# You might be a writer if. . .



## squidtender (Mar 22, 2012)

Time for something fun. Lets see how many you guys can come up with. In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a writer if. . . 

All your text messages are grammatically correct (*raises hand* Guilty!)


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## Kyle R (Mar 22, 2012)

While watching a movie with friends, while they are absorbed in the story, you are thinking _here's the hero , antagonist, ally, mentor, inciting incident, false victory, All is Lost moment, now comes the big showdown..._


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## Potty (Mar 22, 2012)

You can no longer read a book without wondering how it compares to yours.

(Have I got the right idea?)


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## Jon M (Mar 22, 2012)

When you're listening to a conversation and mentally punctuating every sentence.


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## Potty (Mar 22, 2012)

On that note...

You listen to a conversation and wonder how it would look on the page.


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## squidtender (Mar 22, 2012)

You've actually wrote down other people conversations because you think it would make good dialogue


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## Kevin (Mar 22, 2012)

You have a big inkstain in your front (or rear) pants pocket, and it's bled all over you upper thigh...


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## Potty (Mar 22, 2012)

Your space bar has gone really really shiny on the right hand side.


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## squidtender (Mar 23, 2012)

People catch you spacing off with a dumb look on your face, because you were thinking about a story


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## Chaeronia (Mar 23, 2012)

...you write, on some kind of determinably regular basis, books and stories and such like.


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## Fallow (Mar 23, 2012)

When you see an incorrect word used in your local newspaper, you become furious, and threaten to spill blood unless such an atrocious insult to human intelligence is removed.  :ChainGunSmiley:


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## Terry D (Mar 23, 2012)

You read the obituaries looking for good character names.


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## JosephB (Mar 23, 2012)

If you're on a writing site, trying to come up with clever things that show that you might be a writer, you might be writer.


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## felix (Mar 23, 2012)

You look around one day and realise that all of your friends are grammar Nazi's, screenwriters and the mentally insane.


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## Cefor (Mar 23, 2012)

When you look around and despair that all your friends aren't grammar Nazi's, screenwriters or the mentally insane... but you're known as the insane grammar Nazi yourself.


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## Newman (Mar 23, 2012)

KyleColorado said:


> While watching a movie with friends, while they are absorbed in the story, you are thinking _here's the hero , antagonist, ally, mentor, inciting incident, false victory, All is Lost moment, now comes the big showdown..._



Exactly.


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## C.M. Aaron (Mar 23, 2012)

In your verbal conversations you regularly stop, backspace, and change the word you just spoke to something better.


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## Morgan (Mar 23, 2012)

when watching tv, you hit the pause button so you can explain to your spouse the gaping hole in the plot.


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## Shpob (Mar 23, 2012)

You get so distracted on writing forums that you forget about the food on the stove until the fire alarm goes off. Even then, you finish your sentence.

(This literally just happened to me an hour ago. I was afraid the fire department would show up!)


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## Chaeronia (Mar 24, 2012)

felix said:


> You look around one day and realise that all of your friends are grammar *Nazi's*, screenwriters and the mentally insane.





Cefor said:


> When you look around and despair that all your friends aren't grammar *Nazi's*, screenwriters or the mentally insane... but you're known as the insane grammar Nazi yourself.



You pick up people on their errant use of apostrophes.


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## felix (Mar 24, 2012)

Chaeronia said:


> You pick up people on their errant use of apostrophes.



Damn.


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## Notquitexena (Mar 27, 2012)

You find yourself thinking about something for your novel in church - and your novel has nothing to do with church or religion.


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## Notquitexena (Mar 27, 2012)

Your best friend, who also writes, completely understands when you say you can't talk right now, you just woke up with a great beginning for your second volume and you have to get it down before you forget it.


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## Notquitexena (Mar 27, 2012)

You have to force yourself to interact with your roommates because you'd rather be getting in a few pages of editing before bedtime.


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## Potty (Mar 27, 2012)

You buy a rubix cube to help you think.


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## Potty (Mar 27, 2012)

You start thinking about printing some business cards so that having the title "writer" seems more official.


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## Potty (Mar 27, 2012)

You start inventing new and interesting ways to distract yourself from actually writing. This could include things such as making stationary robots and rolling dice to see which one would win a mock battle. Teaching the dog to balance a ball on her nose. Cleaning inbetween the keys on the keyboard or going to the shop to buy a new keyboard once you realise you can't remeber which order the keys went in.


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## Terry D (Mar 27, 2012)

You can never quite get the taste of pencil out of your mouth.


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## Wilson Edward Burroughs (Mar 30, 2012)

If you completely dismiss interpersonal interactions with friends in favor of imaginary companions born from your head.


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## abuistrago (Mar 30, 2012)

You have random conversations inside your head between characters from your story while doing something other that writing (maybe I'm a writer, maybe I'm insane... haven't figured that out just yet).


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## philistine (Mar 30, 2012)

Chaeronia said:


> ...you write, on some kind of determinably regular basis, books and stories and such like.



I hear that.

You might be a writer if you find yourself mentally composing your work several dozen times a day. This often necessitates interrupting whatever task you were busied with, and focusing on your nth day dream.


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## Potty (Mar 30, 2012)

You stop noticing the blank stares as you bounce part of an idea off someone at work without clueing them up to the parts of the idea that would help them to understand what you're talking about. Let's face it, we only bounce ideas to see if it sounds as good out loud as it does in our heads.


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## lcg (Mar 31, 2012)

when try to convert every person u meet into a novel character...


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## Kyle R (Mar 31, 2012)

You might be a writer if you purchase popular fiction novels in order to study the writing to figure out what makes it successful.


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## squidtender (Apr 1, 2012)

Your friends don't even bother inviting you out on certain nights, because they know you'll be writing


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## Potty (Apr 1, 2012)

squidtender said:


> Your friends don't even bother inviting you out on certain nights, because they know you'll be writing




Your friends don't bother inviting you out at all coz you wont stop talking about your writing


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## Potty (May 16, 2012)

You s*** stir at work to see if the resulting arguments between staff will inspire you for a new story plot.


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## squidtender (May 16, 2012)

You tell your boss in a meeting that you're not exactly sanguine about the next quarter and he sighs and pulls out a dictionary


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## squidtender (May 16, 2012)

you accidentally end a text with "he said".


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## Gonzalothethird (May 16, 2012)

When you lie down to call it a night, you spend at least an hour thinking about the things you should've written about, and debate whether or not to get back up and fix it, or keep thinking about it while you figure out in why you can't sleep.


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## patskywriter (May 16, 2012)

… you spell out the words and use punctuation while texting.


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## Potty (May 16, 2012)

You hate yourself for correcting other peoples use of English, but can't help it!


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## Fallow (May 16, 2012)

When holding an internal monologue, you suddenly realize that you've been substituting your conflicting internal voices for different characters you've written about.


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## TBK (May 18, 2012)

Morgan said:


> when watching tv, you hit the pause button so you can explain to your spouse the gaping hole in the plot.



Mine asks me to do this, now, out of consideration. Being given the opportunity to talk about something I love is very sweet.


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## Elowan (May 18, 2012)

Gonzalothethird said:


> When you lie down to call it a night, you spend at least an hour thinking about the things you should've written about, and debate whether or not to get back up and fix it, or keep thinking about it while you figure out in why you can't sleep.




Ooh yeah!


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## Fin (May 19, 2012)

When the only time you ever leave your house, besides school/work, is to study real people's conversations.


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## LaughinJim (May 19, 2012)

You are walking along thinking about the conversation you just had with an ignorant store clerk or bureaucrat, thinking about how you should have handled it had you not become enraged with the level of incompetence. These thoughts turn into dialogue for a story of the witty and levelheaded character you'd like to be if God hadn't made you so darn tempermental. Suddenly tires screech. You have just crossed half-way across a very busy thoroughfare against the traffic light and a driver has nearly run you over.


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## Olly Buckle (May 19, 2012)

How did I miss this thread? Love it.



Fin said:


> When the only time you ever leave your house, besides school/work, is to study real people's conversation.


Listening to conversations you automatically edit and correct them, leaving out the "like" and "you know" and re-arranging the points in a logical order.

If you occassionally whip out a cheap spiral bound notebook and retire to a corner with a pencil to scribble something cryptic for expansion later. 

If you can not read an official notice without re-phrasing it into good English that others might read.

If you feel road signs require punctuation.


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## Gonzalothethird (May 19, 2012)

Your comeback to a friend's insult is that you're going to base a character on them and write a horrendous and offensive scene with that character.


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## Potty (May 19, 2012)

I think I have Alzheimer's. In the time it took me to find this thread to post, i forgot the mind blowing idea I had.


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## Tiamat (May 19, 2012)

If your significant other asks you what you're thinking about, and then feels the need to clarify, "Other than your story."


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## Olly Buckle (May 20, 2012)

Gonzalothethird said:


> Your comeback to a friend's insult is that you're going to base a character on them and write a horrendous and offensive scene with that character.


less is more, merely mutter darkly "You'll be in my next book."


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## josh.townley (May 20, 2012)

- You start making up stories about about strangers you pass in the street.
- You get up at 4:00 am every morning to write before work


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## Potty (Jul 20, 2012)

You get up from your WiP to fetch your notepad and sit back down with an orange and coffee and continue surfing the internet.


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## Potty (Jul 20, 2012)

You write a sentence... then log back into the forums to see if anyone else has posted.


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## Fin (Jul 21, 2012)

Potty said:


> You write a sentence... then log back into the forums to see if anyone else has posted.



How ironic. The Writing Forum has been one of my biggest distractions from writing.


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## Tiamat (Jul 21, 2012)

You keep a notebook by your bed, just in case.  And in your car.  And in  your purse.  And your office and the bathroom and the living room...


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## Potty (Jul 21, 2012)

Tiamat said:


> You keep a notebook by your bed, just in case. And in your car. And in your purse. And your office and the bathroom and the living room...



And then can't find a single one when you have a decent idea.


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## Xalor (Jul 21, 2012)

You correct your English professor on a regular basis.


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## Potty (Jul 21, 2012)

Xalor said:


> You correct your english professor on a regular bases.



Basis*


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## Gamer_2k4 (Jul 21, 2012)

Xalor said:


> You correct your english professor on a regular basis.



English*


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## J. Alexander Hinsvark (Jul 21, 2012)

If you find yourself somehow offended when upon reading a story of yours, your best friend who has never written anything (other than school essays and such) before starts talking about how he is a great writer as well and could probably write something similar if he had the motivation.

If you ignore your own girlfriend's texts sometimes because she doesn't use proper grammar or spelling.

If you find yourself analyzing the lyrics of almost every song you listen to; considering their possible meaning from a direct and from a metaphorical standpoint.

If every time you send a text message you reread it multiple times to see how you could rewrite it to be more pleasing to the reader.

If your schoolteacher asks you to turn in a two page fictional paper and you get carried away, instead turning in a seven page long, still incomplete story. Even more so if you are extremely angry that the teacher made you turn in the project before its completion.

If you have the entire fight scene from Romeo and Juliet memorized word for word (every part), and if you read it a few more times to refresh your memory you can recite it perfectly.

Play video games for their plot, analyzing the characters and plot as you go, instead of just for the fun of playing. Especially when on top of this, you think of a long list of flaws in the story that could have been easily rectified by the creator having a quick conversation with yourself.

If when someone tells you that your writing is good, your immediate thought is that it was a failure because they didn't say it was amazing or perfect.

If (this is a sad but true one; really it is just sad that it is true) you know what a semicolon does.

If you are seventeen years old and are currently working on two different books at once.

If you find it hard to take feedback or advice for your writing, because every time someone criticizes it you feel like you're a horrible writer.

If you spend hours contemplating and planning and idea for a story and then just decide its not good enough and throw it away.

If you look up words that you already know the meaning of just to make sure you have a clearer understanding of them in order to enhance your writing vocabulary.

If every time you meet someone in life that you dislike, you consider how good of an antagonist a character based on them would be.

If every time someone compliments your writing you find a way not to believe them because you are always convinced it could be way better.

If you're the one kid in your class who believes that writing a ten page paper (as long as it were something you cared about), would be a fun and exciting project.

If you hate the story of a book but still get upset when someone insults the author themselves, because despite how bad you believe the book is, they still worked hard on it and put the best of their creativity and talent into its production.

If you, as a general rule with some exceptions, make a point to never use the actual characters for numbers in anything you write, but instead use the words (seven instead of 7, for example), and even in the cases where using the word for the number wouldn't be appropriate generally use roman numerals instead.

If you stare at a punctuation mark for fifteen minutes, contemplating whether or not it belongs where it is.

If you refuse to take a writing class because you feel it will corrupt your personal writing style.

If you get excited when someone talks to you about grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etcetera, rather than getting sleepy.

If you hate using words such as etcetera in abbreviated form if they are followed by a comma, because you don't want to have two punctuation marks directly next to each other.

If you actually feel angry, rather than not caring, when you unfortunately discover upon writing this forum post that Google Chrome marks etcetera as a misspelled word.

If you get angry at yourself every time you speak out loud with improper grammar (which unfortunately I do quite a bit because I have a problem of tending to speak too fast to think).

If you think you yourself are the biggest idiot on the face of the planet because you don't know if the period goes before or after the parenthesis when a sentence ends in parenthesis (I would actually appreciate it if someone could answer that for me, it's been a big problem for me for a while. I think I am doing it write, but I must be sure).

If you grow so emotionally connected to a character in a story that you find it hard to write about something bad happening to them.

If you will sit at your computer and type for hours until you are finished, even when you have to pee so bad that you feel like a clogged power generator at the Hoover Dam.

If you feel depressed that you have to stop this forum post after god knows how many "You know you're a writer" jokes because your laptop is soon to die and you can't find the charger.

I am guilty of all of these, unfortunately the last one as well. Goodbye, everybody.


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## Potty (Jul 21, 2012)

You think you should write an entire stand up sketch when a one liner will do.


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## Lacelet (Jul 21, 2012)

You might be a writer if. . .

You tend to emote actions in your thoughts.


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## wee_clair_064 (Jul 22, 2012)

If you edit your conversations in your head to make the other person more interesting!


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## SerenataImmortale (Jul 22, 2012)

When you notice people in public who resemble your characters.


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## Potty (Jul 22, 2012)

When you look at people in public to see if that's what you want a character to look like


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## wee_clair_064 (Jul 22, 2012)

When you are convinced you've met your main character in public and internally have a fight not to call them by the MC name!


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## Lacelet (Jul 22, 2012)

You might be a writer if. . .

You talk to yourself for too long or too much.


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## Kyle R (Jul 22, 2012)

You might be a writer if...

You find yourself narrating prose in your mind when watching a movie.

_Spiderman swooped through the air with the agility of a trapeze acrobat. Drivers on the bridge below stepped out of their cars and gaped up..._


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## Tiamat (Jul 22, 2012)

You might be a writer if...

You're watching a movie and you get unduly excited about the use of a literary device.  "Ooooh!  Foreshadowing!  Betcha ten bucks that dude's gonna hang himself sooner or later!"


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## squidtender (Jul 23, 2012)

You wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, but write down notes so that you can turn it into a short story later


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## Terry D (Jul 23, 2012)

You might be a writer if: You run a word count before sending an e-mail.


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## Xalor (Jul 23, 2012)

If you check  Facebook just to correct the grammar on your friends status updates.


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## Tiamat (Jul 23, 2012)

If you tell your significant other to stop behaving like a petulant child, and he gets mad, not because you called him a child, but because he doesn't know what "petulant" means.


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## squidtender (Dec 30, 2012)

You change the lyrics to a song because they weren't grammatically correct


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## dolphinlee (Dec 30, 2012)

You might be a writer if you're sitting in a cafe outside of Las Vegas heatedly discussing the best place to bury a body, and it's not until somebody drops their coffee that you notice everyone is staring at you.


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## Kevin (Dec 30, 2012)

dolphinlee said:


> You might be a writer if you're sitting in a cafe outside of Las Vegas heatedly discussing the best place to bury a body, and it's not until somebody drops their coffee that you notice everyone is staring at you.


 That's easy. Go north, to North Las Vegas, if you're not already there (which you might be, given your subject matter..) Take the Northshore road (highway 47) east, towards Lake Mead. @22.2 miles look for a dirt turnoff on the right. Drive in about 1/2 mile. Its a wide road used by R.V.s. That's where they dump and pull out the bodies. Don't even consider how I know this...Woohoo-hahaaa! I didn't make it up, though...


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## Bloggsworth (Dec 30, 2012)

_I wish I *were* in Carrickfergus _- I do it every time I sing the song, can't help myself!


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## Olly Buckle (Dec 30, 2012)

squidtender said:


> You change the lyrics to a song because they weren't grammatically correct


Similar to 'Give a running commentary to the news' "You have no evidence for that ... that's anthropomorphic rubbish ... why don't you put another conjunction in there ... 'was', their is only one of him ... 'they'  when they are people ..." Some people seem to find that very annoying for some reason


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## dolphinlee (Dec 31, 2012)

Kevin said:


> That's easy. Go north, to North Las Vegas, if you're not already there (which you might be, given your subject matter..) Take the Northshore road (highway 47) east, towards Lake Mead. @22.2 miles look for a dirt turnoff on the right. Drive in about 1/2 mile. Its a wide road used by R.V.s. That's where they dump and pull out the bodies. Don't even consider how I know this...Woohoo-hahaaa! I didn't make it up, though...



Thanks Kevin.  There is a map showing the site of bodies discovered in the last ten years, on one of the TV channel websites.  Having flown to the Grand Canyon I was amazed at how many dirt tracks there are. I had thought of dropping 'my body' into a ravine but didn't see one that wasn't well travelled. 

As to your suggestion I did my research to the south and decided on a location outside Spotlight.  I need my body to be hidden for a couple of years. I was thinking about driving to the west but as that led to Parump (legalised brothels) and I was with my husband I vetoed that idea.  
I'm such a kill joy.


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## allyson17white (Dec 31, 2012)

You dream about something you were writing earlier that day.


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## Potty (Dec 31, 2012)

You greet new people with; "Hi, I'm writing a novel!"


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## Burlesk (Dec 31, 2012)

allyson17white said:


> You dream about something you were writing earlier that day.



The time to worry is when you start thinking that something you wrote a while ago actually happened.


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## Kevin (Dec 31, 2012)

dolphinlee said:


> Thanks Kevin.  There is a map showing the site of bodies discovered in the last ten years, on one of the TV channel websites.  Having flown to the Grand Canyon I was amazed at how many dirt tracks there are. I had thought of dropping 'my body' into a ravine but didn't see one that wasn't well travelled.
> 
> As to your suggestion I did my research to the south and decided on a location outside Spotlight.  I need my body to be hidden for a couple of years. I was thinking about driving to the west but as that led to Parump (legalised brothels) and I was with my husband I vetoed that idea.
> I'm such a kill joy.


That place...all of that desert and those towns: There's a lot of 'underbelly', a lot of 'noir'. Great setting for a crime novel. And you've got the whole "Vegas, Baby!" People love that place (not me, but a lot do) Party town. At least you're _thinking like a writer_, right?


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## Trilby (Dec 31, 2012)

When you convince yourself that eavesdropping is only bad manners for the non-writer; it is an acceptable part of a writer's life.


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## dolphinlee (Jan 1, 2013)

You might be a writer if

you take a camera everywhere you go and take pictures of places that look like good locations for your story.


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## FleshEater (Jan 1, 2013)

You might be a writer if you narrate your actions, your thoughts or what is currently happening as if you were writing them down. 
_
I reach for the door handle, and wonder how many times I might have stood in this exact location, doing this exact same thing. 

The look on my wife's face is too familiar-why is it that in marriage you're either complacent or miserable, but never "happy".
_


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## allyson17white (Jan 1, 2013)

dolphinlee said:


> You might be a writer if
> 
> you take a camera everywhere you go and take pictures of places that look like good locations for your story.



I do that but normally I can't bring my camera and just take a mental picture. I also like to match songs to scenes in my stories just because of the way I read things.


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## Circadian (Jan 2, 2013)

You might be a writer if you want to go on vacation for the sole purpose of researching a location for your novel.

~Circe


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## dolphinlee (Jan 5, 2013)

you might be a writer if you find yourself editing the book you are supposed to be reading.


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## Circadian (Jan 6, 2013)

You might be a writer if you get overly excited upon discovering that your computer has a built-in dictionary program (I got a few weird looks for this one).


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## Ovaraptor (Jan 6, 2013)

You are the insane grammar Nazi and take infinite pride in your reeducation policies.


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## Tiamat (Aug 11, 2013)

I miss this thread, so I'm going to revive it.

You're know you're a writer if your Google search history includes things that could potentially get you arrested.  (A glimpse from mine: opiates, opiate highs, oxycodone, street value of oxycodone, amphetamines, types of amphetamines, how long does an amphetamine high last...)


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## Cran (Aug 11, 2013)

You might be a writer if ...

... you ask a complete stranger, "Aren't you one of my characters?"

... you turn a menu into story outline.


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## OurJud (Aug 11, 2013)

... you feel a strong urge to write creatively.


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## escorial (Aug 11, 2013)

if your words convey


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## TheYellowMustang (Aug 11, 2013)

If it annoys you when you notice that you repeated a word, even when you're just speaking with a friend. 

"Damn, I've sad the word car twice in just couple of sentences.."


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## gmehl (Aug 11, 2013)

When you take notes on a restaurant napkin to remember speech syntax of an interesting waiter/waitress.


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## J Anfinson (Aug 11, 2013)

When you're regularly caught staring off into space, giggling to yourself because you're picturing a funny situation, but your co-workers give you that "Is he okay?" look.


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## gmehl (Aug 11, 2013)

...or you suddenly discover you have very little social life outside of the writing/publishing trade.


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## Tiamat (Aug 11, 2013)

...if your coworkers are so used to you talking to yourself that they don't even remark on it anymore.


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## Terry D (Aug 11, 2013)

...you run your grocery list through spell-check.


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## bookmasta (Aug 11, 2013)

You might be a writer if you wake in the middle of the night with a brilliant line of dialogue and get up to write it down.


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## Jeko (Aug 11, 2013)

...you post on the 'You might be a writer if' thread.


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## Myers (Aug 11, 2013)

Cadence said:


> ...you post on the 'You might be a writer if' thread.



“Might” being the operative word.


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## Blade (Aug 11, 2013)

The fire alarm goes off and you fervently jot down observational notes *before* leaving the building.:confusion:


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## Lewdog (Aug 11, 2013)

You have more hair on your chin than on your head.


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## philistine (Aug 11, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> You have more hair on your chin than on your head.



This gave me a good chuckle. :distant:


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## Tiamat (Aug 11, 2013)

...if you find yourself saying things like, "it's farther, not further, idiot," to the TV.


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## bookmasta (Aug 11, 2013)

You might be a writer if you get paid for telling people what the voices in your head are saying.


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## Lewdog (Aug 11, 2013)

You might be a writer if you use "So, I've got a novel I'm working on getting published..." is your pick up line at the bar.


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## TheYellowMustang (Aug 11, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> You might be a writer if you use "So, I've got a novel I'm working on getting published..." is your pick up line at the bar.



I tried that a few days ago. Not sure if it worked or if I got a fake number (too socially retarded to check). Playa got moves like jagger :very_drunk:


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## midnightpoet (Aug 11, 2013)

You turn off tv shows when you see people carrying the idiot ball around in an idiot plot and wonder what idiot wrote that?


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## WackedWes (Aug 11, 2013)

... you monologue benign chores in your head with overly intense wording.


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## gmehl (Aug 11, 2013)

...you prepare a list of the day's chores and errands and are saddened because you are telling, not showing.


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## Tiamat (Aug 11, 2013)

Your boss and all of your coworkers have learned (the hard way) not interrupt you when they see you scribbling away on a piece of paper during your lunch break.


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## Lewdog (Aug 11, 2013)

You might be a writer if you describe your life in chapters.


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## Robert_S (Aug 11, 2013)

In case it wasn't said already, you grab up any available medium to scratch down notes for an idea you just had.


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## bookmasta (Aug 11, 2013)

gmehl said:


> ...you prepare a list of the day's chores and errands and are saddened because you are telling, not showing.



Bah, the rule makes me cringe when I see it.


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## Lewdog (Aug 11, 2013)

You might be a writer if you see paper cut scars as a badge of honor.


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## Kehawin (Aug 12, 2013)

Tiamat said:


> You're know you're a writer if your Google search history includes things that could potentially get you arrested.  (A glimpse from mine: opiates, opiate highs, oxycodone, street value of oxycodone, amphetamines, types of amphetamines, how long does an amphetamine high last...)



Hahahaha  mine includes much the same, plus how to make a wood bow, undetectable poisons, how to kill someone with one shot, most lethal targets on the body, how to make gun powder, surviving in the wilderness, plants that alter brain waves... I just actually said those words - "if my computer ever had to be confiscated for anything, the authorities would lock me up for life" - just the other day!


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## Lewdog (Aug 12, 2013)

Kehawin said:


> Hahahaha  mine includes much the same, plus how to make a wood bow, undetectable poisons, how to kill someone with one shot, most lethal targets on the body, how to make gun powder, surviving in the wilderness, plants that alter brain waves... I just actually said those words - "if my computer ever had to be confiscated for anything, the authorities would lock me up for life" - just the other day!



There was a teacher that was recently checked out by the FBI for doing a web search about pressure cookers.


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## Kehawin (Aug 12, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> There was a teacher that was recently checked out by the FBI for doing a web search about pressure cookers.


Thanks for feeding into my paranoia!!  I do actually worry about this...


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## gmehl (Aug 12, 2013)

Kehawin said:


> Thanks for feeding into my paranoia!!  I do actually worry about this...



Not to worry. I just checked with my pals in the NSA and they weren't unduly concerned about what you said.


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## Tiamat (Aug 13, 2013)

...if you get a random Facebook compliment, but you can't appreciate it because he said "I seen" instead of "I saw."


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## bookmasta (Aug 13, 2013)

You might be a writer if people change tables in a restaurant because they notice you were writing down their conversation word for word


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## Elowan (Aug 13, 2013)

... if you get more than one headache per day


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## Dictarium (Aug 13, 2013)

You... uh... you write things. You might be a writer if you write things.


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## Tiamat (Aug 13, 2013)

bookmasta said:


> You might be a writer if people change tables in a restaurant because they notice you were writing down their conversation word for word


Or if you keep interrupting their conversation with Tom Swifties.  

"I'll have the giblets."  "...he said heartily!"
"Would you stop hogging the Tabasco?"  "...he asked hotly!"
"I wouldn't mind some more wine."  "...he said dryly."
"I'm gonna break this chair over that jerk's head!" "...he said smashingly!  HA HA HA!"


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## Lewdog (Aug 13, 2013)

Tiamat said:


> Or if you keep interrupting their conversation with Tom Swifties.
> 
> "I'll have the giblets."  "...he said heartily!"
> "Would you stop hogging the Tabasco?"  "...he asked hotly!"
> "I wouldn't mind some more wine."  "...he said dryly.  HA HA HA!"



I love in Blues Brothers when they start yelling at the table next to them, "How much for the women?"

[video=youtube;mvZgwtpPmLY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvZgwtpPmLY[/video]


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## Origen (Aug 13, 2013)

If your response to questions startle and annoy people.


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## Lewdog (Aug 13, 2013)

You might be a writer if you hold most of your conversations without looking at people because you are too busy writing.


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## FantasyLeanne (Aug 13, 2013)

You might be a writer if....
..1. You should be working, but instead writing character profiles on a piece of till roll! (Yes, has happened more then a few times) 
..2. You try to look, instead of staring at people, to get ideas on what they look like for, again, character profiles and praying you don't seem like a complete weirdo!


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 14, 2013)

FantasyLeanne said:


> ..2. You try to look, instead of staring at people, to get ideas on what they look like for, again, character profiles and praying you don't seem like a complete weirdo!


One of the few advantages of being old, you can smile benignly and stare at people.


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## philistine (Aug 14, 2013)

You find yourself entering public bathrooms, not only with the desire to pacify nature, but to correct the graffiti decorating the inside of the cubicles.


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## Jeko (Aug 14, 2013)

You find yourself critiquing the alphabet.


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 14, 2013)

You want to punctuate traffic signs.


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## Circadian (Aug 14, 2013)

You freak out every time someone says "could of" instead of "could have."


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## Topper88 (Aug 14, 2013)

When you complain about how in Transformers 3 Shia Lebeouf contributes exactly nothing to progress the plot, your friends look at you like you're speaking Sanskrit


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## ac?d (Aug 14, 2013)

when you stop seeing your favorite books as entertainment and start seeing them as competition.


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## philistine (Aug 14, 2013)

Circadian said:


> You freak out every time someone says "could of" instead of "could have."



That really rustles my jimmie. That, and 'I could care less'.


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## ac?d (Aug 14, 2013)

You find yourself spacing out when with friends, thinking of ideas for stories and realizing it would be a tragedy if you couldn't remember any of them. This possibility upsets you so much that you have to excuse yourself to go write said ideas down.


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## Elowan (Aug 14, 2013)

... if you can write when the 'boob tube' is on.


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## Tiamat (Aug 15, 2013)

You've ranted to people about the new Jason Derulo song because of the line, "You bite your lip, whisper and say, 'we're going all the way,'" and you don't feel that's realistic dialogue.


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## bookmasta (Aug 15, 2013)

You might be a writer if you go grocery shopping and you notice things one of your characters would like and put it in your cart.


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## InkwellMachine (Aug 15, 2013)

When you find yourself answering questions about things that you should know nothing about. My mom asked my dad how locks work the other day, and remembering a bit of descriptive language I wanted to use that required me to look up the inner workings of deadbolts, I jumped in and explained things.


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## Myers (Aug 15, 2013)

I don't really do any of these things. I guess I might not be a writer. :cry:


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## SarahStrange (Aug 15, 2013)

... your friend asks what the book you're reading is about and you start talking about the way the author uses diction and alliteration to get the gritty tone across and how the transitions between scenes is so smooth. 

Then the friend says, "Yeah... but what's it _about_?" 

And you think: I just told you.  :numbness:

But maybe that's just me.


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## SarahStrange (Aug 18, 2013)

...if the only magazine you read anymore is Writer's Digest. 

Which just came in the mail today btw. YESSSSS


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## Blade (Aug 19, 2013)

Some one was telling me recently that when author Stephen Leacock rebuilt his summer cottage he put a false wall on one side of the parlour. This allowed him to excuse himself from a social gathering, go upstairs and then return to secretly hear and observe the social occasion as if he were not there.

Hmmm. I guess that indicates that if you ever get rich you should watch what you are doing.:shame:


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## Olly Buckle (Aug 19, 2013)

Blade said:


> Some one was telling me recently that when author Stephen Leacock rebuilt his summer cottage he put a false wall on one side of the parlour. This allowed him to excuse himself from a social gathering, go upstairs and then return to secretly hear and observe the social occasion as if he were not there.
> 
> Hmmm. I guess that indicates that if you ever get rich you should watch what you are doing.:shame:



To me it indicates he has more money than sense, I just switch on my voice recorder, put it down next to the telly and join the crowd in the kitchen


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## Lewdog (Aug 19, 2013)

You might be a writer if you find yourself posting in a thread titled, "You might be a writer if..."


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## philistine (Aug 19, 2013)

Lewdog said:


> You might be a writer if you find yourself posting in a thread titled, "You might be a writer if..."



Easy there, wisenheimer. :loyal:

You might be a writer if you have a little black book that _doesn't_ have addresses in. I have several.


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## Lewdog (Aug 19, 2013)

philistine said:


> Easy there, wisenheimer. :loyal:
> 
> You might be a writer if you have a little black book that _doesn't_ have addresses in. I have several.



I knew right away that my statement defied logic, as I know I'm not a writer.  Thanks for pointing that out, I'm going to go now and find a new hobby collecting different brands of discarded gum wrappers.

](*,)


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## Blade (Aug 19, 2013)

philistine said:


> Easy there, wisenheimer. :loyal:
> 
> You might be a writer if you have a little black book that _doesn't_ have addresses in. I have several.


:sunny: And if you did come across an address or phone # your reaction would be confusion :confusion:. How did that get here?


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## Callie-J (Aug 19, 2013)

You can't watch movie or TV adaptations of books with a partner or friend because you drive them crazy about how it's awful compared to the book. Then you start telling them how you would have made the story better!! xx


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## Callie-J (Aug 19, 2013)

I have little books too. Lots of them but mine are purple xx


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## Blade (Aug 19, 2013)

Olly Buckle said:


> To me it indicates he has more money than sense, I just switch on my voice recorder, put it down next to the telly and join the crowd in the kitchen



:cower: That would have been well after his time as he was born in 1869 but the impulse is the same I suppose. a great writer but his youth and early years were rather impoverished and when he hit the $$ things seem to have gone a little astray. IMHO.:greedy_dollars:


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## Kuro (Aug 20, 2013)

You might be a writer if you are always editing your forums posts, to fix grammatical errors and to change sentences that just don't look right.


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## Lewdog (Aug 20, 2013)

You might be a writer if you buy Playboy just to read the articles.

:angel:


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## Terry D (Aug 20, 2013)

You might be a writer if you have a pet name for your story ideas. I call mine grombits. I have notebooks full of grombits.


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## J Anfinson (Aug 20, 2013)

You might be a writer if you can read a grocery list and get a story idea from it.


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## J Anfinson (Aug 21, 2013)

During show and tell in school, you insisted on showing and not telling.


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## philistine (Aug 21, 2013)

You might be a writer if, when, upon being caught by the teacher composing dirty limericks on the reverse of your school textbook, you didn't stop and heed her admonishment, but simply stated, ruffled and agitated, 'I'm at a critical juncture right now; give me five minutes!'


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## Lewdog (Aug 21, 2013)

You might be a writer if you sit around and make up lame jokes like this one:

How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?  10.  One to write a how to manual on how to change a light bulb, one to write a review of the store of where the light bulb was purchased, one to write a critique of the "How to Change a Light Bulb" manual, one to write a book about the history of the light bulb, one to write a fictional story about two light bulb strangers meeting in the dark, one to write an editorial piece about why candles are better than light bulbs, one to write a guide about what are the best light bulbs to buy for the value and environment, one to write a disclaimer to be signed prior to changing the light bulb pointing out all dangers involved in changing a light bulb, one to actually change the light bulb, and finally one to write about the actual changing of the light bulb.


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## OurJud (Aug 21, 2013)

... you simply cannot bear to leave a forum post unedited if you notice a typo, spelling mistake or missing/incorrect punctuation.


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## JermShar (Oct 23, 2013)

You might be a writer if you explain simple things in a completely verbose and long winded fashion.


Instead of: "I locked the door honey." 

 You say: " Thoughts of intruders entered my mind as I walked toward the entryway of our dwelling. I gazed upon the old and peeling wooden door for a moment. I wondered of the price of paint as i scanned it's cracked surface, noticing the dirt stained inside the patches of exposed wood. "Maybe it would be best to just buy a new door" I thought as my hand reached for the knob. My distorted reflection stared back at me in the worn, yet shining brass of our front door.  The aged locking mechanism felt awkward as I turned the spindle. After the cylinder awkwardly clicks into place, the knob may no longer turn. I feel a small bit of relief and accomplishment. Now we are safe from intruders. I do this for you. The sweet and beautiful love of our 3 years of marriage. 

Sometimes I do have those my moments. My wife just looks at me like "How much weed have u smoked and where can i get some?"


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## Marc_Taylor (Oct 23, 2013)

If you try and turn your strange dreams into novels.


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## The Tourist (Oct 23, 2013)

You might be a writer if when you see a truly beautiful woman your first thought is not lust.  (Well, lust is not far behind for me, but that's not then point here.)

I first figure out if an apt description of the woman would fit into my story.  For example, a version of dancer Sharna Burgess (a bit taller and with a widow's peak) became a female mercenary in my story.


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## Gumby (Oct 23, 2013)

If you find scraps of paper in all your old coat pockets, where you've written stuff down so you won't forget it, before you can get to your laptop.


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## escorial (Oct 23, 2013)

If you think to much about everything.


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