# LAUGHTER



## calbab (Sep 23, 2018)

* 
LAUGHTER*


*Ever close, even closer, I come*​*until I can whisper a joke**
you smile*
*I add another and *
​*you dance
*
* I spray words all around you
the wind plays with your limbs*
​*your trunk begins to sway*
* you erupt in infectious laughter!*


* I laugh 
others nearby crack up*


*It’s a way about you.*


​*© Calbab

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**(**Credit to Pelwrath, Jenthepen, Darren White, and Tuesdayeve.)*

​*
**
*


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## jenthepen (Sep 23, 2018)

A sparkling celebration of laughter! I enjoyed this, calbab. It made me smile just to read it.

The huge writing didn't add much for me - if it was deliberate and not a posting issue? Maybe the size of the type made the typo in the title harder to see too? 

An infectiously happy poem all the same.


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## calbab (Sep 24, 2018)

I will take care of the typo pronto, and the font size I was attempting to make it more substantial—in a fake out kind of way.

The poem is actually about an orange tree I have singularly been responsible for years now. Each time I water it, be it a windy or calm day, especially a still day- the instance I start spraying it with water a heady breeze arises and and my little tree begins to sway. . . 

Several years ago, I named my orange tree: "Laughter."  Because it always break me out in giggles. 

I wanted to share something of the experience with others. I might attempt to build the "woodiness" factor up a little more over time with it. (Smile.)

Thanks.

P.S. You know what I am not good at in poetry; Punctuation. This time I left it all out! I'll learn sooner or later.


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## jenthepen (Sep 24, 2018)

I love the idea of the little orange tree giggling. The tree aspect of this poem is easy to miss, especially as 'trunk' can be applied to humans too. You could build up the 'woodiness' to make it plainer but I rather like it just the way it is. I wouldn't worry too much about the punctuation either, unless it interferes with the sense of what you want to say.


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## Darren White (Sep 25, 2018)

calbab said:


> P.S. You know what I am not good at in poetry; Punctuation. This time I left it all out! I'll learn sooner or later.



I use punctuation only when it cannot be avoided. So I would not even use the full stops you have after every stanza.
You can check my poems and have a look.

I know not everyone agrees, but for me punctuation and poetry have a love-hate relationship. Too much and it becomes unreadable. So I have decided to use it only when otherwise it can cause confusion.

I also do not use capitals, not many in any case.

That said, I like the poem, it makes me smile


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## TuesdayEve (Sep 26, 2018)

Dear calbab,
Now that I know it’s a tree I love the last three lines
more. I agree with jen. I also think the sound of
 ‘trunk’ blunts the sweet little flow of your poem.


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## calbab (Sep 27, 2018)

Thank you guys. In the coming days I will look into this with all attentiveness! Thank you - ALL!


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## Pelwrath (Sep 30, 2018)

*Ever close, even closer, I come *
​*until I can whisper a joke **what if:  "Ever close, I come even closer so I can whisper a joke"*​*
you smile*​
*I add tell another and *
​*you dance
*​
*I spray words all around you
the wind plays with your limbs*
​*your trunk begins to sway*​
*you erupt in infectious laughter!*


*I laugh 
others nearby crack up*


*It’s a way about you.
*Calbab, you have a good poem here. i enjoyed the playful nature.  I offer a few suggestions. Take or leave them on how you feel they help your poem.​


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## calbab (Oct 7, 2018)

Check out the first revision, please.


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## jenthepen (Oct 7, 2018)

You have tweaked your poem beautifully, incorporating changes in line with the critiques you received without losing the delicate joy of the message. Well done!


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## Darren White (Oct 7, 2018)

I agree with Jen. It is a lovely poem, and the revision didn't diminish the joy in it


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## calbab (Oct 7, 2018)

Thank you, Jen!


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## Pelwrath (Oct 7, 2018)

Calbeb;

  You've done a magnificent job on your revision. You bring more of the poem out for the reader.


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## calbab (Dec 9, 2018)

Been 'off' for a spell.


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## jenthepen (Dec 10, 2018)

Welcome back, calbab.


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