# Scores: Sept. 2021 LM Comp



## SueC (Sep 29, 2021)

*And the winners are . . . *​*FIRST PLACE:  Founders Day by J.F. Bell 

SECOND PLACE: Worn Shoelaces by Kegan Thompson 

THIRD PLACE TIE: The Number by piperofyork*


*Congratulations to all, and thank you judges for your wonderful work!*​

​​​*Scores*​​*Author*​*Title*​*SueC*​*Vranger*​*Robert n 51*​*Taylor*​*totals*​*Status*​1​piperofyork​*The Number*​*16*​*16*​*16.5*​*18.5*​*16.75*​*3*​2​theChristian Witness​*The Challenges of a Rising Star*​*
 12*​*
 8*​
*13.5*​*
 14.5*​*
 12*​​3​Lawless​*Untitled*​*14*​*15.5*​*14.5*​*16*​*15*​​4​ArrowintheBow
oftheLord​*
 Twilight Falls*​*
 18*​*
 18*​*
 15*​*
 15*​*
 16.5*​​5​Kegan Thompson​*Worn Shoelaces*​*18*​*15.5*​*16.5*​*19*​*17.25*​*2*​6​J.F. Bell​*Founders Day*​*18*​*17*​*18.5*​*17*​*17.625*​*1*​



Spoiler: vranger



*"The little white house in La Unión."*

SPAG 4.0
T&V 4
Evaluation 4
Reaction 3.5
*Total 15.5*

It’s a well-crafted story. I found the writing and characters believable. It didn’t really pop for me, though I think it could have as a longer work where I knew more about the relationship of the protagonists. The premise was interesting. One glitch in dialogue punctuation, and one awkward sentence.

*The Number*

SPAG 5.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 3.5
Reaction 3
*Total 16*

The writing is effective and evocative, and I liked the diversion into the discussion of zero. For me, it took a bit too long to get to a point, and even then I wasn’t sure what the point was, or who the characters represented. I could have used more grounding in the premise.

*The Challenges of a Rising Star*

SPAG 0.5
T&V 3.0
Evaluation 3.5
Reaction 1
*Total 8*

I feel bad marking this down so far, and it all hinged on the wall of text. I got the impression from a line at the end that the wall of text connected to the story, but that didn’t matter. It was hard to read and hard to follow. I had to look away for a moment in the middle of reading it, and I found it hard to find my place to return to reading. Line breaks and paragraph breaks exist for a good reason. So if this was experimental style, it simply failed with me. If it was a copy and paste issue, correcting that after the paste matters.

*Twilight Falls*

SPAG 4.5
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 4.5
*Total 18*

Quite well done. I was drawn in despite the fact I’m one of many who is put off by present tense (I didn’t factor that into scoring). ;-)

People keep writing 650-word stories I’d like to see expanded, and this is one of them. The cloud entity and its communication did remind me of Zephram Cochran and his friend in the original Star Trek’s “Metamorphosis”, but in a good way.

It’s a story my mind will wander back to, and that’s always a nice accomplishment for a writer. 

*Worn Shoelace*

SPAG 4.5
T&V 4.0
Evaluation 3.5
Reaction 3.5
*Total 15.5*

A comma separating two independent clauses is the ding on SPAG. It’s something I commonly do in a first draft and have to catch, myself.

There’s nothing wrong with the writing. It’s evocative of the emotions and situations, but I believe the storytelling left too much unclear about what is going on. I didn’t understand the sister’s addiction. The inconsequential atmosphere-setting bits could have been dropped to add more definition to the plot.

This was an anonymous submission, so if you don’t mind, reply to the scores thread and clue me in, please. LOL

*Step right up*

SPAG 4.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 4.0
*Total 17.0*

A subject-verb agreement goof and a missing quotation mark are the dings on SPAG.

Nice melancholy atmosphere and catching the sense of the county fair, along with a peek into ‘forbidden love’. This is another well-written piece, and the only difference in my score between this and the one entry I scored higher is the extra SPAG edit, and the fact that “Twilight Falls” fired my imagination more, leading to a tick better reaction. Good stuff.





Spoiler: Taylor



#1 - The Number

SPAG: 4.5
T&V: 5
Evaluation: 4.5
Reaction: 4.5
Total: 18.5

You took on an extra challenge telling the entire story in dialogue. Well done! The conversation is lively, natural, and humorous. Really love the clever banter around “The condition of anything.” A nice little morsel to ruminate about. But such a poignant ending I was not expecting, and it was bone-chilling. SPAG deduction for “Seventeen March” Sounds awkward. Should it be, “Seventeenth of March?” And perhaps an “and” between “table” and “picks.” But I accept there could be style choices or translation issues. I was missing a few more senses. Sounds or smells perhaps. It would have added to the eeriness of the setting. Innovative use of the prompt, and a very well-written story.

*********

#2 - The Challenges of a Rising Star

SPAG: 3.5
T&V: 4
Evaluation: 3.5
Reaction: 3.5
Total: 14.5

A nice idea for a story and very relatable. While there are some formatting and Spag issues, I was still able to enjoy the read. I commend you for trying to be creative with physical descriptions, but some of them had me wondering, for example, “pizza-shaped saucer eyes.” The most common reference to a pizza shape is the wedge. If you were referring to the roundness of a pizza, then simply saucer eyes would have worked. I also, thought there was a missed opportunity with this prompt to have the first and last sentence have quite a different meaning from the beginning to the end, based on the context of the story. My favorite thing about this story is the freedom by which your character expresses thought. Good job!

*********

#3 - Untitled
SPAG: 5
T&V: 3.5
Evaluation: 4
Reaction: 3.5
Total: 16

Nicely written. Kudos for writing the story in dialogue. A creative idea to use the prompt of a repeating sentence as a memory. And I like the concept that she learns something significant about how they met that she never knew before and that he absentmindedly shared something that he had kept hidden for years. Likely this is something that happens to many. However, I did find myself a bit lost in their emotions. The POV changes from Martin “remembering” to Marion was “used to” Martin’s stories. Also, I didn’t understand some of the feelings, i.e., “with faked utter tenderness." Plus "How did we end up talking about the old times all of a sudden?" Martin wondered. The dialogue tag suggests he was thinking not speaking. But I didn’t dock anything, because technically, it’s not grammatically wrong, but it added to my confusion. But overall I thought your idea for the story was clever and purposeful.

*********

#4 - Twilight Falls

SPAG: 4.5
T&V: 3.5
Evaluation: 3.5
Reaction: 3.5
Total: 15

A well-written story. While the prompt works well in context, I would have liked to have seen you push yourself for a sentence, that is harder to fit into the story. I appreciate your strong visuals, however, I had a hard time getting into the story itself. The story picks up for me after you, “describe it in human terms.” Here, you capture a lot of sentiment in a few words. Just a couple of commas, I felt were missing. Your writing style has a lovely poetic feeling to it. Nicely done!

*********

#5 - Worn Shoelace

SPAG: 4
T&V: 5
Evaluation: 5
Reaction: 5
Total: 19

I got goosebumps reading this one! Especially when I read the last line. Wonderful use of the prompt. It’s interesting how one sentence can summon mild intrigue and the exact same sentence in context can evoke intense emotions. This one was a “slam dunk” for me. An imaginative slice of life way to tell a relevant story. You cover multiple senses to create a strong sense of her environment. The smoke was a nice touch. I very much related to the plane sighting. You didn’t have to say it, but I felt she was wishing she could be on that plane and that she imagined her future flying away from all of this. Or was that me as a kid? lol! I thought perhaps a comma after “open”, and I wasn’t sure about the use of the word, “went.” Is that a regional thing? And I think it should be “driver’s side.” I especially liked this description, “Yeah.” Her crow’s feet deepened as her smile grew. “Oh, did I tell you she has a job interview Monday?” A simple physical gesture and dialogue to show strong emotion. Nothing could make mom happier, I’m sure. Well done! I particularly appreciate that you told most of the story with dialogue. Bravo!

*********

#6 - Founder's Day

SPAG: 3.5
T&V: 5
Evaluation: 4.5
Reaction: 4
Total: 17

Great use of the prompt. A sensitive and imaginative story. Kudos on portraying so much story in so few words. It felt much longer than 650. Well done! However, the first sentence being so long with so many “ands” caused a slower reaction for me. I also wasn’t sure of the use of the word arroyo. I’d never heard of it, so I had to stop to try to imagine your opening scene. When I googled it, the pictures were mostly gullies with water, so that didn’t help. But, I have been to a lot of county fairs so as soon as I read carnival ground the picture and smells became clear. I would have liked to have seen a few shorter sentences for emphasis. For example, “They had not planned to meet here.” Full stop for emphases. Then the rest of the sentence is a new thought, and important, but doesn’t seem well connected. There are some feelings that seem odd. Like the sore joints causing wincing at a sound. If one thinks about it long enough, I guess he jumped a little because the bell was loud, but again, when I have to think this hard is slows down my reaction. Perhaps that is what you intended. But some very beautiful language and images, I especially responded well to the dark navy belted pea coat. Clothing tells a lot about a person and this choice was ideal for your characterization. Thank you for a thought-provoking and enjoyable read.





Spoiler: robertn51



"The Number"
Total: 16.5

Review
An interesting and moving vignette of a terrible time. The reader had to jump to the internet to understand the circumstance. Was that completely necessary? Probably not, probably just this reader's curiosity with foreign names.

Understanding the context, however, made the moment dire. Because without that external information and without the small translator's note ("from Finnish") it wasn't clear (until the penultimate beat) the men were prisoners and losers of a notable battle in a wider lost war nonetheless insulting the massive Soviet forces on a crumbling world stage.

The prompt? In this case spoken by two different speakers from within two different circumstances. The shift made the phrase much more than a simple repetition. The last one ambiguous on the story's exit, where the implication, "No need for cigarettes", made the situation full stop dire. And thus the repetition, a macabre and cruel joke.

Chilling. (Umm... yeah, sorry. wasn't making a joke about the setting.)
T&V: 4.5
SP&G: 5.0
Eval: 3.5
React: 3.5

-----------------------------

"The Challenges of a Rising Star"
Total: 13.5

Review
Because of the "nothing-happened-ness" of the piece, the reader came up from the text with, "Well, that happened." And struggled to integrate the experience. Perhaps this was because the prompt was both contextual and literal repetition, the beginning, end, and goal merely closing the circle?

T&V: 3.5
SP&G: 3.0
Eval: 3.5
React: 3.5

-----------------------------

Untitled ("The little white house...")
Total: 14.5

Review
This reader felt the story was attempting something that couldn't be fit into the word-count constraint. As if something interesting and complex was being deliberately truncated and forced into the given space. The pressure of this was felt and affected everything. Here's one piece that needs to be set free and allowed into its fullness.

T&V: 4.0
SP&G: 4.0
Eval: 3.0
React: 3.5

-----------------------------

"Twilight Falls"
Total: 15.0

Review
A couple of technical maybe-errors at first spoiled this for me, sorry. But wait just a minute. I mean, nowhere was the MC declared human, so why should constraints of human anatomy and electromagnetic physics be a thing? And two suns would help to explain a tidal-locked planet having setting suns and seasons and all that. Right? Even if tides of gas on the sun it was locked-to wouldn't likely force the planet's rotation and revolution periods to be the same. It's a story. And an interesting thought, playing out. Especially ejecting from one's ship while in orbit, allowing one to be safely and untoasted on the ground as the not-so-lucky ship made its blazing re-entry. I rather like the idea of one's ancestors still roaming the place and there still being a safe, if disruptive, way to listen to them. For once.

T&V: 3.5
SP&G: 4.0
Eval: 3.5
React: 4.0

-----------------------------

"Worn Shoelace"
Total: 16.5

Review
So we are suspended, victims of our own doubt. What comes next? What would be right? I liked this. Even if the circle made was the precise reason I opted from writing and submitting my own piece: I couldn't see how to give the circle meaning. Here the circle closed as I was expecting, but it was still open since the meaning was not, not yet, anyway. There, in that interesting null, my blind spot. Nicely done.

T&V: 4
SP&G: 4
Eval: 4
React: 4.5

-----------------------------

"Founders Day"
Total: 18.5

Review
This language. These sinuous sentences. And the skid-marks the reader made as they realized this is that kind of story and they need to slow down and take and savor the same languid walk as the characters. The end would be too soon a parting and this is another thing to not rush through and from. That and the sly inclusion of the prompt thrice: beginning, middle -- punctuating the major beat -- and end. One smiles. Knowing the presence of sturdy, wily hands here. Literally and figuratively. Just lovely craft.

T&V: 5.0
SP&G: 4.0
Eval: 4.5
React: 5.0





Spoiler: SueC



*(1) The Number, *piperofyork
*SPaG: 4/5
Eval: 4/5
Effect: 4/5
Reaction: 4/5
Overall: 16/20
Review: *Welcome to your first LM comp! This was an interesting piece of work, but it took a couple of reads before I could get a good sense of the story. You have a very good command of interactions between mates, and I loved that part of your story. The comradery between the men was well written, as was the dialogue and reactions. The prompt was included, first and last sentence. But its significance and relevance to the story was not as strong as I would have hoped. It was like a side thing, even though it was the main topic of conversation between the men. It told nothing about the reason the men were there or what they were doing or their purpose. It wasn’t something cohesive that tied the story line together, but that was just my perception. It’s hard to include everything in 650 words, I know, but good work, and thanks for your entry.

*(2 ) The Challenges of a Rising Star, *TheChristianWitness
*SPaG: 3/5
Eval: 3/5
Effect: 3/5
Reaction: 3/5
Overall: 12/20

Review: *Welcome to your first LM comp! So good to see new faces. Writing about a student, encouraged to find his or her voice through writing was clever. However, the lack of formatting (paragraphs, etc.) really brought the score down. Without the standard breaks in writing, it was a little stressful to read. I’m pretty much of a traditionalist in writing, so these things are important to me when I am reviewing someone else’s work. Other than that, there didn’t seem to be much meat to the story itself. Basically, you have a student whose teacher thinks there might be a hidden talent. The student, however, relies on the premise that his or her lack of writing skill is dictated by a DNA that prevents her from writing well. To prove it, her approach to the assignment is too blasé and cavalier to take seriously, and the results she hands in to her teacher reveals that attitude. If you were trying to enhance that impression by omitting formatting to your story, I think it could have been handled a little better.

I think this has potential, however. Your character sees humor as a strength. People who use humor as a defense for everything they run into in life, often have some depth of character, or maybe personal pain, they prefer to hide. Why? It might be something worthwhile to explore. You did meet the prompt. Thanks for your entry – keep writing!

*(3 ) Untitled, *Lawless
*SPaG: 4/5
Eval: 3/5
Effect: 3/5
Reaction: 4/5
Overall: 14/20

Review: *Would have appreciated a title to this work. Here we have two people on a train, reminiscing about when they first met. I think it’s a good depiction of conversation; how some people are so familiar with one another that they can stop and start a variety of topics in one chat. However, as stories go, this fell a little flat for me. The back and forth was a little confusing. In this line, “Their first romantic walk together” I wasn’t sure whether they were on that walk in present time, just to orient readers to where they were at that moment, or if this was part of the memories they were sharing. If it was recall, you might have said “Their first romantic walk back then,” or something like that to give your readers the idea that it was in the past. Because the next sentence, “Martin remembered it very well,” leaves the question of whether he was talking about the little house, or their first romantic walk. I found several passages that were confusing as to time and place. You met the prompt and thanks for your entry, Lawless!

*(4) Twilight Falls, *ArrowintheBowoftheLord
*SPaG: 5/5
Eval: 4/5
Effect: 4/5
Reaction: 5/5
Overall: 18/20

Review: *So enjoyed this, Arrow, and it made me sad as well. Unlike a lot of futuristic stories I’ve read, you offer an explanation or at least a basis for logic on the beings and sights your character is seeing on this foreign planet. There’s nothing here that’s unclear. We are in such turmoil worldwide right now that I found the campfire scene with old friends very compelling; poignant and sad at the possibilities we all face in the future. You met the prompt well, and I feel it was incorporated into the story validly. I saw no spelling or grammar issues, so good job! Thanks for your entry.

*(5) Worn Shoelaces, *Kegan Thompson
*SPaG: 4/5
Eval: 4/5
Effect: 5/5
Reaction: 5/5
Overall: 18/20

Review: *Such a sad story. You incorporated the prompt with ease, although did so leaving a sorrowful taste in one’s mouth. As a people, we are always encouraged to look at the big picture, so much so that the small pictures can become invisible. But that is where the pain lies, in the small spaces – the disappointments, the consistency of the lies and those moments you wish would never come again. The only thing that I could tell – and I read it a couple of times – was that it was almost too one-sided. There was no real comment on the struggle of the addicted sister, only on the pain she was causing her brother. You did a good job showing that you can incorporate beyond the main line of the story (clouds, plane overhead, cereal, milk, music, etc.), but the scope of the story itself seemed a little narrow. You met the prompt well and thank you for your entry.

*(6) Founders Day, *J.F. Bell
*SPaG: 4/5
Eval: 4/5
Effect: 5/5
Reaction: 5/5
Overall: 18/20

Review: *Enjoyed this very much. It’s a calming piece and you can almost feel the atmosphere as you read. There’s an interest in what might be coming, but it’s not filled with anxiety. You paint a very deft picture of two people, connected in a unique way at the end of a day working at the Carnival. He notices her, the “wayward curl of her hair” the way we all might, but seldom speak of. You did a lovely job with this J.B., incorporating the prompt and thank you for your entry.


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## PiP (Sep 29, 2021)

Congratulations, to JFB, Kegan Thompson and piper! Don't forget the winner can enter our annual prize LM challenge in Feb 2022!

Nice to see so many new faces entering this month. Thanks to our LM host and to all the judges who make the LM possible.


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## Foxee (Sep 29, 2021)

Heeeey, @KeganThompson look at that! How many times have I seen you question your writing and you roll in with a first place! Well done!

Congrats to the winners!! Party time!!


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## KeganThompson (Sep 29, 2021)

I cant believe I won. Thank you guys!!

@vranger 


SueC said:


> A comma separating two independent clauses is the ding on SPAG. It’s something I commonly do in a first draft and have to catch, myself.
> 
> There’s nothing wrong with the writing. It’s evocative of the emotions and situations, but I believe the storytelling left too much unclear about what is going on. I didn’t understand the sister’s addiction. The inconsequential atmosphere-setting bits could have been dropped to add more definition to the plot.
> 
> This was an anonymous submission, so if you don’t mind, reply to the scores thread and clue me in, please. LOL


Yes, its me the comma splicing 'queen' 
I'm not the greatest's at adding context to my stories, I like to leave a lot out just see what I can get a way with. I need to learn to be more direct in my storytelling. What part of the addiction confused you? was it the use of the shoelace?


@Taylor 


SueC said:


> I got goosebumps reading this one! Especially when I read the last line. Wonderful use of the prompt. It’s interesting how one sentence can summon mild intrigue and the exact same sentence in context can evoke intense emotions. This one was a “slam dunk” for me. An imaginative slice of life way to tell a relevant story. You cover multiple senses to create a strong sense of her environment. The smoke was a nice touch


Thanks Taylor! In most of my stories I notice the mom is almost always a smoker hahaha 


SueC said:


> . I very much related to the plane sighting. You didn’t have to say it, but I felt she was wishing she could be on that plane and that she imagined her future flying away from all of this. Or was that me as a kid? lol!


 I also wanted to use it to represent hope before the ending when they realized 'the cycle' is starting again.


SueC said:


> I thought perhaps a comma after “open”, and I wasn’t sure about the use of the word, “went.” Is that a regional thing?


haha Probably- like how I say "on accident' and not 'by accident' 


SueC said:


> And I think it should be “driver’s side.” I especially liked this description, “Yeah.” Her crow’s feet deepened as her smile grew. “Oh, did I tell you she has a job interview Monday?” A simple physical gesture and dialogue to show strong emotion. Nothing could make mom happier, I’m sure. Well done! I particularly appreciate that you told most of the story with dialogue. Bravo!


Thank you again! It was a piece that was hard to write and post, so I am glad you liked it so much!



@robertn51


SueC said:


> So we are suspended, victims of our own doubt. What comes next? What would be right? I liked this. Even if the circle made was the precise reason I opted from writing and submitting my own piece: I couldn't see how to give the circle meaning. Here the circle closed as I was expecting, but it was still open since the meaning was not, not yet, anyway. There, in that interesting null, my blind spot. Nicely done.


Thank you! My goal using the prompt was to show the cycle of drug abuse/addiction. Things get better but then it goes down hill again.


@SueC


SueC said:


> Such a sad story. You incorporated the prompt with ease, although did so leaving a sorrowful taste in one’s mouth. As a people, we are always encouraged to look at the big picture, so much so that the small pictures can become invisible. But that is where the pain lies, in the small spaces – the disappointments, the consistency of the lies and those moments you wish would never come again. The only thing that I could tell – and I read it a couple of times – was that it was almost too one-sided. There was no real comment on the struggle of the addicted sister, only on the pain she was causing her brother. You did a good job showing that you can incorporate beyond the main line of the story (clouds, plane overhead, cereal, milk, music, etc.), but the scope of the story itself seemed a little narrow. You met the prompt well and thank you for your entry.


Thank you!  I understand that the story is one sided, but it was from a perspective that I knew best and that was why I didn't comment on the struggles of the sister. I am glad I entered. I plan to do more LM challenges in the future. It was a challenge for me for sure, especially to write within the word limit!


Again, I am super shocked I won. I didn't expect to win lol  The story came from a very personal place, I'm glad I put it out there and it was enjoyed!

Congrats to everyone who entered!


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## KeganThompson (Sep 29, 2021)

Foxee said:


> Heeeey, @KeganThompson look at that! How many times have I seen you question your writing and you roll in with a first place! Well done!
> 
> Congrats to the winners!! Party time!!


Thank you,
Lol I will still question my writing but that's ok because it is what helps me learn and improve


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## piperofyork (Sep 29, 2021)

Congratulations Kegan on a well-deserved victory!!

Thank you also to the judges for your hard work and insights. All I can say is I'm glad I've found this forum.


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## VRanger (Sep 29, 2021)

I hate to do revisionist scoring, but I don't think Mr. Bell's average can be lower than his lowest score. ;-)

I make it at 17.625, which would have him the high average. The rest of the averages are correct. Sorry Kegan, but #2 is pretty darned good! 

Arrow, this is twice in recent months you've been demoted post-announcement by scoring errors. You have the profound apologies of our Staff! If it's any consolation, you earned my high score!

I predicted JBF would soon win one, and just to prove no fix was in, he did so in a contest where I did not score him highest. LOL


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## KeganThompson (Sep 29, 2021)

vranger said:


> I hate to do revisionist scoring, but I don't think Mr. Bell's average can be lower than his lowest score. ;-)
> 
> I make it at 17.625, which would have him the high average. The rest of the averages are correct. Sorry Kegan, but #2 is pretty darned good!
> 
> Arrow, this is twice in recent months you've been demoted post-announcement by scoring errors. You have the profound apologies of our Staff!



Well I didn't look to close at the scores but regardless I thought it was weird I'd beat JBF! Damn.. I will have to brag  to him later when I actually beat him one of these days . 
Congrats @JBF !! 
I'm just glad I did so well and people liked my story


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## VRanger (Sep 29, 2021)

KeganThompson said:


> Well I didn't look to close at the scores but regardless I thought it was weird I'd beat JBF! Damn.. I will have to brag  to him later when I actually beat him one of these days .
> Congrats @JBF !!
> I'm just glad I did so well and people liked my story


You had a very moving story. Yes, I didn't understand about the shoelaces. LOL Clue me in, please!  We've discussed in private, and I'll make it public, that I think you're a quite effective writer.


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## KeganThompson (Sep 29, 2021)

vranger said:


> You had a very moving story. Yes, I didn't understand about the shoelaces. LOL Clue me in, please!  We've discussed in private, and I'll make it public, that I think you're a quite effective writer.


When shooting up addicts use things like shoelaces/ties to wrap around their arm or leg to get the vein to help identify a vein. I should've described the color of the shoelace because I wanted to hint that it was the same one.  (For a bit of irony since the MC threw it back at her)
And thank you! I try


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## KeganThompson (Sep 29, 2021)

KeganThompson said:


> I cant believe I won. Thank you guys!!
> 
> @vranger
> 
> ...


I was thinking about editing my 'winners speech' (to make it less awkward) LOL but I didn't see a point since I'm still just as excited


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## JBF (Sep 29, 2021)

vranger said:


> ... he did so in a contest where I did not score him highest. LOL


 
And this is a slight I'll never forget.  For as long as I live, until the sun burns cold and the oceans...hey, is that the ice cream truck I hear?  Hang on...I gotta find some change.  What was the question again?



KeganThompson said:


> I thought it was weird I'd beat JBF! Damn.. I will have to brag  to him later when I actually beat him one of these days .



I have every confidence you will.  Already I'm growing heady with power, and never being one for moderation I expect the cracks in the empire should begin to show soon.  And I'll probably aid in my own downfall because - let's face it - I like to see stuff explode.  

In the meantime...you understand that this means we all ignore you when you tell us you're an untalented hack, right?   



KeganThompson said:


> I'm just glad I did so well and people liked my story



I'll admit to this: the story that turned out to be yours was the one I marked for winning.  That's some great, honest, gut-level stuff.  Keep after it, and should you opt to expand this one you can count on me coming along to pick nits and offer my demands advice.  

To my fellow contestants and judges, you have my regards for the competition and my thanks for the time.  Third time was the charm, I suppose, and the OCD part of my brain (which is most of it) takes a peculiar delight in having run three LM competitions and taken a bronze, silver, and gold in order - yeah, I know...I'm weird.  Truly, it is a glorious day in the kingdom.  

So help yourselves to the bar, have a good time, and tip your waitstaff.


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## KeganThompson (Sep 29, 2021)

JBF said:


> And this is a slight I'll never forget.  For as long as I live, until the sun burns cold and the oceans...hey, is that the ice cream truck I hear?  Hang on...I gotta find some change.  What was the question again?
> 
> 
> 
> I have every confidence you will.  Already I'm growing heady with power, and never being one for moderation I expect the cracks in the empire should begin to show soon.  And I'll probably aid in my own downfall because - let's face it - I like to see stuff explode.


Whatever. Just give us a book already  


JBF said:


> In the meantime...you understand that this means we all ignore you when you tell us you're an untalented hack, right?


U mean like how everyone blows off your comments about being trash? 


JBF said:


> I'll admit to this: the story that turned out to be yours was the one I marked for winning.  That's some great, honest, gut-level stuff.  Keep after it, and should you opt to expand this one you can count on me coming along to pick nits and offer my demands advice.


As soon as I saw that trash panda profile I knew I was even less likely to win than before
Thanks~ I got another story with a similar theme but I'm waiting for my _skills to be more polished_ before I attempt that one.


JBF said:


> To my fellow contestants and judges, you have my regards for the competition and my thanks for the time.  Third time was the charm, I suppose, and the OCD part of my brain (which is most of it) takes a peculiar delight in having run three LM competitions and taken a bronze, silver, and gold in order - yeah, I know...I'm weird.  Truly, it is a glorious day in the kingdom.
> 
> So help yourselves to the bar, have a good time, and tip your waitstaff.


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## ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord (Sep 29, 2021)

Congratulations JBF, Kegan, and piper! And thank you judges! I don't mind what happened in the recalculation at all; I just like to see the scores and comments.


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## Lawless (Sep 30, 2021)

Of course my story was heavily truncated from its original version and I had to leave something important out.

How was I supposed to say "faked utter tenderness" correctly? He sounded very, very tender, but it was obvious to Marion that he was (playfully) faking it, not seriously tender. I mean, it's something like when you scream like you're in rage, but the other person bursts out laughing because he knows you so well that he understands immediately that you are acting.


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## Foxee (Sep 30, 2021)

Lawless said:


> Of course my story was heavily truncated from its original version and I had to leave something important out.


This is really the heart of the challenge in writing flash fiction. Love it or hate it, writing flash fiction is entirely its own thing.


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## TheChristianWitness (Oct 3, 2021)

Thanks, judges! I appreciate every comment! I was attempting to come at my piece in the idea that the student was writing the whole thing himself, in a journal, for instance.

The purpose was to experiment with writing from a very different mind than my own. I will definitely keep working on making that style more streamlined and coherent, while retaining the elementary thought process.


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