# Teetotal No More (Adult Language)



## Joby Jo (Mar 21, 2011)

_I’ll come out, but on two conditions._

A smirk covers Lizi’s face as she entertains the request.

_Go on._

_I have a budget of £15 and I need to leave at 11:30pm. Ok?_

These ‘demands’ may seem odd to the rest of the world, but in my organised and controlled OCD head, they are perfectly fine.

_Yeah yeah yeah. God, whatever_

Her eyes roll and she lets out a sigh from my diva like wants.

_Sorted. Thank you._

It’s  been a while since my last night out, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and  with the company expected tonight, it was due to be another good one.

I  eventually met up with Sharon and her sister at 8:30pm. I say  eventually because the taxi driver had no idea where we were going. And  neither did i.

_Is it down here mate?_

I  looked at him like a deer in head lights. Surely a big part of being a  taxi driver is to know your way around, and if not, to have a map or sat  nav.

_I haven’t got a clue boss. I’ve never been before. I just know it’s number 96._

The  more I repeated myself the more he seemed to disbelieve me. But when we  arrived at said destination his voice changed instantly. Cautious  turned to arrogance.

_Ah see, I knew it was here. That’ll be a fiver please mate._

I could have argued that he took me round the houses (literally) but I paid the man and was greeted by a very smiley Sharon.

_Joby! Come on in. Drinks on t’side for ya._

The  drink in question was a very tall glass filled with Vodka and Cranberry  juice. Not exactly my preferred choice, but I don’t think tea was on  the menu. And to say it was strong was an understatement. I’m sure to  the trio of seasoned drinkers that is Sharon, tammy and Lizi it was as  weak as water, but for me, it definitely had a kick to it.

By  the time my playmates turned up I was on my second drink and feeling  the effects. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘Jo, you’ve only been out  an hour. Stop being a pussy and man up’
But what you must  remember my friend is that I am a very unsocial creature. I’ve probably  had more mental breakdowns than I have units of alcohol. Getting me  drunk is easier than getting into some Harlots knickers. So you must cut  me a little slack. Plus later on (much later on) I found out that my  cokes contained 3 or 4 shots of vodka, and not 1 like I was told. I  thought it a tad strong but just put it down to being so credulous. Damn  those girls and their sneaky ways. It could have been worse though. The  best thing about having a drink with female friends is that they are so  funny and diverse. That’s the group of ladies I choose to hang out  with, I can’t account for them all. Also, I don’t have to deal with a  load of macho bullshit that is normally associated with a gang of heavy  drinking men. Oh, and did I mention that they are all easy on the eye  too. Another nice little bonus.

_C’mon Jo, get this down ya!_

Tiera hands me a luminous green shot glass which contains a dubious looking liquid…that she wants me to drink.

_What the fuck is that!_

Not  only am I getting drunk for the first time I am also trying out many  new drinks. Though I’m not sure you could label it a tasty beverage.

_It’s Spunk!_

Words  I never thought I’d here from certain friends. But, when in Rome. And  you know what? It actually tastes really good. I just wish I knew what  the ingredients where to such a fine refreshment.

There  were many things I learned that night. Like how often Rihanna is played  (she must have been on 4 or 5 times in the space of 3 hours. I wouldn’t  have minded so much, but it was the same song!) I also learned how to  dance, just not to Tammy’s skill. Although I got the swaying of the head  move down to a tee. And I also learned that my companions for the night  are very persuasive.

_Lizi. I got to go. It’s 12:05 and I’m up in 5 and a half hours._

Her smile said it all.

_Nah mate. You’re coming with us. Here till the end._

It’s  at this point in the story that my journey should end. I should have  gone home, had a nice night’s sleep and woke up in time for work. But  the truth is, I was having such a good time that I just broke the  traditions of rational thinking and went with the flow.

And  so we moved on to the Wilsons arms. Another good reason I don’t drink. I  try not to be judgmental but this place was how you’d say, rough. Not  only was I out of my comfort zone, I was also drunk and out of my  comfort zone. Luckily for me I had very good company. I just have no  idea why they choose to drink in a place that serves booze until 4:00am  and that has a pole dancing pole in the centre of the room. Ok, maybe  THAT’S why they choose it.
My memories of the Wilsons arms are  fond. How could I forget the fight that broke out within minutes of us  being there, or going to the toilet and having some random hero who was  so drunk he leant on me while he peed.  Now you don’t get that every  day.
Despite these oddities it was a really good night. Sharon had  a stalker, as did Lizi…in fact so did Tammy! There was only Tiera who  did the stalking and let’s just say her night ended well.

_Jo come on, we’re going to a house party._

You’ve  got to admire Lizi and Sharon’s ability to hold down a drink. It’s  5:20am and they looked as sober as they did when they started 8 hours  ago. Myself and Tammy however were wrecked.

_I can’t Lizi. I’m exhausted. Plus I’ve got to be up in 10 mins._

Even I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but I was drunk so fuck you.
After  much debating we decided to part company. We said our goodbyes and the  girls drove off in a taxi, leaving me drunk, and outside the Wilson arms  at 5:30am with 3 complete strangers. Yeah, you read that right! I love  them girls to bits but Jesus Christ talk about in at the deep end.   Thankfully my new found friends turned out to be pleasant, if not a  little boisterous, and they didn’t beat me to a pulp like my brain was  telling me they would do.

20 mins later I was in bed with a  huge smile on my face. It’s always said you should ‘never say never’,  and I can safely say I never thought I would do 9 hours of drinking,  returning home at the time I am normally waking up for work. But you  know what? I’m so glad I did. Round 2? Bring it on.


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## Davi Mai (Sep 10, 2020)

Good little story. Reads a bit like a diary entry. Quite realistic, although I would have bailed long before the morning, if it was me


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## Deleted member 64995 (Sep 22, 2020)

It reads well.
Straightforward, direct, very real.
Congratulations, I like it very much.


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