# Appaloosa



## E. Zamora (Aug 8, 2014)

You cried at your father’s funeral,
but you were thinking of the day he left
the gate unlatched, and your horse 
found the highway.

You were far away, across the creek,
the meadow and the empty paddock;
but you heard the shot.

With ten years gone,
do you think his ghost still 
hangs in the abandoned barn 
from the beam he laid with calloused 
hands; all for your benefit?

It’s midnight, dear daughter.
Finish your poison; make your way 
across the fallow cane fields
and lay your forgiveness beneath
his swinging shadow.

Wait there for the saints and angels
and bear witness
to his private rapture.


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## Arcopitcairn (Aug 8, 2014)

"With ten years gone,
do you think his ghost still 
hangs in the abandoned barn 
from the beam he laid with calloused 
hands; all for your benefit?"

Favorite part of a cool piece! Thanks for sharing it


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## escorial (Aug 8, 2014)

has a story feel to it..could there be more to come..liked


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## Firemajic (Aug 8, 2014)

Something sinister about this. Dark and twisted ...
You brought something unexpected and I love that...Peace...Jul


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## Nellie (Aug 8, 2014)

Somewhat of a sad story, but with a lot of emotion to it. Nicely done.


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## aj47 (Aug 9, 2014)

E. Zamora said:


> You cried at your father’s funeral,
> but you were thinking of the day he left
> the gate unlatched, and your horse
> found the highway.



... nice imagery.  I think no coma after unlatched, but save it, you'll need it later.



> You were far away, across the creek,
> the meadow and the empty paddock;
> but you heard the shot.



I would say "when" rather than "but" for greater impact.



> With ten years gone,
> do you think his ghost still
> hangs in the abandoned barn
> from the beam he laid with calloused
> hands; all for your benefit?



Love your word choices.  They paint a definite picture.



> It’s midnight, dear daughter.
> Finish your poison; make your way
> across the fallow cane fields
> and lay your forgiveness beneath
> his swinging shadow.



I wouldn't use the semicolon here.  You have three clauses--finish, make and lay--and commas should work for all.  If you had only two, a semicolon would work.



> Wait there for the saints and angels
> and bear witness
> to his private rapture.



That comma I said to save from the beginning, belongs after "angels" as I am not sure the line break is enough of a pause.

Hope I'm helpful.


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## Gumby (Aug 9, 2014)

Lovely, sad and dark, like all tragic tales are. I like that you've hinted at the worst, rather than stated it outright.


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## AnnePrice (Aug 9, 2014)

WOW! I would love to hear this in spoken word. I like the ones that are painful, the poems you feel like reading between the cracks of your fingers. 

By the way, my name is Anne. I am new here and now I am going to go run off and hide behind something.


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## E. Zamora (Aug 10, 2014)

Arcopitcairn, thanks for the read and comments. I was thinking that stanza was a bit of mouthful; but maybe not.

escorial, I think if most of my poems as stories, so I'm glad it worked for you on that level. Thanks.

Firemajic, Thanks for reading. It's mostly about the build up of resentment and what happens if you can't forgive. I think that can be pretty dark.

astroannie, very helpful! I'm struggling between "but" and "when," but I think when is going to win out. Great call, along with the others punctuation suggestions. Thanks!

Gumby, thanks for reading. This is based on how my wife's horse died, but all the darkness comes from my imagination. Her father never forgave himself, but my wife never blamed him. The idea came from asking "what if?" In fact, she did recount the story again on the day of his funeral, but it was about love and gratitude.

AnnePrice, I love hearing poems read aloud. Something that really inspired me was listening to Sylvia Plath read her poetry. It was very surprising, hearing this commanding, sonorous voice, like Katharine Hepburn.  It was nearly the opposite of what I'd imagined, and the strength of it actually put her poetry in a new light for me. Check it out, if you haven't heard her:

http://www.openculture.com/2013/05/hear_sylvia_plath_read_fifteen_poems_from_her_final_collection_ariel_in_1962_recording.html


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## AnnePrice (Aug 11, 2014)

Awesome, Zamora, thank you for the link!


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## E. Zamora (Aug 12, 2014)

There are a lot more readings on this site, along with a huge catalog of poets and poetry.

http://www.poets.org/

And a fun thing to do is sign up for the "Poem a Day." You get a poem sent to your email every day. I read mine with my coffee in the morning.


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## dannyboy (Aug 14, 2014)

nice work and i agree with others on two things - its what isn't said and the suggestions of astroannie's. Perhaps to ad to the add her comma and drop the and in bear witness?


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## E. Zamora (Aug 15, 2014)

dannyboy, thank you for reading and commenting. I think maybe losing the "and" could work. It might flow better with it. Tough call.

I noticed some people make edits based on suggestions as they come in. But I'm just letting things percolate a bit before I make any changes. I don't want anyone to think I'm just ignoring their advice.


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## Gumby (Aug 15, 2014)

I agree with you, changes take time to work their way up to the surface.


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## virxants (Aug 18, 2014)

Beautiful piece. Loved reading through the comments. Plath indeed has a great voice! Hadn't heard it before now...thanks for sharing the link.


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## E. Zamora (Aug 21, 2014)

virxants, thanks for reading and commenting; and glad you enjoyed the link. Cheers.


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