# If Only



## Chesters Daughter (May 28, 2011)

If only I had taken
a snapshot
every time she smiled,
my walls would be adorned
with her abundant beauty.

If only I had hugged her
every time I had the urge,
these empty arms 
would not seem so useless.

If only I had truly listened
every time she spoke,
the wisdom of her words
would still echo in my ears.

If only I had lingered
just a little longer
in that sterile room
where machines sustained
her failing body,
she would not have died 
alone.

If only Death 
could have been coaxed 
to a bargaining table 
and convinced to accept 
a bribe to relinquish
its steadfast hold
on her soul.

If only I could embrace her
just once more
to whisper an apology
for everything I'd done
and all we never accomplished.

i-f-o-n-l-y-
six innocent letters
arranged just so
by some sick sadist
so long ago
to create an ingenious
torture device
that will survive 
until the end of time
destroying the lives
of those left behind.


In light of recent revelations, I thought this piece would be topical. Unfortunately, it was swept away in the cleanse, so I had to repost in order to share.


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## lover (May 28, 2011)

I quite like this piece, especially the last stanza. This stanza could stand alone and make an excellent short. Only a thought.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Lover


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## Chiefspider (May 28, 2011)

vary nice, and I agree with the above, last stanza was amazing keep up the good work!


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## Chesters Daughter (May 30, 2011)

Dear Lover, It's been too long a while, I'm glad to see you back. Elated you enjoyed the piece. If I remember correctly, some of your pieces were very clever snippets, unfortunately, I'm too much of a blabbermouth to be brief. I do agree with you 100%, though, the final stanza is the bottom line and would stand pretty well on its own. Thank you, I never realized it could before you said so. 


Dear Chief, Danke, hon, truly appreciated. I'll make a deal with you, I'll keep up the good work as long as you do so right along side me. You're coming into your own, and it is a distinct honor to be a witness to your continuing success.

My sincere thanks to you both, this piece means a great deal to me.

Best,
Lisa

Note: There are a great number of pieces on the board that I need to respond to, please don't feel neglected. My on-time is short today, my daughter needs the computer for school work. I should be able to catch up with everything tomorrow, so don the hazmat suits my pretties. *cackles while vigorously rubbing hands*


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## Nellie (May 30, 2011)

Lisa,

What a wonderful work of art. The whole poem hits home for me with what I've been going through these past 6 months.



> to create an ingenious
> torture device
> that will survive
> until the end of time
> ...



IMO, this is what those devices to keep people alive (like they are doing with my father) are, torture devices......... as we have to watch him wrestling for each and every breath and keep cleaning his kidneys 4 hours, 3 days a week, only to see him exhausted and wanting to close his eyes forever. If only..........


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## SilverMoon (May 30, 2011)

Lisa, this is one of your most moving pieces, so well executed and a theme I believe most of us adults can relate to. If only we had done more.

As you know my dear uncle passed last year. I wanted to write a poem for him. Just for him. I think of all the poems we shared with each other. Maybe just two days of work which would have lasted in his memory a long time before he died. But then I remind myself of the times I made him laugh, think, feel wanted as the rest of the family could give a hoot about a man in his 90's.

So, your poem reached me very deeply. It's one I'll be reading again.

I thought this was brilliant.



> i-f-o-n-l-y-
> six innocent letters
> arranged just so


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## Squalid Glass (May 30, 2011)

I actually thought the last stanza was unnecessary. I thought ending the piece right before it would have been more powerful. End on an image instead of exposition.

Regardless, I really enjoyed this piece. Very moving.


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## scott777ab777 (May 30, 2011)

This poem reminds me of my heroine.  My Grandmother.  I truly do miss her. Thanks for making me cry. Very nice poem and emotion evoking.


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## Firemajic (May 30, 2011)

Lisa-you KNOW I love it-and you know why...Dammit Girl you just made me cry...


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## toddm (May 30, 2011)

Lisa - this is a very moving piece of writing, the whole poem is great from beginning to end - the first two stanzas especially made me think to value the time I have with my two very young children, and savor the moments we have - and take nothing for granted - 

I like the use of the recurring phrase, which grew in meaning as the piece went along - the 4th stanza really makes an impact, and makes the reader really pay attention and tread softly -

---todd


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## Nenada (May 31, 2011)

Lisa I really adored this, it's got a very raw grief to it and I felt as though I were following a distraught train of mind trying to find the logic in such a sad event.  A lot of guilt on the shoulders of this narrator, I like the use of 'I'- puts me in mind of suvivors guilt, those left behind.  I do feel that the last stanza slightly jars with the bulk of the poem because of the change from 'I', it's brilliant and as emotional as the others but I agree with Squalid Glass, it could stand on it's own.  But that's just personal preference on my part.

Really beautifully done.


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## Lady S (May 31, 2011)

This brought a tear to my eye, Lisa.  I have to agree with Squalid Glass that it would be more powerful sans the last stanza.  Such a moving piece of work, indeed.

Vicki


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## Isaiah Lake (May 31, 2011)

Well done. You have done a marvelous job of capturing the emotion behind "if only".

Cheifspider, I can't help noticing your continuous misspelling of "very". The word "vary" is used for something with variation.


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## candid petunia (Jun 9, 2011)

Beautiful, Lisa. Very moving.


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## Chesters Daughter (Jun 9, 2011)

Dear Cindy, I am sorry to hear of your father's illness. I will be praying for continued strength for you. If only is a torture device no matter what it's applied to, I used death, but the darn thing knows no boundaries. Hang in there, love, and thank you for taking a few precious moments to share with me and for the kindness of your words.


Dear Law, If I made you think of John and the good times, then this is truly a success. This was written before I learned to stop dwelling, now it's only the good times I dwell on. One must move on or succumb to becoming the living dead. I chose life as Mom would have wanted. Thanks so much for brilliant, hesitated to use the letters that way, thought it might be too gimmicky, glad you didn't think so. 


Dear SG, No doubt you're correct, but the final stanza was written first and all the preceding stanzas were born from it. Therefore, I am too fond of it to nix it. I'm elated you were able to enjoy despite it, very moving is a great compliment, thank you.


Dear Scott, Sorry for those tears, truly I am. I dislike making people cry. I can only hope they were bittersweet and not just the byproduct of loss. Thank you so much, I am honored I could bring your Gram to mind.


Dear Jul, Actually, love, this was posted because of you so I'm thrilled it resonated with you. Sorry for those tears, though. Thanks for taking a moment to let me know how you felt, your opinion of this one was highly coveted.


Dear Todd, Thanks so much, such words mean a great deal coming from you. I love you right about now, you got the reason for the piece, if if only taught me anything, it was to cherish every moment of every day with loved ones. No one's guaranteed tomorrow. So happy the progression worked well for you. 


Dear Nenada, Just can't let go of that final stanza. It's good to know the grief is that palpable, this was written at the height of it and once penned the healing began. It was a Sunday morning with the bells from the church around the corner pealing so beautifully and I was crying. The final stanza was playing over and over in my head and "What do you regret, Lisa?" popped into my mind. Then the other stanzas came and I finally found peace, putting it into words and sharing made the hurt so much less. I am touched that it touched you.


Dear Vicki, Ugh, more tears, so sorry love. Although general consensus dictates I should remove the final stanza, I just can't get rid of what started this milestone. Thank you, love, "moving piece of work" means the world coming from you.


Dear Isaiah, Danke, hon, I'm glad you think I did a sufficient job in capturing that which those nasty six letters tormented me with.


My sincere thanks to you all for sharing a few of your precious moments with me, and again, I'm sorry for those tears.

All my best,
Lisa


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## Gumby (Jun 9, 2011)

This one is truly beautiful, Lisa. It makes me want to go hug all my loved ones, thank you for the wonderful and heartfelt reminder to not waste a moment we have.


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## Jinxi (Jun 9, 2011)

Lisa, this utterly beautiful poem of yours has left me sobbing at my machine. My mom passed 5 years ago now and your words said everything better than I have ever been able to. Thank you for such stunning writing!


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## Chesters Daughter (Jun 9, 2011)

Thank you so much my dear Cin. If I can get just one person to take the time to do what I didn't thus sparing them being tortured by if only in the future, then this piece is my most prized and valuable possession. Both you and Todd expressed a desire to do just that, the way I see it, you guys have made me the richest person on the face of the earth.

Big hugs,
Me


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## Chesters Daughter (Jun 9, 2011)

Dear Jinxi, We were posting simultaneously, so I missed you. I am so sorry you've lost your Mom, and you're so young, my heart aches for you so much. Sorry for the tears, it seems I'm making an awful lot of people cry, that makes me sad. To be honest, I used to cry every time I read this one, and I read it hundreds of times. Got that lump in my throat and then the tears would roll. Nothing entices tears like looking at your regrets nicely typed up in black and white, but because of it, I won't make those same mistakes again. I am honored that my words expressed your feelings, also. I know that I am always moved when someone writes a piece saying something that I can't put into words myself no matter how I try. It's really nice to be the mover instead of the movee for a change. I believe the experience of loss is quite similar for us all, and since I'm lousy at writing heartfelt stuff, that you were touched in turn touches me. It is you who deserves my thanks.

Best,
Lisa


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## Isaiah Lake (Jun 9, 2011)

Bitte schon


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## Trides (Jun 9, 2011)

Isaiah Lake said:


> Cheifspider, I can't help noticing your continuous misspelling of "very".


 Isaiah, I can't help noticing your one-time misspelling of Chiefspider...

Lisa:

I feel that the first four could stand on their own.

"my walls would be adorned
with her abundant beauty."
I feel like this could be condensed into one line; don't take advice from a teenager, but how about simply:
"my walls would be adorned with her beauty"?

"and all we never accomplished."
This concept is what haunts me almost daily. I haven't seen my best  friend for a long time and I keep wondering... if one of us died, would  the other be able to read the traces of brilliant ideas left behind?


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## Chiefspider (Jun 9, 2011)

hmm read it again _very_ good indeed, 

@ChestersDaughter sorry I missed your comment when I posted - I am in no way comparable to you  but thanks XD

@Isaiah ROFL I get so confused with vary/very thank for pointing it out - I'm not the bet speller (till use spell check) hehe but I now (hopefully) have the difference engraved into my mind!


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## wood (Jun 10, 2011)

if

yeah, i don't much care for that word either, it seems to be attached to everything i don't want to think about.  the way you described it as a mental torture, that was right on the money.  if only we could kill that damn if, lol.  very well written

wood


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## Isaiah Lake (Jun 10, 2011)

Trides said:


> Isaiah, I can't help noticing your one-time misspelling of Chiefspider...
> 
> Lisa:
> 
> ...


 

Touche! :lol:


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## Isaiah Lake (Jun 10, 2011)

:ChainGunSmiley: Did you guys know that this smiley is here?!?!?!?!?! Why didn't anyone tell me about this?!?


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## Trides (Jun 10, 2011)

You never asked.


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## Chesters Daughter (Jun 10, 2011)

MOD NOTE: C'mon guys, you gotta stop bumping this thread (or any other) to play, it's unfair for others' work to be pushed down prematurely. Now look what you've gone and done, made me sound like a schoolmarm. Thank you my lovelies.


Dear Isaiah, Thank you for the you're welcome, German is such a regal language.


Dear Trides, Age does not matter when it comes to input, I value your opinion just as I would that of an elderly seasoned veteran. As for abundant, three reasons, one to express the extent of her beauty, two for the aural quality (a mix of b and d consonance), and three, I needed the extra beats to maintain the flow. I broke it as I did  for the sake of flow and to allow the enjambment to pace the reader as I desired the piece to be read. As for you being haunted daily by "all we never accomplished", such deep thoughts for one so young. It is unlikely either of you will die, to dwell on such things will make you nuts before your time, worrying about the future tends to suck the life out of the present. Which brings us to "What If", but that's piece for another day. lol.


Dear Chief, Thanks for stopping by again, love. Please don't sell yourself short, your work is far better than the stuff I produced when I started out, so you're already ahead of the game. All of us are beginners at the beginning, and you're progressing ever so wonderfully. Practice makes perfect, in writing you learn. You're one to watch, that's for sure.


Dear Wood, Pleasure to have you here, sir. And I agree, I hate "if", it screws up everything. I've tried to have it stricken from the language, but no one will sign my petition, lol. If is a killer alright and I'm glad you found my torture sufficiently torturous, and very thrilled you enjoyed.

Thanks to you all for sharing your precious moments with me. And you kids play quietly, ya hear? I hate donning the Mod cap. 

All my best,
Lisa


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## jpatricklemarr (Jun 13, 2011)

Loved this piece before and love it still. I do agree with the others in that it ends better without the last stanza. Better to leave it with the longing and let the reader supply the rest.

J


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## JosephB (Jun 13, 2011)

OK -- maybe forget what said about that other poem being my favorite. Maybe not. 

These are emotions that if a person hasn't felt them at some point -- he or she will. This could be taken as fair warning, I think. 

I could go either way with the last stanza -- it would just be different, but not necessarily better without it. I think sometimes, in an effort to be subtle or oblique or more sophisticated, we do it at the expense of allowing ourselves to express things in a more straightforward way. That's not always good. It can work if it's honest.

Overall, these two poems that are going now seem much tighter, with more rhythm than some of the things I remember. Wondering if you have made an decision to simplify some. Very well done.


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## Chesters Daughter (Jun 16, 2011)

Dear Jeff, Thank you, love, I'm elated it still resonates with you however dusty. You know I never know when to shut up and tend to offer the obvious unnecessarily, it is the bane of my existence. Although general consensus dictates I should remove the final stanza, and I respect that opinion and actually agree with it,  I just can't amputate any part of this one, I'd rather cut off an appendage.


Dear Joe,  You vill (misspell intentional) chose now! I'm kidding, of course, I wouldn't want to have to pick my favorite of yours, the choice would be too hard. It's kinda sacrilegious, like voicing which kid is your favorite. lol. I love you and thank you for fair warning, for that it is. I agree with you regarding straightforwardness and honesty. Abstraction is surely more entertaining but sometimes forthright is alright, especially when it's heartfelt. I have been making a concentrated effort to minimize in certain recent efforts, but both pieces in question are old. I think when do non-fiction I keep things tighter without realizing it. My desire to include too many details in my fiction is most certainly my downfall. 

Many thanks to you both, gentlemen.

All my best,
Lisa


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## Firemajic (Sep 12, 2011)

Dear Lisa--I have been thinking of you and the poem you posted for your Mother's anniversary ....and the difficulty you had writing a new poem for her, I remembered this one---and I hope you don't mind me bringing this back...this is so beautiful and loving--the poignant longing, the stark truth written by a master craftsman...this is a brutal truth we all should remember to do daily--while we  have loved ones with us still, to take the time to let them know how very much they are loved.The truth is here in the lines of this gorgeous poem--If only....   Peace  my friend...


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## Chesters Daughter (Sep 12, 2011)

Dearest Jul, What an extremely kind and considerate gesture, I cannot thank you enough. I never even thought of this piece which shows where my head is at. I am so flattered that you remembered it and so very grateful that you revived it. This piece more reflects my feelings at the moment than Mom's Crop. When I logged on, I thought I'd taken too many meds, bells went off, "What's that doing there?" was my first reaction. Then I realized it was you who brought it back and I knew why immediately. You know me better than I know myself, many thanks, my Jul of Jewels and may God bless and keep you always.

Big hugs,
Me and Ma


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## peter6 (Sep 12, 2011)

Lisa,
Enjoyed the poem. Especially...

"If only Death 
could have been coaxed 
to a bargaining table"  

You threaded the needle keeping it real and not stepping over the line to the overtly sentimental. That isn't easy to do. I understand the last stanza is the genesis of the poem; but I think the piece would be stronger without it. 

"If only I could embrace her
just once more
to whisper an apology
for everything I'd done
and all we never accomplished."

That would be a powerful ending. Thanks for the wonderful piece.

pete


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## Chesters Daughter (Sep 13, 2011)

Dear Pete, Thanks so much, love. I have a distinct aversion for sentimentality so I usually shy away from pieces of this type. I'm glad you think I was able to pull it off without diving into mush and I really appreciate your telling me so. And again the final stanza rears it's ugly head, lol, I'd have to go back and tally, but it seems more people think I should nix it. I'm just so darn attached to the darn thing. Food for thought, a banquet, in fact. I really must weigh all the opinions again and make up my mind one way or another. I'm elated you enjoyed, hon.

Best,
Lisa


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## Nacian (Sep 13, 2011)

Beautifully rhymed and deeply moving.
Thank you for this lovley piece.


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2011)

Lisa--no need to thank me,believe me --the pleasure was all mine...
I know the feeling of attachment to a poem--'Arise my love'-a poem that I wrote has the same feeling for me. I resisted any efforts from anyone to change it--even though the changes would have polished the piece--I was to emotionally attached. Thanks again for your gorgeous poem---and for having the courage to write out and expose all of your regrets...something we all most likely struggle with--that haunting-- IF only...Peace...Jul


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## Chesters Daughter (Sep 13, 2011)

You owe me a box of tissues, all this tearing up is so unlike me. Didn't know I had any tears left. This piece came quickly, which is also unlike me, usually I might as well be extracting teeth. Getting those regrets out saved my sanity and this afforded me so much peace, I was such a mess before writing it. One of the best things I ever did was write this, and that it works for others is really wonderful. Because it was such a turning point for me, it's so hard to alter it, but general consensus must come into play. Privately, it can remain whole, publicly, it might be better if I get out the scalpel. And you, Miss Jul, most certainly deserve my thanks and then some, you've properly prepared me for tomorrow, I do believe I'll be alright this year because of you. Have I told you lately that I love you?

Big hugs,
Me


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2011)

Ditto Girl....:icon_compress::butterfly:


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## aj47 (Sep 14, 2011)

tomorrow would have been Danny's birthday.

rip daniel lockridge, my friend the devoted St. Louis Cardinals fan.


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