# Of Buck and Flash



## Pelwrath (Aug 26, 2018)

*Of Buck and Flash: Original
*
I thought this would be easier.
Writing my adventures,
against the Milky Way,
for all to see.

Laser’s  blasting.
Aliens looking like fried calamari.
Ladies both sexy and sleazy to rescue.

Fiction’s truth, realities short falls.
Etchings were made,

but a magnate I became.
Attractive from one side, 
repulsive from the other.
My lasers their mark kept missing.

Sexy is a function of our brains
Sleazy only entertains.
Most princesses were neither.

My journey’s evolution
Has reset my view, 

Solutions are temporary evolutionary plateaus. 
The journey does matter
because that’s how we get to the end.

Four then two and finally three.



*Of Buck and Flask revision 1


**Of Buck and Flash*


I thought this would be easier.
Writing adventures,
on the Milky Way,
where all could see.

Reality falls short of fictions expectation.
The meaning in a name
words of power.

A magnate they became.
Attractive from one side, repulsive from the other.

Sexy is a brain function
Sleazy entertains.
Princesses are neither.
Damsels, both.

The journey evolves,
recasts our vision. 
Solutions are plateaus to rest on.

The journey matters!
What’s your end?

Four then two and finally three.


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## jenthepen (Aug 27, 2018)

Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon? Last line: crawling, walking and then with the aid of a walking cane?

I hope I've deciphered the two really enigmatic lines of your poem. You'll have to let me know. 

Once again, I can see where you are going with this one and I like the essential message - life never measures up to the fictional version but age teaches us that the journey and life's lessons are what really matter. This is a worthy idea for a poem and it deserves to be served up in the best possible way - so, time for a revision.

From a poetic viewpoint, I think you have started off really well but then you tend to sink into over-explanation and wordy lines that fall below the melodic quality that you have shown you are more than capable of. It's time to cut this one down to the bare poetic bones that lie within it. 

Also, in this line: _Fiction’s truth, realities short falls._ I think it might work better if you switched the order and changed the word truth to something more in line with fiction. How about; _reality falls short of fiction's promise. _

Just a few ideas for you to consider. I hope it helps. 

jen


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## Pelwrath (Aug 27, 2018)

Thanks for your suggestions, Jenn.  Let me translate as well, "...sink into over explanation..."   I TELL instead of show. 2nd stanza is not like the first. I'll work on it, already ideas as to what to delete. I do like your idea for that line, thanks.  You're correct, Buck Rodgers and Flash Gordon, as the the other very close, that's the mechanical description.

I keep forgetting that despite my progress, I'm still exceedingly new to poetry  and in many cases I'm comparing my poems to those written by those with way more experience than i.


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## jenthepen (Aug 28, 2018)

None of us ever stops learning and (hopefully) progressing in our mastery of poetry, Pel. The very art of it is learning to express the deepest feelings and that can probably never be completed, not even in a lifetime. All we can do is keep working away at it.


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## Pelwrath (Aug 29, 2018)

Revision is in the opening post.


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## jenthepen (Aug 30, 2018)

Yes, this is a good revision! It is more immediate and feels smoother as the words slide over the mind. I've noted a couple of things below:
*
Of Buck and Flash*


I thought this would be easier.
Writing adventures,
on the Milky Way,
where all could see.  I like this as an opening stanza. It has a broad sweep and shows the intention of the poem in a tantalizing way that helps to keep me reading.

Reality falls short of fiction's expectation. I've added a dreaded apostrophe in the word _fiction's_. 
The meaning in a name
words of power.

A magnate they became. I think this should be magnet? A magnate is a wealthy businessman - maybe also attractive/repulsive but I'm guessing you mean magnet.
Attractive from one side, repulsive from the other.

Sexy is a brain function
Sleazy entertains.
Princesses are neither.
Damsels, both.

The journey evolves,
recasts our vision. 
Solutions are plateaus to rest on. I really like this stanza. It is insightful and full of strong imagery that supports and strengthens the message.

The journey matters!
What’s your end?  Good, succinct statements that carry a strong message. Punchy!

Four then two and finally three. The circular nature of life and, if you end up more-or-less back where you started, then it is only the journey itself that defines us. Is this nearer to your meaning here?


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## Pelwrath (Aug 30, 2018)

Thanks Jen and as far as the last line is concerned, doesn’t look like you noticed the structure of my stanzas.


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## jenthepen (Aug 31, 2018)

Ah yes! I should be on the lookout for carefully planned formats in your poetry by now. Thanks for the explanation, Pel.


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## Pelwrath (Aug 31, 2018)

Yup, I made my stanzas wrong, so here is the way I wanted it.



*Of Buck and Flash
*
I thought this would be easier.
Writing adventures,
on the Milky Way,
where all could see.

A magnate they became.
Attractive from one side, repulsive from the other.

Reality falls short of fictions expectation.
The meaning in a name
words of power.



Sexy is a brain function
Sleazy entertains.
Princesses are neither.
Damsels, both.

The journey evolves,
recasts our vision. 

Solutions are plateaus to rest on.
The journey matters!
What’s your end?

Four then two and finally three.


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## calbab (Sep 24, 2018)

Great job! Really.


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## Pelwrath (Sep 24, 2018)

Thanks calbad, I’m glad that you enjoyed the poem.


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## Pelwrath (Sep 24, 2018)

Thanks calbad, I’m glad that you enjoyed the poem.


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