# Odd Conspiracies



## MelonRealized (Jun 25, 2016)

Time for some unbelievable conspiracies.

South China Sea Reconnaissance
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Relations between China and the United States are deteriorating. Partially because of trade, partially because of North Korea, but primarily because of the construction and militarization of the Fiery Cross Reef.

​Details of the armaments available to the new military base are disturbing but how did the United States receive such accurate intelligence? At the risk of exposing national security secrets, I must reveal the identity of this super agent. His name is Jackie Chan!
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His set of unique skills allowed him to infiltrate the base undetected and gather detailed plans of the entire structure. He was only discovered during his daring escape. This film clip from a high definition satellite feed shows Jackie, wearing his CIA issue wingsuit, evading guards as he beat a hasty retreat.

Watch the exclusive film clip here:
[video=youtube_share;M3Mn4Fx7kaM]https://youtu.be/M3Mn4Fx7kaM[/video]​
That Jackie Chan, he's unstoppable.


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## MelonRealized (Jun 25, 2016)

*The Tree's Revenge*

Zhaoshu Island, part of the Paracel Islands, is commonly believed to be uninhabited because of the land dispute between China, Taiwan, and Vietnam.
​The real reason is the vengeful attack of the, now sentient, Zhaoshu Island Ancient Cypress trees. After one campfire too many, the trees attacked with no remorse. The few survivors have been sworn to secrecy but this archival footage was accidentally released. This horrific scene is currently only viewable here:


[video=youtube_share;N93YchZsNbA]https://youtu.be/N93YchZsNbA[/video]

​


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## MelonRealized (Jun 25, 2016)

*SPUI (Space Piloting Under the Influence)*

The crash of the UFO at Roswell New Mexico has been a mystery for years. A mystery until now! I will finally  reveal the true facts of the incident. First off, a UFO actually did crash despite the attempt to cover it up. This short film clip I was able to salvage proves it:[video=youtube_share;JMC4NhQKRWI]https://youtu.be/JMC4NhQKRWI[/video]​
I was able to get the true story from sergeant Micky McGregor, M.P. retired. After a few shots of rye to loosen his tongue, he told me how he and his squad pulled an alien from the burning wreckage of it's flying saucer.  It was extremely belligerent and they were forced to lock it in the drunk tank over night. The next morning the alien, with a blistering hangover, claimed it had blacked out and didn't remember anything.
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All of a sudden another space craft from the IHP (Intergalactic Highway Patrol) removed it's cloaking and appeared, bubbles flashing, within the military base. Although the alien breathed nitrogen instead of oxygen and even after a night in the tank, it still blew a 0.18 in the nitro-breathalyzer. After a short discussion over jurisdiction the prisoner was turned over to the IHP. The alien was convicted of space piloting while drunk. It was fined 3000 gloplets, required to attend 15 AAA (Alien Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings, and issued a restricted license only allowing it to pilot from it's home planet to the Great Nebula in Orion and back.

Despite the government cover up, you may now see the sleazy details.


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## MelonRealized (Jun 25, 2016)

*Deadly Swamp Abominations*

Rumors are percolating about new hideous creatures sited around Devil Swamp in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana. A total of 14 citizens and an unknown amount of tourists have disappeared in the last three months. Tensions escalated further when multiple black Escalades carrying nondescript men in dark suits and dark glasses descended onto the Lafourche Crossing Sheriff Department. A total news blackout is in effect but I was able to sneak out this short film clip.[video=youtube_share;Fk-bz2tKAxU]https://youtu.be/Fk-bz2tKAxU[/video]​
Where did these monsters come from? Are they the result of black magic? Are they the result of genetic engineering?
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*This just in: *At great risk to myself I was able to acquire shredded documents from a trash receptacle behind the Sheriff station. From these, I was able to partially reconstruct a top secret document. Dr. Heinrich Gerrymander, a, now rouge, bio-engineer for a secret bio-weapons development project created these creatures in a hidden lab. Breaking all safety protocols, he used a combination of bio-engineering and voodoo to clone these abominations from cells he collected from Gene Simmons' tongue. Can these demons be destroyed? Only time will tell.


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## MelonRealized (Jun 26, 2016)

*Third Grader Behind Bars*

Turkey, a country in turmoil not known for it's freedom of information. This is what Bettie Anne DuBois soon found out while writing a story for the Birmingham Elementary School Student Gazette. She discovered that president Recep Tayyip Erdogan had been a tuba player in the Ankara Junior High School marching band.​
She also discovered that Erdogan had been kicked out for stealing and eating all the band candy (there were no new uniforms that year). While she was uploading her story, officers from the General Directorate of Security smashed down the door and arrested her.
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She was charged with disclosing state secrets and sentenced to five years in prison. In addition, she is required every day to write on a chalkboard 100 times "I will not write mean things about president Erdogan".
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Why hasn't this miscarriage of justice been publicized? Apparently the nations of the European Union and NATO consider their relationship with Turkey tenuous and don't want to increase tensions.

*Update:* The leaders of the nations around the world were preparing to uniformly demand the release of Bettie Anne until Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, vetoed the plan. She was heard to say " Bettie Anne is a bad bad girl and shouldn't write dreadful things about president Erdogan".


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## MelonRealized (Jun 29, 2016)

*A Really Bad Review*

Who better to cover up a news story than a newspaper? The New York Times has done everything to cover up this travesty of justice but I now have the evidence to expose all the seedy details.​
Maria Sanchez, an up and coming modern dancer had somehow secured the disdain of Eli Masterson, the Times dance critic. He attended all of her performances and wrote merciless reviews. Despite his efforts to derail her career, his reviews were ignored and she became increasingly more popular. In interviews, she even had the nerve to refer to him as "the dinosaur of dance". Maria had a performance at the exclusive Club Condor in Guadalajara Mexico.  Eli Masterson attended the show and here's where the cover-up began. She taunted him throughout the performance to the point where he finally cracked. This secret footage revels the events of that evening:
[video=youtube_share;7DgFysU7jds]https://youtu.be/7DgFysU7jds[/video]​
The senior editor had Masterson quickly smuggled out of Mexico and he now resides at the Hutchings Psychiatric Center. The New York Times denies everything. Try And deny it now!


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