# Black Silk and White Chiffon



## Firemajic (Nov 5, 2016)

_*For years she watched, waiting
the swan of chiffon white silk
alone on the silent glass lagoon
this swan of white chiffon

Then came a swan, ink black
with wings sleek as silk
his song echoed across the lagoon
as he called to the white chiffon

He unfurled elegant wings
this swan of sleek black silk
and glided across the glass lagoon
to his mate, the white chiffon

He sheltered her against his chest
under wings of sleek black silk
they disappeared across the glass lagoon
The black swan and the white chiffon

There's nothing left but feathers
delicate scraps of silk and chiffon
the glass lagoon is haunted
with memories of silken swans

Years passed while I watched and waited
for the black swan and the white chiffon
at night I dream of the glass lagoon
and the song of the silken swans

This morning I found a feather
drifting on the glass lagoon
and then I saw the swan
of black silk and white chiffon

*_


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## Darkkin (Nov 8, 2016)

Love this.  The alliteration is especially lovely.  Delicate and supple as silk and chiffon.  The imagery is wonderful, amorphous and dreamlike.  In all honesty, this is one of my favourite pieces I've read on these forums.  Brava, Fire.  Brava.  A standing ovation from Turtle.

- D. the T.


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## jenthepen (Nov 9, 2016)

Wow, this has a very different vibe to most of your work, Jul. I agree with Darkkin that it has a haunting and ephemeral beauty and the gentle phrasing is perfect for the subject.

I felt the end tapered off a little and you overshot a powerful end line. Just my opinion but I would leave the first four stanzas as they are and simply follow them with the last two lines of the fifth stanza and the first two of the seventh and finish the poem there.

Great to see you in a romantic and wistful mood.


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## Bard_Daniel (Nov 12, 2016)

Nicely done, Julia. Your imagery was strong and evocative and your lines were filled with poise and elegance.

Thanks for the read!


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## Firemajic (Nov 12, 2016)

Thank you DarKKin! High praise from you and Turtle.. 

jen, I understand what you are saying and I value and appreciate your fabulous critique....Thank you so much... 

Daniel, always a pleasure to read your comments, thank you...


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## sas (Nov 12, 2016)

Yes, love, love images, too! I keep rolling one word over, as it seems off with the line that follows: "waited". It reads, "For years she patiently waited the swan..."  It should be "awaited", I believe.  And, as you probably know I've read few adverbs I like, as I think they weaken (patiently).  Maybe then "waited" would work better, too, this way? Hmmmm

For years she waited--patient

Or

For years she waited in patience
(picks up chiffon..patience/chiffon)


Anyway, hope helpful. Sas


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## Firemajic (Nov 12, 2016)

sas said:


> Yes, love, love images, too! I keep rolling one word over, as it seems off with the line that follows: "waited". It reads, "For years she patiently waited the swan..."  It should be "awaited", I believe.  And, as you probably know I've read few adverbs I like, as I think they weaken (patiently).  Maybe then "waited" would work better, too, this way? Hmmmm
> 
> For years she waited--patient
> 
> ...




Got it... I will remove "patient"... It really adds nothing... thank you, sas....


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## escorial (Nov 13, 2016)

they just keep coming..cool


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## Firemajic (Nov 13, 2016)

escorial said:


> they just keep coming..cool





 ... Thank you, Escorial...


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