# My Feat



## SilverMoon

I am a dichotomy,
satin and leather.
A shimmery slipper to buckled boot -
 So many souls in between
tightly laced together 
for the undoing would secede this self.

Too many want to unfasten this smile
while I do my dance on toe to heal.
Now,“Steal the Music”, the only song I hear.

Shu! You merchants of tattered shoes.
Blister! You serpents of fallacious tongue.
Descent! You lofty judges of troubles.

You will not.
My demands are your noise.

All these years I’ve collected ears,
petrified in jars, measured by yards of self.

I pirouette. I stomp.

I run in this humane race
to this finished line.


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## JustRob

Your turn to befuddle me with your imagery then. I like the wordplay of course and there are some intriguing phrases, some of which definitely escape me in meaning. Overall it has a pleasant lilt, lines that can be read out loud with feeling, which appeals to me in itself. Enjoyable. Yes, I like this.


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## Darren White

I love your feat/feet....


> I am a dichotomy,
> satin and leather.
> A shimmery slipper to buckled boot -
> So many souls in between
> tightly laced together
> for the undoing would secede this self



This dichotomy is worked out so beautifully. Satin and leather, slippers and boots, pirouette and stomp. All things life and more, intertwined. Great metaphor.


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## ned

hello - yes, as said, the poetry has a lovely wide vocabulary

after the first three lines, I'm thinking 'bi-polar' - but then we have uncontextualized imagery 
and unfathomable concepts - and it all becomes a bit meaningless.

for me, if I don't see the message, no matter how poetically put, I lose interest.

which is a shame - because I'm sure you've got something to say.

consider the reader - and give them something to relate to......
Ned


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## SilverMoon

*ROB *_- _Coming from a wordsmith like yourself, I am holding on tightly to your compliment that this piece is worthy of being read aloud. I have given readings but there is nothing like hearing this from one who's only read my words on paper. And! This is the first time I've heard this from a member. So, thank you.


> Your turn to befuddle me with your imagery


 Never wanting to baffle, I cannot leave you in the dark so have chosen two excerpts I think you might be referring to and will do my best to explain.



> So many souls in between - _"souls" - play on words but its meaning is far from playful_
> tightly laced together for the undoing would secede this self.


Firstly, I'm fascinated with the human psyche. We are all multi-faceted, some to the extent of having a massively wide range of self-aspects. Some, so much so, they could be considered different personas. "Souls" is a metaphor for these aspects needing to be tightly connected, especially in face of threat. Disruption of Self, already fragmented, could cause sheer inner chaos. This is the "undoing"



> All these years I’ve collected ears,
> petrified in jars, measured by yards of self.


 Two stanzas above, I express anger towards cheats, liars and the judgmental. I demand to be heard, to no avail. My second meaning of "petrified" is the terror these persons must feel, their own dams ready to break if not for being incased in their denial "the jars". I measure (study) this human dilemma.  

Rob, I have a PHD (Perfectly Haunting Dame). Anytime you need to talk, just send me a PM :ghost:


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## Nellie

SilverMoon said:


> Firstly, I'm fascinated with the human psyche. We are all multi-faceted, some to the extent of having a massively wide range of self-aspects. Some, so much so, they could be considered different personas. "Souls" is a metaphor for these aspects needing to be tightly connected, especially in face of threat. Disruption of Self, already fragmented, could cause sheer inner chaos. This is the "undoing"
> 
> Two stanzas above, I express anger towards cheats, liars and the judgmental. I demand to be heard, to no avail. My second meaning of "petrified" is the terror these persons must feel, their own dams ready to break if not for being incased in their denial "the jars". I measure (study) this human dilemma.



Me too!! Aren't human's and their psyche's intriguing? No one really knows what is going on in the other's mind, so don't we all become a bit "petrified" once in a while, especially when meeting folks in foreign lands/spaces? Or having others cheat on you and lie behind your back after you put full trust in them?  We humans ALL want to be heard. 

Makes sense to me. I will not let anyone De-FEAT me!! 
\\/ Keep it up, lady!


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## SilverMoon

*DARREN **- *My thanks to you for appreciating my poem and pointing to the contrasting images. I truly enjoyed this piecing this coupling together. And you are right, the whole of this is metaphorical. As always, your feedback is dearly welcomed.



> I love your feat/feet....
> I am a dichotomy,
> satin and leather.
> A shimmery slipper to buckled boot -
> So many souls in between
> tightly laced together
> for the undoing would secede this self
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This dichotomy is worked out so beautifully. Satin and leather, slippers and boots, pirouette and stomp. All things life and more, intertwined. Great metaphor.


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## SilverMoon

*CINDY *- Yes, exploring the psyche is intriguing and is a never ending challenge.  I love delving into they mysteries of the mind from both a psychological and neurological stance, especially as these states are often entwined. 

Am very pleased that you found this poem relatable. We are all in this mystery together!



> Me too!! Aren't human's and their psyche's intriguing? No one really knows what is going on in the other's mind, so don't we all become a bit "petrified" once in a while, especially when meeting folks in foreign lands/spaces? Or having others cheat on you and lie behind your back after you put full trust in them?  We humans ALL want to be heard.
> 
> Makes sense to me. I will not let anyone De-FEAT me!!
> \\/ Keep it up, lady!


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## SilverMoon

*NED* - As with any person, you are entitled to your own opinion. This is your review, no matter how sketchy. I have decided not to fritter away my time counterpointing your assessments of my poem. However, do take note of my single and pointed reply to your remark before your last beneath this quote.



> hello - yes, as said, the poetry has a lovely wide vocabulary
> 
> after the first three lines, I'm thinking 'bi-polar' - but then we have uncontextualized imagery
> and unfathomable concepts - and it all becomes a bit meaningless.
> 
> for me, if I don't see the message, no matter how poetically put, I lose interest.
> 
> which is a shame - because I'm sure you've got something to say.
> 
> consider the reader - and give them something to relate to......






> *consider the reader*


Are you the reader I should consider? Apparently it is you, who after all this time having read my works, who fails to recognize that I write to engage readers in thought which renders feelings. My goal as a writer is to teach from my own experiences, observations and share that of my inner world with hope that at least one person can find solace through identification. 

Again, you have every right to your own opinions. But you have _absolutely_ no right to state that I have a lack of consideration for readers/members of WF. 

These are my final words to you in my thread.


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## Sebald

Brilliant, Silvermoon, to end on 'this finished line'. Did you set out with that intention?

Clever title, too. 

It helped for me to see your poem in an impressionistic way, rather than try to work through every reference.  I imagined it was a song lyric, and then I relaxed and really enjoyed it. 

I think you have something with the shoe imagery. After reading the background to the poem, I do like the idea of the narrator talking about shoes when she means other things (fragmented self /broken heart/ cheating partners).

Have you noticed that women will admit to liking their feet, but no other part of their bodies?

Yeah, definitely, I think it's very truthful.


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## ned

just for the record, I never stated that you have a lack of consideration for readers - read it.
I merely implied that you should show more consideration toward the reader in respect of relating your message.
poetical concerns, not personal, Silver.

for example, without your explanation, who is going to connect collected ears with liars and cheats?
in my mind, it's selling the reader short.

less precious, knee-jerk reaction and more rational honesty would serve your poetry better.
Ned


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## Nellie

Hey ned,

I realize this is message intended for Laurie, but as a reader, I have to speak up. 



			
				ned said:
			
		

> for example, without your explanation, who is going to connect collected ears with liars and cheats?
> in my mind, it's selling the reader short.



I didn't need an explanation, so how is that selling the reader short? 
And tell me, do you recognize this style and who wrote this poem? Is this also selling the reader short by not  offering an explanation.



> Perfection is terrible, it cannot have children.
> Cold as snow, it tamps the womb
> 
> Where the yew trees blow like hydras,
> The tree of life and the tree of life
> 
> Unloosing their moons, month after month, to no purpose.
> The blood flood is the flood of love,
> 
> The absolute sacrifice.
> .......................



There is more to the poem, but the point is,  do you understand what she is saying? Did she sell the reader short?:scratch:


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## SilverMoon

*SEBALD* - Thank you so for your attention to this poem.



> Originally Posted by *Sebald   *Brilliant, Silvermoon, to end on 'this finished line'. Did you set out with that intention? No, actually it just followed naturally after the line before. Funny, sometimes an ending will come to mind and I work up from there and then the reverse. Sometimes a title comes to mind which inspires a poem - or a middle segment that need bookends, so to speak
> 
> Clever title, too. Thanks
> 
> It helped for me to see your poem in an impressionistic way, rather than try to work through every reference.  I imagined it was a song lyric, and then I relaxed and really enjoyed it. So glad you could relax into this. "Impressionistic" is a brilliant way to describe what I do with words. Nothing concrete about my style
> 
> I think you have something with the shoe imagery. After reading the background to the poem, I do like the idea of the narrator talking about shoes when she means other things (fragmented self /broken heart/ cheating partners). I love metaphors!
> 
> Have you noticed that women will admit to liking their feet, but no other part of their bodies? LOL! I have been told my feet look ever more lovely when foot in mouth
> 
> Yeah, definitely, I think it's very truthful.



Thank you again, Sebald. You are a delight.


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## Space Cadet

Your lines below resonated with me when I read.  I want to know more about this poem when it's finalized.    Thank you so much for sharing.  Very fun to read.  But I do agree with Ned on message or feeling.  I think message is there, and I felt certain connections with a few lines.  Staying on message.  It's hard for me to NOT drift too far from what I want to say.  Many times, this leads to readers not understanding/comprehending what I write in poetry form.  


Thank you again!  -- Wesley C.



Too many want to unfasten this smile.

All these years I’ve collected ears,
petrified in jars, measured by yards of self.
_
Merchants of tattered shoes:--  __Shu! 
Fallacious tongues of serpents' blistered
from lofted judges of trouble.  
Descend and Descent!  
You lofty judge of opinion (maybe a different word than 'opinion')
laced together 
__for the undoing that would secede this self._


_After all these years, I’ve began to collect pirouettes,
petrified in jars, carved from driftwood.    (I don't know what this means; I just like the word 'pirouette'.  )_


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## SilverMoon

*WESLEY* - Thank you for reading but there seems to be a misunderstanding. I  never wrote the following.




> After all these years, I’ve began to collect pirouettes,
> petrified in jars, carved from driftwood.    *(I don't know what this means; I just like the word 'pirouette')*


 I wrote:
All these years I’ve collected ears,
petrified in jars, measured by yards of self*.

*I pirouette. I stomp.

Nor did I write 





> You lofty judge of opinion* (maybe a different word than 'opinion'*


 I wrote:
Descent! You lofty judges of troubles*.
**
*Concerning my writing. There is always meaning. I just don't serve it up with the recipe. My work is up for interpretation. If it is not comprehended that is just fine because it gives all of us, writers and readers, a platform for constructive discussion. Through learning we come to improve our own work and that is the beautiful thing about poetry which by nature can delicate in substance.

Once again, thank you Wesley - for your time and effort in this review.

_  And my thanks to all who have read and contributed to this thread. Silver
_*

*




​


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## Sebald

Thanks for the poem. It's really stayed in my mind. Well done.


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## sas

Sorry, coming in late. I admit I did need some guideposts, but I never mind if it's an interesting poem like this one. The last stanza was perfect & unique.

If I were to suggest any change it would be to the first line. I'd consider not "telling" it was "a dichotomy": Maybe just this?: 

I am satin and leather.
A shimmery slipper to buckled boot -


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## Firemajic

SilverMoon said:


> I am a dichotomy,
> satin and leather. Line 4
> A shimmery slipper to buckled boot -Line 1
> So many souls in between Line 3
> tightly laced together Line 2
> for the undoing would secede this self. Line 5
> 
> A shimmery slipper to buckled boot
> tightly laced together
> so many souls in between
> satin and leather
> the undoing would secede this self [ I cut "for" in this line]
> 
> Too many want to unfasten this smile
> while I do my dance on toe to heal.
> Now,“Steal the Music”, the only song I hear.
> 
> Shu! You merchants of tattered shoes.
> Blister! You serpents of fallacious tongue.
> Descent! You lofty judges of troubles.
> 
> You will not.
> My demands are your noise.
> 
> All these years I’ve collected ears,
> petrified in jars, measured by yards of self.
> 
> I pirouette. I stomp.
> 
> I run in this humane race
> to this finished line.




I am a huge fan of your unique work, Laurie... and this poem showcases your original style and the way you pair words to almost create your own language... fabulous... No, I did not "get" all of it... but have read this several times, and each time I read, I get a new vibe...  looooveIT...  really love this " My demands are your noise"... OOoo.... Thank you...


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## SilverMoon

Thank You - Sebald, sas and FireMagic. I would like to address each of your replies but for now I need to get a handle on how to "Multi-Quote" per Moderator. Just a bit tired right now.

Great suggestions to consider. You all rock! Laurie


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## JustRob

The multi-quote button is to the right of the "Reply with quote" button. Hit it on each post that you want quoted and then hit "Reply with quote" on one of them and they'll all be included at once in one post.

Just six minutes to get a response back. This mentor is really on the ball tonight. I ought to be in bed though.


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## midnightpoet

I'm coming in late, the poem did speak to me.  It reminds me somehow of Nancy Sinatra's "These boots were made for walkin."  A strong message, nonetheless.:cool2:


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## SilverMoon

> Originally Posted by  *JustRob*
> 
> The multi-quote button is to the right of the "Reply with quote" button. Hit it on each post that you want quoted and then hit "Reply with quote" on one of them and they'll all be included at once in one post.



Rob, this is too abstract for me.


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## SilverMoon

What's a Girl to do?

​


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## SilverMoon

JustRob said:


> The multi-quote button is to the right of the "Reply with quote" button. Hit it on each post that you want quoted and then hit "Reply with quote" on one of them and they'll all be included at once in one post.
> 
> Just six minutes to get a response back. This mentor is really on the ball tonight. I ought to be in bed though.





midnightpoet said:


> I'm coming in late, the poem did speak to me.  It reminds me somehow of Nancy Sinatra's "These boots were made for walkin."  A strong message, nonetheless.:cool2:



Hi, guys. Nice to meet up here. Tony, I like Nancy's father's song "I Did it My Way"

While we're here, I thought I'd share a revision of my poem. More straightforward.


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## Nellie

SilverMoon said:


> Hi, guys. Nice to meet up here. Tony, I like Nancy's father's song "I Did it My Way"
> 
> While we're here, I thought I'd share a more straightforward revision of my poem.



Laurie, there is no erasing your wit, is there?


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## SilverMoon

LOL  Chalk it up to genetics. I'm related to Oscar Wilde.  Seriously, by now, this thread needs a bit of comic relief.


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## Bard_Daniel

I really enjoyed your work, Silvermoon. 

It has that perfect style that I find enticing.

Great one!


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## JustRob

SilverMoon said:


> LOL  Chalk it up to genetics. I'm related to Oscar Wilde.  Seriously, by now, this thread needs a bit of comic relief.



Wilde said that something wasn't worth reading at all if it wasn't worth reading more than once. Does reading your poem more than once help though?


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## Space Cadet

SilverMoon said:


> *WESLEY* - Thank you for reading but there seems to be a misunderstanding. I  never wrote the following.
> 
> I wrote:
> All these years I’ve collected ears,
> petrified in jars, measured by yards of self*.
> 
> *I pirouette. I stomp.
> 
> Nor did I write  I wrote:
> Descent! You lofty judges of troubles*.
> **
> *Concerning my writing. There is always meaning. I just don't serve it up with the recipe. My work is up for interpretation. If it is not comprehended that is just fine because it gives all of us, writers and readers, a platform for constructive discussion. Through learning we come to improve our own work and that is the beautiful thing about poetry which by nature can delicate in substance.
> 
> Once again, thank you Wesley - for your time and effort in this review.
> 
> _  And my thanks to all who have read and contributed to this thread. Silver
> _
> 
> 
> ​




I apologize SilverMoon.  I don't like to step on words or toes.  I'm sorry -- sometimes I read lines like yours that evolve after a few reads.  And I should have indicated a bit clearer that the lines I wrote were evolving suggestions, not any form of defacement of your words.  Sorry if it came across that way.  

I just read hidden meaning(s) in this piece that I find intriguing.    I find poems like this one even more revealing and telling for the author and reader alike. Again, I apologize for the misunderstanding.   Thank you for sharing, SilverMoon.   Best,  Wesley C.


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