# Home



## musichal (Jul 9, 2015)

deleted, see blog​


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 9, 2015)

Hmmm.. Its about Earth. Very clever.

Ya know what. This almost beats 'rain', but not quite, its just more creative than 'rain' is all. 

I see a lot of writting about the universe recently here. 

8.5/10

Very solid body of work. Just one tiny thing, I wasn't so sure about that 'and dark' placement. It kinda clashed with the 'blue and white' image for me.


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## Firemajic (Jul 9, 2015)

Nice one Musichal! what a rush... sorta like a head trip.. 2nd line... fabulous! Thanks for a cool read..Peace..


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## escorial (Jul 10, 2015)

cosmic man.....


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## jenthepen (Jul 10, 2015)

Hal, I love metaphysics so this is right up my street. 

I like the way you set the scene and then, bam, the punchline theory of the double helix and DNA. Good poem - and a cool idea. :encouragement:


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## Angel101 (Jul 10, 2015)

I think this is quite nice. I knew it was Earth immediately from the first line, which is good. I agree with Mesafalcon about "and dark." Because of the syntax, I wasn't quite sure if you meant that the orb was partly dark or if you were talking about the dark space around the planet. I would probably cut that, and maybe you could move the dark to your description of the "sea of space." Speaking of, I enjoyed that phrase -- the sea of space, especially since it followed the image of the ocean moving with the pull of the moon. 

The only thing I might suggest is to revisit some descriptions. You say "some mysterious construct," and later, "some undiscovered way." The use of "some" there gives your ideas more vagueness. They are already vague ideas on their own. 

Nice job, though. I like it. 

Bay


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## aj47 (Jul 10, 2015)

I would say "masses" and I agree about "some" not being quite right.  Maybe the second could be "a yet-to-be-discovered"


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## musichal (Jul 10, 2015)

One-half the planet is always dark.  So far, it stays as a firm image in my mind.  I did, however, change one of the 'somes' as several remarked.  Thank you all for the read, the time, and the comments!


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