# Hot Sand



## TL Murphy (Mar 14, 2018)

*Hot Sand*

I stand barefoot in hot sand,
breathing in through the soles of my feet,
breathing out through the back of my head,
gravity pulls at my obligations,
chi spirals up my leg.
I ask myself, what would it feel like to flow like heat,
to live without effort,
know nothing at all?

Before me lies the coffered sea, open to a cloudless sky,
its restless waves articulate the mystery that lies beneath…
an unbroken plane stretching from
this white sand shore to the vanishing point of perception.
What would it feel like to be that distance,
break the surface and plunge the deep,
pile atmosphere on atmosphere?

The sun falls and squashes out like a soft egg,
fulminates to a boiling sea,
wings of light – lavender and gold
melt to water, wind and fire,
a divine body reduced

            to a spec…
            a flash…

I ask myself, what would it feel like to fall forever,
witness the end and start again,
like a well with no bottom,
no walls, no water,
just fall forever through empty space?
Meanwhile the sky elaborates
on its own unbearable beauty,
and the sea offers conciliation,
in murmured words I cannot decipher.
All I can do is ask myself,
what would it feel like to stand in hot sand,
breathing in through the soles of my feet,
breathing out through the back of my head.


_published at blue skies poetry, February 2011_


----------



## Firemajic (Mar 16, 2018)

4th line of the first stanza is fierce! For me, that line is the jewel of this poem....The imagery is fabulous... 
searching for oblivion ... ?


----------



## TL Murphy (Mar 17, 2018)

Well, when you've got 3 kids, one brain injured, a hostile ex-wife, support payments, clients phoning every few minutes and your parents are dying, it all kind of piles up - if you know what I mean.


----------



## sas (Mar 17, 2018)

Yep, fierce! 

On iPad so laborious to type. Perhaps rearrange lines to bring in even more intensity through quickening the pace. Maybe:

I stand in hot sand
barefoot, breathing in
through the soles of my feet
out through the back of my head
gravity pulls obligations, chi spirals up my leg
and . . .I wonder
what would it feel like
to flow like heat
to live without effort
to know nothing
at all. 

I substituted "I wonder what" for "I ask myself"

Try to eliminate the weak end line word: "from".

This poem has great strength; great images. Just great.


----------



## ForgedinFlames (Mar 17, 2018)

To me, this poem speaks of a longing to become one with oblivion and the images do a good job of expressing that. The idea of heat makes me think of evaporating and the way it moves from the feet to head create a movement that gives me the feeling of rising into the atmosphere and becoming emptiness, free of all burdens. I love the 4th stanza. Your description of something as magnificent as the sun simply dissolving captures the message of this poem well, and I can feel the power of this instance as not simply death, but rebirth into a free form. In the line "a devine body reduced" I think you meant "a divine body reduced". Great poem!


----------



## TL Murphy (Mar 17, 2018)

Sas, I wrote this poem 9 years ago and it was published in 2011.  If I were to write it today I would write differently, but since it has been published I consider it grown up and on its own.


----------



## TL Murphy (Mar 17, 2018)

ForgedinFlames, that’s a great review. Thanks.  As both you and Firemagic have pointed out, there does seem to be a search for oblivion.  I don’t think I ever quite saw that but now that you both point it out, there is no denying it. Thanks for the heads up on the spelling error.  I can’t spell my way out of a paper bag but I trust it’s right in the published version.


----------



## TL Murphy (Mar 22, 2018)

.


----------



## jenthepen (Mar 26, 2018)

A perfect poem for me. TL. No criticism to offer.


----------



## ArianSpirit (Mar 26, 2018)

TL,
Strong opening and keeps one intrigued wanting to know more. Tough times in turn make tough people for sure! Hope things have gotten better for you since this was written and published.

~A


----------



## musichal (Mar 26, 2018)

I liked it.


----------



## Namyh (Apr 4, 2018)

TL Murphy - The story shines with great visuals. I much enjoyed the clarity. Namyh


----------



## Bloggsworth (Apr 4, 2018)

Too much "I" about it, I feel that something less egocentric, more sparing, would broaden the readership.

_Barefoot on hot sand,
drawing breath through soles of feet,
breathing out through back of head.
Gravity tugs at obligation,
chi spirals up the thigh.
To feel the flow of heat
live without effort,
know nothing at all?_


----------



## Mrcheese (Apr 5, 2018)

What's .lovely piece of poetry I really enjoyed reading this it has an usual ending but an interesting one at that


----------



## Robbie (Apr 5, 2018)

Tim, knowing this has been published I hesitate to say......that I think your last sentence is a statement and therefore does not require a question mark. I may be wrong but that is how I read it. However, the graphics are stunning. Stanza 3 is breathtaking....the ‘soft egg’....remarkable.


----------



## grimalkin (Apr 7, 2018)

I liked the vibrant images here and the expression in the lines too


----------



## TL Murphy (Apr 7, 2018)

Robbie, that question mark is a typo.  I didn't see it but have fixed it.


----------



## TL Murphy (Apr 7, 2018)

Bloggsworth said:


> Too much "I" about it, I feel that something less egocentric, more sparing, would broaden the readership.



Bloggsworth, I tend to agree with you.  I wrote this poem a long time ago and if I were to write it today it would be very different.  I was actually surprized when it was published because I don't think of it as one of my best poems.  But since it has been published, I'm not going to mess with it anymore.  Thanks

TL


----------



## Outsider (Apr 10, 2018)

I like all TL Murphy poetry it seems.  This one too is characterized by the great images and original contexts for nouns and phrases.

One question, however.  I'm confused by the way the way you repeated the standing in sand and breathing images at the beginning and end of the poem.  At the beginning the protagonist says he is standing in sand and breathing but at the end the protagonist wonders what it would feel like to do so.  Wouldn't the protagonist know because he/she has done so? or is it because the protagonist has seen the end and started again, so in this new "life" the protagonist has not been standing in sand and breathing?

(Oh, and the first thought I had when reading the part about what it would be like to be falling in space forever was that the protagonist would be really hungry.)

Regards,
Tad.


----------



## TL Murphy (Apr 10, 2018)

Thanks, Outsider. And that’s a good question.  The repetition is refrain, that’s all.  It gives the poem a musical structure.  But what you ask about the ending is really the heart of the poem.  What it is saying is: “I wonder what it feels like to be me?” Even though the speaker goes around a cycle of self discovery, he comes back to the same place and realizes there is still a lot about himself that he doesn’t know. The poem is about trying to find one’s essence. In that sense, it’s about meditation and self awareness.


----------

