)


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## Crash_Tomas (Jul 19, 2010)

Added the rest.


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## garza (Jul 19, 2010)

Great line here:

“What’s the use of a person if they don’t have a name?”

Good work.


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## Crash_Tomas (Jul 20, 2010)

Thanks Garza.


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## Crash_Tomas (Jul 22, 2010)

I'd appreciate another perspective here. 

I apologize for the double-post.

Thanks.


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## vanityvellum (Jul 26, 2010)

the dialogue is great, but in general i am the type of person who really enjoys narration more. i want to see what the characters are seeing, smell what they are smelling, feel what they are feeling and just generally be immersed in the world they are creating. that passage left me with a lot of questions about who the people are and where they are and what their motivation for doing what they are doing is. the fact that they are obviously capable of having a riveting conversation works in their favor, but i don't think the richness that comes from setting a scene can really be achieved through dialogue alone.


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## Tony (Jul 30, 2010)

This had me smiling during the whole conversation. My favorite part was:


	“The thing is,” I interrupted. “People have a knack for going crazy.  And remember, you are people. We are people. Don’t confuse what we’re  doing with other people. We’re helping them stay sane, longer.”

	“But we have to already be insane, don’t we?”

	“Probably.”

	“Definitely.”


I liked it but unfortunately I can't really give a critique as I'm not experienced at writing. All I can say is I liked it.


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## ArcThomas (Jul 30, 2010)

hey hey. hope it's not to late to reply. I liked it. The whoe theme and way you reveal it is publishable work.
*The conversation made we wonder what we really were doing.*
Favorite line. Disregard the rules for love of the language.


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## Crash_Tomas (Jul 31, 2010)

Thanks to all of you. =) your comments and insight are wonderful.


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## The Prodigy (Aug 1, 2010)

Dialogue was excellent; I enjoyed the simple declarative sentence which drops the reader in the middle of a scene. Its a trait that takes skills. 

The angel & demon metaphor didn't attract me to the story, so I'm pleased that it wasn't in the first few sentences. I must say that my dislike stems largely from the massive proliferation of the concept. Darn that Dan Brown guy. 

Put simply: enjoyed the simplicity and admired the fluidity of conversation (proper phrase? I think not). Well done.


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## Balistic (Aug 2, 2010)

I love dialogue writing. I do a lot myself.

This was great but the part about the angels and demons threw me off. Especially after you explained that angels=good people and demons=bad people. Seemed kind of cliche in a way to say that. 

But the rest of the dialogue was fun. Maybe try to say what you wanted to say there but find another way of doing it without the angel/demons stuff?


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## Gauge (Aug 2, 2010)

I feel like a jerk for being new and having pretty much the only negative comment, but here goes:



> “Wait,” one of the others said. “What exactly are we doing here?”
> 
> “You forgot?” I asked.
> 
> ...



This seemed very forced. I read it and immediately pictured the author at his desk trying to think of a way to fit in that bit of information to make the dialogue relevant and give the story a setting. Instead, I might recommend making it less 'duh, I forgot' and more philosophical.

One of the others looked up. "What are we doing here?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What are we doing here?"

"Our job," the other cut in. "We bury Angels and dig up Demons."

"It seems rather trivial."

...

That's just my two cents, though. It definitely did seem a forced to me, though, which is unfortunate, because the next bit:



> “The thing is,” I interrupted. “People have a knack for going crazy. And remember, you are people. We are people. Don’t confuse what we’re doing with other people. We’re helping them stay sane, longer.”
> 
> “But we have to already be insane, don’t we?”
> 
> ...



was brilliant. Definitely captured the quirkiness and slight insanity of the entire encounter. I enjoyed the short read, definitely the kind of thing I could see tucked in some short story workbook if you fixed up that bit.


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## Crash_Tomas (Aug 2, 2010)

haha, well a negative comment does call for an explanation. I didn't want to make it seem forced at all, simply in my mind, the character brought it up because he was trying to get some feedback from the others. But by having the narrator's perspective, I wanted to make it seem that it was on all of their minds. If I failed at that, I guess I did. I can take the blame, haha.

But Thanks. I do appreciate it. =)


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