# Someday



## SilverMoon (Apr 26, 2011)

I’ll return to Christopher Street,
to that small mad lamp shop
crowded with all that will be lit
in homes of those 
who kneel before the odd.

I’ll see them again in the laundry mat
wearing big hats and beads,
watching the holes in 
their underwear lob
in a rusted machine.

I'll find that bar where
Tantra the transvestite
sang _I am Ambrosia.
_Where I wiped her tears
after the show then rode
the ferry drinking Cosmos.
Of course, darl'n.

But for now
three kids in suburbia
and a dead end husband.

I wish one lamp
had shed some light.


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## Squalid Glass (Apr 27, 2011)

I absolutely loved the ending. Such a great image to end on.

Your subtle rhymes work nicely here. And the first stanza is such a great way to dive into this missed, crazy, little world.


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## Chesters Daughter (Apr 28, 2011)

Add a kid and it's me. Thought those blinders would come in handy, big mistake, eh? I know you get where I'm coming from so I'll leave it at that. Love this, Law, like SG, especially the ending. Now, tell me true, friend so dear, what was your inspiration? Take it to a PM if that's better. True you and truly enjoyed.


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## SilverMoon (Apr 28, 2011)

Thank you both, SG and Lisa.

Glad the subtle rhymes came through and that you both liked the ending which brings you back to the first stanza.



> Now, tell me true, friend so dear, what was your inspiration?


This poem harks back to my 20's living in Greenwich Village, Manhattan. Never a dull moment, never knowing what each day will bring just crossing the street. Colorful characters everywhere. I eventually married and moved to Long Island. Vanilla Land. 

No longer a traveler in the village, I became a wife. Settled. Like in concrete. While cleaning the house I would listen to Marianne Faithful's "The Ballad of Lucy Jordon" and thought of all that I might be missing in life and what I did miss. So, this poem was partly inspired by her song.

Here she goes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phCG7Znjzuk&feature=related


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## Chesters Daughter (Apr 28, 2011)

You know in your heart, that wild beating beast in your chest, that you were meant for Studio 54 and I betcha Jack would testify to that. Thanks for the song, love.


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## SilverMoon (Apr 28, 2011)

Oh, Jack! And to think I was able to make him laugh. And then dancing with Roller Rita...

What a great song, yes?


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## MeeQ (Apr 28, 2011)

This is delicious. The basic principles and feast of regret makes me snicker like a girl. (I just asked myself if that's a good thing... it is) 



> Again, I’ll sit in a bar
> next to a transvestite
> who might ask me to
> go to her show
> ...


 
Do more, always do more! Don't make a man beg.


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## SilverMoon (Apr 28, 2011)

Hey, MeeQ. Sorry. A smart girl gots to keep 'em begging. But for you I'll make an exception since you owned up to snickering like a girl.



> Again, I’ll sit in a bar
> next to a transvestite
> who might ask me to
> go to her show
> ...


True story. Had an argument with a boyfriend and ditched into this interesting looking bar. Spent hours with her talking and laughing maniacally. I never did make it to her show but all the while with her I thought "This will fill part of a page or be the page". Amazing what we writers store to complete the puzzle.

And big thanks.


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## MeeQ (Apr 28, 2011)

We write what we know. It's real, and reality needs to be remembered. Pleasure to be here.


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## SilverMoon (Apr 28, 2011)

Glad you're back. It seems forever!


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## MeeQ (Apr 28, 2011)

Glad to be back, my poisonous mentality missed you all.


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## Gumby (Apr 28, 2011)

It is all delicious, Laurie, but that ending simply nailed it down tight. Enjoyed!


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## SilverMoon (Apr 28, 2011)

Thanks, Cindy. I didn't realize what impact the ending would have on some.


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## J.R. MacLean (Apr 29, 2011)

Hi Laurie. There's always a critic lurking in the woodwork.



SilverMoon said:


> I’ll return to Christopher Street,
> to that small mad lamp shop
> crowded with all that will be lit
> in homes belonging to those *in the homes of those*
> ...


 
Just a few suggestions to take or leave. Nice to read you again.


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## SilverMoon (Apr 29, 2011)

Hi, JR. Glad to hear from you. You've made excellent suggestions. Particularly here. And that's a fix.



> in homes belonging to those *in the homes of those*



One of the definitions of lob is to move heavily and clumsily. I thought this more suitable.



> their underwear lob *bob instead of lob? *



Just can't change my ending but thanks for that idea.

JR, when you take time out to review, I know I must have gotten something right. Thanks much.


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## TheFuhrer02 (May 1, 2011)

The ending was spot-on. The rest, the others have already said.

A simple, but sincere piece.


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## SilverMoon (May 3, 2011)

Thanks much...


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## WhitakerRStanton (May 5, 2011)

~


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## SilverMoon (May 5, 2011)

Whit, don't ever apologize for your suggestions. This is exactly what has allowed me to grow as a writer. My work was much less vivid before WF's input. 

"I’ll return to Christopher Street,
to that small mad lamp shop" - As good an opening as it gets. Thanks!

"who kneel before the odd." - Not sure about this line. I'm not sure exactly what you are going for with it. I introduce the "small mad" lamp shop in first stanza (there was one - a great thing!)  OK. Mad lamps. Think funky lamps. And who would buy them? Out of the  ordinary people. _And_ perhaps odd. (We _are _talking about the West Village  in Manhattan.) It's not about Mr. and Mrs. Smith looking for a lamp at  Macy's. These West Villagers kneel before the odd. Not a god or a religious statue as would be expected after reading "kneel before." They worship individuality. 

"I just wish
one lamp
had shed some light."  I'm not sure that is what you were going for though. This brings you back to the first stanza. The lamps represent enlightenment. If only she had really thought if marriage and suburbia were for her..


"Again, I’ll sit in a bar" - This opening line doesn't really transition well from the last stanza in my opinion. Thanks. I have to agree with you. I'm thinking, now, that there should be some sort of segue between the first verse and this second. Or at least a more compelling line. Something to work on. 

"next to a transvestite
who might ask me to
go to her show 
where she sings
_I am Ambrosia_" - The rest of this stanza however is superb. Glad you liked it. I wasn't sure of it's strength.

This is just an idea, but I would drop the suburbia line and the word "with." So that it read like this:

"But for now
three kids
and a dead end husband." - Just an idea. And a great one. I'll take it!


Thank you for the time you've put into your review. Now, I'm off to make some changes per your suggestions...


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## arkayye (May 5, 2011)

The lamp is the connection, and through its light the rest of our lives become clear... as it ranges from the mundanity of laundry to the curiosities of some entertainment.
I am hoping never to be a dead-end husband, thanks for the caustic reminder.


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## SilverMoon (May 6, 2011)

:idea: Yes. The lamp is a kind of a metaphor. And you don't sound like you'll ever be a dead-end husband! :smile:


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## ewan (May 6, 2011)

Very good, I liked.


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## SilverMoon (May 6, 2011)

Thanks, ewan. Really glad you enjoyed! Laurie


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