# Cease And Desist



## Firemajic (May 9, 2017)

*You seek to subdue my inner freak when you speak
words designed to defeat, poison darts aimed at my heart
dripping blood, on my knees, crawling in the malice of your mud
undeterred , I thrive , protecting dreams deep inside
you thought I would die? Oh please!
Your opinion does not mean that much to me

Unabashed, I refuse to hide, striding these halls
blatantly deface the confining walls
of this small box you put me in
lets take this from the top
Stop
you will not win again

I am not going away, believe me, I'm here to stay
why can't you look me in the eye? Don't deny
you thought I would not survive
You can't hurt me from where I stand, here in No Man's Land
on the outside... looking in, the way it has really always been...
I am fine, so I decline your pity

*


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## kastro (May 9, 2017)

YES. Powerful. The tenacity of our will to protect our truest "self" in the face of adversity...or those who wish to dismiss or disfigure it...I love the theme, it is one of confidence and sureness and the way I read through this, it has a strong beat to it that goes nicely with the tone... "You seek to subdue my inner freak when you speak" I like how that kind of "punches" as I read it. 

The only part I think could be stronger is the final line "I am fine, so I decline your pity" this poem builds such a strong mental picture for me with lines like "dripping blood on my knees" and "poison darts aimed at my heart" that I'm lead to feel more than just pity at the end....it feels more like hatred, disgust, maybe jealousy?? Just some ideas to play around with maybe tweaking with that last line. Great poem!


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## sas (May 9, 2017)

It seems more like an extemporaneous rant than a poem. Your intent?


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## Firemajic (May 9, 2017)

kastro said:


> YES. Powerful. The tenacity of our will to protect our truest "self" in the face of adversity...or those who wish to dismiss or disfigure it...I love the theme, it is one of confidence and sureness and the way I read through this, it has a strong beat to it that goes nicely with the tone... "You seek to subdue my inner freak when you speak" I like how that kind of "punches" as I read it.
> 
> The only part I think could be stronger is the final line "I am fine, so I decline your pity" this poem builds such a strong mental picture for me with lines like "dripping blood on my knees" and "poison darts aimed at my heart" that I'm lead to feel more than just pity at the end....it feels more like hatred, disgust, maybe jealousy?? Just some ideas to play around with maybe tweaking with that last line. Great poem!





Thank you, Kastro, you completely expressed my thoughts, thank you for understanding.. I agree that my last line is weak, and needs work, I appreciate your comments... welcome to the fabulous poetry thread... 





sas said:


> It seems more like an extemporaneous rant than a poem. Your intent?




Hummm, well I don't like labels, so I am not sure ... to rant was not my intent, I did however get caught up in playing with the internal rhyme scheme.... my intent... my intent was to express myself, to say in a poem what I lack the courage to express in real life, I suppose... I gave myself permission to let the freak speak  and I must admit, it is very self indulgent. But it felt good, hahaaa, like eating too much chocolate...


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## Nellie (May 9, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> Hummm, well I don't like labels, so I am not sure ... to rant was not my intent, I did however get caught up in playing with the internal rhyme scheme.... my intent... my intent was to express myself, to say in a poem what I lack the courage to express in real life, I suppose... I gave myself permission to let the freak speak  and I must admit, it is very self indulgent. But it felt good, hahaaa, like eating too much chocolate...




You have my permission to self- indulge. Love that chocolate.... indulge in it until the label disappears..... yummmm.


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## Firemajic (May 10, 2017)

Nellie said:


> You have my permission to self- indulge. Love that chocolate.... indulge in it until the label disappears..... yummmm.






:unconscious:  I did....


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## jenthepen (May 10, 2017)

My reaction is like kastro's. I feel excited by the empowered feel of this poem - the strength that it expresses is inspirational and it's so good to see you breaking free. :cheers: 

I thought the internal rhyme was beautifully done too.

Ooh, I think I'll break out a beer on the strength of this.


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## Firemajic (May 10, 2017)

jenthepen said:


> My reaction is like kastro's. I feel excited by the empowered feel of this poem - the strength that it expresses is inspirational and it's so good to see you breaking free. :cheers:
> 
> I thought the internal rhyme was beautifully done too.
> 
> Ooh, I think I'll break out a beer on the strength of this.





SQUEEeeek!!!! Haha, yeah, it is harmless to express my feelings in this poem and it saved me from getting my teeth knocked out in RL.... so, the lesson here is, express yourself in a safe way, then OD on chocolate and have a beer with a fabulous friend... 

I am so happy that you enjoyed the internal rhyme, I tried to make it a "Random Rhyme" poem, but alas, I have spent too many years forcing rhyme in a neat predictable pattern.... Thank you, jen.... I appreciate your comments.. love you to bits....


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## Bard_Daniel (May 10, 2017)

My favorite part:

"*You can't hurt me from where I stand, here in No Man's Land
on the outside... looking in, the way it has really always been..."

*Great lines. Nice.


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## tinacrabapple (May 10, 2017)

This is powerful.  Had a friend that was just like this- putting you in a box and trying to pity you.


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## Firemajic (May 12, 2017)

danielstj said:


> My favorite part:
> 
> "*You can't hurt me from where I stand, here in No Man's Land
> on the outside... looking in, the way it has really always been..."
> ...





Thank you, Daniel... I appreciate your comments 





tinacrabapple said:


> This is powerful.  Had a friend that was just like this- putting you in a box and trying to pity you.





Hello, tinacrabapple.... thank you for reading, I think "pity" is a self serving emotion... because when one feels pity for someone, it feels like they think they are better than... smug... no compassion... I truly hate pity...  I had a "friend" who would take my inventory, point out all of my flaws, then tell me she was so glad she was not like me... then she would say "I pity you"..... anyway... thank you for reading and commenting... I appreciate..


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## sas (May 12, 2017)

Friend?  I've got a sister for that. :rofl::rofl:


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## Firemajic (May 12, 2017)

sas said:


> Friend?  I've got a sister for that. :rofl::rofl:






:applause::applause:.... yeah... thank goodness they love us...


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## kaminoshiyo (May 12, 2017)

My national anthem, lol. 

Nice. It really was forceful and I oddly felt...proud...reading it.


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## Firemajic (May 12, 2017)

kaminoshiyo said:


> My national anthem, lol.
> 
> Nice. It really was forceful and I oddly felt...proud...reading it.





:applause::applause::applause:  yeah!!!! Yeah! Thank you!


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