# I am not.



## Adrenalinefrequency (Jun 16, 2011)

Forget it. 
I am _not_ going to write another heartbroken poem about you. 
You deserve far less than that. 
You're not getting a dramatic exit or any of my tears. 
I'd rather waste them on a dead dog. 

You're_ not _worth a knife to my wrist 
Or an icecream coma 
and a sappy spanish soap opera. 
I am _not_ writing you a tearjerking poem like I tend to at times like this- 
about how "sorry" I am for not being good enough. 
I don't need you 
or any other guy to be happy. 

You have girls lined up a mile down the road.  
I am _not_ going to waste these precious golden tears on you- 
my tears of gold, 
or bleed a drop of silver blood for you. 

That weakness is gone.


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## Foxryder (Jun 16, 2011)

Hello AdrenalineFrequency. It's nice to have you here. So I say welcome.

While reading through, I could say the speaker had been through a turbulent relationship. It's a past she (guess that's the voice) is no longer willing to be a part of. The only thing I could suggest, which is personal anyway, is for you to create a higher level of despair which the speaker is tryin' to come over. Show the level of love she once had with this lover of hers. At that point, I believe you'll be having something stronger.

Fox.


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## Angel101 (Jun 16, 2011)

Well, the subject matter here is obvious. And I think the emotion is strong. The voice you're using here also has strong characteristics, and actually almost sounds like she's convincing herself to feel this way instead of actually feeling this way. I don't know if that was your intention or not, but that is how it's coming off to me. 

This piece felt like a personal one, but I do feel like it had a few cliche issues. For example, the cutting. It's a serious issue, but there is so much poetry about it or using it at some point. Not that you can't ever include that idea in a poem or anything. But if you're going to do it, you should do it in a way that is more unique.

I did like "icecream coma" though. Nice line there.

But I also felt like there was a lot of telling in this piece. And some people like a lot of concrete details, so it really all comes down to personal taste. For my taste, it was lacking in imagery. I'd love to see a mix of imagery with the concrete details you have here. I really think that would add something to the piece because, right now, it's reading more like a rant than a poem. 

Would love to see a revision. Keep writing.


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## The Blue Pencil (Jun 16, 2011)

I second Angel. I really enjoyed the line "icecream coma". 
This poem has a lot of feeling because it is honest and real. I like it. If it was revised, I don't think that it would retain that sincere quality.


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## Trides (Jun 16, 2011)

What if... you switched from golden tears and silver blood to silver tears and golden blood? Then you could make a pun on ichor, the golden blood of the Greek gods, and somehow implicitly say that the narrator is immortal and cannot be harmed by the man or his memory.  Just a suggestion.


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## Squalid Glass (Jun 16, 2011)

Haha, I like trides idea.

I agree with what has been posted. Focus on the images; less exposition.


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