# Instant Fame -- Just add sunshine.



## Ian8777 (Aug 8, 2013)

I originally posted this in the poetry section as a prose poem. However, after careful study of what makes a prose poem i now feel this is just a piece of micro-fiction and not a prose poem!

Instant Fame -- Just and sunshine.


On her way to school one morning a little girl called Daisy Pumpkin was shocked to discover she had the shadow of a fully grown African elephant. When she moved her head the elephant shadow moved its head, swinging its trunk from side to side. When Daisy hopped on one leg so did the shadow. A crowd gathered and cheered every time the shadow copied Daisy's movements. From that day on she couldn’t walk anywhere without people pointing and staring. In the space of twenty four hours Daisy had turned from ordinary to superstar celebrity. The local newspaper called her an amazing talent. A science magazine called her a medical phenomena. Everywhere she went people asked for photographs and autographs. They were always excited to see the elephant shadow and would scream at Daisy to make it twirl, jump, and spin. She spent the summer holidays attending parties with pop stars and premieres with famous actors. She was interviewed by celebrity magazines, TV shows and was even invited to take tea with the Queen. One day near the end of summer, Daisy was performing in the park when a grumbly black cloud sailed over the town and stopped in front of the sun. The park went dark, and as suddenly as it had appeared, Daisy’s elephant shadow disappeared. The crowd booed and shouted for the elephant’s shadow to come back. Daisy pleaded with them to wait. She carried on dancing but without the elephant's shadow copying her movements Daisy was just another little girl who liked to dance. The crowd got bored and left the park leaving Daisy alone with no one to perform to. It started to thunder and rain. Daisy trudged home drenched with sloshy shoes and a tear streaked face. A few weeks went by and the elephant shadow became just a memory. Everyday was grey, and rainy. Puddles covered pavements and park benches became deserted ornaments. No one asked for photographs any more, and the invites to parties and premieres stopped coming. Life became so dreary that Daisy stopped going out. She stayed at home in her pyjamas day after day, staring out of her rain-trickled bedroom window, hoping and praying for the sun to shine again.


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## Stephanie1980 (Aug 8, 2013)

Hi Ian8777,

This is by far one of the most unique story ideas I’ve ever read, great job! You held my interest. The concept of an elephant shadow is intriguing. I’m not too familiar with how long a micro-fiction prose should be but I felt it needed some dialogue in between text. It’s a very descriptive piece. The ending is a bit of a mystery? Was that intended or do you plan to make it longer and have the shadow elephant return? Maybe it’s meant to be left to the imagination. Most excellent name -_ Daisy Pumpkin –_ I love it.  

Cheers,
_Steph_:albino:


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## Ian8777 (Aug 9, 2013)

Hey Steph.....
Thanks for reading my story. I will be writing a second part to this. I want to show the lengths some people will go to to keep themselves in a state of 'fame.' So yes there is more to come. Thanks again!


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## GWJ Baird (Aug 12, 2013)

Hey,

I read this to my 5 year old cousin who loved it. She thinks it would be great with illustrations (she is the expert here after all) and could do with a happier ending. I had to explain a couple of things to her (premieres/discarded ornaments) but she thoroughly enjoyed the story and told us she wanted a Giraffe shadow to copy her.

Very well done and two thumbs up from little Lilly.


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## Ian8777 (Aug 12, 2013)

Hey there!

Please pass on my thanks to little Lily!! feedback from adults is great but feedback from kids is even better!



GWJ Baird said:


> Hey,
> 
> I read this to my 5 year old cousin who loved it. She thinks it would be great with illustrations (she is the expert here after all) and could do with a happier ending. I had to explain a couple of things to her (premieres/discarded ornaments) but she thoroughly enjoyed the story and told us she wanted a Giraffe shadow to copy her.
> 
> Very well done and two thumbs up from little Lilly.


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## GWJ Baird (Aug 12, 2013)

Happy to help!


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## Odd Greg (Aug 13, 2013)

I thoroughly enjoyed this little tale. Although I lamented the loss of commas and paragraph breaks here and there, the little 6 year old inside me was giggling or waving at me to shut up. I dare say that I could see this as an illustrated children's book. 

Very entertaining and refreshing. A dreamlike child's fantasy where innocence meets reality on its own terms.


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## Ian8777 (Aug 17, 2013)

Odd Greg said:


> I thoroughly enjoyed this little tale. Although I lamented the loss of commas and paragraph breaks here and there, the little 6 year old inside me was giggling or waving at me to shut up. I dare say that I could see this as an illustrated children's book.
> 
> Very entertaining and refreshing. A dreamlike child's fantasy where innocence meets reality on its own terms.


Thank you odd greg!


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## theatregeeksu (Oct 31, 2013)

I really liked this story, but also felt the ending was a little bleak. Especially for a children's story.

I was kind of hoping that the sun would come back and the shadow of a regular girl would appear. She would see her friends and realize they still like playing with her and her parents still love her, or something along those lines. I think turning it into a full blown illustrated children's book could make you a lot of money.


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## A_Jones (Mar 14, 2014)

I loved it!  I personally would like to see it as a childrens book, not a prose poem.  Give it a thoughtful ending, and sum up your message and find an artist to draw for you and I do believe you have a best seller on your hands.  

Of course that is just my opinion, I understand why you wouldnt want to do that.


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## thepancreas11 (Apr 2, 2014)

Writing-wise, I'll agree with Greg that it's kind of amorphous, but I could see this being a happy picture book without much of a stretch. I'm not sure that's what you were going for, but if not, well, you're squelching a serious talent my friend. I find stuff like this far more difficult than trying to write murder mysteries because you are basically required to use simple prose and simple stories to accentuate sophisticated messages. For that, I give you an ovation because this was delightful.


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## qwertyportne (Apr 8, 2014)

Talk about an attention-getting first sentence! And you kept mine from there on. I'm glad you're planning to give it some more attention, because this would be well received by children of all ages. I'm thinking eight to eighty! Sometimes it's wise to find your ending, then write towards it. But sometimes you just gotta follow your character and see where s/he is leading you. I look forward to your revision.


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## NerdyMJ (Apr 8, 2014)

I really liked this.It was really well written, and you did a great job at hooking me right from the beginning. I agree with the others that this would make a great children's book. I was a bit surprised by the dark ending because it's something I'm not used to seeing in children's lit, but that's what makes your story stand out and I commend you for that. 
But I'm still glad to hear that you'll be writing a second part this and I'd like to see whether or not there is a happier ending awaiting Daisy after all. I'll probably end up printing out the story for my little sister-in-law to read (she's 4) after you do. Great job


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## Snowflake (May 31, 2015)

*My reply*

I'm new on this site and this story is the first I read and I HAD to reply.  I love it.  The title grabbed me first. Then the story held my interest the entire time -- very imaginative, exciting  and well written. 

I read that you're writing a part two.  Looking forward to reading it.  For young people, a sad ending, IMO, would detract from the story. 

Good luck!





Ian8777 said:


> I originally posted this in the poetry section as a prose poem. However, after careful study of what makes a prose poem i now feel this is just a piece of micro-fiction and not a prose poem!
> 
> Instant Fame -- Just and sunshine.
> 
> ...


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## Anari (Jun 1, 2015)

An attention getting, innovative story. I liked the ending because all in life does not have a happy ending right away if at all. I can imagine a little girl wondering what might be coming next as she gazes out of her window thinking. Can't wait to read part two!


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## Didier2nd (Jun 3, 2015)

Think it's all been said, but just to add that I loved this as well!

DDII


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