# A rain haiku



## Martin

It's just after rain,
leaves are heavy from water
and forests still drip.


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## Martin

I realise I kinda gave in for the need of satisfying the traditional 5-7-5 structure. My excuse was, that the fill words would signify more of an experienced feel. I guess the piece should rather read:


After rain
leaves are heavy from water;
forests still drip.


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## Trides

Yeah, I prefer the new version. Haikus are about minimalism, aren't they? Although I was a bit bothered because I took "leaves are heavy from water" and "forests still drip" for repetitions of the same basic idea.


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## Martin

Thanks Trides. I can't help but agree with you.


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## A Saucerful of Secrets

I agree with Trides, and think the revised version reads much better, thanks for sharing.

Kind regards,

Saucerful


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## 0rganic

Martin said:


> It's just after rain,
> leaves are heavy from water
> and forests still drip.



think of a way to write it without words that convey no meaning

example: it's, are, and


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## Trides

@0rganic: see post #2


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## Bloggsworth

Trides said:


> Haikus are about minimalism, aren't they?



No - Haiku are a very precisely structured and have a well defined form.
That said, the original is a good Haiku and I would only make one change, the word _*from*_ should be changed to _*with*_,  as it is more inclusive, tying the water and leaves together.


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## Trides

Bloggsworth said:


> No - Haiku are a very precisely structured and have a well defined form.


Referring to English ones, I respectfully disagree.


> the word _*from*_ should be changed to _*with*_


Agreed.


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## Bloggsworth

They're either Haiku or they're something else. English Haiku is as oxymoronic as Canadian Cheddar....


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## LugubriousLenny

> English Haiku is as oxymoronic as Canadian Cheddar...



There is such a thing, at least when I last taught. More of an evolution of perception, rather than any distinct form, but it exists nonetheless.

If the kids these days want to call their poems haiku, why not?


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## wood

"After rain
leaves are heavy from water;
forests still drip."

yeah, i like this version best.  but i have to agree, the last line seems to repeat the second, perhaps if you focus on the sensation of dripping, or wetness, etc.  still, i do like this.

wood


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## Martin

Personally I don't think I manage to include the kireji in this. It's really just an image, and I think it should rather just read:

_After rain
forests still drip_

Thanks for commenting everyone.


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## Trides

I like three lines better than two...

_After rain
leaves are heavy
forests still drip
_


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## Martin

Nice one Trides, I agree...


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## torbird

What about 'Still forests drip'? It's still (!) a repetition of the idea but with a possible extra double-meaning...


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## Bloggsworth

LugubriousLenny said:


> There is such a thing, at least when I last taught. More of an evolution of perception, rather than any distinct form, but it exists nonetheless.
> 
> If the kids these days want to call their poems haiku, why not?



In that case I have a Chippendale dining room set which I bought from Argos.


_After rain
leaves are heavy
forests still drip


_It is rather a statement of the obvious isn't it, it's been raining so water drips. I feel it needs an unexpected turn.


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## Trides

Chill, bloggs. It's a three-line poem. Can't have a lot of unexpected turns there.


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## Bloggsworth

Trides said:


> Chill, bloggs. It's a three-line poem. Can't have a lot of unexpected turns there.



It only needs one...


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## Bloggsworth

Trides said:


> Chill, bloggs. It's a three-line poem. Can't have a lot of unexpected turns there.




It only needs one...

For instance (this is not a suggestion)

_After rain
leaves are heavy
but squirrels stay dry_


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## Martin

As with haikus, I'm of the opinion that they should reach us rather than we should reach for them. Meaning that too much fiddling usually won't make for a good haiku. This one in particular is not very unexpected I agree; it's the simple experience of how rain continues in forests even after it stops from the clouds. It was supposed to be nothing more than that, however mundane it may seem. It was a pleasant experience for me none the less, and thus the lines appeared in my head.

I appreciate all the attention this one gets, but I don't see it myself as a particurlarly good haiku. My three newer attempts I think are better as traditional haikus even though they don't follow the 5-7-5 structure.


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## Squalid Glass

Martin said:


> _After rain
> forests still drip_



This. It makes me think of "In a Station of the Metro" by Pound. It feels like so much more than a statement and about so much more than simple rain in a simple forest. I think this is your poem.


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## Martin

That's a sweet comparison to get, Squalid, that's a very cool Pound piece. And glad to hear you agree with my own conclusion on what should be this poem. Cheers.


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## Clet

I like 'its just after rain' because it gives ambience to the picture- as the air is fresher in a forest just after rain. Which is why the moment captured is so magical. By cutting out that line you lose the essense of the beauty in the poem.  Anyone can refer to rain. But to refer to a moment in time that the rain was making the forest heavy with water shows you thought alot about the poem. 
Note I am new to Haiku, so feel free to disregard my opinion. :beaten:


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## huskylover103

I like the challenge of traditional 5-7-5 haiku.  I thought it was rather nice in its orginal form.


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