# Pressing Skin



## Darkkin (Dec 18, 2017)

Pressing Skin


Skin pressing skin, dance upon eggshells, delicate ice.
Soul touching sole, stretched, wearing critically thin.
One fall, again, marks twice.  Damn fool; trying thrice.

Tchaikovsky’s cygnet in crumpled tulle, pride the price
for the chance, that thrice damned to begin once again.
Skin pressing skin, dance upon eggshells, delicate ice.

Svelte in indigo gloam, head high, those lines concise.
Soul speaking through soles that cling, a second skin.
One fall, again, marks twice.  Damn fool; trying thrice.

Grey down drifting, that lowly cygnet in steps precise,
twirling amid burgeoning snow, a light waking within.
Skin pressing skin, dance upon eggshells, delicate ice.

Tide rising; fireflies and hoar lilies, blossom and entice,
beckoning to the wary cygnet; a journey about to begin.
One fall, again, marks twice.  Damn fool; trying thrice.

It was a dance to the voice of sweet, white edelweiss,
Tchaikovsky’s cygnet, determination writ toes to chin.
Skin pressing skin, dance upon eggshells, delicate ice.
One fall, again, marks twice.  Damn fool; trying thrice.


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## Firemajic (Dec 18, 2017)

Darkkin said:


> Pressing Skin
> 
> 
> Skin pressing skin, a dance upon eggshells, delicate ice.*** Soul, sole.... brilliant.... love using words like that..What a way to hook your reader....inviting your reader into your world...
> ...




"grey down drifting"...subtle alliteration... as delicate as swan down....
dance upon eggshells, delicate ice.... again, alliteration elegantly executed....

Always a pleasure to read your work, and to be in awe of your story... AND your skill.....


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## CrimsonAngel223 (Dec 18, 2017)

I love the imagery in here, including the cadence.


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## Darkkin (Dec 19, 2017)

CrimsonAngel223 said:


> I love the imagery in here, including the cadence.



Imagery is not cadence...Totally different elements.  Google is an ally with things of this sort.  Just saying and please add me to your ignore list.  Mine doesn't seem to be working.  And you have been warned about posting empty prattle to a serious review thead, please stop wasting your time and mine.  You treat these boards and poetry like a joke.  No revisions, no plausible critique.  So as a reader, a writer, why should I take any comment you make as anything other than a joke?

Sorry, but actions speak louder than words, your credibilty borders on negliable. Clark, Fire, Jen...Neetu and how many others tired to reach out and help.  The only reply received, LOLs and silence.  It is poor netiquette.  There are reasons others avoid commenting on your work.  It is wasted effort.  And potential means exactly jack shit if you don't bother to learn how to hone it, and you can be bothered, so save the empty head pats for those who appreciate them.   You have a viable question on a piece.  Ask.  If not...Silence is golden.

Keep the vapid remarks confined to your own threads.


Rerailing the topic...

@Fire

Made the adjustments, as well as, a few other tweaks.

Appreciated.

- D.


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## ned (Dec 19, 2017)

hello - as ever, terrific imagery with stellar rhyming.

for once, the repetitions worked well for me (an oxymoron?)
maybe, because the message is focused on one character.

have to say, I don't like the title - it doesn't add anything to me, and sounds too 'street' for such a fairytale story.

I have some tiny tics, but they are rather moot and not particularly pressing. (pardon the pun)

that damned thrice - that thrice damned
homely - homespun ?
amid blossoming snow - not sure if 'blossoming' serves well - besides the repeat of blossom.
determination written toes to chin. - writ or writ large, perhaps
hoar lilies - water lilies etc...has a definite cadence.

enjoyed.......Ned


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## Firemajic (Dec 19, 2017)

It is hard for me to remember that you WANT critique... because I read your work simply for the pleasure it gives me.....


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## Kevin (Dec 19, 2017)

I had taken this as a love poem, by the title. But no, it is part of the series? It's about the dancer, trying, falling, trying again, soul to sole refers to her foot/ body in contact with the sole of the dance shoe ( slipper?) '2nd  skin'? Upon eggshells had me wondering. Is the surface that delicate? What surface is it?  I didn't know. I got a sense of delicacy, fragility of the dancer. Jmt's/ impressions.


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## Darkkin (Dec 19, 2017)

Kevin, you are spot on with the observation about the title, and it was meant as  a play on words.  How many people think:  Leather sole when they read a word like skin?  It is a perspective flip I had fun playing with.  And yes, this is the second in the series, it is the follow-up to Tchaikovsky's Cygnet.  This is her solo dance there, alone in the dark on the stage of an icy pond.  As to the eggshells.  Physically and mentally, dance is a tough discipline.  Tension and competition are rampant.  The eggshells are a nod to both the physical and mental challenges.  Footing, balance is everything and traction is hazardous.  High gloss wood, satin, and kid leather.  A touch of talc or chalk is permitted occasionally, but one has to tread very lightly.  The surfaces are unforgiving, should one fall, it is the body, the mind that is at risk...

@ ned

I made the tweaks suggested, and they do help.  I didn't realize I had blossoming in there twice.  The line had orginally read blooming, but taking the falling snow into consideration, I've replaced it with burgeoning.  The hoar lilies instead of water lilies are there to illustrate the season.  Bleak mid-December.  And hoar frost if you have ever seen it, has blossoms more lush and intricate than just about anything a flower can produce.

As to the title, yes, there is definitely a street vibe to it, but take a look at the cygnet's origins.  Single, working mom, who is almost never home.  Secondhand tights, a faded sweater, and worn out shoes.  The other dancers see a rube, a wild street urchin, not a dancer, who knows the allure of Tchaikovsky.  The title stems from the cygnet's origins.  Yes, she is wily, often wary...But she is still a little girl, who sees the wonder in little things, and just occasionally believes in magic.  Those moments take us by surprise, when inhabitions are dropped and we take a chance to dance like no one is watching.

@ Fire

I would honestly not be much of a writer if I didn't post for critique and take suggestions into consideration.  More often than not, members and readers are spot on with their insights.  If I cannot think of a logical reason why a suggestion would _not_ work, then I make the change.  All part and parcel of the process.  

One thing I know I have that other's find a bit disconcerting is a decidedly high end vocabulary.  Words that I use in everyday situations and writing that some people don't know the meanings to.  If the context of the word is incorrect that is something that needs to be addressed.  And it is something I try to avoid and rectify as soon as the issue is pointed out.  The one thing I will not do, however, and it has been suggested in my threads in the past is to downplay my vocabulary, so it makes reading easy for Johnny and Sally...Nope.  My linguistic patterns and its working usage is a result of reading.  Those authors provide context, so do I.  The whole deep reading verses skimming concept.  Like with Shed's Greek to Me, I missed the italics on Library of Babel, but translated through histroical references and context...I got a kick out of the piece in both perspectives.  

Glad to know that the whimsy of the 'Ways' works like it should.  Its sole purpose is to steal readers away from the mortal coil into a realm of wonder and nonsense.

As always, thank you guys for the read and the replies.

Appreciated.

- D.


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## Darkkin (Jan 8, 2018)

Double post, ignore...


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## creative_mind (Jan 9, 2018)

Really nice one!!!!! :thumbl:


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## poski11 (Jan 9, 2018)

I do enjoy the Villanelle I think it’s a good fit for this poem, because of the flow and movement of the dancer. “skin pressing skin, dance upon eggshells,delicate ice” and “One fall, again, marks twice. Damn fool; trying thrice.” I also like that refrain A keeps bringing me back to the difficulty that the dancer faces between balance and strength. And how refrain B Keeps me in the moment of the persistence needed. Your response to Kevin’s post about the difficulty of dancing helped bring the poem together for me.

After a many readings (and Kevin's interpretation) I can now  let “Soul touching sole…” and “Soul speaking through soles…” really get to me on a much deeper level.


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## ArianSpirit (Jan 9, 2018)

I enjoyed this poem, not my style honestly but a nice read and I'm sorry I am new here and getting to know the talent. I will have to come back and read again before I could give you any advice


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## TuesdayEve (Jan 9, 2018)

I very much like the poem, the imagery, really is
lovely. I do have one bump, two lines, S1 L1 & L3
both are beautiful words and I love rhyme in L3
 but by the end of the poem they lost their beauty 
to the repetition. I think they are good enough 
to be repeated but maybe just twice.


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## Darkkin (Jan 9, 2018)

Highly specific form of poetry with this piece, a form that is repeated over the course of the narrative's sequence.  The villanelle, an old French form that functions almost as a round, a pattern that cannot be broken.  Geometic, concise, precise...Just like the discipline and movements of the cygnet's dance.  Athlete, musicians, dancers...All of those dedicated to their craft knomw the process, fall, stand up, try again...Over and over, until the rhythm catches, holds.  The count...one, two, three.  Words echo what the muscles know.  It is the tessellated reflection of an autistic brain.  A two prime count in a three prime form with a counterpoint prime of one.  Pattern, geometry, music, poetry, all have foundations in the senses.

It is a form that doesn't appeal to many, but if one finds the patterns within...It is like a fractal blooming.

Trezanelle is similar, but possesses a more flexible rhyme scheme with a repeat of the refrain only in the closing, but the looser form would not have worked quite as well on this piece.  :thumbl:

- D.


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## TuesdayEve (Jan 9, 2018)

Thank you for showing me a new type of poetry.
This new information makes sense. I will read your 
poem again with a new understanding and perhaps, 
try this new form myself.


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## sas (Jan 10, 2018)

Darrkin,

Normally, I do not make suggestions, on these very exacting poetry forms, unless it's just a word change, or kitchen business. I've no talent for them. Pity, because they impress me. Applause on your execution, as always. 

But, here goes . . .my question, more than suggestion:

Is your style purposefully staccato? ....lines that do not flow as natural speech. If so, why? 

For instance, I might write:

Skin pressing skin, danced upon delicate eggshell ice.

sas


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## Darkkin (Jan 10, 2018)

For me, my style is an exact reflection of my speech patterns.  What most people consider 'normal' is not something I have ever strived to achieve.  My brain is wired differently, fMRIs have shown my function patterns to be highly singular.  Couple that with my ADHD and spectrum placement, you have a brain that can see and describe the worm hole, when no one else knows there is anything but earth beneath their feet.  Just like with my literal translations, I have work arounds.  I don't generally talk unless I have to, and even then it is generally just to Rue to get an issue out of my head.

One of my most common pieces of advice to writers is to read aloud.  I practice what I preach.  Normal is not a function setting within my capacity.  The normal version...eh.  Eggshells are proteins, minerals, and water.  Water is pure.  Simply hydrogen and oxygen, all it needs to harden is cooler temperatures.  The only congruency between the two nouns is the fact that they can break.  Equal on one point, but different enough that eggshells will never be an adjective for ice.  It is like asking someone to describe an apple using an orange, when I have an orange in my hand.  My processess are _that exactingly specific_.  Normal syntax...Nope, the rest of normal can deal with that.

I have been and always will be a freak...With miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep.

- D.


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## sas (Jan 10, 2018)

Thanks, Darrkin.

My example, I knew, wasn't the image you wanted. I wanted to just demonstrate what I meant by natural speech. I don't mean this question offensively, but are you saying this is representative of your everyday speech pattern? Reply only if you don't feel a too intrusive question. Much of a poet's voice, in a poem, really isn't their voice, although we use that term. It is more of a style, often recognizable. I do not speak like I write. I speak like I'm on a barstool. Smiles & Best. Sas


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## Darkkin (Jan 10, 2018)

I speak like I write, syntax tesselations.  A direct, lateral transfer of thought into a verbalized medium.  The seemingly hoity toity know-it-all who sounds like a living encyclopedia.  It is not an intentional trait, it is a hyperawareness of properties and characteristics of one's surroundings.  A surfeit of detail condensed into a soundbite, while maintaining the inherent intergrity of the subject.  In essence, someone trying to explain a wormhole others cannot comprehend.  I find the allegory in the wandering discourse.  Most people just see dirt, I know the wormhole because I have always been beyond it.  It is the capacity to make the leap that confounds most people, hence the reason, I seldom speak unless directly addressed.  Not because I'm stuck up, but because my patterns do not mesh with 'normal' verbalized communications.

To understand, to engage you have to be prepared to focus, to listen otherwise the effort required from the interaction is usually too much of a drain.  I'm introverted by nature.  I don't generally seek people out.  Just like Rue, I require time to accept and assess an introduction.  I'm a people watcher, partly by nature, partly by choice.  When the general public spends the majority of its time telling you, you are damaged, dumb, or broken...You learn to stop giving a fuck about what they think is normal.  Normal becomes synonymous with cruelty, banality, and posturing.  Normal, a token mask of bullshit.

Silence is a sheath on my bladed tongue.  Sharp.  Staccato.  Clean edges unseen.  I know what etiquette dictates, and control is absolutely critical when one does not possess the filters and fillers that 'normal' people take for granted.  An upside of not being a talker...When I decide to contribute, folks have a tendency to listen.

- D.


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## sas (Jan 10, 2018)

Thank you for "reveal". I confess that I had to engage more brain cells than usual when reading your reply. It is an amazing way to actually speak. I assume it is genetic, not acquired. I was relieved to know we share the use of "fuck".  Now that word, I know.  Best. sas


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## Nellie (Jan 10, 2018)

Darkkin said:


> I speak like I write, syntax tesselations.  A direct, lateral transfer of thought into a verbalized medium.  The seemingly hoity toity know-it-all who sounds like a living encyclopedia.  It is not an intentional trait, it is a hyperawareness of properties and characteristics of one's surroundings.  A surfeit of detail condensed into a soundbite, while maintaining the inherent intergrity of the subject.  In essence, someone trying to explain a wormhole others cannot comprehend.  I find the allegory in the wandering discourse.  Most people just see dirt, I know the wormhole because I have always been beyond it.  It is the capacity to make the leap that confounds most people, hence the reason, I seldom speak unless directly addressed.  Not because I'm stuck up, but because my patterns do not mesh with 'normal' verbalized communications.



My neurologist once asked me to define "normal" since I have a very dysfunctional brain and my thoughts/speech pattern goes haywire at times. I often see things much differently than others. I now don't like speaking to others unless directly spoken too because of aphasia.




			
				Darkkin said:
			
		

> To understand, to engage you have to be prepared to focus, to listen otherwise the effort required from the interaction is usually too much of a drain.  I'm introverted by nature.  I don't generally seek people out.  Just like Rue, I require time to accept and assess an introduction.  I'm a people watcher, partly by nature, partly by choice.  When the general public spends the majority of its time telling you, you are damaged, dumb, or broken...You learn to stop giving a fuck about what they think is normal.  Normal becomes synonymous with cruelty, banality, and posturing.  Normal, a token mask of bullshit.



_Listening_ to others is a problem nowadays. I'm a people watcher, too, and focus on how others interact. Most people want/focus on gathering attention. I agree, normal is bullshit!



			
				Darkkin  said:
			
		

> Silence is a sheath on my bladed tongue.  Sharp.  Staccato.  Clean edges unseen.  I know what etiquette dictates, and control is absolutely critical when one does not possess the filters and fillers that 'normal' people take for granted.  An upside of not being a talker...



Control is critical and most folks do not possess those filters anymore......  want that "METOO"


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