# The Devil's last Drink [warning, language]



## Firemajic (Jan 23, 2017)

_*I cursed the empty bottle
saw the dregs of my past
what remains of who I am
rest in the bottom of my glass

I said "Goodbye you sorry Fuckers
this party has been a blast
but the bottle is now empty
the last shot is in my glass"

I lit my last cigarette 
and I raised my shot glass
then drank a toast to my old friends
the demons of my past*_


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## sas (Jan 23, 2017)

I sure would like to see the first line as: 

"Goodbye you sorry Fuckers"

(I would not say: "I said". In fact, I'd avoid "I cursed"; "I said"; "I lit")

I'd look to eliminate some of the uses of "my".  

I thought cadence off when you avoided using contraction "party's & used: this party has been a blast. 
I'm not fond of contractions, but think it works better on that line.


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## Firemajic (Jan 23, 2017)

*
 Goodbye you sorry Fuckers
this party's been a blast
I've poured a final drink
the last shot is in my glass

Cursing the empty bottle
looking at the dregs of my past
what remains of who I am
rests in the bottom of the glass

Smoking another cigarette 
I raised my final glass
 and drank a toast to my old friends
the demons of my past


Ok, sas.... I think I addressed most of your critique.... it is always a pleasure to read your thoughts, thank you... *


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## PiP (Jan 23, 2017)

I love this poem, Juls. I was drawn in by the title and, as usual with your work, I was not disappointed. Interesting rhyme scheme. I love the revision but I'm still not sure about the last stanza.

*Smoking my last cigarette 
I raised the shot glass
and drank a toast to my old friends
the demons of my past
*I offer a suggestion but I am not sure that works either.
_the cadence is off. To my tone deaf ear the line needed an extra syllable_*I raised my final glass*


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## sas (Jan 23, 2017)

Well, I'm prejudiced, of course, but I sure wouldn't stop reading with that as first line! LOL.  Great re-write. 

What do you think of changing "the shot glass" to "a shot glass"....not just because of "the", but the sound? Plus, matches "drank a toast" on next line.


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## Firemajic (Jan 23, 2017)

Thank you Pippy, I edited as you suggested, and it is much better...


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## PiP (Jan 23, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> Thank you Pippy, I edited as you suggested, and it is much better...



Now I'm not sure as you have

*I've poured a final drink

*in the first stanza so you have the word final twice. Does it look/seem odd?

*I raised my final glass*


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## Firemajic (Jan 23, 2017)

sas said:


> Well, I'm prejudiced, of course, but I sure wouldn't stop reading with that as first line! LOL.  Great re-write.
> 
> What do you think of changing "the shot glass" to "a shot glass"....not just because of "the", but the sound? Plus, matches "drank a toast" on next line.



yeah, that would also work... but, I like the word "final" because it sounds soooo... final, finished...


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## Firemajic (Jan 23, 2017)

PiP said:


> Now I'm not sure as you have
> 
> *I've poured a final drink
> 
> ...




OOO Damn!!!! Right... now I need a drink...


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## PiP (Jan 23, 2017)

I only mention the repetition because it does not always work. In this case as it is final it may well do


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## Firemajic (Jan 23, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> *
> Goodbye you sorry Fuckers
> this party's been a blast
> I've poured a final drink
> ...


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## RhythmOvPain (Jan 23, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> Cursing the empty bottle
> looking at the dregs of my past



Cursing the empty bottle
I look at the dregs of my past

<3 this poem.


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## Absolem (Jan 24, 2017)

Good poem. Only hiccup is that you used the rhyme past and glass twice.


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## Firemajic (Jan 24, 2017)

RhythmOvPain said:


> Cursing the empty bottle
> I look at the dregs of my past
> 
> <3 this poem.




Thank you for reading and commenting... ;}





Absolem said:


> Good poem. Only hiccup is that you used the rhyme past and glass twice.




I like to use the same line in each stanza, as a refraining line... I think I used "glass" in every stanza, and "Past" in 2 stanzas, then substituted "Past" for "blast"....
Thank you for reading and commenting... ;}


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## Bard_Daniel (Jan 26, 2017)

Quite a good poem. It shows an original and meaningful way of examining things with poetic prowess. Glad you shared it!


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## Firemajic (Jan 27, 2017)

Thank you, Daniel...


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## ned (Jan 27, 2017)

hello - really like this poem - sad honesty with attitude.

for me, the only way it might be improved is to put it into the present tense.
to make the phrasing really bite.

i curse the empty bottle...

and might also round the final verse-

_*I light my last cigarette 
then raise my final glass
and drink a toast to old friends - (or an adjective of non presence)
the demons of my past

cheers.......Ned*_


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## Firemajic (Jan 27, 2017)

Oh... I certainly see what you mean, and I will work on it some more..  Thank you, ned, always a poet's pleasure to read your thoughts...


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## kaminoshiyo (Jan 31, 2017)

Firemajic said:


> *I cursed the empty bottle*
> *saw the dregs of my past
> what remains of who I am
> rest in the bottom of my glass
> ...



The metaphors in this are striking…

First, I saw the drink as “the troubles of the past” which the person seems to have a problem letting go. They are addicted to their past problems.

Second, it seems that the person now identifies themselves as the faults of their past. So sad…

Third, I saw the person being at the party only to drink as a metaphor of a person who, even when in a good place or trying to improve, cannot help but drown in themselves and they’re sorrows.

Fourth, the person is alone with themselves. So sad…

If I got it wrong, ooops, lol, but I liked this one. It seemed to say so much with so little.


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## Firemajic (Jan 31, 2017)

kaminoshiyo said:


> The metaphors in this are striking…
> 
> First, I saw the drink as “the troubles of the past” which the person seems to have a problem letting go. They are addicted to their past problems.
> 
> ...




Fabulous insight... Completely...  .. Thank you Kaminoshiyo....


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