# Chapter IV in my memoir- need feedback



## fashionablyinsane (Jan 28, 2007)

Sorry I erased this- I don't want my stuff online anymore.


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## Flexbile Garphite (Jan 29, 2007)

Right on. I'm confused about why you're so unhappy though... people have a reason to be unhappy, even if it's just clinical depression.


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## quignov (Jan 31, 2007)

Two different types of comments for you.
Thank you. Although we all feel depression slightly differently, we all feel depression the same. First, I want to add onto what F.G. said, i.e., "people have a reason to be unhappy". You spent alot of time explaining what it feels like to be unhappy. That was great. You explained it pretty well; what we go through when we are depressed, the "act" that we sometimes put on for others. However, in my opinion you still need some kind of a message in writing. Any kind of a message really. So, what is it that you are trying to say or convince others of? Is it that you are unhappy or is there more to it? I would try to think about this and see if you don't want to change anything.

On another note, if I am completely wrong, and that you are looking for somebody to understand you? or maybe to help you? I dont' know. It sounds like an "accidental" cry for help to me... I may be wrong though...


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## modified7 (Feb 1, 2007)

I'll just hope for you..........that it is a work of fiction, not a memoir.  If you wanted to give insight into the thoughts that come to mind when one considers taking the plunge, you successfully took us there.
Glad you stayed around though........


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## MetalMusicMan (Feb 3, 2007)

blerg


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## fashionablyinsane (Feb 10, 2007)

Flexbile Garphite said:
			
		

> Right on. I'm confused about why you're so unhappy though... people have a reason to be unhappy, even if it's just clinical depression.


 
You're completely right, I just didn't want to write a novel in a chapter. This chapter just explains my emotions for the most part, while other chapters help to elaborate on why it is I feel that way. But thanks for the feedback. =). I think I might post another chapter later today.


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## fashionablyinsane (Feb 10, 2007)

MetalMusicMan said:
			
		

> My one critisism is the use of profanity in certain situations, especially the word "fuck". Don't misread that, I have no problem with profanity, I curse more than anyone that I know, and fuck is my favorite word, but there are times when profanity helps and times when it hurts. For example:
> 
> You wrote-- "_Every single fucking day. | And it hurt so fucking much." ..._
> I think that-- _"Every single day. | And it hurt so much." ..._
> ...


 
Thank you so much for that feedback because it gave me something concrete to fix rather than some abstract idea to conquer, and I've changed some of my wording in my original file. =)


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## fashionablyinsane (Feb 10, 2007)

modified7 said:
			
		

> I'll just hope for you..........that it is a work of fiction, not a memoir. If you wanted to give insight into the thoughts that come to mind when one considers taking the plunge, you successfully took us there.
> Glad you stayed around though........


 
Well if I hadn't then it wouldn't have been a very good memoir. lol.
CHAPTER ONE:
I want to die.

The end.

So I have good reason to live.


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## fashionablyinsane (Feb 10, 2007)

quignov said:
			
		

> Two different types of comments for you.
> Thank you. Although we all feel depression slightly differently, we all feel depression the same. First, I want to add onto what F.G. said, i.e., "people have a reason to be unhappy". You spent alot of time explaining what it feels like to be unhappy. That was great. You explained it pretty well; what we go through when we are depressed, the "act" that we sometimes put on for others. However, in my opinion you still need some kind of a message in writing. Any kind of a message really. So, what is it that you are trying to say or convince others of? Is it that you are unhappy or is there more to it? I would try to think about this and see if you don't want to change anything.
> 
> On another note, if I am completely wrong, and that you are looking for somebody to understand you? or maybe to help you? I dont' know. It sounds like an "accidental" cry for help to me... I may be wrong though...


 
I do have a greater overall message and it gets dealt with in other chapters. It's difficult though to appreciate that if I only post one chapter of the entirety, so I'm going to post another chapter today... I think chapter one. =)


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## fashionablyinsane (Feb 10, 2007)

quignov said:
			
		

> Two different types of comments for you.
> Thank you. Although we all feel depression slightly differently, we all feel depression the same. First, I want to add onto what F.G. said, i.e., "people have a reason to be unhappy". You spent alot of time explaining what it feels like to be unhappy. That was great. You explained it pretty well; what we go through when we are depressed, the "act" that we sometimes put on for others. However, in my opinion you still need some kind of a message in writing. Any kind of a message really. So, what is it that you are trying to say or convince others of? Is it that you are unhappy or is there more to it? I would try to think about this and see if you don't want to change anything.
> 
> On another note, if I am completely wrong, and that you are looking for somebody to understand you? or maybe to help you? I dont' know. It sounds like an "accidental" cry for help to me... I may be wrong though...


 
I do have a greater overall message and it gets dealt with in other chapters. It's difficult though to appreciate that if I only post one chapter of the entirety, so I'm going to post another chapter today... I think chapter one. =)


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