# The Thought Struck Me



## playerpiano (Dec 23, 2015)

A spark of intellect is no mere ember
It’s a snake uncoiled in a strike
More lightning and electric impulse
Than nervous discourse 
And as lightning,
It falls to earth and never returns
To the Sky that birthed its light
Only thunder marks it passing
The Earth is left cold


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## Firemajic (Dec 23, 2015)

I liked the concept here.. and the metaphor of thoughts being like bolts of lightening.. but something feels a little.. disconnected.. because the first few lines speak of intellect.. but how can a thought fall to earth .. and never return? return where? This poem is very intriguing, and I love the poetic imagery.. but still, this just  [IMO] is not cohesive.. probably just the way I am reading it.. anyway.. thanks for a cool read..


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## playerpiano (Dec 23, 2015)

A spark of intellect is no mere ember
It’s a snake uncoiled in a strike
More lightning and electric impulse
Than nervous discourse 
And as lightning,
It falls to earth and never returns
To the Sky that birthed its light
Only thunder marks it passing
The Earth is left cold
A pine box fills the void
Where a thinking being stood
Grass will grow here soon
Unburdenned by thought.


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## TL Murphy (Dec 23, 2015)

Of the four lines you added to the end,  I think only the last two enhance the poem. The last line refers back to the beginning.  That's a nice touch. But you don't need "pine box" or "thinking being". The first two new lines are implied by "The Earth is left cold"

Also, capitalizing the first letter of each line takes away one of your tools for creating deeper meaning in the poem. There's no need to capitalize unless you are starting a new sentence.

You could cut a lot of articles, prepositions and "ands" here a get a tighter poem:

spark of intellect no mere ember
a snake uncoiled in strike

(similar cuts like this could be made in the body... and, and, to the, only...)

Earth left cold


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## kbsmith (Dec 24, 2015)

Your concept is there , but it's so abstract it is difficult to grasp. 

It seems you build a picture of separation between the person and the creative impulse, as if thought itself were a destructive force to ruin the person. 
A weapon of the gods, perhaps. An extension of the violence in nature

Am I too far off base here? I tend to project.


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## playerpiano (Dec 24, 2015)

TL Murphy said:


> Of the four lines you added to the end,  I think only the last two enhance the poem. The last line refers back to the beginning.  That's a nice touch. But you don't need. The first two new lines are implied by "The Earth is left cold"
> 
> Also, capitalizing the first letter of each line takes away one of your tools for creating deeper meaning in the poem. There's no need to capitalize unless you are starting a new sentence.
> 
> ...



Spark of intellect more than ember
a snake uncoiling in a strike
lightning and electric impulse
nervous discourse 
As lightning falls to earth 
Lost to the Sky that birthed its light
The Earth is left cold
No thunder marks it passing


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## Firemajic (Dec 24, 2015)

I like what you have done.. and your title is so fabulous for this poem...


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## TL Murphy (Dec 25, 2015)

That's what I'm taking about. Check this out.  Note the upper case and lower case.

Spark of intellect more than ember
snake uncoiling in a strike
lightning and electric impulse
nervous discourse 

lightning falls to earth 
lost to Sky that birthed 
its light the Earth 
left cold
No thunder marks it passing


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