# The Unfolding



## SilverMoon (Dec 11, 2016)

My hands,
they are a tired couple
naked and chapped in a wintry marriage
burned by the son they’ve dreamt of. 

Beggars, they are,
holding a cup for small change they know as love
each clink is a song or a wet breath
slaying another knight of silence.

 They are a gloved audience
pristine, restelling properly on lap
wanting to leave life’s pale performance.
Their muffled applause have made them liars.

Tired, beggars, liars.

They dial God
but got the wrong number

Hands, a tent, folded in prayer
collapse.


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## Nellie (Dec 11, 2016)

This is brilliant! It speaks volumes, Laurie, for some, and thanks for sharing your heart. Brava!


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## SilverMoon (Dec 11, 2016)

Thank you so much, Cindy. It's nice to know that one of my briefer pieces speaks volumes. And, yes. Through my hands, I shared my heart.:love_heart:


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## escorial (Dec 11, 2016)

can't pick up on what it's about....


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## SilverMoon (Dec 11, 2016)

Hi, Esc. Thanks for asking. I've employed "hands" as a metaphor for my feelings.

S1 The tiring plight of aloneness._   [ "son" play on word for what could have been.]
_
S2 Feelings of unworthiness of romantic love _ [ i.e. "holding a cup for small change they know as love"]
_
S3 Weary of life but going through the motions._ [ i.e. " wanting to leave life’s pale performance. Their muffled applause have made them liars."]
_
Here, 


> They dial God
> but got the wrong number   A desperateness
> 
> Hands, a tent, folded in prayer
> collapse.  The letdown



I hope I've made it more clear. An exposing poem though not in your typical Confessional genre, "always" writing in the "I".


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## escorial (Dec 11, 2016)

..... your feelings...that's always a plus in a piece and i can now get a feel for it..thanks


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## Darkkin (Dec 11, 2016)

People speak with their hands, gestures, small and often unseen.  They ache with cold, warp beneath the onslaught of arthritis, gnarled and full of stories, strong even when it looks like their strength is going to fail.  My grandfather's tell an amazing tale.  The story of these hands is something I get.  Transposing it to equated emotion, I'm still working on that aspect.  Very well wrought.

- D. the T.


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## Firemajic (Dec 12, 2016)

SilverMoon said:


> My hands, * My hands are a tired couple
> they* are a tired couple
> naked and chapped in a wintry marriage*** Fabulous line...
> burned by the son they’ve dreamt of.
> ...





Love the imagery, and the mood... I watch people's hands when  they are talking to me... their hands do not lie... fabulous work...


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## Oblivious Plunge (Dec 12, 2016)

Perhaps the most interesting piece I have stumbled upon here.

"They dial God
but got the wrong number" struck me with such force.

This is brilliant.


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## SilverMoon (Dec 12, 2016)

> Originally Posted by *escorial *
> 
> ..... your feelings...that's always a plus in a piece and i can now get a feel for it..thanks



I agree. Even if a writer begins a piece with "I am sad" then pulls out precise words from pocket explaining "why" you've got a poem I'd say all of us can relate to.



> Originally Posted by* Darkinn  *
> 
> The story of these hands is something I get.  *Transposing it to equated emotion*, I'm still working on that aspect.



This metaphorical transition was not easy. My first try and hopefully not my last. It's always great to challenge one's self despite the outcome. It can always be re-shaped (I like this term better than "edit"!)



> Originally Posted by* FireMajic  *



Thanks so much for your kudos as well as your questions and suggestions which I'll do my best to address.



> My hands, * My hands are a tired couple
> they* are a tired couple  My thought is that "they" would be redundant.





> each clink is a song or a wet breath** not sure about "wet breath" maybe "frosty, chilled. icy... in keeping with  "Wintery marriage".... Maybe?....I'm going with "song" as being romantic, then"wet breath" insinuating sexual intimacy.





> Hands, a tent, folded in prayer*** I am not sure about "a tent".... hummmm.... JMO, but a tent, folded in prayer sounds awkward...I perfectly understand your question. It's not about a tent folded in prayer. For instance, let's say the metaphor "a tent" is eliminated you've got "Hands, a tent, folded in prayer".





> Originally Posted by* Oblivious Plunge *


First, Thank you! Wonderful compliments which will make my week.



> "They dial God
> but got the wrong number" struck me with such force.


LOL. Sometimes it's disconnected...


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## Bard_Daniel (Dec 15, 2016)

Very good poetry going on here! This was GREAT!

Hope to see more! : D


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