# Comrades Who Never Return



## Jason Zero (Jul 20, 2010)

This was written for an English project in my Senior year of High School. The task was to pick a historic event and write a 5 page historical fiction short story on that event. I picked the Winter War between Russia and Finland and the Invasion of Russia as my history. I hope you enjoy!

         Kiev September 17, 1941. The bombs fall night and day. The Fascists have brought war to our land, our blood, and our very souls. Our orders are to defend the Soviet  Union, against the so called illustrious plan named Operation Barbarossa. The Fascists are planning to use their blitzkrieg tactic to spread throughout our lands, like they did in Poland.

                  “Comrades, the Fascists have broken our non-aggression pact and have invaded our lands. Go forth, kill the Fascist pigs, and cut them down like grass.” Captain Bolshkin clicks off the radio. He turns to me and says, “It will attract the Fascists.” So we sat in silence, waiting for them. Kiev was still under our control, but it was only a matter of time before they would reach us. Captain Bolshkin and I fought against the Finns in 1939 and I am indebted to him for saving my life in the conflict.

                  It was December 1939, only a few days into the war against the Finns. The mobilization into Finland was brutal and when we got there, all hell broke loose. It’s almost impossible to believe our army of two million was almost defeated by an army of one hundred thousand. The Finns set up deadly traps all over their homeland that hindered our tanks and infantry. Their use of guerrilla warfare was uncanny. Every frontal assault we tried, we lost thousands of men. Captain Bolshkin led our unit into Finland, and it was the first time we were going to see combat. A group of Finns opened fire on us; they were inside a farmhouse…удачливый ублюдки (Lucky *******). They cut down our unit, and we were forced to retreat.

                  Yuri was out there patrolling the area when we hear “Anklage (Charge)!” A grey monster rose, hindering our view to no more than five feet in front of us. “Kommunist-Schweine (Communist Pigs)” is what we hear next. The Fascists have reached Kiev…мой Бог (my god). 

                  We fired into the grey monster as the footsteps drew nearer. Bullets whizzed by us at several hundred miles per hour, with every bullet making me feel closer and closer to death. I don’t give in though, and I continue fighting. One of my shots hit a Fascist right in the eye and he flails to the ground, writhing in excruciating pain. His blood spurted all over the ground.

                  “Nikolai! We are falling back to train depot!” Captain Bolshkin yells to me. I grab ammo from a supply case and some off of the soldiers that would no longer need it, the comrades who will never return. “Nikolai, move it!”

The Fascists let loose another battle cry as I ran to the train depot. A bullet grazed my leg just as I fling myself through the doors. A whistle blew outside, signaling that the Fascists have stopped firing.
  “Nikolai, Сумасшедший ублюдок (Crazy *******).” Captain Bolshkin takes the extra ammo off my back and tells the other men to stock up. I sat in the corner and loaded my Mosin Nagant. Looking out at the rail yard I see several of my comrades. A familiar sight….

Suomussalmi, December 1939. We attacked _Suomussalmi_ and already sustained heavy losses. Captain Bolshkin and I were running with the 44th Division. We advanced along the Raate Road from the south and the 163rd Russian Division advanced from the north via Juntusranta. We were supposed to link up at Suomussalmi and then head West across Finland to Oulu and cut the country in half. Our strength totaled 48,000 men, 335 cannons, 100 tanks and 50 armored cars. The Finns probably had only a few thousand, though they were under the command of Colonel Hjalmar Siilasvuo. As we approached Suomussalmi, trees had fallen across the road in front and behind us. We were trapped, strung out along the road. The 163rd had to be only six miles north. We fought hand to hand with the Finns, but unfortunately we were stopped dead in our tracks. There we sat, alone…just like now.

Kiev, September 18, 1941. Several Fascist attacks have come, and we were running low on munitions. Another whistle blew, another attack. Captain Bolshkin ordered us to fire at will. I aimed down the gun’s sight and fired, hitting a Fascist in the head. My next shot was off a little, hitting another Fascist in the groin. Corporal Yemen yells to me that he’s going to take out the enemy sniper. I watched as he pulled the trigger, and the back of his head blew open. I also saw a Fascist fall from one of our towers. They both had a perfect shot.

Captain Bolshkin yelled for me to grab the rocket launcher as a Panzer IV entered out sights. While trying to get a steady aim, the tank fired a shell right into the upper floor of the train depot. Bolshkin helped me get up and pushed me towards the next line of defense. Picking up a rocket launcher himself, he aimed and fired at the tank. The tread broke and the tank halted. We turned and ran to the freight yard to join the rest of our comrades. Captain Bolshkin and I made it to the sand bags just in time for another whistle to blow. He whispered as softly as he could for us to keep our heads down. He himself then stands up to see over the sand bags. A machine gun opens fire and Bolshkin fell to the ground. 

Western  Karelia, February  11, 1940. We advanced with heavy firepower into the isthmus. The Finns were starting to break as we laid down tons of firepower, effectively cutting them into little pieces. I was riding on top of a T-26 when we broke through the Finnish line. Captain Bolshkin and Corporal Yemen yelled for me to jump off the tank and join them in a backdoor assault on an encampment. We crawled through the snow, just under the Finnish guns. When we reached the wall about a half mile from the encampment, I looked out to the field where my division was assaulting the machine gunners. What I saw could only be described as slaughter…it was all slaughter. They ran right into a hail of bullets, each being cut down, one by one.

“Nikolai, we must move, we can not do anything for them.” Captain Bolshkin orders. We crept through the trenches slowly, checking every corner. While creeping up to the sandbags we developed a plan of attack. Bolshkin and Yemen would flank them on the right and I would flank them on the left. The crossfire of bullets would be sure to kill them all.

“Nikolai, take my PPSH and I will take your rifle. Your aiming needs work.” Yemen whispers to me. We exchanged weapons, and I now held his PPSH, an automatic death machine. I had only dreamed of holding one of these.

“On my signal.” Bolshkin and Yemen crept around to the other side of the encampment. The Finns kept firing at our men with a stolen M1927. Our M1927. Bolshkin gives the signal, and I release hell from my PPSH. The bullets pounded into their chests one by one. I kept firing until I felt an incredibly horrible piercing pain. I was hit by three bullets, one in the arm, leg and my stomach. Blood spurted from my wounds as I yelled for help. As I felt death’s embrace I heard a voice say, “Вы будет нет умереть (you will not die, my comrade).”

Kiev, September 19, 1941. We barely got any sleep, with Captain Bolshkin and Corporal Yemen deceased, our morale was gone. The Fascists attacked all night and we were pushed back to our final defense. Here it was either make a stand or get extinguished. What would Yemen’s mother say when I told her? I hope I never have to tell her…мой Бог. (My God.) Another Fascist whistle, “Why don’t they stop already? Why can’t they just attack? They must be taunting us, a kind of ‘we are going to get you’ taunt.” The Fascists attacked by first throwing grenades, killing five or six of us. I fired my Mosin Nagant back at them without hesitation, I fired until the clip was empty, and that’s when I noticed that there were no gun shots from my side. I could see the Fascists beginning to move up, so I grabbed Roman’s PPSH, reloaded it, and then waited. The footsteps stopped. I took a deep breath, and jumped up, firing the PPSH wildly at the Fascists.

I felt bullets pierce me, but I continue to fire and fire until the PPSH refused to fire anymore. The Fascists stopped firing at me and I still stood there, helpless. A Fascist officer pushed through his men, screaming German. He looked at me, my wounds, and the dead Fascists that I just killed. I fell to my knees, not able to stay upright any longer. The Fascist officer salutes me and then approached me as I knelt there. He offered his hand, and I shook it. And then, I was shaking the hand of St. Peter at the gate of Heaven.


----------



## garza (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm curious to know whether this was originally written in Russian or English. Either way, it's an effective, understated, look at two sides of the same coin -- Russia invading, and Russia defending. The tone of, 'this is war - this is how it looks', works well in both of the interwoven narratives. There are only a few places where the language gets a bit out of hand, and that's why I ask whether this was originally written in English or Russian. For example, a soldier killed in action is not deceased. He is dead. If you've ever been there, you know the difference.

One technical problem. Russian troops in Finland were not equipped with the PPSh in 
February of 1940. Stalin ordered the development of a cheap rapid-fire weapon that could be mass produced after field commanders in Finland asked for more submachine guns, saying they were more effective than the bolt-action Enfield-inspired rifles carried by most soldiers. The protagonist could not have said, 'I had only dreamed of holding one of these,' because the PPSh was not introduced until 1941. 

The Russian army had only a limited number of sub-machine guns before the introduction of the PPSh  -- I don't remember the model designations -- so the total rate of fire of a squad was limited by the rate of fire that could be achieved by infantrymen working the bolt actions and needing to reload after every six rounds or so. With the introduction of the mass produced, cheap but effective, PPSh, every squad could now be equipped with at least one automatic weapon, so you might say the PPSh was the first true SAW. 

The intro words at each time shift need to be made consistent to avoid confusion about where and when. I would suggest using standard wire service dateline format throughout: 
Kiev, September 17, 1941 - The bombs fall night and day.
Finland, December 1939 - Only a few days into the war...
Kiev, September 18, 1941 - Several Fascist attacks...
This would keep the reader on track as you shift back and forth between the invasion of Finland and the defence of Russia.

Those interwoven time lines are effective, as is most of the piece. Overall a very readable piece of writing. You just need to do a bit of research to get the right weapons into the hands of your infantry.


----------



## Deadally (Jul 20, 2010)

Not so bad a story.  I felt it was a little disjointed, moving so quickly that I couldn't get my bearings with the individual events.  This could have been through laziness or through purposefulness (I could see where you would want to convey war as a confusing set of events).  I did take issue with some technical things, though, and they bugged me a bit.

1) Wouldn't the Finns speak Finnish?  I realize they were under Nazi control, but that didn't mean they necessarily would speak German.  I genuinely am not sure about this historically, but it struck me as odd.
2) The use of Cyrillic throughout seemed completely pointless, for several reasons.  For starters, it was inconsistently used, sometimes here, most of the time not.  It was jarring to see the switch between the two, and it made it seem like you were showing off, as if you had taken a Russian class in high school and wanted to tell us some of the phrases you knew.  In that sense the use of the different alphabet felt pretentious.

I realize, though, that you may use it to try and convey the "Russian-ness" of the dialogue.  This is a neat idea, but it's lost on the people who can't begin to read Cyrillic.  Somebody familiar with it can pick up and read the phrases and get the beauty of the language, but most can't, and it looks like heiroglyphs.  To someone without familiarity, it's pretty annoying to see it used and then to have it translated immediately.  It seems condescending.  The inconsistent subtitling is a further frustration, because they would be speaking Russian all the time.  Why is it brought to the forefront on a few passages that seem to matter little?  

Overall, I dig it!  I hope to keep seeing you, and if my rambling criticism is nonsense, I can try and re-evaluate myself and help you help this story further


----------



## garza (Jul 20, 2010)

Jason Zero - The comments by Deadally would seem to re-enforce my suggestion about using an obvious and consistent indicator when you shift from one timeline to the other. The technique in itself is good, but you do need to be careful that the reader understands what's going on and does not try to run it all together as one continuous narrative. You might try using the wire service dateline as I suggested, and put it in Italic typeface for emphasis. 

The reader needs to understand that he is seeing two opposite points of view, one from the perspective of an attacking army organised in traditional fashion facing an effective hit-and-run defence, the other from the perspective of the same army two years later but now on the defence itself facing an attacking army similar to itself.

To get a firm grasp of Russian and Soviet military theory, both strategic and tactical, you need to go back to Peter the Great and work your way forward from there. The foundations of modern Russian military thought were all laid before 1720.


----------



## Jason Zero (Jul 21, 2010)

I thank you for the constructive criticism. The use of Cyrillic was indeed to re-enforce that this was told from a Russian soldier's PoV, but I can see how it would be annoying. I rarely use translations in my writing.

As for the timeline bumping around and the whole thing being a tad jumpy, it had to be 5 pages and any more would receive a lower grade. I could have written a good 5 more pages that would show the psychology of warfare, but was forced to restrain myself 

I thank you again for the help!

EDITS:

This was written in English but I did use certain translations, very poor ones too, and for that I do apologize. If I had more time I would have learned more about Cyrillic, but I only had a week. I may actually go through this and remove all the translations and even extend the story as I would like to add a psychological side to this. Depends, my other project is eating up my whole life atm...


----------



## garza (Jul 21, 2010)

If you decide to rewrite and extend, keep in mind the problem with the PPSh. It didn't exist in 1939. I used one on a firing range once and can tell you it is one wicked weapon. 

If you need any technical information on armament, transport, communications, and military policy from WWII up through about 1975 let me know.


----------



## Deadally (Jul 21, 2010)

I think it would  be a good idea to get rid of the Cyrillic altogether.  It's just nonsense without purpose to a significant part of your readership, you know?  I think instead of conveying RUSSIAN, it really kinda took me out of the story entirely.

Just my opinion, though!  Wouldn't mind seeing your new project when it's ready.


----------

