# Ode to a Dead Squirrel and the Nature of Man (Edit1)



## Gumby (Jan 28, 2011)

Removed by Gumby


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## Eli (Jan 28, 2011)

i love your poetry style

it's very natural and sincere

have you written any books?


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## Gumby (Jan 28, 2011)

Thank you Eli.  No, I haven't written any books...yet.


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## LydiaAmaranth (Jan 28, 2011)

This poem surprised me. The beginning makes it seem like the poem is going to be simplistic and maybe even childish, but it unfolds very well and is endearing but twisted with a sort of sad helplessness. I can see the images in my head without effort, and the word choice and rhyme does not feel forced. Only the last stanza feels out of place to me. There is no focus on "Man" throughout the poem, and so this ending feels a little tacked on. There is no real comparison between what happened with the dogs and the squirrel to anything man does. I like the "moral" issues between the dog and squirrel on their own- as a human I can find the similarities/differences of their nature versus my own without the last stanza presenting it. 

Wonderful poem- it does make me sad though because I have a pet squirrel, but he is the kind that flies.


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## Gumby (Jan 28, 2011)

Thank you Lydia, for your kind words. I'm glad that for the most part, you enjoyed it. I'm also glad that your squirrel is a flier, much safer that way. 

The very last line is a little 'preachy', even though it's also true. But the nature of man is revealed throughout the whole poem, starting with the very first line. This is a venture shared by both a human and two dogs. The joyful, innocent nature of the dogs, their complete lack of any feelings of wrongdoing, is contrasted to the nature of the human in this poem, to feel sorrow, dread, guilt and horror at what is happening. In fact, the whole incident is colored and slanted by the humans nature. Even the last line shows how the human applies their own sense of morals on a situation, then uses it to 'preach' to their fellow man. If the dogs could write the poem, I'm sure it would be a much happier one.  And a lot shorter to boot.

Just out of curiosity, how did you manage to get a squirrel as a pet? Did you find it as a baby and raise it? I once raised a baby jackrabbit to adulthood, he was a real sweetheart.


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## Martin (Jan 29, 2011)

Cindy, I liked this read a lot. I imagine you'd be a great story teller for kids and adults (or should I just say Man), with some beautiful hidden morals. I feel sorry for the little fellow, and it's not just from knowing you a bit through in here, but you make it very easy to feel compassion in general with this very piece. For the dogs especially as well...

However, I felt the same tacked-on-ness with the end that Lydia mentioned. As you say yourself, preachy. For me the tone changes a bit in that sense, and we were probably not expecting that. So it's a choice of readying the reader more through-out.

Or maybe even, I consider if you end saying the right thing. Because it is not that _Man seeks to attack_, from what you make evident in the piece, it's more that man perceives more layers and questions the instinct of the sentient being. For me that is, others may get something different. Though I missed a bit the connection as well.

Hope you well my friend
Martin


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## Foxee (Jan 29, 2011)

Beautifully written. Poor squirrel! You're right, dogs just do what they do.


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## LydiaAmaranth (Jan 29, 2011)

Gumby- I agree with your message and think the situation you used to examine it is very good, I just think the last stanza needs some tweaking. I think Martin did a better job explaining than me when he said "it's more that man perceives more layers and questions the instinct of the sentient being". Maybe you could make it longer and go into more depth? I definitely wouldn't mind seeing more of this piece. 

As far as my squirrel, he was a complete accident. My husband worked with a tree trimming business and they accidentally felled a tree with a family of southern flying squirrels in it. They would have all lived, but no one saw them on the ground and they backed the loader truck over them all--except my Hammy. He was only about 5 weeks old, so we had to feed him with a syringe. We were too afraid to let him go back into the wild because he was hand raised (and doted and loved on, not just fed) so he is very attached to us and would likely die in the wild. He is pampered in big cage and fed better food than we get. :grin:


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## Gumby (Jan 29, 2011)

Thank you Martin, glad you enjoyed this. I guess when you are a mom and a grandma, you have a lot of storytelling experience.  
You and Lydia have both given me something to think about here, and I'm going to see what I can come up with to improve this. I am wondering if the nature of man part should be dropped from the title. I don't want the connection to be too hard to make.

Foxee, thank you so much for the nice compliment. I am an animal lover, and when this incident happened I had very mixed feelings over the whole thing. But dogs will be dogs. 

Lydia, thank you for clarifying your comments, and I do see what you are saying here. I'm thinking that the whole thing can be improved by adding a few more lines, another stanza maybe. Your Hammy sounds like a sweety. He was a lucky little squirrel to have you take him in.


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## Gumby (Jan 30, 2011)

*Ode to a Dead Squirrel: Edit 1*
​


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## The Blue Pencil (Jan 30, 2011)

I love this, and the new changes suit the poem perfectly, but the new ending feels a bit rushed. Excellent imagery, by the way.


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## AncientCWS (Jan 30, 2011)

I usually am not a fan of rhyming poems, as strange as that may sound.  However, I absolutely adore this!  It hits me like this:  Wow.  That's just a day... rather, a walk.  A normal everyday walk.  So simplistic and something that probably happens quite often.  Made absolutely, 100% beautiful.  Thank you.


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## AncientCWS (Jan 30, 2011)

In this my loves, I find no fault,
Because even beasts know no assault.

Just an idea, I saw you had a few alternatives there, like you were trying to find what you wanted.  I think this leaves the word man out, so it's not as obvious, but near any reader will catch the meaning.  Even beasts, lowlier than any of mankind, don't harbor such evil.


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## Martin (Jan 30, 2011)

_In this my loves, I find no fault,
seems only Man seeks to assault.

alternate:
as your intent was not assault._

I still find some problems with the above. Firstly, isn't the point that the narrator actually finds fault in the dogs' behaviour? Secondly, surely not all of Man would stop to consider the act as something bad. Then finally, how can we really know the dogs' intent?

What separates the narrator from the animal world in this your poem, is her codes of ethics, her perceptions of right and wrong. I think the ending should relate more to just her instead of all of Man. Then the best thing about the ending, is that she awakens from her own judgement, she contemplates and forgives her dogs. That surely is a very human thing to do and it actually puts those ethics back in the game as dominating over the instinctive! So this judgement in the end is really out of place for me...

I do like the edit more, the longer stanzas are better I think, just those final one or two lines bug me, other than that it's a really nice poem. I hope you see what I'm getting at...


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## Foxee (Jan 30, 2011)

The point that man will assault maliciously as opposed to the dogs instinctive (even innocent) reasons for attack, is near the center of the idea of the poem, though.


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## LydiaAmaranth (Jan 30, 2011)

I like the changes! I think Martin's new points are valid, but maybe too "deep" for this poem. I don't think the speaker finds any problem with the dog's behavior, and that is so of the point. It is okay for the dogs to kill a squirrel without purpose because it is their nature, but Man (usually) believes killing in this manner is wrong. I Martin's suggestion to maybe focus on the speaker's ethics rather than "Man" as a whole because that does lead to generalizations. Some people are murderers and have no problem with killing. Plus, more personalization usually makes for a better poem. 

There was one thing I noticed this time that I didn't before. You say "their gifts"...the squirrel was ripped in two. I don't know how I missed it before because you reinforce it with "I fear this babe's been torn asunder", but now that I notice it I like how it adds to the duality of the poem. The speaker wrestles with the idea of good/bad actions, good/bad intent, and here are two dogs with two pieces of squirrel.


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## Martin (Jan 30, 2011)

Foxee said:


> The point that man will assault maliciously as opposed to the dogs instinctive (even innocent) reasons for attack, is near the center of the idea of the poem, though.



That idea is what for me is tacked on in the end. For can we really make such a distinction? Compare say a fox to North American Indians - the fox will kill off all the hens and take one or two to eat. The Indians will kill only to the extent of what they need. Who is most malicious then, the instinctive fox or the thoughtful Indians?

For me the last line seeks to show that humans can be evil intentionally, but to differentiate humans from animals in that regard, is quite a hard argument to pull off. Scientifically and philosophically I'd say it wouldn't hold up, but spiritually it might. Though when I read the poem, I'm more reminded of humans ability to feel compassion rather than being malicious, why I think the ending is trying too hard to assert such a point.


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## Foxee (Jan 30, 2011)

Actually, no, it's pretty much accepted that animals lack the ability to reason that humans have. I think, though, that we've both made our points here and Gumby can decide from there.


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## Martin (Jan 31, 2011)

Foxee said:


> Actually, no, it's pretty much accepted that animals lack the ability to reason that humans have. I think, though, that we've both made our points here and Gumby can decide from there.


 
But that was not my point. My point was if that distinction between reasoning and instinct ultimately makes someone more evil, malicious or intending to assault...


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## Foxee (Jan 31, 2011)

And that would be a terrific thing for the debate thread, would it not? The input into the poem here has been more than adequate for Gumby to decide what direction to take.


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## Hawke (Jan 31, 2011)

Hey Gumby,

Since I'm no poet, I can't offer anything in the way of constructive critiques. But I know what I like, and I like this. A lot.

I've had dogs pretty much my entire life, so I hear you on the squirrel thing. Two of my dogs were positively out-of-their-mind obsessed with squirrels. I'm sure it was a instinct (predator/prey/thrill of the hunt/if it speeds away then it must be chased, be it a ball or a squirrel) or maybe it was because the squirrels threw acorns and twigs at them from the trees. Whichever. All I know is if a squirrel was on the ground and running, those dogs would do their level best to catch it. Fortunately for the squirrels, only one of the dogs ever caught one, and he was so surprised by it that he stopped stone dead, giving the squirrel just enough time to get away. 

Good job with this, Gumby.


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## Foxee (Jan 31, 2011)

Hawke said:


> Two of my dogs were positively out-of-their-mind obsessed with squirrels.


 [OT]If you haven't seen the Pixar movie called UP, watch it. It is juuuuust perfect. "SQUIRREL!" [/OT]


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## Hawke (Jan 31, 2011)

*Off Topic:*
I saw it. LOVED it. That's my current boy, Jed, all over. Ha!


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## Martin (Jan 31, 2011)

Foxee said:


> And that would be a terrific thing for the debate thread, would it not? The input into the poem here has been more than adequate for Gumby to decide what direction to take.



I enjoy talking about ethics and philosophy and I believe I'm allowed to do so when it relates directly to the content of the poem. Besides, I was clearing up my intent for you, since it didn't seem you got it.


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## Foxee (Jan 31, 2011)

Martin, you have a PM from me. Thanks.


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## Gumby (Jan 31, 2011)

I would like to thank everyone who commented on this poem. Eli, Blue Pencil, AncientCWS, Lydia, Martin, Drew, Foxee and Hawke. Your input and comments were all appreciated.

This was a real incident in my life and the poem came into being as an exercise in meter and rhyme. I'm happy with this final version for now, and may revisit this down the road again to see how I feel about it. We all have our favorite type of poem, but I believe that everyone can benefit from attempting to write all kinds of poetry. Otherwise, how will you know, appreciate, or even understand what went into the making of a poem when you read it?

Thank you all.


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## shadows (Feb 3, 2011)

Hi Gumby

I liked the images and nature of this - shows the food chain alive and well.

Some of the lines felt forced and you could start with "My thoughts were on the simple things of life"

You also start off talking to the "squirrel as you" and then move on to the dogs, which is a little conflicting.


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## Celeste Barwick (Feb 3, 2011)

I love the voice of this poem. There's something very timeless about it. Perhaps it's the way that you brush over such a deep subject matter with subtle humor, like one of my favorites Emily Dickinson. Very well written and thoughtfully crafted. The last line packs a punch.


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## Gumby (Feb 3, 2011)

Hi Shadows, thank you for the read. I'm glad you liked the images at least. I've missed seeing you around the forums. 

Celeste, thank you for your kind words. I am more flattered by them than I could possibly say.


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## shadows (Feb 4, 2011)

Thanks very much Gumby, unfortunately real life has a nasty habit of leeching all my free  time


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## bookbender (Feb 12, 2011)

I like this poem, gumby.  In a way, it's very comforting (can I say that?) - kind of because I feel I have stumbled into a modern Robert Frost.   And though the pain the dead squirrels brought is real, the image of your outing with your 'boys' is still a peaceful one.  Thanks for sharing.


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## Gumby (Feb 12, 2011)

Thank you bookbender, you're right in that it was a peaceful walk, even with our _little drama_ happening.


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## Foxryder (Feb 12, 2011)

Gracious me! Why haven't I seen this all along? This is really nice, Cindy. A mixed feeling of compassion and guilt flowed through as I read the passage. Dogs will always be dogs, I guess. And man will, of course, be the man he ought to be. For the very little things we at times ignore in life, I've found yet again in this free-flowing passage. To that respect, I say thank you. 

Well penned, Cindy.


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## toddm (Apr 10, 2011)

delightful little piece of writing - very down to earth and almost humorous, not sure if that was your intent - baby squirrels blood is not funny, but the dogs - I can see their expressions - innocence, not guilt, eager to please


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## Gumby (Apr 10, 2011)

Thanks toddm. It was meant to stir up all the conflicting emotions that this type of situation brings on, humor, regret, guilt and understanding, just to name a few.


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## james89000 (Apr 1, 2012)

Really enjoyed this one! Thanks.


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## candid petunia (Apr 1, 2012)

I loved this Gumby, the fast pace of the poem and the rhymes worked well for me, and each word of the poem adds something to the reader's imagination. The poem is just like you, soft and gentle, sends an effective message without being harsh. 
Funny how a poem can reveal so much about the poet's nature, I can say this having known you for so long now.


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## Gumby (Apr 3, 2012)

James, sorry I missed your reply and am so late with my thanks, don't know how I missed it. 

CP, thank you for the kind words, glad you enjoyed this one.


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## JRBurgher (Apr 4, 2012)

I would have taken this in another direction.  Mankind is taking the blame for something in this poem, but the narrator doesn't feel any responsibility or remorse for their involvement in the poor squirrel's death.  It just comes across as propaganda which doesn't fit.

My dogs don't kill or harm anything, they only seek to make friends with other creatures, because that is how I trained them to be.  Don't blame society using some generalization without using some kind of evidence.  It is like justifying slavery by saying they are all savages who would eat each other anyway.

The poem, the rhyme is great otherwise.  It has given me lots to think about regarding my own writing.  I like your reflective style, also.  

Sorry for coming across a little strong, but a dog kills a squirrel and all of a sudden mankind is somehow demonized because of it?  I don't see the connection.

JRB


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## Bloggsworth (Apr 4, 2012)

When I was nobbut a lad we used to get one shilling and sixpence for every grey squirrel tail we took to the police-station - Damned foreigners...


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## Kevin (Apr 4, 2012)

I think it's a brilliant illustration of the contrast between animals and man. Doggies do what they do. We kill, even when we 'know' it's wrong. But, Gumby, we can also be compassionate. Did you even realize you showed that, too?(maybe you did) That's the part I see. Thank you.


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## Gumby (Apr 4, 2012)

Hi JR, thanks for reading and commenting here and thank you for the kind words regarding the rhyme and and style, I appreciate that. 

As for this part:



> It just comes across as propaganda which doesn't fit.





> My dogs don't kill or harm anything, they only seek to make friends with   other creatures, because that is how I trained them to be.  Don't  blame  society using some generalization without using some kind of  evidence.   It is like justifying slavery by saying they are all savages  who would  eat each other anyway.



I do think those statements are a bit strong, as you say, but I do understand what you're saying. No need to apologize for you opinion, it is yours to have.   It is after all, only my own musings and observations on life in general and my reaction to my own private feelings during the incident. Man is both good and bad of course and the last line is truly a generalization, you are correct.



Bloggs, thank you for the read. Squirrels are indeed a pest to many. Did you make much money on the venture? 

Kevin, thank you for your comments and the read. You are always very kind to me, often more so than the work deserves. I am an animal lover and my poor husband has to suffer through my often maudlin reactions to animal incidents.


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