# Opinions



## CPMurphy (Nov 22, 2018)

I won't go into details about my book other than saying its Sci-Fi based. One aspect I have struggled with was a short synopsis. I don't want it to give too much away but give a slight hint. this is what I just came up with and was looking for opinions. 


Sometimes the fear of the unknown can bring out the best and the worst in mankind. Heroes will arise and villains will emerge. Some will face their fears whilst others will run.

Childhood friends Aaron and Nathan didn’t need to think too long on which they would do.

Find a safe place and hide. The two friends and their loved ones flee the city hoping to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world.

Is there such a thing as safety when you don’t even know if there is a danger? For the two friends, the events that are about to unfold are more horrifying than either could have ever imagined.


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## Olly Buckle (Nov 23, 2018)

I would advise you to avoid any tautology and be definite:-

*Sometimes** the* fear of the unknown* can* bring_s _out the best and the worst* in mankind*. Heroes *will* arise and villains* wil*l emerge. Some *will* face their fears whilst others *will* run.

I have bolded things you could cut. So not 'sometimes' or 'can', avoid these qualifying words, and who else but mankind could these things arise in? Moving the last sentence from an indefinite future to a definite present helps too.

'Childhood friends Aaron and Nathan didn’t need to think too long on which they would do.'

This is sort of whimsical sounding, state things directly 'It was obvious what childhood friends Nathan and Aaron would do.'

'Find a safe place and hide. The two friends and their loved ones flee the city hoping to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world.'
That works.


"Is there such a thing as safety when you don’t even know if there is a danger? For the two friends, the events that are about to unfold are more horrifying than either could have ever imagined. "
This you could cut down
Is there safety when you don’t know there is danger? Horrifying events unfold for the two friends. 
I would count 'than either could imagine' as qualifying the horror. Never mind 'about to', its happening now, read it! The words 'immediate' and 'imperative' are good ones for the sort of thing that instantly attracts in a blurb.

Of course I don't know the story, so I might have changed the meaning inappropriately in some way, but I hope it helps illustrate the principle.


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## Ralph Rotten (Nov 23, 2018)

I flatlined briefly while reading your blurb.
Yes, it bored me to death.


With a blurp or jacket text, you have gotta have a hook up-front. You have to grab their interest in the first 2 lines or they'll never read the next paragraph, let alone buy the book.

Here's an example of a hook from a book I haven't written yet:

In 2018, scientists from the X2b Project used a laser to send a coded beam to ten of the closest stars.
In the year 2025 they replied.

Intended as a way to say hello to an alien species, they had never really expected a response....


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## Ralph Rotten (Nov 23, 2018)

Those first lines should make the reader think "Oooh, that sounds cool..."


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## CPMurphy (Nov 23, 2018)

Thanks for the replies. As I mentioned its something I have struggled with. Must try harder )


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## Ralph Rotten (Nov 26, 2018)

The best way to test a book blurb is to read it in a big announcer voice.  If it doesn't sound like a movie you'd wanna see, then it ain't right.


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## Guard Dog (Nov 27, 2018)

Ralph Rotten said:


> I flatlined briefly while reading your blurb.
> Yes, it bored me to death.
> 
> 
> ...



Question: Did they get a response from just one star, or all ten of 'em?

'Cause where one might cause a bit of excitement and anxiety, I'm pretty sure all ten answering would cause coronary events and/or severe loss of bowel control throughout the staff members of that project.





G.D.


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## Olly Buckle (Nov 28, 2018)

Guard Dog said:


> Question: Did they get a response from just one star, or all ten of 'em?
> 
> 'Cause where one might cause a bit of excitement and anxiety, I'm pretty sure all ten answering would cause coronary events and/or severe loss of bowel control throughout the staff members of that project.
> 
> ...



A good blurb, you will have to read the book to find out, shame it isn't written yet


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## Moonbeast32 (Dec 8, 2018)

I'm no expert when blurb-ing, but as is the case with most forms of advertising, you must showcase the best things about your product. So whats the best thing about your story?


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## Guard Dog (Dec 11, 2018)

Moonbeast32 said:


> I'm no expert when blurb-ing, but as is the case with most forms of advertising, you must showcase the best things about your product. So whats the best thing about your story?



That he has me interested, and that if he don't write it I'm gonna be pissed? :icon_bounce:

...okay, so that ain't much. It's at least somethin'.

Oh shit... Wait. You mean the OP's story, not Ralph's.  Sorry.  





G.D.


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## Johnnyb1815 (Apr 8, 2019)

CPMurphy said:


> I won't go into details about my book other than saying its Sci-Fi based. One aspect I have struggled with was a short synopsis. I don't want it to give too much away but give a slight hint. this is what I just came up with and was looking for opinions.
> 
> 
> Sometimes the fear of the unknown can bring out the best and the worst in mankind. Heroes will arise and villains will emerge. Some will face their fears whilst others will run.
> ...



If this blurb was all I had to go by, I would not read the book. Also, it seems contradictory. They are fleeing, so they know there is a danger.


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## BornForBurning (May 4, 2019)

> Sometimes the fear of the unknown can bring out the best and the worst in mankind. Heroes will arise and villains will emerge. Some will face their fears whilst others will run.


Very cliche. Sounds like something you'd read on the back of the box for a video game. 



> Childhood friends Aaron and Nathan didn’t need to think too long on which they would do.





> Find a safe place and hide. The two friends and their loved ones flee the city hoping to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world.



I think the first line here is pretty good. It's clever. But the second line has to be equally clever so as to not ruin the punch. 'Find a safe place and hide' is too on the nose. Say something like "Fleeing the city, they head to the country with their loved ones in a desperate gambit to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world."


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## Alpine (May 22, 2019)

BornForBurning said:


> "Fleeing the city, they head to the country with their loved ones in a desperate gambit to remain safe from the unknown danger that faces the world."



That's really good! (I wonder if that's what actually happens in the story)


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