# Magnetic



## ned (Apr 30, 2018)

.


----------



## jenthepen (May 1, 2018)

I enjoyed the blend of physics and emotion here. I wonder if this poem might be stronger if you simply use the final four stanzas?


----------



## Caleb Murdock (May 1, 2018)

D


----------



## Proseph Biden (May 3, 2018)

Again, I agree w/ Caleb w/r/t the last four lines. This is a good poem, musical, as noted above as well. I like the transition from observational to immersive language quite a bit, and think maybe expanding it a line or two to emphasize the transition and connect them might strengthen the poem a bit.


----------



## ned (May 4, 2018)

hello - thank you all for your input - 

you're right J the P, the final stanzas could be a stand alone poem.
but I wanted 'embrace' and 'attraction' to come across more naturally with a romantic set-up.

besides - it opens with examples of electromagnetic radiation, leading on to the magnetic charge of electrons.

CM PB, I'm confused....do you suggest the last stanzas should be joined....which is rather academic,
or 'but' is preferred to 'yet'  ?

yet - is yearning, is poetic - 'but' has a hard edge when I'm trying to soften science into romance.
besides, 'yet' has lovely assonance with elec.

appreciate the feedback...............Ned


----------



## jenthepen (May 5, 2018)

Yes, on closer reading, I can see that you are right. The first two stanzas strengthen the emotional aspect and set up the science. The more I read it, the more I like this one!


----------



## musichal (May 5, 2018)

Nice poem.  I found the informal spelling of_ tho_ slightly out of place with the tone set, and a bit of a distraction to my eye.  I also prefer to delete "are" and leave that line simply "mostly space" which echoes the other three-syllable lines, using commas if sentence structure is deemed important. Small quibbles.


----------

