# Swamp description



## Jcrazy99 (Oct 4, 2015)

This was no glade. The fallen trees and branches all sung together creating the wet Eden that seemed so cleverly placed by some unknown power. The ancient Cypress trees brittle facade was no secret when one looked up to see the towering life force of each tree slowly leaving as the vines twisted beautifully around their infected trunks of decay and moss. As if two pictures joined one above the other, the moon painted in just added to the mood while the colors disappearing into the night slowly cascading away as the sun finished setting. 


Thanks for reading and any comments. Have a great time writing everyone.


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## KellInkston (Oct 4, 2015)

Lovely- though I think the "the moon painted in just added" is a tad conversational and might brush a bit hard against the more literary style of the rest of the passage, I think.

Everything else is perfect in my opinion. You're talented!


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## Jcrazy99 (Oct 4, 2015)

Wow, thanks for the compliment. I wondered about that moon part too some when I wrote it. Just left it though. Thanks again. I'm going to try another swamp description another time soon, there fun.


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## Ephemeral_One (Oct 4, 2015)

This was no glade. The fallen trees and branches all sung together  creating the wet Eden that seemed so cleverly placed by some unknown  power. (Personally, I like the way you started but I think you might want to go with your initial metaphor. Something like: _all sung together into marshy chorus. A soggy, angel sung Eden that was perfectly placed by some unknown Maestro._) The ancient Cypress tree's brittle facade was no secret when one  looked up. To see the towering life force of each tree slowly being drained as  the vines twisted beautifully_ (I'd actually cut out Beautifully here.)_ around their infected trunks of decay and  moss. As if two pictures joined one above the other, the moon painted in  just added to the mood while the colors disappearing into the night  slowly cascading away as the sun finished setting. 

The piece shows promise and is overall alright. I just see where the overall can be strengthened by a wider vocabulary to evoke images in the reader's mind.


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## Dreamer (Oct 4, 2015)

Jcrazy99 said:


> This was no glade. The fallen trees and branches all sung together creating the wet Eden that seemed so cleverly placed by some unknown power. The ancient Cypress trees brittle facade was no secret when one looked up to see the towering life force of each tree slowly leaving as the vines twisted beautifully around their infected trunks of decay and moss. As if two pictures joined one above the other, the moon painted in just added to the mood while the colors disappearing into the night slowly cascading away as the sun finished setting.



It's nice if a little clichéd. 

- vines twisted beautifully around their infected trunks of decay and moss - which is it? Decay is not beautiful and most mosses are dull green or brown. Most swamp vine doesn't twist, it strangles and then hangs down from branches, etc. 


Just a little reworking, not as good as I can make it but I am tried right now and have a 12 hr shift tomorrow. It gives an idea how a little rewording can work. 

_Ancient Cypress trees loomed out of the murky water. Their brittle bark was weathered and pitted, scored by the marks of nature and man alike. But they had stood the test of time and won. Few dared venture this deep into the glen anymore. Only the very foolish or the very brave. Or the very dull. Here and there clumps of moss clung desperately, filling the moist air with the scent of decay. Unconcerned a speckled frog, all brown skin and beige dots, blinked lazily as swarm of gnats wandered by. Overhead an howl hooted welcome to the rising moon, its soft ochre glow casting shadows where there hadn't been ones before._


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## Jcrazy99 (Oct 4, 2015)

I started off trying to make the swamp sound nice and pretty lol.. then ended up with that right there. Thanks for the writing tips. great job too.


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