# The Helplessness



## Pluralized (May 23, 2014)

My poor wife's been dealing with some medical stuff lately, none of it fun. She had a growth on her scalp that required removal by a plastic surgeon. Then, she ended up a week later with a kidney stone lodged so hard it required surgery too, this time at a urologist's. 

As she was recovering from getting the stent out on Wednesday, she got a call from the plastic surgeon's office. After 5 weeks, and several people telling her it was "almost certainly" nothing to worry about, she found out it was malignant melanoma. We're going to the consultation here in about an hour, and if you've never been through this, it's the worst. We have no idea what to expect, and scalp melanoma is apparently bad. I just hope they got it all out. 

Please whisper to the heavens for us.


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## Cran (May 23, 2014)

Strength, all strength to you both.


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## Gumby (May 23, 2014)

I do understand how you feel. Helpless is a good description. I'll be sending up whispers for you both, Plu.


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## Gargh (May 23, 2014)

Sorry to hear that... I'm not religious myself but I'll give it a go for you. You have all my best wishes anyway for both of you, and my crossed fingers and toes too.


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## Deleted member 49710 (May 23, 2014)

That is some really scary news. Here's hoping that any treatment needed is as easy and quick and effective as it can possibly be. Best to you both.


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## escorial (May 23, 2014)

must be so stressful right now for use...stay safe


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## dither (May 23, 2014)

A candle burning at dither's.

Good luck Pluralized.


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## Mistique (May 23, 2014)

I will be whispering for you both hoping for the best possible outcome.


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## W.Goepner (May 23, 2014)

May the heavens be merciful, in granting you and yours wellness. My those who watch over us, be generous to you any your wife.


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## midnightpoet (May 23, 2014)

I can understand helplessness, my wife has Chrone's disease; it's in remission now, but in it's worst stages I remember her crying all night in pain and all I could do was hold her.  Hoping for the best.


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## Terry D (May 23, 2014)

You and your wife will be in my thoughts, and prayers.


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## InstituteMan (May 23, 2014)

Wow, that is tough news for you, Pluralized. My prayers may not be worth much, but you have all of my well wishes and thoughts. FWIW, my father-in-law beat a malignant melanoma on his scalp and ear 38 years ago when InstituteWoman was just a little girl, and medical technology is way better now. That isn't to take away from how crazy scary this is, though. Take care of your wife, and take care of yourself too.


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## Theglasshouse (May 23, 2014)

I hope you get sympathy, and moral support, in the treatment process and with family. It's not an easy situation, and I have to live with a uncle who has cancer. Keep optimistic, you'll maybe even sometimes people need others to show  it, and don't feel stress. Pessimism isn't helpful at  all in the least. Be proactive in this way. A doctor tells me people should volunteer often for charity if they do  nothing with their lives, I wish I  could (It's   because I have a depression ailment). So that I could show a positive attitude and this keeps this proactive if you will like an engine.  Other ways could be church, counsel and therapy, I'm reminded off often can help as a means to reach your  goals. So I hope the recovery process works  out.


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## Apple Ice (May 23, 2014)

I'm sorry to hear about this, Pluralized, I hope all goes well. I will be thinking of you and your wife. All the best


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## Pluralized (May 23, 2014)

Thanks, everybody! That's just the kind of support I need right now. We went in today, talked at length with the surgeon, and a bunch of rapid-fire stuff is now happening: PET-Scan on Thursday, Three separate pre-op consultations on Friday, including an Oncologist, then surgery to remove a huge chunk of her scalp on Monday the 2nd of June. 

I feel like screaming, crying, throwing a hissy-fit, jumping off the highest bridge around, and moaning for days, but the only thing that's going to help her is a stoic shoulder to lean on, encouraging words, and a love that pervades the illness. It's a minor type of cancer by comparison, she's just 37 (which, according to Monty Python is 'not old'), and we live in the most advanced era of medicine since its inception. 

The toughest part is looking at my baby boy, thinking about my eight-year-old girl, who's highly intelligent, and wondering how to explain all this to them. For now, we'll focus on the short term, and tell them "Mommy's going to have some surgery." That's all they need to know for now. 

Thanks again for all the support. I consider you all my family, and will be there for you if and when the time comes. Life's short, love is real, and thank Zeus for giving me the outlet of creative writing.


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## W.Goepner (May 23, 2014)

Bless you and your family. My best wishes.


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## Jon M (May 23, 2014)

Sorry to hear about the tough news, Rob. It's kind of scary how one little problem can become big and serious and many problems in a short period of time. Leaves you feeling like you have no control. Good health is not something to take for granted, but often we only really learn that lesson when we or our loved ones get socked by illness and it all becomes real and tangible.

My best to you and your wife.


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## Pluralized (May 23, 2014)

Thank you, Jon. Means a lot.


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## Arcopitcairn (May 24, 2014)

You've got all the good thoughts I can send your way.


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## Pidgeon84 (May 24, 2014)

Geez man, that's rough. All I can say is stay strong. You have my best wishes.


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## Kevin (May 24, 2014)

Been there. Best wishes to the both of you. 'Minor type by comparison'... okay, then...


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## Pandora (May 24, 2014)

It is all so shocking going through it, I was mostly dazed with my sister. It feels unreal. Damn that cancer.

Your wife could not have a better partner to see her through. We don't always need the right words but sometimes words are just right. We know you have those. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. So very sorry you are facing this.


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## J Anfinson (May 24, 2014)

My thoughts will certainly be with you and your family. If you need a shoulder for you, you can message me any time.


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## T.S.Bowman (May 25, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> My poor wife's been dealing with some medical stuff lately, none of it fun. She had a growth on her scalp that required removal by a plastic surgeon. Then, she ended up a week later with a kidney stone lodged so hard it required surgery too, this time at a urologist's.
> 
> As she was recovering from getting the stent out on Wednesday, she got a call from the plastic surgeon's office. After 5 weeks, and several people telling her it was "almost certainly" nothing to worry about, she found out it was malignant melanoma. We're going to the consultation here in about an hour, and if you've never been through this, it's the worst. We have no idea what to expect, and scalp melanoma is apparently bad. I just hope they got it all out.
> 
> Please whisper to the heavens for us.



Keeping my fingers crossed for you, plural.

I have only read the first post at this point.


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## T.S.Bowman (May 25, 2014)

OK. I have read the rest of the posts now....

Plural...you are going to need a way to release all those emotions you are going through if you are to be able to maintain the "stoic shoulder" you mentioned.

As strange as it may sound at a time like this, you will definitely be needing to make time to write. All those things you want to do...make the characters do. 

My girlfriend and I recently went through some health issues (hers) and I know that, between the support here, and the ability to kill off some people without actually harming anyone was a very good thing. It helped me keep an even keel for her.

I am not religious, but I will definitely be sending prayers upward for you and your family. They may not be worth much to a higher power, but it can't hurt.


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## PiP (May 25, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> Please whisper to the heavens for us.



Plu, I'm so sorry to read about your wife. I can't even begin to imagine what you both must be going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you...


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## Pluralized (Jun 8, 2014)

Wifey had surgery on her scalp and neck this past Monday. They cut out a big chunk of flesh from the crown of her head, then sliced along the side of her head to allow them to stretch it all back together. The surgeon traced with a pen the 8cm circle, and as she felt the pen going over her skin, her eyes flooded with worry. She was sobbing as they wheeled her out of the room. I stood up and walked to the waiting room, but don't remember doing so. 

Five hours later, I sat there in the waiting room, the last one there for the day, nervously looking up at the monitor. Under her number, for hours, it'd said 'In OR.' That was all the information I had. Two bumbling jamokes in blue uniforms, wheeling an empty gurney, came up through the waiting room and whispered to the receptionist, "We're here for a recovery." I then glanced up at the monitor again, just to make sure. 

 Closing time for the surgical ward, and she still wasn't out yet. I called back for the tenth time, and they finally told me she was having severe nausea from the anesthesia. I demanded to see her. Normally, even family members aren't allowed in the PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit), but she was the last patient of the day. All of the anti-nausea meds they'd given her weren't helping, and she sat upright wearing a turban of gauze, shivering. It was satisfying to see her alive, after all that nervous waiting, but then I didn't know what the hell to do. I sat there and held her hand for a minute, and asked the nurse what was next. 

Up on level five, they cleared a room out for her. This whole thing was supposed to be an outpatient procedure, but after seeing those hundred stitches, I'm not sure how. She roared with pain for an hour and finally they brought in a pain pump. Hooked it up to her IV and handed her a thumb-button. She slept for a bit, and I just sat there in the crampy chair, staring at her. Worrying about her poor head. The lymph nodes they took out through that long incision on her neck. Whether her pathology would come back clean. 

I took her for the post-op appointment and got to see it for myself. It's sobering. They had to stretch her scalp so tight, all of the hair is falling out on that side. I think losing her hair from the surgery bothers her more than the constant pain, which has barely been touched by the three bottles of pills they've given her. I awoke around midnight last night, and she was crying again. There's not much I can do except wait, hope, and support her when she needs me. 

Taking care of the baby boy has been my job over the past week, and getting my daughter fed and wrangled, too. She's eight, so she's able to do some stuff. I have a new appreciation for my wife's efforts 'round here!

Wednesday, we'll find out whether the cancer has spread. Hoping for clean results. Hope with me, won't you? 

Thanks for letting me get all this out of my head. I have felt a little taste of insanity over the last few weeks. Glad I have this place as a pleasant, green distraction.


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## Deleted member 49710 (Jun 8, 2014)

Oh man, that sounds just horrific for her and awful for you, too. I'm sorry you two are having to deal with this stuff. Very much hoping this takes care of it, that the pain goes away and the news is good.


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## Gyarachu (Jun 8, 2014)

You're a strong man Plur, and she's a strong woman lucky to have you. I can't even imagine going through all this. I will absolutely be hoping with you, as well as praying. I wish there was more I could say/do, but I bet you are no stranger to that feeling.


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## InstituteMan (Jun 8, 2014)

God, Pluralized, that is brutal. Watching your wife suffer is worse than suffering yourself, but some cups you cannot take from her. I have been wondering and hoping about you and your wife and the kids.  I will continue with the hoping.


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## Cran (Jun 8, 2014)

Hoping with you, Plu; and wishing you both continued strength.


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## W.Goepner (Jun 8, 2014)

In this instance I refuse to politically correct, May God look down on you with favor. May Jesus walk by your side in these trying times. Let them give you strength in your time of need and bless you and your family with good health from this time forward. Please, God Bless Pluralized and his family.



Amen.


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## Kevin (Jun 9, 2014)

You turn your lives over to the doctors. In the old days there was nothing they could do. And what can you do? Nothing... get on with it and do your chores. But she is suffering. Yes, but there is nothing more you can do. Just be there and do what you can do... That's it?  What other choice do you have? This really sucks... Yep. 

*
Me, 3 years ago...


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## Pandora (Jun 9, 2014)

Oh Pluralized, tears and positive thoughts for you and your wife. Your love is growing stronger each moment, love the silver lining. As partners in life it is humbling to go through and we learn so much about the other. I look at my husband every day and appreciate him so for being there when I needed him. Stay strong, prayers for a good outcome Wednesday.


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## Gumby (Jun 9, 2014)

So sorry your family is hurting, Plu. Sending up prayers and good thoughts for your wife and a clean result on her test.


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## Mistique (Jun 9, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> Thanks, everybody! That's just the kind of support I need right now. We went in today, talked at length with the surgeon, and a bunch of rapid-fire stuff is now happening: PET-Scan on Thursday, Three separate pre-op consultations on Friday, including an Oncologist, then surgery to remove a huge chunk of her scalp on Monday the 2nd of June.
> 
> I feel like screaming, crying, throwing a hissy-fit, jumping off the highest bridge around, and moaning for days, but the only thing that's going to help her is a stoic shoulder to lean on, encouraging words, and a love that pervades the illness. It's a minor type of cancer by comparison, she's just 37 (which, according to Monty Python is 'not old'), and we live in the most advanced era of medicine since its inception.
> 
> ...



Things are very tough for you, but it sounds like your wife really has someone she can rely on in you. That's something to be proud of. You're there for her and that is really all you can do.


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## Mistique (Jun 9, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> Wifey had surgery on her scalp and neck this past Monday. They cut out a big chunk of flesh from the crown of her head, then sliced along the side of her head to allow them to stretch it all back together. The surgeon traced with a pen the 8cm circle, and as she felt the pen going over her skin, her eyes flooded with worry. She was sobbing as they wheeled her out of the room. I stood up and walked to the waiting room, but don't remember doing so.
> 
> Five hours later, I sat there in the waiting room, the last one there for the day, nervously looking up at the monitor. Under her number, for hours, it'd said 'In OR.' That was all the information I had. Two bumbling jamokes in blue uniforms, wheeling an empty gurney, came up through the waiting room and whispered to the receptionist, "We're here for a recovery." I then glanced up at the monitor again, just to make sure.
> 
> ...




I will definately hope with you with all my might. Its time for some good new for you, so that is what I will be hoping for.


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## J Anfinson (Jun 9, 2014)

Sending more of my thoughts, Rob. I can't imagine what you're going through. If it helps, unload your burdens in a pm. I'll listen.


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## Pluralized (Jun 11, 2014)

Wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful thoughts, the PMs, and overall support. Love you all so much.

She's cancer-free, as of this morning. Pathology came back negative!!!!!!!

All the best to each and every one of you, and my shoulder is all yours should any of you need me. *smooch*


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## Mistique (Jun 11, 2014)

Wow that is utterly amazing. Congratulations. It was a rough ride, but at least it had a good ending


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## Gyarachu (Jun 11, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> She's cancer-free, as of this morning. Pathology came back negative!!!!!!!



Gah that's got to be the greatest feeling in the world. WOOOH!!!


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## J Anfinson (Jun 11, 2014)

I'm so happy to hear that. Blessings to you and yours.


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## InstituteMan (Jun 11, 2014)

Now THAT is happy news!


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## Bishop (Jun 11, 2014)

Pluralized said:


> Wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful thoughts, the PMs, and overall support. Love you all so much.
> 
> She's cancer-free, as of this morning. Pathology came back negative!!!!!!!
> 
> All the best to each and every one of you, and my shoulder is all yours should any of you need me. *smooch*



Very glad to hear this, Plu. I've kinda been checking the thread and been nervous to respond, but good news is great news. I've been in similar situations with my wife (then fiancee) and I understand how awful it is. How you wish, more than anything for her to be better, or even just that you could take her place, or take the pain for her. It's far, far more difficult to watch your love in pain than to be in pain yourself. But I'm glad for the turnout, obviously, and wish her the best recovery from all the medical treatment. Glad the doctors won this round.


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## W.Goepner (Jun 11, 2014)

Wonderful news Plu. wonderful.


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## Gumby (Jun 11, 2014)

Excellent news! So happy for you all!


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## PiP (Jun 11, 2014)

Great news, Plu!


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## bazz cargo (Jun 11, 2014)

:salut:


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## Bruno Spatola (Jun 11, 2014)

I didn't want to say anything until all the information was given; I'm a bit of a jinx with bad news, you see. I feared I'd make it worse somehow.

I've been hoping for the best since I first read the thread, of course. I couldn't find the words to say it, but now the outlook is good, I wish your love the easiest recovery possible. As for your sanity, I hope that's mending itself with equal vim, too.

I know what the dark side of these outcomes can do to the soul -- personally -- and I'm deeply glad it didn't befall another.

 Good luck, and take extra care of her, won't you? :smug:

Bruno.


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## Pandora (Jun 12, 2014)

Oh goodness what a relief, a speedy recovery and many happy times to be had! :couple_inlove:


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## T.S.Bowman (Jun 13, 2014)

That's great news!!!


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## Jon M (Jun 13, 2014)

Hold her close.


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## Kevin (Jun 14, 2014)

> She's cancer-free,


 Best words ever


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## bazz cargo (Jun 15, 2014)

> She's cancer-free


,





> Best words ever


Ditto


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## escorial (Jun 15, 2014)

man that must have been a real stressful time for uses


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