# Cinderella



## Kevin (Jul 4, 2015)

Cinderella and standing by.

Are you an evil step-parent? ….

Recently, some friends of ours son got married. This was a boy (man now) who we‘ve known since before our own child was born. 

He is a nice guy, as is his wife, who we met and have known since they began dating.

He has a mistake. That is, that prior to dating (and later marrying) he dated another girl who purposefully lied to him in order to get herself pregnant. She has admitted this. Since then, she has gone on to perform this behavior with another male. She now has two children by two different fathers; two income streams.

In any case, it is five years later, after the birth, and after him (our friends’ son) becoming a somewhat reluctant ‘father’, which he has done, stepping up to the plate and doing whatever is needed, his new wife is pregnant.

She, on the other hand has always voiced resentment at the child’s existence, and is not nice to her (a little girl), so much so that her own mother has told her as much..

So… being the type who can and does hold my tongue when it comes to other people’s business, especially their child-rearing techniques,  I find it hard in this case to not say anything. The rest is obvious (unless of course you are an evil step-parent yourself and see nothing wrong with it).

What is my purpose in posting this? An altruistic venting of concern, a validation of my opinion; a rant, or self-serving attention getting? I think more, I'm just pointing it out. There it is.


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## Boofy (Jul 4, 2015)

A real life Catelyn Stark, neh? The child is half her husband's, she should try to love it on that basis alone regardless of the circumstances. I could understand her privately disliking the child's mother, even being upset at the whole situation, really. She should never take it out on the child involved though. Some people aren't really aware enough to realise who they should be angry at, sometimes. I'm afraid I know of similar situations with some of my friends/family. It must be very frustrating to watch.


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## Ariel (Jul 4, 2015)

That may well become a burr in their marriage.


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## dale (Jul 4, 2015)

amsawtell said:


> That may well become a burr in their marriage.



it WILL become a burr in the marriage. if a person makes a commitment to a man or woman with kids from a previous relationship?
sorry. but those previous kids come with the package. if i hook up with another woman in a serious relationship and she thinks she's
gonna resent my kid? it'll be "bye-bye, bitch." but i also wouldn't let my kid do the same thing, either. like play the games that 
sometimes divorced kids do with what they might see as "the other woman trying to take mommy's place". it works both ways.


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## Ariel (Jul 4, 2015)

I said might because my step-mom resents me and my dad acts like he doesn't care.  We've come to an uneasy truce but I know she resents me and that I don't give a flying f--- what she thinks.  Of course, my mom died and I was 29 when they started dating and married.

Anytime I try to raise a valid concern (like what if your relationship doesn't work out?) I'm met with "well don't you want 'daddy' to be happy?"

My (sarcastic) response is usually "Of course I want 'daddy' to be happy.  That's why I asked."

Why would any woman call her husband daddy when speaking to his grown child?


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## Foxee (Jul 4, 2015)

That poor little girl. Being raised by an unscrupulous mother isn't really much better than having an angry step-mother. Her father sounds like the only one with any integrity and she doesn't get to live with him. That's a lot to overcome straight out of the cradle.

i'm not going to say that she'll turn out fine and be stronger for it because even though she might, I think that's a load of crap to put on someone just because the adults involved are self-serving. Sadly, if a similar situation that I've seen here plays out there, her mother will teach her to live her life exactly like that, buzzing from one guy who she then more or less ruins, gets custody, moves to the next guy, has his child and torpedos his reputation, gets him paying child support, and it's off to the next guy who she tells her kids to call 'daddy'.

To tell you the truth, being married and staying that way is simpler.

As for the step-mom, she should throw on her big-girl panties and live with what she agreed to when they got married. If she didn't want to marry a guy who already had a child, then she shouldn't have. Period.


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## KLJo (Jul 5, 2015)

1. Why was bio-mom's history relevant, and who was your source? (Dad, or dad's parents I'm guessing).

2. *Dad is a jerk*. It is his responsibility to protect the daughter. He is failing to do that. 

I hate the way people talk about exes. Can you imagine what the world be like if every emotionally stunted tool who claimed his or her ex was "crazy", "corrupt", "evil", was right?!?! You fell in love with the person for a reason, if they truly have no good qualities, aren't you a bit of a moron for loving them in the first place? Blaming someone else for something that is partially your responsibility is weak.

I also hate the way people talk about step-parents, but never their spouse. This is absolutely your friend's son's fault. He sounds a bit selfish, and like he is possibly a terrible judge of character with bad priorities.


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## escorial (Jul 5, 2015)

so like snippets of life.....wanted to read more to be honest


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## dither (Jul 5, 2015)

Kevin said:


> He has a mistake. That is, that prior to dating (and later marrying) he dated another girl who purposefully lied to him in order to get herself pregnant. She has admitted this. Since then, she has gone on to perform this behavior with another male. She now has two children by two different fathers; two income streams.



For some, unfortunately, it's a career choice, and it's a bitch ain' it?


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## Ariel (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo said:


> 1. Why was bio-mom's history relevant, and who was your source? (Dad, or dad's parents I'm guessing).
> 
> 2. *Dad is a jerk*. It is his responsibility to protect the daughter. He is failing to do that.
> 
> ...



As people we can only judge others on the experiences and information we ourselves have received.  You may be right, but you may also be completely wrong.  This ex may be worse than Kevin has stated because he doesn't know.


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## Kevin (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo-  I agree with all. Stupid 18yo boy, his first steady um... you know. Doesn't negate her sabotage. Nor the new one's meanness. He still doesn't get it. In the fairy tale Cinderella's father made it all possible. Now that guy was older, should've known better.
People used to say _Well, kids are resilient _ to any of the b.s. the adults put them through. How exactly does a 5 y.o. deal?  And why should she have to? Anyway... it's a bad deal.


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## KLJo (Jul 5, 2015)

*shudders*

You're right, Kevin. Putting the responsibility on the kids instead of the adults is a special kind of evil!

The three things I would like to add (not all directed at you, Kevin).

1. If he was a "stupid 18 year old _boy _" then she was most likely a stupid 16-19 year old girl. I'd hate to be judged for the rest of my life based on the mistakes of my youth.

2. It is literally impossible to "trap a man", if he's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to wear a condom AND accept that when that fails 3% of the time, he might become a daddy.

3. People who suggest that there are a huge swarm of women trying to have multiple children for an easier life need to get off the damn internet and go hug their spouses, because they clearly have no clue how much work raising a child really is.


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## dither (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo,
1.  Life eh?
2. Did he put a gun to her head?
3.Tell that to a stupid 17 yr old girl who has nil prospects.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Jul 5, 2015)

Wow, I just now got to reading the OP.

I'm saying wow because I can sympathize with that little girl. You see, I am a child of divorce and my Dad remarried when I was six going on seven. The ink on the divorce was barely dry at this point. I felt treated rather similarly to that little girl due to my step-mother's immature jealousy of my mother (my step mother was barely 23 at the time). To this day I think we share a mutual contempt for each other.

As far for getting in the middle of that particular situation, though, I would stay out of it no matter how much sympathy you may feel for that little girl. If the woman's mother is vocal about it, maybe the point will get across and the wife will treat the child better. After all, none of this is the child's fault.


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## KLJo (Jul 5, 2015)

Dither
1. What?
2. What?
3. Huh?


I'm not following you. Unless you think I'm giving the women a pass? I'm not. BOTH parents are responsible.


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## dither (Jul 5, 2015)

No offence intended KLJo but life, it's two way street ain' it.
Takes two and all that.

And really,
for some girls pregnancy is a meal-ticket.
I'm sorry but there it is.


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## dither (Jul 5, 2015)

615,
i know about being a step-son and just can't go there.


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## dale (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo said:


> 2. It is literally impossible to "trap a man", if he's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to wear a condom AND accept that when that fails 3% of the time, he might become a daddy.



i'll agree with this, but only if you admit it's literally impossible to seduce a woman.


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## dither (Jul 5, 2015)

dale said:


> i'll agree with this, but only if you admit it's literally impossible to seduce a woman.




YES!

Absolutely.


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## KLJo (Jul 5, 2015)

I have no problem with that, I think I said so four posts ago...

Scrolling...

Edit: Yup.


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## dale (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo said:


> I have no problem with that, I think I said so four posts ago...
> 
> Scrolling...
> 
> Edit: Yup.



well...thank god for that. now i can set my mind at ease about all those drunk girls in bars that slept with me because they thought i was a writer.


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## Deleted member 56686 (Jul 5, 2015)

dale said:


> well...thank god for that. now i can set my mind at ease about all those drunk girls in bars that slept with me because they thought i was a writer.




Boy were they misguided :highly_amused:


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## KLJo (Jul 5, 2015)

dale said:


> well...thank god for that. now i can set my mind at ease about all those drunk girls in bars that slept with me because they thought i was a writer.



I'm not really up on consent law, but if you're sober, and she's hammered, isn't that considered rape?

When I say "seduction", I mean any act that obtains legal consent, but might otherwise be construed as immoral. Specifically, I'm thinking of bs. pillow talk, for example.


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## dither (Jul 5, 2015)

KL,
we're drifting into dangerous waters here.


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## dale (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo said:


> I'm not really up on consent law, but if you're sober, and she's hammered, isn't that considered rape?
> 
> When I say "seduction", I mean any act that obtains legal consent, but might otherwise be construed as immoral. Specifically, I'm thinking of bs. pillow talk, for example.


oh. i see. only the man is capable of "personal responsibility". doesn't that imply that you believe women to be inferior?


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## Deleted member 56686 (Jul 5, 2015)

Yeah, we may be drifting away from the subject of the OP. Let's try to stay on topic


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## Terry D (Jul 5, 2015)

mrmustard615 said:


> Yeah, we may be drifting away from the subject of the OP. Let's try to stay on topic



Yes. Everyone needs to heed Mustard's advice.


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## dale (Jul 5, 2015)

Terry D said:


> Yes. Everyone needs to heed Mustard's advice.


i really think the "debate section" of this forum should be resurrected. we as writers, have opinions. and me with an opinion is just so sexy stylish.


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## KLJo (Jul 5, 2015)

Where can I read and understand the "no debate" rule? It seems really subjective and counter-intuitive to a forum. Isn't the whole point, lively discussion?


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## dale (Jul 5, 2015)

KLJo said:


> Where can I read and understand the "no debate" rule? It seems really subjective and counter-intuitive to a forum. Isn't the whole point, lively discussion?



there used to be a "debate" forum here. but then, writers were spending more time here arguing about crap that anything else.
so they decided to remove it. and honestly? i can see why. we writers can find a million dumb reasons to procrastinate...but i think
talking social issues would top it. so they removed the section. but now? it seems to keep wanting to spill over into other areas.
and i personally am totally guilty of this. so the question becomes...was the forum better off or not better off with the debate section?
not for me to decide.


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## Terry D (Jul 5, 2015)

You can take up the subject of the Debate forum with staff via Pm, or in the Feedback forum. Not here.


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