# Bi-Polar? Step up to the plate.



## SilverMoon (Sep 25, 2010)

The chic disorder. So, don't be shy. I'm on Medicare for the very reason I have this disorder and just opened a letter from the f*cking government this afternoon stating that I'm cut off from Medicare because I dissed Medicade and quickly because they could recover most all of my recent inheritance for "services rendered". Nothing is altrusitic. I've been stabilized on meds for 11 years. I've appealed for medications. But let's think about the government. Appealing? I'm a small fish and am damn tired. I will be without doctors and medications. I will say I loved being my own drug. But I know the price you pay. Comments on our "System" are welcomed. Also, anyone who wants to "come out" and share their bi-polar travels, do. I'm sure in these digs you're not the minority. Countless of brilliant, famous writers have this disorder. It tends to come along with the territory.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 25, 2010)

I find it a trifle hard to follow due to our health insurance being voluntary, although our Medicare is similar to your Medicaid. So how did you diss Medicaid? And if I understand the meaning of that word how should that disqualify you?

Do you receive mail deliveries on Saturdays? How quaint.


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## aquablue (Sep 25, 2010)

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2002. I am disabled and likely will always be. 

__


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## garza (Sep 25, 2010)

SilverMoon - I believe you are in the New York Fifth Congressional District. If so your District Representative is Gary Ackerman, Democrat, who sits on the House Financial Services Committee. You need to contact his office on Monday and explain your situation. Have all your records together so that you can answer any questions. You also need to contact your local Medicaid office on Monday and straighten out whatever problem you have there. Do not tell the people at Medicaid that you are also contacting Ackerman.


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## Edgewise (Sep 25, 2010)

Schizoaffective-depressive subtype.  I get the best of two worlds.  Delusions, hallucinations, paranoia _and_ periodic depression.  I have many tales to tell, some of which never happened outside of my own head.  One of my greatest personal achievements is escaping a two year psychotic episode mostly intact.  Still have some persistent symptoms.

Do whatever it takes to get back on your meds, Moon.  You don't sound too good right now.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 25, 2010)

*Ox *Here, Medicare covers all medications. Office visits to doctors are also covered. Though some require a co-pays because they don't accept Medicade. No biggie $. Medicade will cover hopsitilations. First time, you get a free-be. So, how did I "diss" Medicade. A colloquialsm, I'm afraid. I went through the channels of the system here (no small feat) to get written word on file and copied to me that I no longer need assistance. I should have been more clear but I wrote in a ferver. The irony. I recieved the government notice stating that I no longer qualify for Medicare because I'm no longer on Medicade. I got screwed anyway. But I'm a persistant little bitch and the phone calls begin on Monday. Forget what I said about being the "small fish". As the minutes pass I'm turning into a power house. 

Severe case of Bi-Polar qualified me for disability and no apologys. I worked hard all my life for this insurance. I consider it an early retirement. And how did I get it despite my doctors saying I would never qualify because I had no "physical injury?" I made phone calls on behalf of myself. My being my own Case Manager. People here in NY are just "paper pushers. You do what you have to. Was I unethical? Survival of the Fittest is my defence. And isn't it quaint that I received this today as I was on my way to the sound to read an interesting book sent to me by a friend here. "Women Who Run With The Wolfs. Another irony.

*Aquablue *thank you for "stepping up". The more awareness, the less stigma. And it's not a matter of being disabled for life. I will assume you are a writer. This is an innate gift no one can take away from you. "Creativity" is an "action" word. Imagine drinking seven cups of coffee before ten in the morning and you're "ready" to write. It's just that the chemicals in our our brains kinda stir things up. Hyped up. A colourful condition, my friend, not a disabitily. That's just the tag the system places on us.

*garza *BIG thanks! Ackerman's on my list to call on Monday. I'm "off" Medicade. Nothing they can do as they wanted my inheritance money in the first place. No place I'll be calling!

*Edgewise *My mother, a brilliant woman and Radcliffe graduate, was diagnosed with a Schizoaffective Disorder. And...she majored in English Lit. If I had a pinky full of her genius! I am blessed with another disorder where I experience auditory hallucinations. Congratulations on surving the psychotic experience. I'm there, too. The persistant symptoms. I've become accustomed to them. As cRaZy as that sounds. And I'm OK. Thanks. Just tired of battling the system. I just buried the most important person in my life and like I need this? I begin the grieving process and the government interupts. But amongst all this I find peace in writing. Tapping into the "all" I know and feel, managing to make it comprehensible despite the when the odds rear their ugly head.  I suppose we can all say this. That we try. It's all relative.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 25, 2010)

I agree with garza. Here, we have an Administrative Appeals Tribunal where the public can go if they believe they have been unfairly treated by a government decision. I'm sure your system would have something similar.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

Administrative Appeals Tribunal. We must have something akin. I'll search in the am. Thanks, Ox.


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## Mike (Sep 26, 2010)

One of the reasons of why I left the country. Good luck in that fight. Reaching the people in charge, who can push that big red button to fix your immediate problem, do not exist in government. Sorry.

I've never been diagnosed BiPolar, or ADHD, or ADD, or depressed - even though I was depressed for three years. I made it through without medication. There was also an instance in a college poetry class where the teacher pulled me aside and asked if I was ADD. I wasn't paying attention in class (because I didn't believe she knew anything at all about the material she was teaching). 

Anyway, in my opinion, too many people are being sold a sickness and riddled with medication. Psychiatrists and their subsequent head-doctors make mistakes in diagnosis all the time. The few people who actually do have a real problem are being overrun by all the counterfeits.

P.S. The cat I used to own years ago was definitely bipolar. I wasn't too sad when it "ran away."


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

I agree with you. The doctors just toss of terms into the diagnostic waste basket. Three years of depression without meds? Good for you. A mind over matter thing, I suppose. Strength. I went for three months without and it felt like your three years. Oh. I wish I knew your cat! And New Zealand! A long lost girlfriend lived there. The wonders I heard.


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## Mike (Sep 26, 2010)

The cat had been aptly named Grendel.


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## caelum (Sep 26, 2010)

Hey Laurie, hope things work out.  Don't know why the government's giving you a hard time.  I'd definitely complain to your congressman or whatever you got over there.


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## Danvok (Sep 26, 2010)

I've been through two psychoses connected with ridiculous amounts of marijuana and alcohol that have resulted in some very eratic behaviour. The first time I was in the psych ward it was for two or three weeks. The next time was two and a half months. I'm currently on "mood stabilizers" with a decent dose and the doctors have mentioned that they believe it could be a form of bipolar induced by drug abuse. I think Edgewise said it best that: "I have many tales to tell, some of which never happened outside of my own head."

I really do hope that things work out for you. Staying on the meds until directed is essential. Just remember: you are not alone.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

*cae *



> Don't know why the government's giving you a hard time.


 
Obama is seeking Medicare cuts that total hundreds of billions of dollars in his bid to finance the overhaul of the health-care system. But such a large cut? At the expense of the elderly and persons with mental health issues seems a bit too drastic a measure.

And thanks. Monday will be a busy morning.

*Danvok *



> doctors have mentioned that they believe it could be a form of bipolar induced by drug abuse.


 
Bi-Polar Disorder is inherited and with each passing generation the symptoms because more severe. The disorder can be "exacerbated" by drugs and alcohol, never induced. I might suggest getting a second opinion to make sure you’re getting the right medications. Lamictal is an excellent med for the condition. Never, should anyone reduce their meds without doctor supervision. I hope I didn’t mislead you by saying "I miss being my own drug". I do miss the creative high but have no intention of changing my 11 pattern of being the ideal patient! Always remaining on the meds prescribed. My complaint and fear is that my meds are being comprimised due to Medicare cuts.

Canada. Three months hospital stay? Here, that only occurred in the 70’s. Now, you’re lucky if you get three days due to bed turn over.

Yes. Edgewise put it well. Plenty of tales to tell....



> Just remember: you are not alone.


 
Thank you, Danvok.

*Mike*



> The cat had been aptly named Grendel


 
Oh. Get another one and name him Beowulf.


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## aquablue (Sep 26, 2010)

If I do not take my meds, I truly become disable...it's not a tag for me: I am disabled. My bipolar is severe sorry to say.


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## garza (Sep 26, 2010)

SilverMoon - One thing I forgot to mention. Do not invite Ackerman, or whomever on his staff you talk with, to stop by for a cup of tea sometime.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

*Aqua *Meds are also my lifeline and I, too, have a very serious case of BP. We know what we go through and, yes, we are disabled when the symptoms set in, especially when we crash, if off our meds. I hear that you feel disabled for life. I am not one to tell you how to identify yourself. And yet I'm a person on permanent disability. But I'm not a person who can go through life with the focus that I'm "disabled". It would thwart my efforts to live my life as healfully and fully as possible. 

I often hear that we are not our disorder. An example "I'm Bi-Polar" as opposed to "I'm a person with Bi-Polar Disorder. "I've learned to subsribe to the latter. It was liberating to do so. To be able to digest that "I'm a person with Bi-Polar Disorder who can write, paint, advocate for both BPD and Epilespy, run a writing group for my Epilepsy site and dance like crazy when the music moves me! A disabled person can't do that.

But we (I) "do" become disabled without medications and this is why I've had it with the government. If I loose Medicare, I loose my doctors, my meds. My fear... that I will become disabled again. Eleven years stabilized. All I can do is fight the battle. I'll not let over a decade of growth come to a disasterous hault.

And good for us!  We are in the minority of persons who remain on their meds. Glad to meet another exception to the rule! I've only met those who prefer to remain in mania and what the hell - crash. Laurie


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

garza said:
			
		

> SilverMoon - One thing I forgot to mention. Do not invite Ackerman, or whomever on his staff you talk with, to stop by for a cup of tea sometime.


I don't extend invitations to polititians unless I get a hankering to mix some arsnic in the sugar when I serve the tea platter! Thanks. I'll be careful "if" I get through. In one case, many years ago I did get put through directly to one congressman. Charm that secretary! But the rest were a flop. Oh, I'll be calling Gary, Medicare, all ready put in two emergency calls to my docs, Federation of Organization (advocacy), NAMI "Nat'l Alliance on Mental Illness (I'm a member).

garza, I can't believe the support that's going on here. Tips as to how to manage the system, people sharing their experiences, feelings. I know I brought up an edgy topic. Edgy like my work. I'm not afraid to go fringe. Well, as many still see it.

But back to tea. I like sugar "cubes" so I'll have to inject a poison. Seriously, I'll call Ackerman and let you know my findings. Thanks so much, Laurie


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Sep 26, 2010)

Can someone explain to me what exactly Bi-Polar is? I read every post in here and I think some people explained it but I still don't understand.

Is it like tourettes?


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

Hi, Ricky. No, Bi-Polor Disorder is nothing like Tourettes Syndrome. And I'm really glad you asked this question because there may be many out here who suffer from this disorder and are unaware. Bravo for the question! I hope this breaking down will easily educate you. But if you have any questions, please ask. Laurie


Bipolar Symptoms 
The primary symptoms of bipolar disorder are dramatic and unpredictable mood swings.
Mania Symptoms 
Mania symptoms may include excessive happiness, excitement, irritability, restlessness, increased energy, less need for sleep, racing thoughts, high sex drive, and a tendency to make grand and unattainable plans.
Depression Symptoms 
Depression symptoms may include sadness, anxiety, irritability, loss of energy, uncontrollable crying, change in appetite causing weight loss or gain, increased need for sleep, difficulty making decisions, and thoughts of death or suicide.

*Types*

Bipolar Types 
There are several types of bipolar disorder; all involve episodes of depression and mania to a degree. They include bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymic disorder, mixed bipolar, and rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.
Bipolar I 
A person affected by bipolar I disorder has had at least one manic episode in his or her life. A manic episode is a period of abnormally elevated mood, accompanied by abnormal behavior that disrupts life.
Bipolar II 
Bipolar II is similar to bipolar I disorder, with moods cycling between high and low over time. However, in bipolar II disorder, the "up" moods never reach full-on mania.
Rapid Cycling 
In rapid cycling, a person with bipolar disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year. About 10% to 20% of people with bipolar disorder have rapid cycling.
Mixed Bipolar 
In most forms of bipolar disorder, moods alternate between elevated and depressed over time. But with mixed bipolar disorder, a person experiences both mania and depression simultaneously or in rapid sequence.

*Complications*

Bipolar Disorder Complications 
Self-injury, often referred to as cutting, self-mutilation, or self-harm, is an injurious attempt to cope with overpowering negative emotions, such as extreme anger, anxiety, and frustration. It is usually repetitive, not a one-time act.

*Warning Signs*

Bipolar Warning Signs 
When a person's illness follows the classic pattern, diagnosing bipolar disorder is relatively easy. But bipolar disorder can be sneaky. Symptoms can defy the expected manic-depressive sequence.


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Sep 26, 2010)

Ohhh ok I get it now. Thanks for educating me. ^_^


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

Cool! Happy to educate. :read:  It lessons the stigma which I still can't believe goes on today.[-X


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## Sam (Sep 26, 2010)

Ricky, you probably know it as "manic depressive disorder". 

Laurie, sorry to hear your troubles. I've always said that we, in the UK, are spoilt by the NHS because our medication is paid for. I still can't believe that the States treat their infirm and elderly -- not to mention young and healthy people who just need a damn cough bottle -- the way they do. It's disgraceful. I hope you find a solution soon, and I admire you for hanging in there.


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Sep 26, 2010)

And I thought my sleeping troubles were bad.... =\


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

Sam W said:
			
		

> Laurie, sorry to hear your troubles. I've always said that we, in the UK, are spoilt by the NHS because our medication is paid for. I still can't believe that the States treat their infirm and elderly -- not to mention young and healthy people who just need a damn cough bottle -- the way they do. It's disgraceful. I hope you find a solution soon, and I admire you for hanging in there.


 
Sam, it is deplorable and I feel especially concerned for the elderly. Do you know the pharmacuticals fill up only have a bottle of eye drop liquid for the elderly who have Glaucoma and charge an astronomical amount of money for this small bottle? I know first hand because I was born with this geriatric disease. I fought the issue to no avail. I hope I have better luck this time. I just wrote and posted a poem titled "The Walk". The muse, the government. I haven't been able to write for months due to a family loss. Fired up the pen.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

Ricky Jalapeno said:
			
		

> And I thought my sleeping troubles were bad.... =\


 
Remember. "We each own our own pain." This was told to me by a woman who survived the Holocaust.


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## RoundEye (Sep 26, 2010)

I was cut off Medicare. I’m not bi-polar, I have Multiple Sclerosis. I have to do a shot of Rebif every 48 hours in my stomach. When you are granted SS there is a two year period before Medicaid(I get state and Federal mixed up) picks up. My medicine is $2850.00 a month. Who can afford that?


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

I never had to wait for a two year period but that point is so minor to the rest of your post. I have great "Sympatico" going on here. My Lamictal is $500.00 out of pocket. I haven't added up the other five meds yet because I know I'll find a figure close to yours. Who "can" afford that? We're at their mercy to live a quality life and to even stay alive. BPD is life threatening because of the high suicide rate. 

By the way, from one enigma to another, I like your signature! Laurie


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## RoundEye (Sep 26, 2010)

The suicide rate jumps up to 25% with people with MS. The way I see it is if the good die young, my bad ass will live forever. I ain’t going out like that. 

The paradox comes in with me, I have the doctors puzzled. They’re trying to figure out how I can still walk, even with my walker. Most people have 1, 5 or 20 lesions. I have 1000’s on my brain, brain stem and spinal column. The MS has caused me many problems, believe me.


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## Danvok (Sep 26, 2010)

RoundEye said:


> The suicide rate jumps up to 25% with people with MS. The way I see it is if the good die young, my bad ass will live forever. I ain’t going out like that.
> 
> The paradox comes in with me, I have the doctors puzzled. They’re trying to figure out how I can still walk, even with my walker. Most people have 1, 5 or 20 lesions. I have 1000’s on my brain, brain stem and spinal column. The MS has caused me many problems, believe me.


 
Damn. Were you diagnosed at birth or did this happen later in life? I'm not too up on my MS knowledge. I'm used to imagining them as bound to their wheelchairs in a deteriorating condition like Stephen Hawking.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 26, 2010)

RoundEye said:
			
		

> The suicide rate jumps up to 25% with people with MS


 
I was pretty sure that figured in but given I don't know much about MS I didn't wan't to assume.



> I have 1000’s on my brain, brain stem and spinal column. The MS has caused me many problems, believe me.


 
My God. You have my heart RoundEye. You are a true Survivor. And, no! We ain't going out like that!



> The way I see it is if the good die young, my bad ass will live forever.


 
Loving your sense of humour. What would we do without it?

And I just want to slap some women silly when they get hysterical about a broken nail!

((HUGS)) Laurie


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## Nellie (Sep 26, 2010)

SilverMoon said:


> And I just want to slap some women silly when they get hysterical about a broken nail!



I want to slap some of those women, too! I've had more things broken on me than my nail(s). I, too have a "Broken Brain", the name of a book I once read that discusses bi-polar and depressive disorders. Also a seizure disorder and Type 1 diabetes. I would be dead without my medication and insulin. 
I've got to stay married, just so I can keep insurance, but we are separated. This medicaid, medicare, pharmaceutical business is all a bunch of $$ hungry fools, ripping us off.

 My HUGS to you Laurie and RoundEye.

Cindy


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## rougette2010 (Sep 27, 2010)

I also have Bi-polar disorder. And it's really bad. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 14 years old. I've had a really stressful life. Had transplant cause mom did drugs while I was in her, mom abandoned me at three cause she didn't want to deal with all my medical issues, sexually molested when I was 2, moved from Sacromento down to Southern Ca. No one like me becuase I was strange, I was relentlessly tortured and amde fun of by all the kids and this continued until I was so miserable I wanted to kill myslef. I was hospilized, then taken out of school and put o indepentdent study. Eating disorder, adoptive mom died 2 years ago, my birth dad died 3 months ago, and now I'm in a house with my dad who doesn't support me. (emotionaly). I know the differnce when I on meds and not on meds. Not pretty. At first Medi-Care nor Medi-cal would pay for my pych drugs.  So I was out and didn't have them for three weeks. I ended up back at the hospital where I finally got them. But it's all good. Keep hope.  -Renee


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

*Renee* Your story is not that different than my own. My mother drank and idulged in barbitutes when I was in her womb and left me. She died when I was six years old. I was molested around your age. At the age of fourteen I attempted suicide (which is usually a prerequisite before onset of symtpoms.) I'm so sorry, and in such a short period of time, that you lost your adoptive mom and dad and hope you have some support system now. Oh, I know the difference between being on and off medications! I remember how I felt when I was first placed on Depacote. "Ah! So this is what it feels like to "be" in the world!" But as a side effect, my hair was falling out and quickly. I was taken off and actually cried for the loss. The prospect of really living. My medication cocktail has been working wonders but still nothing like that Depacote. I hope I can work out this Medicade problem as I don't want to wind up in the hospital again. I've been 11 years stabilized. After all that you've been through you sound remarkably together. A testament to your strength. And thanks. I always lean on hope ((Hugs)) Laurie

*Cindy* I've known what you go through for a couple of years now and always find it remarkable how you seem to know more than your doctors due to all your research. I'll have to get a hold of that book "The Broken Brain". Coping with three disorders. You know you always have my respect. Love ya.

____________________________________________

So this morning I begin my calls. Must first organize this desk. Have a breakfast, high in protien, then pop the pills which are my life line. So, I'll be busy till early afternoon.(My first call at 8:30). Please carry on and I'll update you later this afternoon. Be there for each other. Laurie


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## The Backward OX (Sep 27, 2010)

Danvok said:


> I'm not too up on my MS knowledge. I'm used to imagining them as bound to their wheelchairs in a deteriorating condition like Stephen Hawking.


 
It's unclear from your words if you believe Stephen Hawking has MS. He doesn't. He has Motor Neurone Disease (some might call it Disorder).


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

Just ready to shut down, Ox, and you had me curious. This is what Wiki reports. Sounds like a fascinating fellow.



			
				Wiki Source said:
			
		

> Hawking has a neuro-muscular dystrophy that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a condition that has progressed over the years and has left him almost completely paralysed.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 27, 2010)

SilverMoon, I was wondering what effect your disorder has on relationships. I too am flawed, although differently, and my _untreatable_ disorder makes me a less-than-easy person to live with, or, with strangers, even to interact with, in the hurly-burly world inhabited by the unflawed.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 27, 2010)

SilverMoon said:


> Just ready to shut down, Ox, and you had me curious. This is what Wiki reports. Sounds like a fascinating fellow.


 
This is really confusing. On his own website he speaks of having Motor Neurone Disease, as well as the condition Wiki reports.

Stephen W. Hawking - Disability Advice


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## garza (Sep 27, 2010)

Whatever you call the condition, I find it hard to call a person 'disabled' when he has a mind on a level with Einstein and Newton and has used that mind to full advantage. If he were truly disabled Stephen Hawking would be sitting in a dark corner somewhere feeling sorry for himself. He's not in that corner because along with brilliant mental ability he has an attitude toward himself and toward life that allows him to use that ability for the benefit of all of us. I see that same attitude displayed here by people who have problems but who are not going to let those problems stop them from living a full life.


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## Nellie (Sep 27, 2010)

ALS is also known as Lou Gehrig's disease and despite Stephen Hawking's illness, it has not captured his mind, the way some "mental illnesses can". Did anyone see the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? About a brilliant schizophrenic who went to Princeton studying mathematics. He was in and out of hospitals and still did some wonderful work and taught at MIT. They did not let their illness win.

As the saying goes.... "it's all in the head". Yep..... the neurons and neurotransmitters that don't necessarily fire correctly are all in my head.


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## Nellie (Sep 27, 2010)

Oh, and I forgot to say the professor from MIT who also taught at Princeton eventually earns a Nobel Prize in Economics in 1994 for his work on _game theory_, after all those years of hell he had been through.


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## garza (Sep 27, 2010)

You are talking about John Nash. His autobiography can be found here:

John F. Nash, Jr. - Autobiography


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

The Backward OX said:
			
		

> SilverMoon, I was wondering what effect your disorder has on relationships. I too am flawed, although differently, and my _untreatable_ disorder makes me a less-than-easy person to live with, or, with strangers, even to interact with, in the hurly-burly world inhabited by the unflawed.


 
My condition has certainly affected my relationships. An example. I had been living with my fiancé (a pillar of patience). Both deeply in love, many common interests and great plans for our future. I was unmedicated at the time and in time my moods swings were rapid cycling. I could be thoroughly amusing then decline into a raucous malevolent state. He could take no more. I lost the healthiest relationship I had ever had.

When mania reaches psychosis, you’re in real trouble. Only true friends will stick by you but even they have to withdraw for a time to catch their breaths. I have lost many friend in my life.

As to how I interacted with strangers? I had no boundaries. Would say anything to them which would cross my mind and very often I would insult them with my own special brand of wit (wittier back then.), taking delight in dumbfounding many. Let’s just say you wouldn’t want to invite me to a party! I became basically socially ostracized. It ran ruin on my life. Now, at age fifty five, I should be in a place where I am financially more secure. One of the symptoms is spending money without any sense of consequence. I should have begun investing in my late twenties.

Now, you say your condition is incurable. If all else fails for me (my quest to keep insurance in order to stay on my meds), I’ll be looking into holistic healing and diet. I hate to think of you or anyone being stuck. You might give exploring this some thought. And it “ain’t” so easy in this oh so perfect world. But if there is such a thing as perfect, it’s pretty “vanilla” for my taste. On meds, I’m no Milk toast chic. You have to be a bit crazy to be a writer. Or a perspiring one. 

Laurie ;-)


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## Sam (Sep 27, 2010)

I hope this isn't a display of levity, but I think there's a touch of bi-polar in all writers. If not that, our brains are wired differently than other people's. Now maybe I'm making a sweeping generalisation here but I think being a writer requires a certain kind of mindset. The ones I've met tend to be somewhat of loners. We shirk the everyday rituals and habits of "normal" people -- whatever a normal person is. 

Of course, it's all subjective at the end of the day. Maybe the people I think are "normal" are as crazy as I think I am.


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## Baron (Sep 27, 2010)

SilverMoon said:


> My condition has certainly affected my relationships. An example. I had been living with my fiancé (a pillar of patience). Both deeply in love, many common interests and great plans for our future. I was unmedicated at the time and in time my moods swings were rapid cycling. I could be thoroughly amusing then decline into a raucous malevolent state. He could take no more. I lost the healthiest relationship I had ever had.
> 
> When mania reaches psychosis, you’re in real trouble. Only true friends will stick by you but even they have to withdraw for a time to catch their breaths. I have lost many friend in my life.
> 
> ...



"Aspiring" works too.


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## Gumby (Sep 27, 2010)

I often find that aspiring to write only leads to perspiring for me.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

You got it, lady. :wink:


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

Baron said:
			
		

> "Aspiring" works too.


 
I'm always kidding around saying I'm a perspiring writer. Just a little play on words!


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

Sam W said:
			
		

> We shirk the everyday rituals and habits of "normal" people -- whatever a normal person is.


 
Sam, if someone were to call me "normal" I would take it as the greatest insult! Yes. There has to be a certain mindset. Wonder if neurology could shed some light? I find that I require allot of "alone time". Now, this might be innate or a product of my upbringing ..."Go straight to your room, young lady." Over and over...


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

*garza *I'll never have Gary over for tea! He no longer represents my district. Well, this is how it went this morning. I called Medicare and will need to fill out their form I “will” get a denial letter stating I no longer qualify for Medicare because I don’t have Medicade (got off Medicade ASAP upon hearing that they can recover all the money from their monetary assistance over the years because I had come into an inheritance. (I wouldn’t exactly call myself an heiress but was gifted enough money to live a life with a little less hardship.) Filling out this Medicare form and then having denial letter in hand will then allow me to begin my appeal. 

Even though it was mentioned in Ackerman’s Bio that he represents the North Shore, I was told he only represents Queens and his office referred me to Congressional Representative Timothy Bishop, who has a Congressional Aid who deals exclusively with Medicare issues. He’s sending me a letter to sign for my approval for him to contact Medicare on my behalf. Looking good so far.

I hope there are many people in my situation knocking on his door. This will only help with my appeal. I’m not giving up. Have the boxing gloves on. But one must always have a Plan B. So, I did a search for “Bi-Polar Holistic Heath”. And found plenty of information which I’ve yet to cover. An option if all else fails. I do have time. It’s not a matter of having to resolve this in two weeks. But I must get on the ball, now. Thank you, garza, for reminding me in the middle of my frenzy that I do have some power. Laurie


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## garza (Sep 27, 2010)

You are on the move, and that's good. It sounds as though you have the situation well in hand.

From what I've been reading in the U-S press, it's best not to invite any Democrat over for tea just now. Coffee, maybe, but not tea.

I'm sure I don't need to remind you of this, but be sure that when you get that letter from Bishop's aide, you sign it and get it back to him ASAP. Medicare cannot release any information or discuss your case with him in any way without your approval.


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## Danvok (Sep 27, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> It's unclear from your words if you believe Stephen Hawking has MS. He doesn't. He has Motor Neurone Disease (some might call it Disorder).


 
OH. It seems my facts were all confused.


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## SilverMoon (Sep 27, 2010)

garza said:
			
		

> it's best not to invite any Democrat over for tea just now. Coffee, maybe, but not tea.


I think they drink something else, anyway. :drunk:

Thanks, I certainly intend to expedite.


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## Daisy215 (Sep 29, 2010)

Yeah, accordiNg to some doctors I have that. According to others I'm finny. The Chicago tribune is doing a series of articles on it. Today's was struggle and hope, about faith In brain research. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?


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## gore-xx (Oct 2, 2010)

I am not bipolar, but I suffer from generalized anxiety, panic attacks, depression and OCD. Mental health disorders are not fun.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 2, 2010)

Daisy215 said:
			
		

> The Chicago tribune is doing a series of articles on it.


 
Fantastic to hear! People need to be educated. More documentaries, auto-biographies from notable people. Hell, wave some flags! People need to come out from the Dark Ages and get an understanding that Bi-Polar isn't catchy.

Daisy, now you say according to "some" doctors you have this disorder. Really, not good enough. You need to be properly diagnosed. Because B-Polar is about chemical miswiring, medication or a sound holistic practioner should be aiding you.

If I had been properly diagnosed and treated at a younger age, I would have avoided havoc being recked on my life. Now they're catching it earlier.

So, get out their girlfriend and demand a well respected doctor who can give you some answers. This is "your" life.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 2, 2010)

Hi, gore-xx. I have a close friend who has OCD and have witnessed what he goes through up close and personal. Very painful to watch. All the rituals and being overly focused on one point, issue. OCD varies with everyone. Regardless of your "particular" symptoms, I can sympathize with you.

I do know first hand the mix of depression, anxiety. I had my first panic attack in an airport last year. Didn't know what was happening to me and was terrified. So, here, I strongly empathize with you.

No. Not fun at all. I hope you are in proper medical hands. Thank you for your strength for coming out and being real.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 2, 2010)

Hi, Seattle



			
				SeattleGhostWriter said:
			
		

> I have a very rare Bi-Polar Disorder that is not covered under any type of Diagnosis that is accepted in the Psychiatric community.


 
It sounds like they have to catch up with you in the PDR. I hope that maybe you're under a specialist's care? A good idea to get your Military records to a doctor. Complicated symptoms which could be eased. I have two other diagnosis apart from Bi-Polar so I can understand the jingle jangle you must go through.

My kudos to you for speaking up. And by the way, I think you have one of the best signatures around!


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## The Backward OX (Oct 2, 2010)

Don't talk to me about early diagnosis. My flaw, mild compared to some of what I read here, went undiagnosed for 69 years. _And then I only first obtained a whiff of it on the phone from a vitamin salesgirl._ Up until that point, I just went by the label "anti-social".


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## SilverMoon (Oct 2, 2010)

Ox, I should say early diagnosis (these days, more knowledge). I'd been misdiagnosed (w/several disorders) for years up until my mid-forties. I'm fifty-five now. So, about ten years with some understanding of self and still at it. What a thing! Labeling anyone anti-social! We all are at some point. Some more than others. I'm sorry it took so long for you to get the correct diagnosis. I do know what that feels like to go through years in the dark and it makes me "very" angry with psychiatric community. As I said before earlier on in this thead, doctors are so quick to give us a label and throw us in the diagnostic wastebasket. And during this time we are clueless as to why we behave the way we do. Our lives, social interactions, terribly compromised.


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## gore-xx (Oct 2, 2010)

All in all, I can say that I am coping better now with my disorders than I ever was before. There was a point in time when I did not leave my house for 4 weeks straight, and quit my job due to my anxiety. I became severely agoraphobic; but with the help of my boyfriend and my own strength I've managed to overcome the agoraphobia. I do however still have the odd spell of anxiety or the odd panic attack, however luckily for me I don't suffer through it constantly every minute of every day. I feel sometimes like I've really gained a new appreciation for life now that I can live without being anxious and fearful during my every waking moment. See, my disorders I believe are directly impacted by a case of post traumatic stress disorder from seeing my father almost die of a heart attack some odd number of years ago. Also, combined with a history of hard drug use (chemical drugs, LSD, ecstasy, cocaine, etc); I think I have a pretty good idea of why I suffer with the disorders that I do. It's a learning curb for me though, I feel like one of the lucky ones... not meaning to ramble, but I know first hand how bad it was for me; and how every day was a struggle to keep living. Now, it's so much different; I have the greatest amound of love and appreciation for the smallest and simplest of things. I hope things improve for you, Laurie. I know we're merely acquaintances at this point, but if you ever need someone to vent or talk to, feel free to drop me a message. =]


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## SilverMoon (Oct 2, 2010)

No ramble at all, gore-ex. You're able stand back and be the Strong Objective Observer of yourself which many cannot do. The anxiety at bay? Thank God. That has to be the worst. I think maybe more than depression. At least that's how I experience it. I have PTSD, the mother-load for me 'eh? The dreams, the need to flee a trigger. After all these years, the symptoms have lessoned considerably. You "are" one of the lucky ones. You use your head, not letting labels overpower you. And thanks for the offer to chat. Good idea. Peace, Laurie


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## gore-xx (Oct 2, 2010)

Ah, I absolutely agree with you Laurie... the anxiety is far worse than the depression. I can handle being depressed, anxiety; I can't handle. I can function while being depressed, however I cannot function at all whilst experiencing anxiety. Depression is definitely the lesser of 2 evils for me. I also went through a period of time when I would flee triggers too, I went through a CBT class that taught me a lot about avoiding the urge to flee; which went a long way to preventing me from becoming agoraphobic again at the reoccurance of panic attacks. I now know that hiding in my home for weeks at a time will not stop the anxiety from happening, quite the contrary actually... I find when I'm anxious staying at home alone actually makes it worse. It's a shame mental health disorders have to exist. One oddly beautiful thing that has come from my disorders, however; are several pieces of writing. I find that most of my writing is influenced in some way or another, be it in a minor way or a major way, by my anxiety and depression.


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## caelum (Oct 2, 2010)

> I now know that hiding in my home for weeks at a time will not stop the  anxiety from happening, quite the contrary actually... I find when I'm  anxious staying at home alone actually makes it worse.


I've always found it cruelly ironic that so many fears and causes of anxiety can only be overcome by subjecting ourselves to them in real time.   Keep on keepin' on, is all I can say.  There are many people in the same boat. :salut:


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## SilverMoon (Oct 3, 2010)

> I can't get medical coverage for myself because my wife makes too much money


 
Hi, Seattle. My girlfied is going through the exact same thing. She's asked her husband for a divorce "only" because she can then get assistance. He's not to keen on the idea.



> I do believe that there are many people who do not legitimately have this, but are able to get all kinds of state assistance when I can't


 
I agree with you. Some people have the ability to manipulate themselves into the system while those who truly suffer are left without their rightful benefits. Makes me angry as hell.



> By the way, I do have the personality disorder and an adjustment disorder with withdrawal and depression.


 
I don't know what is entailed with adjustment disorder. Can you explain? The diagnosis seems to say it all but what is it that you go through?

I'm not familiar with your former signature but this one rocks! Laurie


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## SilverMoon (Oct 3, 2010)

Caelum said:
			
		

> I've always found it cruelly ironic that *so many fears and causes of anxiety can only be overcome by subjecting ourselves to them in real time.* Keep on keepin' on, is all I can say. There are many people in the same boat. :salut:


 
Hi, cae. You're actually talking about "Exposure Therapy". My girlfried was treated in this way for OCD.


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## caelum (Oct 3, 2010)

Okay, I figured there was a term/procedure for that. I read about it somewhere.  It reminds me of a quote: "Always do what you are afraid to do."


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## SilverMoon (Oct 3, 2010)

> "Always do what you are afraid to do."


 
Have done that throughout my life and what a liberating feeling it is when you've conquered your fears!


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## RoundEye (Oct 3, 2010)

You’re all just sick in the head.


I’m just kidding around, don’t get your panties in a knot over it. The MS has caused all kinds of emotional issues with me. I can get angry in a flash, then a minute later I’m all right. I get deeply depressed quite often, plus many other emotional issues. Once I learned all the symptoms and what it was caused by, it became a little easier to deal with. Mental issues are tough to deal with. If you don’t have an open wound and blood dripping all over the place, many people assume you are all right. They don’t realize you’re hurting, just differently and in a big way.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 3, 2010)

Once I became familiar with my symptoms it became much easier as well, RoundEye. "Knowlege is Power". Great not to feel like drift wood in a furious ocean. Though, still with hurdles but I can "catch" most of them now.



> If you don’t have an open wound and blood dripping all over the place, many people assume you are all right. They don’t realize you’re hurting, just differently and in a big way.


 
Often times more...



> You’re all just sick in the head


 
You amost got me, RoundEye! And what the hell would we do without a sense of humour? :king:  Laurie


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 3, 2010)

If it wasn't for humor I'd be shaking and curled up in the fetal position in a corner somwhere
Hahaha =)


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## RoundEye (Oct 4, 2010)

Sometimes I think an odd sense of humor is the only thing I have left.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 4, 2010)

Ricky and RoundEye, Humour "A young woman's in the emergency room. A small room with a window where she can see the doctors and the trauma patients. She has Bi-Polar Disorder and is high in mania. The nurse comes into the room giving her a shot to calm her down from laughing. She protests! Why take my laughter away! She is then instructed to go into the ladie's room to pee in a cup. Done. She pulls down one of those brown paper towels from the dispenser and fashions a top for the cup out of it. She walks straight into the emergency room. Taps a doctor on the back. He turns and she says "Do you want this to stay or to go?" Humm. I wonder who she was?


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 4, 2010)

hahaha thats more awesome than me flirting with the nurse lol


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## SilverMoon (Oct 4, 2010)

Ricky! I can just imagine. Did they send in a replacement?


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 4, 2010)

No haha the nurse liked me n thought I was charming for my age lol


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## SilverMoon (Oct 4, 2010)

I'm no nurse but I find you to be quite charming, if I do say so myself. Lay it on thick for the ladies (if you don't have a girlfriend) and you'll have your pickn's!


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 5, 2010)

What does "lay it on thick" mean? I've heard it before but I don't know what it is.

And I'm single and ready to mingle haha just kidding i'm taken.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 6, 2010)

Well, I back track. "Laying it on thick" means really lay on the charm. But that is forced and people can see through that. Soooo, I take that back! Was really just kidd'n around. All the good ones are taken!


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 6, 2010)

Haha I guess I lay it on thick but I do it naturally and without trying haha

So if all the good ones are taken...I'm guessing you're taken too?


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## SilverMoon (Oct 6, 2010)

No comment! ;-) I'm woman of great mystery.



> So if all the good ones are taken...I'm guessing you're taken too?


Thank you, Ricky!


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 6, 2010)

You're very welcome.


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## RoundEye (Oct 7, 2010)

You two need to get a room. LOL

:joker:


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## ArcThomas (Oct 7, 2010)

first..
bipolar is Schizophrenia right? 

Second.
I had that.
Smoked so much wed my mind broke down.
For the longest time I was shouting my head "shut the F*** up Satan. Go to Hell. Oh yeah that's right. You are!"
That fixed that problem.
I was psychic for the longest time to. I was. Got everything right out of it. never proven wrong. Not even my an animal.
The only depression i get though is because I refuse to get myself out of this country and into the forest were _we_ Belong.
Feels like I insult God. That's my depression... yet here I am ont his damned computer telling you.

delays delays, how they get you. South America by December, American East in November.


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## RoundEye (Oct 7, 2010)

ArcThomas said:


> ... I refuse to get myself out of this country and into the forest were _we_ Belong...




If you really think we all belong in a forest, there’s still something wrong with your head.


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## Sam (Oct 7, 2010)

No, Bi-polar is _not _Schizophrenia. Bi-polar is a condition in which a person is either happy to the point of hysteria, or depressed beyond anything anyone could ever imagine. Schizophrenia involves a breakdown in the relationship between thought, emotion, and behaviour, which in turn leads to faulty perceptions, inappropriate actions and feelings, and withdrawal from reality into fantasy or delusion. Two completely different conditions.


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## ArcThomas (Oct 7, 2010)

Ahahah.
Not after having a revelation that allows you to understand everything, excluding nothing.
The only things I don't know are the things I continuously deny because I'm such a slothenly glutton.
yet weighing in at a blessed 124lbs. 

and I guess I'm not scitzo-either... WOOPS!!
I just have a little voice I talk over a lot..


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 7, 2010)

Back to the forest? So are you calling me a monkey?

And hahahaha at Round eye's post about the room haha


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## SilverMoon (Oct 7, 2010)

Hi, Ricky. I happen to love forests and on many occasions wish I was standing in one listening to the Woodpeckers! 

Sam gave you an "excellent" and precise breakdown of the difference between Bi-Polar Disorder and the Schizophrenic condition. I can do no better! Thanks, Sam




> I just have a little voice I talk over a lot..


 
Not true! Anyone who comes out and speaks about a mental disorder has a very important, "strong" voice. We need more brave people like you, Ricky. You are sharing. It will get better. Laurie


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## Ricky Jalapeno (Oct 7, 2010)

I would go to the forest if I didn't owe money to Woody Woodpecker =/ haha


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## Edgewise (Oct 8, 2010)

Sam W said:


> No, Bi-polar is _not _Schizophrenia. Bi-polar is a condition in which a person is either happy to the point of hysteria, or depressed beyond anything anyone could ever imagine. Schizophrenia involves a breakdown in the relationship between thought, emotion, and behaviour, which in turn leads to faulty perceptions, inappropriate actions and feelings, and withdrawal from reality into fantasy or delusion. Two completely different conditions.


 
I'll also add that being stoned or tripping is not the same thing as psychosis.


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## SilverMoon (Oct 8, 2010)

*Doctor Denial*

The doctor was certain that I was psyhcotic
And duely prescibed an anti-biotic
By the end of the week my cold was gone
But hallucintations, the otherwordly carried on
I came to the conclusion that my doctor needed help
And when I fired him, he began to dance and yelp
It was all just too aweful to witness.
But to this day, his actions, he dimisses.

_Nothing wrong with a little humour, here and there. But there are some serious matters to be discussed._


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## ArcThomas (Oct 8, 2010)

No.
But it's the only appropriate way to have a monkey as a pet.
It si a well known fact all technologies impair the word and are abdominal to The Lord.


You two had made the thread that room. 

*responding to Silvermoon  - bellow*

I do. and it does!


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## SilverMoon (Oct 8, 2010)

*Getting back to OP.* Who here has a mental condition and wishes to share. Does it impede or improve your writing skills? Talent seems to come along with the territory of living with Bi-Polar Disorder and in fact "Paranoid" Schizophrenics can be very talented. My mother, a Radcliffe graduate; who majored in Eglish Lit. wrote stunning poetry, was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizoprenia sometime after her graduation.

Who here wishes to express feelings about your condition? Be it anxiety, depression, OCD....a plethora of disorders to cover. What about your doctors? Have they been helpful or not. Medications? Do you have any side effects you wish to talk about. An interest or undergoing holistic healing rather than going the doctor route? 

Hearing your "voice" is as important to youself as it is to me.


With Peace, Laurie


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