# Your tips to survive a nuclear blast



## escorial (Sep 13, 2017)

Buy as much kitchen foil as you can


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2017)

Watch EVERY episode of the Walking Dead... and take notes... 
stay fit, so you can run like hell....
don't take a bath, then you will smell like the zombies...

seriously, have a bug out bag handy, and be prepared to die...


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## escorial (Sep 13, 2017)

Stop doing the lottery


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2017)

what would be in your bug out bag?
1: Doritos 
2: chocolate 
3: Porn
4: poetry books
5: lip stick
6: a good razor so I can keep my legs smooth
7: my favorite negligée


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## escorial (Sep 13, 2017)

Put a tin opener on your key ring


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## escorial (Sep 13, 2017)

Marry a trump


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2017)

learn to cook road kill.....


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## Firemajic (Sep 13, 2017)

Learn how to scream HELP! in every language....


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## ppsage (Sep 13, 2017)

My actual plan is to use all that free energy to transubstantialize into a pure-energy-life-form and explore other parts of the galaxy. (The way to learn this is to read innumerable sf and weird story anthologies. I'm really close, one or two more ought to do the trick.) The hardest part is getting them to make a DIRECT HIT ON ME. Perhaps I should move down from the hills?


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## escorial (Sep 13, 2017)

Paint the bath silver an use the bathroom door for a lid


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## JustRob (Sep 14, 2017)

Use a radio telescope to transmit my entire genome sequence into deep space. I've read the _Riverworld_ books and am confident that if someone in a galaxy far far away reconstitutes my body then my ka will eventually seek it out. Well, that's what I'd tell myself anyway. Let's face it, there won't be just one nuclear blast once things get going, will there?


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 14, 2017)

Given what it will be like after, would you want to survive?


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## Ultraroel (Sep 14, 2017)

Glue cockroaches to yourself on every possible place. They are most resistant and will shelter you from nuclear fall-out


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## JustRob (Sep 14, 2017)

Ultraroel said:


> Glue cockroaches to yourself on every possible place. They are most resistant and will shelter you from nuclear fall-out



And you'll also develop an inclination to hide behind furniture.


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## Thaumiel (Sep 14, 2017)

[video=youtube;jn4Vhkmb4Lw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn4Vhkmb4Lw[/video]

:-k


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## LeeC (Sep 14, 2017)

I don't suppose many of you remember these from the 1950s







and an old favorite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fpi3TP9vbc&feature=youtu.be


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## Thaumiel (Sep 14, 2017)

We watched this movie in General Studies... or was it History? Can't remember, but still...

[video=youtube;4h1lRqUBuSI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h1lRqUBuSI[/video]


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## escorial (Sep 14, 2017)

Olly Buckle said:


> Given what it will be like after, would you want to survive?



I've seen enuff of these movies to take my chances..after it's all happened I make a home..fill it with art treasures an guns..kill loads of survivors after my stuff an help a pretty woman out..she falls in love with me an I take pity on a lost kid with his dog..after a while we get bored an move away to the country we're we meet up with others..start a colony of which I become the king an we all live dead happy


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## Sebald (Sep 14, 2017)

escorial said:


> I've seen enuff of these movies to take my chances..after it's all happened I make a home..fill it with art treasures an guns..kill loads of survivors after my stuff an help a pretty woman out..she falls in love with me an I take pity on a lost kid with his dog..after a while we get bored an move away to the country we're we meet up with others..start a colony of which I become the king an we all live dead happy



It didn't take long for you to go power mad. A little bit of nuclear war, and suddenly you're king.


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## escorial (Sep 14, 2017)

As lincon said most fellas can handle adversity but if you wanna know what he's made of give him power...and in the kingdom of escorial there will be no zero hour contracts


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## Bloggsworth (Sep 14, 2017)

Steel safe room lead lined on the inside - Failing that, rush to Brands Hatch, steal a Maserati 250F, and drive it round until obliterated...


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## Sebald (Sep 14, 2017)

The great artworks have been saved. But the only book that's survived is this:


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## bdcharles (Sep 14, 2017)

Sebald said:


> The great artworks have been saved. But the only book that's survived is this:
> 
> 
> View attachment 19550



The one book it is surely right to burn. Actually even that seems like an insult - to fire.


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## bazz cargo (Sep 14, 2017)

Peace at last...


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## Sebald (Sep 14, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> The one book it is surely right to burn. Actually even that seems like an insult - to fire.



Sacrilege, bdcharles.

Every word was written by the man himself (tweets, mostly).

My favourite poems are:

'We've got to Stop the Stupid', 'Does Torture Work?' and 'I Have Normal Sized Hands'.


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 14, 2017)

escorial said:


> I've seen enuff of these movies to take my chances..after it's all happened I make a home..fill it with art treasures an guns..kill loads of survivors after my stuff an help a pretty woman out..she falls in love with me an I take pity on a lost kid with his dog..after a while we get bored an move away to the country we're we meet up with others..start a colony of which I become the king an we all live dead happy



There was a Bob Dylan song on his first album where he dreamed he survived a nuclear war:-

I went to the doctor the very next day
To see what kind of words he could say
I said, Doc a world war passed  through my brain
He said 'Nurse, fetch your pad the boy's insane
Time passed and now it seems 
everybody is having those dreams
Everybody sees themselves
Walking round with nobody else
Some of the people can be part right some of the time
All of the people can't be all right all of the time
I think Abraham Lincoln said that
I'll let  you be in my dream if I can be in yours
I said that.

Wow, must be more than fifty years and it is still in my head, maybe not word perfect, but close. Funny how everybody thinks they will survive when the probability is no-one would.


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## bdcharles (Sep 14, 2017)

Sebald said:


> Sacrilege, bdcharles.
> 
> Every word was written by the man himself (tweets, mostly).
> 
> ...



Wait, it ... actually exists? I feel unusual.


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## escorial (Sep 14, 2017)

Always look on the bright side of life...


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## Olly Buckle (Sep 14, 2017)

escorial said:


> Always look on the bright side of life...



That was the song they sang on the crucifix in 'Brian'. We have moved on since then, we don't kill one at a time anymore, one dies, everybody dies.


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## escorial (Sep 14, 2017)

Death it's a team sport


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## Firemajic (Sep 14, 2017)

escorial said:


> Always look on the bright side of life...




:-k but you wont be able to SEE the bright side.... well, because the nuclear flare will have burned your eyes out.. OOOoo, well yeah! I guess the bright side of THAT is... you wont be able to see your face sliding off...because of radiation sickness, of course....


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## escorial (Sep 14, 2017)

I sleep with me sunglasses on now...if me face melts of I'll have to change me profile pictures on all the dating sites


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## Sebald (Sep 14, 2017)

bdcharles said:


> Wait, it ... actually exists? I feel unusual.



I can pretend it's a fake book if it's making you feel ill.

In this non-existent collection, there definitely isn't a Haiku called 'Dopey Lord Sugar'.


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