# focus finds the familiar



## vangoghsear (May 24, 2010)

focus finds
the familiar
comforts,

excludes the new
like  a spyglass view

dreams lie dormant 
beyond our vision

vistas  past
the paths
we’ve tread

daily plot,
a mundane 
millstone,

grinding
hopes  into
daily bread

search for trees 
beyond the forest
missing  all
the life between

beauty lies 
there all around us
undisclosed  in the
place of dreams


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## Gumby (May 24, 2010)

This is very dreamy and beautiful Van, from start to finish. For those of you who don't know, this was the winning poem in a contest on AA the subject was your dreamplace. This certainly fit the subject perfectly.


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## SilverMoon (May 24, 2010)

van, mere existance. Not giving up in the staying of one's comfort zone. Imobile, almost a trance like state/the dreamy quality of this poem.

_But then the futility when one tries emerge from the chyrsalises._


> search for trees
> beyond the forest
> missing all
> the life between


 
_A very heart felt ending._


> beauty lies
> there all around us
> undisclosed in the
> place of dreams


 
Before my days, van, but I can understand why you won the prize!


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## rainhands (May 24, 2010)

Hi vangoghsear,

I rather like the premise of this - the idea that the world is habitualisation, we learn in order to ignore, leaving the world unsurprising and so familiar we hardly notice things. It makes me think of the Russian formalist theory that art seeks to render the world anew, ie. defamiliarision through art.

That said, I find your piece too didactic for my tastes. I'd rather perhaps it end on a very specific, defamiliarising image, through which I can see myself this beauty all around us. Instead it ends on an abstraction "place of dreams" which I don't really get much from at all.

When you say "dreams lie dormant/ beyond our vision" - can you show this? What dreams are these - perhaps a specific desire/aspiration? Maybe even bringing this piece into the first person would heighten the immediacy and lessen the didactic tone, bringing out individual examples.

I also wonder why the piece is only partially punctuated? There are three commas in the whole piece, and no capital letters or full stops. A lot of the lines I had to re-read because of the lack of punctuation, and the lack of articles made it quite choppy. I think "we've tread" should be "we've trod," as the present perfect tense.

Hope some of this has been vaguely helpful,
-R


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## MaggieG (May 25, 2010)

V

You are so competent in this minimalist form. ( I've told you before I suck at it ! lol ) But this - 



> grinding
> hopes into
> daily bread



is beyond competent. It is simply wonderful .  I do agree with Laurie's assessment, as well as a few of rainhand's nits so I see no reason in repeating good evaluations already given. Other than that, I found this a very enjoyable read


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## Lady S (May 25, 2010)

I've already commented on this challenge winner.  I love the subtlety of that message hidden behind the dream.


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## Firebird (May 25, 2010)

I really like the idea here and also believe it to be true in too many cases. It also reads really well.

I loved the lines:

'grinding
hopes  into
daily bread'

Love,

Firebird


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## JosephB (May 26, 2010)

Nice work. I'm digging this. I've been exploring similar themes -- sort of wondering how I ended up in the 'burbs with with a wife, two kids and a lawn. Not that I'm complaining, really. My hopes haven't exactly been ground into bread.

"Mmmmmmm. Hope bread."


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## vangoghsear (May 26, 2010)

rainhands said:


> It makes me think of the Russian formalist  theory that art seeks to render the world anew, ie. defamiliarision  through art


Spot on the meaning.



rainhands said:


> I also wonder why the piece is only  partially punctuated? There are three commas in the whole piece, and no  capital letters or full stops. A lot of the lines I had to re-read  because of the lack of punctuation, and the lack of articles made it  quite choppy. I think "we've tread" should be "we've trod," as the  present perfect tense.


I always feel like capitals and  punctuation have too much weight in short line poetry.  For instance, I  left the period off at the end of the final stanza because I want the  reader to drift on in their thoughts.  I had a period after "spyglass  view" and took it out.  The pause felt too long.  I usually start with  all the articles and punctuation then pare it down to what feels right. Oh and "tread" rhymes with "bread."  I maybe should make it "we tread" though.  Hmmm.  

I will consider your other comments.  Thanks!

Gumby, Silvermoon, MaggieG, Lady S, Firebird, JosephB,  Thanks for your  comments all, glad you liked this.  It seems the message is coming  through pretty good.  There are times when driving my same route to work  that I will just look beyond the usual grove of trees and see something  I never saw before, that reminds me of traveling on vacation and gives a  rush of pleasant memories.  That was the inspiration for this piece.


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## Chesters Daughter (May 29, 2010)

I haven't the sufficient words necessary to praise this superb piece. I also voted for it and was elated you won, Van. Like everyone else, I love, "grinding hopes into daily bread" as well as "excludes the new like a spyglass view" (that's me alright), sheer brilliance. Once again, intense depth related in few words, an ability I truly admire. Enjoyed tremendously, love, and left in even more awe than usual.


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