# Surrendering the ship



## writetobreathe213 (Aug 20, 2008)

I don't think I realized how much everything was changing until my sister, drunk, obnoxious, and loud burst into the apartment, and in that moment, it was no longer my safe haven it was hers.
The apartment is not much, just the one bedroom residence of two brothers, both friends of my brother and I, but for me, it's the place I go when my very large immediate family, and their various troubles, gets to me. There's no cable, phone line, internet, just a TV, a video game system, a VCR, stereo and DVD player, there's a mattress in the bedroom no one sleeps on, and three couches and a recliner in the living room where everyone does. There's hardly any food, and we live on take-out, but there's been one bad time, and a million good times in that apartment. 
That all changed when the younger of the two brothers, and the one I like the most joined the Marines, now he's staying at a friend's closer to the recruitment office, and the apartment is only lived in by the older brother, a guy I've really only tolerated because of mine and his brothers. 
A few weeks ago, I was at my house, in need of a ride to the apartment, and my sister came in, weepy, and depressed, her husband, a guy she's been with for the last decade, kicked her out. 
'Come with me' I told her, 'Eat some tacos, hang out. That apartment has healing powers it really does.'
So she came, and when she was out of the room I looked at my friends "She's going through a hard time" I told them "Be nice to her"
That night something changed in the air, divine intervention, fates emerging, or whatever it was, that's when it all started shifting. The next morning my best friend tells me he's joining the Marines, and then my sister, my beloved sister, thinks she's suddenly BFFs with these guys.
So, a week or so later, she ends up kissing the older of the two brothers on the couch, starting an affair with a guy ten years her junior, and turning the apartment world into her own. Now that my guy is gone, the older brother would much rather see the sister he's canoodling with, and my world is lost.
It seems there's only one thing I can do, and that is to surrender, go without a fight, or even a sound, cut my losses and sail out on my own, into some new destiny. :-({|=


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## SacredCircle (Aug 24, 2008)

Perhaps I have not had enough coffee yet today, but I am not sure what this is. Just a short story about your life? An intro to someone's bio?


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## SparkyLT (Aug 24, 2008)

It's well-written, but like SacredCircle says...what is it, exactly?


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## writetobreathe213 (Aug 24, 2008)

SparkyLT said:


> It's well-written, but like SacredCircle says...what is it, exactly?



Well let's just say I was extremely peed off for being woke up, so I had to start writing to calm down, and this was the result. So it's a journal I guess


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## SparkyLT (Aug 24, 2008)

Ah, ok, cool.


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## wacker (Sep 4, 2008)

Well it a nice entry log into your journal. However, if you want to turn it into a short story or something more, I would start by adding something of interest and relevance to the title. Take for instance the TITANIC. You could elaborate on it surrendering itself to the deepest darkest waters of the Atlantic ocean (or whatever ocean finally claimed it as its victim.) Also how for decades it remained hidden at the bottom of the ocean. Or what it must be like for some of the surviving passengers to see it being filmed for the first time since its maiden voyage. How their memories may be masked by age, compared to when they first told their stories back in 1912.

This is just an example of what you could talk about with the title you gave it.

All the same best of luck with your re-editing (or expansion) of your story.


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