# Fishing with my Son



## dannyboy (Oct 9, 2014)

Beside a river, my son and I dived (after a witch who changed 
into a fish) to escape the meanderings we shared as we sat beside
the flowing water and tried to connect — but my son’s words are not
my words, not framed in my picture of history. The witch,
bloated as she was with understanding, did not wish to let
us understand each other. She fled the scene of that catatonic afternoon
when we stopped by the river’s bank, cast words with fishing lines
and found the snags and tangles too much: The words did not bite

so we two took up the chase instead for that shimmer of salmon gold,
went after the tail, fin and the legend that a salmon caught would
make the two of us wise enough to be back again at that moment when
my son’s eyes looked up at me when I smiled, his smell still bright
as sunshine and my hand had only ever caressed him for I had
not snapped nor had we shared the least moment of difficulty.


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## apple (Oct 10, 2014)

Beautiful Danny.  The new version.  I say this over and over.  Your writing connects with me.  It most always brings out some deep emotion inside me.  Something remembered yet tangible.  No matter how beautiful the poem...it hurts, somehow.  Love your soul.


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## wainscottbl (Oct 10, 2014)

Like it. I like that the lines are long. English often lacks such length in lines unlike Greek poetry. The Iliad and Odyssey were 13 syllable lines. I think the Romans had the same, such as The Aeneid. Also Norse poems maybe, like Beowulf. Anyway, I think it. The imagery and what it conveys overall is nice. Has a fairy tale like feel to it. I do find it a bit hard to read phonetically speaking. Not sure if you can work on the metre without ruining the beauty of the poem but it could stand for some help in places if possible. Like here:


> so we two took up the chase instead for that shimmer of salmon gold,



Like the alliteration but "two" and "took" are two long syllables that are not only long but rather hard. Also I find the rest of the line after that a bit hard to read aloud. 

Also:


> his smell still bright
> as sunshine



Not sure what's meant by a smell being bright as sunshine. Smile maybe was meant? I think so. 



> and my hand had only ever caressed him for I had



Maybe take the "ever" out. Not sure how something is "only ever" caressed. 

I really like the last line though and the first line. The first line is really powerful. Actually the whole poem is. I feel in a way like I reading Tolkien for some reason. It's magical. Fairy tale like or something. That part about the witch I think.

Also you might find this guy interesting. Your poetry reminds me of his:

https://www.youtube.com/user/brychar66


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## dannyboy (Oct 11, 2014)

Thank you every much for the kind words/sentiments apple.

wainscottibl - part of the out loud reading maybe be due to accents. It reads fine to me in my Aussie voice. It is a smile (for the son is Lugh the son god of Irish myths) and the 'had only ever' is an attempt to go back in time and wipe the slate clean.

The poem's fairytale nature is because it draws on Celtic myths about a witch turning into a salmon but being eaten and so bestowing wisdom.


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## wainscottbl (Oct 11, 2014)

Well I like your poetry. Just took a look at your blog.


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## dannyboy (Oct 11, 2014)

Oh the blog...Not very good at the blog thingy... Needs work to tell you the truth but I'm waiting for my publisher to get busy publishing but I am glad you like my poetry wainscottbl...Often I feel so far away from it.


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## E. Zamora (Oct 11, 2014)

I like it a whole lot. But it reads more like prose; like a little piece of flash. The line breaks seem to be pretty arbitrary and based mostly on line length. It's lovely and quite poignant nonetheless.

Very nice work.


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## dannyboy (Oct 11, 2014)

ta Zamora, is a rough sonnet (very rough i know) with the turn (sort of) on the 8th line into the last 6.


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## Firemajic (Oct 11, 2014)

I enjoyed reading this, and I found your comments [fairytale, celtic myths]  added to the complex nature of this unique poem. Thank you for posting.    Peace...Jul


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## dannyboy (Oct 12, 2014)

thank you Firemajic


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## escorial (Oct 12, 2014)

read like a very tight short story of some indigenous peoples myth..cool man


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## The Defenestrator (Oct 13, 2014)

As someone who never really connected to his father, and who was unhappily forced to go fishing many a time with him in desperate attempts on his part to connect with me (even though  I LOVE fishing) -- I think this is a really interesting perspective, and it's conveyed in a very fluid, efficient, almost-prose-like poetic style.  I kind of felt bad for my dad; maybe I could have been a better son and tried opening up to him once in a while.  Tried to bridge the generation gap a bit.


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## dannyboy (Oct 13, 2014)

sometimes that divide just is...yet there are moments when my son and i connect and I remember so many wonderful moments (see Jen taking the salad out of the refrigerator). The thing is, there is no going back, only chances to re-connect going forward.


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## WKSwenson (Oct 17, 2014)

I enjoyed this poem, it brought forth the surreal feeling of those moments in life. Big thumbs up!


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## dannyboy (Oct 19, 2014)

Thank you WK.


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## Syren (Oct 20, 2014)

Enjoyed that very much Danny - would love to see it as a polished sonnet, but either way, nicely done.

Cheers,

//Sy


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