# Mary Wept



## Firemajic (Dec 8, 2016)

_Mary did you cry
as you held your child
watched him sleep
knowing he was born to die
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
as you knelt to pray
and begged for strength
while you watched him crucified
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
when the Sun turned black
and you turned your back
so he would not see you weep
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
when they rolled away the stone
revealed his empty tomb
and you knew he lived again
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
when the Son of God
gave his precious life
 to save someone like me
Mary did you cry...
_


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## SilverMoon (Dec 8, 2016)

Of all, I found this especially moving. "Sun turned black" - so powerful.



> _Mary did you cry
> when the Sun turned black
> and you turned your back
> so he would not see you weep
> Mary did you cry_


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## Ariel (Dec 8, 2016)

This is lovely and I would say publishable as is. Juls, let me know if you need this moved.


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## Darkkin (Dec 8, 2016)

A nod to the carol _Mary Did You Know?_​  Lovely.


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## escorial (Dec 11, 2016)

a fine example of writing without punctuation.....


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## Bard_Daniel (Dec 11, 2016)

A very intriguing poem indeed!


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## Firemajic (Dec 12, 2016)

Darkkin said:


> A nod to the carol _Mary Did You Know?_​  Lovely.





Yes... Thank you for picking up on that... I wrote this after hearing that song... I was thinking about Mary's sacrifice... I wanted to express how she must have suffered....

Thanks to all who read and "liked" this poem...
I hope my WF family has a wonderful Christmas, and that the new year brings good things to you.... Peace... love you all... from your friend, Julia... AKA Firemajic....


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## Absolem (Jan 1, 2017)

Mmm, not feeling it :/( that's what she said, boom! Lol ). I love the idea but it didn't quite work for me. The rhyme scheme for me can either make or break a poem and in this case it shattered it into a million pieces. Your a far better poet then what this poem would suggest.


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## Ell337 (Jan 1, 2017)

Absolem said:


> Mmm, not feeling it :/( that's what she said, boom! Lol ). I love the idea but it didn't quite work for me. The rhyme scheme for me can either make or break a poem and in this case it shattered it into a million pieces. Your a far better poet then what this poem would suggest.



Would you clarify what you mean? Could you point out where its wrong and what can be done to improve it?


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## Firemajic (Jan 1, 2017)

Absolem said:


> Mmm, not feeling it :/( that's what she said, boom! Lol ). I love the idea but it didn't quite work for me. The rhyme scheme for me can either make or break a poem and in this case it shattered it into a million pieces. Your a far better poet then what this poem would suggest.




Hello, Absolem... This is a free style poem, with a subtle internal rhyme supported by the refraining line and subtle alliteration thrown in just to make it sound more poetic, and because I just can't help myself... I love to alliterate... 
anyway, I hope this explain my style, I love to do things my way... sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I appreciate your comments, thank you for reading "Mary Wept"...


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## Absolem (Jan 1, 2017)

Ell337 said:


> Would you clarify what you mean? Could you point out where its wrong and what can be done to improve it?


Aah damn, your going to make me do this. Okay, I'll give an in depth critique. Or try anyways. Hard to do on a phone and I'm prolly gonna end up double posting but here goes.


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## Absolem (Jan 1, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> _Mary did you cry
> as you held your child
> watched him sleep
> knowing he was born to die
> ...



Well there it is. I don't usually do those because chances are I'm not making sense to anyone but me. What I would do to improve the poem would be to scrap everything but the first and last stanza and establish a consistent rhyme scheme.


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## Ell337 (Jan 1, 2017)

Absolem said:


> Well there it is. I don't usually do those because chances are I'm not making sense to anyone but me. What I would do to improve the poem would be to scrap everything but the first and last stanza and establish a consistent rhyme scheme.



This poem has a perfectly acceptable rhyme scheme - the first and last line of each stanza rhyme. In this case with the same word because the lines repeat, but nonetheless still acceptable.  Rhyme scheme in bold letters. 


_Mary did you cry *a*
as you held your child *b*
watched him sleep *c*
knowing he was born to die *d*
Mary did you cry *a*

Mary did you cry *a*
as you knelt to pray *e*
and begged for strength *f*
while you watched him crucified *g*
Mary did you cry *a*

Mary did you cry *a *
when the Sun turned black *h*
and you turned your back *i*
so he would not see you weep *j*
Mary did you cry *a*

Mary did you cry *a*
when they rolled away the stone *k*
revealed his empty tomb *l*
and you knew he lived again *m*
Mary did you cry *a*

Mary did you cry *a*
when the Son of God *n*
gave his precious life *o*
to save someone like me *p*
Mary did you cry...*​a*_


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## Firemajic (Jan 1, 2017)

Very well done! I agree the cry and weep are redundant ... I did not mean to have a rhyme scheme, so that was an accident.. I will fix that ASAP... The refraining line and subtle internal rhyme, and alliteration was my intent, not an AB rhyme scheme, so I will edit this. Thank you for a helpful critique, I appreciate, because without helpful critique, I cannot grow as a poet, and that is NOT acceptable to me...


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## Firemajic (Jan 1, 2017)

_Mary did you cry
as you held your child
watched him sleep
knowing he was born to die
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
as you knelt to pray
and begged for strength
while you watched him crucified
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
when the Sun turned black
and you turned your back
so he could not see your tears
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
when they rolled away the stone
revealed his empty tomb
and you knew he lived again
Mary did you cry

Mary did you cry
when the Son of God
gave his precious life
 to save someone like me
Mary did you cry...
_[/QUOTE]


I will continue to work on this to strengthen the alliteration... I noticed it is kinda weak...


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## sas (Jan 1, 2017)

Maybe because I am not religious it did not grab me. If any other topic, i believe others would call it a "tell". For myself, it would make a better song.


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## Firemajic (Jan 1, 2017)

sas said:


> Maybe because I am not religious it did not grab me. If any other topic, i believe others would call it a "tell". For myself, it would make a better song.





I can understand that... this was inspired by the song... "Mary Did You Know"... 
yeah, I can see where I did a lot of telling... Ooopps... Thank you sas, it is always a pleasure to read your comments. I appreciate your insight...


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## sas (Jan 1, 2017)

I am old so do not know song (even though I was alive...ha!).


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## Ell337 (Jan 1, 2017)

sas said:


> I am old so do not know song (even though I was alive...ha!).



For your enjoyment. 

[video=youtube;ifCWN5pJGIE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifCWN5pJGIE[/video]


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## sas (Jan 1, 2017)

Thanks for video! My partner is sleeping in chair next to me so have to wait to play it. Rats. Will play soon. Best. Sas


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## sas (Jan 2, 2017)

The video gets a huge thumbs up from me! Outstanding on all levels. Thank you for taking time to share. Best. Sas


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