# Why Bother?



## akimade (Nov 18, 2013)

Two stone throws away from Sam Lord’s Castle,
many heartbeats away from Toronto
I lay white sand clenched in my pointy-fingered hard hands
White couples cross pass me
Noticeably in love from whence I was a boy
Caribbean couples pass me by
Too close to my envy
Why even bother move?
Why even bother leave?

Single again without that hope of long standing coupledom
Atlantic breezes sand my already gritty eyes
Why even bother move?
Sea flies continually dart at me like some piece of day old meat
Why even bother leave?
It’s not like I have anyone to call me back

Like the stone edged cliffs along the east coast
I feel battered and weathered
Shaped and defined by the uncertain current of the sea
I wonder which wave is going
To enter my life again
So I don’t have to bother move
So I don’t have to bother leave

Pounding against the walls of my demise
I quiver to imagine the calls of the concrete city
Trembling I embark upon the trade winds to the west
Into the polar easterlies of a shattered dream, Toronto
Home again
Into his arms, I return to a fading breeze
Shuddering, why did I even bother return?
Here again, he can’t even be bothered

It’s time to let go


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## dannyboy (Nov 19, 2013)

why the absence of to after bother?

And I would like to see you use commas (etc) to set the pauses, the breaths, etc.

Enjoyable read, well done.


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## akimade (Nov 19, 2013)

Thank you for the feedback. I'm really new at this and this is my first post ever. I appreciate the comments, in regards to grammar. I know it needs to be drastically improved there. In reference to the comment of the absence of "to", I believe it has to do with the way I actaully speak. Thank you again.


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## escorial (Nov 19, 2013)

I found it a frustrating read with why bother but if that was your intention..job done..enjoyed.


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## akimade (Nov 19, 2013)

Last thing I want to do is frustrate anyone. Appreciate the comments.


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## Pandora (Nov 19, 2013)

The hard images almost hurt, rocks, salty breeze in the eyes, pounding, quiver, concrete city
words choices the reader feels. I feel _Why Bother_ . . . I feel defeated.

then the unhappy unfulfilled ending, giving up and in. Reminds me of 'push me pull me pull me out!'
from the same recipe in life.

Great write akimade you'll have to bother to let go, their is much determination in that. Kind of the cure for
why bother.


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## akimade (Nov 19, 2013)

Thank you Pandora, I appreciate your words and welcome your insight into the emotions this piece has evoked in you.


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## Kevin (Nov 19, 2013)

Nothing like a break-up to brighten your mood. That's what it's about, right?

*... from whence *- I didn't get this. Since?


I was thinking that you could trim a lot from this to get a more focused message, for instance:
*Like the stone edged cliffs along the east coast*    The cliffs in this could be anywhere, and I as the reader have no idea where this east is. More to the point is that it doesn't matter. What matters is that they are _like_ something, your feelings...  battered. Jat. 

Welcome to the Poetry threads.


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## Gumby (Nov 19, 2013)

Your title is very fitting, you've done a great job of capturing that question and feeling, in this poem. I would agree with danny on the punctuation needed to guide the reader in how you want this read.

for example:

I lay white sand clenched in my pointy-fingered hard hands— this makes it sound like you are laying sand in your hand, when I think you really meant that you are laying with white sand clenched in your hand.

Like this: I lay, white sand clenched in my pointy-fingered, hard hands.

I echo Kevin, welcome to the poetry board.


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## akimade (Nov 19, 2013)

It was about a break up. I could substitute to the word "since" and I believe the word "whence" popped into my mind when I was writing it in the former British colony of Barbados. Thank you Kevin for the comments on being more focused and to consider trimming. I'm loving this feedback and thank you for taking the time.


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## akimade (Nov 19, 2013)

Thanks Gumby. I truly have to polish up on my punctuation and I appreciate the feedback.


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## Jacob M. Mossholder (Nov 20, 2013)

It looks like the gang has given you some great advice. I am in full support of reducing some of the imagery while strengthening the purpose.

I'm with you though. The concrete is nothing more than an fortified maze wall.


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## akimade (Nov 20, 2013)

Thank you also Jacob. I've got my work cut out for me and I'm excited by it all. As for that concrete city, it is my home, and have come to love it...Toronto. Despite the recent news and events of our lovely Mayor!


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## Jacob M. Mossholder (Nov 20, 2013)

It is a gorgeous place, but I've always preferred the sandy shores. As for Toronto and Mayor Ford, how does the saying go? Any publicity is...


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