# What not to say thread



## LeeC (Jan 17, 2015)

The wife's quilting bee friends arriving this morning brought to mind a thread  that might help in moments of thoughtlessness. That is if it doesn't get bogged down in thoughtlessness 


When greeting someone, don't remark on how old they're looking (unless they're young enough to want to look older), and unless you're particularly dense and/or mean-spirited, don't remark on how old their four legged companion is looking ;-)


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## Kevin (Jan 17, 2015)

We never learn


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## Gumby (Jan 17, 2015)

I had to laugh at this. There was a lady I used to know, who made my Mom so mad because every time this lady saw her (my mom) she would say 'Are you sick?'


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## bazz cargo (Jan 17, 2015)

When is the baby due?


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## MamaStrong (Jan 17, 2015)

bazz cargo said:


> When is the baby due?



Had a lady at church pat my belly and give me this look of "awe...so exciting".....

yeah I had my baby 3 1/2 months ago


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## escorial (Jan 17, 2015)

my place or yours


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## Plasticweld (Jan 17, 2015)

Lee the best way to clear a room. 


I'm glad you're all here, let me tell you about Amway.


You too can be saved, bible study is starting in ten minutes 

Let me tell you what my kids are all doing.


I got this skin rash, do you want to see it?

It smells like someone here stepped in dog crap.

I was just getting ready to watch a Sylvester Stallone movie marathon, you should watch it with me.


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## Ariel (Jan 17, 2015)

MamaStrong said:


> Had a lady at church pat my belly and give me this look of "awe...so exciting".....
> 
> yeah I had my baby 3 1/2 months ago



I had a young woman come into the video store where I worked and she asked me if I were pregnant.  At the time I hadn't had "relations" in over a year.  I stared at her and said no.  She winked and said "sure ok."  I have never worn that shirt again.

Some people (like me) are just fat.  Don't assume I'm pregnant.


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## Cran (Jan 17, 2015)

*What not to say if you don't want to clear the room - *

"Um, I just got word our basement lab will be busted, like, now."


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## MamaStrong (Jan 17, 2015)

dale said:


> yeah. and it becomes a problem, sometimes. because as a gentleman, you can't ever mention anything related to it.
> like my ex...she was just really hot gorgeous...but she was always paranoid about her weight. especially after having
> the kid. and she really WAS NOT fat at all. but she had this thing for these hispanic type sun-dresses. and it was like they
> put 30 pounds on her when she wore them. i mean...visually, not really. but i couldn't tell her that. because she would have
> ...



I sympathize. I've never had a guy remotely address my weight. It's always the women, which is what really shocks me. My advice would be to compliment her first, and then explain your thoughts on the dress. Kinda like a kid. Distract her with another option you're OK with. haha.


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## Morkonan (Jan 17, 2015)

On what not to say...

For some reason, people sometimes fish for compliments. I suppose they feel that some forced intimacy might reduce whatever stress they feel during certain interpersonal interactions. So, I think the first "Rule" to avoid saying "what not to say" is: Don't hunt for compliments or force intimacy if you don't know what in the heck you're doing.... Every time you speak on something that you know nothing about, you're risking exposing your ignorance. It is very possible to be "offensively ignorant." (You've met these people. You know you have.  )


Never compliment a female coworker on her choice of dress if you're staring at her breasts while doing so. (If you just got through cooking her breakfast, then you can ignore this.)

Never tell a woman you haven't seen in a long time that she looks "great" unless she has recently overcome an extended illness or has previously told you that she's been working out. You're implying that they used to look like crap...

Never go to an ethnic restaurant you're not familiar with and ask the waiter or waitress to recommend a meal for you - You will regret it.

Never ask a mouthbreather for directions.

Do not stand in front of the condom dispenser in a Men's Room and ask other patrons for change for the "Candy Machine." (Unless you're looking for a date. In that case, there are probably better choices.)

Do not ask the police officer if they would like to search your car if they haven't first asked you.

Do not call the Judge "dude."

Never tell your parole officer about your trip to Thailand.

Never tell your wife "You're doing it wrong."

Never tell anyone that you will meet them at a specific time. "Around" is as specific as you should ever be unless you're getting paid by the hour.

Do not ask your friend to help you cut down that huge tree in your yard unless either you are they are a qualified lumberjack.

Never tell a pregnant woman how big you think her baby-bulge is. Just use the word "svelte" in a compliment and you'll be fine.

Never tell your friend "Yes, I will go pick up your wife after she just had an automobile accident." Just... don't do this.


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## aj47 (Jan 18, 2015)

I hate the people who won't say anything to me when they figure out I'm partially blind.  It's like suddenly, I'm a kid and they need to ask my parent what I need/want.  So, "What would she like?"  is right up there.


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## Bruno Spatola (Jan 18, 2015)

Some children never grow out of being confused, frightened, or socially inept around 'difference'.


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## bazz cargo (Jan 18, 2015)

@Annie, you may have sight restrictions but they have a brain dysfunction, puts you out ahead.


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## TJ1985 (Jan 18, 2015)

I was one of those socially awkward people around folks with vision problems until I made a stupid mistake and had both eyes patched for 30 hours. I lost my feeling that I had to treat a visually impaired person differently once I started getting treated differently. 

By the way, what's with the hollering? I couldn't see for 30 hours, but I've got the ears of an arctic fox. People would stand three feet away and blare at me like I stood five miles away in a crosswind. I think if those two treat people differently were given a dose of their own treatment, they'd rethink their methods.


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## Bruno Spatola (Jan 18, 2015)

bazz cargo said:


> @Annie, you may have sight restrictions but they have a brain dysfunction, puts you out ahead.



Those people can't advance past their natural inhibitions. I feel much sorrier for them than they would for me. It's that sort of false sensitivity that annoys me, most of all -- like they're trying to show they're being considerate, and being unaware they're failing miserably. 

Still, it has to be forgiven. They know not what they do.


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## aj47 (Jan 18, 2015)

Bruno Spatola said:


> Still, it has to be forgiven. They know not what they do.



Indeed.


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## LeeC (Jan 18, 2015)

I try to find the humor in things. 
Such as, it's embarrassing when young ladies hold the door for me trying to get through with my walker. But it gives me a longer look


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## Kevin (Jan 18, 2015)

^ I just had a visual of arte Johnson.


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## J Anfinson (Jan 18, 2015)

I've moved the discussion on weight to a new thread here in the Lounge. Here's a link to it.

http://www.writingforums.com/threads/153872-Don-t-Comment-On-Weight

Please refrain from hijacking threads, as per da rules.



> *Hijacking or Derailing: *If you want to discuss something other than the topic posted without the Opening Poster's (OP's) express permission, start your own discussion thread. Hijacking or derailing a discussion is a form of online bullying, and is not tolerated. This does not apply to asides, quips, or humorous interjections.


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## MamaStrong (Jan 18, 2015)

J Anfinson said:


> I've moved the discussion on weight to a new thread here in the Lounge. Here's a link to it.
> 
> http://www.writingforums.com/threads/153872-Don-t-Comment-On-Weight
> 
> Please refrain from hijacking threads, as per da rules.



I'm so sorry. I didn't know I did that. I deeply apologize OP!


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## TKent (Jan 18, 2015)

Sorry J! Didn't even realize we'd strayed (and therein lies the problem). Thanks for lending a guiding hand 



J Anfinson said:


> I've moved the discussion on weight to a new thread here in the Lounge. Here's a link to it.
> 
> http://www.writingforums.com/threads/153872-Don-t-Comment-On-Weight
> 
> Please refrain from hijacking threads, as per da rules.


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## Morkonan (Jan 18, 2015)

astroannie said:


> I hate the people who won't say anything to me when they figure out I'm partially blind.  It's like suddenly, I'm a kid and they need to ask my parent what I need/want.  So, "What would she like?"  is right up there.



I have a good friend of mine who is color-blind. His friends knew this and sometimes he would ask whether or not what he was wearing "matched" appropriately. It was difficult for him to do this, since he was very self-conscious about his color-blindness. But, we all understood and his close friends made appropriate efforts to simply watch out for him and to steer things away from conversations where he might have to reveal his "terrible secret" to someone he didn't know. With us around, if he ever had any issues reacting appropriately to some color cue, we'd provide whatever was necessary to keep him from being thrust into such a situation.

And, this provides a nice segue... 

In college, he showed up at the Student Center with his new car. He traded in his old car, which was decent for a college kid, and got one of those 4-door Jeep Wagoneer thingies. But, there was a problem - The Jeep was baby-poop green. It looked like spoiled pea-soup. It was, and I'm being completely honest, the worst color of green imaginable for an automobile. If it had been day-glo green, that would have been an improvement.

He had that car for years and we never, ever, said one critical word about it.  That's what friends do when they care.

So, never tell your cash-strapped college student, color-blind, close friend that their beloved new car is a disgusting shade of green.


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## NineShadowEyes (Jan 27, 2015)

My snatch itches.


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## PiP (Jan 27, 2015)

bazz cargo said:


> When is the baby due?



When I was in the UK the pub landlord said that to me. My husband laughed and said, "I told you you needed to go on a diet." 

Never guess a women's age even if you're a woman.

"How old do you think I am?" I was asked.
I studied the woman's lived in face and thinking she was about sixty, and trying to be kind I replied, "Fifty five?"
"Er.. no I am forty."


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## TJ1985 (Jan 27, 2015)

PiP said:


> Never guess a women's age even if you're a woman.
> 
> "How old do you think I am?" I was asked.
> I studied the woman's lived in face and thinking she was about sixty, and trying to be kind I replied, "Fifty five?"
> "Er.. no I am forty."



In the US, ladies will trap you in that manner. They'll mention that they just celebrated a birthday and then ask you to guess which one. It's happened to me dozen of times. 

I have an excellent method. Mentally, work out the number you think is true, and then subtract 15 from that. _That's _the age you say. She looks fifty, so my answer is "Thirty... five?" To do otherwise risks serious physical harm.


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## Cran (Jan 27, 2015)

The correct answer to: "How old do I look?" or: "How old do you think I am?" from a woman is always, "29." Always.

The correct answer to the same questions from a man is, "Who gives a ****?"


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## PiP (Jan 28, 2015)

I've never seen her without her makeup since, Cran  Men are usually far more diplomatic about fielding questions about age, methinks.

The question I hate the  most is "Does this dress make me look fat?"

To which my standard reply is
"Do you like it?"

Unless of course it is hideous.
"It's not really your style"


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## TJ1985 (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> The question I hate the  most is "Does this dress make me look fat?"



I'm assume that saying "No, but your fat does." wouldn't be an optimal answer?


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## popsprocket (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> The question I hate the  most is "Does this dress make me look fat?"



The last time I was asked a question like this my answer was my trademark taciturn silence. Of course, the sour expression on my face was for being asked such an asinine and loaded question, but the asker assumed it was because the jeans did, in fact, make her look fat and I was subsequently punished for my unfavourable response.


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## Cran (Jan 28, 2015)

*Incorrect answers to: "Does this dress/Do these jeans make me/my bum look fat?" *

1 - Yes.

2 - That depends. 

3 - I can't tell; you're blocking the light.

4 - Not as much as your constant eating does.

5 - No, it looks/they look quite slimming on you, which is amazing/a miracle/an excellent reason to buy.

6 - Who cares? I hear fat is the new thin.

7 - Well, I wouldn't say fat ... exactly.

8 - I refuse to answer without my lawyer present.

9 - Is this a trick question?

10 - Are you talking to me?


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## popsprocket (Jan 28, 2015)

*Other incorrect answers include:*

Sighing before asking how much longer shopping will take.

Complaining about being hungry.

Asking if she really _needs_ more clothes.

Responding without looking.

Asking what her (hotter) sister is up to.

Thinking about other things. Like cars and how you're due for an oil change and, sorry, what was the question?


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## Greimour (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> The question I hate the  most is "Does this dress make me look fat?"



I once watched a smart-ass on a TV show answer that honestly. I found it hilarious.

The question was more: "Does this dress make my butt look big?"
And his answer to the effect of: "No; your fat ass makes your butt look big."

So, when I was asked the same question (to my great pleasure - as I had wanted someone to ask me that ever since seeing the film) I sighed with dissatisfaction. 

She had a caboose that made other girls envious. Truthfully, I was tempted to lie and say yes.

Instead: "No. Looks as great as ever."

What I didn't know, she was actually trying to find a dress to make her bum look bigger. 

Epic Fail -.-''


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## Cran (Jan 28, 2015)

Universal Law for when it comes to dealing with women: *You Can't Win*.

Once you accept this fact, your life will be not so much less confusing as over, but with fewer bruises than if you don't accept this fact.


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## popsprocket (Jan 28, 2015)

Okay okay, worse than 'does this make me look [x]', is the one and only:

*What are you thinking about?*

I'm not thinking about whatever it is you hope I'm thinking about.


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## Cran (Jan 28, 2015)

"What are you thinking about?"
_"You."_
"Then why the long face?"
_"You're dressed."_


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## Greimour (Jan 28, 2015)

popsprocket said:


> *What are you thinking about?*




Possibly bad - depends on P.O.V

1) You in the kitchen making me a coffee
2) That cold beer in the fridge
3) Your [relatives] cleavage in that [type] dress
4) The blue movie I was hoping to watch before you came home
5) I'd answer you, but then we wouldn't be [state relationship] anymore.
6) That divorce paper with my signature on that's waiting for yours.

...

Possibly Good (same reason as above)

1) How you're gonna look in that new present I bought you. 
2) My wife is better looking than your husband. (said to wife)
3) ...

You want more than 2 good answers? I don't like telling lies - I have reached my limit. o.0


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## PiP (Jan 28, 2015)

Okay, lads, if you saw me prancing about in the front of the mirror in these leggings what would you say?


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## popsprocket (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> Okay, lads, if you saw me prancing about in the front of the mirror in these leggings what would you say?
> 
> View attachment 7416



"How did you get in my house!?"


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## Greimour (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> Okay, lads, if you saw me prancing about in the front of the mirror in these leggings what would you say?
> 
> View attachment 7416



Honestly, I probably wouldn't say anything... and... it's not because of those "If you haven't got anything good to say then don't say anything" situations.

Were I not afraid of being castrated by the female that [one sidedly] calls herself my other half... I might say something like: 

"Are those all the places you like to be kissed? and if so, how high do they go up?"


^_^


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## popsprocket (Jan 28, 2015)

Greimour said:


> "Are those all the places you like to be kissed? and if so, how high do they go up?



This sounds like the creepiest pick up line ever.


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## Plasticweld (Jan 28, 2015)

Cool... the circus is in town. 

Being an old guy I have actually used the line many times when seeing someone with lots of piercings, or real outlandish dress.  I always figured they were just seeking attention and my job as an extrovert is to come right out and say what I think... I do not disappoint!


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## PiP (Jan 28, 2015)

I should've added a disclaimer to the photo. I wore them as a dare...  Initially, they were never intended to be worn outside the house and were bought in desperation because they were the only pair of trousers in the shop which fitted me. I might be a bit of a wacky dresser because I buy most of my clothes in France, but not THAT wacky LOL My friends loved them and knowing me they could see the funny side of why my husband was throwing a man wobbly.


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## popsprocket (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> I should've added a disclaimer to the photo. I wore them as a dare...  Initially, they were never intended to be worn outside the house and were bought in desperation because they were the only pair of trousers in the shop which fitted me. I might be a bit of a wacky dresser because I buy most of my clothes in France, but not THAT wacky LOL My friends loved them and knowing me they could see the funny side of why my husband was throwing a man wobbly.



This is why men don't comment on fashion! It always comes across as a trick question. There was a chance you liked them in which case any negative response would be incorrect and incur certain levels of wrath, but if you didn't like them then a positive response would also be wrong because you would assume the man was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear.

It's mind boggling.


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## Cran (Jan 28, 2015)

PiP said:


> Okay, lads, if you saw me prancing about in the front of the mirror in these leggings what would you say?
> 
> View attachment 7416



1 - Who are you, and what are you doing in my house?

2 - You look warmly dressed, which is odd because it's high summer here.

3 - The colour breaks up the black, but do you think it's appropriate for the funeral? _Whose funeral?_
Mine, I'm thinking, if I don't squirm out of this trap.

​


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