# I Woke Up



## lmc71775 (Apr 15, 2011)

Here's a little snippet from my memoir


April  15, 2011

*I Woke Up*

It takes a while for me to warm up, awaken myself into the day.  Today I woke up at 4:05a.m.  It’s now 7:54.  So that is roughly 4 hours?  Yeah pretty bad isn’t it?  Especially when you are the first to wake up, then have to wake the kids for school and then, wah-lah, what do you do then?  I don’t have anywhere else to go.  Within a few months time this house will be gone.  Done.

My favorite place to sit is where I’m sitting now, upstairs at the computer either reading something online, petting my cat or watching out the window.  Right now there’s a man walking across the street.  He has a satchel with him, like he has a place to go—a destination, unlike me.   Unlike him.

He is still sleeping and will hopefully for quite a while.  Hopefully just enough to give me some breathing room.  There wasn’t a word spoken between us.  And the night before, was the famous F you.  That was two words.  And now it’s going on the third day.  But I unfortunately had to break the silence when I had asked for the card.

“Can I please have the card,” I had politely asked.  This was after I entered the bedroom and paced around a bit while he lay sleeping.

So he wrestles around in the bed and I ask again, maybe he didn’t hear me, I thought to myself.  “So can I?”

“For what?” he groaned.

“I have nothing to make for the lunches for the kids,” I said.  This wasn’t entirely true.  We did have bread and maybe peanut-butter.  But no drinks, no snacks, and no chips, which I usually bag up for them.

So what does he do?  He doesn’t give me the card.  But he does give me a few bucks—eight dollars to be exact.  I’m thinking okay, so I can’t get the debit card again, for yet another day, even though my disability money goes on that card.  The account that I am not on.  Eight dollars for the day.  I asked only once and won’t be asking again.

Instead I am trying to find other ways.  Yes, my money will be coming back to me, thank you very much.  Luckily I opened an account and will now have the direct deposit going into only my account.  So he will get a rude awakening when he finds that out.

So I’m awake four hours now.  When will he get up?  Who knows?  Last night he stayed up till 2 in the morning.  So if I am lucky it won’t be till 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

Eight dollars to my name, and already I spent it on the kids and the cat.  It’s gone.  Done.  Like the house will be.  And like our marriage will be too.  Wait till he gets the rude awakening that I woke up, spoke up and voiced my opinion in the first time in a long long time.  Wait till he finds out, I am not surrendering again.  I have a voice.  I have an opinion.  If I disagree, I will let you know.

I finally realized my voice will carry on with me, whether I say it or keep it in, or better yet, write it out.  Days he will not want to hear my voice, not want to know what is going on in my mind.  Little does he know I express it in other ways.  Breathe.  Yes, I breathe too.  But don’t worry honey, I won’t breathe on you.  Mums the word.  You can stay sleeping while I am finally wide awake.


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## garza (Apr 15, 2011)

This 'little snippet' is enough to make me want to read more. Two or three small adjustments might be needed to make the picture clearer at the beginning, but by the end the reader is fully aware of what's going on. Cheering, too. So maybe you shouldn't change a word.

This is good. Sad, potentially heartbreaking, but very good.


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## lmc71775 (Apr 16, 2011)

Thanks so much, makes me want to continue.  that's all I really need right now.  much appreciate


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## tornskate (Apr 20, 2011)

Wait till he gets the rude awakening that I woke up, spoke up and voiced my opinion for the first time in a long long time.

The only mistake I could find. 

Other than that, very good! Can't wait to read more!


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## kennyc (May 2, 2011)

garza said:


> This 'little snippet' is enough to make me want to read more. Two or three small adjustments might be needed to make the picture clearer at the beginning, but by the end the reader is fully aware of what's going on. Cheering, too. So maybe you shouldn't change a word.
> 
> This is good. Sad, potentially heartbreaking, but very good.


 

Yes. This totally enthralled me. 

Great capture of the state of affairs, the emotions, the situation.


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