# BRANDY, POETRY & LIFE



## Megookin (Sep 17, 2014)

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## Firemajic (Sep 17, 2014)

Looks and sounds so simple--but that is deceptive...complex and eloquent, beautifully written. Very nice!  Peace...Jul


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## Megookin (Sep 17, 2014)

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## jenthepen (Sep 17, 2014)

I'm definitely a plastic cup sort of gal. 

 I like the way, in the second stanza, that you use the imagery of such a mundane experience as part of the message of 'drinking in' the meaning of life as we go.

Wonderful stuff that made me think - which is always good 

Jen.


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## wainscottbl (Sep 18, 2014)

> Pious require sifters



Can you explain what pious means here? Is it supposed to be a noun rather than an adjective? 

Other than that, I like it. Comparing two ways of drinking booze in a clever way. I really like the last stanza especially 



> And drink in as they go.



It's all really well written. Great use of words. Lots of "big people's words" for such a short poem, which I like. Not in a pretentious way, but done just perfectly.


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## aj47 (Sep 18, 2014)

"pious" seems a near miss.  As if you're a non-native speaker of English.  I like the intent but that one word messes it up for me.


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## Megookin (Sep 18, 2014)

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## shedpog329 (Sep 18, 2014)

"The pious" might sound better


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## wainscottbl (Sep 18, 2014)

Yeah, pious does not really mean hypocrite per se, but actually the opposite. A pious person is truly devoted and not a Pharisee. Besides it's an adjective unless you make it "the pious" in which case you are speaking of someone in particular. In that case "the pious", though properly a truly devout person, could be a play on the word for a hypocrite.


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## shedpog329 (Sep 18, 2014)

wainscottbl said:


> Yeah, pious does not really mean hypocrite per se, but actually the opposite. A pious person is truly devoted and not a Pharisee. Besides it's an adjective unless you make it "the pious" in which case you are speaking of someone in particular. In that case "the pious", though properly a truly devout person, could be a play on the word for a hypocrite.




Not really the opposite, its someone who exaggerates on their deeds for appeal


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## Firemajic (Sep 18, 2014)

I think [IMHO} the poet should be able to take a certain amount of poetic license, and use a word how they want in the pursuit of making a point ...just saying..:icon_colors:


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## Megookin (Sep 18, 2014)

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## shedpog329 (Sep 18, 2014)

If your aim was at a near rhyme using the word pious, I would understand your discretion for changing the verse. When an author reads a poem to themselves, they often keep a sort of sticky note in their minds on how it should read to them (guilty as charged myself). When a reader isn't grasping the poem in certain areas however, on top of that, several readers are saying the same thing, its usually time for an edit. 

That being said, the grammatics are out of tune here and although I understand Jul's content, I would argue that the grammar of the piece would be much more appropriate if followed over the argument of a single rhyme that might hook a readers attention.  Overall it is your poem and no one can change that, I just believe the sacrifice isn't going to harm the internal focus of the poem altogether as it is a clever image.  I'd hate to see such a great poem go to waste by a simple rearranging of words.


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## Blade (Sep 18, 2014)

shedpog329 said:


> "The pious" might sound better



I would definitely second that.:eagerness: The word 'pious' right off caught me a bit off guard.



wainscottbl said:


> Yeah, pious does not really mean hypocrite per se, but actually the opposite. A pious person is truly devoted and not a Pharisee. Besides it's an adjective unless you make it "the pious" in which case you are speaking of someone in particular. In that case "the pious", though properly a truly devout person, could be a play on the word for a hypocrite.





Megookin said:


> If you look up the definitions of 'pious', you will find one that is 'hypocrite' 'self-righteous'.  Sometimes when you cannot follow a poem due to words that seem out of place, you need to look at other definitions that are outside of your comfort zone for that word.



I have no problem with the term 'pious' as I took it as devout. 'The pious' could just as readily be taken as a class or group of people.

I find the poem itself quite charming with a contrast drawn that does not reflect well on the pious but is smooth and even in tone. For some reason it strikes me as the sort of poem it would have been fun to  memorize in school.:very_drunk:


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## Megookin (Sep 18, 2014)

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## aj47 (Sep 18, 2014)

Adding "the" works.


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## wainscottbl (Sep 18, 2014)

Pious can stay. Just add "the", yes. It really changes it. Pious can mean self-righteous, you are right. Though that is more of a hyperbole--but hey that's fine in a poem. Even shows the skill of an artist. Adding "the" makes it more clear, as it speaks of a specific group of people. Without it "pious" reads as an adjective which is just confusing. It's an incomplete sentence--I think. What the heck is required for a complete sentence anyway? I usually just know when it's complete! A noun, an adjective, and some other stuff. Geez, I need to touch up on the rules. :stupid:


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## Megookin (Sep 18, 2014)

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