# Pork



## BobtailCon (Feb 7, 2016)

As the arrows pelt their skin,
we break bread over our basin.
What is a peasant's life
in place of roasted ribs?

The people cry justice and
we eat our feasts and
they treat their wounds in poultice,
Try the pork? Flawless.

Where their hearts held love,
an abscess, depress.
A love they cannot express.
If we could lift our minds from our food
we could assess this regress,
this depress,
some call it a distress of uselessness.

What is this,
a game of chess?
The pawns are oppressed
while we assess
the successes.
But this pork? Flawless.
What progress...


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## ned (Feb 7, 2016)

hello -

a poem of two halves -

the opening verses are interesting, though rather mysterious, and I like the voice and the language used here.
- the questions are strangely engaging.

then we are off on a different tack - and the poem seems to lose focus.
the word play and consistant rhyming are clever - but it detracts from the power of what the poem is trying to say.
in the reading, it sounds like the many and varied concepts are in there just to rhyme - and it all becomes a bit meaningless.

entertaining, for sure - but the opening promised something deeper.

cheers
Ned


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## BobtailCon (Feb 7, 2016)

ned said:


> hello -
> 
> a poem of two halves -
> 
> ...




Thanks for the feedback. I do feel that the beginning denoted a completely different feel, I had even considered cutting it out whole-cloth. The rhyming was meant to be the main thread of the story, and I do agree with you that it almost comes off as a deviation when compared to the first stanza.


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## kaminoshiyo (Feb 7, 2016)

BobtailCon said:


> As the arrows pelt their skin,
> we break bread over our basin.
> What is a peasant's life
> in place of roasted ribs?
> ...



There are some problems with the rhyming...but I laughed because I found this one pretty funny. The humor of the hypocrisy worked for me, lol. 

It is a bit esoteric, so I'm not sure if I got it, but what I got from it was the oppressors who complain about being oppressed while oppressing others. It reminded me so much of the Occupy Wallstreet movement. It was in NYC. Many people claimed about how the 1% treated the 99%, but many of these people who live in NYC treat the poor and homeless the very same way. Would have walked past them stone-faced, straight-eyed, and _maybe _cared enough to throw a penny or dime in. 

Ah well. Thanks


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## BobtailCon (Feb 7, 2016)

kaminoshiyo said:


> There are some problems with the rhyming...but I laughed because I found this one pretty funny. The humor of the hypocrisy worked for me, lol.
> 
> It is a bit esoteric, so I'm not sure if I got it, but what I got from it was the oppressors who complain about being oppressed while oppressing others. It reminded me so much of the Occupy Wallstreet movement. It was in NYC. Many people claimed about how the 1% treated the 99%, but many of these people who live in NYC treat the poor and homeless the very same way. Would have walked past them stone-faced, straight-eyed, and _maybe _cared enough to throw a penny or dime in.
> 
> Ah well. Thanks



The rhyming in the first stanza is a bit odd, isn't it? I had considered removing it, but didn't quite go through.

You're pretty close to the meaning. It's more so about lazy politicians. The rich get richer, the poor poorer, the leaders letting the followers do their work, etc, etc.


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## jenthepen (Feb 8, 2016)

Perhaps it's just me but this all made perfect sense and I didn't see any disconnect between parts at all. I read the whole thing as the rich/poor experience of life but I thought the beginning was historic (maybe because of the mention of peasants) and the second part as the modern version of the same attitudes. I had planned to comment that nothing changes.

Anyway, for me, you needn't change a thing. I thought it was quite a powerful piece of social observation. I tend to live in a world of my own though. :cookie:


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## Firemajic (Feb 8, 2016)

Bobtail.. I like this and for me, this poem rooocks! You have a message, and you delivered it with style. Thanks for a coool read..


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## BobtailCon (Feb 8, 2016)

jenthepen said:


> Perhaps it's just me but this all made perfect sense and I didn't see any disconnect between parts at all. I read the whole thing as the rich/poor experience of life but I thought the beginning was historic (maybe because of the mention of peasants) and the second part as the modern version of the same attitudes. I had planned to comment that nothing changes.
> 
> Anyway, for me, you needn't change a thing. I thought it was quite a powerful piece of social observation. I tend to live in a world of my own though. :cookie:



Awesome! I'm glad you liked it. I wasn't sure how _well_ the flow works, but at least it works!


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## BobtailCon (Feb 8, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> Bobtail.. I like this and for me, this poem rooocks! You have a message, and you delivered it with style. Thanks for a coool read..


Thank you! I was hoping it would come out clear, but it's always hard to tell when the person reading it is the same person who wrote it :smile:


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## inkwellness (Feb 9, 2016)

The Plight of the Peasant

I get a lot of the meaning behind the breaking of bread. One thing I want to point out is that the 1st line of the 3rd stanza:


> Where their hearts held love,


In the beginning, you used the pronoun "we". Then in this sentence, you used "their", and then switched back to we. This seemed inconsistent. An easy fix.

I like your poetry. Keep posting.


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## BobtailCon (Feb 9, 2016)

inkwellness said:


> The Plight of the Peasant
> 
> I get a lot of the meaning behind the breaking of bread. One thing I want to point out is that the 1st line of the 3rd stanza:
> 
> ...



Thanks for the response! The reason for the we/their is because it's two different parties, the rich, and the poor (peasants).


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