# Hit the Road



## Hoot08 (May 11, 2010)

Where have you gone to, you great Dharma Bum?
Long has your mind grown weary and numb
Old Bodhisattva, where are those answers?
Have they decayed? Devoured by cancers?

Whatever has been, will be once again
So long as breath can still bring life to men 
Is the message I received from you thus-
In all those pages of wanderlust

That nothing at all should cause us to cry
Over this life that we're meant to die
Since that death we dream is an illusion
An abstract thought of creative fusion

That really we all live on forever
Of that dreadful death, we'll taste never


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## Edgewise (May 12, 2010)

Hoot08 said:


> Where have you gone to, you great Dharma Bum? *"Dharma Bum"...excellent.  Casual.  *
> Long has your mind grown weary and numb *"Long has"...poetic conceit.  Best suggestion I can offer is to word this line as a question ("How long has your mind been weary and numb?" or something to that effect) and rephrase the next:*
> Old Bodhisattva, where are those answers? *"Old Bodhisattva, reaching for answers"*
> Have they decayed? Devoured by cancers? *I dig the concept, but this line is cumbersome.*
> ...



We don't see too much meter in these here parts.  That was the primary draw for me.  Title was cool.  Path to nirvana or something.  Not up on my Eastern philo-theology, but you seem to cover the basic concepts well, and succinctly at that.  The glaring problems are in the construction.  Let me know how you feel about some of the suggestions.  Dialogue is good.


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## Martin (May 14, 2010)

I like this piece, yet it's a little unclear if it's about searching for answers or the illusion of death. It packs lots of Buddhist philosophy in a few lines, which can be pretty confusing if one is familiar with Eastern writings. Yet it's done in a casual Western way, which lightens it up quite a bit.

"So long as breath can still bring life to men" - This line didn't read well to me.

I would also consider getting rid of the last two lines. Though it doesn't help in clearing up for me, what exactly you want to say with this piece, I feel what they say is already there in the second last stanza...


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## MaggieG (May 14, 2010)

You immediately had me thinking of Kerouac here. ( All the Beats to a certain degree ) My first present from my husband was " On the Road " followed by " Desolation Angels " Kerouac coined "Dharma Bum" didn't he ? I liked the way you used it here. 

In these two lines 



> Is the message I received from you thus-
> In all those pages of wanderlust



I walked away with the impression that you were talking to Kerouac himself   


Much enjoyed this read


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## Hoot08 (May 16, 2010)

Well I did have a thank you and response to all of you and our comments but I accidently closed out the browser and so all was lost. A shortened version will have to do.

Edgewise: Your delicate dissection of my poem was great. I am looking forward to chopping out needless words like weeds. Thank you for the time and effort that went into looking this poem over, it's greatly appreciated

Martin: The last two lines should be reworked rather than cut out, they really should say more than then do currently. 

Maggie: Yes, Kerouac coined "Dharma Bum" and is the name of one of his more popular novels, "The Dharma Bums" with poet Gary Snyder as the hero of the novel similar to how Neal Cassady was the hero for "On the Road". I find it rare to encounter women who enjoyed reading Kerouac, so you are a breath of fresh air. Thank you for reading this poem. You are absolutely correct in that I was talking to Kerouac himself, a trying attempt in communicating with a literary great. Thank you again Maggie.


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## MaggieG (May 16, 2010)

> Maggie: Yes, Kerouac coined "Dharma Bum" and is the name of one of his more popular novels, "The Dharma Bums" with poet Gary Snyder as the hero of the novel similar to how Neal Cassady was the hero for "On the Road". I find it rare to encounter women who enjoyed reading Kerouac, so you are a breath of fresh air. Thank you for reading this poem. You are absolutely correct in that I was talking to Kerouac himself, a trying attempt in communicating with a literary great. Thank you again Maggie.



Kerouac's life, and style actually made me think somewhat of my father. Da would even tell me when I wrote. " Recall with wonder, and amazement. " I believe Mr. Kerouac said it first, or something damn close to it ! lol


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## JosephB (May 17, 2010)

Hoot, this is good, because it's heartfelt but not too sentimental. Good also, because from reading some of his poetry, (which I did after reading your comments on my latest effort) I can see you didn't try to mimic him, which would have been a mistake, I think.

I think Edge about covered it. You could ditch that "long" altogether and maintain the rhythm of it with another adjective and at the same time pare it down:

Where have you gone, great Dharma Bum?
You mind's grown, (something) weary, numb.

Or, it would be great to add contrast, although a word escapes me:

Where have you gone, great Dharma Bum?
You mind, once (something), now weary, numb.

Good job. It's awfully hard to rhyme, but I think this works if you can fix that last line or just rewrite the stanza altogether.


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