# Screwed [WARNING, Language}



## Firemajic (Jul 17, 2016)

Carefully I  carve on my inner thigh
inscribing pain with a scalpel's caress
a stoned lover's secret request
written in beautiful bloody graffiti
you were HERE you CAME you left
I signed your best work
immortalizing your touch
Fuck you....


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Jul 17, 2016)

Woah! I could feel the intensity of this one! Biting in its effects and powerful in its meaning.

Thanks for sharing!


----------



## Morrigan (Jul 17, 2016)

I like the darkness and violence laced with pretty things (especially the scalpel's caress).  Very much enjoyed.  Thank you for sharing.


----------



## SilverMoon (Jul 18, 2016)

You are nothing less than a Power House! No words, tears swept under the rug. All dark brought to brutal light....and you shine.:star:


----------



## SilverMoon (Jul 18, 2016)

PS - back in a box - have a knack for repeat posts. Well, while I'm here again. Woman to woman, hurt, I know the inscribing. Hell, they're not worth the mess....


----------



## kaminoshiyo (Jul 18, 2016)

This is some strong stuff, Magic. 

I like how I can't exactly put a single word on the emotional state of the person. Nice.


----------



## aj47 (Jul 18, 2016)

As much impact as this has, it could have even more if you tightened it up. 

The easiest word to drop is *on* in L1, but *written* is another good choice because *graffiti* is writing so you're saying written in writing. 

You might wish to remove *carve* and instead make this more metaphorical. Inscribe your inner thigh as you would the flyleaf of a book. Do you see? I understand it's a physical thing, but when you put the part about signing the work, you look as if you're striving for that metaphor--why not take it and grasp it firmly and own it? The poem doesn't have to be The Truth, it can be A Truth. This might mean starting over, but dayum, this could be an amazing piece.


----------



## Nellie (Jul 18, 2016)

In addition to what astroannie said, this poem has impact, but IMO, it would be moreso if you delete the last line. Those two words derail the poem.


----------



## midnightpoet (Jul 18, 2016)

Sounds like a bam-bam thank you ma'am.:razz: Strong stuff, I do agree with everyone's comments; now the last line, I understood why you put it there (I think), it is though a shouting repeat in a way of the previous verses.  However, sometimes you have to shout to make yourself heard. good stuff.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 18, 2016)

Daniel, Intense... yeah... Thank you for reading and commenting...

Morrigan... Violent... hum, well yes. I guess I never thought self mutilation was violent... but I guess maybe it is... Welcome to the fabulous poetry thread...  Thank you for reading and commenting...

SllverMoon, we are driven by the most basic emotions... am I right? Thank you for your comments...

Kaminoshiyo...Action screams more effectively than words... Thank you!


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 18, 2016)

Firemajic said:


> Carefully I  carve my inner thigh
> inscribing pain with a scalpel's caress
> a stoned lover's secret request
> in beautiful bloody graffiti
> ...


----------



## Sonata (Jul 18, 2016)

As usual, the meaning behind your words is so understandable - and then to see those beautiful flowers in your signature made your words seem all the more intense.


----------



## Firemajic (Jul 18, 2016)

Hello Sonata, I try to write poetry that is understandable... I don't want anyone wondering what I am trying to express..hahaa...
The flower photo is a pic of one of my many flower gardens... My Mother shared her love of gardening with me, and she taught me so much... Thank you for reading my poem, hope you have a fabulous day!


----------

