# Personal Essay: English-Only



## aimeefriedland (Jun 23, 2007)

English-Only by Aimee Friedland
 Sometimes when I think of where else I could be right now, and what else I could be doing, I want to laugh and cry and bang my head against the wall, all at the same time. 

Quite frankly, I don't think I've ever had any talents besides music. Music, which I devoted the first half of my life to, being called a 13-year-old jazz prodigy and then eventually giving it all up before I graduated high school. It's actually rather painful to recall. Not that I miss the competition and feuds between us young musicians, nor the 6-8 hour-a-day practices and drills, nor my lips that would split open and bleed into my mouthpiece from being overworked. Yes, this was the stress that made trumpet no longer fun for me. 

I do miss, however, the extreme rush and embarrassment of performing improv solos in front of hundreds of people, recording studios, having crushes on the cute senior boys in our bands, and of course, I miss being the best at something. 
No, really. I was good. Fucking good. I was offered a music scholarship at the local university by the time I was 12, but insisted that I would go to Julliard instead. I can't even count the numerous all-city and all-state honor bands I participated in, (and was first chair). I still blush when I hear myself play a solo on the first CD our jazz group produced. The years are fuzzy, but I believe I was 11. 

I felt like I was destined for greatness. I would continue my path to stardom and eventually be first chair in the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra. I'd be a professional musician like My Dad: Ed Friedland; I'd be famous and rich and doing something I loved. 

It could have happened, who knows? Either way, by the time I was 14 I was already experiencing some kind of adolescent-professional crisis, and decided that music was not the path for me. Regardless I still continued to play piano at home and trumpet in school, eventually becoming the marching band's drum major (conductor) my Junior year. Then something even more profound happened: I went to Russia. 

After that it was Russia, all Russia. Only Russia. I quit the band so that I could work 37 hours a week as a dishwasher. For Russia. I sold my trumpet on Ebay so that I could buy my plane tickets to St. Petersburg. 

And here I am now. In Russia. No instruments in sight. I should be studying for the State Russian exam now, but something doesn't feel right. 

 Oh yes, that's it - I know I'm not talented in Russian, or anything else that I busy myself with, for that matter. 

Oh well. The past is the past, and the future is.. not what I expected it to be. It's pretty pathetic to think that as a preteen I was more successful than I am now, but then again, at 17 I suppose I still have a few more years of youth left in me. A few more years to fuck up and learn the hard way, living in one of the most tarnished and beautiful countries in the world, Russia. This is what's called enjoying my experience for what it's worth. Life isn't perfect here, but in the end, it's gotta pay off somehow - otherwise my name's not Aimee Rae Friedland, directionless child-prodigy!


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## mammamaia (Jun 23, 2007)

it's left totally unclear _why_ you went to russia... why be coy about it?... 

what do you intend this piece to be?... and what market/s are you aiming for?... it needs some work here and there, but is a good start...

love and hugs, maia


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 23, 2007)

mammamaia said:
			
		

> it's left totally unclear _why_ you went to russia... why be coy about it?...
> 
> what do you intend this piece to be?... and what market/s are you aiming for?... it needs some work here and there, but is a good start...
> 
> love and hugs, maia



good question - its really just a first draft. wait until i revise it, or maybe i can comply it into a diary-type thing


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 23, 2007)

By the way i have NO idea why I went to russia. it's rly just ruined my chances in life (cause I was so brilliant at accademics and talented and everythign). But i guess i'm just selfish and spoilt?


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

It's a bit precious, isn't it?

As in, floods of 'Oh God I was soooooooo talented and soooooooooo brilliant and if I only hadn't FUCKED up everything then I would be world-famous!'

I'd cut the self-pity and also the egotism. Which doesn't leave much, I'm afraid to say.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

Reads a bit like primping in the bathroom. I second dreamweaver's sentiments.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> It's a bit precious, isn't it?
> 
> As in, floods of 'Oh God I was soooooooo talented and soooooooooo brilliant and if I only hadn't FUCKED up everything then I would be world-famous!'
> 
> I'd cut the self-pity and also the egotism. Which doesn't leave much, I'm afraid to say.



But that's my image.
Check out my site for more...


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

Pretentious is your image? I have no clue why you'd choose that.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

I've seen your site and to be honest I think I doubt your proclaimation that you are a prodigy (or at least, I haven't seen any evidence that even suggests it.) Your writing is mediocre and frankly self-pitying.
And Shawn is right - utterly pretentious. Sorry! (Maybe you should go back to the trumpet playing....?)


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Oh, and in answer to your earlier question (which, despite being probably rhetoric, I'll answer anyway) I think yes, you probably are selfish and spoilt.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> I've seen your site and to be honest I think I doubt your proclaimation that you are a prodigy (or at least, I haven't seen any evidence that even suggests it.) Your writing is mediocre and frankly self-pitying.
> And Shawn is right - utterly pretentious. Sorry! (Maybe you should go back to the trumpet playing....?)



Um, well if you actually read it, i said I was a "music" prodigy, that has nothing to do with my writing abillity. I am a jazz genius...Mozart was a genius and he claimed he wrote music "the way a sow pisses," so there you go.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

Mozart was also the greatest composer the world had ever seen. So there you go! Der Zauberflote is always going to transcend jazz.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

There's no need to be rude.. I am a composer as well, not a mere performer. I compose my own music, and am able to send you a song of mine, if you so desired. As I said, my dream was to be a member of an orchestra, not a jazz band.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

God knows there aren't enough brass players in the world.

I will repeat: Mozart was the greatest composer to ever walk the Earth at that point in time. Just because you can play the trumpet naturally doesn't entitle you to spouting off "I'm so good" at everything that crawls around the lowest trench of the sea.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

Did I do that? I simply stated in my essay: _

No, really. I was good. Fucking good. I was offered a music scholarship at the local university by the time I was 12, but insisted that I would go to Julliard instead. I can't even count the numerous all-city and all-state honor bands I participated in, (and was first chair). I still blush when I hear myself play a solo on the first CD our jazz group produced. The years are fuzzy, but I believe I was 11.

_Which is all true. Never did I claim "I'm so good at everything." You and the dreamweave merely called me pretentious and deduced from that essay that I was so - I never said I thought I was the best at everything.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

I never said you were good at anything. I would be deluding myself to think so.

Your "essay" shows narcissistic tendencies. It is pretentious because even though there are some worse off in the world, you whinge about a mistake of your own making.

If you can't write who you are, then why are you writing at all?


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

well you can think what you like. The fact is, I DESERVE to be a show-off, because I AM gifted, talented and a genius. You wouldn't know how great I am at music (not just trumpet). I am also a gifted writer, and many have praised me for my insight and my views. Just look at the writing on my website. I'm sure I'll be known before you ever will.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

You may be a music genius - I won't pass judgement on it - but you are not particularly gifted at writing. I am more so, I promise you, and I am not yet 16. However, when I write essays I don't tend to boast in them.
Just look at that last post of yours - it's shockingly narcissic. Comparing yourself to Mozart? Please.
And as to your insight - well, it's news to me if condemning size zero models is amazing insight (it's done daily by all the tabloids...)


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

The only thing you DESERVE is a kick in the teeth.

I already am known to my friends, my family, and my lover. I can remain content with that, and in that fact I am already far more successful than you can imagine.

Your writing lacks merit, and your undying arrogance leaks through. You have no literary drive or understanding of what might constitute a story. Please, the ones that claim they are geniuses are always farthest from.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Totally agree with the above poster. 

You write coherently but it lacks originality and it contains an arrogance which makes it simply unlikable.

Reading the original piece you posted just makes me think 'Oh, poor little rich girl - has she decided she doesn't like Russia? She had to sell her trumpet on Ebay! What a traumatic life' (all heavily sarcastic, of course).


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> You may be a music genius - I won't pass judgement on it - but you are not particularly gifted at writing. I am more so, I promise you, and I am not yet 16. However, when I write essays I don't tend to boast in them.
> Just look at that last post of yours - it's shockingly narcissic. Comparing yourself to Mozart? Please.
> And as to your insight - well, it's news to me if condemning size zero models is amazing insight (it's done daily by all the tabloids...)



narcissic? What's that? Someone as gifted as you really should learn to spell.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

By the way, dreamweaver, I would like to read some of your writing


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Then read the thread that I pointed out.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

Shawn said:
			
		

> The only thing you DESERVE is a kick in the teeth.
> 
> I already am known to my friends, my family, and my lover. I can remain content with that, and in that fact I am already far more successful than you can imagine.



That's a loser mentality.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Music, which I devoted the first half of my life to, being called a 13-year-old jazz prodigy and then eventually giving it all up before I graduated high school. 

If you want to go into spelling/grammar errors, try re-writing this sentence: it simply doesn't make sense.
Firstly, you mean: Music, to which I devoted the first half of my life...


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

That's a loser mentality.
----------------

That's a judgemental mentality. Different people have different levels of ambition. Accept that, don't look down on it.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> Then read the thread that I pointed out.



uh....where?


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

That's called being human. For all your inane rambling that you've posted on this site, you have not attained any grasp on life or what it may mean to people outside the little bubble you've constructed. You are _nothing_ in the grand scheme of things, but you can be satisfied with what you have.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> Music, which I devoted the first half of my life to, being called a 13-year-old jazz prodigy and then eventually giving it all up before I graduated high school.
> 
> If you want to go into spelling/grammar errors, try re-writing this sentence: it simply doesn't make sense.
> Firstly, you mean: Music, to which I devoted the first half of my life...



Oooo wow! don't end a sentence/fragment with a preposition..wow..is this all "with which" ur genius mind can assist? Puh-lease.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=80878


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

Shawn said:
			
		

> That's called being human. For all your inane rambling that you've posted on this site, you have not attained any grasp on life or what it may mean to people outside the little bubble you've constructed. You are _nothing_ in the grand scheme of things, but you can be satisfied with what you have.



Implying that _you're_ something? Please, don't delude yourself, friend.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Oooo wow! don't end a sentence/fragment with a preposition..wow..is this all "with which" ur genius mind can assist? 
------
Is correcting the typing error of 'narcissistic' all with which (and I omit the inverted commas) your (and I omit the text language) self-proclaimed genius mind can assist? After all, you're a genius at TWO things... oh the excitement.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Implying that _you're_ something? Please, don't delude yourself, friend.
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1) He wasn't implying that in the slightest: quite the opposite. Neither of you are anything. Yet. But I'd put more money on Shawn's fame than yours.
2) Don't call people 'friend' when you're not being remotely friendly. It is poorly patronising.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

"Music ... being called a 13-year-old jazz prodigy and then eventually giving it all up before I graduated high school."

If you remove the dependant clause, your sentence structure is shown to be poor. I suggest rewording... like:

I devoted the first half of my life to music. Despite having been called a jazz prodigy, I eventually gave it all up before I graduated high school.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> Implying that _you're_ something? Please, don't delude yourself, friend.



I didn't imply I was important. I implied that _you_ are not important.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Oh, careful Shawn: Aimee will be on your back for the accidental misspelling of prodigy, and concluding that you have no literary talent whatsoever because of it...


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> Oh, careful Shawn: Aimee will be on your back for the accidental misspelling of prodigy, and concluding that you have no literary talent whatsoever because of it...



Fixed it.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> Implying that _you're_ something? Please, don't delude yourself, friend.
> ----------
> 1) He wasn't implying that in the slightest: quite the opposite. Neither of you are anything. Yet. But I'd put more money on Shawn's fame than yours.


 And fame makes you anything in the grand scheme of things? I wasn't aware of this.



			
				thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> 2) Don't call people 'friend' when you're not being remotely friendly. It is poorly patronising.


 Oh go away little 15-year-old. If I wanted your ethical guidance, I would have asked for it.

Thank you.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Oh go away little 15-year-old. If I wanted your ethical guidance, I would have asked for it.

Thank you.
------------
A classy insult from someone barely two years my senior. By posting your 'work' on this site you open yourself up to critisicm: get used to it.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> Oh go away little 15-year-old. If I wanted your ethical guidance, I would have asked for it.



Ah, "I'm 18!" syndrome. Don't worry, it'll go away with the first marriage.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

If she ever gets married...

Aimee - I haven't seen the much awaited commentary on my own writing yet...?
http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=80878


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

oh ... I'm sorry to hear about your divorce.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

That was a poor comeback.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

As was that ?


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

No dear (to follow in your 'patronising friendliness'), that wasn't a comeback.
It was a mere remark.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> oh ... I'm sorry to hear about your divorce.



I'm 16. I'd be alarmed if I had been divorced already. I don't mean to argue, but I've never dealt with someone with their head so far up their own ass.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Haha. Hey Aimee, we're both younger than you... this is funny.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

Shawn said:
			
		

> I'm 16.



Oh, well that explains everything.
Excuse me, dearests; excuse me.


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## Shawn (Jun 24, 2007)

aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> Oh, well that explains everything.
> Excuse me, dearests; excuse me.


Explains why you're an ass? Why you're arrogant? Why you have no writing talent at all? Perhaps there are different questions you need to find the answers to.


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

NB: it's also news to me if 'dearests' is a word, and even if it was I doubt you are using it correctly. Or are Shawn and I really very close to your heart?

You are hugely arrogant and mediocre at writing. Get over it. Maybe go back to the jazz?


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> NB: it's also news to me if 'dearests' is a word, and even if it was I doubt you are using it correctly. Or are Shawn and I really very close to your heart?


But of course !!

Also, where is this fiction exercise you mentioned in the other thread?


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

I've posted the link twice in the other thread.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 24, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> I've posted the link twice in the other thread.



Ok, I see. And... lol?


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## thedreamweaver (Jun 24, 2007)

Yes.


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## mammamaia (Jun 25, 2007)

children, _children_...*stop bickering!*

this is a site for writers, not brat-to-brat fights... go take your brawling outside... middle of the freeway at rush hour's a good place for it...


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## Truth-Teller (Jun 25, 2007)

*grabs popcorn*


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## Truth-Teller (Jun 25, 2007)

JERRY JERRY JERRY

C'mon! Who's gonna swing the first fist?


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## mammamaia (Jun 25, 2007)

that's the best post yet, tt!


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## JoannaMac (Jun 25, 2007)

thedreamweaver said:
			
		

> It's a bit precious, isn't it?
> 
> As in, floods of 'Oh God I was soooooooo talented and soooooooooo brilliant and if I only hadn't FUCKED up everything then I would be world-famous!'
> 
> I'd cut the self-pity and also the egotism. Which doesn't leave much, I'm afraid to say.



Shawn seconded it, I'm thirding it.


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## Funwriter (Jun 25, 2007)

Aimee, I think this is all getting out of whack... Your essay was well written and would make a good diary entry. I think the idea here is to help folks with writing and make people understand they should not be afraid to write and writing is empowering. I will continue to read what you write and I hope you continue to write it. 

I also wonder about your decision to go to Russia, but I understand it too. I left a stunning education to go into Government Service. I am a linguist and an IT Engineer. I was studying German and was given an opportunity by the government. My family and friends were shocked and disappointed. I left on adventure and never came back. I have been living abroad ever since (22 years). I was in South East Asia, Central America (in the mid 80's, Contra affair) and all over Europe. I finally left government service for the private sector, pay is much better.  

What I am saying here is, life is not about what others want but what you want. I took an interesting path and wouldn't change a thing. I now have a great family, job and friends.. So keep at it, be adventurous, enjoy this while your young, you can always settle down later. Oh yeah, and write. Write about everything, thoughts, smells, wine, friends, just write. You will see, your writing will improve daily.

Ps. Your father is a good bassist    Maybe you should try and enjoy music and not make it a task but a passion.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 26, 2007)

yes he is an excellent bassist
http://www.edfriedland.com/


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## OncePossesed (Jun 28, 2007)

JoannaMac said:
			
		

> Shawn seconded it, I'm thirding it.


 
Forthing.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 28, 2007)

oh, take a crap in my lap


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## Kyrie (Jun 28, 2007)

I still want to know why you went to Russia.

You claim in another post that you wanted to do film making, and that the best chance was in N.Y.



			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> i just want to party it up shortbus-style in new york with my fags, smoke some weed, satisfy my burning vagine, write some film scripts (best opportunitites are in n.y and lalaland)



You also claim that...





			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> but everyone knows the US schools are the best...


 so I still don't see the point of going to Russia, even if you claim you left because they have corrupt policies, you also posted this...



			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> By the way i have NO idea why I went to russia.



So, my guess is you either wanted to be revellious (or maybe just pretend to), or you were taken hostage by stupidity.

Also, I wanted to point out that you contradict yourself when speaking of your desires for the future, e.g.:



			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> i would like to be a famous author someday..





			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> As I said, my dream was to be a member of an orchestra, not a jazz band.





			
				aimeefriendland said:
			
		

> i wanted academic prestige!!



You also posted that...



			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> well if you actually read it, i said I was a "music" prodigy, that has nothing to do with my writing abillity. I am a jazz genius...



Then you contradict yourself when you say...



			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> The fact is, I DESERVE to be a show-off, because I AM gifted, talented and a genius. You wouldn't know how great I am at music (not just trumpet). I am also a gifted writer, and many have praised me for my insight and my views.



And despite your being 18, a fairly mature age, your best comeback is...



			
				aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> i hope you burn in hell with 10,000 mutant devils pounding their thorny penises into ur burning eeeengliiiishh pussy



Let's face it, you need to learn some humility, maybe Russia will teach that to you, but you can't go around parading yourself like the next best thing since sliced bread. You are NOT unique, despite whatever your parents might have told you, you are just as human as anybody and because of that I think you have to have some respect for other people. You're not big and famous yet, so don't waist your energy being egotistical until you really deserve it.

Peace!~

Jerry Springer: We'll be right back!


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

I'm just being honest. Sorry if you can't handle that.

By the way, I WILL be famous one day. Then you will remember my name and feel sorry for your ignorance towards me.

Also, it's flattering that you took so much time with that reply. Perhaps you should write your thesis on me? I'm sure it would be very fascinating.


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## Truth-Teller (Jun 29, 2007)

Yes, but what's the use of being famous, when _no one _looks up to you? When everyone thinks you're a joke.

Soon as you replace Paris Hilton, I shall applaud you.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

all celebrities are jokes.


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## Truth-Teller (Jun 29, 2007)

You will be one too. 

Oh, I just can't wait!


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

me either!


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## Kyrie (Jun 29, 2007)

aimeefriedland said:
			
		

> Also, it's flattering that you took so much time with that reply. Perhaps you should write your thesis on me? I'm sure it would be very fascinating.



Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not *THAT* bored.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

fine. but a work title could be something like...

The Accumulation of Grandosity in a Child Prodigy: Case study, Aimee Rae Friedland


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## Kyrie (Jun 29, 2007)

yeah, I'll suggest that to my friends who are majoring in psychology


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

like 99% of directionless teens


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## Kyrie (Jun 29, 2007)

you'd jump to fame instantly if they publish the thesis, although the might ask them to bring the specimen on tour since it's so unbelievable


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

just because some of us have self-esteem


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## Kyrie (Jun 29, 2007)

what self-esteem? paraiding yourself as the gift of god to humanity is not self-esteem


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## Siamesque (Jun 29, 2007)

*Please!! Leave her alone!*

She's such a genius god-like person, i mean it, look at her, it would be very difficult to be so perfect... 

I understand you animeefriedland, you should be in paradise ruling all creatures in the universe!

*Hail animeefriedland!!*


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

Kyrie said:
			
		

> what self-esteem? paraiding yourself as the gift of god to humanity is not self-esteem



isn't it?


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

Siamesque said:
			
		

> *Please!! Leave her alone!*
> 
> She's such a genius god-like person, i mean it, look at her, it would be very difficult to be so perfect...
> 
> ...



*AIMEE Friedland
get it right*


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## Siamesque (Jun 29, 2007)

I love you =)


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## Kyrie (Jun 29, 2007)

> isn't it?



Uh, no. Look, I'm sure you have good qualities, I do believe you play the trumpet and the piano wonderfully. But stucking that in our faces doesn't make us admire you more.

You also have to admit that the three essays that you posted were more rants than real essays. There's nothing really wrong with that, but some people won't buy that, even less if you yell in their faces and you're right and ther wrong.

I'll stop here because I (foolishly) believe there's some good in everyone and I'd like to have at least decent conversation.


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## aimeefriedland (Jun 29, 2007)

> I love you =)



if that's right, then take a look at this plz

http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?p=923662#post923662


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