# Christmas Memory 1141 words



## cassie30 (Dec 18, 2015)

As Christmas approached Jane begun to remember the Christmases when her grandparents on both sides of the family were alive. The trip down memory lane brought a tear to her eyes. Then the memories began to flow. Jane remembered that Grandma and Grandpa Koch always had a tree in the corner of the living room just off the TV.  Just above the old fashioned record player was this display shelf that held all kinds of decorations throughout the year. But at Christmas it held Christmas bulbs and little doodads.

            The house was cozy and comfy all year long but especially at Christmas time Grandma Kovacs loved to bake all kinds of Hungarian pastries like kiffles. Her kiffles were always so light and fluffy. Grandma Kovacs would bake for days in advance to make sure everything was ready in time for Christmas Eve dinner. 

            Jane then thought about how her family prepared to go church on Christmas Eve. There was the nap in the afternoon. Then they would open one or two Christmas presents with her parents Julie and Robert. Then it upstairs to dress for church.

The Christmas tree in Jane’s house was usually in between the two couches they had at the time. On the tree were an assortment of ornaments topped with lighted star. One such ornament was a raggedy Ann and Andy baby’s first Christmas for Jane. It was put on the tree every year since 1976. 

            Jane’s dad drives them to the church. Once they arrive they sit in the back pew and wait for the candle light service to begin. Just then the church choir marches into the church singing the first Christmas song of the night. As Jane grows she would join her church children’s choir and join the procession. And at age 13 or so Jane would join the adult choir.

            After church it’s dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs’s house. Dinner usually consisted of Hungarian stuffed cabbage and ham. There was a lot of food to go around. After dinner it’s presents for everyone. 

            Jane is the most excited for the presents. But as usual there is some fighting going on. Being the peacemaker that she is Grandma Koch steps in. Grandma Kovacs hates any and all fighting.  She must have been upset when her eldest son, Jane’s uncle Paul joined the navy. 

            After a goodnight’s rest the next day around noon Jane, her brother Robert Junior, and her parents would drive to Grandma and Grandpa Stewart’s house. The house was decked out in all its Christmas glory. With its tall Christmas tree with all ornaments from through the years. Some of which are handmade. 

            To start since dinner is cooking we gather in the living room and talk while the turkey finishes cooking.  As the final preparation goes on in the kitchen, we try to get Grandma Stewart to relax and sit down a bit.

            Then we gather around the dining room table were everyone enjoys a good meal. Aunt Mary is slowest one to eat dinner. While everyone else has moved on to desert Aunt Mary is still eating dinner. After dinner we open gifts and chat for a little while longer. Then Jane’s dad makes the drive home before it gets too dark as he doesn’t like to drive in the dark.

            One particular Christmas stands out to Jane. It was the Christmas of 1994. What makes that one different is Jane’s cousin Wendy is pregnant with a child. Uncle Paul and Cousin Wendy fight over who the father of the child is. Wendy insist Chris isn’t the father and Uncle Paul insist Chris should be told that he is a father. Again the ever peacemaker grandma Kovacs steps in and tries to stop the fighting between father and daughter.  Needless to say it was a tense Christmas for all. 

            But as time went on Jane began to dislike Christmas and all its commercialism. It wasn’t about Jesus at all. When did Christmas become more about the getting and giving of gifts then about Jesus Jane began to wonder. 

Then one year Jane’s dad introduced her to his co-worker Earl. Who was supposed to be ten years older than her? Jane had just quit her job.  So, after the initial meeting Jane asked Earl to join her family at church to hear her sing. Jane was 24 and Earl was 35. Earl was going 36 in January. Earl had agreed to that. 

By this time grandma Kovacs had died and all that was left Grandpa Kovacs  and grandma, and Grandpa Stewart.  Grandma Kovacs died in February 1995.  Jane still felt she had less and less Christmas spirit as the years went by. 

Jane felt so depressed that just going down to open presents with her family left a bad taste in her mouth. But nonetheless she continued the tradition till she was 27. Just after her 27[SUP]th[/SUP] birthday in 2003 she started asking her friend a girl named Coffee John about her religion. Jane grew up protestant Presbyterian and Coffee John is a Jehovah’s Witness. 

So in 2003 Jane started studying the Bible with a lady named Lisa Donald. So, Lisa helped Jane see the true meaning of Christmas. With a thorough search of the Bible and Bible based publications used back then Jane began to see that Jesus and Christmas didn’t even coincide. 
By December 2005 Jane was baptized as one Jehovah’s Witnesses herself. Christmas took on a new meaning for her. Now she was alone in her found faith. However, in 2010 Jane’s mom Julie got baptized as well? 

Living with her in religiously divided house is hard on Jane. At times she feels that she has to put up a brave front in order to survive. Even though Jane dearly loves her father and brother something just tugs at her. Jane remembers the joy she had when she celebrated Christmas with her family.  But at the same time as the years went the joy seemed to diminish when you knew what you were getting for Christmas. 

As the years went by Jane didn’t regret not celebrating Christmas it saved her money. But she still had mixed emotions when it came to the holiday season. She knew what the Bible said about Christmas and the holidays in general. 

Then one September a co-worker a girl named May Cassandra who convinced Jane to buy her a birthday present for her. So, Jane went online and bought May some CD’s for her birthday despite her initial resolve to say no to May.

Then as time went on Jane thought to buy a gift for May but it was in December close to Christmas. Jane then went and bout two more gifts for May.  Jane had idea what was getting into her. Was Jane’s Christmas spirit returning even though it shouldn’t? 

 This is supposed to be fiction but it is based on fact.


----------



## GVictoria (Dec 21, 2015)

I noticed that there weren't any commas, and it switched between past and present tense. Some corrections:

As Christmas approached*,* Jane begun to remember the *past* Christmases when her grandparents *from* both sides of the family were *still* alive. The trip down memory lane brought a tear to her eyes *, and then* the memories began to flow. Jane remembered that Grandma and Grandpa Koch always had a tree in the corner of the living room just off the TV. Above the old fashioned record player was this display shelf that held all kinds of decorations throughout the year. But at Christmas*,* it held Christmas bulbs and little doodads.

The house was cozy and comfy all year long but *during* Christmas*,* Grandma Kovacs loved to bake all kinds of Hungarian pastries like kiffles. Her kiffles were always so light and fluffy. Grandma Kovacs would bake for days in advance to make sure everything was ready in time for Christmas Eve dinner. 

Jane then thought about how her family prepared to go church on Christmas Eve. There was the nap in the afternoon*,* then they would open one or two Christmas presents with her parents Julie and Robert. *After that, they go* upstairs to dress for church.

The Christmas tree in Jane’s house was usually in between the two couches they had at the time. On the tree *was* an assortment of ornaments topped with lighted star. One such ornament was a raggedy Ann and Andy baby’s first Christmas for Jane. It was put on the tree every year since 1976. 

Jane’s dad *drove* them to the church. Once they arrived*,* they *would* sit in the back pew and wait for the candle light service to begin. *And* then*,* the church choir *would march* into the church singing the first Christmas song of the night. As Jane *grew older**,* she *joined* her church*'s* children’s choir and the procession. And at age 13 or so*,* Jane *joined* the adult choir.

After church*,* it’s dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs’s house. Dinner usually consisted of Hungarian stuffed cabbage and ham. There was a lot of food to go around. *And* after dinner*,* it’s presents for everyone. 

Jane *was* the most excited for the presents. But as usual*,* there *would be* some fighting going on. Being the peacemaker that she is Grandma Koch steps in. Grandma Kovacs hates any and all fighting. She must have been upset when her eldest son, Jane’s uncle Paul joined the navy. 

After a goodnight’s rest*,* Jane, her brother Robert Junior, and her parents would drive to Grandma and Grandpa Stewart’s house *the next day around noon*. The house was decked out in all its Christmas glory with its tall Christmas tree with all ornaments from through the years*,* some of which are handmade. 

To start*,* since dinner *was still* cooking*,* *they would* gather in the living room and talk while the turkey finishes cooking. As the final preparation goes on in the kitchen, *they would* try to get Grandma Stewart to relax and sit down a bit.

Then *they would* gather around the dining room table *where* everyone *would enjoy* a good meal. Aunt Mary *was always* slowest one to eat dinner. While everyone else *had* moved on to desert*,* Aunt Mary *was* still eating dinner. After *dinner* we *would* open gifts and chat for a little while longer. Then Jane’s dad makes the drive home before it gets too dark as he doesn’t like to drive in the dark.

One particular Christmas *stood* out to Jane. It was the Christmas of 1994. What *made* that one different is *that* Jane’s cousin Wendy *was* pregnant with a child. Uncle Paul and Cousin Wendy *fought* over who the father of the child is. Wendy *insisted* Chris isn’t the father and Uncle Paul *said that* Chris should be told that he is a father. Again the ever peacemaker*,* Grandma Kovacs *stepped* in and *tried* to stop the fighting between father and daughter. Needless to say it was a tense Christmas for all. 

But as time went on*,* Jane began to dislike Christmas and all its commercialism. It wasn’t about Jesus at all. When did Christmas become more about the getting and giving of gifts then about Jesus Jane began to wonder. 

Then one year *later,* Jane’s dad introduced her to his co-worker Earl*,* who was supposed to be ten years older than her*.* Jane had just quit her job* then*. So, after the initial meeting*,* Jane asked Earl to join her family at church to hear her sing. Jane was 24 *then* and Earl was 35. Earl was going 36 in January. Earl had agreed to that. 

By this time*,* Grandma Kovacs had died and all that was left *was* Grandpa Kovacs, and Grandma and Grandpa Stewart. Grandma Kovacs died *on* February 1995. Jane still felt she had less and less Christmas spirit as the years went by. 

Jane felt so depressed that just going down to open presents with her family left a bad taste in her mouth. But nonetheless she continued the tradition till she was 27. Just after her 27th birthday in 2003*,* she started asking her friend*,* a girl named Coffee John*,* about her religion. Jane grew up protestant Presbyterian and Coffee John is a Jehovah’s Witness. 

So in 2003*,* Jane started studying the Bible with a lady named Lisa Donald. So Lisa helped Jane see the true meaning of Christmas. With a thorough search of the Bible and Bible based publications used back then*,* Jane began to see that Jesus and Christmas didn’t even coincide. 
By December 2005*,* Jane was baptized as one *of* Jehovah’s Witnesses herself. Christmas took on a new meaning for her. Now she was alone in her found faith. However, in 2010*,* Jane’s mom Julie got baptized as well. 

Living with her religiously divided house is hard on Jane. At times*,* she feels that she has to put up a brave front in order to survive. Even though Jane dearly loves her father and brother something just tugs at her. Jane remembers the joy she had when she celebrated Christmas with her family. But at the same time*,* as the years went*,* the joy seemed to diminish when you knew what you were getting for Christmas. 

As the years went by*,* Jane didn’t regret not celebrating Christmas *as* it saved her money. But she still had mixed emotions when it came to the holiday season. She knew what the Bible said about Christmas and the holidays in general. 

Then one September*,* a co-worker*,* a girl named May Cassandra*,* convinced Jane to buy her a birthday present. So Jane went online and bought May some CD’s for her birthday despite her initial resolve to say no to May.

Then as time went on Jane thought *of buying* a gift for May but it was in December*,* close to Christmas. Jane then went and *bought* two more gifts for May. Jane had *an* idea what was getting into her. Was Jane’s Christmas spirit returning even though it shouldn’t?


So yeah, when you talk about the past, it should be past or past perfect tense. And the almost complete lack of commas. Those punctuations are very important, because without them, a sentence could have different meaning. There were also one or two repetitive prepositions in consecutive sentences. It doesn't sound right and is redundant.


----------



## cassie30 (Dec 21, 2015)

Thanks I just sat down and typed which something I usually don't do. I usually pre-write first.


----------



## Hairball (Dec 29, 2015)

cassie30 said:


> Thanks I just sat down and typed which something I usually don't do. I usually pre-write first.



I do that sometimes. I like it!


----------



## cassie30 (Jan 17, 2016)

Any advice for this aspiring author.


----------



## bdcharles (Jan 18, 2016)

Hi,

It's an early draft; next step is polishing it. Some questions to ask yourself is: does it convey, to you, the exact things you want it to convey? If not, why not? How does it fall short? Answer those to pinpoint the areas to work on, and then set about making them the way you want them.

Some things for me that jumped out are, taking the first paragraph as an example:

As Christmas approached Jane begun to remember the Christmases _[<-repetition of Christmas]_ when her  grandparents on both sides of the family _[<- is this necessary] _ were alive. The trip down  memory lane brought a tear to her eyes. Then the memories _[<- repetition of memories]_ began to flow.  Jane remembered _[<- repetition of "Jame remembered / Jane begn to remember; and do we need to know that Jane is remembering this, having been told three times that this is a memory. State it as is]_ that Grandma and Grandpa Koch always had a tree in the  corner of the living room just off the TV _[<- what does "just off the TV" mean? next to the TV? Advertised on TV?]_ .  Just above _[<- repetition of structure : just off / just above]_ the old fashioned  record player was this _[<- "this" is very conversational, not so much for writing]_ display shelf that held all kinds of decorations  throughout the year. But at Christmas it held Christmas _[<- repetition]_  bulbs and  little doodads. _[<- what is a doodad? paint us a picture]_.

So with these fairly minor corrections and a bit more detail it might turn into:

As the holiday approached Jane settled into her favourite chair, a scuffed and tattered thing upholstered in homey shades and imported from Italy, remembering the Christmases when her  grandparents were alive. A solitary tear pearled in her eye. She smiled as she thought of Grandma Koch telling them fairy-stories, or Grandpa Kovacs singing carols in his coppery baritone. Grandma and Grandpa Koch had always had a tree in the  corner of the living room just behind the TV. Above their old Steepletone record player, delicate adornments lined up on a mahogany shelf; throughout the year an array of different ornaments and trinkets vied for space on its carved surface, but at Christmastime it held bulbs, little lights and twinkling miniatures of the season.

Hope this helps and gives you some ideas to play with


----------



## cassie30 (Feb 10, 2016)

As Christmas approached, Jane begun to remember the past Christmases when her grandparents on both sides of the family were alive. The trip down memory lane brought a tear to her eyes, and then the memories began to flow. Jane remembered that Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs always had a tree in the corner of the living room just off the TV.   Above the old fashioned record player was this display shelf that held all kinds of decorations throughout the year. But at Christmas, it held Christmas bulbs and little doodads.

            The house was cozy and comfy all year long but especially at Christmas, time Grandma Kovacs loved to bake all kinds of Hungarian pastries like kiffles. Her kiffles were always so light and fluffy. Grandma Kovacs would bake for days in advance to make sure everything was ready in time for Christmas Eve dinner.

            Jane then thought about how her family prepared to go church on Christmas Eve. There was the nap in the afternoon, then they would open one or two Christmas presents with her parents Julie and Robert. After that, they go upstairs to dress for church.

            The Christmas tree in Jane’s house was usually in between the two couches they had at the time. On the tree were an assortment of ornaments topped with lighted star. One such ornament was a raggedy Ann and Andy baby’s first Christmas for Jane. It was put on the tree every year since 1976. 

            Jane’s dad drives them to the church. Once they arrived, they sit in the back pew and wait for the candle light service to begin. And then, the church choir marches into the church singing the first Christmas song of the night. As Jane grew older, she would joined her church children’s choir and join the procession. And at age 13 or so, Jane would join the adult choir.
            After church, it’s dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs’s house. Dinner usually consisted of Hungarian stuffed cabbage and ham. There was a lot of food to go around. After dinner, it’s presents for everyone.

            Jane is the most excited for the presents. But as usual, there is some fighting going on. Being the peacemaker that she is Grandma Kovacs steps in. Grandma Kovacs hates any and all fighting.  She must have been upset when her eldest son, Jane’s uncle Paul joined the navy. 

            After a goodnight’s rest, Jane, her brother Robert Junior, and her parents would drive to Grandma and Grandpa Stewart’s house the next day around noon. The house was decked out in all its Christmas glory. With its tall Christmas tree with all ornaments from through the years. Some of which are handmade. 
            To start, since dinner is cooking, they would gather in the living room and talk while the turkey finishes cooking.  As the final preparation goes on in the kitchen, we try to get Grandma Stewart to relax and sit down a bit. 

            Then we gather around the dining room table were everyone enjoys a good meal. Aunt Mary is slowest one to eat dinner. While everyone else has moved on to desert Aunt Mary is still eating dinner. After dinner we open gifts and chat for a little while longer. Then Jane’s dad makes the drive home before it gets too dark as he doesn’t like to drive in the dark.
            One particular Christmas stands out to Jane. It was the Christmas of 1994. What makes that one different is Jane’s cousin Wendy is pregnant with a child. Uncle Paul and Cousin Wendy fight over who the father of the child is. Wendy insist Chris isn’t the father and Uncle Paul insist Chris should be told that he is a father. Again the ever peacemaker, Grandma Kovacs steps in and tries to stop the fighting between father and daughter.  Needless to say it was a tense Christmas for all. 
            But as time went on, Jane began to dislike Christmas and all its commercialism. It wasn’t about Jesus at all. When did Christmas become more about the getting and giving of gifts then about Jesus Jane began to wonder. 

A few years later, Jane’s dad introduced her to his co-worker Earl, Who was supposed to be ten years older than her.  Jane had just quit her job.  So, after the initial meeting, Jane asked Earl to join her family at church to hear her sing. Jane was 24 and earl was 35. Earl was going 36 in January. Earl had agreed to that. 
By this time, Grandma Kovacs had died and all that was left Grandpa Kovacs, and Grandma, and Grandpa Stewart.  Grandma Kovacs died in February 1995.  Jane still felt she had less and less Christmas spirit as the years went by.

Jane felt so depressed that just going down to open presents with her family left a bad taste in her mouth. But nonetheless she continued the tradition till she was 27. Just after her 27[SUP]th[/SUP] birthday in 2003 she started asking her friend a girl named Coffee John about her religion. Jane grew up protestant Presbyterian and Coffee John is a Jehovah’s Witness. 

So in 2003, Jane started studying the Bible with a lady named Lisa Donald. So Lisa helped Jane see the true meaning of Christmas. With a thorough search of the Bible and Bible based publications used back then, Jane began to see that Jesus and Christmas didn’t even coincide. 
By December 2005, Jane was baptized as one Jehovah’s Witnesses herself. Christmas took on a new meaning for her. Now she was alone in her found faith. However, in 2010, Jane’s mom Julie got baptized as well.

Living with her in religiously divided house is hard on Jane. At times, she feels that she has to put up a brave front in order to survive. Even though Jane dearly loves her father and brother something just tugs at her. Jane remembers the joy she had when she celebrated Christmas with her family.  But at the same time, as the years went the joy seemed to diminish when you knew what you were getting for Christmas. 

As the years went by, Jane didn’t regret not celebrating Christmas it saved her money. But she still had mixed emotions when it came to the holiday season. She knew what the Bible said about Christmas and the holidays in general. 

Then one September, a co-worker, a girl named May Cassandra, who convinced Jane to buy her a birthday present for her. So Jane went online and bought May some CD’s for her birthday despite her initial resolve to say no to May.

Then as time went on Jane thought to buy a gift for May but it was in December, close to Christmas. Jane then went and bout two more gifts for May.  Jane had idea what was getting into her. Was Jane’s Christmas spirit returning even though it shouldn’t? 

Some minor corrections.


----------



## Jack of all trades (Feb 25, 2016)

This is mostly telling us about her memories of Christmas. If you're ready, the next step is to turn this into a story of a particular Christmas, or a few Christmases, complete with dialog. Take us through the scenes and let the story convey the information.


----------



## cassie30 (Apr 5, 2016)

As the holiday approached, Jane settled into her  favorite chair a tattered and torn thing upholstered in beautiful shades of blue and imputed from France , remembering  the Christmases’ when her were alive. A solitary tear gathered in her eye. She smile at the memory of Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs always had a tree in corner of living room right next to the TV.  Above the old RCA record player, delicate adornments lined up on the glass shelf, throughout the year an array of different ornaments and trinkets took up space on its surface, but Christmastime it held bulbs, and little miniatures of the season.   Any thoughts on this paragraph


----------



## Harper J. Cole (Apr 9, 2016)

Hi there, *cassie30*. There's a few tweaks I think you could make; let's look at it line by line.




> As the holiday approached, Jane settled into her favorite chair a tattered and torn thing upholstered in beautiful shades of blue and imputed from France , remembering the Christmases’ when her were alive.



I think you may mean "imported" rather than "imputed", and "when her grandparents were alive". I'd also suggest a comma after the word "chair", as there seems to be a natural pause here. You don't need an apostrophe for "Christmases", as it is a plural and not possessive here.




> A solitary tear gathered in her eye.



No problems here.




> She smile at the memory of Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs always had a tree in corner of living room right next to the TV.



It's best not to have long sentences without any commas; I'd suggest putting one after "Kovacs", and putting "who" before "always". Also, "smile" should be "smiled", and there should be a "the" before "corner".




> Above the old RCA record player, delicate adornments lined up on the glass shelf, throughout the year an array of different ornaments and trinkets took up space on its surface, but Christmastime it held bulbs, and little miniatures of the season.



Good line - the only suggestion I could make would be to break it into two as it's rather long. Perhaps a period after shelf would work?

Hope that this is helpful!

HC


----------



## patskywriter (Apr 9, 2016)

cassie30 said:


> As Christmas approached Jane begun to remember the Christmases when her grandparents on both sides of the family were alive. The trip down memory lane brought a tear to her eyes. Then the memories began to flow. Jane remembered that Grandma and Grandpa Koch always had a tree in the corner of the living room just off the TV.  Just above the old fashioned record player was this display shelf that held all kinds of decorations throughout the year. But at Christmas it held Christmas bulbs and little doodads. *An interesting detail to add might be the battle for electrical power shared among the TV, record player, lights, and anything else electrical on that side of the room. Some many people had those cheap, brown extension cords tucked away (under curtains, behind sofas, etc).*
> 
> The house was cozy and comfy all year long but especially at Christmas time Grandma Kovacs loved to bake all kinds of Hungarian pastries like kiffles. Her kiffles were always so light and fluffy. Grandma Kovacs would bake for days in advance to make sure everything was ready in time for Christmas Eve dinner. *No mention of long-awaited aromas here …*
> 
> ...


----------



## Jack of all trades (Apr 9, 2016)

cassie30 said:


> As the holiday approached, Jane settled into her  favorite chair a tattered and torn thing upholstered in beautiful shades of blue and imputed from France , remembering  the Christmases’ when her were alive. A solitary tear gathered in her eye. She smile at the memory of Grandma and Grandpa Kovacs always had a tree in corner of living room right next to the TV.  Above the old RCA record player, delicate adornments lined up on the glass shelf, throughout the year an array of different ornaments and trinkets took up space on its surface, but Christmastime it held bulbs, and little miniatures of the season.   Any thoughts on this paragraph




The opening sentence seems awkward to me. By starting with "As the holiday approached..." I'm wondering what holiday. If you are trying to avoid using "Christmas" twice so close together, there are a couple options.

"As the year was coming to a close..." 
or 
"As Christmas approached ... and remembered the holidays of years' past." 
or maybe you can think of another way. 

Even better would be painting the scene as though describing a movie. Maybe Jane walks into the room and settles down in the tattered chair, which looks as worn as Jane feels. Then she looks around and when her gaze lands on a particular spot, scenes from Christmases past replay in her mind. 


I also have a question about the chair. I have the impression that the chair being imported from France is important. Is that importance supposed to be conveying something in this scene, or later in the story? If it's intended to be important here at the beginning, then that is something I'm not getting.

Is the last name Kovacs or Kovac? "The Kovacs" indicates more than one, but it's not necessary to make it plural for "Grandma and Grandpa Kovac" because you are naming them.

And maybe you can tell more about the kind if tree they had. Was it large, touching the ceiling, or smaller, so the grandchildren could do most of the decorating? Was it live, one they chopped down themselves? Did they put it up early in December or late? That kind of thing.

Really paint the scene. Bring the reader into the imaginary world.


----------



## cassie30 (Apr 9, 2016)

Darn spell check changed my word


----------

