# Dad Joke



## aj47 (Mar 27, 2016)

"Dad, turn up the heat if you please.
I think that my butt's gonna freeze!"
"Son, sit in the corner
like little Jack Horner...
... you'll find that it's ninety degrees."


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## PrinzeCharming (Mar 27, 2016)

astroannie said:


> "Dad, turn up the heat if you please.
> I think that my butt's gonna freeze!"
> "Son, sit in the corner
> like little Jack Horner...
> ... you'll find that it's 90°."




I love the simplicity and humor in this post. The only thing you can do without is _that_. Great job.


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## SilverMoon (Mar 28, 2016)

> "Dad, turn up the heat if you please.
> I think that my butt's gonna freeze!"
> "Son, sit in the corner
> like little Jack Horner...
> ... you'll find that it's 90°."



 You'll get a better rhyme if you spell it out - "degrees".  Love your quick wit!


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## Sonata (Mar 28, 2016)

PrinzeCharming said:


> I love the simplicity and humor in this post. The only thing you can do without is _that_. Great job.



As it is, it is a great limerick and very amusing, but by removing the word _that_ changes it from 8 syllables in the first line to 7 syllables in the second, which does not balance.

I agree with SilverMoon about spelling out the word "degrees".


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## PrinzeCharming (Mar 28, 2016)

Sonata said:


> As it is, it is a great limerick and very amusing, but by removing the word _that_ changes it from 8 syllables in the first line to 7 syllables in the second, which does not balance.
> 
> I agree with SilverMoon about spelling out the word "degrees".




If you focus on syllables, then go that route. I suggested it to make it smooth and natural. It sounds more of a natural dialogue without _that_. 



_"I think __my butt's gonna freeze!"

__"I think _*that *_my butt's gonna freeze!"


Just sound it out. That's why I was quick to crit. _


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## Darkkin (Mar 28, 2016)

The removal of the that in line two, as Prince suggested evens the coversation flow.  Where as retaining the numerical format of 90 degrees, for me at least sharpens the edge of the humour.  Rather pointed like the edges of the corner angle...The mere spelling of the phrase blunts the bite and logic.

Overall, a pithy read.


D. the T.


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## PrinzeCharming (Mar 28, 2016)

Darkkin said:


> Where as retaining the numerical format of 90 degrees, for me at least sharpens the edge of the humour.  Rather pointed like the edges of the corner angle...The mere spelling of the phrase blunts the bite and logic.
> 
> Overall, a pithy read.
> 
> ...




I agree with you here. The flow is sharp if it's left at a numerical value. If someone can't read _90° *as *_90 degrees, that's their problem. The poem is more attractive without spelling it out. This relates to the rule for writing anything above ten. Ninety vs. 90. It cleans up nicely when it's numerical.


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## SilverMoon (Mar 28, 2016)

Visually, "90%" is clever but inconsistent with the poem as a whole. If "After ee cummings" it would fit in with the sharp edges of his modernistic style. As it stands here, it's too outstanding.

I would not sacrifice astroannie's syllable which she has "got down to a T", otherwise.


"Dad, turn up the heat if you please.   8
I think that my butt's gonna freeze!"   8        (here, I agree with Sonata. One count off disrupts balance)
"Son, sit in the corner````````````` 6
like little Jack Horner...                       6
you'll find that it's 90 degrees              8

My two (2) cents.


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## escorial (Mar 28, 2016)

with reading some of your comments on poetry I find myself wondering what your trying to express...or not...but still I do find it an odd feeling...as for the poem...it has a joke in it...


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## aj47 (Mar 28, 2016)

escorial said:


> with reading some of your comments on poetry I find myself wondering what your trying to express...or not...but still I do find it an odd feeling...as for the poem...it has a joke in it...



Hi esc,

It's one of my warm-ups for NaPoWriMo.  Fluff to exercise my rhyming muscles (and my metric muscles, too).

Thanks for having a look.


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