# Death Carnival (Synopsis) [YA]



## MisterTribute (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm just starting to write this story, and I'd love to know your opinions on its Synopsis. (I know it's weird. I'm still on the first chapter of the story but I already have a synopsis. Actually, I finished the first three books ONLY the imagery in my mind. Now I am writing it down in words.)

Any criticisms, opinions, advises, and comments are accepted. I just want to know how the synopsis would impact you.

Here it is:


Death Carnival

_Synopsis_

Ever since sixteen-year-old Zuther Lante, a Karsanian blacksmith, witnessed a murder, he had nightmares. But that's not the last nightmare.

Because of the trauma, he decided to take on a trip to the wilderness with his friends, relax, and wipe away the horrible memory. That changed their lives. They got lost in the wilds, cast away in a place called Larka. They were captured, turned into slaves.

But slavery isn't the only slaughtery in Larka. Every year, they hold a televised competition for entertainment where 30 slaves, aged thirteen to eighteen, are picked randomly, thrown into a maze, and try to find their way out. Unfortunately, Zuther was chosen. If he is to get out of the maze, he has to face the biggest nightmares, and the most heartless manipulations to his life.


Was it too _"spoilery"_? Does it lack in information?


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## Sebastian Darkwood (Aug 18, 2012)

is this in a fantasy world setting? love the names


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## MisterTribute (Aug 18, 2012)

No, Sebastian Darkwood. It is a Dystopian world -- a new world after the end of the world or an apocalyptic event.

Thanks, by the way. I try very hard to scramble letters, he-he.


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## Cran (Aug 18, 2012)

Apart from the potential to polish the language and structure (the voice) suggested by the synopsis, there is the risk of finding your idea compared with The Hunger Games. 



> It is written in the voice of 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives in the post-apocalyptic nation of Panem, where the countries of North America once existed. The Capitol, a highly advanced metropolis, holds hegemony  over the rest of the nation. The Hunger Games are an annual event in  which one boy and one girl aged 12 to 18 from each of the twelve  districts surrounding the Capitol are selected by lottery to compete in a  televised battle to the death until only one person remains.


The Hunger Games - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## MisterTribute (Aug 18, 2012)

Cran said:


> Apart from the potential to polish the language and structure (the voice) suggested by the synopsis, there is the risk of finding your idea compared with The Hunger Games.



I know, that's what I'm worrying about. But this story is based from my dream (that's true). All original. I admit, this has a lot of similarities with The Hunger Games [like it's a _knock-off_], but this is different. :hopelessness: :confusion: There is slavery. And it has two nations with a dark past.


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## Cran (Aug 18, 2012)

As long as you're aware of the risk. 

The best thing for you is to write _your_ story, _your_ way. 

When you're ready, there's no shortage of people willing to tell you how to change it. 
Then it will be up to you to figure out which, if any, of the suggested changes will work for you.


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## bigdsweetz (Aug 18, 2012)

When I first read this I thought of the Hunger Games. I understand that this is a dream that you had and it does have a similar theme, but that might be a good thing for you. People who liked the Hunger Games might pick this up and enjoy it as well. There are lot of books out there that are similar to other books. It's how you write the book and bring your characters to life that make it different.  Also, sometimes people look for a book in the same vein as something else. 
e.g. The Grudge, Ju-no, The Eye are three books that pretty much fall on top of each other but stand out on their own. I hope I didn't discourage.


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## vintageboombox (Aug 18, 2012)

I did initally think of the Hunger Games while reading the synopsis. However, I feel if you focus you could make it your own & it could turn into a very promising novel. Good luck! I look forward to reading more from this.


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## MisterTribute (Aug 19, 2012)

bigdsweetz said:


> When I first read this I thought of the Hunger Games. I understand that this is a dream that you had and it does have a similar theme, but that might be a good thing for you. People who liked the Hunger Games might pick this up and enjoy it as well. There are lot of books out there that are similar to other books. It's how you write the book and bring your characters to life that make it different.  Also, sometimes people look for a book in the same vein as something else.
> e.g. The Grudge, Ju-no, The Eye are three books that pretty much fall on top of each other but stand out on their own. I hope I didn't discourage.



You did not discourage me. You even _encouraged _me to make this even better--more original and mine. And continue with what I have in mind. Thank you. :lemo:


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## MisterTribute (Aug 19, 2012)

vintageboombox said:


> I did initally think of the Hunger Games while reading the synopsis. However, I feel if you focus you could make it your own & it could turn into a very promising novel. Good luck! I look forward to reading more from this.



Thank you. I'll try to make this good. :lemo:
I'll post my first draft of the first chapter later.


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## Cold Twilight (Aug 23, 2012)

This sounds like it could develop into a very interesting story.   In the spirit of being very interested in how this turns out, I have a few questions....^^  I'm sorry for having so many, and going on with them...


Is this murder--that he didn't see--especially significant to the rest of the story and so merits repeated mention?  If it has such a strong effect on him, I expect, as a reader, that it will continue to affect him in various situations in his future.  After I read that he has nightmares because he thinks he could have saved the old man, this seems that it will really keep coming back in some way or another.  Especially that sword with the raven.  

How long ago did he start the work?  He'll need to have been at it for quite some years if he's going to already be making weapons.  If he started when he was six...although that's a bit too young.  Ten would be better, although he probably wouldn't be making swords even six years into the job...but maybe.  I can see the old man letting him take a day or two off as a reward for something, or to help his mom and brother out.

Then there is the trip to the wilderness.  Even with more than one person, and fairly close to civilization, there will be predators and other dangers like thieves/bandits/scavengers/etc.  Are there people who can defend the others and themselves in the group?  How did they get lost?  Did they leave the planned trail?  Did someone wander off and the others went to find them?  Did they tell no one where they were headed (seems odd that they wouldn't tell someone or leave word)?  Were they on a river and get swept down farther than they wanted to go?  The "cast away" seems to fit that. 

Then Larka.  This seems to be a stable and high-infrastructure nation with yearly televised shows.  That means they have the money and technology to do this every year, and have kept up a lot of the knowledge they had before the fall of civilization.  I'm also assuming, that since they have such a yearly event, it is strongly connected to their culture or a past event and is very significant politicially, religiously or otherwise.  

Now the maze and the event itself.  Zuther is a new slave (I'm assuming he's captured and chosen pretty much all at once; or else that brings up new questions such as why a valuable slave--he is a skilled blacksmith--was chosen to pretty much go die and become useless) and there seems to be no reward for getting out of the maze except staying alive.  If he gets out, he's still a slave and a stranger in a strange land.  Or if there is a reward for getting out, like freedom, does he simply have to be the first one out?  Or do the rest have to be incapacitated in some way?  What dangers could he face in the maze beyond hunger and thirst?  Are there wild animals tossed in too, like with the Minotaur myth (explanation added below)? 

With the nightmares, I, as reader, am assuming that they have a strong connection to his earlier nightmare that sent him on his trip to the wilderness.  If not, that seems a little odd, but okay.  But it now brings to mind the question of just what Zuther considers a nightmare after the murder, his and his friend's capture, and experiencing slavery, then getting tossed into this maze.  All of those seem like good nightmare material right there.  

Now the heartless manipulations:  how is he being manipulated?  Do they say he'll get freedom for himself and his friends, but aren't planning on giving it to him at all even if he wins--i.e. an on the side deal that wasn't made public and so doesn't have to be kept?  Is he lied to in other ways?  Is he somehow convinced he has to do something horrible to live or get free?  



Labyrinth - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia  Below is the direct quote from wikipedia about the myth of the Minotaur.
 In Greek mythology, the Labyrinth was an elaborate structure designed and built by the legendary artificer Daedalus for King Minos of Crete at Knossos. Its function was to hold the Minotaur, a mythical creature that was half man and half bull and was eventually killed by the Athenian hero Theseus. Daedalus had made the Labyrinth so cunningly that he himself could barely escape it after he built it.[1] Theseus was aided by Ariadne, who provided him with a skein of thread, literally the "clew", or "clue", so he could find his way out again.


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## MisterTribute (Aug 25, 2012)

Wow, those questions may be answered with spoilers. So, *SPOILER ALERT!!!*



Cold Twilight said:


> Is this murder--that he didn't see--especially significant to the rest of the story and so merits repeated mention? If it has such a strong effect on him, I expect, as a reader, that it will continue to affect him in various situations in his future. After I read that he has nightmares because he thinks he could have saved the old man, this seems that it will really keep coming back in some way or another. Especially that sword with the raven.



Yes, the nightmare is very significant to the whole story. Probably, it will be mentioned a lot of times until the end. Also the sword with the raven is significant.



> How long ago did he start the work? He'll need to have been at it for quite some years if he's going to already be making weapons. If he started when he was six...although that's a bit too young. Ten would be better, although he probably wouldn't be making swords even six years into the job...but maybe. I can see the old man letting him take a day or two off as a reward for something, or to help his mom and brother out.



I did not think of that. He has been a blacksmith for about 4 months. There is one law in Karsan where in every job, there is a difficulty level. Blacksmith is for sixteen and up, so when Zuther turned sixteen, he applied for the job. I’ll fix this up, thanks. Maybe, the KDA is in a rush of making weapons.



> Then there is the trip to the wilderness. Even with more than one person, and fairly close to civilization, there will be predators and other dangers like thieves/bandits/scavengers/etc. Are there people who can defend the others and themselves in the group? How did they get lost? Did they leave the planned trail? Did someone wander off and the others went to find them? Did they tell no one where they were headed (seems odd that they wouldn't tell someone or leave word)?  Were they on a river and get swept down farther than they wanted to go? The "cast away" seems to fit that.


 
There will be four of them traveling the wilds. One is an adult, which makes the nation permits them to go out of the borders. Two blacksmiths. One farmer. And one illegal hunter. Zuther and Lorvic (the blacksmiths) are good with weapons. Ozrick (the farmer) will probably be helpful with picking the right plants to eat. And Rhod (the illegal hunter) is, obviously, good at hunting. Which makes three of them capable of defending their selves. They did not tell anyone where they’re headed. Odd, I know. But there’s one adult, so it will be okay.

How did they get lost? Ozrick’s fault. He is picking some berries up a hill, and underneath those berries is a hole, which makes him fall. Three of them have to rescue him. But there’s no way up the hill from under the hole. The hole continues to a tunnel which lands them on Larka.



> Then Larka. This seems to be a stable and high-infrastructure nation with yearly televised shows. That means they have the money and technology to do this every year, and have kept up a lot of the knowledge they had before the fall of civilization.  I'm also assuming, that since they have such a yearly event, it is strongly connected to their culture or a past event and is very significant politicially, religiously or otherwise.


 
Larka was established in a place full of the past era’s technologies. Karsan is older than Larka but Karsan’s place was not that gifted than Larka.

The real reason for the Carnival is *SPOILERS!!!* Sorry, I can’t tell. Two words: Dark past.



> Now the maze and the event itself. Zuther is a new slave (I'm assuming he's captured and chosen pretty much all at once; or else that brings up new questions such as why a valuable slave--he is a skilled blacksmith--was chosen to pretty much go die and become useless) and there seems to be no reward for getting out of the maze except staying alive. If he gets out, he's still a slave and a stranger in a strange land. Or if there is a reward for getting out, like freedom, does he simply have to be the first one out? Or do the rest have to be incapacitated in some way? What dangers could he face in the maze beyond hunger and thirst? Are there wild animals tossed in too, like with the Minotaur myth (explanation added below)?


 
Actually, four of them are automatically chosen for the Death Carnival. The reason why they were automatically chosen: TOO MUCH SPOILERS!!!

No rewards, probably more supplies and needs, like dresses, foods. Hard to explain.

Lots of dangers. Fact: Death Carnival is based on my dream and the story of the Labyrinth and the Minotaur. There are lots of creatures (all genetically engineered) in the maze.



> Now the heartless manipulations: how is he being manipulated? Do they say he'll get freedom for himself and his friends, but aren't planning on giving it to him at all even if he wins--i.e. an on the side deal that wasn't made public and so doesn't have to be kept? Is he lied to in other ways? Is he somehow convinced he has to do something horrible to live or get free?



You got all right. But I still doubt about the giving freedom to them if they got out of the maze.


Thank you for the questions Cold Twilight. I appreciate all of them very much. Feel free to ask more. (But RISK the spoilers)


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## Ender27 (Oct 10, 2012)

And I didn't read "The Hunger Games"!
When I had read about the maze and randomly chosen slaves, I thought about the Minotaur (yeah, strange associations).
If you lead Zuther's psychology in amazing way, it would interest me. You've chosen the difficult subject... but any true (?) book isn't easy to write. My advice - describe Zuther's internal fight, his thoughts and feelings. And show him by different points of view to make it more objective.


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## MisterTribute (Oct 10, 2012)

Yes, I am trying to dive deeper and deeper into Zuther's mind to grasp his emotions and thoughts, and, as you say, his internal fights (I like how it sounds .

About the 'show him by different points of view', what does that really mean? Do you mean that I should switch points of views from character to another, like not staying inside Zuther's world, but rather roam around other's points of views?


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