# Queen of the Forest



## Firemajic (Jul 12, 2011)

Majestic  Beech ,
arms lifted high
anchored to earth, 
reaching for the sky.

Elegant of leaf,
bark and limb,
spreading shadows, 
lacy and dim.

Secrets and dreams
and things she has seen,
under her boughs 
tranquil and green.


----------



## toddm (Jul 12, 2011)

Ok, you know I'm going to like this subject you've chosen, regarding natural beauty - and you've made an admirable effort - you certainly evoke the form and details of the tree, and add some anthropomorphic elements, which I also like.
A few thoughts:



Firemajic said:


> Beautiful Beech tree, Since you call this piece Queen of the Forest, you may want to bring that in right away with this line as "Royal beech tree," - also, I am of the mind that it is better to evoke the beauty of something than to say outright, "beautiful," especially right at the beginning
> arms lifted high good
> anchored to earth, "roots delving earth" (to clarify that the arms are not anchored to earth)
> reaching for the sky. "as green-leaves sigh" (you basically already said "reaching for the sky")
> ...



I like where you heading with this one
---todd


----------



## candid petunia (Jul 13, 2011)

Beautiful! I loved your choice of words:

_anchored to earth,
reaching for the sky

spreading shadows,
lacy and dim

secrets and dreams


_Nice work.  Keep posting.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 14, 2011)

Todd !! Why did I not see that ---Show--not tell. Royal it is. I am still struggling with the word "so" in the last stanza...I want to remove it--but what to replace it with is my question. I was asked by a local artist to write very simple poems to accompany her paintings of trees--so that was my first effort. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.

Candid Petunia--Thank you for reading and replying ---thank you for your appreciation !  Peace...Jul


----------



## Bachelorette (Jul 15, 2011)

I am reminded, vaguely, of the lyrics of Nick Drake, especially in the last stanza.

Since you are comparing the tree to royalty, maybe instead of "so cool and green" you could say "gracious and green." I know that alters your thought completely, but I agree with todd, and you, that the "so" needs to go. I think of a kindly queen as being "gracious"; plus you get some nice alliteration in there to boot. Just a thought though. I was having a hard time thinking of a synonym for "cool" that was two syllables; the only thing I could come up with was "frosty". Which might work, since a beech tree has white branches, but I don't know. Just thinking "out loud" at this point, ha.


----------



## Alex (Jul 16, 2011)

Short and brilliant!


----------



## Bloggsworth (Jul 16, 2011)

Interesting that  temptation to say _royal_, bearing in mind that a queen can be nowt else. I would suggest the word *regal* would be more apposite as it refers to demeanor which is, I think, more in tune with the nature of the poem.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 16, 2011)

Bachelorette--Thank you for your critique--I removed the word "so"--I liked your suggestion to use the word "gracious " but an holding out to see if you can come up with a word that works better. 
Alex--Thank you for your kind compliment--it is appreciated .
Bloggsworth--I love the word "Regal " and I have edited that in, thank you for your help.

     Thanks to all for reading and responding.     Peace...Jul


----------



## Bachelorette (Jul 16, 2011)

Firemajic said:


> Bachelorette--Thank you for your critique--I removed the word "so"--I liked your suggestion to use the word "gracious " but an holding out to see if you can come up with a word that works better.



I busted out my Roget's for assistance... How about "breezy"? "Peaceful"? "Tranquil"?

:cat:


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 16, 2011)

Thank you Bachlorette--I edited in "Tranquil"...That is the word I was looking for! Peace...Jul


----------



## Bachelorette (Jul 16, 2011)

Sweet! Glad I could help.


----------



## Bloggsworth (Jul 16, 2011)

Sticking my twopennyworth in again - We know the beech is a tree,so no need to say it.

The Regal beech,
arms on high
anchored to earth, 
striving for the sky.


----------



## Gumby (Jul 16, 2011)

Lovely little poem, Jul, your edit is a good one.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 16, 2011)

Bloggsworth-----AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!stop messing with my head!!! Just kidding---about your 2 cents worth...you sell your self short.....I think your advice is worth at least a dime....I will give that some thought--removing the word"tree".  Thank you---I think---{still kidding!}
Gumby--Thank you-I am honored by your compliment!    Peace...Jul


----------



## Foxryder (Jul 19, 2011)

In three breathtaking lines, you've pulled a nice description of an elegant tree 'looking over' a green vegetation.That's really great, Jul. Funny I have a green cup of coffee beside me and I may just be walking into that field as about now .


----------



## toddm (Jul 20, 2011)

firemajic, I like the edit you've done - _regal _and _tranquil _work perfectly
I also bloggsworth's suggestion of removing _tree_ as it is unneeded - trim is better
---todd


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 20, 2011)

Thank you Todd- And Bloggsworth---I did remove the word "tree" and switched the word "regal " with "Majestic"...Thanks everyone for all the advice--it was listened to and appreciated .Peace...Jul


----------



## Dropkick (Jul 20, 2011)

Firemajic said:


> Majestic Beech ,
> arms lifted high
> anchored to earth,
> reaching for *the* sky.
> ...



I think 'the' needs to be removed there. That was my one and only stumble while reading this. 
Besides that, I love it. I like how...concise it is. Personally I find more beauty in short and sweet than long and descriptive.
Thank you for sharing.


----------



## WordsOfLoveSong (Jul 20, 2011)

This is amazing. I want to have nice word choice like this.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 21, 2011)

Dropkick---thank you for reading and replying, I will give strong consideration to your point about removing the word "the" as you suggested.

Wordsoflovesong--Thank you for your wonderful compliment, I am glad you enjoyed it.   Peace...Jul


----------



## feralpen (Aug 30, 2011)

You're already received many good suggestions so just let me say that I love that you have written about the beech. Oaks, cherries, cottonwoods, aspen ... all these are written about often but none can compare with the bustle of activity in the crown of a beech tree in full fruit. The jays are in heaven. Squirrels, chipmonks and wild turkey LOVE beechnuts. A sunny fall afternoon sitting in the midst of a stand of beech is one of my most pleasant indulgences. You poem is a wonderful tribute to one of my favorite trees.

fp


----------



## Chesters Daughter (Aug 30, 2011)

Would someone please kick me for missing this. Thanks for bringing it back, Feralpen. Love trees, absolutely adore this piece, it's simply lovely. Very well done, Jul.


----------



## caelum (Aug 30, 2011)

A very peaceful and pretty poem Firemajic.  Liked it a lot.  I differ with the people who wanted you to remove "tree" for redunancy's sake; redundancy is fine so long as it works as a positive.  I've often seen novels where points are repeatedly hammered home "reduntantly" for the sake of making an easy read.  And I mean literally phrases following one another saying almost the same thing, but it works.


----------



## Firemajic (Sep 3, 2011)

caelum--Thank you for reading and replying.....And I agree with the point you made about redundancy---Sometimes it works.... Peace...Jul


----------



## Prof (Sep 4, 2011)

An exceptional poem, tight and terse.  I'm glad someone brought this back.  And you had a talented editing team too. :}


----------



## Firemajic (Sep 5, 2011)

Prof---Thank you for the compliments...I thought this poem might be good---until I got feed back from the talented poets here on the forum---after listening to their thoughts and editing in their ideas--Then I knew it turned out really good. I really appreciated all of the helpful critiques .            Peace...Jul


----------



## unsunghero (Nov 14, 2011)

Choice of words was amazing. I do agree with Toddm, who said that because the title is 'Queen of the Forest' then the line 'beautiful beech tree' should become 'royal beech tree'. It just brings the title into the poem a bit more. Even though beautiful is a great descriptive word, it didnt fit in that line.

But all in all, that was a really great poem. Well done


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 14, 2011)

unsunghero--thank you so much for reading "Queen of the Forest", I appreciate your comments--and the time you put into your critique. All my best,   Peace...Jul


----------



## wacker (Nov 15, 2011)

Hello Firemajic,

I really like the simplicity of this poem. With regard to the last line "so cool and green", I noticed that you were wondering what to do about the word so. Perhaps if you just said: "Ice cool and green".

Whatever you decide to do with your poem, I am sure you will turn it into something majestic.

well done again on your poem,

Wacker


----------



## Firemajic (Nov 16, 2011)

Dear Wacker--thanks for your kind comments--I love the changes you suggested--and would have used them--had I not have edited the poem a while ago--to "tranquil and green"---thanks so much for your thoughts, all my best. Peace...Jul


----------



## River Girl (Dec 9, 2011)

Firemajic--absolutely gorgeous poem. You managed in three graceful, lyrical stanzas to personify a tree.  The third time I read it, the branches became the elegant arms of an ethereal saint (and I'm not religious), almost protecting those who lazed in her shadow while she provided solace, comfort, and a gentle ear for secrets, tears, and troubles.


----------



## Firemajic (Dec 10, 2011)

River Girl--thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on "Queen of the forest". Your comment, comparing the tree to a saint--was so cool! I never thought of it that was--but I loved it.   Thanks again for reading and commenting,you are so gracious with your compliments.  Peace...Jul


----------

