# Visitor Messages and Friends (1 Viewer)



## The Backward OX (Sep 6, 2010)

You all know I’m not the fastest kid on the block.

(There you go, Baron, there's another one)

Is there a way Visitor Messages can be made private?

And what does the Friends button do?


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 7, 2010)

You can send a private message. I don't think there's any way you can make a visitor message private. Which friends button do you mean? There's "add as friend" and that explains itself.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 7, 2010)

Oh. You mean the "friends" button at the top next to "about me"? That allows you to view your or another person's list of friends.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 7, 2010)

Yes, I know that, but once they're there, what do you actually _do_ with them? 



I mean, viewing is just _sooo_ exciting.


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## Deleted member 33527 (Sep 7, 2010)

I suppose it's there to provide easy access to user profiles, although I usually don't use it. If I want to see a person's profile I just go to a thread they've posted in and click on their "view profile."


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## Baron (Sep 7, 2010)

If you go to the privacy settings on your profile you can set the visitor message for only friends to see.  This brings us to your second question; as you don't have any you'd have perfect privacy.


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## terrib (Sep 7, 2010)

I have asked to be his friend, Baron...but as of yet...have been rejected...and after all I've been through...meany Ox...


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 7, 2010)

Don't feel bad Terrib, he has even called me "Mate" in a pm (The ultimate Aussie accolade as I understand) and still won't have me as a friend. Mind you I only asked him as a wind up because I know the grumpy old *** never accepts, I have never bothered asking anyone else.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 7, 2010)

Dreamworx95 said:


> Oh. You mean the "friends" button at the top next to "about me"? That allows you to view your or another person's list of friends.


 


The Backward OX said:


> Yes, I know that, but once they're there, what do you actually _do_ with them?
> 
> 
> 
> I mean, viewing is just _sooo_ exciting.


 


terrib said:


> I have asked to be his friend, Baron...but as of yet...have been rejected...and after all I've been through...meany Ox...


 


Olly Buckle said:


> Don't feel bad Terrib, he has even called me "Mate" in a pm (The ultimate Aussie accolade as I understand) and still won't have me as a friend. Mind you I only asked him as a wind up because I know the grumpy old *** never accepts, I have never bothered asking anyone else.


 
_Must I repeat myself?_ I mean, what does one actually _do_ with these icons? Just sit and gaze soulfully at them? _"Oooh, look, Malone's my friend. Wow."_


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## Baron (Sep 7, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> _Must I repeat myself?_ I mean, what does one actually _do_ with these icons? Just sit and gaze soulfully at them? _"Oooh, look, Malone's my friend. Wow."_


 
There are a lot of aspects of the site that can be set only to be active for friends and contacts, such as the visitor messages, private messages, blogs, groups...  It's a bit like real life, if you like, you need friends to appreciate these things.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 7, 2010)

Active, schmactive, doesn't answer the question. The question had the word 'do' in it.


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## Baron (Sep 7, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> Active, schmactive, doesn't answer the question. The question had the word 'do' in it.


 
It's a communication thing.  Perhaps there's therapy for it.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 7, 2010)

We collect them like trophies. We use them to elevate our social status and feel wanted. They also improve morale... 

Joke, but I personally think they help a site immensely. It keeps everything friendly and is a good way to actually interact with writers on a more personal level. The friends list just makes this all more convenient. A phone book of sorts really.

Many people have become quite close friends on here I'm sure, and it's nice to have them in your virtual wallet, ready to annoy.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 7, 2010)

That's my trick.


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## Eluixa (Sep 7, 2010)

Then you know exactly what it means.


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## The Backward OX (Sep 7, 2010)

Will you run off with me to the Greek islands?


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## The Backward OX (Sep 30, 2010)

Bruno Spatola said:


> We collect them like trophies. We use them to elevate our social status and feel wanted.
> 
> Joke,


 
Many a true word spoken in jest….

It’s not a joke. It’s the truth.


Otoh,I know who my friends are; I see no need to advertise who they are to anyone else.


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## Baron (Sep 30, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> Many a true word spoken in jest….
> 
> It’s not a joke. It’s the truth.
> 
> ...


 You wouldn't have to spend a great deal on advertising.


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## Bruno Spatola (Sep 30, 2010)

I find the truth is easier to say in jest, although not _all_ people collect friends like ornaments obviously. I know people who use the site Facebook and have around 500 friends, 95% + of which they've never even met and rarely speak to. I really don't understand that at all, where does it end? It sounds like collecting postcards or something, and I find that quite disturbing.

There's nothing wrong with having friends on the internet, but if you aren't even going to speak to them. . .how loosely can you apply the term "friend"? Seems a strong word for someone you basically ignore. I've gone off road but, maybe friends lists should be private. 



The Backward OX said:


> Otoh, I know who my friends are; I see no need to advertise who they are to anyone else.



Good point. It's not that much of a problem though, they don't do any harm (not that you said they were doing any harm.) It depends who you are and how you use it.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

Bruno Spatola said:


> people collect friends like ornaments obviously. I know people who use the site Facebook and have around 500 friends, 95% + of which they've never even met and rarely speak to. I really don't understand that at all, where does it end? It sounds like collecting postcards or something, and I find that quite disturbing.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with having friends on the internet, but if you aren't even going to speak to them. . .how loosely can you apply the term "friend"? Seems a strong word for someone you basically ignore. Maybe friends lists should be private.


I'm pleased to learn I'm not alone. Why others persist in acting in such an immature and childish fashion over this matter of "friends" is completely baffling. It certainly does nothing to endear them to grown-ups acting sensibly.


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## Bruno Spatola (Oct 1, 2010)

You're definitely not alone. It's like people are losing how to find friends naturally, and I don't like that. You don't walk around with every single person you're acquainted with, so why would you have a list of them for all to see? It's a very artificial interpretation of friendship, but again, not all people do it simply to show off their popularity. That is almost certainly an immature reason. 

I'm fine with keeping in touch over the internet, chatting to people, making new friends etc, but some are taking it to the extreme.


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## Baron (Oct 1, 2010)

Bruno Spatola said:


> I find the truth is easier to say in jest, although not _all_ people collect friends like ornaments obviously. I know people who use the site Facebook and have around 500 friends, 95% + of which they've never even met and rarely speak to. I really don't understand that at all, where does it end? It sounds like collecting postcards or something, and I find that quite disturbing.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with having friends on the internet, but if you aren't even going to speak to them. . .how loosely can you apply the term "friend"? Seems a strong word for someone you basically ignore. I've gone off road but, maybe friends lists should be private.


 If your only reason to use a social networking site is to chat with people you already know then I'd agree with you.  That isn't the only reason for using social network sites though.  It was good to see Simon Cowell's manufactured music machine prevented from taking the number one chart spot last Christmas because of a Facebook campaign supporting Rage Against the Machine, which could only work because of the large number of people involved.  Lily Allen's career was established on the social network sites.  If you've got something good to offer then every person on your friends list can spread the word to every person on their friends list, who can also pass it on.  It isn't just about keeping in touch with those friends and relatives who might benefit more from an old fashioned telephone call or even a visit.


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## Bruno Spatola (Oct 1, 2010)

Baron said:


> It was good to see Simon Cowell's manufactured music machine prevented from taking the number one chart spot last Christmas because of a Facebook campaign supporting Rage Against the Machine, which could only work because of the large number of people involved.  If you've got something good to offer then every person on your friends list can spread the word to every person on their friends list, who can also pass it on.



That's exactly why I think they are helpful overall. No matter what I think of them personally, I know they can be used positively and when they are, the effects can be huge. I was pretty elated when RATM reached the top spot. If something like Facebook can get a 17 year old song to number 1, I just think of what else it's capable of aiding.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

Baron said:


> If your only reason to use a social networking site is to chat with people you already know then I'd agree with you.


 
So why do people do it? Why all this nonsense with Visitor Messages? _Rhetorical q__uestions only._ It’s childish and immature and does nothing to endear them to grown-ups acting sensibly. You want to correspond with your friends, you send them a PM.


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## Baron (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> So why do people do it? Why all this nonsense with Visitor Messages? _Rhetorical q__uestions only._ It’s childish and immature and does nothing to endear them to grown-ups acting sensibly. You want to correspond with your friends, you send them a PM.


 In real life adults don't only have private conversations though, Edna.


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## RoundEye (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> I'm pleased to learn I'm not alone. Why others persist in acting in such an immature and childish fashion over this matter of "friends" is completely baffling. It certainly does nothing to endear them to grown-ups acting sensibly.



I’m not a super man or super grump such as you, I want as many friends as I can get. I guess I’m the ultimate _luser_.

Loser + user = luser

Damn you’re a grumpy old fart. Can you even breathe if you aren’t grumping about something as petty as this? You’re lucky someone is asking to be your friend as much as you bitch about trivial stuff, even if it is over the Internet. 

(I’m not even certain what to click on to see the friends list)


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## RoundEye (Oct 1, 2010)

Baron said:


> In real life adults don't only have private conversations though, Edna.



He just sits in the corner whispering crude, petty stuff about people, even if nobody else is there. :clown:


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

Baron said:


> In real life adults don't only have private conversations though, Edna.


 
Extroverts, maybe. But approximately half of the general population are introverts, and they do.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

RoundEye said:


> I’m not a super man or super grump such as you, I want as many friends as I can get. I guess I’m the ultimate _luser_.
> 
> Loser + user = luser
> 
> Damn you’re a grumpy old fart. Can you even breathe if you aren’t grumping about something as petty as this? You’re lucky someone is asking to be your friend as much as you bitch about trivial stuff, even if it is over the Internet.


 
Well, see, that’s the difference between you and I. In my innocence, I came here to learn stuff about writing. _That was all._ I’ve just been _caught up_ in all this other stuff.


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## caelum (Oct 1, 2010)

People are social animals, though.  There's no harm in outwardly communicating where others can see.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

caelum said:


> There's no harm in outwardly communicating where others can see.


 
KLM, you wouldn't say that if you could see some of the private conversations that go on here.


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## Baron (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> KLM, you wouldn't say that if you could see some of the private conversations that go on here.


 
If they're private how come you can see them?  You've got too much time on your hands.  Try writing something useful, Edna.


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## caelum (Oct 1, 2010)

Haha, no doubt.  People don't say pretty things behind each other's backs.  But still, there's no harm in communicating outwardly.  It shows an atmosphere of trust.  If there isn't an atmosphere of trust, then that should be worked on.


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## Baron (Oct 1, 2010)

caelum said:


> *People are social animals,* though.  There's no harm in outwardly communicating where others can see.


 
Oxen appear to be antisocial animals.


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## caelum (Oct 1, 2010)

lol.  Well Ox certainly engages people socially, though he tries to deny it.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

caelum said:


> Haha, no doubt. People don't say pretty things behind each other's backs. But still, there's no harm in communicating outwardly. It shows an atmosphere of trust. If there isn't an atmosphere of trust, then that should be worked on.


Trust, schmust. I trust my banker not to rob me, my butcher not to poison me, my cat not to rip my throat out when we wrestle. But trust an online presence? How does that work? Have you sent any money to Nigeria lately?


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## Baron (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> Trust, schmust. I trust my banker not to rob me, my butcher not to poison me, my cat not to rip my throat out when we wrestle. But trust an online presence? How does that work? Have you sent any money to Nigeria lately?


 
It's amazing that people professing to be here only to advance their writing spend so much time talking nonsense in the lounge.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

Baron said:


> You've got too much time on your hands. Try writing something useful, Edna.


 
I knew I shouldn't've clicked back on to this thread. As it happens, I have been writing a long short about friendly fire. One day I might get it finished. It goes without saying it will be adults only.


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## caelum (Oct 1, 2010)

A friend once gave me this advice, "Never trust anybody."  You never know who's whispering what to who, or who will try to stab you in the back. But I disagree with my friend, even though I've been stabbed enough times that I shouldn't.  The thing is. . . yes, on some level that's true.  There are people who will try to stab you in the back, who will take advantage of you.  But you can't let the bad apples ruin your faith, because there are a lot of good people out there.


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## RoundEye (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> Well, see, that’s the difference between you and I. In my innocence, I came here to learn stuff about writing. _That was all._ I’ve just been _caught up_ in all this other stuff.



I’m sorry you wanted to live life with your head up your ass and this site made you pull it out. If you don’t want to get caught up in the nonsense, stay out the general section.   I thought you were smart and educated enough to know that, evidently not.

I came here to educate myself about writing and I did, tremendously.  Too bad you came here for the same reason and stayed to bitch about petty things. 

I like the fact that I can communicate with like-minded individuals . Even if it’s through writing, about writing.


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## The Backward OX (Oct 1, 2010)

RoundEye said:


> I’m sorry you wanted to live life with your head up your ass and this site made you pull it out. If you don’t want to get caught up in the nonsense, stay out the general section. I thought you were smart and educated enough to know that, evidently not.
> 
> I came here to educate myself about writing and I did, tremendously. Too bad you came here for the same reason and stayed to bitch about petty things.


 
With respect, I think you may be the only person around here who takes me seriously. I don't think anyone else does.


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## Baron (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> With respect, I think you may be the only person around here who takes me seriously. I don't think anyone else does.


 
But he may not be the only person around here who thinks you're a grumpy old fart.  To quote the Murricans, just saying.


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## Bruno Spatola (Oct 1, 2010)

I have a feeling this place wouldn't be the same without The Backward OX. . . 

Every place needs a rebel


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## RoundEye (Oct 1, 2010)

The Backward OX said:


> With respect, I think you may be the only person around here who takes me seriously. I don't think anyone else does.



If I’m not supposed to, then I’m sorry.

The grumpy old fart is a bad MO to have. You should pick a better shtick to play.


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