# This Darling World (Flash Fiction)



## MrTickle (Aug 30, 2016)

*This is a piece of flash fiction that is open to interpretation. *


Fleeting tides and folding skies, there’s a rough diamond in their eyes.

This darling world needs a twin sister.

They send an Inspector across their map, and he pushes his way out of an addicts scab.

He leaves the druggie dead in a cave, in the Mojave.

He wonders the desert road. Looking for brains to wring and mould.

He’s got all the parts back home, spread out like a puzzle in the fields, the jigsaw pattern remains unrevealed. 

This darling world needs to be fixed.

In Sandy Station Motel there’s a room full of sin. The walls are sweating. Ruby’s bruised and her thighs chaffing. She’s the visitors painting. 

But the Inspector is adding his own brushstrokes. He splits open her head on the bedside table and stews her brains for good chemical balance. He feeds it to the dog and it goes crazy and runs into the desert. The bowl of Ruby’s broken brain tissue spinning on the desert floor.

This darling world ain’t got what it takes.

The Inspector pulls in his metal rope, tired travellers hanging on for hope. He cracks another head and finds the secrets of the universe, but this brain also has a leaky pipe.

This darling world is full of black and white.

The Inspector crawls into the veins of a young alcoholic. And back to his planet of Plight.


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## Deleted member 59879 (Aug 30, 2016)

Wow. What a poem.  Very clever and it took me for a great ride.  It blows the mind open which is just the thing for the topic.  Well done if I may so patronisingly say.  Could I suggest one thing, that you keep the lines shorter.  There are many chances to do this and it would work precisely because you have punctuated. The punctuation by itself would create requisite pauses.


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## MrTickle (Aug 30, 2016)

Wow thanks TaniAliya! I'm really glad you liked it and appreciate the kind words. I will definitely make the lines shorter 

thanks again!


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## Agrippa91 (Aug 30, 2016)

I like it! I was expecting something more "story-like," actually, but was pleasantly surprised that it reads like a poem. 

I agree that the lines need to be a bit shorter at some points. But aside from that, I found myself wanting some type of refrain -- this kind of reminds me of a song, or at least a lyrical poem. 

"This darling world is full of black and white" would serve as a good refrain that captures the tone and imagery of the poem. That said, I totally understand that it might be hard to change around the lines and edit the piece in order to insert that line ... at the same time, I don't know -- I can't put my finger on it -- but I think such a refrain would go well with the imagery of the piece. 

A final word: I think the piece might be a bit _too _open to interpretation. It has a personal meaning to you, but to the reader, it is a bit hard to understand exactly what is being conveyed. At first I thought the Inspector was some type of detective, but then this line both confused and intrigued me: "But the Inspector is adding his own brushstrokes. He splits open her head on the bedside table and stews her brains for good chemical balance. He feeds it to the dog and it goes crazy and runs into the desert. The bowl of Ruby’s broken brain tissue spinning on the desert floor."

Awesome piece overall though with a ton of potential. Great job!


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## escorial (Aug 31, 2016)

a nice piece of proetry....look forward to reading similar stuff


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## MrTickle (Aug 31, 2016)

Thanks guys! I really appreciate that you liked the style. I've finally found a style that feels comfortable to me, in that I mix poetry and prose together. I know it may seem like I'm trying to be clever, but it's the way I find easiest to express the story in my head.

thanks again!


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## escorial (Aug 31, 2016)

proetry often brings the mind closest to writing without limits..cool you found your style....


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## MrTickle (Aug 31, 2016)

Thanks Escorial!


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## Agrippa91 (Aug 31, 2016)

escorial said:


> proetry often brings the mind closest to writing without limits..cool you found your style....



So true. Even outlining stories / essays in poetry can be really helpful in terms of altering your mindset and expanding ideas. 

Great job again, OP!


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## MrTickle (Aug 31, 2016)

Thanks agrippa91. I like mysteries, I'm a very intuitive and perceptive person by nature and like stories or movies that make you feel them rather than point a finger at the story and go "yeah, that's what it is."


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## shivanib (Sep 1, 2016)

Wow! Nice piece. I feel like I need to take this one back to English class..


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## MrTickle (Sep 1, 2016)

Wow thanks shivanib! You can take it anywhere you want ;-)


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## Bard_Daniel (Sep 1, 2016)

Hey Mr. Tickle. I liked this piece! It's a good form of what I think of as prose poetry-- like you've mentioned. It left me guessing in a good way and it had some great lines.

Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work!


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## MrTickle (Sep 2, 2016)

Thanks Danielstj! I appreciate the kind words


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## hghwriting (Sep 27, 2016)

Man oh man was that good. Do you have any more writing in similar style? Pls post if you do!
Keep it up!


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## MrTickle (Sep 28, 2016)

Thanks hghwriting! I really appreciate the very kind words. I don't have many others in similar style, but there are plenty im working on that are the same so hopefully soon I will have something


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