# Seized (haiku)



## Nellie (Jul 21, 2015)

Thunderous tempest-
tornadic activity
storms seized my day.


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## Darkkin (Jul 21, 2015)

Love the first line, you can almost feel the world shake.  Tornadic activity, clear and concise, and conveys the point very well.  Having a second booming t line coming off the first makes for a bumpy ride, probably the point, in which case, well executed.  

What about taking the reader in a different direction.  Tornadoes whirl and I might be channeling my inner Dorothy, here, but what about playing around with cyclone?  Twirl them into that last line.

Overall, very nicely done.  The analogy is apt and concise.


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## Firemajic (Jul 21, 2015)

Nellie! Mother nature is pissed... but you gave her tantrum grace and style... less is so much more when you take pen in hand... Thanks for a cool read.. Peace... Julia


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## Nellie (Jul 21, 2015)

Thank you Darkkin. Actually, I've never seen a cyclone, so didn't even consider using it in this haiku. Have seen many, many thunderstorms and tornadoes lately in my neck of the woods, tho, so I'm quite familiar with them.



Darkkin said:


> What about taking the reader in a different direction.  Tornadoes whirl and I might be channeling my inner Dorothy, here, but what about playing around with cyclone?  Twirl them into that last line.
> 
> Overall, very nicely done.  The analogy is apt and concise.




And thank-you, Jul. Mother nature always gets her way!


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 21, 2015)

Although I have lived in Japan for over 8 years now, have a Japanese wife,  and my Japanese is fluent, I don't really know what a haiku is.

But... if I did, I guess this is a good one!

7/10


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## Nellie (Jul 22, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> Although I have lived in Japan for over 8 years now, have a Japanese wife,  and my Japanese is fluent, I don't really know what a haiku is.
> 
> But... if I did, I guess this is a good one!
> 
> 7/10


Thanks. So you lived in Japan and now have a wife, but don't know what a haiku is?:-k  It is a Japanese form of poetry reflecting on nature and natural abilities. It consist of three non-rhyming lines, 5-7-5 syllables.

I love haiku. It is my favorite. Short and to the point.


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## Phil Istine (Jul 22, 2015)

The haiku in the OP looks like 5-7-4, or is seized spoken as two syllables in some dialects?


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## Nellie (Jul 22, 2015)

Phil Istine said:


> The haiku in the OP looks like 5-7-4, or is seized spoken as two syllables in some dialects?



I thought it had two syllables.


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## Phil Istine (Jul 22, 2015)

Nellie said:


> I thought it had two syllables.



I guess it must be one of those words that is regarded a bit differently depending on where you live. There seem to be a few like that.


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## aj47 (Jul 22, 2015)

Phil Istine said:


> The haiku in the OP looks like 5-7-4, or is seized spoken as two syllables in some dialects?



There is no exact equivalent in English to Japanese haiku.  5-7-5 is traditional, but other interpretations allow for fewer syllables on any line (or multiple ones).  Some of these alternate forms have names.  I'm thinking of the lune, but there are others that escape me.

So this is legit.

I like seized because it implies freezing up.


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## Oblivious Plunge (Jul 22, 2015)

Short yet so captivating. Poems like this are right up my alley, good job!


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## Nellie (Jul 23, 2015)

Oblivious Plunge said:


> Short yet so captivating. Poems like this are right up my alley, good job!



Thanks! And that is the same reason I like haikus, short and captivating..................


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