# Hi



## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

Hi,

My name is Jonfried Wazzaloop and I'm an acrobat from Cameroon. Six months ago I damaged my 9th cervical vertebrae and part of my small bowel attempting a move called The Devil's Twist and have been in a hospital bed recovering ever since. The doctors say I have a 40% chance of recovering the use of my legs and an 80% chance that I will need a colostomy bag.

With such a high expectation of shitting problems, I decided to make an alternative career as a writer, of which I have already been highly successful under my psuedonym Pete Malicki, even including a 10 year writing history so as not to cast suspicion unto my alarmingly fast rate of success. Pete has won a nationwide playwriting competition in Australia (Australia! Can you imagine?!), published a novel called _Eyes And Knives _(what a bad title! Would anyone _really _use that?!), been printed as a journalist in magazines, newspapers and the net, and even done freelance editing work. Pete is of course a latent homosexual and I'm waiting for the perfect time to out him. He is an interesting, largely self-inflated character, and absolutely refuses to use smiley faces. I made his persona 27, not 14.

Although I am really Jonfried, I would appriecate you humouring me by referring to me as Pete at all times. The Cameroon Mafia still wants me over large quantities of stolen drugs / women, and I would rather not jeapoardise my safety by exposing myself. In fact, perhaps I've said too much already.

Pete


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## moderan (May 3, 2010)

Hi Pete,

Welcome to the new improved WF. The bar's over there *points* Lin's buying.


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

Thank you. And that curmudgeony old fart better be buying! That's why I came here.

Cheers
Pete


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## Linton Robinson (May 3, 2010)

Great, another damned Cameroon acrobat.   If he mentions the usual Nigerian banker cousin, call security.


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

Just buy my damned drink and quit your whinging, Lin!


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## Sigg (May 3, 2010)

Welcome Pete, Malicki reminds me of that song... 

Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawian Christmas Day 
That's the island greeting that we send to you from the land where palm trees sway....

:-\":-\"

I swear, everytime I see your name, this will be playing in my head.


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

Oh dear. I am therefore changing my name, for your benefit, to Aenima Bytool


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## Sigg (May 3, 2010)

PeteMalicki said:


> Oh dear. I am therefore changing my name, for your benefit, to Aenima Bytool



That isn't as catchy, Bing Crosby can get stuck in your head a lot easier.  But I will keep your preference in mind incase the need to give you a theme song ever arises.


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

That is much appreciated, Sigg. I guess "Some say a comet will fall from the sky, followed by meteor showers and tidal waves, followed by faultlines that cannot sit still, followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits" is the best theme song I'll ever get.

Pete


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## Sigg (May 3, 2010)

Oohhhh maybe I'll take the bing crosby song and turn it into a metal instrumental...


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

Now we're talking!
Pete


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## alanmt (May 3, 2010)

Hi Pete. 

My, you have dreamy eyes.  jus' sayin'


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

Hi sexy, and _I_ like your butt! Err, in a completely Platonic way, of course. Because I'm not gay.
Pete


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## alanmt (May 3, 2010)

me either

because you seem kinda cool, maybe we should do manly things together sometime.  like beer. and soccer practice.


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## PeteMalicki (May 3, 2010)

And deep tissue massage!


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## Nickie (May 4, 2010)

Hi there Pete, and welcome to the forums. Like your sense of humour!


NIkcie


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## PeteMalicki (May 4, 2010)

Thank you Nickie, on both accounts.

I do try very, very hard.

Pete


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