# The first line.



## Jeko (Jan 3, 2012)

'Harvoskus June was in a furious state.'

If there is one thing I keep looking at in my writing, its first lines. The start of a chapter, or the entire novel. Above is the first lie of my work-in-progress Warzone. I actually like it, but I'm not sure why. Does anyone know good tips for how to ge tthe best out of your first lines?


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## Jon M (Jan 3, 2012)

_It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen._

This line is interesting because of its contradictions. You think, _The clocks were striking thirteen? How can that be?!_ and off you go, into the story.

That said, I think first-line hooks are not terribly important. Sometimes they come across as a gimmick. As long as something interesting happens on the first page, I keep reading. 'Interesting' could be defined as a startingly original image, rhythmic prose, an apparent contradiction, etc.


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## Gamer_2k4 (Jan 3, 2012)

Mine is simply "Markus leaned his head against the window of the train car and watched the trees speed by."  There's nothing particularly special or gripping about it.  It simply sets the scene.

Like johnM said, opening lines don't have to be brilliant.  No one is going to put down a book if they aren't enthralled by the opening line, after all.


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## C.M. Aaron (Jan 3, 2012)

'Harvoskus June was in a furious state.' does get me interested in what will come next which I assume will be an explanation for why he is furious. People get furious as a result of conflict, and after reading your first sentence I expect to encounter some conflict pretty quickly. Conflict is what drives stories, and I am now confident I will not have to wait long before getting to the heart of your story. You could delete 'in a state' and say the same thing, but you were probably going to do that on your own in your second draft. 'Harvoskus June was furious' is telling not showing, but in a hook, you want to get the reader's attention quickly and showing takes time. You can show why he's furious in subsequent sentences.


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## j.w.olson (Jan 3, 2012)

My current first line is "It wasn’t cold out, but Isa shivered." It's short, to the point, establishes some conflict via contradiction, and is followed by several sentences explaining how she had to leave the homeless shelter because she didn't want people around to see her when the trembling returned.

I agree with what has been said. The first line isn't as crucial as the first paragraph (or page) or so. I would further agree/argue that the important things to accomplish are:
1. Set the scene
2. Establish some conflict
3. Identify the viewpoint character


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## felix (Jan 3, 2012)

The novel I'm working on at the moment begins with, 'They were nearing the ocean.'

They're not terribly important, but they can provide an extra hook if the opening chapter isn't satisfactorily gripping. Trying to make them grabbing and punchy, however, probably isn't a great idea. If it's natural, great, if not, hey, you've got to start somewhere.


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## doghouse reilly (Jan 3, 2012)

When I'm writing in genre - usually mystery, thriller or horror - first lines can set a mood, introduce a compelling character, hook the reader to read on.  It can be viewed as a gimmick, but done right it can make a memorable entrance.  Think about the beginning lines of the classics - "It was the best of times...."

Doghouse Reilly


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## Kyle R (Jan 3, 2012)

In commercial fiction, the first line usually follows a formula:

*Introduce Character  *+ *Disturbance to Character's world*. This is generally what's referred to as the "hook", baiting the reader to continue on, to find out what's going to happen.

For example:

"*Samantha Green* was on her way to work *when the car in front of her exploded*."

or

"On his last round, *security guard Thomas Shepherd* had just started to yawn *when he heard a loud crash*."

I'm very familiar this formula, but I ignore it often, as I'm much more interested in first-line prose than hooks.. But, it's a known formula for a reason: it tends to work well.


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## shadowwalker (Jan 3, 2012)

This is probably going to come out of left field, but while I like the sentence as a whole, the first name got more of my attention, and not in a good way. I found myself trying to figure out how to pronounce it, making his being furious take a back seat.

Just one opinion.


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## j.w.olson (Jan 3, 2012)

shadowwalker said:


> This is probably going to come out of left field, but while I like the sentence as a whole, the first name got more of my attention, and not in a good way. I found myself trying to figure out how to pronounce it, making his being furious take a back seat.
> 
> Just one opinion.



It affected me the same way, but, if the rest of the first paragraph is good, I could get over it easily enough.


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## archer88iv (Jan 4, 2012)

I always try to make my first line a double entendre, and then I change them again and again until no one hates it. Apparently the whole double-meaning thing is pretty hateable.


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## Tiamat (Jan 4, 2012)

Ditto the above about the name.

As to first lines, sometimes I put the effort in, sometimes I don't.  Then again, I do appreciate a gripping "hook."

_"Ten days after the war ended, my sister Laura drove a car off a bridge."_

That's the first line from my favorite book, and I'd say the most important thing about making your first sentence work well as a hook is to keep the momentum going, rather than give us a really killer line and then rattle on about the grass growing and such.  (The above novel--The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood--hooked me from the first sentence and never let me go.)


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## Olly Buckle (Jan 4, 2012)

Standard advice does not always apply, but it is fairly standard advice to establish who, where, when and what is happening early on, either the first line or the first paragraph. Check out the result of this google search in those terms, Best First Lines of Novels &mdash; Infoplease.com, often the rest of the info is often in the next couple of lines, like Winston Smith heading for Victory buildings in John's example, but it is already bright, cold, April and thirteen o'clock.


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## The Backward OX (Jan 4, 2012)

Tiamat10 said:


> As to first lines, sometimes I put the effort in, sometimes I don't. Then again, I do appreciate a gripping "hook."
> 
> _"Ten days after the war ended, my sister Laura drove a car off a bridge."_
> 
> That's the first line from my favorite book,



That opener puts me very much in mind of _"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice." _If one has the patience, "One Hundred Years of Solitude", by Gabriel García Márquez, is...erm..._different_.


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## The Backward OX (Jan 4, 2012)

shadowwalker said:


> This is probably going to come out of left field, but while I like the sentence as a whole, the first name got more of my attention, and not in a good way. I found myself trying to figure out how to pronounce it, making his being furious take a back seat.
> 
> Just one opinion.



Harvoskus? What's so hard about three itty-bitty syllables? HAR VOSS K'S. Jeeez.


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## philistine (Jan 4, 2012)

Here's a couple of mine, somewhat of a veritable mixed bag:



> Did I ever tell you of the time I worked for the newspapers?





> A few years I had a check-up at the local doctor’s office.





> Terrible are the anomalies of human anatomy.



I don't think first lines are terribly important, though the first page as a whole should draw some interest. Then again, we have Nikolay Gogol's _Taras Bulba_, which seems to break the first, oh, fifty page rule?



The Backward OX said:


> That opener puts me very much in mind of _"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice." _If one has the patience, "One Hundred Years of Solitude", by Gabriel García Márquez, is...erm..._different_.



I read about half of that novel, before abandoning it altogether in favour of something else... lord knows what it was. A few months later, however, I picked up his other critically acclaimed novel, _Love in The Time of Cholera, _which I thought was absolutely amazing. A magnificent opus in almost anyone's opinion.


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## shadowwalker (Jan 4, 2012)

The Backward OX said:


> Harvoskus? What's so hard about three itty-bitty syllables? HAR VOSS K'S. Jeeez.



Jeeez, why didn't I notice that? Or maybe I just like names I don't have to sound out. 

I don't mind unusual names, but, as I noted, they shouldn't be so unusual they take attention away from what's important.


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## Robdemanc (Jan 4, 2012)

"It started mild, a slight tingle in the roots of his teeth, but it made his mind plunge - he knew they were coming for him."

I am not sure what that says to a reader but I hope it would make them read on. 

The OP line is good.  I wonder why the character is in a furious state so would read on.  But other people are right, the first line is important, but so is the next, and the next and the next....


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## C.M. Aaron (Jan 4, 2012)

Writers are always being presented with rules they should never, ever break. Then there is the other half of the community that insists there are no rules. One of the rules I have come across is "Always keep names simple." I have broken it. Whether you choose to break it or not, is entirely up to you.   C.M.


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## justbishop (Jan 5, 2012)

My first line kinda sucks, lol:

"Running."


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## Jeko (Jan 5, 2012)

justbishop said:


> "Running."



I find this to be one of the most exciting lines on this page. It's so open, like a blank canvas ripe for beauty.


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## justbishop (Jan 5, 2012)

Well thanks! I hope the paragraph that follows it lives up, lol


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## Robdemanc (Jan 5, 2012)

"Running" is quite bold, and effective.


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## justbishop (Jan 6, 2012)

Well now I feel like an idiot. I realized earlier today that I had rewritten my entire first chapter, and he first line now reads:

"Death wasn't what I'd expected it to be."

Hope that's as intriguing as my first draft was!


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## Vertigo (Jan 6, 2012)

"He was dead long before I ever saw him."

You know, I've long since come to the conclusion that the first line can be as hooky or hook-deficient as you wish it to be. The first couple of paragraphs on the whole are what set the tone and draw the reader in. Thus, you're not looking for one awesome sentence- you're looking for seven or eight solid ones that properly express their concepts.

Or you could start in a non-standard way with some witty dialogue or some-such.


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## Jeko (Jan 7, 2012)

justbishop said:


> "Death wasn't what I'd expected it to be."



More interesting in concept, but slightly less open. It of course depends on what you use it for.

I'd agree that the first line alone means little; it's the first few lines that matter. But the first line has to work withthem, so it is very important, no?


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## Kyle R (Jan 7, 2012)

Cadence said:


> I'd agree that the first line alone means little; it's the first few lines that matter. But the first line has to work withthem, so it is very important, no?



Assume your audience is comprised of fickle, hurried, impatient readers suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Make your first line a dazzling, barbed, electrified hook that'll sink so deep into your reader's psyche she'll need therapy just to get over it.


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## qwertyman (Jan 8, 2012)

C.M. Aaron said:


> Writers are always being presented with rules they should never, ever break. Then there is the other half of the community that insists there are no rules. One of the rules I have come across is "Always keep names simple." I have broken it. Whether you choose to break it or not, is entirely up to you.   C.M.



I agree, learn the 'rules' first and then decide if you want to break them.

Here are my first two lines. The second sentence is passive - I know it's a hanging offense but...

A middle-aged man in a good suit knelt in the courtyard.   His hands were tied and red paint had been poured over him.


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## The Backward OX (Jan 8, 2012)

qwertyman said:


> A middle-aged man in a good suit knelt in the courtyard. His hands were tied and red paint had been poured over him.



*Sacré bleu! Je suis dismayed. Use of ze definite article describing ze courtyard presupposes ze courtyard ‘as been mentioned previously. Zis is obviously not ze case, n’est pas, and so is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I can only 'ope zis does not form part of a work intended for submission.*


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## qwertyman (Jan 8, 2012)

The Backward OX said:


> *Sacré bleu! Je suis dismayed. Use of ze definite article describing ze courtyard presupposes ze courtyard ‘as been mentioned previously. Zis is obviously not ze case, n’est pas, and so is wrong, wrong, wrong.
> 
> I can only 'ope zis does not form part of a work intended for submission.*



At the risk of hi-jacking another's thread, ici la. (Dans grande letters parceque tu es blaind as une bat.)

The scene is entered at a late stage, incidents have occurred previously to the reader's introduction. It's called entering a scene at the latest possible moment, (or cut to ze chase).

I could have described the ordering of the paint to be brought and who poured it, how it was poured and the reaction of the kneeling man to the paint. But this information is not relevant and does not progress the story. Hence, entering the scene at a time when these actions have occurred.

 It relieves the reader of the monotony of irrelevancies and trivia which would have predated the late entry. The downside is the narration which describes the moment of entry to the scene will include passive passages. It also presupposes the existence of action and the courtyard, prior.

N’est pas?


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## The Backward OX (Jan 8, 2012)

qwertyman said:


> N’est pas?



Who are you calling blind as a bat? All I said was, ""*THE *courtyard" is wrong. It should be "*A* courtyard"".


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## Jeko (Jan 8, 2012)

Aside from looking at the first line of a story, does anyone have any views on the first lines of chapters? I seem to find a lot of scene-setting being done first, or characters being introduced. As someone once told me, the reader will often be eager to look for characters before getting really interested in the story.



> Who are you calling blind as a bat? All I said was, ""*THE *courtyard" is wrong. It should be "*A* courtyard"".



I would say 'The courtyard' is fine, as long as it is the actual setting for the story. 'A courtyard' is fine, though. I don'tthink it even matters which - both work.


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## qwertyman (Jan 8, 2012)

Cadence said:


> Aside from looking at the first line of a story, does anyone have any views on the first lines of chapters? I seem to find a lot of scene-setting being done first, or characters being introduced. As someone once told me, the reader will often be eager to look for characters before getting really interested in the story.



That’s a question with too many answers:-

It depends on how the previous chapter ended. 

Is it a continuation, but with a time gap?

Is the character in the newchapter established?

Are you switching to a sub-plot?

Are you changing POV.

Etc.

#

As a reader, I like to see lots of white on the page it gives me the expectation of something happening soon. I think it can be achieved in most of the above circumstances.


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## Jon M (Jan 8, 2012)

Off topic:

"*The* courtyard" is absolutely correct. He is talking about a specific place in a specific part of the world. "*A* courtyard" is weak, noncommittal, nonspecific.​


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## Gamer_2k4 (Jan 9, 2012)

The Backward OX said:


> Who are you calling blind as a bat? All I said was, ""*THE *courtyard" is wrong. It should be "*A* courtyard"".



Actually, I like "the courtyard" for what it implies.  It tells the reader, "There are places in my book that have significance before you even opened the cover.  I assume you're smart enough to accept that."  Books do that all the time.  There might be a line with the phrase, "his membership in the Guild was nearly finished," without a previous line of, "The Guild was an organization that had these members and did this, this, and that."

When you're reading a book, you're accepting that a pre-existing world exists.  You enter it on the author's terms or don't enter it at all.



Cadence said:


> Aside from looking at the first line of a story, does anyone have any views on the first lines of chapters? I seem to find a lot of scene-setting being done first, or characters being introduced. As someone once told me, the reader will often be eager to look for characters before getting really interested in the story.



I think they need to set the scene quickly so the reader can be involved right away.  For example, here are a few of my chapters' opening lines:


Markus leaned his head against the window of the train car and watched the trees speed by.
The lights in the room had shifted to a bright red, and they were now flashing, alternately illuminating the Warriors and casting them into shadow.
As Markus entered the base Sunday afternoon, it became clear that something did indeed change, though definitely not for the better.
Markus stood in front of a large unlabeled door, flanked by two HDF officials.
"I'm sorry, but the doctor has requested that Emerson not be disturbed under any condition."
The ragged peaks of Montserrat rose up from the horizon, and its uneven face glowed in the morning sun.

Actually, I left out the ten or so that went "Markus woke up and..." or "Markus arrived at the base and..."  Seems I don't have many settings in my story (though I suppose that's not necessarily a bad thing).


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## Grape Juice Vampire (Jan 9, 2012)

There are three questions I ask myself when I consider my first line of a book. One: Is it important enough that it must be said now? (Gets my brain in the writing frame of mind) Two does it convey the right feel? and Three:Why am I asking myself questions? Then i just go with what feels right. The best tip i can think of is that put down what you like, it can be revised later and often becomes better, though simple lines also work well especially for tone setting. I hope this makes sense, i'm sick and my brain is a little fluffy.


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## nhope (Jan 9, 2012)

Your first line may be further in your story.
Honestly? You should write like you talk unless you talk like that then, I apologize.
Without anything else to go on using your sentence with _me_ being the writer, this is how I would write it. Just for fun.

_June was furious. I had just found out her real name was Harvoskus June and I wasn't sure at that point if she had just realized it herself or if something else was making her crazy._

I think the first line sets the tone for the story. It must promise the reader there is a great story following. Here are a few of my first lines:

_You’ll never amount to anything! 
_I didn’t like him. 
It’s unavoidable, like that cold draft that blows in from the upstairs window.
Hey, y’all.
After my aunt died I went to church after not having been since the last time I needed to go. 
I looked up from doodling peace signs and daisies on my brown-bag book cover to see the brilliant blue eyes of the guy that would haunt my soul my entire sophomore year.


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## Jeko (Jan 12, 2012)

> _June was furious. I had just found out her real name was Harvoskus June and I wasn't sure at that point if she had just realized it herself or if something else was making her crazy._



June is a man.


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## The Backward OX (Jan 12, 2012)

Cadence said:


> June is a man.


I think you should read the previous post again, carefully ths time.


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