# Doubt



## BobtailCon (Jan 10, 2016)

I sat at my computer,  fingers rapping,


Keyboard bouncing,


Keys tapping,


When I felt the initial fear.




It rode in on the winter air,


A monster’s stare,


An angry glare.




Through the window it came,


Riding the current,


Riding the breeze.


It laps at my neck,


I shutter,


I freeze.




It rode in on the winter air,


A bristle of wind,


A writer’s scare.




My shoulders went stiff,


In it swept,


My muscles tense,


Hairs erect.




In my ear it whispered,


Like a demon of song,


Terrifying, beautiful,


So lovely, so wrong.




“You’re not good enough,”


“You’ll never make it.”


“You call that a novel?


“That’s shit.”




My fingers grow slack,


The words stop,


Why write?


I’m just a hack.




Never, never.


Never give up.




The demon of song wants your voice,


It feeds..


It feeds.




Doubt can’t have my voice,


My strength lies in my word,


A concept it cannot grasp,





For the demon of lies,


The demon of Doubt,


Holds no power..


Over art.


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## Sonata (Jan 10, 2016)

I am sorry but with such wide line spaces I found it impossible to read this.

Was the line spacing intentional?


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## inkwellness (Jan 10, 2016)

Bobtail,

I hope you don't mind but I collapsed the spacing to give you some feedback:



> I sat at my computer, fingers rapping,
> Keyboard bouncing,
> Keys tapping,
> When I felt the initial fear.
> ...



This is a very cool poem that many of us can relate to. It captures a common fear that many of us face as writers.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

1. The lack of rhyme in the fourth stanza throws the tempo off. Maybe you could improve the rhyme without changing the message.
2. I think you could get rid of stanzas 10 and 11 and it would make your piece stronger. This is because these 2 stanzas are saying directly what the message is implying. Therefore, you don't need to tell the reader directly what your message is, let the course of the poem do that for you.
3. Obviously there's nothing wrong with using strong language in writing. However, it is a good idea to give a warning next to the title. In this case it might look like: *Doubt (warning: strong language)

*Anyway, those are just a few thoughts. Take them as you will sir. But most importantly, this was an effective poem and you need to keep writing these. You seem to be very good at expressing what you have inside. Thanks for posting!


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## aj47 (Jan 10, 2016)

My suggestions in pink.



BobtailCon said:


> I sat at my computer,  fingers rapping,
> Keyboard bouncing,
> I cannot imagine a keyboard bouncing unless it's in a vehicle on your lap.  Mine clicks, but hat's only one syllable. Also, I'd swap this line with the next one.
> Keys tapping,
> ...



I love the images of whispering riding on the air, etc.  And I like the second voice. Note that I'm not trying to rewrite your work, and you can feel free to ignore my suggestions.  But I believe making these changes or doing other work on it will help it to better convey your message with the power it deserves.


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## BobtailCon (Jan 10, 2016)

Sonata said:


> I am sorry but with such wide line spaces I found it impossible to read this.
> 
> Was the line spacing intentional?



Apologies, it was transferred from Scrivener, so the spacing went huge.


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## BobtailCon (Jan 10, 2016)

inkwellness said:


> 1. The lack of rhyme in the fourth stanza throws the tempo off. Maybe you could improve the rhyme without changing the message.
> 2. I think you could get rid of stanzas 10 and 11 and it would make your piece stronger. This is because these 2 stanzas are saying directly what the message is implying. Therefore, you don't need to tell the reader directly what your message is, let the course of the poem do that for you.
> 3. Obviously there's nothing wrong with using strong language in writing. However, it is a good idea to give a warning next to the title. In this case it might look like: *Doubt (warning: strong language)
> 
> *Anyway, those are just a few thoughts. Take them as you will sir. But most importantly, this was an effective poem and you need to keep writing these. You seem to be very good at expressing what you have inside. Thanks for posting!



1.Yeah, I was a bit worried it might.

2. Leaving more to the reader would probably bring a stronger message, I agree.

3. I didn't want to discourage people from reading my piece because I said such a minor cuss word.

Thanks for the response. I'll see what I can do with stanzas 10 and 11.


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## BobtailCon (Jan 10, 2016)

astroannie said:


> _I sat at my computer, fingers rapping,_
> _Keyboard bouncing,_
> _I cannot imagine a keyboard bouncing unless it's in a vehicle on your lap. Mine clicks, but hat's only one syllable. Also, I'd swap this line with the next one. __It was a purposeful exaggeration, meant to show a heavy workflow._
> _Keys tapping,_
> ...



Thanks for the feedback, you had some great additions.


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## ned (Jan 11, 2016)

interesting concept - a demon stemming the flow of writing
(wanting another cup of tea usually does that for me)

plenty of advice already given - 
can only add - I shutter = I shudder ?

Ned


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## BobtailCon (Jan 11, 2016)

ned said:


> interesting concept - a demon stemming the flow of writing
> (wanting another cup of tea usually does that for me)
> 
> plenty of advice already given -
> ...



Ah, you caught me! I completely missed that, thanks.


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## Dalton (Jan 12, 2016)

BobtailCon said:


> Doubt can’t have my voice,
> My strength lies in my word,
> A concept it cannot grasp



This part was my favorite, but I now realize I read it wrong the first time. Originally, I read "A concept it cannot grasp" as "A concept I cannot grasp".
This struck me as you portraying how strength lies in your words, but you are not able to effectively use them. So, in other words, Doubt cannot speak for you, you can overcome Doubt with your words, but you have a hard time doing this.
Maybe that makes sense, maybe not, but that's basically what I thought when I first read it, and I liked that a lot.

Now that I see I misread, it takes a different meaning, one I still do like; Doubt cannot have your voice, your words are the one thing Doubt does not control.
So yes, it is still my favorite line.

It's also very good as a whole, but the spacing is a little odd. Nothing that veered me away from reading, though.
Keep it up!


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## Firemajic (Jan 14, 2016)

Bobtail, I really loved this poem.. You completely expressed that insidious inner voce that whispers those lies that we believe about our self... Thanks for a cool read..


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## BobtailCon (Jan 14, 2016)

Dalton said:


> This part was my favorite, but I now realize I read it wrong the first time. Originally, I read "A concept it cannot grasp" as "A concept I cannot grasp".
> This struck me as you portraying how strength lies in your words, but you are not able to effectively use them. So, in other words, Doubt cannot speak for you, you can overcome Doubt with your words, but you have a hard time doing this.
> Maybe that makes sense, maybe not, but that's basically what I thought when I first read it, and I liked that a lot.
> 
> ...



Yeah, the spacing messed up (I used a Scrivener preset).

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think it's awesome that you found dual meaning by switching one word in that line. Very cool.


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## BobtailCon (Jan 14, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> Bobtail, I really loved this poem.. You completely expressed that insidious inner voce that whispers those lies that we believe about our self... Thanks for a cool read..



Thank you. I'm glad the mischievous, monster-like appearance of doubt was well-expressed to the reader.


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## xtrmnitemare (Jan 30, 2016)

The fact that I could imagine this in my head so vividly caught my attention. It kept me reading it until the end. Sometimes it can be hard to actually draw a readers attention. As for the message, every writer has faced that at one time or another. It can even be the breaking point sometimes on whether a work will be finished or not. The message that you shouldn't give up at the end closed it off well to me. Keep up the good work.


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## Greimour (Jan 30, 2016)

my fave part:



> In my ear it whispered,
> Like a demon of song,
> Terrifying, beautiful,
> So lovely, so wrong.



Unlike Annie (Hello Annie <3) I can imagine the keyboard 'bouncing' ... or more specifically 'the keys'. Like on a trampoline, you push down and then it 'bounces' back up. The clicking and tapping is a sound, while bouncing is the action. The keys 'spring' back into place... well, it's not a big deal to me anyway, I was able to imagine it so for me it worked.

Different strokes for different folks.

Regarding the cuss; any cuss, small or big, should have a warning. Different countries have different rules regarding cuss words and as a global site, it needs global understanding.

Many 'minor' cuss words in America, for example, are viewed as much worse in the UK. 

*shrugs* Better to cover your bases, people will still read it even with the disclaimer. 



~Kev <3


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## Bard_Daniel (Jan 30, 2016)

An admirable effort and a decent poem in itself. 

Nice.


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