# pennies



## Mesafalcon (Jun 14, 2015)

I wish I could take you so far away from here
We could leave today and I don’t care where
Just call me beautiful, 
so we can go

And I _don’t_ care if we live on pennies
I _don’t _care if we fall behind in life
And Anna _doesn’t _care if we read all night
If I could hold her I’d never know sacrifice

We can leave today...
We don’t need a single thing to bring
Just call me beautiful
And we can go

I _don’t_ care if we live on pennies
And I _don’t_ care if we fall behind in life
Anna _doesn’t_ care if we read all night
If I could hold her I’d never know sacrifice


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## Darkkin (Jun 14, 2015)

Concise and emotive, the plea is tangible.  I like the fact that there is no rhyme scheme; it keeps it honest, fluid, and utterly human.  Only nit: First stanza, you have three lines, not four.  Utilizing the break with the comma in the third line gives you the fourth line in keeping with the rest of the piece.  Otherwise, very well done, indeed.



Mesafalcon said:


> I wish I could take you so far away from here
> We could leave today and I don’t care where
> Just call me beautiful,
> so we can go


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## Firemajic (Jun 14, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> I wish I could take you so far away from here
> We could leave today and I don’t care where
> Just call me beautiful, so we can go
> 
> ...





lovely poem, quiet and eloquent, but passionate...love the last line..fabulous .. Thank you for sharing... Peace, mesafalcon...


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 14, 2015)

I meant every word 15 some odd years ago when I sung it to her...

...for me, ending this line with "BRING".. feels clumsy.. I know you can do better than this Mesafalcon...

I can't do better, that's how it was written for the girl a long time ago.... has to stay... I don't write poems about love anymore, but I have a few in storage.

I wish I could take you so far away from here
We could leave today and I don’t care where
Just call me beautiful, 
 so we can go

This I can change, thanks!


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## Firemajic (Jun 14, 2015)

What ever...lol.. you are the boss... your poem and all that.. Thanks for the read..


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 14, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> What ever...lol.. you are the boss... your poem and all that.. Thanks for the read..



It's been like that for 18 years...

How can my mind accept a change?


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## Sonata (Jun 15, 2015)

Keep your words my friend - they meant something to you then so keep them.  Changing them will not mean the same to you as you originally meant them to say.


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 15, 2015)

Sonata said:


> Keep your words my friend - they meant something to you then so keep them.  Changing them will not mean the same to you as you originally meant them to say.



Well, Firemajic has a point in the context of this forum and for the sake of making it better I think.

I just can't change it lol.


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## Sonata (Jun 15, 2015)

Sometimes words mean too much to be changed.  Your words meant so much when you first wrote them so accept them as your love.

Because words that were written  for love long ago can never be changed without meaning the same as they were meant went written then.

The love is in your heart whatever your words.


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## escorial (Jun 15, 2015)

finding old work and giving it a tweek is fine...the flip side is that reading old work helps us to determine how we may have changed as a poet or remained comfortable with our work then and now....this piece was a totally different style from previous ones i've read of yours and it will take a while to get use to certain pov on the types of poetry you write..look forward to that though...


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## Firemajic (Jun 15, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> Well, Firemajic has a point in the context of this forum and for the sake of making it better I think.
> 
> I just can't change it lol.






As a mentor, as a writer and as a poet... I am passionate about writing and I take the art of writing poetry very seriously.. It was NOT Poe, Longfellow or Frost who inspired me to hone and perfect my skill, it was MY mentors here at WF... Poets like astroannie, Gumby, Nellie, DarKKin, jenthepen , Escorial,Musichal and rcallaci ...I will always be grateful for their critiques and their beautiful poetry... they were the tools and the inspiration I needed to help me express myself... So, I was only trying to give to you ...what was given to me....I truly meant to inspire.. not offend... Peace always... jul


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 15, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> As a mentor, as a writer and as a poet... I am passionate about writing and I take the art of writing poetry very seriously.. It was NOT Poe, Longfellow or Frost who inspired me to hone and perfect my skill, it was MY mentors here at WF... Poets like astroannie, Gumby, Nellie, DarKKin, jenthepen , Escorial,Musichal and rcallaci ...I will always be grateful for their critiques and their beautiful poetry... they were the tools and the inspiration I needed to help me express myself... So, I was only trying to give to you ...what was given to me....I truly meant to inspire.. not offend... Peace always... jul



Its not my descision anymore whether it can be changed. That piece is frozen in time with her. 
Changing it changes the memory... thats why...
I can however adjust format and sentence structure.


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## -xXx- (Jun 17, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> We can leave today...
> We don’t need to bring a single thing
> Just call me beautiful
> And we can go


maybe this is nonintrusive cognitive adjustment,
retaining specific sentiment,
as opposed to undesired memory disconnection.
*this is an awesome memory to have*
*by the way*


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 17, 2015)

-xXx- said:


> maybe this is nonintrusive cognitive adjustment,
> retaining specific sentiment,
> as opposed to undesired memory disconnection.
> *this is an awesome memory to have*
> *by the way*



Had trouble following that first part, but ya, this isn't the worst memory for how the relationship started.


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## -xXx- (Jun 17, 2015)

> Quote Originally Posted by Mesafalcon View Post
> 
> 
> We can leave today...
> ...



sorry.
i are clearly unclear.
i did the language swap ^,
and then suggested it might be less obvious,
maintain intent, etc.
*insert blah.blah.mumble.ramble of choice here*

no. no hablo eeenglayz; mucho.
pero, me gusta estas palabras.


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 17, 2015)

-xXx- said:


> sorry.
> i are clearly unclear.
> i did the language swap ^,
> and then suggested it might be less obvious,
> ...



Rock on.


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## MysticDragon (Jun 21, 2015)

I could live off pennies and all I would need is a library ^^
sweet poem


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 21, 2015)

MysticDragon said:


> I could live off pennies and all I would need is a library ^^
> sweet poem



The girl's last name was actually "Penny"

so, i meant if worst came to worst we could live off her family.

Impossible for a reader to know... but it has a double meaning.


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## MysticDragon (Jun 22, 2015)

Mesafalcon said:


> The girl's last name was actually "Penny"



OOPS, my bad ^^
well at least you didn't make it obvious that it was her name in the poem and I missed it x.D


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## Mesafalcon (Jun 22, 2015)

MysticDragon said:


> OOPS, my bad ^^
> well at least you didn't make it obvious that it was her name in the poem and I missed it x.D



Not your bad, there is no way to know that...

I could have put caps on "pennies," but that would make people wonder and still not give a good way to know that it was actually a last name


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