# Old Dress



## Gumby (Nov 27, 2010)

removed


----------



## Cory Lamontagne (Nov 27, 2010)

I really like this line: "tools young boys use to build a man."

Although i got hung up for a second on the previous line. The second stanza has me identifying with one girl but the third suggests you are talking about boys and girls in general, which contradicted the second for me.

Overall I enjoyed it quite a bit.


----------



## Gumby (Nov 27, 2010)

Thank you Corey, I've gone back and changed it a bit, hoping to clarify that.


----------



## Chesters Daughter (Dec 2, 2010)

I love this, Cindy. I could write fifteen paragraphs and it wouldn't be sufficient to say how much. Your use of Braille is sheer genius, every one of those nicks has a memory attached to it, lovely. As you are fond of saying: You're preaching to the choir, Sister.", and I love what I'm hearing. My only nit was closing the book, I prefer to think of it as beginning a new volume in a treasured series, ugh, us Moms never learn. Exceptional work, love.


----------



## BrianRobertNeal (Dec 2, 2010)

Watto G

This is a very evocative and thought provoking piece which bears many a re-read.

-Footnote*-"**In hers are"* The British and the American are divided by a common language. I'm not sure what is meant by a "Dresser" in the US. In the UK it's a term emplying open shelving. Things would be placed *on them* and would be in the open. However if it were a chest of drawers then I would understand.

(PS I'm sorely tempted to split the above into lines and swear blind it's not prose but a poem!)

Brian


----------



## Gumby (Dec 4, 2010)

Thank you Lisa, as a mom, I knew you'd see what I was saying here. And you're right in that we do open a new volume in a treasured series, but I do still miss those childhood days sometimes. 

Brian, thank you for commenting also. Dressers in the U.S. is a catch all term for a chest of drawers. Sometimes the terminology does get in the way doesn't it? Thank you again.


----------



## apple (Dec 4, 2010)

I love the title and knew I was in for something wonderful when I saw it.  Your poem expresses sparse and bare, but it's vivid, your emotion and memory fill those drawers in a very tender way. The wistful flavor comes through.


----------



## Foxee (Dec 4, 2010)

You made me tear up, Gumby, how dare you. The fact that my kids are going to grow up and be gone is something I selfishly long for in the worst moments but really struggle with and am unhappy about most of the time. 


> tools young boys use to build a man.



Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant line.


----------



## Gumby (Dec 4, 2010)

Thank you Sondra, your words are very sweet to my ears.  I do feel very wistful at times when I look back at the past.

Foxee, I know exactly how you feel. There were times I would have opened the door for them to leave (almost)but now looking back, I get very weepy sometimes. I know you know this already, but treasure the moments, they're gone before you know it. Thank you for reading and commenting here.


----------



## twopenbit (Dec 4, 2010)

"tools young boys use to build a man." is a very powerful line and does well at the center of the poem. I feel that all my life I have been building the perfect man I want to be, so this line strikes true with me.


----------



## Gumby (Dec 4, 2010)

Thank you twopenbit.  Having three boys and only one girl, I'm probably more familiar with the raising of boys and how they really do seem to _build a man_. For me, my daughter was easier to understand emotionally than my sons.


----------



## JosephB (Dec 8, 2010)

This worked on two levels for me, because I still have that drawer, with practically those same items from my childhood -- the pocket knife is universal, I think. I know my wife has old notes and letters from her teens. Maybe it's just me, but I wanted to keep those relics from childhood, to hold on to little pieces of it. And mine are little now, but I feel wistful when I see how fast it's all going and I can at least imagine what it will be like when they leave the nest.

I like poetry to which I can relate personally, but I think this would strike a chord with just about anyone -- and that's what is successful about it. That and the strong imagery and tactile quality of it. Nice job, Gumby.


----------



## JBlanton (Dec 8, 2010)

First of all, what a lovely feeling associated with this poem. It flows nicely and guided me into a sentimental appreciation for my own child, and the shared time we have now. Thanks for that.

A couple of things that came to mind that may be completely irrelevant, but thought I'd share: A couple instances of the metaphors used seemed inconsistent, though not unpleasant. The term 'empty graves' is quickly followed by descriptions of what fills the dressers, making the word 'empty' seem out of place to me. And for some reason, the introduction of the book metaphor at the end seemed sudden, but I'm at a loss to understand why. Perhaps if there was a thread of thought introducing the book idea earlier that is closed towards the end? Of course, I'm not certain on either of these comments usefulness. 

A very pleasant read.


----------



## Gumby (Dec 8, 2010)

Thank you Joseph. Yes, I still have some of my stuff too, my mom sent it to me years after I left home and I've kept it in my 'grown up dresser'.  Glad you enjoyed this one, and that it worked for you.

JBlanton, thank you so much for the read and comment. Glad you enjoyed this one, even if it didn't all work for you. 

The term 'empty tombs' was meant to convey loss, even though there isn't a physical death. The dressers are empty of everything except for these few relics of childhood that they left behind in the bottoms and backs of the drawers.
The book being closed, refers to the stanza above the final one, where the story of their childhood is told in the nicks and dents of the dressers. 

As for your comments being useful, of course they are, as they help me to see where I might make things a bit clearer. Again, thank you.


----------



## Verum Scriptor (Dec 8, 2010)

Nice Cindy.  I could learn a lot from you.


----------



## Gumby (Dec 8, 2010)

Thank you Verum, you're very kind to say so.


----------



## VcatoV (Dec 8, 2010)

Gumby said:


> In hers are folded notes, in loopy little girl scrawl,
> the latest gossip passed
> to: Mary, Sunny, Tina;
> tiny flowers dot each i.



The alliteration in these lines is amazing; they all flow together really well.  Yet the next verse begins with "His", which I found to be a bit jarring after the smoothness of the preceding lines.  Maybe this was intended in order to show the "smoothness" of women vs. the "harshness" of men?  I just think there might be a better way to begin the line in order to transition from the alliterative flow to the next verse.


----------



## Gumby (Dec 8, 2010)

Hi VcatoV, you may well be right, there probably is a smoother way to transition. I was going for a contrast between the feminine, talkative feel of little girls to the more reticent, abrupt language of little boys. I'll have to think on that one some more.  Thank you for pointing that out here, you are the only one who has commented on the difference in feeling there, so I'm glad that it did at least come across, even if it wasn't fully successful.


----------



## blackthorn (Dec 9, 2010)

Very beautiful poem! "Tools young boys use to build a man" is a FANTASTIC line!
The only thing that hung me up a bit is the first line of the second stanza; it seems a bit long for the flow of the poem. Maybe rephrase this a bit? Other than that, fantastic work!^^


----------



## Sync (Dec 9, 2010)

I have a few thoughts about this piece, but am still unsure of the level of critiquing allowed in this particular forum. just little things, but i'm still new so had to ask first.


----------



## Sync (Dec 9, 2010)

I've decided to just post my thoughts.
  you wrote:
Old Dressers

They stand like empty tombs,
these wooden markers of their past,  - 'of their past' felt too much, try to keep it on the dresser, this line is the only one that veers to them.
keeper of clothes and secrets.

In hers are folded notes, in loopy little girl scrawl,   - scrawls? because more than one note?  I'm unsure myself it just caught my eye
the latest gossip passed
to: Mary, Sunny, Tina; 
tiny flowers dot each i.   - love this image.

His hold matches, pocket knives, crumbled cigarettes; 
tools young boys use to build a man.    -  use to build a man'  i think could go, because it draws in a 'man' when it should be only the boy. tools boys use

My hands caress the smooth wood,
reading nicks and dents like braille.  
The story of their childhood,
the fairy tale, the reality.       -  maybe  'from fairy tale, to reality'  ?   to show the change, false/truth

And I realize, 
no matter how many tears I shed, 
all stories end, 
and we have to close the book.  - book feels unattached, if it went back to the dresser/drawers i think the image would be completed.​I do like this poem, the images and some very nice lines.

thanks for the read

Sync


----------



## Gumby (Dec 10, 2010)

Hi Blackthorn and Sync.  Thank you both for your thoughts on this poem. You've given me some good points to consider when I gain a little distance and perspective from this work. Thank you!


----------



## caelum (Dec 10, 2010)

Wow, a lot of impact here, Cindy.  Loved it. 

Really felt this line,


> My hands caress the smooth wood,
> reading nicks and dents like braille.


----------



## Gumby (Dec 10, 2010)

Thank you Cae, you're always so supportive of my stuff and I truly appreciate it.


----------



## chez1710 (Dec 20, 2010)

Ahh this is such a great poem, so full of nostalgia, especially stanza 2&3, which perfectly and concisely evoke the joys of girlhood and boyhood. 

 "keeper of clothes and secrets"- I loved that line, with the mingling of the mundane and the intriguing "secrets". Intriguingly, the poem itself seems to be alluding to a lot more than what it explicitly tells us- I wondered about the story of the speaker, who has to let go of the past. 
The "close the book" metaphor was brilliant too, so resonant for any lover of fiction, the poignance of shutting away something with a rich and poetic significance. The whole last stanza, in fact, had a quality of poignant practicality. Great work!


----------



## Gumby (Dec 20, 2010)

Thank you chez for such a nice review. That line owes the word 'keeper' to my dear friend ChestersDaughter.
Yes, this is does allude to a larger story, but that's for another day, yes? Thank you again chez.


----------

