# Of Turtles and Tides



## Firemajic (Sep 8, 2014)

On her lonely maiden voyage,
she swims the ocean vast,
endangered Logger Head Queen
comes ashore at last.

On this ancestral beach,
in this faraway land,
she lays her leathery eggs
in the sun warmed sand.

She slips into the twilight tide,
disappears beneath the waves
leaving behind her precious eggs
buried in a shallow grave.

Her ancient shell is adorned
with tiny barnacle gems
that twinkle in the moonbeams
as she peacefully swims.

cradled in the water warm
she rides the Humboldt Stream,
drifting above the coral reefs,
this nomadic Turtle Queen.

Then she sees something
she has never seen before,
a net comes from the waves above,
down to the ocean floor.

Entangled, she's held captive,
above the kelp bed green,
such a cruel, needless death
for this majestic Turtle Queen...


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## toddm (Sep 8, 2014)

good, I'm the first to review : )

This is astounding, a nice surprise - I loved it from the alliterated title on down. Your word choice and beautiful imagery is well done, especially in stanzas 4 & 5. The ending caught me off guard, but didn't ruin it : ) nice work!
---todd


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## Ethan (Sep 9, 2014)

the flow of the words adds a serenity to the poem which captures perfectly the essence of these beautiful creatures. I was both enchanted and saddened by the story unfolded here.
Just as I'm supposed to be; Beautiful .


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## Gargh (Sep 9, 2014)

You have a really gentle tone here and I enjoy the swaying rhythm of it and the picture painted. I've suggested a few small things below that might make it a little tighter; areas where I just bumped out of the ride a little bit when I read it... if you want feedback? I'm never sure when people post in this section whether they just want to share for pleasure or would like feedback.  



Firemajic said:


> On her lonely maiden voyage,
> she swims the ocean vast,
> endangered Logger Head Queen
> comes ashore at last.
> ...


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## Firemajic (Sep 9, 2014)

Todd- I am thrilled that you liked this--but I miss your red pencil marks [lol]. Thank you for reading and commenting.


Ethan--Thank you , I am happy that you understood the serenity I was going for,which hopefully made the end of this poem just that much more poignant. I know that is not cool to write about the Fishermen's nets, but I can't help myself...

Gargh--Thank you for reading and commenting--you hit every point in this poem that is bothering me--except'"the kelp bed green"--that is where these turtles rest, [and I just like the sound of it--lol]. And yes, the shallow grave line is portentous--the tiny hatchlings have an uncretain future at best. All suggestions are indeed welcome,and if you can think of replacement words, I will consider that as wonderful help. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Peace...Jul


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## shedpog329 (Sep 9, 2014)

aw poor turtle, need more wild life preserves.  well written:queen:


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## Firemajic (Sep 10, 2014)

shedpog329--Thanks for reading and commenting. Peace...Jul


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## Nellie (Sep 10, 2014)

Jul, Very gentle way with words. Love the way you speak of the turtle's captivity. Well done.


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## Kevin (Sep 10, 2014)

Nice one, great subject... got me thinking of all kinds of options playing with it.


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## PiP (Sep 10, 2014)

Beautiful, J  I agree with the points aalreadyraised by Gargh


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## jenthepen (Sep 10, 2014)

I love the rhythm - like the motion of a boat on a calm ocean. 
I think the snags are all about syllable count. 'She _rides_ the Humbolt Stream' might work better? and, possibly, change the words around in the last stanza to preserve the rhythm - such as;
Entangled - she's held captive,
above the kelp bed green'

But, whatever you decide, this is a lovely empathetic poem and I enjoyed reading it.

Jen


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## Cyborg (Sep 10, 2014)

Powerful and with point. It is direct, but it is beautiful, and the beauty is purposeful. Eloquent, and I'm not sure where I'd change it. It rolls of the tongue well, very suited for reading.


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## Megookin (Sep 11, 2014)

You do like tragedy don't you!  Well written.


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## Firemajic (Sep 11, 2014)

Nellie- - I am always pleased when you comment on my work, you always seem to pick up the subtle nuances.  Thank you.

Kevin--thank you! and please feel free to" play" away...I would love to see what you would do...

PiP--thank you for reading. I too Gargh's advice to heart and made some changes.

jen--I made the changes you suggested and I love the improvement. Thank you.

Cyborg--thank you for reading and commenting. I love that you said my poem was eloquent. Welcome to WF, I am looking forward to reading your work.

Megookin--thank you for reading--I don't really like tragedy--but I have seen alot of it, most likely why I am drawn to write about it...Thanks for your comments, and welcome to WF. Hope to be reading your work soon.

Thanks for those who clicked the "like" Button.  Peace...Jul


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## E. Zamora (Sep 11, 2014)

Darn! I was rooting for the turtle. Late to the party on this one, so nothing to say but good job.


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## Firemajic (Sep 12, 2014)

Esteban--the party does not start until you arrive! I am still rooting for these endangered turtles... Thank you for reading. Peace...Jul


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