# My heroin my hatred (language)



## Jon M (May 3, 2013)

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## Kevin (May 3, 2013)

Geesus, Jon...powerful...yah....no crits. I'm just reading it.; absorbing it.


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## Jon M (May 4, 2013)

Thanks, Kevin ...

glad it maybe affected you in some way.


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## IanMGSmith (May 8, 2013)

Hi Jon,

You have an excellent writing style, well worthy of a little gramatic tweaking i.e. "When I told Doctor K that he laughed and nodded"

On a personal note, after quitting booze (20 years ago) I was not clean. Realised this in 2007 after quitting an x80 per day cigarette habit. 

Everyone's different, but for me, I had to come off fats and sugar and also get back into exercise before I could build and maintain an acceptable level of naturally produced "feel good" chemicals in my body and brain. 

Anything is better than "flat lining" but you can do a lot with just a little when it comes to these "feel good" or "feel normal" chemical transmitters. Living with less can be quite an exciting way to live and one's appreciation of life and world is greatly enhanced.

Long haul but worth it.

Yeah, "being clean" ...I like.


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## Jon M (May 9, 2013)

Thanks, Ian. This year I have been writing more and more of these personal non-fictive narratives, and it has been fun for me, liberating to a degree. I suppose the fun-factor will diminish the day I write something that truly lands me in hot water, but until then I enjoy the exploration. 

With you on the exercise. Was really, really into lifting weights before illness KO'ed me a couple years ago. Getting back into it again because, as you say, it is a great and natural anti-depressant. I've always felt happiest after banging the weights around for an hour or two. And slept the best.


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## Kyle R (May 9, 2013)

Great self-discovery there, even if it's a bit on the negative side.

I felt this piece could have been improved with the addition of lasers, robots, and dinosaurs, but considering it was non-fiction, I'm willing to let it slide. 

Strong voice as always. I hope it doesn't offend you, but I always assumed you _were_ a user, of some sort, at least, since many of your pieces share the same glamorization of drug-use as forms of self-medication. Perhaps that can be taken as a compliment, because that means your depictions were so convincing and authentic, I assumed they were born from personal experience.

But I suppose, in a way, they were, just in a metaphorical sense. Cool insights everywhere!

Thanks for the read, Jon. Cheers!


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## Terry D (May 9, 2013)

Jon, your non-fiction is as honest and true as your fiction. That's a trait I wish I had.


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## Jon M (May 9, 2013)

KyleColorado said:


> Strong voice as always. I hope it doesn't offend you, but I always assumed you _were_ a user, of some sort, at least, since many of your pieces share the same glamorization of drug-use as forms of self-medication. Perhaps that can be taken as a compliment, because that means your depictions were so convincing and authentic, I assumed they were born from personal experience.



Others have mentioned this as well, when they learned I was not a current or former experimenter. It doesn't bother or offend me; I have my preferred subjects. Maybe with sufficient time and blood I will one day figure out why they are my preferred subjects. But I do try not to glamorize, instead to simply present life as it is (for some). And I think it is important to show the humanity of it all, and not cast judgements. 

Hi Terry, thanks very much for the compliment. They both come from the same place, to the displeasure of some, I'm sure.


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## Deleted member 49710 (May 13, 2013)

Hi Jon, I'm late but did want to comment on this a little. Always interesting the things we learn about ourselves through writing, stuff we don't expect and maybe don't see until later. And as you show here, maybe the important thing is knowing what questions to ask. And maybe somebody else has to formulate those questions, otherwise self-examination can just end up reinforcing ideas that you already have without bringing up anything new. Glad that this doctor was able (hopefully continues to be able) to ask you the right questions.

Not sure you have any plans to revise as this is already posted and everything, but just in case you do, and in order to offer something potentially constructive: because you begin with annoyance and doubt in the value of the whole process (and I really like the "emotional dumpster diving" and scab-picking metaphors that reinforce this initial attitude) I kind of wanted a little resolution to that question. Not much, because obviously that's not the point, not the most important aspect of the piece at all. But I wanted to know if the doubt was dispelled when he asked the question, or maybe when you got the answer, if this gave you confidence in the doctor (you do allow a little when you accept that he might actually like the writing, it seems). And I guess a larger, more significant consequence of that might be confidence in the possibility of progress and improvement.

Also I think the first and third paragraph are maybe a little redundant and could be condensed, since they relate the same events (you sitting annoyed, the doctor arriving late and blasé).

Finally, maybe a nit, I'm not quite sure: _I suppose when fiction is drawn as close to  the bone _-- I think maybe it should be _from_ as close to the bone, no?

But good stuff, as always.


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## lowprofile300 (May 14, 2013)

This is dark, but I have always felt that stuff like this is good therapy. And guess what? It's free. Cheers


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## Jon M (May 14, 2013)

lowprofile300 said:


> This is dark, but I have always felt that stuff like this is good therapy. And guess what? It's free. Cheers


Used to think this way, but now am beginning to think prolonged self-examination may be damaging, not unlike throwing another log or some gasoline on the fires of neuroticism. But the alternative -- bumbling through life ignorant, unconscious of one's motivations -- sucks even more, so what's a loony toon to do. 



			
				lasm said:
			
		

> Not sure you have any plans to revise as this is already posted and  everything, but just in case you do [...]


Agree with the nits. Probably will revise someday if I am bored and do not feel like writing anything else, if only because I like the title and prefer to see it attached to a more thoughtful piece. Thanks.


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