# The Quarrel Of Sparrows



## CoercedAntiHero (Jul 9, 2015)

*The Quarrel Of Sparrows

by R. Elizondo*

"Which cherries are Witcheries,
of the Witch?
Perfect Cherry."

Is what the sparrows say,
So I began to stare.
Started to swoon
under an inconstant moon,
Should I pick the one that's rare?

Underneath that crimson tree,
the quarrel chirps and caws,
glassy eyes while mesmerized
I picked one after all.

"Do I even have a choice?"
I hold with open hand.
The cherry melts
into needles I felt,
Hear a howl upon this land.

"Red Red paint it all with Red! Do you see the congeries will they sink or swim?
Will you let It in?"

The quarrel flitted away
as I left the hollow.

My hand still stung....
Something that creeps now follows...​


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## Mesafalcon (Jul 9, 2015)

Nice one. I like it.

The punctuation and use of caps seems slightly odd... just to me. But, whatever. 

_Figured you would post after all those rounds of comments._


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## musichal (Jul 9, 2015)

Great poem.  I'm sure many will disagree, but I thought the bolded, outsized lines to be distractive rather than otherwise.  The poem has real bones and can stand on its own without it - but that's just me.  I'm sure you have it like you want it.  Very strong lines.

I thought either a comma after "congeries" or a question mark, breaking it into two queries, would correct punctuation, which is but a nit;  fine poem.

"Red Red paint it all with Red! Do you see the congeries, will they sink or swim?

"Red Red paint it all with Red! Do you see the congeries? Will they sink or swim?


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## CoercedAntiHero (Jul 9, 2015)

musichal said:


> I thought either a comma after "congeries" or a question mark, breaking it into two queries, would correct punctuation, which is but a nit;  fine poem.



Thanks for reading and for the criticism. I put that question mark after "congeries" at first, but I like the run-on sentence feel to it. After all, they are mental birds and aren't known for their proper grammar. 

As for the punctuation, I tried to emphasize pauses. Perhaps a bit too much here but I like it :monkey:


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## QDOS (Jul 9, 2015)

I like your creative style and presentation. Reading the bold type in a louder forceful voice I assume you were conveying a strong element of frustration. 

QDOS


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## Firemajic (Jul 10, 2015)

This is a powerful poem... Powerful imagery, powerful emotion, powerful message... Dark and twisted--my favorite things... sooo, fabulous job! I loved your last lines.. for me.. the heart and soul of this bewitching thing... thanks for a cool, unique read... Peace... OH.. welcome to the fabulous poetry thread..


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## Olly Buckle (Jul 13, 2015)

Sorry, I don't get it. Is 'quarrel' being used as a collective noun? Like a murder of crows? Does the quote at the beginning represent the sound sparrows make? 'Caw'ing, and 'flapped away' do not seem sparrow like. What is 'the one'? 'Melts' and 'needles' seem un-necessarily contradictory. As I say, I don't get it, I will look at something else.


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## CoercedAntiHero (Jul 13, 2015)

Olly Buckle said:


> Sorry, I don't get it. Is 'quarrel' being used as a collective noun? Like a murder of crows? Does the quote at the beginning represent the sound sparrows make? 'Caw'ing, and 'flapped away' do not seem sparrow like. What is 'the one'? 'Melts' and 'needles' seem un-necessarily contradictory. As I say, I don't get it, I will look at something else.



quarrel is sort of an archaic way of saying group of sparrows. I think modern bird-watchers use "host" today.
I agree the "flapped" might seem a little clumsy for sparrows, flitted is better!
and the "one" refers to the cursed cherry, which melted into the character's hand. the curse leaves a sting. hmmm
maybe I should review those lines...

and QDOS-
what bold type? On my screen it is all just normal, no bold. maybe there is a glitch...i mean....yea... I meant that thing you say I did.
thanks for the feedback!


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## McJibbles (Jul 14, 2015)

Left me creeped out, unhappy, and confused. 






Which is AWESOME!!!!!!!


Even though it felt asymmetric and awkward, it was beautiful.
I give it an 8


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## CoercedAntiHero (Jul 14, 2015)

McJibbles said:


> Left me creeped out, unhappy, and confused.



Unhappy? But you don't know why he chose the curse yet 

Thanks for the 8! I see the falcon has gotten to you too. Cheers!


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## Olly Buckle (Jul 14, 2015)

> way of saying group of


 Yes, that is what is called a collective noun, there re some good ones for birds, rooks, owls, goldfinches as well as crows, but they are applied to uther things too, unicorns have a couple, try google, collective nouns, you might find some inspiration.


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