# Life



## Sonata (Jul 5, 2015)

Life is crap
has been for
so many years

It will never
 get better
as that is how
it is

I am not a poet
verse I know not
but I write as I am

Like it or not


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jul 5, 2015)

That is the basic thought, follow it up. The alternative to life is always with us, and ultimately awaits us all, but we still shun it, even in the most dire of circumstances; ergo, life is better than the alternative.
There are then all sorts of things that might follow on, memories of abilities one once had, as opposed to the abilities one intends to develop, that sort of thing. Look outside the immediate self, that is a teenager's trick and why they so often see the world as dark and imposing, communication is a two way process even in a poem written by one. 
'that is how it is' is almost never true, certainly not of human affairs, they are continuously changing and stop only with the passing of life, but is that scarey, simply how it is, or the just and right way for the world to be ?
Poetry is about exploring the imponderables, not simply stating 'facts', dig a little deeper.

 (I will get there Olly. Maybe not today or next week, but I will get there).


----------



## Harper J. Cole (Jul 5, 2015)

Things can get better when you least expect it, I hope that happens for you Sonata.


----------



## escorial (Jul 5, 2015)

short,direct and yeah


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jul 5, 2015)

The other thing, edit and punctuate. It is short, but there are a lot of words without which the meaning does not change;

Life is crap,
has been for years

It will never
get better.

No poet, I write as I am,
Like it or not.

You could say 'as that is how it is' adds a philosophical  element, but without any development or explanation of it that is dubious, little more than 'it is what it is'.


----------



## Sonata (Jul 5, 2015)

Olly, I know how you are trying to teach me and I really do appreciate it, but my words come from my head and my head does not think of punctuation.

Life is  crap and it is never going to get better for me.  I have known that for a very long time and it does not matter how correct or incorrect my "poetry" is because it will not change anything.

I write as I feel.  I write as I am. 

And if I do not write as me, then I am not me, am I.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 5, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Olly, I know how you are trying to teach me and I really do appreciate it, but my words come from my head and my head does not think of punctuation.
> 
> Life is  crap and it is never going to get better for me.  I have known that for a very long time and it does not matter how correct or incorrect my "poetry" is because it will not change anything.
> 
> ...






lol... Sonata... you WOULD still be you... because the things you write about are your personal life experiences... They would just be presented in a ... different, more powerful way...but STILL you... you , your personality would still shine through... hope this helps... Peace...


----------



## aj47 (Jul 5, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Life is crap
> has been for
> so many years
> 
> ...



I believe Olly suggested punctuation.  I have to agree.  Without punctuation, all we have to go on is line-breaks for pauses and that causes the piece to be disjointed.  Also, like Yoda you speak in the third stanza.  Since you insist that English is your native language, the inversion is even more glaring.


----------



## Kyle R (Jul 5, 2015)

Olly Buckle said:


> The other thing, edit and punctuate.



Personally, I like Sonata's original version. The meaning is clear (to me) and shows her individual style as well.

In my opinion, one doesn't need to punctuate (nor use correct grammar) in poetry—one only needs to express oneself.

Consider this excerpt from E.E. Cummings:
anyone lived in a pretty how town​(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did. ...
​
:encouragement:


----------



## Nellie (Jul 5, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Olly, I know how you are trying to teach me and I really do appreciate it, but my words come from my head and my head does not think of punctuation.
> 
> Life is  crap and it is never going to get better for me.  I have known that for a very long time and it does not matter how correct or incorrect my "poetry" is because it will not change anything.
> 
> ...



Do your words really come from your _head_, or do they come from your _heart_? It seems like you're writing about your 'feelings' from your _heart_, but your words do come from your head.

Some of us do have a life of crap and know it isn't going to get better, but that does not mean there is no room for improvement in our literary work. We just need to be willing to accept other's POV and we can continue writing as we feel. We can still write what we feel. You will still be you. 

Keep on writing.........


----------



## Anari (Jul 5, 2015)

Sonata...My life is also crap. Has been, it seems like forever. BUT, there are bright spots if you watch for them. My dogs, my daughter and my sister who lives so far away. Thank G*d for the phone and Skype!


----------



## Darkkin (Jul 5, 2015)

Life is what we make of it.  Is it fair?  No, yet somehow, we're still here, moving forward.  It is the true of the human condition, progress, finding joy in spite of ourselves.


----------



## Sonata (Jul 5, 2015)

astroannie said:


> I believe Olly suggested punctuation.  I have to agree.  Without punctuation, all we have to go on is line-breaks for pauses and that causes the piece to be disjointed.  Also, like Yoda you speak in the third stanza.  Since you insist that English is your native language, the inversion is even more glaring.



As I do not have the slightest idea who or what Yoda is, how can I be compared to it, whatever it is.

And yes, English *IS* my native language.  I was born at 7.20am [I know the time as I am a twin, and multiples always have the time of birth on their birth certificate] at Bushey Maternity Hospital, Watford, Hertfordshire England.  On 13 March 1942.

So I am not "insisting" that English is my native language.  It *IS.*


----------



## Anari (Jul 5, 2015)

Yoda is a very wise old boy from the Star Wars movies which came out after you moved to Israel. They are still quite popular today. I've been a fan of that and Star Trek since they were new.


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jul 5, 2015)

Yoda was a character in a movie called 'Star wars', he was supposed to have powers, remember 'may the force be with you' ? Anyway, to make him seem more mystical or something they made him say things like 'verse I know not', rather than 'I do not know verse'; the everyday way. I am a bit old school, I call it 'Poetic talk', like using 'thou art'. Some people really like it and use it all the time, they are actually among the small group of poets who make money from their work, they write a particular style of greetings card. Personally I don't find it offensive, it often signifies an attempt to be poetic, which at least shows willingness. The trouble is it often stops there, the , would be, poet feels they have done the job by making an elegant twist, when they have not, making an elegant twist is what happens about half way through a sonnet and then again at the end. A concept expressed, the twist given to it and then a final two line couplet which unites the parts and sums it up; now that's poetry.

I am not for one moment suggesting that any of us could go away and write that sort of thing competently just like that, any more than we could play a Mozart horn concerto, it takes understanding and a lot of practice, but, like the horn concerto, we can listen to it, and it can bring a lot of pleasure. There are famous actors reading well known poems on utube, or there is me reading on my website if you click on the link below, there is the full range on the internet  The 'read, read, read' advice is often given to prose writers, not so much to poets strangely.

Of course you have to learn to read with a critical, analytical eye, but then when that comes my experience is that the more I learn about writing the more I appreciate good writing for what it is, one of my great pleasures in life.

Life may not be wonderful, but life is what it is. I was wild and reckless as a young man and didn't change all that much until I was sixty or so when a series of accidents and a chronic immune disease forced change on my life, I couldn't do any of the things that made a large part of my life, so I wrote a lot of short stories and stuff and gathered them in a book, and made a website with my friend's help, inbetween I read a lot and listened to a lot of radio3. Instead of saying 'life is crap' I enjoyed myself. I haven't managed everything I set out to do, there are at least three books need finishing off and publishing, and I have so far failed to establish myself in the storytelling fraternity, I enjoy doing that with a live audience, you have to be really on the ball and in touch with them to keep it all going, anyway, I have had a few experiences, but not like I would like, so there is always something. I have the internet, I have some mobility, and although the world is not the 'Age of aquarius' some people told us it would be in the sixties, (I never believed them) it is a lot better than when you and I were born and the light of civilization had been extinguished right across Europe.


----------



## Mesafalcon (Jul 6, 2015)

Life _is_ crap...

but you can change it - is what they say...

and they are right... it just takes an F**k load of effort and self discipline to change. 

Which is the problem for most of us.


----------



## Sonata (Jul 6, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> Life _is_ crap...
> 
> but you can change it - is what they say...
> 
> ...



Unfortunately spinal cord damage caused by a broken neck and broken back can not be changed, however much effort and self discipline I use.  Neither can the fact that due to spinal cord damage I have Cauda Equina Syndrome.  And no amount of effort and self discipline will change that.

I can, and do cope with life being a permanent wheelie, as do many others, even though I have no help due to certain circumstances.  

Life IS cr@p - especially when I went to the little store across the road, in my electric wheels, and as I was waiting for my things to go through the till I realised why people were keeping well away from me.

Do you honestly think that effort and self discipline can change that?


----------



## Mesafalcon (Jul 6, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Do you honestly think that effort and self discipline can change that?



No, it can't. I was unaware of that situation. 

I was thinking more in terms of relationships, work situation, place you are living and the type of things people usually complain about and do little to change.


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jul 6, 2015)

The physical reality and the mental attitude are different things, my friend Meralee broke her spine in a motorcycle accident and was one of the most positive, vibrant people I ever knew.


----------



## Sonata (Jul 6, 2015)

Olly Buckle said:


> The physical reality and the mental attitude are different things, my friend Meralee broke her spine in a motorcycle accident and was one of the most positive, vibrant people I ever knew.



And did she end up with Cauda Equina Syndrome where she was terrified to go out because of messing herself all the time?

Please do NOT compare me with your friend.  We are not the same.


----------



## Nellie (Jul 6, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Unfortunately spinal cord damage caused by a broken neck and broken back can not be changed, however much effort and self discipline I use.  Neither can the fact that due to spinal cord damage I have Cauda Equina Syndrome.  And no amount of effort and self discipline will change that.
> 
> I can, and do cope with life being a permanent wheelie, as do many others, even though I have no help due to certain circumstances.
> 
> ...



Sonata, I don't have a broken neck nor do I need a wheelchair, but if you read this month's CatFish Soup forum, you will see my story. We all have challenges, some more than others. I've been in places before and fell down, shaking, seizing, and folks, even my children, thought I was dying. That is what brain injuries can do. People would shy away from me when I would have a bad seizure in public. And my memory and word finding process is bad at times, too. Plus NO driving for an adult is a big time insult!! So after years of therapy and finding new ways to cope, I decided I can keep on going, despite what life has given me and changed for me. Is it easy? NO! But, self-disiplince and self-motivation can change you. The BIG question is: Do YOU WANT to change your way of thinking?

Nothing will change the facts of my brain injury and other injuries due to some of the seizures I have encountered since, but, my sense of self had to change. I had to take it head on and face reality. Being honest is a beginning............


----------



## Nellie (Jul 6, 2015)

Sonata said:


> And did she end up with Cauda Equina Syndrome where she was terrified to go out because of messing herself all the time?



Sometimes I would be terrified of going out because I was terrified of having a seizure.


----------



## Sonata (Jul 6, 2015)

Nellie, I can understand and appreciate that, even though it was the fact that I was terrified to go out because of leaving Pereg.  But for me, the main reason is that I am terrified to go out because I have no bowel and bladder control, and I do not even know when it happens. 

I was at the dentist some years back and the dental nurse said "I am getting out of here, that patient has just messed herself".  Needless to say I have not been back to the dentist since then, broken teeth and lost crowns notwithstanding.


----------



## Terry D (Jul 6, 2015)

Might I suggest we get this conversation back on the poem? Please.


----------



## Angel101 (Jul 6, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Life is crap
> has been for
> so many years
> 
> ...



Very sorry to hear about your life situation. However, I don't understand the need to post something on a public forum for critique then shrug off every critique you get. Not one person here could have guessed _what _sucks. When I read this, I assumed that it came from a whiny teenager. Reading your posts below, I realize that is not the case, and I feel bad about my initial assumption. However, that's not really a failure on my part. There is no indication of physical hardship in this piece of writing. Instead of saying life sucks, give us images of what sucks. Without any poetic device outside of line breaks, this just doesn't do anything as a piece of writing. I found your follow-up posts much more compelling than the poem. 

The biggest problem here is not the punctuation. My suggestion would be to completely rewrite this and really go for it. Your life sucks, and you're pissed. You can't change it. Take it out on the poem. Really, let it have it. Every agonizing image you have to deal with every day, put that here. Give the reader something to feel and connect with. You may not feel you have control of your life, but you can take control of the poem. Use your emotions to your advantage.


----------



## Olly Buckle (Jul 6, 2015)

Sonata said:


> And did she end up with Cauda Equina Syndrome where she was terrified to go out because of messing herself all the time?
> 
> Please do NOT compare me with your friend.  We are not the same.



No comparison, an example. Sorry Terry, quite right, let's stick to poetry.


----------

