# 12-15-06 | Scores



## silverwriter (Jan 17, 2007)

Just to start, I would like to say I should have directed everyone _here_ in the prompt, and I’m sorry I didn’t. However, part of writing is doing your research, so just let that be a note. I said in the prompt to “tell me that myth” so I did deduct a point if I didn’t feel it was even close to being a myth.

  Thank you to everyone who participated. I’m always glad to see a good turnout. I apologize for all the delays, but what can you do?

  And now, without further ado, your LM scores.



  MrPenguin589: 17/15/16/17/13 = 15.6
  rboy27: 15.5/16/15/17/12 = 15.1
  highflyer: 17.5/14/17/18/14 = 16.1
  seawings: 16/14/11/16/16 = 14.6
  JK Wannabe: 16/15/13/16/14 = 14.8
  Cacafire: 17/14/16/18/11 = 15.2
  Fantasy of You: 19/18/14/19/16 = 17.2
  Kagechaos: 14.5/15/9/17/15 = 14.1
  Cryptika: 18/16/14/18/16 = 16.4
  Cearo: 16.5/17/15/18/18 = 16.9
  Kenewbie: 18/9/12/16/10 = 13
  swift84: 16/16/0/17/11 = 12
  desertwriter: 17.5/17/18/19/16 = 17.5
  Murdershewrote2005: 16/16/12/17/12 = 14.6
  Foxee: 20/17/14/20/19 = 18
  Eggo: 16/18/16/19/16 = 17
  Hodge: 18.5/19/17/18/20 = 18.5


  1st – Hodge = 18.5
  2nd – Foxee = 18
  3rd – desertwriter = 17.5


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## silverwriter (Jan 17, 2007)

Chris Miller’s Scores

*MrPenguin589: A History Lesson - 17*

Only saw 1 typo:
“but it also cause problems”

I liked the story. Soft sci-fi w/ some nice character development for a flash and a solid POV. Although I’m tempted to knock a point or two off for your waiver. I mean, “I put it together in only like ten minutes, with no real thought as to where I was going with it.” Great, and now I just spent even more than that of my time on it. Very nice though, no surprises, until the end. Nice.


*rboy27: The Snow Man – 15.5*

“chilled the very hearts of their souls”
It just doesn’t get any deeper or chillier than that, does it?

Well written, if a tad cliché at times. No twists. The ending murder seemed out of character and contrived.


*High flyer: Memory of a moment – 17.5*

Some nice vocabulary, but not over the top. Nice imagery too. Very poetic. Even though I hate snow personally, I was touched.


*seawings: THE MAGICAL GIFT OF SNOW – 16*

may = might (in opening)

I’d call this an essay and not a short story. But that’s okay. Might have liked to see the Frost poem more integrated into the narrative somehow. But still pretty effective. Some good prose. I may come out of this LM hating the stuff less.


*JK Wannabe: Snow… I think I Remember That - 16*

This is very well written. The problem for me is that it kind of regurgitates the theme. Almost like an answer to a question on a test or something. I don’t think the loss of snow has to be the central theme of the piece, but everyone else so far has. Some nice futuristic elements.


*cacafire: Mother Gady – 17*

Good title.

"Surely, this year it will come." old mama Gady whispered to her children as she slowly rocked back and forth on the wooden chair.
Beginning w/ a quote tag punctuation error is never a good thing.

"Chipmunk flavored ramen, here!"
Love this line!

That was nice. The prose could have been a bit more concise in places maybe, and you need to research quote tag punctuation (saw 2 errors). I expected the snow to fall just as she was dying, stirring up tired old memories and making her smile. So I was surprised she just croaked. Nice that you avoided the cliché ending… but disappointing too somehow. Guess that’s why they’re cliché.


*Fantasy Of You: For Thing and Country, hey? – 19*

“what not” = whatnot

Had to read twice. Still a little fuzzy. But I liked the vernacular, the form, and that snow wasn’t so integral to the theme, only a facet. Not sure who the aliens are. But I think you meant it to be a little opaque. I found it pretty funny too, all these blokes lying about thinking they’re fighting while aliens eat their legs, over and over, like Prometheus’ liver. Original. Nudge-nudge wink-wink.

*kagechaos: untitled – 14.5*

Liked the allusion or incorporation of Frosty. But otherwise found it kind of flat and just a repetition of the theme. Expected a few climate clarifying words or some sort of twist that never materialized.

*cryptika: Ice Cream – 18*

Nostalgic. Very well written, nice (albeit somewhat cliche) futuristic scenario. Good character development for something so short. Left me wanting more in both a good and a bad way, but mostly good. 


*Cearo: Paper Snowflake – 16.5*

Well written. Accomplishes what it set out to. Limited character development and a future I’m seeing a lot of here. Just a tad too many descriptors, especially in the opening, for my tastes because they tend to cut into the word count and idea density.


*kenewbie: Thirteen things you probably didn't know about snow – 18*

atleast = at least
ice bergs = icebergs 

It’s an essay and not a short, but that’s fine. I found it interesting for two reasons: 1) it treats the theme highly indirectly. It suggests what will happen when there’s no more snow, backed up with some pretty interesting research. 2) I liked the linguistic elements, and learned something. With just a modicum of narrative creativity as context this would’ve been perfect. But I still like it for how different and informative it is. Didn’t count, but’ll take your word about 13.


*Swift84: Snow of Our god – 16*

“Because it's long and hard and pointed and it will sink in there pretty deep. But I left out the neatest part: you could eat this white stuff."

Gasp! I thought this was going to be a children’s story.

Seriously though, well written and whatnot. But adds nothing to the theme, not even futuristic elements. Just describes what snow was like in the context of a conflict-less relationship/story. The war details as presented to a kid were kind of neat I guess. And most of these stories seem to lack any sort of conflict or character growth or tipping point or whatever.



*desertwriter: The Myth – 17.5*

I like how this story was framed. I also liked the spiritual overtones. Pays some homage to character development. Not much conflict or forward motion. Sort of a cross between an essay and a short. I think there’s an Eskimo myth that sees the end of the world such as you describe. Nice ending.


*murdershewrote2005: Until the Snow  Falls – 16*

Double “feels” and a cliché aphorism weaken the intro. I like the letter venue. The pouring forth of her feelings is credible and many will probably relate, but the narrative wants for more specifics. About this war? The setting? You mention “snow” at least 5 times but give no explanation why it’s stopped. And I think the snow motif feels a little contrived here. Less would have been more. I knew a (very smart) kid who loved Star Wars. He managed to kludge its character and themes into every writing assignment, no matter what. Like that to a lesser degree.


*Foxee: Air Time – 20*

That was great! Funny, clever, original. Sort of a tall-tale style. No flat sentences, ideas popping up like zits before the big date. Solid vernacular. Even shows some specific snowboarding knowledge, but with smooth indirection. Super handling of the theme. Maybe a few places I might’ve have used a comma that you didn’t—authorial discretion accepted though. Very nice work. (Clever title too: airtime vs. air time.)

*Eggo: Cool Dark Caves – 16*

Some problems w/ tense. 

E.g. *…he looked down at the floor when he realized he interrupted…*
he’d interrupted

Funny how a number of these are in the form of stories being told by oldsters to youngsters. The voice here felt fairly passive to me and the characters sort of just a pretext to present an interesting if unlikely future and some “scientific” premises. Sort of a cross between an essay and a story, mostly essay. And it’s probably just me, but whenever I see some old fart imparting good-old-days wisdom to some kid, my eyes want to glaze over.

*Hodge: Snow: History Of – 18.5*

“These people who lives in Alaska…”
lived

At first it seemed like kind of a groaner, but then I got into it. It’s almost a satire of history books in general. An original handling of the theme with lots of off-the-wall sort of punny humor. Are you sure eggo didn’t help you with this?


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## silverwriter (Jan 17, 2007)

Hawke’s Scores

  Prompt: Imagine a time when snow is just a myth grandparents tell their grandchildren. Write me that myth.

Thank you to Jaime for running the LM and coming up with such a terrific prompt, and thank you to everyone who entered. Wow, you guys made it hard!

As always, the following is only _my opinion_, and should not be taken as anything more. Second, and so I can avoid doing a blow-by-blow, I’ll just say here that every story has nitpicks. Lastly, about comments heading stories. It’s your story. It has your name on it. It carries your reputation. You worked on it. Fretted over it. Formatted and tweaked and goofed with it to make it the best you could. After all that, don’t turn around and sabotage it before I read it. Please, people, leave your comments off and let the read speak for itself. 

All of that said… 


*A History Lesson
Mr Penguin589 
15/20
*This was a very cute story with a nice grin ending. Good job. Thank you. 


*
*The Snowman
Rboy27
16/20
*I liked this. Such a lovely twist on things. Well done. Thank you.

*
*Memory of a Moment
high flyer
14/20
*This was a well written story. “Some greedy men ate up all the snow, long ago” wasn’t enough of a myth though. Thank you. 

*
*THE MAGICAL GIFT OF SNOW
seawings
14/20
*This is well written. Just one question. If it comes every ten years, how is it a myth? Guess what I’m trying to say here is there isn’t enough myth involved. Sorry. Thank you.

*
*Snow... I Think I Remember That...
JK Wannabe
15/20
*This was sweet and heartwarming. Nice job. Thank you. 

*
*Mother Gady *
*cacafire
14/20
*Cacafire, I just want to say here that this is one instance where the score will not reflect my take on your work were it outside the prompt. Unfortunately here it didn’t really tell a myth, per se, and so had to deduct points. Good write, though. Thank you.

*
*For Thing and Country, hey?
Fantasy of You
18/20
*I was waiting for something unique, and you provided. I loved the banter, the humor… I really enjoyed this. Thank you. 

*
*Untitled
kagechaos
15/20
*You did a good job with this one. Enjoyed the read. Thank you. 

*
*Ice Cream
cryptika
16/20
*I liked this. A nice read with humor too. Thank you.

*
*Paper Snowflakes
Cearo
17/20
*You gave me a good sense of a very bleak future in very few words. Well done. And nice touches about the sleeping in shifts idea and the parents standing guard at the doors, all of which spoke so well of the desperate times they live in. Very nice read. Thank you. 

*
*Thirteen things you probably didn't know about snow
kenewbie 
9/20
*Failed to see a myth here and so had to make heavy deductions. My apologies. Thank you. 

*
*Snow of our God
Swift84
16/20
*Had the feeling this story cut off a shade too early, a victim of the small word count. The visual of God grabbing the gun and tugging back and forth on it made me giggle. Nice work. Thank you.

*
*The Myth
desertwriter
17/20
*I really liked this. Ominous at the end, too. Starting up all over again, are they? Damn. Very nice read. Thank you. 

*
*Until the Snow  Falls
murdershewrote2005
16/20
*This was good. Much family and sadness, just not enough myth. Thank you. 

*
*Air Time
Foxee
17/20
*I like this. A really weird and wild tale. Super stuff here. Nice read. Thank you. 

*
*Cool** Dark Caves*
*eggo
18/20
*I liked this a lot. Reminded me of the movie _Jurassic Park _and the line “Life will find a way”…or something like that. Just one question. What do they eat? Just curious. Thank you. 

*
*Snow: History of
Hodge
19/20
*(F) Just kidding. Hilarious stuff! Reminded me of my childhood and pen pals—the ones who asked if I lived in an igloo, had TV, saw penguins, been to a mall, wore big fur coats and walked around in snowshoes… Yeah, you know who you are.
Ancient Canada? Oh that’s it, fuzzy-boy. It’s on!


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## silverwriter (Jan 17, 2007)

TsuTseQ’s Scores

  MrPenguin589
A History Lesson
I liked the snow globe device. 
16/20

rboy27
Snow Man
I don't really like the style, and it doesn't seem to be a legend about snow.
15/20

highflyer
Memory of a Moment
I really liked this one. It's sweet and the characters are loveable
17/20

seawings
The Magical Gift of Snow
This does not give a legend for snow at all, and is in fact more a description about snow and a recitation of Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
11/20


JK Wannabe
Snow... I Think I Remember That...
Cute, but you set up the scene for a much larger story, and this just feels like an all too brief introduction to it.
13/20


cacafire
Mother Gady
I'm tempted to give you a score of one for that damn smilie you put after your story. Much better than your previous offerings—you have some grammar issues, but nothing major. The story works well for such a short amount of space, even if it's a bit melodramatic.
16/20



Fantasy of You
For Thing and Country, hey?
Pretty funny. Kinda cheesy, too. But definitely not as cheesy as I expected after reading that first line...
14/20


kagechaos
Untitled
You're supposed to have a title. I found this to be too underdeveloped. Way too underdeveloped. A kid would have more questions about snow than that... 
9/10

cryptika
Ice Cream
Hmmm. Solid, but not very inspiring.
14/20

Cearo
Paper Snowflake
The most accurate of all of them, I think, about how one would describe snow if it didn't exist anymore. I love the part where the boy says water has to be boiled twice before you can play in it, too. Still, I felt like it was missing something... Maybe it's just the word limit.
15/20

Kenewbie
Thirteen Things You Probably Didn't Know About Snow
Heh. Not a myth, but not uninteresting.
12/20

swift84
Snow of Our God
To quote old Queen Vicky – we are not amused. “Subversive” works require some element of subtlety to it. This was not subtle at all, just juvenile and disgusting.
0/20

desertwriter
The Myth
This feels like I'm reading a myth – it's mystical. Simple but very enjoyable.
18/20

Murdershewrote2005
Until the Snow Falls
Not really a myth about snow, but it's interesting still.
12/20

Foxee
Air Time
Good work in dialog 
14/20

Eggo
Cool Dark  Caves
Clean writing, cool story.
16/20

Hodge
Snow: History of
Very funny, and read perfectly for a misinformed history paper. I liked the part about Celine Dion.
17/20


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## silverwriter (Jan 17, 2007)

Wyndstar’s Scores

  ‘History Lesson’

This had some nice moments, made a real person out of the grandpa, rather than just a cardboard cut out for the subject. I’m not fond of the ‘telling a story in a story’ idea, too cliché, but the ending made it worth the read. I heard a drum in the distance for the punchline. 

  17

‘The Snow Man’

Now this one had a LOT of potential, but so little time. The grammar was good, the characterizations lively. I’m even pleased that you didn’t use a brick to convey that snow is a myth (the scientist must have known since he recreated ‘snow’), but I really want to know why, having not really known what snow was, did the boys believed they saved winter by killing the old man and destroying his machine? Why is there no snow? 

  17

‘Memory of a Moment’

A few structural concerns, but overall a very good read. A holo is certainly jazzier than a snow globe—makes it a bit more personal, the child obtains some experience, making her sadness over its loss more believable. The end where the snow vanishes and her tears are all that’s left was a nice touch. 

  18

‘The Magical Gift of Snow’

We missed the myth aspect specified by Silver here (not getting to see snow much is rather different from it being nothing but rumor and supposition), but the writing itself had merit. There was some nice prose here, but it gets severely upstaged by the poetry of Mr. Robert Frost. I think I would have liked it more if rather, instead of competing, the writing proved a foil for the poetry. 

  16

‘Snow…I Think I Remember That…’

I think, given a more extensive word count, this could have been more. There really isn’t enough to give the kids a ‘story’ about snow that actually IS one. The grandmother basically tells them what they could get off the Wikipedia of the time. A story is more than just data transfer; it’s the deliberate broadening of one reality with another. I think that’s what this is missing. 

  16


“Mother Gady’

I think what I liked about this one is that it isn’t a story telling a story. I also liked the ending. It wasn’t cliché, or melodramatic. It was cold, sharp, to the point. The only detraction to it was describing the eyes as ‘dead’ and then right after that, repeating it in summarizing Gady’s state. It was redundant.

  18

‘For Thing and Country’

This was a clever little piece, enjoyed the parallels between the snow and the invaders, and how you didn’t ram it home with a brick. There is a bit that’s unclear with this piece, perhaps because you lacked the word count to give a better background history. Still, it was nicely acerbic and formatted in a clear, refreshing way. 

  19

Kagechaos

While the characterizations here are good, it really doesn’t go anywhere. Why was the movie the boy chose controversial? More so, why to a child who didn’t seem to care much for the idea of snow? In the end, he acted as if the concept was of no consequence to him at all. It needs a more intimate involvement with the subject its supposed to be about. 

  17

‘Icecream’

This wasn’t bad for a story about women telling a story. Some nice prose here, particularly the statement about “…white ones…” and ‘Shreds of us.”. Some nice feeling conveyed through out this piece. I don’t know what ‘You-rope” is. The child’s reaction is nicely realistic here. 

  18

‘Paper Snowflake’

  A lot of good detail to this, without being confusing, though admittedly, I would have liked to know how the world got into that state. It had a nicely dark tone to it, which worked as a nice foil to the subject; that last, smudged representation that could go up just as quickly. The ending was nicely poignant. 

  18

Thirteen Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Snow

Okay—this one freaked me out, because it suspiciously sounded like my science teacher back in college reviewing his thesis on snow—as it exists, in the present tense. Educationally speaking, it has flair. It loses in regard to treating snow as the subject of myth. Before I end though, you might want to fix a few of your statements on this work. In an early statement, you say it’s false that the Eskimo has “…thousands of words for snow, and then in paragraph three, you state they have a limitless amount of words for it. A bit on the inconsistent side, this. 

  16

‘Snow of Our God’

This was a cute little piece, but again, I find here that the ‘myth’ theme was missed. The story takes place in 1969, and to the best of my knowledge, we’ve had snow since then. It felt like this wanted to go somewhere closer to Fantasy with the references about rabbits being friends with men and how God made snow, and I think had you not the word limitation, this would have made for something cute as a fairy tale, rather than a myth of what used to be.

  17

‘The Myth’

This was nicely written, it explained why, gave consistent time frames and the characterizations were nicely handled without becoming soppy. Because of the timeframe, it was detached enough from the tragic aspect that it was less myth, more of folklore, or read like a parable. 

  19

‘Until the Snow Falls’

Okay, I’ll admit that this felt like a continuation to something you’d written earlier, but I like it and it stood well on its own nonetheless. It was touching, and I enjoyed the format. My only problem is that I can’t tell if the snow is a myth thing, or just out of season. The subject dwells almost too heavily on the life of the narrator and snow is just a prop.

  17

Air Time

This was an absolute hoot. There’s something funny about people playing in mud, and old people in speedos—from a distance--a greeeeaat distance. And so clever, tying together mud/gator wrestling and snow boarding. I really enjoyed this, Foxee. 

  20

Cool Dark Caves

This one skirts the requirement in a rather interesting fashion. There’s snow, but no one sees it because they’re deep underneath it. That was a clever way of dealing with making it a myth without the planet and humanity going logically extinct. That cleverness was enough to offset the typical ‘grandpa telling’ shtickt. Did I miss the definition of Intuits somewhere along the way? 

  19

Snow: History Of

Why does Hodge writing as an android not surprise me here?
While this is methodical, through the whole I still have the feeling that a human child is writing this, rather than a machine. More whimsy than I’d have expected of an android, but in the future, who knows? This is pretty much that little exercise where the information morphs down the line until its almost unrecognizable. 

  18


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## silverwriter (Jan 17, 2007)

Silver’s Scores

  MrPenguin589
A History Lesson


  There was a mistake right in the beginning (might=may) which could put the reader off because they might have to reread it a few times to figure out what you’re trying to say. Some readers won’t put in that sort of effort. There are also things like “son.’ He replied” which should be “son,’ he replied” instead. Once you’ve established a character, you can stop using his or her name. Since this is a discussion between two males, you can keep using the name of one, but drop the other in favour of “he”. I wouldn’t mention it if it weren’t a pet peeve of mine. The ending was cute and made me smirk, but I think it would have had more emphasis if you would have told me a little less about how much he hated the boy’s voice and shown me instead. Think about what _you_ do when you’re mad. I purse my lips and cross my hands over my chest. I know Grandpa is rather weak, but I bet he can still roll his eyes. That would also shorten things up and give you more words to give your story more emphasis.

13/20


  ~

rboy27
Snow Man


  I’m not quite sure how to begin with this one. I don’t think this quite falls within the lines of myth, but I found myself making notes as to how it could be tweaked to qualify, so it isn’t too far off. To be honest, I didn’t like the ending. First, I just find it hard to believe the first instinct of a young boy would be to kill and not just incapacitate. Going for the temple is just something one doesn’t see much because people are more likely to go for a larger area like the shoulders or chest. Also, if the old man was creating snow, how was winter saved? I feel the word count probably limited you too much because there is too much left unexplained. Otherwise, there were a few very minor punctuation mistakes here and there, but nothing that took away from reading.

12/20

  ~

highflyer
Memory of a Moment

  I think this piece could have done with another look for proofreading purposes. Again, I don’t think this truly falls into myth, but rather experiencing a world where snow is a myth. You have some nice description and a very good setting which was easy for me to envision while reading. I do like the little girl. As for the father, I’d suggest working on making his character a bit more consistent as far as his gruffness towards the little girl. His first words painted one picture, but then I was forced to rethink him when he started getting crabby with her. Try to make that mood apparent from the start.

14/20

  ~

seawings
The Magical Gift of Snow


  Definitely an engaging beginning which perked my interest right away. This could have better worked if one person was telling another about snow. As it stands, this sounds more like an essay – a good essay – about snow, not a myth. I very much like it on its own, even if it doesn’t quite fit the prompt. You use a conversational tone which puts the reader at ease while using images the reader can identify with. I don’t really have any complaints other than it’s not a myth. I do hope you keep the piece saved for another time.

16/20


  ~

JK Wannabe
Snow... I Think I Remember That...


  This again strays outside actual myth, but it’s closer than others in that your character is at least telling of a time without snow. I’ve said this a few times now, but I feel you were also limited by word count, and I wish I would have increased it. I think the children are cute characters, but I have to warn you to keep the use of “maw-maw” to an absolute minimum because that could get annoying in a hurry. I’d have to read it over again to check for mistakes, which means none stuck out so much that they took away from the reading.

14/20

  ~

cacafire
Mother Gady


  My first impression with the first sentence caused me to scan over the piece quickly and make this suggestion: Review proper punctuation and capitalization when it comes to character dialogue. “smacking him on the lips” – “Smacking” also implies hitting, so you’d be better off with just “kissing him” and leaving off the “on the lips” because that’s a given. Along the same note, “salty tears” – tears are salty; that’s a given. Also, there was a point where you didn’t capitalize Sady’s name. All in all, try proofreading your work a couple times, and it will improve. The piece is a sad one which talks about the disappearance of snow, but it doesn’t tell an actual myth about snow. (On the side, you don’t have to put “begin” and “end”. I’m sure we judges will manage to figure that out. No worries.)

11/20

  ~

Fantasy of You
For Thing and Country, hey?


  Well, you certainly caught me off guard with the stage play type of formatting. I think you were a little too heavy on the “chap” and “laddie” stuff because it began to get annoying fairly quickly, but that’s likely part of the humour. There’s no doubt as to whether the piece is funny because it is very much so, but it’s not a myth. Rather something I would expect to see on Monty Python’s flying circus.

16/20

  ~

kagechaos
Untitled


  Watch the capitalization (or not capitalizing) of “grandpa”. I wouldn’t have put in that you don’t know if there’s actually snow falling on the cover of the movie. The detail won’t make your entire story fall through if it isn’t true, and by putting in such things, you lose some of the trust of your readers. This isn’t a myth, but rather a story about a time without snow, which I have to deduct for. The piece is cute, but not particularly engaging, but that’s likely due to the limited word count. At this point I’m afraid you’re at a bit of a disadvantage because I’ve become a bit tired of grandparents telling their grandchildren about snow. I do like that you added a little twist in that the child comments snow wouldn’t be great anyway.

15/20


  ~

cryptika
Ice Cream


  I laughed out loud because I’ve used the “I’m not ___; I’m a realist” line so much. I like this scene because of the small things like the boy pressing his nose against the window. Again, I wish I would have increased the word limit because this has potential as a longer piece. The ash falling down, etc etc. I would like to read more description as far as the setting goes, and I’d really like to read this as an extended piece.

16/20


  ~

Cearo
Paper Snowflake


  I like this. I can see it as a great beginning to a longer piece, which, if this were a real contest, would hopefully be the actual myth of snow. I like the characters of the Teller, taking his time with each breath, each movement. The actions not only give more solidity to his age, but taken further, show a sort of tiredness and sadness over the current state of his world. Very well done.

18/20


  ~

Kenewbie
Thirteen Things You Probably Didn't Know About Snow


  This sounds exactly like an essay. After about the second paragraph, I was wondering when the twist would come in to make it a myth or even somewhat of a fiction piece. I’m afraid this piece, while being technically sound, didn’t place in the other categories because it doesn’t really follow the prompt at all. This reminded me entirely too much of reading a school textbook, which made me even less enamoured with it.

10/20


  ~

swift84
Snow of Our God


  Like others, you are at a slight disadvantage because I’ve read too many entires about little children sitting on their grandparent’s lap to hear a story. However, I try to always let pieces stand on their own. I like the addition of the little details like the eye drops, which I understand can be hard to put in with such a limited word count. I would have liked this to be more on the myth side of things and feel it could have been if you had stepped back from the characters and more towards the actual story of snow.

11/20


  ~

desertwriter
The Myth


  This isn’t quite what I was looking for when I picked the prompt, but I do like it. I like the use of snow as a renewal method for the earth that doesn’t happen but once in a great while. You made good use of the limited word count, and the piece seems technically good with one read.

16/20


  ~

Murdershewrote2005
Until the Snow Falls


  My first nitpick would be to format it so it’s easier to read, but I won’t deduct for that. It’s more a matter of preference than anything else. There were a few technical mistakes – you know how I am about commas – and the use of a letter is an original and interesting one. However, this is in no way a myth and barely mentions snow. I like the ending, but if someone didn’t know the prompt for this, the reader might find it strange she signed off “until the snow falls.” The piece is sweet, but it doesn’t fit the prompt entirely well.

12/20


  ~

Foxee
Air Time


  I found this amusing and original. I wouldn’t have made the connection that if we didn’t have snow, we might try to do similar activities in mud. The angle of the announcers was a good choice because they tend to have an enthusiasm which draws in people, if but for a moment – all you need to get your reader hooked in.

19/20


  ~

Eggo
Cool Dark  Caves


  I’m a bit iffy on this one given myth of snow would be inspired by the fact it doesn’t exist any longer rather than the fact human beings are trapped beneath tons of it. You’d think, anyway, but I guess not! It’s a very unique take on the prompt and not something I was at all expecting. I recommend one more thorough proofread.

16/20


  ~

Hodge
Snow: History of


  You had me at the near advisory against the “what must be poisonous” yellow snow. While this comes in essay form, this actually fits to the prompt as telling not only the story of snow but events surrounding times when snow existed. I found it quite amusing and laughed out loud several times. You called it very close with the word count given it’s 503 excluding the title, but I did check, and I did say that five or less words over is okay due to the quirks of different word programs. You could very well be under the limit on your word program. Very well done and thank you for the laugh.

20/20


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## Foxee (Jan 17, 2007)

Thank you, Silverwriter, Wyndstar, TsuTseQ, Hawke, and Chris Miller for the time that you took over these. I really enjoy reading the judges' feedback on all the stories.

=D>

(uh oh...I used an emoticon! *hides*)


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## Hodge (Jan 18, 2007)

Sweet! I won! Thank you, judges, for taking the time to read through all 17 entries and judge them. I know how much of a pain in the ass it is... Anyone who wants to come up to Juneau I'll treat to snowcones.


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## kenewbie (Jan 18, 2007)

Thank you for the feedback. I'll make sure I read the description better next time 

k


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## silverwriter (Jan 18, 2007)

Hodge - Just not yellow ones, okay?


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## seawings (Jan 18, 2007)

My thanks and appreciation to all the judges, it can't be easy to read that many stories and evaluate them. I realized that my story wasn't mystical after I had written and submitted the entry. In any case I appreciate the kind works and I will read the instructions more carefully on the next entry. I really enjoyed the experience!


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## TsuTseQ (Jan 18, 2007)

Well, swift84. It seems your soft-core story was more subtle than I thought. Perhaps I should score you at a 1 instead.


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## silverwriter (Jan 18, 2007)

Perhaps you'd care to explain things to me in PM, Tsu.


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## eggo (Jan 18, 2007)

Hey Guys,

I wanted to thank the judges for their time and trouble of reading and rating these stories with all the ups and downs around here lately.

Hey Chris,


> Funny how a number of these are in the form of stories being told by oldsters to youngsters.


 
Perhaps I wasn't amongst the few when I read this the instructions,



> Either you love it or you hate it, but if you live in certain parts of the world, it's there whether you like it or not. With global warming, the idea of winters with no snow in places there was always snow becomes more prominant.
> 
> *Imagine a time when snow is just a myth grandparents tell their grandchildren.* Write me that myth


.

I took this (as well as a few others) as a literal prompt.I can see where other may have viewed it as subjective. Either way the story came right into my head after I read the prompt, lol.

Hey Hawke,



> What do they eat? Just curious. Thank you.


 
The non-believers, obviously. How about yellow snow?

Hey Wyndy,




> Did I miss the definition of Intuits somewhere along the way?


Sorry, I kind of threw the word out there. They are Eskimos. 


Had a great time as always. Great prompt and good job running things Silver
(just saw the sig, lol)

Congrats winners! Story was excellent Hodge.

Looking forward to the next one.

Pete


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## silverwriter (Jan 18, 2007)

I apologize for the confusion. The first sentence you bolded was supposed to be a sort of get your mind going for what I really wanted - "Write me that myth."


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## TsuTseQ (Jan 19, 2007)

silverwriter said:
			
		

> Perhaps you'd care to explain things to me in PM, Tsu.


The PM is waiting for you.


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## silverwriter (Jan 19, 2007)

I'm frankly amazed I didn't realize. Thank you for pointing it out.


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## gohn67 (Jan 19, 2007)

I can see why you gave it a zero, TTQ.


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## Chris Miller (Jan 19, 2007)

I can see why too, though feel it might be over-exercising thematic biases.  It wasn't badly written and certainly had its mythological elements, like it or not.  Or would you rather god had just sneezed?


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## Fantasy of You (Jan 19, 2007)

A zero seemed pretty harsh to me. It's pretty hard to stay objective, and I suppose part of the judging concept is that part of it _is_ subjective, but as Chris said it was well written, and its only flaw was its execution... 

Thanks to the judges for ignoring the bribes I sent you. That was the real test, and you all passed!


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## Swift84 (Jan 19, 2007)

I guess writing an unconventional snow story gets me a zero because it ruffled the judge's moral conscience. How cute.

Thanks to the four judges who aren't idiots.


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## Fantasy of You (Jan 19, 2007)

> I guess writing an unconventional snow story gets me a zero because it ruffled the judge's moral conscience.


 Sometimes the fault isn't in the reader, Swift.


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## Swift84 (Jan 19, 2007)

I'm impressed that everyone on this site provides articulate criticisms instead of feeble generalities.


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## silverwriter (Jan 19, 2007)

Though I can't lock this thread, I would appreciate it if no one posted on the matter anymore. While it's okay to talk about the scores, it is in no way right to insult any judges who took the time on a volunteer basis to read your work.

Thank you.


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## rboy27 (Jan 19, 2007)

Personally Swift, I liked your story. You have to admit though, it was a little over the top and gross, especially saying that people would eat "the white stuff". I don't think a zero was called for at all. It's really more satirical than anything. In fact, yours was the mosy unique because pretty much everyone else wrote about the myth being told in the future, but yours was actually in the past. I love the idea of a dirty old grandfather telling such a sick and twisted representation of where snow comes from.

It was certainly edgy, not groundbreakingly so, but edgy none the less. A lot of people wouldn't find a piece such as yours worthy of publishable, serious literature, but that's the same in every art form, be it painting, music, or otherwise.

Edit: Sorry silverwriter, I was typing the above message the same time you posted. I'll shut up now.


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## silverwriter (Jan 19, 2007)

It's okay. Nothing further about it, though. Please.


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## Kane (Jan 22, 2007)

I was compelled to come read the story because of the debate thread.  You gave the guy a 0 because the content of his story offended you.  As a writer, I think that's more disgusting than anything he could have written.  Because you gave him a 0 based on obvious bias, it makes me wonder as to the validity of the other scores given.


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## silverwriter (Jan 22, 2007)

Please take any comments into the debate thread started on the subject.


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## MrPenguin589 (Jan 29, 2007)

Wow, I actually did better than I thought I would!
:-D


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## cryptika (Jan 30, 2007)

Thanks to all the judges for reading and commenting. Looking forward to the next one.


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