# Joseph and Her



## Space Cadet (Jun 17, 2017)

Joseph drinks on Wednesdays,
plays spades of gratitude for rum,
his jars, her syringe:
a genie in his world,
a wishbone in the next.

Nothing's once,
or everything happens at least twice:
disordered intellect-galactic-crack-jacket shotgun out-the-bed—
a morning when she played in the liquor cabinet
being green,

steady, writing ‘cross her page,
outside like a gypsy-sage waitress,
rotating 'round like the marble-necktie
American doors,
bumming Marlboros
to steer clear of odious bus stop thought.

Fur canines slurred her words,
him in a run-down, pinstriped suit,
banking on his upside-down fedora, 
her mouth a broken conch.


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## -xXx- (Jun 19, 2017)

wow.
i can't believe you got no feedback.
there are a few "harsh urban reality" poets about.
from my window, there is common view.


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## sas (Jun 20, 2017)

I just discovered this post. Lots of creative, unique images sprayed around. As you know, I love the old Beat, outlaw poets, but when reading their creative, unique images, I knew what they were trying to say. It was important to them to have their message known. Sometimes I think young poets think wild obscurity makes a poem poetic. It just makes it obscure. Some think it is better poetry and will snap their fingers for it. That won't be me.  It is very difficult to write in a unique way and communicate. Poetry is still communication. Fabulous drives down a football field are meaningless without a touchdown. Trust me, I was a Detroit Lions season ticket holder for decades.


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## Space Cadet (Jun 23, 2017)

> Sometimes I think young poets think wild obscurity makes a poem poetic. It just makes it obscure. Some think it is better poetry and will snap their fingers for it. That won't be me.  It is very difficult to write in a unique way and communicate. Poetry is still communication. Fabulous drives down a football field are meaningless without a touchdown. Trust me, I was a Detroit Lions season ticket holder for decades.




Obscurity here is real.  It is very difficult to write in a unique way -- you're very correct on this issue.  Communicating it IS still poetry.  


Meaningless and football both mean nothing to be.  
Fabulous way, snapping fingers; it's not for me.  
Unique way to not fade away or communicate.


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## Firemajic (Jun 26, 2017)

Space Cadet said:


> Joseph drinks on Wednesdays,*** Stanza 3
> plays spades of gratitude for rum,
> his jars, her syringe:
> a genie in his world,
> ...





Edit, rework some of the lines... keep your message in hyper focus, less is more... you have such a cool style, but keep it real, keepin it real, writing with honesty based on your own experiences and emotions will make your work unique and relatable ....


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## Space Cadet (Jun 27, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> Edit, rework some of the lines... keep your message in hyper focus, less is more... you have such a cool style, but keep it real, keepin it real, writing with honesty based on your own experiences and emotions will make your work unique and relatable ....




—— REVISION




Nothing's once,
or everything happens at least twice:
a morning when she played in the liquor cabinet.


steady, writing ‘cross her page,
outside like a gypsy-sage waitress,
American doors,
bumming Marlboros.


Joseph drinks on Wednesdays,
plays spades of gratitude for rum,
his jars, her syringe:
a genie in his world,
a wishbone in the next.


Fur canines slurred her words,
him in a run-down, pinstriped suit,
her mouth a broken conch.


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## sas (Jun 28, 2017)

I feel like this poem is a Rorschach test. The good thing is that they cannot be failed. 

My take: He's an alcoholic pip, she's an addict.


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## Firemajic (Jun 28, 2017)

How do YOU feel about your revision? Does it serve your message? Does if express what you set out to express?


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## Space Cadet (Jun 29, 2017)

-xXx- said:


> wow.
> i can't believe you got no feedback.
> there are a few "harsh urban reality" poets about.
> from my window, there is common view.





sas said:


> I feel like this poem is a Rorschach test. The good thing is that they cannot be failed.
> 
> My take: He's an alcoholic pip, she's an addict.



sas.  Your comments promote an angle of inspiration that's always fun to read.  Thank you.  

Pretty much nailed their vices.  He's not a pimp, though.  Do you feel that it's a Rorschach test because it's hard to interpret?  Do you feel it sheds _any_ light on _anything?_  Don't hold back. 

Does it feel like a dead-end or is there a resolve at the end?  Does the lack of her name add to the Rorschach test factor?   And ideas of a better title?   

Interpretation of a Rorschach can be complex.  

Thank you again, sas.  



Space Cadet said:


> —— REVISION
> 
> (TITLE)
> 
> ...





Firemajic said:


> How do YOU feel about your revision? Does it serve your message? Does if express what you set out to express?



Firemajic.
About the revision and how I feel:  It's skeletal, more concise, and I feel it works for what it is.  Other interpretations are more important. How do you feel about the message?  I feel it needs a title. Suggestions anyone?  I brought these characters to life, now I wonder if I should leave it up to the reader to determine their relationship.  Do you follow?  

 From the first draft/post, I've had dubious notions of whether or not there's even a message to begin with, other than a loose snapshot/image of two American characters in a city.  So, it does still serve _my_ message.  It sets out what I initially wanted to express, but I think you may agree when I say some may feel it needs something else.    

Thank you for your help and guidance with this.  Always grateful for your suggestions, opinions, guidance, etc. !! Wesley


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## Firemajic (Jun 30, 2017)

Space Cadet said:


> Firemajic.
> About the revision and how I feel:  It's skeletal, more concise, and I feel it works for what it is.  Other interpretations are more important. How do you feel about the message?  I feel it needs a title. Suggestions anyone?  I brought these characters to life, now I wonder if I should leave it up to the reader to determine their relationship.  Do you follow?
> 
> From the first draft/post,**** I've had dubious notions of whether or not there's even a message to begin with, other than a loose snapshot/image of two American characters in a city.***  So, it does still serve _my_ message.  It sets out what I initially wanted to express, but I think you may agree when I say some may feel it needs something else.
> ...




For me, this poem had no message... and that is ok, if that is your intent...
 check this out... Vignette: A brief evocative description, account or episode ...
A small illustration or portrait photograph that fades into the background without definite borders...
Both definitions of "Vignette" describes your style of poetry...


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## Space Cadet (Jun 30, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> For me, this poem had no message... and that is ok, if that is your intent...
> check this out... Vignette: A brief evocative description, account or episode ...
> A small illustration or portrait photograph that fades into the background without definite borders...
> Both definitions of "Vignette" describes your style of poetry...




I think you're right!  I'll take that as a "style" to define it.  I'm sorry that it had no message for you or others, but don't feel bad.  I lost the message a few edits in.  
_
No_ message, isn't my intent, but have been practicing being less esoteric with messages.  I've been trying a lot of new things lately.  

The message is often sometimes JUST the communication; it may just be the words.  To me, that last sentence is a bit of cop-out. LOL  I obviously want to convey a message.  If it was easy, everyone would do it, and where's the fun? 


I have always written in a series of images.  I enjoy a message within a small portrait, the key components absurd and humorous.  James Tate is my favorite read when it comes to a message.  

Thank you again, Firemajic.  You rock!


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