# A manifesto for the sad,the negative and the depressed



## northerain (Nov 25, 2003)

excuse the dumb title.this is untitled really.any insight welcomed.



A manifesto for the sad, the negative and the depressed
                By George leiber



Hello there. Let me explain something first. What you are reading here is not a masterpiece of literature. I bet it will be full of grammatical and syntax errors. And maybe some misspellings too. These are details for me. I never paid much attention to them. Maybe for some of you they are important. I humbly apologize, and urge you to correct me. Like you have always done before. And I appreciated it. I did. I also want to say, that despite the title, I’m not going to tell you that every sad, or depressed person is a good person deep inside and deserves to be taken care of in some way. I only want to explain why I am how I am. I’m going to do that, because everyone thinks I like the way I am. They think that’s this a façade, a mask I wear everyday before I go out into the world. This story is about me. And I know that you don’t care, and maybe you don’t even want to know. I advise you to stop reading if that is the case. No reason to waste your time. My only goal here is to make you think a little. About yourself, and about others.

Despite what people think, there IS a reason for the way I act, the way I talk and even the way I walk. Like I don’t even acknowledge my surrounding, like I wish that no one bothered me ever again. Some call it teen age angst? Yes it’s an easy label. Easy to pronounce too. Very useful for those of you who don’t want to face the truth. You see, even though you might disagree with me, the world is not a very nice place. Its funny how everyone goes through life simply denying it, except for some days, when they say things like ‘’I wish I was dead’’ or ‘’Why is life so hard’’ whenever they break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend, or when the damned car wont start up in winter. But then again, many of you will nod your heads and say ‘’Of course life is hard. You’re not saying nothing new’’ and you would be of course correct. But I never said I had something new to say. After all, everything has been said at one time or another. In fact, someone has already written what I am now writing. I’ll tell you later who that is. Some of you know him very well. Some of you don’t.

Life is hard. No news there. But still you will ask, everyone sees that life is hard, but yet no everyone is like you. Not everyone is negative. Not everyone goes throughout weeks without a single smile. And that would be true. But I want to make a correction here. I do smile sometimes. I smile when you can’t see me. Maybe when alone in bed I think of times long past, friends long lost and many more that I will lose in the near future. Sometimes I smile, but it’s a sad smile, something I do when the irony of reality hits me in the face once again. When I understand how powerless I am to make a difference. When I am amazed of what people can do to others, without understanding how much pain they cause. Sometimes I smile, when a beautiful girl is lying beside me asleep. And she smiles. I wonder what she is dreaming of. In the morning she won’t remember about it. And that might make me sad. That a dream could be lost like that. But maybe it’s for the best. Maybe she was smiling thinking that she will never tell anyone about her dream. That it would be always hers.


I know what my problem is. I think too much. I always think too much. About everything. I lie awake each night, remembering people I’ve met, places I’ve been. And sometimes I replay scenes in my head. And I wish I could change their course. But I can’t. The foolish things I’ve done, all the pain I caused to others, my own cowardice. That’s what haunts me. The past. And the future. I’m afraid that I won’t live up to the standards I’ve set for myself. I’m afraid that I won’t be there for a friend, I’m afraid that I will hurt someone again. 
As I was saying, I’m worried about the future. About my friends who haven’t figured out what to do with their lives yet. About an ex-girlfriend who thinks that everything in life will be easy, and her daddy will always be there to give her money, a place to live, and good advice. There are many lonely nights ahead of her. Her perfect little world is about to become much bigger and much much more dark. Realistic. Maybe I’m being bitter? Maybe. But why should I be worried really? They can take care of themselves. And no one appointed me as their guardian. True. But still, those thoughts keep me awake.



I don’t think ill manage to finish this. I don’t think I’m good enough. A great man has said all these before. You know him. Johny Cash. He wrote a song once, named 
‘’ The man in black’’.
He was able to put in a few lines, the meanings I can’t put in thousand of papers. I guess that’s what separates talented people from the rest of us. I will stop writing now. I will put on my solemn look again. Go out, face down, looking at the pavement as I walk the snowy streets. And when I meet someone I know, and they ask me how I’m doing, ill give them a nice warm smile and ill say: ’’Just fine’’. Or maybe I will tell them to go fuck themselves like I used to do every morning in high school. Coupled with a Nazi salute, complete with boots snapping and a loud ‘’Heil’’! Either way, it will make no difference. Because they don’t really want to know how I am. Me or anyone else. They want to go home, turn on the tv, and pretend to be happy for the rest of the day. But we re not so different after all. I’ll go home too. Turn on the TV. But there is a small difference. I will watch TV for endless hours, in an attempt to shut out the thoughts in my head. To silence them. And sometimes it will work. You on the other hand, will watch TV in an attempt to fill the void in your mind. And you will wonder why you feel so empty. Thank you for reading this.



George Leiber, November 5th


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## Jasmine (Nov 25, 2003)

You're welcome.
Cohort.


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## Kimberly Bird (Dec 1, 2003)

northerain, most of us on here I believe don't watch much tv because they would rather be reading or writing, which maybe you should do more to block out the rain in your mind, meloncholy is not a nice way to live. 

P.S. and yes you can do pretty well anything you want to do, doesn't mean you'll be the best at it, you could be the worst one at it.  But hell, at least you learned something from the experience.

Kimberly


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## Beatrice Boyle (Dec 4, 2003)

George...Reading this made me sad to think you are going through this alone.  I don't know how old you are...I suspect in your late teens.  For someone who is as intelligent as you seem to be, I can't believe you haven't sought medical help, or at least discussed your feelings with a counselor or another adult (assuming you feel you can't, with your parents!)

Whether you want to believe this or not, I suspect you are suffering from a chemical imbalance that can be easily treated with medication.  It all sounds so familiar...my daughter went through this at 17!
It typically strikes young people from their late teens to about 30.  The intense feelings of inadequacy...wanting to be alone, yet morose and sad because you are! Everything you've stated here is so typical.

So many young people out there are suffering needlessly because they don't want to admit it, or talk to someone about it, believing they are alone.
PLEASE George, prove me wrong and I'll apologize profusely for having invaded your privacy (not typical for me, I assure you) by talking to someone (preferably a Doctor) and if I'm right, you can start living your new life as of now...or do nothing and remain unhappy for the rest of your life. Believe me... trust me...I know all this from personal experience.  Feel free to PM me if you wish. I care about you!

Love from Grandma Bea :cry: 

P.S. I didn't PM you on this, as there may be many other young people out there who feel as you do, and I wanted to reach out to them also.)


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## northerain (Dec 5, 2003)

hello hello.....lol.....glad to see at least a few commented on my post.first of all, about one of the posts, i dont imply that all of you here at lit.org sit around and watch tv all day.
and thank you for your interest, it is really touching.im aware that depression is often caused by chemical imbalance.i dont think this is the case here though, its just that this is a hard time in my life right now.things will look up sometime in the future.so no need to worry, im just fine.i just wrote this piece because i got fed up of people putting me down for not beeing a fucking tree hugging hippie or something.the fight for the right to be sad has begun!.....lol.....


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## A-Chan (Dec 9, 2003)

That sounded exactly like something my fiance would have written a year ago.  He was feeling the same way, and our relationship nearly ended several times because of some very similar words to yours.     I don't know exactly how it ended up changing... maybe falling in love did it.  I guess he just learned to be not quite so clingy and negative.  I suppose my nagging helped a bit.. I was also bugging my fiance to stop thinking so badly and focus on something good for once, like his love for me ^.^  I don't know if you have a partner or a best friend or somebody you can concentrate on, but if you do then maybe that's a good idea.

Another thing.  It's always good to express these things, the more you do the better you feel, and before you know it the whole feeling has passed.  My sister was the same when it came to the whole nazi thing.. in fact she still us.  She's always being bugged and put-down becuase of her beliefs.  She's been restricted from wearing certain clothing, jewellery, and from expressing her opinions.  At first she was very depressed, but ever since she started hanging out with her friends and shrugging off the negativity, she's been a lot healthier.   I guess the anti-depressents helped... 

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better.  If you ever feel depressed, feel free to PM me.


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## Farror (Dec 9, 2003)

Wonderful writing, very sad. As I read, I thought about what you where saying, I didn't just skim over it, but actually read it and thought about it. That's not something I do very often. Good job.


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## IgnorantMe (Dec 21, 2003)

That seems like a slight case of depression, nothing to drug yourself over. I know, I would consider myself the king of depression.


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