# Dragon Tears



## Firemajic (Jun 8, 2011)

The Dragon shook his golden scales
     and unfurled his gossamer wings ,
    The Beast in the shadows picked up his harp
    and plucked the silver strings.

  His emerald eyes now open, the Dragon
spewed out fire and smoke,
    The beast  came from the shadows 
    and put on his tattered  cloak .

    The Beast looked at the numerals
inscribed  in the palm of his hand-
    hidden therein was his power to rule over all the land.

    "It is written and so shall it be, the Dragon sadly spoke.
    you won't win this final war-some still have faith and hope"

    " The king paid the highest ransom -so his chosen ones could live-
    I will serve him 'till my death-any less I refuse  give."

    The Beast smote the Dragon- as he prepared to leave,
    he would offer salvation -only to deceive .

    A thousand years is as one day-and one day a thousand years,
    The Dragon rattled his golden chains and wept  his silver tears.


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## Trides (Jun 10, 2011)

I must say that I did not quite understand that dialogue, but nice first & last stanzas, with the repetition of gold & silver... especially the last two lines, reminding me a bit of the apocalypse...


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## toddm (Jun 11, 2011)

I love the epic nature of this - my kind of thing! Lots of good descriptors.
I do wish I knew what this "Beast" character looks like - what kind of beast is he?

A few thoughts:



Firemajic said:


> The Dragon shook his golden scales
> and unfurled his gossamer wings.
> The Beast in the shadows picked up his harp
> and plucked the silver strings. great first stanza
> ...



I love the fantasy and mythology present in this piece - maybe expand it too tell a fuller story?

---todd


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## Firemajic (Jun 11, 2011)

Trides-Thank you for reading-I was afraid this poem was obscure -This was written about the Mark of the Beast-from the book of Revelations in the Bible. I was thrilled that you mentioned the Apocalypse .
Todd-your critique was one I both dreaded and looked forward to-I have done some editing based on your suggestions -and will do more as soon as my internet cooperates-and you will see that I taken  every thing you said into consideration . I love the changes you have suggested .  There is a second part to this poem-when every thing is brought to a conclusion ...


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## toddm (Jun 19, 2011)

Firemajic said:


> Todd-your critique was one I both dreaded and looked forward to-I have done some editing based on your suggestions -and will do more as soon as my internet cooperates-and you will see that I taken every thing you said into consideration . I love the changes you have suggested . There is a second part to this poem-when every thing is brought to a conclusion ...



Don't dread my words : ) I will never be mean, but I felt that you like honest feedback so I will give it - I'm glad you found it helpful - I look forward to the 2nd part

best
---todd


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## candid petunia (Jun 19, 2011)

I don't know about the Mark of the Beast, but I loved this poem. It has a different kind of beauty to it.


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## Gumby (Jun 19, 2011)

I got a very Biblical feel from this, well done.  I look forward to the second part.


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## Trides (Jun 19, 2011)

How about this for the first line of the 2nd stanza: "The Dragon, opening emerald eyes,"
It just seems more rhythmic that way.
Also, how about:
"hidden therein was his power
to rule over all the land."


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## Trides (Jun 19, 2011)

I think I know what's happening now!
"The king paid the highest ransom" (death)
"-so his chosen ones could live-" (Harry Potter) (the heroes)
How about:
I will serve his wishes 'till my death--
any less, I refuse to give.


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## Trides (Jun 19, 2011)

Lastly... for the last line, I think you should make it present tense, as if the Dragon is still rattling his chains... for maximum effect, y'know.


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## Chesters Daughter (Jun 19, 2011)

The numbers on the Beast's palm raised a red flag immediately. This made me break out in gooseflesh, Jul, really well done, love. I'm looking forward to part two, but almost in dread, which has absolutely nothing to do with your fine writing but rather what your words will say. Post please.


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## Firemajic (Jun 19, 2011)

Todd-I do not fear your critique because I thought you would be cruel or mean-But rather because you have pushed me out of my comfort zone-made me work harder as a writer and I think I am better because of your and every one's careful and intelligent critique.I love poetry and will always strive to do it justice-I appreciate the time and effort that every one takes out of their busy lives to read and respond -I am honored.
 Candid Petunia-Thank you for your compliments.they are appreciated.
Gumby-I am thrilled you got the Biblical feel to this poem-Thank you.
Trides-I have made most of the changes you suggested-They were excellent and better served the Poem and what I was trying to convey to the reader.Thank you.
Lisa-You got every thing I was trying to say-even though most was veiled in obscurity ...I am truly honored. Thank you all-I have learned so much from all of you-The talent here is amazing-and you all have set the bar high..


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## alanmt (Jun 30, 2011)

Nice work. I like that not only is it a Revelations subject, but it maintains a Revelations feel. 

There are a few nits. sometimes there is a space between your word and your punctuation, like at the end of line 2. You left out the word "to" in "Any less I refuse [to] give"

It looks like you changed format halfway through, even though you didn't change style; The last groups of two lines still read like the first groups of four lines, just not broken down into four lines. Was this intentional? It made me a little visually confused.

The poem flows lyrically overall, with wonderful imagery, but for me it hit a bump in the following lines:



> The Beast smote the Dragon- as he prepared to leave,
> he would offer salvation -only to deceive .



The pronouns are confusing to me, and the actions. I understand that the beast smites the dragon and the dragon ends up in chains, but the rest is a bit cryptic. Probably intended to be so. I agree with Trides that present tense would be a nice touch for the last two lines.

These comments notwithstanding, I thought this was very well done!


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## Firemajic (Jul 1, 2011)

alanmt--Thank you for your kind comments about my Poem. I cannot believe that I left out a word ..I had edited that poem several times as I received feed back and my internet is so slow and I loose it completely sometimes--makes things difficult .As to why the structure is different half way through--I am really embarrassed --Thank you for catching that! As soon as I have a good internet day, I will go and correct that. Thanks again --your comments are greatly appreciated. Peace--Jul


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2011)

I have posted part 2 of this Dragon saga as I promised, Hope it all makes sense now...thank you for reading and replying,   Peace...Jul


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## feralpen (Sep 14, 2011)

'bout time we had some more dragon stuff  Aside from the biblical aspect I loved the subject and the old world feel of the poem. I try to write like this sometimes myself. Though your poem smacks of fantasy, the well grounded story enhances your write. The insight you exhibit is expressed quite remakably. I'm looking forward to part two.

fp


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## Firemajic (Sep 14, 2011)

feralpen--thank you! This was an idea that sprang from the Book of Revelations...I hope that NO one thought I was rewriting the Bible...I just took a little poetic license from there. Part 2 -Tribulations  has already been posted.  Thank you for reading and replying.   Peace...Jul

OH-thank you for the "fantasy" remark...glad you understood--definitely NOT rewriting the bible...


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## Nacian (Sep 14, 2011)

Very diamonte...Firemajic!!
Captivating and fun to read..
Very soflty written..considering there are beasts and dragons...it has humour and vivid images..loved it!!


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## Firemajic (Sep 15, 2011)

Nacian--Thank you for reading and replying, I am glad you enjoyed it.  Peace...Jul


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