# Impact



## Dubhthaigh (Mar 21, 2015)

Her mother made corpses look splendid,
When the undertaker was scarce or costly.
"She was good at it too, your granny"
the old ones like to say.

Rosaries and incense, rouge and sponges.
She could work almost miracles,
On the cold and bloated, twisted, contorted.

However the impact left her daughter beyond her powers
Maybe if she had just used a noose.
Stiff collar, bit of colour.
Good as new.


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## dannyboy (Mar 21, 2015)

good work. I like this a lot.


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## Fats Velvet (Mar 21, 2015)

Nice.


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## Squalid Glass (Mar 22, 2015)

How morbid and beautiful. I really enjoyed this. A very rhythmic, unique poem. For some reason, it put me back on the east coast - it just had that old time feel. 

Enjoyed!


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## escorial (Mar 22, 2015)

yeah dude


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## Carousel (Mar 22, 2015)

Certainly has the impact, I like the observation you use, though I think the first line in the last stanza could be skinned down to fit the rhythm. Good piece though.


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## Sonata (Mar 22, 2015)

Vivid.  I think I would have split "On the cold and bloated, twisted, contorted." into two lines

On the cold and bloated,
twisted, contorted.

and probably used "But" instead of "However" in the first line of the last stanza.


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## Dubhthaigh (Mar 22, 2015)

Thanks for the feedback guys.

Yep Sonata and Carousel, that first line of the last stanza is way too cumbersome. I think I'll take your advice Sonata and change the "However" to "But". Sound


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## dannyboy (Mar 22, 2015)

why not just drop the "however" altogether? — The impact left her daughter beyond her powers


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## Sonata (Mar 22, 2015)

dannyboy said:


> why not just drop the "however" altogether? — The impact left her daughter beyond her powers



I think it does need "however" although my preference is for "but",  because it follows the sentence I have marked in red

Rosaries and incense, rouge and sponges.
She could work almost miracles,
On the cold and bloated, twisted, contorted.

But the impact left her daughter beyond her powers


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