# Secret Keeper



## Firemajic (Oct 24, 2015)

Secret creeper sneaking peeking
peeking sneaking secret creeper
follows you home from the park
secret creeper in the dark

He watches you undress for bed
sick fantasies swirl in his head
through your bedroom window peeking
secret creeper peeking sneaking

Through your window creeper sneaking
watching  while you are sleeping
secret touching molesting creeper
touching the innocent dreaming sleeper

Now you belong to the creeper
defiled innocent dreaming sleeper
peeking touching psycho creeper
you will be his secret keeper

You are the keeper of his secret
never tell anyone about the creeper
afraid to sleep innocent dreamer
night time secret silent screamer


----------



## escorial (Oct 25, 2015)

i like the way you use words at the end of lines/stanzas...so neat......the use of secret kept the piece from exploding i think


----------



## inkwellness (Oct 25, 2015)

The imagery sets a well-defined tone of an ill-gotten fantasy of a sexual predator. It makes me think that the "Secret Keeper" in this poem is perhaps a victim of sexual abuse who has not yet spoken out about the abuse. So sad. It brings up emotions of sadness, worry, grief, and anger.


----------



## Darkkin (Oct 25, 2015)

This piece is a perfect storm of terror and loss.  Heartbreaking.


----------



## Nellie (Oct 25, 2015)

Firemajic,

Reading this poem gives me the "creeps". I can feel this psycho watching every move you make, keeping it all a secret. Great imagery! Thanks.


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 25, 2015)

Thanks to all who read and commented on Secret Keeper... Each comment was so fabulous, and I appreciate more than you know...


----------



## Arthur G. Mustard (Oct 25, 2015)

This is spooky,  creepy,  tense, thrilling with a smothering of chilling. The wording and rhythmic beats are second to none. It starts off with Hitchcock and by the end it's become a cross between a Stephen King novel with Jason Vorsees lurking. Right on baby!


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 25, 2015)

squeeeeeek!!! Arthur, your comments please me.... thank you!


----------



## Bard_Daniel (Oct 25, 2015)

Creepy. Definitely very creepy.

Yet, very good. You did wonders with the rhyme and rhythm. It sounds, almost, like a scary nursery rhyme. That creeps me out even more, but maybe that was the intended effect.

Good work!


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 26, 2015)

Scary nursery rhyme... loooove that! Thank you Daniel for your fabulous comments..


----------



## Amnesiac (Oct 26, 2015)

Definitely sinister and creepy. The only line I would change, since all of it is in present tense, would be this one: "followed you home from the park" I would change it to "follows," to maintain the tense, but 'tis merely a suggestion...


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 26, 2015)

Ahhhh... fabulous! That line bugged the hell out of me...I will fix it.. Thank you! and thanks for commenting...


----------



## Mesafalcon (Oct 26, 2015)

Love this opening:

_Secret creeper sneaking peeking
 peeking sneaking secret creeper _

...and all the rhymes. This one flows well.


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 26, 2015)

hahaaa...Thanks Mesafalcon... I love to play with words..   I appreciate your fabulous comment..


----------



## Doc Martin (Oct 27, 2015)

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. This poem is the perfect excuse to be awake the rest of the night.

Nice work.


----------



## Sonata (Oct 27, 2015)

Frightening - I am grateful that I have bars on all my windows except for the front two, and I keep my front lights on all night.


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 27, 2015)

Doc.. thanks for reading.. sorry you could not sleep, but I am glad my poem kept you company... fabulous..

Sonata... All of my windows have motion sensors on them.. and when I travel, I hang bells on every window and door.. lets you know it the window is moving.. try that... thanks for reading Secret Keeper...


----------



## Sonata (Oct 27, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> Doc.. thanks for reading.. sorry you could not sleep, but I am glad my poem kept you company... fabulous..
> 
> Sonata... All of my windows have motion sensors on them.. and when I travel, I hang bells on every window and door.. lets you know it the window is moving.. try that... thanks for reading Secret Keeper...



No motion sensors, just ornamental iron bars on all back and side windows of my bungalow because there is nothing between my back yard and the fields.

I cannot have bars on my front bedroom window or the one in the salon as how would I get out in an emergency?


----------



## am_hammy (Oct 27, 2015)

I'd punch that creeper in the face if I ever saw said creeper creeping around!

Your rhyming is great. It has an eerie flow about it, and almost makes you want to trip up on the tongue twister lines but has just enough syllables where it's comfortable to move on to the next.

This poem was dark and raw, in an eerie and twisted way. It's like something you would here being recited in a nightmare or a demented fun house. It's painfully honest about how the mind of a predator can work and how that predator can influence the prey into doing whatever the predator deems.

I won't say I 'like' this persay, because the subject matter is not tasteful, however I love what this poem shows, the severity laced with a level of creepy innocence because of the particular language you used. 

Thank you for sharing this Fire. Things like this should be shared, so people are made away of how disgusting stuff like that is. Thank you for sharing.


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 27, 2015)

well..yeah.. this is distasteful... and like you said..so are the actions of this sick psycho peeking creeper... Hammy, your comments are always so honest and completely charming... Thank you!


----------



## Thaumiel (Oct 27, 2015)

It was dark, I liked it...

I always read your pieces and struggle to come up with anything I feel really needs to be said because everyone gets there before me


----------



## am_hammy (Oct 27, 2015)

Firemajic said:


> well..yeah.. this is distasteful... and like you said..so are the actions of this sick psycho peeking creeper... Hammy, your comments are always so honest and completely charming... Thank you!




I'm glad you wrote it though Fire. For awareness and whatever else for. It's brave of you =)


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 27, 2015)

Hahaa.. Thanks James, I am pleased that you read.. and any comment is fabulous...

Thank you hammy... I am too scared to be a coward..haha...


----------



## Phase (Oct 27, 2015)

It feels kind of wrong to say that I enjoyed it, the emotions running through that poem is unending. WELL DONE


----------



## Firemajic (Oct 27, 2015)

Heeeey Phase.. whatsup??? Thanks for commenting... Fabulous to see you creeping around the poetry thread..lol.. [ sorrrry, could not resist teasing you..] don't be a stranger, I have missed you...


----------

