# Scores: July 2022



## Harper J. Cole (Jul 31, 2022)

Scores time! Our judges have conspired to produce the following...


TitleBadHousespiperofyorkLawlessVrangerAverage1692 by Louanne Learning1317.519.61917.275*2*Reptilians by Riptide111417.51815.125Reasonable Solutions by Matchu181613.51716.125*3*The Interview: October 2024 by SueC131418.71815.925The Paradox of Truth by CyberWar1014.519.11715.15Intervention by SJ Ward1913.515.915.515.975Chief Exec by TerraLiga161416.116.515.65Hollywood, California by BadHousesJudgeJudge16.419JudgeThe Red Runners by tonsonenotany2016.514.819.517.7*1*Just Another Conspiracy Theory by NajaNoir121618.417.515.975

That was a close one, with everyone averaging over 15. Here are the medallists.

1st: The Red Runners _by tonsonenotany_
2nd: 1692 _by Louanne Learning_
3rd: Reasonable Solutions _by Matchu_

Congratulations to the winners, and many thanks to our fine quartet of judges. Here are their scores...



Spoiler: BadHouses scores



*Louanne Learning, 1692*

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 3/5
Eval: 3/5
Rxn: 2/5
*Total: 13/20*

Prompt fulfilled. I enjoyed your word choice (e.g., “abide”). I think you subtly set a scene from a bygone era well. “Butterflies fly” felt redundant to me. The Wolcotts’ accusations, while petulant and vague (“corruption”), hint at the sisters’ misdeed which have been conveniently transplanted to Hannah, which was a good inclusion for a witch hunt.

I didn’t particularly like Old Hannah, she came off as spectacularly holy, almost out of time and place. However, both the descent from wistful remembrance to paranoiac murder as well as the bittersweet, cyclical ending really worked for me.

*Riptide, Reptilians*

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 2/5
Eval: 3/5
Rxn: 1/5
*Total: 11/20*

Prompt fulfilled. As someone who finds smoking distasteful, the visuals of two potheads swapping salival implements on a filthy couch was extremely potent. However, I did not find the potheads themselves all that striking.

The term “convenient store” gave me “fellow hoo-man” amusement. I liked your take on the aliens in disguise being especially slovenly. The smoking, and later he’s just sitting on the parking stop with a smoke and nasty hotdogs? It makes me think they’re supremely integrated, or maybe these aliens are just enjoying the unusual hedonics of mankind.

*Matchu, Reasonable Solutions*

SPaG: 4/5
T&V: 5/5
Eval: 4/5
Rxn: 5/5
*Total: 18/20*

Prompt fulfilled. I think “stepping hell” is missing an “into,” and I looked up French Cargots, but only found French Cagots. Not that big a deal.

A somewhat fragmentary cognitive style here. In one or two spots I found it disorienting and difficult, requiring several re-reads of a few paragraphs to get the idea (e.g., the degree guy in the boss/foreman/lead hand) and one of them never quite resolved for me (the par. with the light switch and the chickens moving around.) I don’t point these out as errors though because I am of two minds here: While these paragraphs were undoubtedly an obstacle to the flow, they served very well the voice of this person’s mind, which is a little scattered. Speaking of, I loved this dip into a strange brain. It felt predatory, seedy, with the factory farm being a perfect setting for such a person. I was reminded of a Sam Raimi chase cam with a blood-red tint.

A co-worker of mine told me he worked in a slaughterhouse in which a machine conveyored upside-down chickens for automatic decapitation. They had a similar humour about it.

Finally, I loved the ending. It was tricksy and mean. Great submission, though I don’t know if I found an arc from start to finish.

*SueC, The Interview: October 2024*
SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 3/5
Eval: 3/5
Rxn: 2/5
*Total: 13/20*

Prompt fulfilled. I liked Donna’s dialogue. I could imagine her easily by that alone. This story seemed like it was going for wackiness, but I mostly found it sad. I didn’t get an indication that Donna was anything other than delusional, so this story is just one difficulty (of an implied many) which Donna must endure, possibly exacerbating her condition. I really don’t think that was the aim of the story, though, since it seems to end on a mischievous note and Donna’s dialogue seems designed for yuks as well, so I was tonally confused. Apologies if I'm way off base on this one.

*CyberWar, The Paradox of Truth*

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 2/5
Eval: 2/5
Rxn: 1/5
*Total: 10/20*

Prompt fulfilled. Some humorous visuals here with the blood-sipping reptiles in suits. It’s silly and campy, but maybe not enough? The ending seems to be given to the reader immediately, without any kind of tension. This guy’s found a dastardly mystery, but it’s so crazy nobody would believe him, then the reptile says no one will believe him, and at the end, nobody believes him.

*SJ Ward, Intervention*

SPaG: 4/5
T&V: 5/5
Eval: 5/5
Rxn: 5/5
*Total: 19/20*

Prompt fulfilled. I think the term “short thrift” was supposed to be “shrift”. I loved this story. It’s got an unusual sci-fi concept which is hinted at just enough to maintain the mystery, to give you an idea of what is possible and how dangerous it is, and lets you ponder just how exactly it works. Not much to say, I thought it was fantastic.

*TerraLiga, Chief Exec*

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 4/5
Eval: 4/5
Rxn: 3/5
*Total: 16/20*

Prompt fulfilled. I was taken by the corporate setting. Everything’s fancy and polished, it’s a huge company, and it was all brought forth very well. I enjoyed Arun saying they’re like family, then asking what department he’s from. He even does the “Just Michael” FOR Michael, which I thought a very nice touch. My only quibble would be Arun’s wink which was more cartoony than the rest. I’m not sure the addendum was necessary either.

*BadHouses, Hollywood, California*
(Own entry. 0/100. )

*tonsonenotany, The Red Runners*

SPaG: 5/5
T&V: 5/5
Eval: 5/5
Rxn: 5/5
*Total: 20/20*

Prompt fulfilled, I think. When I started reading this entry my inner narrator immediately latched onto a “50s educational film” baritone. So many turns of phrase matched it: “insouciance of fortune,” “one brings their own equipment,” and “I venture there is no class of Atlantan that does not enjoy the running of the reds!” I was hooked like a big-mouthed bass. Not only is that executed so well, but the tone also shifts as this “sport” is revealed and it takes on a sinister tone. That 50s narrator was hiding something. The only part I don’t get is “the pitch is simply a schoolteacher’s red-ink X of streets.” This one hit me just right, thanks for sharing it.

*NajaNoir, Just Another Conspiracy Theory*

SPaG: 4/5
T&V: 3/5
Eval: 3/5
Rxn: 2/5
*Total: 12/20*

Prompt fulfilled. This was very nicely done, it felt tight and smooth. I think you made excellent use of the word limit, everything seems to fit squarely within without being rushed or choppy. You used the phrase “corner of your eye” at least three times, twice in long verbatim sentences, which was mildly distracting. We get one glimpse at the alien which I found precise – it drops the truth and the body on you quick. Buddy’s reaction seemed muted, though repression is of course a powerful tool. The name ‘Buddy’…. I dunno. I think it does the character a disservice, but that might just be an issue with me.





Spoiler: piperofyork's scores



Piperofyork’s scores for CONSPIRACY THEORY

July 2022 LM competition


*Louanne Learning, “1692”



SPaG: 4.5
T&V: 4.5
Eval: 4
Reac: 4.5
Total: 17.5*

A well-written story. Love the last 2 sentences; they tie everything together with a nice combination of the factual and the sinister. A bit more by way of indicating why the Walcott sisters had it in for Hannah might have helped to establish motivation, though. (They may be jealous for attention, but why target Hannah specifically?) I was a bit confused about Hannah refusing to answer to God during the trial and then telling her neighbor to “use the gifts God gave you.” Also, I might suggest perhaps a bit less by way of providing a long list of Hannah’s ‘crimes’ in favor of a longer description of Hannah’s execution. One other small note: I found the name “Sport” for a 17th century dog somewhat anachronistic (but maybe I’m wrong about that). A very nice twist at the end, though: the superstitious townspeople inadvertently fueling the very conspiracy they fear! My few critiques notwithstanding, I enjoyed this piece more every time I read it.



*Riptide, “Reptilians”



SPaG: 3
T&V: 4
Eval: 3.5
Reac: 3.5
Total: 14*


Some very satisfying turns of phrase. My favorites were: “eyes peachy”, “In the haze of his high, the memory looked peaceful”, and “The dim light illuminated yellow eyes, glimmering and narrowing.” There were some strained phrasings, though, and some punctuation issues. Some of the initial dialogue and details didn’t seem to move the story forward. I was confused why Jacob called the creature he saw an ‘Annunaki’ until I did some internet research. But with more background, I think the story would work perfectly for an episode of the Twilight Zone.



*Matchu, “Reasonable Solutions”



SPaG: 3.5
T&V: 4.5
Eval: 3.5
Reac: 4.5
Total: 16*


This story pulled me in all sorts of directions. Reading it was a bit like being on shrooms: the tale flexes in and out like a bit of wall that breathes while you’re hallucinating, then you pull back and see the entirety and a short-lived meta-framework glides into place and everything makes sense for a while until you focus on a weed or fingernail that requires your undivided attention. The writing style is unorthodox, which can be both frustrating and intriguing. There’s a liberal sprinkling of the confusingly chaotic, several places where I wondered what work the words were doing, a few places where words seemed to be missing, occasionally the language had a jarring or awkward quality, and the prompt seemed to get only peripheral treatment (but I might well have missed a deeper artery pulsing beneath the surface)…but the story certainly keeps the reader on their toes, and the dead-eyed tone behind the words was consistent, unnerving, and effective. Despite feeling like I kept tripping on snags and roots, I always wanted to know what was around the next corner.



*SueC, “The Interview: 2024”



SPaG: 5
T&V: 3
Eval: 3
Reac: 3
Total: 14*


A sadly believable story about a deranged person believing in Q conspiracy theories about Trump and the Kennedys. No grammar or punctuation issues that I could see. I’m not sure why Donna had to be naked (possibly to establish her insanity, but the rest of the story does that pretty well!). At times Donna sounded like a yokel (“He’ll be down the road in that black presidential ve-hickle he gots”), but at other times she sounded articulate (“My friend, Bobby, said that his older brother John was coming to Dallas this week, right before the election. Bobby said John had been hiding out since 1963.”), which threw me off a bit. I was confused by Donna’s last line as well (“Don’t wanna miss a president rising from the dead!”), given that I thought Donna thought Kennedy had been in hiding, not dead (maybe another sign of her insanity? Or maybe she was speaking figuratively?). You are an excellent writer, but I felt the story could have used some twist or zing!



*CyberWar, “The Paradox of Truth”



SPaG: 4
T&V: 3.5
Eval: 3.5
Reac: 3.5
Total: 14.5*


I enjoyed the paradox—someone not believing something they have long affirmed when shown they were right all along! There were a few minor grammar issues: commas where there should have been periods, an unnecessary word or two (“laughed a cackling laugh”), a misspelling or two (“swing” instead of “swig”). At points the reptilian leader’s dialogue could have been streamlined (e.g., instead of “We’ve always known the primitive minds of your species are ill-equipped to handle the truth about the insignificance of your kind in the grand scheme of things, as your current state of disbelief in your own long-held doctrines well attests,” perhaps: “We’ve long known your species is ill-equipped to handle its cosmic insignificance, as you are currently demonstrating.”). I would suggest replacing “reptilian aliens from outer space” (which sounds a bit 1950s comic book-y) with something more specific (e.g., “Mazarians from Obek-5”). Also, there were a few cases of apparent internal inconsistency: for example, Trevor’s questions (“What are you? What do you want with us?”) struck me as odd, given that Trevor must have had ideas about those issues if he had been a die-hard conspiracy theorist. (Perhaps better would have been something on the order of “Was I also right in thinking XYZ?”) Another case was when the reptilian leader shrugged off the need to explain matters to one of his ‘cattle’…but then went on to do a good deal of explaining. Lastly, there was a bit of tension between the leader going to the trouble to detain Trevor for being too nosy (suggesting they want to restrict his activity) and then casually letting him go (not caring about restricting his activity). Perhaps it would have better for the leader to say that Trevor had become nosy enough to be useful in an unexpected way. But again, I loved the underlying psychological critique.



*S. J. Ward, “Intervention”



SPaG: 3
T&V: 3.5
Eval: 3.5
Reac: 3.5
Total: 13.5*


This story has some interesting philosophical elements: it certainly left me with questions about appearance vs. reality! It could use some editing, though. There are some punctuation issues (commas in odd places, dashes missing), words that seemed out of place, awkward sentence structure, sentences that could be trimmed/streamlined, a couple sentence fragments, slipping out of past perfect tense too early, and the like. I think you could trim 50 words from this draft, which would help, because the end of the story seemed a bit rushed. I was left with some questions. Was Thomas in Hyper-Virtual Reality the whole time? If so, I’m not sure his belief that he was in it would be a conspiracy theory. If he wasn’t in HVR, then was he just insane or drunk, seeing things that weren’t there? Was the theory that God caused the whiskey bottle to fall part of the conspiracy theory, or was that some aspect of HVR, or something else besides? I very well might have missed something, but I was left a bit more confused than you probably intended. All the same, I enjoyed trying to piece the puzzle together.





*TerraLiga, “Chief Exec”



SPaG: 4
T&V: 3
Eval: 3
Reac: 4
Total: 14*


This story has a good balance of description and dialogue, but it doesn’t seem to be a conspiracy theory story so much as a story about executive villainy. It could have used some editing, too. There were some grammar issues: confused references (is Michael or Lord Arun’s PA tan, tall, and striking?), missing or out of place punctuation, and some awkward turns of phrase (being introduced to a door, reversing out of the office, picking at one’s reflection, feathering out of a room), and a tense change in mid-sentence (“…preceded Wendy gliding in with the tea tray and placed it on a side table..”). I would have loved to have been given as clue as to why Michael couldn’t be let in the fraud club, too!



*BadHouses, “Hollywood, California”*

(judge contribution)

A clever, well-written piece with a glimpse behind a favorite conspiracy theory’s curtain! One thing perplexed me, though. This sentence—“French was coming back and Beau had no intention of getting mopped up.”—combined with Smeldon running off to tell everyone about French, makes me think Beau feared for his life, which is why he took off by that circuitous escape route. The soldiers pulled up miraculously quickly, too…and started to liquidate the cast and crew? Or just Beau? If that’s not what you meant to convey, I apologize for missing something. If it is what you meant, wouldn’t that run counter to the need to film the ‘contingency’ with all haste, given the Russians’ progress? I enjoyed the story, no question – just had some lingering uncertainties.



*Tonsonenotany, “The Red Runners”



SPaG: 5
T&V: 4.5
Eval: 3
Reac: 4
Total: 16.5*


Extremely creative, very evocative, and some superb turns of phrase (“trailing a grin of white smoke”; “cursed an indigo streak”; “touched it like the immaculate corpse of a saint”, among others). My primary complaint is that this story doesn’t seem to be about a conspiracy theory, but rather either (a) the musings of someone suffering from a particularly inventive form of insanity (suggested by a few apparent inconsistencies: e.g., everyone loves it…but the author is a naysayer, and sometimes guns are drawn in the aftermath; or: there are some clear rules to the game…but it is utterly unknowable) or (b) a depiction of an alternate world with a sadistic custom. I’m all for a certain amount of creative license with prompts, but this seems to swerve (no pun intended) a bit too far from the core, and that brought the Evaluation score down. If this were a story for a different prompt (e.g., ‘sport’ or ‘fortune’ or ‘custom’), it would probably be my top pick.



*NajaNoir, “Just Another Conspiracy Theory”

SPaG: 4
T&V: 4
Eval: 4
Reac: 4
Total: 16*

A nice balance of description and dialogue. SPaG was strong but had a few dings (missing ‘had’ before ‘witnessed’ in the second and second-to-last sentences, a few missing commas, and one place where a semicolon would have been better than a comma). Satisfied the prompt very well. Some nice turns of phrase, too (“The long fluorescent lighting shone throughout as if built to nauseate those underneath” and “a sylphlike tendril writhing its way along the light fixture” were my favorites). I found it a bit hard to believe that Buddy could rationalize such a shocking, detailed vision so quickly, though, and I wonder if some of the space employed in the lead-up might have been better used to give the conspiracy-addled stranger greater depth (something beyond the classic “you see it too, don’t you—I’m on to them—the government knows—don’t let them get you, too!”). But all in all, an enjoyable story, a chilling ending, and a strong contribution.





Spoiler: Lawless' scores



*1692*

SpaG: 5.0
I'm not sure it's correct to spell "neighbOUR" and "tranquiLity" in the same piece, but I didn't consider it sufficient for decreasing the SPaG score.

T&V: 5.0
Really very nicely written, expressive and yet easy to read. I reveled in expressions like all by your lonesome. Only They fly to unjust judgments! is too modernly cautious.

Evaluation: 4.6
I don't believe the Walcott sisters enjoyed themselves. Back in those times, Satan was very real in the common people's beliefs and they were genuinely afraid of witchcraft. Witchhunt wasn't Mean-Girls-style gossip-inventing.

Reaction: 5.0
Without doubt the best story on this competition. Simple, well-written, touching and conveys a very important message.



*The Paradox of Truth*

SpaG: 5.0

T&V: 4.6
The voice is a little clumsy at times, the expressions a little too standard. The protagonist's disbelief and fear don't quite come across feelably.
On the other hand, many other authors would have made the protagonist too hysterically emotional and the antagonist grotesquely I'm-so-evil-I'm-so-evil. This author was able to keep it believable.

Evaluation: 5.0
The story is clear and logical. Many people's tendency to reject the truth even when faced with obvious facts is exposed in a brilliant and enjoyable manner.

Reaction: 4.5
This story is too much a description of what happened, like a news article. Things go a little too smoothly. Still, good enough for the second place.



*The Interview: October 2024*

SpaG: 5.0

T&V: 5.0
The voice is absolutely superb, clearly the best on this competition. The author knows how a professional interrogator works.
In particular, She chuckled slightly and winked at the policewoman. is a brilliant hint to let the reader understand the woman is crazy without saying it directly.

Evaluation: 4.7
The ending bothers me a little. If the story would end with knew she’d never get out the door without them on., it would be perfect. With After that, well... added, it becomes a little weird.

Reaction: 4.0
What was the point of connecting John Kennedy and Donald Trump who, unless I'm badly mistaken, were pretty much ideological opposites? I couldn't stop wondering what the author wanted to say and that prevented me from enjoying this otherwise fabulous story. (No, you don't have to send me a PM and explain.)



*Just Another Conspiracy Theory*

SpaG: 4.8
The comma was missing in You feel that don't you? and I felt the sentence with Parasites slowly feeding off us should have had a predicate.

T&V: 4.9
Flawlessly written, totally credible. as if built to nauseate was especially brilliant. That said, it didn't quite touch my soul the way a couple of other stories did.

Evaluation: 4.4
I strongly dislike it when there are two men involved and the author writes an ambiguous "he" and leaves the reader guessing from the context which one of the two men is meant.
There were a few unclarities such as a man bursting through the doors which sounded like he came in through the glass, breaking it in the process, but when I read on, it sounded more like he had opened the door and entered.

Reaction: 4.3
The end ruined it for me. Had his dead body been found an hour later or something, it would have been perfect. But he just saw "something" and that's the end? I had half the mind contacting the author and asking if she had mistakenly omitted a sentence or two when she uploaded the story, but of course I knew she would never be so careless and it wouldn't have made any difference to scoring anyway.



*Reptilians*

SpaG: 5.0
I was baffled to learn that "convenient store" is actually grammatical. Makes me wonder – if a convenience store is inconvenient, is it still a convenient store? Well, no foul, at any rate.

T&V: 4.1
Most of the story is really enjoyable. I loved it when J said You want to hear what I think?, B replied Not really and J went on telling anyway.
Unfortunately, some parts of the story are a little difficult to follow. Also, each time I read the story, I read Jacob settled into his vomit and then the brain pauses for a second and then I read on and realize the "vomit" goes actually with "brown".

Evaluation: 4.2
There were a number of unclarities. For example, I thought at first that the inferno of Las Vegas meant there had been a nuclear explosion or something, but then I realized Brody was merely referring to the climate of Nevada.
What bothered me the most was the question how come Brody's subordinate executed his order immediately, yet asked only a day or two or three later if he had anyone else to dispose of.

Reaction: 4.2
A pretty good story with a nice twist, except that I always find it disturbing when drug consumption is depicted like a normal part of normal people's everyday life. That's why I didn't enjoy this one as much as I might have otherwise.



*Hollywood, California*

SpaG: 5.0

T&V: 4.0
There were some expressions I enjoyed a lot, such as The pause between them nearly drowned Beau. and The colonel departed chest-first. Unfortunately, oftentimes the individual sentences didn't really hang together, the narration didn't flow.

Evaluation: 3.7
There were several unclarities and one major logical contradiction: at first, the director accuses an actor of emoting, then says Yet every time you move a muscle in your face, the rest of you goes stock still. which seems to indicate that the actor was underacting, not expressing his emotions in an excessive manner.

Reaction: 3.7
With the overall level of this competition unusually high, this story with its plot a little on the simple side and its writing not very clear didn't, unfortunately, stand out.



*Chief Exec*

SpaG: 4.3
A few mistakes, for example: "[---] preceded Wendy glidING in with the tea tray and placED it on a [---]"

T&V: 4.0
The voice is excellent towards the end, but somewhat overstrained in the beginning. At times, the writing is not very clear.
For example, How sure are you? was brilliant. The boss understands Michael knows, and realizes there's no point beating around the bush.
However, the earlier Please ignore it and continue your excellent work was an obvious clumsy attempt to brush the matter under the carpet. It was premature when Arun didn't yet know how much Wainwright knew. It would have been natural in that situation to say "Leave it here and I'll have it looked into."

Evaluation: 3.0
Several illogical things. What is supposed to be unusual with an important man's secretary being in her 20s? Why would Wendy waste time screwing on a silencer in plain view of Michael and why wouldn't Michael use the ample time to leap to her and take the gun away? Etc.
Also, the prompt is not really there. The story deals with simple embezzlement, which, when committed by more than one person, may be a conspiracy in the sense of the criminal law, but I don't think it falls into the category of "conspiracy theory".

Reaction: 4.8
In spite of all the little technical flaws, I really liked the story, the plot, the characters' behavior, the mood.



*Intervention*

SpaG: 4.4
Comma errors, predicateless sentences, and a strange sentence with As a passenger...[---]. Why not simply "On the road alongside the river, Thomas looked up..."? We already knew he was a passenger from the earlier fact that he sat into the taxi.

T&V: 4.2
There were some really enjoyable expressions, such as broke contact with the loss. Unfortunately, many expressions were unnecessarily complicated which made the story hard to follow.

Evaluation: 3.4
Several unclarities. For example, did the old lady's car _crash_ into an invisible barrier or simply _stop dead_?
As his hand approached, it seemingly jumped from his grasp [---] – I had to read this several times until I understood that "it" meant the bottle and not the hand.
The story is only very vaguely connected to the prompt, conspiracy theories.

Reaction: 3.9
Plot-wise, this story was by far the best one on this competition. It was the only one where I really had no idea what would happen at the end.
Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy the story much, because it was a little too chaotic and much too pessimistic.
That said, I would love to see more stories from this author, but I'd like to offer a humble advice that he use simpler expressions for the time being.



*The Red Runners*

SpaG: 4.8
I doubt that "herniacal" is a legitimate word.
Among the players you will find roofers smoking in rusted pickups, mothers hurrying their children to ballet class. Marijuana dealers. Office workers. Teens. – Why the switch from commas to new sentences?

T&V: 2.9
When I first read the story, it was utterly incomprehensible. Schoolteacher's red ink, mothers driving children to ballet class, drug dealers... What in heaven's name was he writing about? Then, towards the end, I realized "red runners" meant simply drivers ignoring the red traffic light. So I started reading at the beginning again. I hate it when authors do that to me.

Evaluation: 3.9
There were a few inconsistencies. For example, what do you mean a car making a turn is called a turn "in the parlance of our sport"? A turn is called a turn by everybody.
IMHO, to call the theme of the story a conspiracy theory is a bit of a stretch.

Reaction: 3.2
It's not like I don't often sympathize with the criminals. I also admire writers who aren't afraid to laud things that are usually considered reprimandable. But I feel nothing except profound hatred towards the people who are inconsiderate of others in traffic (unless their last name is Duke). That's why I didn't enjoy a story that glorified such behavior. Sorry.



*Reasonable Solutions*

SpaG: 4.7
Maybe sentence structure like [---] all have kind of like, they have, they have like the [---] could be attributed to the author's unique style, but there were still a few small errors such as not so many around no longer.

T&V: 3.6
The author's inimitable voice comes across as extremely genuine and believable. However, his writing is also so disorganized it requires a lot of concentration to follow.

Evaluation: 2.5
Some logical errors. For example: if the sheds are all alike, they can't be like levels in a video game. Video game levels are different. That's the whole point of levels.
The prompt is not really there, is it? The protagonist merely mentions that there was some guy somewhere who ranted and raved about conspiracy theories. It bears no connection to the actual story. Therefore I'm saying this is not a story about any conspiracy theory, it's all about chicken farming.

Reaction: 2.7
In a certain sense, the story was really interesting. But it was much too chaotic and angry to be enjoyable. I don't enjoy chaos and anger entering my brain. I am chaotic and angry enough without external assistance. I admire people who can write clearly and inspiringly. That's why I didn't enjoy this story much.

1692: 19.6 = 5.0 + 5.0 + 4.6 + 5.0
Reptilians: 17.5 = 5.0 + 4.1 + 4.2 + 4.2
Reasonable Solutions: 13.5 = 4.7 + 3.6 + 2.5 + 2.7
The Interview: October 2024: 18.7 = 5.0 + 5.0 + 4.7 + 4.0
The Paradox of Truth: 19.1 = 5.0 + 4.6 + 5.0 + 4.5
Intervention: 15.9 = 4.4 + 4.2 + 3.4 + 3.9
Chief Exec: 16.1 = 4.3 + 4.0 + 3.0 + 4.8
Hollywood, California: 16.4 = 5.0 + 4.0 + 3.7 + 3.7
The Red Runners: 14.8 = 4.8 + 2.9 + 3.9 + 3.2
Just Another Conspiracy Theory: 18.4 = 4.8 + 4.9 + 4.4 + 4.3





Spoiler: Vranger's scores



This is another month with a very high level of skill in the entries ... right across the board. Congratulations to every member. I had a tough time making distinctions, as I enjoyed every story. 

*1692 - Louanne Learning*

SPAG 5.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 5.0
Reaction 4.5
*Total 19*

Despite Hannah’s fate, I found the writing and the story delightful. It’s a style that’s always set well with me. 
One sentence struck me odd: “She stared at me as her familiar—a large black cat!” It seemed the cat should have been staring? It just seems like this didn’t come out as intended. Otherwise I might have had to write down 20 points.

*Reptilians - Riptide*

SPAG 4.5
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 4.5
*Total 18*

Cool little tale, and I liked the twist of the friend being one of the ‘reptilians.  A couple of comma issues are the ding on SPaG. ‘Convenient store’ when I think you meant ‘convenience store’ is the other thing I noticed. But very nice. This would make a great longer story.

*REASONABLE SOLUTIONS - Matchu*

SPAG 4.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 4.0
*Total 17*

I think 100 000 needs a comma in there … dings on SPaG. Amusing and quirky, but a bit disjointed toward the end … which is sort of your trademark. LOL I found it interesting because I’ve done some reading about sexting chickens, and your conclusion about the reason and the process is indeed accurate.

*The Interview: October 2024 - SueC*

SPAG 5.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 4.0
*Total 18*

Interesting and quirky. I’d have liked to see a little more ‘oomph’ to it somehow … something more behind Donna’s delusions … or assertion. It seems like one of those stories that needed to be longer and ran out of words in this format. Very well written, though, as I’d expect.

*The Paradox of Truth - CyberWar*

SPAG 4.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 4.0
*Total 17*

The sequel to Riptide’s story? LOL The dings on SPaG are mis-formatted ellipses and a subject verb disagreement booboo. Storywise, I’d have liked to see why Tyler was there and why the lizard decided the best idea was to free him. I do understand that the word limit plays a role there, but still those things stuck out to me.

*Intervention - S J Ward*

SPAG 3.5
T&V 4.0
Evaluation 4.0
Reaction 4.0
*Total 15.5*

A few grammar related issues drug down the score. There were a couple of comma issues, and some sentence fragments I felt would have made the prose flow better if they’d been made clauses of adjoining sentences. For the story, I’d have liked to see the cord between the incidents and the ending explain the connection better. As I noted just above, I know it’s word limit, but still that’s a function of getting the whole story into the 650.

*Chief Exec - TerraLiga*

SPAG 3.5
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.0
Reaction 4.5
*Total 16.5*

SPaG had a few issues, including a stray apostrophe before ‘phone, and an ellipse after the ? which should be before it. Formatwise, if some paragraphs were spaced, it would have made it easier to read if all paragraphs were spaced. The story was well-written and engaging, though a bit predictable. However, the aside at the end with the camera flash was a bright spot. Nice job.

*Hollywood, California - BadHouses*

SPAG 5.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.5
Reaction 5.0
*Total 19.0*

So far my tie for first place. You amused me with your ‘emoting’ line early on. It reminded me of Jack Webb’s direction: ‘Just say the line.”  I do worry you’ll give the moon landing conspiracy morons more hope if they ever see this. LOL REALLY well written. Word choice was top notch. This is WRITING. 

*The Red Runners - tonsonenotany*

SPAG 5.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 5.0
Reaction 5.0
*Total 19.5*

First of all, I never see your screen name that I don’t initially read, “Tonsillectomy”.  I lived in Atlanta twice, and once worked in Sandy Springs, so I smiled at the reference. Nice use of ‘insouciance’.  And really, brilliant. The slice of life references all landed. It reminds me of an old Art Buchwald column about chasing tourists in France with cars. LOL

*Just Another Conspiracy Theory - NajaNoir*

SPAG 5.0
T&V 4.5
Evaluation 4.0
Reaction 4.0
*Total 17.5*

Very well written, but something about it didn’t really grab me, and I think it was because there wasn’t anything there to give more weight to the monster/alien/whatever. That I had to write ‘whatever’ is they key there. I’d have liked to see something to make the conspiracy, and not just occlusion to most potential observers.



Our August contest *is now up*.


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## TerraLiga (Jul 31, 2022)

From dictionary.com
Conspiracy
1 the act of conspiring.
2 an unlawful, harmful, or evil plan formulated in secret by two or more persons; plot.
3 a combination of persons for such an unlawful, harmful, or evil purpose: He joined the conspiracy to overthrow the government.
4 Law. an agreement by two or more persons to commit a crime, fraud, or other wrongful act.
5 any concurrence in action; combination in bringing about a given result.

The office cleaners thought that the boss was taking pictures of his secretary AGAIN - meaning they have done this more than once. Maybe too subtle. Apologies.

('phone is a contraction of telephone, so requires an apostrophe)


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## NajaNoir (Jul 31, 2022)

Congrats to the winners, nicely done you all deserve it. All in all, it was another round of great stories.

@Louanne Learning great job in setting the tone for the prompt, I enjoyed your story a lot.

Thank you to the judges and the host, there wouldn't be a challenge without you all.


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## Louanne Learning (Jul 31, 2022)

Wow, what a wonderful experience this has been!

Many thanks to all involved, to @Harper J. Cole for giving us the opportunity, to the judges for their time and thoughtful feedback, and to all the writers for participating. I enjoyed every story.

I agree my story needs more about the motivations. Just last week I came across some information that would have been very helpful before I wrote this story. It seems a hallucinogenic fungus may have been behind the Salem witch trials.









						This Hallucinogenic Fungus Might Be Behind the Salem Witch Trials
					


The trials have confounded historians for centuries. Some scientists think a toxic fungus from rotten grain might be responsible.





					www.discovermagazine.com
				




Also, I will look at this line" "She stared at me as her familiar—a large, black cat."

Hannah's "familiar" is the shape she takes on when she shape-shifts. So this person was accusing her of changing into a large black cat that stared at her.


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## SueC (Jul 31, 2022)

Wonderful job by all entrants and a special congrats to our three finalists! Thanks again, Harper, for doing an amazing job.


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## VRanger (Jul 31, 2022)

Congratulations to the three entries which placed, but thank you to ALL the entrants. I enjoyed all ten stories, an experience I've found true more and more often recently.

We have some very fine writers on this site ... both in imagination and the ability to develop an imagined tale into a well-written story.


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## VRanger (Jul 31, 2022)

TerraLiga said:


> ('phone is a contraction of telephone, so requires an apostrophe)


Interesting idea, but I just checked five reliable dictionaries and not one of them consider it a contraction. It's simply a short form of telephone which qualifies as a unique word. You're welcome to regard it as you like, but every reader will regard the apostrophe as a typo.


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## TerraLiga (Jul 31, 2022)

Forgive me for being traditional.

Well done to the entrants, and especially the winners, I sincerely mean that and I apologise for missing it from my first post. I was so utterly confused by almost all of the comments on my entry that I simply forgot to congratulate everyone.

I don't quite understand the system the judges are interpreting to produce scores. How is it possible for one entrant to score both the highest (almost) and lowest? And why does one judge get away with making absolutely no commentary at all?


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## VRanger (Jul 31, 2022)

TerraLiga said:


> How is it possible for one entrant to score both the highest (almost) and lowest?


Four different people.


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## Harper J. Cole (Jul 31, 2022)

TerraLiga said:


> And why does one judge get away with making absolutely no commentary at all?


BadHouses' full comments weren't showing up for some reason. They should be visible now.

HJC


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## tonsonenotany (Jul 31, 2022)

Oh my, this is such a wonderful surprise! Thanks to @Harper J. Cole for organizing, and many thanks to the four judges! Also congrats to my fellow winners @Louanne Learning and @Matchu for their excellent stories! This was my first Literary Maneuvers (I’m primarily a poet) and I’m excited to participate again next month!


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## BadHouses (Aug 1, 2022)

Congrats winners and thanks to the hosts and judges. 

I sent my scores using the "quote" function to separate them which maybe caused a problem. I won't do that in the future. 

This was a really fun prompt to write to.


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## Lawless (Aug 1, 2022)

TerraLiga said:


> I don't quite understand the system the judges are interpreting to produce scores.


There are judging guidelines and should someone violate them grossly, I imagine that someone important would tell them that they did.


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## Matchu (Aug 2, 2022)

Thank you so much to the judges.  A significant investment of your time & your concentration & your attention, brilliant.

I'm really pleased for @tonsonenotany  and for @Louanne Learning - congratulations winners, I am returning to your stories now.

Thanks everybody here for the opportunity to indulge and play around toward the 650.  I get a lot of pleasure from the process, it is  a real privilege.  I did get a bit embarrassed, self conscious about this particular one 

Eyup


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