# Spirit



## playerpiano (Dec 13, 2011)

Flame in utter darkness, you compel a sea of interminable possibilities with every motion 
and oblivion touches that potential only succeeding in carving a path for you. 
The embers of the big bang smolder inside you. You are life.


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## bearycool (Dec 13, 2011)

This is a pretty deep poem, but the structure of it takes away from it. I think this can be split up a bit more and maybe even added on to.


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## scott777ab777 (Dec 16, 2011)

I like it.  A lot. 
Here's my play on what you have said.  I tend to use simple words, simply because my vocab is not that great. I am not trying to put your poem down.  I really like it, that is the only reason I even say something.  I only tried to do this because of bearycool's comment. 

Spirit  (Retake)

Flames in Darkness.
Endless Possibilities.
Motion and oblivion.
Potential of Success.
Carving thy Path.
Big-Bang Embers.
Smolder Within.
You are life.


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## doghouse reilly (Dec 16, 2011)

I liked the poem also, but I'll agree it would help if you changed the structure.  Also, the word "interminable" really stops the flow for me.  A shorter, simpler word might work better.  I'll admit that plain, Anglo-Saxon English works better for me.  Otherwise, great stuff.

doghouse reilly


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