# I am, man!



## docshoog

I am not allowed weakness
for I am,  dad,
I am, husband,
I am, man!
I must hide my fears,
my shoulders must appear broad
they must appear strong.
Strong enough to carry
their fears,
their worries,
their illnesses.
They must not droop,
mine are the shoulders 
they cry on,
mine are the arms
that comfort them.
They look to me
for all of the answers,
I am their Solomon,
but I am no king.


In the deepest hour of the night
when the house is asleep
I sit in the dark
and quietly, I cry.
I cry for someone
to understand my fears,
my insecurities,
I cry for someones
broad shoulders to weep on,
I cry because I'm embarrassed
that I'm crying.
I dry their tears,
but who will dry mine?
I soothe their fears,
but who will soothe mine?
I cannot turn to another man for this
for I am, man!
I cannot turn to my wife for this
for fear I will frighten her,
I cannot turn to my children for this
for fear I will frighten them.

I want to cry,
I really want to cry,
I want to cry and sob
and just let the tears flow.
I want to collapse on the floor
in a sobbing heap
and cry my heart out,
I want to hold my arms out,
for someone to hold me.
Just for once
I want to blubber
and not be judged
as I blow snot bubbles
and garble my fears and worries.
I want this release of emotion,
I need this relief,
but it will never happen!
Why?
Because I am, man,
I am a big man,
I am a strong man,
my colleagues  do not
take liberties with me,
men like me appear 
to have no weak points
I am the epitome of man.
Married and never strayed
and still in love with my wife,
three kids raised on the
straight and narrow,
discipline a byword in our house.

I am the protector of my family
for I am, man!
The outside world will not 
get beyond me,
beating at my chest every day
the outside world stops here!
I will protect my family
for I am, man!

I am not allowed the emotion of tears
and so I smile,
I smile to assure them,
I smile to hide my fears,
I smile and say, everything is fine.

Tonight, when the house is asleep
I will sit alone in the dark
and I will cry,
no one will hear me,
no one will know.


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## aj47

Yes.  Rooted in misogyny--anything that might possibly be considered "feminine" is denied.

Well depicted.


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## docshoog

Thank you for taking the time to read.:grin:


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## rcallaci

pow bam bam pow pow pow  one bruiser of a poem - well written and one hell of a ride


my warmest bob


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## madlaxer

well put.  the struggles of manhood and fatherhood.  standing strong, when all you want to do is crumble


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## Firemajic

Well written ,eloquently expressed dichotomy--this code of conduct. Leaves a Man feeling isolated and alone...making one feel helpless when strength is needed the most--to fix his own pain...Peace always...Julia


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## Nellie

Well put, the feelings of a man. Unwarranted, but feelings nonetheless. Way to go, man!


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## docshoog

Thanks Bob for your lovely comment, and thank you for taking the time to read.

- - - Updated - - -

Julia. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.

- - - Updated - - -

Nellie. Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading.


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## kaminoshiyo

It's raw and I like the emotions that come of it effortlessly. It's also got some kick to it as it's a feeling I'm sure many people in the captains seat go through from time to time. 

I did think you could use some editing to reduce redundancy here and there. I made an example of the first verse...



> I am not allowed weakness
> for I am, dad,
> I am, husband,
> I am, man!
> I must hide my fears,
> my shoulders must appear broad
> Strong
> Strong enough to carry
> their fears,
> their worries,
> their illnesses.
> They must not droop,
> mine are the shoulders
> they cry on,
> mine, the arms
> that comfort them.
> They look to me
> for all the answers,
> I am their Solomon,
> but I am no king.



Overall, it was a surprisingly powerful poem. I really liked the last two lines of the first verse. It speaks much in the way of living up to the ideals of your loved ones. There was also some really good imagery you used to show the vulnerability of this person, and it was quite the striking image. Strikes so close to the heart, I'd believe you were a Scorpio. 

Nice work, mate.


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## tiphhhhh

While I do love the idea behind your poem, I think you could make it "tighter". Pick every word carefully, and never use one carelessly.


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